Introduction ... Diskinee Wits a Rolpiayng Game? Dati of RPG Tome Example ofPhy Pe end FOL Mandi, Prve=Gomers inks ‘ane You A MUNCIE? Wye end Cod Game 1, Abusing the System .... ‘Wwesr's ALL Tras THen? OnruscaTiNG THE RANDOM NUMBER (Geserarors (EDDUNG Diz Rows) 11 Bek bebe Besuesfr Somugng a Ga leat Game... 12 ‘Syste Quanes B (Chancet Creaton ==. m3 Gand Metadof fing Yr Character She 13 Bad Melo of Doing Yor Characer Shot 14 GL Arent Chart. Explore nl Diadora Pang the Lams Sounding Convincing When Ling ching and Comping the GA GM Bribery Tai ‘Mactex asp THe An OF CHEATING » ‘Maoehlin Spl List Titing the Game 2. The Fantasy Manchkin . as Sos & MAGICAL WEAPONS Prves for Maat Weapons Weapon Cans Rage MenaicaL Beasts Macic axp Psiontcs ‘Spl: MnciRins Mar Hove Cpesce es fr Saperaannal Proer AKruACTS Gide You Chon! fad drier Poss Qanee oe Tha ‘STEREOTYPES Sat Fighuor 18 Mage. 2 sas Thiet 38 Ranger cscs 38 Bard 38 Priest 39 alain 9 Anions 39 Combos 40 Uses vor Hstruives 41 (Ghedang for Taps a Daswating Monsters eel Feed an Emergency Caupolt Ammo... 4 Seow Rei aL ‘ExaRa XP For Stub GaMes a At Fle and Gold 2 How To STORM/DRFEND A CASTLE «42 2 Contents Mogeslesies Mobs of Figheon Boling OF Flying Crinere ‘Siege Engines Concutsiox 3. The Modern Munchkin . “eG Yr SH Tae : ‘Tooune Ur Exposwrs 50 Get Ks the Neighbors uae Sexual. Nuts 2 “Tw PeRvicr CRIME... 8 AUENS! . eee ss ‘How to Dea wrrt ‘GoveRNmeNT Conseacts 7 See Bae Tati, Lacs, Lacs <....-ST seus z ey Tang he Autor eo -PoOO! (KENG FU FIcitr1N6) a Maria! dow Nie GuFs 4, Manchkins In Space coe a Sc-Pi Musca 4s Rays and Bers aed Cuassic SF. oe al SP Omersenr ae Whe Mae Yew Sh mee 7 Stabip ror Sours... is Sebip Drives 268 Spocip Vemone Opie ro ConERPUNK, om daguirng Pande i it Chea es Fantary 2 ‘Fiano Scatnce: Ficnon. .. B Tab Leds re Gut Kiturs Rosas oF Dost (Git RelotPanrcork Naming or Mica S, Munchkin The Horrord ual Honor Axtaconssts| HousenoLp Wearoxs z "Bp Chia alr a Stina apo. %6 On Gernxc Gone 2 Wearing lace 8 Conrating wih Gate 38 8 ~ 9 » The Gutic Ga- Uy Table Angst a the Minchin Avge Trigger ‘Sponge comagre . Ourmm Honnons, WELCOME To yur 2074 Cxvruro! Commun Weakrerer 6 Live-Action Munchkins . Mu Ann BEER Inongrtie Spe es Coping wth Orher' Harel WINE AND CHES Freeform Teeriques Blood on the Canapes was Ineractive Tare. 95 7. Real Men Wear Their Briefs On The Outside ‘SureuEKo THES « Big, Strong. Stpil Obey Boer een Dark and Mody. Secret Formise 38 AngscRiden e 2 Godlike Poster *s High Teh Fe om Tian cones stense ae Manes 2 . ” Pracionet of he Arion Arm 39 SUPERPOWERS i elena Ince with «Superior Shoo Dereeminc Tar Four-Cotor Eros 101 Who Mate Yeur Superhero 1 Obese Poa 101 Conse Booxs vs. TV Gvom Tir EFFECTS). i Surewians ee Tiling Plc Vo We as 102 3. know Your Enemy .....+.JO3 DUTERENT T¥PES OF GME oo... 05103 Divvenener Trees oF PLAYER .-...-105 1. Coping with Manchkinism . 07 [Ane Your PLavens MUNCunAs? 108 Insanity ~ Gedo Bad? 108 Danan wert MUNCHEINS «+050. 110 Eine Sone Sate Does 10 The Tap ae « uw Nelo 2 Pring fs i ik m2 Man NPC earn Sertioe Opera hs Pte ft Mai aM Homer , ns Mowe Gancntey sce: us Daivinsar. Mencarany PROBLENS AND RESPONSES - 1 ‘Too Much Money science ith Menlo de Manchin 2 sl Dealing wih Roll Chea soso -ocesoeoe eB Diyclogy - +--+ ‘4 ‘Bagh Hope Hang Theos ooo AQ4 Appendix : Examples ..... 125 Appendin Ik New Words in this Book ...J27 Index . 2 wellName \erm 2). Se acai ‘Welcome, one and all to the Munchkin’s Guide to Power Gaming! ‘What is 2 munchkin? Well, we're not referring to the cute litde fellows from The Wizard of Ox (though even they might be capable of munchkinism after reading this book). We're talking about power-gamers, mini-maxers, twinks, gun-bun- niles, combat-wombats, and purveyors of ultra-violence. ‘Those guys that demolish your average GM’ intricately developed plots by killing everything in sight and somehow jumping straight to the end of your story without passing. through the middle. They're the ones that you know have to be cheating with their dice when they claim to have three maximum statrolls in 2 row; then, when you check, they roll and aggression that most people seem to think is the bane of roleplaying today We're not here to judge. Most people are munchkins between the ages of eight and thirteen, but some just don’t, grow out of it, What you hold here in your hands is a guide to the very nature of the munchkin. What makes them t How do they fake those stupendous die rolls? How do they come up with a death machine when you're trying to play Pixies and Flowers™? Vow exactly do they make you allow them to play these characters? These questions, and more, will be answered inside. Welcome to the bloody, sweaty, testasterone-laden lair that is the home of the munchkin eT Pointless Stuf f They Always ; Pat at the Beginning of ~ 77 ~~ Roleplaying Books DISCLAMER ‘Throughout this book we have used the male pronoun “he.” This is, of course, because we are sexist, misogynist scumbags who hate women and wish to insult them. This book also contains rude words, references to the occult, horrible, nasty, violent descrip- tions of things and general mickey-taking. The authors obviously believe in magic and often sac~ tifice children. And we like to encourage satanic practices in others, especially impression~ able young teenagers with a weak grasp on reality. We exist for no other purpose than to corrupt your children to the dark side, and we know that ADED spells are both real and powerful. If you give us any hassle, we will hed you ‘< you glow, fireball your houke, and Polymorph Other your eat into a dra. For those of you of a similar gicakpersuasion there is, inscribed on thik book in invisible runes, a \, specialynessage just for you. In addition to forming “Young ~Mgn’s Asse keep our "work extremely depressing, angsty, and horri~ ble. This isin order to twist young minds into commit- ting suicide or murder. Unlike most writers, we alone realize the value of wiping out ‘most of our customer base and causing the rest to be incarcerat- ed. Thank you for your attention. ~ Grim & Steve PS. Tor the terminally brain- impaired, we are of course teasing. Except for the heaing bit. Introduction 3Waar KB A RolePlxie GAME? Yeah, right. You buy this book and you don't know what aroleplaying game IS? Humph, well, on the off-chance that ‘this book becomes a comedic cult classic and normal, bor- ‘ing people like you begin baying it, we'll cover the possi- bility. Though we don’t really see the point. ‘A roleplaying game is like a board game. Only there is xno beard, or pieces, and you're not competing with each other, In fact its not much like a board game at all come to think of it. Especially not Momopoly™, Risk™, or Serabble™ now we come to mention them. OK, board games were a bad analogy. Let try again. Roleplaying is sort of like writing a book. No. ‘Hang on, it isn't. You don’t write down everything that happens, there’ more than one writer, and the characters really do have a life of their own. ‘Albo, you don't get paid for it, or do book sign- \ ings. All right, writing a book im’t the best wD example either. (Unless you're talking about acts \ some of the dime-a-dozen cheap cloned fan- ood tasy books out there, which may as well be a ro transcript of someone’ gaming session. Only they are usually worse.) Gaming is like theater. No, its not poms, Unk 4 a (Unless you're doing live-action, which is jae another Kettle of fish.) You don’t wear weaves, make-up, or costumes, you don’t have apes, any lines to remember, you don't move AeA ‘round a lot, and you most definitely FO gO do not call each other “hrvyy,” or indeed “darling.” ‘Damn, this isn’t getting us any- where. Roleplaying is ike .., role- playing: A group of people get ‘together with some junk food, some booze, a few cigarettes, some dice, some paper and an ‘expensive, poorly-put-togeth- ce book thatis probably shed- ding pages like they're going out of fashion. They create a bunch of social misfic alter-egos and then pre- tend in their heads that they are running around mascacring bad_ guys and saving the world. s Hey, it beats the cud ‘out of Nintendo and. isa lot more fun than hanging around outside a 7-11 in the rain all hours of the night. 4 [ntroduction br ars is S) Guinés, Bor 18957, Austin, TX =a self-addressed, stamped enve- Pie you write ws! Resouress now magazine covers th Dungeons & Dragons, Call of Cll, Sbadowran, and Ce SAM Tucica Cashes ignees ke DE INWO, Car Wars, Toon, Ogre Miniatures 3 ‘And_ Pyramid subseribers also have access to ee pete pmer etn «yee tng ton por 9- “DEFWITIONS. OF. RPE TERMS ‘Adventune-=Ati evening of drunken debauchery wich maybe a game involved. Pearle ~Bad shing. Compsign Mae of fights over several months. Critical - Good thing: D4 - The sharp pointy diee that fareyour foot when you tread.on them. ‘D6- The box-shaped dice that you will needa lot ofas they aré often used to roll damage, and some games take a sort of retro approach and use nothing else. Most play- ers have a couple of bags full of these. DS - The first of the rarely-used curiosity dice. Di0- Probably the most popular dive at the moment, duc to the ever-ineréasing mumber of percentile systems and the rocket-speed ecnglomerstion of White Wolf games. You will need*halfa ton-of them, Di2- The second of the rarely-tased eutiosity dice. D20~This dice first found fame with ADED, Ios ne: spherical shape allows it to huttle round your house within. great speeds When you finally dé.tieed some d20s, you invariably discover that‘théy are mostly disguised 410s and you don't have enough, Di00 - Noamally two D10, but sometimes @ huge ‘munchkin-die. The D100 is-used to De” This excuse can lend you almost infinite re- rolls. The crux of the trick is to only ever roll your die on an uneven or unstable surfice. These include thick flulfy carpets, untidy piles of books, other players, your legs, your or munchies packets. If the die roll could be interpreted as being high you annoance it. If it is too low you say “cocked die,” and re-roll. Beware, this method does not work indefinitely; after about five re-rolls the GM or one of the other players will get fed up and pass, or throw, you a book to roll on. (See The Book Methed above.) Abusing The System IlThe Per A cat can be a great boon to die rolling. Ideally, the die should be large and eye-catching. If they manufactured them with bells in, or smelling of camip, that would be use- ful as well. The cat you purchase for this purpose should be kittenish and playful — the mest skittish and active of the lit- ter. To utilize the method, roll the die toward the cat to get its attention. This will induce it to pounce. It will chen bat the dic around until it will inevitably get knocked out of the room. You then get up, retrieve the die and announce any number you wish as the result of the rall. JuMPie THE Gun) ‘This technique requires two things; firsdy, that the GM is distracted at the vital moment, and secondly, a partner in crime. The trick is simple. You wait until lots of stuff is going on. (A huge firefight is always good.) Then announce [2 Abusing The System quietly that you intend to do something over-the-top. The GM will soy ‘Yeah, whatever, I'l get round to you in a minute.” You proceed to make a token roll of your die, and when the GM asks what you want to do, you describe your excessive move. He will say, “OK, make your roll” to which you reply “I already rolled, I got 2697 and (insert name of parmer here) witnessed i? The GM will sigh and accept this, as he is too busy to argue the point. This is quite diffi- cult to set up but almost foolproof if you do manage i. Torn. Proronlic. RaV/eRSA. ‘This method has two applications, the percentile applica tion and the “69” (no laughing at the back please) applica- tion, making it one of the most versatile and easy-to-use methods of roll fixing known. ‘The percentile application relies on the ambiguity that exists about which die is the tens, and which is the units, when rolling a 4100. Having two dice of the same color makes this one even easier to apply. Simply read off the highest digit as the tens unit for a high roll. (If you have to roll under a percentile, simply reverse the technique.) WARNING! Do not, on any account, allow the GM to ‘equip you with a genuine one hundred-sided die, or one of those dl0s with 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 00 inscribed on it. The “69” application (one more snigger and you're out!) relies on the ambiguity between the six and the nine on a 10. They are easily confused and you can tum sixes into nines to your hearts content, or vice versa. If your GM declares firmly that the dot denotes the betwom of the number, then you can fill in the dots with filler and repaint them in enamel the color as the die you are using. SPcEED ROLLING No, not the technique a nervous marijuana freak uses in public; something else entirely. To use this system of deceit, you must spend many hours in practice and meditation, honing your natural reflexes to a cat-like level. (Scene shift to old temple and a bunch of bald monks in saffron robes sat round an old master who addresses them.) “When you can catch the die before gravity takes hold, then you shall be ready,” (Fade back to the real world.) Shaolin B.S. aside, to use the speed-rolling system you must roll the die and then catch it before anyone gets a look at the number. You then announce your result; no-one can dispute it, as they dida’t get a chance to see the number. This technique requires lightning-fast reflexes or a believ- able line. “Look, air!” is not a believable line. “ITey, he’s pig- ging all the nachos!” is, “Hey look, naked people on Baywatch!” while a lie, will work.E00 METHODS. OF ~ Degacie Your CHARACTER SHEET So long as no-one ean Fead your charaerePshect any certainty, you can ustally say what Your characte copies, ‘Uhis me od Palette anes scruff cu. is 2 poe tage. The following are ways to optimize the effects: 1 Keeping icin your pocket for days ata time 2. Rubbing out and rewriting everything at least five times. 3. Having really aul, crippled-spider-baying*a-fit handwriting, (Being a doctor, lawyer or schol teacher helps here) 4, Leaving it outim the rain. 5 5. Tearing pieces Offit: ~-G6».Burning boles thfough jeyvith @ er 7. Spilling Coke on it! 8. Leaving it near chocolate'on.a hot day. 9. Letting your dog eatit. 10, Keeping it by the phone’as4 doodle-pad. DAMBUSTERS “The bouncing dice method is a popular one used even by non- munchkins. I is so cunning that it is almost never noticed. All this tech- nique requires is that you are rolling more than one dice at a time; the more dice the better. Damage rolls, 4100 rolls, statistic rolls in many games, all cf these are susceptible. Games where this really shines include the “Storyteller” series and Shadowrun, where every roll involves a large number of dice. The technique is really simple to apply. Begin by rolling ‘your first die. [fit is a poo roll, bounce your sevond die into it to effectively re-roll it. Continue this for all the dice that you roll. This significantly increases your chances of getting a good high result, Itis most effec- tive for increasing the effect of already obscene dic rolls. It exaggerates the munchkindor of your already-overpow- ered abilities, taking them into the realms of godlike power. From five dice you could, with the proper skill, effectively rol fifteen times, giving you the equivalent of the choice of three rolls per die. ADED already offers these options. System Quirks Most systems have quirks, deficiencies and peculiarities that can be exploited to your advantage — ways that certain aspects of the system operate that are open for exploitation, all the way through from character ereation to combat. You rust try to find the particular parts of the system that you are playing that are ripe for abuse. CHIRACTER CREATION Some systems use random rolls ro generate characters, some use points allocation, some use templates and some have a choice between several methods. Most of these dif- ferent character creation methods can be twisted around to allow you greater munchkin potential. Character creation is the most important part of any game’ systean to a munchkin, after combat. There is only so much you can do with a fee- ble set of statistics, even if you are a twink. Ravbom Mymper CHIRACTER GENERATION Adventurers generated by random rolls are the most ripe for abuse. You can use all the die-rolling tips we gave you earlier, and it’ always possible that you did roll all your stats at 18 —at least its possible statically. Realistically trying to claim that you rolled that will get you beaten within an inch, of your life, you can swing it, get your GM to let you roll, up the character by yourself with no supervision. That way you can lie your butt off and make up the character exactly ‘as you want to, with all the skills, powers and items that you might not otherwise be allowed. Example GM; OK, new game. I want you all to make up characters cone at a time while I supervise. Munchkin: Whiny voice) But that'll take ages! We want to get around to playing tonight! GM: A lot of people don't know the system, though. 1 thought it would be best for me to help them. Miencbkin: know the system, Tl be all right. You help them. GM: I suppose it would save some time. All right then. “Munchkin: Woo-hoo-ha-ha-ha! (Rubs bands in glee.) Other ways you can semi-cheat include rolling the num- brs, and then assigning them to the statistics, or toraling up all the numbers and dividing them out like a points based system. You must doctor the total upward of course.” Certain games systems allow you to make extra rolls on statistics provided your fist roll is over a certain threshold. Palladium games work like this, and so does Rolemaster from ICE. In this case, it sin your interest to make sure as ‘many statistics as posshle are over this threshold. Abusing The System 13Ponts BsSeD CHARACTER GENERATION (On the face of it there isn't much you can do to cheat ‘when creating characters with points, but very few GMs will be prepared to sit down and add up your statistics after generation to make sure that they are kosher. This is espe- ally true after cybernetics, magical augmentation and racial bonuses have been added in. Hopefully you'll be able to get away with it long enongh for experience to play its role so that your GM will never know the difference. Some games give you extra bonuses to skills and abilities based on the level of che stats that you choose. Cyberpunk, for example, gives you bonus skill points based on adding your reflexes and intelligence statistics together. Suddenly, every character under the sun moves like light- ning and has an IQ of 200. Funny that. This allows you to get those pistol and skills at the maxed out levels that you wanted. Any bonuses you can get from any statistics should be ruthlessty exploited. Ifyou have one of the rare GMs that will actu- ally bother to check up on your point totals, you're serewed, Just do the best you can, and report your GM to a mental institution as probably being obsessive/compul- sive. Points-based creation requires more stealth and sub- tlety than other methods and benefits greatly from the “illegible character sheet” ploy. Really complex points-based systems enable you to cheat by making “honest mistakes” in your calculations. After all, the effere innumerate arts students you're probably playing with genuinely screw up their arithmetic nine times ouc of ten, so they can hardly accuse you of cheating. TEMPLATE CHARACTER CREATION Thisis a tricky one. Ideally, you want to create your own, template. The rouble is, no sane GM will let you. There do exist several methods to convince him and this really is the only chance you have of generating an utter munchkin in this type of character creation. (Unless you are playing Feng Shui, where everything is a munchkin anyway) Method One Muncblin: Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseoh please! GM: No. Method Two Mundkin: Look, Ubought you this nice pizza and choco- late, and that whisky you like. GM:No, you can’t make up your own template. Not even if you get down on your hands and knees . . . No, that ‘wasn't an invitation, get up, you're dirtying my carpet. HH Abusing The System Method Three (Ring, ring.) GM: Hello? ss ‘Munchkin: P've got your girlfriend and your dog. Let me sake up a template or I'l kill ‘em both! GME: This Game Master doesn’: respond to threats. Munchkin: RIGHT! (Bang! Bang!) GM: TIA! You've just killed your only bargaining chips! Munchkin: Bollocks. Method Four Do it anyway, but don't tell him. You'd be surprised how often this works. Refer to the GM Attention Chart to gain an idea of how likely you are to get away with it. Method Five . ‘Write out the template, DTP it so it looks genuine, and sneak ic into the rulebook one night while the GMs asleep. Being a ninja in real life would be a boon here. Sleeping with the GM is another way to manage it. Mind you, if you were a real ninja you'd be too busy killing people, buying pajamas and not being seen to spend any time roleplaying. If All Else Fails Ah well, chere’s usually a “Macho Mercenary” or “Toll “Thug” template somewhere in the book And most tem- plate systems do give you a few free “option points” or sim- ilar to move around; remember to put them all into weapons skills.