1

The Wedding on the Eiffel Tower

By Jean Cocteau, 1921

Translated by Mark Batty, 1999

First performed on 18 June 1921 at the Thtre des Champes-lyses, Paris, by M. Rolf de Mar's Swedish
Ballet company with music by Germaine Tailleferre, George Auric, Arthur Honegger, Darius Milhaud and
Francis Poulenc. Choreography was by Jean Cocteau, the dcor designed by Irne Lagut with costumes
and masks by Jean Hugo.

Cast:

First Gramophone First Groomsman

Second Gramophone Second Groomsman
The ostrich The cyclist
The hunter The child
The manager of the Eiffel Tower The Trouville bathing beauty
The photographer The lion
The Bride The art collector
The Groom The art dealer
The Mother-in-law 1st telegram
The Father-in-law 2nd telegram
The General 3rd telegram
First Bridesmaid 4th telegram
Second Bridesmaid

Dcor:

The first landing of the Eiffel Tower. The back-cloth represents a bird's-eye vies over Paris. Upstage right, on another level,
there is a camera the size of a person. Its casing forms a corridor that leads out into the wings. The front of the camera
opens up like a door, to permit characters to enter and exit. Two actors stand downstage left and right, partly obscured by
the proscenium. They are dressed as gramophone player, with their bodies in the casings and their mouths acting as the
horns. These gramophones narrate the action and speak for the characters. They speak very loudly, very quickly and
enunciate each syllable with utmost clarity. Each scene unfolds as they describe it.

Order of the music:

1. Overture.
2. A Wedding March.
3. The General's speech.
4. The Trouville bathing beauty.
5. The Massacre (fugue)
6. The Waltz of the Telegrams.
7. Funeral March.
8. Quadrille
9. The Wedding party exits.
 2
The curtain is raised to a drum roll which serves also to end the overture. Empty stage.

First Gramophone - You are on the first floor of the Eiffel Tower
Second Gramophone - Look! An ostrich. Shes crossing the stage. Shes exiting. Here comes the
hunter. Hes looking for the ostrich. He raises his head. He catches sight of something. He aims. He
fires.
First Gramophone - Good heavens! A letter.

A large blue letter falls from the flies.

Second Gramophone - The shot wakes the Eiffel Towers manager. Here he comes.
First Gramophone - Really Sir, do you think youre out hunting or something?
Second Gramophone - I was tracking down an ostrich. I thought I saw it caught up in the lattices of
the Eiffel Tower.
First Gramophone - and now youve gone and shot down a telegram.
Second Gramophone - I didn't intend to.
First Gramophone - End of dialogue.
Second Gramophone - Here comes the Eiffel Towers photographer. He speaks. What does he have to
say?
First Gramophone - You havent seen an ostrich, have you?
Second Gramophone - Yes! Yes! Im looking for it.
First Gramophone - Just imagine, my camera is on the blink. Normally when I say: dont move,
watch the birdie a little bird flies out. This morning I said to this lady: watch the little birdie and an
ostrich comes out. Im now looking for this ostrich to get it back into my camera.
Second Gramophone - Ladies and Gentlemen, the plot thickens, for the manager of the Eiffel Tower
suddenly notices that the letter is addressed to him
First Gramophone - He opens it.
Second Gramophone - To the manager of the Eiffel Tower. Wedding party coming lunch. Stop.
Please reserve table. Stop.
First Gramophone - But this letter is dead.
Second Gramophone - Its because its dead that everyone can understand it.
First Gramophone - Quickly, quickly. Weve just about got enough time to set the table. Your fine is
cancelled. Im appointing you the Eiffel Towers head waiter. Photographer - to your position.
Second Gramophone - They lay the table cloth
First Gramophone - Wedding march.
Second Gramophone - The procession

The Wedding procession. The gramophones announce each member of the wedding party as they enter, in couples, walking
like dogs on show at Cruft's.

First Gramophone - The bride, as gentle as a lamb.

Second Gramophone - The father in law, as rich as Croesus.
First Gramophone - The groom, As handsome as a god.
Second Gramophone - The mother in law, false as a ten-bob note.
First Gramophone - The general, as thick as a short plank.
Second Gramophone - Look at him. He thinks hes riding his steed Mirabelle.
First Gramophone - The groomsmen, as strong as Turks.
Second Gramophone - The bridesmaids, as fresh as roses.
 3

First Gramophone - The manager of the Eiffel Tower shows them around the Eiffel Tower. He shows
them a bird's eye view over Paris.
Second Gramophone - I feel dizzy!

The hunter and the manager bring on a table with plates painted on it. The tablecloth reaches the ground.

First Gramophone - The general cries out: Dinner is served! And the wedding party sit themselves
down around the table.
Second Gramophone - On one side of the table only, so as to be seen by the audience.
First Gramophone - The general stands up.
Second Gramophone - The general's speech.

The general's speech is performed by the orchestra. He simply makes gestures.

First Gramophone - Everyone is extremely moved.

Second Gramophone - After his speech, the general tells everyone about the phenomenon of mirages
that he had been witnessed in Africa.
First Gramophone - I was eating a tart with the duke of Aumale. Now, there were wasps all over this
tart. We tried in vain to shake them off. You see, they were tigers.
Second Gramophone - What?
First Gramophone - Tigers. They were roaming about several miles away. It as the phenomenon of a
mirage that had projected them, in miniature, onto our tart, causing us to take them for wasps.
Second Gramophone - You'd never guess he was seventy-four years old.
First Gramophone - But who is this charming cyclist in a trouser-skirt.

A cyclist enters. She gets down of her bike.

Second Gramophone - (in the cyclist's voice) Excuse me.

First Gramophone - How may we be of service, young lady?
Second Gramophone - I am on the right road for Chatou, aren't i?
First Gramophone - Yes you are. You just have to follow the tram rails.
Second Gramophone - The general answers the cyclist, because he has just realised that she is a
mirage.

The cyclist gets back on her bike and exits.

First Gramophone - Ladies and Gentlemen, we have just witnessed the phenomenon of a mirage.
These occur frequently on the Eiffel Tower. That cyclist is at this present moment pedalling along the
road to Chatou.
Second Gramophone - After this instructive interlude the photographer steps forward. What does he
say?
First Gramophone - I am the Eiffel Tower's photographer and I'm about to take your photograph.
First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
First Gramophone - Gather together.

The wedding party gather together behind the table.

Second Gramophone - You're wondering where the ostrich hunter and the manager of the Eiffel
Tower might have got to. The hunter is looking for the ostrich up and down all the landings of the
 4
tower. The manager is looking for the hunter whilst managing the Eiffel Tower. This is no mean feat.
The Eiffel Tower is a world of it own like Notre Dame. It's the Notre Dame of the left bank.
First Gramophone - It's the Queen of Paris.
Second Gramophone - She was the queen of Paris. Now she's the telegraph postmistress.
First Gramophone - Well, one has to earn a living
Second Gramophone - Don't move, please. Smile. Look at the camera. Watch the birdy.

A Trouville bathing beauty comes out of the camera. She's wearing a bathing costume and carrying a fishing net and a
picnic basket, strapped across her shoulder.

First Gramophone - Oh, what a pretty postcard! (The dance of the bathing beauty). The photographer does
not share the wedding party's joy. This is the second time this morning that his camera has played tricks
on him. He tries to make the bathing beauty get back into the camera. Finally, she does go back in. The
photographer manages to convince her that it's a changing booth.

End of the dance. The photographer throws a bath-robe over the bathing beauty's shoulders. She skips back into the
camera blowing kisses as she goes.

First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - If I only knew in advance what kind of surprises my
defective camera held in store for me, I might be able to put on a bit of a show. But instead I'm all
nerves every time I utter the dreaded words "Watch the birdy". You can never tell what's going to come
out. But since these mysteries are beyond me, I'll pretend to be their instigator.

He takes a bow.

First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

Second Gramophone - Ladies and Gentlemen, in spite of my strong desire to satisfy you, the fact that
the hour is getting late prevents me from offering you a repeat performance of the 'Trouville Bathing
Beauty' number.
First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - Oh yes! Yes! Do! Go on!
First Gramophone - The photographer has to tell fibs to make things run smoothly, and to ensure that
he hits it off with the wedding party. He looks at his watch. Two o'clock already! And that ostrich still
hasn't come back.
Second Gramophone - The wedding party form another tableau together. Madame, kindly place your
left foot on one of the spurs. Sir, attach the veil to your moustache. Perfect. Don't move. One. Two.
Look at the camera. Watch the birdy.

He squeezes the pump trigger. A large child comes out of the camera. He is wearing a green paper crown and carrying
prize books and a basket under his arms.

First Gramophone - Hello mummy.

Second Gramophone - Hello daddy.
First Gramophone - Here's another of the dangers of photography.
Second Gramophone - The child is the very image of the wedding party.
First Gramophone - Listen to them say so.
Second Gramophone - He's the image of his mother.
First Gramophone - He's the image of his father.
Second Gramophone - He's the image of his grandmother.
First Gramophone - He's the image of his grandfather.
 5

Second Gramophone - He gets his mouth from our side of the family.
First Gramophone - He gets his eyes from our side.
Second Gramophone - My dear parents, please accept, on this most beautiful day, my most respectful
and loving wishes.
First Gramophone - and now the same greeting taken from a different angle.
Second Gramophone - Please accept my most loving and respectful wishes.
First Gramophone - He could have chosen a greeting that wasn't quite so short.
Second Gramophone - Please accept my most respectful and loving wishes.
First Gramophone - He'll be a captain when he grows up.
Second Gramophone - An Architect.
First Gramophone - A boxer.
Second Gramophone - A poet.
First Gramophone - President of the Republic,
Second Gramophone - He'll be a pretty little corpse in the next war.
First Gramophone - What's he looking for in his basket?
Second Gramophone - Balls.
First Gramophone - What's he going to do with his balls? It looks like he's up to no good!
Second Gramophone - He's about to massacre the wedding party.
First Gramophone - He'd massacre his own kind, just to get his hands on the macaroons!

The child bombards the wedding party, which cries out as it falls apart.

Second Gramophone - Mercy!

First Gramophone - When I think of all we've been through to bring you up...
Second Gramophone - All the sacrifices we made.
First Gramophone - You wretch! I'm your father.
Second Gramophone - Stop it now. There's still time.
First Gramophone - Won't you take pity on your grandparents?
Second Gramophone - Have you no respect for the senior ranks?
First Gramophone - Bang! Bang! Bang!
Second Gramophone - I forgive you.
First Gramophone - Damn you!
Second Gramophone - He's got no balls left.
First Gramophone - The wedding party have been massacred.
Second Gramophone - The photographer runs after the child. He threatens him with the strap. He
orders him back into the box.
First Gramophone - The child escapes. He shouts and screams. He stamps his feet. He wants to 'live
his own life'.
Second Gramophone - I want to live my own life! I want to live my own life!
First Gramophone - But what's that other racket?
Second Gramophone - It's the manager of the Eiffel Tower. What does he have to say?
First Gramophone - A bit of hush, please. Please don't make the telegrams cry.
Second Gramophone - Daddy! Daddy! Look, telegrams.
First Gramophone - There are some big ones too.
Second Gramophone - The wedding party get up.
First Gramophone - You
Second Gramophone - could
 6

First Gramophone - hear

Second Gramophone - a pin
First Gramophone - drop
Second Gramophone - The telegrams fall to the stage and put up a struggle. The entire wedding party
runs about after them and jumps on top of them.
First Gramophone - There, there, I've got one. Me too. Watch out! It's mine! It's biting me! Hold on
tight!
Second Gramophone - The telegrams calm down. They all line up. The most attractive one amongst
them takes a step forward and makes a military salute.
First Gramophone - (in the voice of a master of ceremonies) And who might you be?
Second Gramophone - I am the wireless telegram and, like my sister the stork, I have come from New
York.
First Gramophone - Music maestro please!

The telegrams dance and then exit.

First Gramophone - You can thank me for all this, son-in-law. Whose idea was it to come to the Eiffel
Tower? Whose idea was it to have the wedding on the 14th of July?
Second Gramophone - The child stamps his feet.
First Gramophone - Dad! Dad!
Second Gramophone - What does he have to say?
First Gramophone - I want to have my picture taken with the general.
Second Gramophone - You won't refuse our little Justin this little pleasure, will you General?
First Gramophone - Not at all.
Second Gramophone - Poor photographer. With a heavy heart, he reloads his camera.
First Gramophone - The child, astride the general's sword like a hobby horse, pretends to be listening
to the general who pretends to be reading to him from a Jules Verne novel.
Second Gramophone - Don't move please. That's perfect. Watch the birdy.

A lion comes out of the camera.

First Gramophone - Good God! A lion! The photographer runs and hides behind his camera. The
entire wedding party climbs the cables of the Eiffel Tower. The lion fixes upon the general who is the
only one to stay put. He speaks. What doe she say?
Second Gramophone - Don't be afraid. There cannot be a lion on the Eiffel Tower. It is therefore a
mirage, a simple mirage. Mirages might be described as the lies the desert tells. This lion is in Africa,
just as the cyclist was on the road to Chatou. This lion can see me, and I see it, and yet each is to the
other but a mere reflection.
First Gramophone - In order to further confound the incredulous, the general goes up to the lion. The
lion roars. The general runs for safety, followed by the lion.
Second Gramophone - The general disappears under the table. The lion disappears after him.
First Gramophone - After a minute that seems like a century, the lion comes out from beneath the
table cloth.
Second Gramophone - Oh no! Ahhhhhhhh!
First Gramophone - What's he got in his mouth?
Second Gramophone - A boot, with a spur attached.
First Gramophone - After having consumed the general, the lion goes back into the camera.
A funereal dirge.
 7

First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

First Gramophone - Poor general.
Second Gramophone - He was such a merry soul, so young in outlook. Nothing would have amused
him more than this death. He would have been the first to laugh.
First Gramophone - Obsequies of the general.

Funeral march

Second Gramophone - The father-in-law speaks over the general's grave. What does he say?
First Gramophone - Farewell, farewell, old friend. From your very first campaign you proved yourself
to have an intelligence way ahead of your rank. You never surrendered, even in the face of adversity.
Your demise is a fitting end to your career. We watched you take on the beast, unconcerned as to the
danger, unaware of it and only taking to your heels once that danger became apparent. Farewell one
final time, or rather au revoir, for your kind will be ever present while ever there are true men to
populate the earth.
Second Gramophone - Three o'clock! And that ostrich still hasn't come back.
First Gramophone - Perhaps it's coming on foot.
Second Gramophone - That's just stupid. Nothing is more delicate than ostrich feathers.
First Gramophone - Your attention please!
Second Gramophone - A quadrille, entitled 'The Wedding on the Eiffel Tower', as performed by the
band of the Republican Guard.
First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - Bravo! Bravo! Long live the Republican Guard.

The Quadrille.

Second Gramophone - Phew! What a dance.

First Gramophone - Your arm, please.
Second Gramophone - Photographer, you won't say no to a flute of champagne, will you?
First Gramophone - You are most kind. I'm overwhelmed.
Second Gramophone - You have to take the rough with the smooth. What does my grandson want
now?
First Gramophone - I want you to buy me some bread so I can feed it to the Eiffel Tower.
Second Gramophone - They're selling it down below, I'm not going down now.
First Gramophone - I want to feed the Eiffel Tower.
Second Gramophone - You can only feed it at certain times. That's why it's got a cage around it.
First Gramophone - I want to feed the Eiffel Tower.
Second Gramophone - No, no and once more no.
First Gramophone - The wedding party all cry out, because look, the ostrich is back. She was hiding
in the lift. She's looking for somewhere else to hide. The hunter sneaks up. The photographer wants her
to seek shelter in the camera.
Second Gramophone - He remembers that you only need to cover the head of an ostrich for it to
become invisible.
First Gramophone - He hides its head in his hat. Just in time.

The ostrich walks about, invisibly, with a hat over its head. The hunter enters.

Second Gramophone - Have you seen that ostrich?

First Gramophone and Second Gramophone - No. We haven't seen a thing.
 8

Second Gramophone - That's odd. I thought I saw it jump onto this level.
First Gramophone - Maybe it was a wave, which you mistook for an ostrich.
Second Gramophone - No. The sea is calm. Anyway, I'll just pop behind this gramophone and wait for
her.
First Gramophone - No sooner said than done.
Second Gramophone - The photographer tip-toes up to the ostrich. What does he say to her?
First Gramophone - Madam, you haven't a minute to spare. He didn't recognise you beneath your veil.
Hurry now, I have a carriage waiting for you.
Second Gramophone - He opens the camera hatch. The ostrich disappears into it.
First Gramophone - Saved, thank the Lord!
Second Gramophone - You can just imagine the photographer's joy. He cries out in happiness.
First Gramophone - The wedding party ask him what he's up to.
Second Gramophone - Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now able, at last, to photograph you all
uninterrupted. My camera was broken, it is now working properly. Keep quite still.
First Gramophone - But who are these two who have come to disturb the photographer.
Second Gramophone - Look at that. The wedding party and the photographer have all frozen. The
wedding party is motionless. Don't you think they look a little...
First Gramophone - a little like a cake.
Second Gramophone - a little like a bouquet
First Gramophone - a little like the Mona Lisa
Second Gramophone - a little like a masterpiece
First Gramophone - The modern art dealer and the collector of modern art stop in front of the wedding
party. What does the art dealer say?
Second Gramophone - I've brought you here to the Eiffel Tower to show you something quite unique
before anyone else gets to see it: The Wedding Party.
First Gramophone - and the collector replies:
Second Gramophone - I'm following you, with my eyes shut.
First Gramophone - There? Isn't it delightful? You might almost call it a primitive.
Second Gramophone - Who's it by?
First Gramophone - What! Who's it by? It's one of God's latest works.
Second Gramophone - Is it signed?
First Gramophone - God does not leave his signature. But what a painting! What texture! And look at
that style, that nobility, such joie de vivre! You'd almost think it was a burial.
Second Gramophone - I see a wedding party.
First Gramophone - You're not looking properly. It's more than just a wedding. It's all weddings at
once. More than all weddings: it's an entire cathedral.
Second Gramophone - How much are you selling it for?
First Gramophone - It's not for sale, except to the Louvre, and to you. Here, for the asking price, I'm
offering it to you.
Second Gramophone - The dealer displays a large price label.

The label has the figure 1000000000000 written on it.

First Gramophone - Is the collector going to be convinced. What does he say?

The dealer turns the label around. The word SOLD can be read in large letters. He leans it up against the wedding party.

First Gramophone - The art dealer talks to the photographer.

 9

Second Gramophone - Would you take a picture of this wedding party for me, with my sign up against
it. I would like to have them seen in all the American magazines.
First Gramophone - The collector and the art dealer leave the Eiffel Tower.
Second Gramophone - The photographer prepares finally to take the photograph when, good heavens!
His camera begins to talk.
First Gramophone - What does it say to him?
The camera- (in a distant voice) I would like... I would like...
Second Gramophone - Speak to me, my lovely swan.
The camera- I would like to give up the general.
Second Gramophone - He knew perfectly well how to give up all by himself.
First Gramophone - The general reappears. He is all pale. One of his boots is missing. After all, he's
come a long way. He'll tell them all that he's back from a mission about which he is obliged not to
speak. The wedding party does not move. With his head held low, he crosses the floor and adopts a
modest pose along with the others.
Second Gramophone - That'll be a pleasant surprise for the collector of major works of art. You never
stop finding surprising new details in a masterpiece.
First Gramophone - The photographer turns about. He finds the wedding party a little harsh. If they
can reproach the general for not being dead, then the general might properly reproach them for having
sold themselves.
Second Gramophone - The photographer is warm-hearted.
First Gramophone - He speaks. What does he say?
Second Gramophone - Right then, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to count to five. Look at the
camera. Watch the birdy.
First Gramophone - A dove!
Second Gramophone - The camera is working.
First Gramophone - Peace is achieved.
Second Gramophone - One (The bride and groom separate off from the group and disappear into the camera .)
Two (The father-in-law and the mother-in-law do the same.) Three (same again for the first bridesmaids and groom's
men.) Four. (and again for the second bridesmaids and groom's men .) Five. (The general does the same, his head held
low, with the little boy leading him by the hand .)
First Gramophone - The manager of the Eiffel Tower comes on. He is waving his megaphone about.
Second Gramophone - Closing time! Closing time!
First Gramophone - He leaves.
Second Gramophone - The hunter comes on, in a bit of a hurry. He runs up to the camera. What does
the photographer say?
First Gramophone - Where are you going?
Second Gramophone - I want to catch the last train.
First Gramophone - No more allowed past the barrier, I'm afraid.
Second Gramophone - That's disgraceful! I shall complain to the chief of the railways.
First Gramophone - It's not my fault. Look, your train is just about to set off.

The camera sets off to the left, followed by its bellows like a set of railway coaches. Through various openings the wedding
party can be seen waving handkerchiefs. Their feet can be seen below as they walk off.

CURTAIN