Manifesto for Evangelical Secular Humanism

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

I write to you today to correct a grievous injustice done against you. I do not
know all the details, and must beg for you to supply some of your own,
personalized evidence, but know this: the charge is blasphemy, against your own
life.

You have been the victim of false witness, about the one thing that is most
important.

I submit for your immediate relief, an antidote containing one, vital fact: we make
our own destiny – god is a lie. From this one lie, all your woes flow. I beg you,
read my evidence.

Exhibit A. When the stock market crashes and the jobless flood rises, we know
better than to pray to some economy deity. But with all your might try to see: you
DO pray, and it IS A LIE.

We cloud it in superstition: the "hand" of the market, the bull and the bear; as if it
were an ancient war from the constellations of yester-religions. And that cloud
hides the truth.

Many of you think the stimulus and bailout have failed, even though they saved
the entire world from another, global Great Depression. The facts are available
for easy discovery: 3 million jobs saved, a complete reversal from the cliff we
were falling down.

 
 
Economics  101  will  explain  the  reason:  a  recession  is  by  definition  lack  of  demand  in  
the  market,  because  of  the  way  capitalism  works:  all  demand  will  be  supplied.    It  is  
an  equation.    Excess  demand  never  causes  a  recession.    When  have  you  ever  heard  
of  someplace  going  out  of  business  because  they  had  too  many  customers?  
 
But  when  there  isn’t  enough  demand,  companies  scale  back;  workers  lose  their  jobs,  
and  then  they  don’t  have  the  money  to  spend  and  demand  reduces  further.    It  can  
spiral  into  a  depression,  and  from  very  steep  cliffs  like  the  1929  and  2008  disasters,  
it  can  create  Great  Depressions  –  25%-­‐unemployment  Depressions.  
 
The  only  known  answer  is  pumping  artificial  demand  to  stabilize  the  system.    
Government  stimulus.    Every  economist  knows  this.  
 
You  have  been  lied  to.    The  market  is  no  god.  
 
What’s  worse,  the  very  people  claiming  it  is  a  god,  caused  the  recessions  due  to  
“bubbles”,  hyper-­‐inflated  market  prices  that  arise  because  everyone  keeps  betting  
big  on  the  bubble  and  winning.    It  has  been  happening  since  capitalism  was  
invented,  such  as  Tulip  mania  in  1637,  which  wrecked  the  Dutch  economy.  
 
In  modern  times,  a  bubble  is  a  global  social  experiment  in  self-­‐fulfilled  prophecies.    
Nobody  looks  closely  enough  to  see  the  thin  seams,  where  manipulators  fill  in  lots  of  
little  lies  about  loans,  bundling  them  to  obscure  the  view  further,  all  thanks  to  
deregulation  since  the  last  Great  Depression.  
 
Exhibit  B.    The  weather  is  also  wrongly  attributed  to  some  divine  whims,  stretching  
back  to  ancient  days.    We  no  longer  perform  gruesome  rituals,  but  weathermen  
smugly  rail  against  long-­‐term  weather  knowledge  as  if  it  were  in  the  same  arcane  
realm.    Nobody  could  know  the  mind  of  God;  nobody  could  predict  weather  trends  
decades  from  now.  
 
You  have  been  lied  to.  
 
In  fact  it’s  a  realm  of  science  called  climatology,  and  it  tells  us  that  we  can  predict  
some  things  about  long-­‐term  weather  trends.    We  have  instruments  measuring  
temperatures  all  over  the  Earth  for  over  a  century,  all  of  which  points  to  a  sharply  
rising  temperature  curve.    We  similarly  measure  enormous  increases  of  CO2,  over  
30%  higher  since  the  industrial  revolution.  
 
That’s  all  us.  
 
And  scientists  around  the  world  –  from  the  national  academy  of  sciences  of  every  
major  industrialized  nation  –  agree:  that  data  points  to  two  important  facts:  the  
average  temperature  on  the  Earth  is  rising  very  rapidly  –  historically  speaking,  and  
we  are  to  blame.  
  
 
These  are  just  examples  of  settled  facts  in  the  scientific  community  that  you  are  
being  lied  to  about.  
 
There  is  no  more  debate  about  global  warming  –  climate  change,  to  be  technical  –  as  
there  is  about  evolution.  
   
So  why  are  they  lying?  
 
I  beg  your  pardon,  now,  to  please  consider  your  own  lives  as  Exhibit  C.    Maybe  you  
have  a  job,  a  family,  and  a  home.    The  American  dream.    Maybe  your  neighbor  
doesn’t.    You  know  somebody’s  neighbor  doesn’t.  
 
Jobs  matter,  because  money  matters,  and  they  are  lying  to  hold  on  to  their  money.  
 
Bankers  want  you  to  think  that  government  intervention  always  fails,  because  they  
don’t  want  to  be  regulated.    It  was  why  they  slowly,  over  decades,  dismantled  the  
core  legislation  that  bound  them  after  the  Great  Depression.    They  slowly  unwound  
it  and  went  wild,  wrecking  our  economy  in  the  process.  
 
And  they  made  out  like  bandits.    The  American  taxpayer  was  just  sacked,  by  the  
rampaging  elite  hoard.    Socialism  for  the  rich,  and  the  rich  have  convinced  you  to  
hate  socialism  for  yourself.  
 
Global  warming  is  no  different.    Energy  giants  don’t  want  emissions  standards  –  
those  are  costly;  but  that’s  an  unethical  position.    Instead,  they  lie  about  the  very  
existence  of  the  problem.    Every  year  without  serious  reform  is  another  year  of  
serious  profit.  
 
Ladies  and  Gentlemen,  the  most  damning  evidence,  however,  is  what  you  don’t  
know  about  your  lives:  it’s  what  they  could  be.  
 
Exhibit  D.    Our  test  scores  are  abysmal,  we  emerge  from  school  drowning  in  debt,  
we  live  in  deathly  fear  of  losing  our  health  insurance  –  or  often  live  without,  and  yet  
we’re  the  richest  country  in  the  world.  
 
Except  for  two  wars,  a  failing  international  image,  and  a  hijacked  and  wrecked  
economy  that  favors  the  rich.    Wealth  inequality  actually  rose  during  the  past  
decade.    We  have  statistics  for  this  too,  though  it  is  the  least  discussed  problem,  
because  the  rich  fear  it  the  most.    Estimates  are  the  top  10%  may  own  80%  of  the  
wealth.  
 
And  that  number  is  growing,  with  income  increasing  greatest  with  the  rich:  

 
 
But  they  want  you  to  believe  the  most  fundamental  lie:  that  you  can  defy  physics  
and  pull  yourself  up  by  your  own  bootstraps,  because  god  is  on  your  side.    We  did  
not  evolve  from  monkeys,  we  are  better  than  the  dog-­‐eat-­‐dog  world.  
 
The  lie  there,  is  that  we  could  be.      
 
Exhibit  E.    The  foundational  tenet  of  zealous  capitalism  is  that  dog-­‐eat-­‐dog  world  
where  a  family’s  house  burns  down  because  they  didn’t  pay  the  fire  fee,  children  are  
forced  to  work  instead  of  attend  school  because  their  parents  can’t  pay,  workers  
must  burn  away  14  hour  workdays  because  there  are  too  many  of  them  to  organize.    
And  of  course,  when  they  do  unionize  and  strike  demanding  minimum  wages,  
overtime,  vacation,  weekends…  
 
You  are  sold  the  most  bitter  lie  of  all:  that  those  just  struggles  of  your  ancestors  
were  vile  socialist  garbage.  
 
I  beg  of  you,  if  you  are  still  considering  my  evidence  but  not  convinced  on  any  
exhibit  –  just  do  some  more  research.    Learn  about  the  labor  movement,  it’s  solidly  
recorded  modern  history.    Read  about  the  countries  with  better  test  scores  and  
health  care  –  they  are  socialist,  compared  to  us.  
 
There  is  no  god.    God  does  not  control  the  market,  we  do.    God  is  not  heating  up  the  
Earth,  our  fossil  fuels  are.    The  rich  are  in  control,  not  God,  and  it  is  costing  us  dearly  
in  every  important  way.  
 
Just  recognize  there  is  no  god,  that  instead  you  must  follow  the  evidence,  and  
everything  else  will  fall  into  place.  
 
But  do  not  be  led  astray  by  false  profits  of  science.    Cigarette  companies  hired  false  
acolytes  of  reason  to  poison  the  public’s  understanding  of  health  studies,  claiming  
for  decades  that  we  don’t  have  any  proof  that  cigarettes  are  unhealthy.    Or  second  
hand  smoke  is  unhealthy.    Or  global  warming  is  real.  
 
Many  of  those  deniers  now  reside  in  the  libertarian  camp,  preaching  against  
government  intervention  with  a  religious  zeal  on  par  with  the  Creationists’  battle  
against  evolution.    I  have  witnessed  first-­‐hand  some  of  their  tongue-­‐forked  
treachery,  claiming  to  uphold  science  while  stabbing  it  in  the  back.  
 
You  have  only  to  see  the  blood  on  their  hands.  
 
Libertarians  claim  that  all  of  modern  science  is  a  hoax,  with  the  leaders  of  the  top  
peer-­‐reviewed  scientific  journals  and  institutions  joined  in  a  massive  conspiracy  to  
cover  up  any  evidence  of  non-­‐global-­‐warming.  
 
There  is  a  name  for  this  brand  of  libertarianism;  it  is  called  Objectivism,  popularized  
in  recent  memory  by  Ayn  Rand,  a  science-­‐minded  atheist  who  fled  brutal  
communism  with  a  psychotic  fear  of  government  control.  
 
It  is  thus  the  most  sickening  irony  that  the  modern  objectivist  movement  uses  
exactly  the  same  argument  the  Intelligent  Design  movement  uses.    They  both  claim  
that  scientists  conspire  to  keep  evidence  of  their  views  out  of  publication  and  
education.  
 
Objectivists  (or  US  libertarians)  and  Creationists  attack  the  same  organization:  
science.    At  least  Creationists  do  it  as  a  founding  principle  –  God  above  all  else.    
Objectivists  attack  science  while  claiming  to  defend  it.    They  stab  it  right  in  the  back.  
 
Because,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  the  summary  of  my  thesis:  they  both  comprise  the  
conservative  arm  of  politics,  and  they  are  indeed  the  same  people,  with  slightly  
different  lies.    The  market  is  no  more  led  by  god  than  our  DNA  was.    The  rich  merely  
want  you  to  think  someone  else  is  watching  out  for  your  destiny,  so  you  don’t  
interfere  with  theirs.  
 
If  you’re  still  on  board,  I  want  to  hear  from  you.    Personally.    I  am  open  to  all  ideas  
about  how  to  change  this  tide,  but  I  fear  we  have  only  one  option,  and  I  see  nobody  
taking  it.  
 
We  must  make  science  into  a  religion.  
 
It  is  at  once  the  most  blasphemous  thing  you  could  do,  and  possibly  the  only  thing  
that  will  save  us.    People  must  believe  what  scientists  say  about  this  world  with  the  
same  vigor  that  they  believe  what  their  preacher  says  about  the  next.  
 
Science  must  be  the  One  True  Way,  at  least  in  this  life.  
 
I  humbly  submit  this  document  as  a  first  draft  of  that  religion.    A  scientific  analysis  
of  its  name  reveals  two  routes:  something  involving  science,  to  describe  what  it  is,  
or  borrowing  from  some  pre-­‐existing  name,  with  a  similar  goal.  
 
Scientology  is  already  taken,  and  anything  similar  is  a  recipe  for  confusion.  
 
I  propose  Evangelical  Secular  Humanism.  
 
Any  religion  must  have  two  things  for  the  common  person:  
1) The  absolute  truth  
2) Guidance  on  how  to  use  it  
That  is  why  people  go  to  church;  not  to  read  an  ancient  book,  but  to  try  to  
understand  the  world  and  figure  out  what  they  should  do  in  it.    They  go  to  figure  out  
god’s  plan  for  them.  
 
If  there  is  no  god,  they  can  still  have  a  plan.    Evangelical  Secular  Humanism  offers:  
1) Science  as  the  absolute  truth  
2) Morality  as  the  plan  to  use  it  
If  we  know  why  markets  fail,  we  should  prevent  them.    If  we  know  how  to  alleviate  
suffering,  we  should  do  it.    Science  tells  us  how.    I  think  Secular  Humanism  
enumerates  this  idea  more  clearly.  
 
Where  Evangelical  Secular  Humanism  deviates  is  in  (1):  science  must  be  the  
absolute  truth.    We  must  preach  it  to  everyone  as  such.    Global  warming  is  a  fact,  
regulation  helps  is  a  fact,  evolution  is  a  fact,  god’s  non-­‐existence  is  a  fact,  
conservatives  lie  is  a  fact.  
 
And  when  we  have  reached  that  pedestal  of  religionhood,  we  can  truly  tear  it  down:  
science  is  not  a  religion,  and  that’s  a  fact.    By  the  definition  of  religion:  it  has  no  
supernatural  or  faith  element.    Science  is  evidence  and  logic,  nothing  more.    Science  
is  not  religion.    Only  the  moral  component  can  be  questioned  legally,  and  no-­‐one  
would  dare.  
 
Science  will  reign  supreme,  and  morals  will  unite.  
 
Sincerely,  
-­‐directedchaos  
 
directedchaos@gmail.com  
 
p.s.  vote  Democrat,  Evangelical  Secular  Humanism  doesn’t  have  tax-­‐exempt  status…  
yet?    Besides,  most  tax-­‐exempt  religions  cross  that  political  line  regardless.    Let’s  be  
up-­‐front  about  it.