AEC Chart for Online Submission

(THE CHART MUST BE WRITTEN IN PHRASES AND/OR BULLETS! NO COMPLETE SENTENCES! DOUBLE SPACE
EVERYTHING!) Once created, you will be required to use our little colored half sheet to assist you on your commentary
development

Take #1 Red 9/8/2016

BABCOCK TAKE 1

Take 2 Blue 9/13/2016 BABCOCK 2

Take 3 Green 9/14/16 BABCOCK 3

Take 4 Black 9/19/2016 BABCOCK 4

Take 5 9/22/2016 BABCOCK 5

Take 6 9/26/16

Take 7 9/28/2016

Thesis Information:

Author: Abraham Lincoln

Prompt Name: ________________________

Rhetorical Mode: Persuasive

Subject: Civil War

Audience: Civilian and military

Occasion: Battle of Gettysburg

Tone: Hopeful (pick one)

Shifts: Lincoln shifts from reverent perspective to a call to action; past to present to future

Purpose: Motivate the nation to continue pursuing the war

SQ: and that government... shall not perish (Lincoln 18-19) TOO MUCH QUOTE AND YOU NEED TO CITE

Why: Reunite the country/preserve the nation + justice, liberty, freedom, equality

Thesis Sentence: (when told, write your sentence below)

Within Lincolns persuasive piece entitled Gettysburg Address regarding the preservation of the nation after the battle
of Gettysburg, he shifts from, COMMA SPLICE a reverent perspective to a call to action to prove <-CHANGE YOUR VERB
TO MAKE IT MORE POWERFUL that that government shall not perish and to reunite the country to pursue the war
and keep its founding ideas of liberty, freedom, and equality. CITE AND REWRITE BELOW
Within Lincolns persuasive piece entitled Gettysburg Address regarding the preservation of the nation after the Battle
of Gettysburg, he shifts from a reverent perspective to a call to action to justify that that government shall not
perish (Lincoln 18-19) YOURE MISSING HIS PURPOSE, AUDIENCE, AND TONE - REWRITE BELOW

Within Lincolns persuasive piece entitled Gettysburg Address regarding the preservation of the nation after the Battle
of Gettysburg, he shifts from a reverent perspective to a call to action to justify that that government shall not
perish and that the nation should continue to fight the war. YOURE MISSING HIS PURPOSE. MAKE SURE TO CITE AND
REWRITE BELOW THE CHART

eferences the sacrifices of the soldiers Sense of hope for the people
Assertion 1 Concept: R

COMPLETE THE BELOW INFO

Author: Abraham Lincoln

Assertion Concept: References the sacrifices of the soldiers Provide hope for the people
To/by Statement: (basic verb: to prove) to justify
Purpose/why: To honor the sacrifices of the fallen soldiers To continue the war effort

Assertion Sentence: (when told, write your sentence below) YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WRITE THIS
Lincoln references the sacrifices of the soldiers to justify their THEIR SEEMS LIKE YOURE TALKING ABOUT THOSE WHO
DIED - REVISE THIS PLEASE SO IT REFERS TO HIS AUDIENCE fight to preserve the nation.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STAR THE EVIDENCE YOU WERE GOING TO USE

ALSO, YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO WRITE COMMENTARY AND WHEN I TELL YOU TO WRITE COMMENTARY YOU ARE
NOT SUPPOSED TO USE COMPLETE SENTENCES

ADJ + DEVICE + TEXTUAL EVIDENCE: COMMENTARY:

1. Reverence + Juxtaposition + The brave men,
living and dead... (Lincoln 10)
2. ***Hopeful + Personification + conceived in
Liberty (Lincoln 2)
THIS DEVICE DOESNT SUPPORT YOUR ASS PICK A NEW
ONE
DONT EVER SAY THIS QUOTE WEAK
In this quote, Lincoln shows reverence for both the
living and the dead who are fighting the war. The
juxtaposition of living and dead honors the living who
are fighting the war and the dead who gave their lives
for the preservation of the nation.
Hope that the nation will prosper
Nation as a baby instills a sense of responsibility
in the people HOW?
Abstract Language - Hope that the nation will
not perish WHERE IS THE AB LANG? WHICH
WORD AND WHAT DOES IT DO?
Lincoln talks about Liberty as a catalyst to the
start of the nation
He personifies the nation to instill a sense of
responsibility into the people
He personifies the nation to also get the civilians
and military to support the war effort
In line 2, Lincoln personifies the nation to imply
that the nation is still young
Instill a parental sense of protection and
devotion to the nation
SPENCER, YOURE NOT GIVING ME ENOUGH TO
WRITE 5-7 STRONG, MEANINGFUL SENTENCES
OF COMMENTARY.
 WHY DOES HE PERSONIFY THE NATION?
WHERE DOES HE DO IT IN HIS SPEECH; WHAT
DOES THIS IMPLY? LOOK IN YOUR PINK
PACKET.
CONNECT THE PERS WITH AB LANG
CONNECT TO PURPOSE - YOU HAVENT DONE
THAT YET
HOW DOES IT SUPPORT YOUR ASS???
WRAP BACK

3. Austere + Imagery + The brave men that Lincoln uses imagery to evoke emotion from his
struggled here (Lincoln 10) audience.
4. AWK ADJ

WRAP BACK

5. *****Admiration + Repetition of dedicate +
to dedicate a portion of that field (Lincoln 6)
6. IDK HOW THIS SUPPORTS YOUR ASS
7. SO IDK IF YOURE GOING TO BE ABLE TO
THOROUGHLY DEVELOP THIS PIECE OF
EVIDENCE. YOU PICKED A HARD ASS TO BEGIN
WITH...MAYBE THINK ABOUT CHOOSING A
DIFFERENT ASS AND EV??
Lincoln repeats the phrase we can not while
strengthening his word choice after to show that the
battlefield had already been dedicated to the fallen
soldiers by their sacrifice. Lincoln repeats the word
dedicate CITE AND USE Q MARKS over the course of his
speech to convey the point that this field is a memorial
to all those who fought in the war for the preservation
of the nation. HOW DOES THIS HELP HIM PERSUADE
THE PEOPLE INTO BUYING INTO HIS PURPOSE?
CONNECT TO AUDIENCE, PURPOSE, AND THOROUGHLY
DEVELOP THE DEVICE - MAYBE BREAK DOWN THE
DIFFERENT MEANINGS OF IT AND WHERE IT IS USED
DIFFERENTLY

DONT WRITE IN COMPLETE SENTENCES

SPENCER, YOU DIDNT REVISE ANYTHING

HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

WRAP BACK

BABCOCK 7 / = JUMP BABCOCK 8

Take 8 9/30/2016

Thesis Sentence: Within Lincolns persuasive piece entitled Gettysburg Address regarding the preservation of the
nation after the Battle of Gettysburg, he shifts from past to present to future to justify that that government shall not
perish(Lincoln 19) and that both the military and civilians alike should continue to fight the war so that the nation may
strive to prosper. WHY? TONE? <-HEEEEEELLLLLLLOOOOO????
Within Lincolns persuasive piece entitled Gettysburg address regarding the preservation of the nation after the Battle
of Gettysburg, he shifts from the past to the present to the future the give the civilians and military gathered a sense of
hope that that government shall not perish (Lincoln 19) so that they will continue to fight and support the war.
GOOD - UNCONVENTIONAL ORDER, BUT IT WORKS

Assertion Sentence:Lincoln convinces his audience to continue to support the war effort so that the nation with not
perish in order to give the people a sense of hope. FLIP FLOP THE TWO PARTS OF THE SENTENCE. HEEEEELLLLLOOOOO?
Lincoln convinces his audience to support the war effort by giving them a sense of hope that the nation shall not perish
from this earth (Lincoln 19-20). WHY IS THERE TE IN YOU ASS? THIS ISNT THE EV SENTENCE.YOU DONT NEED A SQ
IN YOUR ASS. REVISE AND REWRITE

EV Sentence: In personifying the nation as a child, Lincoln instills a sense of hope that the nation conceived in Liberty
(Lincoln 2) will grow and prosper.-WHERE IS YOUR TE? IDK WHAT YOUVE WRITTEN. IT ISNT EVEN A SENTENCE. REDO
AND REWRITE BELOW USING THE PROPER INFORMATION.
The personification of a nation conceived in Liberty (Lincoln 2) instills a sense of hope in Lincolns audience so that
they will continue to support the war.
In personifying the nation as a child, Lincoln instills a sense of hope that the nation conceived in Liberty (Lincoln 2) will
grow and prosper.

Commentary: Lincoln gives hope to the nation that it will prosper through and after the war. / He personifies the nation as a child to instill a sense of
responsibility into the civilians and military, so that they will support the war effort./ In line 2, Lincoln personifies the nation as a child to imply that the nation is still
growing and will go through hard times. GIVE THIS MEANING He continues the metaphor of the nation as a child to instill a sense of parental protection to the
nation.HOW IS THAT DONE? / Lincoln also uses this emotional appeal to create a sense of hope in the people that the nation will continue on as one nation. / Lincoln
uses abstract language in reference to Liberty to allude to the nations idea of prosperity through hardship. <-WHERE IS THE DEVELOPMENT OF THIS? WHERE DO
YOU CONNECT THE AB LANG AND THE EM AND THE PERSONIFICATION TOGETHER? WHERE DO YOU USE IT TO SUPPORT THE PURPOSE? FULLY DEVELOP YOUR
COMMENTARY, SPENCER.

SPENCER - YOURE TALKING IN CIRCLES AND YOUR ORGANIZATION IS OFF - LOOK AT WHAT YOURE SAYING, AND PUT IS COHESIVELY TOGETHER. REVISE AND
REDO BELOW

Lincoln gives hope to the nation that it will prosper through and after the war. He personifies the nation as a child to instill a sense of responsibility into the civilians
and military, and so that they will support the war effort. In line 2, Lincoln personifies the nation as a child to imply that the nation is still growing and will go through
hard times. He continues the metaphor of the nation as a child to instill a sense of parental protection to the nation. Lincoln also uses this emotional appeal to create
a sense of hope in the people that the nation will continue on as one nation. Lincoln uses abstract language in reference to Liberty to allude to the nations idea of
prosperity through hardship

The personification of a nation conceived in Liberty (Lincoln 2) instills a sense of hope in Lincolns audience so that
they will continue to support the war. FIX YOUR EV SENT ACCORDING TO THE ONE I COPIED AND PASTED. This
demonstrates that the nation is still young and will run into hard times with war and other catastrophes, but
will continue to prosper with the help of the civilians and military alike.TRY TO BRIDGE THE GAP BY NOT USING
HE ALSO - YOU DONT WANT TO SOUND LIKE YOURE LISTING, YA KNOW? He also by personifying the nation as a
child to instills a sense of paternal protection into his audience. If they feel they are responsible for the
welfare of the nation, they may < -THIS VERB PROVIDES DOUBT rally behind Lincolns cause. Y OU NEED WAY
MORE ON THE PERSONIFICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!/He also rallies the audience behind the war effort by using abstract
language in his use of the concept of a nation conceived in Liberty (Lincoln 2) to demonstrate the nations
founding idea of prosperity through all hardship, even if that founding fabric is being ripped apart. YOU NEED
TO CONNECT THIS ABSTRACTION TO YOUR MAIN DEVICE OF PERSONIFICATION / Through this emotional appeal
WHAT EMOTIONAL APPEAL? YOU HAVENT MENTIONED ONE NOR HAVE YOU EXPLAINED ONE. LETS DO THAT FIRST,
Lincoln persuades his audience to continue to support the war and persevere through all hardship.
REVISE AND REWRITE

Assertion 2 Concept: ___________________

Adverbial Clause (Trans. +Previous Ass idea):

Author:
Assertion Concept:
To/by Statement: (basic verb: to prove)
Purpose/why:

Assertion Sentence: (when told, write your sentence below)

EVIDENCE: COMMENTARY:
1. ADJ:_________
DEV:_________
TE:

WRAP BACK

2. ADJ:_________
DEV:_________
TE:

WRAP BACK

3. ADJ:_________
DEV:_________
TE:

WRAP BACK

4. ADJ:_________
DEV:_________
TE:

WRAP BACK