A Take on Life

*Disclaimer; there is no real format to this text. It will be written more like a journal, or a free flow of thought.
Everything is also based off my own experiences, understandings, readings, and conversations with clever
individuals who ponder the same stuff that I do.

So until recently, the only intensive research Ive done on any particular philosophy was on Max
Stirner (egoism). Basically, the concept that you are your own god, and the understanding that
almost everything we believe is a spook (social construct) used to control us to a certain degree.
By being aware we can choose the paths that truly make us happy ect. I came into contact (via
youtube) with some Buddhist philosophy and became intrigued. It started by reading a book on
its basic teachings and practicing awareness with walking meditation. From what I understood,
we are so lost in our thoughts and worries of past and future, we lose sight of the happiness in
front of us. Sure, this was a nice thought but it didnt actually help me stop thinking about my
issues. In fact, I would find myself frustrated to no end when any attempt of silencing my mind
caused thoughts to erupt uncontrollably. Thus, I cam to the conclusion that a more radical
approach needed to be taken.
The art of Vipassana is said to be the way The Buddha (the implies original as there are many
who came afterwards) found enlightenment. He sat under a tree and refused to stand up until
he was enlightened. The process took many years but ultimately, the goal was met. Dont quote
me, but I believe vipassana means to look inside. Why search for truth outside when
everything is within us. One is to sit very still and meditate. While meditating all he is to do is
observe and scan his body over and over with pure equanimity. Its more or less that simple.
I took a 10-day course to learn the technique. On this course 5 things were to be followed. No
killing, no sexual misconduct, no lying, no stealing, and no intoxication. This is a basic code of
morality. At this point I see no need to object or disagree with the demands. In order to
facilitate, and to not get confused with the experiences of others, we also took it upon ourselves
to observe noble silence. No talking for the 10 days. The format was also set up so that we wake
up at 4am, lights out at 9:30pm with 10 hours of meditation each day. No exercise is permitted;
however, we are allowed to go for short mindful walks. Every night we also had a 1hour long
video discourse explaining the technique and beliefs.
The theory behind this is that the subconscious mind is always working. It is constantly reacting
to what it feels around the body. It basically makes 2 choices. I like or I dont like this. This
then causes us to crave or push things away. Forming habit patterns. We like to use the word
addiction in a bad light but basically everything is an addiction used to ensure our survival.
When we stop forming habit patterns, our mind will bring up some that are buried deep within.
At this point if observed correctly they start to be destroyed. Resetting your mind to factory
default if you will. As I said earlier, you are to scan your body over and over again noticing the
sensations on every single inch of the body. The key is to remain Equanimeous. Simply observe.
If you react, you would only be increasing the habit pattern of the mind. This can be difficult. No
scratching that itch and you would be shocked to see how painful this is on your back. The true
difficult part is not just to tell yourself I wont react, but to actually not react, and to submit to
the current reality. This takes time and suffering to understand on an experiential level.
I had 3 experiences that gave me insight. The first came on day 5. I wont go into details as they
ae very personal but I had a very vivid dream. In this dream, someone I care about upset me
very much. To the point that I could only describe my feelings as infinite anger. As I was about to
act in violence, a wave overcame me. I remembered my Dharma (teachings), and all anger
instantly left and all I wanted to do was give my knowledge to the person in my dreams to help
them as well. I woke up to an intense heat. So warm I actually had thought there was a fire. I
observed my feelings and calmed down. A repressed feeling and habit pattern came to me at
last. Day 6 was my second profound moment. This came to me during group meditation. The
pain in my back was horrible. I kept telling myself, its just pain, no big deal, I will simply observe.
This never helped. Finally, I cracked. I truly submitted myself to it. In my heart, the pain one and
I accepted what my reality was. At that moment is when I felt slight enlightenment. I cant
describe it, but there was an overwhelming relief in my body. It no longer mattered. I was free
of the burden of pain. In fact, I smiled. As everyone rushed to get up and stretch out the pain of
meditation, I took my time. I even stayed longer. The smile stuck all day. I remained as neutral as
I could to these pleasant feelings as I knew they too wouldnt last forever. The following days
were all painful and difficult (HA). My last experience came on day 9 in the morning around
5:30am. This will seem made up to you but everything I say is 100% honest. I was tired so I
decided to lie down as I meditated. I could feel myself falling asleep. Instead of moving, I
decided to try something new. Not many people know this about myself, but I can lucid dream
on command. I self taught myself the technique when I was younger. A very difficult and scary
process to learn might I add. Anyways, it is said the Buddha never slept. He was always aware of
his sensations at all moments. I took the challenge. As I was observing every inch of my bodies
sensations from top to bottom, I kept my awareness sharp. From start to end of what is about to
happen, know I never lost awareness of my body for 1 moment. So I feel as if my bed is swinging
like an upside down pendulum. So intensely I open my eyes in fear I will fall off my top bunk.
The feeling stops and I see Im still very still in my bed. I close my eyes, the swinging restarts
instantly. I decide to let it be. It was very pleasant might I add, but I remained Equanimeous to
the feeling, knowing very well it too was impermanent and would end. Then music started
playing. DNA by Kendrick Lamar to be specific. The clarity of the song was as clear and detailed
as if I were to listen to it for real. This went on for a few moments. The dream changed. I was
brought to me grandmother. At this point Im very aware this is all a dream, however still
fascinated that I was still feeling the sensations of my body, and that it was the clearest realistic
lucid dream Ive ever had. My grandmother is crying. Telling me very sad truths I am aware of. I
didnt react in the dream. Nor did I speak back as even in my dream I observed noble silence.
Being a dream, she knew I was only observing her with no reaction. Stopped crying, gave me a
small wink, smiled and walked away. The dream then started taking me back to school. Giving
me feelings of failure. At this point I failed to simply observe, I pulled back and woke up. Note
that when I say woke up, my eyes did not open. My consciousness came back to the real world.
Still observing my body, I felt tears run down my cheeks. Strange as I wasnt sad. After a few
minutes, I called it time opened my eyes and got up for breakfast. As I stretched an
overwhelming feeling hit me to the core. I broke down and started shaking and crying. An
unreal sadness had hit me. The gong struck, food was ready. I needed extra time to cooldown
before eating. Even then, it took all my efforts to appear normal as I ate.
Before I dive into my new opinions and philosophy on the matter, I would like to state that since
then, I am noticeably less agitated by things, less bothered by my past, and overall less sad
about certain realities I live with. I am not cured of all my suffering and I dont claim to be fully
enlightened. I simply had a glimpse of what it means. Here is my dilemma. I know understand
that everything that bothers me in life is simply grief cause by attachment, or my ego telling me
how highly I should think of myself, therefore so should others. There are no lies taught in
Buddhism, everything is based off of a universal truth that is noting is permanent. When that is
understood to the deepest meaning all attachment is gone. This also means you realize love is
almost a form of lie our ego creates. Do we truly care for others or simply we act like we do
because of the attachment. Its MY child therefore he must reflect me and be successful. They
are MY friends, therefore they should be happy and seen as an equal of myself. The greatest
person there is. The ego only loves one person. That is yourself. This makes sense as the ego is
here to protect you and ensure you survive. Remove the ego what is left. Pure consciousness.
Which is simply nothing but an awareness. In a sense, everyone is their ego. It is what makes
you original and the will to live, have passion, love, create, have hobbies. It is also the cause for
your misery. When attachment is created you create misery when the thing you care about will
inevitably go away. For a moment, I had loss who I was as a person. Maybe I should let myself
be swallowed up by this path. If I am totally unattached I will only be happy. The only doubt in
letting go of who I am is my ego refusing to give up. This is when I realized, enlightenment is the
end of humanity and our ties to nature. The entire animal kingdom does not observe morality.
Weve evolved to the point where we can assign our own beliefs and organize ourselves in a
manner that helps progress our species. The next step in our evolution would be to now totally
let go of the material world and end. Which makes sense with the laws of the universe.
Everything that starts must end eventually. On a side note, this is as close to being Godly as one
could ever become. If ever there were a God, he too would be enlightened. Meaning
unattached, and he too would have ended. After I realized that I was aware this was no longer
for me. I would rather be a man than a saint. I choose the middle path. Why destroy my ego
totally? That being said, one must be aware not to let it take over. The misery is important, it
keeps us alive and makes things seem so much more precious if we are aware. Not only that,
but not everyone can reach full enlightenment. Many have tried, many have failed. The Buddha
spoke of the middle path. The most realistic and optimal path for the average house holder. I
think I will continue to practice the technique, but only to keep my mind sharp and aware of
useless miseries I will never be able to change.
A couple more thoughts on the matter. I still am not sure how I feel about morality in general. I
do observe it, for the most part, as most people try to, but I cant say this is correct and other
ideas are wrong. Egoism and Buddhism are two sides of a coin. We are made up of our ego and
or consciousness. To eliminate either or doesnt seem efficient. Again, all this being said, if
someone were to break the law, as a future police officer, there are things that work
philosophically, and theres real life. Just as it is your right to disobey, the order in which the
majority of civilisation has agreed upon gives rights to remove you from the picture.
Its strange to have thought so hard on a topic and practice it only to find out there really isnt
any meaning to anything. Just live and do what you want. Be mindful that by doing what you
want you are as harmonious as possible so that there are little to no repercussions. Either that
or make sure youre a lot bigger and stronger than the other person. Also keep in mind that in
most instances, it isnt important to wrong anyone and its just your ego claiming more than it
needs. Which ultimately will form attachments, which then will form misery. Oh, also whenever
you feel depressed or lonely, remember this. You always have something out there that loves
you unconditionally and that wants you to succeed. Your ego.
Last thing, in conclusion to that last paragraph, philosophy is more or less a waste of time. Just
live your life. I follow it purely for intellectual entertainment. Try to be an optimistic realist and
youll do fine most the time xD

No itch is eternal - Goenka

*** My thoughts are all over the place, I dont even know if I want to proof read this. If there
are ant mistakes forgive me lol Ive had little to no sleep in the past 2 weeks. Also bless you
1000x if you actually took the time of your busy day to read up on my thoughts.

I also have A LOT more to say on the topic so if you want to talk or share opinions, dont be
afraid to DM my so we may discuss. From day to day I notice a lot of my thoughts flip flop, just
as Im sure they did in this text. I tried to write this to answer a lot of the questions Im receiving
as to why or what I learned from my 10day trip

- Chad Alfred Corber