Ol William Marshal was a friend of mine

One night we stayed up late drinkin' cheap wine

And long after it was time for us to go to bed
He leaned over his chair and says to me
Logan, you know that I have daughters three
And it would please me greatly if you took one of them to wed.

I resisted the urge to turn and flee

Since Marshal had treated me quite splendidly
I decided to meet the daughters on this man.
Looking back on it now I can see I was wrong
And if you listen to the end of this song
You'll agree I should have simply up and ran.

Oh Marshal give me a good horse and I'll just ride away

And you can try to catch me if you can
'Cuz I'm a single fella, and I just wanna play
And a good horse is better than a woman any day.

Now Hildgarde was the oldest of three

Her eyebrows resembled iron filigree
with a wart on her nose that swear was big as a cat
She had a space in her teeth as wide as a horse
And her bony knees pointed the wrong way of course
and I wondered what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Her hair was the color of something dead

This pile of muskrat attached to her head
And I couldn't help but jump when she said my name;
Her painful voice rang out like a bell
Screeching out like a soul from Hell
and I screamed 'Get thee back to the place from which you came!!!"

Oh Marshal give me a good horse and I'll just ride away

And you can try to catch me if you can
'Cuz I'm a single fella, and I just wanna play
And a good horse is better than a woman any day.

Eloise was the middle child

Her general state was far from mild
I could tell she had one side - and it was bad
I gave her a smile and she winked at me
then she bowled up her fist and punched me solidly
And... Oh god, that was the worst pain I ever had.

She continued to show her love for me

With love taps that would sink a ship at sea
And I didn't know if I was gonna last
It was then that she wanted to give me a squeeze
and wrap me up a tight as you please
That I knew I had to get myself out fast!

Oh Marshal give me a good horse and I'll just ride away

And you can try to catch me if you can
'Cuz I'm a single fella, and I just wanna play
And a good horse is better than a woman any day.

Now Constance was just as cute as can be

She could cook, and sing delightfully
And said she liked to snuggle on a warm rainy night
But when when I wanted to step outside
She she screamed and stomped and yelled and cried
Every time that I tried to leave would start a fight.

Everywhere that I went she was right by my side

There was no place on this earth I could hide
She clung to my neck like scarf made out of lead
She kept so close that I lost my breath
And I knew this woman would be my death
So i said 'Hey! Look over there!' ...and then I fled.

So Marshal give me a good horse and I'll just ride away

And you can try to catch me if you can
'Cuz I'm a single fella, and I just wanna play
And a good horse is better than a woman any day.

Yeah Marshal give me a good horse and I'll just ride away
And you can try to find me if you can
I'll remain a single fella, 'cuz I just gotta say
That a good horse is better than a woman any day.
Yeah a good horse is better than a woman any day.