I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.
 Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about [...]

286 Comments to “Short Funny Quotes”
Pages:   1   2   3   4   5   6   7  …  15   Next »

 1. devon wrote on 10 August, 2007, 11:58

 Vote:   506    193  

practice makes perect but then nobody is perfect so wats the point of practicing?

 2. tara:littlestar wrote on 1 September, 2007, 7:32

 Vote:   500    104  

why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

 3. Jaime wrote on 23 September, 2007, 7:41

 Vote:   336    129  

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

 4. Emilee wrote on 27 September, 2007, 12:13

 Vote:   364    171  

save water and shower together

 5. DeAnna _starfish wrote on 30 September, 2007, 15:13

 Vote:   240    183  

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN…Police have nothing to go on

 6. Allyson wrote on 2 October, 2007, 6:22

 Vote:   378    107  

save paper don’t do home work

 7. Arjay wrote on 3 October, 2007, 8:57

 Vote:   330    116  

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

 8. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59

 Vote:   94    247  

A man went to the wise man at the mountain and asked him,” Whats the piont of life?” and the wise old man said” I

don’t know ask a girl.”

 9. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 21:59

 Vote:   321    113  

Good girls ar bad girls that aren’t caught.

 10. Briana wrote on 4 October, 2007, 22:00

 Vote:   348    83  

If a rose represents love, then why does it always die?

 11. Sam wrote on 5 October, 2007, 19:43

  Vote:   240    116  

homework is killing

trees, stop the madness!

 12. taylor wrote on 27 October, 2007, 18:39

 Vote:   273    68  

Laugh Until You Cry

Cry Until You Laugh

 13. Dilip wrote on 30 October, 2007, 10:58

 Vote:   397    114  

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better 

 14. Shortie wrote on 31 October, 2007, 17:24

 Vote:   234    119  

If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends ?

 15. Natalie Martinez wrote on 5 November, 2007, 13:50

 Vote:   189    173  

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you dont have it. What is it? A secret. Duh!

 16. Nataly wrote on 9 November, 2007, 15:11

 Vote:   346    179  

Sex without love is like food without taste

 17. YoungBlood wrote on 15 November, 2007, 20:21

 Vote:   163    163  

Why fight to live when we live to die???

YoungBlood: Because, perhaps there are few dying to live. :p

 18. Scar wrote on 15 November, 2007, 20:25

  Vote:   93    166  

What is to be will be, BUT…. What is not to be Could happen

 19. Sweetie wrote on 16 November, 2007, 20:18

 Vote:   187    62  

Flying is learning how to fall without hitting the ground.

 20. bobby wrote on 17 November, 2007, 10:31

 Vote:   258    70  

if you fail to prepare,

then prepare to fail

 21. bobby wrote on 17 November, 2007, 10:32

 Vote:   217    157  

no’one is perfect,

well then im no’one

 22. kirby aimee knowles wrote on 23 November, 2007, 21:06

 Vote:   351    102  

if all my friends decided to jump off a bridge…….i wuldnt…..i wuld be at the bottom waiting to catch them.

 23. Michael wrote on 28 November, 2007, 19:24

 Vote:   263    85  

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

 24. the man wrote on 29 November, 2007, 4:08

 Vote:   238    97  

when life gives you lemons…throw them over your shoulder and look for an orange

 25. DirtySouth wrote on 1 December, 2007, 13:05

 Vote:   323    134  

Do not drink and drive

or u might spill the drink.

 26. megs wrote on 3 December, 2007, 16:39

 Vote:   195    422  

a man went to a wise man and asked him a question. the wise man said, ‘idk, ask a girl’!!!! hhahaha!
 27. milly wrote on 6 December, 2007, 20:55

 Vote:   117    167  

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My Reality Check bounced.

 28. .:kaeley:. wrote on 6 December, 2007, 21:45

 Vote:   201    113  

I am here so what are your other two wishes?

Hating me wont make you pretty!

If i followed you home, would you keep me?

You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

 29. daprincessishere wrote on 9 December, 2007, 1:03

 Vote:   306    84  

If you cant get someone out of your head,

.. then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

 30. Samantha LeFavi wrote on 9 December, 2007, 2:26

 Vote:   163    100  

When life gives you lemons say “Screw you” And go find an orange.

Everything comes out right in the end, and if it isnt right, it isnt the end.

 31. kasey wrote on 10 December, 2007, 20:26

 Vote:   217    107  

**when life gives you lemons.. squirt it in your enemies eyes!!***

 32. Scholtzy wrote on 11 December, 2007, 5:31

 Vote:   490    41  

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs 

 33. Priya wrote on 13 December, 2007, 3:56

  Vote:   189    61  

when i speak with my eyes, i tell more than just one story.

 34. 'Becca wrote on 14 December, 2007, 23:21

 Vote:   447    60  

You cry, I cry, ….you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff i laugh even harder!!

 35. Julio wrote on 15 December, 2007, 20:37

 Vote:   284    36  

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

 36. katrina wrote on 18 December, 2007, 8:37

 Vote:   364    34  

never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

 37. Bushraa wrote on 19 December, 2007, 0:39

 Vote:   222    85  

So she smashed her rearview mirror,

cause from now on shes never looking back

 38. Wise man wrote on 21 December, 2007, 23:05

 Vote:   279    37  

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

 39. sum wrote on 22 December, 2007, 11:42

 Vote:   114    160  

Curiosity killed the cat, and saved the rat.

 40. Jem Jem wrote on 23 December, 2007, 19:52

 Vote:   43    246  

When life gives you a lemon… squeeze it in a water pistol and shoot someone between the eyes!
 41. Tasha X wrote on 27 December, 2007, 14:38

 Vote:   319    652  

Sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll,

Speed, weed && birth control,

Life’s a b***h and then we die,

So f**k the world and lets get high =] x

 42. Jacky wrote on 27 December, 2007, 22:32

 Vote:   181    115  

Normal people use spoons. But, I am not normal. Although, I do find it hard to eat soup with my hands, a fork, or a

butterknife.

 43. Funny Man Carter wrote on 2 January, 2008, 15:29

 Vote:   108    204  

Smile and the whole world will smile with you!

 44. Freak. wrote on 3 January, 2008, 3:58

  Vote:   296    38  

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get. ];

 45. debbie wrote on 7 January, 2008, 18:32

 Vote:   233    99  

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. the richer the better!

 46. jordan wrote on 9 January, 2008, 10:21

 Vote:   47    265  

when life gives you lemons, you’re probably allergic…

 47. Lisab wrote on 9 January, 2008, 13:29

 Vote:   222    45  

Dream as you will live forever, live as you would die tomorrow!

 48. Alie Morino wrote on 9 January, 2008, 15:50

 Vote:   120    79  

Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do…

 49. Carnivorus Sheep wrote on 11 January, 2008, 0:14

 Vote:   205    39  

My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(

 50. Jenna wrote on 11 January, 2008, 1:00

 Vote:   103    130  

Love is like getting sick,

Because everyone goes through it.

 51. me wrote on 15 January, 2008, 19:10

 Vote:   292    27  

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
 52. Stretch #2 wrote on 21 January, 2008, 1:59

 Vote:   310    36  

What do u do when the only one who can make u stop crying is the one who made you cry?

 53. Prady wrote on 22 January, 2008, 9:03

 Vote:   310    53  

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

 54. olivia hawley wrote on 26 January, 2008, 17:39

 Vote:   256    63  

” I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again !!! “

 55. Aryie wrote on 29 January, 2008, 1:19

 Vote:   150    136  

THINK its not illegal yet

 56. Dylan wrote on 29 January, 2008, 4:50

 Vote:   337    28  

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

 57. megs wrote on 30 January, 2008, 5:19

 Vote:   124    150  

if u think no one notices you and ur all alone, then try not paying the bills!!! hahaha

 58. cassandra wrote on 30 January, 2008, 5:47

 Vote:   118    45  

people want what they cant have and when they get it they dont want it anymore. practice makes perfect, but if no

ones perfect, why practice?

notice that you are noticing nothing worth noticing?

 59. ArmenianGrl wrote on 6 February, 2008, 0:12

  Vote:   329    42  

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacfully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

 60. ArmenianGrl wrote on 6 February, 2008, 0:14

 Vote:   236    47  

I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house 

 81. cassie wrote on 6 May, 2008, 20:26

 Vote:   249    54  

i want to kill the hottest person alive… but suicide is a crime!

 82. smaris (maurice shafer) wrote on 13 May, 2008, 9:00

 Vote:   69    162  

 >:( i am so stupid, i laugh at myself sometimes

 83. mayur wrote on 14 May, 2008, 8:35

 Vote:   105    62  

When you get old and your kids ask

where all the money went, show

them the vacation videos.

 84. nash wrote on 16 May, 2008, 13:33

 Vote:   25    223  

it ain’t a lonely world IF U AIN’T A LONER…

 85. Phillip wrote on 19 May, 2008, 22:25

 Vote:   98    80  

sleep till you’re hungry, eat till you’re sleepy

 86. Miley wrote on 29 May, 2008, 21:31

 Vote:   14    139  

Dolet that is not even funny god is perfect

 87. AL-X wrote on 30 May, 2008, 3:03

 Vote:   155    40  

If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

 88. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:06

 Vote:   247    41  

Boys fall for me-

Because I trip them.

 89. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:32

 Vote:   40    100  

Love is just like hate but someone gets candy.

 90. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:35

 Vote:   182    45  

All I want is for one guy to prove that they are not all the same.

 91. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:37

 Vote:   312    33  

DON’T HIT KIDS!!!

No, seriously, they have guns now.

 92. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:39

  Vote:   146    28  

My life is one of those

YOU HAD TO BE THERE

jokes.

 93. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:43

 Vote:   93    97  

I talk to myself because I only talk to people of a higher class.

 94. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:46

 Vote:   233    30  

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

 95. I wrote on 31 May, 2008, 2:49

 Vote:   211    434  

Friends will always be like: “You deserve better.”

True friends will be prank calling him saying “You will die in seven days.”

 96. haylse wrote on 31 May, 2008, 7:59

 Vote:   126    81  

if our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. what do chinese people use? tooth picks?

 97. Max Payne wrote on 4 June, 2008, 14:13

 Vote:   36    145  

“she’s got a face like a bag of smashed crabs”

 98. stig wrote on 5 June, 2008, 11:31

 Vote:   111    77  

Miss are you good in algebra?

Do you mind substituting my “x”??? 

 99. [[summer lovin rox]] wrote on 5 June, 2008, 17:13

  Vote:   174    163  

hey you, yea you, no not you, you right there, yes you, do you like tacos????

 100. mina wrote on 8 June, 2008, 8:28

 Vote:   146    42  

I am free of all prejudice, i hate everyone equally.

Short Funny Quotes - Page 4

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about [...]

286 Comments to “Short Funny Quotes”
Pages:   « Previous   1   2   3   4   5   6   7  …  15   Next »

 61. *mIxEd gUrLs dO iT bEtTa!* wrote on 6 February, 2008, 1:17

 Vote:   85    228  

Happy Valentines! I know I am early but I have a lot of sexy people to text so Im getting the ugly f**krs outta the way

first! Lol 

 62. ashley wrote on 7 February, 2008, 21:16

 Vote:   430    29  

 Never steal.

The government hates competition

 63. Usama wrote on 13 February, 2008, 11:41

 Vote:   194    53  

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

 64. hahahaha wrote on 15 February, 2008, 4:51

 Vote:   212    88  

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped

 65. hfdgudsfjsdjfi (: wrote on 17 February, 2008, 7:00

 Vote:   137    144  

Come to the Darkside….,

We have cookies you can chuck at people!

 66. Way2Hot wrote on 17 February, 2008, 17:43

 Vote:   119    110  

what does it mean when you live on a busy street and your mom tells you to play on the road?

 67. vladislava wrote on 18 February, 2008, 17:41

 Vote:   110    153  

i don’t need hollywood,hollywood needs me

 68. David O'Neill, 14 years old wrote on 23 February, 2008, 2:33

 Vote:   102    89  

if wiseness was payable there would be no rich or poor. look at george bush or paris hilton for example.
 69. Howzaaaaaa wrote on 27 February, 2008, 17:31

 Vote:   107    338  

“Life’s Tough . . . Get a Helmet!”

 70. abi b wrote on 29 February, 2008, 16:14

 Vote:   139    232  

He who laughs, lasts.

 71. courtney wrote on 29 February, 2008, 16:27

 Vote:   67    215  

guys are nothing just the ground we walk on!

i told myself he loved me i told my heart i loved him backed, turns out he dumped me and wants everything

back!!!! 

Dont cry ova him … move on and just remember that he was once urs and that will never change!

he is not worth ur time if he doesnt have the time for you!!!!

life moves on just takes awhile wen ur not with some one!!!

 72. Cigaro wrote on 1 March, 2008, 15:13

 Vote:   526    138  

1f u c4n r34d 7h15, u r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

 73. Tina wrote on 1 March, 2008, 18:51

 Vote:   96    73  

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

 74. danielle wrote on 4 March, 2008, 2:13

  Vote:   65    102  

I dnt have an ego…i just love how awsum i am!!!

 75. ?i love my prettaye wrote on 30 March, 2008, 6:50

 Vote:   180    110  

School is a jail, the cells are the classes, teachers are the security guard and WE ARE THE PRISONERS!

 76. g2g a lot wrote on 3 April, 2008, 16:23

 Vote:   161    890  

you are just jealous because i act retarded and people still luv me. LoL 

 77. Beckers wrote on 17 April, 2008, 3:09

 Vote:   247    60  

I love love love this quote!

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same

mistake twice.

 78. cheryl wrote on 25 April, 2008, 22:06

 Vote:   59    132  

life is not worth living if u do not have chocolate

what is stupid,crapppy, and a waste of paper?

homework!

 79. J-Dog wrote on 26 April, 2008, 4:18

 Vote:   147    31  

to learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers

punish you when you get into trouble if you are only learning, which is exactly what they want you to do?
 80. friends wrote on 29 April, 2008, 22:00

 Vote:   366    53  

I used to be normail until I met those losers I call my

BEST FRIENDS!!!!

 101. MI wrote on 8 June, 2008, 19:36

 Vote:   106    68  

save the planet its the only one with beer

 102. xXxAmandaxXx wrote on 12 June, 2008, 4:41

 Vote:   134    69  

so i ran into my ex the other day…

then i put it in reverse and hit him again

 103. Sherry Qadeer wrote on 13 June, 2008, 23:24

 Vote:   58    89  

Strength can only give you power, but hope can give you success.

 104. Sherry Qadeer wrote on 13 June, 2008, 23:25

 Vote:   45    84  

My life is hard so stop making it harder and get out of my life

 105. Frandia wrote on 15 June, 2008, 18:08

 Vote:   165    78  

So many men and yet so few brains.

 106. ur mom wrote on 1 July, 2008, 10:05

 Vote:   65    108  

 Dont judge the book by it’s cover,

judge the cover by it’s book!

 107. SlamDawg wrote on 7 July, 2008, 22:12

 Vote:   64    129  

Thou Shalt Not Stab Giraffe In Neck With Spoon

yeah thats right, i went there

 108. Steven wrote on 13 July, 2008, 17:21

 Vote:   164    27  

If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??

 109. FRANCISCO wrote on 14 July, 2008, 3:56

 Vote:   114    36  

BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS, SO DRINK DONT DRIVE!

 110. UR MOMS NEW BOY FRIEND wrote on 20 July, 2008, 0:59

 Vote:   80    47  

if love is blind then how did it find us???

 111. xxemilylylyxx wrote on 21 July, 2008, 16:26

 Vote:   127    38  

my mom says pigs don’t eat biscuits… so i better take that one out of your hand…

 112. Claire wrote on 31 July, 2008, 16:43

 Vote:   64    204  

‘I am busy you’re ugly, have a nice day’

 113. Xx.Cutie_Pie.xX wrote on 2 August, 2008, 11:15

 Vote:   101    41  

If I can’t hear your heartbeat, you’re too far away.. <3

 114. Pankil wrote on 26 August, 2008, 7:20

 Vote:   368    15  

Smile….It confuses peple..!!

 115. himadri wrote on 31 August, 2008, 10:08

 Vote:   81    19  

Is it that we have to be smart enough to get educated or that we must get educated to become smarter…..

 116. cassidy wrote on 5 September, 2008, 3:51

 Vote:   85    63  

feed the hunger or else the hunger will eat you…

 117. cassidy wrote on 5 September, 2008, 3:55

 Vote:   34    97  

its better to give thaan to recieved, but the truth is its better to recieve and recieve and recieve…heheheh

 118. mariedy wrote on 7 September, 2008, 9:37

 Vote:   42    93  

It’s better to cheat, than to repeat….

 119. Robyn wrote on 27 September, 2008, 16:37

 Vote:   212    32  

when life gives you lemons,

make grape juice,

then sit back,

and let the wold wonder how you did it.

 120. Beth wrote on 4 October, 2008, 1:18

 Vote:   122    16  

Everyone has the right to their own opinion… Yours is just wrong.
 121. sammie wrote on 9 October, 2008, 10:17

 Vote:   218    36  

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

 122. louise bobte wrote on 18 October, 2008, 22:57

 Vote:   114    44  

i only drink alchohol on days that end in y…..

 123. win_ringette wrote on 19 October, 2008, 19:04

 Vote:   165    46  

Why do they put pizza in a square box?

 124. win_ringette wrote on 19 October, 2008, 19:06

 Vote:   104    47  

When cheese gets it’s picture taken what does it say?

 125. win_ringette wrote on 19 October, 2008, 19:08

 Vote:   237    31  

Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

 126. win_ringette wrote on 19 October, 2008, 19:09

 Vote:   89    34  

Why is there no egg in eggplant and no ham in hamburger?

 127. lulubug......x wrote on 5 November, 2008, 20:07

 Vote:   66    145  

what do you do with some cheese that’s one year old?………you sing it happy birthday!!!
 128. Longfellow wrote on 19 November, 2008, 16:38

 Vote:   124    22  

When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.

 129. Longfellow wrote on 19 November, 2008, 16:39

 Vote:   33    63  

Video games are the only realities where we are anything but absolutely ordinary.

 130. Longfellow wrote on 19 November, 2008, 16:39

 Vote:   71    30  

True skill comes without effort.

 131. itadakimasu wrote on 22 November, 2008, 3:27

 Vote:   111    45  

video games ruined my life. at least i have 2 left

 132. therandomone wrote on 28 November, 2008, 3:55

 Vote:   75    34  

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

 133. cassie wrote on 28 November, 2008, 6:38

 Vote:   69    44  

losers are those who have fun winners are those who try hard

 134. Nandish wrote on 28 November, 2008, 15:44

 Vote:   106    46  

When God made me, he was showing off!!

 135. captain crunch wrote on 1 December, 2008, 15:55

 Vote:   132    77  

 vegetarians are killing the rainforest.

 136. LMAO wrote on 2 December, 2008, 2:40

 Vote:   152    37  

You study to remember

If you remember too much you forget

If you forget you don’t know what you studied

If you forgot what you studied you fail your test.

SO WHY STUDY?

xD

 137. Chindhu wrote on 6 December, 2008, 16:46

 Vote:   85    84  

Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

 138. Lyka wrote on 16 December, 2008, 4:10

 Vote:   85    62  

dont face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe

 139. akaal singh wrote on 16 December, 2008, 20:11

 Vote:   33    101  

drugs kill slowly , so whos in a hurry

 140. sophia wrote on 20 December, 2008, 9:34

 Vote:   129    37  

Why is is called a “building” when it’s already been built ?