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Brian Edwards
Instructor: Malcolm Campbell
UWRT 1104
12/02/2018
The Paradox of Fulfillment: Changing Ourselves to Change the World
There are many complex issues that exist in the world today. When one problem is solved

it is as if there is an even greater one lurking in its shadow. This is something that is also

occurring in all our lives. We each have aspirations and goals even if those goals are to just keep

up the great work. Whether we strive for change or strive for consistency, either road carries the

burden of having to overcome problems and learn something new about ourselves. What if that

journey is the key to solving the greater problems that exist in society and the world at large?

Perhaps if we embraced the hardships and failures as much as the glory and success and faced

the adversity that comes with the lifelong journey of self-awareness and becoming the best

version of ourselves , then we would unknowingly allow the world to shine brighter as well.

In the same manner that each of us perceive the world differently and have our own

experiences, there are many ways to achieve self-actualization and ultimately realize who you

are and what you want. There have been psychological studies based around this idea , one of

which dates back all the way to the 1960s done by psychotherapist, Everett L. Shostrom and the

Institute of Therapeutic Psychology. He describes the self-actualized person as someone who

can, “tie the past and the future to the present in meaningful continuity.” Often there are people

that argue that they cannot be successful in something they are pursuing or once pursued due to

their circumstances. They believe that they were not born with the right talents or maybe they

have just failed so many times that it just seems like an exercise in futility to even try anymore. It

is very true that all of us have different lives and different ways of going about them, as I stated
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earlier. However, the important thing to consider when dealing with reflection is that one should

not become a slave to the events of the past. . First and foremost, even those that seem to have a

high aptitude naturally for their field or fields had to put in a considerable amount of work to

achieve that which they set out to achieve. The deck is stacked against us all in different ways,

and no one has reached success without deep introspection, dreaming, and calculating. The past

is meant as a reflection point and not a dwelling point. Thinking about what can be done better

instead of wallowing in that instance of failure can propel you closer to your desired results.

Psychiatrist Carl Jung talks about this topic of understanding more about one’s psyche in

his book titled, The Undiscovered Self . He pinpoints a different terminology called self-

knowledge that states that we interact with our mind and body in a similar fashion. Although it

is something that we live in and use daily, it is something that we have little profound

knowledge of if the proper research has not been done . What this shows is that if the proper

precautions are not taken to assess the situation at hand, people’s perspectives are often based

upon a spontaneous reaction to the things that are presented to them.

Stephen R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People explains this issue when

discussing principles of personal vision and self-awareness, or as he describes it, “think about

your very own thought process”. He uses something called the “Social Mirror” to describe the

flawed strategy of allowing other people’s opinions and statements about ourselves drive our

self-image. He states that these statements are “disjointed and out of proportion” and that they

are merely used as a way of projecting the speaker’s own worries and concerns rather than giving

an accurate reflection of who the person actually is. Covey also explains that this ability of self-

awareness, being able to discern our feelings as a means to better understand ourselves, is

something that makes us humans and ultimately separates us from any other animal. This ability
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is essential to our lives because it can dictate how we see ourselves and the people around us. As

a result, self-awareness is also key to fulfillment because that is something that varies from

person to person and if a person does not understand that concept and solely uses external

circumstances and opinions to form their idea of fulfillment or even worse their potential then

they will continue to search for the answer outside of themselves instead of facing the truth about

themselves and realizing that the answer has been with them the whole time.

He goes on to say that self-awareness alone is not the only part that separates us from

other animals. Instead it is one of many “human endowments” as he describes it that when

trained and properly utilized, can allow us to maximize our human potential. For example, we

have imagination, creating an image in our mind about anything we want, from a place that we

want to go, to a thing that we want to accomplish. There is also conscience and will, respectively

meaning the ability to synchronize thoughts with action and the ability to act independent of

other factors outside of our self-awareness.

Stephen Covey shows us that the difference between people that have reached the point

of self-actualization in their life and those that are still wandering is mindset.

A writer and columnist, Pagan Kennedy, wrote an article for the New York Times

chronicling the life of novelist, William Styron and his battle with depression during a time

where there was a harsh stigma attached to such a mental illness. William Styron was labeled by

brain scientist, Alice Flaherty as “the great god of depression” due to his deep level of insight

into depression. His book, Darkness Visible, became required reading in some medical schools

and inspired others to write about their experiences with depressions and other related mental

issues in a time where people that were diagnosed with depression were seen as “pathetic and

even dangerous”. Before dying of cancer in 2006, Styron had one final message for everyone:
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“Everyone must keep up the struggle, for it is always likely that you will win the battle

and nearly a certainty you will win the war. To all of you, sufferers and nonsufferers alike, I send

my abiding love.”

William Styron is an example of an interesting paradox in fulfillment. Even someone

who is depressed can have a high understanding of their purpose. He felt that after writing

extensively on the matter, that it was his duty to take on the role as the “guru of depression” as

stated in the article. This shows that one’s fulfillment and ultimate contribution to the world is

dependent on the way in which one utilizes circumstances and not just one’s circumstances

alone. In William Styron’s case, he has shown the dichotomy between succumbing to the mental

and physical ailments that come with depression and fighting to be more and give more in the

face of one’s problems.

I have suffered from much of the same issue. For a very long time I never really liked

myself. I felt hopeless, spiteful, and worst of all suicidal. I wanted more than anything to do

something impactful and inspire other people but at the same time I had given up because I

always felt that I was not good enough. Until I realized one day that doing something great and

creating an impactful legacy comes from the will to do so and not simply from being good at

something. After all, your talent will take you places your character cannot keep you. Even those

with incredible skill and affinities for certain things tend to not use that to magnify the greatness

that is within others. That is why a person that is helpful tends to be more desirable than a person

that is skillful.

Ever since I realized that, I have made an effort every day to be something more than I

was before and inspire others to do the same.

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So what steps should we take to reach a point of self-actualization in each of our lives?

Aside from advice about career paths and things of that nature, these are basic universal

principles that can be incorporated into one’s personal life to be able to make more sound

decisions in any desirable path.

The first thing would be to embrace the serendipity that is present in life.

Life is essentially random. However, this is to our advantage. That means that all it takes

is one moment, one person, one idea to change the course of your entire life. There is a story told

in the self-improvement book, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill that talks about how a

mining company had sold off all their equipment for a few hundred dollars after tirelessly

working to mine for gold during the gold rush. The person that purchased the equipment got a

mining engineer to do some research and found out that the only problem was that the owners

were unfamiliar with fault lines and that just mining three feet from where they stopped would

open the vein of gold. This is a common problem that stems from a person’s lack of trust in the

serendipitous nature of the world and even more so, a lack of belief in the thing that they are

doing.

As the book explains, too often people quit due to being “overtaken by temporary

defeat”. Truly believing in what you are doing is what prevents that. I have come to realize in my

own life and other people’s lives, that quitting shows that you never really bought into the idea in

the first place. Again, pointing back to the importance of mindset and perspective. Those that

understand their mission, do not have the ubiquitous, “believe it when I see it” mentality. It goes

beyond confidence, and into the realm of simply understanding the laws that dictate success on a

physical level. These miners clearly did not enjoy the process of mining and doing the proper

research for it. Otherwise, they would have made the adjustments that were required to achieve
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their desired result. When we are blinded by an end result, like money in this case, we tend to

overlook the things we must do to get there. However, when we fully embrace the obstacles and

process of improvement, we suddenly seem to have more control over the outcome.

In spite of my seemingly harsh critique of quitting, I do not define stepping away or

having to take a detour during your journey as quitting. Someone who "quits" is one who has

neglected an idea or dream of theirs simply because of the fact that progress is not being made at

an incredibly noticeable pace. Or, someone that believes that other people or things dictate their

success, and that those factors have cheated them out of their destiny. Taking a step back to take

inventory of what one knows and wants to know or to prioritize other problems in one's own life

is not in the same category. Those people have not given up, they just are in a highly reflective

point in their own process.

Another example of someone who embraces this process is Sir Dave Brailsford, cycling

coach and general manager of team sky. In the team’s 76-year cycling history they had only won

a single gold medal. In 2008 however, thanks to Sir Dave’s coaching, they were able to win

seven out of the ten gold medals cycling gold medals. What changed exactly? Sir Dave applied a

rule called the theory of marginal gains, which is the theory that improving each factor of

something by just one percent can create massive improvement in the long-term. Sir Dave

explains his thinking further in an interview with Harvard Business Review:

“It struck me that we should think small, not big, and adopt a philosophy of continuous

improvement through the aggregation of marginal gains.”

Just as not feeling the earth’s rotation is not enough evidence to say that it is not

happening, the absence of overwhelmingly vast changes and improvements is not enough to say
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that improvements are not being made. Those with a goal that satisfies their long-term

fulfillment, like Sir Dave, tend to be able to “focus on progression” in Sir Dave’s words and see

this progress from even the most minute of occurrences. They also are aware of another

important piece of the puzzle when accomplishing goals.

Knowing opportunities. One should not shy away from them. It is important to not let

the fear and self-doubt dilute situational awareness. I never wanted to accept offers from others

mainly because I felt that I was not worth it. However, I learned later that the biggest mistake

that you can make is feeling like you are not worth it. You should always grab hold of the

opportunities that align with your goal, especially when someone is willing to take a chance on

you. Too often people do not take such opportunities because they believe that they are not good

enough. However, the more you actively try to better yourself and others through your goals, the

more you realize that people do not always need the best. Sometimes they might not even want

that. They just need someone that is willing to be of service to those around them and learn in

order to be better than before. If you reject opportunities because you think you “are not ready”

then you most likely will never be ready.

Enjoying the process of strengthening oneself . Clinical Psychologist and Professor at the

University of Toronto, Jordan Peterson, uses sports as an example of something that represents

the one thing that we all crave in an interview with Lewis Howes on the School of Greatness

Podcast. He says that the popularity of sports stems from its dramatization of the “idea of aim”

and on top of that “the pursuit of excellence in pursuit of that aim”. In other words, it is common

sense to know that if you do not have something you need, your job at that moment is to get it in

whatever way you deem possible. That same thinking should be applied to your goals, whatever

that goal might be, and the knowledge necessary to achieve that goal . Therefore, in order to be
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skilled and knowledgeable at something or a variety of things, it requires that you be willing to

go through the process of being woefully ignorant first and understand that that condition is

one that changes as naturally as day turns to night.

Life is a never-ending gauntlet of problems. It is the “ultimate challenge” as defined by

Jordan Peterson. That is something that should be exemplified. Because this suffering can be

justified, as you come out the other end as someone with newfound knowledge and integrity.

Ready to bear the burden of the next challenge that awaits you. We still have many experiences

left in our lives . And as a result, have many failures and pitfalls left as well that still hurt in

spite of our anticipation of them. But, in the end we should bear in mind that as long as we stay

true to our mission of seeing the good in ourselves in order to see the good in others , our

suffering is worthwhile. It is as Jordan Peterson says, “…it’s not naive optimism. It’s a very

different thing…things aren’t terrible: they’re brutal, and you are so damn tough you can’t

believe it.”

In the end, what I hope that you take away from my writing is that the search for the

answer in our lives is more important than the answer itself. In other words, loving the process of

asking questions, reflecting, and figuring new things out about what makes up the world as we

know it today is the most important part to understanding oneself. Another essential part is of

course each other. The paradox of fulfillment comes from the fact that changing the world is a

team effort, yet it requires that we also look within ourselves to understand what it is that we all

want first. Because while teamwork is essential, it is also paramount that that teamwork is not

built on top of foundation created by falsehood. The truth of the universe will reveal itself when

we collectively realize the truth about ourselves.

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Works Cited

Covey, Stephen, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Simon & Schuster, 1990

Hill, Napoleon, Think and Grow Rich the Complete Classic Text, Tarcher/Penguin deluxe

edition, 2008

Howes, Lewis, Responsibility and Meaning, School of Greatness Podcast, Jordan Peterson 8 Jul

2018, jordanbpeterson.com/transcripts/lewis-howes/, Accessed 18 Oct 2018

Jung, Carl, The Undiscovered Self, Little, Brown and Company, 1957

Kennedy, Pagan, The Great God of Depression, 3 Aug 2018. New York Times,

www.nytimes.com/2018/08/03/opinion/sunday/depression-william-styron.html, Accessed

18 Oct 2018.

Shostrom, L., Everett, An Inventory for the Measurement of Self-Actualization, Education and

Psychological Measurement, Vol.24, No.2, Institute of Therapeutic Psychology 1 Jul

1964, Institute of Therapeutic Psychology,

journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/001316446402400203, Accessed 18 Oct 2018.