FACADE STAGEPLAY

Mon Jul 18 22 11 26 2016

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

WALTER
Nigga.

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

GRACE
Trip...!

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

(WALTER knocks on the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Walter!!

TRIP
Hey! It's been too long, man! -- (interrupted)

WALTER
Yeah.

TRIP
Alright!

TRIP
Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.

TRIP
Come on in!

(WALTER hugs trip.)

TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing) -- (interrupted)

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

GRACE
Walter,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long!

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?

GRACE
Uh, I just asked him that... -- (interrupted)

WALTER
You look great.

GRACE
Oh, Walter, you've always got such nice things to say.

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
And, I've got to say, you look really good!

GRACE
So come on in, make yourself at home!

WALTER
Thanks.

GRACE
Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
So, Walter, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my
new decorating, ha ha.
(Trip closes the front door.)

WALTER
You didn't.

TRIP
See, I told you he would like it! There's nothing wrong with it.

GRACE
(little sigh)

GRACE
So, about my decorating...

GRACE
(little sigh) With this room I was trying for a kind of post modern style...

TRIP
Well yeah, I think that comes across.

GRACE
but it is clearly just not happening. This is a mess.

TRIP
uhh...

WALTER
This is great.

GRACE
Really?

TRIP
See, Grace, no one has a problem with your decorating.

GRACE
(frustrated complacent sigh) Well, whatever, I'm going to return most of this
anyhow. I have to redo this room.

GRACE
Huh, you two really are getting along well tonight, heh...

TRIP
Heh heh, Walter, seeing you again makes me remember the good times we all used
to have.

GRACE
Yes...

WALTER
Yeah.

TRIP
Y -- yeah, tonight is special!

TRIP
Walter, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you
introduced us.
TRIP
Senior year of college!

GRACE
Oh... geez...

TRIP
Remember that?

WALTER
Of course.

TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of...

GRACE
Pain.

TRIP
Heh heh heh... Agony.

GRACE
Love.

TRIP
Uh, yeah, love, yeah, love.

TRIP
Oh, Walter, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent
trip to Italy.

GRACE
Might like it? It's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course
he'll like it!

TRIP
Walter, Come take look at this!

GRACE
Yes, go, take a look...

GRACE
(little sigh)

WALTER
I don't want to, sorry.

TRIP
N -- no, heh, come here!

TRIP
Walter, Come on, you'll like this, check it out!

GRACE
Yes, go, go, check it out!

GRACE
Walter, I'm sorry. See Trip, I knew I should never have let you put up that
picture, it's making our guest uncomfortable.
WALTER
Sorry.

GRACE
W -- w - well, no, it was just a weekend getaway.

TRIP
uhh...

GRACE
Walter, uhh, all the buildings there were just so old and crumbling... it was
like everything there was falling apart.

GRACE
And then Trip says, that's what makes it beautiful, heh.

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
(big sigh) -- (interrupted)

WALTER
It's complicated.

TRIP
Oh, I didn't think you wanted to hear about the Italy trip tonight... (clears
throat)

GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that...

GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. We're, we're not.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus.

GRACE
Okay, well, I was worried there for a bit you were on Trip's side tonight, ha ha.

TRIP
Oh no, Walter, I just realized... I'm sorry! -- (interrupted)

WALTER
I'm in your side, Grace.

TRIP
Uh, well, uh -- we need drinks!

GRACE
Trip thinks he's at his classiest when he's on the serving end of a swizzle stick.
TRIP
Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,

TRIP
I call it Grace's Inner Soul.

TRIP
It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.

GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.

TRIP
What?! So, uhh,

TRIP
Walter, how -- how does that sound?

WALTER
I want water.

TRIP
You -- you don't want my invention?

GRACE
Walter, Trip's getting a little carried away... maybe you just want some juice,
or a mineral water?

TRIP
(exhale very tense) -- (interrupted)

WALTER
Mineral water.

TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!

TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you? Everybody!

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were a real
bartender.

TRIP
What?

GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.

TRIP
How do you know about that?
GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my friends and I
went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the sticks, and we saw you there.

TRIP
Oh, that's great.

TRIP
Ahh, this is bullshit!

GRACE
Ahh, no, you're full of shit!

GRACE
Your big bartender secret...

GRACE
I wish you would just be yourself! Ever since I've known you, you resist just
being yourself!

TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Walter, can you believe this?

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
Your goddamn drink inventions...

GRACE
Don't you dare accuse me of being... sexually... un... when you treat me the way
you do!

TRIP
Oh, come on...!

GRACE
Alright, you know what, Walter,

GRACE
I'm going to ask you something.

TRIP
Grace --

GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.

GRACE
Walter, yes or no...

GRACE
When you get married, you're just supposed to forgive and forget everything bad
that happened before that, right?

WALTER
Yes.
GRACE
What...?!

GRACE
Oh, yes, that's fine... that's fine...

GRACE
The truth is Trip, I should never have said yes so fast to marrying you! You
totally manipulated me, goddammit!

TRIP
Oh, come on...!

TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!

TRIP
I can't frigging take this!

(WALTER hugs grace.)

TRIP
Hey, hey -- hey, no, I -- I don't...

GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me? -- (interrupted)

(WALTER kisses grace.)

TRIP
No!

TRIP
Hey, don't -- don't, c -- come on, come on!

GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?

TRIP
I was not talking to you!

(WALTER kisses grace.)

TRIP
Walter, this has never ever happened before...! -- (interrupted)

(WALTER kisses grace.)

GRACE
Walter, (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me, are we?

GRACE
What?

GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
-- (interrupted)

TRIP
Walter, where are you going? Don't hide in the kitchen, we need you out here!

TRIP
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both.

TRIP
Walter, you think this is all my fault, don't you?

GRACE
See, you lied to me from the moment we got married, insisted I'd be better off in
advertising than art.

TRIP
What? Oh, Jesus...!

TRIP

TRIP
Walter, do you agree with that? -- (interrupted)

WALTER
Yes.

TRIP
Yes?

TRIP
Walter, you -- you think I'm lying?

TRIP
Uhh...

WALTER
Yes.

GRACE
Yes?

TRIP
Uhh...

TRIP
Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this...

TRIP
Uhh...

TRIP
Okay, okay, let's talk about Grace.

GRACE
Trip, what makes me so angry is your attitude!

TRIP
What?
GRACE
Walter, his attitude towards art, and artists, and everything that I care about!

WALTER
...

TRIP
You've always been angry about something, Grace... if it's not one thing, it's
another...

GRACE
Uhh...

GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.

GRACE
Walter, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?

TRIP
See, I don't think you really want to be an artist. -- (interrupted)

WALTER
No.

TRIP
No?

GRACE
Oh, thank God you disagree, that really helps us! Uhh! Trip, how dare you say that
to me! Uhh...

TRIP
Okay, no, I want to focus on Grace.

GRACE
Trip, how could I ever imagine trying to be an artist, when you get so angry any
time I mention painting!

TRIP
Uhh...

GRACE
Walter, I can't take it anymore...

(WALTER kisses grace.)

TRIP
You know what, Walter, that's it, you need to leave.

TRIP
There's only so much you can expect to put up with, you know?

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- just go.
(Trip closes the front door.)