THE GARDEN PARTY

THE GARDEN PARTY

PETER, each wearing only a hastily arranged O1JerCOQ1.)
MRS PLUDEK: Goodness gracious me! Is something the matter Iltxwbell rings.)
AMANDA: There's nothing the matter. Here is a letter. I mean It' Hugo!
telegram. IIlIltK: At last! . A

PLUDEK: Read it! ters~,..s':ZI wearing his gay papier-mache nose.)

III/Coen dl
AMANDA: (Reading) DEAR ALBERT, I HEAR THAT YOUR SON J I ure our darling little Hugo would g~t.ahea. .
HUGO HAS BEEN PUT IN CHARGE OF LIQUIDATING THE I Well done, you rascal! What about grvmg him
LIQUIDATION OFFICE. Have you got it, Ann darling? We' uucthing good to eat? .. fmilk
push off at twelve. Don't bother, love, I'll take the ham in I I 1/ nax: Now what would he like? A mce little glass 0
own juice. I SHOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY , limps? b '
CONGRATULATE HIM ON HIS SIGNAL SUCCESS. You m III A nice little cup of coffee, I'd say. The poor ugger s
you've never been in Nespeky? Carbons? In Hirsch's desk. I•• 11 up the whole night. I Wh

Just wait till you see the woods! Please carry on. WE OUGH I" IIl)EK: He may have got no sleep, but he got ahead. h 0
TO MEET ONE DAY. Don't forget to take - YOURS FRANK III1WS, h e ID1ight not feel like talking to us now that he as
KALABIS - your swimsuit. ,le important position, Albertl . I
MRS PL UDEK: Did you hear that, Alben? The liquidation of the I , lie has a friendly word for everyone, even for the simp est
Liquidation Office! I
lolk. As a matter offact, I'm counting • .
on ~t myse If . I've
I .comeh
PL UDEK: I heard it, Berta. Iaros wished to be a goldsmith and he I to have a little chat with him and see if perhaps mig t
became one. Hugo asked himself - and there you are _ a . him a hand with this or the other. What about that
11111 give
signal success. Besides, as far as Japan is concerned_ lIi .e cup of coffee? . . H
MRS PL UDEK: (To AMANDA)What exactly were you doing in the I r. UDEK: Yes, of course, as soon as our darling little ugo
pantry the whole night? urives,
AMANDA: Sorting the post. Goodbye. 1'10: He's not home yet? . id .
(AMANDA and PETER leave in OPPOsitedirections.) 1 I' JlI(K: He was probably delayed by that liqui .anon.
MRS PLUDEK: Listen, Bertie-. I I'LUDEK: L·IqWidatin g a Liquidation Office IS no easy matter,
PL UDEK: What is it?
y u knowl . id .
MRS PLUDEK: Hugo is nicely taken care of. Shouldn't we now III 0: Your H·UgOlS . li q uidating at the very time the Liqui anon
look out for something for Peter? Mter all, he too is our Office is being liquidated? .
child. I I I J1)EK: That's not what my wife mc:an~. S.he J~st meant to say
PL UDEK: Oh, we'll find something for him. He might go to work that Hugo shouldn't be doing this liquidation.
for some paper. 11/(,0.. And who'd liquidate the Liquidation Office?
'1 MRS PL UDEK: Wouldn't they mind him looking like a bourgeois I, IIDEK: Our Hugo. . .. th
I intellectual? If only he'd stop wearing those glasses! 1111GO: You mean your Hugo wo~d ~ liq~d~ung a; every
, PL UDEK: They haven't got a single intellectual among them, so time the Liquidation Office IS being liquidatedi .
they're bound to think better a bourgeois one than none at It PL UDEK: That's not what my husband In:~t. ~e Just meant
all. At least he knows which way is up, Did somebody ring? M to say that Hugo shouldn't ~ do~g ~e liqwd~non.
MRS PLUDEK: No. IIIJGO: And who'd liquidate the Liquidation Office.
MRS PLUDEK: Our Hugo.
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 THE GARDENPARTY
PLUDEK:Precisely.
MRS~LUDEK:~~ sh?-uld our Hugo be liquidating at the very
tune the LIqwdatlOn Office was being liquidated?
PLUDEK:And who'd liquidate the Liquidation Office?
MRSPLUDEK: Our Hugo.
PLUDEK:Why should our Hugo be liquidating at the very time
Liquidation Office is being liquidated?
MRSPLUDEK:And who'd liquidate the Liquidation Office?
PLUDEK:Our Hugo.
MRSPLUDEK:Why not?
PLUDEK:Provided nobody hears about it.
MRSPLUDEK:These things can't be kept quiet.
PLUDEK:Hugo shouldn't have accepted that liquidation.
MRSPLUDEK:Ifhe hadn't accepted it, the Liquidation Office
wouldn't have been liquidated and liquidation would go on
And why then should Hugo be the only one who isn't
liquidating? It's good he didn't turn it down!
pt UDEK:Because he didn't, the Liquidation Office will be
liquidated, liquidation will stop, and it'll be only Hugowho
k p on liquidating. It's bound to get him into trouble, soo
or J t r
MRSrt.UDEK: Heshouldhaveturneditdown_
J>LUDEK:On the contrary, he should have not accepted it-
MRSPLUDEK:On the contrary,he should have not turned it
down-
PLUDEK:Shouldn't he have at the same time accepted it and not
turned it down?
MRSPLUDEK:Rather, turned it down and not accepted it!
PLUDEK:In that case, rather not accepted it, not turned it down
accepted it and turned it down! ' (AMANDAand PETER leave in OPPOSIte directums.)
MRSPLUDEK:And whatifhe'd at the same time turned it down
not accepted it, not turned it down and accepted it? ' I I tJDEK:What is it?
PLUDEK:Hard to say. What do you think?
HUGO:Me? ~ ell, I'd say he should have not accepted it, not
turned .It down, accepted it and turned it down ,and at the
same tune turned it down, not accepted it, not turned it do
and accepted it. Or the other way around. Did somebody ring?
46
THE GARDEN PARTY
1111 . No.
u t then the doorbell rings.) It's Hugo!
1'1 IJI)EK:Atlast! .
MANDAand PETER enter from opposite directions.)
IIA:(Reading) DEARALBERT, I HAVEJUSTHEARDTHAT
1111' INAUGURATIONSERVICEIS BEINGLIQUIDATEDAND
IIIAT THE RESPONSIBLETASKOFCONDUCTINGTHIS
IMI'ORTANTLIQUIDATIONHASALSOBEENENTRUSTED:O
OURHUGO. Have you got it, Ann? What? Good God, a bit of
I 1111 on the way back! No, much later. CONVEYTOHIM
1'/ I'ASEMYSINCERESTCONGRATULATIONS UPON HIS
•ATSUCCESS.That's why, dear, that's precisely why! And
I
wh uabout me? She won't givemea divorce! WE MUSTMEET
() N ALBERTANDHAVEAGOODCHAT. Try and understand
I've got children! DOYOUREMEMBERWHATWE DIDWHEN
WI WERE BOYS?Careful, Hirsch is coming! YOURSFRANCIS.
I'/.~DEK: Did you hear that, Albert? The liquidation of the .
In uguration Service! . .
I IIIIJ(K:I heard it, Berta. What was it Jaros u~ to say? Life IS a
blank page. Hugo knew what to write on ~t- and there you are
a great success! Besides, as far as Japan IS concerned-
"L UDEK: (To AMANDA)Have you been sorting post the whole
night? In the dark?
ANDA:The bulb broke.
I'LUDEK:The bulb! If you don't marry Peter now-
ANDA:Butwewanttogetmarried- . . I
I l'LUDEK:My poor girl, Peter is a bourgeois mtellectual.
MANDA:Peter is going to study microb~olo~! ~bye!
PLUDEK: Listen,Bertie-
K. PLUDEK: Did you hear that? . . .
1111 GO:SOyour Hugo is liquidating not only the Liquidation
Office, but the Inauguration Service as well? ..
II.tJDEK: And he's right! Both institutions ought to be?qwdated
as soon as possible, because both are outworn vestiges of the I
past. You do agree, don't you?
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 THE GARDEN PARTY·
HUGO: Well, we all- THE GARDEN PARTY
MRS PL UDEK' Please ""(,URATION SERVICE A GREAT NEW INSTITUTION, A
mean to ~y that try anthdunderstand, my husband didn't
- on e contr.>,." th h ' IN. RAL COMMISSION FOR INAUGURATION AND
preserved if thi ~~J - ey s ouldn t both I II)I/IDATION. I can't stand a woman crying! All right, all
HUGO: Well, ":e all- s turned out to be a matter of good tactics
I hll GIVE HIM PLEASE MY FERVENT BROTHERLY
PL UDEK: Please try and understand m . . , I. IIlTINGS ON THE OCCASION OF HIS OUTSTANDING
~at t!te ~auguration Service shoJ~e:~ t.mdaeanto sa uccsss . Oh, come off it! I don't believe it. And if you are-
L lqUIdatIon Office r
liquidated and the in . . qUI ted and
eserv~, or the !-lqUIdation Office
auguratIon Semce prese ed if .
yllll must get rid of it, that's all! I AM MISSING YOU MOST
I1 l(RIBL Y AND I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I won't
turned out to be a matter of good rv , this It blackmailed by you, you know! YOUR OLD - Liar! -
HUGO' . Well ,we_ all strategy_
I AITHFUL- Whore! - FRANK- Silly goose!
MRS PLUDEK: Please try and und 1'1 UDEK: Did you hear that, Alben? The construction of a
mean to say that both . . e~tand, my husband didn't ( ntral Commission for Inauguration and Liquidation!
IDStItutIons shouldn't be ID'good
measure preserved _ 1111 K: I heard it, Berta. Jaros always thought of his future, he
PL UDEK: And at the same time both . Itidied and studied and studied. Hugo thought of his - and
MRS PL UDEK: Or the other m good measure liquidated Ihere you are - an outstanding success! Besides, as far as
PL I way round-
UDEK: f this turned out to be- J 'pan is concerned-
MR. PLUDEK: Good StrateglcaJ-=- ,·r.UDEK: (To AMANDA) Peter and microbiology! Nonsense!
1'r.UDF, :Ta tics- A member of the middle classes won't waste his time on such
uur 0: W 11,we all- piddling matters!
MIC. J>l.UDEJ<: We11- what? NDA: Peter and I are in love with each other. He's moving out
UtJOO: w:
~,please try and understand _ we all are 0 of here and coming to live with me! Goodbye!
searching in these tempestuous . ~y son of I I ".R: Goodbye!
standpoint _ did somebod . ~es for our partIcular (AMANDA and PETER leave together, theatrically holding
PLUDEK: No. y nng.
hands.)
(Just then the dourbeU rings ) I S PLUDEK: Listen, Bertie-
It's Hugo! . I1 IIDEK: What is it?
MRS PL UDEK: At last! • S PL UDEK: Did you hear the way he shouted at us?
(AMANDA and PETER enter from ". I I l1DEK: Berta, I can't help feeling that we've just lost a son. But
AMANDA' (Readi ••a) O/JPOntedtrectwns.)
• -"6 MY VERY DEAREST I can't help adding that it's no great loss, since our future
IMAGINE HOW VERY PLEASAN ALBERT, YOU CANNOT daughter-in-law is the child of a caretaker!
THE NEWS THAT YOUR HUGO T~Y I WAS SURPRISED BY MRS PLUDEK: But a caretaker is really the working class, isn't he?
drawer of carbons' I didn't
wanting a mink"
ili
nly yesterday he had a full
eat em! What? You'd be
1'r.UDEK: Not all that much. But let's face it, he knows a lot about
coat next' Carry will the working class -
ASSIGNED THE EXTREME'LY HO on, you! - WAS MRS PLUDEK: Amanda and microbiology were stronger than us,
NOURABLE AND
IMPORTANT TASK OF CONSTR so now Hugo remains the only real hope of the family. What
THE FORMER LIQUIDATION UCTlNG ON THE RUINS OF did you actually want to say about Japan?
OFFICE AND THE FORMER
"L UDEK: (To HUGO) Listen, who are you, in fact?
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 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
.d he who is tOOmuch may soon
HUGO: Me! You mean who I am? Now look here, I don't like 11 I more to not be; besi e~, _.,;n situation _ is able to a
all d he who - m ace.
<AU£& th
one-sided way of putting questions, I really don't! You 11111 be at , an . another situation be all e
I I1 in extent to not ~, maY:hether you want more to be or
one can ask in this simplified way? No matter how one
\••It r for that. I don t know be or not to be' but I know I
answers this sort of question, one can never encompass h you want to '
d
11111 10 be, an w e~ and that's why all the time I mus~a
whole truth, but only one of its many limited parts. What
rich thing is man, how complicated, changeable, and ut to be all the ume hen he is from time to tune a
multiform - there's no word, no sentence, no book, no . 1I111cbitnotbe. You~,.manhedwth by' And if at the moment
. . t dimims ere.
that could describe and contain him in his whole extent. hill bit no~ 1S no . _ rather not, I assure you that soon
I un - relauvely speaking I' been and then we can
man there's nothing permanent, eternal, absolute; man is h than ve ever -
continuous change - a change with a proud ring to it, of 1might be muc more all th things but on an entirely
course! Today the time of static and unchangeable catego • h ve another chatabout t~(Walks :na.)
Iltfferent platform. Ch~kma .
is past, the time when A was only A, and B always only B .
l'l.UDEK: Listen, Berue-
gone; today we all know very well that A may be often B as .. ",)

well as A; that B may just as well be A; that B may be B, bu Whatls

1I111.K: It. ha h said was it?
\'1. UDEK: Not bad w t e 'w wh ?
equally it may be A and C; just as C may be not only C, but
IIIILK: It was excellent! And yOUkno Y ~
also A, B, and D; and in certain circumstances even F may
become Q, Y, and perhaps also H. I'm sure you yourselves l'tUDEK: Why? has' his veins the healthy philosophy
I "IIHK: Because dearly ~ey ~ow without gumboots not even
must feel that what you feel today you've not felt yesterday,
nf the middle classes. ou, '
md what you felt yesterday you don't feel today, but might bes can get to Kravo vec.
rhaps again feel tomorrow; while what you might feel the u . ,
( ings) Rule Bohemta.
day after tomorrow you may never have felt before. Do you Bohemia rules the waves
f cl that? And it's not hard to see that those who today
Bohemians
understand only today are merely another version of those
who yesterday understand only yesterday; while, as we all Never, never, never -} don't overrun usl When they
PLUDEK: SOlong as the aPllswillbark'
know, it's necessary today somehow to try and understand th hounds of he .
also that which was yesterday, because - who knows - it may come, all e L ••_" b ks inside the cupboard.)
(Just then a hell-fWU1~ ar
come back again tomorrow! 1ru is iust as complicated and th ey'ehere'
multiform as everything else in the wor - e magnet, the I I UDEK: Berta, r 'b d and comes right down to the
(F ALK stePs out of the cup oar
~telephone, p . . , e magnet - and we all are a ittl
hit what we were yestetd:ay and a liffIe bitwhat we are today; foodights.). ud . e) And now, without sort of much
I Al.K:(Addressmg the a tenC
and also a little bit we're not these things. Anyway, we all are
a little bit all the time and all the time we are not a little bit; ado - go home!
some of us are more and some of us are more not; some only
are, some are only, and some only are not; so that none of us
i entirely is and at the same time each one of us is not entirely;
\ and the point is just when it is better to be more, and to not
be less, and when - on the contrary - it is better less to be
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