Marianna Mercer

Dr. Cho

C&T

29 June 2017

Final Reflection

There are many things I could say, to sum up my six weeks in Korea. Innumerable

directions I could choose to explain what has happened. A string of events, interactions, habits,

and adventures that have challenged and stretched my mind, my goals, my dreams. Thoughts

occurring, words leaving, that I did not even realize were new, changing, and developing until I

paused each week to think we only have, 5, 4, 3, 2 weeks1 weekand now a weekend left.

Amazed at these fleeting moments and early mornings that turn into the last class more quickly

with each passing day. I think it will take time to fully process what has occurred here in Korea;

outwardly, I want to record what has passed, but additionally analyze the internal growth that has

occurred. I want to outline the shift in my mindset and pinpoint how exactly my goals have been

realized and expanded.

When I first decided that teaching abroad was something that I wished to do, the

emphasis was placed on abroad. To teaching, I gave little thought the big dreamer, vague and

nave, that I too often can be assumed teaching would fall into place as soon as I found a

destination. Granted, there was always a small concern that it would not work out. A worry that

teaching really is not for me. However, I chose to push that worry aside for the hope that

remained in experiencing new cultures, exploring new lands. The thrill of the unknown was

enough for me - the rest would certainly fall into place, right? As long as I said it confidently,

yes, definitely. Such a thought process and decision, I realize now, is quite fragile. Education
classes have added more backbone to it, experiences with students and youth have solidified it

but still, a classroom environment is quite different than summer camp, soccer practices, and

tutoring. I knew enough, six weeks ago, to say that a lot was riding on this practicum. I can say

now that is quite an understatement.

A dream is different in reality. It is still a dream. My dream was embodied in these past

weeks; something that occurred to me abruptly, one night. Brushing my teeth, stressing about

next days lesson, thinking, Oh, wow, Marianna, this is what you wanted to do. And you are

doing it. You are actually doing it. Youre not just saying it anymore. And while it would be

easy to say that was the end of it; I taught and I loved it that is not the whole story. Yes, its

true, but it is missing the doubt, the exhaustion, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness

combined with culture shock and the ever present question: am I doing enough?

Am I doing enough? leads to, what is my purpose? And, subconsciously, I began to discover

how this dream is something very different than what I initially expected it to be. The first week,

after reading and discussing intercultural communication, I began to truly to consider the

difference between teachers who choose their profession here because of their desire to improve

student lives and the education system, and those who merely want a break from America a

new view of the world. I wrote in my journal that when I was sitting there, discussing the

varieties of native teachers and their place in foreign societies, something shifted. A certain

decision I was fully here for the students and for their success, for their confidence, to

empower them and offer them further opportunities to the best of my ability. Its not that I did

not care deeply about the students before, it is just that I was almost afraid to make such a

mindset my ultimate resolution. Perhaps I was just afraid before that I could not do it.
I found that I could do it. I also found that teaching is far more than I expected physically

exhausting, emotionally wearing. To meet the needs of the students, to fulfill schools

expectations, to choose content that is useful, to implement it with energy and successfully to

do this with an open heart and mind, and consistently be there for the students even when the

class is done. This is EFL teaching the stress of a lesson that flopped, of students who are dead

tired in class and cannot keep their eyes open, students that cannot focus in the back, games that

are difficult to explain, work that is tough to assess, logistics that have to be accounted for, thirty

or more students in one room, looking at you, expecting you to know what to do. All of these

thoughts at once and more.

EFL teaching is also, an ecstatic classroom, rounds of applause, laughter, a student using

idioms the day after you taught her - and in the proper context - creative sentences, negotiation

of meaning, energetic demonstrations, excited responses, hilarious cross-cultural interactions,

dancing, singing, creative illustrations, diligent student output, successful language exchanges,

even in the simplest of words. EFL teaching is knowing students as individuals, from different

backgrounds a culture foreign to you and trying to understand as they try to understand you.

In so many ways, it is more than I could have envisioned. I think it is more than I can explain

when I go home, too. For, I have spent six weeks immersed in this environment, learning about

and teaching EFL, and I still cannot wrap my mind fully around its complexity, workability, and

unending variables.

Two weeks of classroom experience is the beginning there is far more to learn,

strategies to implement, lessons to formulate, teaching styles to emulate. Regardless, those two

weeks of classroom experience solidified this dream of teaching abroad it simply twisted it and

shook it and crafted it into something that is far better than my vague plans. I am grateful for this
discovery of purpose, knowing that is still growing with each day I work to make my education

goals viable. Ive not only seen the power of English as an international English, but I have seen

the impact of language teachers on their students, as well. I have seen how students are affected

by positive reinforcement and creative, dedicated educational methods. I am determined to

embrace this role as a teacher, head-on, without qualms, accepting the pressure, long hours, and

variables. I know now that student success is a reward worth far more than my comfortability.

I do want to travel. I do want to see the world. I do want to experience the unknown in

foreign cities, mountaintops, faces, food, languages I do want all of that. However, my purpose

is in the unknowns of the schools, in the interests, pursuits, and lives of students. Six weeks in

Korea and I do still want to teach abroad. This is still my dream. However, it has been embodied

and therefore refined. Amplified by the enthusiasm and generous welcome of Kyunghwa,

granted, but still renewed in this challenge and purpose that teaching delivers now that I know

it is no easy task, I am somehow further drawn in. I think the words I jotted down after my very

first failed lesson recapitulate the change I have experienced best: fall apart and stand back up.

All I want to do is get out of the classroom. Then, all I want to do is go back in.