Pap His Politeness Is Her Powerlessness 5 0ares “$9 vo ig » BY Deborah Tannen YAn excerpt trom You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation yomen that women end men erejudged.ittrently rt Vi #8 tendency makes mischief in disCUSSIONS » 4i/fe ‘uistic strategy is used by a woman, itis Wey * Wr, et 4 There are many kinds of evidence Sven it they talk the same way, Thi beer & ‘of women, men, and power Ita lin a labeiina cr evoriene: It a done bye men, Kisapente peneetan Ohare Y,Raa labeling of "women’s language” as “powerless language” reflects the view of GY cles women’s behavior through the lens of mente 2 Because they are not strugging to be one-up, women often find themselves framed as one-cown, Any situation is ripe fey Misinterpretation, because acer and connections are displayed by the same merce This ambiguity Falk n, By experts 2s well as nonexpers, by ralking, uttered in a spirit of rapport, ae beerrery ind noteangNOWhere is this inherent ambiguity clearer then i @ brief comment in a newspaper article in which @ couple, both Psychologists, were jointly Tho watvad. The journalist asked them the meaning of “being very polite.” Giving different answers. The man ‘nse woman said, "Sensitivity." Both exports were right, bing the view of a different gender. yeh views otter, accounts for much misit which women's ways o but each was desori ere uniies o a Experts and nonexperts alike tend to see anything women do as evidence of 'e quotes another psychologist as Powerlessness. The same newspaper ai saying, “A man might ask a woman, ‘Will yot @ woman might say, ‘Gee, | really ne So tired,’” The woman's style is called "covert," a tenn suggesting negative qualities like being “sneaky” and Power: The woman doesn't feel she has a right to 4 Granted, women have lower necessarily why they prefer for a woman's indirecinéss c others happened to want the same thing, he payoff is in rapport. You're neither one-up inected to others whose wants are the same as ‘tess is understood by both Parties, then there is nothing covert about it: That a fequest is being made is clear. Calling an indirect iew of someone for whom the direct style communication covert reflects the vi Seems “natural” and “logical"—a view more common among men, parce cet Indirectness itself does at Jefort powerlessness. Itis easy to think of a Sitaation ness is the prerogative of those in power. For downy al example, a wealthy couple who know that ther servants wil do thee bidding, hae Ne” ned poche deca ree simply state wishes: The woman of Servant sets about raising the the house says, “It's chilly in here,” and the t “It's dinner time, temperature. The man of the house says, 37 | LANGUAGE, GENDER, AND CULTURE