Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society.

Others, however, believe that

school is the place to learn this. Commented [i1]: Bỏ the

Discuss both views and give your opinion. Commented [i2]: Hơi dư em, bỏ at home
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Commented [i3]: Đi vào trọng tâm luôn em ơi, IELTS LESS IS
You should write at least 250 words. MORE, viết ngắn gọn mà thuyết phục í em
Chấm bởi http://www.ieltstutor.me/
-- or let them learn from school
Thứ nhất là 339 từ là quá dài em, 300 từ max
Commented [i4]: give some explanations
Commented [i5]: Thường mấy dạng discuss là viết on the
When it comes to the education, especially for children, parents often come up with hundreds of opinions to discuss, one hand á em
either it is suitable to guide their kids themselves at home or let them learn from the significant, yet messy, education
Với cả là mới mở đoạn vào thì em phải nói là đoạn đó em
system these days. I will try to draw some explainations about both aspects in this essay.
định viết cái gì chứ ai lại nói không không như vậy được, đọc
vào k biết đang nói gì luôn, mà examiner đọc mà thấy k hiểu
It is evident that we are living in a world filled with negative thoughts and behaviors beside all the small good things, là thường chấm điểm thấp lắm
which may affect children as their first interaction with the "outside world", away from parents' protection, in variable
unpredictable ways. Thus, the irreplaceable role of parents has great impact to their childs' fututre. A child grew up with
love and was provided attention from his parents usually becomes a kind, gracious and optimism adult. However, living On the one hand, there are many reasons why the
under full-protection might lead a child to be completely unaware of potential threats coming from the outside. More responsibility to guide kids to become better members of
over, they could be influenced from their parents' bad habits due to the fact that not everyone is perfect.  chị đọc bài our society should rest with parents. Firstly, ….
em là chị thấy em sắp xếp ý còn lộn xộn lắm, thường 1 paragraph chỉ có 2 main ideas, trong đó có example +
explanation chứ bài của em nhiều ý quá í em trai ui (( Commented [i6]: Em phải xem lại cách viết câu main idea
của em nhé, câu main idea thường viết 1 dòng là max em
On the other hand, by getting access to the education system, children likely to comprehend better sources of nha, kiểu main idea phải nói rõ là đoạn đó định nói cái gì,
knowledge compared to be taught at home.In addition, there are kids come from different families, different backgound bao quát hết í và rõ rang chứ viết dài quá em ơi
stories, approaching nearer to many faces of the world, plus being taught by teachers, which means they have the  Firstly, complicated world, without parental guides may
possibility of learning that how the world really works. Therefore, the unconscious development of positive solving negatively affect kids’ behavior & attitudes
problem skills in any circumstances are naturally generated in their brains, allows them to avoid threats and deal with
particular situations in good ways. However, the chance of a child getting bullied which is a highly concerned issue Commented [i7]: for example đâu
recently would make a mom thinks twice before relying on school.
Commented [i8]: and caring from…
From my perspective, love is the most powerful and necessity factor keeping a child stay in parents' sight. So, no matter Commented [i9]: overly protection from parents

how is the environment they are settling in, they just need love to grow up to be a good person in thjs society. Commented [i10]: to become too naïve or even do not
know how to solve simple problems such as….
VẬY RỒI CUỐI CÙNG YOUR OPINION LÀ PARENTS Commented [i11]: Are very likely to….
HAY TEACHERS NÊN DẠY TO BECOME GOOD Commented [i12]: To be merely/ only taught …

CITIZEN?????  K RÕ opinion của em tức là bai này sai Commented [i13]: Different backgrounds

task response, mà sai task response là 5.5  hix đọc kĩ đề Commented [i14]: Như đoạn này em thấy em chuyển new
ideas mà câu main idea dài ơi là dài chưa kể cái ý main idea
vào em nha! 1 mới chỉ nêu ý ra đó, còn chưa có 1 cái example + explain
nào luôn
Commented [i15]: Schools provide students with good
☑️THAM KHẢO CHI TIẾT GÓI DỊCH VỤ 100% ĐẠT TARGET Ở ĐÂY http://goo.gl/sdSGju environment in which students can personally communicate
with their peers & other people, from different walks of life.
This will unconsciously improve their problem solving skills,
making them much easier to succeed later in their life
Commented [i16]: Which allows
Commented [i17]: Ai mượn đang ở body ủng hộ school mà
nhảy vào đi chê school làm gì vậy em ơi, k nêu ý mới ở cuối
đoạn
Commented [i18]: NÓI OPINION CỦA EM Ở ĐOẠN
SAMPLE INTRODUCTION NỮA NHA
Commented [i19]: Là sao em?
Ad ơi cho mình hỏi tí là
 Cái dạng bài discuss này ạ, nếu mà người ta hỏi thêm opinion của mình nữa, cơ mà mình thấy nội discuss 2 ý thui là
dài lắm rùi, vậy chứ mình chèn cái OPINION của mình vào khúc nào thì được ạ, có nên chèn vào kết luận như mình
làm bài này k ạ ? tại mình thấy nó thiếu thiếu đáng lí phải đưa ý mình vào phân bài cơ mà mình k bik đưa làm sao
? ⇒ ghi trong intro + conclu là dc balanced view = agree body 1 + 2
 Ad ơi ad góp ý hộ mình là mình nên cắt phần nào trong cái bài của mình bây h ạ, xuống tầm 300 từ ạ, mình thấy
phần mở bài hơi dài phải k ạ, bài mình luôn viết tầm 350 từ trở lên, vô thi chắc chắc không đủ thời gian, bài này
hôm thứ 7 mình đi thi thử, viết dở hơn này nhiều ý cũng đơn giản hơn nữa, mà mém k kịp h
 Cho mình hỏi thêm là 2 phần này ( Grammatical range and accuracy, Coherence and cohesion) thì làm sao để lên
điểm ạ, tại mình sợ vào thi trúng topic lạ từ vựng đỡ không nổi ý ad :(, cái ngữ pháp có phải là mình phải dùng đa
dạng cấu trúc các kiểu k ạ, như là đảo ngữ, rút gọn, còn gì nữa k ạ, ad bày mình để mình ôn thêm với ạ, mình cảm
ơn ad nhiều ⇒ ko cần đảo gì hết, quan trọng nhất là SỰ CHÍNH XÁC , dùng don giản đúng hết 8,0 bình thường
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on whether the responsibility to train children to
become moral citizens should be fall to FALL ON //REST WITH parents or the school, with many people maintaining that it is
parents’ obligation, whilst others attribute this duty to teachers. Below is an essay discussing both standpoints and then giving
reasons why concerted efforts from both parents and the school have my support⇒ ko cần dài dòng đơn giản state opinion ⇒
In my view, concerted efforts from both parents and the school are necessary.
On one hand, parents are undoubtedly the most important shaper of a child ‘s behavior. In other words, parents mould their
children’s behavior by the way they conduct their own life, which can be illustrated by the fact that parents who regularly
argue/QUARREL may find that their child both imitate them and consider this bad practice as an ideal life strategy TO SOLVE A
DISAGREEMENT. Furthermore, if not all, then most children regard their parents as the role model for them to emulate⇒
repeated ideas chỗ trên, ideas phai clear và ko lặp lại, meaning that they are bound to remember and obey what their parents
have taught. Therefore, it is safe to say that were it not for good parenting, there would be no way for kids to adopt decent
behavior. ⇒ Plan khác: Main point 1: parents are the closest members to them, affecting their daily behaviour
(copy/emulate) Main point 2: well-mannered children are the image of their parents (parents benefit from this most)
On the other hand, it goes without saying that the school has a pivotal role in children’s behavioral development, especially given
that students have a tendency to spend nearly all of their time at the school. As a matter of fact, such lectures on morality as how
to hold the older in high regard or why to make concession to the younger might help students enormously to have righteous
perspectives towards life in order not to have morally wrong behaviors. It is not to mention the fact that the school also allows
children to communicate with people from all walks of life, ranging from their peerS to dustmen or healthcare workers, from
which there is a fair chance that children will learn to behave with different types of people in an appropriate way. ⇒ ý 2 trả lời
sai câu hoi, trả lời thành what schools can do, NOT “should”
All things considered, while parents are of utmost ⇒ contradict, utmost chỉ có 1 mà phía sau kêu equally importance to the
character formation of their offspring, in my mind, the school’s roles are equally important, especially considering that the
competitive labor market has been depriving working parents of their time beside their kids.

Task response: 6 (present a relevant position, although the conlcusion may become unclear/ contradictory)
Coherence and cohesion: 6 (main point 2 doesn’t answer the question + repeated contents )
Lexical resource: 8
Grammatical range and accuracy: 7 / 8 (excellent range , but lack excellent accuracy)
~6,5-7,0