Passing For White

Anuptaphobia
Outsider Envy
Fawn
One Possible Ending
All titles written and edited by Richard Millett © 2018 Published by Fluxlife Inc.

Photography, Layout, & Design- Earl Todteman

Conceptual Continuity- Earl Todteman

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Other titles in this series:

Radar/Grain- Tracing The Dim Signal- Water b/w Fingernail In My Salad- Scatter- Scatter/Mild Life/T. & W.- Life Isn't Hard b/w Mild Life- The Aluminum
Farm- The Zen Transference Manual- It Went Red- The First Four Years- Splish!- The Splish! Supplement- Splish Reconsidered- Swim To The Center-
Oranges- Present- Communism Is Grand- The Sampler- Statements Anti Statements- Sunrise On The Caina Islands- Remember b/w Thank You- Your Future
Your Freedom- This Is What Freedom Looks Like- God Bless The Guests At The Banquet- Salt Or Light- Laughter At The Wake b/w 49 Day Process- Always,
All The Time b/w Miss You In The Morning- Sacrifice The Satellite b/w Milky Skies- The Female Perspective
hurry, he needs an infusion
and this coffee is cold
he stayed up all night
to see himself dancing on television

he set up a conference call

and he's trustworthy
because he looks like me
big white belly like a fish
I show my hand, I know, I always show my hand
meanwhile, it's 7:05am
two cars, three spaces apart in the
white castle parking lot
one man each gets out
on the left, he's wearing
jeans and a flannel shirt
and a cowboy hat
on the right
a charcoal grey business suit
they walk in a v-shape
meet at the door
with a handshake
then heated conversation
the corners of the cowboy's mouth
start to bubble and foam

they watch the jets

bubble and foam
pretend they're superheroes
with the unlimited
powers to make
bubbles and foam

Theranos industries deploying a prick,

approved an ecosystem
agreeing on a settlement
for widespread future technology
she said accusingly and secretively
retiring her blood lesson company

watch it bubble and foam

 Watch them bubble and foam
when form follows steam
bourbon follows cream
bubble and foam
over the safety warning

the crude delights

set one's sweat glands reeling
with a shark tooth
covered in pudding
the owner urges everyone to look out the window
at the condo
\ tow truck
\ victim
\ knight
\ uniform
\ camera
\ newspaper
\ bank
\ park
\ yard
\ new restaurant
as if he's got some psychic powers
he was taught
the meaning of versatility
respect for the law
trust for fistfights
and an arid humor
that snorts debris when under
the advisement of enforced idleness
ANUPTAPHOBIA
What am I doing? You'll play an angel who's confused with their lot in life and
trying to decide if being an angel is worth it.

I don’t know what that means. How old are you?

20 or 21? Why did you agree to this?

Because I couldn’t bottle it. What questions do you have?

Why do I cough when I wake up every morning? What do you find beautiful in yourself?
Is it because I smoke cigarettes?

My cough sounds beautiful. My chest is rattling. What do you not like about yourself?

I feel afraid of the future. Ambitionless a little. What do you want?

Don't judge me.

I want money. I'm discouraged a little. How do you get what you want?

I responded to an ad that wanted someone to What about the future?

come to a wedding for $1000

I’m living as cheaply as possible but am still I have other questions.

worried about money.

Tell me things. No, I am only asking questions.

Do you still like me? Why do you ask?

I’m afraid of a lot of things. When my heart

breaks this city will be ruined for me.
 OUTSIDER ENVY
When I didn’t eat - because I was afraid of being fat

When I stopped combing my hair - because I didn’t care

Because it was beaten or mocked - out of me

I never knew - and had no way of knowing

When they were calling me - fat or a fag

This is the second act - and it's dedicated to - everyone I've survived

This is the second act - and it's dedicated - to everyone who's survived

I’ve got a hangnail

if it were possible, I’d have - gone outside with a - brown paper bag - over my head - w/ eye holes cut out

Now this is the second act - and the people - who beat me - wished they were me?

Because now they have - outsider envy - They want it so badly

to cop a little piece - of being picked last - or never invited to the party

to use that as the basis of - an argument that too many - people have too many rights

risk their future - because they can’t work out - how to bully back

so they try to cop - my attitude

they used to beat me - and now they’ve got - outsider envy

and now I don’t have hair - and I still don’t care - I have a hangnail

and we'll survive you

can’t be me - with one lane of news

can’t be me - trying to swim up a clogged stream

can’t be me - making billionaires happy

can’t be me - trying to re-live the 80's

can’t beat me - when you’ve got outsider envy

and the question is – intermission

This Is The Second Act

and you still don’t - have to worry about - being black

and you wouldn’t trade - spots if you could

but you try to cop - a little piece of their pain - snidely work in some slang - advertise for blue lives who are - authorized to satisfy your cravings

the question is – what’s your joke?

boil down your building - and pretend it’s a community - with a creative culture - but it’s just a burger king – it’s just your latest costume

this is the second act

and take a good look

take a good look - because I’m what your - future’s supposed to look like

and the future is for - everyone who's survived you

which really isn’t - that fucking hard to do

this is the future - and the truth, too

and the truth, too

Everyone knows the story

about the emperor’s new clothes
but what if the emperor disrobed
and his subjects and court
were aghast or disinterested
in his state of undress?
what if he defiantly stood
there naked anyway?
 FAWN
Two brothers named Canary
were said to have stolen
from the community chest

They didn’t have the decency

to steal from the wealthy,
take what they need
and give away the rest

But the law couldn't be trusted

and thus were never called
so the Canarys were chastised
and marched to the town walls

The locals hoped word would

travel down the wire, and that they'd
be denied food, lodgings, and water
wherever they retired

but quickly enough the Canarys were forgotten and continued to

ride along freely without judgement or punishment, and if they
committed any further acts of thievery, it was never noted publicly

Griffith Jessica
resplendent in a natty Navy suit powerful yet delicate in a
mellow peppermint pencil dress
steals Jessica's champaign
in a wrongheaded attempt rubs the bristle of Griffith's temples
to give it back into his sweat
later as a gift and wonders how
thinking she'll many texts he'll
appreciate it have to hide from
more her next

Griffith Jessica
says he can break skin without bleeding can get arrested and go straight home
he dyes water blue and spend the
before he drinks rest of her week
he memorizes reviews yelling at strangers
then skips to the end on the street and snapping reaction shots
of the books he reads of the backs of their heads

Griffith Jessica
is flummoxed as is photographed
he's photographed exiting ironically flashing
his favorite bar in the early morning a peace sign on the beach
his mother's birthday on his mind her mother's week long
and a cigarette visit thankfully
behind his ear now over

Griffith explains to his extended family Jessica explains to the management

the nature of his many public feuds at her company that discounting what could
and why they will persist, and be considered her offensive language,
bats away a leading question by their lawyer the inherent truth of her statement
disregarding being disproven by facts still stood, though she was struck
feeling justified in thinking that the best speechless when asked if she thought
way to reconcile a discrepancy is to attack only her supporters were aware of her content

or as might have been dreamt a different way according to her informants a known opponent
They made fun of the family name unaware she was being recorded
an insult to the family name made a remark, the weight of which
made fun of the family name contradicted her previously stated stance
insult to the family name compromised her previously stated stance
 Pablo floats in the ectoplasm
awashed in the oils marked for his self portrait

THE PRIZE
FISH
Fawn's teeth snap on water when
her magnetic coiled alertness goes unrewarded

Satsuki states her ideas for posterity:

The problem that I see is that they assume
everyone who agrees with them about
one thing agrees with them about everything

The problem that I see is that

it's another version of corporate thinking
or another way of being right wing

The problem that I see is that

is they assume I’ll be a standard bearer

The problem that I see is that they

they are only willing to write words in chalk

The problem that I see is that they

limit me to things I had no control over

The problem that I see is that their

personal truth has no dialogue with honesty
Satsuki states ideas she would likely delete:
I'll never be able to stop forcing emotions from myself

I'll never be able to be an eggshell

I'll never be able to be a pierced genital

I'll never be able to convince people

I saunter past the bar

and the jpegs of 2003

like it means anything

I step over the bar

and re-surfaced insisting
that sounds like a rhinestone

I ignore the bar

and the people
whose minds comprise the seventh circle

I shake my head at the bar

hoping to get money from acquaintances
for friendship services

Satsuki notes things she's overheard:

I try and fail
and cannot help but hate the people
who stay past closing
and get distracted
where there’s web cam on the wall
hope no one saw you
picking pepper out of your teeth

while thinking…
oh it’s all like modern art,
this is being seen somewhere,
and I’m the subject,
in this moment
this ultimate moment

take a drink,
the gaze
take a drink,
it's empowering
I wonder if I know them,

old movies to me are like,

dream a little dream
I wouldn’t watch anything older,
because I’d be bored
and I wouldn’t know what they were talking about
ONE POSSIBLE ENDING