THE PAIR OF PURPLE SHOES

Mina Qarabaghi
Published by Mina Qarabaghi
Publishing partner: Paragon Publishing, Rothersthorpe
First published 2017
Mina Qarabaghi 2017

The rights of Mina Qarabaghi to be identified as the author of this

work have been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act of 1988.

All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced,

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2
 Chapter 1
Afghanistan. July, 1992. Vareena, who has just turned
seven years old, is standing on the balcony. With her curly
black hair, and wearing a green Afghan dress, she is holding a
pair of shoes in her pale hands. These are my perfect purple
shoes, and I love them so much I could kiss them. I love them
so much I wear them all day. I love them so much I keep
them next to me when I go to sleep. My perfect purple shoes
they are new, as mother only bought them for me five days
ago. Vareena is mumbling all this to herself while admiring
her new shoes.
Vareena! Vareenas mother calls her name.
Vareena puts her new purple shoes on, and runs from the
balcony downstairs, screaming Im coming! in her high-
pitched voice.
The house we live in is so big it takes some time to reach
mother, who is sitting downstairs, outside in the garden.
Vareena mumbles as she runs down the stairs: Our house is
in the garden. The garden is big and has tall walls all around
it, and a big blue door. Finally, Vareena makes it to her
mother after all the running through the house with her tiny
legs, out of the door, in the garden (or awli as the Afghans
call it).
Vareenas mother (who could be taken for Vareenas older
sister) is squatting down by the water well, surrounded by
3
green plants, planted vegetables, and red roses, white flowers,
and tulips. She is washing clothes by hand in a basin.
Vareena says, Yes mother, breathing fast and loud
with her mouth open. Her narrow lips are all dry, as she is
catching her breath.
Vareena, get me the bar of soap from inside, will you?
Yes mother, says Vareena. Her small narrow eyes are
wide open. She runs inside the house and picks up the soap
bar from the table. Then she runs back to her mother. As she
hands the soap to her mother she asks, Mother, where did
you get my new shoes from?
I bought them from a man in the bazaar.
Where did the man from the bazaar got them from?
I dont know! Now stop asking me questions about the
shoes.
Vareenas mother smacks down the soap on the wet
clothes, and rubs them between her palms vigorously. Her
face drops and her eyes are slightly wet. Every time Vareena
asks her about the shoes, her mood changes and she becomes
sullen. She was also in a bad mood when she came home
from the bazaar with the shoes. Vareena didnt know why.
Vareenas mother gets up to hang the wet clothes with her
one hand, and the other hand on her belly. She is wearing a
shawl and a loose dress, but her belly is still showing big and
round under the dress.
Mother, why is your belly so big and round?
Its nothing concerning you. Would you come over here,
pick up the wet clothes and hand them to me?
Yes mother. Vareena throws the leaf in the water.
She picks up the clothes by the basin and hands them to
4
her mother one by one. As her mother hangs the clothes,
Vareena says, Mother, can I go outside and play after Ive
helped you?
Vareenas mother says, No, theres a war going on outside.
You can never go outside. Do you hear me? Vareenas
mother leans towards Vareena with her forehead wrinkled
in the middle.
Yes mother, says Vareena and looks down.
Later that night, Vareena is woken by her older sister,
Meher standing over her, shaking her. Wake up, Vareena!
Wake up! says Meher. Vareena opens her eyes slowly in
the dark and hears her mother screaming. She sits up on
her mattress (or toshak as the Afghans call it) on the floor.
Vareena can hear her own heartbeat; its loud, her lips feel
dry. And her eyes open and close. As she wipes her eyes, she
sees everybody elses toshaks are empty around her. Then she
sees her mother lying on her back, on the floor, screaming.
Whats happening? Vareena asks Meher.
Shush, dont ask anything. Just go to the other room
with the others, says Meher while she helps up a very sleepy
Vareena off her toshak, and sneaks her to the other room in
the dark. Vareena walks into the next room.
All of her brothers are sitting there with their blankets
around them, except for her older brother. Meher puts a
blanket around Vareena, and walks back to the other room.
All the while her mother is screaming.
Meher paces back and forth between the two rooms
upstairs in the large, dark, empty house.
Ten minutes later, Vareenas older brother returns with
three veiled women. Holding a lantern in his hand, he walks
5
into the other room with the three women. He leaves the
lantern with the ladies and Meher by his mother, and then
walks into the other room where Vareena and the others are.
Whats happening? Vareena asks.
Shush, go to sleep, he replies.
Vareena lays her head on the pillow with her eyes wide
open in the dark. Now the screaming is even louder. A little
while later the screaming stops, and a tinny voice starts
crying. Then Meher walks into the room with the crying
voice: Look everyone, its your baby brother. His name is
Adi, she says while holding the baby.

6
 Chapter 2
France, January 1992, five months earlier. Aimee, who
is 11 years old, is wearing her new red coat, with her pink
beret hat on top of her silky yellow hair. She is having a tea
party in her room with all her dolls, teddy bears and stuffed
toys. She says, Are you sitting comfortably, Roko? looking
at her teddy bear with her round blue eyes, as she pours tea
for her teddy bear with her beautiful pink tea pot. Oops,
let me fix your dress Collete, she says, as she leans to fix her
dolls dress.
The door opens, and her mother walks in. Aimee, what
are you doing? she asks.
Mama you have to knock and ask if you may come in.
Im having a tea party, says Aimee.
Oops, Im sorry mon chri, Aimees mother says, while
picking up Aimees toys from the floor. Aimee, do you want
to donate some of your old toys and clothes for charity?
Yes mother, Aimee replies.
Well then pick them up and put them in the box, says
Aimees mother.
Aimee picks some of her toys she doesnt want to play with
anymore, and puts them in the box that says donation,
while Aimees mother goes through her clothes with her
pale hands pushing her blond hair away from her face, and
picking the clothes Aimee has outgrown. Aimees mother
7
puts the clothes in the box and asks Aimee, Is that all?
Yes, Aimee answers.
Hhmm, what about those shoes you cant fit into
anymore? asks Aimees mother. And she points to a pair of
purple shoes by the door. Aimee picks up the shoes and puts
them in the box.
Bravo, says Aimees mother.
Can I go back to my tea party now Mama? asks Aimee.
Yes, but remember Papa is coming to pick you up soon,
replies Aimees mother.
Mama, why dont you and Papa live together anymore?
I dont like having two homes, says Aimee.
I dont know why. Now, you go back to playing, mon
chri, says Aimees mother.
Yes Mama.
Minutes later, a car horn sounds outside. Aimee runs to
the window, and yells, Papa! Aimees father gets out of the
car, and waves at Aimee, and Aimees mother opens the door.
Bonjour, says Aimees father.
Bonjour, replies Aimees mother.
Aimee comes running down the stairs crying out Papa!
Papa! She jumps into her fathers arms.
Aimees father hugs Aimee and says, Well, well leave
now.
Aimees mother leans over and kisses Aimee goodbye.
Au revoir, she says.
Au revoir, Mama. Aimee kisses her mothers back.
Au revoir, says Aimees father, and holds Aimees hand.
Together they walk out of the door.
Aimees mother picks her keys from the table and drives
8
to the local charity shop to drop off the donation box.

The doorbell rings, and Aimees mother walks into the

store.
Bonjour Miss Clary, says the lady in the store.
Bonjour, replies Aimees mother.
I have another box for donation here.
Ah, youre a wonderful human being Miss Clary. The
lady in the shop takes the box from Aimees mother, and
puts it on the table.
Merci, Aimees mother replies. Good day. She goes to
leave the shop.
Good day Miss Clary, the lady in the shop calls after
Aimees mother. She wraps the box for shipping, and puts it
in the back of the red cross van alongside all the other boxes
and packages, and closes the back of the van.

9
 Chapter 3
Afghanistan, 1992, months later. A helicopter lowers in
a desert, and drops boxes and packages on the dirt. With
each package hitting the dirt, dust flies up in the air. The
helicopter pulls up, and a van appears with more dust flying
behind it. The van stops by the packages. An Afghan man
gets out of the van, and picks the boxes and packages up.
He puts them in the van on top of each other, and drives
away through the desert, making his way to a rocky road.
The van arrives in the bazaar of Kabul city. The man gets out
of the van, opens the back, pulls out a blanket and spreads it
on the side of the street, by the van. He pulls the boxes and
packages from the van onto the blanket and starts opening
them one by one. People start gathering around the blanket
and looking, asking the price of the things they are interested
in buying. Women are wearing blue burkas, covered from
head to toe, with a small net in the eye area for them to see
through.
Suddenly, a truck pulls into the bazaar, and a group of
long-bearded men with turbans on their heads jump out of
the truck and starts beating on the unhijabed females with
lashes (the women who are not wearing a burka). They are
the Taliban.
A lady in a blue burka sticks her hand out from her burka
and reaches for the donated purple shoes of Aimee that she
10
has just paid for. Her sleeves are rolled up. As she grabs the
shoes, a talib hits her with a lash on her wrist then kicks her
on the back. She falls on her face, screaming, turns her head,
looks up, and notices the talib. She is frozen on the spot. The
talib walks away, and the man selling the shoes helps her up
fast, hands the shoes to her, and backs away from the lady.
The lady walks out of the bazaar holding the shoes in her
left hand, and a plastic bag in her right hand. She reaches the
small alley of Kabul surrounded by broken mud houses. As
she walks through the alley she gets the feeling that a man
is following her. It is the talib from the bazaar. She keeps
praying over and over in her head nervously, and continues
walking. Finally, she makes it to a large blue door with tall
walls, and knocks, trying not to look back, knowing the talib
is behind her, watching her. The door opens, and she walks
inside and takes her burka off.
Vareena, who is sitting on the stairs of the garden jumps
with joy and runs to her mother yelling, Mother is home,
mother is home. Vareenas older sister Meher helps her
mother with the plastic bag, while Vareena and Mehers five
brothers run to Meher, and start peeking into the plastic bag
to see what is inside. The mother says, Its fruit and bread to
feed your brothers, Meher.
Yes mother, says Meher, and walks with her brothers
inside the house. Vareena is just standing there looking at
her mother who seems sad and nervous.
What do you have in your hand, mother? Vareena asks.
Vareenas mother stretches forward the shoes, and says,
These are for you.
Vareena looks at the shoes, and they are perfect. A pair
11
of perfect purple shoes with little bows on them. What
makes them even more magical is that they are see through
soft glass slippers, and a beautiful shade of purple. Vareena
grabs them from her mothers hand, jumps right back on
the garden stairs, and slides her feet into her new shoes. She
cant take her eyes off of her feet.
Theyre for eids day, says Vareenas mother.
Can I wear them now until eids day? asks Vareena.
Yes, replies her mother.
The next day, Vareena wears her new shoes, and marches
around in the garden looking down at her feet. Vareenas
mother is pulling up water from the well to wash vegetables.
Mother, can I go outside and play today? asks Vareena.
No Vareena, you must never go outside. You can play in
the garden.
But why can my brothers go outside and I cant? asks
Vareena.
Vareenas mother takes a deep breath. She doesnt know
how to explain to her seven-year-old daughter that girls dont
go outside. So, she takes a deep breath and says, Because
youre a rose, and a rose must always be in the garden.

12
 Chapter 4
France 1992, a week later. It is 7 oclock on a Saturday
morning. Aimee is lying in her bed with her favorite dolls
and teddy bears next to her. She opens her eyes softly, and
sees her parents standing by her bed with a chocolate cake.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy
birthday, dear Aimee. Happy birthday to you! They sing ever
so sweetly. Aimee jumps out of her bed and hugs her parents,
jumping up and down with joy, while clapping. Where are
my presents? Where are my presents?
Wash yourself now, then come downstairs and have
some breakfast, and cake, says Aimees mother.
And you get to open my present now, says Aimees
father.
Yes Mama, Aimee says as she kisses her father.
Aimees mother is in the kitchen fixing breakfast and
Aimees father is arranging the table, and putting candles on
the cake. Aimee runs down the stairs and her mother comes
out of the kitchen, and puts the eggs on the table. Aimees
mother brings her camera, and points it at Aimee. Blow out
the candles now, and make a wish, she says. Aimee blows
out the candles, and cuts the cake. She gives a slice to her
father, while her mother is still filming. Mama, come and
have some cake, she says. Her mother puts down the camera
and joins her daughter and ex-husband at the table.
13
 What did you wish for? asks Aimees father.
Its a secret, Papa, Aimee answers. Am I going to get a
party with all my friends? Aimee asks.
Oui, were going to throw you a party here tomorrow,
says her mother.
You can invite all your friends, says her father.
Merci Mama, merci Papa, says Aimee, and gets up to
kiss both her parents.
Youre welcome chri, say her parents, and kiss her back.
The next day at the party, Aimee is wearing her new blue
dress and her favorite pink beret as she stands in the garden.
There are lights hanging from the trees and over the grass
walls. There is a princess cake, Aimees parents, all the other
guests, a piata, and Aimees best friend, Alice. Aimee blows
out the candles again, and makes another wish. Aimees
parents serve cake to the guests. And Aimee and Alice sit at
the table, eating cake and conversing.
Did you get a cake yesterday, too? asks Alice. \
Yes, but it wasnt as fancy as this one today, answers
Aimee.
Did you make a wish yesterday as well, when you blew
out the candles? asks Alice.
Yes, answers Aimee.
What did you wish for? asks Alice.
I wished for my parents to live together again in the
same house, like yesterday, says Aimee.
Hhmm, and what did you wish for now? asks Alice
again.
I wished for my parents to be happy together like they
were today, answers Aimee.
14
 By 7 oclock in the evening all the guests have left.
Aimees parents are cleaning up in the kitchen, while Aimee
is opening all her presents one by one in the living room.
Mama! Papa! Come and look what I got, yells Aimee.
Aimees parents walk into the living room with coffee
and sit down on the sofa while Aimee opens her presents
on the floor in front of them. She picks the last one up and
says, Mama, this one is from you. It is a new pair of shoes.
Look Mama, they are even better than my purple shoes,
she says while trying them on. Mama, where did my old
purple shoes go when we gave them away? Aimee asks.
To the poor children, says her mother.
Where are the poor children, Papa? she asks.
Theyre in third world countries mostly, he answers.
Which countries are the third world? she asks.
Hhmm, countries like Afghanistan, says her father.
Wheres Afghanistan Mama? she asks.
Its in central Asia, my love, she answers.

15
 Chapter 5
Kabul, Afghanistan. There is one day left until eid, and
Vareenas mother and Meher are cleaning the house for the
celebration. Vareenas brothers are playing outside. Vareenas
sister, Meher is cleaning the floor, while Vareenas mother is
dusting off the toshaks, Afghan floor mattresses for sitting.
Vareena pulls on her mothers dress, and asks, Will I get a
new dress to go with my new purple shoes tomorrow?
No, your father hasnt returned from the war yet, and
we have almost no money left, so youll wear your dress from
last eid, says Vareenas mother.
When is father coming back? asks Vareena.
I dont know, now let me finish my work, she says.
The next day is eid 1992. The ladies of the neighborhood
have come over. Meher is pouring them a cup of tea, and
Vareenas mother is giving the children eidi, a very small
amount of money to buy candy from the bazaar. Vareena is
wearing her green dress from last year, with a green scarf on
her head, and her new purple shoes. She is playing with the
other children. Vareenas brother, who is three years older
than Vareena, is pushing Vareena into the wall. Vareena gets
mad and pushes him. He falls back and breaks a vase. All
the guests turn and look at the children. Who did this?
Vareenas mother yells in anger.
Vareena did, says Vareenas brother.
16
 Vareenas mother walks up to Vareena and slaps her across
the face. Vareena runs out of the house and stands behind the
wall outside. She starts crying in the pouring rain. Then she
sits down and keeps crying in the mud and rain. She hears a
very thin voice, also crying. Vareena gets up and walks to the
corner of the wall, where she sees a little black kitten soaking
wet going Meow, Meow. Vareena stops crying and picks up
the kitten. She hides the kitten under her dress, and walks
back into the house, past the guests. Her mother is busy with
the guests, and doesnt notice Vareena walking by soaking
wet. Vareena walks up the stairs, and puts the kitten in the
closet upstairs, hiding it under a scarf with a piece of bread.
And she changes her wet clothes.
Late at night when everybody is sleeping Vareenas
mother hears a cat meowing, so she gets up and walks to the
closet. There she finds the kitten, and throws it outside.
In the morning Vareena gets up and checks the closet,
but the cat is gone. She searches the whole house, but she
cant find the cat anywhere. She cant ask anyone about it
because she knows she was not supposed to bring the cat in
the house. Everyone gathers for breakfast.
Who brought the cat into the house last night? asks
Vareenas mother. Vareena keeps quiet and looks down,
chewing on a piece of bread.
The breakfast is over, and Vareenas brothers are going to
the bazaar to spend their eidi. Usually they buy candy, toys,
or eat street food.
Everyone must stay together and come back home in an
hour, says mother.
Yes mother, reply the children.
17
 I want to go too, says Vareena.
Vareenas mother says, You cant go outside.
But its the second eids day mother. When am I going
to get to go out? Eid will be over in a day, says Vareena and
starts crying.
Alright, you can go, says Vareenas mother. But stay
close to your brothers.
Thank you, Mother. Vareena jumps with joy.

18
 Chapter 6
Vareena and her brothers, and the neighbors children,
are walking to the bazaar together. It is Vareenas first time
outside the house. She is walking, feeling excited and nervous
while looking down at her new purple shoes as she walks.
Finally, they make it to the bazaar, and there are trolleys and
tables everywhere. On the tables, there is delicious street
food. There are different kinds of ice cream and popsicles,
candy floss, and toys everywhere. All the children go to the
trolleys and buy what they like. Vareena looks around and
lays her eyes upon a trolley with toys on it, and balloons
hanging. She walks up to the trolley to buy a balloon, but
there are lots of other children crowded around the trolley.
And Vareena has never been to the bazaar before, and she
has never spoken to strangers either, so she is very nervous.
Every time she tries to ask for a balloon her voice disappears.
And so, she waits, and waits until all the children are gone.
But she still cant manage to get a word out to ask the trolley
man for a balloon. She is standing behind the man, and all
the other children are gone. So, the man starts rolling his
trolley on the road, and Vareena walks behind him, trying
to speak up, but she cant. The man keeps walking, without
noticing a child is walking behind him. And Vareena keeps
walking behind him, until the man walks into a tiny alley.
Vareena stops and looks around, realizing she is lost.
19
 She turns around, and tries to find her way home. But
nowhere seems familiar. It starts getting dark, and Vareena
is standing in an alley looking lost. A woman walks by and
notices her all alone in the dark. What are you doing here,
child? the woman asks. Vareena doesnt say a word. Where
are your parents? the woman asks again.
Home, Vareena says, and starts crying.
Well where is your home? the woman asks.
I dont know. Im lost, says Vareena while wiping away
her tears with her hand.
Well alright, dont cry. If you come with me Ill try to
find your parents tomorrow. The woman takes Vareena
home with her.
Vareenas father has just returned home from the war,
and he is very mad at everybody at home. Mostly Vareenas
mother. Why did you let her out? he shouts. Vareenas
mother is sitting by the tandoor, baking bread. Every time
she tries to stick a piece of bread in the tandoor it falls into
the fire instead of sticking to the side of the tandoor, because
she is crying and shaking. Vareenas four older brothers are
out looking for her, while her sister Meher is taking care of
the two little ones. Vareenas father is pacing back and forth
in the garden with his hands behind his back.

20
 Chapter 7
It is about 7pm. Vareena walks into the ladys home
holding her hand. They enter the garden (or the awli as the
Afghans call it). There is an old lady sitting, and another
woman holding a baby girl in her arms, and no men in the
house.
Whos this? the old lady asks.
Shes lost, the lady who brought Vareena home with her
answers.
Did you bring food? the other woman holding the
baby asks, and stands up.
Yes, the lady answers. Suddenly there is a knock at the
door. The lady jumps in shock next to Vareena.
Who could it be at this hour? says the old lady. There is
another loud knock at the door.
Dont open it, says the lady holding the baby, and shakes
her head.
A group of long-bearded men with turbans on their
heads kick the door open and walk inside. The ladies start
screaming. The baby wakes up, and starts crying. Take the
little harami from her, says one of those men.
No, no, no please, scream the women while crying. One
of the men walks up to the women and snatches the baby
away, while pushing the women to the floor, beating on
them.
21
 My baby! the woman cries and screams.
Vareena is pushing her back against the wall by the door
in shock and fear.
You lied about your husband dying in the war, says one
of the men. You never had a husband, and you gave birth to
a little bastard. Now you will watch your bastard die before
your eyes. That is your punishment, he says. The women
keep crying for help.

Sahib, the man says to Vareenas father.

Yes, Vareenas father replies. Have you seen her?
No, I havent, the man answers. But you have a lot of
friends. Sitting in the back at Vareenas home a man shows
up. I have heard, you have lost your daughter General,
General Sahib, and I have a lot of friends on the streets. So,
if you help my son get his visa to Europe I will find your
daughter, he says.
Your son will have his visa tomorrow, Vareenas father
says. Now, where is my daughter? he asks the man.
I dont know, but Ill find her, he says.

Vareena is still standing with her back glued to the wall.

And the women are still crying and screaming for help. The
man holding the baby pulls out a knife and cuts the crying
babys throat. The women scream while the men beat on
them brutally.
Vareena runs out to the alley crying. The neighbors are
all peeking through their doors and windows. But no one
is leaving their homes. A man opens his door, reaches for
Vareenas arm, and pulls her into his home from the alley,
22
and then locks the door. Vareena is in tears, and shaking
hard. The man holds Vareenas mouth and whispers, Hush,
hush. The sounds of cries and screams are still coming from
the house. After a while it is all quiet like nothing happened.
The man takes Vareena inside from the garden into a
room. There are the mans two sons and a daughter wrapped
in blankets. The man gives Vareena a blanket, and again tells
her to be quiet. Vareena is sitting in the dark, in shock. The
other three children are awake as well, but dont speak.
In the early morning, the imam of the neighborhood
prays in the speakers for the whole neighborhood to hear.
The man takes Vareena to the neighborhood mosque. The
imam of the mosque announces about a lost little girl named
Vareena wearing a red dress. And a couple of hours later
an imam shows up from another mosque of another area,
and takes Vareena with him to his mosque. From there, the
imam announces again about a little lost girl, along with
her name, her dress, and what she looks like. Hours later,
Vareenas brothers show up and collect her. When they get
home Vareenas father has left again for the war.
Vareena wants to tell her family what happened, but she
doesnt get a chance because Vareenas mother is shouting at
Vareena for getting lost. Vareenas older brother picks her up,
and holds her above the water well. If you ever go out again
Im going to throw you in the well, he says. Now, are you
ever going to go outside again?
No! Vareena screams.
Are you? he asks again.
No! Vareena screams again.
Her brother puts her back down on the spot.
23
 Days go by. Vareena is not the same anymore. She doesnt
play, cry, or ask for anything. She just sits in a corner in
silence.

24
 Chapter 8
Paris, 1993. There is a knock at the door. Aimees mother
opens it to Aimees father. Bonjour he says, while he hands
Aimees mother a bouquet of roses, and a bottle of wine, and
kisses her on the cheek.
Youre late, she says to him.
I know, Im sorry, he says, as he hears a group of people
laughing and conversing in the living room. Is everybody
here? he asks.
Yes, everybody is here, Aimees mother replies.
Wheres Aimee? he asks.
Playing with Alice in the backyard, she replies.
Aimees father walks into the living room and says hello
to the other guests. Aimee is standing under a tree in the
backyard with Alice. From there, she notices her father in
the living room through the glass door. And she runs at once
to her father. Papa! she screams, and jumps into his arms
and kisses her father.
My love, mon chri, he says, picking her up, and kissing
her. He puts her back down.
Happy new year friends and family! yells Aimees
mother and raises her glass in her hand.
Happy new year! yells everybody.
Thank you so much everybody for coming tonight, she
says. Im so glad you could all make it. Im so glad to spend
25
this time with you all. Its a very happy time in my life, and
I wish everyone a very happy new year full of love and joy.
I wish you all a long and happy life, she says and looks at
Aimees father with a smile on her face thats both happy and
sad.
Aimee looks up at her father who looks like he is about to
cry. Papa, why are you sad? asks Aimee.
Im not sad, my love, he says and gets down before
Aimee. May I have this dance mademoiselle? he asks.
Aimee giggles and takes her fathers hand. They start
dancing around being silly. Aimee is twirling around in her
white drees with red ribbons, while her mother is busy with
the guests. Hey, what do you say you go play with your little
friend now, so I can ask your mother to dance? he says to
Aimee.
Yes Papa, says Aimee, shaking her head joyfully. Then
she runs to Alice, and says, Alice, my wish has come true. I
think Mama and Papa are getting back together. They both
stand there holding hands, watching Aimees mother and
father dancing together.
The guests have all left, and Aimees father is staying over.
Now Aimee is certain her parents are getting back together.
She is so happy she finds it hard to fall asleep. In the morning,
Aimee wakes up, and runs downstairs. In the kitchen, she
sees her father making coffee.
Wheres Mama? Aimee asks her father.
Aimee, sweetheart. Come with me and sit down, he
says and walks into the living room.
Aimee follows him and asks, Whats wrong, Papa?
Sit down on the couch, my love, I have to tell you
26
something, he says.
Aimee sits down and listens. Aimees father sits next to
Aimee, and places his coffee mug on the coffee table. Youre
a grown young lady now, he says.
Papa, just tell me now, Aimee cuts in while her father
is rambling.
Your Mama isnt well, my love. She has been sickly for a
long time. Last night, when you were sleeping, I had to take
her to the hospital.
Whats wrong with Mama? asks Aimee.
Your Mama has problems with her heart, he replies.
With her heart? Aimee asks.
Yes, with her heart, he says. You see, those who are the
kindest suffer the most in this world, and your Mama has a
very kind heart. So, her heart suffers.
I want to go see Mama in the hospital, says Aimee and
hugs her father.
Okay, eat your breakfast, and well go to see her, he says
while holding her.
Aimee tries to eat, but she is not hungry. She brings her
spoon to her mouth, and puts it back down. Can we go to
see Mama now? she asks.
Yes, her father replies, Go and get dressed, my love,
and then we will leave.
Aimee runs upstairs, gets dressed fast, and runs back
down. Then they leave for the hospital.
At the hospital, Aimee asks her father, Will Mama be
alright?
Yes, shell be alright, my love, he replies.
They reach the room in which Aimees mother is lying.
27
They open the door and walk in.
Mon chri, Aimees mother says in one breath, and
opens her arms to hug Aimee.
Mama, Aimee yells, and runs into her mothers arms.
Are you alright, Mama? she asks.
Yes, Im fine, my love, she answers, while holding Aimee
tight. Aimees father puts the flower bouquets in the vase by
Aimees mothers bed and sits down by the bed. They talk
and laugh for hours.
When will you be coming home, Mama? Aimee asks
her mother.
I have to have a little operation, then if it goes well Ill
come home after, her mother replies.
It will go well, says Aimees father, while holding
Aimees mothers hand with both hands.
You go home with your Papa, now my love, and get
some rest, says Aimees mother, while running her hand
across Aimees face and through her hair.
Yes Mama, Aimee replies, and leaves for home with her
father.

28
 Chapter 9
Back at home. It is 8 pm, and Aimees father tucks Aimee
in bed, and kisses her good night.
Will you be staying here from now on Papa? asks
Aimee.
Yes, I will be staying here to take care of you until your
mother is well again, replies her father. You try to get some
sleep now my love, tomorrow we will go to see your Mama
again, says Aimees father, and kisses Aimee good night
again.
Good night Papa, says Aimee.
Good night my love, sweet dreams, says Aimees father,
and turns off the light. He closes the door on his way out of
Aimees room.
In the morning Aimee gets up, brushes her teeth, puts on
her favorite dress, and finds some paper and glitter to make
her mother a get-well card. She runs downstairs, finds a pair
of scissors, and starts making her card by the dining table.
What will you have for breakfast? her father yells from the
kitchen. I am not hungry Papa! Aimee yells back. Aimees
father walks into the living room, and finds her clipping
paper, gluing it together, and putting on glitter.
What are you doing? he asks.
I am making a get well soon card for Mama, she replies.
Oh, it looks very nice, says her father.
29
 Thank you, Papa, says Aimee.
The phone rings, and Aimees father walks into the
kitchen to pick up the phone. He says Hello while holding
the receiver in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other hand.
Am I speaking to Mr. Pierre? says a ladys voice through the
phone. Yes, answers Aimees father. I am calling from the
hospital, it is your ex-wife, says the lady.
Whats happened? asks Aimees father nervously.
She is not well, they are taking her to surgery now, you
should come here as fast as you can sir.
Yes, I will be right there, says Aimees father. He hangs
up the phone and rushes into the living room. Put on your
coat Aimee, we are leaving now, he says while rushing to
find his keys.
But I am not done with my card Papa, says Aimee.
I know honey, but we have to leave now, he says and
picks up his keys from the table.
Aimee puts her coat on and they rush out of the door.
Aimees father is driving as fast as he can. Papa, what
happened to Mama? Aimee asks her father.
I dont know baby, answers Aimees father.
At the hospital Aimees father rushes through the
hospital, holding Aimees hand. He makes his way to the
operating room where Aimees mother is being operated on.
He stands behind the door and peeks in through the glass.
After a minute or two a doctor walks out and says, I am
sorry Mr. Pierre your wife is no more.
Pierre is standing there in shock. Aimee slips her fathers
hand and just runs.
Aimee! her father yells, and runs after her.
30
 Aimee runs out of the hospital, stands on the grass and
catches her breath.
Aimee, says her father gently, and reaches out to her.
Aimee pushes her father away kicking and crying. Her
father is holding her hands trying to hug her. She is fighting
her father away. Then she calms down, lays her head on her
fathers shoulder, and starts weeping. While her father is
holding her.

31
 Chapter 10
At the cemetery. It is a rainy day, friends and family
have gathered together under black umbrellas. Aimee
is standing next to her father, in her little black dress and
blue beret hat matching the blue in her eyes. She is standing
there expressionless while they lower her mothers coffin in
the grave, and start covering it in dirt. Aimee starts crying.
Her father gets down on one knee and gives her a hug and
holds her tight. Everyone lays their flowers on the grave, says
goodbye to Aimee and her father and leaves one by one. At
the end, there is only Aimee and her father left. Aimee lays
her rose on her mothers grave and says Goodbye Mama
while wiping away her tears with her hand. Then she gets up,
takes hold of her fathers hand; they turn around and walk
away slowly.
At home a week later, Aimee and her father are emptying
Aimees mothers house. Aimee will be living with her father
now. They keep some things, but give most things away.
The house is empty.
Aimee is standing in the living room looking around.
Her father walks into the room with a pair of white shoes
in his hands.
Your mother left these for you, he says, and hands over
the shoes to Aimee.
These, I remember these, says Aimee to her father.
32
Mama bought them the day she bought me my purple
shoes when I was seven years old, the ones we gave away.
You will be able to fit your mothers shoes perfectly in a
few years, says Aimees father with a smile on his face.
Aimee looks at her father and smiles back. Oui Papa, I
will, she says.
She gets in the car with her father, and leaves for her new
home, while the wind is blowing on her face, from the rolled
down car window.

33
 Chapter 11
Afghanistan, march 1993. Vareena overhears her
mother in the living room discussing the marriage of
Vareenas older sister Meher, who has just turned seventeen.
The radio is rumbling on and on about the war outside.
Who would you like to marry? Vareenas mother asks
Meher.
I dont know Mother, replies Meher.
Now the radio is announcing the names of the soldiers
who have died in the war. Then Vareena hears her older sister
crying in the living room, but Vareena doesnt know why.
Then there is a knock at the door; it is the neighbors wife on
a visit. Vareenas mother gets up, opens the door, and leads
the lady into the living room, while Vareenas older sister
Meher gets up to make some tea for the guest.
Sister, did you hear the news on the radio before? asks
the lady on a visit to Vareenas mother.
No I didnt, I was busy, says Vareenas mother.
They were announcing the names of the dead soldiers,
says the lady.
Did they announce any names we know? asks Vareenas
mother nervously.
No, thankfully not sister, says the lady.
Meher walks into the living room, lays down the trolley
of tea on the floor, and pours her mother and the guest a cup
34
of tea.
Any news of General Sahib? asks the lady about
Vareenas father while she take a sip from her cup of tea.
No not yet, answers Vareenas mother. Any news of
your son? Vareenas mother asks the lady.
Not yet, says the lady with a sadness on her face.
Noticing the sadness and fear on the ladys face, Vareenas
mother says, God willing they will return home safe sister.
God willing, says the lady, and takes another sip of her
tea. The war outside is getting worse and worse, day by day.
What are we going to do if they dont come back at all? says
the lady.
We can only pray sister, says Vareenas mother.
Yes, we can only pray, says the lady, putting down her
cup of tea. I will be going now sister.
Stay a little bit longer, says Vareenas mother.
No, my baby will be waking up soon, thank you for the
tea, says the lady, and gets up to leave.
In the garden. My feet hurt when I wear my purple shoes
these days Meher, says Vareena to her older sister Meher.
That is because you are growing older, and the shoes
are getting smaller for you dummy, says Meher, while she
is washing dishes by the water well. You are outgrowing
them.
But I dont want to outgrow them, says Vareena. They
are my favorite.
Well, too bad. It is out of your control, says Vareenas
older sister Meher.

35
 Chapter 12
Next morning 4am. There is a knock at the door.
Vareena wakes up and sees her mother trying to light up the
lantern while her hands are shaking. Vareenas brother and
older sister lie crumpled up in the corner of the room. The
knocking at the door continues. Vareenas older brother gets
up and opens the door. A man walks in and comes upstairs.
Vareenas eyes are opening and closing, because she is half
awake, and half asleep. She hears her mother talking with
the man. General Sahib is not coming back, he says. The
soldiers are not coming back, no one is coming back. You
have to leave the country with your children, he says. The
Taliban has taking over Kabul, and the rest of the country.
How are we going to leave? Where are we going to go?
asks Vareenas mother. Her voice is shaking.
Tomorrow morning at 3am there will be a mini bus
waiting behind the alley. You cannot take your belongings
with you, just take your children and a blanket to hide under,
and leave, he says and rushes out.
Vareenas mother starts crying, and her older sister is
comforting her mother.
6am. There is a banging at the door. Vareenas mother
looks out of the window while hiding in the corner. There
are long-bearded men everywhere with turbans on their
heads and guns in their hands running back and forth
36
shooting people. It is the Taliban. The banging continues.
Vareenas mother grabs the quran from the shelf, some bread
and water. She takes the children and runs with them to the
basement. They lock themselves in the basement. Vareenas
younger brothers start crying. Vareenas mother and older
sister are trying to calm them down.
Is Father coming back? asks Vareena.
I dont know! Now be quiet, says Vareenas mother.
Hours goes by, and they can still hear the shootings
going on and on outside. Mother I am thirsty, says one of
Vareenas brothers. There is no more water left, now hush
and go to sleep, says Vareenas mother. Mother I am really
hungry, says one of Vareenas other brothers. Hush and go
to sleep. There is no more bread left, it is only a few more
hours left, says Vareenas mother while she is breastfeeding
Vareenas baby brother. Its only a few more hours, she says.
After hours of firing finally there is silence. Vareenas
mother wakes up the children. Now is the time for everybody
to be very brave, she says to the children. She holds her
baby, and slowly opens the door. She walks upstairs, and
Vareenas older sister is walking behind her mother holding
hands with her other siblings. They walk together upstairs.
Vareenas mother grabs the money she has left, and a blanket,
while Vareena runs and grabs her purple shoes.
You cant bring those, says Vareenas older sister Meher.
She takes the shoes from Vareena, and throws them by the
window.
Okay, I want everybody to listen very well, says Vareenas
mother. Everyone is going to hold each others hand, and
we will walk with our backs pressed against the walls. And
37
no matter what you see outside I want you to be quiet, she
says.
And so they walk hand in hand out into the alley with
their backs pressed against the wall.
There are dead bodies everywhere. Vareenas brother who
is three years older than Vareena, and Vareenas younger
brother and Vareena are scared. They walk very slowly while
softly crying.
Hush no one cries, be quiet, says Vareenas mother.
They walk from alley to alley that way, finally they make
it to the back of the alley where the mini bus is standing.
They run to the mini bus. There is a man standing by the
mini bus, and there are three to four more families already
in the mini bus.
Get in, get in, says the man urgently, standing by the
mini bus. But there is very little space left in the mini bus.
Two or three of Vareenas brothers get in, and there is almost
no space left.
Where are we all going to fit in? says Vareenas mother.
You all curl up in there, and put the blanket over you,
says the man. It is what it is, take it or leave it, says the man.
Vareenas mother, older sister Meher and other brothers
fit themselves somehow in there. The man puts the blanket
over them, he gets in the mini bus and drives away.
There follow hours of arduous driving on rocky roads. The
daylight is peeking through the blanket. When the daylight
hits their home back in Kabul everything is left in its place.
The walls have all bullet holes in them, the windows are all
shattered, and by one shattered window there are Vareenas
purple shoes left behind, but still in daylight.
38
 The mini bus stops, and there are people of other
languages speaking. Vareena peeks through the hole in the
blanket and sees men in green uniforms. It is the Pakistani
Police. Vareena sees the man driving the mini bus handing
over some money to the police officers. They take the money
and open the road; the man gets back in the mini bus and
drives away. You can take the blanket off now, and sit up
straight, he says.
He drives from there to a train station, where Vareenas
mother buys tickets. They get on the train. Vareena is sitting
in the window seat, and she is looking out of the window.
And the train rolls on and on. Houses pass by, fields pass
by, Vareena doesnt know where the train is going but she is
relieved, and happy. She lays her head by the window, and
just watches over the fields as the train keeps rolling.

39
 Chapter 13
Paris. Aimee, are you ready for school? yells Aimees
father while looking in the mirror, and fixing his tie. Yes
Papa! Aimee yells back, and comes running down the stairs,
wearing her new blue dress and a red beret.
Look at you. You look all grown and beautiful just like
your mother, says Aimees father. You look beautiful, he
says again with a smile on his face. You want to go visit your
mother before we go to school, and bring some flowers?
asks Aimees father.
Yes Papa, Aimee answers her father, while she puts on
her shoes.
At the cemetery. Aimees father and Aimee are standing
side by side, in front of Aimees mothers grave holding a
bouquet of red roses. Then Aimee leans down and lays the
roses on her mothers grave. She kisses her hand, and puts
her hand on the grave. Bye Mama, she says.
They get in the car and drive away.
When they arrive at the school, Aimees father parks the
car in front of the school gates. Aimee gets out of the car,
waves her father goodbye, and runs to Alice who is standing
by the door waiting for Aimee. Aimee reaches Alice, gives
her a hug and together they walk into the school building
holding hands. While Aimees father drives away to work.

40
 Chapter 14
Karachi, Pakistan. 2001, seven years later. Vareena
is fourteen years old now, and has been living in Pakistan
for six or seven years. They live by the slum of Karachi, in
a two-room little house with holes and stains on the walls
and the floor. The water in the tanker by the house is filled
once every three months. And it is salted water, only for
washing clothes, and washing the dishes. Water for drinking
or cooking has to be bought in a barrel. Yet it is not clean
water, but it is drinkable.
One day a man shows up at the door. I have come from
the Afghan embassy, he says.
What is this about? asks Vareenas mother.
Is your husband General Ghazi from Kabul,
Afghanistan? the man asks.
Yes, Vareenas mother replies in a shaky voice. He
went to the war in Kabul 1992 and never returned. A man
showed up and said he was dead, says Vareenas mother
while holding back her tears.
Your husband is alive, says the man. He was in Russia;
he went back to Afghanistan, and was looking for his family.
He is in Germany now, and has been looking for his family
in every refugee camp, says the man.
Vareenas mother cant believe her ears. She gets up,
standing while her knees are shaking.
41
 Would you like to speak to your husband on the phone?
the man asks.
Yes, I will, Vareenas mother replies in disbelief.
We will have to find a PCO, says the man.
Vareenas mother puts on her hijab, and goes to the PCO
with the man and Vareenas older brother.
An hour later they come home. From then on Vareenas
mother and older brother go often to the PCO. And speak
with Vareenas father in Germany. Then one day Vareena
overhears her mother and older sister Meher having a
conversation.
Your father says we are going to move to Germany, says
Vareenas mother. Then she asks Meher, You still want to
get married here, or you want to come with us to Germany?
Mother, if I come to Germany without getting married
to my fiance the family will be shamed in the Afghan society,
that is what father, you and my brothers say, says Meher.
Yes, the family will be shamed but you can still choose
to come if you want.
Vareena can clearly see on Mehers face that she feels guilty
and ashamed. I will get married and stay here mother, says
Meher.
Then Vareenas mother starts going back and forth to
Islamabad to apply for passports and visas. And at same time
she starts preparing for Mehers wedding. When she comes
back from Islamabad for the last time, after everything is
done, she marries Meher off. Meher walks out of the door
with her husband, in her white wedding dress. She leaves for
her new home. Vareena runs to the door, and starts crying
after Meher.
42
 A month later they get their passport and visa. So, they
get ready to leave Pakistan for Germany. Although Vareena
is happy to meet her father, her heart is not in the right place
for leaving Meher behind like that, all alone in Pakistan.
In the airport when they hug each other goodbye Vareena
cries till her eyes are red. Then it is time for the flight. They
get on the plane, and leave for Germany.
On the plane Vareenas mother says to the younger ones,
Your father will be waiting for us at the airport in Germany.
When I point him out to you I want you all to run and give
him a big hug.
Yes, Mother, say the children.

43
 Chapter 15
7am. The plane arrives in Germany. They get off the plane
and walk into the terminal where Vareenas father and a
lady from the refugee center are waiting to receive them.
Suddenly Vareenas mother points at a man and says, There
is your father. The children all run up to him and hug him.
While he is hugging each of his children tight, and kissing
their heads again and again, he looks up at Vareenas mother.
And he hugs her for a few seconds. Then Vareenas father
introduces everyone to the lady from the refugee center,
who has been helping him to get his family to Germany.
Everyone thanks the lady, and she drives them to their new
home. A four-bedroom apartment in a quiet little town
that feels like a little heaven on earth.
Vareena has never been happier, but she is still a bit sad
about leaving Meher behind.
Arent you happy to see me Vareena? asks Vareenas
father.
I am very happy father. I just wish Meher could
experience this happiness as well, replies Vareena.
She will, says Vareenas father. We will invite her over
here as soon as she gets her passport and visa.
Now Vareena is relieved. They eat dinner together, and
afterwards, while Vareena is in her room playing, her old-
er brother walks in and says, Vareena, Meher is not here
44
anymore, you are the only daughter in the home now. Stop
playing, go to the kitchen and wash the dishes.
Vareena get up, walks into the kitchen and washes the
dishes.
Vareena, will you come with me into the living room?
says Vareenas father.
Yes Father, Vareena says, and follows her father into the
living room. Vareenas father sits down on the sofa, and so
does Vareena.
Vareena, I want you to know something, says Vareenas
father. I have brought you to a country with a lot of
freedom. Which scares me. You are the honor of this family,
I want you to remember that. And do nothing that will bring
shame on this family. And dont dress like girls dress over
here. Always remember your culture and religion. Always
remember where you come from, he says.
Yes Father, says Vareena and goes off to bed.
The next day 4pm. Vareenas mother is screaming in the
kitchen. Vareena runs into the kitchen and sees her father
dragging her mother by the hair on the kitchen floor.
Vareena tries to help, but she is no help with her spaghetti
arms. Vareenas brothers come and put a stop to it. But they
fight again later that night. Screams come out of her parents
room.
The fighting continues every day. Vareena starts speaking
less and less to her father. When he asks Vareena something
she just replies with a simple yes, or no. Or she just shrugs
her shoulders while looking down. Nine months go by like
that. Vareenas mother sleeps in Vareenas room instead of
the room she shared with Vareenas father.
45
 One day when Vareena comes home from school she
finds her mother packing a bag in Vareenas fathers room.
Are you going somewhere? Vareena asks with her hand
on her heart.
No, your father has been admitted to hospital. He is
going to need some of these things, replies Vareenas mother
as she keeps packing.
Vareena visits her father with her mother and brothers,
but no one tells Vareena why her father is in the hospital.
Vareenas father is in the hospital for three months, and
Vareena visits her father regularly in the hospital.
One day she visits her father with her mother and
brothers. Vareenas father is lying unconscious in the hospital
bed. Vareena tries to wake her father up. But he doesnt
move. Vareena and her two younger brothers are sent to live
with a family friend, while her mother and older brothers
stay in the hospital. Vareena asks to see her father, but they
wont let her. Then a week later there comes a call from the
hospital, and Vareena along with her two younger brothers,
get to go to the hospital, to visit their father.
Vareena walks into the room. Vareenas father is still
unconscious. Vareena tries to wake him up again. Her father
doesnt move. Then Vareenas older brother says. Father will
not wake up, he is dead. Vareena looks up at the room full
of people and doesnt understand anything. Then they send
Vareena into the other room. Then they leave the hospital,
and prepare for the funeral.
They bury Vareenas father in a Moslem cemetery. The
men stand by the grave while the women are not allowed to
join the men in the burial. Vareena stands and watches from
46
a distance.
When they go back home Vareena is broken so she calls
her older sister Meher in Pakistan. Her husband picks up the
phone and says she is not home. So Vareena calls again the
next day. He picks up the phone again, and says she is not
home. Something doesnt feel right to Vareena. So, she keeps
calling. After a while he says, She is dead. She has been dead
for months. Vareena drops the phone, and falls on her
knees but doesnt feel anything. Yet there is a considerable
pain running through her whole body, and her eyes are wet.

47
 Chapter 16
Paris 2003. Aimee is all grown, and fits her mother given
shoes perfectly. She puts them on, and walks out of the door.
A car is waiting for her outside her building. She gets in the
car and it rolls onto the road, while she is speaking with her
father on the phone. Be there on time Papa, says Aimee.
This one means really a lot to you, hunh? says Aimees
father through the phone.
Yes Papa, he means a lot to me. And I want you to meet
him, says Aimee to her father.
Alright, I will be there on time, my love, says Aimees
father.
Au revoir Papa, says Aimee.
Au revoir my darling, replies Aimees father.
At the restaurant. The car arrives at the restaurant; Aimee
get out of the car. She walks up to the door. The door man
opens the door for Aimee. She says Thank you and walks
into the restaurant. At a table in the middle of the restaurant
a young, handsome gentleman gets up with a smile on his
face looking at Aimee. Aimee walks right up to him, and
kisses him. Bonjour my love, she says to him. Bonjour
belle, he says, and kisses her back. Where is your Papa? he
asks. He will be here any minute. Aimee says, while fixing
his bow tie. Aimee looks up, and sees her father walking in
the restaurant.
48
 Papa! she calls her father over, and waves at him.
Aimees father walks up to the table, and kisses Aimee on
the cheek.
Papa, this is Eugene, says Aimee, and points her hand
toward the young man.
Eugene Agard sir, says the young man, and shakes
Aimees fathers hand.
Shall we? says Aimees father.
Yes, answers Eugene, and pulls the chair for Aimee.
She sits down saying merci. Eugene and Aimees father sit
down as well. And they order, eat, and talk for hours.
On the way home. You really like him, my love? says
Aimees father.
Yes Papa, I really like him, says Aimee.
I can see that, says Aimees father. I like him too, says
Aimees father, while he hugs Aimee good night.

49
 Chapter 17
Germany a week later. Vareena comes home from school,
she vacuums the apartment. And washes the dishes. She is
the only one who does the cleaning and laundry at home
for her five brothers. Her mother cooks the meals, which
Vareenas brothers think Vareena should be doing as well.
But Vareenas cooking is not good enough for them. After
washing the dishes Vareena falls asleep on the couch in the
living room, and her t-shirt has lifted up a bit revealing her
stomach. Vareenas brother who is three years older than
Vareena walks out of his room and sees Vareena sleeping on
the couch with her stomach showing. He walks up to her
and kicks Vareena in the stomach as hard as he can. Vareena
wakes up screaming, holding her stomach. He starts beating
her, and calling her a whore. Vareena forces herself up and
walks tentatively to her room where she locks herself in, and
cries the whole day till she falls asleep.
In the morning Vareena wakes up with a pain in her
stomach, and she is so exhausted she can barely walk. Her
mother knocks on the door and says, Come out and pack
lunch for your brothers you witch!
Vareena opens the door, washes her face, and packs lunch
for her younger and older brothers. As she does every day.
But she doesnt make herself any as usual. She is not feeling
well so she goes back to bed.
50
 Her mother walks into the room and starts yelling at her.
Get out of bed, you are late for school.
I am not feeling well mother, says Vareena.
Get out of the bed or I will call your brother, and he will
beat you till you are dead! she yells at Vareena.
Vareena gets up, picks up her bag and walks out of the
door. Somehow she makes it to school.
Why are you late again? asks Vareenas teacher.
Vareena stands there, and thinks about the time her
mother and brother told her: You better not tell anybody
anything that happens at home you little witch. You will send
your own brother to jail, if it was up to you. You are a witch. If
you tell we will kill you. Vareena feels guilty about shaming
the family so she keeps silent and tells her teacher nothing.
The teacher yells at Vareena, and sends her out of the class.
Vareena falls asleep outside the classroom. She wakes up
again to a group of children laughing at her, and calling her
names.
Vareena is sick for five days, doesnt go to school.
Five days later Vareena starts going to school again. One
day when Vareena comes back from school she puts her
school bag in her room and sits on the bed. Suddenly her
brother pushes the door open and walks in to the room. He
drags Vareena off the bed, and puts his hands around her
neck choking her till she is blue in the face. After a while he
lets go. Vareena is fighting for breath on the floor. He kicks
her, and says to her, People say that you speak a lot with
boys in school. You are nothing but a shame on this family,
a headache, a whore. If you as much as bring an ounce of
shame on the family, or threaten our honor, I will get a knife
51
from the kitchen, and cut your throat. I will beat you to
death. He then walks out of the room. Vareena puts a chair
behind the door and keeps crying.
Later there is no one home. Vareena opens the door, walks
out of her room and realizes no one is home. She rushes and
finds all the pills that she can in the apartment, and takes
them all. Then she lies back down in her bed.
Vareena is lying in bed for days. Her mother and brothers
walk into the room, yell and scream. kick and beat her.
Vareena doesnt move a muscle. She is lying almost dead in
her bed. They pull her out of bed. Vareena lies on the floor
for hours, then she gets up and crawls back in her bed. Three
to four days later Vareena gets up on her feet again, and
starts eating again. She is in a lot of pain, and throws up a lot.
Vareena tries to go to school, but every time she goes to
school Vareenas brother calls her in school and threatens
her. Or they beat her when she gets home.
Vareena remains mostly at home, and feels sick and
depressed most of the time. No one asks how she feels. And
she doesnt say out loud how she feels. After a while she
doesnt know anymore how she feels, if she feels anything at
all. She is mad all the time. She cleans up and locks herself
in her room. They wouldnt talk to her, or let her go out
anyway. Vareena hears them all saying something bad about
her to each other. When they speak to Vareena it is always in
a very nasty manner. So Vareena starts living all alone in her
room. Most of the time she talks to her older sister Meher,
who is dead.
One day Vareena walks by the kitchen and hears her
brother saying to her mother, I will kill her. I will get a gun,
52
and shoot her in the head. Vareena is certain now someday
they will kill her. She decides to call the police, and move out
of the house, but she has to be eighteen to be able to move
out of the house so she avoids her family during the day as
much as possible, and puts a chair behind her door at night
while she sleeps.
Two years later. Vareena is finally eighteen. She is scared
but she tries to be brave. She calls the police, and they help
her move out. And it is not easy. Vareenas brothers are not
at home, only Vareenas mother is home. Vareenas mother
is crying and blaming Vareena for shaming the family, and
betraying her family. Vareena feels guilty despite everything
that has been done to her. As Vareena leaves, her mother says,
I will never speak to you again. I will never forgive you.

As Vareena is settling down in her new home all alone by

herself she is certain her brothers are coming after her, after
all they have been threatening her her whole life. And she is
heartbroken for not seeing her mother anymore, and being
left all alone in the world with no family, no friends. While
she is certain that the whole Moslem community hates her
strongly. For living alone before marriage, they think she is
dirty, a whore, and an infidel.
Vareena is walking to school at the language and
education center for foreigners. It is her first day in school
after a long time. Vareena has a strange feeling in her stomach
like she is about to throw up. As she gets closer to the center
she takes smaller and slower steps towards the center. When
she reaches the center, she stops by the door with her feet
frozen on the ground, knees shaking, heart beating fast and
53
a strong feeling of just turning back and walking away. Then
she takes a deep breath and walks in the center. As she walks
up to the classroom, she feels like everybody is looking at
her. Her heart starts weakening and her eyes tear up. Vareena
walks in the classroom and sits down on a chair closest to the
door. She pulls out a book from her bag and pretends to read
it looking down. Vareena hears whispering in the room. She
lifts her head slightly and sees from the corners of her eyes
the men and women looking at her, pointing and whispering
while making faces at her. An hour goes by. Vareena hopes
that it will stop, but they keep giving Vareena hateful looks.
Vareena hears one of the women sitting behind her saying
She is a nasty little whore.
Vareena cant take it anymore. She gets up, grabs her
books and bag and rushes out of the classroom, her eyes
streaming. She walks out of the center onto the street. As
she walks away from school three women are standing
outside. When Vareena walks by them one of them spits
towards Vareena. Vareena ignores it and just keep walking
away feeling empty. As Vareena gets closer to her apartment
she notices an elderly man walking way to close to her. He
tries to touch her. Vareena screams at him. He laughs and
walks away.
Later that night. Vareena wakes up in the middle of
the night to a slight noise coming from the outside of her
window. Vareena gets up and walks to the window shaking.
She lifts the curtain to look outside. As she lifts the curtain
she sees a man standing by the window in the dark. He is
trying to open the window with a screwdriver. Vareena drops
the curtain and backs away from the window shaking head
54
over heels. She is holding her mouth with both hands not
knowing what to do. She backs to the wall and drops to the
floor. She just curls up into a ball and sits there as she keeps
hearing the ringing outside. After a while the noise stops.
Vareena assumes the man has left but she cant go to sleep
again. She just sits there on the floor frozen all night.
In the morning, she is startled by her phone ringing.
Then she gets up, pick up her phone and sees a text from her
brother. She opens the text to read it and it says, You are a
dirty little whore, you should be ashamed of yourself and kill
yourself. Mother is crying because of you and she is sick, if she
dies it will be your fault. We will find you, shit in your mouth
and kill you, whore. Vareena drops the phone and collapses
on the bed crying out loud. After a while she gets up and
takes five sleeping pills and goes to bed instead of getting
ready for school.
She wakes up at 1am. It is dark and she has a headache.
She is hungry but she hasnt been out to buy food and she
doesnt feel like eating either. She just walks around the
room and sits on the bed empty and emotionless.
Days later she gets a letter for the center saying that she
has been kicked out of school because she didnt show up.
Vareena goes back to the center to talk to them, but it is no
use.

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 Chapter 18
Paris. five years later. At Aimees and Eugenes home
there is a party. Aimee is standing in the room with her
white dress and wearing her mothers white shoes, that
her mother left for her when she was eleven years old; they
fit her perfectly. Aimee is wearing an engagement ring.
Standing beside an all grown up Aimee, while everybody is
congratulating her, Aimees father raises his glass and says,
To my little girl, who grew from her little purple shoes to
her mothers white shoes right before my eyes. Eugene and
Aimee, my little angel, I wish you two the whole happiness
in the world.
Thank you, Papa, says Aimee and hugs her father. Then
she looks up and sees Eugene standing by the window with
his hands in his pockets looking outside. Excuse me Papa,
she says, and walks up to Eugene. She hugs him from behind.
He turns his head to the side.
Oh, hey, he says, and grabs her hands.
What are your eyes searching for in the dark my love?
Aimee asks, and lays her head on his back.
Do you think we are moving too fast Aimee? he asks
while looking out in the dark.
Aimee lifts her head, grabs Eugene by the shoulders and
turns him around. You seemed very happy before. Are you
not happy? she asks, without blinking once.
56
 No, I am, I am. I am sorry, he says, while he puts his
hand on her cheeks and kisses her forehead. I was just, I am
sorry, I want to be with you, I love you, he says and hugs her.
You scared me, she says as she pulls away from his face,
and looks at him.
I know, I am sorry, he says and kisses her.

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 Chapter 19
Germany, years later. Vareena is sitting in the lounge of
the mental health center with dark circles around her eyes,
waiting to see her psychologist. Thirty minutes later her
psychologist walks into the lounge and says, Hi Vareena.
Have you been waiting long?
No, I just, it is fine, Vareena mumbles awkwardly
while looking down.
Well follow me, says the psychologist and walks to
her office. Vareena follows her to her office where they sit
down. So, tell me Vareena. How have you been? asks the
psychologist.
I have been fine, says Vareena looking down.
What has been happening since last we saw each other?
Anything new?
No, I have been just at home, replies Vareena.
Anything else? Can you try to tell me what you have
been doing?
Vareena: I have just been home. And I went to do
grocery shopping because I had no food left, and a man was
following me all the way; he tried to touch me.
Hhm, did you talk to him?
Vareena: No, I have been feeling disgusted.
Maybe disgusted is not the right word. You should just
ignore them, pretend like they dont exist.
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 Vareena: But they do exist, I saw a man outside my
window again trying to get in, I cant sleep anymore.
The psychologist: Dont you think some of that might
be just your imagination?
Vareena: No, I know what I saw.
The psychologist: Hhmm, has there been anything else
happening?
Vareena: I saw my mother and my brothers again this
week. She called me and asked me to come over.
And how was that?
Vareena shrugs her shoulders. Not good, she replies.
What did you talk about? asks the psychologist while
she is writing in her notebook.
Vareena: They blame me for shaming the family, and
betraying them. When I bring up the things they have done
to me they just get mad at me, and deny everything, Vareena
says shaking her head.
And do you feel guilty when they blame you like that?
No, but it bothers me a lot. It makes me feel helpless.
Hhmm, says the psychologist and keeps writing in her
notebook. I think you should stop seeing them, she says.
I just feel like I am left all alone in the world, and it scares
me, replies Vareena.
Is there anything else that you do in your free time?
Vareena: I write. I write about them in my diary, that is
how I get my revenge on them. When they upset me I write
about them.
The psychologist: That is good. Well, we are out of time,
I see you next week.
Vareena gets up and picks up her bag. She gets on her
59
bicycle and cycles to the beach. When she arrives at the beach
she finds herself a spot under the tree where she always sits.
She pulls out her diary from her bag and starts writing in it.

I am Vareena, she writes. A daughter of AFG. A child of

refugee. I was born a daughter, considered honor, and treated
less than dirt. I am Vareena. My pain my suffering, mine and
mine alone. I bury them in my chest. I hide them in my heart.
I forgive even though they are not sorry, but I will never forget.
I wont forget till my last breath. I am Vareena. Broken but still
alive. All grown, but sometimes the child inside me still cries.
I am Vareena just like everyone else. I am Vareena, I am her
today. I will turn into dust, and disappear tomorrow just like
everyone else. I am Vareena, all grown from my little purple
shoes to the all grown woman I have come to be. I understand
that I have got an opportunity that not many get. If I hadnt
come here I would have no chance to make it alive so far. I
would have never learned, grown, or been free.

Then she closes her diary and just stares at the water
feeling a little broken, a little incomplete.

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 Chapter 20
Paris, five months later. The doorbell rings. Aimee opens
the door in her pajamas while tears roll down her cheeks.
Oh baby, my angel, says Aimees father and hugs her as
soon as she opens the door.
Papa she says and hugs her father. Then she pulls away
smiling. She wipes her tears, and says. Come in Papa I have
made coffee.
Her father walks in and sits on the couch while Aimee
brings two cups of coffee, and sits by her father.
Did he really leave? asks Aimees father as he pushes
her hair away from her face, behind her ear.
Yes, he came by, he picked up the last of his stuff, and
left, replies Aimee.
Are you going to be okay mon chri? asks Aimees
father.
Yes Papa, of course I will be alright I have still got you,
says Aimee smiling. I have been thinking of Mama, and I
realize that nothing is forever, everything most come to an
end at some point but while it lasts it is wonderful, says
Aimee.
When did you grow up to be this amazing young lady?
says Aimees father with tears in his eyes smiling while
looking at Aimee. Will you be alright living on your own
my love?
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 Aimee. Yes Papa, I will be fine. See I thought I was a
woman the day Mama passed away, or the day I got engaged
wearing Mamas shoes, but I have realized that I am a grown
woman first now and I must learn to let go, move on and
take care of myself.
Aimees father kisses her on the cheek and gets up to
leave. I am very proud of you my love, and I will always be
there for you, he says and leaves.
Aimee closes the door behind her father. She walks
around in her apartment then sits on the couch. She takes a
deep breath, a sip of her coffee and smiles.

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