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by Cliff Pickover
Please consider the following helpful tips. These will make it easier to get your stories or novels
published. These tips will help you write good fiction in general.
Mechanics
1. Show Not Tell
It's better to show through a character's actions than "tell" by having the narrator describe.
Please do not "tell."
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2. Body Movement
Example:
"When are you going to leave for France?" John asked.
could be cast as:
John took a slow breath. "When are you going to leave for France?"
(Many times beginning authors make it hard to figure out who is talking, but a quick
reference to body movement before the speaker speaks makes it all clear.)
In real life, people often talk in short sentences and phrases, rather than in long drawn-out
sentences with big words. Another dialog tip: use contractions often. For example, a
character may be more apt to say "I'll" than "I will."
Always insert a "he said" or "she said" as early as possible into a line of dialog (if a "he
said" is even needed at all).
Example:
Never do: "Yes, I will kill him, but not until you buy the peaches for dinner," he said.
Instead do:
"Yes," he said, "I will kill him, but not until you buy the peaches for dinner."
Don't say: "The paper was placed on the wall by the doctor." Use active voice: "The doctor
placed the paper on the wall."
Books have more immediacy if you stay within one character's head and therefore the
narrator does not have knowledge of what other people are thinking. For example, if you
are in Jake's head, we are in Jake's head for most of the book. We can't suddenly know how
Melinda is feeling. Jake doesn't read her mind. We can suggest how she feels through Jake's
opinions and what he sees and hears, and what she says and does. (Some people use an
omniscient narrator, but the best books avoid it.)
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If a scene sounds rushed, with too little attention to detail and texture, then more words are
needed to draw out the action and suspense.
8. Natural Dialog
If you are unsure if the dialog sounds natural, read it out loud to yourself. This is a great
way to make sure the dialog is natural.
To really get the reader involved, try to stimulate more of the reader's senses. For example,
if you've gone ten pages without stimulating the reader (and character in the book) with an
odor, or tactile feeling, sound, or taste, the book will have less immediacy.
I notice some beginning writers seem to dislike using "said" and try to replace the word
"said" with words like commanded, remarked, uttered, began, etc. Perhaps they feel that
too many "saids" stick out. However, you don't have to be afraid of using too many "saids."
In fact, it is much worse to try substitutions. The best writers use "said" almost all the time
and let the dialog convey the meaning. For example,
Don't have your characters "begin to do something," "try to do something," and so forth. Just have them
do it. Example: "Mary began to skip down the block." Change to "Mary skipped down the block."
Avoid excessive "as he" constructs. Example: "Mary turned on the TV as she thought all the time about
Joe." Change to: "Mary turned on the TV, thinking all the time about Joe." Or, better yet: "Mary turned
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Example: When something is said or done to a character that is out of the ordinary, have the character
respond. New writers often forget to show the responses of characters before moving on with the plot.
Use "which" with a comma when the phrase seems as if it could easily be set off with parentheses and
make sense. Examples with "that" and "which": 1) I like dogs that bark. 2) I like the German Shepherd
species, which has pointed ears, a tan coat, and teeth that rip.
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Buy this book by Morrell to learn how to write fiction. (Click cover)
Buy the most recent version of this book by Herman to learn how to sell your
book. (Click cover)
Additional Mechanics
1. "Like" or "As If"
The word "like" should not be used preceding a clause with a subject and a verb. Examples:
2. Split Infinitive
Some publishers ask that you don't put an adverb between "to" and "verb."
Wrong: "to carefully create." Correct: "to create carefully." (However, I tend to disregard this rule
whenever it sounds "wrong" to my ear. You can usually ignore this rule, too.)
3. Wordiness
Reduce wordiness by changing:
"stooped down" to "stoop"
"rose up" to "rose"
"penetrated through" to "penetrate"
"caught sight of" to "saw"
"in the event that" to "if"
"at the present time" to "now"
etc.
Also change:
"towards" to "toward"
"besides" to "beside"
4. To Lie/To Lay
The verb form of lay takes an object, and lie does not. Example:
5. Since/Because
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7. Participial Phrases
Modifying phrases that start with verbs ending in"ing" or "ed" require a comma before the phrase.
8. Whoever/Whomever
If you can't figure out when to use whoever or whomever, substitute the word "he." If it sounds better
to use "him," than use whomever. Is 1 or 2 (below) correct?
9. Further/Farther
Farther is used to refer to physical distance.
She runs farther than I do.
Further is an adverb meaning to a greater degree.
I want further training.
11. Rise/Raise
Use rise (rose, risen) when you mean to move upward.
Use raise (raised) when an object is being moved upward.
Joe raised his foot.
Joe rose early in the morning.
12. On to/Onto
Use onto when you mean "to a position on"
He tossed the spider onto the table. He held on to her foot.
13. Insectlike
Should you use "insectlike" or "insect-like?" Do not precede "like" with a hyphen unless the letter "l"
would be tripled: bill-like, lifelike, businesslike, shell-like.
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Do precede like with a hyphen if the word is three syllables, e.g. intestine-like.
Do precede like with a hyphen if the word is a proper name, e.g. Clinton-like. Exception, use Christlike.
Do precede like with a hyphen if the word is a compound word.
On the other hand, when "like" is a prefix... Follow with a hyphen when used as a prefix meaning
similar to, e.g. like-minded. No hyphen are used in words that have meanings of their own, e.g.
likelihood, likewise, likeness.
14. Subjunctive
The subjunctive form of the verb is used to express something contrary to fact. Use "were" in all of the
following:
If I were king...
I wish you were here...
It was as if I were...
Usually, "as if" and "as though" suggest a subjunctive mood. The following sentence (which starts with
if) is not contrary to fact so it is not subjunctive: "Jack didn't know what color the dog was. If the dog
was black, Joe could find it in the snow."
15. Ellipses
Ellipses can be used to indicate a pause in dialogue or a trailing off of dialogue. If a complete sentence
is fading, use four dots, with no space between the final word and the four dots. (One of the dots serves
as a period.) If a sentence fragment is trailing off, use three dots, leaving a space between the end of the
final word and the first dot.
Clifford A. Pickover received his Ph.D. from Yale University and is the author of 40 highly-acclaimed books
on such topics as computers, art, religion, mathematics, black holes, human intelligence, time travel, and alien
life. His web site, Pickover.com, has received millions of visits.
Return to Cliff Pickover's home page which includes computer art, educational puzzles, higher
dimensions, fractals, virtual caverns, JAVA/VRML, alien creatures, black hole artwork, and animations. Click
here for a complete list of over 40 Cliff Pickover books.
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