CHILDREN OF

DAWN
VOL. 1:
THE DEATH OF WORDS

sean wallis
CHILDREN OF
DAWN
these days everyone wants to be an artist.
everyone wants to put themselves on
display.
i feel the only true art is that which hides
itself away.

a singer who cant really sing holds a violin

he cant really play. but who's to say what
singing really is anyway

this book is dedicated to Don, Douglas, and

Patrick Wallis.

"Shitting, pissing, eating, escapists. All of us.

You can’t rise above your asshole. You can
only rise above those who think they can.”
- Henry Rollins

“Life is my college, man.”

- Jello Biafra
 SEAN WALLIS

CHILDREN OF
DAWN
VOL. 1
THE DEATH OF WORDS

All Illustrations by Sean Wallis

Except pg. 54 by Holly Lane
& pg. 37 by Justin Wallis

Layout & Design

by Sean Wallis

Shit Press Books

Baltimore
2010
CHILDREN OF
DAWN
Copyright © 2010 by Shit Press, Inc.

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored

in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form,
by any means, including mechanical, electronic,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise, with
prior written permission of the publisher.

Published by Shit Press, Inc.

315 E. Broadway
Bel Air, MD 21014

Manufactured in the United States of America

Printed on acid-free, recycled paper
First Edition 2010
 the death of words

the first time she took off her jeans and let me
run my fingers up and down those buttery thighs,
still warm and brown from last summer's sun, i
knew i couldn't turn back. and i didn't want to. i'd
once heard a man say that she was stupid. but she
was just as smart and twice as pretty as any girl i'd
ever known. someone else once told me she had
nothing good to say, but i clung to every word that
leaped from those rosy lips like a newborn to its
mother.
we’d sleep for days and only dreamed when we
were awake. when we spoke, if we spoke at all, it
was with our eyes and not our mouths and it was
2 SEAN WALLIS

as emotionally virulent as the glowing tongues of

light on the surface of the sun. like an ardent coil,
racing against itself to unwind, we held on to each
other amidst the ludicrous whirlwind of existence
which surrounded our gentle bodies. my
supernova girl, teasing my neck with her lovely
kisses, but in her mind reaching for something
distant which even she couldn't see. always
reaching for something, that girl, and i never quite
figured out what it was. maybe she didn't either –
and maybe that's the puzzle. but it was her wildly
endless search for something unattainable which
had drawn me to her. she never knew just how
beautiful she really was, and nor did she care. thats
why i loved her.

she told me, “when the poison dries, the bees

will come back,” then she vanished into her own
cigarette wind. and by now i've realized i will
probably spend most of my life trying to get back
something i never even had in the first place. a fate
familiar to most of us, the lucky ones are simply
the ones who have learned to embrace it. this is the
death of words. not of all words, only mine. now
there will be no answers, only endless questions.
as we thrust ourselves forward through this pagan
carnival on a quest for something, nothingness is
the very thing we seek. that is the greatest
sanctuary of all, and it finds us, whether we
 3 CHILDREN OF DAWN

choose it or not. the only thing i have ever

learned is: life is carnivorous.

(before i start,
let me begin)

Coping With Insanity

stepping outside, the sharpness of cold shatters
against our skins like the premature ending of a
thousand wet dreams. waking from our sleepless
slumber, we trade in our fetal blankets for a brave
new consciousness within the reality which
beholds us. we watch the empty trees grope the
sky & stare down at us from so far above. their
stale branches shake hands with eagles & seem to
whisper answers to questions we hadn't even
begun to ask.

5/4/10
Last words of a fake hero. this is my
resignation. ugliness rules the world, bathing in its
own fanatical ambience. i can no longer bear to
walk through this counterfeit paradise. a gaping
desert littered with hollow shrines to a so-called
democracy. littered with bruised flags, with age
now revealing their blunt mockery of freedom. it
is my turn now to resign. i leave this shameless
burlesque in my wake, a cancer i have for so long
4 SEAN WALLIS

despised. walk away from the rusting ideals we

once shared. this empire's disguise will also rust
away in time, to reveal to all the naked head of the
beast. Last words of a fake hero. -over and out-

5/4/10
last thing i ever wanted to do was bore you. and
you smile because you deserve to. i smile because
i wish i did. but imperfect beauty is the most
perfect secret. yet you chose to walk away from it.
its a selfish sacrifice, you build a house just to
watch it burn down. Last words of a fake poet: “no
one read the book and neither did I.” last thing i
ever wanted to do was bore you.

life
as a bird with no wings in a room without
doors.
there are no lies, only
exaggerations
and this is the death of words.

5/13/10
can you be an actor and a poet at the same
time? maybe for awhile, but someday the puppets
stop moving and the words cease to rhyme. true
fools lose, shake your blues at the sky. is it really
foolish to be this unafraid to die? after all, all the
poets are dyslexic in the afterlife. real words write
 5 CHILDREN OF DAWN

themselves, we're just along for the ride. (actors

and men only beg to comprehend in their
perpetual search for their alluring divine).

*****

candy arcade florescence

this sarcastic dance, mockery of life
a dizzying extravaganza of lavish exaggerations
a being jealous of its own beauty

you be my skin
and i'll be your cool
picture framed words
in a filthy nest
keep on thinking in a wishful town
6 SEAN WALLIS

Fall ’09
i haven’t been drinking enough lately. although
a friend informed me that i had been drinking too
much. different perspectives. the hard times can be
the best times, sometimes! so they say... though
i’m the only person i’ve yet to hear say it. walking
in the rain, avoiding stepping on the big worms.
maybe not so much to avoid the squish. maybe,
secretly, for just a little bit of karmic closure, like
getting tiny invisible receipts for every good deed
you’ve done.
heard an old man talking to a younger man
about his concept of “borrowed ideas.” i’d never
believed in these so-called borrowed ideas. once
you “borrow” an idea enough to incorporate it into
your own ways of thinking, you never give it back.
and why should you? this rain feels good on my
lonely skin. it takes a certain type of lonesome
man to be comforted by the rain. when its been
just long enough since you’ve last been touched,
the rain can feel like the gentle caress of a woman.
rolling down your arms with its fingertips, kissing
your face with its wet lips. a man like me loves the
rain. i pause then walk slower to savor the sounds
of my dreary lover. stepping around perfectly
beautiful puddles so as to not interrupt their
stagnant mirrors for no reason at all other than the
fact that they’re beautiful.
like when you and i used to lie in bed at dawn,
 7 CHILDREN OF DAWN

you were asleep, golden sun shining on your

golden legs and back. and i would be ever so
cautious not to disturb your perfectly messy hair,
so beautiful in its imperfection. because imperfect
beauty is the most perfect secret. it hides inside
itself and smiles because it knows its reflection
well. for lifetimes i’ve longed to learn the secret of
that smile. of your smile. high on drunken glee and
on occasion quite rarely, i believe i’ve felt it. but
i’m in love with words and not stories, i’m in love
with melodies and not songs. so for now i feed off
someone else’s glow, in hopes to one day own my
own.
and still the rain drips. and still my feet walk.
and still your hair flows like an African river but
all these miles away i can still hear it whisper
through the sewers and gutters and cracks in the
street and up on the sidewalk past my heavy feet
as i make my way further.

??/09
my eyes are crossed, my head's turned around
i can only see you when i frown
an open mouthed kiss
another bloody lip
sinking fast in quicksand town
8 SEAN WALLIS

and you told me you are a hunter

even though there is no prey
and i heard everything you said
although i never listen to what you say

5/??/04
come on death. i want to burn.
feel some real pain.
this place numbs me.
it dries me out.
i have absolutely nothing to say.
i'd quit while i'm ahead but i'm last in line.

the dead machine

Mar ’10
down a staircase & out under the eye of another
staring streetlight. i pause. not to think, not to
ponder. but to remind myself that it’s worth it to
take another step. sometimes i need these constant
confirmations to keep my body going, or else all
its motors & gears would stop in their tracks like a
dead machine. i’m like a wind-up toy car, run out
of gas at the end of a long dock. parked at a
junction of indecision and immobility. stuck as
usual in a blistering silence. no one to wind me up,
not nearly enough strength (or will) to turn back,
yet still not enough to push forward off into the
chilly water that could be my new home. there i
would eventually forget about the dock, and the
 9 CHILDREN OF DAWN

shore, the people who knew me, and most of all

the inebriating smell of the fresh spring breeze.
grudgingly, like a stale bullet out of a broken
pistol, i turned the corner and kept walking on.
past the eyes of more streetlights, still feeling their
dormant, glassy stares. they look down on me as if
they were machine-like vultures, perched high on
their posts. head down, i move on toward my
heaven between the drops of rain, in their
desperate puddles.
these streets are the city’s intestines, winding
about in seemingly patternless copulations. during
the day, there seems a curious infection in the air.
an infection of love, but a sort of vain, coquettish
love. everyone i see feels it - or makes themselves
believe that they do. the city feeds off it. the lights
burn brighter with its energy. the echoes of voices
on its walls seems to reverberate with a thumping
reminiscent of a heartbeat. the city falls in love
with itself only to eventually become strangled by
it. i am invisible to the passersby because i don’t
know this love of theirs. i am immune to their
infection.
i walk these tired sidewalks nightly, in aimless
disarray and confusion and with a deadweight
heart. perpetually searching for some sort of
explanation for my own lost love. a few more
dollars and i could forget my name, once again.
wish i could buy a bottle of hope instead.
10 SEAN WALLIS

in the morning i awake in a somewhat familiar

courtyard with the hot speckles of sun-warmed
dew on my face & arms that greet me every dawn.
they are my little unknowing, unfeeling
companions. they wake me as they lick my
vulnerable skin, their salty smiles confident
because they know i couldn’t escape them if i
wanted to. i shiver in this peculiar early sun,
always both hot and cold at the same time.
all the flowers wore the androgynous colours of
spring. all vying for the attention of bees (or
humans) but attentively nestled in their coquettish
bushes. all these strange birds, living their whole
lives never knowing the power of their words. like
a strange beauty, pure as pearl, that hides itself
inside a girl. i am coming to you, my love, through
these discolored pages with their dyslexic phrases.
these fragments of melodies and this tragic book.
which will never be seen on any shelf, and may
not ever reach your ears themselves. but i must
keep trying. when you love something you are
always bleeding for it. when that blood clots, the
feeling stops and the love that was there will all
disappear. all these strange birds. flaunting their
feathers while i dreamt of their words. and you
were the strangest of all, my love.

*****
 11 CHILDREN OF DAWN

come on, die fiery

what if you start believin’
in the religion you been preachin’

9/10/04
flown self
and soon will i be new heart
i throw myself out of your head
and i will (be new heart)
now throw me out of your head
(i want to be everything you think i am)

5/??/04
the abolishment of homosexuality. when your
government tells you who you can and can't love,
what will they not try to tell you? Where will it
end? if there’s a road to Hell it looks like this.
Coma Americana. Crucified unconscious. Numb
and dimmed. Lights out. Where will it end?

??/??/??
yea, so, i left a note for my parents: “The path to
righteousness is not always peaceful or clean of
blood. Mom and dad, I’m going out to beat the
shit outta skinheads, I’ll be back around 1:00.
Love, SW”
12 SEAN WALLIS

2/15/10
your love blushes in violet overtures of light.
i stand at your gentle entrance. an open doorway,
silently perfumed with gushing radiance. i find
you here, whenever i can, far beyond the pliant
curves of these soft caves. i can sit at the opening
and gaze down onto your sullen valley, now
blooming with emotional urgency. i caress the
gods with a tongue made of feathers then make my
way through the dense, shapeless carnage which is
now my new home.
lie back my dear. close your eyes. relax now.
drift in on a wave (and) kiss yourself goodbye.

3/??/06
cavernous bowels of shame and dirt
you don’t need drugs,
you’re addicted to addiction
reminds me of something i’ve never seen.
i always knew you were a junkhead. the world is
spinning, not that you would know. you breathe…
not to breathe… the mask has become your face
and now you thread every word on a thin string of
saliva. you’re more afraid of boredom than
death. i had to laugh… you had me caught on
your last word. put your hands together, pray for a
little taste of death. cut it up, chew it like steak.
where’s my piece?
still saving your worthless pennies. in the end your
hands are tied and pockets emptied. you’ll burn in
the fire you started.
 13 CHILDREN OF DAWN

there ain’t no cure for death.

12/??/05
burning out before the dawn
the moon moves fast but waits too long
(we are slaves unto ourselves
keeping stars under our belts)
this abattoir breeds bruised skinned feet
selling death on sold out streets
surrounded by such beautiful light
daily sugar handshake life

3/10/05?
you will continue to go on being slaves
you are too stupid to change
you are too mindless to do anything for yourselves
i hate your stupid fucking faces
no eyes. just eyelids.
what a waste
what a waste of fucking skin you are.
i’ll leave you some words
so you can choose which ones to hear
it is not death for all words, only mine.

??/??/04
we made our brave waltz into the sugary mist
finding a tiny universe in every blade of grass
a moment too soon
an eternity too late
14 SEAN WALLIS

in the longest line

for the shortest straw
iconic priests and television
manifesting indecision
nature is its own religion
what you feel is what you are

what’s behind door number 3?

fashionistas, drunk on vanity
if you follow in others footsteps
you’ll never get there first

5/18/05
banana smile peels back your face
your eyes
your skin
your cigarette burns
you smile that wicked smile shiny chrome smile
you would put a price on sunshine

hell drips like

red wine off
of every
blade of grass
 15 CHILDREN OF DAWN

america, inc.
these days, turning on the radio is like putting
an I.V. of bullshit straight into your ears

5/??/05
death is now for sale
distributed by mass media productions, incorporated
with discount prices!
fear not! for hell is but a phone call away
(life as expenditure)
toy soldier armies feel no pain

work
It's obvious there's no way to win. If we work
enough to be able to live then we have no time for
living.

american life - hypnotized by routine, solidified by

unconsciousness

alarm clock screaming numerical obscenities

searching thru flooded eyes
for ghastly and blazing red digits
another day, another dollar
to pay off the man
to feed the machine
and also to feed me
16 SEAN WALLIS

i scream choice because that’s all we have.

-
america, inc.
longitudes, latitudes - couldn’t guide us to truth
transmissions, translations - you’re vague and disconnected
the faceless men of enterprise
with our bones they build their homes

she said “fuck me”

i said “yea, fuck you”
10 dollar whores,
12 yr old street kids
motels 8 bucks a night
a million pigs, some with badges
arresting everything in sight
plant a seed of Love
grow a flower of Hate
i just cant understand it

mind of state
our own minds
are the greatest weapons of mass destruction

4/18/05 Abattoir
wake body – not mind
make ready for another day at the slaughterhouse
walk a wrinkled sundried earth
jigsawed with glaring carcasses
dead on the doorstep
starved without a key
 17 CHILDREN OF DAWN

we, at the slaughterhouse

are an auxiliary military
rapists of life and thieves of innocence
ENTER THE DEATH HOUSE
pigs screaming flop on the ground like wet jelly

use body – not mind

adhesive memories of brutality occasionally vexing
one’s state of composure
NEGATIVE INFORMATION NEEDS TO BE
EXPELLED

4/18/05 Freedumb
your whole lives
spoonfed lies from the grapevine of confusion
rabidly devouring every word
salivating at illusion
cheap wine and lascivious expeditions into soft
curves are the echoes of self-doubt constipating in
your collective unconsciousness

wondering what’s behind door number 3?

trying to kill time while time’s killing you?
a coercive media interjection
to a cigarette conversation

The Major died peacefully in his sleep while his

sheep bleated. every plain is followed by a slope
and this trail
has no end
18 SEAN WALLIS

television
eye of the world.
fashion boys
drunk on vanity.
flesh covered rapists, masked as human
holy drug dealers, flower in hand.
bartering dollars and cents for rapture.

The Major asks his sheep if they’re ready to die.

Slaves to the Powerwhores and forever in debt
to the hungry loathing carcasses of christmas
swine
 19 CHILDREN OF DAWN

deeper than inside

sometimes when we’re driving real fast
i forget to breathe

6/09/06
naked buildings, exotic cool temples
sedimenting in their ancient madness
wild secrets confessed
to the nauseating streetlights
our ears pried sweet music from inside
shining siren into the wilderness
of desperate dancing streets
(buried myself in the sound
(wearing nothing but a smile and wired eyes
(retrograde (static (beat implosion)

6/11/06
new morning wrapped itself around our faces
with muted colors of tender death
absorbing grinning hallucinations and
fresh blooming memories of gaping pipeline
skateboard heaven in unapologetic san fran heat

7/19/06
the beat is stagnant
the strings are the variable
a hurricane of sound
coming in drenching waves of sonic bliss
20 SEAN WALLIS
 21 CHILDREN OF DAWN

superfluous innuendo
maybe you should call your
band Doppelganger

the absurd of death (nothin’ scares me but this

room (is) full of nothin’)

i am at your fearless command

i have done everything you've instructed before you
have asked me to
yet i am left hungry and panting in the dark
you are word unspoken
and at best you are an imitation
dear mr. president

8/26/04
in blue radiant flames naked men make their
claims of genius while an (unheard) tongue licks
its brilliant words and puts them to sleep in a
sheltered cave waiting for a sacred find by a sacred
mind (for Walter)

8/26/04
BIRTH OF PASSION **** DEATH OF
KNOWLEDGE
(behind a shield of debris, left hiding from
misanthropic walls of marching critics). blade in
hand and foaming teeth, machine-like warriors
wrapped in warm blankets of doubt retreat to the
nauseating safety of self-hatred.
22 SEAN WALLIS

cocaine headspin
that’s me in the backseat
this is my favorite world
this is my favourite word
the heat never said please
cold asks no forgiveness
the sky is a shaken memory
this is my favorite world

7/8/04 gift
slow singer, scarlet voice
the words melt at the end of your tongue
a gift from me to me
a hidden sacrifice
i burnt the ardent rose
as i, in the fire, lay awakening
pray now, to the REAL dream
to the realization of self and soul!
 23 CHILDREN OF DAWN

7/8/04 heroin(e)
i starve everyday
i starve myself to stay alive
stripped my devices
stood in (naked) light
when you’re begging for life
you’re the most alive
soft air licked my face
with a gentle tongue and rosy breath
intangible love flowed around me
in swirling colors
painted my face
captured my mind

become what you are

5/??/04 love
love is an impotent dominion
powerless without selfish need
love, impotent as fear, fighting against itself
like precancerous sores jerking wildly at each other
with invisible teeth

10/29/06
he has a very itchy habit of mocking foam-toothed
beggars, locked inside transparent moonbeam
gaze who are forever fumbling for nonexistent
pocket change. drenched in filth and only smiling
to disguise their secret cursing of passersby
24 SEAN WALLIS

death rattle 5/??/04

dormant moon lends its absence to a blinding night
as darkness shines its transparent shadows
cerebral mirrors allow for a reflective mentality
a winding path through reconstruction of
soft forgotten memories
time has made us unwilling statues,
progressively cementing our souls
with the rust of age
i want to know what makes the flower wilt
i want to know what makes my skin wrinkle

sugar acid love 7/8/04

wet organs
shaded vermillion in shadows light
blackness crawls into the slightest curves
and deepest canyons
hiding its cold face against the warmth
splashed with textures
moving across a subtle wave of touch
coolish voices speak their peace with prophetic
wisdom unmatched by human thought
their eyes watch from every perspective
sliding past and creating alternating patterns
that shape the room
the entire room itself seems to shift its form
with four dimensional intensity
eyes closed and soul stirred
i give myself in to a new radiant love
 25 CHILDREN OF DAWN

(rudy g)
you see human tragedy as commercial
opportunity.
life as expenditure.
the worst drug of all is fear. and our leaders are
hooked like unrelenting fiends.

a man wakes up one day and he’s a cockroach. the

mask has become your face. now you thread every
word on a thin string of saliva. my mind is
florescent. i know your secret.
i live in the desert. under an umbrella. you look so
much different with your clothes on.

i met a girl at the bar.

she was beautiful and stupid
just your type.

such a convenient disguise to hide behind

gorgeous eyes
you spread your legs for everything
who wouldn't love you?
but who hasn't loved you?
if i could have you i don’t think i’d want you

trying to kill time while time’s killing you?

*****
26 SEAN WALLIS

prisoner of dawn
i used to be the witness of visions of
magnificent splendor. these days they are delusions
at best. i never wanted it to end. i never even
wanted to begin. i never know where to go ‘til im
already there. you said life is cheap. did you think
death would be free?
your silvery voice embroidered in echoes is
another unhatched memory stapled to my brain. i
am a permanent prisoner of dawn, watching the
scenes flash and crash with great accelerando,
shining through in grotesque neon charades. there
is nothing to stop it, there is nothing that can slow
it down. the scenes just play through themselves
over and over. forget about it close the door -
there’s nothing wrong with wanting more.

6/19/07
when the streets are empty, my mind is full. i
breathe in the shadows. i absorb everything i see.
the sounds in my head propel me at great speeds. i
am starving and cold and happy. i don’t know
anyone and i don’t want anyone to know me.

5/??/07 (inside your love)

i wanna be inside your love
i wanna be inside your mind
we only speak when the sun is gone
she only sleeps when the day is long
i wanna be inside your love
 27 CHILDREN OF DAWN

,please, please, please, please, please,

please,
pleas please, please, please, please, please,
please, please, please, please, please,
pleaeplease, , please, please,
please, please, please, please, please,
please, please, please, please,
28 SEAN WALLIS

5/31/10 hes a heavy drinker but never drunk

hope can be such a naïve drug, more addictive
than junk. he’s a pretty heavy drinker, but never
drunk. and on this laborious evening the walls
abandon us again. everything crashes down, down
on us just as we reach our invisible climaxes. just
as we get there. i never thought i’d get back here
again though. i always thought the last time would
be the last time. your smile melts into mine. we
dance with our thoughts playfully because we
know it is only safe inside our heads. everything
outside simultaneously tempts and threatens us.
and where was he? your drunken sailor boy with
the pearly eyes. the big swollen eyes. i really
didn’t mind him much. or at least i’d never admit
it to you that i did. drunk on his own incoherent
rambling. only ever really drunk in his own mind
yet still always bullshitting to hear the sound of
his own voice. walkin’ around stumblin’ over your
pretty body. and me, ever so tongue tied but with
such greater, more meaningful things to say to
you; if only i knew how to say them right. once i
laid with my eyes just barely open so you would
think i couldn’t see the two of you. i only wanted
to see if you would act the same when you thought
i was asleep.
by now the walls must be teasing us again,
threatening to close us in forever. stuck wallowing
in our hot beds full of dried sweat and borrowed
 29 CHILDREN OF DAWN

ecstasy. borrowing from each other what we

always thought we could give back. the three of us
never realizing what we traded was for keeps and
what we gave would belong to the other forever.
never thinking about the toll of emotions that
eventually swallows all wicked children like
ourselves. i always suspected i knew, but what
could i say? sun comes up, again as it always does
when we start to cry for it, start to think it will
never touch our bare bodies again. nothin’ ever
happens that won’t happen again a million times.
nothin’ to do but lie here and wait for hunger to
ease its way into our beds again.

i think its safe to say

sanctuary is by far
far away
the mailbox grits its teeth and i pull back
i can smell the hunger on its breath
i am a flaming jesus walking broken steps
you look so much older with your head cut off
dead heat and confusion
we hide at the bottom of the ocean
hell drips like red wine off of every blade of grass

??/??/04
the night wrapped itself around us in reluctant
beauty. your voice, softer than a feather tickled
my thoughts. blew your spirit onto and into me
and eased and coaxed me into unfolding mine. i
30 SEAN WALLIS

have been drawn into a mysterious fluttering

slumber of which i have no control and cannot yet
comprehend. you are my only god, painted in
picturesque perfection.
i had let myself have you. i realize only now it
was my mistake.. your words made my heart ripen
with appetite. but the fruit of love is rotten and
diseased. ..my mistake..

6/23/07
a cloud of bullshit surrounds you. i can smell it. i
can taste your fucking pig stench from 20 feet
away. thats how i keep myself alert to your
presence. i can smell you before i even see the
flashing lights. swinging your big 'ol club like a
broken dick. shining your flashlight in my eyes. i
dont need a light. more transparent than glass i can
see right through your black fucking soul.

6/23/07
so yea i got harassed by a pig the other day. i was
drinking a beer in a parking lot by myself at night.
he told me that people like me would die without
ever doing anything productive or positive. he told
me that i didn't exist. i told him that if he didn't
exist my existence would be infinitely better.

Vuelva loco a su gato!

 31 CHILDREN OF DAWN

dirty magic
cigarette burns
jesus returns, hoping..
sunny day secret
how long can you keep it
i read the book but not the pages
..jaded
sunny day secret
how long can you keep it
happy.. happy..
how long can you keep it
rolling and moving
happy.. happy..
(if i could have you, don’t think i’d want you)

unknown
it feels so good to be exploding
i am your permanent guest
you must now become what you are
and lay your swollen kingdom to rest
who wouldn't love you?
but who hasn't loved you?
some things are truer than fact
i love the ending
when we got drunk
& waited for eternity
to find us under the grass
32 SEAN WALLIS

4/27/10 Most Wonderful Name

(megan)

i've known all the girls

with the most beautiful names
lazy angels who dance on stage,
their arms in flames.
with a disquiet plagiarism all their own,
their names reflect the beauty
their hearts only long to show.
but i fell in love with the most ordinary one
she was a little June clover, dancing in the sun
yet only as ordinary as a ponderable flower,
shy but enchanting in its waning hour.
timid as a blushing dream
but with a glowing affection like nothing i've seen.
as a slippery sunset fades too fast away,
now all i have of my pretty love
is her lovely name

5/29/07
this is the rest of your life
waking up in strange places
running backward races
it doesn’t mean a thing
regretful celebrations
worshiping a dead king

*****
 33 CHILDREN OF DAWN

here comes everything

(el musica de la muerte)

come on, on to my side

we can hide in the sunlight

S/hit Towne P/avement

tarpit pavement
claws at ankles
in a white hot summer
i feel like i’m the king
of a cardboard jungle

Dirty Magic
cigarette burns
jesus returns, hoping
sunny day secret
how long can you keep it
i read the book but not the pages
..jaded
sunny day secret
how long can you keep it
happy.. happy..
how long can you keep it
rolling and moving
happy.. happy..
(if i could have you, don’t think i’d want you)
34 SEAN WALLIS

Dead Air
the truth has come undone
and the excitement is less fun
but if love doesn’t exist
then there’s still laughter
all the people with dementia
crowd the government conventions
political wasteland of impotence

& all the geniuses are bums

on the corners of the slums
giving sermons to a choir of flies

if you have no hope

then you’ll have no fear
and you can laugh at yourself
cause that’s the only thing that’s real

so tilt your bottle up

and never bring it down
and if we hope then hopefully
we’ll drown right now

the hungry rats all mourn

for gravity’s latest victim
so vacuum up all your wasted moments
the electric chair hums a tune
of wanton forgiveness
while the police keep feasting on the homeless
the police keep feasting on the homeless
 35 CHILDREN OF DAWN

9/14/09 Drowns Out

when you feel yourself breathing
while you’re asleep
is it really real
or is it really a dream?
the days of sleeping late
and staying in are gone
now we wake
to a premature sun
and the boredom drowns out everything
yea the boredom drowns out everything
and it’s the same old party everywhere
but somehow i keep ending up there
you keep me warm
until the sun rises
we wait ‘til dawn
and then close our eyes
only to wake later
to another surprise
the truth is in our beds
wrapped in a blanket of lies
i’m in love with your gold hair
and the color of your eyes
but the boredom drowns out everything
the boredom drowns out everything
36 SEAN WALLIS

Magnified Plaid
her body, i wanted her mind
you can have my body
but you can’t have my mind
find a niche between lines of thought
in empty spaces
at the end of the trying day
i just sit her and while away
i am who i am
and i have always been the same
thoughts along the way often stray
but the mind never changes, only grows
i’ll find my way, i’ll find my place
everything you say sounds the same to me
and you talk so fucking much

Love Song for Ants

i followed your trail
out of town
i followed your trail
underground
i want you more than bad
i want you more than bad
i started a collection of dirt
you can dig so deep and never hurt
i started a collection of dirt
bury what you love deep in the earth
i recognize your body but not your face
(last line of actual song: gibberish)
 37 CHILDREN OF DAWN

Blue Is the Color

blue is the color of the homeless heart
swimming the streets, painting the dark
blue is the color of my lover’s heart
stars burn too brightly then burst apart
blue is the color of the ghetto child
who knows he will never get to the other side
& those who are always last in line
the poor, the broken & the disrupted minds
you see but you don’t look
can’t get back time you never took
if you breathe but you don’t care
then what’s the point of air
the light in here
is dim for a reason
so we can’t question
the writing on the walls
& a politician’s war
is a war with no casualties
except for the poor
in the longest line
for the shortest straw
what do you do when the cure
is more deadly than the cause?
38 SEAN WALLIS

It’s Wide Awake, I’m Morning

took another sip and forgot your name
it’s wide awake, i’m morning
i laughed too soon and spoke too late
it’s wide awake, i’m morning
trying to kill time while time’s killing you
it’s wide awake, i’m morning
it’s hard to lose an argument with you
you hate it cuz its true
life as a bird with no wings
in a room without doors
i know we’re all pretty doomed
i’m sorry if i enjoy it

i can see right thru me

i’ve got a secret smile
that you’ll never see
i can see right thru you
you told a lie
but it’s coming true

Crackpipe
speak too softly, forget how to scream
sleep too deep, lose hold of the dream
 39 CHILDREN OF DAWN

Like A Child
when summer faded into fall
you taught me everything
without trying at all
but cold came on too fast
now everything good is gone
erased my writing on the wall
without you it means nothing at all
running from yourself, you hide
you gave up before you even tried
only wanted to begin
just can’t win
there’s only one girl with a smile
that can make me feel like a child
there’s only one girl with a smile
that makes me feel like a child

Unveiled
just wanted to impress you
looks like i failed
just wanted to undress you
see your beauty unveiled
40 SEAN WALLIS

Anchor of Words
we reach for everything --- we lean on
everyone
baby, you’re better than the best
the best questions are never asked
baby, you’re better than the best
fragile means nothing to broken glass
when we’re walking around
i’m dancing in your steps
and i’m looking for something
but finding something else
please don’t ever cut your pretty hair
just let it grow down your back
words just feel like an anchor sometimes
(please don’t sink now please don’t sink now)
words just feel like an anchor sometimes
(please don’t sink now please don’t sink now)

*****

fake rainbows, fresh hangovers

and by now you know
that soon can mean anything

Spring ‘10
children of dawn, deliberating their own
executions. unregretful prisoners of their violet
hour. eyes closed and smiles wide as the new sun
grasps for the horizon. i can’t help but smile
 41 CHILDREN OF DAWN

because i know i am one too. but it won’t be

yesterday until tomorrow so we kiss ourselves
goodbye for now and laugh at sleep and
meaningless things. sleep is just for dreamers and
we only dream when we’re awake. sleep never
existed in the land we have created for ourselves.
a land far beyond the walls our towns have built
around us. it’s all here. it’s all deeper than inside.

Paper Night
5/10/10
we've fallen on a paper night, everything neutral
and stagnant. you looked up at the big, milky
moon and counted the stars out loud til it made
you laugh. you closed your eyes and tried hard not
to smile but i knew you could feel me looking at
you. its hard to speak when there’s nothing to say.
and all the words started to sound the same. and
all the questions began to answer themselves. but i
loved these moments of silence, your naked
reflection echoing off my skin. we were
immaculate standing there, not speaking. just
Knowing. the off balance dance of soft light
seemed to make the air that was between us bend,
pulling us closer together. the sky was a rodeo of
splendor with beads of light furiously shining like
distant diamonds stuck in the thick muddy
darkness of an abandoned mine. you were the only
star in my sky. the only one i could ever really see.
we used to talk about racing through the fields,
42 SEAN WALLIS

our skin bursting through our clothes while our

souls were bursting out of our skins. there used to
be so many words back then. words bounding over
other words, rolling off our tongues in a charade
of epic bliss. the words seemed to stack upon
themselves, building small towers, but sounded
equally as poetic when they toppled over. they
teased and flirted with each other. they shot up in
the air like fireworks, completely unapologetic but
never vulgar unless they had to be. it felt like they
would never be finished with their lovely waltz as
they danced in circles around our heads. soon all
language dissolved into itself and began to flow in
a silvery stream up toward the sky, picking up
speed as it flowed. the once stagnant night had
become wild and florescent and hungry but we
stared into each other and shook our fears off like
they were a dull parade that had already run its
course. your eyes were soft prisons where i was
always waiting in anticipation for what you would
say next…

5/18/10
make a collage of all the things you can't have. all
the beautiful legs that beg for someone else. the
hearts that beat, the lungs that breathe. all for
someone else. a restless lapse between dreams,
like when you're staring at something but you can't
see it. all the things you wanted to feel, they
couldn't feel you. (cont.)
 43 CHILDREN OF DAWN

speeding fast past roaring fields of golden

blossoms reaching high to tickle the air. the wind
here is yellower than the sun and twice as big. all
the sounds of this dense universe race against each
other to meet your ears first, many reaching them
at the same time and colliding in the air. by now
we must have agreed that everything is just a piece
of something else - a piece of a piece. everything
lives inside of everything else. its all a big shaky
blur. everyone you know is a piece of themselves
yet still a piece of everything else. all their pieces
are melting at once into this shaky vacuous blur.
and all those things you couldn't have are folding
into a dark page of nothing. dissolving within each
other until all thats left is a collective pool of all
the things that are just out of your reach. trying so
hard not to read whats on the page, but the page
reads you either way.
i love the way your legs used to bend for me.
something about that creased smile behind your
knees right above your calves, created whenever
your legs folded together. i always wanted to kiss
you right there, behind your knees but you
wouldn't let me. but i would climb your legs like
vines, clinging to unborn promises as i made my
way up toward secret mouths of wonder hidden
between the tiny blonde hairs on your abdomen.
these invisible pores bleed salty sweet tears as i
lay my cheek down against them on the hearth of
44 SEAN WALLIS

your warm stomach. how can a sunset as glorious

as this one be prelude to such a pale waif of a
moon? yes, curl those legs around me like graceful
snakes, make me beg permission for a breath of
your stolen air. i want to kiss the distance between
the hairs on your head and to latch onto them as
stringy anchors to pull you so close we both
suffocate in our own lusty shells.

12/7/07
welcome to america, land of fake freedom.
Patriots will be honored, others will be monitored.
welcome to america, land of false hope. our
pastimes are football, beer, and wife beating. land
of the free (white man). where pastimes are fast
food, shopping, and fag-hating. where rednecks
roam free without leashes.
***but alas! there is Hope!*** freedom does
exist! for a price, naturally. and of course, there
are some prerequisites. first and foremost, white
skin. although if you meet the second requirement
of having substantial dollar value, maybe we can
overlook your complexion. most importantly, its
how you play the game. and just how much of
your country's truth and justice you're willing to
sacrifice for your personal gain. lastly, we will
simply need all cooperation in keeping this little
system of ours running smoothly and without
interruption. don't want any of the sheep finding
out what's going on behind the curtains, do we!
 45 CHILDREN OF DAWN

11/16/07
have you ever been in love with a whore – and
realized it – but still couldn't stop yourself? what's
the word to describe when you're so disgusted by
someone that there's no word to describe it?

11/16/07
when everything you loved just flies out the
window and there's no reason anymore to try. that
old man says, “Put that smile on, boy, we're gonna
go downtown and see if we can make ourselves
fly.” he grins, “I'm gonna have to get pretty
shitfaced to make it though this day.”
...then you call me up and stutter for awhile.
you start to tell me your problems but i'm not yet
drunk enough to care. i'm not sad because i can't
control you. i'm sad because you won't control
yourself. and i imagine that someday soon you'll
have a baby brewin' in you. thats the way it
usually happens. you've gotten so cool, now that
you've got your smoker's cough. and me, i'm still
just praying for distance. unbroken absence and
isolation. the longer I stay alone, the stronger I
become. any anger I have toward the outside
world can be eventually transformed into safety
and comfort within my inner self.

Subtitled:
“i wanted to fuck you but you were already fucked”
46 SEAN WALLIS

5/22/10
all the girls i've ever loved had the exact same
face. (its by far the strangest realization). and i'm
sorry sorry sorry if i ever fucked you. i never
meant to fuck you. i only meant to love you. even
if a fuck is all you wanted. and i'm sorry sorry
sorry if i ever gave you what you wanted. because
you deserved so so so much more. you deserved
much more than you could have ever known.
though you obviously had no clue.
and is it so wrong to want more?
is it so wrong to want to give more?

inamorata incognita
hyacinth mistress,
feigned existence
wishful mistress,
implied existence
loftily singing

will they bring you a fever

on a plate of silver
my disguises wear themselves
i'll never change for anyone but i'll evolve for
myself

transformation is the only constant. great pacific

garbage patch, where everything dies of starvation
w/ a stomach full of plastic. its the new diet of
nothingness. we didn't ask to be born into this
 47 CHILDREN OF DAWN

toxic world. doomed to repeat the mistakes we

never had the chance to make. today is not a bad
day; tomorrow is what i fear the most.

the long arm of the law?

or the short dick of the law

sad thoughts about the happy days.

as we lay in the sunlight between the rays.

feeling completely incomplete

we're just living out someone else's plan. when

your whole life is shaped by some stranger's hand.

...unheard prayers of the man who never had a

chance. broken since birth then taught throughout
childhood to feel he was destined for his so-called
situation. taught to live and die hopeless and never
ask for a penny more. taught that he was no better
than the dust in the cracks of the sidewalk where
he, in his middle age, may very likely sleep. this is
the man who has no reason to fight temptation, no
reason to try. he was born dead, an empty egg
shell that could've survived had it not been
cracked. and who taught him all this? a man
named America. a corporation called America.
a disguise named America...
48 SEAN WALLIS
12/2/07
she'd always had that smell of gentle decay.
Death silently making its way into her gorgeous
brown hair. a subtle cancer encompassing the tips
of her fingers, teasing her skin. hiding in the dark
sanctuary between creases of silky tanned flesh. I
loved her. I probably still do, but who knows. this
queer affliction of hers both disgusted me and
strangely lured me to her. I loved her. maybe I still
do, but who knows.
 49 CHILDREN OF DAWN

you can't win the human

race
the only way to get the disease
is to convince yourself that you need it.

Summer '09
wild knowledge cities communicating on
verbal railroads. spread wisdom like a plague of
enlightenment but still can't defeat the captains in
their high seats. ghetto wilderness, crooked stars
shine down on broken street corners. these streets
are bought & sold for the price of a Negro's blood
by an empire of devils on their thrones of rust.
herding their sheep into pastures of mental sleep.
cultures once contagious now successfully
suffocated. keep your eyes open, the man is at
your door. a warm blanket of doubt hangs just
below the smoggy clouds. keep your gun near, the
man is at your door.

all the love that i've found is enough to last me a

lifetime. but all the hatred that i've seen is enough
to last an eternity.

??/??/09
what's wrong with stealing from thieves?
what's wrong with taking back what was taken
from us? any square can fit a circular hole, you
just rearrange the circle to look like a square. any
50 SEAN WALLIS

idea can break through a closed mind. you just

have to find the right key to open it. is it like logic
without reason? is it like consumerism without
need? when has prude thinking ever invented
anything? when has practicality ever broken
barriers?

from your perspective you can see me

but you can't see what i can see
opinions are just windows
to other perspectives
and facts are just opinions
people choose to believe in

*****

i love the way your voice cracks & bends like a

tall tree in a rain storm

you've got a coughing cold

you've got a pain like no one knows
what's good about having tons of friends
who you don't even know?

7/9/10
we brace ourselves against the night. smiling
against the blackness. lay facing. your eyes stuck
inside mine, silently chanting your sullen vows.
you're not my girl. you don't even look like her.
 51 CHILDREN OF DAWN

but could you ever? and could i ever fool myself

for the sake of happiness and sanity? i'm trying so
hard for something that's already gone. It's lost.
beating a dead prophet back to life to beg for one
more piece of his immaculate mind. It's lost. we
dance in tangled shadows of ourselves. but i'm
secretly trying to break this spell. you're beautiful
w/ sarcastic hair and curious smile. you do a good
imitation of yourself but what i pine for is
somewhere else. you are a constant reminder of
the thing i can't have, as i am pleading daily for it.
with a contrast too painfully obvious to be
ignored.

Scenic, pure and purely fucked.

And outside. With no audience.
Reluctant and Stuck.

“staying at home is getting old.

trust me,
i know why mothers
eat their young.”

Subtitled:
“watch my mind drift away on a river of
salty liquor”
52 SEAN WALLIS

fashion will change with the weather.

but you’ll be fake people forever.

7/10/10
teenage girls, playful and Excited. fascinated
by their own mournful aching bodies. they want
their fevers caressed and minds numbed. daring
themselves to bait their curiosities…..the empty
bed sulks at your newborn presence. heat drips off
you like warm tears. she was more naked than any
girl i had ever seen. with a cartoon-like radiance
that made her vulnerability almost comical. the
sun's gonna rise someday. too bad we won't see it.

10/10/07
shiny polished notions of reality and
modernism. they all fuck you out of your basic
human instincts. your institutions have failed you;
schools are now for fools who are not creative
enough to invent their own approaches or devise
their own solutions. the world is choking on its
own fear, too afraid and stubborn to break the
leash and think for itself...
...not knowing what it would be like...
...to breathe in honestly for the first time ever, to
exhale purity. to bathe in truth, at last, and to play
arpeggios on the strings of one's own soul.
53 CHILDREN OF DAWN
so much wasted
talk. so many
wasted hours.
droning conver-
sations which
grow more stale
than a cellar air.
its true, words
can sound just
as pretty without
meaning,
without Purpose.
but with
Purpose, they
belt out lively
incantations,
they fall w/
great resonance
onto the empty
echoing halls of
despairing king-
doms, onto the
nocturnal land-
scapes of so
many
slumbering
townships.
Wake up! Wake
up! throw off
your narcissistic
54 SEAN WALLIS
blanket of
dreams for a
new bright
awakening!
throw off your
shackles of
Prayer for they
will only drench
you in more of
your complacent
fantasies! i’m
utterly bored of
this jaded
banter, so
pointless and
dull. the richest
red wine cannot
extract me from
these situations,
stuck withering
alongside my
contented
compadres in
their mono-
chrome speak. it
is time for a new
religion – it
matters not what
it is so long as
its new new
NEW.
 55 CHILDREN OF DAWN

from this height it would be Death

i'm fairly sure.
magnetic magic
illustrated curiosities
all regret final & flown;
i don't ever want to hurt anyone. all i want is
pretty
GIRLS

*****

famous last words: “WATCH THIS!”

I have kept this closet available for you my friend.

It will be your indefinite sanctuary. For there you
will be safe and protected whilst you live out the
final years of your coma.

lets start a new religion tonight. lets race the gods

to the finish line and make them beg for their own
divine.

note to self:
racism: in TV/movies, why are there never any
black robots?
56 SEAN WALLIS

Loved Fiercely
I
Chromium lamentations of a grey sky; it bursts
into tears at the first sight of new dawn. A
picturesque travesty. Loved fiercely, but
eventually watered down. Stricken deeply, but
finally burned out. Slowly given in to the cult of
automatic emotions, the very kind of feelings that
create an adhesive void between two people.
Dawn hides and day breaks, animated vignettes of
wistful flowers along the rows of homes. Gleeful
mutterings at the corner of 12th St beyond the
clapboard walls. Fictitious priests impressing their
spells upon onlookers. Shining their lively smiles
on people like tainted mimes. Dressed as friends.
They speak of purity; they do their best
impersonations of what they think we were, you
and i. The day you left you were looking for
something new.
There isn't enough paper in the world to tell
you how i felt then; but i use the biggest pieces,
far larger than any standard letter that's ever been
sent. Jealousy's lumbering shadow has cornered
me again; (you're) the dream i wish i could forget.
 57 CHILDREN OF DAWN

II
one less heart beats
one less man breathes
on the shores of
these still seas
the only way to
get the disease
is to convince yourself
that you need it

III
Walked all the way to the shore greeting
indigenous bums and crisp waves. Great visionary
serpents everywhere appeared to be happily
drowning. Cute blonde girls gleaming in their true
skeletal beauty. Now you? Above the waves, there
you are. I see your face, hungry but cured. Cured
of the hormone-fueled craze of your youth. A lust-
driven rampage of quenched temptations, echoing
on into the sanctum of adulthood. Still you are
perpetual Victress over my small kingdom. I stall
here in the musty mud of my half-standing castle.
Driven inward by the biting surf.

Time heals not but fares well in hiding truth.

Soured hearts bear witness to new excuses they
choose.

*****
58 SEAN WALLIS

5/21/10
for a very long time we were stuck in the
frozen sadness of winter. thats just the kind that
winter brings. it creeps in quietly with the cold and
finds a comfortable place to wait out the time. that
same old winter sadness, frozen solid like a
regretful pond, trapping all its senses under the
ice.
but this new warm season is different. in it
grows a different kind of sadness, a ripe sadness
that hangs off the vines like dark sour grapes. i'm
searching for something within the light shining
off reflective leaves of high trees. trying, but
realizing more and more that i am the only one
searching. even the light itself has no concern for
what i find. humid afternoons the dizzy
glimmering from those leaves is strangely
entrancing. i know the summer is hinting
something to me. speaking to me in tongues,
urging me to decipher its tangled truths. this is
your summer. i am only in it.
it has become a useless promenade down a path
that once seemed hopeful, but now more likely is
paved in infinite confusion at best. by August, the
mint leaves which tasted of such sweet, green
sugar are brown and dried of their innocence. the
vines hang but they too are bored of the endless
repetition of nights and days, cold and warmth,
life and death of the tireless seasons. the spoiled
 59 CHILDREN OF DAWN

grapes now mostly lay on the ground, their vitality

gone. the sadness begins to rust, turning a dark
golden amber, almost tempting to touch. i chase
the fading sun one more time toward the horizon,
still not sure what i'm even trying to achieve. the
sadness greets me there, at the end of the road in
the coming twilight, grasping the tips of my
fingers in its silent victory. close my eyes. i know
the season will turn again and i have once more
tried my best to overturn this inevitably crushing
steamroller of fate. eyes shut tight to the first
September wind, the only thing left to do is to wait
for whatever will happen next...
60 SEAN WALLIS