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    ‘eave up coffee a couple of weeks ago. 1 won't pretend it was easy. The physical withdrawal began with a blinding head. ‘ache accompanied by creeping nausea, My limbs turned rubbery. and Iwas reminded of ‘when Winston Churchill eruelly compared Ramsay MacDonald to a Barnum’s Circus, freak dubbed “The Boneless Wonder’. I felt just like The Boneless Wonder, but with my head trapped ina vice. Ths feeling lasted for more than a week. | eould have fixed it with a single, swift flat white, but I chose not 10, This time,coffee and I are over. Tean’t remember exactly when I became so addicted to coffee. It erept up on me like it did on the rest of the country. As a child, from the age of four, | drank tea, ithe steaming cups that punctuated all the parts lof the day not spent in school. There was inguage to tea. If you had a row with someone in the family and then later ‘you sid, Do you want a cup of tea?’ it was, 4 sign that you were sorry: If they aecept ed, they had forgiven you. If they said,-No. thank you’, they were still angry, It couldn't be that they just didn’t want it, No one ever didn’t want te Coffe had no language. If someone refused coffee, it didn't mean anything ‘maybe they really didn't want it, Coffe was ‘mainly instant, and its smell — that earth- ily intoxicating blast that rose up when you popped the seal on the jar ~ promised more than the taste delivered. | could take it or leave it Its superior forms were for spe- cial occasions: when guests came, the good, ground stulf emerged along with the cere onial coffee plunger Then, in the 1990s, coffee really began to hijack our imagination, drifting over from the US. The Friends gang hung out in cof {ee bars, gossiping. The women in Sex and the City rushed around Manhattan in high hicels, sipping coffee from paper cups. In Britain we used to take our hot drinks sit ting down, as part of a break, but these on: the-20 cups suggested coffee was for people who were glamorously short of time, in per- manent motion, They belonged to the new cult of busy. In work, getting a tea round in was a low-key favour, but i you really want ced to impress your colleagues, you came Coffee break I've finally quit the devil’s brew JENNY McCARTNEY back with a wallet-lightening tray of brand: ced lattes and cappuccinos. Tea was the old ‘comforter, but coffee had the kudos Even better, it allowed for ever more dizzying, refinements of consumer choice and snob- bery.as the supremacy of Starbucks, Costa, Pret and Nero began to be challenged by artisanal pop-ups Today, the roaring coffee: shop market is stil expanding ~ 18 years of continuous growth; 22,845 outlets — while pubs are in decline. How much more of the ‘Stuff can we swill down’? For someone like me ~ who in my uni versity years was so sleepy that it provoked widespread curiosity — coffee was a god- send, like alcohol to-a shy person. It had T saw my fuse stretching ahead, with me portly, irritable cand permanently wired dramatic physical and mental effect. Ther a chemical called adenosine that regulates sleep. and caffeine blocks it. When I worked asa film etitic, the coffee even kept me awake through Lord of the Rings T started discriminating between cot- Fee shops, making overly intense judgments about their wares. I found my preferred ven dor in a Turkish café near where I lived, but alter I obtained an old-fashioned stovetop, espresso maker, [saw the greater appeal of getting high on my own supply: a big cot fee mid-morning, a smaller one late morn: ing, and possibly — if required — a sneaky ‘OK are yn ready? Vm going to ‘sitcom the news skinny latte in the afternoon. When I went (on holiday with the family, I packed the espresso maker and a packet of Lavazza Rossa, sizing up the local coffee shops like a crack addict checking out dealers, For a long while, it was wonderful. L hadn't fallen asleep in the daytime in years. In fact I often wasn't even tired at night If you like simply ingesting information, there's so much extra time to do it when everyone's asleep, although one night when I found myself googling dog breeds tnd their different personalities at 2am, — 1 did pause briefly 10 wonder if something had gone awry. [don’t even have a dog. 1 don’t even want one. ‘Then, slowly, coffee turned nasty. If 1 couldn't get to the brew by mid-morning, for whatever reason, I had a thumping headache, On days when I drank too much if combined with sleeplessness and travel, ‘would get a migraine that knocked me out for a day. Coffee had slowly changed from ‘an exciting, extrovert friend to a raging bully hammering on the front door with a steel bar if I didn't meet him bang on time, And also, with all the lates, [was drinking a lot of milk, I saw my future stretching ahead, with ‘me porly, irritable and permanently wired. Don't worry — I'm not trying to put you off, You might be able to metabolise a dou. ble espresso like mother's milk, and good luck to you, But I do wonder how many peo- pile across Britain are now beingsilently held hostage by their angry coffee habit. 'men- tioned this to another mother in the school jeround as she sipped her eappuecino, 1 said that her husband had experienced the headache, but now carried an emergency on:an Talian chocolate called “pocket with a single espresso shot inside, drink tea, of course. I never stopped, Tknow tea contains caffeine too ‘lesser amount — but is never given me any trouble. The headaches have ebbed, but life feels strangely flat. I drink decaf coffee sometimes, for the taste, but decaf is like a dog with no teeth: you know it can’t harm you, but it's depressing all the same, The adenosine is up and running again. U'm very sleepy. And when I wake up and don’t smell the coffee, I still miss my bad friend, May’s convictions Sit:Nick Timothy seeks sympathy by revealing that his ‘loved ones’ are upset by the personal attacks to which he is now subject (Diary, 17 June). They could have been spared distress ithe had not invited retaliation by swearing at senior ministers and civil servants who crossed him. How could a prim vicar's dau have allowed endless profanities from this iil-mannered man and his ill-tempered associate Fiona Hill? Perhaps Timothy's ‘most extraordinary elaim is that a return to traditional campaigning methods’ was planned but Lynton Crosby vetoed it ‘Traditionally the Tories did not contract ‘out their campaign to consultants cha vast fees The leader and party chairman took charge, The manifesto was carefully costed. Commitments in it were explained in detailed briefings for candidates from the Conservative Research Department. “Timothy fails to tell us What we most want to know. Did the statist manifesto reflect Mrs May’s convictions, or were he and the brilfant Ben Gummer’ able to ‘cook up the whole thing between them because she has no convictions of her own? Allstar Lexden House of Lords, London SWI A brisk electoral response Timothy declares new principle justice nelaiming that younger cope sould 0p forthe care of older people The post-war generation were Proust upto believe tat they pad their National Insane contributions the welare state would ensure a base level of caren their old age And those Contributions paid forthe sick and elery policy which appear renege on that deal they eam expecta risk electoral response. Change ay be necessary bu tobe Achioved needs public understanding and Suppor nota quigk fix ina manifest, Sane Cole Reflecting on the pause Sit: Phillip Williamson's article on the “pause” or ‘hiatus’ in global warming is tunpersuasive (Oceans apart’, 17 June). It misrepresents my position materially: [say that global warming is real and partly man ‘made but is happening slower than models, predicted and is being exaggerated as threat because of wrong assumptions about climate sensitivity: Mr Williamson's article contradicts itself, saying that the pause was myth and that the pause ended it ignores LETTERS the satelite data, which shows that the pause continues; claims that temperatures have not fallen since the El Nino of last year, which is false; omits all reference to the continuing debate in the scientific literature about whether the pause was real or not;and omits mention that the UN IPCC itself confirmed that the “hiatus happened, For somebody who took The Spectator to the press regulator last year ‘and was humiliatingly rebutfed, itis the height of cheek for Mr Williamson to write such a poorly argued piece himself Man Ridley House of Lords, London SWI Musical memories Sir:Asany seriously deaf person will tell ‘you, the void left by the absence of music in our livesis probably the most difficult thing to bear. So Richard Bratby’s ‘White knuckle ride® (Arts, 10 June) caught me by surprise. It was such a joy to read that I lived every comment and note with hiny in my ination. Thank you for bringing music back into my life, Nadia Harris Cape Town SPECTATOR INTRODUCTORY OFFER: Six issues for just £6 ¥ Weekly delivery of the magazine ¥ App access to the new issue from Thursday + Full website access Ly wwwspectatorcouh/A172B 0330 333.050 quoting aire Whoops! Sit: 1 draw attention 10 cricketing howler in Dot Wordsworth’s column of 17 June, She is right in saying that there is no“the' before MCC, but wrong in thinking that MCC stands for Middlesex Cricket Club, ‘The relevant terminology is Middlesex County Cricket Club (MCC) and Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC). By coincidence, the same issue showed on page 4! a notice from the University of Buckingham referring to Mike Brearley, ‘lormer President of the MCC. Stewart Francis West Mersea, Essex Indoctrinating the young Sir: Richard North (Letters, 17 June) remarks on the ‘prevailing leftist dogma? propagated in schools. Many years ago our Hunt Secretary reveated that her daughter had been given asa school project an essay titled‘Why Tam opposed to fox hunting’ Peter Gregory Wotton-under-Edge, Gloucs The illiberal party? Sir: Tim Parvon's resignation speech was Sincere but foolishly inaccurate in erticising the country for not being liberal enough, He should rather have said that his polit party isilliberal, despite its name, for Forcing his resignation because of his faith He criticises politicians who bring thei faith to work (in his words impose’ it on others, but he fails to see that genuine confident faith isan asset,not a problem. Ths is the truly liberal viewpoint Lyndsey Simpson Leyland, Lancashire A snip in comparison Sits was touched by Rory Sutherland's worry that an American university education may not be worth $150,000 (The Wiki Man, 17 June). May Isay.as an ‘American with four children’s university educations to look forward to, that this number Seems very quaint to me. My alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania, currently quotes each year at $72,584,014 total of $290,336, We Americans living in the UK look longingly at squabbles about £9,000 tuition fees, Vincent DeLorenzo London WI WRITE TO US The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Sireet, London SWIH 9HP lenters@spectatorco.uk Found in translation Whatever Mr Juncker says, Japan thinks English is the Buririggu deshita. Suraibi bu W bu de gaira to gimburw shite, Narte minnuji na borog bt M mur rassu antoguraibimashita ne Thisis the first ver Ibberwocky” by (hs ok amin isnt serine rece wate ane by aaa eats Nos ving in Send rahe nth of ips and ee work ise marinara Come et arsenate er No-r eM tly ey heat Japanese isabout 15 per cent English. So we can just take a word like “brilig” and turn it into wasei-eigo [Japanese-made English} So it becomes buririggu. "Mimsy" becomes mimuji. There's not much need for transla tion in this ease Tn fact, Japanese contains so many Eng- lish loan words that Japan feels closer to the UK, linguistically, than it would 10, say. China (Mandarin Chinese is unrelated 10 Japanese), or indeed to any other Asian ‘country. Common words such as cup. knife fork, spoon, table, keyboard, pen. light, glass speaker. tape, pill, backpack, jacket, skirt and sweater — just few of the nouns Lean soe by looking around me at this moment reall borrowed from English. and are com: monly known as koppu. naifu, foku, supan, teburu, kibodo, pen, raito, gurasu. suptka. tepu. piru, bakkupakku, jaketto, sukato and sola, There are many thousands of others That Japan and Britain are similar in many ways is no real news 10 anyone. Both are island nations living off the coast of a very big and powerful continental entity Both are jealous of their independence. Both like tea, Both have an exaggerated tions — if you doubt system of polite inter this is still the case in Britain, count how many times the words “please” and “thank are uttered when you buy a stamp. Both are relatively peaceful societies where guns are very difficult to get hold of. Both are self-consciously literary societies with traditions that stretch back at least 1,000 GARY DEXTER Years. Andi in his tant respect hath Japanese Tove o Brin comer into ees Keita Tanaka ist teacher of phe, aamexclusive boys school in Toye ees T mt him for lunch The schoul en elled on Eton, and it plays regular h ye vistors from English public schoohe Compete withthe Japanese pup na ball and Kendo. Keita cari tele) poem by Wordsworth in is walle Rainbow". (My heart leaps up whee beholdZA rainbow in the sky) He has been to Grasmere, sampled th Austen and Dickens are appreciated. A.A. Milne and Beatrix Potter ane phenomena rather than writers special shortbread that they make near the haka (grave) of Wordsworth imei reveres all aspects of Romantic poetry, nd he isa physics teacher! What mace lish teachers have in their wallets? a Vasked him about his ready eral."I enjoy Tom Brown's Se he said "Also Goodbye ne in gene ‘hooldays Mr Chips. Chips FROM THE ARCHIVE The lay of the land From Schoolboy abou The Spectr 12 May 1917; Work i ‘on the land.even| though the Aime be ste rom bok have adn educative vale tcl Public School boys are less handy ¢ a boys of the same a shad boysof Sinan ina poorer class Take icultural district wha work regularly on the land. They bone anaplitude and appearance of pig ‘maturity, which are a eee ost unk wn inthe Physical stent not greater than that of Publi Schooh but its applied more cunningly well-to-do classes Their his ‘and their general competence remarkable even a short experience of how above be one of the most enlig! z ening tortie inthe whole of their education, ™S future ‘Sensei Sayonara.’ Who else? ‘I like Coma? Yukio Mishima, Junichiro Tanizaki, Yas" nari Kawabata — and it bows to no one. 20! Crowning glory. Among the many film.St2" of lanier in which the hero is bald (a PU" [pr hage, meaning bald). You can't have PU And Beatrix Pater mu be menionel the Pooh is ki ie oh iy Kuma no puw-san (Mr Pooh Bear) and he is knov om the Dis, il he is known not just from Oe inane? alapttion,as he is everywhere trate World but from the original tex! {atslation) and the E.H, Shepard illus" eesti Potter's characters are all Ve That aod aecount for bilons O19 annually inundate the Lake Dist Zanese Potter fany (Beatrix, not Hat) tragtllschooted in the minutiae of POSE ns: they know that Peter (pita rabitto) Me areas eter (pita rabito) her gebbit that Beatrix Kept ina eH8° Mer desk. for example, [have asked 198, the answer to the question “WY ae dapan sill love Britain?” is really ti the Engi fet that Briain she oF Anh ets language and English tiers Although the fapanesesa practical pee Courses a Amica for Eglish LIS,relaivey high and 02) in because they love Ene EUs een het ena “tnecone with tattoos. . Tlish is set to b pert he hlatever Mr Juncker says,and Brit the home of Si tock Homo! Winnie the Pook, Alice: Sh es, Hamlet, Mr McGrez0" 2 Yordsworth’s le, rn lish version I they love Brita written cuttur Ms sech-gatherer, isthe full MORI ny 2017 www sectatonse EVERY OBJECT TELLS A STORY PRES ert tes ea oM ete as ‘5 Cromwell Place, London sw7 Renney ed a eee Sie: Image:355x89.Sem, Sheet: 60.5x105.36mt Pre eee ee ce ere ae ec Cee ne ee ee eae Peery eee ae ese ed ene Sd near ere coy ester ee shit, Suraibi tu boro bua Lewis Carroll, translated into Japanese by Noriko Watanabe. Ms Watanabe is trans lator of children’s books living in Sendai in th north of Japan, and she is work ma new translation of the two Ale books. I met her ina bar calle Come Here Is translating Lewis Carroll, which is already nonsense, into another langua near-impossible task? I asked her.*No, not av all” she suid. “Actually it's easy because Japanese is about 1S per cent English. So we 1 word like “brillig” and turn it into wasei-eigo [lapanese-made F So it becomes buritiggu. “Mimsy mimuji- There's not much need for transla slish). becomes, Tn fac, spanese contains so many Eng lsh oan words that Japan lets closer to he UK, Hingustical than it would (say China (Manda Chesed fork spoon tbl, keyboard pen ih las speaker, tape pil, backpack jacket, skirt and sweater — just few of the nouns Lean sce by lookin round me at this moment are all borrowed from English, and are com monly known as kopptt, naif, fOkU, suptin teburu, ktbodo, pen, raito, gurasu, suptka. tepu. piru, bakkupakku, jaketto, sukato and sola. There are many thousands of others, That Japan and Britain are similar in many ways is no real news to anyone. Both are island nations living off the coast of a very big and powerful continental entity, Boih are jealous of their independence Both like tea, Both have an system of polite interactions I the ease in Britain, count how and “thank iss st many times the words “please Both are relatively peaceful very difficult to get hold of, Both are self-consciously literary societies with hat stretch back at Feast 1,040 Found in transla Whatever Mr Juncker says, } apan thinks GARY DEXTER Keita Tanaka isa teacher of shee eled on Eton. andi peg Sisiors fom Engl poi balland Kendo Keli ea pocm by Wondavorts Reinbow (My hese Pect that the lar host to o0lS, whe Pupils at foot an oft-folded in his walter. He has been to Grasmere, sampled the Austen and Dickens are appreciated A.A. Milne and Beatrix Potter are phenomena rather than writens special shortbread that hey make near the of Wordsworth himscit and reveres all aspects of Romantic poetry Ang he isa physics teacher! What must lish teachers have in their wallets? Vasked him about his reading in eral. I enjoy Tom Brown's Schooldace he said. “Also Goodbye, Mr Chips. Chips the Eng FROM THE ARCHIVE The lay of the land From ‘Schoolboy labour’, The Spectator 12 May 1917: Work on the land.even though the time be stolen from books, wil recause handy than boys ofthe same age ina poorer cass Take boys of 15 in an agri ‘work regularly onthe land. ural dstiet who They hav Physical maturity, which are almost unknown in the well-to-do classes. Their physica ‘not greater than that of Public School hoy but itis applied more cunningly and their even a shor experience of how labourers work on the lind willbe an unforgettable experience. As for those be the owners and managers of lan it will he one of the most enlightening foriights, in the whole their education, tion English is the future Denti Sayonara. Who else? 4 fike Com Dells My favourite author is Wordswort patfodils. The Rainbow. Tintern ADBEY Wiman has many world-class wrilels Nakio Mishima, linichira Tanizaki, 38H Chin¥abata — and it bows to no one. St. nor Russia, nor Americ. in it le? pare Except Britain, whieh it holds it Parle esteem, mtkespeare is English literature’s nine zlory. Among the many im Sa8° yc atsca aduptations ot his work thal ana Japan was FHagelea version caer in which the her fe bald (a OP ih Meaning bald), You can't have pum tke that unless theauee oe " Jane A , wWiten. CS, Lewis, RR. Tolkien. Rotld Dahl, Charles Dickoe ‘all known and appreciate ine nd Beaty Paty eresated A.A. Mie Pensa ust be mentione the Posten’ father than writers, Winnie 2p poh kuma no purser (he Peo ne Bear) and h ag & known not just team the Disney adapt eat hay tation, as he is everywhere else but from the original texts (i find the E.H. Shepard illustr® tions. Beatrix Poy : "otters characters are all very that Ktown. and account fee translation) billions of yer api Me the Lake District ift0ess Potter fans (pene ee ianathey po the minutiae of Pate real rabbit that her desk. for exany nlc. have ase to the question ‘Why Britain? does pan ea up withthe tact ie the Enon an although ie 4 Practical people may look to America for F ‘vain 1 English-traininy ich a8 TOFIC (le lshvenson TELS they eve Brianne written culture. and go out of t 2 visit Britain, even thou sarap ond al of people wih au Enalishiset tot rah is really tied Britain isthe origin of we and eh it is damp and full the global superstan: lever Mr Juncker says. and Britain, {she home of Winnie the Pooh, Alice, Sher Wek Holmes, Hamtet, Mr McGregor nnd ‘Wordsworth’s lech-gatherer,is the future EVERY OBJECT TELLS A STORY ——————————— nse tt use a ONT ets ETE ere end Renney 1890-1976 ee ace erty eae ett Pree aoe aaron Pe ee er a (aside from te edition of 50) on wove paper Cesne Perera Ree oe ere eed ee een red Rea ee) ees ee Uncover her face The right to ban the v Lis good news for Mu im women QANTA AHMED [itisvtesi se i ing thar weing WU cove on a onl Hoe tel those wdoso Tas Th Dated yt manta al poo! Misti men Stover hema tse ition ke we Not nl ecent eases tes bent Msn nome obliged yt ath wear ve Iam tnt aserthe sam butot at happens hen ana tinted bya mosern cure has asd iyansows av eee Th stan Hutt here steam ina endng in resegneis dees onagh ove Franc Europeu Cour face hs rc tt opps nh ht sop Ciplyees wong eb gens syn pote incloing headscarves worn ine names Trans nt ny the hrk andthe ng already ete nem he ie pce by sume oi urope ene) bt alo te es reves ha Th ams tows wa bokina bo ployee tan be sade tren Tniting th BS sma eur ind amt see on mth pb sace A cea peblicee Sows me topes my hea ios othr tne tsi the Ouran se Cin) To you your cipon a ome Cire ng orevcy bese Tyesen those the pu kiegce Bed spon yt eo Mi metal are ok ne oS Ara Pisa hr was ana tocar teh setngl oy nck Amd witht aoyah ce ankles. For those two years, [became inti mately acquainted with the cumbersome nature of forced veiling and its impracti ality — even seeing it imposed upon my tunconseious female patients. Where the veil is mandatory, kind of oppression is imple ‘mented: an oppression that has absolutely tno basis in Islam, There's nothing from the ea ie period a — should cover, whether face, body of hai, The Quran, in Sura 24:31, reminds Mus- lim women simply of the need to “draw [it] over their bosoms’, One of the Prophet “Mohammed's wives is commanded to speak from behind a ‘hijab (Arabic for curtain’) asa mark of high distinction (Quran Sura 33:53). But even though Aisha — one of the ‘most eminent of the Prophet Mohammed's wives and a great scholar of Islam — pro- Islam- Rigid interpretations of the veil are arecent invention. They're not derived from the Quran vided many details about the khimars, no record exists as to exactly how they were Rigid interpretations of the veil are recent invention. They're derived not from, the Quran or early Islamic tradition but froma misogyny which claims a false basis, in the divine. So when the ECJ supports employers who ban the hijab, itis eategor- ically not impinging on anyone's religious freedom. The veil has more to do with a set of quite new cultural mores The Islam- ists wish to say: we Muslims are different from the West, Increasingly, we don’t look like you, or act like you. For Muslim fam- ilies who have lived in Europe for genet tions, this isa strange and ugly trend. The men and women agitating for the right 10 ‘wear headscarves in Europe would do well to remember our own history in the Muslim ‘world, In the 1920s, with the rise of secular ies in Egypt and fran, Muslim women egan to organise in pursuit of their rights. In 1922, these activists, led by Huda Shara: ‘wi, founded the Egyptian Feminist Union, and discarded their veils. Within a decade countless women followed suit, and slowly, they forced their way into the Egyptian aca deme. Eventually Iran and Turkey forced ‘women to de-veil as official policy. But the tide turned with the growth of fundamentalist Islam, and the 1979 Iranian revolution, The revivalist fervour spread quickly from the Shia to the Sunni world as Saudi Arabia and Pakistan started to impose Islamisation programmes. prominent Shia fundamentalist spokesman, Iranian Ayatol- Jah Morteza Motahhiri,said the desire to be unveiled was ‘an epidemic’ and “the disease ‘of ourera’. The real epidemie, Pd argue, was sort of totalitarian Islamism that wanted ‘not just to run the government but to police what women chose to wear ‘Only now does the West seem to have worked out what has been going on, Rules about dress can, and indeed must, be imposed when any nation’s social cohesion is threatened, Europe is inereasingly reap- ng the harvest of multicultural policies that have served to divide rather than unite, Not just with the growth of Islamism. cither, but sndering hostility to immigration and refugees — often towards my fellow Mus- Jims. The Islamists thrive on this, the idea of Muslims being a society-within-a-society. If they invent religious grounds to persuade them to dress differently, so much the bet tet I suits their sectarian agenc! ‘At long last, the European Court of Jus: tice has moved to restore the bedrock of European identity: secular liberal demoe- racy, where the publie space is shared by all, sand dominated by no one. I's just a shame it could not have done so sooner, before so was done. he past was no picnic, bus itakes his mind off the fare. 2017 wwwstreraron.caus We strive to discover more. Aberdeen’s Asian Investment Trusts. ISA and Share Plan When you invest halfway around the world, it's good to know someone is there aiming to locate what we believe to be the best investments for you At Aberdeen, we make a point of meeting every ‘company in whose shares we might look to invest From Japan to Singapore, from China to Vietnam, we go wherever is required to get to know companies on-the-ground, face-to-face. To steer your portfolio in the right direction, be with the fund manager who aims to discover more in Asia Please remember, the value of shares and the income from them can go down as well as up and you may ‘get back less than the amount invested. Asian funds invest in emerging markets which may carry more risk than developed markets. No recommendation is made, positive or otherwise, regarding the ISA land Share Plan, The value of tax benefits depends on individual circumstances and the favourable tax treatment for ISAs may not be maintained, We recommend you seek financial advice prior to making an investment decision Request a brochure: 0808 500 4000 invtrusts.co.uk/asia Aberdeen Issued by Aberdeen Asset Managers Limited, 10 Queen's Terrace, Aberdeen AB10 1G, which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority in the UK. Telephone calls may be recorded, aberdeen-asset.co.uk ese quate AS21 Little birds, big trouble British territory in Cypru that we s is the centre of a cruel criminal industry m unable — or unwilling ~ to stop SIMON BARNES British military base is being used for a multi-million-quid criminal nterprise, possibly involving the Russian mafia — and Britain seems power- less to prevent it. Last year they had a erack at enforcement and had to give up. Mafia 1, British army 0, I's happening in Cyprus, in the Brit ish Sovereign Base Areas. The situation in ‘Cyprus is a bit lke the Schleswig-Holstein ‘Question, but with more complex problems of nationality, culture and power. It has let this nterprise thrive and prosper es, with the result that Britain is providing the infrastructure for a major illegal business with suspected links to Rus- sian criminal organisations. Which isa touch embarrassing, And it’s all about little birds. An RSPB report published this week shows that last autumn the criminals hit a new record: they managed to kill 800,000 songbirds on Cape Pyla, which is British territory. Britain acquired the Sovereign Base Areas when the Republic of Cyprus ‘acquired independence in 1960. It would be an exaggeration to suggest that the British, presence on Cyprus, and the British own- ‘ership of a chunk of iis universally recog ixed asthe best thing that ever happened to the island. Such tensions traditionally pro- Vide areas in which illegal activities can take place in the margins. The songbirds are killed to provide a local dish called ambelopoulia, “the caviar of Cyprus’, served illegally and expensively in Cypriot restaurants, No doubt the illegal ity adds savour, though it may not be to your taste, being a plateful of little conpses that You pop into your mouth and erunch, per hhaps with yoghurt and cracked wheat The trade is against Cypriot and Europ ‘an law: Cyprusis a member of the EU, forall, that its nearer Syria than mainland Europe, (sland nations often have odd ideas about ‘cooperation with the EU,and tend to seek a pick’n'mix version of their obligations) Bird-trapping is a tradition here, And i you don’t accept that tradition, you're a xenophobic anti-Cypriot and all kinds of other bad things The fact that i's.a bal tra on is not a permitted part of the argument. Cyprus like other Mediterranean islands, is stopover point — a sort of motorway ser viee station for rest and refuelling — for birds migrating between Europe and Arica Cyprus like the other islands, has tradition- ally seen thisas an example of God's bounty The islanders have energetically harvested birds across centuries: peasant farmers eking ‘out a difficult existence could help them- selves to an autumnal treat of little birds ‘caught on lime twigs. What could be wrong with that — save the squeamishness? ‘The 2ist-century version of the prob- lemis based on a kind of democratisation of privilege. Ambelopoulia is a treat that has become a right. AS a result, the traditional Cyprus is depriving the rest of the world of birds that winter in Africa and breed in Europe practice of bird-trapping has been industri- alised. It was made illegal in 1974 and soit has also been criminalised, But i's increas- ing every year: up 183 per cent since records began in 2002, Here’s how you do it, First you find a place attractive to exhausted migrating birds: the best on the island is Cape Pyla, part of the Base Areas. Then you plant avenues of ‘Australian acacias Come the autumn migra- tion, you join the trees up with mist netting, which is very fine and more or less invisible, You acquire a massive sound system, turn it up to Land play the sweet song of blackeap through the night.The birds come gratefully dashing down and get fatally entangled, In the morning, you — or rather your large, accomplished and intimidating staff E ‘Oh, Las looking for the resistance raining clas? — walk the avenues, untangling each flutter: ing bird and gently biting it until you break its neckThe killing areas are surrounded by big trucks and big men: no police required today, thank you very much. Then you sell the dead birds to restaurants, which cook them and sell them as highly prestigious de! icacies without fear of prosecution Industrial-seale exploitation of wild resources rapidly becomes unsustaina ble — the problem faced by fisheries across the world. If the trade is criminal, there is ‘no option of quotas and control. By explo ing transient songbirds, Cyprus is depriving the rest of the world of birds that winter in Africa and breed in Europe. I's not a local issue a all Marin Hellicar, director of Birdlife Cyprus, said: Is important to stress th: the police on the Base Areas are doing what they can — and they've made some good progress. The problem is that there aren’t ‘enough of them, and they're finding it dif- ficult to complete the job ‘On a firing range? On a military base’? On a place where British soldiers go for training before a posting to Afghanistan? ‘What's going on here? Well, Cypriot polities are going on. To turn the might of the British army on a ‘bunch of Cypriots engaged in a — ahem — traditional activity, however criminal, is not going to play well. Any enforcement must be done by police. The Base Area police have reduced the acacia avenues by 60 acres in a ‘couple of years, but there are 90 aeres left, Attempts to continue the clearance last year were met with organised and sue: {ul local resistance. This can only be a police ‘operation, but it seems to need more police- ‘men on the ground. So ultimately it comes down to the will ofthe British government You can oppose the industry on grounds Of squeamishness: images of ambelopoulia are deeply unattractive to British eyes. You cean oppose it on grounds of welfare: the process of trapping and killing is unqu tionably cruel, and in many eyes moral- ly repugnant, You ean oppose it on simple legal grounds. You can oppose it on prac- tical grounds: a eriminal industry is a dan serous and disruptive thing to allow in any ‘country, You can oppose it on grounds of international wildlife conservation: a world with fewer songbirds is asad thing, both for humans and for songbirds, The industry isan increasing embarrass- ‘ment both for Cyprus and for Britain, Bird- trapping goes on all over Cyprus, but the Sovereign Base Areas are the centre of the business — and as a result, we have a Brit- ish military base in the control of criminals. The blackcap isthe star of ambelopoulia, Nice birds. actualy. They'll be singing out all over Britain in a week or two. They've been called ‘the northern nightingale”, because they penetrate deep into our country and wherever they go, they fill the air with song, "We smrcraroR| 1B MARCH 2017 [woWsHECTATORCOUK am a regular listener to the Sunday morning service just after eight on BBC Radio 4. I's habit owed to my old bed I Side clock radio. Purchased in 1978, trols have gone wonky and the radio takes ‘ages to retune; so [just leave it on Radio 4 all the time. Every week, therefore, | awake ‘on Sunday to the sound of hymns. Tike hymns. Their melodies and words are often trite, their message sanctimonious, ‘but from a churchgoing boyhood I know them so well,and early on a Sunday morning | there'ssomething comforting in the fain Besides Im nol avery ietce kind of athe- is Rationality gets wearisome, and Teannot bot thine gather regularly in pursuit of larger truths tnd greater goods than engage usin OUT daily grind ~ even they are under amisap- Prchension as to wha these are and whete to Gnd them Lying ed hall-tstening. 1 feel vaguely uplted though intellectually 1 haven’ agreed ata never end the inte Jude feting worse person Solast Sunday slimber yielded pleas Jy to the music and p Church in Guildford ‘Toby and Megan, recited their person favourite among the sx guiding principles oftheir school, Holy Trinity, Pewley Down One of them chose"Embrace the future with hope and confidence” while the other chose Live in the moment’ It struck me these peceptsare directly contradictory, but why Earp, surrounded as we are by folk wisdom collected to cover every base: nothing ¥en tured nothing gained though of course be tersafe than sort. I wil be good practice for becoming grownups for Megan and Toby to learn to believe two contradictory precepts at once Then we had the reading. I love dear silly, unfair old St Paul iraseible,indeat gab pues ond pany ou ty ifelong difficulty with women —yet tying so hard to would tel us what the mysterious ‘thorn in my side was ut he never does, and just Keeps bash ing aay. Besides something nhs nstinet chimes with mine’ and ls Sunday this leapt ‘ou at me rom his Letter tothe Colosians hapter verse 12-Put on: he writes other ‘ersions fe ‘clothe yourself with’ "com 200d thing that humansshould MATTHEW PARRIS. You don’t have to be good to do good passion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience’ Put on’. That’s so Paul! Jesus would mote likely have enjoined followers to be inhabited by these virtues and wait for them to do their work from within, He would emphasise the inner transformation from which outward habits wil flow, and the 4 direet philosophical/mystical line from His interest in thei ‘Quakers.to the hippies ashram-seekers and Zen and yoga practitioners of our age. For All these, the internal peace and love must ‘come first, The primary fact is the virtue, Where it resides, the secondary facts — right actions — will follow. Believing that we can't gett right in our outward behaviour until we've got it right inside can become an excuse But Paul is with Aristotle, and me. Aris: totle had a reductivist impatience with the idea that the virtues were mystical qualities that lodged within people, ‘causing’ them to behave virtuously. Virtue, he thought, can: not exist in isolation from action. Moral vir tues are achieved by pra they are not innate, not what he called ‘potentialities’ Performing the right action will help estab: Tish a habit of acting rightly. So we should | not look for mystical abstract qualities with in ourselves, hopeful they will work their Tnstead of seeking to be a virtuous 1 miss being “the left behind tn sera) 18 waneH 3017 | Ww:SREETATORLCOU light, through the | person, we should ask ourselves what a vir ‘uous person would do, then doit, Just doit Here he is in Book II of the Nichoma- chean Ethics. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts’ I first saw this, idea framed on a professor's desk at Yale, worded “It is by acting bravely that we ‘become brave: I did not recognise Aristotle, bbut knew at once it was what I thought Later in the passage from which F've quoted. Aristotle sums it up:'By doing the aets that ‘we do in our transactions with other men we become just oF unjust,and by doing the acts that we do in the presence of danger, and being habituated to feel fear or confides wwe become brave or cowardly. If Paul, Aristotle and I have identified a truth about human nature, then the truth has consequences. Reacting strongly asa youth against the “et it all hang out’, just be your- self, to thine own self be true” strain of hip piedom, Lobjected in particular to the excuse common among such people that if they get up early/do the wash ing upikiek the habit, then that was because — no fault of theirs — the requisite bird \ithin them was unfortunately not singing, (Our recourse to a belie that we can't get it right in our outward behaviour until we've got it right inside can all to0 easily become Aan excuse for lack of virtue, or even for vice AL the other end of the seale, it can also prompt us to despair, used (0 know a chap ‘whose life was tormented by sexual desire for underage girls, but who exercised iron self discipline, so far as I know never once stray ing from the path of what another age would call virtue, One day, wearying in his fight, he confided in a priest. The priest directed him tothe biblical passage in which we're warned that simply to look at a woman with adul: terous feelings is to commit adultery. What terrible advice, My friend was brought close to despair. He knew he could control his actions, and did. He knew he could never ntrely banish his desires Speitking for myself do not feel myself to be an innately merciful, a generous, or a brave man,and I doubt [ever will. But Tcan Took around me and see what would be a generous, brave thing to do, And ‘merciful, doit 3 Fighting chance Could the mixed martial artist Conor McGregor “ally defeat one of the greatest boxers in history? I can’t wait to find out DAMIAN REILLY iddle age is OK by me. National Trust membership, a Waitrose loy ty card, lying on the sofa drink: ing red wine and yelling a the telly — since Turned 40, this stuff all just feels right, But by a mile, the best consolation of mic: le age I've found is the eagefighter Conor McGregor and living vicariously through his kicks, punches and verbal smackdowns. How dull my previous enthusiasms for cricket, tennis and football now seem by ‘comparison with the heroic derring-do of this 28-year-old killing machine, a former plumber from Crumlin in Dublin, It’s not just the sheer honesty of the sport hhe has mastered or the megawatt charisma hhe exudes every time he opens his mouth (sample quote:"Whoever said it's tough at the top i talking absolute shite’). More than anything. it’s the meticulous, balletie beauty fof the manner in which he metes out jaw dropping violence whenever he fights. I speaks to a part of me that before middle age [didn't know existed. Put simply: to my mind, a Conor MeGregor fight is without doubt the most thrilling spectacle in sport Never heard of him? Don't worry, you soon will, Very shortly MeGregor will become the most famous sportsman on the planet. After more than a year of will-they ‘won’t-they, a boxing match with never-beat- cen Floyd “the Money’ Mayweather will be announced, probably for September, and MeGregor’s fame, limited today mainly to fans of mixed martial arts, will go strato. spheric. Already. itis being called the first billion-dollar bout. ‘On paper, McGregor doesn't have a prayer. His opponent has a legitimate claim to be called the greatest boxer ever. May weather's record stands at 49 wins, 26 by knockout, One more would take him past Rocky Marciano’s similarly unblemished revord ‘And boxing is not MeGregor’s game, He isa mixed martial artist — he fights with kicks, he grapples, and he isan expert at the round and pound’, which involves sitting (on a prone opponent's chest, pinning his arms down with your knees, and thumping him in the face until he squeals for metey ‘and surrenders. This is not allowed in box ing. Nor, sadly, is choking — cutting off an ‘opponent's air supply with a forearm across the throat — all part of a normal day’s work for McGregor. He will be fighting a deadly ‘opponent with nine-tenths of his consider ble armoury of skills prohibited atthe outset Mayweather, it must be remembered, has ducked no one in his career: Oscar de la Hoya, Ricky Hatton, Manny Pacquiao, Canelo Alvarez and Miguel Cotto, each of paper better boxers by many factors tha MeGregor, all stepped into the ring with Mayweather and tasted defeat ‘And yet I believe MeGregor stands a ood chance. Not just because his lett hand isboth exquisite and brutal, Not just because he has demonstrated again and again that his speed and coordination let him take great liberties with the space-time continuum, But because I suspect it is his destiny to shake up the work, He has a record of overcoming the odds in the most thrilling manner possible. Two years ago, he beat José Aldo, then widely ‘considered to be the best mixed martial art ist alive, in 13 seconds, Last year he over. came the Brazilian jujitsu specialist Nate Diaz, a considerably heavier man who had beaten him in their first fight, over five almost unbearably exciting rounds, And last November, he beat Eddie Alvarez to become the UFC's first ever Iwo-weight ‘world champion. ‘Conor McGregor is a man who special- ises in upsetting the odds and doing precise ly what consensus says he can't. The mixed martial arts commentator Joe Rogan says is a-freak athlete’, able to generate pune ing power comparable to that of George Foreman, The respected MMA trainer Firas, Zalabi says his let hand carries the touch ‘of deatl Obviously, these attributes will be us ful when he fights Mayweather, but [believe primarily it will be MeGregor's bottomless desire 10 prove everyone wrong again — Doubt me now, he said after beating Di ~ that will carry him through, There are plenty of good reasons Spec- aor readers should join me in supporting McGregor when he takes on Mayweather For a start — and without wishing to seem too pious an observer of a sport in which men try hard to beat one another uncon- scious — it must be said that Mayweather is ‘a convicted beater of women with a lengthy track revord of assaults ‘MeGregor, on the other hand, despite his flashy lifestyle — he posts endless pho- tos of himself driving Lamborghinis or wear: ing Gucci mink coats on social media — is ‘4 committed family man whose childhood sweetheart, Dee Devlin, is expected to give birth to their first child in May: And away from the bright lights of fight hype, MeGregor has often demonstrated that, he is thoughtful, He has spoken eloquently for example, on the importance of social equality and gay marriage. and also on the essily to get on in life without expecting help from anyone: Tm focusing on me, Pm focusing on my family’s security. my family’ financial secusi ty. That's all Lean do... L wish everyone well, but you need to focus on yourself. You need to stop putting your hand out, Everyone's hhands are out,everyone wants things for free, ‘You've got to putin the work, you've got 10 tind, you've got to go through the struggle, tnd you've got to get it Mayweather most certainly should beat Conor McGregor in a boxing match him easily, even, But when the pair do ly meet, no doubt ia the middle of int for people in Britain, there will be avery excited middle-aged man on a sot in Putney who will be expecting a different result ‘Go on, Conor. Shake up the world. vn se 12017 wwwse ROD LIDDLE Brexit brings us endless little beakers of joy he thing that got me about the photo- [ graph which prompted the Daily Mail's harmless but now infamous headline ‘Never mind Brexit — who won Legs-it!" was what I shall eal the Sturgeon, Lower Limb Mystery. In the photograph, the SNP leader seemed to he possessed of two slender and very long legs indeed. Whereas wwe know from television news footage that her legs are only seven inches long from her toes to that bit where they join the rest of her body. Walking to Downing Street for meetings, or being interviewed on the hoof by camera erews, Nicola Sturgeon usual- ly resembles a slightly deranged Oompa Loompa, or, as many have commented before, Janette Krankie. But if you tilt th photo of her with Theresa May, so she's sort ‘of standing upright.she’s an Amazon. Thave contacted the SNP about this, apparent anomaly but, oddly, they have yet to get back to me. I suppose when they do they will insist it's just the camera angle, But suspect Ms Sturgeon is tited of unflatter- ing comments about her legs and has taken to wearing some complex prosthetic device Two titanium leg extensions with the join. where her proper toes are, shaped to look like knees I hink that isa litle deceitful and Tam sure the Scottish voters agree with me. So, we are at last triggered, Almost every ‘ovist and turn of Brexit holds its own little beaker of joy and opportunity for schade freude. Last summer, the Tory Leave eam. Paign was led by Boris Johnson, who one suspects really wished to remain in the EU. Now, Brexit is being pursued vigorously by a prime minister who was in favour of remaining, And the official oppositio man who clearly wished to le is led by a mpaign to fe but as prevented from so doing and now has to prosecute the Remain ease with, ‘avery uneasy expression on his silly face Prevented from being pro-Leave by a par. liamentary Labour party whose most senior politicians ~ the Blarites especially — rep- resent some of the most fervently pro-Leave constituencies in the country. The other irony being that some of those in Labour who campaigned for Leave — such as the Jmirable Kate Hoey — represent the most pro-Remain constituencies in the coun: He SPECTATOR | MUL 2017 | WWSPEETATER.COK AW \ Qj ) es ty. Never before have our polities been so hilariously muddled and counter intuitive ‘And then, just to add tothe fun, there are those other two parties, the SNP and Ukip, ‘The latter has almost ceased to exist and is now denuded of its only MP, something which — again, counter-intuitively, unless you have met Douglas Carswell — seems to have cheered them up enormously, Paul Nuttall’s party is still determined to make Brexit is key issue, despite the fact that its voters in the North and Midlands are far ‘more bothered about immigration, And soit isin the position of yearning for the govern ment to renege, backslide of water down the nature of our leaving, so that it might have a raison d'etre once again, despite having had The SNP considers itself to be relentlessly ‘progressive’ in the ‘manner of a pancreatic tumour ‘good eause to claim a singular suecessin that | wwe are leaving at al. The SNP. meanwhile, was propelled into, power in Holyrood and into an unseemly umber of seats in the House of Commons not because it i left-wing, but for many of the very same reasons which prompted peo: ple south of the border to vote Ukip and Leave and which are also behind the rise of the largely right-wing populist parties across Europe. Sturgeon’s legions offered patriot ism and a clear sense of national identity Ilied 1o a corrosive but justifiable disaffee: “Good 1 see London carrying on as nonmal tion with the establishment elite. And yet the party disdains the populism which oc sioned its success because it considers itself to be relentlessly, drearily grimly ‘progres sive’ in the manner of panereatie tumour And so, as the voters desert the party north of the border, it hunkers down into its only truly popular policy, a demand for inde: pendence from an aloof elite. Its becom- ing monomaniacal, kind of Ukip manque except with ginger hair and very short legs, 11 deluded itself into thinking that its popu larity stemmed from an inherently lelt-wing ‘and liberal-minded public in Seotland but is now beginning to gather. as the Scottish, Tories and the Liberal Democrats make inroads into its vote, thatthe best thing left todos simply shout at an increasinely sill, pitch; “Out! Out!’ lis candle may be very brief indeed ‘On the big issues of the day.and particu ny estamos of he mnaor artis are able ler abou wha they sand fororeven what hey dontand for he Liberal Democrats God bles thm, aie prety leon hath those ses A Jet they are picking. p new votes HOt 30 Yeaciaberaty mined Remain regions but (art mentioned beter) from Tarely FoLyve diafected former Labor vot Bein te Norn and Milan who can see thar Utip sa usted leh and need eon Ut for thir protests Bul then i hay

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