Marriage That Cannot Fail

Dr. M.W. Lewis

San Diego, 2-14-60

Subject this morning: Marriage That Cannot Fail.

Isnt that some subject? I approach it with fear and trembling. But what I will
not, I will not perhaps be able to guarantee, that what that subject implies, but I
will guarantee to tell you some of the reasons why they fail. And then, surely,
you can correct it, if any of you are having trouble. Course, I, I notice, I realize
that theres something wrong with marriage.

Why do so many marriage fail? Divos, divorces are increasing. There must be
and there is a reason. People do not realize the purpose of marriage. That is,
they do not realize the full purpose of marriage. Marriage is necessary to keep
this Show going, so to speak. But thats not the real purpose of marriage. The
real purpose of marriage is quite different. The real purpose of marriage is to
enable those who need to go this particular way, to see in one another the
Presence of God, and as such, to work towards the end of Union in Him. And
the most wonderful part is that, if they will treat marriage that way, instead of
being left without anything in the end as are those who follow marriage only
on the physical plane both are saved, both return home to God.

Now were supposed to be sensible people, we must realize that marriage can be
successful, and the reward, is that neither one is lost, both are safe in the
Conscious Presence of God. Thats what we should understand about marriage.
And thats what we should do with our marriage, if we are not doing it now. If
we follow the rules, which our Master has laid down, and the saints of ages,
marriage will be successful, it cannot fail.

And so, what is wrong with the marriage nowadays? It is this. That the youth,
youth is train, trained too much on the physical, and mental plane. And the
Spiritual side, or plane, and the disciplinarial side of marriage, is neglected. Self-
discipline is neglected. The physical side is emphasized plenty and the
mental side. But the Spiritual side, and that side which requires that we
discipline ourselves, is wholly neglected especially nowadays and God is
forgotten almost completely. Thats why marriage does not succeed.
There is no control over the senses, and the moods, and the desires, and
impulses. Isnt that true with the young people nowadays? As Master used to
say, First find God. Then your reason will be balanced. Your impulses will be
balanced. Your senses will be balanced. Then get married and itll be
successful. That is what is not, does not happen now. These other things are
allowed to run wild, and you see the result of it, if your eyes are open at all.
Thats the reason why marriage fails. If we correct those things, and emphasize
more of the Spiritual aspect, and the discipline, which is so necessary to curtail
these senses, to curtail these desires, and these moods, which lead to all the
trouble, then, reason, reason will come forth, and the marriage will be successful.
Its very simple when you see it, but its hard and difficult when the majority of
people go the other way. And they sure do in these times.

And so, self-discipline in a hermitage is very good, in the beginning in the

younger age. And then, when the reason is balanced, then get married. But, if
you do not do that, well, we know whats going on all around us, because too
much emphasis is on the physical and mental side. Thats all. And poor God is
neglected. Hes not thought of at all, until trouble comes, and people find the
world are not ready to help them get out of their difficulties. Then, belatedly,
they turn to God. Why not turn to Him first, as the sages pointed out?

And so, First, establish yourself on the Spiritual path, the Master said. First
establish yourself on the Spiritual path. Then, if it is your path, then be married,
and it will be successful. If you once establish yourself, and know the Presence
of God, marriage is wonderful. It will be consummated, as it should be. Not a
one-sided, lop-sided affair, or all on the material side. But itll be a balanced
affair, and the goal of life will be accomplished, as Ill point out a little later in the
scriptural reference. Marriage is an honorable institution, and those who have
considered it, and treated it as that, and taken God with them, will testify that
they see God in their mate. Not something else. Thats the way the Lord wanted
us to do it.

What of it, if you had a little difficulty in the beginning of marriage? What of it?
It takes, doesnt it take time, to get adjusted to any condition? But there is one
key point that we must not forget there must be, in every successful marriage,
and that is this. No matter what comes, no matter what the difficulties, no matter
what the objections that come up to one another, there is an indissoluble bond
between those who are married correctly. And what is that indissoluble bond?
Gods Love. God Himself.
What of it, if they have fights, which they all do in the beginning? Some of them
have some good ones. But I know those who are truly married, they never, they
never forget that thing, and you cant eradicate it that indissoluble bond that
God is in the other one. They may do a good job on one another as they have
their squabbles; but when it comes to the showdown, know, that indissoluble
bond of Gods Presence is there. That makes true marriage, and marriage cannot
fail, if they will find God first. Be secure on the Spiritual path first. And let come
what may, it makes no difference. If its a happy, smooth marriage, fine. If its a
rough one, the end is the same, isnt it? And that is, they both go to God.

If they keep it on the physical plane, wholly, what happens? In the end nothing,
nothing, because material things pass away, and that marriage pass away, and
the two of them will be lost; but if it is kept on a Spiritual plane, things of spirit
last. Both are safe, and Conscious in the Presence of God at the end of the
marriage. Thats what we must understand. If it is kept too much on the
material plane, it can only end as all things of matter end. And especially, we
must remember this that it usually ends in sickness, and ill health, and disrespect
for one another, completely, and fully.

Is that the way marriage should be? No. It should be the other way. They
should feel, when they get married, that indissoluble bond of Gods Love, and
though on this earth therell always be trouble in this world in which we live
therell always be trouble, therell always be duality, and sorrow because thats
the nature of it but isnt the Presence of God. that indissoluble bond of Gods
Love, isnt that permanent? Isnt that the Unity of Gods Presence? That is not
diversity at all. That is what lasts. So those who are about to be married, if there
are any here, remember these things. Get God first. Seek Him out first, and then
if you are to be married, it can only come out the right way. Because the
indissoluble bond of Gods Presence will be the matrix of that marriage.

So the purpose of marriage, as I have pointed out, I think, somewhat, so far, Is

that instead of creating only on the physical plane, the mental plane, there
should be a fusion of Souls with their Spiritual quality. These mind and Soul
fusions should produce Spiritual children, who manifest love, and
understanding, character, purity, noble ambitions, and creative inventions.
These are our Masters words. Now that will not come, if we keep the marriage
wholly on the physical plane. There must be a fusion of the Soul qualities of the
two, and with that will come these things which I have enumerated.
Once I said to the Master, I hope Im not saying things too personal, but I had a
couple children, and they were as I say, wild Indians. I said, "Sir, what am I
gonna do with these kids? He says, "Dont worry. I dont know, as I hate to
say this, but he says, "With two such parents, theyll be all right. But listen, I
give all the credit to him, but thats what he said. So I tell you who are married,
or gonna be married, be that which the Lord wants you to be, and the Master
wants you to be, and you have a much greater chance with the children coming
out as youd like to have them come out: Spiritually examples of the Presence of
God in them.

Now, another purpose of marriage is that both return to God. Thats, that to me
is the greatest thing. Because you, who are married, know, what you really think
of your wife or husband underneath, and you know that the thing you fear is
that you have to leave one another. But, you will not have to leave them, if you
have that indissoluble, indissoluble bond of Gods Love between you. You will
not have to leave them. So thats the second reason that we should understand
the purposes of marriage.

And the third, is that the ideal husband and wife, who live more on the Spiritual
plane, more on the love of, on the mental and Spiritual plane, will automatically
move toward Emancipation in God. Isnt that wonderful? Automatically, youll
be taken care of. You dont have to worry about it. Thats the Law. Thats why
the First Commandment is what? Love God with all thy strength, and thy heart
and thy might, married or not married. And the second is feel Me, and see Me
in the hearts of others. Thats the purpose of marriage. The purpose, purpose of
life is to return home to God; to unite your consciousness with His Presence
single or married. The single people who do not have to be married according to
the law of attraction and karma, they still have the same goal of life. And that is
to unite their consciousness with Gods Consciousness. Those who are married,
they have the same goal of life; to see God in one another, and thereby help each
other to return home to God.

So what does it make any difference, whether youre single or married, except as
I understand it, its easier if youre single, in some cases. But I havent found it
too difficult, except in the beginning, it was a little rough. But by the Grace of
God that bond is there, and I know its there. I was gonna say, in everybody
here, but some of you are not married. But still, the bond must be there. The
bond must be there.
I have a reference, which the Master has given us, at this time. As I told you, I
approached this subject with fear and trembling. I hope I dont get into
difficulties too much, but these are truths. Coming events cast their shadows.
Let me give you Masters words from one of his little books. "Today there arent
many real Soul unions. I say. Taking the overall picture, that is so. But, I know
it is not so in those who are following Self-Realization; its meditations and its
techniques. I know it cannot be so. But it tis on the outside; theres no question
that his words, that his words are true. "Emotionally immature and unstable,
they are usually influenced by the fleeting sex attraction, or worldly
considerations that ignore the noble purpose of marriage." He added: "I often
say, now these are Masters words, first establish yourself, irrevocably, on the
divine path. Then, if you marry, you wont make a mistake. So, any of you
here, contemplating marriage, remember the Masters words. Theyre
invaluable. Hes the Voice of God to those who follow him.

I was gonna read you the marriage vows of Self-Realization Fellowship Church,
or some of them, but our time is fleeting. But I know youll get the gist of them
as you listen to the explanation this morning.

Now the first rule for Marriage That Cannot Fail is this. There are three main
rules. The first is that, do not keep your marriage too much on the physical
plane. If kept too much on the physical plane, I have pointed out, the end result
is zero, because material things, marriages of a material nature, will surely pass
away. You cannot escape it. So thats the first rule. We must realize that.

Now, the seriousness of this problem, of lifting the marriage from the physical
plane, depends upon the latent tendencies of the participants. Never mind the
latent tendencies, if theyre not desirable. They can all be changed by following a
meditative life, and especially, by the practices of Kriya Yoga. Those who lead a
marriage which is too much on the physical plane, have their consciousness in
the three lower centers in the spine. Thats where their consciousness dwells.

Now, by serving others, and by practicing the meditations of Self-Realization

Fellowship, or Truth of Yoga, either one you wanna call it, your consciousness
will automatically lift it to the highest centers of the spine, and then it will be
much easier to keep your marriage on the Spiritual plane. Its absolutely
scientific. If those who are having trouble with marriages will follow these
meditations of Self-Realization, and especially Kriya Yoga, and keep at it, and do
not fall by the wayside, they will win in the end, because its impossible for the
Life Force to stay down in the lower part of the spine. It will elevate itself to the
Presence of God here [at the Spiritual Eye], automatically. Thats what Master
meant when I read They will automatically be led to Emancipation in Gods
Love. These are absolute facts. Thats the first rule. Therefore, is not to keep
the marriage too much on the physical plane.

Second rule is this and this is a real rule. Learn to behave with one another.
Some marriages are good on us. They do not behave with one another. I dont
have to tell you what goes on. Well whats the trouble? The trouble is this.
Living in so close contact, its apt to breed familiarity, and you know familiarity
may breed contempt. Why? Because theres not that mutual respect for one
another, which there should be. And so, the second rule is to learn to behave
with one another. Have that Divine carriage. Have that Divine carriage of two
Souls mixing together; two Souls mixing together. And you cannot have that
Divine carriage, unless you see God in your mate. Its impossible. But, if you see
Her, see Him in your mate, then that Divine carriage will come out, because you
are all made in the Image of God. Were all made in His Image. And what is
He? He is Love. God is Love.

And so, the second rule is very important. Learn to behave with one another
learn self-control. How? By following one who had that self-control, as our
Master, who has given us these teachings of Self-Realization Fellowship whereby
you control the Life Force in the body. And instead of flying off the handle when
you shouldnt, the Life Force is under control. It cannot operate, you cannot get
mad, so to speak, if the Life Force doesnt flow that way. Its absolutely
scientific. And, if you learn the right methods of meditation and the different
techniques of Self-Realization teachings especially Kriya Yoga self-control is
bound to come. Thats why its so important to meditate every day, and
meditate in the right way not just contemplation but by putting your
attention on the Presence of God within.

Dont you think if you mix with God, youll attain self-control? If you mix with
those who do not have self-control, youll be just like them. If you mix with God,
who is Peace, and Calm, and Bliss, youre bound to develop self-control.
Therefore, those who are married, if they follow the Spiritual path, and meditate
regularly, and do their Kriya Yoga, especially, they are bound to improve. They
cannot do otherwise. Such is the Law of Gods Presence in each and every one of
us.

So thats the second rule. Both act to please God. Both act to please God. Thats
the easiest way. If it has reached the point where you cannot please one another,
forget it. Get somebody else to please. Both act to please God, and Hell bring
you two together like that. Thats His Power. Theres no greater power on the
earth than Gods Love. Gods Love is Supreme. So, if you cannot, at this stage,
love one another, love the other one, or try to do it to please God, is the answer.
And see what He does with you. But, if you try to do it with your ego
consciousness, the battle will increase. But, if you do it to please God, it will not
increase. It will level off, and things will be better.

I had a little story that came to me, cause I believe we need just a little rest for a
moment here. And this husband was lugged into court. And I think the charge
was intense mental cruelty. Isnt that what they use sometimes? Intense mental
cruelty. So the judge said to this husband, he said, "The wife says that you
havent spoken to her for ten years. What have you got to say for yourself?
Well, the poor fellow answered. "Well," he says, "I didnt want to interrupt her.
Extreme mental cruelty.

Now, Im afraid I may get into difficulty telling that half of the uhhh, telling that
story, which seems to be against one-half of the marriage. So Ill tell another one
Ive told here before. And I hope, I hope youll enjoy it, as I enjoyed it the first
time I heard it. You know the husbands have a particular trait of saying Come
up and ride in my car; Come up and see my television; Come to my house,
see? So this particular husband came home this day, and he came up the stairs,
and he come bustling in the front door, and he says "Hi Honey. Is my dinner
ready?

She says, "Ive had enough," to herself. And she gave it to him. Beat him up
knocked him down under the table. But he didnt come out. And then she
began to wonder if she killed him, or what. And she says, "Come out, come up
out of there you good-for-nothing. He says, "Just a minute Dear. Im looking
for our hat. So now I think Im even with both sides. So, we will go on. So, if
you have any trouble, remember that story.

I have a reference here, at this time, to take us back to the ideal marriage, which
Master used to speak about, and that was his mother and father. Youve heard a
little bit about them from this from Mr. Koobatian, but this is from Masters own
words, his writings. "Father and mother were Bengalis of the Kshatriya caste.
Both were blessed with saintly nature. Their mutual love, tranquil and dignified,
never expressed itself frivolously. A perfect parental harmony was the calm
center. That indissoluble bond. A perfect parental harmony was the calm
center for the revolving tumult of eight young lives. As a daily gesture, as a
daily gesture, of respect for father, in the afternoon mother would dress the
children carefully to welcome him home from the office1. Isnt that nice?
Although perhaps we cannot take the time, at least, in this rush, rush, and bustle
of this life, still we can do little things. But the greatest thing is to feel the
indissoluble bond in the heart of the mate. Thats the most wonderful thing.

Now, the third rule is, keep the marriage on the Spiritual plane. I think I have
pointed out enough about that. But, if this is done, then one sees God in the
other. Thats the key point. If this is done, one sees God in the other. If that is, if
that happens, the marriage is secure; the marriage will not fail; if we see the
Presence of God in the other.

And the second reason is, as I have pointed out, it should be kept on the Spiritual
plane, because love will be perfected in the other. There is no question but the
woman has qualities different than the man. They have a different makeup.
Theyre an aspect of God. Thats why marriages, when its right, its the highest
path to reach God, because theres give and take in it and plenty of it. But one
has the feeling aspect developed, and the other has the intellect developed, or the
reasoning aspect. When both go together, both are elevated into the Presence of
God.

And so, remember, that the true purpose of marriage is that both return to God.
And one thing I have been thinking about, when age comes in marriage. Ive
talked to many people. Some theres nothing there to look forward to. But, if
they both will follow God, create that indi, indivisible bond, indissoluble bond; if
it is not there, create it. And then, instead of having emptiness to look forward,
they will have the Joy of Gods Presence. Thats why the third, and perhaps the
greatest rule, is that the marriage should be kept on a Spiritual plane.

Now this is attested to in the Bible, showing that the greatest respect should be
there for the mate. For in Corinthians, in Corinthians [1st Corinthians 7:16], we
read the duty of both, the duty of the wife, and the duty of the husband: "For
what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?" You are a
child of God every one of you wives here. You may think you amount to
nothing, but that is not true. How do you know but God is coming through you
to save your husband and to give him Emancipation. These are words from our
Bible. "For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or
how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"

1
Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramhansa Yogananda, Chapter 1, Page 4
Doesnt that put a different aspect on marriage? How do you know? How do I
know how God is gonna work? People come to me and they say, Oh, I dont
wanna go to physicians. I dont wanna do this, and I dont wanna do that.
How do they know how God is gonna heal them? God heals through many
ways. You cannot follow Him. He is so secretive, and so subtle. But, if you have
pure faith in God, what do you care the way He comes, whether its through
medicine, or through other means to be healed? I dont care, long as God comes.
And, Im sure we should take that wonderful thing with us in marriage. And
instead of feeling we can do nothing, because the husband perhaps is giving us
some trouble, or vice versa, why not take it to God? Why not take it to Him? He
can use you to heal the other one. And He will, if you have that extreme faith in
Him. Such is the Power of God.

But what do we do? We do not approach Him. We try to do it ourselves, and

forget that He is the Sole Doer, and He is in the husband, He is in the wife, and it
is He who is in both. That is what we have to learn. Then marriage will take an
entirely different aspect, and both will return home to God.

I have two illustrations of perfect marriages. That is, first is Gandhis marriage.
Mahatma Gandhi. You know what he was, the Great Mahatma; the great
example; a great saint. And he has this to say about his marriage, which I hope
you will not forget. And he says this about his wife. He is very truthful, and
very exact, for he says: "My wife moves me as no other woman in the world can.
Not that she has no faults. See hes a pretty, he was a pretty wise man. Not
that she has no faults. I daresay she has many more than I see myself. But, the
feeling of an indissoluble bond is there." And those are Gandhis own words.
Get that indissoluble bond. If it isnt there make it. Just know it. Its there, of
course. Understand it, and realize it.

And the other illustration is of Lahiri Mahasaya, one of our great saints. Lahiri
Mahasaya was in the world, but not of it. Lahiri Mahasaya was a perfect
example for householders. Showed that his example, by his example, how
worldly people engaged in normal living family life, with husband and wife,
and children, and all that goes on could remain unattached, to the trouble I
mean, unattached, like the lotus in the pond. You know, the lotus grows in a
muddy pond dark, murky water. But theres a beautiful lotus coming up, clear,
and pure, and beautiful, as you know the lotus is so, Lahiri Mahasaya. Thats
why he is one of our saints; to give the example of finding God, in spite of the
distractions of family life with children, and he has God in there, and wife. But
his is a great example.

Lahiri Mahasaya, he believed, and he practiced, Self-Realization techniques and

Kriya Yoga, and nobody knew what he was doing. And his wife complained
that he was spending too much time with the devotees and that, and he began to
remonstrate with her. And suddenly, the whole room was filled with the
vibration of the Holy Ghost. And she really turned the other way, and didnt
know what was happening. And he touched her here [on the Spiritual Eye] and
the Massive Light came. What happened? She followed him. Turned and
followed him, and he was her guru. Thats the highest example. And, as I
understand from Master, in India, that the husbands, the wives rather, look to
the husband as the guru. Why not? God is in them. If they measure up to it,
they certainly can be that.

And so, we have pros and cons for successful marriage. And let us realize wives
that make your life so that you have the respect of the husband. And husband,
so act with your wives, so feel God in them that they will have that reverence
which is due you, just as your reverence is due them. And theres no greater joy
than going back to God, together, with your mate into His Great Love, and
Calmness, and Peace, and Bliss, and Full Security. Theres no security in this
worldly living in marriage, unless you have that indissoluble bond, and both
return home to God.

And Ill close with a word from the Master. As he says, By placing us in
families, which seems so difficult at first, God does the greatest thing for us. He
gives us the greatest opportunity to show Him that we can stand anything. And
when persecutions come to you, and problems come, and sorrows come, thank
God for it. Because if you can stand those, and show Him that no matter what
the trial is, youll never leave His side you have won. He cannot resist that. He
will not resist it.

And so, God affords us an opportunity to overcome selfishness and find it easier
to think of others by being in a family. In friendships, he offers us a way to
broaden our sympathy further broaden, broaden it. Even that is not the end.
We should continue to expand our love, until it becomes Divine thats the key
encompassing all beings, everywhere. Otherwise, how may we achieve oneness
with God, the Father of all? God is. Hes the only One. Theres no other
consciousness. Take that with you in your marriage. And no matter what
comes, with that indissoluble bond, the marriage will be successful. It cannot
fail.