Le Centric chawe was fist produced a the Thre dex Nocom ceeerfay 11s 1950, by a company of young actors which 6 va pete rant, Simone, Moz, Ovete Barros, Silat ite, Clade Manard and Hearylsegee Hut “La Levon was fest produced at the Théatre de Poche, February 20, Te Ee Profesor was played by Marsh Cuvee, | Peak wpRoncee Zorhty and the Maid by Cade Mansi, © | Jeques ota soumision vas Bat produced a Osta, 195, a he egies ot Huchene Retest Powee ete che pay, The sok ot Taki yl by dear Lous Trniaant and that of Reber 87 Hae Coatla ber pate were taken by Talla Cheton, Madsene Reine eele Fran, Pre Leprout, Cle Massar and Clade ee te age ot, cotues nd mask were designed by J9equs Neal ‘es Chases was produced forthe fet time on, April 22,1952, st Fer Coe Cnc. Kenan dred by Spvsin Dionne, Who pave ea tet ac wes dengned By Jooqus NOB. The ro of se see ee were payed by Tala Chelion and Pol Cheval se oe Sine in 1956, a the taco des Chap, Tos Pi eeuon of Jacques Mauer, who raved the fle oF Ont Nan THE BALD SOPRANO Ansi:play‘The Characters ‘Me, Soars Mas. Surmi Mr, Maxas (Mas, MARTIN | Many, the maid | I i ‘Tus Fine Curae Scene: A middleclass English interior, with English arm ‘hairs. An English evening. Mr. Smith, an Englishman, seated nis English armchair and wearing English slippers, i smok- his English pipe and reading an English newspaper, nea tan English fe. He is wearing English spectactes and & mall (grey English mustache, Beside him, in another English arm) Spain irs. Smith, an Englishwoman, is daring some English) Socks. long moment of English silence, The English clock strikes 17 English irokes The Bald Soprano 9 Mas. SMITH: There, i's nine o'clock We've drunk the soup, and eaten the fish and chips, and the English salad. ‘The children have drunk English water. We've eaten well ‘this evening, That's because we live in the suburbs of Lon- don nad because our name is Smith ‘Ma. Saat (continues 10 read, clicks his tongue.) Mans. SMITH: Potatoes are very good fred in fa; the salad oil was not rancid. The oil from the grocer atthe corer Js bette quality than the oil from the grocer across the stret, Ibs even better than the ol from the grocer at the bottom of the street. However, I prefer not 0 tell them that thet oll is bad, ‘Mx, StH [continues 0 read, click hs tongue.) ‘Mas, Sura: However, the oll from the grocer atthe corner is stil the best. ‘Ma. Sutrt [continues 1 read, licks his tongue} Mas, Sarit: Mary did the potatoes very well, this evening The last time she did not do them wel. I do not like them when they are well dane. Mx. Syere eontlnues to read, licks his tongue] ‘Mas, Suri: The fish was fresh, It made my mouth water, 1 tna two helpings. No, three helpings. That made me go to the we, Yeu also had three helpings. However, the third tine you took les than the frst two times, while as for ae, I took & great deal more, I eat better than you this evening. Why is that? Usually, it is you whoveats more. It {is not appetite you lack. ‘Mix. Suri [elieks his tongue] Mas. SMTi: But stil, the soup was perhaps litle 100 sal. Tt was saltier than you. Ha, ha, ha. It also had too many leeks and not enough onions. I regret T didnt advise Mary to add some aniseed stars. The next time TH know beter. (Ma. Surta (continues to read, clicks his tongue.) ‘as, Suri: Our little boy wanted to drink some beer; he's ‘oing to love getting tidy, He's ke you. At table did you Batice how he stared atthe bottle? But T poured some water10 from the jug into his glase. He was thirty and he drank i leon is Hke me; she's @ good manager, thrty, plays the ‘plano. She never asks to deak English beer. She's Ike ovr file daughter who drinks only milk and eats only porridge. Its obvious that she's only two. She's named Peggy. The quince and bean pie was marelous. Tt would have been fice, pethaps, to have had a small glass of Australian Birguady with the sweet, but I did not bring the botle to the table because T did not wish to set the children a bd example of gluttony. They must lear to be sober and temperate ‘Min Sut [continues fo rea, clicks his tongue} Mas. Surtl: Mi, Parker knows a Rumanian grocer by the Thame of Popesco Rosenfeld, who has jst come fom Con- Santioople. He is a great specialist in yogurt. He has & diploma from the school of yogurt-making in Adrianople ‘Tomorrow T shall buy 2 large pot of native Rumanian Jorurt trom him, One doesnt offen find such things here in the suburbs of London. Mn. Sst [continues to read, clicks his tongue.) ‘Ms, Suxsts Vogut is excellent forthe stomach, the Kidneys, the appendicitis, and apotheosis. It was Doctor Mackenzie {King who told me that, he’ the one who takes care of the Chileon of our neighbors the Johns. He's a good doctor. ‘One can trst im. He never prescribes any medicine that fies not tried out on himself first. Before operating on Parker, he had his own. fiver operated on fist although he was oot the leas biti ‘Ma Suan But how does it happen that the doctor pulled through while Parker died? / was. Suri: Because the operation was succesful in the ‘doctor's case and it was not in Parker’. Mx. Sure: Then Mackenzie is not a good doctor. The oper- ‘ation should have succeeded with both of them oF else both should have ded ‘Mins, Suatrits Why? | ‘The Bald Soprano n “YM, SurTH: A conscientious doctor must de with his patient if they can't get wel together. The captain of ship goes doa wi ship imto rin ep, dos not su ‘VMS. SMTi: One cannot compare a patient with «ship. “x, Scr: Why nat Ashi has ts eases too: meow, your doctor is as hale as ship: that's why he should ave Derished at the same time as his patient, ike the captain and his shi. a " Maas, Surrm: Ab! Thada’t thought of that ms Perhaps itis . ‘And then, what conclusion do you draw from this? ‘Mx, Sura: All doctors are quacks. And all patients too. Only the Royal Navy is honest in England. Mas, SurmH: But notsallors. “Mx. Ssorrm: Naturally [4 pause. Still reading his papers] ~ Here's a thing 1 don't understand. In the newspaper they always give the age of deceased persons but never the age ‘of the newly born. That does't make sense Mas. Sect: I never thought of that! Another moment of silence. The clock strikes seven times. Silence. The clock strikes thee times, Silence. The clock doce strike} (Ma, Sucre [sil reading his pape): Bobby Watson died ‘Mas. Stra: My God, the poor man! When di he die? Mx Sum: Why do you pretend tobe astonished? You know ‘ery well that he's been dead these past two years. Surly you remember that we attended his funeral 8 year and a balf a. Mas. SMIT1:0h yes, of course I do remember. I remembered it ight away, but I don"t understand why you yourself were so surprised to see it inthe paper. ‘Max. Shari: It wasn't im the paper I's been three years since ‘his death was announced. I remembered it through an aso- — ciation of ideas. ‘Mas. Surra: What a pity! He was so well preserved, - Ta, it says here that2 BUGENE TONES ‘Mr, Souris He was the handsomest corpse in Great Brita. He ditt look his age, Poor Bobby, hed been dead for four yeas end he wa sill warm. A veritable ving coms, ‘And how cheerful he was! ‘Mus, SurTH: Poor Bobly. ‘Me. Swit: Which poor Bobby do you mean? ‘Mas, Suri: Its his wife that I mean. She is ealled Bobby too, Bobby Watson. Since they both bad the same name, you could never tell one from the other when you saw thes. Tope. It was only after bis death that you could really fell which was which, And there are stil people today who Confuse her with the deceased and offer their condolences fo him, Do you know her? ‘Mi, Sout: Tonly met her once, by chance, at Bobby's burial ‘Mas, SurTm: Ive never seen her, Is she prety? ‘Min Svar: She has regular features and yet one cannot say hat she is pretty. She is too big and stout. Her featares are hot regulat but sll one can say tat she is very prety, Sho fale foo small and too thin. She's a voice teacher. [the clock strikes fve times. A Tong silence.) ‘Mins. ShertH: And when do they plan to be marced, those two? Ma. Swati: Next spring, at the lates. ‘Mins, Suzi: We shall have to goto their wedding, T suppose ‘Mu. Suerit: We shall have to give them a wedding preset: T wonder what? Mas, Suri: Why don't we give them one ofthe seven sve “alvers that were given us for our wedding and which have ‘never been of any use to ws? [Silence.] ——atrs, sara: How sad for her to be left a widow so young, ‘Mx. Suri: Fortunately, they had no children Mins Suri: That was all they needed! Chilren! Poor Wo" ‘man, how covld she have managed? (Ma, Shar: She's still young. She might very well remarry! ‘She looks so well in mourning. ~ Mas, Swrrit: But who would take care of the children? Yo The Bal Soprano a vow very well that they have 8 boy and a girl What are - ther names? Mi, Sir: Dobby and Bobby ike thee parent Dihy Woe. Son's uncle, eld Bobby Waton, ack man and ery fond “of the boy. He might very wel pay for Bobbys education Mas. Sunt. That would be proper. And Bobby Watson's tun, old Bobby Watson, might very well, in her turn, pay forthe education of Boboy Watson, Bobby Watson's daugh- ter. That way Bobby, Bobby Wason's mother, could e- |< many, Has she anyone in mind? Mr. Suri: Yes, «cousin of Bobby Watson’. Mas, Suret: Who? Bobby Watton? Mr. Sir: Which Bobby Watson do you mean? E Mas Suit: Why, Bobby Waton, the son of old Bobby © Watson, the late Bobby Watson's other wack © Ma. Suri No, i's not that on, 15 someone es. 1s Bodhy ‘Wauon, the on of old Bobby Waton, the late Bobby Wats aunt "Mas, Sure Are you refering to Bobby Watson the com- meal traveler? Ni Sst: All the Bobby Watsons are commercial travels. ‘Mak Sour: What a dificult trade! However, they do well §Mn. Suarm: Yes, when theres no competition © ns: Suri: And when i thre no competion? ‘Mk. Sut: On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Tuesday. ns, Sura: Ah! Three days a week? And what does Bobby “£eWatson do on those days? Mik Shit: He. rests, he sleeps Shia, Soar: But why doesn he work those three days if thers no competion? ‘Sut: T dont know everything T can't answer all your lotic questions! ‘Mas. Sut [ofended}: Ob! Are you tying 1 humiliate me? ‘Mj Sur al sis): You know yery well tht 'm not. E Mas. Sunt: Men are all alike! You ni there all daylong, 8“ EUGENE 1oNESCO cigeettc in your mouth, of you powder your nose and ouge your lips, filty times a day, or else you dtink lke a fh ‘Mie Shari: But what would you say if you saw men acting Tike women do, smoking all day long, powdering, rouging ‘her lips, ding whisky? Mas, Suri: It's noting 19 me! But if you're only saying that to annoy me... 1 don't eate for that kind of joking, you Know that very well [she hurls the socks across the sage and shows her teeth. She ‘eis up} ‘Mie Shira [also getting up and going towards his wie, ten ‘derly| Oh, my litle ducky daddes, what a litle spithre Sou are! You know that Tony said it as a joke! [Fle takes her by the waist and kises her.) What a ridiculous pai of ‘ld lovers we are! Come, e's put out the lights and 0 Dye-byes. Many entering: Tm the mad. Ihave spent a very pleasant ‘ernoon. ve been fo th cinema with aman and I've seen ffl with some women. Alter the cinema, we went t drink some brandy and milk and then read the newspaper Mas. SMiTit: [hope that you've spent a pleasant afternoon, that you went tothe cinema with a man and that you drank some brandy and mit Ma, Saar: And the newspaper. Many: Mt, and Mrs, Martin, your guests, are at the door. “They were waiting for me. They didnt dare come in by themsclves. They were supposed to have dinner with you this evening ‘Mas. Sit: Ob, yes. We were expecting them: And we were Thungry, Since they didnt put in an appearanes, we were tong to start dinner without them. We've had nothing 0 fat all day. You should not have gone out! [Many: But it was you who gave me permission. (Min, Suivi: We didn't do it on purpose. ‘The Bald Soprano 18 Many [bursts into laughter, then she bursts ino tears. Then ‘the smalls: T bought me a chamber pot ‘Mas, Sura: My dear Mary, please open the door and ask ‘Mr. and Mrs. Martin to step in. We will change quickly (dr. and Mrs. Smith exit right. Mary opens the door at the left by which Mr. and Mrs. Martin enter) ‘Masv: Why have you come so late! You are not very polite. People should be punctual. Do you understand? But sit down there, anyway, and wait now that you're here [She exits. Mr. and Mrs, Martin st facing each othe, without speaking. They smile timidly at each other. The dialogue Which follows must be spoken in voices that are drawing ‘monotonous, @ litle singsong, without muances.*) ‘Ma. Maris: Excute me, madam, butt seems to me, unless Tm mistaken, that I've met you somewhere before, Mas, Manzi: I, t00, sit, I ems to me that I've met you somewhere before. Ma. Manrin: Was it, by any chance, at Manchester that I aught a limpse of you, madam? ‘Mas. Mantiv: That is very posibie. Yam originally from the city of Manchester. But T do not have a good mestory, sit Tcannot say whether it was there that I caught a glimpce of you or not! Ma Marts: Good God, that's curious! I, to, am orginally from the city of Manchester, madam! ‘Mas, Marin: That is curiout Ma, Marne: Ts't that curious! Only, T, madam, 1 let the city of Manchester about five wecks ago. ‘Mas. Maxriv: That is curious! What a bizarre coincidence! 1, to, sr, I left the city of Manchester about five weeks ago. (Ma Martin: Madam, T took the 8:30 morning tain which artves in London at 4:45, ‘Mas, Manin: That i curious! How very bizarre! And what 8 coincidence! I took the same trin, st, 10. ‘Mx. Maxtin: Good Lord, how curious! Perhaps then, madam, ig Nese Be rout Re bretay i dao ee pian In tnd16 ‘RUGENE 1ONESCO it was om the train that I saw you? (Mans, Manis Its indeed possible; that, not unlikely. Tis plausible and, afterall, why not!—But I don't recall it set Ma, Mantis I traveled second class, madam, There is no ‘recond elass in England, but 1 always travel second class Mas, Manrin: That is curious! How very bizare! And whet ‘coincidence! I, too, st, I traveled second class ‘Ma. Mannix: How curious that is! Perhaps we did meet in second clas, my dear lady! ‘Mas. Manras: That i certainly possible, and itis not at all tulikely, But I do not remember very well my dear sit! Ma. Maxi: My seat was in coach No. 8, compartment 6, ‘my dea lady. ‘Ms Manin, How curious that i! My seat was also in coach No. §, compartment 6, my dear sit! eM How cai tht is nd wht Mae uo | ‘idence! Peshaps we met in compartment 6, my dear Iady? Mas, Manis: Iti indeed possible, afterall! But I do not } recall it, my dear sit | Mn Manto: To tell the truth, my dear lady, T do not re- tember it either, but iis posible that we caught a glimpse ‘Of each other there, and a8 1 think of it, it sems to me even very likey. ‘Mis. Matte; Ob! truly, of course, truly, sit! ‘Mn. Maxi: How curious itis Thad seat No.3, next to the ‘window, my dear Indy. Mas. Mantis: Oh, good Lord, how curious and bizarce! 1 Thad seat No. 6, next t0 the window, across from you, my sear si. Mi Mantin: Good God, how curious that is and what incidence! We were then seated facing each other, my ‘ear lady! It is there that we must have seen each other Mas. MaxTos: How curious itis I is possible, but I do nt recall i, si! Mine Mastin: To tell the trot, my dear lady, T do not re Thember it either. However, itis very possible that we say The Bald Soprano uv each other om that occasion, Mas. Maxrix: Its trv, but Tam not a all sure of it, sir, Ma. Manriv: Dear niadaen, were you not the lay whe eed ‘ie to place her suiteae in the luggage rack and’ who thanked me and gave me permission lo smoke? ‘Mas, Makriv: But ofcourse, that must have been I, st. How curious iti, how curious its, and-what a coincidence! Mz, Mantns: How curious itis, how bizarre, what a coin idence! And well, wel it was perhaps t that moment that Wwe came to know each other, madam? Mus. MantiN: How curious itis and what a coincidence! It 4s indeed possible, my dear sir! However, do not believe that recall it Ma Manni: Nor do I, inadam. [4 moment of silence. The clock strikes twice, then once] Since coming to London, I have resided in Bromfield Steet, my deat lady. Mas. Matix: How curious tht is, how bizarre! I, too since coming to London, Ihave resided in Bromfield Stree, my eae ‘Ma. Mazin: How curious that is, well then, wll then, per: haps we have seen each other in Bromfield Street, my dear Indy, ‘Mas, Marty: How curious that is, how bizare! Its indeed possible, afterall! But I do not reall it, my dear si Ma, Matin: I reside at No. 19, my dear lady. Mas. Marri: How curious that is. I also reside at No, 19, my dear si Ma. Maris: Well then, well then, well then, well then, per- haps we have seen each other in that house, dear lady? Mas, Manris: Iti indeed possible but I do not recall it, dear sit. ‘Ma. Magri: My flat son the fith floor, No.8, my dea lady. Mas, Maxriv: How curious it i, good Lord, bow bizarre ‘And what a coincidence! I t00 reside on the fifth for, in Sat No, 8, dear si18 EUGENE ToNESCO ‘Mr. MARTIN (musing): How curious it, how curious itis, ‘how curious iti, and what a coincidence! You know, ia ‘my bedroom thee is @ bed, and it s covered with @ green tiderdown, This room, with the bed and the green eider~ down, is at the end of the corridor between the wc. and the bookcase, dear lady! Mas. Maxriv: What a coincidence, good Lord, what a co incidence! My bedroom, (00, has a bed witha green eider- down and is atthe end of the coridor, between the We, dear sr, and the bookcase! ~ Ma. Manic: How bizare, curious, strange! Then, madam, wwe live in the sime room and we sleep in the same bed, dear Indy. It is pethaps there that we have met! Mas, Mantin: How curious i i and what a coincidence! It is indeed possible that we have met there, and perhaps even lastnight. But Ido not recall it, dear sit! ‘Mr, Maxsrin: Ihave a litle girl, my litle daughter, she lives with me, dear lady. She is two years ol, she's blonde, she has a white eye and a red eye, se i very’prety, her name is Alice, dear lady. ‘Ms. Mane: What a bizarre coincidence! , t00, have a litle girl. She is two years old, has a white eye and a red eye, she is very prety, and her name is Alice, 100, deat sit (Mr: MaRr¥ [inthe same drawling,’monotonous voice}: How ‘curious its and what a coincidence! And bizarre! Perbaps they are the same, dear lady! Mas, Maris: How curious it is! Its indeed possible, deat sits (A rather long moment of silence. The clock strikes 29 times.) ‘Mn. Mantis after having reflected at length, gets up slowly ‘and, unuriedly, moves toward Mrs. Marin, who, surprised by his solemn air, has also gotten up very quiely. Mr. ‘Martin, inthe sume fas, monotonous voie, slighty sing- sonal: Then, dear lady, I believe that there canbe no doubt bout i, we have seen each other before and you are my ‘own wife. . . Elizabeth, I have found you agaia! The Bald Soprano 19 (Mrs. Martin approaches Mr. Martin without haste. They em. trace without expression. The clock srikes once, very ludy This striking of the clock must be 10 loud thet é mater the audience jump. The Martins do not hear it) ‘Mas. Marin: Doni, i¢ you, daring! hey sit together in the same armchair, their arms around ‘ach other, and fall asleep. The clock strikes several more times. Mary, on tiptoe, a finger fo her lps, enters quletly and addresses the audience} ‘Many: Elizabeth and Donald are now too happy to be able to hear me. Tan therefore let you in on a secret. Elizabeth 's not Elizabeth, Doaald is not Donald. And here i the roof: the child that Donald spoke of is not Elizabeth's laughter, they are not the same person. Donalds daughter has oae white eye and one red eye like Elzabets daughter. Whereas Donald's child has a write right eye anda red lett ‘ye, Elizabeth's child has a red right eye and a white left ye! Thus all of Donald's system of deduction ‘collapses ‘when it comes up against this last obstacle which destoys ‘is whole theory. In spite ofthe exteaordinary coincidences Which seem to be definitive proofs, Donald and Elizabeth, ‘ot being the parents of the same child, are not Donald and Elizabeth. It sin vai that he thnks be & Donald it isin ‘vain that sbe thinks she is Elizabeth, He believes in v that she is Elizabeth, She believes in vain that he is Donald ‘—they are sadly deceived. But who isthe true Donald? ‘Who is the true Elizabeth? Who hat any interest in pro- Jongg this confusion? I don't know. Le’ not try to know. Let’ leave things as they are. [She takes several steps toward the door, then runs and says 10 the audience:) My real name is Sherlock Holmes. [She exis.) (he clock srikes as much ati likes, After several seconds, ‘Mr. and Mrs. Marin separate and take the chairs they had ‘atthe beginning) ‘Ma, Marron: Darling, lets forget all that bas not passed ‘between us, and, now that we have found each other again,20 UGENE 1s let's try not 0 lose each other aay more, and live as bel (Mans, Mann: Yes, daring. q [ar. and Mrs, Smith enter fom the right, wearing the sand clothes ‘Mas, Soci: Good evening, dear friends! Please forgive {or having made you wait so long, We thought that should extend you the courtesy to which you are enti snd as soon as we learned that you had been kind enot a farrav: That's tue. Silence.) SMITH [ro the Martins}: Since you travel so much, you ‘have many interesting things to tell us, TIN [to is wife]: My dear, tall us what you've seen notice we hurried 10 dress for the occasion. Mx, Suan [fwious]: We've had nothing to cat all day. ‘we've been waiting four whole hours for you. Why have you come so late? (Mr. and Mra. Smith sit facing their gusts. The striking of ‘clock underlines the speeches, more or les strongly, accord ing tothe case. The Martins, particularly Mrs. Martin, see ‘embarrassed and timid. For this reason the conversa Degins with dficuly and the words are wtered, at the b inning, awkwardly. A long embarrassed silence at fs then other silences and hesitatons fllow.] Mx. Surra: Han. (Silence ‘Mas, So: Him, hm. [Slence.} ‘Mas, Marv: Hi, bm, hm. [Silence] (Mx, Maverin: Hi, he, fm, hm, Silence.) Mas, Maxriv: Oh, But definitely. [Sifence] Ma, Manrin: We all have cold. (Silence ) Ma, Ssari: Nevertheless, its not chilly [Silence] Mas, SoTH: There's no drat [Silence } MR, MARIN: Oh no, fortunately. (Silence) Mx. Suara: Ob dear, of dear, oh dea. [Silence] ‘Ma, Maxx: Don't you feel well [Silence] (Mas, Sart: No, e's wet is pons, [Silence] ‘Mas, Marin: Oh, se, at your age, you should’, (Silence Ma. SMITH: The heart is ageless. Silence} (Mn. Maxton: That's true. [Silence] Mas, SMITH: So they say. [Silence] Sui: Were not going to question your sincerity! Ssttm: You will offend us if you think that. éMaxrIN (10 hs wife}: You will offend them, my dear, you think that. ‘Max Lgraciousty]: Oh well, today T witnessed some ‘ing extnordinary. Something really incredible, MATH: Oh, this is going to be amusing ge Shr: Atlas. ‘Max: Wel, today, when 1 went shopping to buy some eitables, which are geting to be dearer and dearer s:SurTu: Whereis ital going to end! You shoulda’ interrupt, my dear, is very rude ‘Magni: In the street, near a café, Ysa a mam, prop- erly dressed, about ity years old, of nt even that, who ‘Suct: Who, what? fos soars: Who, what?na Ma. Sarr: Not posible. Mas. Maxtiv: Yes, bent over, I went near him to see what ‘he was doing Ma. Sua: And? Mas. Mantin: He was tying his shoe lace which had come undone, Mix. Mawens, Mr, Sarr, Mas, Sart: Fantastic! ‘Mr. Surru: If someone elie had told me this, Pd not belive it ‘Mr. Marie: Why not? One sees things even more ext ‘ordinary every day, when one walks afound. Far instance, today in the Underground 1 myself saw a man, quietly siting on a seat, reading his newspaper, Mas, Sut: What a character! ‘Me, Soom: Perhaps it was the same man! [The doorbell rings} Ma, Suri: Goode, somcone is ringing. Mus, Sates There must be somebody there. Tif go and see. [She goes 10 see, she opens the door and closes, and comet Back.| Nobody. [She sits down again.) Ma. Manrie: Tin going to give you anotbtr example [Doorbell rings again.) ‘Ma. Surra: Goodness, someone is ringing [Mas Surri: There must be somebody there, I go and see {She goes to see, opens the door, and comes back.) No one [She site down again MR. Maxti\ [oho has forgotten where he was): Uk ‘Mrs, Martie: You were saying that you were going 10 give tus another example, Mn Marin: Oh, yes [Doorbell rings again.) Ma. Suara: Goodnes, someone is ringing. ‘Ms. Surv: I'm not going to open the door again. ‘Me, Suara: Yes, but there must be someone there! (Mas. Summ: The first time there was no one. The second time, no one. Why do you think that there is someone ther now? 23 ‘Ma. Sura: Because someone has rung! f- Mas. Mari: That's no reason, Ma. Manin: What? When one bears the doorbell rng, that F means someone is at the door ringing to have the door § opened. Mas, Mantas: Not always, You've jut oem otherwise! ‘Ma, Maxrav: In most cases, yes. ‘Mx. SMITH: AS for me, when T go to vist someone, I ring in ‘order to be admited. I think that everyone does the same ‘hing and that each time there is arg there must be some one there. F Mas. Surmt: That is true in theory. But in reality things ‘nappen diferently. You have just sen otherwise Mas. Maxrix: Your wife is right Mx. Marti: Ok! You women! You always stand up for each othe. ‘Mas. Suri: Well, Til go and see. You can't say that I am obstinate, but you wil see that there's no one there! [She 40¢s to look, opens the door and closes it} You se, theres ‘noone there. [She returns to her seat] Mrs. Surmi: Oh, these men who always think they'te right and who're always wron he doorbell rings again} ‘Ma, SuirH: Goodness, someone i ringing. There must be J: someone ther, ‘Mas. Swarm [Un a ft of anger]: Don't end me to open the door aguin. You've seen that it was useless. Experience teaches us that when one hears the doorbell ring it's be ‘cause there is never anyone there. Jas. Marin: Never, Ma. Maxton: That's 20t entirely accurate, Ms SMITH: Infact it's false. When one hears the doorbell ring it is because there is someone there, Ms. Sarr: He wont admit he's wrong Mas. Maxi: My hushand is very obstinate, to. Ma. Surrut: There's someone there.4 [BUGENE 1ONESCO Mr. Marin: ‘Thats not impossible ‘Mas. Sirrn (to her hurband]: No, ‘Mx. Samm: Yes ‘Mrs. Suri: Tell you no. In any case you are not going to distur me again for nothing. Ifyou wish to know, go and look yourself! Mx. Suir: Tl go, Urs. Smith shrugs her shoulders, Mrs, Martin tosses her ead.) Ma. SoatrH [opening the door!: Obt how do you do. tte ‘lances at Mrs. Smith and the Martins, who are all sur- prise |W the Fie Chief! Fine Cite the & of course in uniform and is wearing an ‘enormous shining helmet): Good evening, ladies and gen- tlemen, [The Smiths and the Martins are sl slightly aston- ished. Mrs. Smith tums her head away, in a temper, and does not reply to his greting.] Good evening, Mrs. Smith, ‘You appear to be angry. Mas, Susi: Ob! Ma, Sumit: You se it's because my wife i litle chagrined at having been proved wrong, (Me, Mantin: There's been an argument between Me. and ‘Mos. Smith, Mr, Fire Ciel, Mus, SurtH [to Mr. Martin): This is no business of yours! (To Mr. Smieh:] 1 beg you not to involve outsides in our family arguments ‘Ma. SMITH: Ob, my dear, ths i not so serious. The Fire (Chie isan old triend of the family. His mother courted me, ‘and I knew his father. He asked me to give him my daugh- tec in mariage if ever I had one. And he died waiting Mr. Mastin: ‘Thats neither his fault, nor yours, Fung Ciuse: Well what is ital about? Mas. Sura: My husband wat claiming... [Mt SrTH No, it was you who was claiming, Me Manin: Yes, twas she, ‘Mas. Maren: No, i wa he The Bald Soprano 25 Fins Car: Don't get excited. You tell me, Mrs. Smith Mas. Sua: Well, this is how it was. Iti dicute for me {0 speak openly to you, but a fireman is also a confessor Fas Cur: Wel then? Mas, Suar#: We were arguing because my husband ssid that each time the doorbell rings there is always someone there. Ma. MaxrIN: It's plausible Mas. Sura: And I was saying that each time the doorbell rings there isnever anyone there, ‘Mas. Maseroe: It might seem strange. (Mas, Sora: But it has been proved, not by theoretical de ‘monsrations, but by facts, ‘Ma, Suri: That's false, since the Fire Chiet is here. He ‘ang the tell, opened the door, and there he was, Mx. Marin: But just now. Mrs, Sarr: Yes, butt was only when you heard the door- ‘bel rng the fourth time that there was someone there. And the fourth time doesnot count. Mas. Manrin: Never. It is only the fist three times that ‘Ma Surmi: Mr. Fire Chief, permit me in my tur to ask you several questions, ‘Fink Caer: Go right ahead, ‘Mx. Suir: When T opened the door and saw you, it was really you who had rung the bell? Fine Cause: Yes, it was Ma. Mantis: You were atthe door? And you rang in order tobe admitted? Ps Cater: donot deny it Mx, Suara (0 his wife, triumphantly]: You see? I was right. ‘When you hear the doorbell ing, that means someone rang ' You certainly cannot say thatthe ize Chie s not some ‘Mas, Surru ‘Certainly not. I repeat to you that I was speak:26 snuGen 1onEsco| ing of only the fist three times, since the fourth time does Mas. Maariv: And when the doorbell rang the fst time, ‘was it you? Fine Cube: No, it was not I ‘Mas. Maxrin: You soo? The doorbell rang and there was 20 one ther, thaps it was someone els? ‘Were you standing at the door fora long time? Fine Caner: Three-quarters of an hour. Mx. SurTu: And you sa no one? Fine Cur: No one, Iam sure of that. ‘Mins, Marre: And did you bear the bell when it rang the second time? Pu Ciuer: Yes, and that wasnt I either. And there was still no one there. ‘Mans Sui: Victory! was right Mn, Sarit fo his wife]: Not so fast. [To the Flee Chief} ‘And what were you doing atthe door? ‘Fats Cuter: Nothing. I vas just standing theve. I was think= ‘ng of many things. Ma. Mantis (tothe Fire Chie ‘not you who rang? Fins Chee: Yes, i as I. Ma. SMTi: But when the door was opened nobody wa In sieht Pu Cuter: joke, Mas, Sscrru: Don't make jokes, Mr. Fire Chief. This busi ‘ess is to0 sad. Mx. Maxax: In short, we sill do not know whether, when ‘the doorbell rings, there is soaheone there or ot! Mas, Sarit: Never anyone Ma, Suri Always someone. Fine Cuuur: Yam goin to reconcile you. You bath ae partly ‘ight, When the doorbell rings, sometimes there i someone, But the third ime it was That was because T had hidden myselt—as a ‘The Bald Soprano 2” ster times thee is noone. Mx, MARTIN: This seems logical tome. Mas Mann: T think 0 00 Fa Caner: Life is very simple, really, [To the Smiths] Go ‘on and kis each other. ‘Mas Suri: We jos kised each other lite while ago Ma, Maxrin: Theyll kiss each other tomorrow. They have plenty of tine. ‘Mas, Surrn: Mr. Fire Chet, since you have helped us sete this, plese make yourself comfortable, take off your helmet and st down fora moment. "Fine Caer: Excuse me, but T cant stay Jong I should like to remove my helmet, but T havent time to sit down. (He ss down, without removing his helmet} Y myst adit that Thave come to ee you for another reason. 1 am on offal buses. ns, Shirt: And what can me do for you, Me, Fite Chit? Fras Cher: T must beg you'to excuse my indiscretion [ter- iby embarassed). uhm (He points a finger at the Mortis)... you dost mind». in font of them . Mas. Maxriv: Say whatever you like Fata, Manrin: We've old frcnds. They tellus everything Max Sar: Speak. Fe Cuter: Eh, well—is there fre here? Mas. Sura: Why do you ask ws that? Fine Cuter: 1s because-—pardon me—t have orders to ex {ingis all the resin the city. ‘Mas. Maxx: All? ‘Fas Cuusr: Yes, al ‘Mia, Suri (confused T don’t know ‘Do you want me to g0 and look? F ha, Suave [nifing]: ‘There can't be one here. There's no fel of anything burning.* Furs Cater lagarievedt: None at alt? You don't have a litle 1 don't think so.28 EUGENE roNESCO fire in the chimney, something burning inthe attic or in the cellar? lite fre just stating, atleast? Mas, Sura: T am sorry to dissppoint you but T do not be- Tieve there's anything hore at te moment, T promise that I will notify you when we do have something, ime Chater: Please don't forget, it would be a great help Mas, Suri: That's @ promise. Fine CHIEF [to the Martins}: And there's nothing burning at your house either? -Mrs, Mannix: No, unfortunately, ‘Mn. Mantis {tothe Fire Chief}: Things arent going so well, just now Fine Cintr: Very poorly. There's been almost nothing afew tifes—a chimney, 2 barn. Nothing important, It doesn't bring in much. And since there are no returns, the profits ‘on output ae very meager. Mx, Surtn: Times are bad, Tht’ tre al over. I the same thie year with business and agriculture ae ie with fre, nothing is prospering. |Mn Manny No wheat, no fires Fins: CHIEF: No floods either Mas. urea: But there is some sugar. (Max, Soarit; That's bocause it is imported. (Mins, Manns: Tes harder in the case of fires, The tails are to high! Fine Cxier: All the same, there's an occasional asphyxiation by gas, bu that’s unusual too, For instance, a young woman aspayriated herself last week—she had lef the gon, Mas, Martin: Had she forgoten if? Fine Crter: No, but she thought it was her comb. Mr, Sura: These confusions are always dangerous! Mas, Seri: Did you goto se the match dealer? Fine Citse: There's nothing doing there, He is insured agains fires. (Mi. Maxri: Why don't you go see the Vicar of Wakefield, and use my name? The Bald Soprano 28 Fins Cuter: I dont have the sight to extinguish cleyme's fives. The Bishop would got angry. Besies they eaiagua hc fies themselves, or else they have thea put out by eral ge Ma. Suri Go see the Durand Fins Cir: Teen’ do that ether, He's not English. He's nly been naturalized. And naturalized citizens have the ‘ight to have houses, but nt the right fo have them pat oot iE theye burning. Mis. Shar: Nevertheless, when they set re to Cast year, ‘twas put out just the same. Fixe Cua: He did that all by Bimself, Clandestine, But ‘ts not who would report hm. Mr. Sure” Nether woul Mis, Sum: Me. Fire Chic, since you ae not to pressed, stay a litle while longer. You would be doing us & favor, Fats Cnr Shale you some storie? Mis, Sur: Ob, by all meats, how charming of you. [She Kiss him) Mx Swart, Mas, Manrig, Mx, Maxriv Yes, yes, some storie, bacrabl {hey apa) Mr, Sutin: And what is even mor intresting the fact that fremen's stores are all trac aid theyre bated on experience. Fins Cuts: speak from my own experience, Truth, noting ut he trath. No fiction. Mr Magix: Thats sight. Truth i never found in books, oniyin ite ins. Sui Begit Mr. Mane Bepiat Mis. Max: Be quit, bes beginning Fine Cur (cough gly several times): Excuse me, dot Took at me that way. You embetrass me. You know that Lam sty. Mas: Sura: Tan be charming! [he kses hi.30 uc ton Fins Cutse: I'm going to try to begin anyhow. But promise ze that you won’ listen, ‘Mas. MARTIN: Bat if we don’ listen to you we won't heat you. [Fine Cue: 1 dida' think ofthat ‘Mis. Sarr: 1 told you, bes just a boy. Ma. Manrin, Ma. Ssara: Oh, the swost child! (They kis him} ‘Mas. Masri: Chin up! Fins Cater: Wel, then! [Hfe coughs again in a voice shake ‘y emotton:] “The Dog and the Cow." an experimental fable. Once upon time another cow asked another dog! “Why have you not swallowed your trunk?" "Pardon me,” replied the dog, “itis because T thought that I. was sa elephant.” Mas. Marrow: What isthe morai? Fine Cutz: That's for yout ind out (Mr. Surat: He's sight q Mas. Sair# [furious]: Tell ws another. Fins Cinzr: A young calf had eaten too much ground glass ‘As a result, i€ was obliged to give birth, Ie brought forth ‘cow into the world. However, since the calf was male, the cow could not call him Mamma. Nor could she call bi Papa, because the calf was too litle, The calf was then ‘obliged to got marred and the registry ofce cartied out all the details completely & la mode. ‘Mx. Sau: A la mode de Cacn, (Ma. Manin Like tipes Pune Ciuze: You've heard that one? ‘Mins Snr It was inal the papers ‘Ms. Marin: Ithappened not far from our hous. Fine Cater: Til tell you another: “The Cock." Once upon ‘time, a cock wished to play the dog. But he had no Tuck because everyone recognized him right away. ‘Mins. Sarr: On the other hand, the dog that wished to ply he Bald Soprano 31 he cock was never recognized. ‘Sura: TU tell you one: “The Snake and the Fox." Once Fapon atime, «snake came up 2a fox and ald: Me seems P- tome that I know you!" The fox replied to him: “Me too.” “Then,” said the snake, "give me some money.” “A fox doesn't give money," replied the tricky animal, who, in onder to escape, jumped down into a deep ravine full of »trawberrios and chicken honey. But the snake was there waiting for him with a Mephistophelean laugh. The fox pled out his kaif, shouting: “T'n going to teach you how to lve!” Then he took to Might, turning his back. But he had no Tusk, The snake was quicker. With « well-chosen ‘blow of his ist, he struck the fox in the middle of his fore head, which broke ito a thousand pieces, while he cried: ‘No! No! Four tines no! I'm aot your daughtr."* ‘Mantas: Tes interesting Svera: It's not ba, st CHEF [Jealous]: Not 50 good. And anyway, I've heard “etefore. a, Sarr: Tes terble, ts, Sart: But it wasn't even tue, “Maurie: Yes, unfortunatly Masry [to Mrs. Smith]: Is your turn, dear lady. ‘Suira: Tonly know one. Tan going t tell it to you. Ie 5. SurtH Here itis: Once upon a time, a fancé gave a F Vbougust of flowers to his fiancée, who said, “Thanks”; but “tetore she had said, “Thanks,” he, without saying a single ‘ord, took back the flowers he had given het in order to teach her & good lesson, and he said, “L take them back.”“Goodbye,” and took them back and went off in all directions ‘Mr. Maxtin: Ob, charming! [He either kisses or doce not iss Mrs, Smith) ‘Mas, Manrix: You have a wife, Me, Smith, of whom all the ‘word is jealous [Mr, SMivi: I's tru, My wife is intelligence personified, She even more intelligent than I, In any eae, she is much more feminine, everyone says so. Mas. Sarit [tothe Fire Chie}: Let's have another, Me. Fie Chet Fine Chis: Ob, 20, i's oo late ‘Mx. Manz: Tellus one, anyway. ing Caner: Tm too ted, (Ma, Sur: Please do us a favor ‘Ma Manin: Teg you Fins Cite: No. (Mas, Marin: You have a heart of ice, Were sitting on hot coal. (Mis, Surrit [falls on her knees sobbing, or ele she does not do this): Timplore you! Fine Cine: Righto, ‘Ma. Sour (in Mes. Martin's ear]: He agrees! He's going to ‘ore us again. Mas, Manin: Shh, ‘Mas, Soar: No luck. I vas too polite Fring Cuter: “The Headcold." My brother-in law had, om the paternal side, @ first cousin whose maternal uncle had 2 father-in-law whose paternal grandfather had marced 31 Ii second wife a young native whose brother he bad met ‘on one of his travels, a gil of whom he was enamored and| by whom he had a son who married an intrepid lady phar- macist who was none other than the niece of an unknows fourth-class pety officer of the Royal Navy and whose adopted father had an aunt who spoke Spenish Avently rhe Bald Soprano 3 and who was, pechape, one of the granddaughters of an engineer who died young, himself the grandson ofthe Owner ofa vineyard which produced mediocre wine, but who fat ® second cousin, a stayatchome, a sergeantmajor, whose fon had married a very pretty young woman, a divoreée, ‘whowe fist husband was the son ofa loyal patriot who, ia the hope of making bis fortune, had mauaged to bring up ‘one of his daughters so that she could marry a footman who had known Rothschild, and whose brother, after having changed his trade several times, married and had a daughter _whove stunted greatgrandiather wore spectacles which had ‘een given him by a cousin of his, the brother in-law of a ‘man from Portugal, natural son of a miller, not too badly of, whose foster-brother had married the daughter of & former country doctor, who was himself a foster-brother of the son of a forester, himself the natural ton of another country doctor, maried three times in a row, whose third site ft. Mani: I knew that third wife, if 'm not mistaken. She te chicken sitting on = hornets nest ‘Carer: Ie not the same one, Suara: Sh! Caner: AS I was saying... whote third wife was the j daughter of the best midwife in the region and who, early left widow Had married a glazier who was fll of life ‘and who had had, by the daughter of ¢ station matter, hil who had burned his bridges. Suri: His briches? ‘Mantwv: No his bridge game. ‘Curse: And had married an oyster woman, whose father had a brother, mayor of a small town, who had taken as Pts wife a blonde schoolteacher, whose cousin, a fy fisher Ue Manne: A fy by night?34 -RUGENE IONE The Bald Soprano as ‘Fine Cin: .. Had married another blonde schooteacfrme Cause: Who does she think she is? (He looks at her} sued Marc, too, whose brother was martied to anol op) Mari, also @ blonde schoolteacher fas, SMITH: Why a8 you butting ia? Mx. Sui Sloe she's blonde, she must be Mave. Be Sura’ Tak ealyunaie fog, Mary Fine Carer: ... And whose father had been reared in lone Cher: Ok! Burt Gatat accor nada by an oid woman who was the nice of a priest WiMBte Sharm And you? grandmother, occasionally inthe winter, ke everyone ¢MBfany: Incredible eve! caught a cold. ts. Suri: What does allthis mean? ‘Mas, SMITH: A curious story. Almost unbelievable, ‘arm: You know each other? (Mn, Maxrin: If you catch a cold, you should get youseliBins Crnur: And how! colt throws herself om the neck ofthe Fire Chief} Mn Suri: Its a uss precaution, but abolutly necesita. Taso glad tosce you apace artes ‘Mas. Many: Excuse mic, Mr, Fire Chief, but T did tx ano Mas, surrn OX! follow your story very well. At the ead, when we the grandmother ofthe pris, I got mixed up. ‘Mx. Shiri One always gets mixed up in the hands o Ms Shrnt: Oh yes, Mi, Fite Chis, begin agin. Ever ‘wants to hear Fine Crier: Ab, I don’t know whether TMl be able to. ‘on official busines, It depends oo what time is ‘Mas, Sarit: We don't have the time, here Fine Cuter: But the clock? Ma. Suri Tt runs badly, Its contradictory, and alway dicates the opposite of what the hour realy is. (Enter Mary} ‘Many: Madam... sir ‘Mas, Suri: What do you want? Ma, Smit#i: What have you come in here for? ‘Many: T hope, madam and sir will excuse me...and ladies and gentlemen too .. T would like... T would totell you a story, mysel. |Mas, Manin: What she saying? Mu Maxx: I believe that ovr friends’ maid i going d "be want tell ws story, toe. - ix. Sari: Is not proper! fre Cause: It was she who extinguished my fs fires. cv, Tm you ite frehose. fs. Mawr: If that isthe case... dear fronds... these ‘emotions are understandable, human, honoreble ‘Manri¥: All that is human is honorable. fs. Surrut: Even so, I don't like to see it... bere among Sha: She's not been property brought up CME: Ob, you have too many prejudices. Maxros: What I think is that a maid, after all—even hough its none of my business—ie never anything but a maid. i. Marra: Even if she can sometimes be & rather good lective Chase: Let me go, 1: Dont be upset... They're not so bad realy Saar: Him «hm. you two are very touching, but the same time, ide» 8 litle Magtin: Yes, thats exicily the word36 EUGENE 10N! Mn, S\aTH: ... A litle too exhibitonstic ‘Mr, Martin: ‘There isa native British modesty fo foratempting, yt again, to define my thought—not u stood by foreigners, even by specialists, thanks to which ‘of course, I don't mean T may thus express myself. refer'o you Marv: Toa going t tell you (Max, Swern: Don tellus anyching ‘Many: Ob yes! Mas, Sse: Go, my litle Mary, go quietly t0 the kt and read your poems before the mirror ‘Mr. Maxrns: You Know, evea though I'm not a maid, 1 read poems before the mirror. Mas. MaxtiN: This morning when you looked at yourself the mirror you dida't see yourself Mx, Manne: That's because T wast there yet ‘Many: All the same, I eould, perhaps, recite a ite poem you. ‘Mas, Suri: My litle Mary, you are fightfully obstinate ‘Many: Tim going to recite a poem, thea, is that agreed? ‘a poetn entitled “The Fire” in honor ofthe Fre Chief: The Fire The polypoids were burning in the wood ‘A-stone caught fre ‘The castle caught fire ‘The forest cavght fire ‘The men caught ire “The women caught fe The birds caught re “The fish caught Bre “The water eaught fie ‘The sky aught fire “The ashes caught fie ‘The smoke caught fire ~ The Rald Soprano 31 The fre caught fre Everything caught fre (Caught ire, caught fe. Manrin: That seat chils up my spine Mt, MARTIN: And yet there's @ certain warmth in those ins... me CuUEe: T thought twas marvelous, Suri: Allthe same Sua: You're exaggerating ws Caner: Tust a minute... T admit... all this is very subjective... but this is my conception of the work. My j worl: My dream. My ideal... Aad now ths reminds me that T must leave. Since you don't have the time ere, T ‘aust tell you that in exactly three-quarters of an hour and "sixteen minutes, Tim having 4 fire atthe other end of the ity. Consequently, I must hurry. Even though it will be ite unimportant. is. Surv: What wil it be? A litle chimney fice? ‘Cue Ob, not even that. A sraw fie anda litle heart F bur. a. Sari: Well, we're sorry to see you go. fas. Smrru: You have beon very entertaining. ‘Maer: Thanks to you, we have passed a truly Car. Ftexian quarter of an hour. (Guns [moving towards the door, then stopping: Speak- ing of that—the bald soprano? [General silence, embarrass. SutTH: She always wears her aie i the same style Cuter: Ab! Then goodbye, ladies and gentlemen, fp Maxriv: Good luck, and a good fre! CCamBe:, Let's hope so, For everybody. ire Chie} exits. All accompany him 10 the door and then return to their seats}Bald Soprano 38 ‘Maar: FM give you my motherindaw’s slippers it youl give me your hisband’s cof, ee fn. Sure: Tm looking for a monophyste pit ur mad. fp. Maariv: Bread i a stall, whereas bread i ao a sa “tnd an oak springs from an oak every mornig at dan, is. Surra; My unce lives inthe country, but thats none of the midwife business. Marne: Paper for win, theca’ forthe rat, Cheese — MIT: The car goes ver fast, but the cook beats batter 38 EUGENE 108! ‘Mas. Maxrin: Tcan buy a pocketife for my brother, bi you can't buy Ireland for your grandfather. Mr, SMITH: One walks on hit fet, but one heate with el twciy or cod. (Ma. Manin: He who sells an ox today, wil have an ef Mas, Suit: In real life, one must look out of the winde Mas. Maxrin: One ean sit down on a chair, when the ‘does have any. Mx, Sarr: One must always think of everything. Mx Maxtov: The celing is above, the floor is below, Mas, Sorat: When Tsay ys, is only a manner of sp Mas, Marri: To each his own. Ma, Siri: Take a circle, caress it, and i wil tum vico (Mas, SMITH: A schoolmaster teaches his pupils 1 re the cat suckles her young when they are small (Mas. Martin: ‘Nevertheles, it was the cow that gave us ta ‘Ma. Sutra: When Fm inthe country, I love the solitude af the quiet. Mx. Mazin: You are not old enough yet for that ‘Maas, Shirt: Benjemin Franklin was right; you are a servous than he. Mas, Manis: What are the seven days of the week? ‘Ma. Sant: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, dy, Saturday, Sunday.” Ma, Max: Edward isa clerk; bis sister Naney i a and bis brother William a shop-assistnt.* Mas. Sveti: An odd family! ‘Mas. Mantis: T prefer a bird inthe bush to a spartow if Manrne: One doesn’t polish spectacles with black wax, oe ‘Suara: Yes, but with money one can buy anything. Mn, Sorrit: Rather a steak in a chalet than grite in a cad: Maras: Tol rather killa rabbit than sing in the garden, Mu, Manx: An Englishman's home i tu his castle, ft: SMITH: Cockatoos, cockatods, cockatoos, cockatoos, Mao. Shira, I don't know enough Spanish to make mfMSsskatoos, cockatoos, cockatoos, cockatoos, cackstooe, ‘understood. ‘Suri: Don't be turkeys; rather kiss the conspirator. ‘Maxeoe: Charity begins at home.* ‘Sour: I'm waiting forthe aqueduct to come and see eat my windmil Matos: One can prove that socal progress is definitely peer with sugar. fs Suara: To hel with polishing! cloning this ast speech of Mr. Smiths the others ar lent for a moment, stupefed. We sense that there isa certain nervous irtaion. The srokes ofthe clock are more nervous joo. The speeches which follow must be said, at first in @ lca, hostile tone. The hostility and the nervousness in rete. At the end of this scene, the four characters must fhe sanding very close to each other, screaming their E ipeeches, raising their fs, ready to throw themselves upon ach other}The Bald Soprano Ma. Maxis Robert! Ma. Sure Browning! Mas Manto, Ma. Sur; Rudyard as Sony Sn Mantis iploge Ms. Maxri, Mu Sure: Robert Kipling! Mus, Sam, Mt, Manriy: Rogyaed Browning * “Mas. MARTIN: Silly gobblegobblecs, silly obblegobbler. ‘Mx. Maxrin: Marietta, spot the pot! Mas. Suara: Keishnamori, Krithnamurti, Krishnamurti! 40 BUOENE TON ‘Ms, Saini: Such eaca, such caca, such eaca, such sch eaca, such caca, such caca such eaca, such eaca, Mx. Magix: Such cascades of cacas, such cascades of ea sch cascades of cas, such cascades of caca, such tedes of cacas, such cascades of cicas, such cascades cacas, such cascades of eacas. ‘Me. Shari: Dogs have fles, dogs have fleas. Mas, Matix: Cactus, coceyx! crocus! cockaded! cockros Mas, Swim Incasker, you ineask us ‘Ma. Maun: 14 rather lay an egg in a box than go and Mas. Maxcns (opening her mouth very wide}: Abt oh! cht Let me gnash my teeth. ‘Mr, SuirH: Crocodile! Mr, Maar: Let's go and slap Ulysses (Ma. Surat: Tm going olive in my cabana among my Mas, Maxis: Cacao trees on cacao farms don't bear nuts, they yield cocoa! Cacao trees on cacao farms ‘bear coconuts, they yield cocoa! Cacao trees on cacao fr don't bear coconuts, they yield cocoa, Mas. Suit: Mice have lise, lice haven't mice. (Mas, Martin: Don't suche my broocht ‘Ma. Manx: Don't smooch the brooch! ‘Ma. Swati: Groom the goose, don't goose the groom. (Mis, Manin: ‘The goose grooms Mas, Sari: Groom your tooth Ma. Manin: Groom the bridegroom, groom the bride ‘Mn. Smita: Seducer seduced! ‘Ms, Manis: Scaramouche! Mas, Sarit Saime-Nitoucbe! Ma. Mantis: Go take a douche, Max. Suerit: Te been goosed Mas. Manns; Sainte Nitouche stoops to my cartouche. ‘Mies. SMrTH: “Who'd stoop to blame? ... and T never che 10 stoop. 4a brassiere 0,8, 86,50, 8,6,5,0, 0,1! Mane: B, df, gl M,, Bs 5% WX BL in. Manis: From sage fo stooge, from stage t serge! ‘Shara [imitating a tain]: Choo, choo, choo, choo, hoo, choo, chon, choo, choo, choo, choo! Sura: Tes {AM together, completely infuriated, screaming in each others! ‘eas, The light Is extinguished. In the darkness we hear, it increasingly rapid rhythm) * Tramastor's ote: in the French text hse pects eb follows Mate Suarat—Ny toucber pa, elect bre, Manresa IM. SirPradbomne! fe Mana, M, Sua Fans, Sua. Matin Cope, Ne Manta, Murr —Coppe Sul! Pats Sn Mc Manni —Pridnorme Feasois.a BUGENE loNEs04 ALL Tooerien: It's not that way, its over here, i's not tal way, ifs over here, is not that way, is over here, is nol thar way, it’ over here!* (The words cease abruply, Again, the lights come on. Mr ‘and Mrs. Marin are seated like the Smiths atthe Beginning of the pley. The play begine again with the Martins, ‘xy exactly the sme lines asthe Smiths In the fst sce While the curtain softly falls)