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BU111 Fall 2016 Writing Tutor Instructions
BU111 Fall 2016 Writing Tutor Instructions
From approximately October 23-November 3, we expect submissions from 2,000 students enrolled in
a business writing course. Please review the notes below describing the assignment, how best to tutor
it, and an example of a successful tutorial.
Assignment
Students in BU 111 are submitting a report analyzing this business case:
Kik is an instant messaging app that is using bots to perform various activities (i.e., receive
automated weather reports, receive scores of favourite teams, order food, or get information).
It is also using bots to connect users and partners (businesses). Kik has asked students to
identify bots that create value for both the user and the partner. There is no single right
answer, but any recommendation should discuss the value to a user (why would I use the bot
rather than just using an existing app or other substitute), the value to a partner (what does
the business or website owner gain in using the bot). It’s important that they use research to
demonstrate that there is a significant need and benefit to be gained, i.e. how often do people
perform a particular activity through other substitutes, what relevant challenges do businesses
face, how much time and effort is spent on this issue that the bot would resolve for user
and/or partner, is the size of the partner group (i.e. industry) or user group significant enough
to make bot development of this nature worthwhile? They must also consider how the bot
would be implemented on the partner and user side so that it doesn’t create more complexity
than it resolves. An outstanding case (not required for the case assignment but a great
suggestion for students that have submitted strong cases to you) may discuss what future
industries or activities the bot can be expanded to and/or how Kik can make money from it.
Immediate Problem: Most likely answer students will give: Kik wants to develop bots that
create significant user and partner value.
Underlying problem: There isn’t a clear answer to this as it may depend on the particular bot
the student might propose, but students may allude to a strong network effect, the challenge
to businesses of implementing the bot, the challenge of persuading users to change their
habits and use the bot instead of a substitute. They may also say there is lots of competition
from other apps and substitutes or users would have to first download Kik. If they don’t
identify an underlying problem, it’s not a big weakness of their write-up.
The report should follow this structure, including the bold headings:
To:
From:
Subject:
Date:
Analysis
One paragraph (complete sentences; no bullets) per decision criterion.
Paragraphs follow the same order as the list of decision criteria.
Each paragraph has a high-information subheading giving the main idea of the
paragraph.
Each paragraph explains how the writer’s recommended solution satisfies the decision
criterion under discussion, preferably supported with evidence such as research where
feasible.
Implementation Plan
Paragraph or bullets detailing the high level what, when, where, by whom, and how
issues related to implementing this solution (further details should be provided in an
appendix that is referenced in this section)
Addresses all time frames: short, medium, and long terms.
Exhibits
May include decision matrix, illustrations of models/theories, implementation details,
etc.
A supplement to, not a replacement for, any of the above sections.
Reference List
SAMPLE MARKUP
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing
Pearson Tutor Services' Online Writing Center to help you improve your writing!
Hello, Hiram! My name is Ruth N. I look forward to helping you with your Pearson Essay
Review today!
*Writing Strength:
One strong aspect of your draft is the organization of the “analysis” section. In this section, you have
provided one complete paragraph for each decision criteria. This helps readers to carefully consider
one reason at a time.
Use of Resources:
One concern is that your analysis section is missing evidence from your textbook and other sources.
Without this evidence, your readers will think that your conclusions are based on your own opinion
rather than specific facts. To convince readers that expanding the retreats will meet each criterion,
you can add evidence to each paragraph in the analysis section. A great way to begin looking for this
evidence is by skimming your lecture notes and textbook first. You may also decide to search for
evidence from financial experts or sources that describe the wellness and travel industry or the
financial situation in Spain. You can also consider the following questions when deciding what evidence
to include:
When you add each piece of evidence, you will want to give credit to the source by providing the
author and year of publication as well. Here is an example of a fact from another report that includes
a citation:
Schwartz (2013) explained that the demand for more conservative teen clothing styles has
increased because U.S. high schools are enforcing stricter dress codes.
In this example, the author and year are cited at the beginning of the sentence. With this feedback in
mind, add more evidence from outside sources to each analysis paragraph in your report.
Content Development:
I also noticed that your contingency plan section is not fully developed. Right now, you have two
sentences about one risk. This may not be enough information to show the reader that you can help
the company overcome challenges. In a business situation, this information convinces readers that a)
your plan is worth pursuing and b) you are the best person to help implement it. One way to develop
your contingency plan is by following three steps for each potential challenge or risk.
Identify one potential risk in a clear transition sentence. Here is an example of what I mean:
One of the biggest risks with _______________ is ________________.
Describe how or why this risk might occur.
Explain what the company can do to overcome this risk. What steps should be taken?
You can use these steps to expand your discussion of what should happen if customers don’t purchase
many retreats. Then, you can use the same steps to identify, describe, and explain at least one
additional risk. Use these steps or a similar process to develop a complete discussion of each risk in
the contingency plan.
*Hiram 7716264 has requested that you respond to the Grammar / Mechanics:
Because working on the analysis and contingency plan will lead to more improvement, I focused on
these areas today instead. However, I noticed a couple of sentences that are missing a comma after
an introductory phrase. I explained how to address this in an embedded comment below. You can find
information about comma rules in an online or print grammar handbook, too.
*Hiram 7716264 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure:
Lastly, I noticed that there are a few comma splices in this business report, Hiram. A comma splice is
a special type of run-on that happens when a writer places a comma between two complete
sentences. Here is an example from your paper:
Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve different activities, each
package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity and intensity of the activities.
The comma causes the ideas to run together because a comma isn’t enough by itself to separate or
combine two complete sentences. One way to fix this is by separating the two sentences with a
period. Another option is to add a conjunction like “and” or “but” after the comma. Here is an example
of what these options would entail with your sentence.
Period: Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve different activities.
Each package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity and intensity of the
activities.
Comma + Conjunction: Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve
different activities, and each package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity
and intensity of the activities.
Which version best fits your style and meaning, Hiram? Where else do comma splices occur in this
draft? A great way to look for them is by using ctrl + f to search for each comma. You can then check
to see if there is a complete sentence on each side of the comma. Find and fix each comma splice to
make your report polished and reader friendly.
Hiram, thank you again for sharing your report with me. I wish you all the best with your revisions.
~Ruth N.
*************************************************************************
Please look for more comments in your essay below. Thank you for visiting Pearson Tutor
Services. We encourage you to submit future essays.
*************************************************************************
Decision Criteria
The most effective solution was chosen by considering these decision criteria:
1. Financial Performance
2. Accessible to locals and inexpensive
3. High opportunity for growth
Analysis
Focusing more energy on full retreats will increase financial performance
One of the main concerns of Katya is making enough money to enable growth in the market
and sustainability. In order to effectively make an increasing profit, Katya and Dani’s efforts
must be concentrated on few things to ameliorate them as much as possible, instead of
dabbling in several small projects. To maximize revenue, Casa Cuadrau should work on
strengthening their full weekly retreats so they can increase the fee they charge for it and gain
competitive advantage. The vacation industry is currently very profitable, and is only going to
be become even more profitable. [What evidence from outside sources will help you to prove
that this is true, Hiram? Each paragraph in the analysis section should include evidence from
your book or lecture notes in order to convince readers that your solution meets the decision
criteria.] To take advantage of this market, it would make sense to build up the reputation of
the full retreats to accommodate all types of global visitors. With the increased quality of
retreats, Katya and Dani can charge more for their services. Moreover, with an increased
concentration on retreats, Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve
different activities, each package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity and
intensity of the activities.
Concentrating on full retreats will increase the accessibility to locals and preserve their fair
prices
Dani is worried that if he charges more, he will lose his local customers, however, Spain’s GDP
and economic stability are recovering and increasing after their current recession. Locals will
have more money to spend on leisure time and their wellbeing. Furthermore, it is not necessary
to increase the prices for all retreats. Dani and Katya can compose multiple “bundles” that
involve different activities and perks, pricing each retreat different accordingly. This broadens
the client base that they can reach out to, Spanish customers will be able to afford cheaper
retreats, while more wealthy clients can spend more money on more rigorous programs. With
more customers coming in to Casa Cuadrau, the demand increases, allowing Dani and Katya to
possible decrease prices, therefore attracting more customers of different financial states.
Ameliorating full retreat options will increase opportunity for growth
The world’s heightened interest in health and wellbeing suggests that now is a good time to be
developing a resort. With workers’ increased level of health problems such as stress, anxiety,
and exhaustion, people are looking for new ways to naturally cure themselves. Focusing on full
retreats gives customers the opportunity to choose which retreat fits their lifestyle best, with
Dani and Katya’s yoga expertise and experience, customers will be inclined to attend their
helpful sessions. Along with Dani’s cooking talent and the couple’s friendly and familiar
temperament, they will create for themselves a competitive advantage against corporate and
insincere resorts.
Implementation Plan
In the short term, Katya and Dani need to organize multiple retreat packages and assign them
appropriate pricing. In the medium term plans would be to advertise their retreats via their
connections through volunteers, teachers, and perhaps invest in a marketing campaign. I the
long run, Katya and Dani must perfect their retreat programs and make a good impression on
new and old customers. With the money they make from their new retreats they should
ameliorate their retreats even more until they’ve reached a significant competitive advantage
over potential competitors. [This sentence is missing a comma to show where the
introductory phrase ends. We place a comma after an introductory phrase to help readers
understand the structure of the sentence. Here is an example you can use to correct this
sentence and similar errors in your writing: “With all the new improvements, the value of the
home will increase.”]
Contingency Plan
In a situation in which not many customers respond to Katya and Dani’s enforced full retreat
options, Dani should extend the hour of his restaurant to serve organic brunch and breakfast as
well, which will contribute to their financial performance and individuality.