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    (Title of Show) Book PDF

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    Coriande

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    [title of show] MUSIC AND LYRICS BY BOOK BY Jeff Bowen Hunter Bell title of show] was originally produced on Broadway by Kevin McCollum, Jeffrey Seller, Roy Miller, laura Camien, kris Stewart, Vineyard Theatre and LAMS Productions ‘at the Lyceum Theatre, where it opened on July 17, 2008. nally produced by the Vineyard Theatre, New York City, February 2006. [title of show] was originally presented by Bridge Club Production at the 2004 New York Musical Theatre Festival 601 West 26th Street » Suite 312 » New York, NY 10001 ‘Tel 800/400.8160 or 212/564.4000 + Fax 212/268.1245 www.rnhtheatricals.com reito Edition Copyright © 2008 by Jeff Bowen and Hunter Bell. International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. CAST OF CHARACTERS Jeff— a composerilyricist Hunter—a book writer ‘Susan ~ their actor friend Heidi — their actor friend ‘*The production pianist appears onstage at the keyboard throughout the entire performance. He is referred to as “Larry.” If't isa female pianist, then “Mary.” ‘TIME AND SETTING Time: [time] Place: [place] MUSICAL SYNOPSIS UNTITLED OPENING NUMBER. Scene 1: Phone Call 1 ‘TWO NOBODIES IN NEW YORK Answering Machine Message 1 (Hunter) Scene 2: Meet and Greet ‘Answering Machine Message 2 (Hunter) ‘AN ORIGINAL MUSICAL, Answering Machine Message 3 (Heidi) ‘Scone 3; Procrastibating MONKEYS AND PLAYBILLS. Scene 4: Post Monkeys ‘THE TONY AWARD SONG Scene 5: Pre “Part Of It AI” PART OF IT ALL. ‘Answering Machine TAM PLAYING ME... Scene 6: Bench Scene WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS SHE’ Scene 7: Dream Sequence DIE VAMPIRE, DIE! Answering Machine Message ‘Scene 8: Filling Out the Form FILLING OUT THE FORM..... Scene 9: Mail It! Mail It! ‘Answering Machine Message 6 (Kris Stewart) Company Company Jeff & Hunter Jeff & Hunter MONTAGE PART 1: SEPTEMBER SONG...... -nne¢COMPANY MONTAGE PART 2: SECONDARY CHARACTERS. Heidi & Susan MONTAGE PART 3: DEVELOPMENT MEDLEY. ..Company Scene 10: What Now? Scene 11: Meet And Greet 2 ‘CHANGE IT, DON’T CHANGE IT.. AWKWARD PHOTO SHOOT..... Answering Machine Message 6 (Sutton Foster) Scene 12: Final Phone Call ‘A WAY BACK TO THEN. Scene 13: Pre-9 ‘NINE PEOPLE’S FAVORITE THING. FINALE... a NOTES AND THOUGHTS FROM THE AUTHORS ‘WHAT IS [TITLE OF SHOW}? HISTORY: [ttle of show] began in the Spring of 2004. I was working at my day job in New York City (packing book boxes) and received an email from my friend Jeff Bowen. That email mentioned a new musical theatre festival that was accepting submissions of new works. With three weeks until the submission deadline, my writing partner (Jeff) and I made a commitment to write and create for three weeks, and (just as itis represented in the opening phone call scene) no matter what we had, we would put that in an envelope ‘and submit it. So, that is what we did. We just began to write. In my tiny New York apartment, Jeff and I would meet and brainstorm and write. Very early on we found that what made us think and laugh and vite the most was writing about writing. So we kept on writing...and writing...and writing, Eventually ‘we roped in our real life friends Susan Blackwell and Heidi Blickenstaff to help us develop the material ‘and join the cast, as well as Larry Pressgrove to music direct and arrange and Michael Berresse to direct and choreograph. [Note* The original standbys for {tos} were the incredibly talented Courtney Balan and Benjamin Howes.) ‘We made it into the New York Musical Theatre Festival's inaugural season and became acquainted with commercial producer Kevin McCollum (Rent, Avenue O, In the Heights). Under his auspices, we continued to create and workshop the piece, at The O'Neill Center, within a brief run at Ars Nova in New ‘York City, and eventually in an off-Broadway run at the Vineyard Theatre, With blood, sweat, tears, time, agents, managers, love, support, family, friends and hard, hard work along ‘with an incredibly brave and smart producing team, the show then transferred to Broadway where it played at the historic Lyceum theatre. It was a dream come true, ‘This show is about friendship and that dream. WHAT IS /TITLE OF SHOW] ABOUT? It’s about ninety minutes without an intermission! Actually, the answer we always gave to this question in interviews and for sound bites and blurbs when the show was being done on Broadway was that title of show] is an original musical that chronicles its own journey from inception to opening night on Broadway. That's the plot answer, but at its heart, this show is about four friends. It's about how friendships are tested and changed when life happens, when new opportunities are revealed. It's about not being afraid to dream out loud and killing Vampires. It's about risk and learning to be true to yourself and. to your friends...your chosen family. And it’s about ninety minutes too. BUT ISIT ALL TRUE? ‘The fun answer is “Yes...except for all the parts that aren't” Many times people ask us if everything that happens in (ttle of show] actually happened to us in our real lives. Truth is, we never set out to create a documentary. We love documentaries, but we wanted to write a musical. /ttle of show] is an original musical that is indeed based on the lives of four real people: Susan, Heidi, Jef, and Hunter. Our lives and the show's journey did inspire and shape this show, but agai, it is not a documentary. So there are things that are 100% based on actual things that happened to us in the course of creating this show, and there are ‘things that have been heightened, molded and constructed to make a more entertaining musical. The real life Jeff does however get “hangry”. ‘There is a playwright, author, cartoonist named Lynda Barry who is a huge influence on our work. She created a word “autobiofictionography.” I think it describes /ttle of show] extremely well. WHO SAYS FOUR CHAIRS AND A KEYBOARD CAN’T MAKE A BROADWAY MUSICAL? ‘The look of the original Broadway production of /title of show] was incredibly simple, beautiful and unique. We created our world with four chairs (very distinct to each character) and one keyboard. While ‘we want every production to be distinct, we think it’s helpful to know that it wes always our intent to explore whether or not people simply talking and listening and being their true, honest selves without bells and whistles was enough to make an evening of theater. Now don’t misunderstand; we love a falling chandelier and helicopters and a staircase full of chorus kids as much as the next person. We're not anti- spectacle. It's just not a part of how this particular story is told. That being said, if you want to put @ helicopter in your production of [ttle of show], rock on. TITLE OF TONE One of the goals in writing /ttle of show] was to attempt to capture how people really talk to one another. While it is a musical, we wanted to explore if there was beauty and entertainment and humor and life in the seemingly mundane. The original cast worked extremely hard on stripping away performance habits and gimmicks and things we had relied on in the past that “worked” for us as actors. It was at times scary ‘and Vulnerable to do this, but daring to trust that being ourselves was enough on stage, in our opinion, ‘made the show soar. ‘THE CAST RECORDING For those who are very familiar with the cast album, we encourage you to widen your vision for the stage musical. We chose to bump the tempos up of many of the numbers to make an enjoyable listening experience. You'll find that trying to perform songs (“Nine People’s Favorite Thing”, “Die Vampire, Die!” and “What Kind of Girl is She?”, e.g.) at the recording tempos while doing movement or choreography and keeping your breath and diction clear will be nearly impossible. There are some specific examples further below. AIR FRESHNER VAMPIRE OR THOUGHTS ON THE F*BOMB Yes there is adult language in [ttle of show] and yes we are aware that some may feel feelings about ‘these words. When the f-bomb is dropped, it is important to know that there is a reason. This is how these characters speak. It is capturing the sound and cadence and vernacular of «particular people in a particular time. In some cases (as with Blank Paper) itis exploring taking things too far. In other cases, itis exploring creative freedom as in “Die Vampire, Die!” In conclusion, we know language can be a hot spot for some folks and often a deal breaker when choosing, to produce a show. The language in this show is never used in a violent or salacious manor. It has been chosen with purpose and intent. That said, we respect there are certain institutions that may need to make adjustments. Any changes must be approved by R&H Theatricals on our behalf. We want you to be able 10 do (title of show]. We don’t want that show to be two tight paragraphs on kittens. ‘SPECIFIC NOTES AND HINTS “UNTITLED OPENING NUMBER” This song sits outside of file of show]’s time line. Tt is a quick prologue to the show's story that lightly introduces the four characters, their friendships, and that there will be some meta-theatrics. The erratic meter changes and mostly major chords should help set the tone for a jaunty, joyful tone. ‘SCENE 4; PHONE CALL 4 ‘As mentioned earlier, the overall tone intended for the show is “realness.” Yes you are in a musical that is being performed on a stage, but again, we were fascinated by the beauty, humor and theatricality that are in every waking moment of our sometimes seemingly mundane lives. While this opening scene should have pace and energy to start off the show, that should not be at the expense of a real, relaxed connection between two best friends that call each other multiples times in a single day to share their lives, “What's it mean?” moment Mary Stout is a lovely and talented Broadway character actress. She was indeed hit by a hot dog cart in Manhattan. The moment is not so much about an audience knowing who Mary Stout is, but rather establishes how these two guys talk. They know Broadway so they discuss all things Broadway. If they ‘were baseball nuts...this opening phone call would be about stats and Hank Aaron, but it is about Mary ‘Stout, and Dee Hoty and Wonderful Town. Jeff's line: “Only in New York kids..only in New York.” Is a reference to fames New York Post Gossip columnist Cindy Adams. She ended her daily column with the phrase. Hunter's line: “Mexillent” There is no hidden meaning. This simply refers to made up words friends well..make up and use. “TWO NOBODIES IN NEW YORK” ‘The overall goal of this song is to introduce the friendship of Hunter and Jeff and how their mutual ‘optimism inspires and excites one another. Be attentive to the tempo marking of the song — it is important that each new idea is said and heard by the two characters. Just a note about the break down “sweeter” section It i important to note that this moment in the show is not just about humor, but itis one of the first “meta” moments in the show. This beat is definitely stripped down and should feel as real as possible, even a click down from the “real” nature of the opening phone call scene. We are peeling away another layer of the onion here. ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE 1 (AND NOTE ABOUT OTHER MESSAGES) ‘These messages were created not only to allow for scene/beat changes and a chance for the actors to get a sip of water and refresh, but they continue to move along the story and reveal character traits as well. ‘They are recorded sound cues played in the blackouts between scenes. In the original Broadway production, a pinspot illuminated an answering machine. Feel free to create this moment as you wish but don’t underestimate the importance of tone and clarity within all ofthese sound cues throughout the evening. ‘SCENE 2: MEET AND GREET It is important to remember where each of the characters is coming from and the extent of their relationships in this opening “meet and greet” scene. Susan is coming from her office day job. Heidi is ‘coming from an audition and Hunter and Jeff have planned a meeting to pitch their idea for their new show. Remember Heidi and Jeff are old friends, while Susan and Hunter are meeting Heidi for the very first time. ‘Also pace is extremely important in this scene. There is a lot of exposition laid out here, which is important to land, but it is in the midst of quick casual banter. The pace should have a bright but natural flow never allowing the audience a chance to get ahead of you. We often said that although we are doing ‘a musical, we wanted to capture how friends really talk to one another and make each other laugh. This opening scene should be a constant challenge for the actors to make sure they are really listening and truly reacting to the moment. Heidi's line: “Is it me or did it just get like three degrees gayer in here?” Please note that in no way is this line a dig from Heidi to Hunter. Rather, itis intended to be a moment of genuine connection between the ‘two characters, almost an acknowledgement that Heidi is going to fit in just fine with this group. Susan’s line: “but [have me doots about doing a mi ” Doots=slang term for doubts. Susan's line: “...and these g’nerds are my beautiful, beautiful maids of honors.” G'nerds=slang for gay nerds. “AN ORIGINAL MUSICAL” ‘We like to think of this moment in the show almost as an olio. Obviously we were inspired by hours and hours of “Schoolhouse Rock!” growing up as kids and this is the result. In the original production, the character of Hunter wore a low-tech sandwich board. One side represented a blank sheet of notebook paper and on the other side were the words “An Original Musical by Jeff”. But again, fee! free to explore options. ‘The Blank Paper character is definitely cartoon-esque and larger than life. His energy is ENORMOUS. Vocally, we used sort of a raspy Randy Newman like imitation as a jumping off point (thus the Randy ‘Newman line). Jeff, in this scene, we always called “little guy.” It is an extension of the character Jeff, but there is a heightened quality to him in this scene as well. It gives the actor a place to flip between “real” Jeff with lines such as: “Did you just call me a cracker? Is this character black?” and “Little Guy” Jeff (“Wow! An ‘original musical!) - In one of Blank Paper’s monologues, he lists current Broadway musicals. As this moment in the show lives alone and is sort of set apart from the timeline, you may insert a few more current movie to musical adaptations within the section “Legally Blonde, 9 to 5, Spamalot, Young Frankenstein, Catch Me If You Can,...” Please note we do not wish you to make any other substitutions or updates unless specifically noted in the script or without consulting R&H Theatricals on our behalf. SCENE 3: PROCRASTIBATING ‘The main thing to remember in this scene is the sense that these two characters are writers trying to create a new piece. Hunter is truly exasperated and Jeff has to get him focused and writing, “MONKEYS AND PLAYBILLS” ‘The idea behind this song was to create a moment in the show that we thought represented how we actually sat down end created. Often times an idea for a scene or a song began with us working independently and then we'd blend whatever nutty ideas sprang up in 2 work session where we worked in ‘the same room. Hunter's creative tactic is to keep the pen moving, while Jef?’s is more methodical and involves research and inspiration from odd source material. SCENE 5: PRE PART OF IT ALL Terlet = toilet Roma Torre is a popular newscaster/journalisttheatre critic for the television station NY 1. Yes, it may be obscure but we love the truth and beauty of specificity for these characters. PART OF IT ALI ‘The idea that all of Hunter and Jeff's fantasies could actually come true is what we should see resonate in this song. Where “Two Nobodies” is more about nalveté and innocent wonder and excitement, “Part Of It All” is a window into who these two men are and their ability to expose to one another their ‘commitment to following through on their collaboration and friendship and all of its rewards and pitfalls ‘We should see the reality setting in for them that they can change their destiny if they act now. ‘AM PLAYING ME In this little ditty, Heidi is sight-reading a song with Jeff and Larry in the room. It's important that this song is not “performed” for an audience, but rather only for Jeff and Larry’s amusement. It should not come across as well rehearsed as it is the first time she is singing the song with the sheet music in her hands. ‘SCENE 6: BENCH SCENE ‘We called this the bench scene because we pictured in our heads that each couple-was sitting on a park bench somewhere. You can picture anything you want but that’s just an explanation of why it's called the bench scene. The two couples should be completely unaware of one another (with the exception of the ‘meta moment of Susan's “I can hear you, Jeff”). “WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS SHE?” ‘Several things to be aware of in this song are: 1. Don't try and match the tempo of the cast album, as itis faster than it should be performed. 2. Don’t imitate the breathy/jazzy song styling of Ms. Blackwell and Ms. Blickenstaff. This was a recording choice and should not be an onstage vocal choice. 3. Heidi and Susan are in two separate worlds in this song and should not interact with one another at all. ‘SCENE 7: DREAM St ICE ‘As much as we would have loved to be flowsi by Foy, extending our arms in front of us ala Superman represented the flying. Also a combo platter of sound effects (fog hom, clip clop of horses, busy city noises) and lighting brought this scene to life. Probably best to leave the flying to Peter Pan and just get ‘creative in [title of show. Also, the scene is full of nonsense and non sequiturs purposefully, to set up Hunter’s vampires, Mamie Duncan Gibbs is an awesome Broadway dancer/actress. The reference is definitely meant to be obscure. “DIE V/ 1" This is the first time in the show when a character directly addresses the audience for the bulk of a song. ‘Because Susan is our “envelope pusher”, she is comfortable breaking the 4" wall (as opposed to Jeff who is almost never aware of an audience). Hunter, Heidi and Jeff should reflect the ideas that Susan is sharing in this song; they are essentially her Greek chorus. ‘The actors should be aware that the “drop down” moment of Susan’s subway platform story should be treated with great delicacy. Susan should not play any of this for laughs (though you can’t always control ‘an audience’s response). “FILLIN’ OUT THE FORM’ Be sure not to lose the momentum in the scene and song, Jeff and Hunter and in the home stretch and the post office is closing soon! There is a sense of urgency/fear/excitement always pulsing under this scene. ‘Susan's “breakdown” in the song should be played completely realistically and naturally. tis as if we are witnessing an actual musical brush-up on stage. Hunter “Jean in kiss” moment. This is a simple, clean beat that came out of a "lean in kiss" joke we liked to do to make each other laugh. Its intent is not mired down with deep subtext about Hunter being in love With Jeff. That's not to say that the moment is arbitrary however. In the intimacy and-sincerity of that moment in the story, Hunter just gives into the honest curiosity of “what if I leaned over and kissed him right now?” and goes for it. Jeffs "What are you doing?" as he pulls away should be funny, coming not ‘out of disgust, but out of surprise and confusion. The “ahhhhhh” moment directly after is our suggestion of the sound or noise that Hunter makes to diffuse the awkward thing that just happened. ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE 6 Kris Stewart was the executive director of the New York Musical Theatre Festival the inaugural year we got in. The phone number is an old service number of Hunter's. MONTAGE PART 4: SEPTEMBER SONG” The first part of the montage takes place over one week of performances at the New York Musical Theatre Festival. The song is performed ala TV “variety show” with tiny snippet backstage scenes and one-liner jokes. The actors should be having a great deal of fun during their festival adventures. The stakes are low and they are reveling inthe scrappy nature of their piece. Dan Pessano was a theatre director from Heidi’s youth. The name represented someone who made Heidi nervous, so while it is seemingly an obscure personal moment, in the actresses’ mind, she should be picturing someone that would make her nervous. “MONTAGE PART 2: SECONDARY CHARACTERS” This is the show's 80s power ballad. Although it doesn't actually indicate time passage, the song represents a six-month leap forward emotionally for the girls' relationship. When Jeff and Hunter return, the women’s friendship and respect for one another has grown nearly as strong as the men’s. |ONTAGE PART 3: OFF-BROADWAY MEDLEY” ‘As we launch into the third part of the medley, we should see the first major shift in the maturation of the four main characters. Essentially two years will go by with the third section of the montage. It is imperative that we see four adults who have worked hard to get their show to an off-Broadway production. They have now made their way to the inside of the “inner circle”, ‘Susan’s line “crossies” refers to “fingers crossed” that Jeff is receiving good news. “ch JT, DON'T CHANGE IT” ‘Similar to “September Song”, this section time travels and shifts locales from the neutral “Chant Land” in ‘and out of Hunter’s apartment. The stakes increase and tensions begin to mount as the friends venture towards the unknown. When the chants of “Change It, Don’t Change It” occur, there should be a nearly ‘monotonous and tedious quality to them. ‘The chants are essentially white noise that eventually gets the Dest of the group. ANSWERING INE MESSAGE 6 Please use pre-recorded sound cue included in materials. “AWKWARD PHOTO SHOOT” Here is one of the trickier numbers in [ttle of show]. It is important that the emotions-the characters are enduring are the priority of this scene. This is not about making funny stage pictures or playing anything for laughs. If there is any humor, it should come out of the maintaining composure while the world ‘around you falls apart as you're singing the on-the-nose lyrics. All the while, the cast should visibly be hanging by a thread with tension and frustration and not having any fun. “Broken Doll” refers to an awkward bent high fashion model pose. SCENE PHONE CALL ‘This final phone call is a delicate balance. It should be real, dropped in, and just an open and horiest late night phone call between two best friends who are a bit broken. Hunter must not let Jeff off the hook, ‘demanding his “bestie” dream out loud. They have been through a lot but with humor and honesty, the ‘wo comfort each other, inspire each other, and heal each other. “AWAY BACK TO THEN” ‘Though Heidi is singing a song about her own journey as an actress, itis important that the song be @ song about everyman. ‘The character is giving the song away to the audience as opposed to having @ private moment of self-reflection, Also note that Heidi is an adult woman who has lived the entire journey of this song, she is not a natve kid with big city dreams anymore SCENE 11: Pre-9 You will have earned these final beautiful moments. Play them simply and honestly. “NINE PEOPI FAVORITE THING” Here we see four adult best friends who have evolved as people, collaborators and have ultimately become a family. ‘Their love of one another should be apparent, as should their absolute faith and trust of ‘one another. ‘They have been through war together and ultimately a decision is made to be distinct and specific with the energy and art that they put out into the world. INALE” ‘Taint - We recommend using urban dictionary dot com and search taint. We know...saucy, but the ‘moment is not about shock or provocation. It is about the beauty and humor when absurd thoughts pop into our heads in the most emotional of moments. ‘This tiny song is packed with love, fear, joy, exhaustion, and elation, The decision to “let go” of their story and to give it back to the world is essentially like parents watching their child get on the school bus for the first time; having to wave goodbye and pray that they"ve done all they could for her and that she'll survive everything that comes her way. PE HOW ANNOUNCEMENT (USED FOR ORIGINAL PRODUCTION) Note — The announcement should be recorded or read by the stage manager. Tone should be without any comment or spin. “Ladies and gentlemen, [ttle of show] would like to take a moment to remind you to tum. off your cell phones, pagers, and beepers. And if you would like to enjoy @ hard candy, or a lozenge, please unwrap it now. And suck it” THOUGHTS FROM THE ORIGINAL DIRECTOR By Michael Berresse [title of show] was clearly not created solely by the characters you see on stage. In addition to myself, ‘there was a crack team of designers that greatly influenced and informed the finished product. Nevertheless, a major part of what makes this story of four people finding their own true voices really soar is the seemingly self-generated, spontaneous energy with which it plays out. We all learned very quickly that any unseen collaborator, be it designer, choreographer or director whose contribution is too visible can easily capsize that sense of “spontaneity”. ‘That’s not to say that the show should ever feel arbitrary or messy. Some of the most fascinating and beautiful qualities of the writing in this story are the specificity, clarity and generosity with which it unfolds. Those very qualities should remain benchmarks for any collaborators creative enhancement to that writing. Literally, /title of show] is a musical created by two writers named Jeff and Hunter about two writers named Jeff and Hunter creating a musical called /ritle of show] and periodically in that musical, the characters of Jeff and Hunter (originally played by the writers Jeff and Hunter) acknowledge that they are actually appearing in the finished show that has yet to be written. “Though at first glance it may seem trippy, unconventional and “insidery”, at its heart (ttle of show] is in fact a classically structured, universally themed piece of musical theatre about friendship, creation, trust, risk and ultimately how those things add up to following your dream. Obviously, the blurry ebb and flow of "reality" adds a delicious, unique and captivating flavor to the show. Its also one of the most challenging aspects to utilize effectively. The “meta” qualities of the show took an immense amount of time and experimentation to be refined so as to not overwhelm the deeper storytelling or overshadow Hunter's remarkable ability to capture and explore as he calls it the beauty and ‘humor and entertainment in how people really tak to one another. It was imperative to draw strong, parameters about commentary and broad performance habits. (“Original Musical” and the “Dream Sequence” being notable exceptions.) The meta moments may seem like free passes to “play” to the house but in fact they are most effective and ultimately satisfying when they are the most modest, ‘unselfeonscious moments of all. ‘Also, pace is your friend in this show, particularly in scenes that contain a great deal of exposition like the “Meet and Greet”. The show loses a great deal ofits surprise and appeal if your audience gets ahead of you. ‘There is incredible variety in [ttle of show], with regards to music, language and emotion. Because our production was so miniroal in physical terms however, every shoe, prop, ight cue and chair was chosen deliberately and specifically as an extension of the character associated with it. Throughout its four year ‘maturation period, [title of show] had the great advantage of being developed or performed in venues of every shape, size and style. The show proved to be every bit as comfortable in an eleven hundred seat house as in the NYMF production at the now-defunct ninety nine seat Belt Theatre (witich we affectionately referred to as the cock-fighting ring). Protecting your characters’ reality while maintaining ‘an appropriate clarity for your venue is the challenge. For example in the smaller venues the staging for "Monkeys and Playbills' involved only handheld props ‘which capitalized on the intimacy and home-spun charm of the moment as well as the venue, In a large Broadway house, it became imperative that the audience have a stronger visual ofthe Playbill props to keep the storytelling clear but it was also critical that we didn't capsize the story by suddenly tricking out with a lot of technical bells and whistles. ‘The basic staging stayed almost entirely intact with one very large exception. At the top of the song Susan and Heidi wheeled out a rolling A/V cart with an old carousel stide projector on it that was "connected" by a series of hodgepodge extension cords to an unseen off stage “outlet”. It was physically impossible ‘and artistically impractical to make the actual projector functional so during the number, Susan pulled out a fake remote and during the course of the song pretended to click through a “slideshow” of large projections on the back wall of many of the Playbills Heidi and Jeff revealed as well as several of ‘Hunter's notebook monkey sketches. A combo platter of high tech cues with seemingly low-tech means. ‘That was my solution. What will your show look like? Well...let your monkey follow your speedboat and get creative. ‘Two dramaturgical notes: One of the most substantial changes for the Broadway production was absorbing the real life-imitates art adjustment that had been made in the company's (hence characters’ self perception throughout the Off Broadway incamation of the show. Along with industry recognition, one by one, each not-so-secret pipedream was becoming a reality. Throughout the montage, there should be a distinct energy progression from happy-go-lucky unknowns atthe top to burgeoning industry adults who are now inside their dream by the time Susan says, “John Cameron Mitchell is here”. Gaining that perspective before the rug gets pulled out from under them not only radically informs the sense of loss, it completely renews the ‘momentum for the back third of the show. Secondly, the final phone call is critical for two reasons: itis the true coming of age for both Hunter and. Jeff, and that coming of age can only happen when each is available to hear what only the other can. illuminate. That basic, necessary symbiosis is at the very heart and soul ofthe show. Honesty, true friendship and investment are the building blocks of this story. Only after this exchange is it possible for the characters to truly understand what itis they want to say and why. Its that clarity that catapults us back into the purity of youth and recapturing whatever true passion we have all put aside along the way. ‘The beauty and difficulty of “A Way Back to Then’ is that it is not only the show's most traditional ballad, it is also the conduit through which that purity and passion moves from your characters to yout audience. One of the most beautiful examples of the genius in Jeffs lyrics lies in the subtle pronoun progression of this song from I, to we, to you. That generosity by lyricist and performer earns not only your characters’ dignity and respect, itis the springboard that elevates “9 People’s Favorite Thing” to an ‘anthem not of self-satisfaction but of acceptance, inclusion and joy. [ttle of show] not only helped us discover what we wanted to say as artists, it reminded us why we started down that road in the first place. We hope it offers you the same. ORI BROADWAY PRODUCTI [title of show] opened on Broadway at the Lyceum Theatre on July 17, 2008. Produced by Kevin McCollum, Jeffrey Seller, Roy Miller, Laura Camien, Kris Stewart and Vineyard Theatre; Associate Producer: Rachel Helson, Sara Katz, LAMS Entertainment, Jaimie Mayer, Heather Provost and Tom ‘Smedes; Book by Hunter Bell; Music by Jeff Bowen; Lyrics by Jeff Bowen; Musical Director: Larry Pressgrove; Music arranged by Larry Pressgrove; Scenic Design by Neil Patel; Costume Design by Chase ‘Tyler; Lighting Design by Ken Billington and Jason Kantrowitz; Sound Design by Acme Sound Partners; Associate Scenic Design: David Barber; Assistant Lighting Design: Craig Stelzenmuller; Associate Sound Design: Nick Borisjuk; General Manager: The Charlotte Wilcox Company; Company Manager: Alexandra Gushin Agosta; Production Stage Manager: Martha Donaldson; Stage Manager: Tom Reynolds; Technical Supervisor: Brian Lynch; Piano: Larry Pressgrove; Dance Captain: Benjamin Howes; Casting: Telsey + Company; Press Representative: Sam Rudy Media Relations; Marketing: Scott ‘A. Moore; Advertising: SPOTCo, Inc.; Promotions: HHC Marketing; Originally presented at the 2004 ‘New York Musical Theatre Festival, partially developed at The Eugene O'Neill Theatre Center, Choreographed and Directed by Michael Berresse with the following cast (in order of appearance): sweJeff Bowen vo Hunter Bell ‘Susan Blackwell — Heidi Blickenstaff indbys: Courtney Balan (for Heidi, Susan), Benjamin Howes (for Hunter, Jeff) ACTI (Lights up to reveal JEFF and HUNTER, two struggling writers. They sing.) MUSIG 4: UNTITLED OPENING NUMBER So, A,D,D,D,D,F SHARP, A JEFF WILL BE THE FIRST NOTES OF OUR SHOW. HUNTER WE'LL START WITH THE SEED OF AN IDEA, ‘THEN PLANT IT ONTO PAPER WITH A DIXON TICONDEROGA HUNTER & JEFF AND THEN WATCH IT SPROUT INTO A MUSICAL AND THEN WE'LL HELP TO MAKE IT GROW... BIGGER. NOTHING GUARANTEES IT WILL STAND OUT. AND ITS FUTURE IS UNKNOWN. JEFF SO IN THE MEANTIME WE WILL SCHEDULE ALOT OF MEETINGS IN HELL'S KITCHEN HUNTER TO COLLABORATE IN MY LIVING ROOM, JEFF & HUNTER BUT WE CAN'T DOIT ALL ALONE. (HEIDI and SUSAN enter and join song.) HUNTER & JEFF HEIDI & SUSAN WE'LL GET TOGETHER ALL OUR FRIENDS AND EXPLOIT ALL OF THEIR TALENTS. WE'LL EXPLORE THE LATEST TRENDS AND AVOID THEM WHEN WE BALANCE ‘THE BOOK WITH THE SCORE, BOOK WITH THE SCORE, ‘THE SCORE WITH A LYRIC, APPEALING TO THE JUDGE, (THESE ARE SHAPES) ‘SUSAN & HEIDI ALL HEIDI & SUSAN AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, ‘AH, AH 1-0-1 1-1-2 GENTLY NUDGING THE SATIRIC. HEIDI, SUSAN & JEFF AH. HUNTER HEIDI, SUSAN & JEFF WE'RE TRYING HARD NOT TO DUPLICATE 00H WHAT WEVE SEEN AND HEARD BEFORE. OOH AND IF BARTOK’S HERE HE’LL APPRECIATE OOH IF WE’RE INVENTIVE WITH THE SCORE. OOH ALL SO WE'LL PUT IN A SYNCOPATION AND WE'LL ADD A QUARTER NOTE. ‘AND WE'LL SOFTLY START THE CODA FROM A VERY TINY POINT. ‘AND THEN WE'LL GET A LITTLE LOUDER TO FURTHER EMPHASIZE THE POINT. AND THEN WE'LL CROSS DOWNSTAGE TOWARD YOU SUSAN & JEFF AND NOW WE'RE YELLING FORTISSIMO! HUNTER YELLING FORTISSIM HEIDI ‘YELLING FORTISSIMO! ALL OH, IT’S THE OPENING SONG. IT DOESN'T HAVE A TITLE. NO, AND IT’S NOT VERY LONG, BUT IT’S THE STARTING POINT OF OUR MUSICAL. AND HERE’S THE FIRST SCENE OF OUR MUSICAL! (As the WOMEN exit, JEFF and HUNTER cross to opposite sides of the stage into two pools of light representing their apartments. JEFF's cell phone rings...) Phone Call 4 JEFF (Answering his cell phone.) -- Hello? HUNTER So last night, a trannie stole my shrimp. JEFF What? What are you talking about? 1-1-3 HUNTER 1 was eating outside in Chelsea at Seafood Mare or Mer, however you say it, and this drugged-out trannie staggers over and grabs the shrimp off my plate. JEFF Wow. HUNTER ‘She was a zesty mess ina dirty dress. The manager gave me another plate, so it was fine. But, it kind of freaked me out. JEFF ‘Well, trannies need their protein too. HUNTER They do. They do, That's just a little cautionary tale about eating outdoors in Chelsea. JEFF ‘Oh my god! Did you hear that Mary Stout got hit by a hot dog cart? HUNTER ‘What? Is she okay? JEFF Yeah, I think so. HUNTER ‘Trannies stealing shrimp, Mary Stout hit by a hot dog cart..it’s all too much sometimes. JEFF Only in New York kids...only in New York, HUNTER ‘What are you doing? JEFF ‘Working on a website for a new client and listening to Henry, Sweet Henry. (He sings from the score.) ‘What are you doing? HUNTER — ‘Ummm...half looking at internet porn and half watching “Doc Hollywood” on HBO On Demand. Did you see that email I forwarded you? JEFF Which one? HUNTER About that new musical theatre festival? T-1-4 JEFF ‘Yeah. I think we should submit something, HUNTER Submissions are due in three weeks, so that would give us what. three weeks? Do we have anything, ready to go? JEFF ‘Ummm... HUNTER Hmmm, JEFF I thought we could write something new. HUNTER In three weeks? JEFF ‘Sure, They wrote Wonderful Town in a month. HUNTER Really? JEFF Yeah. HUNTER 1 don’t know...there’s a new season of “The Bachelor” starting up. JEFF ‘And I did just get the first season of “Wonder Woman” on DVD. HUNTER See, we're gonna be extremely busy this month. JEFF ~ ‘No, we should do it. HUNTER — Ugh. JEFF Look, I'm gonna go to the park and do some bird watching. Let’s both brainstorm and I'll come over later. HUNTER Okay. Bye. JEFF Bye, (CEFF immediately drags his chair across the stage and places it next HUNTER's chair.) HUNTER ‘What are you JEFF What do you mean? HUNTER ‘You said “I’m gonna go to the park and do some bird watching” but then you just dragged your chair over here. Should we have some transition music, something to indicate time passage? JEFF ‘Well, it’s too late now I'm over here, so let's just pretend time passed, Did you brainstorm? HUNTER Ifby brainstorm you mean masturbate and watch “Doc Hollywood,” then yes I brainstormed. JEFF Excellent. HUNTER Mexillent! JEFF So...what are we writing? (A beat.) HUNTER ‘You want to adapt something? Poem. ..short story? JEFF ‘No. [know we can come up.with something original. HUNTER But what? You and I haven't been writing at all. JEFF So let’s use this to get us off our asses. It'll be a writing exercise. Let’s just make a pact that we'll write for three weeks, right up until the deadiine, and no matter what we have, we'll put it in an envelope and submit it, HUNTER | don’t want to submit something half-baked and get rejected by the festival. JEFF don’t think we should worry about whether or not we get into the festival. 1-1-6 HUNTER (nitating INTO THE WOODS.) The festival? JEFF The festival? JEFF & HUNTER ‘The King’s Festival? JEFF ‘And her father had taken for his new wife... JEFF & HUNTER, ‘The festival! HUNTER ‘But there are judges. People will be reading our stuff. I don’t want to look like a total jack-off. JEFF ‘Well, look at it this way; anything we write will be better than Whorehouse Goes Public. HUNTER Aw snap, I thought Dee Hoty was good in Whorehouse. JEFF Actually, I never saw it, so that’s not fair. HUNTER 1 didn’t see it either, but Ihave opinions about stuff 've never seen all the time. In fact Ihave a whole riff ‘on Ruthless: The Musical, and guess what? JEFF ‘Never saw it? HUNTER never saw it. What if Dee Hoty was in our show? JEFF ‘Yeah, whom can we get to be in this? HUNTER Might be fun to stalk some Broadway stars, see if anyone would help us out. JEFF Betty Buckley? HUNTER Isn’t she supposed to be a hot box of crazy? 1-1-7 JEFF Maybe she'll be crazy enough to do our show. HUNTER ‘Are we crazy? JEFF My back hurts. HUNTER ‘What ifthe frst scene is just us talking about what to write? We could put this exact conversation in the show. JEFF Wait, so everything I say from now on could actually be in our show? HUNTER Yeah. JEFF Like this? HUNTER Like this, JEFF ‘And this? HUNTER And this. JEFF (Pause,) This too? HUNTER This too. JEFF So I could say “Wonder Woman for President”, and that would get into our show? HUNTER Ub-hub. JEFF Wonder Woman for President. I'd watch a show that says that. HUNTER Me too. But do you think other people will wanna watch something like that? 1-1-8 (After a beat, underscore vamp begins:) NOBODIES II YORK JEFF WHAT IF THIS DIALOGUE WERE SET TO MUSIC? WHAT IF WHAT WE'RE SAYING COULD BE SAID IN A SONG? HUNTER HEY, THAT’S NOT A BAD IDEA. PERHAPS WE COULD USE MUSIC IN A MUSICAL. HOW CAN WE GO WRONG? JEFF & HUNTER WE COULD ASK SIGNIFICANT QUESTIONS, WE COULD GET IMPORTANT POINTS ACROSS LIKE: HUNTER “ARE WE WRITING FOR ART?” JEFF Yeah! AND “IS ART A SPRINGBOARD FOR FAME?” HUNTER AND “WILL FAME GET FOLKS TO TRUST US?” JEFF & HUNTER BUT WILL THEY TRUST US IF IT’S JUST US, ME AND YOU? TWO NOBODIES IN NEW YORK. HUNTER HEY, Il THINK IT’S WORKING. WE’RE DISCOVERING CHOICES. LOTS OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN WRITING A SHOW. JEFF ‘YEAH! CREATING A VEHICLE TO SHOWCASE OUR VOICES AND IDON’T MEAN OUR VOCAL CHORDS; I MEAN WHAT'S BELOW. HUNTER Ub-huh JEFF & HUNTER ~ WE COULD ASK SIGNIFICANT QUESTIONS. WE COULD GET IMPORTANT POINTS ACROSS LIKE: HUNTER “ARE WE WRITING FOR ART?” JEFF AND “IS ART A SPRINGBOARD FOR FAME?” 1-1-9 HUNTER AND “WILL FAME GET US A PAYCHECK?” JEFF & HUNTER BUT, WILL A PAYCHECK MEAN THAT WE’RE SELLOUTS? AND IF WE SELL OUT, WILL THEY YELL OUT, “ME AND YOU?” ‘TWO NOBODIES IN NEW YORK. HUNTER Key change! JEFF MAYBE SOMEDAY OUR SHOW WILL GET A THEATRE AND IF NOT THIS FESTIVAL THEN SOMEWHERE OUT WEST. HUNTER ‘TT.V. ACTORS IN OUR SHOW, WHAT COULD BE BETTER? ‘WE COULD GE! JEFF Sweeter! HUNTER What? JEFF ‘Sweeter! We've been over this a million times. You know the lyric is “sweeter.” HUNTER But, here's the deal, one of them sounds like it’s two syllables and the other sounds like it’s three syllables. So it’s like: Sweeter..thee-a-ter. Does that rhyme? JEFF Yes. I'm sorry Larry. From the key change... Five, six, seven, eight! MAYBE SOMEDAY OUR SHOW WILL GET A THEATRE AND IF NOT THIS FESTIVAL, THEN SOMEWHERE OUT WEST! HUNTER T.V. ACTORS IN OUR SHOW, WHAT COULD BE SWEE-A-TER? JEFF WE COULD GET THAT WOMAN WHO WAS ON “EMPTY NEST.” HUNTER ‘Dinah Manoff?! She’s awesome! JEFF 1-2-10 HUNTER She was in Grease. JEFF ‘Yeah! HUNTER & JEFF ‘And Leader of the Pack! WE COULD ASK SIGNIFICANT QUESTIONS. WE COULD GET IMPORTANT POINTS ACROSS LIKE: “ARE WE WRITING FOR ART?” AND “IS ART A SPRINGBOARD FOR FAME?” AND “WILL FAME GET US A SITCOM?" AND “WILL A SITCOM GET US ON ‘ELLEN?” AND “WILL ELLEN GET FOLKS TO LIKE US?” AND IF THEY LIKE US, WILL THEY MIC US, ME AND YOU? TWO NOBODIES IN NEW YORK! NOBODIES IN NEW YORK! (Blackout) (hn the scene transition, the following sound cue plays.) Answering Machine Message 1 ANSWERING MACHINE (V.0.) ‘You have one new message. @eep) (HUNTER) Hey Jeffy it’s me...um...I got your message about Heidi, and Susan is in as well, so that’s good. Ob, by ‘the way, I've been listening to the Brooklyn promo CD I got in the mail, and on the inside cover it has this quote that says... wait let me read it to you... “Unlike anything you have ever heard before” ...actually, it was like everything I’ve ever heard before. I wish they'd just be honest and put like, “Brooklyn: totally derivative, but we're singing the shit out of it!” Okay, see you in a bit. Beep.) Scene and Greet (HEIDI enters Hunter's apartment. HUNTER is at the door to greet her while SUSAN and JEFF ‘await her arrival.) HUNTER Hi, Heidi? HEIDI 1-2-11 HUNTER Heidi, I'm Hunter. (HUNTER shakes her hand.) HEIDI ‘Nice to meet you. HUNTER Nice to meet you. ‘SUSAN Hi I’m Susan. HEIDI ‘Susan? Hi, nice to meet you. SUSAN Likewise. JEFF (To HEIDI) Hi HEIDI Jeffrey! (JEFF and HEIDI embrace. Some time has passed since they have connected.) : JEFF ‘What are you all cute for? HEIDI ‘Oh, I just came from an audition. JEFF For what? HEIDI Mamma Mia JEFF (On the Broadway? HEIDI ‘On the Broadway. JEFF What part? 1-2-12 HEIDI 1's a replacement understudy/ensemble/off-stage singer/dance captain/assistant stage manager track. JEFF How'd it go? HEIDI | didn’t get it. Wah-wah. JEFF Ohno. HEIDI ‘Yeah... we sang...danced...read...sang again...they narrowed it down to three of us, and then they ‘measured us. I didn’t ft the existing costume so another girl got the job. And, can I say thatthe girl who did get the job, gorgeous, stunning, but she sang a little something like this (HEIDI sings awkwardly.) but she did fit that silver, spandex jumpsuit so no job for me. And now I'm embarrassed, I just met you ‘guys and I'm way too talky. HUNTER lease, you keep talking and this show will write itself JEFF Heidi, you're gonna get another job in like five mimutes. HEIDI ‘You're sweet. Susan, you look nice. Did you have an audition today? SUSAN Pm not really auditioning at the moment... HEIDI No? SUSAN ‘No, because I’m actually starring in alittle play called Corporate Whore, where I play the role of “Office “Manager.” It's a compelling drama, Heidi. And apparently, today’s show was in Smell-O-Vision. Dammit! I cleaned out a closet full of marketing materials this morning, and I smell like a combo platter of kitty litter box and hot dog water. HUNTER Heidi, welcome to Susan, SUSAN Hi Heidi. HEIDI ‘So you've stopped auditioning? 1-2-13 SUSAN Pretty much, HEIDI Do you perform at all anymore? SUSAN 11do stuff with these wieners, and stuff I write, but I sort of stepped off the showbiz ride. HEIDI Really? Why? SUSAN For a lot of reasons: bum out...September 11°, which was difficult. I'm a handsome lady, which makes ‘me a tough sell, plus I've got the paralyzing stage fright and the insecurities. HEIDI 1 think we've all got the insecurities. SUSAN Good times ain’t it. HEIDI Do you miss it? ‘SUSAN Sure do ax a lot of questions, don’t she? I'm just kidding Um... I've got nothing to complain about. ‘make good money. It's not like I have to work inthe salt mines. But enough about me...who’s up for ‘more Susan talk? I'm kidding, Heidi how do you know these nerds? HEIDI Jeffrey and I did a show together. JEFF We did that production of Tommy in Brazil together. SUSAN Shut it! Y'all were in Brazil together. Tell me a wacky Brazilian anecdote. HEIDI ‘A wacky Brazilian anecdote...um...let’s see... — SUSAN Did you get a Brazilian wax? HEIDI No, but that would be wacky. SUSAN ‘That would be waxy Heidi! That would be waxy. 12-14 (Pokes HUNTER) Pay attention to me. HUNTER Okay, ' like to get started if you guys don’t mind, because T don't want to keep everybody too long, tonight. JEFF ‘Why? What's on TV? HUNTER ‘Cake baking competition on the Food Network. (HUNTER begins to hand out copies of information on the festival) ‘This is stuff I downloaded about the festival. Larry, one for you to0. (He hands one directly to LARRY sitting at the keyboard.) Heidi, did you meet Lary? HEIDI Hi, Lany. (LARRY waves from keyboard.) SUSAN (Reading hand-owt,) 1 see that John Cameron Mitchell is on the board of this festival thing. Do I get to meet him if Ido your, little show? JEFF Maybe. HUNTER ‘Also id you see where Michael Crawford and Jim Dale are on the advisory board? (HUNTER indicates the names to JEFF as they appear on the hand out,) How cool is that? You've got your Broadway and your West End “Barnum’s”. “Barnum’s”! (HUNTER does an elaborate perhaps flamboyant move/homage to Barnum.) HEIDI Is it me or did it just get like three degrees gayer in here? HUNTER _- Ayr. (HUNTER and HEIDI connect) Now, (Indicating SUSAN.) Pve talked to you. Heidi has Jeff explained to you what we're trying to do? HEIDI He has. So...as of now, there’s no script? 1-2-15 JEFF Not yet. HEIDI ‘And it would be a musical? JEFF ‘Yeah, ‘SUSAN 1 just want to jump in here and say that I support an experimental piece and you guys completely, but I have me doots about doing a musical. I get nervous about singing, finding my part, harmonies, me singing songs and songs that are sung by me in general. JEFF Don’t worry, we'll replace you when we get to Broadway. SUSAN Fair enough. JEFF Farrah Nuff; that's a good drag queen name... ‘SUSAN Haha. 1 ike that. Text it to me, HEIDI What? (HUNTER pulls out his cell phone to send SUSAN a text message with the drag name.) ‘SUSAN ‘When we come up with a good drag queen name we text it to each other. I'm gonna order a turkey burger. ‘You guys want anything? (SUSAN pulls out her cell phone to order.) ALL (Ad lib) T'm fine, Nah. I'm good., (etc) ‘SUSAN (While calling in order on cell phone.) Yes Pit hold. HUNTER (Looking at his cell phone HUNTER reads off saved list of drag queen names.) Heidi, here are some oldies but goodies, “Sara Sota.”.."Minnie Van Rental” JEFF Heidi, do you play any instruments? 1-2-16 HEIDI No, why? HUNTER ike this one: “Dorothy Chandler Pavillion.” SUSAN play an instrument. JEFF No you don’t! SUSAN {can play the skin flute brother...ah, no I didn't! Yes I did... (The diner guy on the phone takes her off hold) uh, yes hello, Order for delivery... turkey burger deluxe, fies crispy, and a diet Sprite, Oh, and a pickle. Address? HUNTER (HUNTER continues reading saved names.) “Lady Footlocker”... SUSAN Address... HUNTER My address? It's3.. SUSAN (nterrupting,) It’s 123 America Street..and the phone is 555-5555. The area code is also 555. Thank you. he hangs wp.) I said that because ifthis gets into your little play, I shouldn't say your address in front of an audience. JEFF ‘Then how will you get your turkey burger? SUSAN Il get here Jeff. IPT get here. HUNTER — Allright. All right. So the festival runs in September. JEFF ..and if we get chosen, we would run six performances. HUNTER «and then we'd transfer immediately to the intimate Radio City Music Hall SUSAN I’m worried about it being so close to my wedding dates. 1-2-17 HEIDI You're getting married? SUSAN am in November, and these g'nerds are my beautiful, beautiful maids of honors, HUNTER (Ok, we'll have plenty of time to worry about scheduling, dates, all that stuff. Right now | think we need ‘to get out of this scene because it feels Jong. (Blackout) ‘Answering Machine Message 2 ‘ANSWERING MACHINE (V.O.) ‘You have one new message. @eep) (HUNTER) ‘Hey, Jeffy it’s me. You might be sleepin’. I'm done catering and heading home. Hey guess who dropped a tray filled with entrees tonight? Did you guess me? ‘Cause if you did...you guessed right. And, apparently people don’t like having surf and turf spilled on their formal wear. (Sigh, Total nightmare. Can we please get rich and successful soon? Me no likey catering, Okay, call me later. Bye (Beep) (Underscore begins. Lights up on JEFF and HUNTER. JEFF plays himself, while HUNTER plays “Blank Paper”) MUSIC 3: AN ORIGINAL MUSICAL BLANK PAPER/HUNTER: Hey litle guy, why so blue? JEFF ‘Well Blank Paper, I’m trying to write an original musical in two and a half weeks and I'm a little stuck. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER Well motherfucker, why don’t I give you a crash course on how to go from this, (He indicates the front side of his sandwich board, a blank page of notebook paper.) to this! (He flips to his back side revealing the words “An Original Musical by Jeff”,) JEFF (Wide-eyed) Wow! An original musical! BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘That's right cracker! Now there aren’t many of us around and it’s a Jong journey, so let's get started. 1-2-18 JEFF Did you just call me a cracker? Is this character black? BLANK PAPER/HUNTER Motherfucker, Ican be anything you want me to be. That's the point! MAN ORIGINAL MUSICAL, ORIGINAL MUSICAL. ‘THOSE OTHER SHOWS CAN STEP TO THE REAR. IF YOU LEND ME YOUR EAR TM GONNA EASE ALL YOUR FEAR AND PROVE THAT ALL YOU NEED IS WHAT'S RIGHT UP HERE. (BLANK PAPER/HUNTER dances.) Chi-con, chi-con, bump, bump, bump. JEFF ‘Okay, now I can’t decide if you're trying to be “Mazeppa” or Randy Newman. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘Yes! You see a lot of times musicals are based on plays like Spring Awakening, Vanities or Picnic, which became Hot September. Other times they're based on books, like Shrek, The Little Mermaid, and Mary Poppins. But more recently, musicals have been based on movies, like Shrek, The Little Mermaid, and ‘Mary Poppins, Hairspray, Billy Elliot, A Catered Affair, The Lion King, Legally Blonde, 9 10 5, Spamalot, ‘Young Frankenstein, Catch Me If You Can,... JEFF Wow, really? Movies make good musicals? BLANK PAPERIHUNTER Well, they make musicals. JEFF Pm tying to write a musical about two guys writing a musical about two guys writing a musical BLANK PAPER/HUNTER “That sounds like some crazy shit bitch! But it's original and I ike that. Sing with met (They two sing and dance together) JEFF - Okay, Twi! BOTH 'M AN ORIGINAL MUSICAL, ORIGINAL MUSICAL. JEFF LIKE KWAMINA 1-2-19 HUNTER AND STARLIGHT EXPRESS. JEFF MY SHOW WILL BE A SUCCESS BLANK PAPERHUNTER AND NOT A BIG MESS LIKE CHESS. JEFF AND I'LL MAKE BROADWAY MY ETERNAL ADDRESS! BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘Whoa, whoa! Easy motherfucker! Broadway? Let’s start with Off or OfF-0ff Broadway. JEFF But why can’t I dream big? BLANK PAPER/HUNTER Well if it was a jukebox musical, a revival or a recognizable commodity, I'd say dream away bi-atch. But, original on Broadway? Baby, that ain't gonna happen...unless... JEFF Unless what? BLANK PAPER/HUNTER Unless you've got some stars in mind. JEFF Well, we'd love to have Alice Ripley. She's fierce. Hey, that’s the firs ti the second! I've ever said fierce! Thats BLANK PAPER/HUNTER, Playa, 1 mean TV stars, movie stars, pop stars...ike Toni Braxton or Ashilee Simpson. JEFF BUT I BELIEVE WHEN IT COMES TO MAKIN’ A HIT BROADWAY SHOW, A GOOD PRODUCT WITH TALENTED PEOPLE IS THE WAY TO GO! BLANK PAPER/HUNTER PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT TALENT. THEY WANT A NAME!—— AN AUDIENCE WANTS TO SEE PARIS HILTON AS “MAME!” JEFF ‘Who wants to see Paris Hilton as “Mame?” BLANK PAPER/HUNTER don’t know. A lot of people. Shit! Let me get this straight you want to do a completely original musical? JEFF ‘Yes. 1-2-20 BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘With an unknown cast. JEFF ‘That’s right. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘On Broadway. JEFF On Broadway. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER (Ok little dreamer. I can dig it. But le’s talk size baby...”cause if you're on Broadway it’s got to be big! Leggy girls! Sexy male dancers! Ingénues! Soubrettes! What you thinking? Cast of 20? 30? JEFF Um, maybe like four or five. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER Cosing it) Four or five? What? You? (Calming down.) ‘Okay, okay...1 get it. Love My Wife...Romance/Romance...n0W just add that big lush orchestra and you got somethin’. JEFF Maybe...or maybe just a keyboard. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER WHAT! Well you gonna have a turntable? A friggin’ electric blimp? Something? JEFF No. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘Oh my god! Your ass is crazy motherfucker, but like you, You may just be crazy enough to fuckin’ fuckity fuck succeed motherfucker... JEFF (Interrupting.) ‘What's with all the foul language? Is that appropriate or even necessary? BLANK PAPER/HUNTER Well, if you don’t like it make me say something else. Tam Blank Paper! Your Blank Paper! I'll say ‘whatever you want me to, Just put your pen to the paper and write! JEFF 1 will, I will! PU write! 1-2-21 BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ‘Now we're talking! (The two join forces and take the mumber home!) BOTH WRITE THAT ORIGINAL MUSICAL. ORIGINAL MUSICAL. ORIGINAL IN EVERY WAY. JEFF IT WON'T BE BASED ON A PLAY OR A MOVIE. BLANK PAPER/HUNTER IPRAY THAT JESUS CHRIST WILL HELP YOU GET TO BROADWAY. AND YOU CAN THANK HIM IN YOUR BIO SOME DAY. SO, LITTLE GUY, SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR NAIVETE. JEFF AND I WILL PERSEVERE THROUGH MY FEAR AND I'LL TRAVERSE THROUGH THE FRAY! BOTH AND V/YOU WILL WRITE MY/YOUR WAY RIGHT STRAIGHT TO THE GREAT WHITE WAY! BLANK PAPER/HUNTER ANSWERING MACHINE (V.0.) You have one new message. (Beep) (HEIDI) Hey it’s Heidi. I got your e-mail and I sent you my schedule for the week, so holla back at me with ‘whatever times you guys want to meet. I'm pretty open, just a bunch of auditions and-Fm recording, this

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