1

00:00:07,533 --> 00:00:08,699

D'oh!

2
00:00:11,604 --> 00:00:14,238

3
00:00:14,262 --> 00:00:18,262
<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x07 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Lisa With an 'S'</font>
Original Air Date on November 22, 2015

4
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:23,786
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

5
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,315
D'oh!

6
00:00:25,351 --> 00:00:27,351

7
00:00:38,397 --> 00:00:41,965
Tonight, tonight

8
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:45,202
I'll win at cards tonight

9
00:00:45,237 --> 00:00:47,471
My flushes will be

10
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:51,375
Straight tonight

11
00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:55,379
Lenny's gonna
dominate tonight

12
00:00:55,414 --> 00:00:58,615
Carl's gonna be
a little late tonight

13
00:00:58,651 --> 00:01:01,218
Tonight, tonight

14
00:01:01,253 --> 00:01:04,621
 I'll cheat them all tonight

15
00:01:04,657 --> 00:01:06,056
When they're drunk

16
00:01:06,091 --> 00:01:10,627
They don't play cards
quite right

17
00:01:10,663 --> 00:01:14,298
Tonight, tonight

18
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:17,501
I won't get
drunk tonight

19
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,904
Without a beer,
my head will clear

20
00:01:20,940 --> 00:01:24,408
Tonight

21
00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:27,177
It's fun to trick a rummy

22
00:01:27,213 --> 00:01:30,681
To put liquor in his tummy

23
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,817
Your friendship's
a delight

24
00:01:33,853 --> 00:01:37,020
And you may
lose your sight

25
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,555
Tonight

26
00:01:40,626 --> 00:01:43,994
Tonight, tonight

27
00:01:44,029 --> 00:01:46,730
Band camp calls tonight
28
00:01:46,765 --> 00:01:50,067
My demo goes online

29
00:01:50,102 --> 00:01:52,669
Tonight

30
00:01:52,705 --> 00:01:54,705

31
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,019
Tonight, tonight

32
00:02:09,054 --> 00:02:10,821
My dreams come true tonight

33
00:02:10,856 --> 00:02:13,290
Deposit's due tonight
I'll take the pot tonight

34
00:02:13,325 --> 00:02:15,959
I'll eat fondue tonight
I'll spike your brew tonight

35
00:02:15,995 --> 00:02:17,794
Tonight!

36
00:02:20,733 --> 00:02:22,633
Moe, what the
hell is that?!

37
00:02:22,668 --> 00:02:25,302
Sorry. I missed
rehearsal.

38
00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:26,837
Damn it.

39
00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:28,939
Marge, I'm heading out!
Poker night!

40
00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:33,110
I don't want you losing
all our scrimpings!

41
00:02:33,145 --> 00:02:34,478
Don't worry, Marge.

42
00:02:34,513 --> 00:02:37,014
The real excitement for me
is staying within a budget.

43
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:40,551
This is just
a friendly game, right?

44
00:02:40,586 --> 00:02:43,020
Oh, super friendly.

45
00:02:43,055 --> 00:02:44,655
Suckers.

46
00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:45,989
Dad, Dad, Dad.

47
00:02:46,025 --> 00:02:48,892
I need two things: a
good-night hug and a favor.

48
00:02:48,928 --> 00:02:50,594
Mm.
To save time,

49
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,195
I'll start
describing the favor.

50
00:02:52,231 --> 00:02:54,431
I've just been accepted
to the best band camp

51
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,600
this side of
the Mississippi!

52
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,101
Which side are we again?

53
00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,003
Doesn't matter!
It's a great camp.
54
00:03:00,039 --> 00:03:02,773
Notable graduates include
Pete Barbutti.

55
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,007
Pete Barbutti?!

56
00:03:04,043 --> 00:03:05,976
Yes! Anyway, it's
a little pricey.

57
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,778
So, if you win
big tonight,

58
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:11,114
maybe you could help make
a little girl really happy.

59
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,883
Don't worry, sweetie,
I'm gonna win.

60
00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:14,785
And you know why?

61
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:18,589
I'm wearing my lucky T-shirt.

62
00:03:18,624 --> 00:03:20,557
It was such a shame

63
00:03:20,593 --> 00:03:23,160
he lost to
President Garfield.

64
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,230
Oh, I'll fix this.

65
00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:30,300
There.

66
00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:35,439
The maestro is here.

67
00:03:37,409 --> 00:03:38,609
Hey, who's the lady?

68
00:03:38,644 --> 00:03:39,810
What, are you kidding?

69
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:42,112
This is Laney Fontaine,
Broadway legend.

70
00:03:42,147 --> 00:03:44,014
She starred
opposite Al Pacino

71
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:45,983
in<i> Does a Tiger</i>
<i>Wear A Necktie?</i>

72
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:46,984
Ooh!

73
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,285
Now I date Moe.

74
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,354
He's got everything
I look for in a man:

75
00:03:50,389 --> 00:03:52,189
a current
liquor license.

76
00:03:52,224 --> 00:03:53,991
Well, it and you

77
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:57,294
are the two most precious
wrinkled yellow things I know.

78
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,030

79
00:04:05,738 --> 00:04:07,904
Three of a kind beats two pair.

80
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,773
Straight beats three of a kind.

81
00:04:09,808 --> 00:04:11,375
Three beats two.

82
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:12,809
Four beats three.

83
00:04:17,416 --> 00:04:19,650
<i>Oh, my God.</i>

84
00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:21,985
<i>Full house.</i>

85
00:04:22,021 --> 00:04:25,322
We're gonna win! That means
Lisa goes to band camp.

86
00:04:25,357 --> 00:04:27,691
As long as Homer
doesn't let them know

87
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,126
how good his hand is.

88
00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:32,262
Then he'll blow the whole
damn thing to hell!

89
00:04:32,297 --> 00:04:33,864
That would
be terrible.

90
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:36,700
Worst jammed-in
movie parody ever.

91
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,336
Come on, Homer. Poker face.

92
00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:43,740
Aah! Stupid git!

93
00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:46,376
I raise, no calls,
pot goes to me.
94
00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:48,145
Hold on, Fat Folds Five.

95
00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:52,249
I see your raise,
and I raise this.

96
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,885
Is that real?

97
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,620
Won it for cinematography.

98
00:04:56,655 --> 00:04:59,756
Invented a new kind of Steadicam
that's mounted on a dog.

99
00:04:59,792 --> 00:05:02,626
That's five grand to you.

100
00:05:02,661 --> 00:05:05,495
So, are you in, or are you...

101
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,866
While I'm out, no one
look at my cards or my boobs.

102
00:05:11,236 --> 00:05:13,770
Aw. Don't she black out
like an angel?

103
00:05:13,806 --> 00:05:15,572
Queens beat jacks.

104
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,140
No one heard
that. I'm in.

105
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,616
Okay, Homer.
Moment of truth.

106
00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:32,289
Oh, four of a kind!
Hey, honey, you won!
107
00:05:32,324 --> 00:05:33,356
Huh?

108
00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:34,758
I lost.

109
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,194
I lost everything.

110
00:05:37,229 --> 00:05:39,196
We're gonna
celebrate, Moe.

111
00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:41,064
What's Springfield's
version of Sardi's?

112
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,332
Uh, Hardee's.

113
00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:45,502
I know a nice booth
under a picture of a hamburger.

114
00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:48,438
Aw, come on, Homer.
I'll drive you home.

115
00:05:50,109 --> 00:05:52,109
Hey, off we go!

116
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,411
Vroom, vroom, vroom.

117
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,649
You've completed
<i>Poker: A Beginner's Guide.</i>

118
00:05:59,685 --> 00:06:02,753
Now go out there and win.

119
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,686
I bid two bucks.

120
00:06:18,762 --> 00:06:20,195
What was that?

121
00:06:20,231 --> 00:06:23,932
Those aren't the tiptoes
of a successful gambler.

122
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,834
How much did you lose?

123
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:27,202
$5,000.

124
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,105
Whoa, I never heard that noise.

125
00:06:33,444 --> 00:06:34,810
I'm just sayin',
doesn't look like

126
00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:37,579
band camp is
in the cards.

127
00:06:43,454 --> 00:06:45,454
Hey, this is
my thing now.

128
00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:49,391
So easy.

129
00:06:49,426 --> 00:06:51,026
Guys, I help with a plan.

130
00:06:51,061 --> 00:06:52,461
Hey, what about
a reverse mortgage?

131
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:55,764
I saw a commercial for one where
an old lady gave a thumbs-up

132
00:06:55,799 --> 00:06:58,100
and it turned into money,
which filled up the screen.

133
00:06:58,135 --> 00:06:59,701
The entire screen?

134
00:06:59,737 --> 00:07:01,303
Swear to God.

135
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,339
Hey, Homer, here's a thought:
invite Laney over for dinner.

136
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:07,242
Show her your crummy home,
your unhappy kids.

137
00:07:07,278 --> 00:07:09,411
Anyone with a heart
would take pity.

138
00:07:09,446 --> 00:07:11,513
Finally, my sucky life pays off.

139
00:07:11,548 --> 00:07:12,981
Do you guys
think she'll buy it?

140
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:16,251
Oh, yeah. Your whole house,
uh, it smells like a basement.

141
00:07:16,287 --> 00:07:17,819
I've always
hated your rugs.

142
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:20,289
Yeah... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why you have to go there, man?

143
00:07:20,324 --> 00:07:21,890
He has such
beautiful floors.

144
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:24,059
Why must he
hide them? Why?

145
00:07:24,094 --> 00:07:25,360
<i>There I am,</i>
146
00:07:25,396 --> 00:07:27,229
on the main stage at Caesar's,

147
00:07:27,264 --> 00:07:29,031
about to sing
"Do You Love Me,"

148
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:31,566
when who do I see
sitting in the wings?

149
00:07:31,602 --> 00:07:33,435
Your boyfriend King Tut?

150
00:07:33,470 --> 00:07:35,370
No. Jack Jones.

151
00:07:35,406 --> 00:07:37,239
High on his success from
"Wives and Lovers"

152
00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:40,108
with eyes for yours truly.

153
00:07:40,144 --> 00:07:43,545
But you'd just accepted
a proposal from Mike Connors.

154
00:07:43,580 --> 00:07:45,113
Which I broke off.

155
00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:47,716
Let's just say
Mannix was the one man

156
00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:49,551
I had to nix.

157
00:07:49,586 --> 00:07:51,553
Oh!

158
00:07:51,588 --> 00:07:53,155
Oh, that's rich!

159
00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:54,222
Oh, my God.

160
00:07:54,258 --> 00:07:55,424
That's going in your book.

161
00:07:55,459 --> 00:07:57,225
Please tell me
you're writing a book.

162
00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:00,429
Sit down, boy.

163
00:08:00,464 --> 00:08:01,797
We're trying
to show this dame

164
00:08:01,832 --> 00:08:03,398
that we're deserving
of her pity.

165
00:08:03,434 --> 00:08:04,733
Where's that crutch I gave you?

166
00:08:04,768 --> 00:08:06,468
There's nothing wrong
with my leg.

167
00:08:06,503 --> 00:08:07,569
There will be.

168
00:08:07,604 --> 00:08:08,770
D'oh!

169
00:08:08,806 --> 00:08:11,039
Ow! Ow, my leg!

170
00:08:12,443 --> 00:08:15,777
Oh! Oh, my leg.

171
00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:17,379
Oh!

172
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:21,350
Who would take $5,000
from such a miserable creature?
173
00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:26,588
Laney, I know
it's your night off,

174
00:08:26,623 --> 00:08:28,957
but would you like to
sing a song for us?

175
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:31,026
You don't have to ask me twice.

176
00:08:31,061 --> 00:08:34,696
I'm just a
Broadway lady

177
00:08:37,368 --> 00:08:40,869
Dancing on my aching feet

178
00:08:43,540 --> 00:08:46,541
Avoiding any foods
with wheat

179
00:08:46,577 --> 00:08:50,712
And no drinking pre-show

180
00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:52,481
It's okay if the
producer don't

181
00:08:52,516 --> 00:08:55,817
Know.

182
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:04,760
Wow. You know your way
around a horn, kid.

183
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,595
Oh, listen,
I don't want to gush,

184
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,263
but I have all your albums.

185
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,598
<i>Laney Sings The Blues,</i>
186
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,099
<i>Electric Laney Land,</i>

187
00:09:11,135 --> 00:09:12,801
<i>Laney Butchers The Beatles.</i>

188
00:09:12,836 --> 00:09:14,236
Ooh, and my favorite,

189
00:09:14,271 --> 00:09:17,005
<i>Rehab Yourself</i>
<i>A Merry Little Christmas.</i>

190
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,340
I'll tell you
what, Marge.

191
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:21,276
I'll wipe the slate
clean on one condition.

192
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,844
I want you to
give Lisa to me.

193
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,181
Uh, for a month or so.

194
00:09:29,686 --> 00:09:31,186
I see.

195
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:34,556
Get out. I never
want to see you again.

196
00:09:34,591 --> 00:09:35,690
Let me explain.

197
00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:37,993
Listen, lady,
you can't take a daughter

198
00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:40,195
from a mother
unless you're a bigger star
199
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:41,797
and this is
a third-world country.

200
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,231
Marge,

201
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,701
I know this sounds nuts, but
I never had the joy you have.

202
00:09:46,737 --> 00:09:49,037
A child to hug me
at the end of the day

203
00:09:49,072 --> 00:09:51,606
or-or a chance
to pass along what I know.

204
00:09:51,642 --> 00:09:55,076
I'm going out on tour, and she's
got all the makings of a star:

205
00:09:55,112 --> 00:09:57,712
talent, smarts and
a star-shaped head.

206
00:09:57,748 --> 00:09:59,848
Perhaps you didn't hear me.

207
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,950
Here's your coat.

208
00:10:01,985 --> 00:10:03,585
Mom, Mom.

209
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:07,155
Mom, please. You were gonna let
me go to band camp for a month,

210
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:10,125
where people break curfew
and exchange reeds.

211
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,462
But this? This is the
opportunity to live my dream.

212
00:10:13,497 --> 00:10:16,631
Come on, how many chances
in life do you get for that?

213
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:17,732
None!

214
00:10:17,768 --> 00:10:21,136
I've been here,
I've just been quiet.

215
00:10:22,406 --> 00:10:23,705

216
00:10:28,312 --> 00:10:31,279
I guess I can't deny you this.

217
00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:32,614
All right.

218
00:10:32,649 --> 00:10:34,349
Oh, thanks, Mom!

219
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:37,385
And, Mom, if you have any doubts
how a showbiz kid will turn out,

220
00:10:37,421 --> 00:10:38,887
just look at
all of them!

221
00:10:43,193 --> 00:10:45,160
Mom, I appreciate this
so much.

222
00:10:45,195 --> 00:10:47,696
You'll be the first person
I thank at the Tonys

223
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,031
after the great Angela Lansbury.

224
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,533
Bye.

225
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,514
Good night, kid.

226
00:11:05,549 --> 00:11:07,549
Would you read to me
before I go to bed?

227
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,551
<i>Anne of Green Gables?</i>

228
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,620
I did the
audiobook on this.

229
00:11:11,655 --> 00:11:13,955
If chapter ten sounds
like it was Peter Falk,

230
00:11:13,991 --> 00:11:15,857
it's because it was.

231
00:11:15,893 --> 00:11:18,860
So I guess you don't want
to read it again.

232
00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:21,296
How 'bout I give you
some showbiz advice?

233
00:11:21,331 --> 00:11:23,899
Every piece of advice
someone gives you

234
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,067
will turn out to be wrong.

235
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:29,304
Particularly wrong are people
like me who seem knowledgeable.

236
00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:31,306
Aw, she's already out.

237
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,645
You watching Channel Six
right now?

238
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,046
Hurry up! Hurry up! Aw!

239
00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:40,181
Nah, too late.
The cops cleaned it up.

240
00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:45,320
Chazz Busby.
My director.

241
00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:48,056
The man who's ruined more
productions than flu season.

242
00:11:48,091 --> 00:11:50,058
Laney! My star, my muse,

243
00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:52,193
my God, what have you
done to your face?

244
00:11:53,897 --> 00:11:55,030
Who's the lampshade?

245
00:11:55,065 --> 00:11:56,398
This is Lisa Simpson,

246
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,900
the sax prodigy who's gonna
blow life into my act.

247
00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,035
Show him, kid.

248
00:12:01,505 --> 00:12:03,605
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! I wanted an audition,

249
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,373
not a recital.
You're in, kid.

250
00:12:05,409 --> 00:12:07,142
I made it in Hartford.

251
00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:11,479
<i>Are you sure</i>

252
00:12:11,515 --> 00:12:13,481
you set it up right?
Yes!

253
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:15,750
Then why aren't
we Skyping?

254
00:12:15,786 --> 00:12:17,919
I don't know.
Maybe Lisa's drugged-out.

255
00:12:17,955 --> 00:12:20,322
My daughter is not drugged-out.

256
00:12:20,357 --> 00:12:22,991
Maybe she's just sleeping late
after partying at discotheques.

257
00:12:23,026 --> 00:12:25,660
How do you know about
all-night discotheques?

258
00:12:25,696 --> 00:12:28,129
We have Disco Stu
in this town, Mom.

259
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,131
He's a resource.
Use him.

260
00:12:32,102 --> 00:12:34,402
How are you,
sweetie?

261
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:36,004
I'm good, I'm good.

262
00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:37,539
What happened to your voice?
263
00:12:37,574 --> 00:12:38,540
I don't know.

264
00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:40,508
Late rehearsals,
cheap root beer.

265
00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:45,880
But I'm great!
We're heading to New York!

266
00:12:47,084 --> 00:12:48,283
Who's watching you?

267
00:12:48,318 --> 00:12:49,618
Sonny and Stix.

268
00:12:51,922 --> 00:12:53,822
Do I hear syncopation?

269
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,024
Lisa, Lisa, I was thinking
maybe you could

270
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:57,959
come home a little early and...

271
00:12:57,995 --> 00:13:00,161
I'm sorry. I got to go.
Our take five is over,

272
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,764
and jazz is all about
following the rules, you know.

273
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,300
Come on, guys.
Don't I get a puff?

274
00:13:08,105 --> 00:13:09,904
I<i> really</i> have
the munchies.

275
00:13:11,141 --> 00:13:12,574
Bye!
276
00:13:12,609 --> 00:13:14,242
We've got to
get her back.

277
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:16,378
Pack your things. We're
heading for New York.

278
00:13:16,413 --> 00:13:18,580
We should get a place there.
We go so often.

279
00:13:29,703 --> 00:13:32,737
I can't believe
I'm gonna be performing here.

280
00:13:40,614 --> 00:13:43,248
I already got<i> my</i> ticket!

281
00:13:43,284 --> 00:13:45,351
Ah, so many seats.

282
00:13:45,386 --> 00:13:47,019
Damn it!

283
00:13:47,054 --> 00:13:48,954
Lousy electric car.

284
00:13:48,989 --> 00:13:51,490
Dad, just 'cause it got
hit by lightning that time

285
00:13:51,525 --> 00:13:53,025
doesn't make it
electric.

286
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:55,427
Shut up, boy.

287
00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:02,034
How may I help thee,
friends?

288
00:14:02,069 --> 00:14:05,104
Our car... broketh down.
289
00:14:05,139 --> 00:14:07,439
Springfield
Englisher accent?

290
00:14:07,475 --> 00:14:11,877
You must know my ultra-liberal
cousin Ned Flanders.

291
00:14:11,912 --> 00:14:14,279
Oh, he's brought such shame
to our family

292
00:14:14,315 --> 00:14:16,882
with his lip hair
and two marriages.

293
00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:20,352
And do you know
he's left-handed?

294
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,727
Um, can I please
use the, uh,

295
00:14:28,763 --> 00:14:30,729
little bearded
boys' room?

296
00:14:31,899 --> 00:14:34,099

297
00:14:45,646 --> 00:14:47,446
How deep
did thou diggest?

298
00:14:47,481 --> 00:14:48,981
30 hands.

299
00:14:49,016 --> 00:14:51,784
With God's grace,
it will be enough.

300
00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:55,154
Don't know why

301
00:14:55,189 --> 00:14:57,122
 There's no sun up

302
00:14:57,158 --> 00:14:58,457
In the...

303
00:14:58,492 --> 00:15:01,126
In the... in the...

304
00:15:01,162 --> 00:15:02,728
How about "in the sky"?!

305
00:15:02,763 --> 00:15:03,729
The sky!

306
00:15:03,764 --> 00:15:05,230
You ought to
know, sweetheart.

307
00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:07,299
You were there when
God created it.

308
00:15:07,334 --> 00:15:09,301
Eh, go shave a coconut.

309
00:15:11,038 --> 00:15:13,772
I turned down<i> Transformers</i>
<i>on Broadway</i> for this?

310
00:15:13,808 --> 00:15:15,774
I was a Megatron-sized fool!

311
00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:18,777
Kristen Chenoweth was set
to play Sam Witwicky's mother.

312
00:15:18,813 --> 00:15:20,979
This is how mad I am!
Fade to black!

313
00:15:21,015 --> 00:15:22,648
You can't be serious!

314
00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:24,383
I said fade!
315
00:15:24,418 --> 00:15:26,985
Everyone, meet me back here
in however long it takes

316
00:15:27,021 --> 00:15:28,520
to wake up
from five Valium.

317
00:15:28,556 --> 00:15:29,788
On the dot!

318
00:15:33,828 --> 00:15:36,128
Hey, man, how'd
you get that seat?

319
00:15:36,163 --> 00:15:38,497
They thought
I was pregnant.

320
00:15:46,173 --> 00:15:48,273
It's showtime, Laney.
Time to see if there's still

321
00:15:48,309 --> 00:15:52,311
a spark left in that smoldering
Duraflame log you call a career.

322
00:15:54,114 --> 00:15:55,080
Hey, Laney.

323
00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:56,815
Moe, I need you.

324
00:15:56,851 --> 00:15:59,685
To make me feel confident,
strong and beautiful.

325
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,221
Boy, I'm not real good at
boosting self-esteem there.

326
00:16:02,256 --> 00:16:04,957
But, uh, if you make a
mistake, I can fire my gun.

327
00:16:04,992 --> 00:16:07,359
And that's what the critics
will be yappin' about tomorrow.

328
00:16:14,335 --> 00:16:15,968
That's not
encouragement!

329
00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:18,470
Those are
your lyrics!

330
00:16:18,506 --> 00:16:21,340
I had a dream

331
00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:25,677
A dream about you, baby

332
00:16:25,713 --> 00:16:29,681
It's gonna come true, baby

333
00:16:29,717 --> 00:16:33,051
They think
that we're through

334
00:16:33,087 --> 00:16:37,189
But, baby...

335
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:42,127
You'll be swell

336
00:16:42,162 --> 00:16:44,029
You'll be great

337
00:16:44,064 --> 00:16:46,932
Gonna have the whole world
on a...

338
00:16:46,967 --> 00:16:49,268
On a...

339
00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:50,602
Plate!

340
00:16:51,805 --> 00:16:53,772
Cheering for someone
getting a word right.
341
00:16:53,807 --> 00:16:55,340
That is a low bar.

342
00:16:56,377 --> 00:16:57,676
Four tickets, please.

343
00:16:57,711 --> 00:16:59,545
I'm sorry, ma'am.
The show is sold out

344
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:01,213
for reasons
that elude me.

345
00:17:01,248 --> 00:17:02,714
My daughter's in there.

346
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:04,316
Eh, we all got
our problems.

347
00:17:04,351 --> 00:17:06,785
I'm a ticket seller
for a dying art form.

348
00:17:06,820 --> 00:17:11,523
Hey, uh, you're a
union man, right?

349
00:17:11,559 --> 00:17:13,191
Brother?

350
00:17:13,227 --> 00:17:14,526
Why didn't you say so?

351
00:17:14,562 --> 00:17:16,528
I have no choice now
but to be corrupt.

352
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:17,729
In you go.

353
00:17:19,133 --> 00:17:22,100
Everything's gonna be
354
00:17:22,136 --> 00:17:24,436
Bright lights and lollipops

355
00:17:31,812 --> 00:17:33,812
Come on, let's
sneak her out.

356
00:17:33,847 --> 00:17:36,815
Under the guise of soliciting
for Broadway Cares.

357
00:17:40,454 --> 00:17:41,753
Wait. Wait, Homer.

358
00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:43,088
Look at our little girl.

359
00:17:43,123 --> 00:17:44,556
She's got chops.

360
00:17:44,592 --> 00:17:46,758
Honest-to-goodness chops.

361
00:17:46,794 --> 00:17:49,595
Yeah. Letting our daughter
go on the road

362
00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:52,331
with an 80-year-old diva
and some sketchy jazz guys

363
00:17:52,366 --> 00:17:55,167
was the best decision
we ever made.

364
00:17:55,202 --> 00:17:58,971
Everything's coming up roses

365
00:17:59,006 --> 00:18:03,308
For me and for you!

366
00:18:14,488 --> 00:18:16,254
Mom, that was the greatest
night of my life!

367
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:17,456
Hey!

368
00:18:17,491 --> 00:18:19,458
When does the
show start?

369
00:18:19,493 --> 00:18:21,660
It did, and it was wonderful.

370
00:18:21,695 --> 00:18:24,329
Eh, she's been bitten
by the showbiz bug.

371
00:18:24,365 --> 00:18:26,999
And when that happens,
only working with Bruce Willis

372
00:18:27,034 --> 00:18:28,266
can extinguish it.

373
00:18:31,338 --> 00:18:34,039
Okay. Just
finish out the tour.

374
00:18:34,074 --> 00:18:36,541
We'll see you
in Pittsfield.

375
00:18:41,548 --> 00:18:43,081
No way!

376
00:18:43,117 --> 00:18:45,417
Pittsfield ain't happening
for this little scene stealer.

377
00:18:45,452 --> 00:18:48,754
I love you, Lisa, but you got
a bigger ovation than me.

378
00:18:48,789 --> 00:18:51,323
So we can never share
the same stage again.

379
00:18:51,358 --> 00:18:53,392
What? How can you say that?
380
00:18:53,427 --> 00:18:55,394
Showbiz lesson
number seven:

381
00:18:55,429 --> 00:18:57,396
just when things
are going great,

382
00:18:57,431 --> 00:18:59,398
they pull the rug out
from under you.

383
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:01,333
Bad news, Laney.
We're shutting down.

384
00:19:01,368 --> 00:19:03,935
Never cleared the rights to
"Everything's Coming Up Roses."

385
00:19:03,971 --> 00:19:05,070
See what I mean?

386
00:19:05,105 --> 00:19:07,005
Also, we're gonna need
that rug.

387
00:19:11,011 --> 00:19:13,145
Mom, suddenly
I really want to go home.

388
00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:15,147
Oh. Mm.

389
00:19:15,182 --> 00:19:18,617
If you go, let me give you
one<i> huge</i> piece of advice:

390
00:19:18,652 --> 00:19:20,252
take the Eighth Avenue side,

391
00:19:20,287 --> 00:19:22,320
then catch a cab
and circle back.

392
00:19:22,356 --> 00:19:24,289
And away... I... go!

393
00:19:24,324 --> 00:19:27,192
Pow!

394
00:19:27,227 --> 00:19:31,430
Well, Laney, youse, uh...
you still got me.

395
00:19:31,465 --> 00:19:33,432

396
00:19:37,905 --> 00:19:44,405
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

397
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:53,250

398
00:19:53,286 --> 00:19:55,252
See how gaudy his house is?

399
00:19:55,288 --> 00:19:56,920
A brass doorknocker?

400
00:19:56,956 --> 00:19:59,056
Who lives here, Caligula?

401
00:19:59,091 --> 00:20:00,391
'Tis troubling.

402
00:20:00,426 --> 00:20:03,460
Cousin Jacob! All the way
from Pennsyl-diddly-vania!

403
00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:06,397
I see thou art still using
the Devil's "diddly."

404
00:20:06,432 --> 00:20:08,999
Well, I must confess,
I-I do over-diddly.

405
00:20:09,035 --> 00:20:12,403
And I see your house is lit
by Edison's witch lights.
406
00:20:12,438 --> 00:20:15,873
Who's holier than thou now, Ned?

407
00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,942
Homer, you've shown me that
I'm guilty of the sin of pride,

408
00:20:18,978 --> 00:20:21,879
and that just makes me
love you more.

409
00:20:21,914 --> 00:20:24,748
Oh, God,
I'm stuck in a Flandwich.

410
00:20:24,784 --> 00:20:26,884
With side orders
of love and forgiveness!

411
00:20:26,919 --> 00:20:28,018
D'oh!

412
00:21:08,365 --> 00:21:10,365
Shh!