Ruptured

Ruptured Tarek Refaat
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Ruptured
Tarek Refaat
2
TAREK REFAAT
RUPTURED
First edition : Jan. 2011
SHABAB BOOKS
New maadi Cairo Egypt
Tel.: +202-27044904
Mob : +201-10450216
Email :amani.eltunsi@hotmail.com
Website: www.shababbooks.com
2011 Copyright
Shabab Books Distribution Co.
All Rights Reserved
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Preface
Being a person who tends to analyze my surroundings has

been a source of inspiration for my writings throughout my
life. Despite my relatively young age, I have managed to
grasp several experiences and witness many others. It is also
why I decided to write this story.
Id like to take this chance to thank those who have

supported me in my life in every way they possibly can. I
would like to thank my parents for taking the time to listen
to me and guide me. Also, I would like to extend thanks to
my wife, my life companion, for being a major inspiration,
and to my two-year-old daughter, who I hope will have a
world better than the one we live in today.
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Introduction
Today we live in a world full of cruelty and fear, and from

which many refuse to take a stand and face the challenges
life throws in front of them. Destiny and fate are things men
and women decide for their lives.
In a Middle Eastern society, a woman who has suffered such

a horrible experience as rape is condemned in the eyes and
words of the community.
People never cease talking about her, or wondering if she

was the cause of the incident and, even if not, they regard
her as used goods or an expired product who should be
satisfied with whatever comes her way, even if this means
getting married to someone who doesnt suit her or care
about her. The pressure the victim undergoes is
tremendous.
In this novel, I attempt to take you on a journey of pain,

struggle, and hope.
I hope reading this novel will be as enjoyable a journey for

you as the writing of it was for me.
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Raped with an untouched soul
She sat there watching the flashing blip on her home

computer as her fingers tapped on the desk. She stayed like
this for almost five minutes before finally deciding to write
something.
She started it off with, Yes, I was raped! She took a deep
breath after writing that sentence. Even though it was only
a four-word sentence, to her it was like breathing death.
The past year had been a tormenting experience since the

night she had been raped by a man on her way home from
work. For what its worth, the man is now behind bars. The
trial took six months and it took her about another year just
to be able to put the pieces of her life back together.
She looked again at the blip on the screen. Her body was
trembling from all the thoughts and screams running
through her mind. She had finally reached a stage where she
was able to come out of her own headspace and move
forward. She had trapped herself; but what had made her
trap herself was not just the fact that she had been raped.
What was more shocking to her was how people had

started to look at her and how she heard them whisper
behind her back.
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Oh isnt she the one who was raped? Look at her, she
must have asked for it! Poor lady she has no life. No one
would ever marry her now! She heard these and many
other comments, and even the burning looks she was given
were enough to set a person on fire where they stood.
The look of utter disgust that filled the eyes of people upset
her, of course, but what she found most surprising was that
this was the reaction not just of some men, but also a lot of
women.
She looked at her computer once more. She was fighting

herself so hard to get it out and she knew that once she did,
it would mean a new beginning for her, a new beginning
that she so desperately needed and longed for.
But it was as if some invisible force was holding her hand

back and preventing her fingers from reaching the keyboard
buttons.
She lived alone. Both her parents had passed away and she
had gone through this entire experience on her own.
Despite everything, she hadnt changed her address or her
phone number. She was afraid of death, but was not willing
to become invisible and was not planning to give up without
a fight.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, looked at the

screen again, and began to type.
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Yes, I was raped! This is a fact, and the effect that this event
has had on my life has been incredibly life-changing, because it
has opened my eyes to so many things.
I took a step forward and put the man who did this to me
behind bars, and instead of being embraced by a society as a
girl who was a victim of a despicable man, I found a society
that turned the other cheek and looked at me as if I was some
used piece of furniture or used goods that no longer has any
value.
I object! I strongly object! Im a human being just like any of

you. If you think that what happened to me makes me less of a
person or of lesser value, then you are greatly mistaken.
You have no idea what it is like to live for over a year in

constant fear because you feel that you are being watched or
followed, or even the feeling of having people speak about
you behind your back while you can hear them whispering and
murmuring.
You cannot feel the sense of humiliation and disgust I felt

towards my body, as if it was stained with the most disgusting
and ugliest of substances to the point that I sometimes
thought of setting myself on fire and releasing myself from
this misery.
Even though we are in the 21st century, we live as though we

are in the Middle Ages. Women are still regarded as objects,
and not just by men, but by other women! As a matter of fact,
this is where the real problem lies.
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Ive heard several of my friends' mothers telling them not to

talk to me anymore. They do not want their daughters to be
connected to me in any way! They do not want them to be a
source of suspicion. Am I a victim or am I a source of suspicion?
Even though I crashed many times in the process, I stood up

and fought for all that I am worth. The faith I have in God, my
reason, and my thoughts are what persuaded me to write
these words to you today.
I know some women will think Im crazy for going out in the
open and posting this article, but we have to make a noise
because we are made of flesh and blood. We are not pawns.
We are not toys. We are not objects of beauty. We are human.
Even if some of us are stupid and others are shallow and naive,
in the end we are all human.
Dear Reader (whether youre a man or a woman), no one in

the entire world can take away your humanity; no one in the
world can say you are not there because you are.
Do not let anyone try to take from you what is rightfully yours.
Your life is yours. Live it, no matter what the rest of the world
thinks. As long as you stand by your beliefs and they are based
on ethics and morals, then support them and never let them
go.
By the time she had finished writing the article, Faridas face
was red and covered with tears.
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She got off her chair and went to the bathroom, where she
looked silently at herself in the mirror, then said, I will not
let anyone destroy me! I have a right to live, and by God I
will!
She turned on the tap and as the water began to flow she
cupped some in her hand and splashed it against her face a
few times before turning off the tap and picking up her
towel to dry her face.
Her breathing got gradually steadier as she walked back to

her desk and sat at the computer, re-read her article, and
fixed the mistakes.
As she sat there trying to think of a title for it, she signed her
name: Farida S.
She had to think for a while before finally finding the title:
Raped with an untouched soul.
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Shattered dreams
Farida sat there for a few seconds after writing the title.
Then she closed the page and opened her e-mail, typed in
the address of the magazine in a new message, and
attached her article.
She was extremely reluctant to press the Send button;

emotionally, she felt she was too weak to reveal what had
happened to the whole world like this but, although she
might not be well-prepared, she felt she had to. She simply
had to.
Farida took a deep breath and clicked Send, then lent back in
her chair and closed her eyes. When she sat up again she
picked up her cell phone off the desk and dialed a number. It
only took a few moments for the other party to pick up.
Hi, its good to hear your voice again. How are you doing?
The female voice on the other end of the line was calm and
warm.
Hi Sara, Im better I guess. Moving along. So how have you

been? Husband and kids and all?
Theyre all fine, all the same, Sara replied.
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Good to hear. Farida went silent for a few seconds and

then added, Listen, Ive sent you the article we talked
about a few weeks ago. Im sorry for taking so long, but you
know its difficult for me.
Of course, I understand dear, theres no need to apologize.

Thats why I told you to take all the time you need. Im in no
hurry, and remember, your place here at the magazine is
very important to us, and we would like you back with us.
And girl, you need to go out! Sara added, trying to make
Farida feel at ease.
Yeah I guess I do. Im not too sure I want to, but I

suppose trapping myself at home wont do me any good,
Farida said. Call me later or e-mail me your thoughts about
the article.
Will do, Sara promised. Ill talk to you later, and if you
need anything, you know you can call me. Anything!
Of course I know, thanks a lot, Im all good for now. I have

to get going now. They exchanged goodbyes and hung up.
Farida laid her head back and closed her eyes. Every time
she tried to relax, she was haunted by that day. The vision of
the man who raped her and the whole scene kept running
through her mind.
Farida couldnt figure out why this had happened to her or

what she had done to deserve it. She wasnt the kind of
woman to wear revealing clothing but she didnt dress like a
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nun either; her style was casual but conservative; she was a
rather beautiful, tastefully dressed young woman.
What have I done to deserve this? This was the question that
never left her head.
She lost a lot of things the day she was raped, but the peak
of her loss was her sense of pride. It had taken her the last
year to put herself back on her feet.
Farida shook her head, trying to get these thoughts out of

her mind. Every time she got them, a disgusting sense of
filth covered her. I need to have a shower, she thought.
A few seconds later, she slid under the warm water and let it
cover her. She felt as though she had entered a place she
never wanted to leave. The warmth, the water flowing
down her body... this was the only place she felt safe. Under
the water as it washed away her pain was where she felt
pure once again, where she felt unstained.
Farida closed her eyes. As she stood there, the sound of the
shower took over her surroundings and she began to cry,
her salty tears mixing with the trickling water as they ran
down her cheeks.
She cried for about ten minutes, letting her tears flow
incessantly until all her emotions were out. This was the one
place where she could let herself go and let out all the pain.
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It happened every time; when she finally began to regain her

composure, she would pick up a bar of soap and a sponge,
rub the sponge against the soap, and scrub her body so hard
that she would often accidentally scratch herself when her
fingers slipped from the sponge.
She remembered the feel of his grip and where each finger
of his hands had been, and she would rub her neck so hard
that it turned red as she tried to remove any traces his
hands might have left on her neck.
A few minutes later Farida got out of the shower and put on
her bathrobe. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she
remembered when she first came to Cairo on her own to
conquer the world of writing with her articles. Now, two
years later, she was twenty-six years old and struggling to
conquer her fears. She picked up her hairbrush and began to
stroke her hair, still looking silently at her reflection in the
mirror.
Farida fainted and dropped to the floor of her bathroom.
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Stairs to light
It was quite a while before Farida regained consciousness.

The last thing she remembered was taking a shower before
everything blacked out.
She picked herself up from the ground, holding her

forehead and feeling a bit dizzy, and shook her head for a
few seconds. Shed had these blackouts several times since
the day she was raped.
Farida headed into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of

juice from the box in the fridge, drinking it slowly.
Starting to feel better, she looked silently around the

apartment, clearly hearing the laughter of her friends when
they used to come over. But now she wants to be alone
most of the time; no matter how hard her friends tried with
her, she just wanted to be alone, and now her apartment
felt too big for her.
Before the rape, her co-workers and schoolmates would be

at her place almost every night, having fun and talking about
life and different issues. Now she felt like her world was
empty. Sometimes she asked herself why she didnt just
commit suicide and get it over and done with.
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But she didnt believe that suicide would solve anything. Not
just because her religion banned it, but mostly because she
felt it meant running away from the problem, and Farida had
always faced her problems head on. Getting past this had
become an internal challenge a challenge that was
proving to be the most difficult one of her life. Farida usually
fixed other peoples problems, but this time she had to glue
back the pieces of her own life and rebuild herself to be able
to face life and the society she lived in.
I need to get out of here, she whispered to herself.
Farida went into her bedroom and picked out a few things
from her wardrobe. She could see the clothes she was
wearing the day she was raped still hanging at the far end of
the wardrobe, the dirt and rips showing on them. She
wasnt sure why, but she couldnt bring herself to get rid of
them.
She got dressed and looked at herself in the mirror, satisfied

with her simple outfit of jeans, short sleeved shirt, and light
jacket.
She walked out of her room, picked up her car keys, and
checked herself in the mirror one last time before heading
out.
Ive got to get out there. I need to I must! I need AIR!"

she mumbled to herself as she opened the door. It seemed
that her house was the only safe and comforting place from
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the frightening world outside, but she was not willing to

back down.
Farida took the elevator down to the ground floor, where

she met Basem the doorman and his wife. She could clearly
hear them whispering about her.
Poor Ms. Farida, Basem said.
His wife hit him on the shoulder, saying, You feel sorry for
her?! Why not go and comfort her then?! I know you! You
always had your eyes on her! That witch!
Despite this slightly heated conversation, they both smiled

at her as they wished her a good day, thinking she had not
noticed or heard anything.
Farida headed to her car and slid into the drivers seat, then
closed the door and fastened her seatbelt.
She started up the car and flipped through her CDs. She
chose Abd El Halim Hafez and placed it in the CD player and
the music began to play the first song, Gabbar.
Farida lived in the Manial district and decided she wanted to

drive by the Nile for a while, so she lowered her window and
silently observed the horizon as she drove. It was around
five in the afternoon and the sun was preparing to set for
the day.
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After a while she turned her car around and went in another
direction, driving straight towards Heliopolis.
She kept driving until she reached a building with a huge

billboard sign on the top. She found a parking spot and
walked to the foyer of the building where she stood for a
few moments until the security guard came rushing up to
her. Ms. Farida! Ms Farida! Welcome back!!! Please, please
come in!
Trying to smile, Farida replied, Thank you Ashraf, but Im...
But before she could continue her sentence, Ashraf insisted,

Please Ms. Farida, we have all missed you greatly! Everyone
will be so happy to see you! Please go inside.
Farida was a bit surprised, but she also felt a slight sense of
joy. Ashraf, the security guard, was an extremely kind
person.
Farida nodded silently and said in a low voice, Okay,

Ashraf. She took a few steps inside and took a long look at
the stairs.
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Out of breath and into life
Farida took a quick look at the stairs. With three floors still
to go, she could feel her heart racing and couldnt breathe.
Everything went completely still for a moment. She felt as if
she wanted to run out of the building and scream. There
were too many people here.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. From behind
her, Ashraf was calling out, Is everything alright Ms.
Farida? She motioned with her left hand to say she was
okay, took another look at the stairs, and decided to keep
climbing.
Farida climbed the rest of the stairs as fast as she could,

knowing if she wasted time or took it slowly she would
hesitate and not go any further. She didnt want to give
herself a chance to re-think it over because she knew if she
gave herself that split second of thought she would get out
of there and go back to her apartment and lock herself
inside. And she knew more than anyone how much she
needed to get out of there.
When Farida finally arrived on her desired floor she looked

at the sign hanging on the semi-transparent glass door
immediately to her left.
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The sign read Charisma. Behind the door a woman sitting

behind a small desk talking to a staff member caught a
glimpse of Farida out of the corner of her eye. Her eyes
grew wider and her jaw dropped as she got up from her
chair and rushed outside the door, crying as she
passionately hugged Farida. Welcome back Ms. Farida!!
Welcome back!! I cant believe myself! I swear by God, you
were on my mind. I had this feeling I would see you soon!!
But I never believed it would be today.
Completely taken aback by the woman, Farida couldnt do

anything but hug her back. She smiled gently yet silently
before adding, Its good to see you too Amal. How are you
and how are your husband and kids?
Amal smiled as she said, The kids, you know, are kids and
the husband is well and fine! Then she added, Everyone
will be so surprised to see you Ms. Farida, especially Mrs.
Sara! But everyone will be more than thrilled; we should
celebrate today!
Before Farida realized what was happening, Amal had

rushed into every office at the magazine to spread the
word, screaming out, Ms. Faridas back! Ms. Faridas back!
Everybody leave what youre doing, Ms. Faridas back!!
Farida suddenly felt as though the whole world had become

like a small pebble that she was standing on and she would
fall any second into a dark void, never to return.
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In the back of her mind she knew it was about time she
faced people again, but not all of them at once! That was
not her plan! Maybe I should have come in disguise, Farida
thought.
As she walked towards the door of the magazine, each step

Farida took felt freezing and she felt as if her legs were
about to fall off. The closer she got to the door, the more
difficult she found it to move forward.
When she finally reached the door and slowly pushed it

open, she saw the entire magazine staff standing there, and
right in the middle was Sara, the owner. Everyone began to
clap for her, hailing her as a heroine who had overcome the
impossible. She was a victim of rape and she had fought in
court and put her assailant behind bars. To a lot of the
women at the magazine who really knew Farida, she was a
heroine. Even if some of them disagreed or felt differently,
not one of them showed it that day.
Farida was overwhelmed by the scene and was unable to

say a word, the tears hanging in her eyes. When Sara
stepped forward to give her a hug, Faridas tears slid out
silently. She hugged Sara back before regaining her
composure.
Farida wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to smile. I
really dont know what to tell you all; the past year and a
half has been one of the most difficult periods of my life.
There were times when I thought it would be easier for me
to open the window and just jump out. I really didnt know
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what I wanted to do with my life. The last three months I

have tried so hard to pull myself and my thoughts together.
Basically I am trying to gather up the pieces of the human
being inside me.
Farida went silent for a second before adding, I didnt

know what I wanted to do with my life, or whether or not I
would even be able to come back here and continue with
this career or have a career of any sort. I wrote an article
this morning that I sent to Sara before making the decision
to come over. I dont know whether or not Im ready for this
step yet, but I guess Ill figure that out as I go. But I would
like to thank you all for such great support. I cant express
how much it means to me.
Everyone stood smiling in silence for a moment before

coming forward to welcome Farida.
A few moments later, Sara said in a loud voice, Well, we are

all having lunch together after work to celebrate having
Farida back. Until then, please, everyone get back to work!
We have a magazine to publish this week!
Everyone went back to their desk except Sara, who stood

with Farida. Its good to have you back, Sara said.
I think its good to be back, Farida replied.
They walked together to Faridas office, which displayed the

title Editor-in-Chief on the door.
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Farida stood there for a moment holding the cold door

handle before walking in. Everything was the same.
Even the sound of the door opening was the same as when
Farida had last entered her office a year and a half ago. She
opened the door and looked inside. Everything was in its
place as if she had been there yesterday, including the work
she had been working on for the magazine the month of the
incident.
The office had been kept clean. I specifically instructed

everyone that nothing was to be removed from its place,
Sara explained. I know how much you hate anyone
touching your stuff.
A voice came from behind them. Hello my child! It was the

cleaning lady they all called Hajja Baheya. She was an old,
very short Nubian woman with traces of time written all
over her face, and had a distinctive dialect that no one could
mistake.
Farida turned to Baheya and hugged her as a child would

hug her mother. How are you, Hajja? Its been a long time.
Baheya patted her on the back. Its okay dear. Youre back
and all will be well. Ive done my best to obey Mrs. Saras
orders not to touch anything, but kept the place crystal
clean! But you know what I think of that desk of yours.
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Farida smiled, trying to stop the tears that were already

sliding out of her eyes. Yes, indeed I need to get organized
because this place looks like a barn!
Baheya nodded and asked Farida, So will you have the

usual, your morning coffee?
Farida smiled. You never do forget, do you Hajja? But this

time Ill just have some lemonade to get me started!
Baheya smiled back. Ill be back in a while with the best

lemonade just for you!
Sara watched the whole scene, smiling, then looked at

Farida. Well, I guess you know what kind of gap you
created here and what you threw on my shoulders. It is
great to have you back!
Farida nodded. I understand. But also Sara, please, keep in

mind that Im just trying. And Im not sure I...
Its okay, Sara cut in before Farida could continue. I

completely understand. Take your time and if you feel
youre not ready yet I will definitely understand.
Farida looked around for a moment. Thank you Sara. I

really appreciate it. As you know, it means a lot to me. I
think I will need to arrange some stuff first, and then we will
need to sit and talk.
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I couldnt agree more, Sara smiled. Is thirty minutes okay

for you?
Farida nodded and Sara left her alone in her office.
A few minutes later Baheya entered, unnoticed by Farida,

and placed the lemonade on a rare empty spot on the desk
as Farida swiveled in her chair to look at the sky outside her
office window. She had missed that feeling. Baheya moved
silently towards the door, where she stood and smiled for a
few seconds before leaving.
Farida gazed silently at the clouds for a moment, then

turned her chair back towards her desk and looked at the
scattered papers covering it. And there it was. The last
article she had written.
It was an article about love and relationships prepared for

the month of February, the month of love, but her article
was about how to mend a broken heart and how to face up
to life and fight back.
For a second, Farida felt as if this article had been written to

wait for her on that desk to help her healnot anyone else.
She thought how funny it was how you sometimes think you
are writing something for others and the thought never
crosses your mind that you are actually writing it for
yourself.
She picked up the article and read a few lines.
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Dear Broken Hearted,
Nothing is more painful than a broken heart. No other pain

can be compared to it. It feels as though someone has taken a
sledgehammer to a heart of glass, after which the tiniest piece
cannot even be seen, let alone found. Putting that heart back
together can be extremely difficult.
And yet every wound can be mended. Every heart can be

healed. We lead our lives trying to find the answers for
everything and trying to get everything on the fly. We forget
that some things just take time. We forget to smile because
we frown too much. We forget to laugh because we fight too
much. We forget to love because we hate too much. Love
doesnt need to be directed towards anyone specific; it is
enough if it is directed towards ourselves.
It is time to stop hating and learn to love, to stop fighting and

learn to laugh, to stop frowning and learn to smile.
She looked at those lines in silence. As she picked up the

lemonade and took a sip, Farida closed her eyes and lay back
in her chair.
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Bringing back the pieces
Farida sat on her chair for a while before getting up and

heading towards Saras office.
She knocked before entering and found Sara sitting at her

desk reviewing some articles for the new issue, with her
assistant taking notes about what additions should be made
and what should be removed.
Sara noticed Farida as she came in and said, Ill be with you
in just a moment dear, please have a seat.
Farida nodded and sat on the chair in front of Saras desk

while she finished talking to her assistant. Amina. Please
tell Gihan that she doesnt run the magazine. When I ask for
an article to be amended, I expect it to be amended the way
I see fit and, most importantly, in alignment with the
magazines goals and way of doing things. We do publish
social news about famous personalities but we are not a
tabloid, nor are we the least bit interested in what happens
behind their closed doors. It is not just about making sales. It
is about making sales with style! Tell her to keep that word
clear: STYLE!
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Amina stood there silently taking notes and left a few

moments later.
Gihan still giving you trouble? Farida asked.
Sara took a deep breath. Shes a very good writer who has
very good skills. Shes very ambitious and wants to make it
big. But I refuse to accept the way she does things. It is
against what this magazine is all about. Every time
something happens, I keep telling myself she will learn and
she will change. Ive talked to her time and time again.
Really, I dont know what to do.
Farida smiled gently. Give her time, shes still young. When
youre young youre always dreaming of making it big.
Maybe she just has things confused. She doesnt know
what the right way is!
Sara looked at Farida for a moment. I cant believe you.

Honestly, I cannot freaking believe you girl! Have you
forgotten that she tried to steal your article before!! And
you didnt say a single word against her back then either!
Faridas smile stayed where it was. Sara, its just that when
youre young youre in a rush, you want to make it big. Write
for the pros, have your name on every article. People
sometimes go astray, but does that mean theyre bad? No, I
dont think so. But is what theyre doing bad? Yes, I believe
so. I just think people need guidance, patience, faith, and
some persistence!
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Sara raised an eyebrow then smiled. You havent changed

one bit. Youre the constantly forgiving one, arent you? The
defender of people, I always call you. No wonder everyone
around the office loves you. But do you know that after you
left, Gihan came to ask me about your position? The nerve
shes got.
Farida smiled. Sara, you just said it. Shes an excellent

writer and she knows that. She wants to grow. Ive also
been away for a long time. Its fine, really. I think its pretty
normal. No one else would have waited for me like you did.
You know the market better than I do. Theres no mercy.
We do things differently Farida, Sara replied. You know

that having the talent or the skill is one thing. But the way
she does her work is a completely other thing, completely
opposed to my standards. I mean that. She needs to
seriously work on herself. Im going to give her a couple
more months. If she doesnt get herself straightened out, Ill
have to let her go.
Dont make such a hasty decision, Farida suggested. Give

her more time. People need enough time to develop. Give
her until the middle of next year.
Sara opened her eyes wide. Ten months!! Youre asking me

to tolerate that pain in the you-know-what for that long!?
Why?
I know youre the decision maker, Farida replied, but I

just think she should have a fair chance.
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Sara rolled her eyes. Ms. Patience! I dont know where you
get all the patience and perseverance and tolerance you
have for people. You know I respect your opinion and your
vision about people, so Ill agree to swallow this and keep
that brat till the middle of next year, but if she doesnt
seriously improve by then Im going to murder her and God
help me! Sara broke out in laughter.
Farida smiled. See, its always good to laugh.
Sara smiled, then added, So now I want to ask you

something. Are you ready to come back on a full-time basis
or do you still need some time?
Farida thought for a second. Well, I have abused your

generosity enough. Youve borne with me for a year and a
half. I cant possibly disregard that. I think that Im ready to
come back full-time. Also, I think I need it."
Sara smiled. It will be great to have you among us once

again! Im personally glad. First of all, how about we go out
for lunch, just the two of us? There are a few things I want
to get your professional opinion about, including hiring
some people and so on.
Can we make it dinner? Farida asked. I need to go home

and get some rest for a while. Is that okay? Ive done quite a
lot today for my first day out, things I havent done in such a
long long time!
30
Okay, Sarah agreed. See you at 8 oclock at that pizza

place you like to go to.
Farida nodded and smiled before adding, Now Ill get

going.
Sara waved goodbye. Take care and see you tonight.
31
When envy and hatred entwine
Gihan was sitting at her desk when Amina walked in on her

and stood next to her desk. Good morning Gihan!
Good morning Amina, Gihan said sarcastically. What

have you brought with you today? More comments? She
grinned.
Amina smiled calmly. Well, in fact yes! Mrs. Sara would like
to tell you that you are not running the magazine and when
she asks for an article to be amended, she wants it amended
according to her directions.
Gihan looked up at her. Yeah, sure, of course, and now that

Her Highness has returned, Im sure she will be on my back
as well!
Amina looked at her silently then said, I dont know what

your issue is Gihan. Ms. Farida has tried to help you several
times, Mrs. Sara has tried to help you several times, and you
still wont even try to learn!
Gihan looked at her in disbelief. Is that what they tell you?

Do you actually believe this stuff? This is management, dear.
All they want is control. They dont care about you or me.
Were just pawns at the magazine. They want us to write
32
what they want to read, not what we want or what we see

as right! You just dont get it!
Amina shook her head. I dont get it? Its you who doesnt
get it. You will never find anyone as patient as they are!
Gihan shook her head. Dear, they are jealous of my skills

and abilities and they do not want me to rise in case I take
their place. Thats a fact. They think theyre so smart with
their talk about how to do this or that. But as a matter of
fact, things can be done much better!
Amina raised her eyebrows. And how is that, genius?
Gihan shook her head. Everything goes where the money is

to be made! This is a magazine. People want to read about
other peoples lives and dirty secrets. Let them have it, go
where the profit is to be made. Thats what everyone does
nowadays. Its all about how to make money, how fast you
can make it, and how much you can make. Its not how
genuine or well written the article is that gets peoples
attention!
What about ethics and morals and our duty and mission
towards the readers? Amina replied, frustrated.
Gihan pulled her pack of cigarettes out of her bag and asked
Amina to go out on the balcony with her to continue their
conversation.
33
Gihan lit a cigarette and took a long puff before replying.

Are you freaking naive? Ethics? Morals? Mission?! What
ethics and what morals and what mission are you yapping
on about?! Are you from the 10th century or something?
She took another puff of her cigarette before adding,
Ethics and morals may apply in how we treat each other
inside the company, but go out into the streets, live life, and
see how other people live! Its all about opportunities to be
something or to be nothing at all. Its not about how hard
you try or how well you work, its about who you know and
how fast you can get there!
Amina shook her head. Why did you come here in the first
place? I mean why did you join this magazine? Why are you
staying if you feel youre underrated?
I want that office, Gihan stated matter-of-factly. That

office next to Saras that is being run by this lady! Ive been
here for two and a half years and I havent managed to get
her out of it yet, but I will. One of these days, I promise you I
will.
Amina looked at Gihan for a moment in silence. Youre lost

girl! You are definitely lost, and you will lose a lot more this
way. But mainly, youll lose yourself.
Gihan smiled. On the contrary, I will win. I always win. You

will see when you come knocking at my door of that office
and then I will sit back on that chair and tell you, SEE! I DID
IT!
34
Amina stared at Gihan for a moment, not believing what she

was hearing. Be careful what you wish for, be very careful.
Youre still young and the caliber of people working here is
way above you."
Gihan shook her head. I beg to differ. Im way above them.

Thats why they cant understand me. They all belong to the
Stone Age. They cant understand or appreciate what Im
doing for this magazine! One day they will thank me!
Amina was startled at this comment and replied, Well

anyway, get the articles amended or they wont be going
out this month.
Gihan shook her shoulders and smiled sarcastically. Okay,

okay. Tell the boss like the good girl you are that Gihan is on
it and will have them ready for her by the end of the day.
Amina nodded, then turned and headed out of Gihans

office.
Amina walked out mumbling to herself, One day shes

going to get it and shes going to get it good and Ill be there
to watch. Because this being is really starting to get on my
nerves! I have absolutely no idea why they keep her on
board. Ms. Farida, whos always nice to her despite the fact
that she tried to steal her article before! Where do they
make such people?! Why the hell do we hire them?! To hell
with talent, if thats the type of personality that goes with
it Ah well, thats just my life I guess!
35
Dj vu
Farida got a call on her cell phone as she was driving home.
She put in her earpiece and answered the call. Yes Sara, is
something up?
Yes, Sara replied from the other end of the line. I forgot
to tell you that we need to hire a new guy to be responsible
for the problem-solving section of the magazine. Nizam is
leaving for another magazine in a few weeks and we need
to replace him as soon as possible. I need you to do the
interviews because in the next couple of weeks Im going to
be traveling. Can you handle the matter?
Farida thought for a second. Sure thing, I can manage, no

problem at all. So when do you want me to review the CVs
and have Amina set up the calls for the interviews?
Sara thought for a moment. I think you can leave it until

next week. I just want to give you time to get yourself fully
back in the mood for work. I dont want to push you hard at
this time. I want you to take things at your own pace. So
give yourself two weeks to work on it. Is that okay?
Sure thing, Farida responded. That should be enough

time and it shouldnt be any problem for me doing the
interviews.
36
Great, then thats a plan, Sara said. Also, I read your

article, the one you wrote before coming into the office and
I like it very much. Ill be publishing it in this next issue of the
magazine.
Farida was flattered. Thank you Sara. Im so glad that you

liked it. Thank you for your support and understanding
through all these months.
Farida hung up and kept driving until she turned into the
road where it had all happened. She stopped the car and
took a long look at the road she had been avoiding for the
past year and a half. But now she felt she had to go through
it; she had to be able to overcome everything that hung in
her memory of that day, everything she needed to surpass.
She started her car again and drove slowly. Her heart raced
as she drove along the road, getting closer to the spot
where it had happened. She could hear his voice. She could
feel his breath. Everything started hitting her mind at once.
Every image, every moment, every touch.
Farida broke into a single loud scream of NOOOOOO!! Her

face was covered with so much sweat she could taste it.
Farida sped up and didnt slow down until she reached her
building. She stopped the car and rushed upstairs to her
apartment, closed the door behind her and burst into tears,
crying so hard she dropped to her knees. It was fifteen
minutes before she started to pull herself together.
37
She felt so thirsty, as if she needed to drink a whole river to

satisfy her thirst. She slowly picked herself up and pulled a
bottle of water from the fridge. As she drank it sip by sip,
she felt the water cooling down her body and the heat in
her body gradually dropping down.
She sat on a chair in the living room and closed her eyes,
laying her head back.
As Farida slowly regained her composure, she picked up her

cell phone and called Amina to ask her to prepare the CVs
for the problem-solving position and have them waiting on
her desk.
Farida headed to her computer, opened up her blog, and

began to write.
Today I decided to get out of my silence. Today I decided to

walk out of the dark corner I have lived in for the past year
and a half. I do not know how tough it will be, but I dont
expect it to be an easy journey.
Whether I am ready for this step or not, I really do not know

but I know that I just had to get out of the house.
Today I drove to my work and met my old colleagues. They

received me in a way I did not anticipate or expect at all. I
felt I was hailed as a hero, someone who had overcome the
impossible.
38
I sat at my desk and felt the whole world evolving around me,
only me.
Then on my way back home I decided to drive down the road

where it had happened, where I was raped.
Raped. The word that changed my life. Personally, socially,

and in every way. Everything in my life has changed because
of this five-letter word. But it's not just a word. It was hell in
less than an hour.
I came back home feeling as if I was going to die. My heart

was racing. My head was pounding. Nothing was in the right
place. But I made it. I got through it. I think I am starting to
face myself bit by bit.
I guess I have finally realized that I have so much to fight for.

But mainly I need to fight for myself. I need to overcome
everything and regain my sense of self, my strength, my
existence, and my life.
Farida stopped typing, posted her blog, and just sat there.
39
The interview
He stood in front of the large mirror in the center of his

apartment, checking his clothes. He wore a dark blue suit
and a tie in a lighter shade. He was a meticulous man who
paid attention to every detail. His home looked as if it was
run by at least three maids, but in fact he didnt believe in
maids; he was more of a do-it-yourself kind of person.
As he moved slightly to the side he noticed one of his

certificates had fallen from its place on the wall. He picked it
up and took a look at it. It was the document certifying him
as a psychiatrist. He hung it back on the wall before strolling
out to the balcony to drink his morning cup of tea.
He lived in one of the tallest buildings in Dokki, and as he

sipped his tea he watched the morning sun shine over the
neighborhood. It was already 7:00 am and his appointment
was not until 10:00 am, but he always liked to be over-
prepared.
He took off his blazer and took another sip of tea. Next to
him was his favorite book of quotes, which he read for ten
or fifteen minutes every morning. He opened the book and
read a selection of quotes about life.
A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not

discovered the value of life.
Charles Darwin
40
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make

the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Any idiot can face a crisis its day to day living that wears
you out.
Anton Chekhov
But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an

enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own
mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying
truth.
Umberto Eco
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future,

concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The

world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain
When hed finished reading he went back inside and turned

on some classical music by Beethoven and sat in very
comfortable classic style fauteuil.
He sat there for almost two hours before deciding it was

time to go. Having calculated to allow for traffic and
distance, he murmured to himself, I should be there in
approximately thirty to thirty-five minutes.
41
He turned off his stereo and picked up his blazer and keys,
scanning the room on his way out to make sure he hadnt
forgotten anything.
In his hand he held a small piece of paper containing the

address, which he read out loud on his way down in the
elevator in order to memorize it, before mentally mapping
out the route he would take to get there.
He got in his car and drove off. Thirty minutes later he

entered the reception area and was greeted by Amal. Yes
sir, can I help you?
Yes, he replied. I have an interview with Ms. Farida Gabr

at 10:00 am.
Amal nodded and, after asking his name and registering it in

her log book, motioned for him to sit down.
After twenty minutes Amina appeared, smiling gently.

Welcome, doctor. Sorry to keep you waiting.
He smiled gently. No, its okay. I was a bit early anyway.
She smiled again and nodded. Shall we? she said, leading
the way.
Amina reached Faridas office door and knocked gently.

Come in, Farida said from the other side.
42
Amina opened the door and Farida stood up from behind

her desk. Ms. Farida, Amina said, this is Dr. Karam
Khater, your interviewee for the problem-solving position.
Farida greeted him calmly. Welcome, doctor. Its a pleasure

to meet you, she said, moving forward to shake his hand.
As he shook her hand he noticed it was a bit shaky. He tried

not to focus on it, but for a moment he felt distracted and
had to focus to bring himself back to full concentration.
Farida moved back behind her desk and motioned for Karam
to take a seat. She looked at Amina and asked, Would you
be so kind as to see what Dr. Karam would like to drink?
A cold glass of water would be perfectly fine, he said.
Amina nodded and headed out, and Farida switched her

attention back to Dr. Karam. I hope you didnt have any
trouble finding us, she said as she picked up his resume and
quickly read a few lines.
Not at all, he replied.
I see. Farida smiled gently. Okay, doctor. Would you

kindly tell me a bit about yourself.
He nodded and began to talk as the interview began.
43
See-through mind
Karam briefed Farida about his academic background and

professional career, the psychiatric organizations he was a
member of, and what he had been doing during the past
few years.
Farida listened attentively and then called in Baheya, who

walked in a few seconds later and checked if Karam would
like something else to drink. Karam nodded and asked for a
cup of tea, thanking both Farida and Baheya.
Karam had a sense of appreciation for people who work

hard to make their living in the world, even if they just serve
drinks to people at the office; to him it was utterly
respectable and he viewed them with pride.
So before Baheya walked in with his tea minutes later, he

interrupted Farida and asked her if he could leave Baheya a
small tip on the tray when she walked in. Farida was
surprised at this attitude but did not show it and nodded
with a gentle smile, impressed with such behavior. Quite an
interesting fellow, she thought.
Farida had many thoughts crossing her mind at that

moment. Based on his resume and the briefing he had given
her, she could tell Karam was of a high caliber, yet she had
never heard of him; he didnt appear on TV, and he didnt
44
publish articles in the newspapers, despite having had

several articles posted in psychiatric research magazines.
Farida observed him. At that moment Baheya walked in with

the tea and served it to Karam, who placed three metal
pounds on the tray. Baheya was embarrassed. But
sirthank you.
You are most welcome, Karam responded.
Baheya smiled at Farida and left.
On that day Baheya let everyone know that there was a

gentleman who had tipped her during his interview! It was
quite unfamiliar!
Back in her office, Farida smiled gently at Karam as she said,

You just made her day. Karam smiled calmly. Thats great
news for me then I guess!
Farida nodded and returned to the interview. Dr. Karam,

your resume and the briefing you have given me show that
you are someone whos of a very high caliber in your field. I
am very curious to know why you want to join our
magazine.
Then she added, We will definitely not be able to pay you

as much as anyone else you work for.
Karam listened carefully as she continued. You have about

fifteen years of experience under your belt, and that is not
45
including your certifications, awards, and published articles.

What is it that you think Charisma magazine will be able to
provide you?
Karam had been prepared for a lot of anxiety in Faridas

body language, which was understandable, but to his
surprise she was very well composed, with no outward
display of anxiety. As a professional he knew better, which is
why he did not attempt to make any unnecessary moves
that could be misinterpreted. He adjusted himself in his seat
and answered, Well, Ms. Farida, the fact is I have been
following your magazine for some time, and I have noticed
that it has a high level of respectability and decency. Also,
you always try to seek the help of professionals in the areas
you cover rather than using amateurs or people who are
only seeking fame and glory.
Karam paused for a moment before adding, Also, your

previous writer in this section, Dr. Nizam, is a good friend of
mine although he doesnt know I applied for this position
and Ive often heard him talking about the magazine and the
people who work here. He is a very able professional, and I
know from him that you do your best to provide your
readers with the best. As for money, this is of no importance
to me. I have other sources of income that are more than
sufficient. This is something I want to do.
Farida smiled and nodded. I can see you are well prepared,
Dr. Karam.
Karam smiled calmly. I always try to be.
46
Farida looked at him for a moment before asking, Is there

anything you would like to ask?
Karam nodded calmly. When do I start working?
Faridas eyebrows rose. Quite a confident person arent

you, doctor? Then she smiled and added, Ill have to
discuss this with management and get back to you.
Dr. Karam smiled and nodded.
Farida had a question roaming inside her. He hasnt asked me

anything about myself. Every other interviewee did so. Could
it be he doesnt recognize me? she wondered.
Farida came back to her senses and smiled as she added,

Well, I believe we are done then. It was a pleasure meeting
you doctor, and we will be in touch very soon.
Karam smiled and nodded as he stood up, shook Faridas

hand and headed for the door, where he stopped for a
second and added, The reason why I did not ask you about
yourself is because its simply not my business to ask. Yes, I
do know who you are; yes, I do know what you have been
through. But its none of my business. Have a wonderful
day.
Faridas eyebrows almost jumped off her face. She stood

there completely speechless as Karam left her office. Amina
walked right in after he had left and saw Faridas stunned
state. She waved her hand in front of Faridas face and when
that didnt work she shook her gently until she slowly
47
regained control of herself. All Farida said was, That man

must be hired!
48
Everyone has their own thoughts
A month later, Karam was walking through the offices of

Charisma magazine with a couple of books in his hands as
Amina introduced him to the rest of the staff and showed
him to his office. Since he had taken over Nizams position
he was given his old office, just down the hallway from
Faridas.
Back in the main writers room, Gihan sat with her colleague
Nancy as they drank their morning coffee.
So this is our new problem-solving shrink, she said.
Nancy nodded and added, I heard hes a high-caliber hot

shot. You know, he did the interview with Farida and
everyone was talking about how he surprised her.
Gihan had a smirk on her face. Surprised her, huh? Yeah, I

heard about that interview thing. So not only is she back at
work, but shes back with even more privileges! Now she
gets to interview people God knows what shell do next! We
need to start working on something.
Nancy was a bit baffled. Something like what?
Gihan leaned over and whispered in Nancys ear. Farida,

you dimwit! Shes coming back, but even stronger. That will
49
narrow our chances of advancing. I want to make it into that

office, then Ill make you senior head writer.
Really, you would?! Nancy exclaimed.
Nancy wasnt a particularly smart person and always did

whatever she was told to do. She admired the power and
energy in Gihan, who she considered to be her mentor.
Gihan nodded. Would I lie to you?
Nancy shook her head. Nope, you have never lied to me.
She paused for a moment before adding, So how do you
intend to do this?
If what Im thinking is correct, Gihan responded, the

opportunity will come straight to us. And it will come to us
pretty soon. An evil smile drew on Gihans lips.
Nancy shrugged her shoulders. Gihan, youre talking in

riddles. Tell me what you mean.
Gihan shrugged her shoulders too. Just a guess. But Ill let
you know when it happens. It will be a golden opportunity
once it comes. She turned to look at Nancy. Now its time
to get done with these silly articles before they come with
their silly submission requests.
Karam placed his books on his desk and took a quick look
around the room, making a few instant decisions about
what needed to be changed. Amina had gone to get him the
file of articles that he would be handling and came back to
find him standing on his chair adjusting a painting.
50
Dr. Karam? What are you doing standing up there?
Karam smiled down at her. I am something of a stickler for

organization I cant stand it if something doesnt please
my eyes. This painting was not on the right wall. Realizing
how silly he must look, he got down from the chair. Its a
habit I cant get rid of.
Amina laughed. Coming from a man, I am impressed!
Karam laughed back. Wait till you taste the Mexican food I
make!
Amina raised her eyebrows and smiled. Wonderful! Well I

guess there will be a lot to look forward to then!
Apparently we have a multi-talented doctor here! came a

voice from behind Amina. It was Farida. I guess youre
impressing us all with your skills, Dr. Karam! she smiled.
How are you finding your office? I hope its suitable for
you.
Karam nodded his head in confirmation. Very suitable

indeed, thank you. How are you, Ms. Farida?
Im fine. Thank you for asking. And please call me Farida,

everyone else around here does, Farida replied.
Amina placed the file she was holding on Karams desk.

Well, here is the file of the articles and cases you will be
working on during the next two weeks. I have to get going
now. See you later, doctor, she said, waving on her way
51
out.
Farida looked at the file and then at Karam. Well, I can see
you are already busy. I just wanted to drop by to wish you
good luck and make sure you have everything you need.
Karam smiled and nodded. I have everything I need right

here, he said, pointing to his desk and its pile of self-
development and self-help books.
When Farida smiled back, Karam added, If you feel at any

time that you need to talk, just talk. I would be more than
glad to listen."
For a moment, Farida was taken aback by the comment. She

knew that he was a professional, but she had dealt with
everything on her own so far. She felt very uncomfortable
with his offer, but she knew he meant well.
Farida gave a faint smile before replying, Thank you for

your offer, but Im fine doctor. Now if you will excuse me Ill
get going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and welcome
aboard.
Karam nodded and wished her a good day too as he leaned

back in his chair, holding his chin for a moment and thinking.
There were a few thoughts running through his mind, but he
ignored them for the moment. He knew he would come
back to them later.
52
Aims of power
Sara stood in the meeting room waiting for everyone to

arrive. A few moments later the entire staff was gathered.
Sara took her seat at the head of the conference table,

Farida to her right, and began to speak. Thank you all for
coming. As you know, this is our regular monthly meeting
where we discuss new trends and recent news and events,
as well as our internal plans and issues that need to be
resolved. So lets start with the important news first. As we
all know, Ramadan will be during summer this year. I want
an article on how this will affect peoples family life and
working environments and how people plan to deal with
this. Also, we have an international film festival coming up. I
want to see in-depth critiques of the movies, what is cutting
edge in cinema, and how people feel about these movies.
Lets focus on something more interesting than the usual
crap most magazines write. I dont care what the actors or
actresses are wearing or who they are talking about. Is that
clear?
No one replied, and Sara paused for a moment before

adding, Good. Now, on to internal matters. As we all know,
our dear friend Dr. Nizam has left the magazine to continue
his own career journey and we all wish him the best of luck.
Now we have on board Dr. Karam, whos just starting today.
Dr. Karam has a very solid professional career and what I
53
would refer to in boxing terminology as a heavyweight

caliber. He possesses exceptional knowledge and skills and
theres a lot we can learn from him. So make sure you utilize
this opportunity. Also, since we now have Farida back with
us, everything is back in place. So we will proceed with
everything as before. Nothing changes and work will
continue as usual. Any questions?
Gihan raised her hand. Yes, Gihan? Sara asked.
Gihan replied, Have you considered the fact that Ms. Farida
has been away for a long time and may still be tired or
incapable of fulfilling her role?
Saras expression grew angry. Gihan, I do not accept or

believe that you are in a position to be questioning the
abilities or capabilities of anyone at this magazine other than
yourself. A matter such as this should not be discussed in an
open meeting, and if we decided to do so I am more than
sure that there would be a lot to be said in terms of your
work. So kindly stick to your job.
Okay, no problem. Gihan shrugged her shoulders. I just

wanted to offer help in case she needs it, thats all. I
guess
Sara calmly interrupted her and smiled as she said, You

dont guess, dear. You do your work, and you should do it
according to this magazines standards. I think this is quite
clear. When we need your help, Gihan, be sure that you will
be the first to be told.
54
Gihan nodded silently, not letting her internal fury show.
Farida silently observed everything. She knew Gihan all too

well and knew she would utilize every opportunity to get
her position. She had no personal problems with Gihan, nor
did she dislike the girl like most people in the office. She just
regarded her as a misguided person.
Karam watched everything silently. He noted everything

down in his brain and was able to analyze the character of
each person in the room. Sara, from his analysis, was a
successful person who smoked too much, struggling
between motherhood and running the business. He noticed
that she had no ring on her finger, so she was probably
divorced. She was a person of authority, and a just person
who didnt let anyone step over anyone else, even if they
were at a higher level.
As he kept analyzing, he came to Gihan, an ambitious girl

who would stop at nothing, even devious acts, to get what
she wanted. Apparently, she wanted something from Farida,
perhaps her position, but he was not clear on this yet. But it
told him that things between these two were not so
friendly.
Karam sat back silently as he reached Farida. Now, Ive read a

lot about her, but meeting her in person is quite an experience
in itself. She seems to be a very calm and controlled being,
which, knowing what she has been through, is a miracle. Shes
struggling so fiercely to get herself back on her feet and fight
55
the world for her place in it. Usually people just give in and let
themselves die internally after an experience like this.
Sara declared the meeting over and instructed everyone to

get back to what they were doing. She looked at Farida and
said, Dont be bothered; you know how Gihan is.
Farida nodded. I know, its okay. Im fine and I can handle

her on my own.
Sara left Farida and moved on to Karam, catching him just as

he was about to walk out. Dr. Karam, Im sorry you had to
witness such acts in the meeting. Gihan is quite an ambitious
person. But she has her own issues. My apologies once more
for having to witness such a matter on your first day on the
job. However, its a pleasure to have you on board and I
hope this will be a great experience both for the magazine
and yourself.
Karam smiled and nodded. Thank you Mrs. Sara for the
warm welcome, and with regards to the incident, thats
completely fine and normal. There have been struggles at
every place Ive worked at. There probably always will be.
Its just something that controls people.
Im sure youre right, Sarah agreed. Well, I have to get

back to work then.
No problem, Karam replied. Have a lovely day.
56
A soul unwrapping
As the months went by, Karam proved his skills both as a
writer and a problem solver. Because of this, Farida offered
him his own column about self-help and personal
development, which began to attract many fans.
One day Farida stopped by Karams office and knocked on

the door. Karam instantly got up from his seat. He was an
extreme gentleman for the era in which he was living, and
he believed no man should remain seated in the presence of
a standing woman. He was old-fashioned in that respect. To
him, women were a gift from God and a symbol of
everything pure and beautiful.
Please come in, Karam said, motioning for Farida to walk

in.
Farida, surprised at his chivalry, smiled gently. Thank you. Is

that what you do for every lady you meet?
Karam smiled back. Is it too much?
Farida shook her head. Its very gentlemanly. Its just that
no one sees this sort of attitude nowadays.
Karam nodded his head. I understand.
Farida sat down and she went into a silent moment

observing his room with all his accreditations and
57
certificates, then said, You seem to have kept yourself busy

over the years!
Karam moved from behind his desk to a chair beside Faridas

and smiled. Well, that little black box we call the human
mind is really quite an interesting place to try to figure out,
despite the fact that you wont be able to comprehend or
translate everything about it. But it has always intrigued me.
Its something that just takes my breath away.
Farida smiled. You sound in love!
Oh indeed I am, Karam laughed. You see, in that little

black box is where we tend to realize everything about
ourselves. And yet sometimes it seems like a second person
inside of us is taking control of us. Its quite an amazing
creation of God. How can these few kilograms of brain make
such marvelous and crazy things that have never been seen
before, like the pyramids and the Eiffel Tower?
Farida raised her eyebrows. Very interesting indeed, I

guess.
Karam nodded in agreement. So, how can I help you? You

are definitely not here to admire my certifications that have
been hanging here for a few months now.
His voice was calm and warm. Karam had the ability to
somewhat hypnotize people with the warmth of his voice.
The tone of his voice and the calmness in his soul was
contagious, moving into others and giving them a sense of
58
security and a willingness to talk. The soft features of his

face only added to the effect, and people opened up to him.
Farida was somewhere between confused and shy. She did

not have the guts to talk much about anything with anyone
and even though she was back at work one hundred
percent, she still talked very little and avoided long
conversations.
Iumm... I Farida began, pausing for a moment to

gather her thoughts enough to speak. Since that first day
we met, I have been very curious as to how you were able to
figure out what was on my mind. Also... she began, before
changing her mind. Just that for the moment.
Karam responded calmly, Well, Ms. Farida...
Farida please, just Farida, she interrupted.
Well, Farida, Karam continued, the fact is you are

someone who has been on national television and in the
newspapers. The experience you went through is a tough
one and, unlike you, many would have shied away from any
confrontations. By default people are curious and have
questions. We all do. But I try to ask the questions I need or
that will be of good use to me rather than just random
questions. Being a psychiatrist, I know how important it is to
have your space and be able to breathe freely without
feeling that everyones looking at you in an odd manner.
59
I guess thats not available in Egypt, Farida said

spontaneously.
Thats pretty much correct, Karam agreed.

Unfortunately, we are a population who doesnt really
understand the word privacy, nor do we appreciate the fact
that people who go through experiences like this usually
feel torn deep inside and have problems dealing with
society. But the main problem is that people most, if not
all of the time are looking for a story. Theyre looking for
something to talk about, something to whisper to one
another. Have you seen how so-and-so looks? Have you
seen how big so-and-sos bag is? The list goes on and on.
The concept of letting people be doesnt exist here. Its all
about, I want to talk about something, so lets talk about
this or that. On that level, unfortunately, you make a
perfect target.
Farida listened silently, then asked him, But despite

knowing all this, you havent attempted to ask me anything.
Why is that? Dont you have your doubts? Or your version of
the story? From my knowledge and experience, people like
to build a certain story or belief to hang on to regarding any
topic they come across.
Correct again, Karam replied, but the fact is I am not a

curious person. Im a psychiatrist. People visit me to talk
about their problems, so I understand what youre going
through. I can also read your body language, which tells me
youre still carrying around a huge amount of fear.
60
Farida stood there hesitantly, before asking, Would it be

too odd if I asked you for a consultation?
Why would it be odd? Karam answered.
I dont know, Farida shrugged.
We can book an appointment for you at my clinic, Karam

suggested.
Farida shook her head. No, I dont want to be seen heading

into a clinic, and besides, I think I need to break the habit of
moving from one enclosed place to another.
Karam nodded. I understand. Would you prefer something

else perhaps?
Farida thought for a second then said, Perhaps well I

dont know if this is appropriate to ask.
Please go ahead, Karam urged her.
Farida asked tentatively, Could we do it over dinner

somewhere? Since during the day we are both at work.
Karam thought for a second. Sure, that would be fine.

When would you like to start?
Anytime that suits you, Farida said.
61
Hows today? Karam asked.
Farida nodded. Thank you. Ill text you in a while with a

time and place.
Karam nodded and Farida left. He followed her with his

eyes, which contained a spark that had long been forgotten.
He turned and looked outside his window, whispering,
Every book has a cover and beyond that cover is a whole
new world.
62
What lies under the rocks
Farida was sitting in her office shortly after leaving Karam

and was about to text him when two girls knocked on the
door and walked in.
Farida smiled as she saw Lamis and Buthaina come in. She
got up from her desk and they hugged. You have no idea
how it feels good to have you back! Lamis said excitedly.
Lamis, a nutrition specialist, was from the health and beauty

section of the magazine. Her entire world revolved around
diet, nutrition, and food to the extent that she drove
everyone crazy.
Its good to be back, Farida smiled. Ive been here a few

months now.
Lamis nodded and said, I know. Buthaina told me, but Ive
been away on a long beauty research trip in Europe. You
should come with me one time! she exclaimed ecstatically.
You have no idea; these people in Europe are geniuses.
They have something for everything. I mean theres a happy
diet, a depression diet, even a lazy diet for Gods sake!! You
have got to put yourself in my hands and I will turn you into
a beauty queen.
63
Buthaina chuckled and added, Give Farida a break, Lamis.

Youve been all hyped up since she came back!
When wasnt I? Lamis replied instantly.
Buthaina giggled. Like never! Buthaina was also a writer in

the beauty section and used to work both as a model and a
fashion designer.
Lamis took a list of diets from her bag. Seriously, you have
to check these out. You are going to be amazed at what
science has achieved in the field of nutrition!
Farida smiled and chuckled softly as she held Lamis by the

arm. Leave the dieting alone and tell me how you and your
husband are. Hows everything going? How was Europe?
That sack of potatoes I have at home is fine. He suffers

under my rule, but is still as lazy as ever. I guess I knew that
all along, but were doing fine. As for Europe, it was
fantastic. The vegetables The fruits The meats
Everything. Oh my God, you have no idea. French and Italian
cuisines are so awesome!! But you know what? I resisted the
temptation and lost two pounds!
Farida raised her eyebrows. Lamis, youre a nut case. Were

going to be able to have an anatomy session on you soon!
All well need is a light bulb! Youre going transparent,
honey! Why do you do that to yourself?
64
Lamis ruffled a lock of her hair. Come on. Im not at that

point yet; I still have a few more pounds to go. Theres still
some fat and some skin!
I see skin, Buthaina replied, but I dont see any fat. If we

took you to a butcher he would definitely say you are of no
use! Except for the bones, and even those are not
guaranteed to be of good quality either.
Buthaina and Farida giggled as they watched Lamiss face go

red for a second. I wont let you get to me Buthaina. Youre
just jealous!
They all laughed, and then Lamiss tone turned serious. I

heard Gihan tried to pull something nasty during the first
meeting a few months back. What was that all about?
Nothing much, Farida replied. She just wanted to climb

up a step. She feels she works hard and deserves to be in my
spot.
If that ever happens I am quitting here! The last thing I

need is that greedy bitch in charge, Lamis said.
Before she could continue there was another knock on the

door and Sara walked in. Aah, she said when she saw
Lamis and Buthaina. So our entire fashion section is here.
Lamis, dont tell me you tried to work your European diet on
poor Farida please! We need her in one piece!
65
They all laughed, except Lamis, who frowned. Why is

everyone on my back about this? You people dont
appreciate the true value of nutrition. We all need certain
amounts of carbohydrates and proteins, and...
Stop right there! Sara interrupted her. No doctor talk.

Its called food. I like it to be referred to as food! Give me a
break; youve already stalked everyone else in the magazine
about this. Leave poor Farida out of it! Youve even almost
talked my husband into going on a diet! They all chuckled.
Come on, Lamis shot back. Go easy on me Mrs. Sara. Im

just trying to share the knowledge I have and in my next
article you will see why.
I beg you dear. I beg you to go easy on the readers. Theyre

the ones that put our food on the table! Sara laughed and
they all laughed with her. I have to get going, but Ill pass
by again later, Sara said to Farida as she made her way out.
Well, Ive taken up enough of your time, Lamis said,

rubbing Faridas arm as she and Buthaina also moved to
leave. But its great to see you again and Im more than
happy youre back.
Farida nodded. And so am I!
After they had left, Farida moved back behind her desk and
sat back on her chair, silently surveying the papers and
articles scattered on her desk. She glanced at her bag before
turning her attention back to the articles.
66
She scanned through the articles and made some minor

adjustments before pulling out a folder marked For
printing in bold red letters. Only she and Sara had access to
this folder, and only they had the authority to add or remove
papers from it.
Farida looked at her bag again and pulled out her cell phone.
She opened up the messaging application and thought for a
moment before typing, Today 8 pm at Cordon Bleu
restaurant in Mohandessin? She looked at the screen with
some hesitation, then clicked send.
She placed her phone on the desk, part of her hoping that
the message would not be received, while at the same time
wanting it to arrive.
A couple of minutes later her phone beeped announcing a

message received. She opened it up and read, See you
then.
67
Plans of hate
Gihan was sitting at her desk checking one of her articles

when Nancy came and stood in front of her and said, We
need to go get us a cup of coffee.
Gihan looked up at her in surprise. But you dont drink

coffee! Nancy raised her eyebrows. Well, they say theres
this new coffee shop on the corner and I want to try it!
Whats with you today? Gihan frowned. Nancy leaned into

her ear and whispered, Opportunity!
Gihans eyes grew as wide as the grin on her face. Well,

sure thing, lets get going then."
So, Gihan asked with great curiosity once they were safely
seated in the coffee shop, whats the opportunity?
Nancy smiled, feeling as if she had just won the lottery.

Well, she said conspiratorially, I was passing by Faridas
office earlier when I overheard her speaking to that new
doctor writer guy about meeting after work for dinner.
Gihans eyes sparkled like a predator that has just found its
prey. Tell me more. This is very important.
68
She mentioned that they needed to talk, Nancy added.
Wonderful! Did they mention where or what time theyll be

meeting?
No they didnt. She said shed text him.
Gihan felt more than a little frustrated at not having the full
details and wondered what could be done. Then she got a
sudden idea and turned to Nancy. Well watch them. You
know, like in the movies. Sit back and keep an eye on them.
You mean like a stakeout? Nancy replied. Like cops do in

movies? Gihan nodded, enjoying the feeling of euphoria the
news had given her. So, Nancy continued, do we get to
eat doughnuts and burgers and stuff?
Gihan hit her on the back of her head. What burgers and
what doughnuts! Were talking about an opportunity to
bring Farida down and all you can think about is your belly?
Well isnt it part of a stakeout? Nancy defended herself.
Gihan closed her eyes and raised her eyebrows. Why, God?
Why me? Why her? Nancy glared at her.
Gihan continued, So we need to find out when and where

they will meet.
69
How about we check Faridas cell phone? Nancy

suggested.
And how do you propose we do that? Gihan said, rolling

her eyes.
I may not be as clever as you, but Im not stupid, Nancy

said, still glaring. Ive noticed she often leaves her cell
phone on her desk, so we can wait till she goes to the
bathroom or somewhere and then one of us can walk in as if
were looking for something and just check the phone
quickly.
Gihan grinned. Great. For once something useful comes out

of that mouth of yours!
Nancy eyed her. Stop being nasty to me!
Youre my best friend, Gihan smiled. Im just kiddng!

Now we need to find out where those two love birds are
planning to go.
They finished their coffee and headed straight for Faridas

office, lurking outside it until they saw her come out. The
moment Farida stepped out Nancy moved in, pretending to
be looking for something. As predicted, she found the cell
phone on top of the desk. She opened it quickly and got the
information she was looking for, closed the phone and
headed out of the office immediately.
70
So do you want to know? she asked, walking over to

Gihan.
Tell me! Tell me now! Gihan said excitedly.
Theyre meeting at 8 oclock tonight at Cordon Bleu in

Mohandessin. With this information in her hands, Gihan felt
as though she finally had the opportunity to get what she
wanted, and she was not about to waste it. This was her
chance to take Farida out.
A huge grin was plastered across Gihans face and a little

devil danced in her eyes.
71
At eight
Farida arrived at Cordon Bleu restaurant in Mohandessin

considered to be one of the classiest establishments in Cairo
to find it typically crowded.
The restaurants old-style wooden pendulum clock indicated

that it was five minutes before eight. She looked around for
a spot and noticed Karam sitting at a table for two. She felt
that at least he was taking the matter seriously.
As Farida walked over to him he got up from his chair,

smiling warmly when she reached the table. Hello, a
punctual person I see, he said. Havent beaten you yet,
the way I see it. She replied with a relaxed smile.
Karam moved behind her to pull out her chair before she sat
down. Farida felt quite odd about this as she was so
unaccustomed to this kind of behavior. But she was also
flattered.
As she sat down, Karam inched her chair forward into a

comfortable position. She thanked him as he took his seat,
just as the waiter came along and offered her the menu.
Farida didnt really know what to say or how to start the

conversation. So she lowered her menu for a moment and
said to Karam, Excuse me for what I am about to ask, but
72
how will we be managing these sessions? I think there are a

few points we need to agree on.
Karam nodded. First we eat. Everything else comes later.

How does that sound?
Farida smiled at his simple reply. She was feeling very

nervous, but his calm manner and way of simplifying
everything made her feel comfortable, so she nodded and
went back to her menu.
Five minutes later, after the waiter had come over and taken
their orders, Farida asked the question that had been
lingering in her mind. Why did you agree to help me when I
have asked you to work in an unfamiliar environment and in
such an untraditional manner?
Karam shrugged his shoulders. The fact is, I like to help

people whom I believe I have the ability to help. Sometimes
cases have special conditions. Its important to keep the
person at ease when they need private space or a feeling of
security. I understand your request and what its based on.
Thats why I have no problem in accepting an unfamiliar
environment and untraditional method of work.
Farida listened to him attentively. Karam was a good

speaker with a very deep voice. He enunciated each word
clearly. He was always well dressed. Everything about him
seemed perfect.
73
I want to ask you something, out of curiosity, Farida said.

Forgive me for saying so, but Ive always been blunt its
just that you seem so perfect. You look and act so perfectly.
So gentlemanly. Its quite odd. Does Dr. Karam have any
imperfections?
Karam laughed before replying, Of course he does, who

doesnt? Im very bad at mathematics and when I buy stuff
at the grocery store I sometimes put the money on the
counter and just leave. I hate having my stuff misplaced,
which is why I fired four maids before deciding to do
everything myself. I have my share of insecurities. I dont
have too many friends. I dont have frequent visitors, apart
from my patients of course. I dont trust people easily. So, as
you can see, I am far from being perfect.
Farida nodded and added, And love?
Karam didnt understand where she was going with that

question and replied, What about love?
Well Farida began, suddenly feeling that this question

was inappropriate to ask and deciding to withdraw from this
line of questioning. Well, I think that Im asking too much
about you, and its supposed to be the other way around,
dont you think?
Karam, noticing her hesitation, decided not to pursue the

matter and nodded, smiling gently. Farida then added, But
lets agree on something. I will be paying you for each
session the same as any standard patient.
74
Karam nodded silently. He understood that Farida needed to

regain her confidence in order to get back into life and face
things. He knew that letting her make the decisions and call
the shots would increase her self-confidence and boost her
morale. He knew he was dealing with a very fragile case that
needed careful handling. This was no regular depressed
person or someone who was delusional. Farida was an
intelligent person who had a deep understanding of her
situation.
By the time the waiter came back with their salads and
drinks a few minutes later, Farida was starting to feel more
at ease. The nervousness she had been trying to control had
made her rather hungry, so she felt the salad and the drinks
came as a savior.
Karam observed Farida carefully, while being careful not to

show it. This was a start. A whole new start.
75
Tormented cries
There she was, sitting in a restaurant with him having
dinner. It all seemed to be a completely new experience, a
completely new feeling. She wasnt afraid. Except maybe
afraid of being asked questions about herself and that
horrendous experience she had been through.
Will he be asking me about what happened? Will he be asking

me how I felt about it? He probably will. Or maybe he wont.
She was so distracted that when she reached out to pick up
the salt, she knocked it over into a small sauce bowl.
Oops! she exclaimed.
Its okay, he said calmly. Try to relax. Dont be afraid of

anything. Everything will go easily and smoothly.
She had absolutely no idea why, but she felt better when he
said this. What had given her this sudden feeling of relief
after he spoke? She had absolutely no idea, but she still felt
she had to act as though she was in control. She couldnt
just be all over the place like that. Im fine. I just didnt
notice the bowl.
He nodded and smiled.
A few minutes later, after they had finished eating, he

looked at her for a second. So, do you want to begin? he
asked.
76
Farida suddenly felt anxious as she tried to gather what she

wanted to say. Im not sure if I want to do this. I mean I
know I need to, but she began, as her breathing got
heavier.
Karam poured a glass of water and offered it to her. Take

your time. Theres no hurry. Just relax and take things at
your own pace.
She picked up the glass with shaky hands, small pellets of

sweat forming on her forehead. She took a small sip of
water, which cooled her down a little. As she closed her eyes
for a moment to regain her focus, the shakiness started to
fade away.
Im sorry, she said. Its just been quite some time since I
spoke about this. I try to avoid any sort of conversations or
talk of any sort about it or anything that might be related to
it. I just want to get over it and live a normal life. She
paused for a moment before adding, People wont let you
live normally, you know? We live in a society where everyone
eyes you like a bulls-eye target. Everyone is so focused on
what is going on in your life, even if theyre worse off than
you. They just will not let it go. The doormans wife can
you imagine? The doormans wife will not let him bring me
anything since it happened, thinking Im going to try to mess
with him! People on the street look at me like Im some
freak of nature.
Feeling herself beginning to get a bit shakier, she took

another sip of water before continuing.
77
I dont want much from anyone; in fact I dont want much

of anything. I simply want my life back. I want to be looked
at like a normal human being. I am a normal human being. I
was raped, but I am still alive! People look at me on the
street with a variety of eyes. Eyes of doubt, as if they think I
am a whore and I am the one who tried to use that monster.
Others look at me as a poor victim whos only worth their
pity. Oh, look at her. The poor lady who got raped. The
worst of them all are those who look at me as if Im some
expired product. As if I am a piece meat that has expired,
hanging on a hook, that theyre just going to throw away. I
am a human being, God damn it, before anything.
Her distress was showing clearly now. Karam kept a very

calm profile and maintained eye contact with Farida at all
times. Whenever she looked at him, she found his eyes fixed
on hers. It gave her the sense that he was not afraid, that he
was not trying to let things pass, that he was listening to her
with all the anger, frustration, weakness, and other mixed
emotions that were pouring out of her.
Karam extended his hand, offering Farida a napkin to wipe

the sweat off her forehead. She took it and dabbed at the
sweat, pausing for a moment to regain her composure. I
apologize for lashing out like that. I mean Im not an
aggressive person. I dont know what triggered me to make
me go on at you that way. Im not normally like that, but
Relax, Karam interrupted her. Its okay. Its part of my

job. And its completely normal for you to be overtaken by
your emotions. Youve been through a lot and its natural
78
that you would have a lot of suppressed feelings that you

struggle with. Thats part of why Im here. I need you to just
relax. Close your eyes for ten seconds and take a deep
breath.
Farida laid her head back and closed her eyes, taking a deep
breath and letting it out slowly. When she opened her eyes
she felt slightly better, having released some of the toxic
energy trapped inside her.
Karam observed her, taking notes in the back of his mind.

When he began to speak, he said, What you are going
through is perfectly normal, Farida. With the amount of pain
and anger trapped inside you, its normal to lash out at
moments like these, when you feel youre on the edge and
when you feel people are looking at you as you mentioned,
as a freak of nature. People always have an issue with things
they cant comprehend or understand.
Karam paused for a moment, reading Faridas features

before continuing. For example, they can have sympathy
for a victim but they cannot realize the amount of pain she is
going through. However, they try to convince themselves
that they understand better than they do. Those who look
aggressively at a person or regard them as criminals or
prostitutes or have any kind of negative view are usually
people who are afraid to face the world, so they tend to
pass judgments to convince themselves that they are better
people. Its like theyre trying to hide their fear and point
their finger at other people, which gives them a feeling of
security. However, its a false security. You will rarely find
79
these people talking about their own problems or even

admitting that they have any at all.
Farida listened as every word sank into her, hitting exactly

the right spot. Rule number one now is not to focus on
what people think, Karam stressed. People will never be
satisfied with you, even if you were not a victim of such a
sad mishap. This incident, however, has given you the
opportunity to see what people are truly made of. What we
need to work on is building your self-confidence and getting
you fully back on your feet as soon as possible. It will require
effort and dedication from you. Its not an easy thing to do.
What you went through is a life-changing experience that
only some people manage to survive undamaged. But I
really believe you can make it, Karam said firmly.
A few minutes later, Karam paid for the dinner and left with
Farida. As they stepped outside the door of the restaurant,
little did they know that somewhere across the street
someone was watching them very closely. Yes, said their
silent observer, there you are.
80
Eyes that eat you alive
Farida went home that night with a simultaneous sense of

relief and discomfort. Relief because she believed she was
doing the right thing, and discomfort because she was being
forced to face a lot of her fears. It had been a couple of
months now since she had returned to work and been trying
to hold it all together, pretending that everything was
normal. But inside she still felt so afraid, especially when she
was among a big crowd of people, even if she knew them
all.
Because of her composure and the smiles she hid behind, it

was easy for people to assume that everything in Faridas
life was back to normal and that she was completely healed.
The looks she got on the street when she walked to her car,
especially from those who didnt know her, were like armor-
piercing arrows that would go straight through someones
heart and kill them instantly. The number of looks she
received when she went from one place to another gave her
the impression that the entire world had stopped at her
feet.
Why me? What do they want from me? Why wont people
simply let me be? Who did I hurt so much to deserve this? Its
me whos suffering, not them! Mixed feelings of anger, fear,
hate, disgust, and despair swirled around inside her.
81
Farida parked outside her building and was greeted as she

got out of her car by the doorman, Basem, who asked her if
there was anything she needed. His wife, Hanady, shouted
out from behind him, Basem! Mr. Shafik on the sixth floor
needs you go up to him quickly!
Basem got angry. Woman, shut up for once!
A fight was about to erupt when Farida intervened. Basem,

thank you but I dont need anything. Go to Mr. Shafik. Thank
you.
Hanady silently eyed Farida, looking her up and down as if

she was some disgusting creature she didnt want to get too
close to.
No problem Ms. Farida, Basem replied. If you need

anything, let me know.
Hanady interrupted and eyed her husband as well, before

saying, Basem! in a strident tone.
Farida intervened again. No thank you, Basem. Im fine.
Farida stepped inside the building to find one of her

neighbors arguing with her son. Mom, we have to check on
Ms. Farida, she has always been nice to us. No one has even
said hi to her or asked her if she needs anything since it
happened! What kind of neighbors are we?
82
The son was answered sharply by his mother. Dont you

dare argue with me! I will not have anything to do with this
woman! Shes a woman of suspicion. I dont want anything
to do with her, and nor will you or anyone else in this family!
Do you understand? Besides, shes coming and going every
day to and from her work. She doesnt seem bothered! She
probably built up this entire scenario for the sake of fame.
People will do crazy things nowadays to appear on the cover
of newspapers!
Mother! How can you say such a thing?! the boy replied.
His mother interrupted him again. I am your mother and I
know whats best for this family. You will not argue with me
about this. Wheres that damn elevator?!!
As Farida witnessed the scene unfold in front of her, she felt

paralyzed and barely able to breathe. But she also felt
incredibly angry. She wanted to slap that doormans wife
and that neighbor!
Farida stood there in disbelief and thought of hiding until

they had left, but something told her that she had to
confront them. She had to confront life. She couldnt run for
the rest of her life. She slowly walked up the couple of steps
that led into the building, trying to move as steadily as
possible. The mother and her son noticed Farida, unsure
whether or not she had heard them. The mothers
nervousness was written all over her face as she pushed her
son back to keep him away from Farida.
83
By the time Farida reached them, the elevator had arrived.

The boy opened the door and said to Farida, Please come
in.
No thank you, Farida replied calmly. You go ahead, Ill

wait.
The mother eyed Farida with the same amount of disgust as

Hanady before she walked into elevator, pulling her son in
behind her. Not even a word of thanks or a hello, Farida
thought to herself as the mother and her son disappeared
into the elevator.
Farida waited for the elevator to come down again and got
in, riding alone up to her apartment. As soon as she was
safely inside behind the closed door, she dropped to the
floor and burst into tears.
I cant take this. I cant take this anymore. This is too much.
Mother, why did you have to leave me alone in such a cruel
world?! Why? What have I done to deserve all this?! she
shouted as she lay on the floor, overflowing with the
torment and pain she felt every time she crossed the street
or even entered her own building. How can people be so
cruel? How can they be so insensitive? And for what? They
judge me for something I havent even done! They judge
me? How do they judge me? Why do they judge me?
For the very first time since the day she was raped, Farida let
out a scream a scream that almost deafened her as it
shook inside her head. She closed her eyes and felt as if her
84
vocal cords were about to be torn from their place and that
she would lose her voice forever.
Her screams echoed through the apartment and she fell

back against the door, her breathing heavy, feeling so much
pain and anger. I want my life back!! I want it back, damn
it!! I want it and Im going to take it! If it takes my last
breath, Im getting it back!! she screamed, the pain aching
and vibrating throughout every inch of her body.
85
A bridge of peace
Farida woke up the following morning with a splitting
headache worthy of a bad hangover, but unfortunately
there had been no pleasure in her state prior to the
headache.
God I hate these days when I wake up with of one these

darned headaches, she thought.
She got up slowly and looked in the mirror. Horrible as

usual, she murmured, then picked up some clothes and
went to take a shower. The constant bathing had become a
ritual that happened at least twice a day when she was
working and three or four times a day if she stayed at home.
Every few hours she would be flooded with visions of that
day, which kept her in a state of constant disgust.
When will I ever get rid of these horrible visions? There has
to be something. A pill. A shot. Anything! she murmured
again.
Farida got into the shower, closed her eyes, and

surrendered to her only spot of safety in the world.
A while later she got out of the shower and, after quickly
getting dressed, grabbed a cup of coffee and a cigarette and
watched the world outside from her window. Another day,
more creeps to deal with, she whispered to herself,
finishing her coffee and cigarette and leaving for the office.
86
The morning drive was relatively smooth and it took her less
than thirty minutes to get to the office. Amal greeted her as
she walked in and Farida smiled calmly back in return. She
knew she looked as horrible as she felt. She looked so tired,
as if shed been working in a coal mine for six months. Sara
passed her in the hallway and noticed something was up,
but from the way Farida looked, decided to let her be.
Farida sat down at her desk buzzed for Baheya to bring her
a cup of coffee. When Baheya walked in with a steaming cup
of coffee a few minutes later, Farida took a sip before
resting her head back quietly against her chair. This is one of
those days I guess. Crap I hate days like this, she thought.
A few minutes later there was a knock on her office door. As

Farida looked to see who was behind the glass, she
whispered, Oh crap. Not at the beginning of the day!
Then, in a louder voice, she said, Good morning Gihan.
Please come in.
Good morning to you, Farida! Gihan replied, smiling as she

waltzed through the door. I hope you are doing
splendidlymmm you look very tired. Is everything
okay?
Farida was surprised at the sudden caring attitude she

seemed to be receiving from Gihan, but she didnt have the
brainpower that morning to analyze it and replied, Just a
bad nights sleep.
87
Oh, I know those. Theyre terrible. As a child I used to get

them frequently. But things got better. I hope you get
better, Gihan said calmly, still smiling.
Something didnt seem right to Farida, who replied, Why

thank you, thats very sweet of you.
Im sure you find it quite surprising that I would come to

you like this, Gihan said. But I think I did you wrong. I want
to make up for it and start over with a clean slate. Since the
day of the meeting Ive been thinking, and I told myself,
Gihan, you are mistaken and you have to work better and
support everyone you can. I believe I owe you an apology
and would be grateful to receive your guidance on my
work
Farida was completely stunned by what she had just heard.

She felt as if she was dreaming and needed someone to
pinch her. Is Gihan apologizing to me? Wanting to make up
with me? Gihan?? Who has hated me and wanted my position
at any cost since her first day on the job?
Farida looked up at Gihan and said, Im very pleased to hear

this Gihan. I mean nothing would make me happier than to
work with you and be on good terms. This shows a great
deal of honesty and respect from your end. I truly
appreciate it.
Gihan smiled and placed a folder on Faridas desk. And just

to get a fresh new start, here are some articles and ideas Id
88
like to work on. Id love your opinion and recommendations.

Im sure I can learn a lot from you.
Farida nodded. Sure, Id be happy to take a look. Thank you

very much for your trust Gihan and thank you for coming to
my office.
Gihan smiled.No need to thank me. But thank you. When

Gihan headed out of Faridas office, she had a big grin on her
face, a grin only she knew the meaning of.
As soon as Gihan had left Faridas office, Lamis and

Buthaina, who had observed the entire exchange, walked in.
Lamis couldnt help herself. What was that wench doing
here?
Good morning Lamis! Farida said, giggling slightly, her

head hurting with each giggle. Ouch damn these
headaches!
Oh. Im sorry. Good morning Ms. Farida. But seriously, what

was she doing here? Lamis asked again quickly.
She was apologizing! Farida replied calmly, telling them all

about it.
I dont trust her Ms. Farida, I honestly dont. Thats very

very fishy,Lamis said.
89
Maybe, Farida agreed. But theres always the possibility

that shes had a change of heart.
Lamis and Buthaina both shook their heads. Gihan had no

heart to begin with, Buthaina said. Well keep an eye on
her for you.
Farida giggled. Stop making me laugh. It hurts! No one will

keep an eye on anyone. Let things be. Please. Now if you
girls will excuse me, I need to get back to work.
As they walked out, Lamis whispered to Buthaina, I know

that woman is up to no good, and Im going to find out
whats going on!
She asked us not to do anything, Buthaina reminded her.

Lamis frowned. Since when do we do what were told,
girl?!
90
Puzzled minds
Farida sat in her office for a while after Lamis and Buthaina
had left, just thinking. At some point she picked up the
folder that Gihan had left and started to scan through the
articles, finding herself somewhat surprised at the
objectivity and almost flawless writing style. Thats not like
Gihans writing one bit. Thats not the exposing, challenging,
and aggressive Gihan at all.
Farida kept reading a while longer, then placed the articles

back in the folder and headed to Saras office with it tucked
under her arm.
She knocked on the door and entered. Seeing that Sara was
on the phone, she turned to leave and come back later
when Sara motioned for her to sit down.
So, how are you today?Sara asked when she was done
with her call.
Im fine, Farida replied. A bit tired though. Didnt sleep

well last night. Sara nodded. Yeah, I noticed, didnt want
to say much about it when I saw you this morning since
everyone else commented, but girl you look like a walking
zombie. Is everything okay?
91
Farida nodded. Im okay. Ill get some rest when I go home

today. Listen, theres something I want to talk to you
about.
Sure, Im listening.
Guess who came into my office to talk to me? Farida

asked. Sara shrugged her shoulders. I dont know, the
entire magazine staff likes you, anyone could be in your
office! Who? Lamis and Buthaina?
Farida shook her head. Nope. Gihan.
Sara was more than a little surprised and raised her

eyebrows. Interesting. What did she want?
She came to apologize to me, Farida said calmly, while her

face had confusion written all over it.
Saras face also looked puzzled. Okay, let me get this

straight. Gihan, our Gihan, apologized to you, Farida. The
one she hates the most? Sara shook her head in denial for a
moment before adding, This is too much to swallow. What
did she come to apologize about exactly? There hasnt been
anything going on between you two recently.
Farida smiled calmly. She came to apologize about what

happened in the meeting a few months back and she said
that you were right.
92
Sara leaned back in her chair. She said that I was right?
Gihan said that I was right? Are you kidding me? She said
that out loud? No no no, I have to understand this.
Farida told her exactly what had happened. Gihan came

into my office and said that the meeting a few months ago
was a wakeup call for her. She realized shes on the wrong
track. She even gave me some articles to review and give
her feedback on.
Just a minute. Gihan said that? I cant believe it. Are you
sure it wasnt someone else impersonating her? Seriously, I
mean this cant be Gihan. The Gihan? The never-satisfied
Gihan? Girl, this sounds fishy! How do you feel about this
situation?
I dont really know, Farida replied. I mean she seemed

quite genuine. And the articles she wrote are amazing, Sara.
You will be completely blown away. Here, check these out.
She handed Sara the folder.
Sara took the folder and skimmed through the article titles,
picking out a few and starting to read them. Oh my God!
This is Gihans work? Whats going on here? Its like another
person has written these articles. I cant believe Gihan
actually wrote these. Modesty with such sincerity. If I didnt
know you or trust you, I would think someone else had
written these. Theres no way I would have believed these
were Gihans if you hadnt told me. These are top-notch
articles.
93
Farida nodded. I know. To tell you the truth, this does

cause me some concern. I mean why did she feel the need
to come and apologize to me? Why not just send the
articles? Has she really had a change of heart? Despite all my
misgivings, I cant find any reason not to believe her. I mean,
she walked into my office and apologized to me quite
clearly."
I do hope this girl has had some sense knocked into her
head, Sara said. If this is her writing, she would be a great
asset to the magazine. I was actually considering replacing
her because shes such a nag and a troublemaker. You were
one of the reasons I held off doing it because you asked
me to give her another chance.
Well, I guess things are turning out well for her then,
Farida responded. I hope she keeps it up. If she does, who
knows where it will take us.
Somewhere good, I hope, said Sarah, because to be

honest, I still dont feel quite convinced about her. I hope
that mind of hers isnt plotting some crazy scheme.
Farida hoped so too. She picked up the folder and excused

herself. On her way out, she decided to pass by Karams
office.
94
Open soul surgery
Farida knocked on Karams office door. Come in, he said in

his usual calm and relaxed voice. She walked in to find him
writing up an article.
Is this a good time? she asked, to which he smiled and

responded, Of course. Im just finishing up the last couple
of lines. Ill just be one minute.
While he finished his work she looked around his office,

observing his honors and degrees, and a few scattered
photos. She noticed something quite curious about them,
but before she could look further, Karam raised his head.
Im done, he smiled. Would you care for something to
drink? She shook her head, declining politely.
May I ask you a personal question? Karam smiled.Sure,

please do.
Are you single? I know the question might be misplaced, so

forgive my female curiosity.
Karam was caught off guard by the question but maintained

his composure and calmly replied, Well, curiosity killed the
cat, you know. He smiled and then added, Yes, I am
single.
95
Farida smiled back. Well, I dont think theres anything

worse that can happen to this cat, so Ill just take my
chances. But why are you single? I mean, from what I see
youre a very decent person, good looking, with a brilliant
career.
Karam nodded. The fact is that many people look at me as

the doctor in the loony bin who deals with crazy people who
need to be tied up and locked away. This scares a lot of
people away, and obviously girls dont find it an attractive or
lucrative job, unlike many other jobs.
She nodded and fired another question at him with no

hesitation. Do you think I will be able to lead a normal life,
fall in love, find a husband and so on?
He nodded and stood up from his chair, sitting on the edge

of his desk. Yes, I believe youll be able to, once you are
able to deal with life.
Quite optimistic! she thought. I wish I could say the same!
She looked up at him. I want to thank you for yesterday. It

was great. I cant say it was the most comfortable situation,
but Im trying to get accustomed to everything again. I still
have major issues when I look into peoples eyes. I mean,
the doormans wife looks at me as if I was a low-class
hooker and my neighbors wont speak to me anymore. I
really dont know what I can do.
96
This will come slowly, how to deal with peoples

perceptions of you. Give it some time and all of this will fade
away. People tend to be scared when theyre dealing with
something they dont know or understand. We Egyptians
always take anything we dont understand as a form of evil
and, as the proverb we always use says, Stay away from evil
and sing for it!!
She nodded. I have something I need to ask you thats

been tormenting me for quite some time. But before I ask, I
want to make sure Im not interrupting you.
He shook his head. Not one bit. Please go ahead.
Well, ever since the rape, I get this feeling of disgust and
shame that makes me feel Im covered in filth. I take more
than three showers a day if Im at home. If Im out most of
the day, that might be cut down to two. I have a feeling of
disgust towards myself and my body. I usually break down in
tears in the shower. I read some stuff about it on the
Internet to see what I can do about it, but I couldnt really
understand what they were talking about. The language
they used was complicated and frustrating.
He listened carefully before replying. Well, that feeling you

are having is completely normal. On some level of your
subconscious, youre in denial about what happened.
However, you still feel stained and you want to get rid of
this stain at any cost.
97
So Im trying to remove this stain by taking all these

showers? she asked.
Exactly, he nodded. The fact is, people react to traumatic

events differently. While some might take an excessive
number of showers, others might just sit in a corner and not
even try to interact with the world. Youve already done an
amazing job on your own. You managed to pull yourself
back into the world. Even though youre facing a lot of
problems, you are managing well.
But I dont think Im doing that well. Just yesterday, after I

got home, I broke down and burst into tears. Sometimes I
even faint at home. I feel so weak and so out of control it
drives me mad. Karam, will I ever feel like myself again? I
mean, will I ever be able to live normally and smile and deal
with this as a nightmare?
I cant tell you its as simple as taking a pill, Karam told

her. But I can tell you that even though it will take a huge
effort on your part, I believe you can get your life back and
live normally. Everything has to take its time. Everything.
You just need to believe in yourself and work with me and
youll be fine, God willing.
Why are you helping me? She threw the question at him
like a dart.
You asked for my help, he replied, so calmly that it

surprised her. When will you be ready for your next
session?
98
Anytime, she replied.
Well, then prepare yourself for a nice surprising experience

this weekend, he said confidently.
What is the experience? I want to know! she demanded.
All in due time, he replied. Besides, if I told you it would

spoil the effect of the surprise, wouldnt it?
I think youre going to make me start to hate you! she said

laughingly.
Well, you will thank me later on.
Okay, she nodded. Ill take your word for it. I have to get
back to work, but Ill be waiting for you to update me.
Will do, he replied.
She left his office smiling. As soon as she walked out he got
up and went to the door to watch her. Something inside him
was beginning to change; something he couldnt really
understand or interpret. He shook his head, as if to shake
the strange thoughts away, and got back to work. But every
few seconds he would raise his head and look outside.
99
Unexpected visit
The week ran by pretty quickly with the big workload and
many tasks to be done, and the weekend soon arrived. On
Saturday morning Karam picked up his cell phone and dialed
Faridas number.
Hi Karam, she answered a few seconds later. So is today

the surprise?
Yes, he replied. How soon can you be ready?
She thought quickly. Well, can we say a couple of hours?
Do those two hours include a third hour of additional

time? he joked.
She frowned. No two hours are two hours, no more, no

less. Im not the type of girl who takes ten years to make up
my mind about what Im going to wear!
Okay, okay, no need to get all outraged, Karam teased.

See you in two hours. She gave him her address and they
hung up.
100
Exactly two hours later, Karams car pulled in front of

Faridas building at the precise moment that Farida was
coming out. She hopped into his car, watched by the
doorman and his wife who were standing out the front.
See! Hanady hissed into Basems ear. I told you! Heres a

new guy!
Basem pulled his Bulgha from his leg and chased his wife,
who ran screaming inside. Get back inside you wretched
witch! I dont want to hear another word from you! Basem
shouted.
As Karam drove off, he could see Basem running after

Hanady, but he had no idea what was going on.
So where are you taking me? Farida asked.
Would it be a surprise if I told you? Karam replied. Farida

went silent for a moment then said, Well, you can always
bend the rules a little bit. I promise Ill be surprised! Ill be
very surprised!
He laughed. Well if I bend the rules it still wouldnt be a

surprise. She crossed her arms and frowned.
He looked at her and smiled. In the last couple of days he

had noticed a friendlier figure starting to emerge from
behind her wounded soul. Part of her was opening up. He
knew he needed to ensure he didnt lose focus or do
anything to shut it back down. He needed to encourage her,
101
and the place he was taking her was just the right place for
that.
Karam drove into the downtown area where all the old
buildings stood very elegantly next to one another and the
architecture was so beautiful it was breathtaking.
They arrived at a building, but as was usual in downtown

Cairo, there was no place to park. The doorman came
rushing up when he saw the car. Mr. Karam ! Welcome! Its
been a long time, how are you?
Karam got out of the car and patted the doorman on the
back. Im very well, Khamis. Can you please take the car
and park it?
Karam gave him the keys and opened Faridas door for her.
She stepped out and looked at the tall building. Where are
we going? she asked.
You will see in a minute, Karam smiled. They walked into

the old building and when they reached the elevator Karam
pressed on the fourth floor button. A few seconds later they
stepped out and Karam led her to an apartment next to the
elevator. Farida stood behind him as he rang the bell, feeling
a little nervous.
Yes, Im coming, came an elderly female voice from inside

the apartment. Just a second. The door opened. Karam,
my son. How are you dear? This is the friend you told me
about?
102
Farida stood there stunned for a moment, but managed to

smile as Karams mother gently pulled her inside, hugged
her, and kissed her. Please, come in. Welcome dear.
Mama, this is Farida. Farida, this is my mother, Dorreya,

Karam said by way of introduction. Farida smiled politely,
but she was feeling very uncomfortable.
Please give me fifteen minutes. I will just finish lunch and

be right with you, Dorreya said as she disappeared into the
apartment.
Lunch?! Were having lunch here?! Farida whispered

loudly. Please, I want to leave. I dont have myself ready for
any of this. Karam, please.
Listen, I promise you we will have lunch and leave directly.

Theres a reason why I brought you here. Im not doing this
for fun or to waste your time. Trust me on this.
Farida exhaled, feeling trapped and with no way out. She

closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm herself
down.
Karam noticed the anxiety and worry all over Faridas face
and added, Trust me; you will not regret this at all.
She looked at him, feeling upset about what he had just

done. She thought about just getting up and leaving, but
she couldnt get herself to do it. Something inside her told
her she should wait and be patient.
103
Missing sensations
Karams mother came in to offer Farida something to drink

while she finished preparing lunch, quietly observing them
both as she walked in. Welcome dear. Its wonderful to
have you here. I hope youre both hungry; the food will be
ready in a few minutes.
Thank you. Im really embarrassed about dropping in like

this, without even some flowers. Karam didnt tell me we
were coming here, Farida said.
Dorreya waved her hand to tell Farida not to worry. Thats

Karam. He never tells anyone what hes up to! Not even his
own mom!
Is there something I can help you with at least? Farida

offered.
No no dear, everything is already done, Dorreya assured

her before disappearing into the kitchen again.
Farida turned to Karam. So you never tell anyone what

youre up to? Is this a professional or personal habit?
Karam shrugged his shoulders. Well, it works for both. It

helps me get things done in the end!
104
So the results justify the means? Farida asked.
Not in such a Machiavellian way. But if it helps my cause

without any damage being done to anyone, then why not?
What makes you so sure there is no damage being done?

Farida asked, feeling she was being challenged.
Karam looked at her silently then added with a calm smile,

Well, I think you forget I am a psychiatrist and it is part of
my job to make assumptions and build solutions and work
on them.
Farida took a deep breath. You still havent answered me.

What makes you so sure that theres no damage being
done?
Because youre still here, he said in his usual calm tone.
If I was able to leave, I would, Farida said. Im just too

embarrassed to turn down your clearly wonderful mothers
generosity. That would be unfair and not right.
Aah. This is simply your way of justifying the matter to

yourself. It has nothing to do with my mother. Anyway, I will
see how you feel in about forty-five minutes.
Faridas eyebrows went up in astonishment. How is he so

confident and able to read me so well?
105
Dorreya called them in to the dining room for lunch a few

minutes later, and Karam led Farida through the apartment
to a very colorful dinner table. With the aroma of food
already in the air, she felt she could eat the food just by
smelling it. There were things she had not tasted in years,
since she barely had time to cook these days. Fast food and
healthy food had become her life; she hadnt had a decent
plate of home-cooked food for a very long time.
Oh my God, this looks and smells so delicious! Thank you

Mrs. Dorreya, this is so kind of you. You have no idea how
long it has been since I last ate such a meal.
Please, call me Aunt, or Dorreya, she insisted. Im only

addressed as Mrs. Dorreya on letters! Im glad you like the
small lunch I have prepared.
Small?! Farida asked in amazement.
Karam pretended to whisper into Faridas ear in a clearly

audible voice. Yes, this is what my mother calls small.
I heard that Karam Dorreya exclaimed, smiling. They all

sat and ate. Dorreyas roots from the Sharqiya governorate
always took control over her when it came to food. She kept
on serving everyone at the table, making sure their plates
were constantly full and that they were eating.
When Farida began to eat, her eyes rolled in delight.

Suddenly, all her worries were gone. Every sense of
discomfort was removed and she felt as if she had been
106
born again. There was something making her feel

completely at ease. Karam knew what it was, but she didnt
yet.
Farida had almost forgotten the sense of having a home and

family and he knew Dorreya would be able to give her back
this missing feeling. Dorreya, with her very generous
personality, well-cooked food, and cozy home, was having
just the effect he had hoped for.
107
A few minutes passed
Farida ate and ate. She had not eaten such good food since
her mothers death almost ten years before.
Oh, its been such a long time, so long I cant even

remember, but I havent eaten such tasty food since my
mom passed away, she said.
May her soul rest in peace, dear. Im glad you enjoyed the
food child, Dorreya said.
Farida went over to Dorreya and stamped a kiss on her

forehead. Thank you. I havent felt such warmth in a long
time.
Dorreya, caught by surprise, had tears in her eyes. She

smiled and pulled Farida into a hug. You are always
welcome here, dear.
Karam observed silently with his usual calm smile.
After theyd finished lunch, Farida helped Dorreya clear the

table and do the dishes. Then she went back to Karam while
Dorreya made tea. Dorreya called for Karam in the kitchen,
108
and a few seconds later Karam was standing next to her.

Yes?
Dorreya looked at her son calmly. Do you like her?
Karam was surprised. No, shes a patient!
Karam. Do you like her? she repeated.
Didnt I say no the first time? Karam replied.
So you do like her! Youre my son. I know you. Now, just to

get this straightisnt there any other girl that could attract
you or get your attention, other than someone with such a
burden in her life?
Mother, theres nothing! Karam said.
Dorreya completely ignored what he said. I guess you have

never been one to do things the usual way; youve always
taken the challenging path and you never liked the easy
way. But isnt your cousin Nadia more suitable?
I dont like my cousin Nadia, mother! Karam said,

exasperated. And...
But Dorreya interrupted him before he could continue. You

should get back to your guest. We cant leave her alone.
Now go.
109
Frustrated, Karam left the kitchen. As soon as he left his

mom took a deep breath and whispered, He likes her.
Hmmm.
Karam sat next to Farida, the frustration clearly visible on his

face. Whats wrong? Farida asked, just as Dorreya came in
with the tea.
Nothing, dear, Karam replied. Just the usual mom and

son hassles. Karam had never been the kind of boy to listen
to his mom.
She laughed. Karam, how could you not listen to such a

lovely mother?
Great. Now youre both teaming up on me. Just great!
They all laughed, and Farida noticed something in Karam

that shed never seen before she saw the child in Karam.
What a stunningly lovely child he must have been.
110
Waltzing back to blissfulness
Farida closely observed the relationship between Karam and

his mother. The entire ambience gave a welcoming sense of
warmth and ease, something she hadnt felt in a long time.
They all sat and drank tea and Farida felt as if she was living
a normal life all over again, as if for these few hours nothing
horrible had happened to her and she was able to live like a
normal human being. Dorreya, who was apparently a good
reader, knew about her articles and read a lot in many
different areas. No wonder her son is such a successful
person, Farida thought. She had several interesting
conversations with Dorreya about a variety of subjects,
including life, people, and the community. Farida enjoyed
her company very much.
Karam, on the other hand, merely observed Farida as she

conversed with his mother, struggling internally about what
he should do, whether he should focus as a doctor or as a
person. Karam had started to develop an unusual interest in
his patient. She was unlike any woman he had ever come
across, to the point that he sometimes barely believed she
existed. He had always believed in the power of the human
spirit and what it is capable of, but Farida was a sheer living
example and embodiment of that power.
111
Shes right here, right in front of me, but what can I do? Im
not even sure how I feel yet. And what if I did know? What
about how she feels? Does she even notice me as a man? She
probably doesnt even have time to think of such a matter.
She hardly has the energy to fight her struggles with life, let
alone think of having someone in her life. All these questions
and thoughts roamed incessantly across Karams mind.
Farida looked at the clock and told Karam that they should
be leaving. Dorreya asked her to stay for a bit longer, but
Farida insisted that she had to go and it had already been so
wonderful to have met her and have such great
conversations with her. Dorreya hugged and kissed Farida
goodbye. As Farida led the way out, Dorreya held Karams
hand for a moment, pulling him down to whisper in his ear.
I dont know what youre up to or where youre going with
this, but keep her safe. I like her!
Karam looked at his mother and whispered back, Any other

orders, Your Highness?
Dorreya slapped him playfully on the shoulder as she

hugged and kissed her goodbye, just as she had done to
Farida moments earlier.
Karam and Farida stepped into the elevator and headed to

the ground floor. So how do you feel now? Karam asked.
Despite the fact that I wanted to strangle you when I

realized where I was, I felt incredibly comfortable and
welcome. Oddly enough, now I feel almost in a state of
112
euphoria. Im not sure if its the food or the tea, or the

company or the place or everything all rolled into one. I just
feel great more alive.
Thats fantastic, Karam nodded. That in itself is an

amazing improvement.
Its odd that someone as nice as you is still single, Farida

commented on the way home in the car. Why is that? And
your mother is so lovely into the bargain.
Karam laughed, before adding, Thats an unexpected

question. But I guess the same goes for you. Whats a
beautiful lady like yourself doing being single?
Farida frowned for a second. Are you going to answer all

my questions with other questions?
Karam smiled then replied, No. Just this one.
Well, Farida answered, there was someone, but when I

had that incident he just disappeared. I guess he didnt
want to be associated with me anymore.
Karam nodded. Typical idiot.
Well, who could blame him? Farida said. Do you see how
people look at me on the street? Who would want someone
like me? I mean, people label me as used goods. I can
manage to fight that off, but why should he have to suffer?
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A man should stand by the person he loves against the

entire world, Karam replied. Im glad Im here.
Karam immediately tried to backtrack from his inadvertent

slip of the tongue. I mean, what I wanted to say is that Im
glad Im helping you overcome, you know, the problems you
face and the ignorant people you deal with every day.
Farida tried to hide her face, which had turned extremely

red. Of course, I understand and I fully agree. I mean, its
not like were seeing each other or anything. This is a strictly
professional relationship.
Karam pulled up outside Faridas building. Thank you for

everything, Karam, she said quickly as she left the car and
rushed up into her building.
Karam stayed where he was for a moment, not believing

what just had happened. How stupid can I be? How could I let
myself make such a mistake? I might have just jeopardized
everything. Weve only met a few times and Im telling her
that! What was I thinking?
The doormans wife watched Farida, whose face was both

happy and worried, get inside the elevator. I told you, she
said to her husband. That womans up to no good! She
looks happy! Somethings going on between her and that
guy in the car. Im telling you, Im a woman and I know
about this stuff!
114
The doorman threw his shoe at her. Would you let the lady
be already! Shell have a heart attack because of you! Drop
it, woman!
She dodged the shoe and replied, You just say that because
you like her! At this point his other shoe flew off and hit her
in the face.
Once inside her apartment, Farida took off her shoes and
had a long drink of water. She felt excessively hot, as if she
hadnt had a drink of water in ages.
But something inside her felt different. She felt calm. At

ease. She walked over to her sound system, turned on some
waltz music, and began to dance around the room.
Then she suddenly noticed it. Something had happened to

her. Something had changed. She didnt feel the urge to
bathe. She didnt feel stained. She felt normal. Farida closed
her eyes and surrendered to the music until she dropped
exhausted onto the couch.
Farida lay on her back, picked up her phone, and wrote a

short text message that read, Thank you for being here for
me.
In a parked car outside Faridas building, notes and

photographs were being taken.
115
Poisoned minds
During the following four months, Farida and Karam

continued to see each other for their professional sessions,
and even though something was starting to spark between
them, neither of them would admit it or try to make a move
in that direction. Farida felt she was not yet ready to let any
of her emotions interfere with her life, and Karam didnt
want to risk ruining the effort theyd made to give Farida her
life back. So, despite the mutual attraction, they both let
their feelings remain unspoken, while the admiration and
respect between them continued to grow.
Meanwhile, what awaited them was nothing either of them

would ever have expected.
A phone call was placed to one of the notorious tabloid

magazines in Cairo. The Editor-in-Chief picked up his phone
at the other end of the line. Hello?
Is this Hussam Ghoraby? the called asked.
Yes it is, the man replied. Who am I speaking to?
Its not important who I am, the caller said. What is

important is what I have for you! A look of curiosity
crawled up Hussams face. In his business, important was
usually code for a scandal or some dirty laundry about to be
116
aired in some famous persons life, which meant increased

sales for his magazine, Action.
What do you have for me? Hussam responded.
A relationship for the notorious rape victim Farida Hamed,

said the caller.
The caller suddenly had the mans full attention. Very

interesting. What do you know about this relationship? Who
is she involved with? How did you get this information?
I have photos and the name of the man, a famous

psychiatrist, the caller responded. As to how I obtained
the information, thats none of your business.
Hussam wanted this scoop. Okay. When will you send me

the photos and details? Ill get my writers right on it.
Therell be no need for that. Everything you need is here.

The photos, the article, and all the details you need. All you
need to do is print the article Ill send you just as it is.
How can I guarantee the quality of this article? Maybe it

wont serve my purposes well enough! This is how I make
my living, so if its not spiced up enough then it isnt good
enough!
Oh, dont worry, its full of spice. Youll love it, the caller
assured him.
117
Alright, Hussam agreed. Now what is your price for the

story?
In a few seconds, a boy will knock at your office door with

the package. As for my price... all I want is to have my article
printed just as it is, the caller replied.
You have my word on that, Hussam promised. The caller

laughed. Your word? From someone in your business,
thats a bit of a joke, isnt it? I want my article printed with
the photos exactly as you find it in the package, or the
arrangement is off. Do we have a deal?
There was a knock on Hussams office door and he called

out, Come in! The boy walked in and handed him the
package, which he tore open before giving the boy five
pounds and motioning for him to leave. He pulled out a
dossier containing the article and photos, took a quick look
at the article, and picked his phone. Amazing work that will
definitely be printed. I like. Where do you
Before he could continue, the caller on the other end hung

up.
Hussams eyes glowed with greed. He felt that this article

could very well make him a rich man and the talk of the
town for at least the coming month, if not more. I just love
gossip! he thought.
The caller smiled devilishly as she left the payphone booth,

got into her car, and drove off. She picked up her cell phone
118
and dialed a number. The voice on the other end of the

phone answered, Hi Gihan, is everything okay?
Everything is splendid Nancy. Just splendid. Our work is

almost complete! Gihan exclaimed.
What do you mean, Gihan? Explain. Nancy replied.
You know our plan to get Farida out of our way? Gihan
said.
Yes of course! Are there any major updates? Nancy said

with enthusiasm.
Oh, but indeed there are. Theres an article coming out in

one of Egypts famous tabloid newspapers about her and
her doctor lover boy!Gihan said with a glow in her eyes.
Im taking her down once and for all.
Gihan. That is brilliant! You are such a master mind! Nancy

replied ecstatically.
Of course I am. What do you think I was doing all this time,
just messing around? The plan had to be perfectly planned
and executed. Now the path of my ascent to the Editor-in-
Chief position is all clear for me, Gihan said, breaking into a
long laugh of delight that Nancy had never heard before.
Shes fair game and shes done for.
119
Gihan drove home where she greeted her parents and went
into her room and lay on the bed looking at the ceiling. Her
dreams were so close to coming true now. Nothing could
stop her. Nothing would stand in her way.
120
Stabbed close to death
It was only a matter of days before Action magazine

released its next issue with the headline, Famous rape
victim, already in an affair?
Up until that moment, Farida had no idea about what was

going on. When she left for work, the word had not yet
spread.
She went to work as usual that day, and after arriving at her
office and greeting everyone, her cell phone rang. She didnt
recognize the number, but she answered anyway. Hello?
the voice on the other end of the line asked. Is this Ms.
Farida?
Yes, she replied, this is Farida.
The voice continued, This is Amr Fahmy from Newstoday

magazine, and I would like to ask you a few questions about
your relationship with Doctor Karam.
Faridas eyes widened. What are you talking about?
121
Your relationship with Dr. Karam, the famous psychiatrist,

the man answered. Theres a whole article about it in
Action magazine.
Farida instantly hung up, in a state of shock. She called

Amina in to her office, Come in. NOW!
Amina came rushing in. Whats the matter?
I need you to get me a copy of Action magazine! Right

now. Farida said.
What do you want that filth for? Amina replied. Farida

looked at her and said firmly, Apparently that piece of trash
has my name on it this time!
Aminas eyes grew wide and she left the office immediately,
returning ten minutes later with a copy of Action magazine
from the newspaper shack under the building.
Farida grabbed the copy and began to search its contents.

When she found the article, her eyes grew wider with each
line she read.
In what would seem a total change of circumstances in

Faridas life since the horrible trauma she went through,
which apparently didnt matter much, she has successfully
managed to find a suitable catch in Dr. Karam, a famous
psychiatrist well known in elite circles, as well as a renowned
professor and practitioner.
122
Farida felt sick. She tried to scream, but nothing came out.
She sat there in shock and asked Amina to leave.
As Farida looked at the magazine, the tears started to slide

silently down her face. A moment later, Karam walked into
her office, having received the news from Amina. Farida
looked up at him and shouted, LEAVE! GET OUT!!! LEAVE
ME ALONE!!
Karam left silently.
Farida took her cell phone out of her bag and left it on the
desk. She knew every reporter in town would be stalking
her now. Then she left the building as quickly as she could,
got into her car and drove away. She left the entire city
behind her and headed for Alexandria. No one knew that
she had a house there. More importantly, no one had her
number there.
She took the desert road and throughout the two hours of
driving all she could see were scenes of what would happen
and hear what the voices would say. Look at the whore.
Here she goes again. Now shes after a respectable doctor!
What did I tell you? This woman just cant get enough! I tell
you, shes the guilty one, not that guy in jail! She must have
seduced him! I ask mercy from God. This woman is filth.
She only stains us and should go to hell!
She could hear all this and more.
123
A couple of hours later, Farida arrived in Alexandria and

went straight to her apartment near Al Montazah.
She walked into the apartment, which was very dusty from
lack of use. It was the first time she had stayed there in a
long time.
The moment Farida closed the door, she dropped to her

knees and began to cry and scream. Why??!! Why???
WHYYYYYYY????!!!! What have I done to deserve all this? Why
cant they leave me alone??
Farida faded into her tears, feeling soulless and emotionless.

Her heart was dying. It was dying very young and she knew
it but she couldnt do anything about it. The internal pain
and agony Farida was feeling were unmatched by anything
in the world. At that moment, Farida just wanted to fade
away and die.
Back in Cairo, Karam was being eaten up with rage. No one

had ever seen him this furious before. No one would ever
have anticipated that this amount of rage could come out of
such a calm man.
Karam walked up to Amina. Do you know the guy who

owns this magazine?
Amina nodded. Hussam Ghoraby? Of course, hes the scum

of the earth!
124
I want his address and phone number in five minutes,

Karam said.
What are you planning to do? Amina asked.
Set things straight, he said it with determination.
Back in the writers room, Gihan had an evil grin on her face.
She had achieved her goal and now it would only be a
matter of time before she got what she wanted. In her
mind, the whole world smiled for her.
125
Hell bent on justice
Sitting in his office, Karam saw Sara pass along the hallway
outside and bump into Gihan.
Oh, good, Sara said to her. I was just about to call you
into my office. Unfortunately, Farida is indisposed at the
moment, so I will need someone to act as Editor-in-Chief
until she gets back. Im not even sure if she will be back this
time, but until this gets cleared up Id like you to handle
things. Ive noticed your drastically improved performance
and this is why Ive chosen you for the job. Any questions?
Gihan acted completely surprised and feigned compassion

for Faridaa situation as she replied, I understand and Ill do
my best to keep things working perfectly. No questions
from my end.
Good. Then Ill see you in my office in thirty minutes to give

you the latest articles that need to be finished, Sara
instructed her. She headed back to her office, frustration
and worry written all over her face
As soon as Sara walked away, a large grin drew on Gihans

face that she quickly tried to hide so as not to give herself
away. But not before Karam saw it. What a sudden change
of attitude. A 180 degree shift. Is it possible? For no obvious
126
reason? Im getting a strong vibe that this woman is up to

something.
Karam got up from his desk and circled his office, trying to
think of what he should do next. He was boiling over with
anger and his mind was struggling to take control. He didnt
know why exactly, but he was so enraged about what had
happened to Farida. She was so close to getting over things
and now shed been pushed back and no one knew where
she was or what she was doing. Hang in there, Farida. I beg
you to hang in there.
Karam left the office, got into his car, and headed back to
his place. He drove along the streets of Cairo like a madman,
almost knocking off his side mirror several times. But that
didnt seem to bother him. People screamed and yelled and
cursed him, but none of this got his attention. His mind was
somewhere else, in a completely different universe where
he had one focus and one focus only: to set things straight.
I have to set things straight, he said to himself. My job is
to help people, not be a tool to destroy their lives.
When Karam reached his apartment, he stood at the

entrance for a few seconds, covered with sweat and looking
as if he was ready to start his own war.
Once upstairs, he went directly to a locked cabinet in his

bedroom. He inserted the key and the doors sprung wide
open to reveal a rifle, a pistol, and some ammunition.
127
Karam took out his rifle and loaded it. Then he opened his
closet and put on a long leather coat under which he
concealed the rifle.
He left his apartment and drove to the offices of Action

magazine, where he parked in the underground car park and
sat in his car until nightfall. All he could think about was how
big of a hole he wanted to put in that scumbag Hussam
Ghoraby.
One by one, the magazine employees left the building until

only one car remained the one in the car space reserved in
Hussams name.
Karam got out of his car and walked around the block until
he found some pipes that he could use to climb up the side
of the building. He could see that there was an open
window on the second floor, where Action magazine was
located, so he scaled the pipes and climbed in through the
window. As he pulled himself inside, his rifle fell onto the
floor, making a loud noise.
Sitting in his office, Hussam heard something that sounded

like a pan or other metal object falling. He got up from his
desk for a moment, then assumed it must just be some of
the silly neighbors and sat back down again, ignoring it.
Karam picked up his rifle and walked calmly, without making

a sound, through the hallways of the magazine until he
found Hussams office. He kicked the door open, pointing
his rifle at Hussam. Hello scumbag, he said.
128
Terrified, Hussam stood up and pressed his back against the

wall. You!! What do you want?? Why are you here? How did
you get in here???
I dont think youre in any position to be asking questions.

You will only answer my questions and you will answer them
in a way that satisfies me or Ill put so many holes in you
there will be nothing left to identify you, Karam replied.
You maniac!! Hussam shouted. What do you want???
People like you take advantage of other peoples lives for a

living. Maybe its about time someone took advantage of
yours but at least it will be for a good cause. Now, who
wrote this article and where did you get these photos
from? Karam asked, calmly and firmly, through gritted
teeth.
You will never get away with this! I will call the police! I will
have you arrested. This is illegal! I wont give you anything!
Hussam replied with terror in his voice. You cant do this!
Karam aimed the rifle at Hussams desk and fired, filling the
desk with holes as the sound resounded through the room.
Hussams eyes grew wider with fear.
I will do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this,

Karam promised him. You can call the police. But
unfortunately, you are forgetting that I have connections. I
will make sure you go to the loony bin for a very long time.
Oh, and I will enjoy working with you. Or at least assign you
129
to the right doctor who I am sure will enjoy working with

you. Now, if you value your worthless, pathetic, parasitic
life, you will give me what I want now! Karam said with
anger in his eyes as he adjusted the rifle to aim directly at
Hussam.
I will count to three. If I do not get what I want I will kill

you. The police will never find out who did or will be even
able to trace it back to anyone, and trust me when I say I am
connected, Karam added.
Hussam pressed himself harder up against the wall, his nails

scratching at the paint. He didnt know what to do.
Karam began counting, One
Hussam began to cry. I beg you, please."
Two... Karam continued. People like you do not know

what it means to beg or ask for mercy.
Please, please, I have a wife and child, Hussam pleaded.
Karam looked completely indifferent to his response as he

replied, And what about the lives you break every day and
the souls you shatter just to make an extra few pounds?!
You slimy, worthless piece of shit!
Karam finished counting. Three. Times up, you piece of

crap, he said, lifting the rifle to aim to Hussams head.
130
Hussam fell to his knees and begged for mercy. Okay, okay,
Ill give you what you want. Ill give you anything. Just let me
live, please! I beg you!!
I want to know who wrote the article. And where you got
the information and the pictures, Karam repeated.
Hussam was trembling with such absolute fear that he

literally wet himself. I dont know. I got call from an
anonymous source and then she sent me the package with
the article already written and the photos in it.
She? Who is she? Karam asked again.
I told you, I dont know. It was an anonymous call. She

wouldnt reveal her name or anything. She didnt even ask
for money! She just wanted her article printed and it was so
well written that I couldnt let the opportunity slide,
Hussam replied.
Give me the package. All of it. Now!
Trembling with terror, Hussam took the package out of a

nearby cabinet and handed it to Karam, who took it without
a word.
Karam looked at him with steely eyes. Now move. Pick up

your jacket and keys. Were leaving.
Hussam did as Karam told him.
131
You know smoking is bad for you? Do you have a

cigarette? Karam asked.
Yes, Hussam replied.
Light it up and take a few puffs; you need to relax! Karam

said.
Hussam got out his pack and slowly pulled out a cigarette,
placing it in his mouth with shaking hands. He got out his
lighter and lit it up, the glow of the lighter illuminating the
pellets of sweat all over his forehead. Hussam took a few
puffs.
Now throw it in the room right here, Karam said, pointing

to the ground.
Hussams eyes widened in horror as he realized what he was

about to do. Please, dont make me do this, I beg you; you
will destroy my career!!
Maybe its time you got a new one! Karam replied. Now
throw it, you bastard, he said, shooting the rifle so that it
just missed Hussam.
Hussam threw the cigarette onto the floor and watched the
smoke start to rise. Slowly, a small flame appeared and, bit
by bit, began to burn the fabric of the mat underneath it.
132
Now I want you to say the following: I will burn my office, I

will burn the magazine, I will free myself from this insanity,
Karam said firmly.
Karam placed the package down at his feet. He pointed the

gun at Hussam with one hand and placed the other hand in
his left pocket.
Dont make me do that! Hussam begged. Please, I beg of

you. You have done more than enough already.
Do it! Karam shouted. And youd better be convincing!
Hussam repeated the line and Karam smiled as he took a

mini recorder out of his pocket and played Hussams words
back to him. Now that I have your confession that you
burned your own magazine down, this fire can either be an
accident or I can have you framed for it. Speak a word of
what happened today to anyone, and Ill make sure you rot
for the rest of your lowlife in a hole or a loony bin! Now GET
THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT!
Hussam took off out the door like a jack rabbit, muttering to
himself, This mans mad. Hes mad!! This is all a nightmare.
It must be a freaking nightmare. This cant be happening!
Karam watched the flames for a moment as they consumed

the room, then picked up the package and headed for his
car, throwing the package onto the passenger seat and
calmly driving home.
133
There must be something in this package that will tell me who

did this! There has to be.
He reached his building and raced up to his apartment as

quickly as he could, carefully placing the rifle back in its
place before opening the package. He methodically went
through the notes, the article, and the photos, but could
find nothing to tell him who wrote it or where it had come
from.
Damn it! There must be something!! he shouted in

frustration.
Then he noticed it. A small piece of paper with the Charisma

magazine logo, just lying there among the papers.
Now I know where to go, Karam said calmly. Please,

Farida, he prayed, dont do anything stupid! Please, Im
going to set this straight!
134
Rainbows that follow the storm
That night, Farida lay on the floor and cried herself to sleep.
She woke up the next morning with a splitting headache,
unable at first to remember what had brought her there.
She got up and went into the bathroom and looked in the
mirror hanging over the sink. When she saw her reflection,
everything started to come back to her; the voices, the
laughter, that man and his voice, the one who raped her.
Im taking you, Im taking every part of you, Ill make you
beg for mercy, no one will hear you, your tears wont stop
me, they stimulate me more.
The sounds and voices echoed louder and louder inside her
head. As she looked in the mirror, her eyes became wider
and beads of sweat spread over her forehead. She began
shivering and the next moment she screamed and hit the
mirror with her hand, shattering the glass and badly cutting
her hand.
Farida looked vacantly at her cut hand before a devilish grin

drew itself on her face. Then she began to laugh hysterically,
followed by cries of agony. She stood in the bathroom and
looked at the shattered mirror pieces, looked at herself in
the broken mirror, then picked up a shard of broken glass
and slit her wrist.
135
As Farida watched the blood flow from her hand she began
to laugh hysterically. She could feel the pain, but she didnt
care. She wanted to die; at that moment she wanted to die
more than anything in the world.
She walked out of the bathroom, the blood spilling

everywhere, outlining her movements.
Farida stumbled over one of the chairs in her path and hit
her head. Unable to see clearly, she pulled herself up and,
shaking her head to try and focus, saw to her horror that she
was covered in blood. Struck by the realization of what she
had done, she instantly pulled off one of the white sheets
covering the furniture. Using her teeth, she tore off a piece
of the sheet. She had lost a lot of blood and was getting
weaker, but managed to wrap the cloth around her wrist
and tighten it.
Feeling dizzy and unable to focus any longer, Farida

somehow picked up her bag , left the apartment, and went
downstairs. She staggered up to the kiosk in front of the
building, swinging left and right. She looks drunk, the man in
the kiosk thought, but why is she all covered in red? Is that
blood?
She looked directly at the man and asked him to please call
Sara, before collapsing in front of him. The man screamed,
Anybody, help!! as people gathered around to see what
was going on. One of them phoned an ambulance from his
cell phone.
136
Meanwhile, back in Cairo, Karam walked into the magazine

and headed straight to Saras office. She was sitting at her
desk, extremely worried and worked up about Farida.
I think I know who leaked the photos and wrote the

article!! Karam told her.
What do you mean? It wasnt Action magazine? Sara

asked.
No, it was an inside job! He showed her the paper with the
logo of their magazine and Saras eyes grew wide with
disbelief. How could someone possibly think to do
something so disgusting and so
Karam interrupted her. Someone who thinks of nothing

but their own personal glory and will do anything and step
over anyone to get it!
Sara thought for a moment before concluding what Karam

already knew. You dont think Could she really?? I mean
to say!
Well, theres only one way to find out! Karam said.
And how are you going to do that? Sara asked.
Hypnosis, he said.
Youre going to hypnotize her? Sara asked.
137
No, shes too smart to let me near her. But theres

someone else I have in mind, Karam said, walking calmly
out of Saras office. On the way to his office he came across
Nancy and smiled at her. Good morning Nancy, how are
you?
Nancy stood there for a moment, not quite believing that he

was smiling at her. She adjusted herself quickly before
replying, Im very well thanks, and yourself?
Im fine, thanks for asking. Actually, I need help with

something. Im writing an article for the Psychiatric Society
magazine about hypnosis. And since I just stumbled across
you, would you mind helping me out? Karam asked.
Me? You want me to help? Sure, but how? Nancy asked

ecstatically. She was so thrilled and felt terribly important.
This way, please, Karam said, showing her into his office
and directing her to a seat. What Im going to do is put you
in a state of hypnosis and ask you questions about your
childhood and career, things that are very broad and
general, nothing personal, so dont worry, he said. Nancy
nodded her head in agreement without hesitation.
Karam got out a watch and dangled it in front of Nancys

head. Please just follow this watch with your eyes. Focus
only on the watch.
Nancy began to follow the watch with extreme focus as

Karam guided her through the process. You are getting
sleepy. Very sleepy. You want to sink into its slumber. Let
138
yourself go. Close your eyes and relax.
A few minutes later, Nancy had fallen under hypnosis and

looked very much asleep.
Nancy, can you hear me? Karam asked.
Yes, Nancy answered in a low, weak voice.
I want you to tell me where you were born, he said, and

she instantly replied, I was born in Omraniya, but I tell
people that I was born in Italy when my parents were
traveling.
Karam pressed record on his tape recorder and asked her,

Do you like your job?
Yes, Nancy replied.
Who do you like most and hate most at the magazine? he

continued.
I like Gihan a lot. Shes smart and brilliant. And I hate Farida
because Gihan hates her, she answered.
Why does Gihan hate Farida? he asked.
Gihan is very ambitious and wants to change the face of

the magazine and Farida is just too ordinary; shes nothing
special, she replied.
139
And has Gihan thought about doing anything about that?

he asked.
Gihan has already done something about it! But its a

secret. A big secret! She smiled as she answered.
What did she do? You can tell me, he answered.
Well, I guess I can. Gihan and I prepared the scandalous

article and took the photos for Action magazine. We snuck
into Faridas office to get your meeting times and other
information from her cell phone.
Is that so? he asked.
Yes! she replied.
Who wrote the article for Action magazine? he asked.
Gihan did, she replied.
And who sent the article and photos of me and Farida to

Action magazine?
Again the response was the same. Gihan did.
Okay, I will slap you on the face now. You will wake up and
remember nothing after that, he said.
Karam moved towards Nancy and slapped her hard on the

face. She woke up and put her hand to her cheek. Whats
happening? Where am I?
140
Karam looked at her with anger. You go and tell your

miserable friend that if she values her life, shell
Before he could continue, Nancy freaked out and ran out of

his office, straight into Gihan. Whats wrong? she asked.
I dont know, Nancy replied as Gihan led her into her

office. But something bad is about to happen!
Seconds later, Karam barged in.
Hey, watch where youre going! Gihan said in a raised

voice. Just because youre some big hotshot psychiatrist
doesnt mean you can do whatever you like.
Hearing the commotion, Sara walked in and Gihan shouted,

Mrs. Sara, can you please ask Dr. Karam to leave; hes
scaring Nancy and he doesnt seem to be acting normally.
Sara looked at Karam, who was breathing heavily like a

beast about rip his prey to shreds.
Karam got out his tape recorder and played it, his voice
appearing first. Who wrote the article for Action
magazine?
Gihan did, came Nancys voice.
Again Karams voice asked, And who sent the article and
photos of me and Farida to Action magazine?
141
Gihan did, Nancys voice replied.
Gihan stood there looking horrified, then looked at Nancy.

You moronic idiot!!! How could you??
I didnt tell him anything!! I swear!! He must have tricked

me!! He told me he wanted me to help him with an article
about hypnosis and thats the last thing I remember!!
Nancy replied.
Sara was seething with anger. Oh, you will pay for this,
Gihan. You will pay for this dearly!
Just as Sara was about to say something else, her cell phone
rang with an unfamiliar number. Hello? she answered.
Is this Mrs. Sara, owner of Charisma Magazine? the voice

on the other end asked.
Yes, she replied.
This is the Alexandrian International Hospital. We have

received a patient who was in a very serious condition.
Weve managed to stabilize her, and she is now sleeping,
however she has asked that you are to be contacted.
Im in Cairo, but Ill be there as soon as I can, Sara

answered.
She looked at Gihan and Nancy with cold eyes. You are
both fired. And I will personally make sure that neither of
you get a job in any magazine ever again. Faridas in the
142
hospital and if anything happens to her, may God have

mercy on you, because I wont. Lets go, Karam.
Sara and Karam left as Gihan broke down into tears. She was
in shock, not anticipating that any of this would happen. She
always thought she could get away with anything.
Well take my car, Karam told Sara after she told him
where Farida was. But well pass by and pick someone up
on our way.
Karam drove as fast as he could to his mothers place.
Ill be back in a moment, Karam said, getting out of the

car. He returned directly with his mother.
Hello dear, Dorreya said as she got into the car.
Karam got onto the road to Alexandria and arrived in record

time, being caught twice along the way by police for
speeding, but he didnt care.
They arrived at the hospital two hours later and found

Farida resting, so they waited outside her room for three
hours until a nurse told them she was awake and they could
see her.
When Sara, Karam, and his mother walked in Farida could

hardly believe her eyes. All three of them were here! At the
most she had only expected Sara to come. Faridas eyes
began to tear up as Dorreya went to her and hugged her.
143
There there, my child. Its okay now. Everythings going to

be fine.
Farida was lost for words, but finally managed to speak. I

am so sorry for troubling all of you and being such a heavy
weight on your lives.
Youre not a weight on any of our lives, Karam said. In

fact, you mean a lot to all of us and you especially mean a lot
to me.
Give the girl some space to breathe, Karam, Dorreya

scolded her son. You can talk to her about this later.
Farida looked puzzled. Talk to me about what later,

Dorreya? What are they talking about, Sara?
Sara looked as mystified as Farida. Im lost here. I have no

clue what theyre talking about either.
Karam looked at Farida for a long moment and then looked

nervously around the room. Hed never been in a situation
where he had to talk about how he felt. It was a completely
new experience for him. Despite the fact that he was a
psychiatrist who dealt with peoples feelings and emotions
all the time, when it came to his own, it felt like Pandoras
Box. This wasnt an easy thing for him to do, so he walked
around the room, back and forth, before Farida stopped him
in her weak voice. Please, Karam. Whats going on? Please
tell me.
144
Karam looked at her, hesitantly and shyly, and said, II

want to marry you.
But... Farida started, only to be interrupted by Dorreya.
There are no buts, dear.
Karam suddenly found his voice and said confidently, Im

not saying this because of what happened. Ive been seeing
you every day for the past four months and despite being
your doctor, I just havent been able to get you out of my
mind. Every day I go back home and do nothing but think
about you. When this happened yesterday, I just went crazy.
I cant let anything or anyone come between us. But before
we go any further, I need to know if you feel the same way
about me.
Faridas face turned extremely red in a way she had never

before experienced. She asked very shyly, If I say yes, will
that mean youll stop taking me to beautiful places for
dinner?
Karam smiled gently and replied, It means I will do my best

to make every day of your life a beautiful experience.
Just dont you two forget about me in the process,

Dorreya laughed.
Farida hugged Dorreya. I could never forget about you.

She whispered into Dorreyas ear. Should I say yes?
145
Dorreya looked at Karam for a second. I think you should;

hes worth it! Dorreya whispered back.
I think so too, Farida agreed.
What are you two up to? Karam asked.
I was just asking your mother if I should say yes.
Farida looked at him as he asked, And what did she say?
She said I should think about it a bit more! Farida said and
giggled as they all broke into laughter.
Yes, Karam. I will marry you.
146
Epilogue
A couple of months later, Karam and Farida were married in

a traditional wedding ceremony that was covered by many
magazines as The Marriage of the Year.
Gihan and Nancy got jobs in a low-class magazine that sends

them on field assignments to villages in Upper Egypt. They
still argue about who is to blame for their failure. Gihan is
convinced it was Nancy who brought her down.
Farida returned to writing and began a new life. Karam gave

her what she needed most in life: love and security.
In her Publishers Note in the next issue, Sara wrote:
We live in a world that knows no boundaries for both evil and

mercy. The horrors we are capable of inflicting upon one
another are beyond belief, and yet at the same time the
amount of love and compassion we are capable of showing
each other is immeasurable.
Today I would like to take the opportunity to congratulate a

dear friend on her marriage, but not just on that. Shes a
person who has faced many difficulties in her life and yet even
during moments when she felt complete despair she stood tall
and continued to fight on.
Life can be very harsh and cruel to some people. Other people
use their intellect and abilities to damage those around them.
147
Its an eternal struggle that will remain among human beings

who are both good and evil. This is human nature at its best
and worst, and something that I have witnessed firsthand.
Dear Charisma readers, if theres one thing I want to tell you it

is to have faith in God, to have faith in yourselves. Fight. You
will win some and you will lose some. Whatever it is you lose,
be sure that it is not the end of the road. Just make sure that
you do not lose yourselves.
Always yours,
Sara
148
THE END
149

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Ruptured Tarek Refaat

First edition : Jan. 2011

Being a person who tends to analyze my surroundings has

Id like to take this chance to thank those who have

Today we live in a world full of cruelty and fear, and from

In a Middle Eastern society, a woman who has suffered such

People never cease talking about her, or wondering if she

In this novel, I attempt to take you on a journey of pain,

I hope reading this novel will be as enjoyable a journey for

Raped with an untouched soul

She sat there watching the flashing blip on her home

The past year had been a tormenting experience since the

What was more shocking to her was how people had

She looked at her computer once more. She was fighting

But it was as if some invisible force was holding her hand

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, looked at the

I object! I strongly object! Im a human being just like any of

You have no idea what it is like to live for over a year in

You cannot feel the sense of humiliation and disgust I felt

Even though we are in the 21st century, we live as though we

Ive heard several of my friends' mothers telling them not to

Even though I crashed many times in the process, I stood up

Dear Reader (whether youre a man or a woman), no one in

Her breathing got gradually steadier as she walked back to

She was extremely reluctant to press the Send button;

Hi Sara, Im better I guess. Moving along. So how have you

Theyre all fine, all the same, Sara replied.

Good to hear. Farida went silent for a few seconds and

Of course, I understand dear, theres no need to apologize.

Yeah I guess I do. Im not too sure I want to, but I

Of course I know, thanks a lot, Im all good for now. I have

Farida couldnt figure out why this had happened to her or

Farida shook her head, trying to get these thoughts out of

It happened every time; when she finally began to regain her

Farida fainted and dropped to the floor of her bathroom.

It was quite a while before Farida regained consciousness.

She picked herself up from the ground, holding her

Farida headed into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of

Starting to feel better, she looked silently around the

Before the rape, her co-workers and schoolmates would be

I need to get out of here, she whispered to herself.

She got dressed and looked at herself in the mirror, satisfied

Ive got to get out there. I need to I must! I need AIR!"

the frightening world outside, but she was not willing to

Farida took the elevator down to the ground floor, where

Poor Ms. Farida, Basem said.

Despite this slightly heated conversation, they both smiled

Farida lived in the Manial district and decided she wanted to

She kept driving until she reached a building with a huge

Trying to smile, Farida replied, Thank you Ashraf, but Im...

But before she could continue her sentence, Ashraf insisted,

Farida nodded silently and said in a low voice, Okay,

Out of breath and into life

Farida climbed the rest of the stairs as fast as she could,

When Farida finally arrived on her desired floor she looked

The sign read Charisma. Behind the door a woman sitting

Completely taken aback by the woman, Farida couldnt do

Before Farida realized what was happening, Amal had

Farida suddenly felt as though the whole world had become

As she walked towards the door of the magazine, each step

When she finally reached the door and slowly pushed it

Farida was overwhelmed by the scene and was unable to

what I wanted to do with my life. The last three months I

Farida went silent for a second before adding, I didnt