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I feel like I wanna, I just want to be
so honest with you right now.

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- I want that.
- I want to be super honest.

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- I want that.
- Like, I wanna tell you...

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I wanna tell you
that I fucked Marnie.

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Wait.
What?

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You know you're moving out, right?

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- Me?
- Yeah, you.

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- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

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- So you're good? - You're kidding,
I've never been this well in my life.

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This is what is like
when the hunt is over.

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I knew about you and Elijah.

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Hannah, I'm very sorry.

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Maybe I'm not the bad friend

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and you're not
the good friend, okay?

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www.addic7ed.com

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- <i>( plastic rustling )</i>
- I am livid that it has come to this.

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Well, Elijah,
join the club, okay?

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Here's your round brush,
here's your Astroglide.

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Don't even know how
that ended up in my room.

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Please don't sit on that chair
if you're not wearing underwear.

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You know what, actually, I'm gonna sit
on this chair all day as much as I like.

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Vagina back and forth forever,

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just my whole crotchal area
spreading out.

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- It's my chair now.
- Oh, you're gonna keep that chair?

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Yeah, because I talked to George and
I'm keeping everything that he paid for.
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- He wants me to. And, wait, that's...
- Everything.

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I know, I know, I know.
He paid for everything.

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- Yeah.
- But I resent the fact

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that this was not a dialogue,
this was a monologue.

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Well, Elijah, there was
no dialogue to have.

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You're not a nice man, okay?

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- You're a fink.
- I'm a fink?

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Yes, there's
certain people, Elijah,

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who are meant to remain
in your past, all right?

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I made a mistake
trying to repurpose you.

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- Repurpose me?
- Mm-hmm.

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I'm not a vintage cardigan.
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Also, I will not be
paying rent this month.

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- Uh, yeah, you will.
- Actually, no, I won't.

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First of all, I don't have
the funds, so I can't.

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Second of all,
I've been doing some math

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and, basically, I paid for all
of your burritos junior year.

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- On your own offer.
- And they were way more expensive

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than a normal
fucking girl's burritos

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because you were constantly
doing add-ons.

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Spinach, guac, pecans.

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It's not my fault that you didn't
want to liven up your meal

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and also, you know what,
that's what a boyfriend does.

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- They pay for things.
- And I paid for our butt plug.
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Well, you're probably still using it,
so maybe you should pay me.

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Butt plug.

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- Honestly.
- <i>( door opens )</i>

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<i>( door slams )</i>

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<i>( music playing )</i>

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And then once you get into
Brooklyn, it's a left at DeKalb.

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<i>DeKalb-- no, it's the name</i>
<i>of a street, Pop.</i>

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Okay, thank you, sir.

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Yeah, me, too.
Very much.

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Okay, bye.
They're already on the road.

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I mean, why does my mother need
to get to every place early?

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- <i>What is that?</i>
- Ew, I hate when people are early.

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It's so vile.
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Well, we should get ready
and beat 'em to the restaurant.

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- They hate waiting.
- What am I gonna eat at a steak house?

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I only want spinach, but I know
they're gonna force meat on me.

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I can't even eat meat
unless I'm menstruating.

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Oh, I'm sure you'll find
a delicate way of explaining that.

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- How much time do we have?
- We've got, um--

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not enough for that.

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It's the good one.

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- It is the good-- oh, fuck.
- ( cell phone rings )

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Hey, Pops.

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You know what I was thinking?
How 'bout you use your GPS?

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That's what it's for.

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Okay, bye.

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Let's have a look
at the bad one.

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Hannah: <i>You know, it's just</i>
<i>a little celebration</i>

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<i>because, you know, jazzhate.com</i>
<i>is publishing my first piece.</i>

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- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.

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Thank you. Yeah, so I thought
I would use that money

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to make some people
that I love very happy.

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So I bought all organic,
and I am making pad Thai.

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- I love pad Thai.
- ( giggles )

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<i>I love it, too.</i>

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Hey, Marnie.

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Hi.

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Hello.

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www.OpenSubtitles.org

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- I thought you said she wasn't coming.
- I-- yeah, I know.

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- It's confusing. I don't know.
- Hannah, we should go. I'm sorry.

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Okay, honestly, she and I are
on horrible terms right now.

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I just invited her
as a gesture.

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I did not think she would come.

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It is, frankly, psychotic
of her to show up.

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What-- what are you guys
fighting about?

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I cannot tell you

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because it would
really, really hurt you.

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Who-- hurt who?

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I'm sorry, I am a good girl.

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- Wha--?
- I just think we should get out of here.
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- We should go.
- You should not go, okay?

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If anyone should go,
she should go.

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- You should not go.
- <i>( door opens )</i>

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I don't want to cause an issue,
so I think I'm just gonna go.

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Don't go.

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And you don't go.

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Nobody go.

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<i>♪ Down on Bowery</i>
<i>they lose their ball eyes ♪</i>

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<i>♪ And their lipped mouths</i>
<i>in the night... ♪</i>

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Come on, baby.

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Charlie: <i>Just-- can you</i>
<i>tell them about it, Aud?</i>

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Okay, okay.

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So my friend Shelby and I are
starting a mustard company.
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- <i>Yeah.</i>
- Oh, my God.

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They're amazing.
It's like they're sweet

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and then they're spicy and
then they go back to sweet.

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- And I don't know how you do it.
- That is so awesome.

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Marnie, we need to get it together because
this girl's starting a mustard company.

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What have we ever done with
our lives that's so great?

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Nothing that great.
Nothing with condiments.

121
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So what are you up to, Marnie?

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I heard you were
looking for a job.

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Oh, no.

124
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Actually, I've been hosting
at the Wedgebrook Club.

125
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Oh, so you're hosting,
like, a slam poetry night
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or an open-mic-night-type thing?

127
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I'm a hostess.

128
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Oh, so when people
come to the restaurant,

129
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you, like, show them
where their table is?

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- <i>Yes.</i>
- Got it.

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- <i>Sorry.</i>
- <i>( door opens )</i>

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Don't freak out.
We're here.

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Hi. I'm really sorry
that we're late,

134
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but we couldn't get a cab,

135
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and then we got a cab
and then the cab's late...

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- What's up?
- <i>...here because I lost my earring</i>

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in the cab and so we had
to stop and pull over

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and I had to find it and it was
just, like, this whole thing.

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Hey, we're adults, okay?

140
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We're all adults.
You can tell them we had sex.

141
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Okay? That's why we're late--
because we had sex.

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I'm so sorry.
I totally lied to you all.

143
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You guys have sex
before dinner?

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Shoshanna:
<i>This place looks amaze.</i>

145
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Thank you. I feel I really cleaned
up in my divorce from Elijah.

146
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Seriously, though, I really think
that the best years of your life

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are totally gonna happen here.

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Happening.

149
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What is that smell, though?

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Noodles.
Noodles are so hard to make.
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Oh, fuck!

152
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- <i>They're fine.</i>
- So where do you get your headbands?

153
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Would you stop worrying
about your car?

154
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Giuliani fixed New York.

155
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- They stole my car radio.
- Hey, don't rock the boat, all right?

156
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- So don't tell me not to worry.
- Okay?

157
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Hey. Hey.

158
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- Oh, hey.
- Hey, Pop.

159
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- Hi. Congratulations.
- How are you doing?

160
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- Oh, thanks, Mom.
- Hi.

161
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My God.

162
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- This is Jessa.
- Hi!

163
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They wouldn't seat us because
our whole party's not here.

164
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Oh, right.
I'm-- I'm sorry.

165
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- We were-- - It's me.
I'm always late to everything.

166
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She's always late for everything.
It's awful.

167
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- It's lovely to meet you, Jessa.
- You, too.

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I mean, I hate this restaurant,

169
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but I don't even care 'cause
I'm so happy to meet you guys.

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That's sweet.

171
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- Who's hungry?
- I'm hungry.

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- Starving.
- Okay, I'll get us set.

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Oi!

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I just don't think anyone should do
anything they're not comfortable with,

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especially when
it comes to sex.
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Well, yes, Marnie. That's the
principle behind not raping people.

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I don't know, just-- unlike you,
I'll do almost anything sexually.

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I feel like the only thing that I
won't do ever again is a butt plug.

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Marnie:
<i>Ah, she has limits.</i>

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<i>( laughs )</i>

181
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- What's a butt plug?
- No.

182
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You know what a butt plug is.

183
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- You wanna take this one?
- Shosh...

184
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- Really?
- Shosh, it's a plug for your butt.

185
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No, but why would you--
why would you wanna plug it--

186
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,867
- why would you wanna--
- Charlie: <i>Sexual situations.</i>

187
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Yeah, it's, like, for men.

188
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'Cause, like, your prostate
is a stimulating area,

189
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I think, and it's just
in your butt.

190
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It's like having a clit
in your butt.

191
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Do you want that?

192
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- No.
- Hannah: <i>He wants it.</i>

193
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Every guy wants it.
Elijah begged for it.

194
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So he was asking you
to plug his butt

195
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and you still had doubts
about his homosexuality?

196
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- ( laughter ) - Yeah, and a lot
of people like some-- you know,

197
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some shit up
their butthole, right?

198
00:08:32,530 --> 00:08:34,831
- Ugh.
- What?

199
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Oh, I have a thing.
I hate-- I hate that word.

200
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She doesn't like
the word butthole.

201
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- Oh, yeah.
- Butthole?

202
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Ugh, stop.
Please don't.

203
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- It's her trigger word.
- Yeah.

204
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- Butthole.
- Stop saying it! Seriously--

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Butthole sends you
over the edge?

206
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- Yes, it's awful.
- Really?

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Maybe you don't like it 'cause you're
imagining his butthole right now

208
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and now there's a very adorable
little sentry guarding it

209
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<i>and you no longer have access</i>
<i>to said butthole.</i>

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I mean, no offense-- don't
take this the wrong way,

211
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but I spend no time of my life

212
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thinking about
that part of your body.

213
00:09:01,692 --> 00:09:04,660
- Glad it doesn't take up your day.
- ( laughs )

214
00:09:04,695 --> 00:09:07,863
Well, you're clearly thinking
a little bit about his butthole.

215
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,467
Whoa! I-I don't think so.
What makes you think that?

216
00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:15,036
I don't know, I mean,
showing up places all the time

217
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,672
to see your ex-boyfriend when
he's with his new girlfriend?

218
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Are you talking about tonight?

219
00:09:19,842 --> 00:09:22,709
I was invited here by Hannah.

220
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Well, yeah, I didn't
really think you'd show up,

221
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considering you had so
recently double-crossed me.

222
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Oh, and there was the time
that you showed up at his door

223
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in the middle of the night,
asking to sleep in his bed.

224
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- You did that?
- You told her?

225
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He was fucking guilty,
as he should be.

226
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He fucking let me in.

227
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What was he gonna do,
turn away a crying mess?

228
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- He probably thought you'd
slit your wrists. - Audrey.

229
00:09:42,194 --> 00:09:44,228
No, she's too self-involved
to commit suicide.

230
00:09:44,262 --> 00:09:46,296
What the fuck is your problem?

231
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:47,864
I'm tired of being polite.

232
00:09:47,898 --> 00:09:49,799
You're a fucking
Stepford psycho...

233
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:51,667
- All right, can you-- - ...and I'm tired
of seeing you around everywhere.

234
00:09:51,702 --> 00:09:53,702
- So then leave.
- You leave.

235
00:09:53,736 --> 00:09:56,338
Hannah, who would
you like to leave?

236
00:09:57,773 --> 00:09:59,440
Charlie can pick who leaves.

237
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,575
Are you fucking serious?

238
00:10:01,610 --> 00:10:03,244
Grow up.

239
00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:05,612
Uh, excuse me, I am grown up.

240
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,982
- That's why I cooked all this food.
- <i>( door slams )</i>

241
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,984
Honestly, no one
pay that any mind.

242
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:14,388
She does this all the time.
Just continue to have a ball.

243
00:10:14,422 --> 00:10:17,324
You don't need to stop talking.

244
00:10:18,259 --> 00:10:20,860
I love what I made.

245
00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:23,296
Ray, are you still staying
at that place in Boerum Hill?

246
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,664
- It sounded really nice.
- No, in Boerum Hill?

247
00:10:25,698 --> 00:10:29,201
My godmother, um, she actually--
you know, it's her place.

248
00:10:29,235 --> 00:10:31,636
So she had to come up earlier
than expected from Florida

249
00:10:31,671 --> 00:10:34,506
because she's doing rehab
for-- for her knee surgery.
250
00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:38,209
- So I was ousted of that place.
- Where are you staying now?

251
00:10:38,244 --> 00:10:40,044
<i>Now?</i>
<i>Well, now I'm kind of--</i>

252
00:10:40,079 --> 00:10:42,213
<i>you know, I'm kind of bouncing</i>
<i>around a little bit.</i>

253
00:10:42,248 --> 00:10:44,215
- ( muffled speech )
- Yeah.

254
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:47,819
- <i>Bouncing around.</i>
- From where to where?

255
00:10:47,854 --> 00:10:49,655
- Where are you going?
- <i>Just the bathroom.</i>

256
00:10:49,689 --> 00:10:52,024
- That's not the bathroom.
- Are you-- is he leaving?

257
00:10:52,058 --> 00:10:54,960
That's the-- I mean,
that's the front door.

258
00:10:54,994 --> 00:10:57,862
Hannah: <i>So you're staying, like,</i>
<i>just different people's houses,</i>

259
00:10:57,897 --> 00:11:00,031
- <i>different neighborhoods?</i>
- Well, now I'm-- you know,

260
00:11:00,066 --> 00:11:01,766
I'm kind of just
divvying it up, ahem,

261
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,301
amongst my buddies, you know.
262
00:11:03,336 --> 00:11:05,170
<i>Just kind of a few days here...</i>

263
00:11:05,204 --> 00:11:07,539
Well, you stay with me a lot.
He stays with me a lot.

264
00:11:07,573 --> 00:11:09,807
Yeah, sometimes
I stay with her.

265
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:11,610
You kind of stay with me a lot.

266
00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:14,880
I mean, like, you were there on
Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday

267
00:11:14,914 --> 00:11:18,317
and then-- and then Thursday and
then-- and the week before,

268
00:11:18,351 --> 00:11:21,921
and then, um, the week before...

269
00:11:21,955 --> 00:11:24,190
that... you--

270
00:11:24,224 --> 00:11:26,426
Oh, my God!
Do you live with me?

271
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,265
What'd you say?

272
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:34,902
- So, Jessa, it sounds like you've
traveled a lot. - I have, yeah.

273
00:11:34,937 --> 00:11:37,072
What sorts of places
have you been?

274
00:11:37,106 --> 00:11:39,174
- I've been-- all of them.
- All of them.
275
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:43,012
Europe, mainly, except Spain,
because I'm avoiding someone.

276
00:11:43,046 --> 00:11:46,148
Jordan, the Arab Emirates, Iran...

277
00:11:46,182 --> 00:11:47,716
She's like a dove of peace.

278
00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:49,952
My mom traveled quite a bit.

279
00:11:49,986 --> 00:11:51,387
What for?

280
00:11:51,421 --> 00:11:53,522
I don't know.
Why does anyone travel?

281
00:11:53,556 --> 00:11:55,591
- I can think of some reasons.
- That's a good question.

282
00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,294
- Lots of people travel for work.
- Right.

283
00:11:58,328 --> 00:12:01,430
- Did your mom work? - She tried it once.
I don't think she liked it.

284
00:12:01,464 --> 00:12:03,232
- Ah.
- And what do you do?

285
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,267
Um, as far as, like...

286
00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:07,102
Well, like, Taj here

287
00:12:07,137 --> 00:12:09,505
always dated
very ambitious women.
288
00:12:09,539 --> 00:12:12,608
What was that one-- she ran the
Oprah network or something?

289
00:12:12,642 --> 00:12:15,411
- Oh, Dad, we don't need to talk
about Fern. - Fern! Fern.

290
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:18,247
Fern?
That's a ridiculous name.

291
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,850
You know, Jessa is actually
a very talented artist.

292
00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:22,919
- Oh. - And she's just
trying to work out right now

293
00:12:22,953 --> 00:12:25,555
which avenue to go down.

294
00:12:25,589 --> 00:12:28,892
Um, probably graphic
design, I think is...

295
00:12:28,926 --> 00:12:31,294
Thomas-John Sr.:
<i>Oh, what college you go to?</i>

296
00:12:31,328 --> 00:12:33,429
Oberlin College.
Oberlin College.

297
00:12:33,464 --> 00:12:35,265
Oh, but that's
a very good school.

298
00:12:35,299 --> 00:12:38,301
- It is a good school. - You know,
I only went there for seven months.

299
00:12:38,335 --> 00:12:39,536
- Oh, you did?
- Yeah.
300
00:12:39,570 --> 00:12:41,604
Well, you know
what I always say,

301
00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:44,440
seven months is better
than no months at all.

302
00:12:44,474 --> 00:12:46,375
Oh, that's a great saying.

303
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:49,412
So, Jessa, why did you leave?

304
00:12:49,446 --> 00:12:52,215
I, uh, had to go to rehab.

305
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:55,151
- Ugh.
- Oh, so you're back on the drink again?

306
00:12:55,186 --> 00:12:57,587
- That's great.
- Yeah, no-- come on.

307
00:12:57,621 --> 00:12:59,222
I've been drinking
since I was a child.

308
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,756
- It's not alcohol.
- Of course.

309
00:13:00,824 --> 00:13:03,726
- It was for heroin, actually.
- Oh.

310
00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:06,261
You know, Jessa does
her own hair.

311
00:13:06,296 --> 00:13:07,696
I've always wondered
about heroin.

312
00:13:07,731 --> 00:13:09,965
- I always wondered, like, what
it would feel like. - Yeah.

313
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,401
- What it is when you take something
and you just... - Big Taj.

314
00:13:12,435 --> 00:13:13,569
...just disappear in it.

315
00:13:13,603 --> 00:13:14,603
Hmm?

316
00:13:14,637 --> 00:13:16,671
No, it's delicious.
It's amazing.

317
00:13:16,706 --> 00:13:18,806
But if it didn't ruin
your whole body

318
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,209
and your whole life,
we'd all be on it right now.

319
00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:24,745
- You know, practically coming out of our
eye sockets. - Would we? Would we, though?

320
00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:27,748
I never shot it.
I only snorted it.

321
00:13:27,783 --> 00:13:30,117
- That's important.
- Yeah, it's just like an Advil.

322
00:13:31,219 --> 00:13:32,753
You know, the kind
of movies I like

323
00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:35,390
are movies about schoolgirls
who fall in love.

324
00:13:35,424 --> 00:13:37,959
- Oh, that's not creepy, Dad.
- I do, too, actually.

325
00:13:37,993 --> 00:13:39,827
I love you.
I love your way.

326
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:43,465
- Thank you. - Can I just-- for
the record, can I just point out

327
00:13:43,499 --> 00:13:46,468
that I have never seen
Jessa take heroin

328
00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:48,770
in the whole time
that we've known each other.

329
00:13:48,804 --> 00:13:51,072
Fabulous.

330
00:13:51,107 --> 00:13:52,908
You certainly have lived a lot.

331
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:55,677
I guess so.
I guess so.

332
00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:57,345
Oh, but it's very impressive,

333
00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:01,182
especially since I haven't
heard a word about work.

334
00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:04,552
Um, yeah, well,
I'll figure it out.

335
00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:07,054
- She's resourceful.
- Mm.

336
00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:10,323
Must be very nice to find
yourself in such a...
337
00:14:10,358 --> 00:14:12,593
successful situation.

338
00:14:13,795 --> 00:14:15,663
Situation?

339
00:14:15,697 --> 00:14:18,298
Well, what is one
supposed to call it?

340
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,834
Thomas-John: <i>Well, one's supposed</i>
<i>to call it a marriage, Mom.</i>

341
00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:23,737
- ( Jane scoffs )
- Or a union.

342
00:14:23,771 --> 00:14:26,306
- A union of souls.
- Yeah.

343
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:28,474
Jane:
<i>Union. Excuse me.</i>

344
00:14:28,509 --> 00:14:32,478
Well, I would just like
to thank the Lord

345
00:14:32,512 --> 00:14:34,313
that you weren't hurt,

346
00:14:34,347 --> 00:14:37,149
especially in the face
and especially on your body.

347
00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:38,784
- Jessa: <i>Aw.</i>
- Oh, my God.

348
00:14:38,818 --> 00:14:41,720
Well, I wish
there was a Lord...

349
00:14:41,754 --> 00:14:43,755
- Oh, my--
- ...but I know there isn't.

350
00:14:43,789 --> 00:14:47,692
And this is why we didn't
invite you to the wedding.

351
00:14:50,229 --> 00:14:52,197
<i>( horn honks )</i>

352
00:15:02,275 --> 00:15:04,276
Hey, it's me.

353
00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:07,947
I'm-- I'm sorry
about Audrey.

354
00:15:07,981 --> 00:15:10,149
She's, uh...

355
00:15:10,183 --> 00:15:12,217
Being a total fucking cunt.

356
00:15:12,252 --> 00:15:14,186
Seriously, she's being
really rude.

357
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:18,090
- She's insecure. - Why? Are her
mustards not receiving enough accolades?

358
00:15:18,124 --> 00:15:21,393
No, because she knows
how much you mean to me.

359
00:15:23,563 --> 00:15:25,030
You're such a big part
of my life.

360
00:15:25,064 --> 00:15:27,132
No one knows me better
than you do, you know?

361
00:15:27,166 --> 00:15:29,834
And that's a hard spot to fill,
so she's threatened.
362
00:15:29,868 --> 00:15:31,936
You have to try
and understand that.

363
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:34,805
She's not intimidated by me.

364
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,740
Why would she be?

365
00:15:36,775 --> 00:15:38,842
I'm a hostess.

366
00:15:38,876 --> 00:15:41,945
I don't know what the next year
of my life is gonna be like at all.

367
00:15:41,979 --> 00:15:44,514
I don't know what the next week
of my life is gonna be like.

368
00:15:44,548 --> 00:15:47,717
I don't even know what I want.

369
00:15:47,751 --> 00:15:49,418
Sometimes I just wish
someone would tell me,

370
00:15:49,452 --> 00:15:51,754
like, this is how you
should spend your days

371
00:15:51,788 --> 00:15:54,056
and this is how the rest
of your life should look.

372
00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:57,058
I don't know. I mean, but she's
just-- she's not intimidated.

373
00:15:57,093 --> 00:15:58,860
Okay, yeah, fine.
Yeah, you're right.

374
00:15:58,894 --> 00:16:00,828
There's no way that
she could be intimidated

375
00:16:00,863 --> 00:16:04,465
because you're not smart
or beautiful

376
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,534
or incredibly clean.

377
00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:12,373
You--

378
00:16:16,645 --> 00:16:19,347
Hey, hey.
Hey, I'm seeing someone.

379
00:16:24,052 --> 00:16:25,685
Which someone?

380
00:16:27,588 --> 00:16:30,457
- Booth Jonathan.
- Oh.

381
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:33,526
What?
Oh.

382
00:16:34,829 --> 00:16:38,197
That little Ewok
in fucking capri pants?

383
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:39,865
He's a brilliant artist,

384
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:42,535
and he's...
of average height.

385
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,638
Nothing can erase
what you and I had.

386
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:47,873
- That's not possible.
- Stop.
387
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,075
Look, just know in your head

388
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:55,214
that you will
never again get any...

389
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,751
any of this.

390
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,858
- Where are you going?
- I'm going-- gone.

391
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,301
I think I just feel how
everyone feels, which is I have

392
00:17:14,335 --> 00:17:17,137
- three or four really great
folk albums in me. - <i>( door opens )</i>

393
00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:20,875
- Where'd Audrey go?
- Where do you think, Charles?

394
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,910
Fuck.
She pissed?

395
00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:25,113
That you followed your
ex-girlfriend to the roof?

396
00:17:25,147 --> 00:17:27,515
No, not at all.
Why would she be pissed?

397
00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:30,251
Yeah, well, maybe she just
felt a little bit used.

398
00:17:31,687 --> 00:17:35,490
- You okay?
- Mm-mm, no. Not okay.

399
00:17:35,524 --> 00:17:38,059
But we can talk about it when
we get back to our shared home,

400
00:17:38,094 --> 00:17:39,628
which we apparently share.

401
00:17:39,662 --> 00:17:41,996
And I would've liked to have
been informed of that fact,

402
00:17:42,031 --> 00:17:44,566
so I could have, like,
bought some new sheets

403
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,902
or called my aunt for advice about
living with a man for the first time!

404
00:17:47,937 --> 00:17:50,805
- We don't live together.
- Really? Really?

405
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,874
So where do you live when
you're not living in my house

406
00:17:52,908 --> 00:17:54,509
seven days a week?

407
00:17:56,345 --> 00:17:59,713
In my Mitsubishi, technically.

408
00:18:00,615 --> 00:18:02,216
Technically.

409
00:18:06,254 --> 00:18:08,122
Nothing Bundt trouble?

410
00:18:08,156 --> 00:18:10,758
Fucking Marnie. You know,
she comes in here like a stalker

411
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:12,626
with no sense of
what's socially appropriate,
412
00:18:12,661 --> 00:18:15,929
and she just drives out my sweet,
sweet, sweet girlfriend.

413
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,965
She's a-- ugh.
She's a cunt.

414
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,568
You're a jerk.

415
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:24,871
- What? - You know the kind
of year that she's had.

416
00:18:24,906 --> 00:18:26,473
Okay, first, you guys break up,

417
00:18:26,507 --> 00:18:28,676
then her dad loses his job,
then she loses her job,

418
00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:31,112
then she has sex with a gay man,
then she has to come over here

419
00:18:31,146 --> 00:18:32,246
and deal with your needs
and your whining.

420
00:18:32,281 --> 00:18:34,315
I'm sorry, you're a fucking jerk.

421
00:18:35,785 --> 00:18:39,588
- What gay man?
- That is none of your concern.

422
00:18:39,622 --> 00:18:43,125
- I thought you weren't even talking to her.
- I'm not talking to her.

423
00:18:44,927 --> 00:18:46,928
'Cause she's a jerk, too.

424
00:18:48,464 --> 00:18:50,965
- I was telling them about my life.
- Oh, yeah? Really?

425
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:54,401
You told me not to say anything about
the tattoos or about the honeymoon

426
00:18:54,436 --> 00:18:57,137
or how we returned the dogs
to the pet store.

427
00:18:57,171 --> 00:18:59,239
You told me not to say anything.

428
00:18:59,273 --> 00:19:01,674
I mean, what was
I supposed to do, lie?

429
00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:03,009
Oh, oh.
God forbid.

430
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:05,211
Like that would be
the worst thing you ever did.

431
00:19:05,246 --> 00:19:07,380
You think you're such
a fucking free spirit

432
00:19:07,415 --> 00:19:10,150
because you shacked up
with me for two months?

433
00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:14,353
I have been living this life
for 25 fucking years.

434
00:19:14,388 --> 00:19:17,556
I am going to look
50 when I'm 30.

435
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:21,427
- Yes, you are. - I am going to
be so fucking fat like Nico.

436
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:25,231
And you know why? That's because
I'm gonna be full of experiences.

437
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,901
But you-- you'll have
only lived with me.

438
00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:31,237
- That'll be the one thing you've got.
- ( laughing )

439
00:19:31,272 --> 00:19:34,174
- You're just-- it disgusts me.
- Oh, it disgusts you?

440
00:19:34,209 --> 00:19:36,811
You don't seem so fucking disgusted
when you're spending my money.

441
00:19:36,845 --> 00:19:39,313
- Oh, come on.
- <i>Oh, come on?</i>

442
00:19:39,348 --> 00:19:42,283
What, the money
is irrelevant to you?

443
00:19:42,318 --> 00:19:45,554
You think I think it's an
accident that you ended up

444
00:19:45,588 --> 00:19:47,756
with the only
fucking finance guy

445
00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:50,492
who actually made a profit
from the recession?

446
00:19:50,527 --> 00:19:53,629
I'm a miracle!
I'm a unicorn!

447
00:19:53,663 --> 00:19:55,832
I'm a fucking needle
in a haystack

448
00:19:55,866 --> 00:19:58,001
and you're just some
fucking dumb hipster

449
00:19:58,035 --> 00:20:00,036
who's munching my hay.

450
00:20:02,506 --> 00:20:05,442
- I know what you are.
- Oh, you do?

451
00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:07,944
You're just some scared guy

452
00:20:07,979 --> 00:20:11,214
who didn't get laid
until they were 16.

453
00:20:11,249 --> 00:20:13,216
No one liked you in high school

454
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:15,218
and no one likes you now.

455
00:20:17,288 --> 00:20:19,389
I'm embarrassed when we
walk down the street

456
00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:22,459
because you're
so fucking average.

457
00:20:22,493 --> 00:20:25,329
I tell my friends that you
were born a test-tube baby

458
00:20:25,363 --> 00:20:28,098
just so you have a little edge.

459
00:20:32,136 --> 00:20:35,105
This is the worst mistake
I've ever made.

460
00:20:36,775 --> 00:20:39,510
( laughing )
You're my worst nightmare.

461
00:20:39,545 --> 00:20:41,279
Seriously, this is--

462
00:20:41,313 --> 00:20:43,514
I've never made a mistake
like this before.

463
00:20:43,548 --> 00:20:46,584
Oh, shit! Fuck!

464
00:20:53,192 --> 00:20:55,326
What am I gonna do now?

465
00:20:57,897 --> 00:20:59,998
Seriously,
what am I gonna do now?

466
00:21:03,669 --> 00:21:06,705
You know why
I like hookers, Jessa?

467
00:21:06,739 --> 00:21:08,640
They respect me.

468
00:21:08,675 --> 00:21:11,176
They don't say,
"Oh, I like your apartment,"

469
00:21:11,210 --> 00:21:13,845
but then mumble
under their breath

470
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:16,747
about it looking like
the set of "Gay Entourage."

471
00:21:16,782 --> 00:21:19,984
And they don't buy
a bunch of fucking Buddhas

472
00:21:20,018 --> 00:21:21,952
and put 'em everywhere

473
00:21:21,987 --> 00:21:23,854
so it looks like
whenever we're having sex,
474
00:21:23,888 --> 00:21:26,857
we're being watched
by a bunch of fat babies.

475
00:21:29,494 --> 00:21:31,695
You're a ridiculous person.

476
00:21:33,231 --> 00:21:35,365
And you're just a whore

477
00:21:35,399 --> 00:21:37,734
with no work ethic.

478
00:21:38,636 --> 00:21:41,004
Fuck!

479
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:43,240
Fuck it!

480
00:21:43,274 --> 00:21:45,709
You--
( spits )

481
00:21:45,743 --> 00:21:49,045
- You hit me in the face?
- Yeah, grow up.

482
00:21:50,214 --> 00:21:52,782
Fine.

483
00:21:52,817 --> 00:21:54,885
How much?

484
00:21:54,919 --> 00:22:00,291
- Excuse me? - How much money
do you need to fucking leave?

485
00:22:00,325 --> 00:22:02,894
Ugh, go fuck yourself.

486
00:22:08,834 --> 00:22:10,635
30,000.

487
00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:12,637
10,000.
488
00:22:12,672 --> 00:22:15,107
11 1/2 thousand

489
00:22:15,141 --> 00:22:17,009
because I did things
I shouldn't have done

490
00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:19,045
and I did things
I didn't want to do.

491
00:22:19,079 --> 00:22:20,413
Fine. Whatever.

492
00:22:20,447 --> 00:22:23,616
Just fucking take
whatever you want, Jessa.

493
00:22:23,650 --> 00:22:25,151
You know what the best thing
about this is?

494
00:22:25,185 --> 00:22:28,420
You have another fucked-up story
to add to your collection.

495
00:22:28,454 --> 00:22:30,055
And someday,
some fucking asshole

496
00:22:30,089 --> 00:22:32,290
is gonna make a movie out of your
life and it's gonna be called,

497
00:22:32,325 --> 00:22:37,295
"Hi, I'm Jessa, and I Destroy People's
Lives 'Cause I'm Fucking Bored."

498
00:22:42,567 --> 00:22:46,270
"Global Equities Graham-Brustein

499
00:22:46,305 --> 00:22:48,339
Humanitarian Award."

500
00:22:48,373 --> 00:22:50,041
Don't do that.

501
00:22:51,043 --> 00:22:53,244
<i>Don't do that.</i>

502
00:22:53,279 --> 00:22:55,280
- You fucking--
- <i>( glass shatters )</i>

503
00:22:56,383 --> 00:22:58,384
- Prick.
- <i>That was my "Humie."</i>

504
00:22:59,619 --> 00:23:01,954
I won that for being
a fucking humanitarian.

505
00:23:13,801 --> 00:23:16,169
I'm in between places, okay?

506
00:23:18,973 --> 00:23:19,939
You're older than me.

507
00:23:19,974 --> 00:23:21,641
You should have your own place.

508
00:23:22,677 --> 00:23:25,512
I know.
I know.

509
00:23:26,547 --> 00:23:27,814
And you should have
more interests

510
00:23:27,848 --> 00:23:32,552
and passions and things that you...
do.

511
00:23:32,586 --> 00:23:36,055
I mean, when you get up every day,
there's-- there's nothing.

512
00:23:36,090 --> 00:23:37,824
It's like, unless
you're going to work,

513
00:23:37,858 --> 00:23:39,859
you don't have any--

514
00:23:39,894 --> 00:23:41,961
you-- you can't pay
for anything--

515
00:23:41,995 --> 00:23:44,363
Just say it!
Just fucking say it.

516
00:23:44,397 --> 00:23:45,998
I'm a loser.

517
00:23:46,032 --> 00:23:48,400
I'm a huge fucking loser.

518
00:23:48,434 --> 00:23:49,301
Say it.

519
00:23:49,335 --> 00:23:51,003
- I--
- Say it.

520
00:23:51,037 --> 00:23:53,905
You don't think I was counting down
the days until you figured it out?

521
00:23:55,507 --> 00:23:57,408
Why didn't you tell me
that you had no house?

522
00:23:57,443 --> 00:23:59,910
I don't know.
Maybe I wasn't that excited to tell

523
00:23:59,945 --> 00:24:03,214
my beautiful, cute, smart,
21-year-old girlfriend

524
00:24:03,248 --> 00:24:05,083
that I'm a 33-year-old
homeless guy

525
00:24:05,117 --> 00:24:06,918
whose one valuable
possession in this world
526
00:24:06,952 --> 00:24:08,886
is a signed picture
of Andy Kaufman.

527
00:24:10,589 --> 00:24:13,458
I'm a fucking loser in a lot of ways,
Shoshanna, you know that?

528
00:24:13,492 --> 00:24:15,626
You know, it's like--

529
00:24:18,664 --> 00:24:21,132
Like, what makes me
worth dating, you know?

530
00:24:21,167 --> 00:24:23,368
What makes me worth
fucking anything?

531
00:24:25,738 --> 00:24:28,239
- I am falling in love with you.
- <i>( train screeching )</i>

532
00:24:33,479 --> 00:24:35,747
That's a crazy thing
for you to say.

533
00:24:37,183 --> 00:24:39,918
It's way too early for you
to say something like that.

534
00:24:39,952 --> 00:24:42,421
Way too early.

535
00:24:42,455 --> 00:24:45,290
You don't-- that's not
something that-- you know...

536
00:24:45,325 --> 00:24:48,560
- I'm-- I'm sorry.
- <i>( woman over P.A. )</i>

537
00:24:54,967 --> 00:24:57,802
I love you so fucking much.

538
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,574
- ( train screeching )
- What?

539
00:25:03,609 --> 00:25:05,877
I love you so fucking much.

540
00:25:12,152 --> 00:25:14,621
♪ I don't believe
that anybody ♪

541
00:25:14,655 --> 00:25:19,192
♪ Feels the way I do
about you now ♪

542
00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:23,997
♪ 'Cause all the roads
we have to walk are winding ♪

543
00:25:24,031 --> 00:25:28,201
♪ And all the lights that
lead you there are blinding ♪

544
00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:31,004
♪ There are many things
that I ♪

545
00:25:31,039 --> 00:25:33,073
♪ Would like to say to you ♪

546
00:25:33,108 --> 00:25:35,509
<i>♪ But I don't know how ♪</i>

547
00:25:35,543 --> 00:25:39,113
<i>♪ 'Cause maybe ♪</i>

548
00:25:39,147 --> 00:25:43,117
♪ You're gonna be the one
that saves-- ♪ ( screams )

549
00:25:43,151 --> 00:25:46,887
- <i>Oh, my God. You scared me so much.</i>
- ( whimpers )

550
00:25:47,889 --> 00:25:50,224
Are you okay?
551
00:25:50,258 --> 00:25:52,627
No, don't get up.

552
00:26:19,855 --> 00:26:21,990
( sniffles )

553
00:26:27,563 --> 00:26:29,564
( crying )

554
00:26:51,254 --> 00:26:53,256
( blows nose )

555
00:26:56,827 --> 00:26:58,727
Oh, my God, Jessa.

556
00:26:59,796 --> 00:27:01,196
What?

557
00:27:01,231 --> 00:27:03,799
You just snot-rocketed
in the tub.

558
00:27:03,833 --> 00:27:05,768
That was gross?

559
00:27:05,802 --> 00:27:08,036
That's so gross.

560
00:27:08,071 --> 00:27:10,739
I'm sorry you're upset,
but that is so gross.

561
00:27:10,774 --> 00:27:12,808
Oh, you wouldn't do that?

562
00:27:12,843 --> 00:27:14,844
Not even I would do that.

563
00:27:14,878 --> 00:27:17,180
I pee in every bathtub
I ever get in

564
00:27:17,214 --> 00:27:18,882
and I wouldn't do that.
565
00:27:18,916 --> 00:27:21,618
Honestly.

566
00:27:21,652 --> 00:27:22,986
<i>Get it away.</i>

567
00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:24,921
- <i>Float it back in your way!</i>
- No, I'm sad!

568
00:27:24,955 --> 00:27:26,556
<i>Float it back your way!</i>

569
00:27:26,590 --> 00:27:28,591
Keep it in your area.

570
00:27:28,626 --> 00:27:30,460
<i>Leave it!</i>
<i>It's gross!</i>

571
00:27:30,494 --> 00:27:33,095
( laughing )

572
00:27:33,130 --> 00:27:34,730
I really love you.

573
00:27:34,765 --> 00:27:36,199
I'm really sorry you're sad.

574
00:27:36,233 --> 00:27:38,901
- I just need to get rid of your snot.
- Ah!

575
00:27:39,101 --> 00:27:47,301
Synced by bellows, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

576
00:27:47,445 --> 00:27:49,880
<i>♪ Today is gonna be</i>
<i>the day ♪</i>

577
00:27:49,915 --> 00:27:52,951
<i>♪ That they're gonna</i>
<i>throw it back to you ♪</i>

578
00:27:52,985 --> 00:27:55,387
<i>♪ And by now</i>
<i>you should've somehow ♪</i>

579
00:27:55,421 --> 00:27:58,357
<i>♪ Realized</i>
<i>what you gotta do ♪</i>

580
00:27:58,391 --> 00:28:01,193
<i>♪ I don't believe</i>
<i>that anybody ♪</i>

581
00:28:01,228 --> 00:28:05,330
<i>♪ Feels the way I do</i>
<i>about you now ♪</i>

582
00:28:09,736 --> 00:28:11,970
<i>♪ Back beat, the word</i>
<i>is on the street ♪</i>

583
00:28:12,005 --> 00:28:15,040
<i>♪ That the fire</i>
<i>in your heart is out ♪</i>

584
00:28:15,075 --> 00:28:17,442
<i>♪ I'm sure you've heard it</i>
<i>all before ♪</i>

585
00:28:17,477 --> 00:28:20,346
<i>♪ But you never</i>
<i>really had a doubt ♪</i>

586
00:28:20,380 --> 00:28:23,282
<i>♪ I don't believe</i>
<i>that anybody ♪</i>

587
00:28:23,317 --> 00:28:27,353
<i>♪ Feels the way I do</i>
<i>about you now ♪</i>

588
00:28:31,225 --> 00:28:36,396
<i>♪ And all the roads</i>
<i>we have to walk are winding ♪</i>

589
00:28:36,430 --> 00:28:42,468
<i>♪ And all the lights</i> <i>that
lead us there</i> <i>are blinding ♪</i>
590
00:28:42,503 --> 00:28:45,204
<i>♪ There are many things</i>
<i>that I ♪</i>

591
00:28:45,238 --> 00:28:47,139
<i>♪ Would like to say to you,</i>
<i>but I don't know how ♪</i>

592
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,085
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