Misunderstood

Note the key points under each heading. Make Biblical links for each chapter where appropriate. Add
images and link videos that might add meaning and deepen understanding.

Chapter 1: Basics
1. What are the three cultures of a TCK? Define and explain
a. Legal Culture-The country the child has legal standing.-permanent residency this can be
more than one country.
b. Geographic culture- Any culture in which the child has lived.
c. Relational Culture-the culture of shared experience- the feeling of leaving people or
shared experience of being a TCK
2. What is the Cross –Cultural Experience and what difference does it make?
a. two or more cultures that the children have to balance. Similar with TCK but difference
is that TCK are expected to connect most strongly with the place from which their
parents came. TCK are balancing a culture that they have no legal or blood tie with. It
is usually a foreign country that they do not blend in and are not expected to stay in.
3. How do 20 and 21​st​ Century TCK’s differ?
a. The 20 century TCK were raised in a time where, once they left they most likely would
not go back because of the difficulty of travel from one country to another. The 21st
Century TCK have more mobility because of the ability to travel from one country to
another has become easier. Also modern technology has made it easier to stay in
contact with people you leave. There was a deep sense of loss for the 20th century
TCK than that of the 21st century TCK.
4. What are key challenges to the TCK?
a. Building and maintaining relationships becomes hard, the feeling of disconnect with the
legal culture, the feeling of isolation.
5. Explain why ​Misunderstood​ a key factor in the TCK discussion?
a. TCK often feel misunderstood by many different groups of people at once. -- their
passport country, in their host country and their own family and friends. The feeling of
being misunderstood lead to a deep sense of isolation that plague the TCKs to
understand this feeling is key to empowering TCKs
Chapter 2: Different Experiences of TCK Life
Explain how each of the following topics makes a difference in a TCK’s life.
1. Parent’s employment – pros and cons of each type mentioned.
a. Missionary
i. pro-Organizational support-provide the most help with re-entry, Annual
conferences to bring families from around a certain region together.
ii. con-Resentment-towards the parents for their chose in life, feeling like they
(TCK) have no control and at the mercy of their parents choice. They did not
choose to be Missionary.
b. Foreign Service-Military personnel and diplomatic staff
 1) Pro- surrounded by others in the same situation and have built-in support, spend
time in places that cater to expants.
2) Con-Move most frequently, pressure to represent their passport country. behave
well in public but can be rebellious in private
c. International business
1) Pro-their own social circle or group identity, company culture, very well supported
financially- housing, cars, international school fees, staff,
2) Con- children have trouble adjusting to life in their passport country. limited
support other than financial.
1) d. Teachers of international schools
2) pro-providing support network for the family of teachers, part of the salary is free
tuition for the children, access to support and information.
3) Con-social or financial gap between themselves and their school peers.
e. Unaffiliated
1) pro-Learning and experiences new cultures
2) con-more likely to identify negative feelings. loneliness. they lack community
and feeling support
f. Non Governmental organizations (NGO)
1) Pro-same as most TCKs, some have support and peers, some do not . Tend to
be engaged in the local culture even if moving in expatriate circles.
2) Con-less support and at times not at the same financial level as their peers.
they are almost-but -not -quite the same as other TCK.
2. International Education- What types of schools are available and what are pros and cons of
each type? do some bicultural TCKs find identity? (p.90)
a. Local School
i. Pro-Be more closely connected to the host culture and more fluent in the
language
ii. Con-confusing, frustrating, and overwhelming for a TCK, especially if classes are
not in the child’s native language.
b. International School
i. Pro-High academic standards, high level education, many are full of TCK who
share third culture life together.
ii. Con-Academic expectations at these schools are often high and students feel the
pressure
c. Christian international School
i. Pro-Usually lower fees and more affordable. Teachers are often quite sensitive
to the specific needs of TCKs.
ii. Con-faith-base elements in can be overbearing. not the best fit for students
wanting to pursue elite sports and not always support very advanced academics.
d. Homeschool
i. Pro- Stability in education- The books and program stays the same. For some
quality education, for some flexibility to pursue other activities.
ii. Con-Isolation, loneliness, stress on parent and student, children can become
discouraged, lacking opportunity to spend time with peers, Not integrating into
the community, feeling of distance. Sometimes lack of support.
 e. Boarding School
i. Pro-extroverted child benefit from the social aspect of boarding school. good for
children with the need for structure and stability if their parents move a lot.
bonding with adults, sometime a safe environment then where their parents are
ii. Con- Isolation and increased feeling of not belonging especially without family
nearby.
3. Multi-cultural Family
a. Parents from different cultures-
b. Immigrant expats-​An ​expatriate​(expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a
country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing.
c. returning immigrant expats-Returning to their parents home country and feeling out of
place
d. Cross-cultural adoption

4. Non-Traditional Families
a. Single parents
b. Blended Families ( Remarried, step-sibling, half sibling
c. Separation or divorce while living abroad
5. Relationships with the Host country
a. Full immersion in the host country
b. One host country
c. Multiple moves
d. Hating the host country

Chapter 3 – Transition and Grief

Define and explain each part of transition and grief.

1. Transition-Starts with recognising something is about to change or has already changed. It means
grieving the loss of what was, and becoming comfortable with the newness of what now is.
2. Loss- can be many things
a. Loss associated with a change in location, or a friend moving away
b. Losing a valued skills
3. Grief- is a natural healing process- grief is made up of many losses. There is pre-grieving and post
grieving. There is also secondary grief- once you think you are done grieving, you grieve the loss of
grief
4. Unresolved Grief -happens when you ignore the grief. this can become outlawed grief- when
someone feels that they do not have the right to grieve.
5. Grieving Well- this can be done by adults to “modelling grief” in a positive manner. This lets the TCK
know that it is ok to grieve and there are ways they can do so
a. Providing space and comfort
b. Self-awareness
6. Five Stages of Grief
a. Denial
b. Anger
c. Bargaining
d. Depression
 e. Acceptance

Chapter 4- Goodbye and Hello

1. Leaving and Being left- There are two sides of a goodbye the one that is leaving and the one that is left
behind. Both mourn the loss of the other, the activities they they used to do, the places they shared
and so one. Transition fatigue- getting tired of saying goodbyes and welcoming new arrivals.
2. Good Goodbyes-A proper goodbye has a huge impact long term. Good goodbyes promote closure,
making it easier for TCKs to engage well with new people on the other side of the boodbye
a. Acknowledging the relationship will be different after the move
b. Recognizing what each person/group/place has been to the TCK
c. Expressing this recognition-saying thank you for what each person has been/done for the TCK
d. Allowing oneself to feel sad about the loss.
3. Leaving School-It a bit harder for TCKs because they are leaving their host country and most likely
never to return. The feeling is intensified because they are going to a new country or re-entering their
passport country that they will feel like an immigrant in. Ways to support
a. Allow them to grieve
b. Listen to fears, worries, or sadness
c. Give them new experiences before they leave (special trips)
i. Biking trip
ii. Cooking class
iii. Photo shoot
iv. community service or volunteering at a charity.
4. The unexpected – Tragedy and Crisis
a. Long distance- TCK may have guilt about being so far away when something bad happens.
Connect with friends grieving the same loss- in person or online can be a great comfort.
i. grandparents passed away
ii. Cousin gets cancer
iii. friend’s parents divorce
b. Tragedy in an International setting-Feeling of being far away from family when tragedy happens.
Also the culture of the host country and your passport country may clash as to how to grieve or
handel tragedy
i. Culture clash
ii. Legal aspects
you can offer help by doing the following…
iii. Support from expatriate communities
iv. Contacting their embassy
v. Contacting their insurer
vi. offering translation
vii. Running Errands
viii. Providing meals
ix. Providing Childcare
x. Creating safe space for children
xi.
c. Unexpected relocation
i. Sometimes you are forced to leave unexpectedly due to natural disaster or political
instability

5. Repatriation- Returning to one’s passport country

a. It is normal to feel uncomfortable upon returning
b. Think of it as not returning but as entering a new situation
 c. Consider the emotional impact of repatriation- great loneliness and feeling as though you don’t
fit in.
d. Reverse culture shock and embarrassment
e. Personality change and anxiety
f. the anxiety of “Welcome home” to a place that does not feel like home. The feeling of guilt and
confusion
g. Repatriation with Family- that you no longer know and don’t feel as comfortable as your old
home ( the country you left) the feeling is rather complex
h. Repatriation for university- is a a combo blow-leaving your friends, entering a new world, leaving
your family, and finding the new norm.
i. Cultural translator-someone that will help you make sense of the new world and sometime
connecting the new and the old so that it does not seem so strange.
j. Fence Posting-entering into a romantic relationship with a non-TCK. That person becomes the
stable fence post in the midst of confusion and transition (sometimes a distraction)

6. Home Assignment- A Temporary repatriation - Returning to passport country for 6 months every few
years. - Exchanges one stressor for another. TCKs may struggle with homesickenss for their host
country, their friends and places. They are enrolled in an unfamiliar school and environment. It’s like
being relocated for no reason. THis also separates them again from the passport country and their
home country.
7. Four stages of starting Again-
a. Reconciliation
b. Affirmation
c. Farewell
d. Think Destination
i. Common stages TCKs go through as they start again
1. Isolation- no one understands me
2. Investment- deliberately attending events, consciously making friends
3. Enjoyment-Enjoying life in the new place
4. Settling-feeling “I could stay here”
Chapter 5 The Inner Lives of TCK’s –Explain and apply to understanding the TCK life.
1. Common threads – Common themes are logical reactions to the pressures of circumstances in which
TCKs find themselves. There are not personality characteristics but reactions to and coping strategies
for international living and constant transition. This can lead to misunderstanding of the TCK reaction
to changes. It’s about how experiences may have influenced an individual, so how they may feel.
2. Nomadic Life- A sense of rootlessness. a tendency to move about the world a lot. The issue of Home
is complicated concept for TCKs. For TCKs- home is not a single place like most people. The most
difficult question for TCK is “where are you from?”
3. Patriotism- a touchy subject- their views are looser than those from one country. When you know
there is something other than one country, it is easy to see the benefits and drawbacks to each country.
So sometime the concept of Patriotism is difficult to justify or explain. TCKs my practice Global
patriotism. This is the pluralistic nature of patriotism
4. Language and Identity- Language and identity is closely tied to the TCKs. For some to not speak their
passport language is a source of shame or embarrassment at times. To be fluent in the host country
language is a source of pride. Because they may speak fluently or use foreign language in their
everyday language, they can feel different. This can also be a disadvantage from an academic
perspective. understanding the everyday language or understanding the structure of language in their
passport country can be confusing. TCKs may use a blend of languages that make it seem as though
they are creating their own dialects. Example will be using Spanish and English when the other person
only speaks one language.
5. Cultural Chameleons- Changing their accent, mannerism and attitude depending on the circumstance.
a. This put to test one’s personal value and identity.
b. Ability to empathize
c. leading to feelings of isolation
6. Pressure to Excel-Many TCKs come from high achieving families and have the additional pressure to
excel. Some, because they have higher maturity level in some areas, are expected to excel. It is the
expectation that can stress the TCK. The pressure can be internal or external. If they have parents
who excelled in school or sports, then expectation is similar with TCKs. Even though, that may not be
who they are. They are at times tied to the expectations of their status, parents or community.
a. Four different approaches to toward success and failure
i. Success-oriented- find challenges encouraging
ii. Failure- avoidant- discouraged by challenges as they anticipate the negative feeling of
failure
iii. Failure -accepting-give up trying to succeed
iv. overstrivers- motivated by fear. They experience significant emotional stress.
7. Anxiety- TCKs struggle with moderate to high levels of anxiety-
a. Hidden Anxiety- something normal to an adult may be frightening to the TCK because of their
different experience of life. An escalator, elevator, self-flushing toilets.
8. Expressing the inner Life- TCK my have trouble expressing their inner feelings because they are trying
too hard to suppress feelings to be a chameleon. The suppression of emotional growth and
accelerated intellectual growth leads to gaps between the inner life and the outer life.
9. Family Bonds-For TCKs family bods become very important because it acts as an anchor in all that is
changing. The family is sometimes the only ones who have shared similar experiences and may
understand the many “quicks” of a TCK. Therefore they may have heightened fear of upsetting family
members. This in turn may lead to suppressing inner feelings from family members.
a. Family rituals become very important as an anchor in the chaos.
b. Sibling friendship can also be an important factor in a TCK. Their sibling is their closest friend
i. Sibling separation can be especially hard on TCK.

Chapter 6- The Future for TCKs

Summarize the ideas in the chapter and make your own analysis and application to the future of TCK’s.
What is the hope for TCK’s. Note Biblical Links.