L. Beto Nelson English 2010 Open Letter 2.

Dear SLCC students,

There are many things wrong with the world today: increasing
incarceration rates, involvement in proxy wars across the ocean, and
even more light-hearted things; like the cumbersome amount of
construction currently ravaging the Wasatch Front But I am not
writing this to tackle those clich, transparent issues; I am writing
this to tackle public enemy number one: people who smack their lips
while they chew.

First and foremost, it is a mutually-held belief that eating like a

ruminant (e.g. a cow) is unquestionably distracting to the public.
There is nothing worse than sitting in the library while doing
homework, distracted by one of your peers who has not learned how
to eat amiably with their mouth closed. Not only have I bereaved
myself from a brand new *free* HBO Go subscription to traverse
the valley and be miserably studious, but I have also invested five,
perhaps six dollars, into a multi-shot espresso drink One could
assume that I am heavily invested in this endeavor. My social
anxiety is naturally hitting new highs, but I conquer this and pop a
squat next to a seemingly quiet and cordial student. I produce my
pen, paper and laptop and start chipping away. The caffeine is
starting to kick in, and I am starting to feel congenial. Halfway
through my module, I cannot help but notice that something is off;
my collected concentration has been broken and irritation is starting
to sprout from within. Then, I hear it

The lovely young lady I have sat next to has begun to devour a
family pack of trail mix. Every single bite is accompanied by an
additional ten seconds of crunching and mastication. She pulls her
hand from the bag, and puts it back on to her keyboard; does she not
understand that oils and table salt are not compatible with that
MacBook Pro smart-board?! She strikes a couple of letters, then
L. Beto Nelson English 2010 Open Letter 2.0

BAM -- back to the bag of trail mix. This time, its not even nuts;
theyre M & Ms. I can hear the shells crack under the immense
pressure of her manly jaws. The milk chocolate begins to slosh
back and forth between her molars and cheeks. At this moment, I
realize that I have been staring for about two solid minutes,
completely taken aback Studies: ruined. This brings me to
another reason why smacking is a problem: it is downright
disgusting.

Productive members of our society are expected to act within a

reasonable criterion concerning hygiene, manners, eating, etc.
Incredibly bombastic smacking falls far-flung beyond these
boundaries. I almost feel bad for these individuals; no one near-and-
dear to them had ever taken them under their wing and taught them
social norms. I am all about authenticity and individualism, but
THIS is going too far. I would rather someone set a bag of rotting
fruit next to my desk than an animalistic-hominid chewing cud.

I conclude with a plea to the readers that they take a good, hard
look in the mirror before bed tonight and ask, do I smack? Am I a
bothersome, anthropomorphic setback? Being honest with oneself
is a key character trait that should be in high regard, and I commend
those willing to be so honest. If you can answer back, yes, I
implore you to fix the problem. SOCIETY begs of you.

Sincerely,
A Frustrated Peer