Beis Midrash Session | Friday Night

Advisors Copy:
All red text is to assist you, if needed. The NCSYers have
the same sources with all of the red text removed.

Junior Winter Regional | January 15-17, 2010 | St. Louis, MO

 We may not talk about it out loud. We may not talk about it at all. But deep

down, we all know that respect is what it’s all about. Kanye West

doesn’t get it. Neither does Serena Williams. So let’s make sure that we do.

Let’s see what the Torah has to say about respect?

Ask a few of the NCSYers who they consider as a role model that deserves
respect? No matter who they name, ask them what they think the definition of
respect is based on their role model. Whatever their idea is, try to create a
dialogue to help them see why their person is or is not a good role model for
someone who deserves respect. Then, compare the ideas with a definition of
respect as found in the next sources.

1. Mishna Pirkei Avos, Chapter 4, Mishna 1

“Who is considered ‘honored’?

One who honors other people.”

Ok… So if I respect others, I will get respect. I

get it. But how can I do that without first

defining respect? What is real respect? What is

at the heart of this Mishna?

 2. Alei Shur I, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, p. 117-118

“‘Kavod’ is not about being polite or being a mensch. It is

recognizing and publicizing something that your friend is great at.

When I give honor to someone, I am telling the world about my

friend’s greatness and importance.”

This helps us to understand HOW we can give respect. It means that when we
see our friends and family, we need to focus on what they are great at. When I
share with them how great they are, and I share it with others, I am giving
respect.
Give a sample compliment sincerely to an NCSYer in your session. Ask him or
her how it feels. Then, share the following: Giving respect is what we do to
bring about that awesome feeling of being respected in other people. Ask
them for examples of how they have given respect to their friends in the past.

For the next step, it is vital that we teach the NCSYer why it is important that
we GIVE respect and not to CHASE respect.

3. Mesilas Yesharim, Chapter 22, R’ Moshe Chaim Luzzato

1707- 1746, famous

“Anyone who chases after Kavod, Italian Rabbi, mostly
for this work, which is
[the Kavod] runs away from him.” a step-by-step
description of spiritual
growth.

Namely, it is psychological… no one will give respect just

because someone is looking for it. Whenever we try to create a sense of
deserving Kavod, it doesn’t work. We may act a certain way, dress a certain
way, talk a certain way… and everyone watching can see right through it.
When we chase Kavod, the only thing we are really doing is chasing away the
people from whom we are asking for the respect. Whenever we find ourselves
chasing respect, we should ask: what is it about me that I want people to
know? Once we figure that out, the more we work on that thing, the sooner
we will gain respect for it. But one thing is for sure: to chase respect is as
good as chasing respect away.

4. [Optional source- not found in NCSYers copy] “A Little

Kadosh”- Based on a True Story
A father noticed that his son was particularly good-hearted and
pure. So, he nicknamed him “little Kadosh”. The child grew up with this
nickname and slowly but surely, it was having an impact on him. One
afternoon, this young boy, at the time 7 years-old, went on a family
road trip with his parents and siblings. Toward the end of the trip, little
Kadosh needed to go to the little boys’ room. His father sees a sign on
the side of the road that reads, “Next Rest Stop 33 miles”; not the sign
you want to see with a 7 year-old who has to go to the bathroom. try as
he might to hold off the child, they pull over to the side of the road at
what looks like a small town. One of the older siblings picks up little
Kadosh and they start running to find a place to go to the bathroom.
But at that hour of the night, it seemed nothing was open. Finally, with
a faint sound in the distance, the older sibling scurries one more block
and finds a bar. They run inside to a scene that little Kadosh has never
seen before. People are throwing up, having contests of who can drink
the most shots of whiskey in 60 seconds and beer-bongs. The child
stands upright, as if he forgot that he had to go to the bathroom,
looks up at his sibling and says with perfect conviction, “I can’t go to
the bathroom here. I’m Kadosh and this place is not kadosh. Let’s find
somewhere else for me to go to the bathroom.” With that, they left the
bar and continued their search for a bathroom.
When we give Kavod to someone on a regular basis, when we
constantly recognize and publicize a person’s strengths, it validates
that person’s actions, his or her decisions, that led him or her to that
point. Giving Kavod is an enabler, a powerful way to push someone
forward in life, a sacrifice of your own desires so that someone else can
succeed still more. It is the ultimate form of positive reinforcement. It is
the ultimate form of raising the bar for your friends or children. Last
but not least, it is the ultimate form of life- to see others as they
deserve to be seen, placing ourselves second.
 Beis Midrash Session | Friday Night

Junior Winter Regional | January 15-17, 2010 | St. Louis, MO

We may not talk about it out loud. We may not talk about it at all. But deep
down, we all know that respect is what it’s all about. Kanye West doesn’t get
it. Neither does Serena Williams. So let’s make sure that we do.
Let’s see what the Torah has to say about respect?

1. Mishna Pirkei Avos, Chapter 4, Mishna 1

“Who is considered ‘honored’?

One who honors other people.”

But what is real respect?

What is at the heart of this Mishna?

2. Alei Shur I, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, p. 117-118

“‘Kavod’ is not about being polite or being a mensch. It is recognizing

and publicizing something that your friend is great at. When I give honor
to someone, I am telling the world about my friend’s greatness and
importance.”

3. Mesilas Yesharim, Chapter 22, R’ Moshe Chaim Luzzato

“Anyone who chases after Kavod,

the Kavod] runs away from him.”