Chapter 1 – You Just Don’t Understand by: Deborah Tannen
ED304
Male
- in conversations men have to
one-up or one-down others, life is
about preserving independence (
being on top) and not failing.
- Hierarchies of power and
accomplishment
o Hierarchy is established by
giving orders and having
them stick, telling stories
and jokes, sidetracking or
challenging the stories and
jokes of others s
- Independence, then intimacy
- Protective instincts
- “the desire for freedom and
independence becomes more of
an issue for many men in
relationships”
Katelyn Hartley
Female
- conversations are negotiations, a striving for
closeness with one another. Women “struggle to
preserve intimacy and avoid isolation.”
- don’t boast skills, “don’t give orders; they
express their preferences as suggestions”
- both want o don’t joke around with each other,
intimacy and they are more concerned about
independence being liked.
- hierarches of friendship
- intimacy then independence
- connection – can be seen as subordinate to
protection from men
-
“interdependence and connection become
more of an issue for women”