SYS No role) Pag oe a ae ecu Pye TTNm Charlie Kadau, Joe Raiola, Dave Croatto Senior Editors, Pea eae NUTLEY See eg uu eesti ee ae nen ac Cee oer caus Beery gees Peet Jim Lee Publisher Geoff Johns President & Chief Creative Officer ‘Amit Desai Executive VP ~ Business & Marketing Strategy, Pies Resets ogee tn ‘Sam Ades Senior VP - Direct to Consumer Pe ee cad Mark Chiarello Senior VP - Art, Design & Collected Editions ea ce ee Rey en ee eee a Cc Don Falletti VP - Manufacturing Operations Lawrence Ganem VP - Editorial Administration & Talent Relations tea ac aE ec Pe ea ee eee ec TS ee Thomas Loftus VP - Business Affairs Pe Un ae eee ci Nick J. Napolitano VP - Manufacturing Administration ee peo Cee ea ee te Jim (Ski) Sokolowski VP - Comic Book Specialty Sales & Trade Marketing Nancy Spears VP - Mass, Book, Digital Sales & Trade Marketing Dee Oe cee ea MAD, Boy's Head Design, and all related indicia are trademarks of E.C. Publications, Ine. Published by MAD Books. An imprint of E.C. Publications, Inc., 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019. An eee Roe eee te ead ee ee ga ee Including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. ‘The names and characters used in MAD fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living person is a coincidence, MAD Magazine reflects the sensibilities and language of the time in which it was first published. ‘This book is reprinted without alteration for historical reference. Sa Ce CO eee chance to prove the old adage right ~ subscribe to MAD! Simply call 1-800-4- MADMAG to order! Front and Back Cover Artist: Mark Fredrickson De ee eC Reece Later da re ABOUT TRUMP A BRILLIANT LOOK AT OUR BRAINLESS PRESIDENT BY “THE USUAL GANG OF IDIOTS” :CONTENTS “Forrest Trump" (MAD #449, Jan. 2005) How Donald Trump Stacks Up Against the Other 43 US, Presidents (MAD #454, April 2017).8 Tale ofthe Tape: Donald Trump vs. Megyn Kelly (The Idiotical, 8/11/15), ‘The Startling Similarities and Differences Between Donald Trump and Pope Francis (the Idiotical, 2/18/16).14 ‘MAD's Breakdown of Donald Trump's Voters & Hillary Clinton’s Voters (MAD #542, Dec. 2016). ‘Trump Criticizes Other American Heroes (‘he Idiotical, 7/20/15). “The Toxie Contender” (MAD #543, Jan. 2017). Planned Provisions of Trumpeare (Th Idiotical, 3/23/17) Melania Trump Denies Plagiarizing Michelle Obama (Tie Idiotic “The Birther King" (MAD #513, Feb. 2012). ‘The MAD "I Will Make America Great Again” Cit ‘Trump Christmas Carols (The Idiotical, Dec. 2016) How Melania Trump Plans to Fight Online Bullying (MAD #545, june 2017)..22 Pirates of the Constitution” (The Idiotical, 2/2/17) Donald Trump, You're Fired! (MAD #453, May 20 Revelations from Trump's Voter Fraud Investigation (1 ‘Trump's Debate Demands (The Idiotical, 10/16/15) “GOP Nuts" (MAD #538, April 2016)..27 One Fine Morning in Florida (MAD #452, April 2005). ‘Tale ofthe Tape: Stephen Hawking vs. Donald Trump (The Idiotical, 5/31/16).29 “The Dead Celebrity Apprentice” (MAD #500, June 2009). ‘The Startling Similarities (and Differences) Between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell MAD #476, April 2007)..36 Donald Trump's New Presidential Seal (The Idiotical, 11/16/16). ‘The Devolution of Trump (MAD #541, Oct. 2016) ‘Trump Tweets Thankegiving (The Isiotica, 11/24/16)..38 Banana Republican 2016 Campaign Collection (MAD #539, June 2016). One Fine Morning in the Windy City (IMAD #460, Dec. 2005)..43 Tale ofthe Tape: Donald Trump vs. ElChapo (The Idiotieal, 7/14/15). “Blow Hard With a Vengeance” (MAD #535, Oct. 2015).45 ‘Trump Criticizes Other Broadway Shows (The idiotical, 11/21/16). ‘7 Ways That Donald Trump Celebrated His 70th Birthday (Th: ‘Trump Unveils His New Campaign Team (The Iaiotical, 8/ “The Trump Family Cireus” (MAD #544, Apr. 2017 ‘The Startling Similarities and Differences Between Trump's Press Conference and a Bus Station Bathroom (‘he Idioticsl, 2/17/17)u.50 Hats Off to Trump for Denouncing the KKK (The Idiotial, 2/29/16) “Donald Trump's Moral Slide Squad” (MAD #543, Feb, 2017).52 “Deplorable People” (MAD #543, Feb. 2017). Why Won't Trump Release His Taxes? (The Idiotieal, 8/15/16) Silver Linings of Trump's Presidency (MAD #545, Jun. 2017)..55 ‘The Republican Presidential Candidates (MAD #537, Feb. 2016). Hillary and Donald Say “Positive Things” About Each Other (The Idiotical, 10/10/16) Celebrities Without Their Makeup: Trump Edition (The Iciotical, 2/23/17).58 Another Morning on Fifth Avenue (MAD #450, Feb, 2005). How WWE's Linda MeMahon is Changing Trump's Administration (The Ilo a4 7/19/16).16 24 D #545, june 2017) al 12/7116).60“The Great Gasbag” (MAD #537, Feb, 2016)..61 Donald Trump vs. The Bible (MAD #540, Aug, 2016)..62 “Trumpty Dumpty” (MAD (526, Dec. 2015)..65 “Imagine” Rewritten by Donald Trump (MAD #542, Dec. 2016)..66 [A Hip Hop Album We'd Like to See (ihe Idotical. 8/3/16) / ASelfie We'd Like to See (The Iaiotical, 4/25/13) 6 Signs That the Election is Rigged (The Idiotical,10/17/16)..67 ‘Trump University’s New Poster (The Iciotical 6/6/16) ‘Trump University Diploma (MAD #540, Aug, 2016)..68 “World War" (The Idiotical 4/7/17). 70 The Startling Similarities and Differences Between Donald Trump and Burger King's New “Mac N' Cheetos" (the Idiotical, 6/28/16)..71 Shocking Revelations From Obama's Trump Tower Wiretaps (1h Idiotical, 3/6/17) How Donald Trump is Spending St. Patrick's Day (Tine Idiotical, 3/15/16)..72 Kellyanne Conway's New Perfume (A MAD Ad Parody) (The Idiotical, 1/23/17) ‘Things You Need to Know About Mike Pence (MAD #542, Dec. 2016)..74 Putin’s Influence Over Trump Continues to Grow (The Idiotical,12/12/16).75 ‘Trumpkins (MAD #542, Dec. 2016)..76 “The Shifty & Batch"t Show" (MAD (542, Dec. 2016)..78 ‘Signs That the “Golden Shower” Report is False (The Idiotical,1/10/17).79 Donald Trump's Proposed Change to the Statue of Liberty (The Idioticel, 12 \ ‘Trump Candy Hearts (Tho Isiotical, 2/14/17) ‘Trump's Latest Family Appointments (The Idiotical,1/10/17).84 “National Buffoon’s Foundation” (MAD #543, Feb. 2017)..82 ‘Things Trump Did When He Skipped the FOX Debate (he Idiotical,1/27/ ‘MAD Asks: What's in a Slogan? (The Idiotical. 9/14/16) Overheard in the Courthouse Where Donald Trump is Serving Jury Duty (he Idiotical A.Betsy DeVos Poster Weld Like to See (he Idiotical, 2/7/17) .88 President Trump's Changes to The Celebrity Apprentice (The Idiotical, 12/9/16).86 Tale of the Tape: Meryl Streep vs. Donald Trump (The 17)-.87 Why We Like the Idea of Melania Trump as First Lady (The Idiotical,1/18/16)..88 “Undercover Boob” (A MAD TV Satire) (MAD #508, Apr. 2011)..88 “Trums” (AMAD Ad Parody) (MAD #545, jun. 2017)..93 |) Pros and Cons of Donald Trump Being Allowed in the UX. (The Idiotical, 1/19/36) MAD Redesigns the Nordstrom Logo (Th Idiotical,2/9/17)..94 “Tax Evader" (MAD #543, Feb. 2017)..95 An Ad Weld Like to See (MAD //538, Apr. 2016) ATravel Ban We'd Like to See (The Idiotical, 1/30/17).96 “Clinton-Trump: Uncivil War" (MAD #540, Aug. 2016)..97 "Blah Blah Land” (The Idiotical,1/24/17)..98 One Morning on Fifth Avenue (MAD #447, Nov. 2004)..99 ‘The Startling Similarities and Differences Between Donald Trump and the Beast From "Beauty and the Beast” (MAD #545, Jun. 2017).100 ‘The First Sign of Spring (The Idiotical, 3/18/16)..101 8 Things Revealed by Trump's Physical (Th Idiotical,9/15/1 ‘Trump Tweets Cyber Monday (The Idiotical, 11/28/15)..102 One Miserable Day in South Dakota (MAD #544, Apr 2017).103 ‘Trump Recalls Other Tragedies (The Idiotical 3/19/16)..105 Fun Facts About the US,/Mexico Border Wall (MAD #545, Jun, 2017).106 ‘No, Donald!” (A MAD Children’s Book Parody) (MAD #5 ical, 1 jun. 2017).107 ax FREDRICKSONFOREWORD BY JAKE TAPPER ‘To whom it may concern: The December 1976 issue of MAD magazine, with the Fonz on the cover, sprung out from the newsstand and enthralled a seven-year-old Jacob Tapper. A seduction of the innocent, asit were From that date through my adulthood, MAD magazine has been poisoning my mind with its rudeness, disrespect and unadulterated nonsense. Throughout my childhood, I collected back issues (purchased at Fat Jack's Comics in Philly) and a library's worth of paperbacks — anachronistic material cynically re-packaged and inserted on supermarket shelves for gullible young children to sneak into the grocery cart. Not entirely unlike the volume you hold in your hands right now. It isa sickness. How am I supposed to explain to my classy and brilliant wife that one of my prized posses- sions is Mort Drucker's original art from issue #276, of President Reagan and Senator Gary Hart? What am I supposed to tell her about why I had it framed? Where on earth would you propose I hang it in my otherwise adult-themed house? How do I explain the thrill when my friend Stephen Colbert emailed to tell me that Ward Sutton had caricatured me in issue #540, except to say that I mention it here so you now know that Stephen Colbert is my friend? Since 1952, MAD has been corrupting the minds of impressionable youth with outrageous and often mean-spirited, puerile and occasionally libelous “satire” Lagreed to write this essay honoring this book not because I think it remotely appropriate that the commie offspring of MAD's forefathers are devoting an entire book to disrespecting the commander-in-chief — exploiting the fascination the public has with him while also trying to make a cheap buck from it (which honestly should only be allowed by cable news). I write this not to celebrate that somehow you have all escaped committal to a hospital of the criminally unfunny. No, I do it because I revere the First Amendment, and I recognize that it cloaks not only the important and worthwhile journalism I share with the world on a daily basis, but the likes of you as well. And the more you are permitted to be deranged, the more Stephen Bannon will focus on you and not me. Hoping for the best and expecting the worst, JakeDedicated to Hillary Clinton, without whom this book would not be possible.He was a moron with a stupid haircut, But he had a knack “=: Korrest TrumpCe ae Whether you love or hate Donald Trump, you have toadmit one thing about him: hes the President! Serousy, you have to admit it— i's not healthy to keep tvng in denial! ‘Once you've made peace with that (we'll wail, you can see how he compares to everyone else who's done the jb! HOW ‘amed forthe depression of sy. Trump was bimed forthe depression of hat the county, pus another ‘Willa Henry Haron was Prsidettorjst one month before ithe dst “Trump was president let forlustone weekbefore Promises bit the dust. j Tames A Garfeld manag Chester A arthr canese Sumber otachevenests sts sevens tcomebcnemomcetrit Miers ay rempscers be Seodeye Trumprmnngedto etn ts every feet hina aenatetie CA nal rinse wha lore evetakng ce. q ty. Truman's iia did't stand or anything Otherthan2 ane ofpetissves, Trump does stand foranything. aight D- senhower led stacks in North As {nd Eope.Tump leveled stacks t's POW. and 2 Gold Star amy AGAINST THE OTHER 43 UJ_S_ Tle owned many Slaves. Trump didnt own ny slaves pothe never Grover Cnt saved tine as reget Tun witaie a couple tyes ttfbeween seasons of testing ecb opr . SE Sentintangpanocus wae tunphasted ce thesthty. O Wo Tilers Ongitcle ofawashington\ (Sung to the tune of “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem’) Oh little town of Washington ‘The swamp it’s time to drain And God help us it’s Reince Preibus _ The guy with the weird name Muke Pence) (Sung to the tune of ““O Come All Ye Faithful”) ‘Oh no, here comes Mike Pence Scornful and self-righteous He’s gutting, he’s cutting Planned Par-ar-enthood Mandating funerals For aborted zygotes And yet he rose to power ‘Though smart as Forrest Gump He’s such a jerk and still has work All thanks to Donald Trump Oh come let us abhor him. It’s dangerous to ignore him Just who the hell is for him? Mike Pence, good Lord!HOW MELANIA TRUMP PLANS TO FIGHT ONLINE BULLYING Dressing in a bikini, pouting, begging for civility Being a figurehead and letting Mike Pence’s wife handle the whole thing Teaming up with Amazon for a sting operation promoting “Free Shipping for Cyberbullies” — then nabbing anyone who tries to order Asking Russian hackers to find out who the bullies are and letting Putin take it from there Keeping her husband away from his phone as much as possibleKELLYANNE LONG GOP PICTURES DONALD TRUMP. “Prrates Ei ONSTITUTION, BRINGING “WORLD'S ENDoy cena! we ith a The Apprentice ends wit Every, week song sales emt rs mses For starting every season with 16 or 18 varied, ‘multicultural contestants of both genders, only to pick as the winner another boring, corporate, brown-nosing white guy... MQMaigiayy For pretending on network TV diate rel esto fa ta mad wou Ros oves the ans ofa major building projet See orar perl Sing Rr cups of areca aay themmeldieot : ‘Soc aa : For being dude with -llion dlorce, bankruptcies “or mistresses wh lectures contestants on “ethical boven’ aay For continually claiming your show is the highest-rated show on TY, except for the seven other shows that consistently and inconve- niently out- naam viewer you, TTT For wasting sixteen weeks to impart such rare gems of Trump business wisdom as “Think big”..”Work well with others“and “Love ane aT For subjecting America week after week to that moronic, gravity defying, architecturaily-unsound, can’t-be-mocked-enough hairdo from no known ca period in coiffing | =anal history, TayFor encouraging every other annoying, charisma-ceprived Benefactor and Reba Billienaireto clog the airways with their own Jame-o business Una S reality shows, For being the only human in : LOST MONEY... TST Le For picking femate contestants with pouty lips dome Fairand big boobs ‘Bnd then chastsing them for using sex o get ahead... PPR For somehow convincing the world your nickname should be "The Donald” instead of more appropriate monikers like "The Dickwad,”" "The Deadbeat,” oF “The Debt-Ridden- Diddlerof-Beauty- Pageant-Rejects..”.- [TAGE For criticizing others about “not thinking ‘outside the box” when your sum-total marketing strategy involves, pathologically slapping, the word “Trump” on everything insight... SAMA For mentally ruining that hip-cool “Money, Money, Money” song by forever linking it to Slow-motion images of a certain white, middle-aged, bloated, funk-free, lard-ass pucker-squinting his ‘way out of a gold- plated helicopter... [URS a0} For somehow making Joey the SECOND most + embarrassing show on NBC Thursday. LOU Fo unironicaly coming othe conclusion Mal fe pty seers fara cece skirting unk bond peddling, deat-wenektng, cont actwelcing busts weasel be the spokesman for Visa credit cards. TTT warrer: RUSS cooPERREVELATIONS FROM TRUMP’S VOTER FRAUD INVESTIGATION + Despite the fact that Illinois is Hillary Clinton's birthplace, clearly-biased Illinois voters did not recuse themselves during the election + Apparently, the country is still using the ridiculously antiquated “Electoral College” system, under which a candidate who loses by millions of votes can still win the election + There’s also something really screwed up with the voting for the NBA All-Star Game when Russell Westbrook isn’t even starting + Millions of California residents cast ballots despite being born in other states + In several Oregon precincts, gag write-in votes for Stewie Griffin were illegally changed to gag write-in votes for SpongebobRearOne Fine at In Plorida KR wee Blas :TONIGHT! TALE wi: TAPE HEN STEP DONALD “ROLLING THUNDER” VS “KID LOUDMOUTH” HAWKING TRUMP ‘STEPHEN HAWKING DONALD TRUMP. Janvary 8, 1942 June 14, 1946 Queens, NY 1.Q. SCORE INCURABLE MALADY SYNONYMOUS WITH CONSIDERED AGENIUS BY... THOUGHT-PROVOKING LITERARY WORK SIMPSONS APPEARANCES HAS EVER BEEN INA FIGHTae arte ay ae 1'm Donald Trump. welcoming you to the Trump Boardroom of the Trump Organization. atop magnificent Trump Tower! This is my ally son, Donald Trump Jr.. and ‘my wary daughter, Wanka Trump “Trump Trump Trump, Trumpy ‘Trump Trumptrumptrump! Let the fruit of my groinal Trumpatozoa fl you in with the detalis! How right you are, Jesu eee Perrin ay ead Don't let my slack, Inert face Bow to Cleopatral {ool you! On the Inside, 'm 2 IMM As Queen of Egypt. | hel seething cauldron of emotion! unimaginable power! ‘And last season's cast of ‘And my millions of ‘mediocrities made me sick! subjects treated my ‘That's way we spared ‘every utterance as no expense to pervert the received wisdom genetic science Ina deeply of a lving god. Think cobscene wayl Presenting the ‘Oprah, But without ‘members of Team Zomba! ‘the Book Clubt | may be a hunka hunka tus must face personal damnation Win this competition! OF ‘or salvation at that moment of supreme Judgment! And that all be handled by Dad, in the Dead Celebrity Apprentice ‘boardroom? introduce ‘yourselves, Team Sarcophagus! course, | ALSO thought Ia lve to be 45 on a daly diet of pig's feet. peanut butter ‘and prescription drugs! z= They called me the Babel The Bambino! The Sultan cof Swat! Im fat enough for ‘three rickniames! | lee my ‘teams to ten World Serlest J only wish they had steroids ‘back then. I could have won ‘twenty championships! Including the Kentucky Derby! ‘And not as a jockey, either! ‘of Celebrity Rehab, thats the question! Each of] # rotting es, but 1,000% confident that Ii! EE) Because between thou and me, [hath got ‘a pretty strong addiction to mead! As 2 keen observ’ of the human condition, | wit Thave much to speak upon my experiences here. And you can check ital ut on http:swww'bardofavan. blogspot.com! ——RT Le "To restore Germanys glory, Why, its me, Groucho Marx! | plunged her into a ruinous wart ‘The pleasure is mine, being on Asa shrimpy, black-haired nebbish, Ml series with The Donald! | think | promoted the ideal of the blonde Te rather be with The Mickey ‘Aryan superman! Now, as avirulent and The Goofy! What a show! racist and antl-semite, ve decided MM You mean | got up from a dead tt chil out vith a media job In the sleep for THIS, when I could racially pure World of show business! be home, decomposing my Hmmm...maybe it just ain’ memoirs? Ia call my agent to my millennium! complain, bute dled in 19291 Tam Emperor Nerol | was a hated leader with daddy Issves Who seized power vnder mysteriovs circrmstances, ‘banktvpted my covntry, and dawaled wile one of or ‘major citles was destroyed! Nevertheless, 85% of Roman citizens said Im the tyrant they'd rather have a beer with! 1 tall you, on the day of judgment you wall have to give ‘an account for every careless word you utter for by your words you vl be justified, and by your words you vit be condemned! ‘Asyour 37th President. | { Dooby dooby doo! Representing the gallant y[_1™m pro wrestling legend Andre the Giant, my many enemies caled | | _ Old Blue Eyes is back, patrlots of the American ‘ang I'm a major "get for any realty TV ‘me the most paranokd, f=} this time from the gravel [3 Revolution, | am Betsy Ross! | series! At 500 pounds, could be on The BS ruthless, sneaky and’ fj The name “Frank Sinatra’ JJ Aimost nothing is known. ‘Blagest Laser! coula reunite with Hulk contemptible man ever about my life. 'm pretty much] Hogan on Hogan Knows Best And with so to hold the office! For this sponsible. fl famous for sewing a flag, and fi mary choreographed matches, 'm a natural backstabbing show, "mf for 203 hits! Or 208 hits, JM that's itl Hey. its more of a [for Dancing with the Stars! Heck, | could, slightly underqualifed! ff if you believe the FBI files! | résume than Omarosast ‘even be on Survivor — as the IslandThis is a cutthroat, anything-goes competition that ‘only one of you wil survivel But fist, “Jesus Christ wall give us one of His famous pep talks! 'm just not following You, J-Dawg! Does What shale profita man ithe gains | not compute! No wonder You only had the whole world but aces his soul? Its] one best-selling book, while Ive had a feaser for a camel to pass through the fll dozen! Your holy message of honesty, eye of a needle than for arich man to [Mj love, peace anc forgiveness won't last center the Kingdom of Heaven! You can- fl ten minutes in today’s TV programming! at serve bath God and Money! Lave fj hate to doit, but Jesus...VOU'RE FIRED! ‘others as well as you love yourself! | thought fong and hard about what Before we begin. | know there are some of you would be a good task to kick the hove never even heard of New York City! Fase your hands. Im seeing Shakespeare, Burpl proceedings oft, wanted it tobe totally Nero, Cleopatra..and BABE RUTH? falr to both sides! The frst challenge ‘wasted! Didn't you play for the Yankees? T sure do remember Flag Day back in 19271 belted three home runs. ‘wo tax drivers, ‘and a cop! Will bea flag-sewing competition? ‘Big boy, I can almost see you now. slugging those home runs “This hackneyed design is Jn Yankee Stadium. But I can’ see Yankee Stadium! An old yesterday's news! Team Zombie's Joke, admit. But haven't gotten a dime from NBC in fifty ‘composition has much more Years, and they get what they pay for! if you've got a dime, appeal! Betsy, YOU'RE FIRED! that joke can be yours. Pay me a quarter, and Iil never tell . it again! Now that’ a deal you can't beat with a stickt ButYou know Nothing. realy New challenge! Im giving ‘You better believe it what. Im stil [I Fred? Well ri J But something each of you a Jamba Juice JFWow, wnat blatant Bf For alucrative bea monkeys [ff about you keeps ‘ranchsel Whichever [product placement! [| sponsorship deal. Tinea! het remanding me of team can sel the mest JM "And thought the fd have you all kiss id | do? [lf Rosie O'Donnel? liquid product in one day willbe the winner! redone And tak about delicious? [Hwa phony and Mm-MMMI its Jamba! shar ‘Tm taking charge ofthis ession, Lets take it ‘trom the top When the day hot, but 3 B souctner’s Shot. cin Ih urna sakel | rd jamba Juice. At a swank fits mango smoothie, J resort. wny not take 3 |) of Jamba Juice? (Grab 8 verse, Fablant mAs ‘What i this yummy ‘Bacon grease. ‘knew Horus when he was just a baby! He was a favor? Wheatgrass? ‘good egg! Infact. he almost became a rare amulet, Carrot passion? MM one, It's just 38,000 Horus, ruler of the sky, JJ but that’s another story! One of Ptolemy's. most ‘Green whey? calories per serving! likely. Whenever | heard a good story about Horus, I'd say a ttle bird Ptolemy! Thick as Thebes, ‘we were. Every summer, we used to sal up the Nile and over to Italy! That's where we met Isis brisk lunchtime turnover! [>] And on a hot day, there's nothing ke Halla Isist mm W cies‘These totals are shocking! ‘Team Sarcophagus did very vel, ‘sling 182 gallons! But Tear ‘Zombie umoaded 750,000 gallons of Jamba Juicet How is that even possible? TES also come to my attention that | “acertain crooked contestant nas ‘Tips scale at over 200 Ibs. FA Tips scale at over 300 Ibs. |_| Possesses big hairy man-breasts enjoying increased ratings from this stupid, who-£ives acfiying 17% feud ast name rhymes with “steaming dump” Can't stand that aging, wrinkled hag Barbara Walters ‘Insists on putting name 0” ceverythi some out-of Gontrol, egotistical douche Dag Presided over a failed magazine titled Rosie ‘On TV show, sits around table with a bunch of babbling idiots Tras a great sense of Humor wput themselves and will enjoy eP_ reating this MAD char me 4 e ETWEENTRUMP TWEETS THANKSGIVING pardon the turkey. Unimpressed. | like turkeys that DON’T get captured! So excited for 's Thanksgiving specialty: frozen corn & Crispix with ketchup. Now that's eating! Agreat day to remember how the Indians welcomed the Pilgrims to America, but NOT Muslims or Syrian refugees. Smart! Love the kids’ table — it’s the perfect place to scout out my fourth wife! Not going to ’s for Thanksgiving. Last year he served the endangered elephant he shot. Gamey! If you’re committing hate crimes in my name, please stop. It’s Thanksgiving, for God's sake! You can always pick it back up tomorrow!MARCO RUBIO Youre not especialy bright, charismatic or experienced, yet your part's puppet masters have anointed you 38 the “establishment candidate” so you don't want to let them down. No worries! in our hand-stitched Jacket and colorful gingham shit, youl stand out lke a black dude a a Tea Party ral, wile tailored trousers offer pockets deep enough to hold wads of Koch Brothers cas! Finally, our assc cowboy boots with Cuban heels nt only make you look tale in the sade but are great for Kicking your fellow Latinos ‘ut of the country yout so fortunate to call home. Mand-titchod jacket $200 Gingham shirt $87 Boots $179, Do clothes make the maniac? Our Ganadlan- made leather bomber jacket and camo pants are the perect combination, whether You're fear-mongering to scare up votes or threatening to carpet-bomb islamic nations back tothe Stone Age. 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PRESIDENTIAL RUNSWITH A VENGEANCE Hey, primary voters: Yippee-ki-yay, Motherf* *kers!FSC trump Criticizes Other; Broadway Shows Besides HAMILTON re ey ery THE CAST AND PRODUCERS OF HAMILTON, WHICH I HEAR IS HIGHLY OVERRATED, SHOLILD IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZE TO MIKE PENCE FOR THEIR TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR.* ——— A GORGEOUS WOMAN MARRIED 70 A HAIRY, GROWLING MANIAC? COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC! IMMIGRANTS, PROBABLY RAPISTS AND MURDERERS, MAKE NO MENTION OF THE WEST SIDE'S TRUMP PLACE APARTMENTS. DISGRACEFUL! THIS GUY CLEARLY DOESN'T KNOW HOW y 70 SEAL THE DEAL. HE SHOULD READ \ My BOOK! WHAT A PATHETIC LOSER! Co A BILLIONAIRE WITH HAIR ISSUES USING HIS WEALTH TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY? WHERE THE HELL D0 THEY GET THIS STUFF?Spending the day recklessly fomenting racial hatred, then hitting up Dave & Buster’s for a few rounds of Skee-Ball Angrily beating on a pifiata because, well, it was made in Mexico Tweeting out 70 new bulls#!t lies about Obama Trying to choke down the cake that Melania attempted to bake Opening the birthday card from his “African-American” Having his pal, Dr.Ben Carson, check his prostate Honestly, we have no idea, but there is “something going on” TRUMP UNVEILS HIS NEW CAMPAIGN TEAM = ">" SARAH PALIN LANCE ARMSTRONG VLADIMIR PUTIN Implosion Coordinator Mendacity Supervisor Foreign Policy Advisor : i a CURT SCHILLING DAVID DUKE JOHN HINCKLEY JR. Social Media African-American “Second Amendement. Strategist Outreach Liaison People” Aide oIts time to make the funny pages great agin! So let's turn back the clock (and social progress) as we grimly smile at the antics of America’s First Dad and Mom, and their adorable scamps... aw, a om “Dad's punishing me for sayin’ the seven dirty words. ‘Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"” “Daddy, where'd Chris Christie go?” My father is the #I best at international relatione! 42AIP FAMILY GIBEUS \ “Who thinks your father “2+2 is 4, which is what my daddy said you are after can bring this divided he saw you at the last parent-teacher conference.” nation together?” “ASK NOT WHA’ ‘YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASKYaka a SSE TRUST EUC SI aeleeeeSAvLed | Ua eh ae ETT] A BUS STATION BATHROOM s ST Mmmm Url TM Il mw 1d to unhear Ya PY g Makes you question the existence of a just and loving God Features a high degree of decorum and respect CUS RED RCM == SUSU eae a) — Wy AEC Sot) Ee eee ele g geopolitical complexities S#!t, s#!t and more s#!t! Wy eaHATS OFF TO TRUMP FOR DENOUNCING THE KKK < SS y S SSS ESS . WP eedRUDY GIULIANIIS Pe UR ceo j e) DONALD re C a Ba Lttesl ie eee)ee a 7 re We rump Bis esa aA “Nobody respects SMU eT CaWHY WON’T TRUMP RELEASE HIS TAXES? + His longtime accountant, Muhammad Sanchez, is an illegal Mexican-Muslim + In 2005, he tried to write Melania off as a business expense + There’s the matter of his 2013 payment of $10,000,000 to a “Pladimir Vutin” + Since 1976, he's listed his occupation as “Money-Grubbing Con Man” + Hillary Clinton released hers — proving that only crooked losers release their taxes + If he does, he'll be exposed as a devious, hypocritical, tax-dodging scumsack anna: SILVER LININGS OF TRUMP’S PRESIDENCY + Anyone who's tired of our national anthem will enjoy the new one, “Tocyaapersexustii runt PoccniicKoli Dexepanun” * America will never have another election that’s so divisive and vitriolic, because America will never have another election + History won't repeat itself, because the second host of The Celebrity Apprentice can’t become President * You'll soon breeze through customs lines Bi when returning to the U.S. — because foreigners will have stopped coming here altogether » America will be great again — duh!