PROPOSITION: Government investment in the

music and arts is considered to be a waste of

money. The government should invest in public
services instead.
PROMPT: To what extent do you agree or
disagree?

The government plays a vital role in the success of a country. Good execution of a countrys budget is
needed in order to address every need of its people. A countrys venture in the allocation of its funds is
debatable whether to invest in music and arts, or solely on public services. [insert position and forecast
statement]

[insert introductory cohesive device: To begin with, Initially, First of all] Music and arts is what
makes each country unique. Every nation has different styles and techniques that embody their cultures
and traditions; to be passed on to future generations. It is also a major source of entertainment
regardless of age and nationality. why? Moreover, the existence of programs for music and arts paves
the way for cultivation of individual talent. [include concrete examples]

On the other hand, allocating funds for public service, which includes education, healthcare, and
security, generally improves the quality of life in a country. [include cohesive device: This is because]
When people see that their taxes are properly utilized, it increases their morale. This also serves as
motivation for people to become more responsible citizens. explain further, include concrete
examples; elaborate main ideas [Isnt this not covering music and arts too?]

[insert topic sentence and cohesive device to introduce the qualifier: With all the aforementioned
statements, this writer believes that allocation of funds for music and arts and public service is of equal
importance] Allocation of funds for music and arts and public service are [verb: should be is] of equal
importance, but not all countries can afford to spend money on the two aspects mentioned. [insert
connector: therefore, thus, hence] This will then depend on the status of a country; given that
there are poor and rich countries. Underdeveloped countries should invest more on public service, while
first-world countries with well-established public services may still spend on music and arts.
In conclusion, investment in public service and music and arts both have merits, but to which the
government should focus more on, depends on the countrys status.

TR: 5.5 - Addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more
fully covered than the others
- Position is clear
- There are some irrelevant details
- Ideas need elaboration and exemplification for focus.
CC: 6.0 - Makes inadequate use of cohesive devices
- No topic sentences present
- Uses paragraphing
LR: 6.5 - Uses adequate range of vocabulary
GRA: 6.0 - Uses some complex sentences but are limited
- Makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but rarely impede
communication
General Comments:
1. The position is clear that both are beneficial, given a circumstance.
2. It is good that both sides were touched in this output.
3. What this essay needs is more and more elaboration and exemplification to make the
ideas relevant to the topic.
4. Topic sentences are really important in every paragraph. Treat the latter as a mini-essay.
5. Subscribe more to utilizing cohesive devices.
6. Use more complex sentences.
Minimum Band Score: 6.0