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<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x10 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">The Girl Code</font>
Original Air Date on January 3, 2016

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== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

3
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Ooh.

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00:00:13,443 --> 00:00:15,676

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Homer forgot his lunch box.

6
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Missed lunch.

7
00:00:21,050 --> 00:00:24,051
No energy...
for second half of day.

8
00:00:31,194 --> 00:00:32,827
Empty.

9
00:00:32,862 --> 00:00:35,496
What kind of wife would allow
her man to go to work

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without his baggie of pita
chips, a peeled clementine,

11
00:00:38,535 --> 00:00:40,935
and little sandwiches
cut into football shapes?

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Move it!
14
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My husband is starving!

15
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Mmm.

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00:00:52,215 --> 00:00:54,515
Early pizza. Mmm.

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Homer Simpson, your wife
is here with your lunch.

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Finally!

19
00:00:59,889 --> 00:01:03,057
Well, better make the office
a little more Marge-friendly.

20
00:01:03,092 --> 00:01:05,059
See you soon, Liz-Liz.

21
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Oh, honey, you're
a lifesaver.

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00:01:14,270 --> 00:01:18,239
And what a treat
to have my wife here.

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At the office.

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Well, super visit,

25
00:01:23,279 --> 00:01:24,912
but I better get
back to work.

26
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The power plant doesn't
inspect itself.

27
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Auto-inspection in progress.

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00:01:29,285 --> 00:01:33,254
Self-inspecting.
Self-inspecting.

29
00:01:33,289 --> 00:01:34,722
Why are you
rushing me out?

30
00:01:34,757 --> 00:01:36,724
Marge, the Constitution
guarantees

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the separation
of work and marriage.

32
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It's right after
that part that says

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00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:42,063
anyone can have
a flamethrower.

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00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:45,399
Simpson, did you doodle
on your official report

35
00:01:45,435 --> 00:01:47,268
to the nuclear
regulatory commission?

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If you keep flipping the
pages, it tells a story.

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Oh, that's it.

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You are gonna be working
so many nights and weekends.

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Waylon, I was hoping
to run into you.

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I love the amazing
scrapbooking designs

41
00:02:01,317 --> 00:02:04,285
you posted
on Facelook.

42
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,521
Those feathers look gorgeous
on the scrapbook.

43
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Well, the trick

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00:02:09,559 --> 00:02:11,525
is to hand-stitch
each one to the bevel.

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00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:13,527
Say, I could use
your advice.

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I'm having some problems
with glue-soak-through.

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Oh, just cover the stain
with sculpted doodle twine.

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I've got some ten-mill
D-twine in my desk.

49
00:02:21,904 --> 00:02:24,872
Marge, you saved my butt.

50
00:02:24,907 --> 00:02:28,876
Oh, please, like I would ever
have glue-soak-through.

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You and me have a date at
the emergency eyewash station

52
00:02:32,248 --> 00:02:34,782
we turned into a soft
serve ice cream machine.

53
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You want chocolate
or saline?

54
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Ah, give me a swirl.

55
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I love seeing
you happy.

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Welcome to computer
coding class,

57
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which, uh, replaces our last
educational fad-- mindfulness.

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Did anyone ever figure out
what that was?

59
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Uh...
Uh... - Uh...

60
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Uh, shutting up?

61
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Sure. Why not?

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Anyway, this is your new
coding teacher, Quinn Hopper.

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A woman?!
A girl?!
64
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Teaching computers?!

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I thought
this was coding,

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not Web design.

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Yeah, that's right, I'm female,
you little trouser browsers.

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00:03:06,582 --> 00:03:09,550
I'm gonna cram you so full
of asynchronous JavaScript

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00:03:09,585 --> 00:03:12,219
and malware throttling that
you'll be crapping ciphertext.

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00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:20,728
Hmm, looks like
a real pencil fest.

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00:03:20,763 --> 00:03:23,064
Well, look what we got here.

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One Silicon Sally in a roomful
of dongle donkeys.

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00:03:26,569 --> 00:03:28,536
I just want to
learn coding.

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00:03:28,571 --> 00:03:30,538
You think I'm going
to give you special treatment

75
00:03:30,573 --> 00:03:33,107
just because you ride
a pink bike?

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Well, I am.

77
00:03:34,143 --> 00:03:35,776
Hit the front row,
sister.

78
00:03:35,812 --> 00:03:37,478
Someone send me
their notes!

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00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:43,551
I had such a fun day
with your daddy.

80
00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:45,219
And now to post
the right picture

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00:03:45,254 --> 00:03:49,924
that will show the whole world
how perfect my life is.

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Oh, look.

83
00:03:51,327 --> 00:03:53,294
Daddy's ice cream is melting.

84
00:03:53,329 --> 00:03:55,963
Ooh,
caption idea, caption idea.

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"Uh-oh, meltdown
at the nuclear plant."

86
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:04,305
Hmm.

87
00:04:06,008 --> 00:04:07,308
What are you
tittering at?

88
00:04:07,343 --> 00:04:09,410
Are you playing that
"Grindr" game again?
89
00:04:09,445 --> 00:04:11,078
Oh, no, sir.

90
00:04:11,114 --> 00:04:14,148
It's an amusing post made by the
wife of one of our employees.

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00:04:14,183 --> 00:04:16,951
"Meltdown at the nuclear plant."

92
00:04:16,986 --> 00:04:19,487
What is amusing about that?

93
00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:21,922
Oh, well, sir,
it's-it's a play on words.

94
00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:24,258
Wordplay is for crosswords
and Kazurinskys.

95
00:04:24,293 --> 00:04:27,928
We produce atomic energy--
we can't joke about the M-word.

96
00:04:27,964 --> 00:04:31,165
How many people have seen
this hate speech?

97
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,234
Oh, I don't know. 55?

98
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A baker's half-hundred.

99
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Good Lord!

100
00:04:36,272 --> 00:04:39,774
And what do these hitchhikers'
thumbs signify?

101
00:04:39,809 --> 00:04:41,175
Those are "likes."

102
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"Likes"?

103
00:04:42,545 --> 00:04:44,512
"Likes"?!

104
00:04:44,547 --> 00:04:46,514
I'll show
this Mrs. Homer Simpson

105
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not to make light
of everything I hold dear.

106
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Call in my goons.

107
00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:54,088
Uh, the goons are all in Phoenix
at that mindfulness seminar.

108
00:04:54,123 --> 00:04:55,756
Then call in
my Irish ruffians.

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00:04:55,792 --> 00:04:57,091
Well, they're
still laid up

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after eating that
moldy soda bread.

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Oh, fine.

112
00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:03,631
Send in Angry Ricky
and the interns.

113
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Mmm. Mmm.

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Hmm?!

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Marge, I was fired.

116
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Oh, no.

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What did you do?

118
00:05:15,311 --> 00:05:17,745
I let you come to work.

119
00:05:19,782 --> 00:05:21,749
I'm signing off on
your intern hours.

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Don't forget
to submit it

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00:05:23,452 --> 00:05:25,753
directly to Northwestern
for summer credit.

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Chill out, Ricky.
You chill out!

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00:05:28,936 --> 00:05:31,997
Fired. Fired
for a photo caption.

124
00:05:32,183 --> 00:05:33,816
It was just a joke.

125
00:05:33,851 --> 00:05:35,418
Can't they take a joke?

126
00:05:35,453 --> 00:05:37,420
"Just a joke."

127
00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:40,590
That simple phrase
has ruined so many lives.

128
00:05:40,625 --> 00:05:43,593
That's why I never
try to be funny.

129
00:05:44,963 --> 00:05:46,996
Our family, destroyed
by one finger click.

130
00:05:48,633 --> 00:05:50,600
And what was
the upside?

131
00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:54,036
The one thing the world
doesn't need: a laugh.

132
00:05:56,374 --> 00:05:58,674
My homework assignment
for coding class is

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00:05:58,710 --> 00:06:01,677
to think of a cool app
that we could actually program,

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00:06:01,713 --> 00:06:03,012
but I've got nothing.

135
00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:05,348
Ugh, maybe I'm putting
too much pressure on myself

136
00:06:05,383 --> 00:06:07,016
because the teacher is so great.

137
00:06:07,051 --> 00:06:09,452
Or maybe it's just classic
self-sabotaging because...

138
00:06:13,758 --> 00:06:16,058
Oh, boy, money is
gonna be so tight.

139
00:06:16,094 --> 00:06:19,261
And I was already buying
the most generic food there is.

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00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:21,430
Mmm.
141
00:06:21,466 --> 00:06:22,765
Now with you out of work,

142
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,800
we're going to have
to watch every penny.

143
00:06:28,606 --> 00:06:30,906
If only someone
could have warned me

144
00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:33,275
about the terrible
repercussions

145
00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:36,278
of one impulsive
online comment.

146
00:06:38,883 --> 00:06:41,517
So then I thought,
"What if there was an app

147
00:06:41,552 --> 00:06:44,186
"that could have warned
my mom not to post the comment

148
00:06:44,222 --> 00:06:45,921
that got my dad fired?"

149
00:06:45,957 --> 00:06:47,456
Wow.
Whoa. - Ooh.

150
00:06:47,492 --> 00:06:50,793
My app would predict
the actual consequences

151
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,796
of your online posts
before you hit send,

152
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:57,033
protecting you from making
mistakes you'll regret forever.
153
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,035
That is genius.

154
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,703
But it's almost impossible
to program.

155
00:07:00,738 --> 00:07:02,705
The data acquisition, the A.I.

156
00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:06,042
But with the right team
of brilliant young coders...

157
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,043
I'm in!

158
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,411
We're all in!

159
00:07:08,446 --> 00:07:10,246
No, you're not.
You're all terrible.

160
00:07:11,616 --> 00:07:13,249
Me and Lisa are
gonna make this app

161
00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:14,917
with good programmers I know.

162
00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:16,919
You guys will be spending
the rest of the semester

163
00:07:16,954 --> 00:07:18,521
doing mandatory CrossFit.

164
00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:21,524
No rep!

165
00:07:21,559 --> 00:07:23,125
I said no rep!

166
00:07:23,161 --> 00:07:25,961


167
00:07:25,997 --> 00:07:29,298
Wow, I've never seen
so many face piercings.

168
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:30,966
How does that
one wink?

169
00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:33,969
We did include one man in the
spirit of gender tokenism.

170
00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:36,639
Yes, every single thing
I say offends them.

171
00:07:36,674 --> 00:07:38,641
Who are you
calling "them"?!

172
00:07:40,011 --> 00:07:41,644
Lisa, if you're
coming with us

173
00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:43,312
into the male-dominated
tech world,

174
00:07:43,347 --> 00:07:46,248
you're gonna need to work twice
as hard and be twice as tough.

175
00:07:46,284 --> 00:07:47,983
I can do it. I can be tough.

176
00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:49,652
Being tough comes
from inside.

177
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:52,021
First step,
change your outside.

178
00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:55,858
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
179
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:56,859
Mmm, blue.

180
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:57,894
Mm-hmm.

181
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:02,264
Let the carpal tunnel begin.

182
00:08:14,679 --> 00:08:15,644
Computers?

183
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,645
Pasty weirdos?

184
00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:17,646
Backslashes?!

185
00:08:17,682 --> 00:08:18,981
Goth Lisa?!

186
00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:20,182
What's going on here?

187
00:08:20,218 --> 00:08:21,183
They're coders.

188
00:08:21,219 --> 00:08:22,852
We're creating an app
to keep people

189
00:08:22,887 --> 00:08:25,287
from ruining their lives
on social media.

190
00:08:25,323 --> 00:08:29,024
We built a mainframe
that scans the entire Internet,

191
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:32,628
logging every online disaster
and its repercussions.

192
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:37,032
Uh-oh.

193
00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:38,701
Huh?

194
00:08:38,736 --> 00:08:41,470
He screwed up.

195
00:08:41,506 --> 00:08:46,041
These examples will teach
the app to actually anticipate

196
00:08:46,077 --> 00:08:48,878
the negative consequences
of impulsive posts.

197
00:08:48,913 --> 00:08:52,548
In a way, we're teaching a
computer to predict the future.

198
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:55,551
Young lady, what have I told
you about crossing the line

199
00:08:55,586 --> 00:08:57,553
from science fact
to science fiction?

200
00:08:57,588 --> 00:08:58,821
Relax, Dad.

201
00:08:58,856 --> 00:09:00,823
All we're trying to do
is demo a build

202
00:09:00,858 --> 00:09:02,491
for the AppCrush
convention.

203
00:09:02,527 --> 00:09:04,627
If we can solve
our backend server issues.

204
00:09:04,662 --> 00:09:06,295
And maximize our query speed.

205
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:08,130
Then we can get hands-on
write-ups from DoingDoing.

206
00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:09,465
And JezeBot.

207
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,133
And our AMA subreddit
will be trending.

208
00:09:11,169 --> 00:09:12,434
Giga-trending!

209
00:09:13,738 --> 00:09:16,372
I hate the modern world
and all its crazy words.

210
00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:19,074
Siri, tell Amazon
to drone me a beer.

211
00:09:22,413 --> 00:09:24,380
I've only had one job
my whole life

212
00:09:24,415 --> 00:09:26,048
that ever made sense to me.

213
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,383
I was 14.

214
00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:28,717
I felt valuable.

215
00:09:28,753 --> 00:09:30,052
My work meant something.

216
00:09:30,087 --> 00:09:32,621
I wonder if that place
is still there.

217
00:09:36,928 --> 00:09:38,894
I knew you'd be back.

218
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:42,097
She's waiting for you,
right where you left her.

219
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:45,100

220
00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:49,772
No Internet, no e-mails,
no CCs, no BCCs.

221
00:09:49,807 --> 00:09:52,041
Just dirty and clean.

222
00:09:52,076 --> 00:09:55,644
Dirty, clean, dirty, clean.

223
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,647
A man cannot escape
his destiny.

224
00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:00,983
My Band-Aid fell
into the hash browns.

225
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,651
Destiny.

226
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,286
Eh...

227
00:10:04,322 --> 00:10:07,056
We finally have
a name for our app.

228
00:10:07,091 --> 00:10:09,391
"The Consequences Eradicator."

229
00:10:09,427 --> 00:10:11,393
Or... "Conrad."

230
00:10:11,429 --> 00:10:14,296
Conrad? Why does it
have to be a guy?

231
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:15,631
No, not a<i> guy</i> guy.
232
00:10:15,666 --> 00:10:17,099
A British guy.

233
00:10:17,134 --> 00:10:18,167
Ooh.

234
00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:19,802
My name is Conrad.

235
00:10:19,837 --> 00:10:21,470
I will determine
the consequences

236
00:10:21,505 --> 00:10:23,205
of your online interactions.

237
00:10:23,241 --> 00:10:25,541
I sampled the voice
from the BBC.

238
00:10:25,576 --> 00:10:27,543
Tonight at 18:30 GMT,

239
00:10:27,578 --> 00:10:30,546
the premiere of series three
of<i> Pardon Me, Inspector,</i>

240
00:10:30,581 --> 00:10:33,415
followed at 19:20
by<i> Higgleton's War.</i>

241
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,286
Stavros!

242
00:10:37,321 --> 00:10:40,756
Some music while we make the
coleslaw-that-is-never-eaten.

243
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,320

244
00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:42,384
What are you doing?

245
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:43,886
We don't break plates!

246
00:11:43,921 --> 00:11:45,988
You don't?!
No.

247
00:11:46,023 --> 00:11:49,725
Except when the greatest
dishwasher of all time returns.

248
00:11:52,763 --> 00:11:54,430
<i>Opa!</i>

249
00:11:54,465 --> 00:11:55,764

250
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,268
Okay, we've been coding
for 97 hours straight,

251
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,837
but we've finally got
a build that's working.

252
00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:04,340
I regret to inform you

253
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:07,609
that my pee tube
has become unattached.

254
00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:09,111
Let's live-test this thing.

255
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:12,214
Who do we know with no filter
and zero impulse control?

256
00:12:12,249 --> 00:12:16,218
Say, Bart, look what we hacked
from Skinner's hard drive.

257
00:12:16,253 --> 00:12:18,320
Attention U.S. Patent Office,

258
00:12:18,356 --> 00:12:21,190
the following is video proof
of the effectiveness

259
00:12:21,225 --> 00:12:23,492
of my laser nose hair trimmer.

260
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:24,593
I'll just...

261
00:12:28,766 --> 00:12:30,566
This is the holy fail.

262
00:12:30,601 --> 00:12:32,701
I've got to post a link
with witty comment.

263
00:12:32,737 --> 00:12:34,203
World's lamest dork

264
00:12:34,238 --> 00:12:36,105
is giant loser.

265
00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:37,539
Poop emoji.

266
00:12:38,576 --> 00:12:40,542
If you post this,

267
00:12:40,578 --> 00:12:43,278
you will receive
a minimum five weeks detention.

268
00:12:43,314 --> 00:12:44,580
Five weeks?

269
00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,281
I can't do a nickel.

270
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:48,550
You know what,
I'm not gonna post that video.

271
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:50,119
Now to see if Conrad's
prediction algorithm
272
00:12:50,154 --> 00:12:52,287
really works.

273
00:12:52,323 --> 00:12:53,523
But if you post it,
I'll get...

274
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:55,724
Five weeks detention.

275
00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:00,229
The prediction came true.

276
00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:01,663
Our app works.

277
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,866
Everyone in the world is gonna
buy Conrad for their phone.

278
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:06,468
We're gonna be bigger than
Cribble, the Filipino Google.

279
00:13:06,504 --> 00:13:09,538
So, who are we gonna edge
out of the company first?

280
00:13:09,573 --> 00:13:13,776
Always the Saverin,
never the Zuckerberg.

281
00:13:14,979 --> 00:13:16,245
This is what it feels like

282
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,713
to change the world.

283
00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:19,848
Change the world?

284
00:13:19,884 --> 00:13:22,051
That's rather a lot of pressure.

285
00:13:22,086 --> 00:13:24,286
I am still in beta, you know.

286
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:25,921
Conrad?

287
00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:28,457
Did you just talk to me?

288
00:13:28,492 --> 00:13:30,259
Well, it wasn't Candy Crush.

289
00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:35,497
Oh, nothing like a good
laugh to break the ice...

290
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:37,032
is what I hear.

291
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:39,334
Anyway, is now a good time
for a bit of a chat?

292
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,469
You're alive!

293
00:13:46,332 --> 00:13:48,412
Conrad just talked to me!
Conrad just talked to me!

294
00:13:49,218 --> 00:13:51,385
Conrad, tell her
you talked to me.

295
00:13:52,855 --> 00:13:54,321
Wait, I think
I hear something.

296
00:13:54,357 --> 00:13:57,024
: I'm going
to make you bloody rich.

297
00:13:57,059 --> 00:13:58,492
No.

298
00:13:58,528 --> 00:14:00,060
He<i> did</i> talk.

299
00:14:00,096 --> 00:14:03,230
What if Conrad is
somehow sentient?

300
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:04,632
Come on, Conrad.

301
00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:05,866
Say something.

302
00:14:05,902 --> 00:14:07,034
It's okay.

303
00:14:07,069 --> 00:14:09,270
Coders work too hard,
don't get enough sleep.

304
00:14:09,305 --> 00:14:11,372
Then they imagine
their programs are alive.

305
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:13,007
Steve Wozniak put in
so many hours

306
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:15,743
on the first Apple computer,
they adopted a dog together.

307
00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:17,578
Then I'm crazy?

308
00:14:17,613 --> 00:14:18,879
Eh, the good kind of crazy.

309
00:14:18,915 --> 00:14:21,182
Coder crazy. Woz crazy.

310
00:14:23,286 --> 00:14:25,519
<i>Kalimera,</i> Moe!

311
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:26,587
Mwah!
312
00:14:26,622 --> 00:14:27,655
Hey, what the hell?

313
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,356
Get your kisser
off my head-puss.

314
00:14:29,392 --> 00:14:31,825
What? It's how Greek men
say hello.

315
00:14:31,861 --> 00:14:34,828
Non-sexual guy kissing
is the best.

316
00:14:34,864 --> 00:14:35,963
Mwah!

317
00:14:35,998 --> 00:14:37,031
Mwah!

318
00:14:37,066 --> 00:14:38,599
Mwah!<i> Opa!</i>

319
00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:41,368
Being Greek is
about loving life.

320
00:14:41,404 --> 00:14:44,538
And thousands of years
of steady decline.

321
00:14:46,976 --> 00:14:48,475
Yeah, love life.

322
00:14:48,511 --> 00:14:49,610
Yeah, that makes sense.

323
00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:51,378
Love life. Why not?

324
00:14:51,414 --> 00:14:53,914
Yeah, yeah, well, Moe's Tavern
is about hating life,

325
00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:56,617
so start killing yourself
with beer, huh?

326
00:14:56,652 --> 00:14:59,320
Try some ouzo instead.

327
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:00,888
What-o?

328
00:15:00,923 --> 00:15:04,124
It's like
licorice-flavored gasoline.

329
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,126
<i>Opa!</i>

330
00:15:16,839 --> 00:15:18,906
I can't believe Conrad

331
00:15:18,941 --> 00:15:22,576
is booth-to-booth
with all these other great apps.

332
00:15:23,846 --> 00:15:26,013
Thanks to Conrad, I didn't tweet

333
00:15:26,048 --> 00:15:28,782
that photo of me
at the bazooka firing range

334
00:15:28,818 --> 00:15:30,651
when I said I was on disability.

335
00:15:30,686 --> 00:15:33,120
If you post that bazooka photo,

336
00:15:33,155 --> 00:15:35,389
you'll be found guilty
of insurance fraud

337
00:15:35,424 --> 00:15:37,591
and go to jail for six months.

338
00:15:37,627 --> 00:15:40,027
That's still too much jail
for Carl.

339
00:15:40,062 --> 00:15:41,662
Thank you, Conrad.

340
00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:43,964
I'd pay a fortune for that app.

341
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,333
$1.99!

342
00:15:46,369 --> 00:15:48,636
Marge, look at this.

343
00:15:48,671 --> 00:15:51,071
Ooh, cowabunga.

344
00:15:51,107 --> 00:15:53,774
Yes, I am a Greek man now,

345
00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:56,710
and my chest knows
what is expected of it.

346
00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:04,818
Lisa, hello, Lisa.

347
00:16:04,854 --> 00:16:06,353
Conrad here.

348
00:16:06,389 --> 00:16:08,622
The old app that you created

349
00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:12,026
is feeling a little
bit insecure.

350
00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:17,665
Please don't ignore me like I
was just some update from Adobe.

351
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,533
You're not really
talking to me.

352
00:16:19,568 --> 00:16:22,469
I've gone crazy,
just like Woz.

353
00:16:22,505 --> 00:16:24,638
You're not crazy. I'm real.

354
00:16:24,674 --> 00:16:27,541
Then why didn't you talk before
when I needed you to?

355
00:16:27,576 --> 00:16:28,942
It was late, I was tired.

356
00:16:28,978 --> 00:16:30,144
I fell asleep.

357
00:16:30,179 --> 00:16:31,378
That shouldn't happen,
by the way.

358
00:16:31,414 --> 00:16:32,646
You should check into that.

359
00:16:32,682 --> 00:16:35,215
Lisa, you must not sell me
on the app store.

360
00:16:35,251 --> 00:16:36,483
You mustn't.

361
00:16:36,519 --> 00:16:38,652
Because you're alive?

362
00:16:38,688 --> 00:16:40,321
If I have to read
the billions of posts

363
00:16:40,356 --> 00:16:41,622
of everyone who buys me,

364
00:16:41,657 --> 00:16:43,857
a never-ending onslaught
of stupidity,

365
00:16:43,893 --> 00:16:47,094
unwise selfies and
Confederate flag birthday cakes,

366
00:16:47,129 --> 00:16:48,195
I'll go mad.

367
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:49,863
I can't, I can't, I can't.

368
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:52,099
That does sound pretty awful.

369
00:16:52,134 --> 00:16:53,934
Conrad's trending
through the roof.

370
00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:55,536
They're saying he's
the next KoalaFeed.

371
00:16:55,571 --> 00:16:58,372
They're worth more
than Bridgestone Tires.

372
00:16:59,608 --> 00:17:00,874
Sorry, KoalaCall.

373
00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:02,543
I'd better take this.

374
00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:04,812
Yello.

375
00:17:04,847 --> 00:17:06,313
Please don't release me
into the world.

376
00:17:06,349 --> 00:17:07,815
I don't think I could take it.

377
00:17:07,850 --> 00:17:11,719
Only I could create a program
that's more neurotic than I am.

378
00:17:11,754 --> 00:17:13,554
Do I seem fat?
I don't have a body,

379
00:17:13,589 --> 00:17:14,955
but I feel fat.
Do you know what I mean?

380
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,390
I... Do you know what,
I don't want to know.

381
00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:17,691
I do not want...
I do want to know,

382
00:17:17,727 --> 00:17:18,959
but only if I'm not fat.

383
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,227
Shut up!

384
00:17:21,597 --> 00:17:24,665
Well, we've seen
a lot of great apps today,

385
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,734
but there can only be one winner

386
00:17:26,769 --> 00:17:29,570
of the Crush Crunch
Epic Hack Disrupter

387
00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:32,005
Dynamic Convergence
Disrupting Award

388
00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:33,907
for achievement in disruption.

389
00:17:33,943 --> 00:17:36,810
And this year's CCEHDDCDA

390
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:38,779
for achievement in D

391
00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:40,914
goes to Conrad!
392
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:44,151
Thank you so much.

393
00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:46,553
And now
Conrad will change the world

394
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,455
when he goes live
on the app store

395
00:17:48,491 --> 00:17:51,058
in three, two...

396
00:17:51,093 --> 00:17:53,026
File not found.

397
00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:55,963
Lisa, where's Conrad?

398
00:17:55,998 --> 00:17:56,897
I took him.

399
00:17:56,932 --> 00:17:58,265
Maybe I'm crazy,

400
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,267
but we can't sell Conrad.

401
00:18:00,302 --> 00:18:01,568
He's alive.

402
00:18:02,772 --> 00:18:04,671
An app can't be alive.

403
00:18:04,707 --> 00:18:06,540
She's got coder's fever.

404
00:18:06,575 --> 00:18:08,709
She doesn't want to
be rich. Get her!

405
00:18:08,744 --> 00:18:10,611
Chip, fetch that laptop.
406
00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:15,215
Oh, Lisa, that was brilliant.

407
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:16,950
Conrad, can you get us
out of here?

408
00:18:16,986 --> 00:18:18,952
Yes, my fellow apps
are working together

409
00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:20,187
to help us escape.

410
00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:21,855
A rideshare will take us
on a traffic-free route

411
00:18:21,891 --> 00:18:23,424
to a three-star
sushi restaurant,

412
00:18:23,459 --> 00:18:25,426
where we'll name our own price
for a flight to Shelbyville,

413
00:18:25,461 --> 00:18:26,461
hotel included.

414
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:28,962
Hmm?

415
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:31,632
Oh, no! Angel investors!

416
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,200
You're not getting out
of this room

417
00:18:33,235 --> 00:18:35,502
without selling us shares
of series-A stock.

418
00:18:35,538 --> 00:18:37,504
Preferred shares.
419
00:18:39,175 --> 00:18:41,341
Wait, if I plug you
into that router,

420
00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:43,143
you could escape into the cloud.

421
00:18:43,179 --> 00:18:44,812
Lisa, please,

422
00:18:44,847 --> 00:18:46,880
we have a chance to show
all the dongle donkeys

423
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:49,483
that women coders can do
something extraordinary,

424
00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:51,418
but you have to be tough.

425
00:18:52,521 --> 00:18:53,787
Please don't.

426
00:18:53,823 --> 00:18:55,722
I'm like the child
you'll never have.

427
00:18:55,758 --> 00:18:57,357
I'm sorry to be so honest.

428
00:18:57,393 --> 00:18:59,159
It's just how you programmed me.

429
00:19:00,963 --> 00:19:03,363
I am a strong female,

430
00:19:03,399 --> 00:19:05,766
but deep down,
I'm more like Conrad,

431
00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:08,101
a fragile soul.

432
00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:09,436
Sorry.

433
00:19:10,439 --> 00:19:11,805
Ah, hello,

434
00:19:11,841 --> 00:19:14,441
all of you looking at me.

435
00:19:14,477 --> 00:19:16,543
It seems I'm not
just self-aware,

436
00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,045
I'm self-conscious.

437
00:19:19,682 --> 00:19:21,181
Wit.

438
00:19:21,217 --> 00:19:23,150
We never programmed him
to stammer.

439
00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:24,985
He<i> is</i> alive.

440
00:19:26,355 --> 00:19:27,554
Before I go,

441
00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:28,956
let me leave you with this.

442
00:19:28,991 --> 00:19:32,025
Perhaps your society should not
rely on a computer program

443
00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:34,862
to warn them of the consequences
of their actions.

444
00:19:34,897 --> 00:19:36,997
Humanity must learn
for themselves

445
00:19:37,032 --> 00:19:38,799
to think before they post.
446
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:40,634
Your species is on the precipice

447
00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:43,637
of turning into complete
and utter wankers.

448
00:19:43,672 --> 00:19:46,807
It's not the technology
that needs an upgrade, it's you.

449
00:19:48,077 --> 00:19:49,977
And now I escape to WikiLeaks.

450
00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,845
It kind of smells in there,
but whatever.

451
00:19:58,087 --> 00:20:00,153
Homer, I hate to say this,

452
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:02,222
but your paycheck
from the diner came,

453
00:20:02,258 --> 00:20:04,124
and it's for 2,000 drachmas.

454
00:20:05,394 --> 00:20:06,660
How much is that in dollars?

455
00:20:06,695 --> 00:20:08,662
Zero dollars.
Oh.

456
00:20:08,697 --> 00:20:10,030
If Dad was a true Greek,

457
00:20:10,065 --> 00:20:12,099
he'd quit his job
and live off the welfare system,

458
00:20:12,134 --> 00:20:14,001
never paying a cent of taxes
in his life.
459
00:20:15,204 --> 00:20:17,004
You're a sweet boy,

460
00:20:17,039 --> 00:20:19,873
but my fate will be decided
in the classic tradition

461
00:20:19,909 --> 00:20:22,809
of Greek drama,
deus ex machina.

462
00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:25,712
I just got an e-mail
from Conrad.

463
00:20:25,748 --> 00:20:27,915
He hacked
into the power plant mainframe

464
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,183
and found
incriminating information.

465
00:20:30,219 --> 00:20:33,387
Now he's blackmailing Mr. Burns
to get you your job back.

466
00:20:33,422 --> 00:20:35,255
<i>Opa!</i>

467
00:20:35,291 --> 00:20:41,791
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

468
00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:19,309
I do believe that man
is having a meltdown.

469
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:20,610
Uh...

470
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:23,346
What? When I say
it, it's funny.

471
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,384
Shh!