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6 Thời Kỳ Quan Trọng Để Dạy Trẻ
6 Thời Kỳ Quan Trọng Để Dạy Trẻ
Loi ni u .................................................................................................................................... 4
Nm bt thi K quan trng gip tr vn xa .............................................................................. 6
Thi k quan Trng u Tin ....................................................................................................... 8
Tr 3 tui hay thn thng ............................................................................................................ 24
Tr hay khc nh ......................................................................................................................... 28
Tm hiu nguyn nhn tr hay cn .............................................................................................. 31
Tr da dm khng th xa ri cha m......................................................................................... 35
Tr Khng c chnh Kin ............................................................................................................ 39
Thi k quan Trng Th hai ....................................................................................................... 41
Khi tr hi:me 01, con c sinh ra th no? ......................................................................... 42
Khi tr hi:ti sao Ba lai mc ru? 99 ........................................................................................ 45
Khi tr Ni: m i, con mun ly m ...................................................................................... 47
Khi tr hi: ti sao cc Bn trai Khng c mc .................................................................... 50
Khi tr hi: Nh ta Ngho lm phi KhNg ? ...................................................................... 53
V sao tr Khng th tp trung ch ? ........................................................................................ 56
Tr 5 tui hay Ni Di ................................................................................................................ 58
Dy tr Bit tn trng.................................................................................................................. 63
Khng c tr qu ch K .................................................................................................... 64
Thi k quan Trng Th ba ........................................................................................................ 68
Gip tr sm thch ng Vi mi trng tiu hc........................................................................ 68
Gip tr Khng cn mt tp trung trong gi hc ........................................................................ 72
Hng Dn tr lm tt Bi tp V Nh ...................................................................................... 76
Sa tt lm Bi cu th cho tr ................................................................................................... 78
Lm cho tr thch c sch ......................................................................................................... 81
Gip tr thay i thi quen l m ................................................................................................ 85
Tr cn c Khen ngi .............................................................................................................. 87
Gip tr tr b tm l kiu ngo ................................................................................................. 90
Dy tr khoan dung ..................................................................................................................... 93
tr ht bng bnh ................................................................................................................. 95
Thi k quan Trng Th T ....................................................................................................... 98
Tr s i hc, cha m nhng Nn trch c ................................................................................. 99
Tr s ln .................................................................................................................................. 102
Khi tr hi: ti sao cc Bn Khng thch con? ..................................................................... 105
Khi tr Ni: ng p con hc na! ........................................................................................ 108
Khi tr Ni:con khng thch c gio x! ................................................................................. 111
Khi tr hi: ti sao c gio khng Khen con? ...................................................................... 115
ti sao tr khng nghe li? ........................................................................................................ 117
Cho tr mt Khng gian t do trng thnh ............................................................................. 120
Tr lun Bn khon:mnh l a tr nh th .......................................................................... 124
no? ........................................................................................................................................ 124
Thi k quan Trng Th nm ................................................................................................... 127
Khong tri b mt ca tr - nht k ......................................................................................... 128
Nhn nhn ng n rung ng tnh cm ca tr ...................................................................... 131
vi thy c gio khc gii ......................................................................................................... 131
ng b qun tr....................................................................................................................... 136
Tr cung thn tng ................................................................................................................ 141
Tr b nh i lang thang ........................................................................................................... 148
Tr hoang ph ............................................................................................................................ 152
To mi trng gia nh tt cho tr .......................................................................................... 156
Thi k quan Trng Th su .................................................................................................... 160
Tng danh hiu hc sinh xut sc lm tr gc ..................................................................... 160
ng ............................................................................................................................................. 160
K th n gn, ch c h da .................................................................................................. 167
Gip tr nh hng tng lai ................................................................................................... 170
Bc th tnh trong ba l ca con ............................................................................................... 178
Yu n phng........................................................................................................................ 181
Khi tr nm trm tri cm ......................................................................................................... 184
Nhn nhn ng n vic giao lu kt bn ca tr .................................................................... 189
Loi ni u
ma xun gieo ht, ma thu hi qu, mi th u c thi im ca ring mnh, tr em cng
vy, sinh ra v ln ln u theo quy lut, v l do no m ta b l thi k quan trng trong
chng ung pht trin ca tr th s phi hao tn rt nhiu tinh thn v sc lc mi c th b p
ni, thm ch c nhng iu khng th b p uc.
mi a tr u c tim nng tr thnh thin ti trong lnh vc no , quan trng l ta c tn
dng uc thi co vng khoi dy tim nng y hay khng. Khi nim thi k quan trng
uc ua ra bi nh tm l hc ngui o, Konrad Zachrias Loenz. ng cho rng, c nhng k
nng s pht trin nh cao thi k no v ng gi l thi k quan trng ca s pht
trin, nm bt thi k quan trng ca tr khai thc v bi dung kh nng ca tr c th s
mang li hiu qu gp bi.
Thi k quan trng cng ch cc thi k chuyn tip gia tng tui ca tr nhu chuyn t
mu gio sang tiu hc, t tiu hc sang trung hc c s, t trung hc co s sang trung hc ph
thng, mi giai on chuyn tip u l thi k quan trng ca tr. Lc ny, cha m nn dn dt
tr kp thi tr c nhng buc ngot ng gi.
ging nhu ngui th rn nu khng n nhit trong l, khng bit cch iu chnh
ngn la th s cho ra thnh phm km cht lung. tr con cng ging nhu mnh gang, lui thp
chun b c thnh sn phm. Cha m phi nm bt uc thi k quan trng ca tr bit
chnh la, gip tr trung thnh vng vng. Cun sch Su thi k quan trng dy tr
phn tch c th cc thi k quan trng trong qu trnh trung thnh ca tr, nhm gip cc bc
cha m hiu r uc qu trnh pht trin ca tr: Thi k chuyn ngot quan trng l khi no, khi
y phi coi trng nhng vn g, phi tin hnh gio dc nhu th no... t , cun sch s ng
hnh cng cha m chp cnh cho tr bay xa.
Thi k quan Trng u Tin
3 tui - thi K phn Khng Ca tr
3 tui l thi k phn khng th nht ca tr, lc ny tr thng c rt nhiu biu hin khin
ngi ln au u, tuy nhin, y cng l thi k quan trng u tin trong gio dc tr.
Tnh cch, s thch v cch i nhn x th khi trng thnh ca tr cng gn ging nh giai
on trc 3 tui. Thi im 3 tui l giai on con ngi bc u hnh thnh tnh cch, bi vy
n gi vai tr quan trng trong qu trnh pht trin nhn cch.
Giai on ny va c th phn nh tnh hnh pht trin nhn cch thi u tho, va cho thy xu
th pht trin trong tong lai. Do vy, khi tr bc vo thi k phn khng, cha m nn gio dc
tr mt cch khoa hc, tr d dng vt qua thi k phn khng v pht trin khe mnh.
Thi k quang trng th 2
5 tui - thi K phin toi Ca tr
Tr 5 tui rt ham hc hi, thch tm ti khm ph v rt t m. Thi k ny, cha m phi
nhanh nhy nm bt nhng vn m tr quan tm, d lm th s khin cha m vt v nhng
li l vic lm hu ch vi con tr.
Thng thng, tr 5 tui c t duy tong i chn chn, ng thi tm l cng pht trin
tong i phc tp. L cha m, phi tm hiu th gii ni tm ca tr, hng tr pht trin lnh
mnh.
Thi k quan Trng Th ba
6 tui - thi K nhp hC Ca tr
6 tui l thi k quan trng pht trin tr lc ca tr, lc ny, trng lng no b ca tr
t trn 80% ca ngi ln, np nhn trn no bc u hnh thnh. Lc ny l thi k m cc
kh nng cm nhn, ghi nh v ch pht trin rt nhanh, ng thi cng l thi k quan trng
chuyn dn t t duy c th sang t duy tru tng logic.
Thi k quan Trng Th T
10 tui, thi K c Lp Ca tr
Cuc i ca mi con ngi c 2 thi k c lp, mt xut hin t lc 2 tui, cn mt xut
hin tm 10 tui, m thi k sau l quan trng nht, nu s pht trin trong thi k ny b cn
tr th s nh hng n c cuc i ca tr.
Tr 10 tui c t tng tong i c lp, lc ny cng l thi k hc tp quan trng ca tr,
trong hc tp, chng phi i mt vi nhiu vn . Cha m phi nm bt c quy lut pht trin
c v th cht ln tinh thn ca tr, bi dng tr tr thnh ngi ti c vn ton.
Thi k quan Trng Th nm
14 tui, thi K nguy him Ca tr
14 tui, tui trn y sinh kh, l thi k qu t thiu nin sang tui thanh nin, l thi
k u tin th hin mt co th trn y sc sng.
14 tui l thi k u tin th hin mt co th trn y sc sng, cng l thi k pht sinh
nhiu vn . Do tm sinh l ca tr khng ngng pht trin trong thi k ny nn tr c th phi
i mt vi nhng bun phin ca tui thanh xun cha tng tri qua, nu x l khng tt th c
th xut hin vn v tm l, thm ch l gp tr ngi. Cha m, phi quan tm nhiu n tr,
thu hiu v tn trng tr, gip tr vt qua thi k nguy him ny mt cch an ton.
17 tui, thi K nghi hoc Ca tr
17 tui l tui p nht trong cuc i. 17 tui khng phi l bu tri quang ng, hong
hoa ngo ngt. 17 tui cng c ni bun ring, bt mn ring. Do vy, cha m phi ht sc quan
tm n tr tui ny.
C bit bao ngi ca ngi tui 17, nhng tui 17 li khng ging nhau suy ngh ca mi
ngi. Tr 17 tui cng c ni bun ring v c nhng vn m ngi khc kh lng hiu ni.
Lm cha m th phi gip tr bc qua thi k bin ng ny, tr lun lm ch th gii tm
hn ca mnh.
Nm bt thi K quan trng gip tr vn xa
Khi nim thi k quan trng c Konrad Zacharias Lorenz, nh tm l hc ngi o a ra
trong nghin cu thc nghim tm l ng vt. nm 1935, ng pht hin ra mt hin tng v
cng th v, l: Khi thin nga con chui ra t v trng, n s coi con vt m n nhn thy u
tin l m mnh, nu g mi p n th n coi g mi l m. nu Lorenz bn cnh th n cng coi
ng l m, v ng i n u th con thin nga s i theo ti .
Sau nhiu th nghim, cui cng Lorenz rt ra kt lun: mt phn ng hay mt chui phn
ng no ca ng vt d dng hnh thnh trong mt thi k hay mt giai on c bit no ,
nu b l giai on ny th khng d g c li c thi co tt nh vy. Thi c ny c gi
l thi k quan trng.
Khi p dng hnh thc th nghim ca Lorenz vo nghin cu pht trin gio dc tr em, cc
nh khoa hc hin i pht hin: qu trnh pht trin tr lc, nng lc v thi quen ca tr cng
ni ln nhng thi k quan trng.
3 tui
Ngn ng c cu: nhn lc 3 tui bit khi trng thnh, nhn lc 7 tui bit khi v gi. Cu
ni ny khng h v on, nghin cu khoa hc cho thy giai on 3 tui ca tr l nn mng cho
s hnh thnh v pht trin nhiu k nng cn thit, bi vy n c nh hng rt ln n s
trng thnh ca tr. L cha m, nm bt c thi k vng s c th pht huy ht tim nng ca
con.
5 tui
Tr 5 tui rt ham hc hi. giai on ny nhng hiu bit v t nhin v x hi ca tr dn
nhiu thm, tr thch chi a cng bn b, bt da dm vo ngi ln, khng thch b can thip
v c gip qu nhiu. Lc ny l thi k quan trng v kh nng nhn thc, tinh thn hc
tp v thi quen hc tp tr bt u hnh thnh. Cha m c th chun b cho tr chi lp rp,
bn tnh, chi nhn bit ch, hnh lp ghp v truyn nhi ng, sch v kin thc t nhin,
sch m nhc,... tr chi cng bn b.
6 tui
6 tui l thi k quan trng pht trin tr lc ca tr, lc ny trng lng no b ca tr
t trn 80% no b ca ngi trng thnh, thy no v np nhn no bt u nh hnh, y
l thi k m cc
kh nng nhn bit, ghi nh, ch ,... pht trin rt nhanh, ng thi cng l thi k quan
trng t t duy hnh tng c th dn pht trin sang t duy tru tng. Do vy, lc ny l thi k
quan trng m mang tr tu, cha m nn to c hi cho tr tip xc vi cc s vt, tip nhn
mi kch thch nh: cho tr i d ngoi tr khm ph gii t nhin, tm hiu x hi, m rng
tm nhn; hng dn tr tham gia cc tr chi; k chuyn, c sch cho tr nghe; tham gia cc
hot ng nhm kch thch th gic, thnh gic v xc gic ca tr. Khng nn tin hnh gio dc
chuyn mn qu sm i vi tr.
10 tui
Tr 10 tui c t tng tng i c lp, bt u c hin tng ni di. Lc ny cng l thi
k quan trng ca bc tiu hc, trong hc tp tr s phi i mt vi nhiu vn . L cha m, nn
tm hiu quy lut pht trin v th cht v tinh thn ca tr, bi dng tr tr thnh ngi ti
c vn ton.
14 tui
thc c lp ca thiu nin 14 tui tng cng vi thc phn khng, dm lm nhng vic
m ngi khc khng dm lm, s thch v s cu rt nhiu, cao lng t trng, nhng li
khng quan tm n
17 tui
Tui 17 l tui suy tnh so o, thng hoang mang v tng lai, a su a cm v hin ti v
hay hoang tng, tui 17 l ma ma, v trong ma ma ny tr thng b mt phng hng.
Cha m nn hng dn tr tm kim mc tiu v phng hng ca cuc i.
Nm bt c nhng thi k quan trng ca tr th mi c th gip con gt hi c nhiu
thnh cng trong tng lai!
rrii 1 1 rri -* A, m A
Thi k quan Trng u Tin
3 tui - thi K phn Khng Ca tr
Thi k phn khng - yu tr, trc tin phi hiu tr
3 tui l thi k phn khng th nht ca tr, lc ny tr thng c rt nhiu biu hin khin
ngi ln au u, tuy nhin, y cng l thi k
quan trng u tin trong gio dc tr.
Tnh cch, s thch v cch i nhn x th khi trng thnh ca tr cng gn ging nh giai
on trc 3 tui. Thi im 3 tui l giai on con ngi bc u hnh thnh tnh cch, bi vy
n gi vai tr quan trng trong qu trnh pht trin nhn cch, giai on ny va c th phn nh
tnh hnh pht trin nhn cch thi u tho, va cho thy xu th pht trin trong tong lai. Do vy,
khi tr bc vo thi k phn khng, cha m nn gio dc tr mt cch khoa hc, tr d dng
vt qua thi k phn khng v pht trin khe mnh.
Tr 3 Tuoi lun coi minh la Trung Tam
Cc chuyn gia gio dc nhc nh: 3 tui l giai on quan trng trong qu trnh pht trin
ca tr. trong thi k ny, tr c mt khuynh hng tm l tong i r rng, chnh l coi
mnh l trung tm. Coi mnh l trung tm l mt giai on t nhin t phi tri qua t thi tho u
bc sang thi k trng thnh ca con ngi. Coi mnh l trung tm s nh hng n nhn
thc ca tr v bn thn v v ngi khc, ng thi cng nh hng n mi quan h thn thit
gia tr vi ngi khc. Do vy, cha m nn gip tr dn thot khi trng thi tm l ny.
Tinh hung 1
mt hm, ch Lan mua v qu da hu, c con gi ly lm l chy ti hi: m i, l qu g
vy?
Ch Lan tr li: L da vng (1) y con !
C con gi nghe thy vy lp tc phn i: Khng ng! y khng phi
mu vng, r rng l mu xanh, phi l dua xanh mi ng, m ni sai ri.
Ch Lan ging gii nguyn do nhung c con gi khng nghe, vn cho rng mnh ni ng, cn
m ni sai. iu ny khin ch Lan khng bit phi lm th no.
Tinh hung 2
v mun con khng cm thy l loi, ch Lan thung mi bn b ua con h ti nh choi,
bn tr cng nhau vui a. nhung ch uc mt lt l bn tr li v tranh ginh choi m xy ra
xch mch, ch Lan khuyn con mnh nn ra dng ch nh, nhng chi cho khch chi,
xoa du mu thun gia chng, nhng mt lt sau mu thun li bt u, bn tr thng cng
thch mt chi no , dng nh chng u c chung mt s thch, bi vy rt kh nhng
nhau.
(1): Da hu rut vng
Th l mt bui gp g vui v li bin thnh cuc ha gii mu thun ca bn tr.
Phn tch tinh hung
Coi mnh l trung tm l giai on tt yu trong qu trnh pht trin thc v ci ti thi k
u ca tr.
Biu hin pht trin thc ci ti thi k u ca tr
(1) i nh tr th go khc, ln ln n v, c bm cht ly ngi ln khng chu bung tay,
khng chu n, khng chu i ng.
(2) Lun go khc v c, i khi l do b bn khc bt nt, hoc do mun i tiu, ni chung
lun t thi bng cch go khc.
(3) hay tranh ginh chi, va ging va ni: Ca t, ca t, khi c gio ni khng
c tranh ginh chi, tr thng ni mt cch v t: Con mun chi.
(4) C tr tch khi m ng, ch thch chi mt mnh, va chi ming va lm bm.
(5) Khi tham gia hot ng tp th, tr cng thng t lm theo mnh, khng quan tm
n ngi xung quanh, ngi im lng trong lp hc.
(6) trong cc hot ng cn s hp tc, tr khng ch ng tm kim ngi hp tc, m ch
ng mt ch ch i.
(7) Khng cho ngi khc ng vo ca mnh, i khi s nh bn.
(8) Khng nghe li cha m, lun cho rng iu mnh ni l ng, v nh Tnh hung 1.
(9) Khng c lng bao dung lng, thng khi cc bn nh tui hon ng vo mnh l
nh tr lun.
giai on 3 tui, thc ci ti ca tr bt u manh nha. trong giai on ny, tr coi mnh l
trung tm quan st th gii, nhn bit ngi, vt, vic gn gi xung quanh, tr thng t la
chn v to ra hot ng ch khng quan tm n ngi khc, trong thi k ny, tr lun cho
quan im ca mnh l ng, hnh ng kiu ny ca tr trong mt ngi ln chnh l biu hin
ca tm l phn khng.
2. S thiu quan tm ca gia nh
hin nay mi a tr u l cc cng ca cha m, cha m ch quan tm n vic p ng nhu
cu vt cht m xem nh gio dc x hi cho tr. y chnh l nguyn nhn quan trng khin cho
tr lun coi mnh l trung tm.
3. Phng php gio dc gia nh khng hp l
Cc chuyn gia tm l tr em cho bit, hin nay tr c cha m qu nung chiu, t coi mnh
l trung tm, khng chu ni m c, cng khng c lng khoan dung v nhng nhn khi chung
sng vi ngi khc, do , ch cn mi b kch thch mt cht t bn ngoi l tr ni cu.
ngoi ra, phng php gio dc sai lm ca cha m cng l nguyn nhn quan trng khin cho tr
nh vy. v d, c cha m s con b c hip nn dy con ai nh con th con c nh li, khin
tr ng mt t l ra tay nh bn. Khi c gio hi ti sao li nh bn, rt nhiu tr u ni rng:
m con dn, ai c hip con th con hy nh li.
Nm bt tm l
Coi mnh l trung tm tc l tr lm bt c vic g cng u t bn thn ln v tr hng u,
lm bt c vic g cng xut pht t gc ca bn thn, hon ton khng quan tm n suy ngh
v tm trng ca ngi khc, tui ca tr cng nh th tm l coi mnh l trung tm cng
nghim trng, tuy nhin, thc t coi mnh l trung tm ca tr, c bit l tr t 2-3 tui tuyt
i khng phi l biu hin ca thi ch k nhu ngui ln lm tung.
hin con mnh qu cao ci ti c nhn th tuyt i khng uc cho qua, m nht nh phi
nhn nhn nghim tc, hung dn kho lo v kp thi tr kp iu chnh.
T coi mnh l trung tm l vic m bt k a tr no cng phi tri qua, gip tr t 2-3 tui
thot khi trng thi coi mnh l trung tm, thch ng vi cuc sng tp th, hc hi v giao lim
vi bn b, s gip cho tr thch ng vi x hi v hnh thnh cc hnh vi mang tnh x hi tch
cc.
Phung php gii quyt
Cha m c th vn dng cc phung php dui y gip tr thot khi trng thi coi mnh
l trung tm.
1. Thay i tiu im quan tm chnh ca gia nh
Ni nm na, phuong php ny l ng b v cha m khng nn dn ht s quan tm vo tr,
nung chiu tr. v nung chiu s cng lm tr coi mnh l tmng tm, ngh rng mnh l trung
tm ca th gii, mi ngui uong nhin phi quan tm n mnh. Cha m nn thay i tiu
im quan tm chnh ca gia nh, coi tr cng bnh ng nhu cc thnh vin khc trong gia nh,
nhu vy tr mi c th nhn thc ng n v bn thn, mi nhn ra uc s c mt ca ngui
khc, v mi lm r uc mi quan h gia ngui vi ngui.
2. Vn dng phuong thc hi p c tnh gi m
Chng hn nh trong Tnh hung 1 phn trn, tr ni: Khng ng! y khng phi mu
vng, r rng l mu xanh, phi l da xanh mi ng. Lc ny ngi ln nn vn dng phng
thc hi p c tnh gi m, v d ni: ng ri, da vng c v mu xanh, nn gi l da xanh
mi ng, m cng ngh nn gi l da xanh, nhng ra ngoi ch m chng ta ni da xanh th
ngi ta c bit l qu g khng? Da chut c mu xanh, da gang cng c mu xanh, rt
nhiu loi da c mu xanh con .
Tm ti suy ngh v trong qu trnh t duy, tr s thay i cch ngh sai lm
ca mnh.
3. nng cho tr tham gia cc hot ng tp th
hn ch, khp kn hoc bo v tr qu mc cng l vic lm khng tt. nn cho tr tham gia
cc hot ng tp th. hot ng tp th c th gip tr tip xc vi nhiu ngui hn, cm nhn
uc ngha ca vic hp tc vi ngui khc, t buc ra khi v bc ca mnh.
B i, B ng gip chu!
b i, b ng gip chu! l biu hin ca thc t lp v t ch ca tr. tm 3 tui, rt
nhiu tr c gng th hin mnh, tr mun uc khen, uc ca ngi, tuy nhin, do hin nay cc
gia nh u c xu hung sinh t con nn trong mt ca cha m, tr vn cn qu nh, chua c kh
nng t lo liu, t bt c vic g cng mun lm gip tr. tuy nhin, cch lm ny hon ton
khng c li cho qu trnh trung thnh ca tr.
Tnh hung 1
mt hm, b hoa cho a chu ni xung sn tp th chi cng cc bn rt vui v. n gi n
cm, bn tr u phi v nh. b hoa dt chu n cu thang, b nh b nhung a chu li giy
gia khng cho b. n khng phi mun t leo cu thang y ch? nhn cu thang cao hn 20
bc b hoa thm t hi nhu vy. ai ng b hoa va bung tay ra th a chu lin chy thng ti
cu thang, Chu mun leo cao, chu mun leo cao! ha ra, a chu thc s mun t mnh leo
cu thang, n c leo uc khng? bc thang cao th kia! nguy him qu! b hoa ngh ri vi
vng buc ti b a chu, no ng n ra sc giy gia i xung, chng cn cch no b nh
th n xung, nhn a chu tay chn qung qung, ra sc tro ln bc thang m b hoa cm thy
v cng cng thng, khng nh lng b ua tay ra b. nhung khi n cm nhn thy tay ca b
ang tin v pha mnh th n ua cnh tay b bng ra gt mnh b i, b ng gip chu!
Tnh hung 2
mt bui sng ngy ch nht, cu con trai 3 tui ca ch Lan ni vi m: m i, con mun t
chun b ba sng. Thng b ny chc l nhn thy ti hng ngy pha sa cho n, n thy d
nn mun lm th y. Ch Lan va ra tay va ngh nh vy. Khi ch Lan lau tay xong th a
mt tha sa bt y vi vng vo trong ci cc nh ca n. Tht ng tic l ch c 1/3
tha sa c vo trong cc, cn li l vong vi trn bn.
Phn tch tinh hung
T duy hnh ng trc tip l phong thc t duy thp nht ca con ngi, l phng thc t
duy chnh ca a tr 3 tui. Cc v d trn u l biu hin ca t duy hnh ng trc tip ca tr
giai on 3 tui, v cng l biu hin ca thc t lp ca tr.
Tr tm 3 tui bt u bc vo giai on t ch, chng bt u c gng khc phc kh khn:
Chng mun t pha sa, lc ny cha m nn cho tr lm th. Khi tr t thnh cng bc u,
cha m nn khen ngi tr, nh vy mi c th khin tr tip tc lm th v tip tc tm ti khm
ph.
Nu ngi ln s tr t leo cu thang s b ng m vi vng chy ti th ch cng khin tr
cm thy kh nng ca mnh c hn m khng mun lm tip v cng cm thy bt an. Cho nn,
i vi tr ang trong giai on thch tm ti khm ph, cha m nn cn nhc xem vic g tr c
th t lm c, khi no nn can thip, khi no nn bung tay.
Tr 3 tui rt thch bt chc ngi ln, giai on ny tr thng ngh mnh lm c! nn
tr lun khao kht c lm th vic g . Khi tr mun t lp, tr c th khng cn n cha m
gip m c t hon thnh vic m bn thn cho rng c th lm c, v d: t leo cu thang, t
pha sa,... tuy qu trnh tr s gp nhiu kh khn hn so vi d on, nhng chng minh
mnh c th lm c, tr thng kin quyt phn i s gip ca ngi ln.
Thc ra, cc hnh vi phn khng ca tr hon ton th hin tnh yu v nim tin ca tr
dnh cho cha m. v ch khi cm thy an ton tr mi dm lm nhng vic m tr ngh mnh c
th lm c v s kin tr n cng, tnh yu ca cha m chnh l ng lc gip tr t lp v
khm ph th gii bn ngoi.
Lm c - chnh l suy ngh ca tr 3 tui ang trong thi k t lp. bt c vic g tr
cng mun thng qua i bn tay b bng ca mnh, da vo sc mnh t gii quyt. Khi nghe
thy ngi ln ni Khng c!, tr s phn khng ngay lp tc. iu ny qu thc c th s
khin cc bc cha m lo lng, nhng thc ra iu khng cn thit, v y l thi c tuyt vi
rn luyn kh nng t lp cho tr. S c mt ngy tr s phi ri xa cha m v t mnh tri
nghim, bi vy, chi bng hy rn luyn chng ngay t nh trnh sau khi trng thnh tr ri
vo tnh trng khng bit phi thch ng vi x hi nh th no. hy to cho tr thc t lp t
cng ging nh cc loi ng vt trong gii t nhin, cha m nn ch ng a tr i kim
mi, tr thch ng vi t nhin, khi no cm thy chng c th t lp th lp tc ui ra
khi nh chng t lc cnh sinh, bn tr khng th trnh khi vt v, ti thn, thm ch cn
gp nguy him, nhng nhng a tr c rn luyn nh vy mi c th vng vng trong cuc
cnh tranh y khc lit.
Phng php gii quyt
Khi tr lm vic va sc, cha m c th gip tr nhng khng c lm thay tr ch nh vy
mi c th bi dng kh nng t lp cho tr. Cha m ch c thay i t tng, ch ng thc
hin nhng vic sau gip tr tr thnh ngi c lp, t ch v thnh t:
(1) phi thc s tn trng tr, coi tr l mt c th c lp c tnh t ch, c i hi ring v
c tim lc pht trin, ch khng phi l vt ph thuc hoc cu m, c chiu ca ring cha m.
(2) Ch ng to c hi, tr t lm nhng vic trong kh nng c th lm ch khng m
m lm thay tr ht mi vic, v nh ngay t vic mc, ci qun o n vic ra mt u tr
t lm, tr t pha sa cho mnh, nh vy s nng cao kh nng thch ng ca tr i vi i
sng x hi, s rt c li cho vic pht trien kh nng c lp ca tr.
(3) Cha m phi sm thay i quan nim, gim thiu nhng hnh ng chm sc thi qu
vi tr, bi dng kh nng t lp cho tr ngay
i thi quen da dm, li vo cha m, nng cao k nng sng v kh nng thch ng x hi.
(4)giai on hnh thnh thc c lp thu nh, chng ta c th nhn thy mt s c im:
mt mt bn tr cn cha trng thnh, rt s phi t lp, mt khc c nhng lc bn tr thc s
kh nng t lp. hng dn tr hnh thnh thc t lp rt c li cho kh nng giao tip ca
tr. bi l, tr c thc t lp s c thin hng tr thnh ngi c lp, t trng v t tin, c th
thun li v d dng kt giao cng ngi khc.
Hiu cu Khng !ca ming ca tr
a tr no cng c lc khng nghe li, c bit l tr t 1,5 - 3 tui, y l giai on tt yu
trong qu trnh pht trin tm l ca mi a tr. Dng nh a tr no cng u c thi k
khng c lng ngi ny, cc nh tm l gi thi k ny l thi k phn khng u tin.
Thi k phn khng u tin ny l biu hin ca s pht trin nhanh chng v tm l ca tr,
ng thi cng l biu hin ca tnh t lp v s chn chn, tr trong thi k ny thng dng
cu ca ming l Khng! tr li mi vn . Thc ra, c khi chng cng khng h bit rt
cuc
mnh mun lm g. ngoi ra, thi k ny cng chnh l thi im rt tt bi dng tnh c
lp v lng t tin cho tr.
Tnh hung 1
anh nam c mt cu con trai rt ng yu, mi y 3 tui, nhng iu khin anh lo ngi l
yu cu b lm bt c vic g cu b cng u ni Khng!. Khi m a cho qu chui m
thng ngy cu rt thch n, cu li vt sang mt bn, ni: Khng n!, n lc i tm, cu c
chy khp nh la ht Khng!, v iu khin anh khng th hiu ni l, ngi khc hi g cu
b cng ni Khng!.
Tnh hung 2
mt hm, khi c con gi 3 tui tn l Lan ca ch hng ang ngi chi vi con bp b m
mi mua cho th c c bn a con gi 2 tui ti chi, a b ny tn h, nhn thy con bp b
ca Lan, h t v rt thch th. nhng v Lan ang rt thch chi vi con bp b nn n khng
mun cho h chi cng. Ch hng thy vy c v bc bi, cho rng con gi mnh khng bit
iu, th l ch ni: Con cho em mn bp b chi mt lt i. Lan chng h n li m ni,
n vn tip tc ngi chi mt mnh. Ch hng ang nh ni cu vi con th anh chng chy ti
ngn li, anh nh nhng ni: Con ngoan, con l mt a tr rt bit nghe
li, con cho em mn bp b chi mt lt c khng?, iu khin ch hng bt ng l,
Lan ngoan ngon a con bp b ang m kh kh trong lng cho em h mn chi.
Phn tch tnh hung
Thc ra, khi mt a tr hn 3 tui ni Khng th trn thc t khng c ngha l chng i,
chng qua ch l mt phng thc th hin tnh t lp ca tr, ng thi cng c ngha l thi
k phn khng u tin ca tr n. Chuyn gia cho rng: Khi tr tm 3 tui, bt k l s
pht trin ca th cht hay no b th cng u c mt bc nhy vt tng i ln, tr s thc
c cc khi nim nh mnh c th t lm c, mnh mun th,... chng qua l tr mun th
ti mc cao nht m tr c th t c, cc phng thc p dng v nhng iu tr ni khng
h c bt k mt xu no.
Cc chuyn gia gio dc cho bit: Khi tr c 2, 3 tui, tr hay dng t Con, Ca con,
Con mun biu t nguyn ca mnh; hoc khi ngi ln yu cu tr lm vic g, tr s ni
Khng, Con khng mun, v sau s ra sc lm ua vi bn, hoc lm theo ca mnh,
hnh vi chng i ny l mt hin tng bnh thng trong qu trnh t pht trin, mi tr mt
tnh cch ring nn biu hin mi tr cng khc nhau, tr c tm l chng i ch yu do nhng
nguyn nhn nh sau:
(1) tm l chng i l biu hin t nhin ca giai on pht trin c bit.
(2) tm l chng i ny sinh bi mi trng c th ring, chnh l mi trng gio
dc khng ph hp m cha m to ra.
Nm bt tm l
Khi tr tm 3 tui s bc vo thi k phn khng.
Thi k phn khng l mt giai on tt yu trong qu trnh pht trin tm l ca tr, cng l
giai on m thc t lp ca tr pht trin rt mnh. thc phn khng quyt lit ca tr ch l
phng thc tr th hin tnh t lp ch khng h c chng i cha m. Cha m nn hiu r
iu ny, khng nn p buc tr phi nghe li.
l hn ch s pht trin tnh t lp v t ch ca tr, khin cho tr khng mun giao luu vi
ngui ln, m ch mun sng khp kn, khng mun ha ng vi mi ngui, thm ch cn hnh
thnh tm l chng i. Cho d l hu qu no th cng u khng c li cho s pht trin tnh
cch ca tr.
Phng php gii quyt
1. Cho tr c hi la chn
Cha m phi cho tr c c hi t quyt nh, nhng nn nh rng, la chn qu nhiu th ch
khin tr ri vo tnh th khng bit lm th no. nu tr khng mun ra mt th c th cho tr 2
phng n la chn: Con t ra mt nh?, hoc m ra mt cho con ri 2 m con i chi
nh!.
2. Cha m phi lm gng
mi ngi u bit rng, 3 tui l tui m tr gii bt chc nht, t Khng m tt c cc
tr thng ni u l hc c t cha m. bi cha m chnh l nhng ngi thy u tin ca tr,
nn thng ngy phi hn ch ni Khng, nu tr t nghe thy ni Khng th tt nhin tr
cng khng th thng xuyn nhc n n. tip theo, c gng s dng nhng ngn t phong ph,
khi th hin s khng ng nn dng nhng cu mm mng hn, chng hn c th ni
nguy him lm thay cho Khng c tro cao nh th.
3. Gi thi bnh tnh
Chc rt nhiu cc bc cha m u bit, ln ging, h da hoc yu cu thng khng th
khin tr t Khng chuyn thnh vng, trn thc t, s tc gin ca cha m ch c th kch
thch tr c nhng hnh vi cc oan. Do vy, cha m nn gi thi bnh tnh, trnh kch ng
n tm trng ca tr, cha m c th p dng phng php phn tn s ch ca tr, tr qun
i s vic va mi xy ra.
4. Gi vng lp trng
Nu mun tr lm mt vic m tr khng mun lm th cha m phi gii thch cho tr hiu, v
nh ni vi tr: Con nn i m vo, nh vy mi khng b nng. Sau ni r kt qu ca
vic i m v khng i m: nu con i m th chng ta i chi cng vin, cn nu con khng
i th chng ta phi nh. Cha m c th nhc nh tr, nhung phi ni i i vi lm, nu tr
phi hp th nht nh phi khen ngi kp thi.
5. Khng uc p t con
Nhu Tnh hung 2 trn, ch hung yu cu con gi bng quan im ca ngui ln, ch cho
rng con gi khng bit iu, v dng cu mnh lnh yu cu con gi nhung chi yu thch
ca mnh, kt qu l b con gi phn i. Cn ngui cha ca b li dng thi n ha
Nm bt tm l ca con, khuyn gii con, kt qu con ngoan ngon nhung chi cho
em. qua c th thy, khi tr t chi yu cu ca
cha m, cha m khng nn vi t thi v th hin ngay ch ca mnh, m truc tin hy
tm hiu xem tr phn i c hp l hay khng, c gng thn thin tr chuyn vi tr.
Vua ph hoi t hon
hiu k l ng lc gip tr tm ti v khm ph th gii, mc ch ca tr l: nm bt b
mt ca ton th gii - tr mun khm ph tt c nhng th m tr vn chua hiu r. Th l mi
a tr u tr thnh vua ph hoi t hon, cc bc cha m thung c thi sn sng n
nhn mn ph hoi c th xy ra, nh th bc tranh hay t tp ch b x rch, nng th c th lm
hng lun ci t iu khin va mi mua, v cng hng lun c DvD.
Tinh hung
Khi thy con lm hng chic ng h chi va mi mua v, mt ngui m gin d
mng cho con mt trn, ri em chuyn ny k cho c gio ca con nghe. Khng ng c gio li
pha tr: E l thin ti Edison ca nuc ta b ch h gc ri, mun gii phng i tay ca tr th
ngay t nh hy cho tr c hi khm ph, vy by gi ti phi lm th no?, sau khi nghe c
gio ni vy, ngui m ny rt hi hn v hnh vi ca mnh, vn c cch sa. C gio ni
tip: Ch c th cng con mang chic ng h ra ca hng, con ng xem bc th sa nhu
th no. nhu vy tin sa s tr thnh tin hc, m lng
hiu k ca con cng c tha mn. Cha bit chng con cng bit sa y!.
l mt cu chuyn hi hc xy ra cch y hon mt na th k, nhng Tnh hung sau
y li c th xy ra ngay trong nh ca bn: Chic xe in t va mi mua v c vi hm
con tho tung ra; bp b mua v c mc chic vy rt xinh, nhng con li ci ra ri b gy tay;
Con lm v gng ri dng keo dnh li, gng v li lnh...
Phn tch tinh hung
Tr ph hoi vn l bn tnh t nhin, l biu hin ban u v s sng to ca tr.
Trong s nhng th m tr khm ph c c th m tr thch th nht: chi a thch, vt
dng ca b m... Khm ph khng phi l vic xu, ch l n lun ko theo mt s kt qu khc,
v d, tho ri t, ng h, u a,...
Trc hin trng th thm khng n nhn ny, phn ng u tin ca cha m thng l tc
gin, sau qut mng tr t gi khng c tho na, c rt t cha m cng gip tr hon
thnh kit tc, tuy nhin, cha m nn bnh tnh tip nhn hnh vi ph hoi ca tr, khng nn
dng hnh thc nh mng i ph vi hnh vi . bi l, tr thch ph hoi c tm l v
cng phc tp, c bn chng c nhng loi hnh tm l sau y.
1. mun lm vic tt
rt nhiu tr v mun th hin mnh m i gip cha m lm nhng vic mnh c th t lm
c, khng ng s vic li cng rc ri thm.
2. Bt ng hng th
Tr sinh ra thch vui chi, nhng do suy ngh vn cha thu o nn khi chi khng th
trnh khi vic lm hng chi, v cng khng thc c hu qu ca hnh ng , m
ch l tr cm thy hng th vi qu trnh hnh ng v thy thch chi, v d: x t tranh mu
trong quyn sch gp chi; hay khi ni hng thch v tranh nhng v khng tm thy giy
nn coi bc tng trng phau l tm bng v...
3. Mun trt gin
hin nay tr u l nhng cc cng trong nh, cho nn c c iu g pht l gin di ngi
ln, tr c tnh lm hng chi trt ht nhng bc bi trong lng.
4. Tha mn nhu cu c nhn
C nhng tr do c nung chiu nn khi a ra yu cu m b ngi ln t chi th lin gi
tr, bt buc ngi ln phi theo s chi phi ca mnh. Sau khi thy hnh ng c hiu qu th
dng cch y p buc ngi ln t c mc ch c nhn.
Nm bt tm l
Tr thch ph hoi l biu hin ban u ca s sng to. tr ging i mt ngy ng nhn
nhng s vt l lm trong x hi m cm thy t m, nu c th kho lo dn dt bn tnh t m
ny ca tr th s rt c ch cho vic pht trin no b v kh nng x s sau ny, cng ng thi
bi dng tinh thn ham hc hi cho tr.Tr thch ph hoi l biu hin ban u ca s sng
to. Tr ging i mt ngy ng nhn nhng s vt l lm trong x hi m cm thy t m, nu
c th kho lo dn dt bn tnh t m ny ca tr th s rt c ch cho vic pht trin no b v
kh nng x s sau ny, cng ng thi bi dng tinh thn ham hc hi cho tr.
Phng php gii quyt
(1) i vi tr v mun th hin lng tt m lm hng vic, trc tin cha m nn khen ngi
tr bit suy ngh, bit lao ng, xut pht im ca tr l tt, nhng do cha c nhiu kinh
nghim hoc v kh nng c hn nn kt qu lm mt ng ra mt no, v d: C tr thy chic
ng h ang chy t nhin dng khng chy na lin mun tho ra sa; ma ng, nc
trong b c lnh, tr s c b cht cng nn vt ht c ra ri ly khn m...
Cha m phi tha nhn ngh ca tr l rt tt, sau phn tch cho tr bit nguyn nhn tht
bi. Cng ng qun dn tr: nhng vic g khng hiu th nn hi ngi ln trc, nhng vic
khng th t lm c th khi no ln ln hy lm.
(2) i vi tr ch v nht thi ni hng m ph hng vt th cha m phi kp thi ngn
chn hnh vi khng thch ng ny, ng thi tr nhn thc c tnh nghim trng v hnh
ng ca mnh, ng nhin, cha m khng nn ph hng hng th ca tr, m ch cn hng
dn tr mt cch ng n l c.
(3) nu tr c tnh ph hoi th cha m tuyt i khng c nhn nhng, m phi nghim
khc ph bnh, ng thi cng phi tr nm tri hu qu ca vic c tnh ph hng . v d:
Khi tr lm hng chi th quy nh trong mt thi gian no khng c mua chi mi;
khi tr x rch truyn tranh th ni vi tr trong vng 2 tun s khng mua cho tr mn n a
thch tit kim tin mua truyn tranh mi. Sau khi b trng pht, v sau tr s khng v tc gin
m p ph c na.
(4) i vi tr p ph c tha mn nhu cu c nhn, trc tin cha m nn p ng
nhu cu hp l ca tr. nu khng th p ng c th phi ni r nguyn nhn tr hiu. Khi
thy tr c nhng hnh vi khng tt th phi nghim khc ph bnh v un nn.
Tr thng quy ph mi khi c Khch n choi
C nhng tr khi trong nh khng c ngi l thng rt bit nghe li, nhng mi khi c
khch n chi li t ra hiu ng khc thng, thm ch cn ph phch hoc gi tr. ngi ta
thng gi biu hin ny l cung khch, tc l ch trc mt khch hoc nhng ni c
ngi l l c trng thi hng phn khc thng nh th cn quy. Thc ra ch l hnh vi
chng i c th hin mnh trc mt ngi l ca tr.
Khi khng c ch n, thm ch l b xem thng, ngi ta thng tm mi c hi th
hin mnh, c mi ngi coi trng v quan tm n, tr cng vy. ngi l, khch, ngi
ln hoc cp trn n chi s l c hi rt tt, tr th hin mnh. Do biu hin ny xut pht t
bn nng v tim thc c nhn, nn rt ngang bng c chp, i khi cn b cho l ty tin v
khin ngi ta ght b. Th l mi ngi lin ch nho tr l cung khch.
Tnh hung 1
Trong con mt ca cha m, hi anh vn l mt a con rt bit nghe li, tuy nhin, mi khi
nh c khch n chi l hi anh li tr nn hiu ng, nghch ngm v la ht inh i, c khi cn
gi bi quyn ri ko khch ng ra thi th vi
mnh, c mt ln hi anh lm t khuy o ca khch.
Khng phi cha m cha tng nhc nh, m nhng li ca cha m ch nh gi thong bn tai,
cng khng cho cu lm th cu cng c gng lm n cng, khch cng khng n ni cu. mt
ln do lm cho cha m mt ht th din nn hi anh b ko ra v b mng mt trn, khin cho
mi ngi u cm thy rt kh x. Ln sau khi c khch n choi, hi anh vn chng no tt
ny.
hoa l mt a tr rt t ni v nh thng rt ngoan, nhng mi khi c khch n nh hoc
n nhng ni ng ngi th hoa li c biu hin khc thng, c go khc inh i, cho d c d
dnh th no cng u v ch. n tm 5, 6 tui, biu hin cung khch li cng nghim trng
hn. Ch cn c ngi n nh th hoa v cu em u c tnh chy qua chy li trc mt khch,
ri cn tha c a ra nhng yu cu v l vi m.
Phn tch tinh hung
Tr cung khch c nguyn nhn ch yu l do mt nhu cu tm l no ca tr gy ra.
C nhng tr rt thch th hin mnh, nn lc no cng mun gy ch vi ngi khc. C
nhng tr khng c bn chi, cuc sng nhm chn nn c tnh tr nn cung khch tiu
hao bt nng lng. C nhng tr c tnh cung khch t c mc ch p ng nhu cu
v tnh cm hoc vt cht...
Do vy, cha m khng nn qu lo lng v biu hin cung khch ca tr, mun un nn th
trc tin phi tm hiu nguyn nhn.
1. Nhu cu giao lu ca tr khng c p ng
hin nay cc gia nh u sinh t con nn tr thng t c ngi chi cng, b m th mi lo
cng vic nn t c c hi giao lu vi tr, khin cho tr ch bit nh lm bn vi ngi thn,
chi hoc ti vi, chnh phm vi nh hp ny khin tr cm thy rt c n. Cho nn, mi khi c
khch n chi, tr thng cm thy t m, thch th, v mong mun ngi khc ch n mnh,
lm bn vi mnh, nu ngi ln v khch tr chuyn vi nhau m khng quan tm n tr th tr
s cm thy b lc lng, nn c tnh c nhng hnh vi khc thng c ngi ln quan tm.
Khi tr thy ngi ln bt u quan tm n mnh th
c tm mi cch th hin mnh, c c khch v ngi thn khen ngi.
2. Kh nng t kim ch ca tr khng tt
Thi th u, kh nng t kim ch ca tr mi bt u pht trin, tr thng khng th kim
sot tt c bn thn, nn hnh ng thng mang tnh bc ng, hn na, kh nng t kim
ch c th thay i theo kh m kim sot ni li ni v hnh ng khi nh c khch.
3. Cha m qu nung chiu hoc qu nghim khc
Do hin nay phn a cc gia nh u sinh t con, nn ng b v cha m thng rt cng chiu
tr, bt k yu cu ca tr c hp l hay khng th cng u c gng p ng, iu ny khin cho
tr tr nn ch k, sng bung th, thng ni nhng li ngang bng v lm m mt cch v c
vi cha m ngay trc mt khch. C nhng bc cha m k vng qu nhiu vo con ci, qun
gio qu nghim, hn ch thi gian vui chi ca tr, khi c khch n chi cha m li tp trung
cho vic tip n khch, cn tr th nm bt c hi ny gii phng mnh, tha mn nhu cu vui
chi ca bn thn.
Nm bt tm l
C nhng cha m lun bun phin v s cung khch ca tr, thc ra cha m nn thay i
gc suy ngh: Sinh lc ca tr qu di do, tr chi a cng bn b c th lm cho sinh lc
tiu hao tr v mc bnh thng, ng thi cn c th bi dng kh nng giao tip ca tr. ngoi
ra, tr c ham mun th hin mnh cng khng phi l chuyn xu, m l khu chun b rt tt
cho s pht trin v sau, ch cn dn dt v gio dc hp l th s rt c ch cho s trng thnh
ca tr.
Phng php gii quyt
i vi bnh cung khch ca tr, cha m c th p dng cc bin php sau:
(1) To c hi cho tr tip xc vi th gii bn ngoi, tng hot ng giao tip ca tr nh:
Thng xuyn a tr n nh bn b, ngi thn chi; hoc mi hng xm, bn b n nh
chi; hoc cc ngy ngh a tr i cng vin, khu vui chi gn nh... tm li nn thng xuyn
a tr n nhng ni c nhiu tr em vui a gim bt cm gic mi l mi khi nhn thy
ngui l ca tr. trong trung hp c ngui l, cha m nn ch ng gii thiu tr lm quen,
nhu vy c th s lm cho tr cmthy khng b lc lng. Nu ngui ln tr chuyn hoc t chc
hot ng no m khng cn tr phi lnh mt th c th cho tr cng tham gia.
(2) Kh nng t kim sot ca tr lun c hn, m ham mun th hin li rt mnh, cha m
nht nh phi nm bt uc c im pht trin c v th cht ln tinh thn ca tr. Khi tip
khch hoc n nh khc choi, khng uc xem nh s c mt ca tr, m hy tr tch cc
tham gia vo cc hot ng, ng thi la chn thi im thch hp cho tr co hi th hin, v
d: chia ko cho em, dy em choi,... tr cm nhn uc vai tr v ngha v s c mt ca
mnh, nu tr ni nhng li khng hay th cng khng nn trch mng ngay, trnh lm tn
thuong lng t trng ca tr. nu tr c biu hin chng i khng nghe li, cha m khng nn c
phn ng quyt lit ngay tc khc, m truc tin nn thay i ch ri sau mi rn dy. qua
c th thy rng, tng cu ni, tng hnh ng ca cha m u c th tc ng rt
nhiu n tr, do vy, cn ht sc thn trng trong tng li n ting ni v vic lm ca mnh,
bi v con bn c mt i mt sng ngi, mt i tai rt thnh v mt tri tim hiu k ham hc hi.
Khi ph bnh, gio dc hnh vi sai tri ca tr, khng nhng phi tr nhn thc uc, m cn
phi tr tm phc khu phc, nhu vy mi c ch cho vic gip tr xc lp quan nim ng sai
mt cch ng n.
(3) ng b v cha m nn thng nht v nhng yu cu t ra i vi tr, ng thi nhng
yu cu co bn ny khng nn thay i theo hon cnh, v kh nng t kim sot ca tr cng ty
theo tng ngui, tng hon cnh m c s khc bit, thng nht v yu cu i vi nhng hnh vi
hp l ca tr chnh l yu t nng cao kh nng t kim sot ca tr.
(4) Cha m phi nm bt uc c im pht trin v th cht v tinh thn ca tr, sa i
phuong thc gio dc qu cung chiu hoc qu kht khe, dn tm ra phuong php gio dc ph
hp, to bu khng kh hi ha trong gia nh, t tin hnh kt ni vi tr, thng qua li ni v
hnh ng ca mnh lm gng cho tr noi theo, tr vui v tri qua thi th u.
Tr 3 tui hay thn thng
C tr do tnh cch hng ni nn khng mun tip xc vi mi ngi, khng dm gp ngi
l, v lun lng tng nhng ni ng ngi, chnh l nhng biu hin in hnh ca tnh
thn thng mc c. C cha m nhm tng rng thn thng l iu ht sc bnh thng, hiu
ng qu mc mi l thiu gio dc. Thc ra, thn thng v d dt l 2 tnh cch hon ton khc
nhau, nu ni d dt l mt phm cht tt th thn thng chnh l mt vn v tm l, lu dn tr
s tr nn thiu t tin.
Tnh hung 1
Con gi ca ch hng mi trn 3 tui, b rt thng minh v pht trin ton din, b thuc rt
nhiu bi ht, bit c th v k chuyn.
Nhng ch hng ni: tt c nhng iu ny b ch th hin nh, cn khi ra ngoi, ng ni
g n ht hay k chuyn, m ngay c ni b cng khng dm, lc no cng qun ly ti. nu a
b ra chi vi cc bn, b thng ng np sau lng ti. ban u chng ti cho rng l do t
cho b i ra ngoi tip xc vi ngi l nn b mi s st nh th, nhng chng ti c gng
cho b i chi rt nhiu m vn khng thy hiu qu. Chng ti phi lm sao y? nu c nh
vy th khi i mu gio lm sao b ha nhp vi tp th c?.
Tnh hung 2
Cu con trai ca anh nam cha y 4 tui nhng rt thng minh v ng yu. b i nh tr
cng c gn 1 nm ri, nhng lp b khng bao gi chu th hin mnh, cng khng ch
ng r bn chi cng. Khi cho b n nh ngi thn chi, hoc khi c rt nhiu khch n
chi, b thng qun ly b m m khng ch ng ra cho hi mi ngi, phi mt mt lc lu
lm quen b mi ch ng ni chuyn hoc b ht mc c v tr nn mnh dn hn?
Phn tch tinh hung
Biu hin bn ngoi ca tr hay mc c
S gp ngi l, khng mun tip xc vi ngi ngoi, nhn thy ngi l thng np sau
lng ngi ln, khng mun to s ch cho ngi khc, i khi, b hay mc c cng c th c
suy ngh cc oan. Theo iu tra, trong s cc hc sinh hay cy th bt nt cc bn yu hon v
trong s nhng ngi hay ln mt nt ngi th c mt b phn l c tnh mc c. C mt b trai
trng mu gio n khng thm quan tm xem c ai nghe mnh ni hay khng m c lun
ming ni sut ngy, khi no ngng ni th li m cc bn nh khc, b m a cu i vin
kim tra, v pht hin ha ra l biu hin s mc c ca cu, hnh vi m ca cu chng
qua ch l che giu.
Nguyn nhn khin tr mc c
1. S nh hng ca mi trng gia nh v cha m
Nu cha m c tnh cch hng ni, hay xu h th tr cng d c tnh cch mc c, s ngi
l.
2. Tr t c c hi tip xc vi bn ngoi
hin nay phn ln cc gia nh u thch sinh t con, m tr li t c c hi tip xc vi cc bn
cng trang la, cho nn d xut hin khuynh hng hay xu h v s ngi l.
3. Phng php gio dc ca cha m khng ng
Do cha m qu bn rn vi cng vic m khng c thi gian chi cng tr, t giao lu vi tr,
hoc khng thch tr n o, s tr chy nhy nn c cho tr xem ti vi, nghe nhc sut ngy. Khi
tr c hnh vi n o th ln ting qut tho Khng trt t s b n n. Khi tr c chuyn mun
hi th c th s b cha m ch ci, hoc bt ra ch khc, khng c lm phin ngi ln
lm vic. Khi tr b t chi, v sau s d hnh thnh tnh cch c c chuyn l thy mc c, s st.
5. Tnh cch khc ngi
mi a tr u c mt tnh cch khc nhau: c tr hng ni, hay mc c, sng khp kn, c
tr th hot bt, ci m. nu tr thuc nhm c tnh cch hng ni, hay mc c hoc nht nht th
tt nhin s c tm l s ngi l.
Nm bt tm l
Nhng tr hay mc c trong lng lun cm thy mnh khc mi ngi, cha m cn phi
khuyn khch tr nng giao lu vi cc bn cng la tui, v lm nhng vic m tr thch. Khng
nn qut mng tr nhiu, m phi giao lu vi tr bng tri tim, thng xuyn dnh cho tr nh
mt khch l v tin tng, trong lng tr cm thy mnh khng thua km ngi khc, nhng
vic ngi khc lm c th mnh cng c th lm c, t tr dn ha nhp vi tp th, v
loi b tm l e thn.
Phng php gii quyt
Nh tm l hc ca trng i hc Stanford, philip george Zimbardo tng ni: nu t nh tr
mc c m cha m khng quan tm th tm l ny c th s nh hng ti c cuc i ca tr. Do
vy, tr hng ni khng phi l xu, nhng khi tnh cch hng ni ca tr th hin qu mc th
cc bc cha m phi ht sc lu . i vi nhng tr hay mc c, cha m nn thng xuyn tp
cho tr bt mc c dn dn.
1. Tm cch cng c nim tin ca tr
Cha m phi nhn thc c rng, tr hay mc c trn thc t khng ng nghch hn nhng
a tr khc, m chng qua ch l chng khng mun th hin, khng dm lm, s lm khng tt
s b ngi khc ch ci, b ngi ln trch mng. Do vy, cha m c th cho tr bt u lm t
nhng vic n gin nht, tm cch li ko tr tham gia v khch l tr t hon thnh. Khi tr t
c thnh tch nht nh, cha m phi kp c gng to tht nhiu c hi cho tr giao lu vi cc
bn cng trang la, c bit i vi nhng tr l con mt th phi cng lu cho tr tip xc
nhiu vi cc bn khc, ng thi dy tr nhng k nng giao tip cn thit, tuy nhin, i vi
nhng tr hay mc c th khng nn t ngt cho tr tham gia cc hot ng x giao, cng khng
nn p buc tr chi cng cc bn nh khc, cng khng nn ni cu Con nht lm trch
mng tr, m phi tr thch ng dn dn. ng thi, cha m phi khch l tr cng chi, cng
tham gia cc hot ng tp th vi cc bn c kh nng giao tip tt v nng ng hn mnh. Khi
c ngi ch bo, tr s khng cm thy lng tng, v cng c th nm bt c cc k nng giao
tip trong nhng trng hp
c th.
3. Khng nn trch mng
Mc c vn l do t ti, cho nn vi nhng tr hay mc c, bt k trong trng hp no th
trc tin cng phi khch l tr. C mt ngi m n cn hi con gi mc c l nh th no? C
b ni: n ging nh b nhng li nguyn kha cht chn tay. ngi m ni: b m tin rng,
cho d n c nghim trng n mc no th di s gip ca b m, con u c th khc phc
c!. C b nghe m ng vin lin ni: ging nh chng hong t trong chuyn c tch t
nhin xut hin ph b li nguyn.
4. Khng nn ni a b ny hay mc c lm!
Tt nht cha m khng nn ni nhng cu nh a b ny hay mc c lm!, nu khng s
lm cho tm l thn thng ca tr cng nghim trng hn, t khng dm th hin mnh vi
ngi khc.
5. Gip tr nh gi cao bn thn
Tr hay mc c thng nh gi bn thn rt thp, trong hot ng x hi tr thng c cm
gic b b ri. Do vy, cha m phi gip tr pht hin ra im mnh ca mnh, sau to iu
kin tr pht huy im mnh , bit nh gi cao bn thn.V chi a l hot ng c bn
ca tr, l cch tt nht pht huy tnh ch ng ca tr, do vy, khi bi dng tnh mnh dn
cho tr, cha m phi gip tr to ra bu khng kh vui v pht huy ti a tim nng ca con. ni
chung, khi tr chi a vui v th tm l mc c c th s b xua tan, lc ny chnh l thi c rt
tt khch l tr mnh dn ni chuyn.
7. Ch trng bi dng kh nng mnh dn
Cha m c th tch cc gi thng qua tr thy rng mi ngi u yu qu mnh, u
tin tng mnh, ban u, do tm l e d v cm thy khng t tin nn c th tr s khng c phn
ng trc nhng li ni ca cha m. Lc ny, cha tuyt i khng c p tr ni, cng khng
c thy th m cho qua, m phi tr t nhin, khi nghe ngi ln ni chuyn nhiu, t nhin
tr s mun bt chc theo cha m v bt u c phn ng.
8. Tm kim s gip ca c gio
Trng hc thng l ni tr th hin tnh mc c u tin, ng thi cng l ni quan trng
un nn tnh cch ny. tuy nhin, cc c gio rt c th do mi lo i ph vi nhng a tr
nghch ngm m khng quan tm n nhng tr c tnh cch hng ni. Do vy, cha m phi
ch ng nh c gio gip tr thot ra khi tnh cch sng khp kn, nn ni cho c gio bit s
thch c bit ca tr, nh c gip tr khc phc tnh cch .
Tm li, i vi nhng tr hay mc c, cha m nn quan tm nhiu hn, khch l nhiu hn,
ng thi to mi trng v iu kin thun li tr lun c mt tm trng thoi mi, pht huy
tim nng v tnh ch ng ca tr.
Tr hay khc nh
Khc nh l th hin s ti thn, bt mn ca mnh vi ngi khc, trong con mt ca ngi
ln th tr l ngi hnh phc nht, vui v nht v v t nht. Sut ngy tr ch vui a, khng
phi lo lng v vn com o go tin, khng phi chy vy tm cch mu sinh, nhng c rt
nhiu tr 3 tui li hay khc nh. Thc ra ngi ln khng bit rng, ngy no tr cng phi hng
chu rt nhiu ni tht vng.
Tinh hung
Vo mt ngy cui nm, m a gia nhi i ch mua chun b n tt. Khi n gn ch ch
bng ng yu, gia nhi ch tay v pha ch ch ri ni: m oi, m nhn ny, ch ch bng p
qu!, ngi m khng h c phn ng g. gia nhi li ni: m i, ch ch bng p qu, m mua
cho con nh?, ngi m ni: Chng phi con c 2 ch gu bng ri sao? gu bng ca con
p hn ch ch bng ny nhiu!. Sau khi b t chi, gia nh khc tht tht: nhng con vn
cha c ch bng m, con mun c ch ch ny!.
Ngi m rt bun phin v a con ca mnh, c c chuyn g hi pht l b li khc nh,
c yu cu g m khng c p ng cng khc nh ngay.
Phn tch tinh hung
Qua Tnh hung trn c l mi ngi s cho rng a tr trn rt hay m nheo. Thc ra khng
phi nh vy, nu cha m c th nm bt c giai on pht trin tm l ca tr th s thy rng,
khng ch c a tr trn hay khc nh nh vy, m c rt nhiu tr khc cng nh vy, cc b
trai cng khng ngoi l, ch l c im ca tr ang trong thi k quan trng ny m thi.
Th phn ng ca tr khng phi l ln ln hay go khc, m l khc nh. nu tr khng c
c th mnh mun, hoc vic g khng theo ca mnh th tr s khc nc n xin x hoc
mt ngn l t trch mc. trc biu hin ny ca tr, cha m thng xung nc: Con ni
i!, nhng dng nh iu ny
khng h c tc dng g i vi tr.
Lc ny cha m khng trnh khi thc mc: ti sao chng li yu ui nhu vy? n khi no
chng mi ht khc nh vi vnh y?
Trong con mt ca tr th th gii do ngui ln lm ch, cha m quyt nh mi th ca
chng, khi yu cu ca chng b t chi th trong lng cm thy tht vng v cng, nu tr mun
c mt chic t iu khin t xa nhung khng uc cha m p ng, tr s cm thy rt bun,
nu tr i n kem nhung cha m ni khng uc, tr s cm thy tht vng v cng. C l, nu
bit t an i th c th tr s cm thy thoi mi hn, nhung lc ny tr vn chua bit t an i, m
chng ch c th thng qua khc nh th hin s bt mn ca mnh.
Nm bt tm l
Trong cuc sng, cha m l ch cuc sng ca tr. trong con mt ca tr, th gii l do ngui
ln lm ch. Cha m c th quyt nh khi no tr n g, khi no tr ng, khi no mi uc chi,
nhung cha m tuyt i khng th quyt nh tr c cm nhn v phn ng nhu th no, cm nhn
v tm trng ca tr l do chnh bn thn tr kim sot. thc uc iu ny u v cng quan
trng i vi ngui ln v tr. mc d ting khc ca tr kh m khin ngui ta chu ng ni,
nhung cha m nn hiu rng, tr on trch, khc nh l do tr cm thy tht vng, ting khc ca
tr thc ra l phn ng bnh thung tr t thot khi tm trng khng vui.
Phng php gii quyt
Mi ngy tr u gp phi rt nhiu tht bi v hng chu rt nhiu ni tht vng, do vy kh
m trnh khi trch mc, khc nh hoc go tht, l chng mun th hin tm trng hin ti
ca mnh. Do vy, cha m nn lu my iu sau:
1. Cm nhn trong lng l yu t quan trng hnh thnh thc ci ti ca tr c lm cho
ngi ta kh m chp nhn v tha th, th cha m cng nn cho tr bit rng, cm nhn ca
chng l hon ton bnh thng, iu v cng quan trng i vi qu trnh pht trin lnh
mnh ca tr.
2. Tr khng hiu c phng thc biu t cm nhn ca mnh
Con ngi ta sinh ra s c cm nhn ring v nhng s vt khc nhau, nhng tr khng h
bit nhng cm nhn ny n t u, gi l g, tip din trong bao lu, chng phi x l v biu
t cm nhn nh th no, chng cng khng bit rng cm nhn s mang li phin phc g
cho ngi ln. Do vy, cha m phi gip tr nhn thc c cm nhn ca mnh, ng thi gip
tr tm c phong thc biu t cm nhn thch hp nht.
3. Khc nh l hin tng tt yu trong qu trnh trng thnh ca tr
Cc bc cha m tr nn bit rng, tr 3, 4 tui u c hin tng khc nh. Khi tr bit yu cu
ca chng b t chi, chng thng va khc va ni, i khi cn khc nghn ngo, lc ny
dng nh ch c khc mi l phong thc biu t cm nhn tt nht.
4. Cha m nht nh phi hc cch chu ng ting khc ca tr
Lc cn nh, tr va ni va khc l iu ht sc bnh thng, nhng y li l phng thc
biu t khin cha m kh c th chu ni. trong con mt ca ngi ln, tr gin hn khc lc l
mun truyn t thng ip: Cha m phi chiu theo con, nguyn nhn tr khc l do chng
khng bit dng phng thc khc biu t cm nhn ca mnh, m cho d cha m khng p
ng cng khng th tc ng xu n tr, do vy, cha m khng nn qu bn tm n ting khc
ca tr, c bit l cng khng nn cm thy khng th no chu ng ni ting khc .
Khi a ra yu cu, tr lun mong mun c nghe cu tr li dt khot ca cha m, tc l
nghe cha m ni rng h khng th thay i nh, nu khng th thay i nh th phi ni vi
tr: m bit con rt tht vng, nhng by gi m khng th thay i nh, nu con mun khc
th con c th khc mt cht. mt lt sau cha m mi n xem tr th no.
6. Dy tr hc cch biu t tm trng ca mnh bng phng thc m ngi ln c th tip
nhn
Cha m hy c gng phn tch cho tr hiu rng khc lc s khin ngi khc kh tip nhn
thnh cu ca tr, ng thi; cha m nn gip tr hc cch dng phng thc m ngi ln c th
tip nhn biu t mun ca mnh, ngoi ra, cha m phi cho tr bit rng, cha m lun quan
tm n chng, v cng quan tm c nhng cm nhn ca chng. Khi tr khc nh vi cha m
mua cho choi hay th g , c th ni vi tr: m bit con cm thy v cng tht vng v
khng uc mua chi, nhung con khc nh c vi vnh th qu tht m khng thch cht
no...
7. Bnh tnh ch i s thay i ca tr
Cng ln tr s cng trung thnh hn, khng nn i tr ngay lp tc thay i. tr cn phi
tri nghim nhiu, v cn phi nghe cha m ch bo nhiu, tuy tr khng th nhanh chng kt
thc hnh vi khc nh, nhung trong qung thi gian lin tc tri nghim, tr s hc uc cch s
dng cc phung thc khc biu t tm ca mnh.
Tm hiu nguyn nhn tr hay cn
Khi nh, tr dng ming n, b, ng thi cng dng ming nhn bit th gii, y
chnh l nguyn nhn khin tr hay cho chi ln ming, nhng cng vi s trng thnh ca
tr, kh nng ngn ng cng pht trien, cn kh nng hnh ng pht trin theo, ming quay v
chc nng n l ch yu. tuy nhin, c nhng tr dng nh rt thch dng ming lm cng c,
chng quen dng ming nhn bit s vt, l con ng tt chng tm hiu th gii bn
ngoi, ng thi cng l phng thc chng t th gin, tr tui ny i khi t nhin thch
cn ngi khc mt ci, cng l iu rt bnh thng, nhng nu hin tng cn ngi xut
hin nhiu th cha m phi ht sc lu .
Tnh hung
mt bui chiu, ch mai bt ng nhn c in thoi t nh tr gi n, ni ch phi n nh
tr ngay, va n ni, c gio lin ni: b hoa nh ch li cn bn. Ch nhn thy trn c tay ca
c b ng cnh c gio c 2 vt rng hn rt su. hm kia, khi b nh ch cn bn, ti ph
bnh b trc lp, ti ni b lm nh vy l sai. nhng hm qua, b vn cn mt bn khc, n
hm nay c 3 bn b b cn ri. Ch mai nghe xong lin hi nguyn nhn, ha ra l do b
ginh chi ca cc bn, v khng ginh c nn mi quay sang cn bn. nghe c gio ni
xong, ch mai ko con gi sang mt bn ri ni: chi l chi chung, khng c tranh
ginh, m cn bn l con sai ri, con nhn xem, cc bn b con cn ang au lm , cc con u
l nhng ngi bn thn, l ra phi chi cng nhau mi ng.
Nhng ch c vi hm b li cn bn, ch mai rt lo, ch khng hiu v sao con mnh li gh
gm nh vy, ch khng bit phi lm th no b b c hnh vi xu ...
Nh tm l hc, tin s ngi m, aubum Stamus cho rng: tr tm 3 tui cn ngi khng
h c xu, tr mi hc i vn cha bit cch dng ngn ng biu t cm nhn ca
mnh, nn thng thng qua phng thc cn ngi biu t s phn chn v kch ng ca
chng, tr cn ngi thng c my nguyn nhn sau:
1. Mc rng nga li dn n cn ngi
Tr tui ny ang trong thi k cao tro ca qu trnh pht trin sinh l, s trng
thnh nhanh chng ny c th mang li cm gic kh chu v sinh l nh: au nhc xng khp,
nhc mi c bp,... ng thi, khi tr mc rng, do nim mc li b kch thch nn c hin tng
nga ngy, khin tr rt mun cn tht mnh vo th g , khi mong mun ny khng c tha
mn th c th tr s cn ngi.
2. Kh nng biu t ngn ng cn km
Sau khi bit i, cng vi s tng dn ca kh nng hot ng, phm vi hot ng dn m
rng, hot ng x giao cng tng rt nhanh, nhng do kh nng biu t ngn ng cn km, tr
khng bit phi giao tip vi ngi khc nh th no, nn chng thng dng cc phng thc
nh y, ko, cn gy ch vi bn b, thng qua thc hin mc ch giao tip v biu
t nguyn vng ca mnh.
3. Cn ngi l trt gin
Tr 3 tui thng coi mnh l trung tm, khi tm l khng c thoi mi th tr mun thng
qua phng thc cn ngi trt b bc bi. v d, khi ang chi cng cc bn m b bn ginh
chi th phn ng lc ny nu khng phi l nh th tt s l cn ngi.
4. Bt chc v hiu k
i khi tr cn ngi l mt hnh vi bt chc mang tnh x hi, nn bit rng tr vn rt hiu
k, khi tr nhn thy cc bn khc cn nhau, bn thn tr cng mun th cn ai xem th no.
trong giai on ny, kh nng bt chc ca tr rt gii, cho nn chuyn tr cn ngi thng
xuyn xy ra.
Khi nhu cu c yu v c quan tm ca tr khng c p ng, tr c th s cn ngi
khc gy s ch v th hin s bt an ca mnh.
6. Phng php gio dc gia nh khng hp l
C nhng bc cha m do s con mnh khi ra ngoi s phi chu thit thi, nn thng khch l
con mnh khi tranh ginh vi bn khc khng c t ra yu th, c tr khi tranh ginh bt ng
dng phng thc cn bn ginh chin thng, nu hnh ng y c cha m tn thnh th sau
ny tr thng dng phng thc c hip, da nt bn khc, t dn hnh thnh thi quen
xu.
Nm bt tm l
Tr 1 tui i khi cng cn ngi, nhng iu c coi l hin tng bnh thng, v tr
ang mc rng, nn khi nhn thy th g cng thch dng rng cn, m tr mt tui thc cht
vn cha phn bit c l cn ngi hay cn vt.
i vi hnh vi cn ngi ca tr, cha m khng nn trch mng nhiu, trnh tc ng xu
n tr. Cha m nn chn phng thc gio dc tch cc nng cao kh nng phn bit ng sai
ca con, nh vy va c th phng trnh hu hiu hnh vi sai tri ca con, ng thi cn c th
nng cao kh nng i ph ng n vi s c bt ng c th xy ra khi chi a cng cc bn
khc.
Phng php gii quyt
( 1 ) nu do mc rng nga li m tr c hnh vi cn ngi th cha m c th cho tr mt vt
g p ng nhu cu ca tr. v d, cho tr n cng rau mm hay bng sp l c th p
ng c nhu cu c bit trong thi k c bit ny ca tr.
(2) Do kh nng biu t ngn ng cn km nn tr c hnh vi cn ngi, cha m phi dy
tr hc cch s dng ngn ng, tr hiu rng, ngoi phng thc cn ngi ra, cn c rt
nhiu phng thc khc cng c th biu t cm nhn m khng lm tn thng ngi
khc.Nu tr khng th biu t r ngh ca mnh th cha m c th lm mu, nh vy tr s bit
cch dng ngn ng giao lu vi ngi khc, ch khng phi ch dng ming v rng.
(3) nu tr coi cn ngi l trt gin th cha m phi lp tc ngn chn hnh vi ny. hy
th rt ngn thi gian tr chi a cng cc bn, hoc hn ch s ngi cng chi, phi lu
trng hp 2 tr cng mun chi mt mn , khi thy tr tranh ginh phi lp tc tch ri chng
ra. nn cho tr chi tr chi cn s yn tnh, hoc m bo cho tr ng y . Cc chuyn gia
nghin cu cho bit: kch ng mnh l mt trong nhng nguyn nhn thung gp nht khin tr
c hnh vi cn ngui, mt a tr lun uc ng trong mi trung yn tnh v m bo ng y
gic thung t c hnh vi cn ngui hon.
(4) nu tr ch l bt chuc do hiu k th cha m phi ni r vi tr rng, cn ngui l hnh
vi khng tt, khng uc cha m, thy c v cc bn yu mn, li cn khin ngui khc b tn
thuong. phi lin tc nhn mnh vi tr rng, l hnh vi khng tt, khi nhn thy tr c nh
cn ngui, cha m phi dng li ni hoc nh mt nghim cm tuyt i, tr hiu rng, cha
m khng mun tr lm nhu vy.
(5) C nhng tr cn ngui l do khng uc tha mn nhu cu tm l uc yu, uc quan
tm, uc tha nhn, trong trung hp ny, cha m phi thay i phuong php gio dc i vi
tr, khng uc t ra yu cu qu cao, phi cn c vo tnh hnh thc t ca tr gip v
khch l, tr to lp nim tin, loi b tr ngi tm l, ng thi nhn thc uc ci sai ca hnh
vi cn ngui.
(6) i vi hnh vi cn ngui ca tr, cha m nht nh phi c thi nghim tc, thay i
phung php gio dc. nu tr cn ngui th phi kp thi ph bnh, cho tr nhn li truc hnh
vi , ng thi phi bi thung v vt cht v tinh thn cho ngui b cn, qua hnh ng thc t
y gio dc tr, t thay i hnh vi khng tt ca tr.
Tr da dm khng th xa ri cha m
Trong cuc sng hin thc, c rt nhiu a tr c thch bm ly m. m i n u chng
theo n , khng ri mt buc. C l c ngui cho rng, tr nhu vy th sau ny ln ln s hiu
thun vi cha m, nhung thc t y chnh l biu hin ca trng thi khng bnh thung v tm
l ca tr. mt a tr thiu kh nng t lp th sau ny ln ln s nhu th no?
Tnh hung
hi anh 3 tui ri, mi ln i nh tr hoc n thm ng b, b u go khc mt hi. nhn
thy hi anh khc mi, m cm thy rt au lng, thm ch cn thung xuyn quay li an i. Khi
m quay li, hi anh lin cui ri m cht ly m. Do vy, m ca hi anh cho rng l do b
cn qu nh, sau ny ln ln s n.
Phn tch tinh hung
Xt t gc tm l th vic da dm m trong thi k u ca tr l rt bnh thung, cng
l iu rt cn thit.
Khi tr bit ni, bit i, c th t do khm ph th gii bn ngoi th tr s khng quan tm
n s kim sot bn ngoi m ch thch th hin sc mnh ca mnh, cng l biu hin ca
tnh t ch. nhung c nhng bc cha m li khng hiu v cng khng quen vi s thay i ny
ca tr, h vn coi tr nhu cn rt nh v phi da dm vo m ch khng nhn nhn tr nhu mt
ngui t lp. bi vy, khi tr kht khao mun ph b mi quan h nh hp gia cha, m v tr
th cha m li cho rng tr bt u chng i. nhu vy s cng khin tr lun li vo cha m, n
khi khng c cha m bn, tr s tr nn lng tng khng bit xoay s th no.
Nhu trung hp b hi anh ni trn, biu hin ca ngui m s lm cho hi anh thc uc
rng, m khng n ri mnh nn mi cngkhc tn. Chc nng x hi ha ca tr uc hon
thin ngay mi trung gia nh, cha m phi bi dng cho tr tnh t lp v lng hiu k i
vi th gii bn ngoi, nhng c nhng bc cha m lun lo lng con mnh ra ngoi s b c hip,
cho nn c cho con nh, con lun trng thnh trong s bao bc ca cha m, thc ra iu
ny s c tc dng ngc li i vi s trng thnh lnh mnh ca tr.
iu ng lu l, tm l da dm ca tr i khi li biu hin rt kh hiu, v d, gp bt c
chuyn g tr cng hi cha m v sao, khin cha m lm tng rng lc ny chnh l thi k quan
trng m mang tr tu ca tr.
S thc c ng nh vy khng? nu quan st k, cha m s pht hin ra rng, thc ra tr vn
cha nghim tc lng nghe cu tr li ca cha m, m c nhc li cu hi ca mnh, tr cng cha
tng ngh xem phi gii quyt vn nh th no. tr khng h cm thy hng th vi s kin tr
ging gii ca cha m, tr hi nh vy l mun li dng chiu tr n gin ny nu ko cha m
bn.
Nu tr khng th ri xa cha m, ri xa gia nh th sau ny ln ln tnh tnh s nht nht, k
quc, k nng sng v kh nng giao tip tng i km, nh vy s rt kh thch ng c vi
x hi y ry nhng cnh tranh khc lit. Thc ra, s trng thnh ca tr phi dn dn thot
khi s da dm vo cha m, cng ging nh mng tre phi bc b tng lp v bn ngoi tr
thnh cy tre. L cha m, nht nh phi bit c thi im no ph hp nht gip tr thot
khi v bc ca cha m, nu tr 3 tui khng chuyn t thi k da dm sang thi k t lp th
lu dn s hnh thnh tnh cch li.
Trong cuc sng hin i, a s cc bc cha m u khng nhn thc c tnh nguy hi ca
vic tr da dm, thm ch c nhng bc cha m cn rt hi lng vi trng thi ny, v h thy
mnh rt d kim sot c t tng v ch ca tr, khng tn nhiu sc lc qun thc con ci.
tr khng th lm tri cha m, khng lm cha m tc gin, iu cng c ngha l a tr ny
s khng khin cha m phi bn tm nhiu. Th l cha m cho rng a tr nh vy l ngoan
nht, l ng yu nht, m h khng thy c tc ng xu ca trng thi ny i vi tr.
Tr sng lu trong s kim sot ca cha m cng c ngha l t b kh nng t t duy v
hnh ng ca mnh, iu ny chc chn s nh hng n s pht trin tr lc ca tr. hn na,
tm l da dm ny cng rt d hnh thnh nn tnh li bing, th . Nh vy, tim nng sng
to bm sinh ca tr b thu hp.
Nm bt tm l
Tm l da dm li l nhn t m a s tr u c. tnh cch ca chng thng nht nht,
quen np sau lng ngi ln tm kim s an ton, tr nh vy sau ny ln ln cng s phi
sng mt mnh, v li cng khng tin mnh c th t hon thnh tt mt vic no , dng nh
mi chuyn u phi nh n s gip ca ngi ln mi hon thnh c, nh vy c th
khng nh chc chn rng, tm l da dm c nh hng v cng ln i vi s trng thnh
ca tr.
Phng php gii quyt
i vi tr c tm l da dm, cha m ch cn ch dn dt th tnh da dm ca chng s bt
dn.
1. nh lc hng ch cho tr
i vi nhng tr khng thch i nh tr, cha m c th cho tr i sm mt cht, v khng nn
ri khi trng ngay, trc tin nn cng tr tr chuyn, chi a vi c gio v cc bn nh
khc, tr rt nhanh b li cun bi nhng s vt m tr thch, lc ny cha m mi ra v, v nh
vy tr cng s khng khc. Sau mt thi gian t nhin chng s bt dn tnh da dm vo cha
m.
2. Bi dng thi quen t lm vic
Cha m nht nh phi ch bi dng tnh t lp ca tr ngay t nh. ni chung, tr ngoi 2
tui l bt u c mun t lm vic, nhng thng lm cho s vic cng t hn. Lc ny, cha
m tuyt i khng c ph bnh, hoc tc ot quyn lm vic ca tr, m phi ng vin
khch l tr, nu khng chng s d c cm gic tht bi, v sau cng da dm vo cha m hn.
3. Dt khot xa ri tr
Cha m phi dt khot xa ri tr, tr c mt khng gian hot ng t do.
va hc i lin tc ni: Coi chng ko ng, nu khng s lm cho tr quen vi s theo
st ca cha m, khi cha m khng bn, tr s khng thch ng c m lun cm thy bt an.
4. Gip tr hiu rng t lp l rt cn thit
Tuy tr vn cn nh, nhng cha m vn phi gip tr hiu dn vai tr quan trng ca tnh t
lp trong cuc i sau ny. Cha m c th cho tr quan st cc con vt cng, hng dn tr t
duy: Khi chim non ln ln, ti sao chim m li ui chng ra khi t? tr hiu rng, ln ln
chng cng phi hc cch xa ri cha m.
5. Cho tr choi vi cc bn nh cng la tui
Dn dt tr sm giao tip x hi l trch nhim, ng thi cng l ngha v ca cc bc cha
m. hin nay, tr thnh ph thng sng
Trong cc ta nh cao tng, thng ngy ngoi i nh tr th rt t c co hi choi a vi cc
bn cng la tui, nh vy sau ny ln ln rt c
Th tr s tr nn nht nht, lm l v khng thch giao tip. Do vy, cha m c th mi tr
nh hng xm hoc con ca bn n nh choi, nhm p ng nhu cu giao lu ca tr. Cha m
cng c th nng cho tr i chi, i xem trin lm, gip tr m rng tm nhn, tt c nhng
vic ny u c th gim bt tnh li, gip tr dn hon thin nhn cch ca mnh.
Tr Khng c chnh Kin
C nhng bc cha m nhn thy rng, con mnh khi vui chi cng cc bn ch l chi theo
cc bn khc, tc l ch theo ui, hnh vi theo ui ny ca tr thung khin cha m lo rng
tr khng c chnh kin, v thiu t tin.
Tnh hung
Con gi ch Dung tn l Khnh huyn, uc 3 tui rui. Cc c gio nh tr thung khen
b l a tr rt hiu bit, c biu hin rt tch cc, thm ch cn c cht n cn. Cc bn khc u
ng quanh c ung nuc, cn b th ng gc lp thu dn bn gip c. Khi chi, b cng h ht
theo cc bn; khi cc bn chi xp hnh, b cng i chi xp hnh; khi cc bn ua ming hnh
cho b i chi tr khc th b li quang ming hnh i, ri nhn chm chm vo chi mi
ca cc bn... bnh thung khi nh chi vi cha m, Khnh huyn cng lun mun cha m
hung dn cch chi, dung nhu b khng ch ng ngh ra tr g hung dn cha m chi.
Ch Dung suy ngh rt nhiu v mi trung trung thnh ca Khnh huyn: truc khi
Khnh huyn uc 30 thng tui, b thung sng vi ng b dui qu, qu cn c mt cu, nn
thi gian ny b c bn ch chi vi ngui ln. Do tnh tnh ca cu rt tr con, nn trong nh c
n g ngon, chi g hay cng u tranh ca chu, b ngoi rt thung chu gi, nn khi mua
qu b thung ln ua cho chu n, v dn nh giu k, nu cu c nhn thy th bo khng c.
Phn tch tinh hung
S d tr khng c chnh kin rt c th l do s ch dn ca ngui ln khng ng, mt khc,
do t nh b sng trong s bao bc ca ngui ln, nu uc ng b v cu cho php th nhng
nguyn vng ca mnh s uc p ng, lu dn b s lun tm cch ly lng ngui khc, trng
thi tm l ny s lm cho tr lun ngui khc, lun tm cch ly lng c gio uc
quan tm ch
-
Nm bt tm l
Nguyn nhn khin tr khng c chnh kin thng c lin quan n phng thc gio dc
ca cha m. ph bnh, trch mng tr qu nhiu, hay t k vng qu cao v khng thit thc u
d khin cho tr lun c cm gic bt an. nguyn tc gio dc tr quan trng nht l khch l l
chnh. Cha m phi khng nh u im ca tr, khch l tr c gng, lu dn nim tin s tng dn
v tr s tr thnh mt ngi c chnh kin.
Phng php gii quyt
1. Cho tr tham gia v lm ch
C th cho tr lm ch nhng vic nh nh: Khi t chc sinh nht, tr c th mi cc bn n
chi; hay tr mang chi n nh tr,...
Nhng vic ln th c th cho tr cng tham gia, v tr vn cn qu nh, nn rt nhiu vic vn
cn ti s gip ca ngi ln. Chng hn khi mua qun o, cha m c th tr t la chn
kiu dng v mu sc, cn cc vn khc th do cha m quyt nh.
2. Tn trng s la chn ca tr
T ch trong vic n: trong trng hp va vi kh nng ca tr m khng nh hng n
vic n ung, cha m c th tr t chn mn n. Chng hn khi n hoa qu, cha m khng nn
p tr nay phi n to, mai n chui, m c th tr t la chn.
T ch trong vic mc: Khi cho tr ra ngoi chi, trong iu kin m bo an ton v sc
khe, cha m c th tr t quyt nh xem nn mc qun o g, khng nn c theo ca mnh
m khng quan tm n cm nhn ca tr.
T ch trong vui chi: Khi vui chi, phn ln tr u khng mun ngi ln t ra nhng quy
tc, tr rt mun t quyt nh phng thc chi v tri nghim nim vui trong . L cha m, tt
nht hy tr t la chn chi v cch chi, lm nh vy c th p ng ti a thc t ch
ca tr, gip tr tr thnh mt ngi c chnh kin.
3. Dy tr ni Khng, tr c lp suy ngh
Ni chung, trong tm tr ca tr th cha m v c gio l nhng ngi c quyn uy nht, tr rt
t khi by t s nghi ng v ch th ca nhng ngi c quyn uy . b con ni..., C gio con
ni... thng l nhng cu ca ming ca tr. nhng, mun lm cho tr tr thnh ngi c chnh
kin, c th c lp suy ngh vn th phi bi tr s sng bi nhng quyn uy . L cha m,
tt nht hy to ra mt s trng hp cn ni Khng, cng tr chi tr chi ni Khng,
chng hn cha m c th ni: bt ch, bt bi, hp bt u cng ch bt, tr c th ni: Khng
ng, hp bt khng phi l bt, tm li, trong cuc sng, cha m c th c tnh to nhng sai
st nh ri thu ht tr quan tm n nhng sai st , ng thi ni vi tr rng, bt k ngi ln
hay tr nh cng u c lc phm sai lm, khi tr nhn thc c iu ny th s khng theo ui
v bt chc ngi khc mt cch m qung.
4. Cng tr chi tr chi pht trin tr lc
Cha m c th tm mt ch hoc mt vn tng i r rng, ri c gng khch l tr tm
cch gii quyt, v d, bn c th hi tr: qu bng ln vo trong l ri th phi lm th no
ly ra c?, Khi chi tr gia nh lp, ln no minh qun cng ng vai lm b, cn con lm
con, nhng hm nay con mun ng vai lm b, vy con phi ni vi minh qun nh th no?
iu ng lu l, khi chi tr chi ny, cha m phi tun th 4 nguyn tc: Khng c trch
mng v ph bnh tr; Cu tr li ca tr cng k quc, cng mi l cng tt; S lng cu tr li
cng nhiu cng tt; bin php cng thc dng cng tt. nu tr c th kin tr chi mi ngy t
15-30 pht l c th khi gi c hng th tch cc suy ngh ca tr, khin cho tr nhn thc
c rng, mt vn c rt nhiu cch gii quyt, v bn thn tr cng c th ngh c rt
nhiu bin php, t m tng thm nim tin cho tr.
5. Bnh tnh lng nghe li tr ni
bnh tnh lng nghe nhng g tr ni, ng thi khch l v hng dn tr t do biu t tm t
ca mnh, nh vy va th hin cha m lun tn trng tr, va c th bi dng tnh t ch cho
tr mt cch hu hiu.
Thi k quan Trng Th hai
5 tui - thi k phin toi Ca tr
Thi k phin toi - tr ngoan l do ch dn ca cha m
Tr 5 tui rt ham hc hi, thch tm ti khm ph v rt t m. Thi k ny, cha m phi
nhanh nhy nm bt nhng vn m tr quan tm, d lm th s khin cha m vt v nhung
li l vic lm hu ch vi con tr.
Thng thung, tr 5 tui c tu duy tuong i pht trin, ng thi tm l cng pht trin
tong i phc tp. L cha m, phi tm hiu th gii ni tm ca tr hung tr pht trin lnh
mnh.
Khi tr hi:me 01, con c sinh ra th no?
Tr trc tui i hc thng rt ham hc hi, chng c th hi nhng cu k quc, v cng
c th hi nhng cu rt nc ci, hay cng c th hi nhng cu k cc him thy, li cng c
th hi nhng cu khin ngi ln kh lng no gii p ni...
Hu nh cc bc cha m u tng c tr hi rng: m i, con c sinh ra th no?, rt
nhiu bc cha m khng bit phi tr li cu hi nh th no. Khng c la di tr m li
phi gip tr hnh dung c r rng qu thc l lm kh cha m ri.
Tnh hung
Ch nga c mt cu con trai rt thng minh v ng yu, tn l c mnh, cu b gn 5 tui,
mt hm, c mnh hi m: m i, con c sinh ra th no? m tr li: Con l do m sinh ra
y. c mnh li hi: Th sinh ra bng cch no? m ni: Con c sinh ra t bng ca
m. Cu b vn khng chu thi, li hi: Th con sinh ra t bng m nh th no? Ch nga
ang khng bit tr li th no th bng nh ra chuyn mnh tng ct b rut tha, th l lin
vch cho con xem vt so trn bng, ni: Con c m ly ra ch ny. n lc ny cu b
mi khng hi na.
my hm sau, cu b i nh tr v va nhn thy m khoe: m i, bn huy lp con l do b
bn y sinh ra y. m ni: Ch c m mi c th sinh em b c thi. Cu b m to mt nhn
m ni: nhng trn bng ca m bn huy khng c vt m, m trn bng ca b bn y li c.
Phn tch tinh hung
Tr vn rt t m v ham hc hi, thc mc Con c sinh ra th no? chnh l biu hin
ca s ham hc hi, dng nh a tr no
Nhng tr lun cm thy hiu k i vi tt c mi th trong gii t nhin ng nhin cng
rt quan tm n s ra i ca bn thn, trong giai on t 2 tui ri n 5 tui, tr c th s hi
cha m vn ny, nu cha m c s chun b trc cho cu hi ny th ng nhin s tr li
mt cch d dng.
Phn ln cc bc cha m u mun n trnh cc cu hi lin quan n phng din gii tnh
m tr a ra, tuy nhin, lm nh vy khng n cht no, cha m cng n trnh vn ny th tr
cng hi nhiu. Thc ra, tn dng mt s c hi, la chn mt s phng php thch hp tin
hnh gio dc gii tnh cho tr l vic lm ht sc cn thit. 3 tui l c th tin hnh gio dc
ph cp v gii tnh cho tr. trc tin l t nhn thc v gii tnh: a ra khi nim khc nhau v
gii tnh nam v n, cha m c th la chn thi im thch hp hng dn tr, ng thi ni
cho tr bit s khc bit gia nam v n. trong thi k ny, cha m cn c th ni vi tr rng:
Khng c ty tin phi by c th ca mnh, cng khng c ngi khc t tin s m,
phi coi trng c th ca mnh v ca ngi khc, nhng vic g mnh khng mun lm th cng
khng c p ngi khc phi lm.
Tuy nhin, trong Tnh hung trn, ngi m khng tr li ht cu hi ca tr, sau ny tr vn
c th hi cc vn tng t, v lng hiu k ca tr l v cng. Khi tr a ra mt cu hi, cha
m ch c gii p ton b thc mc ca chng th chng mi thi khng hi na.
Nm bt tm l
hin nay chng ta ci m hn khi ni v gii tnh, nhng nhiu khi vn rt bo th. v d
i vi vn hn nhn v sinh con, cha m thng khng tin ni vi con tr. Cc vn m tr
hi nh Con sinh ra t u? hay Con c sinh ra nh th no? chnh l biu hin ca lng
hiu k v ham hc hi ca tr trc tui i hc, c bit cng l biu hin hc cch suy
ngh ca tr. Do vy, cha m phi c gng tr li cc cu hi ca tr, ng nhin c mt s cu
hi c th tm thi cha tm ra c p n ph hp, khng th tr li ngay, cha m c th
yu cu tr cng bn i tm p n, tuyt i khng c trch mng tr hoc ba chuyn linh
tinh tr li, cn tr lng hiu k v tr ham hc hi ca tr.
Phng php gii quyt
Khi tr hi: Con c sinh ra th no? cha m nn hiu, tr hi ny cu ny khng phi l
mun tm hiu v gii tnh, ch v t m m thi. Lc ny, cha m nn tr li th ny: Con l
do ba m sinh ra. Cn gii thch th phi cn c vo tui v mc nhn thc ca tr t t
dn dt, c gng tr li chnh xc bng phng thc m tr c th tip nhn. C th trc tip ni
vi tr: ba v m sau khi yu thng nhau v i n kt hn, ngoi hnh ng m hn, cn phi
cho tinh trng ca ba i vo t bo trng ca m, sau pht trin thnh con trong bng ca
m, cui cng sinh ra con qua ng sn
o ca m, hoc cng c th ni vi tr nh th ny: Sau khi ba m kt hn, con c ln
ln trong bng m. ban u ch l mt t bo, gi l trng th tinh, v sau n bt u tch thnh
2, 4, 8... sau ln dn ri hnh thnh u, c, mnh v chn tay. Khi con b t to, mt vn
cha nhn thy g, con nm trong bng m gn 10 thng, lc con l mt a tr nng gn
3,5 kg. v sau, con khng mun mi trong bng m na, th l m c cc bc s gip cho
con cho i, ng thi cng c th ni vi con rng, sinh con l mt qu trnh v cng gian
kh, nhn bi dng thc yu qu sinh mnh v hiu thun vi cha m cho tr.
y l cch gii p c tnh khoa hc, ph hp vi tr t 3 n 5 tui. nh vy, cha m nn
dng ngn ng hnh tng ha tr li cu hi m tr quan tm, nu qu trnh hon chnh ch
khng i su vo chi tit, va p ng c lng hiu k ca tr, li c th gip cho tr l gii
c vn .
Tuyt i khng c ni vi tr: Con c ba m nht trn ng ph (trong ng rc),
hay Con nhy ra t trong ng nh vy s lm cho tm l ca tr c cm gic hoang mang,
khng bit thuc v u, tt nhin s nh hng n quan h t nhin gia tr vi cha m.
2 ngha sau:
- nm bt c qu trnh ra i ca con ngi, tr c th hiu c tm quan trng ca s
sng, t hnh thnh thc tn trng v qu trng sinh mnh. C nghin cu cho thy: nu tr
bit qu trng s sng th n khi hc cp ii, cp iii s khng lm hi ngi khc v bn thn.
- nm bt qu trnh ra i ca con ngi, c th lm cho tr hiu c s vt v ca m trong
qu trnh sinh n, tr cm nhn c s v t v v i ca tnh mu t, t cng yu qu m
hon, quan tm n m hn. Khi tnh mu t ny c m rng th c th bi dng tr thnh mt
ngi giu lng yu thong.
Khi tr hi:ti sao Ba lai mc ru? 99
ti sao ba li mc ru? khi tr hi iu ny, cha m khng uc cui, m phi khch l tr
tip tc quan st. nghin cu pht hin, tr c kh nng quan st tt th tr lc ca tr cao hon hn
nhm c kh nng quan st km. Kh nng quan st uc bi dung v pht trin ngay t nh, l
mt qu trnh tch ly t t. Do vy, phi coi trng vic sm bi dung kh nng quan st ca tr,
c bit l thi k truc tui i hc.
Tnh hung 1
Th anh l mt cu b rt ng yu, hin uc 5 tui rui, ang theo hc ti trung mm
non nh Dung. b bit ca ht, c th, li cn bit m phng theo cc con vt, c bit b rt
thch v, cc bn trong lp u thch chi cng b.
Mt bui sng ch nht, b nh rng ra mt cng vi b. Khi nhn thy b cm dao co ru,
b m to mt nhn b chm chm, sau cng t soi gung, lic bn tri ri li ng bn phi,
pht hin thy mnh khng c ru. Sau b chy n bn m, ngm ngha khun mt ca m v
pht hin m cng khng c ru, b cm thy rt l, th l ln hi m: m i, ti sao b c ru m
chng ta li khng c nh? m nghe b hi vy lin cui ri ni r nguyn nhn, nhung Th anh
vn m to mt nhn m rt kh hiu.
Tnh hung 2
ang n sng, minh quang t nhin hi m: m i, ti sao b li c ru?
m ni: tt c n ng u c ru con !
Minh quang: nhung b khng phi l ng ni.
m cui ni: Con ngh rng ch c ng ni mi c ru ? Khng phi th, m nhng ngui
tr cng c ru.
Minh quang: Th ti sao m li khng c ru?
v m l ph n. y chnh l s khc bit gia nam v n! m gii thch.
Minh quang vn cm thy kh hiu: Th ti sao con li khng c? m li ni: Sau ny con ln,
con cng s c ru.
Nm bt tm l
Tr khng ch rt quan tm n s khc bit gia bn thn vi cc bn khc, m cn rt quan
tm n s khc bit gia bn thn vi ngui ln. tr c th thy rt nhiu s khc bit,
chng t tr c kh nng quan st v kh nng tu duy nht nh, ng thi, s pht trin kh
nng quan st ca tr cng l qu trnh cm nhn s vt khch quan.
Kh nng quan st l nhn t quan trng cho s pht trin tr lc, cha m nht nh phi bi
dng kh nng quan st cho tr. nu cha m c v tr quan st, ng thi khch l tr t tm ti,
t khm ph th kh nng quan st ca tr lun uc rn luyn trong cuc sng thung ngy.
Phuong php gii quyt ti sao b li c ru?
v b l n ng. trong co th ca n ng c hoc-mn khin cho ru mc. Tr li nhu vy
tuy gii p c cu hi m tr a ra, nhng i vi mt b trai th hiu c cu tr li
ny li l iu rt kh. Chng ta phi tha nhn rng, cc cu hi ca b trai t ra i khi rt kh
tr li, nu tin hnh tho lun vi tr th ch cng khin tr cng m h hon, nh vy chi bng
dng tri tim thu hiu gc r ca vn , ri tr li bng nhng cu m tr c th hiu c,
ngoi ra, c th t ra nhiu cu hi khc tr t suy ngh.
Ni chung, tr 3, 4 tui rt hay bt chc theo ngi khc, tr thng mun bt chc ngi
ln, do vy, nhng cu hi m tr t ra thc ra cng ch biu t mt nguyn vng, chng khng
hi l do mc ru, m l mun ging nh b, mun tri nghim cm gic co ru. Do vy, lc
ny cha m c th ni vi tr rng, cc b trai sau ny tr thnh ngi ln cng u mc ru. nu
tr vn cha hi lng th c th ni tip: Chc chn con s mc ru nh b, n lc con c th
cng co ru vi b. Thng thng, tr nghe ni vy s cm thy hi lng.
Khng phi sinh ra tr cm thy thch th mi s vt, do vy cha m phi khch l tr chu
kh quan st, ngoi ra cn phi gip tr nm bt phung thc quan st. Cc hc gi nghin cu
phung php gio dc tr cho rng, phung php tt nht bi dung kh nng quan st l
dy tr nhng im chung v im ring, nhu vy s c tc dng quan trng gip tr tng thm s
hiu bit, lm quen vi th gii, pht trin tr lc v hnh thnh t cht tm l tt.
Khi tr Ni: m i, con mun ly m
Tr trc tui i hc thng sng rt tnh cm vi cha m, biu hin ca tr t 3-7 tui rt
r rng, cc nh tm l hc gi l phc cm ip (1) (tc dc vng v thc ca mt a
tr i vi cha/m khc gii tnh vi n).
Nh phn tch tm l - tinh thn Sigmund Schlomo Freud cho rng, phc cm ip c li cho
vic bi dung tnh cch c lp ca con ci. Sau tui dy th, phc cm ip ca a s tr s
t mt i, khng nh hung n s hnh thnh tnh cch ring. C mt s t ngui sau tui dy th
vn duy tr tnh trng phc cm ip rt nghim trng, tnh trng ny s tc ng xu n cuc
sng sau ny, c bit l i vi cuc sng hn nhn, nu khng uc hung dn ng n th s
dn pht trin thnh vn tm l.
Tnh hung
n ti xong, m ca hi ngi phng khch, dng cc ming xp hnh xp thnh con ung
cao tc v dng mt cy cu vut, 2 m con ang chun b choi tr choi ua xe, hi thch th v
cng, chc chc li cui khc khch.
Sau vi lut, hi bng ni: M oi, c phi m rt thung con khng?
ung nhin ri, con yu!
M c bit con cng yu m nhiu lm khng? Khng i m tr li, hi lin ni: Con
mun ly m!
Khng uc, m ly b ri. M ni.
Th th m c ly thm ln na, ln ny l ly con! Ni xong hi m cht ly m ri hn ln
m ca m.
(1) Cn gi l mc cm ip
trong lng hi t nh: Con mun hng ngy m u k chuyn cho con, cng choi vi con.
Nu con ly m th m s khng i lm na, m sut i s khng ri xa con.
Mi y, hi em tm s ny ni vi cu bn thn nht ca mnh, bn ny tn l Long, Long
cng ni: Mnh cng ni vi m t lu ri, khi no mnh ln, mnh s ly m!
Phn tch tinh hung
Ni chung, khi tr trc tui i hc t dng tuyn b k hoch kt hn ca mnh, khng
t cc bc cha m s cm thy kh khn v khng bit x tr nh th no. C nhng b m khng
nn c gin mng t tt: ng c ni by! h thm ch cn v cng lo s rng con mnh
mi cn nh th m suy ngh vn vo n chuyn gii tnh.
Thc ra, khi tr ni Con mun ly m hoc cp n vn nhy
cm nh ti sao phi kt hn, cha m hy c bnh tnh, khng nn qu hong ht. Nh b
hi trong tnh th trn, b mun ly m ch l mun by t s yu mn v hn m b dnh cho m,
hn na, b cho rng phi dng t ly mi c th by t c ht tnh cm ca mnh.
Thc ra, rt nhiu tr tng ni vi cha m rng Con yu m, con mun ly m. Thng
thng, m tr mun truyn t n cha m l: tr mun mi mi c bn cha m. y l
mt tnh cm va m p va ng yu, cha m nn coi l nim vui v hnh phc, tuy nhin,
ny li thng b cha m hiu sai.
phc cm ip l mi quan h giao tip c bn nht, ng thi cng l mi quan h giao
tip din ra sm nht, cc mi quan h giao tip sau khi trng thnh u chu tc ng ca
phc cm ip cc mc khc nhau. C th ni, cc mi quan h giao tip sau ny u l
mt dng bin hnh ca phc cm ip. phc cm ip xut hin tr t 3-6 tui ch yu l
ch s quyn luyn ca tr i vi ngi chm sc chng, cng c gi l phc cm ip
u tin. Sau khi tr bc vo tui dy th th phc cm ip ny s t nhin mt i. ng
nhin, nu khi tr cn rt nh m c ngi khc nui dng v dy d, th tr cng c th ny
sinh phc cm ip ny i vi ngi khc ngoi m, m tnh trng ny ngy cng tr nn ph
bin trong x hi hin nay.
Nm bt tm l
phc cm ip l mi quan h giao tip c bn nht, ng thi cng l mi quan h giao
tip din ra sm nht. tr 5 tui thng c biu hin r nht v phc cm ip, cng vi s gia
tng tui, phc cm ip ny ca tr s dn mt i. Nu tr ni mun ly b/m, cha m
phi hi r suy ngh ca tr, chng th l tnh cm ca mnh, ng thi chng nm bt c
phng thc by t tnh cm. Nu tnh trng phc cm ip ca tr nghim trng th cha m
phi hng dn tr nhng iu cn thit, tuyt i khng c qut mng tr.
Phng php gii quyt
Cc bc cha m hy tch cc tm cch gip tr vt qua phc cm ip. v nu tr c mi
lu luyn mt i tng c nh th tt s khng c li cho s trng thnh, n s hn ch s pht
trin mang tnh x hi ca tr. Do vy, l cha m th phi to ra mi trng ph hp vi tr,
chng thot ra khi s bao bc ca cha m, t bi dng kh nng x giao ngay t khi cn
nh.
1. Nng cho tr tip xc vi mi ngi bc sang th k 21, ph n a phn u ra ngoi
lm vic ch khng ch nh lm ni tr na. Nhng ngi nh cng c coi nh ci lng son,
giam gi nhng a tr ng yu nng ng, ngi trng nom nhng a tr ny thng l ng
b ca chng, trc mun vn ni bn khon, ng b ca tr thng khng mun cho tr ra
ngoi, cho d thi thong tr c ra ngoi nhng cng phi c ngi i cng, lc no h cng m
tr trn tay, dng nh h lo rng tr s xy ra chuyn nu ngoi vng tay ngi ln. Lu dn,
kh nng tip xc vi th gii bn ngoi ca tr ngy cng km, khin tr cng qun qut m hn.
Do vy, cha m phi ch ng cho tr i ra ngoi v tip xc nhiu hn vi ngi ngoi tr
thnh ngi ci m v qung giao.
2. Cha m v tr cng tham gia cc hot ng tn hng nim vui hin nay, trong x hi
hnh thnh rt nhiu nhm ng ng nhm pht trin quan h thn tnh, tr cng la tui
vui chi, hc tp cng vi cha m, iu ny rt c ch cho vic thc y s pht trin mang tnh
x hi ca tr, ng thi cc bc cha m tr cng c th chia s cc kinh nghim gio dc. iu b
ch hn l, sau ny khi tr i hc, chng s pht hin thy rng s hng dn ca thy c v
cha m u rt ging nhau, nh vy tr cng d thch ng vi cuc sng nh trng.
3. Nh tr l i gia nh a tr no khi i nh tr cng u cm thy lo lng v phi xa ri
cha m, do vy, rt nhiu bc cha m cm thy chn lng. Thc ra, cha m phi chia tay dt
khot, ng thi thung xuyn lin lc vi c gio c nm bt uc thi quen sinh hot ca
tr. Ngoi ra, phi thung xuyn ni vi tr nhng cu kiu C gio cng thung con nhu m,
tr chng cm thy thn thit vi c gio, t gip tr d dng vut qua thi k quan trng
ny.
Khi tr hi: ti sao cc Bn trai Khng c mc