Allyson Reichert

Dr. Kelly

Composition and Culture B

11 April 2017

Constant Battles with Your Inner Self

“Your mind is your prison when you focus on your fear”

-Tim Fargo

Sweaty palms, a restless leg, struggling for breath, and a chaotic mind. These are things I

used to deal with daily before I got treated for anxiety, and things that I still deal with today.

Having anxiety has by no means been an easy thing to live with, but with each passing day I

handle it slightly better than the day before. More than 40 million Americans suffer from some

form of anxiety disorder and 75% of those experience their first encounter with anxiety by the

age of 22 (ADAA). It has been proven that females are more prone to experience anxiety than

their male counterparts. Also, those from a low socioeconomic background who are attending

university are also more likely to experience anxiety. Furthermore, many individuals

experiencing anxiety allow it to defeat them. They give up on life and become depressed;

however, it is not the anxiety that causes the failure- it’s the person. There are individuals all

over who have the same unmotivated mindset that give in to failure, and anxiety has nothing to

do with it. Anxiety does not affect achievement, while it may be an obstacle on the road to

success, those with anxiety have an equal chance and ability to achieve than non-anxious

counterparts. Socioeconomic status, gender, and attending university all have an impact on or
are risk factors for anxiety; however, while being a female in college from a low income family

with generalized anxiety disorder, anxiety does not hinder success, rather, it is a strength.

A study was done by Beiter and colleagues testing the hypothesis that, “Demographic

factors including female gender and those involving minority status or adversity (e.g. sexual or

gender diversity, financial stress, relationship breakdown) will be associated with an increased

risk of depression or GAD” (Farrer, 2). They also tested the hypothesis that, “Experience of

psychosocial stressors specific to university study (e.g. difficulties with time management,

coping with study) will be associated with an increased risk of depression or GAD” (Farrer, 2).

The results of these tests may be surprising to some, but I was less than shocked. “In the final

multivariate model, being female, having moved to attend university, and experience of financial

stress remained significantly associated with greater risk of GAD” (Farrer, 5).

Cate Hearn describes the factors associated with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as

“worry, intolerance of uncertainty, and negative beliefs about worry” (Hearn). I really relate to

this description of the disease because I, personally, experience all 3 of those. I wasn’t

diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder until the summer before my senior year of high

school. It was during this time that my parents began to notice how frequently and easily my

anxiety attacks were brought on. My mom called the psychiatrist that both my brother and her

go to and made me an appointment. This was easily one of the best things my parents did for me.

Seeing a psychiatrist who made me feel like my worries and fears aren’t so irrational and

someone who seemed to simply understand me made a huge difference. Since then, I was put on

medication and have seen incredible improvements in my attitude and self-confidence. I am able

to stand up for myself like I was not before and I was able to live more comfortably in my body.

Since being put on my medication, I have only had 1 anxiety attack since. However, the years
prior to this were insanely difficult, but incredibly rewarding. I was always a hard worker and I

partially have my anxiety to thank for that. My disorder causes some OCD behavior that is

portrayed in my work ethic. I am a perfectionist and will not settle for less than excellent when it

comes to my grades. While I am thankful that my anxiety has caused me to have a determined

state of mind, it was more prevalent to others that I was too worried when it came to academic

situations. After being put on my medication, almost all of my teachers told my mom the change

they’ve seen in me. I was able to stop constantly worrying about my grades while still striving

for excellence. I felt like a whole new person once I was diagnosed and treated.

I remember my first anxiety attack. I was no older than 8 years old, and I would sleep on

my parents’ floor when I would get scared to sleep in my room at night. I remember having a

scary dream and waking up unable to breathe. I woke my parents, and though they were terrified,

they consoled me and continued to remind me that I was breathing and I would be okay. When I

finally settled, my body stopped shaking and my breathing calmed. My mom put me back to

sleep on her floor and propped my head up so I could breathe easier. I didn’t know it at the time,

but I had experienced my first anxiety attack.

My parents believed at the time that I was simply worked up over my nightmare. Despite

my mom having anxiety, she did not think after this episode that I, too, had anxiety. Prior to this

experience and years after even to this day, she always considered me to be a worrier. When I

was little, I would worry that my mom would forget to pick me up from school and I would not

have a ride home. I used to get anxious simply going over to a friend’s house because I did not

want to leave my mom. As I got older my stress evolved into worrying about whether my friends

really liked me or whether or not I was good enough for them. I had irrational worries that I

could not control and I still do. I could go on about everything I stress about, but that list is
entirely too long. Since my mom is a worrier herself, she just thought that it was something I

inherited from her- not anxiety. However, stress is different than anxiety. Stress is a response to a

threat in a situation, and anxiety is the reaction towards such stress (ADAA).

It wasn’t until I was in the 7th grade that I had my second panic attack. I went through

the phase that most preteen girls do where the bullying and cattiness destroy friendships. I lost 2

of my good friends and my childhood best friend and I were on the outskirts of all of the middle

school cliques. I remember coming home from school early; I faked sick that day so my mom

could come pick me up. It was a rough day and all I needed was her calmness. When I got

home and logged onto Facebook, I saw soon that the bullying and arguing went public on the

internet. As any typical preteen in this situation would do, I broke down. I cried so much over

this irrelevant event in the grand scheme of life that it drove me into my second panic attack.

This is also when I began to notice that none of the guys seemed to have ever felt like this. I felt

like here I was, stressing about everything under the sun and all of those boys at school, and even

my dad, never seemed to be as anxious as I was.

I have always known that anxiety was a common feature in the women in my family. 5

women that are close relatives of mine suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and the only

male in my family with anxiety is my brother who has social anxiety. Also, I believe women are

more prone to anxiety because of the typical nature of women. We cause ourselves more worry

and stress by constantly comparing ourselves to others and we are far more concerned about our

body images than men. The study performed by Beiter and colleagues found that body image

and self-esteem issues were among the top 10 sources of concern for women (Farrer, 2). I have

had plenty of anxiety stemming from my body image since before I even had reason for concern.

My anxiety would cause me to stress about what I wore, how my clothes fit me, and how my
image compared to everyone else’s since I was about 14 years old. Aside from my own personal

experiences with the association between being female and having anxiety, there is also scientific

evidence supporting the correlation. “From the time a girl reaches puberty until about the age of

50, she is twice as likely to have an anxiety disorder as a man. Anxiety disorders also occur

earlier in women than in men. Differences in brain chemistry may account for at least part of

these differences. The brain system involved in the fight-or-flight response is activated more

readily in women and stays activated longer than men, partly as a result of the action of estrogen

and progesterone” (ADAA). The data continues, “Neurotransmitter serotonin may also play a

role in responsiveness to stress and anxiety. Some evidence suggests that the female brain does

not process serotonin as quickly as the male brain. Recent research has found that women are

more sensitive to low levels of corticotrophin-releasing factor (CRF), a hormone that organizes

stress responses in mammals, making them twice as vulnerable as men to stress-related

disorders” (ADAA). While not all women have anxiety and not all men are anxiety-free, simply

being a woman is definitely an uncontrollable risk factor for developing anxiety.

Furthermore, coming from a low socioeconomic background has an effect on the

development of anxiety. My parents are not poor and they work incredibly hard to give their

children the best that they can. However, since neither of my parents attended college, their

income is much lower than those whose parents did receive a higher level of education. As a

child, and even into my teenage years, I never felt that I was missing out on things that other kids

had. My parents always made it a point to never show their children when they were struggling

financially, so I always had everything I needed. Growing up, I do not believe that

socioeconomic status caused the onset of my anxiety; however, this factor has impacted my

anxiety much more recently in the past few years. This brings me to another panic attack I’ve
had. It was my senior year of high school and it was time to start filing for FAFSA. I got such a

minimal amount of money and I picked such an expensive school. My sister went through this

process already, so she was helping me pick a private lender to receive a loan from. I looked at

the interest rates and began thinking about how I would ever pay this off. Before I knew it, I was

thrown into a panic attack. Ewgeni Jakubovski found that “low socioeconomic status was

associated with worse outcomes across multiple anxiety disorders…positive treatment

expectancy and belief in self-efficacy were strongly associated with treatment response across

multiple anxiety disorder…Anxiety is more prevalent in low income populations. A well-

established association between low SES and treatment outcomes for anxiety, depression, and

general health already exists” (Jakubovski, 459-460). Additionally, since being at the university,

financial stress has been a huge obstacle to overcome. Referring again to the study done by

Beiter, “A consistent finding in the literature is that financial stress is a significant risk factor for

depression, anxiety, and psychological distress among university students and the results of the

current study support this. Experience of mild, moderate, and severe financial stress was strongly

related to GAD in the current sample, which suggests that worry about money is a significant

concern for university students. Many students experience increased financial independence

while at university, and must contend with high living expenses and limited ability to work while

managing the demands of study. There is also evidence that concern about finances increases

throughout the years of university, and that many students worry about the debt that they will

have accrued upon leaving university” (Farrer, 7). My parents help when they can with

necessities but I mostly have to pay for myself when it comes to going out with friends or buying

clothes. I currently work 2 jobs and aside from the stress about money, I also get anxious

between time management with all of this responsibility. This additional stress that those
coming from high socioeconomic backgrounds don’t experience is also a cause for anxiety and

additionally proves why those coming from lower class families experience more stress.

Personally, I have my own battles with my family’s income and our situation isn’t nearly as

terrible as some of the people I went to high school with. I could only imagine the impact that

their incomes would have on anxiety in an individual worse off than I.

In regards to secondary education impacting anxiety in a way unassociated with finance,

it has become the most common mental health problem on college campuses (ADAA).

“Adjustment stress as well as depression and anxiety symptoms are some of the most prevalent

mental health problems among college students. In particular, approximately 23% of college

students reported anxiety and 32% reported stress as factors affecting their functioning in the

past 12 months” (Holliday, 278). Since being at Seton Hill, my anxiety has dramatically

increased. While the control of medicine helps, I still suffer from that anxious feeling more

frequently than I did previous to college. I find myself getting extremely hung up on my tests

and quizzes and I almost panic every time I feel overwhelmed. I feel that way entirely too often

because of the rigor of my program, but if it weren’t for my anxiety I truly do not believe I

would be here.

Scientific evidence proves that those with anxiety are capable of accomplishing the same

tasks as non-anxious counterparts. This study was done by researchers Professor Michael

Eysenck and Dr. Nazanin Derkshan. They designed several experiments that would evaluate the

effects of anxiety on the ability to perform tasks (Economic and Social Research Council).

Many of the negative effects found were related to difficulties controlling attention and not the

anxiety itself and the final results show that anxious individuals perform at a comparable level to

non-anxious ones but they do it at a greater cost such as more effort or long term stress
(Economic and Social Research Council). “Overall, the experiments showed that anxiety had

more effect on how much effort it took to perform a task than on how well the task was actually

performed. In other words, anxiety often produced “hidden costs” that were not apparent in

performance” (Economic and Social Research Council).

Aside from the scientific end of the effect of anxiety on success, I also have personal and

emotional proof as well. I have chosen through the years to appreciate my anxiety and try to

focus on the positive side of the situation. Some of the qualities I use to describe myself are

thorough, diligent, determined, and persistent. I firmly believe I would not have these qualities if

I wasn’t anxious. As mentioned before, I experience symptoms of OCD with my anxiety, which

most people with GAD do. In fact, in a study performed by Mari Salmela and Satu Uusaiutti,

they described the school paths of straight-A students in light of human strengths. The results

from the study allowed them to confer: “The perspective adopted in this study leans on positive

psychology. The fundamental idea is that by supporting and developing human strengths,

individuals’ personal and social well-being and success can be enhanced. It has been shown that

people who employ their strengths efficiently have higher self-efficacy… Due to their efforts and

diligence, they are also likely to achieve their goals. Moreover, people who make use of their

strengths in new, various ways in their daily lives are happier, more satisfied, trustful, and

energetic than those who do not utilize their strengths” (Salmela and Uusaiutti, 118). This is

relevant in that by taking advantage of my anxiety and using it to my strength, I will be better off

and over all happier than if I viewed it as an obstacle. I came across an article by Ryan

McCarney throughout my research process and I have found it to be incredibly inspirational and

eye opening to learn how to make light of the disorder and situations it causes. McCarney also

suffers from GAD and, as I have, he has chosen to use this disorder to his advantage. In the
article, he shares his view on the disorder, and closes with the following quote:

“None of us are alone in this battle. My anxiety issues are still extremely relevant and I

deal with the battle on a daily basis. But the battle now is one that I embrace. I am proud of the

battle. We all have different characteristics and one of mine just happens to be an anxiety

disorder…or two or three. Anxiety is not a negative that we need to resist and be ashamed of.

Anxiety is just an attribute that some of us have and some of us don't. If you do, embrace all of

it, reach out for help and educate yourself on tools and concepts to improve your quality of life

and coping skills. So many people are dealing with some form of anxiety issues and they are

hiding it. Embrace it. Own it. Change your life” (McCarney).

I have chosen to think like McCarney and stop viewing my anxiety as a limitation, I use it to my

advantage and not only just accept the person I am becoming, but am proud of her.

Overall, my battle with anxiety has been a long term battle with my inner self and how I

portray myself. I firmly believe that socioeconomic status, gender, and being at a university are

key risk factors for the development or worsening of anxiety. However, while I may suit all of

those categories, I have not allowed anxiety to act as an obstacle. I do not want to be viewed as

inferior than someone who isn’t suffering from this disorder. While just recently diagnosed and

treated, I have suffered from anxiety my whole life and I have managed to maintain superb

grades in school. I was the salutatorian for my high school and have made it into the Physician

Assistant Program at Seton Hill where I have maintained Dean’s List my freshman year. I have

already achieved more in my 19 years of life living with anxiety than some people without

anxiety ever will. I was never unable to achieve any goals because of my anxiety, in fact, I

believe I am as successful as I am because of it.

 Works Cited

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. ADAA, 2016, www.adaa.org. Accessed 8 Feb.

2017.

Economic and Social Research Council. “Anxiety’s Hidden Cost in Academic Performance.”

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Farrer, Louise M., et. all. “Demographic and Psychosocial Predictors of Major Depression and

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16, Dec. 2016, pp. 1-9. psycINFO, doi:10.1186/s12888-016-0961-z. Accessed 8 Feb.

2017.

Hearn, Cate S., et. all. “A Worrying Trend in Social Anxiety: To What Degree Are Worry and

its Cognitive Factors Associated with Youth Social Anxiety Disorder.” Journal of

Affective Disorders, vol. 208, 15 January 2017, pp. 33-40. psycINFO,

doi:10.1016/j.jad.2016.09.052. Accessed 8 Feb. 2017.

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and Depression and Anxiety Symptoms Between White, Hispanic and White, non-

Hispanic Female College Students.” Journal of Hispanic Higher Education, vol. 15, no.

3, July 2016, pp. 277-288. psycINFO, doi:10.1177/1538192715607331. Accessed 8 Feb.

2017.

Jakubovski, Ewgeni and Michael H. Bloch. “Anxiety Disorder-Specific Predictors of Treatment

Outcome in the Coordinated Anxiety Learning and Management (CALM) Trial.”

Psychiatric Quarterly, vol. 87, no. 3, Sept. 2016, pp. 445-464. psycINFO,

doi:10.1007/s11126-015-9399-6. Accessed 8 Feb. 2017.

McCarney, Ryan. “Being Ok with Not Being Ok.” Anxiety and Depression Association of

America. ADAA, www.adaa.org/taking-action/make-a-difference/being-ok-with-not-

being-ok. Accessed 8 Feb. 2016.

Salmela, Mari and Satu Uusiautti. “A Positive Psychological Viewpoint for Success at School-

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doi:10.1080/13598139.2015.1019607. Accessed 8 Feb. 2017.