Jacob Nichols

COMP-01

Miss Cook

December 11, 2017

The Christmas Break Disaster

It was a cold wet January morning in Seattle, Washington as the rain began gushing down

the gutters of the Truman familys apartment on the edge of the city. The school bus came flying

by their street corner as Juliet and Brian finished getting up Michael and Kate for their first days

back at school from winter break. Michael began to whine about the fact that they had to go back

to school and he wished that the snow could have come again like it had for almost the past

month. Michael said, Why cant we get at least a two hour delay? Im tired! then Kate would

chime in and say, Michael we havent had to go to school in almost 3 weeks I think you will

live as he made faces back at his older sister she would just roll her eyes. As they both finally

got ready for school the loud beeping of Brian on the horn let the kids know that their father was

getting impatient, as they scrambled down the stairs out the door and into dads car to head to

school.

After a lit bit of time passed in the car, dad spoke up and asked, Are you kids ready to

go back to school and see all of your friendsand after a brief pause of silence a resounding no

came from Michaels mouth as Kate began to laugh dads car approached the middle school

parking lot to let them out to head into the school. They got out of the car as Kate picked out one

of her best friends Emma from the crowd of people and began to ran over to her to say hi.

Michael began to do the same as he found his best friend Jon when he was walking to class to the

sound of slamming lockers. He began to ask Jon questions like, how was your Christmas break,
and what did you get for Christmas this year, Jon then said, It was way better than last years

break, and I got a new 4 wheeler since mine broke and I wanted to see if you wanted to ride

tonight? Michael then said sure, my parents wont mind when and where do you want to ride?

He responded by saying how about that old abandoned trail back in the woods by your house.

Okay sounds like fun see you around 6 oclock bro. As Jon left to head to his class, Michael

couldn't get his mind off of riding four wheelers later that day with Jon. As the school day came

to a close Michael and Kate ran to the car to get out of the cold rain and get home. When

Michael got home he ran straight to the shed to get the four wheeler ready for later that day. He

began to turn over the key to start his four wheeler and the engine would not fire, he sat there in

disbelief that his prized possession would no longer work, and was sad that he could not go ride

with Jon anymore. And he wished he could get it to work, so he could enjoy it like he used to

when it worked. As he sat on the ground in tears over the fact that he wasnt going to be able to

hang out with his friend later that day. Hours passed by and Jon showed up right on time to ride

four wheelers with his best friend and seen his four wheeler just sitting out in the yard and he

noticed that his battery was dead and he recalled that his new four wheeler comes with a backup

battery for safe keeping so he pulled it out of his four wheeler and handed it to Brian to take out

the old battery and put in Jons. To Michaels amazement he heard the sound of his 4 wheeler

start and he ran down stairs to go and see how they fixed it. Now he knew what the problem was

and was greeted by Jon waiting for him outside on his four wheeler to ride like they planned as

Michael left the house with a smile from ear to ear as he thanked his dad and Jon. Then they

went and began to ride down the old abandoned trail and found a really cool dirt ramp that they

were going to jump off. They went full speed at the dirt ramp and jumped it together and as they
began riding down the trail they found a old broken down house with a eviction sign on the front

of it. To be continued.

Rubric rating submitted on: 12/14/2017, 11:36:11 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org

5 4 3 2 1 0

Introduction 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No

W.3.a creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
Your score: demonstrated Engages and demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Engages and
5 Engages and orient the a couple a few errors several errors orient the
orient the reader by errors exist exist exist reader by
reader by setting out a Engages and Engages and Engages and setting out a
setting out a problem orient the orient the orient the problem
problem (conflict), reader by reader by reader by (conflict),
(conflict), situation, or setting out a setting out a setting out a situation, or
situation, or observation problem problem problem observation
observation and (conflict), (conflict), (conflict), and
and determines its situation, or situation, or situation, or determines its
determines its significance. observation observation observation significance.
significance. Establishes and and and Establishes
Establishes one or determines its determines its determines its one or
one or multiple significance. significance. significance. multiple
multiple point(s) of Establishes Establishes Establishes point(s) of
point(s) of view and one or one or one or view and
view and introduces the multiple multiple multiple introduces the
introduces the narrator point(s) of point(s) of point(s) of narrator
narrator and/or view and view and view and and/or
and/or characters. introduces the introduces the introduces the characters.
characters. narrator narrator narrator
and/or and/or and/or
characters. characters. characters.

Rising Action 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No

& Climax creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
W.3.b,c,d (1) demonstrated Uses dialogue demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Uses dialogue
Your score: Uses dialogue and a couple a few errors several errors and
3 and description errors exist exist exist description
description (characterizat Uses dialogue Uses dialogue Uses dialogue (characterizat
(characterizat ion) to and and and ion) to
ion) to develop description description description develop
develop experiences, (characterizat (characterizat (characterizat experiences,
experiences, events, and/or ion) to ion) to ion) to events, and/or
events, and/or characters. develop develop develop characters.
characters. Uses pacing, experiences, experiences, experiences, Uses pacing,
Uses pacing, reflection , events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or reflection ,
reflection , suspense and characters. characters. characters. suspense and
suspense and foreshadowin Uses pacing, Uses pacing, Uses pacing, foreshadowin
foreshadowin g to develop reflection , reflection , reflection , g to develop
g to develop experiences, suspense and suspense and suspense and experiences,
experiences, events, and/or foreshadowin foreshadowin foreshadowin events, and/or
events, and/or characters. g to develop g to develop g to develop characters.
characters. Sequence experiences, experiences, experiences, Sequence
Sequence events so that events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or events so that
events so that they build on characters. characters. characters. they build on
they build on one another Sequence Sequence Sequence one another
one another to create a events so that events so that events so that to create a
to create a coherent they build on they build on they build on coherent
coherent whole and one another one another one another whole and
whole and build toward to create a to create a to create a build toward
build toward a particular coherent coherent coherent a particular
a particular tone and whole and whole and whole and tone and
tone and outcome (e.g. build toward build toward build toward outcome (e.g.
outcome (e.g. sense of a particular a particular a particular sense of
sense of mystery, tone and tone and tone and mystery,
mystery, suspense, outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. suspense,
suspense, growth, or sense of sense of sense of growth, or
growth, or resolution) mystery, mystery, mystery, resolution)
resolution) Uses clear suspense, suspense, suspense, Uses clear
Uses clear transitions growth, or growth, or growth, or transitions
transitions frequently to resolution) resolution) resolution) frequently to
frequently to help develop Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear help develop
help develop the transitions transitions transitions the
the sequencing of frequently to frequently to frequently to sequencing of
sequencing of events. help develop help develop help develop events.
events. Uses a the the the Uses a
Uses a precise/strong sequencing of sequencing of sequencing of precise/strong
precise/strong words and events. events. events. words and
words and phrases, Uses a Uses a Uses a phrases,
phrases, telling details, precise/strong precise/strong precise/strong telling details,
telling details, and sensory words and words and words and and sensory
and sensory language to phrases, phrases, phrases, language to
language to convey a telling details, telling details, telling details, convey a
convey a vivid picture and sensory and sensory and sensory vivid picture
vivid picture of the language to language to language to of the
of the experiences, convey a convey a convey a experiences,
experiences, events, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture events,
events, settings of the of the of the settings
settings and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
and/or characters. events, events, events, characters.
characters. Develops a settings settings settings Develops a
Develops a theme and and/or and/or and/or theme and
theme and weave it characters. characters. characters. weave it
 weave it throughout Develops a Develops a Develops a throughout
throughout the narrative. theme and theme and theme and the narrative.
the narrative. Presents and weave it weave it weave it Presents and
Presents and develops throughout throughout throughout develops
develops complications the narrative. the narrative. the narrative. complications
complications to lead up to Presents and Presents and Presents and to lead up to
to lead up to the climax develops develops develops the climax
the climax and develops complications complications complications and develops
and develops a clear climax to lead up to to lead up to to lead up to a clear climax
a clear climax or turning the climax the climax the climax or turning
or turning point in the and develops and develops and develops point in the
point in the narrative. a clear climax a clear climax a clear climax narrative.
narrative. Uses or turning or turning or turning Uses
Uses figurative point in the point in the point in the figurative
figurative language in narrative. narrative. narrative. language in
language in the narrative Uses Uses Uses the narrative
the narrative to develop the figurative figurative figurative to develop the
to develop the plot, language in language in language in plot,
plot, characters, the narrative the narrative the narrative characters,
characters, events, and/or to develop the to develop the to develop the events, and/or
events, and/or experiences. plot, plot, plot, experiences.
experiences. Uses at least characters, characters, characters, Uses at least
Uses at least one of the events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or one of the
one of the following: experiences. experiences. experiences. following:
following: irony, Uses at least Uses at least Uses at least irony,
irony, symbolism, one of the one of the one of the symbolism,
symbolism, multiple following: following: following: multiple
multiple plots, irony, irony, irony, plots,
plots, paradox, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, paradox,
paradox, archetype, multiple multiple multiple archetype,
archetype, flashback, or plots, plots, plots, flashback, or
flashback, or stream of paradox, paradox, paradox, stream of
stream of consciousness archetype, archetype, archetype, consciousness
consciousness . flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or .
. stream of stream of stream of
consciousness consciousness consciousness
. . .

Rising Action 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No

& Climax creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
W.3.b,c,d (2) demonstrated Uses dialogue demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Uses dialogue
Your score: Uses dialogue and a couple a few errors several errors and
3 and description errors exist exist exist description
description (characterizat Uses dialogue Uses dialogue Uses dialogue (characterizat
(characterizat ion) to and and and ion) to
ion) to develop description description description develop
develop experiences, (characterizat (characterizat (characterizat experiences,
experiences, events, and/or ion) to ion) to ion) to events, and/or
events, and/or characters. develop develop develop characters.
characters. Uses pacing, experiences, experiences, experiences, Uses pacing,
Uses pacing, reflection , events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or reflection ,
reflection , suspense and characters. characters. characters. suspense and
suspense and foreshadowin Uses pacing, Uses pacing, Uses pacing, foreshadowin
foreshadowin g to develop reflection , reflection , reflection , g to develop
g to develop experiences, suspense and suspense and suspense and experiences,
experiences, events, and/or foreshadowin foreshadowin foreshadowin events, and/or
events, and/or characters. g to develop g to develop g to develop characters.
characters. Sequence experiences, experiences, experiences, Sequence
Sequence events so that events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or events so that
events so that they build on characters. characters. characters. they build on
they build on one another Sequence Sequence Sequence one another
one another to create a events so that events so that events so that to create a
to create a coherent they build on they build on they build on coherent
coherent whole and one another one another one another whole and
whole and build toward to create a to create a to create a build toward
build toward a particular coherent coherent coherent a particular
a particular tone and whole and whole and whole and tone and
tone and outcome (e.g. build toward build toward build toward outcome (e.g.
outcome (e.g. sense of a particular a particular a particular sense of
sense of mystery, tone and tone and tone and mystery,
mystery, suspense, outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. outcome (e.g. suspense,
suspense, growth, or sense of sense of sense of growth, or
growth, or resolution) mystery, mystery, mystery, resolution)
resolution) Uses clear suspense, suspense, suspense, Uses clear
Uses clear transitions growth, or growth, or growth, or transitions
transitions frequently to resolution) resolution) resolution) frequently to
frequently to help develop Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear help develop
help develop the transitions transitions transitions the
the sequencing of frequently to frequently to frequently to sequencing of
sequencing of events. help develop help develop help develop events.
events. Uses a the the the Uses a
Uses a precise/strong sequencing of sequencing of sequencing of precise/strong
precise/strong words and events. events. events. words and
words and phrases, Uses a Uses a Uses a phrases,
phrases, telling details, precise/strong precise/strong precise/strong telling details,
telling details, and sensory words and words and words and and sensory
and sensory language to phrases, phrases, phrases, language to
language to convey a telling details, telling details, telling details, convey a
convey a vivid picture and sensory and sensory and sensory vivid picture
vivid picture of the language to language to language to of the
of the experiences, convey a convey a convey a experiences,
experiences, events, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture events,
events, settings of the of the of the settings
settings and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
 and/or characters. events, events, events, characters.
characters. Develops a settings settings settings Develops a
Develops a theme and and/or and/or and/or theme and
theme and weave it characters. characters. characters. weave it
weave it throughout Develops a Develops a Develops a throughout
throughout the narrative. theme and theme and theme and the narrative.
the narrative. Presents and weave it weave it weave it Presents and
Presents and develops throughout throughout throughout develops
develops complications the narrative. the narrative. the narrative. complications
complications to lead up to Presents and Presents and Presents and to lead up to
to lead up to the climax develops develops develops the climax
the climax and develops complications complications complications and develops
and develops a clear climax to lead up to to lead up to to lead up to a clear climax
a clear climax or turning the climax the climax the climax or turning
or turning point in the and develops and develops and develops point in the
point in the narrative. a clear climax a clear climax a clear climax narrative.
narrative. Uses or turning or turning or turning Uses
Uses figurative point in the point in the point in the figurative
figurative language in narrative. narrative. narrative. language in
language in the narrative Uses Uses Uses the narrative
the narrative to develop the figurative figurative figurative to develop the
to develop the plot, language in language in language in plot,
plot, characters, the narrative the narrative the narrative characters,
characters, events, and/or to develop the to develop the to develop the events, and/or
events, and/or experiences. plot, plot, plot, experiences.
experiences. Uses at least characters, characters, characters, Uses at least
Uses at least one of the events, and/or events, and/or events, and/or one of the
one of the following: experiences. experiences. experiences. following:
following: irony, Uses at least Uses at least Uses at least irony,
irony, symbolism, one of the one of the one of the symbolism,
symbolism, multiple following: following: following: multiple
multiple plots, irony, irony, irony, plots,
plots, paradox, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, paradox,
paradox, archetype, multiple multiple multiple archetype,
archetype, flashback, or plots, plots, plots, flashback, or
flashback, or stream of paradox, paradox, paradox, stream of
stream of consciousness archetype, archetype, archetype, consciousness
consciousness . flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or .
. stream of stream of stream of
consciousness consciousness consciousness
. . .

Falling 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No

Action & creatively Demonstrated Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt made
Conclusion demonstrated The problem, demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; The problem,
W.3.e The problem, situation, or a couple a few errors several errors situation, or
 situation, or observation is errors exist exist exist observation is
Your score: observation is clearly The problem, The problem, The problem, clearly
3 clearly resolved. situation, or situation, or situation, or resolved.
resolved. Provides a observation is observation is observation is Provides a
Provides a conclusion clearly clearly clearly conclusion
conclusion that follows resolved. resolved. resolved. that follows
that follows from and Provides a Provides a Provides a from and
from and reflects on conclusion conclusion conclusion reflects on
reflects on what is that follows that follows that follows what is
what is experienced, from and from and from and experienced,
experienced, observed, or reflects on reflects on reflects on observed, or
observed, or resolved over what is what is what is resolved over
resolved over the course of experienced, experienced, experienced, the course of
the course of the narrative. observed, or observed, or observed, or the narrative.
the narrative. Reflects upon resolved over resolved over resolved over Reflects upon
Reflects upon the theme(s) the course of the course of the course of the theme(s)
the theme(s) in the the narrative. the narrative. the narrative. in the
in the conclusion to Reflects upon Reflects upon Reflects upon conclusion to
conclusion to leave the the theme(s) the theme(s) the theme(s) leave the
leave the reader with a in the in the in the reader with a
reader with a lasting conclusion to conclusion to conclusion to lasting
lasting message to leave the leave the leave the message to
message to take away reader with a reader with a reader with a take away
take away from the story lasting lasting lasting from the story
from the story and apply to message to message to message to and apply to
and apply to life. take away take away take away life.
life. from the story from the story from the story
and apply to and apply to and apply to
life. life. life.

Mechanics, 5 = Fully and 4= 3= 2= Attempted 1= Attempted 0 = No

Usage & creatively Demonstrated Attempted to to to attempt made
Style W.1.c,d demonstrated Sentence demonstrate; demonstrate; demonstrate; Sentence
& L. 1 & 2 Sentence variety and a couple a few errors several errors variety and
variety and word choice errors exist exist exist word choice
Your score: word choice is effective Sentence Sentence Sentence is effective
3 is effective and variety and variety and variety and and
and sophisticated. word choice word choice word choice sophisticated.
sophisticated. A formal is effective is effective is effective A formal
A formal style and and and and style and
style and objective tone sophisticated. sophisticated. sophisticated. objective tone
objective tone is established A formal A formal A formal is established
is established and style and style and style and and
and maintained & objective tone objective tone objective tone maintained &
maintained & Writing is is established is established is established Writing is
 Writing is clear, and and and clear,
clear, concise, and maintained & maintained & maintained & concise, and
concise, and strong. Writing is Writing is Writing is strong.
strong. Sentences clear, clear, clear, Sentences
Sentences demonstrate concise, and concise, and concise, and demonstrate
demonstrate correct usage, strong. strong. strong. correct usage,
correct usage, punctuation, Sentences Sentences Sentences punctuation,
punctuation, capitalization, demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate capitalization,
capitalization, and spelling. correct usage, correct usage, correct usage, and spelling.
and spelling. punctuation, punctuation, punctuation,
capitalization, capitalization, capitalization,
and spelling. and spelling. and spelling.

Comments:
Total: 17/25 x 2 = 34/50

http://talkandcomment.com/p/d3598e9ae6b5458ef0843efa (voice note)