The Orders.Stick. Start of Darkness atte l a (Ni in IANT®. PLAYGROUND‘Welcome to the second The Order ofthe Stick prequel book, this one detailing the backstories of the main villains: Xykon and Redcloak. (It also fils in a few gaps for less villianish characters, like Dorukan, Litian, Eugene Greenhilt, and the Creature in the Darkness, though it’s not really their story.) This book is chronologically before any of the others, with events, starting over a century before The Order of te Stick #1. However, if you're just reading the books, you should read this one after No Cure for the Paladin Blues, because some of the information in here will spoil parts of that, particularly the crayon stuff ‘Technically, you don’t need to know any of what is contained here to enjoy the main story, insofar as you'll never be let after reading a new update going, “Huh? I didn’t get that,” because of anything in this book. That's rot to say that this book doesn’t contain crucial context for these characters, explaining why they do what they do, It does. But ultimately, most people aren't going to enjoy the main comic less if they never understand the exact reasons that, say, Xykon feels he can trust Redcloak with his phylactery just as an example, If you want to iknow the whole story, here itis. If you only care about what is needed to get to the resolution of the main plot, then consider this ancillary material. Sort of like bonus material on a DVD. Writing a story centered around your main antagonist, is sortof difficult, because you risk “devillainifying” them. ‘Yes, Ijust made that word up. What I mean, though, is that ‘once an audience has read all about a character’s life, with all of their personal struggles and trials and tribulations and such, it’s more difficult to see the character as the Big, Bad. My challenge here was to tell the story of Xykon's life without making Xykon even slightly sympathetic. L mean, he's completely and wholly unapologetically Evil, but ‘more to the point, he's kind ofa dick. [Tike to think that I captured that in this story by showing all the different ways that he's been evil up to the point where we meet him, There are people inthis world who are driven to evil because of what their life has forced them to endure; Xykon is not one of those Redcloak might be, though. Which reminds me, [feel like I should put a warning here in the Introduction (even though I'm fairly certain most people won't read this until after they've | ntrod uction by Rich Burlew finished the book) In this story, bad things happen to good people. A lot Also, good things happen to bad people, and bad things are done to bad people by good people acting bad. (Got all that?) This is after all, the story of some very wicked people and how they got to bein the fairly comfortable postion that they're in ‘when we first meot them in the main comic's narrative. If you're looking for karmic retribution for every evil deed. performed by a character inthis book, you're going to be pretty damn disappointed. However itis important to.remember that this prequel is only part of the story. Don’t think oft a8 a complete work in and of itself i exists as part ofthe greater The Onder ofthe Stick saga. IF the villains dide’t sometimes win, then victory over them wouldn't be as sweet forthe heroes. Like On tie Origin of PCs, this book is printed in greyscale, primarily to lower the cost both forme and for you. (As an aside, apparently some people thought Twas serious in my intro to that book when I said that 1 chose greyscale strictly for aesthetic reasons and even insisted on paying the full eolor price for black-and- white printing... he mind boggles) I think having done 4 previous book in greyscale really helped me this time, {ts Las able to remember what had worked well and what hadi’ Of course the art in the color comics has advanced in fits and jumps through the intervening years, s01 hope you'll agree with me when Tsay that I find the art quality ofthese greyscale images is much better than my previous work In fact, cringed when Thad to it Roy and Eugene fcom On the Origin of PCs directly for their section, due largely tothe crappy way 1 used to draw Roy's feet, Ugh. I know its an artistic cliché, but every time I look at my older work, it makes me want to projectile vomit "Anyway, enjoy Stor of Darkness for what its: a dip into the darker side of the OOTS pool, with all the smorbidity and black humor that implies. Ifthe page ‘opposite this one doesn't make you lose your lunch, 1 have a feeling you'll have fun along the way. Rich Burlew May 2007Greetings, reader. I, Miko Miyazaki, paladin of the ‘Sapphire Guard, vassal of Lord Shojo, have been ordered by my liege to compose a suitable preface for the book that you currently hold, before I attend to a mission of some importance in the dwarven lands of the far north. I shall therefore do so, as my loyalty to my lord is without peer. While I referred to this as a “preface,” it would more accurately be categorized as a waming—a notification that the words and pictures within this slim tome should be avoided at all eosts, These are the stories of evil men performing wicked deeds, and no good can come from perusing them even casually. If you are looking for light entertainment, cast your seeking gaze elsewhere, good citizen, for many of the dark and terrible things that villains shall do within these pages will go unpunished between these covers, leading to the mistaken impression that Evil triumphs over Good on a regular basis. Such is rot trae! knows personally, that the good and caring impulses of the human heart will always win out over any evil tendencies. You need only Took to myself, a paladin of unassailable virtue, to see a shining example of everything that is right in this wretched world in which we live ‘This story, however, takes the simple and undeniably true premise that all evil creatures are uniformly and. iwedeemably evil and deliberately confuses the issue by showing us that some villains might perform evil actions for purportedly noble reasons, Do not be swayed by this thetoric, however: we all know that every being of the same alignment is indistinguishable from one another, just as my fellow paladins and I are always in agreement about every aspect of our duties and how they should be carried out, Itis well known that alignment is the be-all and enc:-all of how characters should act, after all, so to ascribe "motivations" to evil ereatures is merely giving, comfort to the enemy. Naturally, [have not actually read this book myself, bat I fel confident saying that in addition to being, uiterly depraved and corrupt, the author is obviously an agent of the Lower Planes himself. Why else would he choose to write a book that glorifies the most heartless by Miko Miyazaki evildoers in such an often-comedic way? He has clearly been sent from the depths of the Pit to tempt each of you to the side of Asmodeus! Cast aside your eyes from his sinful “comics” then, and live a life free from evil, 28 do, Perhaps, if you began now by throwing down this cursed book, you might be able to someday work yourselves up to be a small fraction of the righteous perfection that even the lowliest of paladins represents OF course, as the most powerful member of the Sapphire Guard, spiritual equivalency with my own unblemished soul is out ofthe question, but stills it not soothing to have the bright beacon of my own absolute certainty by which to steer the ship of yout life? Tcannot help but notice that despite my plain statements that this book is, literally, concentrated Evil cozed from a printing press, you are still reading it. Were iy wamings not clear enough? This book shail do you ly harm; put it down immediately and warn others not to go near. Those who continue on might find themselves confronted with situations that make the clear distinction between Good and Bvilless...distinct. Be thankful that | am here to protect you from words which you ‘ight find unpleasant, so that you might live your lives unburdened by the responsibilty of deciding the truth of any moral or ethical issues contained herein for yourself. You are trily blessed, that I would shield you in such a way, are you not? ‘And yet, you read on. There can only be one interpretation: you, too, are an agent of Evil, looking to learn the secrets of the characters depicted within to aid you on your evil missions in the world of mortals. ‘To Such evil as you represent, there can be only one response: immediate eradication! The time for words has passed, now isthe time for swift bloody retribution! Prepare to defend yourself, mewling hellspawn, from the divine righteous power of the Twelve Gods! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! Miko Miyazaki Human paladin January 2007A Small Village OER EETThe Same Small Villagefe) e) Tamas 34 years ago; b> >) 1 oe fee pep nar Ween ee |& = § &Helldeathdoomfire Volcano 82 years ago But now, area Well done, Daa eee nes of you to be my second: sought power, only you eee ee TE ace tance) cee nerd the: Ss eee ie Cerne [Gerieor esi me should sufficient Gee err Comoacs ea Cameron Bie omculs ees @ 4s eaeene ES Yyaranna, E Coane IN con ec: Suc hos Ca ee Rel of magic po YESI In You've got to be kic Ce ao ra eee na ONE reoson you Pontos seen Craalietas guy over me. anes eer promotion to Head ; peseaermetty Comey Eee +the point. Sanco ae Sica ead rat eee Does Eee nti my method ra Tie whether or not it works not the The fact is, point2)? erect ce aad EMC eta Cae aaa eres intellect: Seren you prick the Sern ALL Baer ve heave ya oun my oss crack, and there's ro‘Shouldn't ‘you be planning the )\ Unholy Master's assassination? Twas thinking of starting my own That's aliel Sometimes, I use fire! Well, he’s not team. wrong about you. Your solution to every problem is to hit it with lightning Until it breaks, watchs ‘you going to do now, then? pene nee Tie stopping you. Well, now. T'm young, evil, and brimming with dark magic. What shall be my First evil scheme? How can T best bring the world to its knees? shingle, get some There will be time for that later, after lunch, Baker has him occupied ereating a character } ‘for cn Over the Edge™ campaign Look, Xykon. you don't have to leave. ‘You're still a valuable. member of the team, even J if you're not leadership material, Here's some real advice for you You're never going to make it as an archvillin Until you learn to ‘outthink people, Hang our an evil Well, be coreful. You know they say 90% of all ‘small villains fail within, ‘the first year. minions, TfTever ssee you again, T'll have to ruthlessly crush you. Yeah, same ‘fo you, Looks like wwe caught you dead to rights, necromancer!Bash University Library 7 years ago‘Master Fyron was everything I Now's probably 1 good time toTwas shocked and disgusted, but most of all, T was mad. As T watched, E was already thinking about where and how T could eaise Fyron from the dea What he couldn't do with magic, he ddid with a blunt object. I watched helplessly as he bashed in my master's kal with his own Wizzy award. ‘Master Fyren’s body rese under ‘ts own power, now cursed 1 ‘shemble as a zombie under theDays, weeks, even months passed, but no one in Cliffport knew about the mysterious intruder. Eventucily, E got a tip about an honest-to- goodness oracle living in the Southeen Lands: The Oracle of the Sunken Valley. With better leads, I began the long journey south be Funny later. Funnier than the Cosby movie, at least, Now before. we get started, I What? But need fo remind you that Whe is the Thave more )7 Doesn't youwon't remember any ‘sorcerer that killed money. A( matter. It's part of this visit except for my master, Fyron )) @(Serexecen} the cule, ‘the question and answer Then show Pucebuckle? coe Sorry, one Taive you while in question per me the money, if customer. By eee — Tealdjustleave and ) (Good uck with (don't remember ina . Leite eine Geerainccondk ] hat rorated esteccfrmes —warnhellyure | | ocr arother question by a flash-forward in =. Fitcing your way aeaetal Rae ryucy 4 prequel book {getting to second base tonight, Wait if But T do remember waking up back valley remains @ she's reptile, ct the entrance to the volley with Mr. Belvedere wos following me when ew do you get fo ‘the name of the sorcerer clear in Tdeparted, second base? nny head: Xykon. | Strecs on th china nave rrotered 3 before. JOPEN Good, good. Tike I'm under 21 ‘Now, what you want? T'm bald and have You could be tall dwarf. T don't know. No TD, no deal Shirt off, lie on stomach, ee This will sting whet I want. Blood Oath of Vengeance hell yes, of Vengeane Serious mojo. How ‘about nice Oath of Fidelity? T have. swear on the Where it P 0d that —AAAH— says, “Insert Nome T, Eugene A flows from my wounds Greenhilt, swear on ™ What the this day that I shall not the blood that rest, inAAAHI-in this life or any other, url ny heirs have enacted =6UHI Godden! Taanks, I'm it!enacted hort ‘sure the subtletiHey, good, T | When t woke up the nex ‘morning, I didn't know why ny back hurt so much—out _then it all came back to me. You not fen see it b @ Wait, THAT'S how ‘you met Uncle Myrtok? You told me you met on ‘the bowling team, her a posed to fight my fault, E sho now have written it ote down for you.But only because never had ny decent information about him. If I had been able to get one solid piece of data on where he was hiding... Iwoud ZT have dropped ba everything and gone afte = ‘And thet Wow, That is how I swore. tory explains $0 much about you that “could clarify one Vengeance on the AIL know is this: Tf he was willing to kill Master Fyron ov be an object of only Whatever it was, we can only must have perpetrate with its arcane. Yeah, T would have walked out on you so fast, you'd have thought I bit the family man remember all Re i i en I What did Xykon toke fromThe Swamp 30 years ago Yes, I'm certain that you grumbling, "Come on* encourage ‘to replenish faste will ou know ‘the tim what your real 0, Tw to be sure I didn't waste one moment What is it‘OK, then, Tguess it's Big Speech time. No more ‘crusades, no more death, no more orphaned goblin children, Knock it cout of the park, Big Brother. T could sneak up on you. ‘another way. Such as with a Sneak Attack “Tempting as ‘that is, I suppose I'll have to satisfy myself with the current ‘rrangement. Everyone's) ready. Do you have to sneak up on me that way? T don't need ‘And now, the) to tell you today what is at stake here. humans have returned There is not one among oye to drive us from the J you who has not lost ago. we were driven swamp as welll family to the so-called “crusade” of the Sapphire Guard, from our already-meager holdings in the hills into this filthy swamp But that vision can ON come to passif ‘throw off theys cof human epores The Dark ‘One has given me aun ‘A vision that someday, all PC and NPC races will sit down ‘together at the table ‘of brotherhood. resistance begins here and now, with ‘this one fort. ‘Avision ‘that someday, cour children will not be {judged not by the pointiness ‘of their teeth nor the color of their eyes, but by the contents of their character sheets. Unbelievable, ‘the ONE TIME that I make sure to file my plons with the Inter-Humanoid Council, and we still get a or else we're going to have to reclaim it from the lizardfolk instead,Tean't believe my glorious revolution is being upstaged by people who need to bask in the sun Non, those . for 3 hours a day just ocr lelovads ro get their brains don't they?_1 wort So, Iwas SP pat. flying overhead —~ What's ‘and saw all the pa.90i"9 oni always just wait ‘ond kill whoever, T guess, But if Tdon't get to killa single paladin today, I'm going to be quite cross, We could who's the Flying guy? Is he with the paladins? I never saw him while we were scouting That depends, Was there a comma in that sentence? difference does Tdon't ‘think so...though he is a human, so maybe ‘Well, if there was a comma, then ‘you were addressing me What it make?? ‘Our paladins ‘ore under attack by a horrific evil On the other’ hand, if there wasn't ‘comma, then you are under attack by « horrific evil mage, and I think we can both agree that this would be. even worse. veal, 's weuid be a horriically evil mage, bur Tm wiling ‘Yo cut you some slack on the gremmar. you see that? He first one, then, No evil mages are ‘attacking us, ‘Oh! Well ‘then in response fo your question, ‘Are some of ‘as "Mage" and you were saying that you were. being attacked by a horrific evil that is ‘something T can, definitely help ‘as an electrocuted you actually getting a chance to attack me? T must be slowing down inmy old age, went Kentucky Fried Pladin on those. humans! corpse, though, so that's something, Tguess, Pte seems to be killing as many lizardfolk ‘os humans, xJeon, uh Hey fun putting oside fore fact: Ifyou bea 7Pease, air Eater ranean rhoment that he's @ ae Thave awite and ) (fun fact: T'ma pe aaron human and we're goblins, let you live, child back home! erences shied omy he's strong enough to Have mercy! a wipe out the fort we've been planning to hit AARRGHIL for months in 5 rounds, Why the {| heck would he be interested in falking to us? p Besides, you = jecause eee Su hel Tooroe He probably atin cae Seeccetie totally evi And already has an 7" Well it NU Speicaster te fully aside the fact that evil wizards always cvil plan_4 / obviously wasn't \\ “complete the Ves, but Axhe was human for ‘that urgent or need good villainous ~and we he wouldn't have, plotlines to my sitting ona \(~ Z mean. pursue. ocey, ig Ktakarhin, Dy stopped Plan, right? Af T assumed we Nox moment. would eventually ee find a goblin net weg wizard. hes pase (OK, then, Fine, I shall T reintroduce admit that maybe you to the mest powerful ‘our people aren't exact goblin wizard we have genetically predisposed ‘met since the town to be masters of was burned? ‘arcane magic=, —but then let's) find a kobold hal dragon or an ogre al eed chipmunk! Anythig but a human You know T didn't go what your problem OS REIS? t0 some foncy is, Big Brother? You Sorcerer Wass magic college never seize the ‘Great and powerful gic college or anything, I'm, im, yes. a sorcerer. OK, great and powerful sorcerer wizard, Z would like moment. to talk 30Sigh..8 skill points per level, and he dich't put one of ‘them into Diplomacy ice Mom wanted. He kills * 1 palais jus Yes, wel, We gblins seek to seize a moaical gy tat leads tothe, omerful force Theon, just ee the Good ys burst into my Aheone room, right? And TShouted, "Get them, eu fal just pure by reflex ‘alk obout kare look for the Dark Gem of Despair, an the entine—artifact of untapped Great and powerful sorcerer Wax / Xykon, we welcome you to our dismal Wit, how id you kre T used 02"? T better 90 help before T'man only child ‘Mighty sorcerer! We are pursuing an evil Plan that has been thwarted at every turn by these same paladins. unholy causel (Oh please, T ‘crap more powerful artifacts than that stupid gem of yours! ‘And we Blasphemy! ‘No one’s feces could equal the Dark Gem's power! evil energy. ‘obvious the goblins have different gigs going on, and there's ly only one of me, ‘We humbly ask what brought you here to vanquish ‘these troublesome paladins. Nothing in particular, really. I'm sort of between evil schemes right now. Trying to take some time off, recharge the old batteries, But, you know, I got to keep limber. Plus, T like listening ‘to the sounds paladins make when they realize that all their beliefs in a just and caring Universe don't matter for squat when they're on fire. ‘We seek to ally ourselves with you. You have helped Us destroy the paladins with only SOME unnecessary casualties, now join our Tdon't see “Originality” ‘anywhere on the list of Evil alignment traits, (Oh for—are ‘you capable of coming up with a single move that we didn't think of first2? Really? Well T can manage to FIND my crap once ina while, $0 think that gives it leg up in terms of efficiency, Bre pap Ok, kids, time out. I'll level with all of you, T could Use some new minions. Tran out of toadies a few months ago due to, let's callit, "creative differences", And it sucks, Wien tne and lizard guys here (Uf with whot you've got, oa and T'll pick which one won't cure me of my insomnia, iy nome is riot "Scaly". My name is Ekdysdioksosiirwo, Viridian Lord of —What are you doing? Those ‘aren't our— ‘And this is my younger brother. Right-Eye, Very well prepare to hear +the Secret Lore of ‘the Crimson Mantle: Yeah, that's “5° ZZZZAPI A ‘and Right-Eye, huh? Ok, then. What sort of evil plan do you ‘Uh, yes. Tmean, unless that's o problem, because we can change it ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, Your story starts with the words, “At the dawn of OK, then, you in the red Cloak. What's Red..cloak. Yes, my name is Redcloak, kidnapping virgins. I mean, I tried that when Twas your age. It's like abducting a man who doesn't know how to hold a hammer and asking him to build a house for you. ‘better off finding ‘someone who's driven a few nails in their ay, know what mean? Yeah, I think I'm gonna need a cup of evil types got coffee for this, p get amugot then, ‘round herWhat the hell are thi earane Seer) ithe rancid smell of the cooking the reaches from the other fhe petal and then they get chere. Monn: ‘hat sell Twas flying allright, T could really use some= GAH Demonic ‘cockroach The place is crawling with kitchen here summons all of the seasonings directly ‘You know Malevolent Basil ‘Thyme of Death, Cumin of 1000 Horrors, that sort of thing of the Damned, in the Abyss. eae cea rey nely lenient initions of the word, Z suppose. YN Pees cain mn not eating here in the first plac Ignore them, ana Pence! | realy rip up ‘the walls ‘they tend to Scurry" off when the scene gets too dramatic ‘anyway. oe Paes eelFil Welcome Oh, uh ‘that freshened up for you, That's nothin you should see. Sister! Same but with— pots of the coffee here to ‘use ae grenade weapons ‘against our enenies, Tt is often mistaken fora black pudeing Well, you ‘Actua thisise: doy. Ta goadNow that. But you see, ‘that is something nothing realy compares right there, to.a cup of fruly awful coffee. Hell no, t's ‘the most diegusting sludge T've putin my stomach in years, ; Rei itz ‘about a cup of meee ey eZ When you eT drink a good cup of coffee, you try to immerse urself in that cup. You focus all of your senses on But when you drink a cup of absolutely horrid coffee, you do everything possible to NOT immerse yourself init. You try te shut aut your senses from what you ‘re drinking Prelvir NN So when you capin comparison Nf stn a ood cp of to the godforsaken coffee, you're only crap you're pouring ‘inking that ‘down your gullet Haw it smells. hon tastes, how it feels on your Inevitably, you try fo stave off ‘the assault on your poor little innecent tengue by mentally comparing it ‘to all of the better Vou savor the Ervin Anca bad cup of ‘ery good cup you ver drank ‘nd ot my fodvenced age, that's Ss alliva let of good TThat's.cimost 77 years of yi living, Fall thet tp Profane eee I've got te show for it m regards to Except maybe this: Being a bodes. villain is @ barrel oF laughs, sure, but if you can't get enjoyment out of the little things wisdom, in life, what's the “Anyway, Zan feel the caffeine clawing its way into my bloodstream, so spit out your story eee T+ oll began el at the Dawn of Time,We all now know what happens should we ever come to ct conflict over hhow to run this new world. therefore ‘suggest that each of ‘our three pantheons be granted special dominion over one-third of this Planet, to guide as we see fit. Only in these lands will we be permitted to directly intervene in the lives of mortals. Well..we can each choose certain mortals to serve us, and wwe can give them cool magic spells. Un, OK, neat idea, Dragon, but what if something happens in your lands that really affects MY lands? But not too cool, we don't want ‘them to be just like wizards, Right, we can call these marginally coo! cheracter Se etd PamaYou think ‘that's bad? My druids just sit around and make healing berries all day. ‘an, my clerics ey can't do bless Eh, they're) ‘ot intended as PCs, sort of high for a they don’t need to hebgoblin? be balanced: d that's not even counting Ones that were added rap, you're right! What if they all gang up and conquer ‘the humans or the Neh, the humans got all the good dirt. Lucky bastardsPeas creFor their part, the humans, elves, and dwarves became even more brutal in their persecution of the goblins. The goblins’ massacre of the humans entered history ar ntact areca Aces ee cee te “clearing them out" of various adventure scenarios See eel Se eS LOC An eee een ee eee ey eee OO enn nce om ate Ceuta and ante teted eee Ree ee Ase ceen ree Pe} nelven war party deep in the elven forest. Geechee nee] LE pauekece ot Baa ey icken through the hole a1No, seriously, you don't want to mess with this PMc ae eet 5Hey, whoever kills the least goblins has to buy drinks tonight!(Fy army semainesGet it to kill who you want, carry your stuff, do warping the Gate, ~ _ your homework, that en sort of thing, of the Srar! Th, after a foshion powerful divine spelleaster—me— ‘ond a powerful arcone caster. been cruising around ff inaleca evil here and here for decades, but Tinnot getting Tine to start I tiking about legacy could bebetter than Z That cot With a monster like that at your beck and call, you could conquer ‘the whole world. You wouldn't ‘even need to use it that oftten, just once or keep the local nations inline. Fear of this Snarl, have to insist on a distribution of land between us and you, ‘Sure, sure. We can work out tthe nitpicky details later. ffee The knowledge of how to warp the. Gates is inherent to the Crimson Mantle, I learned it the first time T ever donned the cloak Don't get me Fyrong, it's @ lot more, ‘complicated than my usual MO, but it has a certain scale that I ‘think T've been lacking, ‘We're going to change the. world, and not for the better! right now, I think congratulations are inorder. went right through me, and my prostate. is the size of a baby's head these days, you just lie stoyhere, I've to him? toca to the Little Etcerer's Room and drain Sone charges from the wand There's a visual T could have done. withoutAbout controlling the Snarl You told me that the Snar| couldn't be controlled AT ALL, not even with the Gate, about net taunting t afterall! I'm pretty sure that's not what he thought you meant. Let's try ‘this agein—only this time, I'M the one with the secret assassin, OK? Ey Levees yl ah Xykon Probably isn't the type to Undertake a dangerous quest ‘foenhance the lives of the goblin race.The gods would really give Us everything we need to ‘accomplish thet?discovers that it doesn't work the way he thinks it does? will restart with @ new world, only this time, the Dark One will be involved from 2 i re that no humanoids get the short end of the stick it we ‘Once the rituals ‘are completed, the Dark (One himself will control the ability to shift the Snar!'s rift ‘Xykon is strong) but not strong enough to challenge our god. Besi we can give him a c retire goblin nation, ‘Oh, in that, ‘case? Definitely. Worse ‘than dead, actually, since ‘the Snari destroys the souls of all those ir kills, for him no matter what happens. ‘empty bladder and a heart full of evil Let's raise an army and capture ourselves agete! So living 40.50 is right out, then? Worse than dead, huh? Oh, th goes. Iwas jorried for «| second. Yeah, this Plan is on a tight ‘enough budget, no way we can afford fall color, But what if it goes wron pat if you releas the Si snarl by cecident? a wnat T know, theres ‘a.good chance it wl destroy the world Crete Caray pa /The Deep Rainforest 29 years ago ‘Oh man,Tay gods, is it talking? Tn Common, ro less! Excuse me, could you let me ‘out of the box? There doesn't seem to be a latch on the Yes, looks like we bagged it. Good work, Jenkins, Ttell you, Jenkins, T never expected to see one. of these in this part of the world. Wait, know! Could you let me out of the box, please? you can hear me, so...'d really like to discuss the box situation. Well that will surely fetch «a fine price. ‘Um, yeah, Tcan speak So, about this bOx.. Toalways get told that I forget to say, "please" cand "thank you." And, "Sorry about the smell" JA A find like Tell Marlow OK, how about this might even be we bargin? You let WW 12 bring tha boat ‘enough to pay the witch me out of here, ond J cround, we'll load to remove the horrible into the cargo T'll.zuh..braid your curse that forces you to mustaches? ‘speak only in one-word lifetime catch, Jenkins! We'll be the talk of the Stereotyped Big Game Hunters lodge for weeks! ‘Stop ignoring exclamations. This box thing hasn't been resolved +o my satisfaction! Hey! Where. are you going?Lirian's Glade 27 years agoThis is it, ‘men! The final battle for Linian's Gate. If we win here, i will signal @ new dawn for > ll goblins, The bards will write heroic poems about our ‘actions here ‘Many of ‘them will possibly be better than the e Pert Peni ees xa pacer certainly hope so, at Teast ‘A nnoble sentiment that completely fails to ‘grasp our intent, When Z was ny Mom lt ‘we would get to do first Tliked Nom one chopping i firewood KEEEEERRACK!You're ‘supposed to be waiting for Lirian herself fo ‘show up, Why didn’t you just Flame ‘sttike'that treant? JF rgot SA You use that spell antsy waiting, \pp all the time. Tsuffer from Restless Axe Syndrome. Are you serious? We're invading a druids ighold, and you \\ didn’t prepare your best fire spell? T assumed ‘they would have cast Resist Fire ‘on all of the treants, didn’t prepare it today, ‘Any chance / Yu would know why ‘there's a bunch of demon roaches that followed us into ‘ihe woods? 7”‘Blame Xyken. He eats at that awful diner so often, ‘they just started following kim around. work really hard, ‘you might get there some day. He needs healing! 4 ) fi a Redcloak T don't know ‘Maybe, but I "Redcloak" rou ler \Vi/ really don't want to go Nua vill, though, ‘Stan yartea Vi touse inthe heat I throlon te teraie 2s in Cure Moderate much less all the. of baitie, correcting Xykon at Wounds! Thanks, uh, other goblins, Redcloak, this late stage, With his memory, we're lucky he remembers: Now come ‘on, we need to help the fighters, they're 7 Ne, Lean \( already sai er | they ore. = en ronan v2 ri Ss v9 =does that feel You're welcome. Now reinforce. : ey” How gocs Ss “(the divination ‘the enemy's front line ‘and neutralize their > magical support. with some sort of ‘abjuretion, ‘an arrowhead formation LO efforts? luck, They're getting in the We need to break through r screening themselves = serying pool is ast Please tell of color bars ond ssome elevator music. me we have some useful intelligen on these villains That much was: Tt almost ‘obvious. They haven't Wo aces without saying \ Sethred slrngony VQ fences lee) of the territory they've pitaeonet ls’ ‘conquered since they a ‘entered the forest Ja Be ne entre 11 days ago. piece of data we could get was that the enemy leader is med, "Zykon’ “Zykon huh? Sounds made up. definitely after the Gate, ‘planet—in fot, planes of existe danger stl they gain the al ‘to relase the ‘Sha Reinforcements V/ We don't \( are coming?? We're ‘need to defeat saved! “them—just to hold out fora way of looking little longer. Sot it killed dozens of us elves! where are you going? How can we defeat them? They're too powerfulladruid, ‘to kill here, nate Yup. Isn't Eye! C'mere, VV xykon, F chs otal SS it awesome? 11's T saved you guys Hf need to speak lot of hippies left Aen filing eves by with you at ‘once, the bushel \ on the front J 4 Hey, you twe hold the fort here. T think T just spotted ‘the queen bee in ci NOE een = TP bn, con't worry. That which Ree ee eat doesn't kill them, ‘makes them stronger, Tregret ‘that T have but Y nine hit points to give for my you need to do something ‘about the— ‘Just remember, it's all for the cause, They're martyrs now, cond the Dark One will bless their souls in the of terlife, enough far all ‘the goblin wary [res ied by "accident", completed. It won't bbe much longer efore we cut getting on my \ last nerve, : Actually, \ / that's not the Cloudkill You're smelling—the wind Is blowing the wrong way for that. With maybe a hint of catnip. That smells more likeHave the werebears Fall back ‘to protect the Tm betting you're Lirian, (with a few of my HA friends, is that Xykon! 7 xykon! With on "\ How hard \ is that? Tneed to row about are the ones that will be inyour eyes, ool with ou? Dp She isa blonce ‘body is part of the gycle of nature. It \ fertilizes soil, feeds \ scavengers like— = offer all Wwe skip the playful banter and get right 1 coun to some good old fashioned fighting for a WHOAL (the fighting is already over. we get tote ‘his uhole delfore 50 into le duel t Id like mbies: 100% mer oe ees aa Cuen ene Bauer rar ee Pa Rana ene he AN ae bl every spellcaster th sglade, whether they i wil have succumbed to its effects. Naturally, my allies and T have en inoculated. Without their magic, your forces are no match ‘Or mine, Energy Drain! Energy Drainill The virus then : takes up residence in Your nervous system and doesn't leave, at followed you into Cast arcane or divine Prisoner—not execut en breathing You've done Very well battling our largest sentinels, Sorcerer. It will take Us months to recruit new ones willing to serve, the Guardian Virus, It's an airborne hybrid of several naturalh diseases infused magic. You've be it since you entered this glade. ly-occurring with druidic The end result? Permanent loss of all spelicasting Powers. Turning you from). an evil engine of pure destruction— guarantee that some of my lies won't devour most of ‘ore I can take them into lat survive will be taken T'll spare Bilge Comme ete Leora rae sea iene eet natural world is much more than dire wolves or treants. There are ving beings everywhere You go. In the soil, in Dy the water... Moras evant Well hello, visitors! Welcome to the magical land Joong of the brain, feeble bald old man with a bad skin rash, Tam, after all, nothing if not‘lich isn't like that. They're intelligent. All of your mental faculties would be intact. Actually ‘you! get than you are You would need to build a special phylactery. Tt would hold your soul ee T can help you with that, tugh—there’ ‘actual spelleastit ‘We die slow alittle smarter You would become Rething, really You'd get stronger, live forever, and be Sounds Ny itmune to Lirian’s geod, What the catch? We can improvise. Plus, hhave you really looke at those plants? It's like @ pharmacy down here, Don't you need’ ‘a magical laboratory for that sort of ‘thing, Brother? T thought. you said we were. ng to eat the ng T'm getting ‘alittle worried about hhow many of your plans have that as a likely consequent We can ‘begin today, if you agree. No, I-can't. Tmay have done ‘some evil things in my life, but not give ‘up my humanity $0 easily ‘Such a path skeleton, ‘though, which means you would lose certain, Uh, fleshy parts in 16 yeors, no eat loss Well, true. Trying this might se up enough plas ‘that we run out of fa tually. But if succeeds, thenit won't matter T don't know..it's a big decisio Pe fftl Nol I'm just wing with you. would lead to an inredeemable state of utter depravity, and. ‘that is a step further than E am willing to 90.Excuse me brother, can T talk to you for cimoment? Privately? No, we need ‘Gtorcane spellcaster forthe lan, Any wizard eter weld Per ison our own troops up there, remember? How ‘many goblins died needlessly And it's not the first time our people have died from his foolishness. Need T remind you a Basilisk I BEsey, you prepa Sls ond bast us out here yourself bring him with us and ‘then cut him loose Either way ‘Are you re this isa Hey, do anyone know if these lizards are OK to eat? figure out a way todo it T think you are ‘asking whether turning ‘trun out of That's not my concern. I'm What are [you talking about He's our ally need him f the Pia) him into lic in our best interests at all OK, T'lladmit Just switch herse: in midstream, Thave figured out a ay, you're just ‘rying to talk me vastly overestimating the destructive power of clerical ma: + just woltz out of here whenever I want, When we're free, we'll find ‘anew spelicaste maybe a wizard, ‘Admitting Well that ‘error? That's was three years ago. I'm willing to ‘admit that maybe Twas wrong, For the last: time, I didn't eat the last piece of your birthday cakel L it drop! Geez, I can't believe you, Teaming up with Xykon was your idea, remember? basicaly al nerds, right? That should make them easier +0 bully ‘round,Wait, what | ‘about this: Would you agree to sticking with >yhon fe oud estan ‘mare control over Teok, brother, iy thought he Hey, I'm not suggesting we kill the old geezer. But T think we need to lock out for ourselves ‘And our alliance with Xykon hasn't been as advertised Tsay, we cut our losses row. T stil think 9 he's our best ticket Hs = oes toaberter world for JE all goblin, = ¥ v Because he's: We make the ot too smart. He didn’ Phylactery something 5 enything about iches WM yoy ealy we'll aways have access Fiiy woe before todhim Some” Wine seve the to, like ike my ely rey wad MA just ie and tll him t's Scat Symbol We don't BS necessary part of fet him hide the process ‘That way, 00 0 00 o 00 if we ever need * S x 4 torein him in, we'll (YO know exactly where it 5 = He'l'stilbe vse, out | we'll have leverage over him Tt should) ‘take no more Fantastic. I'l than, .four get started helpin months, Syke enchant The inatien) G vcs) Good! take time. Besides, you're the one who! ‘always telling me you don't have a problem being patient. Four months! In this rotten hole in the ground! Ho ‘am I gonna kill that Thick in the door and charge the first monster T Nope. not dann thing worth doing tall There's absolutely nothing worth doing down here.eae a ‘ i aS a ae ) ela 7, 1e magic to make the world's next CR ea ey oe Sere) 120000 GP ano Pe Cr ry JOh, man! T ee cis Ere ory een ‘Suck it hard, uae! (Oar PT xpel air through them, Get eee bit lower: core kor) cs Gen Congas) Ce ee Rie ns eanicy ‘Oh, thank the: at powers pier.) eae or Just like him, right? pee =| ern tell me you're not eer Cee Celera Eee nets Civarind Can T presume’ at we are finally ing ling ur heels in thi fungus farm? ea) Orne We're back in eee ‘mushroom as long as I live, you liked my Now might be an appropriate time to discuss your paralyzingBegone, from this sacred glade, What, you Coe Cea Caer Rais Sore Ee A as iaenream rps if cop eien oe jae He ye ocrpling ra lee Ce creas a Se ight ey a ral . ern cues ce caren meting Reet ate oral eee CIE) vith alittle more leet ar Cian Eee rena punch, then, Dr yesh pare A uy ci yeYou know Little Brother, r always knew you were dead weight on this team, but Tnever thought Go no further, goblin! ‘At any rate, eC Tbetter get you Je shal ee Him. 14's hidden so T con Secure Ee a lot less fun to tease the gate while Lirian it'd be so literal you when I can't tell fecciped Ugh, not if you're glaring at ‘this again, Look me or not 5 Tam really sort of preoccupied at Tell you what, I'm going to 90 stash my paralyzed brother someplace safe, ‘and then I-can come back and we can fight (or argue or. whatever, T cannot callow you to leave, minion out: Tgot a Jaa is \ Umm, procter make that @ three-fer, Well this, This probably isn't good, You mess with thega you're going to burned, Azo literallyery Conese usboth the time and Sopra eure electricity? this is just Carer) ie a Thave all Seay the powers T had ee eaUiey Co es eerie tary oy Cone eal era ees ec came cat Se cer T've been trying Reece te eae Deen oe ouPnree ly Peer orie nig precious Gate while you're Cay eat) omen pad ih (aera a1 6e10))Do you hear that sound? The Gate has been destroyed, but you ieceed in releasing ‘the Snarl one ba rare You should myself with the lovely \ @anamengeaeas Sees Turtle Wax, a year's supply Of Rice-a-Ron and your ibaa Ree Een Even if you locate them, my friends will stop you from conquering the other four Gates,Ion eed eee) eed rey Cea ho Sean areas Sones ingrey. Oh, T almost ern) cite eon Cena ara Sain emer) \ Jef ae up to \ Mma ieee Ce The Gate oke up when) oil setua gery foro ok ehie Mek aaa Wad emti OOo io eae) Tust eternity rot in here from : cree Ear ss eee Cea aay Soe aa oes But shambling Cer ecu Ee ruNrs Crecente Ceea ea) do just fine, ‘Thank you, eee ocd ee css one Cees Tt's not CNY fault! emery Tf the druids didn't put out the tiny brush fires thet are part of the forest's natural le, there wouldn't be much dead grov waiting to burn! Strike anyway!Po it, huh? I thought it would be. Etnies ‘Maybe, if we ‘were both epic level, but we'd still have to research how to do 0, and that could ‘take years of Ee erie popsicle stand. ‘Maybe decades! Bef Eel mn Cenc aad them, in fact, guarded pata eer oa eer) r uy Pero a ce ats Era plan still work without No, The breach is still there, obviously, but we needed ‘the Gate to, uh, control ‘the Sra Allwe've done is increase tho risk of accidentaly destroying all of Cece Go T should stay here and be consumed by the same fire that hos | ‘turned all of my dreams Yo so much ash, ‘The Plan was “the only hope of he goblin race, end Tie ‘dashed those hopes against the iy rocks of my au Why? Why’ bother? T've failed! $0..about ‘the previous request regarding popsicle stands and the blewing thereof? pAHey, listen, fara ee Cer are four more Gates Cece as ects Sra) down, (er ce | eC ar Aepain re foo aon Lay ee True, but Cea) Preece Sera kr ee cmc en ‘take time, icon Creer eerie uae) ‘ieee coeor cee ee ea net penne hear ene t) ete am your big plan for L/my coulisn tt Coc ume eet Gen aoe eae Let him go, or T'll smash the cr a CAD reer A Acne Su Ae Giulio RP ci memenctm Wc Bren et nat etre eT ikirue Carrer Screw that eee ie prick!» youlike that, you're the oe high priest of the Dark ae One! You're in charge, not some human, The Plan He already Who cares? existed before we Y knows about the He'srot ¢ Come on, we don't \I ever heard of him, Taare other four gates hinan anymore need him. Let's leave }k it can continue don't think that's Ng He knows as much Timene He'sot even cand find another without him, an option anymore, io: wweiclofat: not working with orcane caster, Little Boothe t this point. him, he's going to seek them out on his own—and then we're working against him. T think T made him more dangerous thanGreysky ering 21 years agoYou don't recognize me from the cover You are Eugene Greenhilt, They did 4 profile on me just last month, called me, "The Master of Yeah, strange as this may be to Tight? You didn't just intercept his mail? of Wizardry Today? Look, I'll get straight down forthe reason T sent you that anonymous Thave T think that ship sailed with ‘the whole conversation about monstrous orthodontics useful, is impossible You might HS Want to check the @tiration date on those Eirfacts, then. T haven't pursued that in you would call your classic, "disgruntled employee." information you eh might find Well, with all due respect, that's a load of you, I don't really get a chance to read the wizard trade magazines. Tllusions." lot T know where Xykon is right now. a How do you know about that?? years looking for that murderer, and the closest T ever got was a coffee shop where he'd sat and read the newspaper for 20 minutes, three months prior. What resources could you possibly have at your disposal that an award-winning wizard such as yours Once I swiped this stuff off his desk, Thad a simple choice, Sure, T could take out a dozen credit cards in his name or T could do something More permanent. T could give the papers to someone willing to get in there and destroy him, once and for all, got three credit That's fine, T just so happen to carry a few copies around with me. Take it, read the article if you need to head How oddly to the crapper, appropriate, of contacts, even among humans, T hear things. Like that an illusionist named Eugene Greenhilt was looking for reliable info on the whereabouts of the sorcerer Xykon And that he wasn't planning n baking him a cake when he caught up with him His last three utility bills and a copy of his credit ‘ i So T only NJ Your drink is on me, by the way. cards in hisHe's been Trsa small island just off the coast, about a three hour ride. west of here, ‘and rebuilding his army, T have gained a few levels myself in the intervening years. Fine then, what do T need to know to No, no, it's fight him? more than that. A few years back. he ‘turned undead, He's grown more powerful since you last faced him. LSA se fete ne ‘than ever. Time was, he was just sloppy, killing his followers by accident, Now, he executes them for his oun omusement. A o. of evil humanoids? Sounds like a fate they richly deserve, what's the problem holed up in an ‘abandoned castle there for a few years ~7 Ogres, kobolds, now, gathering minions Yes, that does clarify it lizardfolk,.ond goblins. Lots of He multiclassed ‘to cleric? That's great news, that's a horribly inefficient multiclass combination! is he planning t0 do ‘What exactly you his location and enough info to fight him cur plans That's not aren't ary of youn Port of the ps business deal with this army? No, he didn't Turn Undead, he ‘turned undead, He tured INTO an undeod (OK? Sheesh ‘So that's it Location, information, now get your adventurer buddies together and {go earn Some XP, somewhat, ‘theory, but the tit of it is, haven bet ‘on adventurer forsee time. T would al where to find en allies, 5, Lapeer= eee a aime Hey! Who in this tavern is an adventurer?So if thie ‘essassination thing you're so eager to set Lup goes south, my son isan orphan and his mother, a wider T did, yes, but that was a long time. ago, How is it omplicated? Have you sworn ‘So? It's not like I'm asking you to bring him along, (OK, there's ‘more to it than just thet, Ir's T'm married ‘now. T have a son, Roy. He's almost B years old, Or worse Xykon finds out ‘about them and kills them, to, {ust for fun, The risk isn't worth ‘the reward anymore Tf I'm your racehorse for killing ‘your boss, to whom you're clearly inferior, then it's a safe bet that I'm still more powerful than ‘You're saying "no"? Just like that? any idea what T risked coming here like this? Wow, you're not the brightest bullseye lantern on the general equipment i ‘Ok! OK! Sorry! Let's both just calm down, No thanks. Get someone else ur dirty work For you, Ts just ybrother works fork to, At least, coes now, it used ‘be the other oy around, When you're dead, you're never going to look back on your life and say, "barn, T didn’t spend enough time on petty revenge, want my advice, you ‘should both forget about ‘pair of green girls ‘and start playing "Hide the Cucumber" with them, Did wonders mastermind and move forward with your lives. Tmofraid [ater dy, he's pfohend Xykon Wrong scroll and on lece of crop tao veprize forth Now,as much fun as group therapy’ has been today, I'm already late for an equally pointless ‘oppointment. 1I'm here! What did T miss? The game is over, Everything) like always Goals, Dad. It's soccer. Home runs are from baseball Did you score ary. home runs? Tt wouldn't disintegrate you to be proud of him for what he is good at. He. scored three goals T just wish W well excuse me for not knowing the difference in terminology between kicking a sphere and whacking it with asstick! You had to work again, right? ‘When you're older, you'll learn that there are more important things in life than sports| You know, Something like that, yes T was on ‘the Elemental Pa of Water Not to him there aren't, not right now. He wanted his father here why we bother it to watch hin, all of this anyuoy. 2 won't matter oncel enters the Mage University, Tt would T think that's the\_/ take you less tine worst part. T know how smart you are, Eugene, to memorize the entire body of soccer rules and regulations than it would to learn one new frst, level spell But youll never bathet, beneath you B ‘you're on import ‘iat once—one time— you would put your children ahead of your werk. Sara, that's not fair! Do you know where T was— Did you say. “children?Where And wipe facts y.}{ a game of Twister with your feet before you WX What did ‘the kobolds, so that's tell hit kept him busy Besides, he se fees nc ere ' thinehe's Paya nnet We ca Mabe, bu a meet lene mos? Wei and we shoud, Pst? fellow us be, but realy notice tw the rit can't just Now erent i aa Sake ah, uh, think he'll sW He'll never T can't just abandon What?? Holy i know. crap, you HAVE ‘gore mad! m fora while Tren gjve Piecinson Mantieavis anne what Sore ecg whet yo ne JP You didn’ s sppered todo seen tone much when T saved you from that God, you're. just the same as ever, Always getting impatient, clways running away, T can't SSE believe youl The penet We gave ita fain shot. Why should we give up everything fer our entire lives? Plan is divinely- inspired, we can't Just walk away from it! That's not what this is, T really think we need Did it ever occur to you that if it doesn't alvays Wa! you weren't so impatient, work out that well, em. Our little sister might does it? be alive today?) Yeah, wel Farewell, / Big Brother. Maybe We'll see each other ‘again someday, a Brother! as Cede He, th, never eee areas MMMM 0! stuck outside the supply trip this morning, ) CCS RM eet Twas calling to see if of your voice? he was...stuck in the rain to get out of here Well, when Lee er Soo ogy Tordered to buff my Eons PT clucys thought that if £ hadn't left that cave when I did, T would've cd right alongside her, Hey, was Sa ara oesNorthern Scrublands 3 years ago This nothing, really Hardly worth Stew ste‘Look on in ave and terror, a y ks..we don't know friends and neighbors, nat "Et" is, but and came back and see "Tt" tomorrow! ‘And now, to my right: The Amozing Bearded Lady! Every single right for the lash five years that Pye worked here, There dished you aboal of exactly the some sten Yeah, but there were alot of people in the audience today. Sometimes, it's hard being looked at by so mary, You did the ‘same thing you do ry show—stand out e stage and get gawked at, Dinner?) Ts it stew2? Thope it's stew! ‘your box all ready fer you, along with your dir Thoweit ‘on goed auth that the aoe over this jb fe served yeuthes stew every sig ’Am T having teu tonight? | Stew is the alpha and the omega of your culinary options, ‘There can be only stew. Tt has always ‘been stew for dinner, it will aluays BE stew for dinnerStew stew stew stew stew We stow stew stew Fey there, C090) vou stew-eating rr 11'S my favorite goblin family! Didja see us in the audience tonight? Well, I have. 4 plush dragon, I bet my dragon can beat ‘up your pirate! ‘Look, T gotanew ) ( official Julio ‘Scoundrél action figure?? (Uh hub My dragon has DR 50 bazillion/silver, Yeoh, but r at kind of metal ( isi? I L "Ha, more like Yi ) edementidumb) } Tt's silver Yes, Eri, we have to. Your mother will be waiting with dinner, and I'm ot getting yelled at. gain tonight, Come on, Eriaxnikol, enough playing, it's time ‘0.90 home. tool It's silver ademintitine, Sure T saw youl You guys are my biggest fons! Almost everyone else who spends a silver piece to get into the sideshow recoils in abject horror at the sight of you, so I'd say we're your only fans. ‘Slash! Slash) T cut you, mean old dragon) ar didn't! have Damage Reduction, so therel silver"? I meant, *bilver" Yeah, my dy DR is 50 bazillon/ secret metal that ‘your dumb pirate never even heard of before, night to the thing in the box andYou did, but don't worry about it. Kid needs to get his priorities straight. Thope T dch't just make ‘things wer: But T saw your village. You allhave so little compared to the, humans! What about you? What have you done these wow, eighteen Enns years? ol SP It's not ‘conpetition, Don't be you know, silly. OF course it's a competition! So are you still working for that addled sack ‘When T looked into my oldest boy's little yellow eyes for the ist time, I knew I had to try to give him the best life I could, Funny, I thought the same thing when my baby brother comes back from a trip to the city and tells me he's leaving, for good, I moved up here about a year later. It's nicet no paladins, no elves, no raids on humans, We just try to live ‘the best we can with what we have, That was totally different, T just couldn't do Ttanymore, you know? T couldn't beaminion forever, Mostly tried to get the Plan back on track No. T was, but he disappeared about three years ‘ago. Never knew why, but he was just ‘Oh, Brother, this is my wife, OK, when normal people say that, they don't mean holding the gods hostage with an unstoppable killing machine via some improbable evil scheme. They mean, like, setting up college fund on something, Then you would be willing to restart the Plan? Only by seizing equality—He took us to the show today ‘50 Mom and Dad could Hey! It's my SP” Sort of. favorite goblin “Who's this? T must say, Twas impressed by what T saw on stage. Let me ask you this: Do you like it here? Have you ever considered a different line of work? into the | that the get al the stew os artists can eat, but..they make a lot of peopie Took ot me, which ‘new in the area, and ‘understand. I know what you are. You ould kill them all if ‘you wanted. something together. Tquess, iF SQ) HO" would you like to Iwanted to be rude about it Uncle, isn't But doesn't zero doubled “Sf that mean you won't ill zero? be paying him stl either? ‘you. Doubling my salary doesn't mean anything—so T insist that you TRIPLE it instead, bout I don't fit T'm trying to get alittle Y/ They call me Cool! So "Redcloak’ what's your wear black lo, I mean, have you ever considered leaving : the circus? Prabobly has something to de with all ‘he stew. WF Then you pats do ike it trapeze wear oe ‘could never’ leave the circus. No, E mean T could never leave they paying you here? ‘scary, mostly, Maybe some fighting, Umm you do know that zere tripled is still zero, right? TE knew T sure pled) ‘one over en didn't 2 fou're very shrewd.What? I ‘thought you )am liked him, You're going {0 spring the thing in the box from ‘the circus??2 small doses. Why the hell would you ‘want him around all the time? put up with {im because (7 Scarier. What? Who's at SCA blind date, ‘he door? Enemies? Paladins?? Sh ‘Are you kidding? Yeu should know why. Tf T have a Powerful creature like. that on my side, itl be easy to get the Plan jump started J thought it might be nice to introduce you to her cousin, Kayannara, over from, That again? Geez, is this Plan really THAT You've got to be kidding me T'mthe high priest of the Dark One, E don’t need your hhunchbacked Pity Date we might have a counteroffer for you that just You'll forgive me if I don’t drop to my knees thanking you for this— the next valley to meet you We thought it might help you get over this Plan \ thing and maybe build a life, 4 Twas wondering, T've been having seme ‘concerns recently regarding the Dark One's third pronouncement ‘relating to the position of the goblinoid races in the greater Philosophical framework of ‘the alignment system, Hi, you must be Ali's brother-in-law? I rd you were. acleric. Twas kinda’ hoping maybe we could discuss some of the ramifications thereof over a glass, of wine? it" itbe? Brecking Bnerster out of 1 fitis to further on scher probably be the cath of you— Tt was very nice to have met you,Kudos to you, Thanks, Raoul think you've actually T'll bring it back in jevise the a few minutes, ‘Oh? And what, exactly, are you T epolagize if now y ‘Stay avay How? There's change your business from the giraffe no steering on ‘cage! Head to this thing) the left!‘mow nok nok {4 AON Wall, at least I can te ‘You have ci in the fact that Fought well ath at the hands of but non Clan Boze! last humiliation Tl have to suffer. the box, Ig plenty more whe come from!‘Oh, no need) Seen baer ered Cronies.) eed Xykon2l? What—where— What’ Re) Cc pins Pemetcts ne Cea Cenaaa me that! That's not my name! ten cfr) livauae rhe location of one of Sere Coe) ene ear Si ‘your magic items and) ee a Rear ny ace nota) cc Germ) because I had to first eee ete pained eee Cierra ctor (Sec en Right-Eye. You don't rene behind, T don't work Thaven't for you! worked for you in almost twenty years. I left. kal re an Pes oe cero Beery YESI Yes, Tim surel No take your thugs and go ‘vey! CC RuCRy are only two types of goblins within a Geass ice Geen Pama ee ect nace Good boy! Now eo cs ‘the rest of this village. I want Coeur) Gente Corn forget to burn down ot eee Coe) roy Pees hi etcncs T.. work for you. We. all work for you. rr Cesc essed eters ‘What? ButConn Seta Tuess_“\Y7 now on, you work reok See ee for me, too. You're Cael, eres freee faerie abe see i CT ee eta an Mead look, as recruiting while I Cleon “ etter cra Ce crm ‘and T have this Plan, see? Coreen) do you do that really “when the heroes enero rane cURL es peat) Cece There'll probably be a big Cc rg eeaaet ee a pecan iaiens cores What do peer tea RMA you mean by 'd with th Com Aine foremigg ion Cee een paar they're high in) (will devour him whole and spit out that gold Comes Cee eeeRedmountain Hills eS cer) me, "Lord Xykon,* ee Sorc a ei ene ren Cee ec insu) T suppose crate vas have been ease) z ete HAVE been camped Cen cout in these tents for PTMURESTIiEMy | more than a year iment than Not as well RTP eAED |\ to lure the wiz Heeeeere, 0s we would have Neer guards the Gate wizard, wizard! Gere out of his lr ots eee working so ioweae) Crome ua ALL) Ra uke seeing, especially when your Eee ti) eee Ctr eee creer een CE uulics petite corpse while her Breed font errno erry You sick twisted freak. I am going to end you for this Te ‘you would not believe Tuas eae Cea Brother! Brother!) Whet are As in, "No, E will not get the others ready, nor will I storm ‘you talking about? Come on, this is ‘our chancel We're not really going to do this, are. Now this is a surprise, Xykon's pet goblin is slumming it down here with the rest of us, Oh, that is true. This is ‘our chance, just not in the way that you think, Cer: recommend starting witha drumstick, Brother, {get the other goblins ready. Xykon succeeded in luring Dorukan out, we need fo storm the castle while This is our chance to 99Kill xykon? N\ fask, brother? Have What are you ){ three years of being Do you ‘actually have to % talking about? J \ the Head Cheese softened your Ridizick ond Eriaxnikol were your nephews. genre. Aliyara was your sister-in-law. have anything to ‘And he could have saved them with a single spell, t00,, Cerra ee are until you and T defeated them, while he watched the etre eee au Look, we can have this debate ‘another time, Right now, we need to get troops moving toward the castle or we'll miss ‘our window, There, now let's taik this out before you do something rash, Thave no intention of helping Xykon do anything ‘except ceasing 10 exist, has been years coming We made a bad bargain ‘that day in the diner, and no more goblins should hhave to pay for it Spe ‘And why ‘were any of them in the camp in the. first place? do with that, Those Because ‘odventurers killed, Xykon drafted them them A That changes jothing. Though at ce there be knew they were ocean your family adran. rroops and attack \/7 Un, I'm other thing in ‘the castle, Zombies, (not realy sure abey the thing in L)> how to Yes, revenge for me, but freedom for the rest of us. ‘And T need your help, T'll drink. ae ‘a Fly potion, zoom Pe at sot You cat cpbes id xyhon and 2? oun Sneak atrack hm JOST ATIC tN vouea when it seems like ue with a magic} Derlen hos he ‘orsTt's infused with positive energy, 0 thet it will sever Xykon's connection to the negotive energy Wen months to find one for sale..but then, I've been planning this ever since Aliyara and the, The real trick was waiting until Xykon was battling someone close enough to his own power that a single Sneak “Attack could turn ma the tide, i noth know that Xykon is ‘a moron who can't tell ny of us apart. So if my attack fails, I flee ‘and you cast this Regeneration? You told ine lest year when Tfirst learned 7th level {alls thar you didn't want me to regrow your eye for you. “And I didn't ‘then. I was saving He won't stand ‘there and say. "Gosh, Zcov't tell wich goblin attacked me, I guess Ti have to let them He'll say, "Gosh, Just to be sure.” The meeti = ‘about storming the ‘castle was, lke, months Gictont sigpesed W ago. And on Taco Night (ocowithall these | And they really can't expect me to remember ‘anything that is said can’t tell which goblin have to kill them al " ou make sure VW. toi, less than T don't fail, in\ [ tools. He won't hesitate \ ry ther? Em sorry artacked me, TquessT'N )\ “to wipe us all out and] to T can't let you ith the ‘Once Xykon's ‘ody has been destroyed by my attack, his soul will retreat to the phylactery around your neck. “Ard what if it fails? What if, even with your ‘Sneck Attack, he's ble to win against Dorukan? That's the best part. If it vaaREn feils, you cast it, and he's gone forever. He's spent 30 years calling me "Right-Eye," he won know me from any My eye grows other goblin! back, and suddenly, Xykon can't find you really don’t understand him at ce , gamble wi lives of so many goblins. go enslave some other goblin village Hell, he'll probably enjoy it: ever since he became undead, the only thing GB he really likes to do a is watch things a die, tacos. I wish T could have some right now. ‘you guys go get me. some tacos? T mecn, Redclook said you had to obey my orders iD right? that as @ yes"Cre Cc here eee Cao Gees Tt doesn't matter. I've been preparing for this fight since you ‘arrived on my doorstep, Geez, and tend Po eed Cece Why should! T have? You didn't have enything I wanted until ra Creare Pere ens ee eas Coron would work! You don't know anything, Lirian has the strongest soul T've ever known, She wouldn't be damaged by your sick little ‘show—and if she was, I would have helped her through it Because T would have stayed with her even if she were driven mad. ‘Our love is that ‘So as much as it might have pained us, I didn't ‘come out here to, stop you. oe ‘Oprah would be ‘oh so proud Teame out because you were dumb enough to show me where you were keeping her clerics trying fo resurrect her for years, ond we. never could find her soul Now know why, and how to fix it. ‘and who's to blame, enn. aes PaWow, that was fast! There must bea Taco Hut around here ‘somewhere. Redcloak left ‘ME in charge! And T don’t wanna, Hey, aren't we supposed to be attacking the castle ‘or something? ‘ink what we really need is a little ambience, for the Do you think Brother, you betterment of this is what they may have had a lifetime, that clock. be killed by poor planning, or mood) swings? hypocrite! all you LF Vous don't care about is your even KNOW the stupid Plarl goblin people Your life? Your LIFE? Life ie about groning—growing older, growing wiser, growing closer to your loved ones, But you, you's frozen in time, You'ne thi ‘same angry kid who tock that artifact off of youn master’s corpse x “hat day ‘And this ag) YS Come on. You deal with Xykon is have te realize that killing our spirit almost the Dark One doesn’t as fast as it's killing core about us, Why else our bodies, Z| Would he let you throw You don’ goblin lives away ‘on this Plan? ‘even know what it is you're trying to better, because you don’t know what it's like not to serve an undead overlord, or a petty spiteful YES! When ‘you're faced with your ‘own mortality, you have no choice but to consider what's best for the next generation great insight on the universe by letting your body and mind deteriorate? What did you just say se How dare you?! Every goblin that hes died since Tiebeen high priest has been ‘ofurther the Plan! Their deaths were a necessary ‘acrificel They were NOT my fault little longer, brother! TF 1 kill Xykon now, then it was all a waste. You ordered goblins +0 their deaths believing in the Plan—so if we abandon it now, then you were wrong. You let them die for nothing 100 late to turn back from the Plan! We made our deal with the devil years ago, now we just have to ride it out ‘to the end, Tt's all about whose No! It's gone ‘on too long alread! Not one more dea goblin! You're willing 40 throw good lives Vengeance don’t make. errors, ‘What? Oh, uh, no, I finished that. ‘Must be a clerical T good here, T see a faw So..am ‘or what? That's what T'm trying to determine, your CBOVC with you? Tt looks like T can't let you into the Celestial Realm, aes Pegi Tyo ne Nee met eiete filth ooh for fe ice: Tulia? Sula, ‘are you there? It's Daddy! luse that phone, Dial 7 for an black marks on your record, let's take a fook, Him, T don't ‘See anything too serious here..Poor manners,..mild ‘swearing. editing yaur own Wikipedia article, Completion of. Blood Oath Validation Certificate. You should have gotten it in Tt would the mail? hhave come in a glowing gold ‘envelope? Now sir, you should have known When you swore the ath that it would follow you into the afterlife, The language isn’t helping your, the rules say you can only manifest to your eldest child Roy." is it? Tneeded ‘0 add references! Cree er \ | Pent) | | | | Cr ORY 9"780976' 658047" | US $16.95 GIPOTS99 GIANT?. PLAYGROUND