Professional Documents
Culture Documents
08/02/2016
Billy.Domineau@gmail.com
Twitter: @billydomineau
Instagram: @moms4sodainpublicschools
COLD OPEN
JERRY
now!
ACT I
GEORGE AND OTHER EMPLOYEES STAND AMONG NYPD AND FDNY. MR.
WILHELM STANDS BEFORE THE ROOM NEXT TO A FIRE CAPTAIN. A
BANNER READS UNITED WE STAND - THANK YOU, HEROES!.
MR. WILHELM
heroes to us all.
GEORGE NODS HIS HEAD TO THE FIREFIGHTER AND PATS HIM ON THE
BACK. THE FIREFIGHTER IS SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
family!
and pastries!
GEORGE
POLICE OFFICER
Thank you.
GEORGE
GEORGE (CONTD)
FIREFIGHTER
GEORGE
POLICE OFFICER
Excuse me?
4.
GEORGE
FIREFIGHTER
GEORGE
POLICE OFFICER
Suggesting WHAT?
FIREFIGHTER
bitch!
HE SWINGS AT GEORGE WITH HIS GOOD ARM. GEORGE DUCKS AND THE
FIREFIGHTER FALLS FORWARD ONTO THE TABLE, COLLAPSING IT. HE
MOANS. THE ROOM IS STUNNED.
MR. WILHELM
GEORGE!
GEORGE
WHAT?!
5.
JERRY
GEORGE
it!
JERRY
ELAINE
Hey.
JERRY
Hey.
ELAINE
(to George)
JERRY
Everything.
6.
ELAINE
JERRY
ELAINE
Brian? Meh.
JERRY
murdered by terrorists.
ELAINE
JERRY
JERRY
KRAMER
ELAINE
KRAMER
Look at this!
ELAINE
identified as Egyptian-national
KRAMER
JERRY
KRAMER
ELAINE
(even more intense)
KRAMER
JERRY
(to Elaine)
ends?
KRAMER
KRAMER (CONTD)
We may have lost our neighbors, but
ELAINE
JERRY
OH MY GOD!
GEORGE
ELAINE DEFLATES.
JERRY
ELAINE RISES.
ELAINE
for Hallmark.
JERRY
JERRY (CONTD)
What is this?
GEORGE
What?
JERRY
GEORGE
Dust?
JERRY
GEORGE
JERRY
LARRY
JERRY
LARRY
you know.
JERRY
I know, I just -
LARRY
eating at all.
LARRY (CONTD)
JERRY
(to George)
GEORGE
JERRY
GEORGE
enjoy a sandwich...
(throws his hands up)
WOMAN
WOMAN (CONTD)
GEORGE
Yes. I am.
BRIAN
typing away...
BRIAN (CONTD)
WHIIIIIIIIRRRR...
BRIAN (CONTD)
FWAAAAAAH!!!
ELAINE
Mmm. Fwah.
BRIAN
FWAAAAAAH!!!
here for?
SAD MAN
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
Next!
13.
KRAMER
Property loss.
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
(filling out form)
Estimated value?
KRAMER
Twenty.
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
Twenty-thousand, okay.
KRAMER
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
Excuse me?
KRAMER
want a replacement.
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
KRAMER
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
(to the room)
cutter!
KRAMER
Im a victim here!
CLAIMS ADMINISTRATOR
myself.
KRAMER
(pointing)
MALE SURVIVOR
GEORGE
tired.
15.
FEMALE SURVIVOR
and sneezing.
GEORGE
wheezing.
MALE SURVIVOR 2
sneeze.
FEMALE SURVIVOR 2
FEMALE SURVIVOR
GEORGE
(feigning modesty)
Well... yes.
MALE SURVIVOR 2
(raising his coffee cup)
TO GEORGE COSTANZA!
BECCA
a few hours.
JERRY
BECCA
JERRY
Definitely.
BOTH SMILE AND LEAN IN FOR THE KISS UNTIL JERRY FREEZES. FROM
JERRYS POV WE SEE A SPECK OF DUST IN BECCAS TEETH. BECCA
OPENS HER EYES, CONFUSED, AS JERRY RECOILS.
BECCA
...What?
ELAINE
JERRY
ELAINE
JERRY
is different dust.
ELAINE
JERRY
dust.
ELAINE
JERRY
ITS DIFFERENT!
ELAINE RUNS HER FINGER ACROSS THE TABLE AND BLOWS THE RESIDUE
AT JERRY. HE FLINCHES AND PULLS HIS COLLAR UP AS A SHIELD.
GEORGE ENTERS WEARING A FLASHY NEW BLAZER.
JERRY (CONTD)
ELAINE
GEORGE
Jan.
JERRY
KRAMER ENTERS.
JERRY (CONTD)
Any luck?
KRAMER
NEWMAN
KRAMER
NEWMAN
JERRY
NEWMAN
Postage.
JERRY
NEWMAN
ELAINE
KRAMER
Oh yeah. Last Easter we found an
NEWMAN
KRAMER
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!
NEWMAN
KRAMER
GEORGE
JACKIE
KRAMER
JACKIE
Why cant YOU buy another box-cutter?
KRAMER
LIKELY WIDOW
husband?!
KRAMER
(deeply uncomfortable)
YEAH, NO ENGLISH!
JACKIE
KRAMER
JACKIE
KRAMER
JACKIE
KRAMER
JACKIE
JACKIE (CONTD)
MONTAGE - VARIOUS
BRIAN
ELAINE
OH MY GOD!
BRIAN
everything!
ELAINE
Oh my God.
BRIAN
ELAINE
BRIAN
Me too!
ELAINE
BRIAN
Hold on, I wanna see this.
MALE SURVIVOR
BRIAN
FEMALE SURVIVOR
Costanza.
REPORTER
GEORGE
BRIAN
GEORGE
RACHEL
Im Rachel.
RACHEL
GEORGE
Neither can I.
RACHEL
GEORGE
RACHEL
would want.
GEORGE
RACHEL
END OF ACT I
26.
ACT II
JERRY
Come here.
GEORGE LEANS IN. JERRY RUNS HIS HANDS OVER GEORGES HEAD AND
LOOKS CLOSELY.
GEORGE
What?
JERRY
something left.
GEORGE
JERRY
GEORGE
Hey-hey!
ELAINE
(beaming ear-to-ear)
HI!
GEORGE
ELAINE
GEORGE
do anything!
ELAINE
Box-cutter, huh?
KRAMER
KRAMER
UNITED WE STAND!
ATTENDANT
All of them?
29.
JERRY
clean?
ATTENDANT
Deep Clean.
JERRY
ATTENDANT
price.
JERRY
ATTENDANT
to the front!
JERRY
(nervous)
Whats going on?
ATTENDANT
ATTENDANT (CONTD)
JERRY
KEEP EM!
GEORGE
STEINBRENNER
GEORGE
No, no Sir!
STEINBRENNER
should be ASHAMED!
GEORGE
(in tears)
Youre right. Im sorry. IM SO SORRY!
STEINBRENNER
GEORGE
...huh?
STEINBRENNER
Trade Center.
(MORE)
31.
STEINBRENNER (CONT'D)
GEORGE
Well...
STEINBRENNER
Bugs-In-The-Bathroom-George! We should
ELAINE
JERRY
Miss what?
ELAINE
your casino.
GEORGE
Hi.
GEORGE (CONTD)
Who? OJ Kaczynski?
JERRY
Dust.
GEORGE
JERRY
ELAINE
Alright, Im in.
GEORGE
You are?
ELAINE
the mayor.
GEORGE
ELAINE
Brian.
GEORGE
Whatever.
KRAMER
(into bullhorn)
JERRY
KRAMER
us?
JERRY
KRAMER
BENNY
ELAINE
(re: Arthur)
Whats he demanding?
ARTHUR
KRAMER
right!
(MORE)
35.
KRAMER (CONT'D)
(into bullhorn)
What do we want?!
KOOKS
Justice!
KRAMER
KOOKS
Government checks!
KRAMER
What do we -
KRAMER (CONTD)
(still into bullhorn)
Sorry.
GEORGE
ESTELLE
Mayor Giuliani?!
GEORGE
FRANK
vacated.
ESTELLE
Center?
GEORGE
...Getting lunch.
FRANK
GEORGE
Is that blood?
FRANK
mistaken.
ESTELLE
FRANK
ESTELLE
morning?!
FRANK
GREAT!
ESTELLE
INSANE!
FRANK
IM A PATRIOT!
MASSEUSE
JERRY
Just a little.
MASSEUSE
JERRY
MASSEUSE
JERRY
Mud mask?
MASSEUSE
JERRY
Uh-huh.
RESTAURATEUR
TERRORIST!
UNCLE LEO
Jerry! Hello!
JERRY
UNCLE LEO
KRAMER ENTERS.
KRAMER
Hey.
JERRY
power?
KRAMER
Coney Island.
(MORE)
40.
KRAMER (CONT'D)
JERRY
DIGNITARY
fire?
GEORGE
GEORGE (CONTD)
THERE HE IS - BRIAN!
(shaking his hand)
So great to meet you!
BRIAN
GEORGE
BRIAN
WAAAAAAAAAAA!
ELAINE
KRAMER
Howdy.
SPEAKER
KRAMER
JERRY
KRAMER
GEORGE
(at the lectern)
KRAMER
JERRY
KRAMER
GEORGE
JERRY
FEMALE SURVIVOR
saved us.
(leaping up and pointing)
GEORGE
NO! NO!
ELAINE
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE