Running Head: LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING 1

Live Like You Were Dying

Gabrielle O’Brien

University Of Tennessee
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It was the day before Valentine’s Day, 2005; my mother woke us up for school

like she did every school day. She kept complaining about how her doctor wanted to get

an MRA (Magnetic Resonance Angiogram) of her brain. She said that she was just going

to cancel it because nothing was wrong with her and it would be costly for no reason. She

only scheduled it in the first place because of our family history. She ended up not

rescheduling or cancelling it because my father told her just to do it and get it out of the

way. My mother dropped us off at school and picked us up and we headed straight to her

appointment. We were at Memorial Health University, one of the best hospitals on the

east coast, my younger brother and I sat anxiously in the waiting room waiting for her to

finish with her test. My mother had actually known the woman that was running the test

on her, as she finished up she asked her friend how it looked and her friend stated: “You

should be fine, but the doctor that reads them will have to tell you that.” At that point my

mother thought she was cleared her friend had told her everything pretty much looked

good to her. The next morning on Valentine’s Day, the doctor called and told her she

would need to come in for a follow up because they had found two brain aneurysms, one

which was inoperable in her brain stem. At that point and moving forward, my mother

would make me into the strong person that I am today by showing me you must live your

life like you were dying.

I remember that Valentine’s Day like it was yesterday, my mother would always

buy us kids something and make us feel very special. She was always there for us

especially on that Valentine’s Day; however, she needed us more then we need her that

day. My mother was always a strong person along with my father, but not as strong as the

next few years of their lives would make them. I never really heard my parents fight or
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seen them show many emotions except happiness and love. The next few years would

change that for my family. That day “Valentine’s Day”, the day meant for joy,

togetherness, passion, and the exchanging of gifts, vows and happiness, was a one of the

worst days of my family’s life. I remember hearing my mother on the phone with her

doctor say “you mean it’s going to bust and I am going to die”. It was the first day that I

had ever thought about living life without my mother. I couldn’t imagine life without her;

she hadn’t seen me get married nor have kids yet. I was her only daughter; I would be left

with two brothers and a father. I could not think about how I would live without her, it

was a thought that I tried to avoid.

After my mother hung the phone up, I asked “what is wrong mom.” The look in

her eyes gave it away that everything was not ok. I had never seen someone’s face look

so frightened/sad/whatever emotions or thoughts she had going on in her head. My

mother was frightened and just like I would if something was wrong with me; she picked

up the phone and called her mother. My grandmother, her mother, “The German

Woman”, a very strong woman, was also frightened for her daughter knowing that people

had passed away in our family at young ages due to these hereditary Brain Aneurysms.

The doctor told us that only 5% of Brain Aneurysms are hereditary and that 5% ran in our

family. How were we so blessed to have this 5% run in our family? He also, told us that

only 6% of the world’s population had Brain Aneurysms. They usually were found in

women who were 50 years and older, which was not the case in our situation. Those who

had been diagnosed with one brain aneurysm had a 30% chance that they would be

diagnosed with another.

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Many people such as scientist, doctors, and other professional people would say

that these statistics were very low; however, those low statistics did not help our family.

Many people would go under surgery with such low statistics and risk their life for

surgery, but those low statistics were put into a totally different aspect for our family

now. The doctor had also told my mother that there was a new procedure out, but it had

not been approved by the FDA yet, and they had no long term studies on outcomes of

patients. Reality of how scary these Brain Aneurysms were really starting to set in for our

family. My mother really did start to think that she was going to be leaving behind her

three kids, her husband, and even die before her mother. My mother had started to live

her life like she was dying.

I remember a few days after finding out the news we were riding in the car to the

hospital and my mother had told me she had a theme song, I replied oh really what is it.

That was the year that “Live Like You Were Dying” by Tim McGraw came out and she

resumed to play that song and sing along to it. She though it was courageous and

resembled her life, as my family and I could only look at her and endure the sorrow that

she was feeling and be there for her. We all walked into the doctor’s office together as a

family; my father, my mother, my older brother, my younger brother and I. The doctor

walked in and told my mother that she had two brain aneurysms and that they could

operate on one but the other they could not operate on since it was in the cerebellum. At

that point the song by Tim Mcgraw that my mother had already claimed as her theme

song was very realistic.

I remember how scared my family was as a whole. I would see my father the

strongest man I have ever met and the strongest member of my family breakdown. I
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could only imagine the thoughts that were going through his head, while he stared at my

mother that day in the hospital. We were very lucky as a family that my mother decided

to go into the hospital to get her MRA the day before Valentine’s Day. From that day

forward Memorial Health University pretty much became my mother’s home and my

family’s home for the next few years. The hospital and the doctors in it immediately

started planning surgery and referring her to doctors higher up, as if they were scared to

even touch or take over her case.

My mother at the time was a flight nurse for Memorial Health University in the

NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). She was told that even if she made it through

surgery and everything was fine she would not be able to continue her job as a flight

nurse because the helicopters she flew in were not pressurized. The unpressurized

helicopter could cause her Brain Aneurysm in her cerebellum that they could not operate

on to burst, killing her instantly. Her life was just crumbling all around her, headed for

major brain surgery with the thought of how was she going to pay for it if she could not

continue with work. It was probably the last thing that she needed to think about, but the

doctors needed to inform her so she could start planning for it if she made it through

surgery.

It was the day before surgery; my mother had finally found a neurosurgeon that

was willing to operate on her. The operation they were performing had just become FDA

approved and the doctor that was performing the surgery had only done a few. We were

all nervous wrecks. We were your average family that had gone to church every now and

then and tried to do well and be good people; however, during this time period we

attended church and turned to faith for blessings. My mother considered herself lucky
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when she had received a call that day, the day before her surgery, about her cousin. My

grandmother called and let my mother know that her cousin of the same age had just

passed away from a Brain Aneurysm that they had not known about. It was like my

mother and family were getting slapped over and over again while we were down.

Knowing the night before a major brain surgery that one of your own family members

had passed away at the same age, as you from the same cause made, things more nerve

racking for my mother and our family.

On the day of surgery we all headed to the hospital, my father, my mother, my

brothers, my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents, friends and many more. We lived

several hundred miles from our extended family; however, everyone that could show up

to show their support did. Many flew in, some drove; our house was like a hotel. I had

never seen so many family members together in forever, because we lived so far away.

That day my younger brother and I had class but my dad allowed us to come with the

family. Our teachers were very understanding about the situation too. We all arrived at

Memorial Health University really early that morning. The hospital had probably never

seen so many family members for one person, as our family filled the waiting room. We

all said our “I Love You’s” before she headed into surgery, not knowing what the

outcome might be.

The surgery was only supposed to be a few hours, we waited and waited and time

just seemed to creep by. Time was up and we were still waiting, wondering…. what’s

going on. A few hours after my mother was supposed to be out of surgery the doctor

came and asked to speak to me father alone. The doctor that was supposed to be in the

surgery room with my mother was out talking with my father. We thought, maybe she’s
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done, and then we thought well why wouldn’t the doctor just tell everyone. As we

anticipated for my dad to come back and tell us what was going on we all sat in fear. My

father finally came back with a frightened face and told us what the doctor had sad. He

could barely get it out; he was fighting the tears and trying to be strong for his wife, kids

and family. He proceeded to tell us that the doctor said that he tried putting in the first

stent and realized that is was too bid and expanded that he needed to retract his path and

put in a smaller one. He said that it was a struggle and her blood pressure and heart rate

were increasing so he had decided to walk away for a second to let us know why it was

taking longer than expected.

The doctor was worried that if her blood pressure got to high it could cause her

aneurysm to rupture or if he pressured it to come out to fast it could also rupture. We

were all really frightened at this point. We didn’t know what to think or what to do,

although we were happy at the same time that the doctor decided to walk away and

inform us what was going on. We all got together as a group and confined in each other

and loved each other, hoping that our “I Love You’s” were not that last ones for my

mother. A few more hours passed and we saw many people come and go out of the

waiting room. The doctor had finally presented his face again; all of us rose up out of our

chairs. He said good news, “she’s out of surgery and will be in recovery”. We were all in

ecstatic!

We all waited for my mother to wake up and recover. We waited for a few hours

and we still heard no word. We were all anticipating her to wake up fast and all of us be

able to go see her again. After a few hours the doctor that performed the surgery returned.

Once again he pulled my father to the side. He told my father that my mother’s body was
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rejecting the stent and that she would have to go to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for a

few days to recover. The doctor then took just my father back to see my mother, his wife.

My father was back there for a little bit, but it seemed like forever. The sun went down

and we had been at the hospital since dawn that morning. We all just wanted my mother

to be ok and for us to be able to see her and all go home as a family.

My father returned and said that she needed her rest and that the nurses were

going to allow all of us to come back two at a time to say good night, so we could all go

home and eat and rest up. Nobody wanted to leave her, but my father knew that he could

not keep the herd of people in the waiting room, as they did not allow people to stay in

the ICU. We all sat waiting patiently for our turns to say goodnight. My father went back

one by one with us kids. When I walked into the ICU it was the first time that I had ever

seen a place like it. The ICU is where they keep critical patients all together in one big

room, where only a few walls and curtains divided them individually. It was one of the

worst sights I had ever seen in my life up to that point. I walked into my mother’s section,

she was totally out of it, she had tubes coming out of her from everywhere, and she was

vomiting green and was in agony. This strong woman right before my eyes, my mother;

is fighting for her life. I kissed her; as if it might be the last time I ever neither see her nor

kiss her.

My father was going to stay with her as long as he could or until the doctor or

nurses kicked him out. The rest of my family and I went home to recover ourselves from

a horrible day of not eating and worrying. My grandparents took care of us kids even

though we were old enough to make it on our own. Several days had past and my mother

was still in the hospital, wanting to escape all the pain and surrender to whatever the
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outcome might be. It was hard visiting my mother and hearing the things she would say.

She just wanted to give up; it was a struggle for her. My father stayed day in and day out,

after a while my father became very absent from the family. My other family members

started heading back home one by one, until it was just my brother and I once again. My

brothers and I became very independent at a younger age then most teenagers going

through the struggles of my mother surgeries.

It was my junior year of High School and I had already missed so many days of

school by trying to keep everything together for my family. My brothers are amazing

people but were never the best at cleaning or cooking nor many other things. This left my

father absent with my mother and me in charge of much more than a normal teenager at

my age. My father and I had pulled me out of school just for the semester so I could help

out around the house and with my younger brother. I would travel an hour back and forth

to the hospital to bring my father clothes while he was staying with my mother and food

every now and then. I was the strongest person in my family at that point. Instead of

doing normal teenager activities like my friends were, I was playing mom at a very young

age. I don’t regret anything nor do I blame anyone. As my mother would say “God only

gives us what we can handle.”

It took a lot out of me to look after my brothers and be there for my family, but I

survived. I had learned a lot at that age and was not willing to surrender. A few more

weeks passed and it was the happiest day of our lives, my mother was coming home. She

had survived all the pain and discomfort to be back with her family again. We were so

happy to have her back home. We had several visitors come visit us and wish us the best

of luck, they also wanted to witness the miracle that we had. It was summer time and I
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had been out of school that whole semester and that summer. Knowing it was going to be

a challenge when I returned to school, but not letting that get the best of me. I knew I

probably would not graduate with my class nor with my friends; however, that was ok

with me since I had my mother back. My mother was doing really well, she was bright,

all smiles and just happy to be back home with her family.

It was time to return back to school and so I did. It was a hard adjustment to still

be a junior while my friends where seniors. The counselor knew what my family had

been through and was in high spirits to have me back and wanted me to succeed just as

much as my family did. That year I ended up taking online classes recommended by my

counselor and was able to graduate with my friends and my class. It was a struggle but I

did it. I still had missed 30 days of school my last semester and my grades were by no

means perfect. I had not even thought about nor applied to colleges at this point not

knowing whether my struggles all year long had been enough to pass. It was a few days

before graduation and I was waiting for one teacher to tell me my final outcome, my

history teacher. He walked up to me during lunch time one day, knowing the struggles I

had gone through and he asked “what if you do not pass this year?” I was in total shock; I

started crying and couldn’t even talk, after I calmed down I replied “I will just finish up

next year.” He then told me I had passed with a 70 percent exactly. I jumped up and

down, I was ecstatic! Many kids would have died if they received a 70 percent.

Graduation Day came really quickly and my entire family supported me and were

very proud of me for going through all that I had and still graduating with my class. It

was the happiest moment, to have my mother there watching me walk across that stage

and receive my diploma and to just have my mother still there in my life. All my
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teachers, friends and parents knew what I had been through. Many cheered for me and

were very happy to see me graduate and to see my mother there. We lived in a very small

town where everyone pretty much knew everyone’s business. My mother actually told

me after my graduation that she was worried for me but did not want to tell me that. She

was really proud of me and couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw me walk across that

stage.

I was eighteen and I had accomplished so much in my life by graduating High

School in only three and a half years, but this was one out of many accomplishments to

come. I was applying to local colleges to stay with my mother, while my mother was

claiming disability and going back and forth to doctors. My mother was making me into

the strong person that I am today by being strong for herself and many others. My mother

always had the strength to push forward even when many others would have given up.

My mother to this day lives life like she was dying; not knowing whether today will be

her last day or not. My mother has so much courage and strength, she never gives up and

she considers herself one of the lucky ones. To hear my mother say she’s the lucky one

shows me the strength she has inside.

I have become such a strong person through my mother, every time I want to give

up she reminds me how much she has been through and tells me that giving up is not an

option in our family. She then reminds me that God only gives us what we can handle

and to never give up. My mother tells me that she rather me try my all and fail then for

me to have never tried and given up. Not only have I accomplished graduating high

school in three and a half years but I have accomplished many more tasks that have come

my way. The challenges I have had in life have only made me into the strong person that
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I am today. My mother not only has to live her life every day like it could be her last, but

I have come to realize that I have to do that myself also. I have to remember that the brain

aneurysms are still hereditary and that emotional roller coaster might fall in my lap one

day and I have to be strong and prepared for the worst.

I have learned many lessons through life and I have come to the conclusion that I

am going to try to succeed at everything that I want to do in my life before it might be too

late. Many others can always put it off until next year; however, in my family that is not

an option. We live life to the fullest; we will try and try until we succeed. Just like I will

try to be the best student at The University of Tennessee, giving up is not an option. If I

do not get it the first time I will try and try again until I have succeeded. I will live life

like I am dying because next year might not be an option for me nor for me to prove to

my mother I can do it to.

I believe that I am a one of a kind student that The University of Tennessee would

love to have and hate to pass up. I am interested in the vet program that you all are

offering; however, I will have to take all the undergraduate studies before even applying

to the vet program since I have a degree in business. I have been very involved in my

community as you can tell through my community service hours and I want to be able to

bring that to your community. I have worked in the vet field since I was a child and I am

ready to accomplish what I have always had passion for as a child and that is animals. It’s

time to live like I was dying and not be afraid.

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