Wiesler 1

Lily Wiesler

Professor Rodrick

Engl 115

11/18/18

The power In ‘Nothing’

Play it as it Lays i​ s a novel by Joan Didion that traces the life of 31 year old Maria

Wyeth. It is from her point of view in her travels from Nevada to Hollywood and everywhere in

between. The book starts off with Maria in a mental institution, then flashes back into her life

before her time there. The novel shows she has gone through tremendous losses from her parents

dying, a failed marriage, to an abortion. As a result, Maria slowly began to believe things as they

were; nothing. None of these events mattered and they don’t mean anything in the bigger picture

of life. The only thing that had any meaning to Maria was her ill daughter Kate. Ultimately, as I

read the novel, the characters in the book come to the conclusion that Maria is insane. Her

ex-husband even says, “...Maria has never understood friendship, conversation, the normal

amenities of social exchange” (Didion, 13). However, I have a hard time agreeing with that

because to me, she is just saying things as they are. She isn’t clouding judgment with emotion or

overthinking the outcomes because none of it matters to her. Granted, she compares everything

to the word nothing and says it so frequently that no one trusts her to be on her own. In Joan

Didion's novel, ​Play it as it Lays, ​Maria Wyeth’s understanding and obsession of the word

nothing is the main reason she has become resilient and keeps playing the game that is life.

Maria’s life was built on a foundation that consisted of nonexistence. Lore Segal, a writer

for The New York Times analysed in his article, “Maria Knew What Nothing Means” that, “​By
 Wiesler 2

birth she is from nowhere. Silver Wells, Nevada was a place where Maria's father meant to get

rich but they built the freeway elsewhere and “there isn't any Silver Wells today’” (Segal, 196).

The town her father built and she grew up in was barely anything when she lived there and

eventually would even turn into dust. While she had no understanding of nothingness then, the

concept was planted into her mind at a young age and it grew from there. “I was born in Reno,

Nev., and moved nine years later to Silver Wells, Nev., pop. then 28, now 0” (Didion, 5). She

later realizes that the microscopic town of Silver Wells essentially meant nothing. Not only was

her hometown not there anymore, no one would even remember it or miss it with the exception

of her and her parents friend from Silver Wells Benny Austin. It seems as if her whole

childhood, besides Benny Austin, is gone. Her mother died of a car crash in the middle of

nowhere and her father died shortly thereafter. The disintegrated town of Silver Wells and her

parents deaths was were the first instances of what nothingness meant for Maria but it sure

wouldn’t be her last.

The abortion Maria never wanted to have played a huge role in developing her meaning

of ‘nothing’ as well. After telling her husband Carter that she was expecting a baby, it was

almost as if he knew it wasn’t his. For example. Carter says “‘It’s not mine,” he said, his voice

raised. “I suppose you’re going to tell me it’s not mine’” (Didion, 49). Maria clearly had no idea

if it was his or her lover Les Goodwin’s but either way Carter wanted nothing to do with the

baby. The mere thought that the baby might not be his was reason enough for him to force her to

get an abortion. When she told him she wanted to keep it Carter responded, “‘Alright don’t do it.

Go ahead and have this kid.” He paused, confident in his hand. She waited for him to play it

through. “And I’ll take Kate”’ (Didion, 54). Carter used the one thing she truly cared about,
 Wiesler 3

their daughter Kate, as a guarantee that she would get an abortion even though that was the last

thing she wanted to do. She kept imagining she could keep the baby and would also dream about

the baby, herself, and Kate living happily together on the beach. Nonetheless, she still went

through with the abortion and was left with another void of what could have been. Some time

after the procedure, she had dreams of her house in Beverly Hills being used for under the table

abortions. The pipes were clogged and she refused to call the plumber because of what they’d

find in the pipes. “Because she had known all along what would be found in the pipes, what

hacked pieces of human flesh” (Didion, 97). These dreams were reminders of what really

happened to the baby she could of had. The pain from not being able to have her baby soon

turned numb; as the sadness in her life kept building, so did her claim that none of it matters.

Another thing lost in life, a small embryo that didn’t even have the chance to develop or claim its

own life. The word nothing was now a prevalent term in her life, for she had a lot of nothingness

in it.

Maria’s marriage to Carter Lang was also a dead end that would eventually lead to

nothing. Time and time again their repetitive dialogue kept draining of energy and effort until

there wasn’t any left. Dialogue that consisted of, “I guess we could try” and “Do what you want”

(Didion, 40). The tired conversations kept happening, almost as if they were just going through

the motions. After a while, there was no meaning behind anything that they were saying. “There

had come a time when she felt anesthetized in the presence of Ivan Costello and now that time

had come with Carter” (Didion, 42). She compares what she feels with Carter to how she used to

feel with Ivan, her previous lover. How she felt so anesthetized; ​deprived of feeling and

awareness. Maria feels nothing for Carter anymore, another thing in life that just doesn’t matter
 Wiesler 4

no matter how much they want it to. They kept the conversations going until they finally became

dry and stale. Their marriage became crippled as they came to a mutual decision to put it to an

end.

After the divorce, Maria would try to fill the empty space that used to be Carter by

getting up every morning and just driving with no destination in mind. “She drove it (the

freeway) as a riverman runs a river, every day more attuned to its currents, is deceptions…”

(Didion, 16). She sought out repetition every day ; something consistent to keep her mind off of

it which was driving the freeway for her. At first, she didn’t want to feel the emptiness. She

didn’t want to recognize that there was nothing left of their marriage. All Maria wanted was a

distraction but, as the quote says, the more she drove the more she noticed the roads deceptions.

After a day of driving, she ended up in Baker which was close to where Carter currently was.

She imagined calling him, imagined what he would say to her. It ended with him saying, “‘Why

don’t you just go in that bathroom and take every pill in it. Why don’t you die’” (Didion, 32).

With that, she realized the road could only fill the void for so long. It was the moment where

Maria accepted that the nothingness was there, the marriage didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t

feel anything towards it, and saw it as it was; they tried, they failed, and they got a divorce. Their

marriage was gone, just like the town of Silver Wells, the baby, and her parents.

Maria Wyeth may have been a complicated character, but as she says herself, “I know

something Carter never knew, or Helene, or maybe you. I know what “nothing” means, and keep

on playing” (Didion, 214). Everyone thought she was crazy but that’s only because they didn’t

understand the things that she did. She was infatuated by the whole idea that nothing truly

matters in the grand scheme of life. All of the bad things that happened to her wouldn’t change
 Wiesler 5

the outcome of the universe, or even affect someone else's life. Because of this, she lost touch of

her emotions. When Carter would ask her what she wanted all she would say was “nothing”. “‘I

want to help you. Tell me what you feel.’ She looked at the hand he held out to her. ‘Nothing,’

she said” (Didion, 205). No one trusted her to be by herself and for that reason she ended up at a

mental institution. Sure, one could say she was depressed, but her understanding of nothing is

ultimately what keeps her from ending the game by killing herself. Martina Newhook does a

great job interpreting this in her article titled “The Last

​ ewhook says, “But

Book I Loved: Play It As It Lays​”. N

lest you think Maria’s depression a sign of weakness,

think again. It is in fact her method of resistance against

a world where “nothing applies” (Newhook). When

presented with the opportunity to end it all, Maria

declined the opportunity. “Why not” (Didion, 214), she

would ask, if nothing matters anyways, why not keep

living? Her understanding of what “nothing” means is the sole reason she is so resilient and

keeps on playing the cards she was dealt.

 Wiesler 6

Works Cited

Didion, Joan. ​Play It as It Lays.​ 2005th ed., Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2005.

Sad Girl Looking Out Window​. 12 Feb. 2017. Accessed 11/18/18

Segal, Lore. “Maria Knew What 'Nothing' Means.” ​The New York Times,​ The New York

Times, 9 Aug. 1970,

www.nytimes.com/1970/08/09/archives/maria-knew-what-nothing-means-play-it-as-it-lay

s-play-it.html. Accessed 11/18/18

“The Last Book I Loved: Play It As It Lays.” ​The Rumpus.net,​ 19 Nov. 2014,

therumpus.net/2011/12/martina-newhook-the-last-book-i-loved-play-it-as-it-lays-3/.

Accessed 11/18/18