Garrison Thornton

Professor Allie Turner

English 114

19 September 2017

Trial and Error

I was born August 3, 1999 at Cedars Sinai Hospital. My parents both came up with the

name Garrison, which was influenced by the San Francisco 49ers running back Garrison Herse. I

like to think of my name as very elegant and professional, but it is more than that. Garrison is

French for troops stationed in a fortress or town to defend it. I am strong, but I have loved ones

behind me supporting me and following me every step of the way. I am the lead troop. I have

come into being a leader through my upbringing. There has been many challenges that have

pushed me to my limits. But, these challenges have shaped and created me, for who I am today.

Failure is a struggle all kids face, but it is what they do with this struggle that changes them and

helps them become a better person and improve their quality of life!

Baseball, Americas pastime, brings families together, early in the morning. The fresh

smell of grass and the tart, but somewhat satisfying aroma of the chalk is what I lived for. There

were times when I was not able to sleep because I was too excited to play in the upcoming game

the next morning. And there were times where I literally stayed up all night just to be ready for a

game at 9 am, which personally was not one of my best ideas but you get it. I was extremely

passionate about baseball. I remember the first year I did not make the all-star team, I crawled

into my closet, bawled up and cried for hours. To me I felt unwanted, not good enough, and

lesser than. At the time baseball was my entire life, all my friends played, so when I would see
that my friends were on the team and I was not I almost couldnt bear to show my face anywhere

around them. In more clearer terms, I ran from adversity, I wanted to engage in zero

conversations about how I felt, nor did I want to hear about the all-star practice which I was not

involved in.

Years after, when I was about 13 years old, I stopped playing baseball. It was like I

accepted that I wasnt good enough. Being a young kid, it was tough to face certain things, but

football became the sport that I played year around now. I found a lot of enjoyment in playing,

but both my parents and I knew which sport I was made for. So I went on to have the most

promising year of football in 8th grade, and later attended St. John Bosco High School the

following fall to play there. When I reached school, I made tons of friends. Bosco was an all

boys school so it was rather easy to meet a lot of people from summer school and football being

the person I am. I worked hard at football day in and day out, I would like to accredit Bosco for

making me into the workout machine I am today, without it I wouldnt know what I would be.

Though, football was fun, I like to be the one making big plays not watching, and that is

what it turned out to be, me being the bench warmer for the number 1 football team in the

country. So I told my dad, I want to play baseball again. At the time my dad had a lot of work

flexibility so we worked out everyday. I had to at least hit 500 balls a day with him, whether I

was at the batting cages or the park working on my craft. Early mornings, or late nights I can

never forget lacing up my dirt filled cleats, the musty smell of my batting gloves that only I

enjoyed, and the unforgettable trash talking my father and I would engage in. Now that baseball

season was finally upon us, the school began tryouts. It seemed like almost yesterday when I

showed up wearing those tight pants from little league and that baby glove I had to use for the
tryouts. I didnt do great, but I performed well enough. I made the B team for freshman which

wasnt the news I wanted to hear so my approach to the season was all in. I wanted to get moved

up so bad that I was constantly trying to prove to the coaches that I belonged on the A team. I put

my all into getting to that level. Instead of going to workout 1 time a day, me and my father were

going twice and at times even 3 times a day. I was getting in extra work before class and after

practice because I wanted it that bad, and I would not sit and be disappointed like I was when I

didnt make the all star team years ago. This time it was personal and I was inspired more than

ever to get to a point that only my father and I knew I could reach.

The season was finally under way, all my hard work could finally be seen in full action. I

was a hitting machine. I believe I was hitting about .425 through the first 10 games. The players,

parents, and a few coaches all knew I was performing at a high level, but for some reason I

wasnt getting the recognition or any benefit from it. This is when I really learned life just is not

fair so I didnt let it bother me. I would continue to work on my craft aiming to become the best

in the whole program. After the season I decided to pick up travel baseball with my club team to

compete at a higher level. At this level I would be playing against the top players in the west at

the 15 and under USA baseball tournament in Peoria, AZ.

The first day was the trial day where they measure your tangibles: Throwing, running,

and hitting. I worked extremely hard on posting one of the top 60 yd dash times and I felt really

well running it at the combine. I remember like yesterday getting back to the hotel, constantly

refreshing the website to check for the top times for the day. At around 8pm the times were

finally up and I remember seeing 4 names before my own. Being on that list meant so much to

me. Though it was only the beginning to something seemingly greater, I was finally being
acknowledged as the guy who has been grinding harder than anyone for the past year. It felt

really good. Throughout the entire tournament I played really well. Well enough for my own

coach, who was head coach of the Agoura High School Baseball team to beg me to come play at

Agoura. I was finally wanted. It was almost unbelievable how well I performed. When you

watch your hard work pay off it feels like the best thing ever, so I begged my parents to let me go

to school 40 miles away. I was ready to accept the challenge and become someone new, and

reinvented as a player!

As I got to Agoura everything was different than before. The baseball team here was one

of the best in the country and the culture was much more serious. I remember working way

harder at Agoura than ever before, as I was trying to be the best out of everyone. I can recall

being in the batting cages forever getting extra work in with the coaches, and doing it all well.

Then when I would get in the games it would all fall apart for me. This made me really angry.

This anger then translated into depression. I didn't really care about much when I was in my

hitting slump playing at Agoura. I wouldn't even hang out with friends on the weekend, I found

much more enjoyment playing video games and just being at home by myself. Looking back, it

is pretty sad how I went about my life. I was just in a bad place in a rough time.

Homework became something that I rarely would participate in. I basically would

procrastinate everyday and do most homework assignments the day before or copy someone

else's. These were extremely bad habits that I formed in high school and some even still haunt

me today. The following year it seemed as if I got better at baseball and that I would get a shot at

playing varsity my junior year. I was back at hitting the ball the way I used to at Bosco, but in

December I can remember just going into an extremely bad slump again. I would strikeout
almost every at bat. This made me feel horrible. It is really tough when you go up to the plate

and people don't even expect much of you, if anything. I was empty, cold, and I felt foreign to

my own self. I remember just losing complete touch with myself and came to a point where I

couldn't do it anymore. The quality of life for me at that time was extremely poor. I wasn't

enjoying anything as all I did was participate in baseball, trying to get better everyday but I

wasn't getting any better. Crying every week almost became habitual for me, I was putting in all

the work and seeing no progress. That had to be the most empty I had ever been. When I had

returned from winter break I went up to the coach one day and told him how I felt about baseball

and that I couldnt continue playing here anymore. When I quit I didn't even tell my parents for a

few days. When I told them they were extremely disappointed; it took them a few months to be

accepting and happy for me again, but they have all the right to have been mad at me. They had

put in unbelievable amounts of time and efforts towards me and baseball so I completely

understood. It was like losing a best friend forever, you know everything about it, you light up

every time you are together, it's almost like you are one, and together as a single piece.

Immediately after quitting my grades increased greatly, I found with actual free time I

would be able to do work much easier. Also I would not feel good about myself if I continued to

perform poorly in school. I then had found a new life where I enjoyed doing well in class and

receiving good grades. It was definitely a culture switch for me that I really enjoyed. For once I

was seeing actual success where I work for something and it pays off. I then started to get a

social life outside of baseball which was the turning point of how I looked at myself. I changed

my appearance, and started dressing like I actually cared now, because I did. I wanted to impress

more women at school.Before I wasn't too concerned about that initially but, this new outlook on
life caused me to be much more involved. Not to get too in depth, but women really liked me, as

a charismatic, smart, and very handsome man I was being seen as something different, and at this

point I could care less about baseball. I was living on greater terms with a much higher quality of

life. My gpa went from 2.7 all the way to 3.2 in a matter of a year. My parents became very

proud of the man I turned into and the change of life I manufactured after, parting ways with

baseball. It was tough but, I can say today, that I really don't even think much of such a big part

of my life that much. Baseball has just become the part of my life that I don't identify myself

with as much anymore. Believe me I have some of the most notable times of my life playing that

game, but I also have some of the darkest memories and experiences from when I played.

All in all baseball was my first love, but with love comes pain, a lot of pain. And when

you get to a point where that fire and passion goes away, and you are at a point of disgust and

shame, then it just becomes painful to be with each other. Through this pain I was lost and

confused, feeling as if I can make things better and get through it. Suppressing my feelings and

making it seem as if it was ok. Deep down I was dying on the inside, my grades were poor my

attitude was unpleasant and my quality of life was at an all time low. The day I dropped baseball

had to be the best day of my life. Not in a celebratory way as it was extremely tough for me to let

such a big part of my life go. It was almost a reality check for me to pick my life up, and get on

the path to wanting more for myself. I became more outgoing. I became more approachable. I

became more ambitious. All of these things helped shape me into how I am today. A fine young

man who can use all of his failures and be able to come back as a much better man. Failure is a

struggle all kids face, but it is what they do with the challenge to change themselves, to
overcome their failures that will help them towards becoming a greater person and improve their

quality of life!