Erin Jeffs Erdiakoft ENGL 134-29 23 October 2017 Sequence II Writer’s Memo 1) What are you most proud of with this essay? What do you feel you accomplished that you set out to? I feel like I did a pretty good job with creating an intriguing introduction that sets the tone for the rest of my essay. | also really liked that I was able to draw from what I learned in my animal science classes and incorporate that into profiling a place. 1 also think this essay is much stronger than my artifact analysis, primarily because I was actually interested in the topic and I think this passion shown through. 2) Given more time, what would you keep working cn with this essay? What specific part of the essay fells like it could use more development, 1 think the second to last paragraph (on pages three and four) could have used some more work. I just feel like I could have flushed it out a lot more to make my profile stronger, but I wasn’t quite sure how to do that. I would have also met with the Writing and Rhetoric center, as I did with my Sequence I essay, but unfortunately did not have the time to do so. 3) What came in handy from the workshops we had? Did a peer reviewer bring up anything you'd totally missed? How'd you address it? 1 felt ike the peer reviews were really helpful in terms of the mechanics and grammar of my writing. It allowed me to fix my grammar, and overall just make my essay stronger. 4) What do you want me to look for in your essay? How can I best help you with my comments? 1 felt as though my afalysis)wasn’t as strong as it could be. | think I got caught up in 7 creating a narrative, and as such it was hard for me to then create an analysis that felt organic. Catt jues here would be much appreciatErin Jeffs Erdiakoff ENGL 134-29 23 October 2017 ‘A Gem in the Midst of a Rural Purge ‘There are more farm animals in the United States than there are people in the world. Despite this, people are increasingly becoming less connected with agriculture directly, with a mere 1.6% of Americans engaged in agriculture (Huzzey). ‘The number of farms in the United States are significantly decreasing; however, meat consumption is on the rise, with our country producing 150 billion pounds of meat in 2014 (Huzzey). You may be wondering why this is happening, why the number of farms are decreasing if meat consumption is increasing. The answer is a simple one: farming is now an extremely industrialized, technologically advanced discipline (Huzzey). Farms are no longer quaint, fimily-owned operations with a small herd of ten cows and a little homemade chicken coop. Instead, they have herds of over five hundred cattle and chicken coops are now massive buildings that house tens of thousands of birds. Since this rise in factory farming, many have critiqued the industry, arguing that this style is inhumane and a form of animal cruelty. Though I could go down the rabbit hole of this extremely heated debate, it has birthed the Farm-to-Table movement, which began in the hippie-filled city of Berkeley. For those of you who didn’t have the privilege that I did of growing up in the Bay Area, a NorCal region so weird that seeing a guy wearing a green tutu, clown makeup, and space pants on your commute to work is normal, the Farm-to-Table movement calls for us to support the small, family-owned farms that are being phased out; to get back to our Agrarian roots of farming; and to have more humane farming practices (Huzzey). So, when I made my visit to theAvila Valley Barn a few Saturdays ago, I quickly got a sense of how and why this place is so special to the locals of San Luis Obispo. Who seems Afler thanking my Uber driver and geting out of the car, the excitement of the Avila Valley Barn was what hit me immediately. The people there were so lively, and it was a nice | change of pace from the tired, sluggish college students I'm typically surrounded by. It seemed” - like here was a family-friendly niche, where everyone could unwind and enjoy themselves and each other. As an Animal Science major, I found myself gravitating towards the animal pens. I purchased a bag of feed (at the extremely affordable price of one dollar), and made my rounds, visiting each pen. I was able to feed and pet a plethora of farm animals, and it honestly brought out my inner child. I was probably just as excited, if not more, petting and feeding the new baby goats as the five-year-olds next to me. However, I think that this is part of what makes the Avila Valley Bam such a highlight in the San Luis Obispo community; it allows you to connect with agriculture even in the simplest ways, like feeding some adorable animals. Moreover, it exposes children to the agricultural community and gets them excited about it ata young age. “I think [coming here is] how I found out I really like animals,” reflects eight-year-old Mason, “My mom probably takes me three or four times a month,” he continues, emphasizing that feeding the animals is his favorite activity to do here. This connection that Mason has the opportunity of experiencing at a young age is one that would be commended among the Farm-to-Table movement. It’s encouraging the next generation to get involved in their local agricultural community. In a sense, it’s almost like time traveling to the past, when farms were set up like the Avila Valley Barn, instead of a streamlined, factory farm.Once my bag of feed ran out, I decided to make my way inside, where I found a variety of fresh produce, baked goods, and farm-themed tcys. Additionally, there were a wide variety of plants to start a farm of your own, from carrot seeds, to small tomato plants, to even some succulents to bring out your inner hipster while sprucing up your house. It’s here where I met Dect just Ceave it tere Wh Angela, whose appearance embodies the soccer mom archetype 16 the fullest extent. Making a quick stop here to buy one of the Avila Valley Bam’s home-cooked pies, Angle notes that she takes her kids here once a week. “And I'm happy to take them,” she adds. “I like it here, and it’s such a great atmosphere... everyone in the San Luis community can find something here they'll enjoy. I think an atmosphere like that is very special, you know? It’s rare, I guess.” She went onto explain the U-Pick program, with berry sicking being a favorite among her two kids. U-Pick operations are perfect examples of ways consumers can relate back to the “old ways” of farming. Here, farmers are able to sell their produce directly to the consumer, and the general public is then able to develop a direct relationship between their food and the outer farming community. Angela also noted that this program enhances her “connection with [her] food,” as she is able to get it straight from the source, as opposed to a big chain grocery store, such as Safeway. Per Angela’s suggestion, | grabbed a bite tc eat at the Sweet Roasted Com Shack, and then went to enjoy my snack at one of the adjacent picnic tables. It’s at one of these picnic tables where I met Jerry and Diane, a married couple probably in their mid-sixties, who were more than willing to be interviewed for my project, and they quickly went on about their grandkids and their love for the tractor rides and animals. They felt that they have gained a sense of community herewith Diane noting, “Jerry and I come here so often that we know a few [staff members] by 2 name, and they know us.” From my own visit, I would add the friendliness to that statement.‘The staff were friendly of course, but I was also impressed by the overwhelming genuine Kindness of the Bam's visitors. Everyone I talked to was delighted to be interviewed and share their thoughts on this farm. Instead of the hustle and bustle of a larger city that I’m used to, people here seemed to take their time, savoring every moment. I truly believe that it is this slower-pace that helps foster a sense of community among the Avila Valley Bam regulars. It’s a place where people can visit and take a break from their fast- paced, nine to five lives they lead during the weekdays. People are able to spend time with their friends and family, enjoy great food, and experienze traditional agriculture. I think part of what farm so special is its novelty. There arzn’t very many of these small farms left, and 's a unique experience to be able to visit one where there aren't massive cattle herds or pigs squeezed into these small pens stacked next to one another. Instead, they have ample room to stretch their legs, chickens roam freely about the premises, and all animals get much deserved ove and attention every day from the Bam's many guests. As Jerry remarked, “It’s a really special little gem, here in SLO.” eh 5h | think cr pralusis 15 J ct Snce Y ‘yi nine dD ns A0ree at all— jt Works We phe TINK Works Cited 5, - re QO a € Huzzey, Juliana Mae. “Trends in Animal Agriculture.” California Polytechnic State University, more San Luis Obispo, 26 Sept. 2017, San Luis Obispo. Lecture. ,/