1

00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,900

- Good morning.
- Bad morning.

2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,400
I just found a gray chest hair.
It's so depressing.

3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:12,200
I went to bed young,
I woke up Ari Onassis.

4
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:16,900
( speaking with Greek accent )
Jackie! Get on the boat!

5
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,900
- I'm gonna have to see it.
- Later, when I'm less vulnerable.

6
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,900
- Will, it's one chest hair.
- I only have seven.

7
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,500
I don't like those odds.

8
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,200
Listen to me, Pops.
This isn't about the chest hair.

9
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:29,800
It's about your birthday next week.

10
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:32,000
No, it's about the chest hair.

11
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,600
Okay, 90% chest hair, 10% birthday.

12
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,500
70% birthday,
30% chest hair.

13
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,500
- 80-20.
- 60-40.

14
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,100
50-50's my final offer.

15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:43,000
Sold to the alte cacher
in the kitchen.

16
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,300
What do you want to do this year?
I want you to have a fun birthday.

17
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,400
Grace, you know me. I've never
really been that into birthdays.

18
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,400
That's not true.
I've seen all your home movies.

19
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,500
You've had some fun birthdays.

20
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,400
Remember the one where your
brothers dressed you up

21
00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:58,700
in your mom's clothes?
That seemed like a fun birthday.

22
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:02,600
That wasn't a birthday.
That was like a Thursday.

23
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:09,300
So glad my dad
captured that one on film.

24
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,900
The only worse thing on film
was my eighth birthday party.

25
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,300
You didn't see this one.
26
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:16,700
I really wanted a cowboy party,
you know, like a cowboy cake?

27
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:20,500
I really loved cowboys.
Still do, by the way.

28
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:25,700
You don't have to tell me.
I've seen the magazines.

29
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,400
But no, no, no.
My mom gave me a clown party.

30
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:33,300
Ugh. I hate clowns.
They think they're so funny.

31
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:37,000
I just fake-smiled my way
through the whole thing,

32
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,700
and then when I realized there
wasn't gonna be a cowboy cake,

33
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,300
I snuck up to my room, and hid.

34
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,100
Oh, Will. That's so--

35
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,600
"Party Of Five."

36
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,500
What do you want to do this year?

37
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,100
Let's go to a restaurant.

38
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:56,900
Nothing big, something mellow.
You, me, and Jack.
39
00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,100
- What was that?
- Nothing.

40
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,300
- You made a face.
- Face?

41
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:04,600
Hello? I'm standing right here
within face viewing range.

42
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,800
Okay, I don't think Jack likes me.

43
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:09,500
What are you talking about?
Jack loves you.

44
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:13,300
No, Jack loves you.
I came along with the deal.

45
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:17,300
You're the hamburger,
and I'm that little cup of coleslaw.

46
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:21,100
You don't order it,
but there it is on the plate.

47
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,900
Gracie, all I want for my birthday

48
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,100
is for you and Jack to get along.

49
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:31,000
Deal.
Let me see it.

50
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,500
- Could be worse.
- How? How could it be worse?

51
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,400
Oh, come on, Grace!
I'm eating breakfast!

52
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,500
I need you to make a decision for me
and I need you to make it now.

53
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,400
Don't have the sex change.
They never work out.

54
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,200
- Jack: Say you're sorry.
- Sorry.

55
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:09,400
Okay, I've narrowed
your birthday festivities

56
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:11,400
down to a couple of choices.
Pick one,

57
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,700
- drinks and dancing at The Spear.
- Oh, no.

58
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:18,500
No, that bar is pure skank.
It's no place to spend my birthday.

59
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:22,500
It's more like a place
to spend your birthday.

60
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,800
Vicious, party of one.
Vicious, party of one.

61
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:31,900
Okay, second-- and this
is the one I'm really pulling for--

62
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,600
you and me on
a gay singles weekend cruise.
63
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:38,500
Kind of a cruise... to cruise.

64
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,900
That's where I want to be,

65
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,400
on a boat,
in the middle of the ocean,

66
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,800
surrounded by
a 1000 lonely seasick queens

67
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,800
weeping into their guacamole.

68
00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:50,000
All right. You know what, that's it.
I'm done trying.

69
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:53,800
Make your own kind of music,
sing your own special song.

70
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,700
Jack, don't make a big deal.

71
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,600
All I want is a nice little dinner,
just you, me and Grace.

72
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:03,000
What's that?
What's with the face?

73
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,100
I don't like Grace.

74
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,700
What are you talking about?
You like Grace.

75
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,900
I don't know, I'm sort of
not into her right now.
76
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,500
Sort of not into her?

77
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,300
She's a person,
not tandoori chicken.

78
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,700
What's the problem?

79
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,800
Ever since she's moved in,
I never get any me time.

80
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,300
Oh, Jack.

81
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,200
All your time is me time.

82
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:28,000
Can you try to make a little more
effort with Grace, please?

83
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,600
Fine, but for the record,
I've made an effort.

84
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,600
Do you think I actually enjoy
debating velvet versus velour?

85
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:38,500
- You love that stuff.
- Hey, I'm not that gay.

86
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:43,900
Yes, you are.

87
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,300
It's good coffee, hm-mm?

88
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,600
Really good.
89
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,800
Grace, Jack hates
flavored coffees, too.

90
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,500
- Really?
- Yeah.

91
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,000
Jack, so do l.

92
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:12,000
Will just told me that a minute ago.

93
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,300
You know, guys,
my birthday's not for a week.

94
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,400
Let's save some
of the merriment till then, huh?

95
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:20,000
I know what we can do.

96
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,800
Let's get "Entertainment Weekly,"
and play my favorite new game,

97
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,800
- "Love Her, Hate Him."
- I'm gonna watch TV.

98
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,400
You're gonna be missing out.
It's a fun game, Jack.

99
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,300
I know it's fun. I invented it.

100
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:34,600
- You hamburger, me coleslaw.
- Come on, Gracie.

101
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,700
It's your turn to be the official
page turner-slash-pointer.

102
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,600
Okay.

103
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,300
- Jada Pinkett.
- Hm-mm.

104
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,500
- Hate her.
- Wow, that's kinda harsh.

105
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,600
- She's not really--
- Will, you know the rules,

106
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,400
Iove or hate.
No gray area, just like life.

107
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,800
- Hate her.
- Good boy.

108
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,700
This is a fun Friday night.

109
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,400
Love her.
Love, love, love her.

110
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,400
- Who is it?
- Are you serious?

111
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:05,000
- It's Michelle Kwan.
- Who? Michelle who?

112
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,800
Michelle Kwan, figure skater,
Olympic silver medalist?

113
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,800
Goddess on ice.
114
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,900
- You like Michelle Kwan?
- I love her.

115
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,400
So do l!

116
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:26,000
- She was so robbed at the Olympics!
- Tell me about it.

117
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,600
She's a billion times
better than Tara Lipinski.

118
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:31,000
Don't even get me started
with that little witch.

119
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,100
- She's cocky.
- The cockiest.

120
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,100
- Almost as cocky as Surya Bonaly.
- Oh my God!

121
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,500
- The best! Surya Bonaly!
- Who?

122
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,700
- Both: Surya Bonaly!
- Jack: She's French.

123
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,700
- She's powerful.
- She's black.

124
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,800
She wears blue eyeshadow,
and does illegal backflips.

125
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,400
She scares me.

126
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:48,000
I crave her.

127
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,000
- Want a cookie?
- Yeah.

128
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,300
Look at you two, huh?
I knew you guys would connect.

129
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:58,200
Just didn't think it would be over
something as lame as ice skating.

130
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:02,300
Excuse me?

131
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,900
Yeah, excuse me?

132
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,900
What's so lame about ice skating?

133
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,500
Oh, everything.

134
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,600
With the sappy music,
the chiffon costumes.

135
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:15,200
They put little matching fabric
booties over their blades.

136
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,300
Grace, I can't believe
you're into it.

137
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:21,200
Oh, but you can believe I'm into it?

138
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,300
Hi, this is Grace Adler
of Grace Adler Designs.

139
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,200
I'd like a dinner reservation
for three on Tuesday.

140
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,500
It's my best friend's birth--

141
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,500
all booked up?

142
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,400
Would it make a difference
if I told you my best friend

143
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,200
was Demi Moore?

144
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:44,000
Believe me, I'm not
crazy about her, either.

145
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:46,300
Okay, bye.

146
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,100
Hi, honey.

147
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,000
Oh, look who's back from lunch
just in time for dinner.

148
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,800
Oh, honey, don't tell me.
Tell those slow waiters at Barney's.

149
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,100
What happened? What went on?
Who stopped by? What did I miss?

150
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,900
Well, I spent most of
the afternoon trying to get a table

151
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:04,900
at a good restaurant
for Will's birthday.
152
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,200
Honey, did you try Balthazar?

153
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,300
Karen, Steak and Brew are
spitting at me through the phone.

154
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,100
How would get a table there?

155
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,100
Grace, I am your assistant.

156
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,000
- I may not be a whiz at the--
- Computer.

157
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,400
- --or know how to work the--
- Fax.

158
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,200
but, honey, I do know how
to get where I need to be.

159
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,800
- Now, hand me the--
- Phone.

160
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:30,700
I would have gotten that one.

161
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,500
Honey, what's this?

162
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,300
Yeah, who's this? Uh-huh,
well, get me Leant�.

163
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:46,100
Tell him it's Karen Walker.

164
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:51,700
Okay, I'm starting to get it.

165
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,100
Oh, yeah, hi, honey.

166
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,500
Listen to me, I need your best
table for dinner on--

167
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,700
- Tuesday.
- --Tuesday.

168
00:08:58,600 --> 00:08:59,700
- 9:00.
- 9:00.

169
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:02,200
- Three people.
- Well, thank you, honey,

170
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,300
I would love to come.

171
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,200
- Three.
- Oh, oh, no. No, wait.

172
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:10,100
- Will just wanted to have--
- Problem, honey?

173
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,700
Make it four.

174
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,500
Will's friend Jack
may come along, as well.

175
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,400
Oh, fun. Make it four.

176
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,800
Uh-huh. You, too.
Gotta go.

177
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:23,700
Yeah. Leant�, honey, I'm busy.
178
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,600
The French,

179
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:33,500
stinky and blah-hh.

180
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,400
Put down the sports page and listen.

181
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:40,700
You're only looking
at the pictures anyway.

182
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,800
That is not true.
Hey, I'm a sports fan.

183
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,800
I'm a sport-- Iook here,
it says right here

184
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:48,100
that the Steelers lost
by 17 points to--

185
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,000
to these big guys with the big arms.

186
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:57,100
Guess where we are
having dinner on your birthday?

187
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,900
- Gracie, I don't care where we--
- Balthazar.

188
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,600
Wow, caring a little more.

189
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,100
Great food, cute waiters,
the oysters you love!

190
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,600
I love the oysters I love.
How did you get us in?
191
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:10,500
Karen. That's why
she has to come along with us.

192
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,200
What? What's with the face?

193
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,500
- Face?
- Hello?

194
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,200
I'm standing right here
within face viewing range.

195
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,200
Karen?

196
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,500
I don't really have
anything in common with Karen.

197
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,400
I'll cancel.

198
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,400
What am I saying?
It's Balthazar.

199
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,500
It'll be great.

200
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,300
Cute waiters serving
the oysters you love.

201
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,200
You suppose I can get the oysters
to serve the cute waiters I love?

202
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:41,500
Smell this. Is it bad?

203
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:45,100
It's got 12 more hours.
204
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:49,000
- How can you know that?
- It's a gift.

205
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:53,200
You are so gonna be loving me.

206
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:57,100
You, me, Will, Karen. Madison
Square Garden: Champions On lce.

207
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,200
- No.
- Yes.

208
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,100
- No!
- Yes!

209
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,300
Oh my God!
Champions On lce!

210
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,500
Oh my God!
I've always wanted to go!

211
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,500
- No!
- Yes!

212
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,200
How much are you loving me right
now?!

213
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,100
A lot! When?! When?!
When are we gonna do this?!

214
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,400
- Tuesday night.
- When are we-- oh my God!

215
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,700
- Tuesday night!
- Yeah.
216
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,900
Oh my God. Oh my God.

217
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,300
No. No, wait.

218
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:18,700
No, it's-- No.

219
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,900
We can't go Tuesday night.
It's Will's birthday.

220
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,800
Oh. He doesn't care.

221
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:27,700
He just wants us to get along.

222
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,900
Plus it's a chance
to see Rudy Galindo in tights.

223
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,600
No. I don't want to force Will to
do something he doesn't want to do.

224
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,100
Grace, we can go. I don't care.

225
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,800
No, sweetie, it's okay.
It's not that big a deal.

226
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,200
Not that big a deal?
You just jumped into Jack's arms.

227
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:45,100
The last time a woman did that--
a woman has never done that.

228
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,500
Really, Will?
229
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,900
You're sure? Then we can
go to Balthazar's right after?

230
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:56,100
Oh my God. Thank you.

231
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,900
Thank you, thank you.

232
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,200
- You're sure?
- Yes! Yes, we're going.

233
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,500
You, me, Jack, Karen.
The lce Capades!

234
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:06,400
- Both: Champions On lce.
- Sorry.

235
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,100
This is a far cry from Balthazar.

236
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,600
Who do I have to tip to get out?

237
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:22,300
Move! Legs, legs! Move!

238
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,500
I'm here.
I can't believe I'm here.

239
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:28,200
It's all so wonderful.

240
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:32,100
Pace yourself, Dorothy.
It's the Zamboni machine.

241
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,400
Where's the popcorn guy?

242
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:39,300
If we're not gonna eat
for two hours, I need popcorn.

243
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,800
Well, happy birthday.

244
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,200
Thanks.

245
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,100
Here we are.

246
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:50,100
Yup, here we are.

247
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:53,800
Happy b--
oh, we covered that.

248
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,300
So, how old are you?

249
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,300
How old are you?

250
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,000
Grace, honey!
How are we doing over there?

251
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,400
I'm doing great.
Will, you okay? Can you see?

252
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,700
Much as I need to.

253
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,300
I don't want to get too close,
I might get sequin blindness.

254
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,200
Hey! It's a sport!
People win medals, huh?

255
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:17,200
I'd like to see you do a double
axel, double loop, double lutz,

256
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,300
Mr. Man.

257
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,500
Oh, there he is.

258
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,100
- Popcorn!
- Lord, look at these people.

259
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,500
Losers!

260
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,400
Not you.

261
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,500
Karen, you brought champagne?

262
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:39,200
What are you doing?
You don't drink at Champions On lce.

263
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,200
Honey, don't think
of it as drinking.

264
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:44,100
Think of it as
Mommy's little cotton candy.

265
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,000
Will, you don't look
like you're having fun.

266
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:50,000
What are you talking about?
I'm having a great time.

267
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,400
Champions On lce.

268
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:55,300
Woo! Let's kick some butt!

269
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,600
What? You said it was a sport.

270
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,600
Will, honey, maybe a couple
of belts of champagne

271
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,600
will create the illusion
that you're having fun.

272
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:05,500
Excuse me. I'm fine. Really,
I just want a little popcorn.

273
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,700
- ( Olympic anthem plays )
- Hey, popcorn!

274
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,700
Oh my God.

275
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,100
- I'm getting chills.
- Will: Here he comes.

276
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,800
Hey! Excuse me!

277
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,800
He didn't hear me.

278
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,200
Honey, I don't care.

279
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,200
Announcer: Ladies
and gentlemen, boys and girls,

280
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:26,000
please welcome
the Champions On lce!

281
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,800
There they are,
skating in the dark.

282
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,500
- I think I see Surya.
- Don't tease me.

283
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,500
Two-time Olympic
silver medalist Elvis Stojko!

284
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,400
Hey! Popcorn!

285
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,100
Look at him!

286
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,300
You wear those leather pants, Elvis!

287
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,100
And United States Champion
Rudy Galindo!

288
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:53,100
Hey!

289
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:58,000
He's my hero!
He's the gay one!

290
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,300
One?

291
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,400
Up here, Rudy!

292
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:07,100
Will, you don't seem like
you're into this ice crap either.

293
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,500
Not particularly,

294
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,500
but Grace and Jack
love it so much,

295
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,500
I just wanted them
to have a good time.

296
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:17,400
But, honey, it's your birthday.

297
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,000
- How about now?
- Okay, now.

298
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:42,200
Yup, we get it, Surya.
You can skate.

299
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:46,500
How much longer is Champions On lce?

300
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,900
You mean Endless On lce?

301
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,500
Pretty soon, I'd better be
looking at some oysters on ice.

302
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,000
I am starving.

303
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:58,000
Skate faster!
We have reservations!

304
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,800
You're hating this, aren't you?
Do you want to just go?

305
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,600
No, no, no.
You guys are having fun.

306
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,500
That's all I want.
That and maybe a little popcorn!

307
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:15,100
Are you sure?
'Cause if you're not, then--

308
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,600
What?! What?!
What, did I miss a backflip?!

309
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,600
No, no, no.
Triple toe, double loop.

310
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,700
No flip yet.
Maybe she won't do it.

311
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:22,700
No, she's gonna do it.

312
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,400
She didn't come all the way
from France to not flip.

313
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,400
- Vendor: Popcorn!
- Yes, popcorn!

314
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,600
I've been calling you
for like an hour.

315
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:30,600
So you were the one.

316
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,600
I thought it was the 49,000 other
people that are in here.

317
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:39,800
You don't have any brie
and crackers in that thing, do you?

318
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,000
I'm warming your
brie right now, lady.

319
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:49,300
- Vendors.
- Oh, this is like ancient.

320
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,200
It's typical.
My birthday.

321
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,400
Can't get what I want.
Never do.

322
00:16:56,300 --> 00:17:00,300
One year, I wanted
this cool red fire engine.

323
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,300
My mother got me a Water Wiggle.

324
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,400
Decided it'd be more fun
to slip and slide.

325
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,900
More fun for who?

326
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,700
Backflip, backflip.

327
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,400
- God, she faked us out.
- Hello!

328
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,400
You just knocked
the popcorn out of my hand!

329
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:19,300
I'm sorry, honey.
I'll get you another one.

330
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,200
- Popcorn!
- I don't want another popcorn!

331
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,900
- I want that popcorn!
- Popcorn!
332
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,900
Grace, Grace,
she's gonna do it.

333
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,900
Took me two hours
to get that guy's attention.

334
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:26,900
- Jack: Grace, just--
- It is my birthday.

335
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:29,900
You'd think I could get
a little attention on my birthday!

336
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,800
- Will?
- Grace, Grace--

337
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,900
Uh-huh, oh, yeah,
uh-huh, oh, yeah.

338
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:41,400
Okay, and where did her legs go?
Over her head!

339
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:42,800
Okay, you have to admit
that that was pretty da--

340
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,100
Will?

341
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,800
- Where did Will go?
- Oh, he left, honey.

342
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,400
He left?

343
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,500
What, are you insane?
You're gonna miss Rudy.
344
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,500
Honey, where are you going?

345
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:57,400
Don't leave me here
with these ice freaks!

346
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:02,300
Honey, this shirt on you is heaven.

347
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,700
Grace: Will?

348
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:13,600
Will?

349
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,900
All right, so I think
I've got it now.

350
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:22,000
When I ask and you say okay,
and then I ask and you say okay,

351
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,000
and then I ask and you say okay,
it's really a cue to me to know

352
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,700
that it's not okay.

353
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,100
You see how easy it is?

354
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,500
All right, just so we're clear.

355
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,300
- You're insane.
- I must be.

356
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,400
Every year, I end up doing
what I don't want to do

357
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,700
in order to make
everybody else happy.

358
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,500
I'm still an eight-year-old--

359
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:42,900
an eight-year-old
with gray chest hair.

360
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,200
One.

361
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,600
One gray chest hair.

362
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,500
Actually, none.
I tweezed it this morning.

363
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,800
It was taunting me.

364
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,400
Jack: Hello?

365
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,600
Hello?

366
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,000
Hi, guys.

367
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,900
Yeah, I just came by to get my--
oh, here it is--

368
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,800
"Entertainment Weekly" magazine.

369
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,200
Oh my God, what is that?

370
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,500
A Rudy Galindo autograph?
371
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,400
Well, I'll be a rat's ass.
How did that get there?

372
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,600
What'd you do, sign it yourself?.

373
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:18,100
Didn't have to.

374
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,000
- Should I wait downstairs or what?
- Grace: Oh my God. Rudy Galindo.

375
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,300
Rudy and I are gonna
go for coffee and--

376
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,000
Oh, happy birthday.
He does not look 46.

377
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,900
Lotta work.

378
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,300
Well, another memorable
birthday for the books.

379
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,300
- Goodnight.
- Excuse me, mister.

380
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,200
Your birthday's not over yet.

381
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,500
What did you tell me you wanted

382
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,900
more than anything
when you were a little boy?

383
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,800
You don't have a "Josie and
the Pussycats" Iunchbox in there?
384
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,700
Happy birthday, partner.

385
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,600
My cowboy cake!

386
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,800
- Look at him.
- Do you love it?

387
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:01,000
I love it so much
I'm gonna sleep with it.

388
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,200
Whatever gets you through the night.

389
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,000
You know, you're not
eight years old anymore.

390
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,500
You can ask for
what you really want.

391
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,100
- All right, next year--
- Mm-hmm?

392
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,000
I want a real cowboy.