McKee 1

Patrick McKee

Jennifer Rodrick

English 115

14 November 2018

Essay 3: Maria’s Undiagnosed Mental Disorder

In “Play as It Lays”, it describes the everyday interactions of Maria and everyday

characters. Every chapter of the book, focuses on new characters and relationships that Maria

engages in. Maria does seem to have a problem, however, she has a tendency to constantly seek

out the things that hurt her, even though she personally seems to seek out because she craves the

attention of other people. When she was at New York, when she was younger, she became more

distant from her family and more distant to herself. Maria has Borderline Personality Disorder

since she always seems to have an Identity disturbance, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment

from Carter and other people she is with, and impulsivity in potentially self-damaging behaviors

like using sleep drugs or other dangerous things.

Maria has a problem with abandonment, since she always does everything to not lose

Kate, or lose Carter. In the book she said, “I see no one I used to know, but then I’m not crazy

for these people”. (Didion, p.10) This quote is a contradiction because she always ends back up

with the toxic people. According to the DSM-5, which is created by the American Psychiatric

Association, mentions that the abandonment issues are tied to the intimate relationship one is in,

and it has a negative influence on the relationship. Maria constantly makes relationships that are

all for the most part toxic. The problem is Maria wants to avoid being alone, and abandoned by

people. She ever wants to give up Kate. This ties into the idea that Maria has Borderline
 McKee 2

Personality Disorder, due to her constant want for a toxic relationship, that would cause more

harm to her then good. In the book, Maria constantly got in new relationships since she is

always used in each one. She first goes to Ivan, then to Carter, then to Les, and in the end all of

them end the same way, toxic and abusive. I believe Maria does not want these relationships, but

she decides to anyway, betraying her own words. Maria does a lot of surprising things, for an

example, she enjoyed watching Helene get beaten by BZ. Even though she despised it, she still

surrounded herself with people who allow that behavior. It is strange that she would continue,

but it is because she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and she does not know what she really

wants inside to fill her constant emptiness.

Maria always has a tendency to have an identity disturbance. At a young age, Maria

always seemed to have that identity disturbance, based on how her parents treated her. She

always goes around and contradicts the things she says. She said once, “She would do this one

last thing and they will never be able to touch her again.” (Didion, 75). This adds on to the

contradictions, since she immediately goes back to Carter and Ivan Costello in the end. She also

has a tendency to lack empathy, for an example would be her mom’s death, she never showed

any emotion towards it. According to an article by Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychology

at the University of Massachusetts, made the article, Identity in Borderline Personality Disorder:

A New Approach, said, “investigating the so-called “normal” pathways of adolescent

development, it has yet to be applied to the disturbed identity processes that characterize

borderline personality disorder. Yet, the theory would seem to have a great deal of potential

for understanding the issues that face people with this disorder as they attempt to come to grips

with their own self-definition after having arrived at adolescence with what are undoubtedly

unique challenges” (Whitbourne). This quote talks about the formation of the adolescent identity
 McKee 3

and it describes the issues of the process in discovering the Borderline Personality Disorder’s

character traits. The theory described in the quote was created by Erik Erikson, and it is defined

by identity-achievement vs. Identity diffusion. In some ways, we can see these things in Maria,

since she always wavers between her own identity, she is defiantly disturbed. This is also

reinforced by the last part of the study, it gives a list of questions and a point system to determine

what identity trait they have. After analyzing each question in terms to have Maria feels about

things, I came up with a score of 21. This means that Maria’s identity is disturbed, therefore she

has one of the other traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Maria did engage in pretty toxic behaviors, since she would do things that could possibly

harm her own body, or mind. For an example, she would use sleep drugs, and she would always

back away from her own words, she contradicts them. Maria in the story said this when she is

bleeding, “She took a Dexedrine to stay awake. Awake so she could possibly call the

Ambulance. Awake she could save herself.” (Didion, 93). Not only is Dexedrine an ADHD

medicine, but it is known to cause drowsiness. In her circumstance, this could have possibly

killed her unknowingly, since she was bleeding. Despite this, Maria did encourage dangerous

behavior, when Helene was being slapped by BZ. According to an Article by Kristalyn Salters, a

psychologist in private practice and works for the University of Connecticut, Said,” people with

BPD are more likely to be violent in their relationships. First, people with BPD are often victims

of violence themselves, such as through child abuse. While it's not true for all people, many

people with BPD may have learned to use aggression to deal with strong emotions because

adults modeled that behavior for them when they were young. In addition, people with BPD

often experience an unstable sense of self and difficulty trusting others in interpersonal

relationships. They may experience very strong emotions if they believe they are being rejected
 McKee 4

or abandoned.” (Salters). This article claimed that aggression in Borderline Personality

Individuals are present, whenever they feel threatened or if they feel abandoned. This can be

present primarily in most people with Borderline Personality Disorder. The article also says that

some of the Borderline Personality Disorder individuals may never get violent in their life, but

the ones that begin to show violent tendencies, more than likely will become violent and

aggressive. The article also says that not only do some of them can exhibit violent tendencies,

however, they also have a strong difficult with impulsive behavior, when experiencing a strong

and difficult emotion, like the feelings of being rejected. The article then says, that both parties

must get therapy, to continue any form of relationship, or the relationship will be toxic. Then, we

go back to Maria. In the story, Maria engages in all kinds of toxic and unhealthy relationship,

even though she is not the aggressor, she continues to allow that behavior to go on. This only

solidifies that her relationship choices are not healthy, she seeks out these individuals constantly,

but when she does, they end up being extremely similar to Carter, or Ivan Costello. Maria

defiantly hates the feelings of being abandoned and rejected, since she always tries to get away

from her current relationship with Carter, possibly as an escape to the toxicity, but still ends up

in an even more toxic situation. This article does add on some extra information to help prove

that Maria has Borderline Personality Disorder.

 McKee 5

In this picture, which shows a girl looking at an open sky and a thunderstorm can be

interpreted in two ways, primarily its relation to Borderline Personality Disorder. The picture

above can be interpreted as depression as well. Since, depression can give the person a feeling of

darkness and storminess the picture depicts this, however, this could be linked to Borderline

Personality Disorder as well since, the sudden shift in happiness to darkness. The two sides of

Borderline Personality Disorder create a disharmonic balance, with many toxic things resulting

in the person’s life. This is only a fraction of this, this mood change can be seen in Maria as well

in the story, she sways between happy and sad constantly. Not only this, but she also engages in

the toxic behaviors that only solidify her disharmony. This is one of the main reasons why Maria

in the book has Borderline Personality Disorder and not any other kind of disorder like

depression. She has experienced PTSD, but she has always acted the way she does before the

abortion, which is why she has Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline Personality disorder is not entirely a bad thing, it just makes it difficult for the

person to make healthier decisions in their life. Maria, is responsible for her actions, but at the

same time, I get the feeling she does not know any better, as if she knows it is wrong, but she

will not do anything to fix it. Maria does have Borderline Personality Disorder, and the events

only create more disharmony in herself. Which in itself only makes her worse off, she is slowly

losing her own mind. One thing Maria, can do to help herself, is to seek help, like therapy. The

hypnotist did not really help Maria out, as the problem she has is more of a psychological battle.

Once Maria gets the proper help, she will be able to make healthier decisions and no longer

possibly be in toxic relationships, and self-harming herself in a way. This just is the final nail in

the coffin to solidify the Borderline Personality Disorder.

 McKee 6

Work Cited:

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).” Verywell Mind, www.verywellmind.com/borderline-

personality-disorder-4157266. Accessed. November, 19th. 2018.

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5. American Psychiatric

Association, 2013.

“Didion, Joan. Play It as It Lays. Frarrar, Straus, and Gilroux, 1970.

Salters, Kristalyn. “Is There a Prevalence of Violence With Borderline Personality?” Verywell

Mind, 20 Aug. 2018, www.verywellmind.com/borderline-personality-and-violence-

425192. Accessed. November, 16th. 2018.

Whitbourne, Susan Krauss. “Identity in Borderline Personality Disorder: A New Approach.”

Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-

any-age/201802/identity-in-borderline-personality-disorder-new-approach. Accessed.

November, 16th. 2018.