Life, the Universe and Everything
Douglas Adams
Chapter One
The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound
of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering
where he was.
It wasn't just that the cave was cold, it wasn't just that it
was damp and smelly. It was the fact that the cave was in
the middle of Islington and there wasn't a bus due for two
million years.
Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as
Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time
and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept
you busy.
He was stranded in prehistoric Earth as the result of a
complex sequence of events which had involved him
being alternately blown up and insulted in more bizarre
regions of the Galaxy than he ever dreamt existed, and
though his life had now turned very, very, very quiet, he
was still feeling jumpy.
He hadn't been blown up now for five years.
Since he had hardly seen anyone since he and Ford
Prefect had parted company four years previously, he
hadn't been insulted in all that time either.
Except just once.
It had happened on a spring evening about two years
previously.
He was returning to his cave just a little after dusk when
he became aware of lights flashing eerily through the
clouds. He turned and stared, with hope suddenly
clambering through his heart. Rescue. Escape. The
castaway's impossible dream --- a ship.
And as he watched, as he stared in wonder and
excitement, a long silver ship descended through the
warm evening air, quietly, without fuss, its long legs
unlocking in a smooth ballet of technology.
It alighted gently on the ground, and what little hum it
had generated died away, as if lulled by the evening
calm.
A ramp extended itself.
Light streamed out.
A tall figure appeared silhouetted in the hatchway. It
walked down the ramp and stood in front of Arthur.
``You're a jerk, Dent,'' it said simply.
Život, vaseljena i sve ostalo
Daglas Adams
1.
Uobičajeni jutarnji pratilac Artura Denta prilikom
buđenja, kad god bi se setio gde se nalazi, bio je krik
strave.
Nije to bilo zato što je pećina bila hladna, niti zbog toga
što je bila vlažna i smrdljiva. Stvar je bila u tome što se
pećina nalazila usred Ajzlingtona, a on je znao da
nijedan autobus neće naići ovuda još dva miliona
godina.
Vreme je najgore mesto, da se tako izrazimo, u kome se
čovek može izgubiti. Artur Dent mogao je to da potvrdi,
jer bio je svojski izgubljen i u prostoru i u vremenu.
Kada si izgubljen u prostoru bar imaš čime da se
zanimaš.
Bio je izgubljen na preistorijskoj planeti Zemlji, što je
bilo posledica složenog spleta okolnosti koji je doveo do
toga da je naizmenično vređan i ponižavan u raznim
oblastima Galaksije koje su bile bizarnije od svega o
čemu je ikada i sanjao; život mu je sada, doduše, postao
vrlo, vrlo, vrlo miran, ali on se još osećao nervozno.
Niko ga nije napao već pet godina.
Jedva da je ikoga video otkako su se on i Prefekt razišli
pre četiri godine i tokom sveg tog vremena niko ga nije
uvredio.
Osim jedan jedini put.
Desilo se to jedne prolećne večeri pre otprilike dve
godine.
Upravo se vraćao u svoju pećinu, nešto posle sumraka,
kada je postao svestan svetlosti koja je tajanstveno
blistala kroz oblake. Okrenuo se i upiljio, a u srce mu se
iznenada probila nada. Spas. Nemogući san
brodolomnika - brod.
I dok je gledao, dok je zurio začuđeno i oduševljeno,
dugački, srebrnasti brod spustio se kroz blagi večernji
vazduh, tiho, bez šuma, a dugačke noge izvukle su mu
se u glatkom baletu tehnologije.
Blago je dodirnuo tle, a ono malo brujanja koje je
stvarao namah je iščezlo, kao da ga je progutao večernji
muk.
Same od sebe, iz njega su izbile stepenice.
Svetlost je pokuljala napolje.
Obrisi neke visoke prilike pojavili su se u vratima.
Prilika siđe niz stepenice i stade pred Artura.
"Ti si krele, Dente", rekla je.
It was alien, very alien. It had a peculiar alien tallness, a Delovao je vanzemaljski, vrlo vanzemaljski. Bio je
peculiar alien flattened head, peculiar slitty little alien visok na neobičan, vanzemaljski način, imao je
eyes, extravagantly draped golden ropes with a peculiarly neobičnu, vanzemaljski spljoštenu glavu, neobične, sitne
alien collar design, and pale grey-green alien skin which i uske vanzemaljske oči, neobično nabranu
had about it that lustrous shine which most grey-green vanzemaljsku odoru sa tipično vanzemaljskim
faces can only acquire with plenty of exercise and very okovratnikom i bledu, sivozelenu vanzemaljsku kožu
expensive soap. koja je imala onaj meki sjaj koji većina sivozelenih rasa
postiže samo uz izuzetan trud i mnogo skupocenog
sapuna.
Arthur boggled at it. Artur ustuknu pred njim.
It gazed levelly at him. Ovaj ga je netremice gledao.
Arthur's first sensations of hope and trepidation had Arturov prvobitni osećaj nade i uzbuđenja u trenutku je
instantly been overwhelmed by astonishment, and all prerastao u zaprepašćenje, a sve moguće misli borile su
sorts of thoughts were battling for the use of his vocal se da dođu do njegovih glasnih žica.
chords at this moment.
``Whh ...?'' he said. "Štt...?" rekao je.
``Bu ... hu ... uh ...'' he added. "A... al... lu... uh..." dodao je.
``Ru ... ra ... wah ... who?'' he managed finally to say and "D... da... a... ko?" uspeo je konačno da kaže, a potom je
lapsed into a frantic kind of silence. He was feeling the utonuo u grozničavu tišinu. Osećao je posledice toga što
effects of having not said anything to anybody for as long nije progovorio ni reč ni sa kim Bog zna koliko dugo.
as he could remember.
The alien creature frowned briefly and consulted what Vanzemaljski stvor nakratko se namrštio i pogledao
appeared to be some species of clipboard which he was nešto što je držao u tankoj, izduženoj ruci, a što je ličilo
holding in his thin and spindly alien hand. na neku vrstu beležnice.
``Arthur Dent?'' it said. "Artur Dent?" upitao je.
Arthur nodded helplessly. Artur je bespomoćno klimnuo.
``Arthur Philip Dent?'' pursued the alien in a kind of "Artur Filip Dent?" produžio je tuđinac glasom nalik na
efficient yap. kevtanje.
``Er ... er ... yes ... er ... er,'' confirmed Arthur. "E... e... da... e... e..." potvrdio je Artur.
``You're a jerk,'' repeated the alien, ``a complete asshole.'' "Ti si krele", ponovio je tuđinac, "pravi pravcati
tupadžija."
``Er ...'' "E..."
The creature nodded to itself, made a peculiar alien tick Stvorenje je klimnulo za svoj račun, potom pribeležilo
on its clipboard and turned briskly back towards the ship. nešto u beležnicu na tipično vanzemaljski način i žustro
se okrenulo ka brodu.
``Er ...'' said Arthur desperately, ``er ...'' "E..." ispuštao je očajnički Artur, "e..."
``Don't give me that!'' snapped the alien. It marched up "Ma nemoj ti meni", zareža tuđinac. Popeo se uz
the ramp, through the hatchway and disappeared into the stepenice, prošao kroz ulaz i nestao u brodu. Otvor se
ship. The ship sealed itself. It started to make a low zatvorio. Iz njega je stalo da dopire duboko, treperavo
throbbing hum. brujanje.
``Er, hey!'' shouted Arthur, and started to run helplessly "E, hej!" dreknuo je Artur i bespomoćno potrčao ka
towards it. njemu.
``Wait a minute!'' he called. ``What is this? What? Wait a "Čekaj malo!" viknuo je. "Ma, šta hoćeš? Šta? Čekaj
minute!'' malo!"
The ship rose, as if shedding its weight like a cloak to the Brod se podigao kao da mu je težina nestala poput
ground, and hovered briefly. It swept strangely up into ogrtača što sklizne na tlo i nakratko zalebdeo u vazduhu.
the evening sky. It passed up through the clouds, Onda je na neobičan način odjezdio prema večernjem
illuminating them briefly, and then was gone, leaving nebu. Jurnuo je kroz oblake i nakratko ih osvetlio, a
Arthur alone in an immensity of land dancing a potom ga više nije bilo i Artur je ostao sam na
helplessly tiny little dance.
``What?'' he screamed. ``What? What? Hey, what? Come
back here and say that!''
He jumped and danced until his legs trembled, and
shouted till his lungs rasped. There was no answer from
anyone. There was no one to hear him or speak to him.
The alien ship was already thundering towards the upper
reaches of the atmosphere, on its way out into the
appalling void which separates the very few things there
are in the Universe from each other.
Its occupant, the alien with the expensive complexion,
leaned back in its single seat. His name was Wowbagger
the Infinitely Prolonged. He was a man with a purpose.
Not a very good purpose, as he would have been the first
to admit, but it was at least a purpose and it did at least
keep him on the move.
Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged was --- indeed, is ---
one of the Universe's very small number of immortal
beings.
Those who are born immortal instinctively know how to
cope with it, but Wowbagger was not one of them.
Indeed he had come to hate them, the load of serene
bastards. He had had his immortality thrust upon him by
an unfortunate accident with an irrational particle
accelerator, a liquid lunch and a pair of rubber bands. The
precise details of the accident are not important because
no one has ever managed to duplicate the exact
circumstances under which it happened, and many
people have ended up looking very silly, or dead, or both,
trying.
Wowbagger closed his eyes in a grim and weary
expression, put some light jazz on the ship's stereo, and
reflected that he could have made it if it hadn't been for
Sunday afternoons, he really could have done.
To begin with it was fun, he had a ball, living
dangerously, taking risks, cleaning up on high-yield long-
term investments, and just generally outliving the hell out
of everybody.
In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn't cope
with, and that terrible listlessness which starts to set in at
about 2.55, when you know that you've had all the baths
you can usefully have that day, that however hard you
stare at any given paragraph in the papers you will never
actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning
technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock
the hands will move relentlessly on to four o'clock, and
ogromnom, pustom prostranstvu da bespomoćno izvodi
ples nesuvislih pokreta.
"Ma, šta hoćeš?" vrištao je. "Šta je bilo? Šta? Ej, šta?
Vrati se i reci!"
Skakao je i poigravao sve dok noge nisu stale da mu
klecaju; isto tako, urlao je sve dok nije promukao. Nije
bilo odgovora. Nije bilo nikoga da ga čuje, nikoga da
mu odgovori.
Tuđinski brod već je grmeo prema gornjoj granici
atmosfere, na putu prema užasnoj praznini koja razdvaja
ono malo stvari što postoje u Vaseljeni.
Njegov putnik, vanzemaljac negovanog tena, zavalio se
u svoje samotno sedište. Ime mu je bilo Vovbager
Beskonačno Produženi. On je bio stvor sa određenom
životnom svrhom. Ne baš najuzvišenijom svrhom, to je i
sam priznavao, ali ipak je posredi bila svrha koja mu je
davala bar kakav-takav podstrek.
Vovbager Beskonačno Produženi bio je - zapravo, još
jeste - jedan od izuzetno malobrojnih besmrtnih
stvorova u Vaseljeni.
Većina onih koji se rađaju besmrtni nagonski znaju kako
da iziđu nakraj sa tim, ali Vovbager nije bio jedan od
njih. Besmrtnost mu je nametnuta nesrećnim slučajem u
koji su bili uključeni poludeli akcelerator čestica,
mlečna užina i dva gumena kaiša. Tačne pojedinosti
nesrećnog slučaja nisu bitne, jer do sada nikome nije
pošlo za rukom da uspostavi istovetne okolnosti pod
kojima se on odigrao, a mnogi su završili tako što su od
sebe napravili budale, ili su poginuli, ili oboje, dok su
pokušavali da ponove stvar.
Vovbager je sklopio oči sa tmurnim i umornim izrazom
lica, pustio lagani džez na brodskom stereu i počeo da
razmišlja o tome koliko bi mu bilo lakše da sve prebrodi
samo da nije nedeljnih popodneva.
U početku je bilo divno: uživao je, živeo opasno,
rizikovao, zarađivao na dugoročnim ulaganjima i,
uopšte, nadživljavao sve i svakoga.
Na kraju su došla nedeljna popodneva koja nije mogao
da podnese, ona užasna ravnodušnost koja počinje da se
prikada oko 2:55, kada znaš da si obavio sva negovanja
i kupanja koja vredi obaviti u jednom danu, kada, ma
koliko pažljivo pročitao članak o revolucionarno novoj
tehnici potkresivanja ograde, shvataš da ipak nikako
nećeš uspeti da je razumeš ili primeniš, i dok, konačno,
posmatraš kako kazaljke sata nemilosrdno mile ka
you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.
So things began to pall for him. The merry smiles he
used to wear at other people's funerals began to fade. He
began to despise the Universe in general, and everyone in
it in particular.
This was the point at which he conceived his purpose, the
thing which would drive him on, and which, as far as he
could see, would drive him on forever. It was this.
He would insult the Universe.
That is, he would insult everybody in it. Individually,
personally, one by one, and (this was the thing he really
decided to grit his teeth over) in alphabetical order.
When people protested to him, as they sometimes had
done, that the plan was not merely misguided but
actually impossible because of the number of people
being born and dying all the time, he would merely fix
them with a steely look and say, ``A man can dream can't
he?''
And so he started out. He equipped a spaceship that was
built to last with the computer capable of handling all the
data processing involved in keeping track of the entire
population of the known Universe and working out the
horrifically complicated routes involved.
His ship fled through the inner orbits of the Sol star
system, preparing to slingshot round the sun and fling
itself out into interstellar space.
``Computer,'' he said.
``Here,'' yipped the computer.
``Where next?''
``Computing that.''
Wowbagger gazed for a moment at the fantastic jewellery
of the night, the billions of tiny diamond worlds that
dusted the infinite darkness with light. Every one, every
single one, was on his itinerary. Most of them he would
be going to millions of times over.
He imagined for a moment his itinerary connecting up all
the dots in the sky like a child's numbered dots puzzle.
He hoped that from some vantage point in the Universe it
might be seen to spell a very, very rude word.
The computer beeped tunelessly to indicate that it had
finished its calculations.
``Folfanga,'' it said. It beeped.
``Fourth world of the Folfanga system,'' it continued. It
beeped again.
``Estimated journey time, three weeks,'' it continued
further. It beeped again.
četvrtom času, a ti neumitno ulaziš u dugo, mračno
predvečerje duše.
I tako su stvari za njega počele da blede. Veseli osmesi
koje je imao na pogrebima drugih ljudi stali su da
nestaju. Počeo je da mrzi Vaseljenu u celini, a sve one
koji žive u njoj pojedinačno.
Bila je to tačka na kojoj se začela njegova životna svrha,
stvar koja će ga podsticati i to, koliko je video, zauvek.
Posredi je bilo sledeće:
Uvrediće Vaseljenu.
To jest, uvrediće svakoga ko živi u njoj. Pojedinačno,
lično, jednog po jednog i to (to je stvarno čvrsto rešio)
azbučnim redom.
Kada bi se ljudi pobunili, kao što su to ponekad činili,
tvrdeći da plan ne samo da je potpuno iščašen već je,
zapravo, potpuno nemoguć zbog broja ljudi koji su se od
iskona rađali i umirali, on bi ih samo odmerio ledenim
pogledom i rekao: "Čovek ima pravo da mašta, zar ne?"
I tako je počeo. Opremio je jedan svemirski brod,
sagrađen da traje izuzetno dugo, kompjuterom koji je
bio sposoban da obrađuje sve podatke potrebne za
ulaženje u trag čitavoj populaciji poznate Vaseljene i da
izračuna sve jezivo zapetljane putanje koje su bile
potrebne za to.
Brod mu je trenutno presecao orbite unutrašnjih planeta
zvezdanog sistema Sol i pripremao se da se, zaobišavši
Sunce, katapultira u međuzvezdani prostor.
"Kompjuteru", rekao je on.
"Tu sam", odvratio je kompjuter.
"Kuda sada?"
"Upravo računam."
Vovbager je na trenutak gledao fantastičnu draguljarnicu
noći, milijarde sićušnih, dijamantskih svetova koji su
zaprašili svetlošću bezgraničnu tamu. Svaki od njih,
svaki pojedinačno, nalazio se je na njegovom putu.
Većinu od njih posetiće milionima puta.
Zamislio je na trenutak svoju predviđenu putanju kako
povezuje sve punktove na nebu kao u dečijoj zagonetki
sa numerisanim tačkama. Nadao se da sa nekog mesta u
Vaseljeni, sa koga se sve to lepo vidi ona čini slova
jedne vrlo, vrlo prostačke reči.
Kompjuter je nemelodično zapištao da bi pokazao da je
završio proračun.
"Folfanga", rekao je pištavo.
"Četvrti svet sistema Folfanga", produžio je. Ponovo je
zapištao.
"Procena trajanja puta: tri nedelje", produžio je potom.
Opet je zapištao.
``There to meet with a small slug,'' it beeped, ``of the
genus A-Rth-Urp-Hil-Ipdenu.''
``I believe,'' it added, after a slight pause during which it
beeped, ``that you had decided to call it a brainless prat.''
Wowbagger grunted. He watched the majesty of creation
outside his window for a moment or two.
``I think I'll take a nap,'' he said, and then added, ``what
network areas are we going to be passing through in the
next few hours?''
The computer beeped.
``Cosmovid, Thinkpix and Home Brain Box,'' it said, and
beeped.
``Any movies I haven't seen thirty thousand times
already?''
``No.''
``Uh.''
``There's Angst in Space. You've only seen that thirty-
three thousand five hundred and seventeen times.''
``Wake me for the second reel.''
The computer beeped.
``Sleep well,'' it said.
The ship fled on through the night.
Meanwhile, on Earth, it began to pour with rain and
Arthur Dent sat in his cave and had one of the most truly
rotten evenings of his entire life, thinking of things he
could have said to the alien and swatting flies, who also
had a rotten evening.
The next day he made himself a pouch out of rabbit skin
because he thought it would be useful to keep things in.
Chapter Two
This morning, two years later than that, was sweet and
fragrant as he emerged from the cave he called home
until he could think of a better name for it or find a better
cave.
Though his throat was sore again from his early morning
yell of horror, he was suddenly in a terrifically good
mood. He wrapped his dilapidated dressing gown tightly
around him and beamed at the bright morning. The air
was clear and scented, the breeze flitted lightly through
"Tamo treba da sretnemo malenog puža-golaća",
zapištao je, "roda A-Rt-Urf-il-Ipdenu."
"Verujem", dodao je posle kraće stanke tokom koje je
pištao, "da si odlučio da ga nazoveš klipanom bez imalo
mozga."
Vovbager je zagroktao. Trenutak ili dva posmatrao je
veličanstveni prizor postanja kroz prozor.
"Mislim da ću otići da odremam", kazao je, a potom
dodao: "Kroz koje programske mreže ćemo proći u
sledećih nekoliko sati?
Kompjuter je zapištao.
"Kosmovid, Mislopiks i Domamozak", rekao je pištavo.
"Ima li nekih filmova koje nisam gledao već po trideset
hiljada puta?"
"Ne."
"Uh."
"Daje se 'Angst u svemiru'. Gledao si ga samo trideset
tri hiljade pet stotina sedamnaest puta."
"Probudi me za drugu rolnu."
Kompjuter je zapištao.
"Prijatno spavanje", rekao je.
Brod je jurio kroz noć.
U međuvremenu, na Zemlji je počeo pljusak, a Artur
Dent je sedeo u pećini, provodeći jednu od najgorih
večeri u čitavom životu, dok je razmišljao šta je sve
mogao da kaže vanzemaljcu i dok je ubijao muve koje
su takođe provodile jednu od najgorih večeri u životu.
Sledećeg dana napravio je sebi vreću od zečje kože, jer
je smatrao da bi mogla da bude korisna za čuvanje
stvari.
2.
Ovo jutro, dve godine kasnije, bilo je slasno i mirisavo
kada je izišao iz pećine koju će nazivati domom sve dok
ne bude mogao da smisli neki bolji naziv za nju ili dok
ne bude našao bolju pećinu.
Iako ga je grlo bolelo od uobičajenog jutarnjeg krika
strave, iznenada je bio neverovatno dobro raspoložen.
Čvrsto je obmotao oko sebe otrcano odelo i nasmešio se
blistavom jutru. Vazduh je bio čist i mirisan, povetarac
je lagano klizio kroz visoku travu oko njegove pećine,
the tall grass around his cave, the birds were chirruping
at each other, the butterflies were flitting about prettily,
and the whole of nature seemed to be conspiring to be as
pleasant as it possibly could.
It wasn't all the pastoral delights that were making Arthur
feel so cheery, though. He had just had a wonderful idea
about how to cope with the terrible lonely isolation, the
nightmares, the failure of all his attempts at horticulture,
and the sheer futurelessness and futility of his life here
on prehistoric Earth, which was that he would go mad.
He beamed again and took a bite out of a rabbit leg left
over from his supper. He chewed happily for a few
moments and then decided formally to announce his
decision.
He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the
fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the
rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide.
``I will go mad!'' he announced.
``Good idea,'' said Ford Prefect, clambering down from
the rock on which he had been sitting.
Arthur's brain somersaulted. His jaw did press-ups.
``I went mad for a while,'' said Ford, ``did me no end of
good.''
``You see,'' said Ford, ``--- ...''
``Where have you been?'' interrupted Arthur, now that his
head had finished working out.
``Around,'' said Ford, ``around and about.'' He grinned in
what he accurately judged to be an infuriating manner. ``I
just took my mind off the hook for a bit. I reckoned that
if the world wanted me badly enough it would call back.
It did.''
He took out of his now terribly battered and dilapidated
satchel his Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic.
``At least,'' he said, ``I think it did. This has been playing
up a bit.'' He shook it. ``If it was a false alarm I shall go
mad,'' he said, ``again.''
Arthur shook his head and sat down. He looked up.
``I thought you must be dead ...'' he said simply.
``So did I for a while,'' said Ford, ``and then I decided I
was a lemon for a couple of weeks. A kept myself
amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and
tonic.''
Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again. ``Where,''
he said, ``did you ...?''
``Find a gin and tonic?'' said Ford brightly. ``I found a
small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and
ptice su cvrkutale za svoj groš, leptirovi su dražesno
lepršali unaokolo i čitava priroda kao da se urotila da
bude što prijatnija.
Ali nije se Artur osećao tako veselo zbog svih tih
pastoralnih radosti. Upravo je došao na izvrsnu zamisao
o tome kako da iziđe nakraj sa užasnom, usamljeničkom
izdvojenošću, morama, neuspesima u svim pokušajima
uzgajanja biljaka i potpunoj zaludnosti i besmislenosti
njegovog života ovde na preistorijskoj Zemlji: rešio je,
naime, da poludi.
Ponovo se nasmešio i odgrizao zalogaj mesa sa zečje
nožice koja mu je preostala od večere. Srećno je žvakao
nekoliko trenutka, a onda je odlučio da formalno
obznani svoju odluku.
Uspravio se i stao da posmatra bregove i polja sveta. Da
bi dao težine svojim rečima, gurnuo je zečju kost u
bradu. Raširio je ruke.
"Poludeću!" izjavio je.
"Dobra ideja", rekao je Ford Prefekt i sišao sa stene na
kojoj je sedeo.
Arturov mozak napravi salto. Donja vilica mu je radila
sklekove.
"I ja sam neko vreme bio lud.", rekao je Ford. "To mi je
bezgranično pomoglo." Arturove oči su pravile
kolutove.
"Znaš..." rekao je Ford.
"Gde si bio?" prekinuo ga je Artur, pošto mu je glava
završila gimnastičke vežbe.
"Ovde i onde", rekao je Ford, "po okolini." Nasmešio se
na način koji je sasvim ispravno ocenio kao
nepodnošljiv. "Naprosto sam jedno vreme pustio mozak
na ispašu. Računao sam da će ga svet pozvati nazad
ukoliko me se uželi. To je i učinio."
Iz torbice koja je sada bila izuzetno otrcana i oštećena
izvukao je sub-eta senz-o-matik.
"Ili bar", kazao je, "mislim da jeste. Ovo se malo
oglasilo." Protresao ga je. "Ukoliko je bila lažna uzbuna,
poludeću", rekao je, "ponovo."
Artur zavrte glavom i sede. Podigao je pogled.
"Mislio sam da si mrtav..." kazao je samo.
"I ja sam to mislio neko vreme", rekao je Ford, "a onda
sam odlučio da nekoliko nedelja budem limun. Sve
vreme sam se zabavljao tako što sam uskako u džin i
tonik i iskakao iz njega."
Artur je pročistio grlo, a onda je to ponovo učinio.
"Gde", upitao je, "si..."
"Našao džin i tonik?" dopuni ga Ford veselo. "Pronašao
sam malo jezero koje je mislilo da je džin i tonik, pa
jumped in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it
was a gin and tonic.''
``I may,'' he added with a grin which would have sent
sane men scampering into trees, ``have been imagining
it.''
He waited for a reaction from Arthur, but Arthur knew
better than that.
``Carry on,'' he said levelly.
``The point is, you see,'' said Ford, ``that there is no point
in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going
mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity
for later.''
``And this is you sane again, is it?'' said Arthur. ``I ask
merely for information.''
``I went to Africa,'' said Ford.
``Yes?''
``Yes.''
``What was that like?''
``And this is your cave is it?'' said Ford.
``Er, yes,'' said Arthur. He felt very strange. After nearly
four years of total isolation he was so pleased and
relieved to see Ford that he could almost cry. Ford was,
on the other hand, an almost immediately annoying
person.
``Very nice,'' said Ford, in reference to Arthur's cave.
``You must hate it.''
Arthur didn't bother to reply.
``Africa was very interesting,'' said Ford, ``I behaved
very oddly there.''
He gazed thoughtfully into the distance.
``I took up being cruel to animals,'' he said airily. ``But
only,'' he added, ``as a hobby.''
``Oh yes,'' said Arthur, warily.
``Yes,'' Ford assured him. ``I won't disturb you with the
details because they would -''
``What?''
``Disturb you. But you may be interested to know that I
am singlehandedly responsible for the evolved shape of
the animal you came to know in later centuries as a
giraffe. And I tried to learn to fly. Do you believe me?''
``Tell me,'' said Arthur.
``I'll tell you later. I'll just mention that the Guide says ...''
``The ...?''
``Guide. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You
remember?''
``Yes. I remember throwing it in the river.''
``Yes,'' said Ford, ``but I fished it out.''
``You didn't tell me.''
sam uskako i iskakao. Ili bar ja verujem da je mislilo da
je džin i tonik.
A možda sam", dodao je sa osmehom koji bi naterao
normalnog čoveka da vrišteći odjuri u šumu, "sve to
samo zamišljao."
Čekao je na Arturovu reakciju, ali Artur se nije upecao.
"Produži", rekao je ravnim glasom.
"Glavni smisao svega toga", kazao je Ford, "jeste da
nema smisla naterati sebe da poludiš samo da bi izbegao
ludilo. Bolje ti je da se predaš odmah i sačuvaš
normalnost za kasnije."
"A ti si sada ponovo normalan, je li?" pitao je Artur.
"Pitam to samo da znam."
"Išao sam u Afriku", rekao je Ford.
"Da?"
"Da."
"Kako je bilo?"
"A ovo je tvoja pećina, je li?" upitao je Ford.
"Ovaj, jeste", rekao je Artur. Osećao se vrlo neobično.
Posle gotove četiri godine potpune izdvojenosti bio je
toliko zadovoljan i prepun olakšanja što vidi Forda da
mu je gotovo došlo da se rasplače. sa druge strane, Ford
je bio osoba koja je skoro odmah počela da mu ide na
živce.
"Baš je divna", rekao je Ford za Arturovu pećinu. "Mora
da je mrziš."
Artur se nije potrudio da mu odgovori.
"Afrika je bila veoma zanimljiva", rekao je Ford. "Tamo
sam se ponašao veoma čudno."
Zamišljeno je gledao u daljinu.
"Neko vreme bio sam svirep prema životinjama", rekao
je sanjalački. "Ali to mi je bio", dodao je, "samo hobi."
"Ah, je li?", rekao je Artur pažljivo.
"Da", uveravao ga je Ford. "Ne želim da te
uznemiravam pojedinostima, jer bi te one..."
"Šta?"
"Uznemirile. Ali možda će te zanimati da sam
svojeručno odgovoran za evoluirani oblik životinje koja
je u kasnijim stolećima postala poznata kao žirafa. I uz
to sam i pokušao da naučim da letim. Veruješ li mi?"
"Ispričaj mi", kazao je Artur.
"Ispričaću ti kasnije. Samo bih pomenuo da 'Vodič'
kaže..."
"Vo...?"
"'Vodič'. 'Autostoperski vodič kroz Galaksiju'. Sećaš li
se?"
"Da. Sećam se da sam ga bacio u reku."
"Jesi", kazao je Ford, "ali ja sam ga upecao odatle."
"Nisi mi to rekao."
``I didn't want you to throw it in again.''
``Fair enough,'' admitted Arthur. ``It says?''
``What?''
``The Guide says?''
``The Guide says there is an art to flying,'' said Ford, ``or
rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw
yourself at the ground and miss.'' He smiled weakly. He
pointed at the knees of his trousers and held his arms up
to show the elbows. They were all torn and worn
through.
``I haven't done very well so far,'' he said. He stuck out
his hand. ``I'm very glad to see you again, Arthur,'' he
added.
Arthur shook his head in a sudden access of emotion and
bewilderment.
``I haven't seen anyone for years,'' he said, ``not anyone.
I can hardly even remember how to speak. I keep
forgetting words. I practise you see. I practise by talking
to ... talking to ... what are those things people think
you're mad if you talk to? Like George the Third.''
``Kings?'' suggested Ford.
``No, no,'' said Arthur. ``The things he used to talk to.
We're surrounded by them for heaven's sake. I've planted
hundreds myself. They all died. Trees! I practise by
talking to trees. What's that for?''
Ford still had his hand stuck out. Arthur looked at it with
incomprehension.
``Shake,'' prompted Ford.
Arthur did, nervously at first, as if it might turn out to be
a fish. Then he grasped it vigorously with both hands in
an overwhelming flood of relief. He shook it and shook
it.
After a while Ford found it necessary to disengage. They
climbed to the top of a nearby outcrop of rock and
surveyed the scene around them.
``What happened to the Golgafrinchans?'' asked Ford.
Arthur shrugged.
``A lot of them didn't make it through the winter three
years ago,'' he said, ``and the few who remained in the
spring said they needed a holiday and set off on a raft.
History says that they must have survived ...''
``Huh,'' said Ford, ``well well.'' He stuck his hands on his
hips and looked round again at the empty world.
Suddenly, there was about Ford a sense of energy and
purpose.
``We're going,'' he said excitedly, and shivered with
energy.
``Where? How?'' said Arthur.
"Nisam želeo da ga ponovo baciš."
"Pošteno", priznao je Artur. "On kaže?"
"Šta?"
"'Vodič' kaže?"
"'Vodič' kaže da postoji veština letenja", rekao je Ford,
"ili, tačnije rečeno, štos. Štos je u tome da naučiš kako
da se baciš na zemlju i promašiš." Slabo se nasmešio.
Pokazao je na kolena svojih pantalona i podigao ruke da
bi se videli laktovi. Bili su pohabani i iscepani.
"Do sad se nisam baš najbolje snašao", rekao je.
Ispružio je ruku. "Drago mi je što te opet vidim, Arture",
dodao je.
Artur zavrte glavom u iznenadnom naletu osećanja i
zbunjenosti.
"Nisam nikoga video godinama", rekao je, "nikoga.
Jedva da se sećam kako se govori. Stalno zaboravljam
reči. Ali vežbam, razumeš. Vežbam se tako što pričam...
tako što pričam... kako se zovu one stvari za koje ljudi
misle da si lud ako razgovaraš sa njima? Kao Džordž
Treći?"
"Kraljevi?" predložio je Ford.
"Ne, ne", rekao je Artur, "one stvari sa kojima je
razgovarao. Boga mu, ima ih na sve strane. Lično sam
zasadio na stotine. Sva su se osušila. Drveće! Vežbao
sam tako što sam razgovarao sa drvećem. Šta je?"
Fordova ruka još je bila ispružena. Artur ju je gledao
zbunjenim pogledom.
"Rukuj se", zahtevao je Ford.
Artur je to učinio, najpre sa oklevanjem, kao da treba da
uhvati ribu. Onda ju je čvrsto stegao obema šakama u
neodoljivom naletu olakšanja. Tresao ju je i tresao.
Posle izvesnog vremena Ford je našao za shodno da
izvuče ruku. Zajedno su se popeli na vrh obližnje stene i
stali da posmatraju prizor pod sobom.
"Šta se dogodilo sa Golgafrinčanima?" upitao je Ford.
Artur sleže ramenima.
"Većina nije uspela da preživi zimu pre tri godine",
rekao je, "a nekolicina koja je ostala rekla je da im je
potreban odmor i otplovila na splavu. Istorija kaže da
mora da su preživeli..."
"Ha", reče Ford, "pazi, pazi." Podbočio se i osvrnuo
unaokolo po praznom svetu. Iznenada je zadobio izgled
energičnosti i svrhovitosti.
"Idemo", rekao je uzbuđeno, uzdrhtavši od poleta.
"Kuda? Kako?" upitao je Artur.
``I don't know,'' said Ford, ``but I just feel that the time is "Ne znam", kazao je Ford, "ali osećam da je došao pravi
right. Things are going to happen. We're on our way.'' trenutak. Nešto će se dogoditi. Polazimo."
He lowered his voice to a whisper. Spustio je glas do šapata.
``I have detected,'' he said, ``disturbances in the wash.'' "Otkrio sam", rekao je, "poremećaj u pranju."
He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he Živahno se zagledao u daljinu i delovao kao da bi
would quite like the wind to blow his hair back strašno voleo da u tom trenutku vetar dramatično
dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling zavijori njegovom kosom, ali vetar se zavitlavao sa
around with some leaves a little way off. lišćem po okolini.
Arthur asked him to repeat what he had just said because Artur ga je zamolio da ponovi to šta je upravo rekao, jer
he hadn't quite taken his meaning. Ford repeated it. nije sasvim razumeo šta je hteo da kaže. Ford je
ponovio.
``The wash?'' said Arthur. "U pranju?"
``The space-time wash,'' said Ford, and as the wind blew "Pranju, naplavini prostorvremena", rekao je Ford i,
briefly past at that moment, he bared his teeth into it. kada je vetar nakratko dunuo preko njega u tom
trenutku, iskezio zube prema njemu.
Arthur nodded, and then cleared his throat. Artur je klimnuo i potom pročistio grlo.
``Are we talking about,'' he asked cautiously, ``some sort "Govorimo li", pažljivo je pitao, "o nekoj vrsti
of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?'' vogonskog superautomata za rublje, ili o čemu?"
``Eddies,'' said Ford, ``in the space-time continuum.'' "Govorimo o viru koji se javio", uzvratio je Ford, "u
kontinuumu prostorvremena."
``Ah,'' nodded Arthur, ``is he? Is he?'' He pushed his "Ah, pa što tako ne kažeš!" klimnuo je Artur. "Izvesni
hands into the pocket of his dressing gown and looked Vir se, znači, pojavio..." Gurnuo je ruku u džepove
knowledgeably into the distance. odela i znalački se zagledao u daljinu.
``What?'' said Ford. "Molim?" upitao je Ford.
``Er, who,'' said Arthur, ``is Eddy, then, exactly?'' "Ovaj", rekao je Artur, "a ko je taj gospodin Vir?"
Ford looked angrily at him. Ford ga gnevno prostreli očima.
``Will you listen?'' he snapped. "Hoćeš li da me slušaš?" zarežao je.
``I have been listening,'' said Arthur, ``but I'm not sure it's "Slušao sam te", uzvratio je Artur, "ali nisam siguran da
helped.'' je mnogo vredelo."
Ford grasped him by the lapels of his dressing gown and Ford ga je uhvatio za revere ogrtača i počeo da mu
spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if govori polako, razgovetno i strpljivo, kao da razgovara
he were somebody from a telephone company accounts sa nekim iz odeljenja za telefonsku pretplatu.
department.
``There seem ...'' he said, ``to be some pools ...'' he said,
"Izgleda..." rekao je, "da su se pojavili..." kazao je,
``of instability ...'' he said, ``in the fabric ...'' he said ...
"čvorovi nestabilnosti..." rekao je, "u tkanju..." kazao je.
Arthur looked foolishly at the cloth of his dressing gown Artur je budalasto spustio pogled na materijal svog
where Ford was holding it. Ford swept on before Arthur kućnog ogrtača tamo gde ga je Ford držao. Ford produži
could turn the foolish look into a foolish remark. pre nego što je Arturu pošlo za rukom da pretvori svoj
budalasti pogled u budalastu primedbu.
``... in the fabric of space-time,'' he said. "...u tkanju prostorvremena", rekao je.
``Ah, that,'' said Arthur. "Ah, to", rekao je Artur.
``Yes, that,'' confirmed Ford. "Da, to", potvrdio je Ford.
They stood there alone on a hill on prehistoric Earth and Stajali su, usamljeni, na brdu preistorijske Zemlje i
stared each other resolutely in the face. odlučno gledali jedan drugoga u lice.
``And it's done what?'' said Arthur. "A šta je ono preduzelo sa tim u vezi?" upitao je Artur.
``It,'' said Ford, ``has developed pools of instability.'' "Pa ono je razvilo", kazao je Ford, "te čvorove
nestabilnosti."
``Has it?'' said Arthur, his eyes not wavering for a "Je li?" rekao je Artur, čije su oči na trenutak prestale da
moment. poigravaju.
``It has,'' said Ford with a similar degree of ocular "Jeste", kazao je Ford, uz sličan stepen očne
immobility.
``Good,'' said Arthur.
``See?'' said Ford.
``No,'' said Arthur.
There was a quiet pause.
``The difficulty with this conversation,'' said Arthur after
a sort of pondering look had crawled slowly across his
face like a mountaineer negotiating a tricky outcrop, ``is
that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of
late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.
They weren't like this. Except perhaps some of the ones
I've had with elms which sometimes get a bit bogged
down.''
``Arthur,'' said Ford.
``Hello? Yes?'' said Arthur.
``Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very,
very simple.''
``Ah, well I'm not sure I believe that.''
They sat down and composed their thoughts.
Ford got out his Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic. It was making
vague humming noises and a tiny light on it was
flickering faintly.
``Flat battery?'' said Arthur.
``No,'' said Ford, ``there is a moving disturbance in the
fabric of space-time, an eddy, a pool of instability, and
it's somewhere in our vicinity.''
``Where?''
Ford moved the device in a slow lightly bobbing semi-
circle. Suddenly the light flashed.
``There!'' said Ford, shooting out his arm. ``There,
behind that sofa!''
Arthur looked. Much to his surprise, there was a velvet
paisley-covered Chesterfield sofa in the field in front of
them. He boggled intelligently at it. Shrewd questions
sprang into his mind.
``Why,'' he said, ``is there a sofa in that field?''
``I told you!'' shouted Ford, leaping to his feet. ``Eddies
in the space-time continuum!''
``And this is his sofa, is it?'' asked Arthur, struggling to
his feet and, he hoped, though not very optimistically, to
his senses.
``Arthur!'' shouted Ford at him, ``that sofa is there
because of the space-time instability I've been trying to
get your terminally softened brain to get to grips with. It's
been washed out of the continuum, it's space-time jetsam,
it doesn't matter what it is, we've got to catch it, it's our
only way out of here!''
He scrambled rapidly down the rocky outcrop and made
nepokretnosti.
"Dobro", rekao je Artur.
"Shvatio si?" upitao je Ford.
"Ne", uzvratio je Artur.
Nastala je stanka.
"Nevolja sa ovim razgovorom", kazao je Artur pošto mu
se na lice tiho prikrao zamišljeni pogled kao u planinara
koji pokušava da iziđe nakraj sa naročito nezgodnim
vrhom, "jeste u tome što se veoma razlikuje od većine
koje sam imao u poslednje vreme. Koje sam, kao što već
rekoh, uglavnom vodio sa drvećem. Nisu bili ni nalik
ovom. Osim možda nekih razgovora sa brestovima,
kada mi se dešavalo da se poprilično zaglibim."
"Arture", rekao je Ford.
"Da? Molim?" upitao je Artur.
"Samo veruj u ono što ti budem rekao i sve će se lepo,
lepo srediti."
"Ah, zar? Nisam siguran da verujem u to."
Sedeli su i prebirali po mislima.
Ford je izvadio svoj sub-eta senz-o-matik. Ispuštao je
blago zujanje, a sićušna svetiljka na njemu slabašno je
svetlucala.
"Ispraznile se baterije?" upitao je Artur.
"Ne", rekao je Ford, "u tkanju prostorvremena pojavio
se pokretni poremećaj, kovitlac, čvor nestabilnosti, a
nalazi se negde u našoj blizini."
"Gde?"
Ford je lagano okretao uređaj u malo nepravilnom
polukrugu. Iznenada je svetlost blesnula.
"Tamo!" rekao je Ford i ispružio ruku. "Tamo iza one
sofe!"
Artur pogleda. Na njegovo zaprepašćenje, nasred polja
ispred njega nalazila se plišana česterfildska sofa na
cvetiće. Um mu se razložno pobunio protiv njenog
postojanja. Pronicljiva pitanja stadoše da mu se obrazuju
u umu.
"Odakle", upitao je, "sofa nasred polja?"
"Kazao sam ti!" dreknuo je Ford i skočio na noge.
"Kovitlaci u kontinuumu prostorvremena!"
"A ovo je njihova sofa, je li?" pitao je Artur, upinjući se
da se uspravi na noge; uz put se ponadao, mada ne
previše optimistički, da će mu se vratiti normalno
rasuđivanje.
"Arture!" dreknuo je Ford, "ta sofa nalazi se ovde zbog
prostorvremenske nestabilnosti u čije sam postojanje
pokušavao da uverim tvoj nesumnjivo omekšali mozak.
Sprana je iz kontinuuma, to je naplavina
prostorvremena, ali uopšte nije važno šta je: moramo je
uloviti, to nam je jedini način da odemo odavde!"
Žurno se sasuljao niz kamenitu padinu i pojurio preko
off across the field.
``Catch it?'' muttered Arthur, then frowned in
bemusement as he saw that the Chesterfield was lazily
bobbing and wafting away across the grass.
With a whoop of utterly unexpected delight he leapt
down the rock and plunged off in hectic pursuit of Ford
Prefect and the irrational piece of furniture.
They careered wildly through the grass, leaping,
laughing, shouting instructions to each other to head the
thing off this way or that way. The sun shone dreamily on
the swaying grass, tiny field animals scattered crazily in
their wake.
Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day
was for once working out so much according to plan.
Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he would go
mad, and now he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa
across the fields of prehistoric Earth.
The sofa bobbed this way and that and seemed
simultaneously to be as solid as the trees as it drifted past
some of them and hazy as a billowing dream as it floated
like a ghost through others.
Ford and Arthur pounded chaotically after it, but it
dodged and weaved as if following its own complex
mathematical topography, which it was. Still they
pursued, still it danced and span, and suddenly turned
and dipped as if crossing the lip of a catastrophe graph,
and they were practically on top of it. With a heave and a
shout they leapt on it, the sun winked out, they fell
through a sickening nothingness, and emerged
unexpectedly in the middle of the pitch at Lord's Cricked
Ground, St John's Wood, London, towards the end of the
last Test Match of the Australian Series in the year 198-,
with England needing only twenty-eight runs to win.
Chapter Three
Important facts from Galactic history, number one:
(Reproduced from the Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book
of popular Galactic History.)
The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least
interesting sight in the entire Universe.
Chapter Four
It was a charming and delightful day at Lord's as Ford Na Gospodarskom igralištu bio je lep i prijatan dan kada
polja.
"Da je ulovimo?" promrmljao je Artur, a onda se
zbunjeno namrštio kada je video kako se česterfildska
sofa lenjo njiše i plovi iznad trave.
Uz uzvik neočekivanog oduševljenja jurnuo je sa stene i
bacio se u grozničavu poteru za Fordom Prefektom i
besmislenim komadom nameštaja.
Divlje su trčali kroz travu, bacali se, smejali, dovikivali
jedan drugom savete kako da presretnu stvar u ovom ili
onom smeru. Sunce je sneno bacalo svetlost na
ustalasanu travu, a malene poljske zveri sklanjale su im
se sa puta.
Artur je bio srećan. Bilo mu je strašno drago što se dan
najzad jednom razvijao potpuno u skladu sa njegovim
planom. Pre samo dvadeset minuta odlučio je da poludi,
a sada je već jurio česterfildsku sofu preko poljane
preistorijske Zemlje.
Sofa se njihala tamo i ovamo, delujući istovremeno
stameno poput drveća pored koga je promicala i
nesuštastveno poput talasavog sna dok je kao avet
promicala pravo kroz druga stabla.
Ford i Artur haotično su grabili za njom, ali ona je
vrdala i skakutala kao da sledi neku svoju složenu
matematičku topografiju, što je upravo i činila. Još su
jurili za njom, još je plesala i okretala se, a onda je
iznenada zastala i nagla se kao da je naišla na uzdignuti
deo eksponencijalnog dijagrama i oni se nađoše tik uz
nju. Uz uzvik i teško dahtanje bacili su se na sofu, sunce
je zatreptalo i nestalo, osetili su kako propadaju kroz
vrtoglavu prazninu i već narednog trena neočekivano su
se pojavili na središtu terena Gospodarskog Igrališta
Kriketa u Sent Džons Vudu, u Londonu, pred kraj
poslednjeg meča protiv Australijanaca godine 198-, u
trenutku kada je Engleskoj trebalo još samo dvadeset
osam krugova da pobedi.
3.
Važne činjenice iz galaktičke istorije. Broj jedan:
(Reprodukovano iz Sideričkog dnevnog podsetnika
popularne galaktičke istorije.)
Noćno nebo nad planetom Krikit najnezanimljiviji je
prizor u čitavoj Vaseljeni.
4.
and Arthur tumbled haphazardly out of a space-time
anomaly and hit the immaculate turf rather hard.
The applause of the crowd was tremendous. It wasn't for
them, but instinctively they bowed anyway, which was
fortunate because the small red heavy ball which the
crowd actually had been applauding whistled mere
millimetres over Arthur's head. In the crowd a man
collapsed.
They threw themselves back to the ground which seemed
to spin hideously around them.
``What was that?'' hissed Arthur.
``Something red,'' hissed Ford back at him.
``Where are we?''
``Er, somewhere green.''
``Shapes,'' muttered Arthur. ``I need shapes.''
The applause of the crowd had been rapidly succeeded
by gasps of astonishment, and the awkward titters of
hundreds of people who could not yet make up their
minds about whether to believe what they had just seen
or not.
``This your sofa?'' said a voice.
``What was that?'' whispered Ford.
Arthur looked up.
``Something blue,'' he said.
``Shape?'' said Ford.
Arthur looked again.
``It is shaped,'' he hissed at Ford, with his brow savagely
furrowing, ``like a policeman.''
They remained crouched there for a few moments,
frowning deeply. The blue thing shaped like a policeman
tapped them both on the shoulders.
``Come on, you two,'' the shape said, ``let's be having
you.''
These words had an electrifying effect on Arthur. He
leapt to his feet like an author hearing the phone ring and
shot a series of startled glanced at the panorama around
him which had suddenly settled down into something of
quite terrifying ordinariness.
``Where did you get this from?'' he yelled at the
policeman shape.
``What did you say?'' said the startled shape.
``This is Lord's Cricket Ground, isn't it?'' snapped Arthur.
``Where did you find it, how did you get it here? I think,''
he added, clasping his hand to his brow, ``that I had
better calm down.'' He squatted down abruptly in front of
Ford.
``It is a policeman,'' he said, ``What do we do?''
Ford shrugged. ``What do you want to do?'' he said.
``I want you,'' said Arthur, ``to tell me that I have been
dreaming for the last five years.''
su Ford i Artur naslepo izleteli iz prostorvremenske
anomalije i prilično grubo bupnuli o negovani travnjak.
Pljesak gomile bio je zadivljujući. Nije, doduše, bio
namenjen njima, ali oni su se nagonski ipak naklonili,
što je bila prava sreća, jer je mala, crvena loptica zbog
koje je gomila zapljeskala prozviždala na svega
nekoliko milimetara od Arturove glave. U gledalištu se
jedan čovek onesvestio.
Bacili su se na zemlju koja se, naizgled, đavolski vrtela
oko njih.
"Šta to bi?" prosikta Artur.
"Nešto crveno", prosikta Ford u odgovor.
"Kakvo je ovo mesto?"
"Ovaj, nešto zeleno."
"Oblici", promrmljao je Artur, "potrebni su mi oblici."
Pljesak gomile iznenada je bio zamenjen uzvicima
zaprepašćenja i izrazima zbunjenosti stotina ljudi koji
nisu mogli da se odluče da li da veruju u ono što su
upravo videli ili ne.
"Da li je to vaša sofa?" upitao je glas.
"Šta to bi?" prošaptao je Ford.
Artur podiže pogled.
"Nešto plavo", rekao je.
"Oblik?" pitao je Ford.
Artur ponovo pogleda.
"Ima", prosiktao je Fordu, čije su se obrve divlje
namrštile, "oblik policajca."
Ostali su u tom položaju nekoliko trenutaka, duboko
namršteni. Plava stvar koja je imala oblik policajca
potapšala je obojicu po ramenima.
"Hajde, vas dvojica", rekao je oblik, "pokret."
Ove reči kao da su naelektrisale Artura. Skočio je na
noge i uputio niz zaprepašćenih pogleda panorami koja
ga je okruživala i koja se iznenada pretvorila u nešto
zastrašujuće prepoznatljivo i obično.
"Odakle vam ovo?" jeknuo je prema obliku policajca.
"Šta ste rekli?" upitao je oblik zbunjeno.
"Ovo je Gospodarsko igralište kriketa, zar ne?" zarežao
je Artur. "Odakle vam, gde ste ga našli? Čini mi se",
dodao je i pokrio oči rukama, "da bi mi bilo pametnije
da se smirim." Naglo je čučnuo pored Forda.
"To je policajac", rekao je. "Šta ćemo sada?"
Ford sleže ramenima. "Šta bi ti?"
"Hteo bih", rekao je Artur, "da mi kažeš da sam sanjao
sve što mi se dešavalo u poslednjih pet godina."
Ford shrugged again, and obliged. Ford ponovo sleže ramenima i posluša ga.
``You've been dreaming for the last five years,'' he said. "Sanjao si sve što ti se dešavalo u poslednjih pet
godina", rekao je.
Arthur got to his feet. Artur se podiže na noge.
``It's all right, officer,'' he said. ``I've been dreaming for "Sve je u redu, pozorniče", rekao je. "Sanjao sam sve što
the last five years. Ask him,'' he added, pointing at Ford, mi se dešavalo u poslednjih pet godina. Pitajte njega",
``he was in it.'' Having said this, he sauntered off towards dodao je i pokazao na Forda, "i on je bio u tome." Kada
the edge of the pitch, brushing down his dressing gown. je to rekao, odšetao je do ruba terena, čisteći prašinu sa
He then noticed his dressing gown and stopped. He svog kućnog ogrtača. Onda je spazio u šta je obučen i
stared at it. He flung himself at the policeman. zaustavio se. Upiljio se u ogratač. A onda se okrenuo i
pojurio prema policajcu.
``So where did I get these clothes from?'' he howled. "A odakle mi onda ova odeća?" poče da zavija.
He collapsed and lay twitching on the grass. Srušio se i ostao da leži na travi, tresući se.
Ford shook his head. Ford zavrte glavom.
``He's had a bad two million years,'' he said to the "Poslednjih dva miliona godina teško su mu pali", rekao
policeman, and together they heaved Arthur on to the je policajcu; zajedno su položili Artura na sofu i izneli
sofa and carried him off the pitch and were only briefly ga sa terena, pri čemu ih je samo na trenutak omeo
hampered by the sudden disappearance of the sofa on the iznenadni nestanak sofe.
way.
Reaction to all this from the crowd were many and Reakcije publike na sve to bile su mnogobrojne i
various. Most of them couldn't cope with watching it, and raznovrsne. Mnogi od prisutnih nisu mogli da podnesu
listened to it on the radio instead. da sve to posmatraju, pa su umesto da gledaju svojim
očima slušali prenos na radiju.
``Well, this is an interesting incident, Brian,'' said one "Pa, Brajane, ovo je zanimljiv incident", rekao je jedan
radio commentator to another. ``I don't think there have radio-komentator drugome. "Ne verujem da je na terenu
been any mysterious materializations on the pitch since, za igru bilo misterioznih materijalizacija još od... oh...
oh since, well I don't think there have been any --- have još od... ne verujem da ih je, zapravo, ikada bilo, zar ne?
there? --- that I recall?'' Ja se ne sećam."
``Edgbaston, 1932?'' "Edžbaston 1932?"
``Ah, now what happened then ...'' "Ah, a šta se tada desilo...?"
``Well, Peter, I think it was Canter facing Willcox "Pa, Pitere, mislim da je Kanter zaprečio put Vilkoksu
coming up to bowl from the pavilion end when a koji je stizao iz pravca paviljona, kada je iznenada jedan
spectator suddenly ran straight across the pitch.'' od gledalaca istrčao pravo na teren."
There was a pause while the first commentator Nastala je pauza dok je prvi komentator razmišljao o
considered this. ovome.
``Ye ... e ... s ...'' he said, ``yes, there's nothing actually "Da... aaa..." rekao je, "da, ali u tome nije bilo ničeg
very mysterious about that, is there? He didn't actually naročito tajanstvenog, je li tako? Taj gledalac se,
materialize, did he? Just ran on.'' zapravo, nije materijalizovao, zar ne? Samo je istrčao."
``No, that's true, but he did claim to have seen something "To je istina, ali tvrdio je da je video nešto kako se
materialize on the pitch.'' materijalizuje na terenu."
``Ah, did he?'' "Ah, je li."
``Yes. An alligator, I think, of some description.'' "Da. Aligatora, ako sam dobro shvatio."
``Ah. And had anyone else noticed it?''
``Apparently not. And no one was able to get a very
detailed description from him, so only the most
perfunctory search was made.''
``And what happened to the man?'' "A šta se posle desilo sa čovekom?"
``Well, I think someone offered to take him off and give "Pa, čini mi se da se neko ponudio da ga odvede i da mu
him some lunch, but he explained that he'd already had a kupi ručak, ali je on objasnio da je već dobro jeo i tako
rather good one, so the matter was dropped and
Warwickshire went on to win by three wickets.''
``So, not very like this current instance. For those of you
who've just tuned in, you may be interested to know that,
er ... two men, two rather scruffily attired men, and
indeed a sofa --- a Chesterfield I think?''
``Yes, a Chesterfield.''
``Have just materialized here in the middle of Lord's
Cricket Ground. But I don't think they meant any harm,
they've been very good-natured about it, and ...''
``Sorry, can I interrupt you a moment Peter and say that
the sofa has just vanished.''
``So it has. Well, that's one mystery less. Still, it's
definitely one for the record books I think, particularly
occurring at this dramatic moment in play, England now
needing only twenty-four runs to win the series. The men
are leaving the pitch in the company of a police officer,
and I think everyone's settling down now and play is
about to resume.''
``Now, sir,'' said the policeman after they had made a
passage through the curious crowd and laid Arthur's
peacefully inert body on a blanket, ``perhaps you'd care
to tell me who you are, where you come from, and what
that little scene was all about?''
Ford looked at the ground for a moment as if steadying
himself for something, then he straightened up and aimed
a look at the policeman which hit him with the full force
of every inch of the six hundred light-years' distance
between Earth and Ford's home near Betelgeuse.
``All right,'' said Ford, very quietly, ``I'll tell you.''
``Yes, well, that won't be necessary,'' said the policeman
hurriedly, ``just don't let whatever it was happen again.''
The policeman turned around and wandered off in search
of anyone who wasn't from Betelgeuse. Fortunately, the
ground was full of them.
Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a
great distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times
in there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down in
to its accustomed position.
Arthur sat up.
``Where am I?'' he said.
``Lord's Cricket Ground,'' said Ford.
``Fine,'' said Arthur, and his consciousness stepped out
again for a quick breather. His body flopped back on the
grass.
Ten minutes later, hunched over a cup of tea in the Deset minuta kasnije, nagnuto nad šoljicom čaja u
refreshment tent, the colour started to come back to his šatoru za osveženje, njegovo iscrpljeno lice ponovo je
je stvar zaboravljena i Votvikšajr je produžio da bi na
kraju pobedio za tri viketa."
"Znači, ne baš mnogo nalik na ovaj sadašnji događaj. Za
sve one među vama koji su se upravo uključili, možda
će vas zanimati da to znate, ovaj... dva čoveka, dva tipa
u prilično otrcanoj odeći i jedna sofa - česterfildska, ako
se ne varam?"
"Da, česterfildska."
"Upravo su se materijalizovali ovde, usred
Gospodarskog igrališta kriketa. Ali ne čini mi se da su
mislili da nanesu ikakvo zlo - zapravo, vladali su se
prilično mirno i..."
"Dopusti mi da te načas prekinem, Pitere, kako bih
objavio da je dotična sofa upravo nestala."
"Tako, dakle. Pa, to je jedna tajna manje. Ipak, reč je o
stvari koju svakako vredi zabeležiti, utoliko više što se
događa baš u ovom dramatičnom trenutku igre, kada je
Engleskoj potrebno samo dvadeset četiri kruga da
pobedi. Dva tipa napuštaju teren u pratnji jednog
policajca i čini mi se da se sve sređuje, a igra će se
uskoro nastaviti."
"A sada, gospodine", rekao je policajac kada su se
probili kroz radoznalu gomilu i položili Arturovo
nepomično telo na ćebe, "možda biste mogli da mi
kažete ko ste, odakle ste i šta znači ta mala predstava
koju ste izveli."
Ford se na trenutak zagledao u zemlju kao da se
priprema za nešto, a onda se ispravio i uputio prema
policajcu pogled koji ga je pogodio punom silinom
svakog inča šest svetlosnih godina rastojanja između
Zemlje i Fordovog doma u blizini Betelgeza.
"Dobro", rekao je Ford vrlo mirno, "reći ću vam."
"Da, pa, to zapravo neće biti neophodno", odvratio je
policajac žurno. "Samo nemojte da se ponovo dogodi,
šta god to bilo." Policajac se potom okrenuo i pošao u
potragu za nekim ko nije sa Betelgeza. Na sreću,
okolina je bila puna takvih.
Svest je prilazila Arturovom telu sa oklevanjem i kao sa
velikog rastojanja. U njemu se više puta dosta gadno
provela. Lagano, nemirno, ušla je i smestila se u
uobičajeni položaj.
Artur sede.
"Gde sam?" upitao je.
"Gospodarsko igralište kriketa", rekao je Ford.
"Odlično", rekao je Artur, a njegova svest ponovo izlete
na kratak odmor. Telo mu se mlitavo skljoka na travu.
haggard face.
``How're you feeling?'' said Ford.
``I'm home,'' said Arthur hoarsely. He closed his eyes and
greedily inhaled the steam from his tea as if it was ---
well, as far as Arthur was concerned, as if it was tea,
which it was.
``I'm home,'' he repeated, ``home. It's England, it's today,
the nightmare is over.'' He opened his eyes again and
smiled serenely. ``I'm where I belong,'' he said in an
emotional whisper.
``There are two things I fell which I should tell you,'' said
Ford, tossing a copy of the Guardian over the table at
him.
``I'm home,'' said Arthur.
``Yes,'' said Ford. ``One is,'' he said pointing at the date at
the top of the paper, ``that the Earth will be demolished
in two days' time.''
``I'm home,'' said Arthur. ``Tea,'' he said, ``cricket,'' he
added with pleasure, ``mown grass, wooden benches,
white linen jackets, beer cans ...''
Slowly he began to focus on the newspaper. He cocked
his head on one side with a slight frown.
``I've seen that one before,'' he said. His eyes wandered
slowly up to the date, which Ford was idly tapping at.
His face froze for a second or two and then began to do
that terribly slow crashing trick which Arctic ice-floes do
so spectacularly in the spring.
``And the other thing,'' said Ford, ``is that you appear to
have a bone in your beard.'' He tossed back his tea.
Outside the refreshment tent, the sun was shining on a
happy crowd. It shone on white hats and red faces. It
shone on ice lollies and melted them. It shone on the
tears of small children whose ice lollies had just melted
and fallen off the stick. It shone on the trees, it flashed
off whirling cricket bats, it gleamed off the utterly
extraordinary object which was parked behind the sight-
screens and which nobody appeared to have noticed. It
beamed on Ford and Arthur as they emerged blinking
from the refreshment tent and surveyed the scene around
them.
Arthur was shaking.
``Perhaps,'' he said, ``I should ...''
``No,'' said Ford sharply.
``What?'' said Arthur.
``Don't try and phone yourself up at home.''
``How did you know ...?''
Ford shrugged.
``But why not?'' said Arthur.
``People who talk to themselves on the phone,'' said
počelo da poprima boju.
"Kako se osećaš?" pitao je Ford.
"Opet sam kod kuće", rekao je Artur hrapavim glasom.
Zatvorio je oči i pohlepno udisao paru čaja kao da je reč
- pa, što se Artura ticalo, kao da je reč o čaju, a o njemu
je i bila reč.
"Kod kuće sam", ponovio je, "kod kuće. Ovo je
Engleska, današnje vreme, noćna mora je prošla."
Otvorio je oči i smireno se nasmešio. "Tu sam gde
pripadam", rekao je šapatom punim osećanja.
"Mislim da bi trebalo da ti kažem dve stvari", rekao je
Ford i bacio na sto ispred njega primerak 'Gardijana'.
"Kod kuće sam", uzvratio je Artur.
"Da", rekao je Ford. "Prva stvar je", rekao je i pokazao
na datum u gornjem uglu lista, "da će Zemlja biti
uništena kroz dva dana."
"Kod kuće sam", ponovio je Artur, "čaj", kazao je,
"kriket", dodao je sa uživanjem, "pokošeni travnjaci,
drvene klupe, bela pamučna odela, limenke piva..."
Lagano je skretao pažnju na novine. Oborio je glavu na
jednu stranu i malo se namrštio.
"Ovo sam već negde video", rekao je. Oči su mu polako
dolutale do datuma po kome je Ford tapkao prstom. Lice
mu se na sekundu ili dve sledilo, a onda je počelo da
ponavlja onaj štos sa polaganim raspadanjem koji ledeni
bregovi čine u proleće na tako spektakularan način.
"A druga stvar", rekao je Ford, "izgleda da imaš kost u
bradi." Odgurnuo je svoju šoljicu sa čajem.
Pored šatora za osveženje sunce je obasjavalo
zadovoljnu gomilu. Obasjavalo je bele šešire i crvena
lica. Obasjavalo je sladolede i topilo ih. Obasjavalo je
suze male dece čiji su se sladoledi istopili i pali sa
štapića na zemlju. Obasjavalo je drveće, odražavalo se
na izmahnutim batovima za kriket, svetlucalo je na
neobičnom objektu koji je bio parkiran iza zaštitnih
ekrana i koga izgleda niko nije primećivao. Smešilo se
Fordu i Arturu kada su, žmirkajući, izišli iz šatora za
osveženje i stali da posmatraju prizor oko sebe.
Artur se tresao.
"Možda bi", rekao je, "trebalo..."
"Ne", reče Ford oštro.
"Šta?" upitao je Artur.
"Nemoj pokušavati da pozoveš sebe kod kuće."
"Otkud si znao...?"
Ford sleže ramenima.
"Ali zašto da ne?" upitao je Artur.
"Ljudi koji razgovaraju preko telefona sami sa sobom",
Ford, ``never learn anything to their advantage.'' rekao je Ford, "nikada ne nauče ništa korisno."
``But ...'' "Ali..."
``Look,'' said Ford. He picked up an imaginary phone "Gledaj", rekao je Ford. Podigao je zamišljenu
and dialled an imaginary dial. telefonsku slušalicu i okrenuo zamišljeni brojčanik.
``Hello?'' he said into the imaginary mouthpiece. ``Is that "Halo?" upitao je u zamišljeni mikrofon. "Da li je to
Arthur Dent? Ah, hello, yes. This is Arthur Dent Artur Dent? Ah, alo, da. Ovde Artur Dent. Nemoj da
speaking. Don't hang up.'' prekidaš vezu."
He looked at the imaginary mouthpiece in Razočarano je pogledao zamišljenu slušalicu.
disappointment.
``He hung up,'' he said, shrugged, and put the imaginary "Prekinuo je vezu", rekao je, slegao ramenima i pažljivo
phone neatly back on its imaginary hook. vratio zamišljenu slušalicu na zamišljeni telefon.
``This is not my first temporal anomaly,'' he added. "Nije mi ovo prva temporalna anomalija", dodao je.
A glummer look replaced the already glum look on Još smrknutiji izraz zamenio je smrknuti izraz na licu
Arthur Dent's face. Artura Denta.
``So we're not home and dry,'' he said. "Znači, nismo se sklonili pre kiše u bezbednost doma",
kazao je.
``We could not even be said,'' replied Ford, ``to be home "Ne bi se čak moglo reći", odvratio je Ford, "ni da smo
and vigorously towelling ourselves off.'' stigli kući sa pljuska i da se upravo brišemo."
The game continued. The bowler approached the wicket Utakmica u kriketu se nastavila. Bacač se približio
at a lope, a trot, and then a run. He suddenly exploded in viketu ubrzanim korakom, prešao u lagano trčanje, a
a flurry of arms and legs, out of which flew a ball. The onda pojurio. Iznenada je eksplodirao u oblak ruku i
batsman swung and thwacked it behind him over the nogu, iz koga izlete loptica. Udarač zamahnu i jednim
sight-screens. Ford's eyes followed the trajectory of the udarcem posla je preko zaštitnih paravana. Fordove oči
ball and jogged momentarily. He stiffened. He looked sledile su putanju loptice i na trenutak zastale. On se
along the flight path of the ball again and his eyes ukruti. Ponovo je prešao pogledom put koji je preletela
twitched again. loptica i oči mu ponovo zaigraše.
``This isn't my towel,'' said Arthur, who was rummaging "Pa ovo nije moj peškir", rekao je Artur, koji je kopao
in his rabbit-skin bag. po svojoj torbi od zečije kože.
``Shhh,'' said Ford. He screwed his eyes up in "Psst", rekao je Ford. Izbečio je oči u usredsređenosti.
concentration.
``I had a Golgafrinchan jogging towel,'' continued Arthur, "Bio je to golgafrinčamski peškir za džogiranje",
``it was blue with yellow stars on it. This isn't it.'' produžio je Artur. "Plav sa žutim zvezdicama. Ovo nije
taj."
``Shhh,'' said Ford again. He covered one eye and looked "Psst", rekao je Ford ponovo. Pokrio je jedno oko i
with the other. pomno gledao na drugo.
``This one's pink,'' said Arthur, ``it isn't yours is it?'' "Ovaj je ružičast", kazao je Artur. "Da nije tvoj, je li?"
``I would like you to shut up about your towel,'' said "Voleo bih da malo umukneš oko tog tvog peškira",
Ford. rekao je Ford.
``It isn't my towel,'' insisted Arthur, ``that is the point I "Pa u tome i jeste stvar: peškir uopšte nije moj", bio je
am trying to ...'' uporan Artur. "Upravo to i pokušavam da..."
``And the time at which I would like you to shut up about "A ja bih voleo da umukneš oko tog peškira", produžio
it,'' continued Ford in a low growl, ``is now.'' je Ford glasom nalik na duboko režanje, "i to smesta."
``All right,'' said Arthur, starting to stuff it back into the "U redu", reče Artur i poče da ga gura nazad u
primitively stitched rabbit-skin bag. ``I realize that it is primitivno skrpljenu torbicu od zečije kože. "Shvatam
probably not important in the cosmic scale of things, it's da to možda nije bitno sa kosmičke tačke gledanja; ipak,
just odd, that's all. A pink towel suddenly, instead of a stvar je neobična, složićeš se. Ružičasti peškir iz čista
blue one with yellow stars.'' mira umesto plavog sa žutim zvezdicama."
Ford was beginning to behave rather strangely, or rather Ford je počeo da se ponaša prilično čudno, ili, tačnije
not actually beginning to behave strangely but beginning rečeno, nije počeo da se ponaša čudno, nego je počeo da
to behave in a way which was strangely different from
the other strange ways in which he more regularly
behaved. What he was doing was this. Regardless of the
bemused stares it was provoking from his fellow
members of the crowd gathered round the pitch, he was
waving his hands in sharp movements across his face,
ducking down behind some people, leaping up behind
others, then standing still and blinking a lot. After a
moment or two of this he started to stalk forward slowly
and stealthily wearing a puzzled frown of concentration,
like a leopard that's not sure whether it's just seen a half-
empty tin of cat food half a mile away across a hot and
dusty plain.
``This isn't my bag either,'' said Arthur suddenly.
Ford's spell of concentration was broken. He turned
angrily on Arthur.
``I wasn't talking about my towel,'' said Arthur. ``We've
established that that isn't mine. It's just that the bag into
which I was putting the towel which is not mine is also
not mine, though it is extraordinarily similar. Now
personally I think that that is extremely odd, especially as
the bag was one I made myself on prehistoric Earth.
These are also not my stones,'' he added, pulling a few
flat grey stones out of the bag. ``I was making a
collection of interesting stones and these are clearly very
dull ones.''
A roar of excitement thrilled through the crowd and
obliterated whatever it was that Ford said in reply to this
piece of information. The cricket ball which had excited
this reaction fell out of the sky and dropped neatly into
Arthur's mysterious rabbit-skin bag.
``Now I would say that that was also a very curious
event,'' said Arthur, rapidly closing the bag and
pretending to look for the ball on the ground.
``I don't think it's here,'' he said to the small boys who
immediately clustered round him to join in the search,
``it probably rolled off somewhere. Over there I expect.''
He pointed vaguely in the direction in which he wished
they would push off. One of the boys looked at him
quizzically.
``You all right?'' said the boy.
``No,'' said Arthur.
``Then why you got a bone in your beard?'' said the boy.
``I'm training it to like being wherever it's put.'' Arthur
prided himself on saying this. It was, he thought, exactly
the sort of thing which would entertain and stimulate
young minds.
``Oh,'' said the small boy, putting his head to one side and
se ponaša na način koji je bio čudnovato različit od
ostalih čudnovatih načina na koji se inače ponašao. A
radio je sledeće. Ne obraćajući pažnju na zbunjene
poglede publike koja ga je okruživala, okupljena oko
igrališta, oštro je mahao rukama ispred svog lica,
zaklanjao se iza nekih ljudi, iskakako iza drugih, posle
čega se zaustavio i puno treptao. Trenutak ili dva potom
stao je da korača napred lagano i pritajeno, sa zbunjenim
izrazom velike usredsređenosti, poput leoparda koji nije
siguran da li je to upravo ugledao polupraznu limenku
hrane za mačke na pola milje daljine, sa druge strane
vrele i prašnjave zaravni.
"A i ovo nije moja torba", dodao je Artur iznenada.
Fordova pažnja bila je razbijena. Gnevno se okrenuo ka
Arturu.
"Sada nisam govorio o svom peškiru", kazao je Artur.
"Složili smo se da nije moj. Reč je o tome da torbica u
koju sam gurnuo peškir koji nije moj takođe nije moja,
iako joj je izuzetno slična. Ja lično mislim da je to
stvarno čudno, naročito zbog toga što je reč o torbici
koju sam svojeručno napravio na preistorijskoj Zemlji.
A ni ovo nisu moji kamenčići", dodao je i izvadio iz
torbe nekoliko pljosnatih, sivih oblutaka. "Ja sam pravio
zbirku zanimljivog kamenja, a ovo kamenje očigledno je
vrlo nezanimljivo."
Urlik oduševljenja prođe kroz publiku i priguši Fordov
odgovor na tu tvrdnju, kakav god da je bio. Lopta za
kriket, koja je izazvala tu reakciju, pade sa neba i glatko
ulete pravo u Arturovu tajanstvenu torbicu od zečje
kože.
"Rekao bih da je i ovo vrlo neobičan događaj", primetio
je Artur, brže-bolje zatvorio torbu i počeo da se pretvara
da traži lopticu na zemlji.
"Mislim da nije ovde", rekao je grupi dečaka koji su se
smesta sjatili oko njega da bi mu pomogli u potrazi.
"Verovatno se negde otkotrljala. Po svoj prilici tamo
preko." Pokazao je neodređeno u pravcu u kome je
želeo da se izgube. Jedan od dečaka upitno ga je gledao.
"Je li sa tobom sve u redu?" upitao je dečak.
"Nije", rekao je Artur.
"Zašto onda nosiš kost u bradi?" upitao je dečak.
"Uvežbavam je da joj se svidi svuda gde je gurnem."
Artur je bio silno zadovoljan sobom što je to rekao. Bila
je to, pomislio je, baš ona vrsta stvari kakve zabavljaju i
podstiču mladi um.
"Oh", rekao je dečak, iskrivio glavu na jednu stranu i
thinking about it. ``What's your name?'' počeo da razmišlja o tome. "Kako se zoveš?"
``Dent,'' said Arthur, ``Arthur Dent.'' "Dent", kazao je Artur, "Artur Dent."
``You're a jerk, Dent,'' said the boy, ``a complete "Ti si krele, Dente", rekao je dečak. "Pravi pravcati
asshole.'' The boy looked past him at something else, to tupadžija." Dečak ga zaobiđe pogledom i zagleda se u
show that he wasn't in any particular hurry to run away, nešto drugo da bi mu pokazao da mu se uopšte ne žuri
and then wandered off scratching his nose. Suddenly da se udalji, a onda je odšetao, čačkajući nos. Iznenada,
Arthur remembered that the Earth was going to be Artur se setio da će Zemlja kroz dva dana biti ponovo
demolished again in two days' time, and just this once uništena i bar jednom nije mu se učinilo da je to baš
didn't feel too bad about it. Play resumed with a new ball,
toliko loše. Igra se nastavila sa novom lopticom, sunce
the sun continued to shine and Ford continued to jump up je nastavilo da sija, a Ford je nastavio da skače, trese
and down shaking his head and blinking. glavom i žmirka.
``Something's on your mind, isn't it?'' said Arthur. "Nešto ti je palo na pamet, zar ne?" upitao je Artur.
``I think,'' said Ford in a tone of voice which Arthur by "Čini mi se", rekao je Ford onom bojom glasa za koju je
now recognized as one which presaged something utterly Artur do sada naučio da prethodi nečem do krajnosti
unintelligible, ``that there's an SEP over there.'' nerazumljivom, "da se tamo, preko, nalazi jedan T. P."
He pointed. Curiously enough, the direction he pointed in Pokazao je rukom. Neobično, ali pravac u kome je
was not the one in which he was looking. Arthur looked pokazao nije se slagao sa pravcem u kome je gledao.
in the one direction, which was towards the sight- Artur pogleda u jednom pravcu, prema zaštitnim
screens, and in the other which was at the field of play. panoima, pa u drugom, prema terenu za igru. Klimnuo
He nodded, he shrugged. He shrugged again. je, slegao ramenima. Ponovo je slegao ramenima.
``A what?'' he said. "Šta to?" upitao je.
``An SEP.'' "T. P."
``An S ...?'' "T...?"
``... EP.'' "T. P."
``And what's that?'' "A šta je to?"
``Somebody Else's Problem.'' "Tuđ Problem", rekao je Ford.
``Ah, good,'' said Arthur and relaxed. He had no idea "Ah, dobro", rekao je Artur i opustio se. Pojma nije
what all that was about, but at least it seemed to be over.
imao o čemu je reč, ali bar je delovalo kao da je stvar
It wasn't. time okončana. Ali nije bila.
``Over there,'' said Ford, again pointing at the sight- "Tamo, preko", rekao je Ford, i ponovo pokazao prema
screens and looking at the pitch. zaštitnim panoima, pa pogledao prema terenu.
``Where?'' said Arthur. "Gde?" upitao je Artur.
``There!'' said Ford. "Tamo!" uzvratio je Ford.
``I see,'' said Arthur, who didn't. "Vidim", rekao je Artur, iako ništa nije video.
``You do?'' said Ford. "Zaista?" upitao je Ford.
``What?'' said Arthur. "Šta?" upitao je Artur.
``Can you see,'' said Ford patiently, ``the SEP?'' "Vidiš li", strpljivo je rekao Ford, "onaj T. P.?"
``I thought you said that was somebody else's problem.'' "Učinilo mi se da si rekao da je reč o tuđem problemu."
``That's right.'' "Tako je."
Arthur nodded slowly, carefully and with an air of Artur je lagano klimnuo, pažljivo i sa izrazom ogromne
immense stupidity. gluposti.
``And I want to know,'' said Ford, ``if you can see it.'' "I želim da znam", rekao je Ford, "da li ga stvarno
vidiš."
``You do?'' "Stvarno?"
``Yes.'' "Da!"
``What,'' said Arthur, ``does it look like?'' "Kako", rekao je Artur, "tačno izgleda?"
``Well, how should I know, you fool?'' shouted Ford. ``If "Pa, otkud ja znam, budalo", dreknuo je Ford. "Ako ga
you can see it, you tell me.'' vidiš, ti mi to reci."
Arthur experienced that dull throbbing sensation just Artur oseti ono mučno, prigušeno dumbaranje odmah uz
behind the temples which was a hallmark of so many of slepoočnice koje je bilo zaštitni znak mnogih njegovih
his conversations with Ford. His brain lurked like a
frightened puppy in its kennel. Ford took him by the arm.
``An SEP,'' he said, ``is something that we can't see, or
don't see, or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think
that it's somebody else's problem. That's what SEP
means. Somebody Else's Problem. The brain just edits it
out, it's like a blind spot. If you look at it directly you
won't see it unless you know precisely what it is. Your
only hope is to catch it by surprise out of the corner of
your eye.''
``Ah,'' said Arthur, ``then that's why ...''
``Yes,'' said Ford, who knew what Arthur was going to
say.
``... you've been jumping up and ...''
``Yes.''
``... down, and blinking ...''
``Yes.''
``... and ...''
``I think you've got the message.''
``I can see it,'' said Arthur, ``it's a spaceship.''
For a moment Arthur was stunned by the reaction this
revelation provoked. A roar erupted from the crowd, and
from every direction people were running, shouting,
yelling, tumbling over each other in a tumult of
confusion. He stumbled back in astonishment and
glanced fearfully around. Then he glanced around again
in even greater astonishment.
``Exciting, isn't it?'' said an apparition. The apparition
wobbled in front of Arthur's eyes, though the truth of the
matter is probably that Arthur's eyes were wobbling in
front of the apparition. His mouth wobbled as well.
``W ... w ... w ... w ...'' his mouth said.
``I think your team have just won,'' said the apparition.
``W ... w ... w ... w ...'' repeated Arthur, and punctuated
each wobble with a prod at Ford Prefect's back. Ford was
staring at the tumult in trepidation.
``You are English, aren't you?'' said the apparition.
``W ... w ... w ... w ... yes'' said Arthur.
``Well, your team, as I say, have just won. The match. It
means they retain the Ashes. You must be very pleased. I
must say, I'm rather fond of cricket, though I wouldn't
like anyone outside this planet to hear me saying that. Oh
dear no.''
The apparition gave what looked as if it might have been
a mischievous grin, but it was hard to tell because the sun
was directly behind him, creating a blinding halo round
his head and illuminating his silver hair and beard in a
razgovora sa Fordom. Mozak mu se tresao kao
preplašeno štene u štenari. Ford ga uze za ruku.
"T. P.", rekao je "predstavlja nešto što ne možemo da
vidimo, ili ne vidimo, ili nam naš mozak ne dopušta da
vidimo, jer mislimo da je reč o tuđem problemu. To
znači T. P. Tuđ problem. Mozak ga naprosto izostavlja iz
svega; kao neku vrstu slepe tačke. Ukoliko gledaš pravo
prema njemu, nećeš ga videti, izuzev ako ne budeš tačno
znao o čemu je reč. Jedina prilika ti je da ga krajičkom
oka uloviš u magnovenju."
"Ah", rekao je Artur, "znači zato..."
"Da", uzvratio je Ford, koji je znao šta Artur namerava
da kaže.
"...si skakao gore i..."
"Da."
"...dole i žmirkao ..."
"Da."
"...i..."
"Mislim da si shvatio smisao."
"Vidim ga", kazao je Artur. "Reč je o svemirskom
brodu."
Jedan trenutak Artur je bio zaprepašćen reakcijom koju
je ovo izazvalo. Došlo je do prave erupcije oduševljenja
među publikom i ljudi su najednom, iz svih pravaca,
trčali i urlali, uzvikivali i saplitali se jedni o druge u
opštoj graji i metežu. Zapanjeno se zateturao unazad i
bojažljivo se obazro. Onda se ponovo obazro, još
zapanjeniji.
"Uzbudljivo, zar ne?" rekla je jedna utvara. Utvara je
poigravala pred Arturovim očima, iako je verovatnije
bilo da su Arturove oči poigravale pred utvarom. Isto su
tako poigravala i njegova usta.
"V...v...v...v..." rekoše njegova usta.
"Čini mi se da je tvoj tim upravo pobedio", rekla je
utvara.
"V...v...v...v..." ponovio je Artur i podvukao svaki glas
koji je ispustio gurkanjem Fordovih leđa. Ford je
ustreptalo posmatrao gungulu.
"Ti se Englez, zar ne?" rekla je utvara.
"V...v...v...v...da", uzvratio je Artur.
"Pa, kao što već rekoh, tvoj tim je upravo pobedio.
Dobio je utakmicu. To znači da će zadržati Pepeo. Mora
da ti je strašno drago. Moram da priznam da mi se kriket
prilično sviđa, iako ne bih voleo da to dozna iko izvan
ove planete. Oh, Bože, nikako."
Utvarni čovek uputio mu je nešto što je moglo ličiti na
obesni osmeh, ali bilo je teško reći, jer sunce se nalazilo
pravo iza njega, stvarajući mu zaslepljujući oreol oko
glave i osvetljavajući mu srebrnu kosu i bradu na način
way which was awesome, dramatic and hard to reconcile
with mischievous grins.
``Still,'' he said, ``it'll all be over in a couple of days,
won't it? Though as I said to you when we last met, I was
very sorry about that. Still, whatever will have been, will
have been.''
Arthur tried to speak, but gave up the unequal struggle.
He prodded Ford again.
``I thought something terrible had happened,'' said Ford,
``but it's just the end of the game. We ought to get out.
Oh, hello, Slartibartfast, what are you doing here?''
``Oh, pottering, pottering,'' said the old man gravely.
``That your ship? Can you give us a lift anywhere?''
``Patience, patience,'' the old man admonished.
``OK,'' said Ford. ``It's just that this planet's going to be
demolished pretty soon.''
``I know that,'' said Slartibartfast.
``And, well, I just wanted to make that point,'' said Ford.
``The point is taken.''
And if you feel that you really want to hang around a
cricket pitch at this point ...``
``I do.''
``Then it's your ship.''
``It is.''
``I suppose.'' Ford turned away sharply at this point.
``Hello, Slartibartfast,'' said Arthur at last.
``Hello, Earthman,'' said Slartibartfast.
``After all,'' said Ford, ``we can only die once.''
The old man ignored this and stared keenly on to the
pitch, with eyes that seemed alive with expressions that
had no apparent bearing on what was happening out
there. What was happening was that the crowd was
gathering itself into a wide circle round the centre of the
pitch. What Slartibartfast saw in it, he alone knew.
Ford was humming something. It was just one note
repeated at intervals. He was hoping that somebody
would ask him what he was humming, but nobody did. If
anybody had asked him he would have said he was
humming the first line of a Noel Coward song called
``Mad About the Boy'' over and over again. It would then
have been pointed out to him that he was only singing
one note, to which he would have replied that for reasons
which he hoped would be apparent, he was omitting the
``about the boy'' bit. He was annoyed that nobody asked.
``It's just,'' he burst out at last, ``that if we don't go soon,
we might get caught in the middle of it all again. And
there's nothing that depresses me more than seeing a
planet being destroyed. Except possibly still being on it
koji je bio zastrašujući, dramatičan i koga je bilo vrlo
teško povezati sa obesnim osmesima.
"A opet", rekao je, "sve će se to završiti za dva dana, zar
ne? Iako, kao što već rekoh kada smo se poslednji put
sreli, zbog toga mi je bilo veoma žao. A opet, šta će biti,
biće."
Artur je pokušavao da govori, ali se brzo predao u toj
neravnopravnoj borbi. Ponovo je gurnuo Forda.
"Mislio sam da se dogodilo nešto užasno", rekao je
Ford, "ali to je samo kraj utakmice. Treba da idemo
odavde. Oh, zdravo, Slartibartfaste, šta radiš ovde?"
"Oh, dokoličim, dokoličim", odvratio je starac zbunjeno.
"To je tvoj brod? Da li bi nas odbacio nekuda?"
"Strpljenja, strpljenja", posavetovao ga je starac.
"U redu", rekao je Ford, "reč je samo o tome da će ova
planeta uskoro biti uništena."
"Znam", kazao je Slartibartfast.
"Ah, dobro, hteo sam samo to da pomenem", rekao je
Ford.
"Pomenuo si."
"Pa, ukoliko smatraš da stvarno treba da se motaš oko
terena za kriket u ovom trenutku..."
"Smatram."
"Na kraju krajeva, to je tvoj brod."
"Jeste."
"Valjda." Ford se potom oštro okrenuo.
"Zdravo, Slartibartfaste", rekao je Artur najzad.
"Zdravo, Zemljanine", odvratio je Slartibartfast.
"Na kraju krajeva", kazao je Ford, "samo jednom se
umire."
Starac nije obraćao pražnju na Fordove poslovice, već je
ljubopitljivo posmatrao teren, sa izrazom u očima koji
kao da nije imao nikakve veze sa onim što se tamo
dešavalo. A dešavalo se to da su se ljudi okupljali u
velikom krugu oko središta terena. Šta je Slartibartfst u
tome video, to je samo on znao.
Ford je nešto pevušio. Bila je to samo jedna nota koju je
neprekidno ponavljao. Nadao se da će ga neko upitati
šta to pevuši, ali niko to nije učinio. Da ga je iko upitao,
odgovorio bi da ponavlja prvi stih pesme Noela Kauarda
'Lud dan za ljubav'. Na to bi mu skrenuli pažnju da peva
samo jednu notu, na šta bi on odvratio da iz razloga koje
smatra očiglednim izostavlja 'dan za ljubav'. Baš mu je
bilo krivo što ga niko nije pitao.
"Reč je naprosto o tome", eksplodirao je najzad, "da,
ukoliko ne budemo uskoro krenuli, moglo bi se desiti da
se ponovo nađemo usred haosa. A ništa me ne čini
neraspoloženijim od uništavanja naseljenih planeta.
when it happens. Or,'' he added in an undertone, Osim, možda, da se nađem na takvoj planeti u trenutku
``hanging around cricket matches.'' dok joj se to dešava. Ili", dodao je važnim glasom, "da
se motam oko terena za kriket."
``Patience,'' said Slartibartfast again. ``Great things are "Strpljenja", rekao je Slartibartfast ponovo, "pred nama
afoot.'' su velike stvari."
``That's what you said last time we met,'' said Arthur. "To si rekao i kada smo se poslednji put sreli", primetio
je Artur.
``They were,'' said Slartibartfast. "I bile su velike", kazao je Slartibartfast.
``Yes, that's true,'' admitted Arthur. "To je istina", priznao je Artur.
All, however, that seemed to be afoot was a ceremony of Ali činilo se da je pred njima samo neka vrsta
some kind. It was being specially staged for the benefit svečanosti. Bila je više organizovana radi televizije nego
of tv rather than the spectators, and all they could gather zarad prisutnih gledalaca i zbog toga je jedino što su
about it from where they were standing was what they uspevali da razaznaju od nje sa mesta na kome su stajali
heard from a nearby radio. Ford was aggressively bilo ono što su čuli sa obližnjeg radija. Ford je bio
uninterested. žestoko nezainteresovan.
He fretted as he heard it explained that the Ashes were Narogušio se kada je čuo da će Pepeo upravo biti uručen
about to be presented to the Captain of the English team kapitenu engleske ekipe tamo na terenu, zapenio kada je
out there on the pitch, fumed when told that this was rečeno da je sve to bilo zbog toga što su pobedili po n-ti
because they had now won them for the nth time, put, zarežao od ljutnje na informaciju da je Pepeo
positively barked with annoyance at the information that predstavljao ostatke stompa, jednog od tri stubića
the Ashes were the remains of a cricket stump, and when, viketa, a kada je, dalje, od njega zatraženo da se suoči sa
further to this, he was asked to contend with the fact that činjenicom da je stomp o kome je reč bio spaljen u
the cricket stump in question had been burnt in Melburnu, u Australiji, 1882, da označi 'smrt engleskog
Melbourne, Australia, in 1882, to signify the ``death of kriketa', okrenuo se prema Slartibartfastu, duboko
English cricket'', he rounded on Slartibartfast, took a udahnuo, ali nije uspeo da mu išta kaže, jer starac više
deep breath, but didn't have a chance to say anything nije bio tu. Grabio je prema terenu sa užasnom
because the old man wasn't there. He was marching out odlučnošću u držanju; njegova kosa, brada i odora
on to the pitch with terrible purpose in his gait, his hair, vijorili su se za njim i on je izgledao kao što bi izgledao
beard and robes swept behind him, looking very much as Mojsije da je Sinaj bio negovani travnjak umesto, kao
Moses would have looked if Sinai had been a well-cut što se češće predstavlja, zadimljena, čarobna planina.
lawn instead of, as it is more usually represented, a fiery
smoking mountain.
``He said to meet him at his ship,'' said Arthur. "Rekao je da ga sačekamo kod broda", kazao je Artur.
``What in the name of zarking fardwarks is the old fool "Ma, šta to matora budala radi, zarkam li ga?" prasnuo
doing?'' exploded Ford. je Ford.
``Meeting us at his ship in two minutes,'' said Arthur with "Dolazi do broda kroz dva minuta", odvratio je Artur uz
a shrug which indicated total abdication of thought. They sleganje ramena koje je ukazivalo na potpuno odsustvo
started off towards it. Strange sounds reached their ears. misli. Oni pođoše prema njemu. Do ušiju im dopreše
They tried not to listen, but could not help noticing that čudni zvuci. Pokušali su da ne slušaju, ali nisu mogli da
Slartibartfast was querulously demanding that he be ne primete kako Slartibartfast odlučno traži da mu
given the silver urn containing the Ashes, as they were, predaju srebrnu urnu u kojoj se nalazi Pepeo, jer je reč,
he said, ``vitally important for the past, present and kako je kazao, o stvari, 'od životnog značaja za prošlu,
future safety of the Galaxy'', and that this was causing sadašnju i buduću bezbednost Galaksije', što je
wild hilarity. They resolved to ignore it. prouzrokovalo divlju razdraganost. Odlučili su se da ne
obraćaju pažnju na to.
What happened next they could not ignore. With a noise Na ono što se desilo potom nisu mogli da ne obrate
like a hundred thousand people saying ``wop'', a steely pažnju. Uz zvuk koji je podsećao na poklič sto hiljada
white spaceship suddenly seemed to create itself out of ljudi koji uglas izgovaraju 'vup', čelični, beli svemirski
nothing in the air directly above the cricket pitch and brod kao da se ni iz čega obrazovao u vazduhu
hung there with infinite menace and a slight hum. neposredno iznad terena za kriket, a potom je neizmerno
zlokobno ostao tu da lebdi uz lagano brujanje.
Then for a while it did nothing, as if it expected Izvesno vreme nije radio ništa, kao da očekuje da svi
everybody to go about their normal business and not odu svojim poslom i da ne obraćaju pažnju na njegovo
mind it just hanging there. lebdenje na tom mestu.
Then it did something quite extraordinary. Or rather, it A onda je učinio nešto neverovatno. Ili, tačnije, otvorio
opened up and let something quite extraordinary come se i pustio iz sebe jedanaest neverovatnih stvari.
out of it, eleven quite extraordinary things.
They were robots, white robots. Bili su to roboti, beli roboti.
What was most extraordinary about them was that they Najneverovatnija stvar u vezi sa njima bila je ta da su
appeared to have come dressed for the occasion. Not bili sasvim prigodno obučeni. Ne samo da su bili beli,
only were they white, but they carried what appeared to već su i nosili nešto što je podsećalo na batove za kriket;
be cricket bats, and not only that, but they also carried i ne samo to: takođe su držali nešto što su, izgleda, bile
what appeared to be cricket balls, and not only that but loptice za kriket, pa su čak imali i bele, rebraste štitnike
they wore white ribbing pads round the lower parts of na cevanicama. Ovi poslednji bili su naročito
their legs. These last were extraordinary because they neverovatni zbog toga što su, kako se činilo, sadržali
appeared to contain jets which allowed these curiously mlazne motore koji su omogućavali ovim neobično
civilized robots to fly down from their hovering opremljenim robotima da dolete sa svog svemirskog
spaceship and start to kill people, which is what they did broda koji je počivao povrh svega i da počnu da ubijaju
ljude, što su upravo i činili.
``Hello,'' said Arthur, ``something seems to be "Hej", kazao je Artur, "izgleda da se nešto dešava."
happening.''
``Get to the ship,'' shouted Ford. ``I don't want to know, I "Brzo na brod", odvratio je Ford. "Ne želim ništa da
don't want to see, I don't want to hear,'' he yelled as he znam, želim samo da stignemo na brod." Počeo je da
ran, ``this is not my planet, I didn't choose to be here, I trči. "Ne želim da znam, ne želim da vidim, ne želim da
don't want to get involved, just get me out of here, and čujem", urlao je dok je trčao. "Ovo nije moja planeta,
get me to a party, with people I can relate to!'' nisam ja tražio da se nađem na njoj, neću da se mešam,
vadite me odavde i vodite na neku žurku sa ljudima sa
kojima bih mogao da imam nešto zajedničko!"
Smoke and flame billowed from the pitch. Dim i plamenovi uzdizali su se sa terena.
``Well, the supernatural brigade certainly seems to be out "Pa, izgleda da su se natprirodne sile udružile danas na
in force here today ...'' burbled a radio happily to itself. ovom mestu", veselo je brbljao radio za svoj račun.
``What I need,'' shouted Ford, by way of clarifying his "Ono što mi je potrebno", vikao je Ford kao da želi da
previous remarks, ``is a strong drink and a peer-group.'' razjasni prethodne primedbe, "jeste jako piće i dobro
He continued to run, pausing only for a moment to grab društvo." Nastavio je da trči i zastao samo na trenutak
Arthur's arm and drag him along with him. Arthur had da bi zgrabio Artura za mišicu i povukao ga za sobom.
adopted his normal crisis role, which was to stand with Artur se latio svoje standardne uloge za krizne trenutke,
his mouth hanging open and let it all wash over him. koja se sastojala u tome da stoji razjapljenih usta i da
pušta sve što se dešava da ga zapljusne.
``They're playing cricket,'' muttered Arthur, stumbling "Igraju kriket", mrmljao je Artur, teturajući se za
along after Ford. ``I swear they are playing cricket. I do Fordom, "tako mi Boga, igraju kriket. Ne znam zašto to
not know why they are doing this, but that is what they rade, ali rade upravo to. Ne samo da ubijaju ljude, nego
are doing. They're not just killing people, they're sending ih i oponašaju", vikao je. "Forde, oni nas oponašaju!"
them up,'' he shouted, ``Ford, they're sending us up!''
It would have been hard to disbelieve this without Bilo bi teško ne poverovati u to bez mnogo većeg znanja
knowing a great deal more Galactic history than Arthur o galaktičkoj istoriji od onog što je Artur do sada uspeo
had so far managed to pick up in his travels. The ghostly da stekne tokom svojih putovanja po Galaksiji.
but violent shapes that could be seen moving within the
thick pall of smoke seemed to be performing a series of
bizarre parodies of batting strokes, the difference being
that every ball they struck with their bats exploded
wherever it landed. The very first one of these had
dispelled Arthur's initial reaction, that the whole thing
might just be a publicity stunt by Australian margarine
manufacturers.
And then, as suddenly as it had all started, it was over.
The eleven white robots ascended through the seething
cloud in a tight formation, and with a few last flashes of
flame entered the bowels of their hovering white ship,
which, with the noise of a hundred thousand people
saying ``foop'', promptly vanished into the thin air out of
which it had wopped.
For a moment there was a terrible stunned silence, and
then out of the drifting smoke emerged the pale figure of
Slartibartfast looking even more like Moses because in
spite of the continued absence of the mountain he was at
least now striding across a fiery and smoking well-mown
lawn.
He stared wildly about him until he saw the hurrying
figures of Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect forcing their way
through the frightened crowd which was for the moment
busy stampeding in the opposite direction. The crowd
was clearly thinking to itself about what an unusual day
this was turning out to be, and not really knowing which
way, if any, to turn.
Slartibartfast was gesturing urgently at Ford and Arthur
and shouting at them, as the three of them gradually
converged on his ship, still parked behind the sight-
screens and still apparently unnoticed by the crowd
stampeding past it who presumably had enough of their
own problems to cope with at that time.
``They've garble warble farble!'' shouted Slartibartfast in
his thin tremulous voice.
``What did he say?'' panted Ford as he elbowed his way
onwards.
Arthur shook his head.
```They've ...' something or other,'' he said.
``They've table warble farble!'' shouted Slartibartfast
again.
Ford and Arthur shook their heads at each other.
``It sounds urgent,'' said Arthur. He stopped and shouted.
``What?''
``They've garble warble fashes!'' cried Slartibartfast, still
waving at them.
``He says,'' said Arthur, ``that they've taken the Ashes.
Sablasne, ali ubilačke prilike koje su se nazirale unutar
gustih oblaka dima kao da su izvodile nizove bizarnih
parodija udaranja batom, čija je glavna razlika u odnosu
na stvarne ležala u tome što je svaka loptica eksplodirala
kada bi dodirnula tle. Već prva takva loptica razbila je
Arturov početni utisak da je čitava stvar samo reklamna
predstava australijskih proizvođača margarina.
A tada, isto onako naglo kao i što je i počelo, sve je bilo
gotovo. Jedanaest belih robota uspinjalo se kroz
uskipele oblake u zbijenoj formaciji i, uz nekoliko
poslednjih blesaka plamena, ušlo u unutrašnjost svog
belog svemirskog broda koji se uzdizao iznad svega i
koji je, uz zvuk kao kad sto hiljada ljudi grune 'fup',
iznenada nestao u vazduhu iz koga se prethodno
pojavio.
Na trenutak je vladala jeziva, zgranuta tišina, a tada se iz
uskovitlanog dima pojavila bleda Slartibartfastova
prilika koja je, i pored odsustva planine, još više
podsećala na Mojsija, jer je sada bar koračao po
usplamtelom i zadimljenom negovanom travnjaku.
Divlje se obazirao, sve dok nije ugledao žurne prilike
Artura Denta i Forda Prefekta koje su se probijale kroz
prestravljenu gomilu, potpuno zaokupljenu jurnjavom u
suprotnom smeru. Gomila je očigledno razmišljala kako
je neobičan ispao ovaj dan i pojma nije imala šta da
učini.
Slartibartfast je divlje mahao prema Fordu i Arturu i
nešto im dovikivao, dok su se sve troje približavali
njegovom brodu, koji je i dalje stajao iza zaštitnih
paravana i koga gomila što je bezglavo jurila okolo i
dalje nije primećivala, zaokupljena sopstvenim
problemima.
"Uzeli su klja flja flja!" vikao je Slartibartfast svojim
tankim, drhtavim glasom.
"Šta kaže?" prodahta Ford dok se probijao napred.
Artur zavrte glavom.
"Uzeli su...ovo ili ono", rekao je.
"Lja su flja flja!" doviknuo je Slartibartfast ponovo.
Ford i Artur zavrteše glavama jedan prema drugom.
"Zvuči hitno", rekao je Artur. Zastao je i viknuo:
"Šta?"
"Lja su flja peo!" kriknuo je Slartibartfast, i dalje im
mašući.
"Kaže", rekao je Artur, "da su uzeli Pepeo. Ili bar mislim
That is what I think he says.'' They ran on.
``The ...?'' said Ford.
``Ashes,'' said Arthur tersely. ``The burnt remains of a
cricket stump. It's a trophy. That ...'' he was panting,
``is ... apparently ... what they ... have come and taken.''
He shook his head very slightly as if he was trying to get
his brain to settle down lower in his skull.
``Strange thing to want to tell us,'' snapped Ford.
``Strange thing to take.''
``Strange ship.''
They had arrived at it. The second strangest thing about
the ship was watching the Somebody Else's Problem
field at work. They could now clearly see the ship for
what it was simply because they knew it was there. It
was quite apparent, however, that nobody else could.
This wasn't because it was actually invisible or anything
hyper-impossible like that. The technology involved in
making anything invisible is so infinitely complex that
nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand million, nine
hundred and ninety-nine million, nine hundred and
ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine times
out of a billion it is much simpler and more effective just
to take the thing away and do without it. The ultra-
famous sciento-magician Effrafax of Wug once bet his
life that, given a year, he could render the great
megamountain Magramal entirely invisible.
Having spent most of the year jiggling around with
immense Lux-O-Valves and Refracto-Nullifiers and
Spectrum-Bypass-O-Matics, he realized, with nine hours
to go, that he wasn't going to make it.
So, he and his friends, and his friends' friends, and his
friends' friends' friends, and his friends' friends' friends'
friends, and some rather less good friends of theirs who
happened to own a major stellar trucking company, put in
what now is widely recognized as being the hardest
night's work in history, and, sure enough, on the
following day, Magramal was no longer visible. Effrafax
lost his bet --- and therefore his life --- simply because
some pedantic adjudicating official noticed (a) that when
walking around the area that Magramal ought to be he
didn't trip over or break his nose on anything, and (b) a
suspicious-looking extra moon.
The Somebody Else's Problem field is much simpler and
more effective, and what's more can be run for over a
hundred years on a single torch battery. This is because it
relies on people's natural disposition not to see anything
da to kaže." Nastavili su da trče.
"Šta su uzeli?" upitao je Ford.
"Pepeo", rekao je Artur kratko. "Spaljene ostatke jednog
od tri štapa viketa. To je trofej. Očegledno su..."
nakratko je ostao bez daha, "...došli po to ...i odneli ga."
Lagano je zavrteo glavom, kao da pokušava da natera
mućkanjem svoj mozak da se lepše namesti u lobanji.
"Čudno da je to želeo da nam kaže", zarežao je Ford.
"Čudno da su po to došli."
"Čudan brod."
Stigli su do njega. Druga najčudnija stvar u vezi sa
brodom bilo je polje Tuđeg Problema. Sada su jasno
videli brod naprosto zato što su znali da je tu. Ali bilo je
sasvim očigledno da to više niko nije znao. To nije bilo
zbog toga što je bio nevidljiv ili bilo šta drugo
hipernemoguće poput toga. Tehnologija potrebna da se
išta učini nevidljivim toliko je bezgranično složena, da
je u devet stotina devedeset devet milijardi devet stotina
devedeset devet miliona devet stotina devedeset devet
hiljada devet stotina devedeset devet slučajeva od bilion
znatno jednostavnije i delotvornije jednostavno ukloniti
tu stvar i raditi bez nje. Ultrapoznati natčarobnjak
Efrafaks od Vuga jednom se opkladio u život da, ako mu
se da godinu dana, može da učini ogromnu megaplaninu
Magramal potpuno nevidljivu.
Pošto je najveći deo godina proveo zezajući se sa
džinovskim svetlavinama i refrakto-nulifikatorima i
spektro-baj-pas-o-maticama, shvatio je, kada mu je
preostalo još samo devet sati, da neće uspeti.
I tako su on, njegovi prijatelji, prijatelji njegovih
prijatelja i prijatelji prijatelja njegovih prijatelja i
prijatelji prijatelja prijatelja njegovih prijatelja, kao i
neki njihovi ne baš najbolji prijatelji koji su slučajno bili
vlasnici velike kompanije za međuzvezdani kamionski
saobraćaj, započeli nešto što je sada opšte poznato kao
najteži noćni rad u istoriji, iz koga je proisteklo to da se,
naravno, idućeg dana Magramal više nije mogao videti.
Efrafaks je, međutim, ipak izgubio opkladu - pa, dakle, i
život - samo zbog toga što je neki pedantni član porote
koja je o tome odlučivala primetio (a) da se,kada ide po
oblasti u kojoj bi Magramal trebalo da se nalazi, ne
sapliće niti udara nosom u bilo šta i (b) na nebu se nalazi
jedan mesec viška, koji vrlo sumnjivo izgleda.
Polje Tuđeg Problema mnogo je jednostavnije i
delotvornije; štaviše, moguće ga je pokretati preko
stotinu godina običnom baterijicom. To je zbog toga što
se oslanja o prirodnu naviku ljudi da ne vide ono što ne
they don't want to, weren't expecting, or can't explain. If
Effrafax had painted the mountain pink and erected a
cheap and simple Somebody Else's Problem field on it,
then people would have walked past the mountain, round
it, even over it, and simply never have noticed that the
thing was there.
And this is precisely what was happening with
Slartibartfast's ship. It wasn't pink, but if it had been, that
would have been the least of its visual problems and
people were simply ignoring it like anything.
The most extraordinary thing about it was that it looked
only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket
engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal
like a small upended Italian bistro.
Ford and Arthur gazed up at it with wonderment and
deeply offended sensibilities.
``Yes, I know,'' said Slartibartfast, hurrying up to them at
that point, breathless and agitated, ``but there is a reason.
Come, we must go. The ancient nightmare is come again.
Doom confronts us all. We must leave at once.''
``I fancy somewhere sunny,'' said Ford.
Ford and Arthur followed Slartibartfast into the ship and
were so perplexed by what they saw inside it that they
were totally unaware of what happened next outside.
A spaceship, yet another one, but this one sleek and
silver, descended from the sky on to the pitch, quietly,
without fuss, its long legs unlocking in a smooth ballet of
technology.
It landed gently. It extended a short ramp. A tall grey-
green figure marched briskly out and approached the
small knot of people who were gathered in the centre of
the pitch tending to the casualties of the recent bizarre
massacre. It moved people aside with quiet, understated
authority, and came at last to a man lying in a desperate
pool of blood, clearly now beyond the reach of any
Earthly medicine, breathing, coughing his last. The figure
knelt down quietly beside him.
``Arthur Philip Deodat?'' asked the figure.
The man, with horrified confusion in eyes, nodded
feebly.
``You're a no-good dumbo nothing,'' whispered the
creature. ``I thought you should know that before you
went.''
Chapter Five
žele, ne očekuju ili ne mogu da objasne. Da je Efrafaks
obojio planinu u ružičasto i podigao oko nje jeftino i
jednostavno polje Tuđeg Problema, ljudi bi prolazili
pored planine, zaobilazili je, čak i prelazili preko nje, a
da jednostavno ni ne primete da je tamo.
Tačno je to bilo posredi kod Slartibartfastovog broda.
Nije, doduše, bio ružičast, ali i da jeste, bio bi to
najmanji od njegovih vizuelnih problema, tako da su ga
ljudi ipak prenebregavali kao od šale.
Najneobičnije od svega bilo je to da je samo delimično
ličio na svemisrki brod sa stabilizatorima, raketnim
motorima, sigurnosnim otvorima i tako dalje, a mnogo
više je podsećao na mali italijanski bistro.
Ford i Artur posmatrali su ga sa zaprepašćenjem i
duboko povređenim osećanjem za lepo.
"Da, znam", rekao je Slartibartfast, koji im je žurno
prišao tog trenutka, zadihan i uzbuđen, "ali postoji
razlog. Hodite, moramo poći. Drevna noćna mora
ponovo dolazi. Svi mi suočavamo se sa sudbinom.
Moramo smesta poći."
"Nadam se negde gde je sunčano", primetio je Ford.
Ford i Artur sledili su Slartibartfasta u brod, ali toliko ih
je zbunio prizor koji su videli unutra da su ostali
potpuno nesvesni onoga što se sledeće desilo napolju.
Svemirski brod, još jedan, ali ovoga puta vitak i
srebrnast, skliznuo je sa neba na teren, tiho, bez šuma, a
dugačke noge izvukle su mu se u glatkom baletu
tehnologije.
Blago je sleteo. Iz njega izbiše kratke stepenice. Jedna
visoka, sivozelena prilika žustro je kročila napolje i
približila se maloj skupini ljudi koji su se okupili oko
središta terena, pokušavajući da pomognu žrtvama
nedavnog bizarnog pokolja. Odgurnula je ljude u stranu
sa mirnim, dostojanstvenim autoritetom i prišla jednom
čoveku koji se valjao u beznadnoj lokvi krvi, očigledno
izvan dohvata bilo kakve zemaljske medicine; jadnik je
dahtao i krkljao svoje poslednje trenutke. Prilika kleknu
pored njega.
"Artur Filip Deodat?" upitala je prilika.
Čovek slabašno klimnu, sa izrazom prestravljene
zbunjenosti u očima.
"Ti si bezvredno, ugojeno ništavilo", prošaptalo je
stvorenje. "Mislio sam da to treba da saznaš pre nego što
odapneš."
5.
Important facts from Galactic history, number two: Važne činjenice iz galaktičke istorije. Broj dva:
(Reproduced from the Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book (Reprodukovano iz Sideričkog dnevnog podsetnika
of popular Galactic History.) popularne galaktičke istorije.)
Since this Galaxy began, vast civilizations have risen and
Od početka Galaksije, ogromne civilizacije nastajale su i
fallen, risen and fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's
nestajale, nastajale i nestajale, nastajale i nestajale toliko
quite tempting to think that life in the Galaxy must be često da je veoma primamljivo na osnovu toga izvesti
zaključak kako život u Galaksiji mora biti:
(a) something akin to seasick --- space-sick, time sick, a) nešto slično morskoj bolesti - svemirska bolest,
history sick or some such thing, and vremenska bolest, istorijska bolest, ili već tako nešto - i
(b) stupid. b) glup.

Chapter Six 6.

It seemed to Arthur as if the whole sky suddenly just
stood aside and let them through.
It seemed to him that the atoms of his brain and the
atoms of the cosmos were streaming through each other.
It seemed to him that he was blown on the wind of the
Universe, and that the wind was him.
It seemed to him that he was one of the thoughts of the
Universe and that the Universe was a thought of his.
It seemed to the people at Lord's Cricket Ground that
another North London restaurant had just come and gone
as they so often do, and that this was Somebody Else's
Problem.
``What happened?'' whispered Arthur in considerable
awe.
``We took off,'' said Slartibartfast.
Arthur lay in startled stillness on the acceleration couch.
He wasn't certain whether he had just got space-sickness
or religion.
``Nice mover,'' said Ford in an unsuccessful attempt to
disguise the degree to which he had been impressed by
what Slartibartfast's ship had just done, ``shame about the
decor.''
For a moment or two the old man didn't reply. He was
staring at the instruments with the air of one who is
trying to convert fahrenheit to centigrade in his head
whilst his house is burning down. Then his brow cleared
and he stared for a moment at the wide panoramic screen
in front of him, which displayed a bewildering
complexity of stars streaming like silver threads around
them. His lips moved as if he was trying to spell
something. Suddenly his eyes darted in alarm back to his
instruments, but then his expression merely subsided into
a steady frown. He looked back up at the screen. He felt
his own pulse. His frown deepened for a moment, then
he relaxed.
Arturu se učinilo da se čitavo nebo iznenada podiglo,
razmaklo se i pustilo ih da prođu.
Imao je utisak da atomi njegovog mozga i atomi
kosmosa struje jedni kroz druge.
Izgledalo mu je da su ga poneli vetrovi Vaseljene, a ti
vetrovi bili su on sam.
Uobrazio je da je on jedna od misli Vaseljene, a da je
Vaseljena njegova misao.
Ljudima na Gospodarskom igralištu kriketa učinilo se
da se to ponovo jedan od restorančića iz severnog
Londona pojavio i nestao, kao što se često dešavalo, a to
je, zapravo, bio Tuđ Problem.
"Šta se desilo?" prošaptao je Artur sa ogromnim
strahopoštovanjem.
"Uzleteli smo", rekao je Slartibastfast.
Artur je ležao na ležaju za ubrzanje i prestravljeno
ćutao. Nije bio siguran da li je to što oseća vrtoglavica
ili religija.
"Stvarčica solidno fura", rekao je Ford u bezuspešnom
pokušaju da umanji stepen u kome je bio oduševljen
onim što je Slartibartfastov brod upravo učinio. "Šteta
što ima takvu dekoraciju."
Trenutak ili dva starac ništa nije odgovorio. Gledao je u
instrumente sa izrazom nekoga ko pokušava da pretvori
napamet stepene Farenhajta u Celzijusove dok mu kuća
gori. Onda mu se čelo razvedrilo i on se na trenutak
zagledao u široki, panoramski ekran pred sobom, koji je
prikazivao bezgraničnu složenost zvezda koje su poput
srebrnih niti promicale pored broda. Usne su mu se
pokretale kao da pokušava nešto da kaže. Iznenada, oči
mu panično skočiše nazad na instrumente, ali mu se
odmah potom izraz promenio u lagano mrštenje. Vratio
je pogled na ekrane. Opipao je sopstveni puls.
Namrgođeni izraz na trenutak mu se pojačao, a onda se
opustio.
``It's a mistake to try and understand mathematics,'' he
said, ``they only worry me. What did you say?''
``Decor,'' said Ford. ``Pity about it.''
``Deep in the fundamental heart of mind and Universe,''
said Slartibartfast, ``there is a reason.''
Ford glanced sharply around. He clearly thought this was
taking an optimistic view of things.
The interior of the flight deck was dark green, dark red,
dark brown, cramped and moodily lit. Inexplicably, the
resemblance to a small Italian bistro had failed to end at
the hatchway. Small pools of light picked out pot plants,
glazed tiles and all sorts of little unidentifiable brass
things.
Rafia-wrapped bottles lurked hideously in the shadows.
The instruments which had occupied Slartibartfast's
attention seemed to be mounted in the bottom of bottles
which were set in concrete.
Ford reached out and touched it.
Fake concrete. Plastic. Fake bottles set in fake concrete.
The fundamental heart of mind and Universe can take a
running jump, he thought to himself, this is rubbish. On
the other hand, it could not be denied that the way the
ship had moved made the Heart of Gold seem like an
electric pram.
He swung himself off the couch. He brushed himself
down. He looked at Arthur who was singing quietly to
himself. He looked at the screen and recognized nothing.
He looked at Slartibartfast.
``How far did we just travel?'' he said.
``About ...'' said Slartibartfast, ``about two thirds of the
way across the Galactic disc, I would say, roughly. Yes,
roughly two thirds, I think.''
``It's a strange thing,'' said Arthur quietly, ``that the
further and faster one travels across the Universe, the
more one's position in it seems to be largely immaterial,
and one is filled with a profound, or rather emptied of
a ...''
``Yes, very strange,'' said Ford. ``Where are we going?''
``We are going,'' said Slartibartfast, ``to confront an
ancient nightmare of the Universe.''
``And where are you going to drop us off?''
``I will need your help.''
``Tough. Look, there's somewhere you can take us where
we can have fun, I'm trying to think of it, we can get
drunk and maybe listen to some extremely evil music.
Hold on, I'll look it up.'' He dug out his copy of The
Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy and tipped through
those parts of the index primarily concerned with sex and
drugs and rock and roll.
"Greška je pokušavati da shvatiš mašine", rekao je.
"Samo donose brige. Šta si rekao?"
"Dekoracija", rekao je Ford, "šteta što je takva."
"Duboko u temeljnom srcu uma Vaseljene", rekao je
Slartibartfast, "postoji razlog za to."
Ford se oštro obazre oko sebe. Očigledno je smatrao da
je takav pogled na stvari previše optimistički.
Unutrašnjost palube letelice bila je tamnozelena,
tamnocrvena, tamnosmeđa, previše uzana i prigušeno
osvetljena. Neobjašnjivo, sličnost sa malim italijanskim
bistroom nije prestala na ulazu. Mrlje svetlosti padale su
na cveće u saksijama, keramičke ukrase i sve moguće
vrste neodređenih stvarčica napravljenih od bakra.
Boce opletene rafijom preteći su vrebale po senkama.
Instrumenti koji su vezivali Slartibartfastovu pažnju kao
da su bili ugrađeni u dno boca postavljenih u beton.
Ford je ispružio ruku i dodirnuo ih.
Lažni beton. Plastika. Lažne boce u lažnom betonu.
Temeljno srce uma Vaseljene može da se nosi, pomislio
je on za svoj račun. Ovo je glupost. A opet, nije se
moglo poreći da je brod tako jurio da je u odnosu na
njega 'Zlatno srce' podsećalo na električna dečja kolica.
Sišao je sa ležaja. Očistio je prašinu sa rukava. Pogledao
je Artura, koji je tiho pevušio za svoj račun. Pogledao je
na ekran i nije prepoznao ništa. Pogledao je
Slartibartfasta.
"Dokle smo stigli do ovog trenutka?" upitao je.
"Oko..." rekao je Slartibartfast, "oko dve trećine puta
preko galaktičkog diska, onako po gruboj proceni. Da,
približno dve trećine, čini mi se."
"Čudna je to stvar", rekao je Artur tiho, "da što čovek
brže i dalje putuje kroz Vaseljenu, to njegov položaj u
većoj meri deluje nesuštastveno, a i ispunjava ga
duboko... ili, bolje rečeno, oseća se ispražnjeno od
svega..."
"Da, vrlo čudno", rekao je Ford. "Kuda idemo?"
"Idemo", odvratio je Slartibartfast, "da se suočimo sa
drevnim košmarom Vaseljene."
"A gde ćeš odbaciti nas?"
"Biće mi potrebna vaša pomoć."
"Teško. Čuj, postoje neka zabavna mesta na koja bi nas
mogao odvesti. Upravo pokušavam da smislim nešto
gde možemo da se nalijemo i da slušamo malo gadne
muzike. Čekaj samo da pogledam." Iskopao je svoj
primerak 'Autostoperskog vodiča kroz Galaksiju' i
počeo da pretražuje one delove čiji su naslovi pre svega
bili povezani sa seksom, drogama i rokenrolom.
``A curse has arisen from the mists of time,'' said
Slartibartfast.
``Yes, I expect so,'' said Ford. ``Hey,'' he said, lighting
accidentally on one particular reference entry,
``Eccentrica Gallumbits, did you ever meet her? The
triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six. Some people say
her erogenous zones start some four miles from her
actual body. Me, I disagree, I say five.''
``A curse,'' said Slartibartfast, ``which will engulf the
Galaxy in fire and destruction, and possibly bring the
Universe to a premature doom. I mean it,'' he added.
``Sounds like a bad time,'' said Ford, ``with look I'll be
drunk enough not to notice. Here,'' he said, stabbing his
finger at the screen of the Guide, ``would be a really
wicked place to go, and I think we should. What do you
say, Arthur? Stop mumbling mantras and pay attention.
There's important stuff you're missing here.''
Arthur pushed himself up from his couch and shook his
head.
``Where are we going?'' he said.
``To confront an ancient night-''
``Can it,'' said Ford. ``Arthur, we are going out into the
Galaxy to have some fun. Is that an idea you can cope
with?''
``What's Slartibartfast looking so anxious about?'' said
Arthur.
``Nothing,'' said Ford.
``Doom,'' said Slartibartfast. ``Come,'' he added, with
sudden authority, ``there is much I must show and tell
you.''
He walked towards a green wrought-iron spiral staircase
set incomprehensibly in the middle of the flight deck and
started to ascend. Arthur, with a frown, followed.
Ford slung the Guide sullenly back into his satchel.
``My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty
gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre,'' he
muttered to himself, ``and that I am therefore excused
from saving Universes.''
Nevertheless, he stomped up the stairs behind them.
What they found upstairs was just stupid, or so it seemed,
and Ford shook his head, buried his face in his hands and
slumped against a pot plant, crushing it against the wall.
``The central computational area,'' said Slartibartfast
unperturbed, ``this is where every calculation affecting
the ship in any way is performed. Yes I know what it
looks like, but it is in fact a complex four-dimensional
"Prokletstvo je uskrslo iz magluština vremena", rekao je
Slartibartfast.
"I ja mislim", rekao je Ford. "Hej", uzviknuo je kada je
slučajno naišao na jedan od naslova, "Ekscentrika
Galumbita, jesi li je ikad sreo? Kurva sa tri sise sa
Erotikona Šest. Neki ljudi govore da joj erogene zone
počinju jedno četiri milje pre stvarnog tela. Ja se ne
slažem: mislim da počinju još na pet."
"Prokletstvo", rekao je Slartibartfast, "koje će obuhvatiti
Galaksiju plamenom i uništenjem i možda dovesti
Vaseljenu do preranog okončanja. Ozbiljno, narode",
dodao je.
"Zvuči gadno", odvratio je Ford. "Ako budem imao
sreće, biću toliko pijan da neću to ni da primetim. Evo",
rekao je i zabio prst u ekran 'Vodiča', "ovo je stvarno
opako mesto i mislim da bi trebalo da ga posetimo. Šta
ti misliš, Arture? Prestani da mrmljaš mantre i pazi
ovamo. Propuštaš izuzetno značajne stvari."
Artur se podiže sa kreveta i zavrte glavom.
"Kuda ćemo?"
"Da se suočimo sa drevnim koš..."
"Tako je, tako je", prekinuo ga je Ford. "Arture, idemo
malo da se zabavljamo po Galaksiji. Možeš li da
ukopčaš tu zamisao?"
"Zbog čega je Slartibartfast toliko uznemiren?" upitao je
Artur.
"Ni zbog čega", rekao je Ford.
"Zbog sudbine", odvratio je Slartibartfast. "Dođite",
dodao je glasom koji je iznenada zazvučao
zapovednički, "mnogo je toga što vam moram pokazati i
ispričati."
Prišao je zavojitim, zelenim stepenicama od kovanog
gvožđa koje su iz ko zna kog razloga bile smeštene
nasred palube i počeo da se penje. Artur ga je namršteno
sledio.
Ford je neraspoloženo gurnuo 'Vodič' natrag u torbicu.
"Moj doktor kaže da imam bolesnu žlezdu za građanske
dužnosti i urođeni nedostatak čvrstine karaktera",
promrmljao je za svoj račun, "i da sam zato oslobođen
od spasavanja svih mogućih Vaseljena."
Ali ipak je nevoljno pošao stepenicama iza njih.
Ono što su zatekli gore bilo je baš glupavo, ili je bar
tako izgledalo, i Ford je zavrteo glavom, gurnuo lice u
šake i naleteo na saksiju sa cvećem, razbivši je o zid.
"Središnja kompjuterska oblast", rekao je Slartibartfast
kao da se ništa nije desilo. "Ovde se obavljaju svi
proračuni koji se na bilo koji način tiču broda. Da, znam
na šta liči, ali zapravo je reč o složenoj
topographical map of a series of highly complex
mathematical functions.''
``It looks like a joke,'' said Arthur.
``I know what it looks like,'' said Slartibartfast, and went
into it. As he did so, Arthur had a sudden vague flash of
what it might mean, but he refused to believe it. The
Universe could not possibly work like that, he thought,
cannot possibly. That, he thought to himself, would be as
absurd as ... he terminated that line of thinking. Most of
the really absurd things he could think of had already
happened.
And this was one of them.
It was a large glass cage, or box --- in fact a room.
In it was a table, a long one. Around it were gathered
about a dozen chairs, of the bentwood style. On it was a
tablecloth --- a grubby, red and white check tablecloth,
scarred with the occasional cigarette burn, each,
presumably, at a precise calculated mathematical
position.
And on the tablecloth sat some half-eaten Italian meals,
hedged about with half-eaten breadsticks and half-drunk
glasses of wine, and toyed with listlessly by robots.
It was all completely artificial. The robot customers were
attended by a robot waiter, a robot wine waiter and a
robot maetre d'. The furniture was artificial, the
tablecloth artificial, and each particular piece of food was
clearly capable of exhibiting all the mechanical
characteristics of, say, a pollo sorpreso, without actually
being one.
And all participated in a little dance together --- a
complex routine involving the manipulation of menus,
bill pads, wallets, cheque books, credit cards, watches,
pencils and paper napkins, which seemed to be hovering
constantly on the edge of violence, but never actually
getting anywhere.
Slartibartfast hurried in, and then appeared to pass the
time of day quite idly with the maetre d', whilst one of
the customer robots, an autorory, slid slowly under the
table, mentioning what he intended to do to some guy
over some girl.
Slartibartfast took over the seat which had been thus
vacated and passed a shrewd eye over the menu. The
tempo of the routine round the table seemed somehow
imperceptibly to quicken. Arguments broke out, people
attempted to prove things on napkins. They waved
fiercely at each other, and attempted to examine each
četvorodimenzionoj topografskoj mapi niza izuzetno
zapetljanih matematičkih funkcija."
"Liči na dobru šalu", primetio je Artur.
"Znam na šta liči", rekao je Slartibartfast i ušao. Artur je
na trenutak nejasno naslutio šta bi to moglo da znači, ali
je odbio da poveruje. Vaseljena ne može da dejstvuje na
taj način, mislio je, nikako ne može. To bi, pomislio je
za svoj račun, bilo besmisleno kao... besmisleno kao...
ali prekinuo je da razmišlja u tom pravcu. Većina
besmislenih stvari koje je uspevao da smisli već se
dogodila.
A ovo je bila jedna od njih.
Bio je to ogroman stakleni kavez, ili sanduk - zapravo
čitava soba.
U njoj se nalazio sto - i to dugačak. Oko njega je bilo
desetak stolica od savijenog drveta, a prekrivao ga je
stolnjak - zamrljani crveno-beli stolnjak na kockice, sa
mestimičnim progoretinama od pikavaca, čiji su
položaji, svakako, bili precizno matematički
proračunati.
Na stolnjaku se nalazilo desetak polupojedenih
italijanskih specijaliteta, okruženih načetim parčićima
hleba i poluispijenim čašama vina, a roboti su se mlitavo
i tromo služili svime time.
Sve je bilo u potpunosti veštačko. Mušterije-robote
posluživali su robotski kelneri, robotski barmeni i
robotski šef sale. Nameštaj je bio veštački, stolnjak
veštački, a svako pojedinačno jelo očigledno je imalo
sve mehaničke karakteristike, recimo, pollo sorpresa, a
da, zapravo, nije to bilo.
I svi su zajedno učestvovali u toj malenoj igri - složenoj
rutini u kojoj je dolazilo do rukovanja menijima,
računima, novčanicama, čekovnim knjižicama,
kreditnim karticama, ručnim satovima, olovkama i
salvetima - koja kao da se stalno nalazila na rubu
nasilja, ali, zapravo, nije nikuda napredovala.
Slartibartfast je žurno uleteo unutra, a onda se činilo se
upustio u sasvim zaludno i dokono ćeretanje sa šefom
sale, dok jedan od robota-mušterija nije polako skliznuo
pod sto, izjavivši uz put šta bi da uradi nekom momku
preko neke devojke.
Slartibartfast zauze mesto koje je ispražnjeno na taj
način i bistrim očima pogleda jelovnik. Činilo se kao da
se ritam rutine oko stola nekako neprimetno ubrzava.
Raspravljanje je postalo sve glasnije, gosti su pokušavali
da dokažu jedni drugima nešto na salvetima. Sve žešće
su mahali jedni prema drugima i pokušavali da pažljivije
other's pieces of chicken. The waiter's hand began to
move on the bill pad more quickly than a human hand
could manage, and then more quickly than a human eye
could follow. The pace accelerated. Soon, an
extraordinary and insistent politeness overwhelmed the
group, and seconds later it seemed that a moment of
consensus was suddenly achieved. A new vibration
thrilled through the ship.
Slartibartfast emerged from the glass room.
``Bistromathics,'' he said. ``The most powerful
computational force known to parascience. Come to the
Room of Informational Illusions.''
He swept past and carried them bewildered in his wake.
Chapter Seven
The Bistromatic Drive is a wonderful new method of
crossing vast interstellar distances without all that
dangerous mucking about with Improbability Factors.
Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of
understanding the behaviour of numbers. Just as Einstein
observed that time was not an absolute but depended on
the observer's movement in space, and that space was not
an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in
time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute,
but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.
The first non-absolute number is the number of people
for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the
course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant,
and then bear no apparent relation to the number of
people who actually turn up, or to the number of people
who subsequently join them after the
show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who
leave when they see who else has turned up.
The second non-absolute number is the given time of
arrival, which is now known to be one of those most
bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson,
a number whose existence can only be defined as being
anything other than itself. In other words, the given time
of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is
impossible that any member of the party will arrive.
Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many
branches of maths, including statistics and accountancy
and also form the basic equations used to engineer the
Somebody Else's Problem field.
The third and most mysterious piece of non-absoluteness
of all lies in the relationship between the number of items
zagledaju tuđe porcije piletine. Ruka kelnera počela je
da se kreće po bloku za račune brže nego što bi to mogla
ljudska ruka, a potom brže nego što je to ljudsko oko
moglo da sledi. Ritam se postojano ubrzavao. Uskoro,
kao da je čitavu grupu obuzelo neobično i trajno dobro
raspoloženje, a svega nekoliko sekundi kasnije izgledalo
je kao da je iznenada postignuta opšta saglasnost. Nova
vibracija razlegla se brodom,
a Slartibartfast je izišao iz staklene prostorije.
"Bistromatika je", rekao je "najmoćnije oruđe za vršenje
proračuna, koje je poznato paranauci. Dođite u sobu
informacionih opsena."
Prošao je pored njih i poveo ih, zbunjene, sa sobom.
7.
Bistromatički pogon divna je nova metoda prelaženja
ogromnih međuzvezdanih rastojanja bez opasnog
zavitlavanja sa činiocima neverovatnoće.
Sama bistromatika, zapravo, predstavlja revolucionarno
nov način razumevanja ponašanja brojeva. Baš kao što
je Ajnštajn primetio da prostor nije apsolutan, već da
zavisi od kretanja posmatrača u njemu i da vreme nije
apsolutno već da zavisi od kretanja posmatrača u njemu,
tako je danas poznato da brojevi nisu apsolutni, već da
zavise od kretanja posmatrača po restoranima.
Prvi neapsolutni broj jeste broj ljudi za koje su
rezervisani stolovi. On će se menjati zavisno od prva tri
telefonska poziva upućena restoranu, a potom neće biti
ni u kakvom vidljivom odnosu sa brojem ljudi koji će se
zaista pojaviti ili sa brojem ljudi koji će im se pridružiti
posle predstave /utakmice/žurke/zabave, ili sa brojem
ljudi koji će otići kada vide ko se tu još pojavio.
Drugi neapsolutni broj jeste dato vreme dolaska, za koje
je sada poznato da predstavlja jednu od onih
najbizarnijih zamisli u matematici, recipriversekskluzon,
broj čije se postojanje može odrediti kao veličina koja je
sve drugo samo ne ona sama. Drugim rečima, dato
vreme dolaska predstavlja onaj trenutak kada je izvesno
da neće stići niko od gostiju. Recipriversekskluzoni sada
igraju važnu ulogu u mnogim granama matematike,
uključujući statistiku i računovodstvo, a i obrazuju neke
osnovne jednačine koje se koriste u proračunavanju
polja Tuđeg Problema.
Treći, i najtajanstveniji, deo neapsolutnog svega leži u
odnosu broja stavki na računu, cene svake stavke, broja
on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at
the table, and what they are each prepared to pay for.
(The number of people who have actually brought any
money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.)
The baffling discrepancies which used to occur at this
point remained uninvestigated for centuries simply
because no one took them seriously. They were at the
time put down to such things as politeness, rudeness,
meanness, flashness, tiredness, emotionality, or the
lateness of the hour, and completely forgotten about on
the following morning. They were never tested under
laboratory conditions, of course, because they never
occurred in laboratories --- not in reputable laboratories
at least.
And so it was only with the advent of pocket computers
that the startling truth became finally apparent, and it was
this:
Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines
of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws
as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any
other parts of the Universe.
This single fact took the scientific world by storm. It
completely revolutionized it. So many mathematical
conferences got held in such good restaurants that many
of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and
heart failure and the science of maths was put back by
years.
Slowly, however, the implications of the idea began to be
understood. To begin with it had been too stark, too
crazy, too much what the man in the street would have
said, ``Oh yes, I could have told you that,'' about. Then
some phrases like ``Interactive Subjectivity Frameworks''
were invented, and everybody was able to relax and get
on with it.
The small groups of monks who had taken up hanging
around the major research institutes singing strange
chants to the effect that the Universe was only a figment
of its own imagination were eventually given a street
theatre grant and went away.
Chapter Eight
``In space travel, you see,'' said Slartibartfast, as he
fiddled with some instruments in the Room of
Informational Illusions, ``in space travel ...''
He stopped and looked about him.
The Room of Informational Illusions was a welcome
relief after the visual monstrosities of the central
ljudi za stolom i onoga za šta su spremni da plate (broj
ljudi koji su doneli sa sobom makar malo novca
predstavlja samo sporednu veličinu u ovom polju.)
Začuđujuća neslaganja koja su iskrsavala u toj tački
stolećima su ostala neistražena iz jednostavnog razloga
što ih niko nije uzimao za ozbiljno. Tu i tamo,
pripisivana su takvim stvarima kao što su pristojnost,
bezobrazluk, zloba, razmetljivost, zamor, raspoloženje
ili suviše pozno doba noći i potpuno zaboravljanje
sledećeg jutra. Nikada nisu testirane u laboratorijama -
ili bar ne u laboratorijama koje drže do svog ugleda.
I tako je prava istina postala jasna tek sa razvojem
džepnih kompjutera, a evo o čemu je reč:
Brojevi napisani na restoranskim računima unutar
restorana ne podležu istim matematičkim zakonima kao
brojevi napisani na bilo kome drugom parčetu hartije u
bilo kome drugom delu Vaseljene.
Ova jednostavna tvrdnja šokirala je naučni svet.
Izazvala je pravu revoluciju. Toliko je potonjih kongresa
matematičara držano po izvrsnim restoranima da su
mnogi od najbriljantnijih umova celog pokolenja
poumirali od gojaznosti i srčanih bolesti, čime su
matematičke nauke unazađene za mnogo godina.
Ali, lagano su posledice ove zamisli počinjale da bivaju
sve jasnije shvaćene. Na početku, sve je delovalo
besmisleno, šašavo, previše nalik na ono za šta bi čovek
sa ulice rekao 'oh, ma nemoj mi reći'. Onda su
izmišljene fraze kao što je 'okvir interaktivne
subjektivnosti', tako da su svi mogli da se smire i uhvate
ukoštac sa tim.
Malenoj grupi sveštenika, koji su se bavili obilaženjem
najvećih instituta za ovakva istraživanja i pevanjem
čudnih napeva o tome da je Vaseljena samo proizvod
sopstvene mašte, na kraju je data dozvola za bavljenje
pozorištem na ulici, pa su otišli.
8.
"Vidiš, u svemirskom putovanju", rekao je Slartibartfast
dok se igrao nekim instrumentima u sobi informacionih
opsena, "u svemirskom putovanju..."
Zastao je i obazro se.
Soba informacionih opsena donosi dobrodošlo opuštanje
posle vizuelnih užasa središnje kompjuterske oblasti. U
computational area. There was nothing in it. No
information, no illusions, just themselves, white walls
and a few small instruments which looked as if they were
meant to plug into something which Slartibartfast
couldn't find.
``Yes?'' urged Arthur. He had picked up Slartibartfast's
sense of urgency but didn't know what to do with it.
``Yes what?'' said the old man.
``You were saying?''
Slartibartfast looked at him sharply.
``The numbers,'' he said, ``are awful.'' He resumed his
search.
Arthur nodded wisely to himself. After a while he
realized that this wasn't getting him anywhere and
decided that he would say ``what?'' after all.
``In space travel,'' repeated Slartibartfast, ``all the
numbers are awful.''
Arthur nodded again and looked round to Ford for help,
but Ford was practising being sullen and getting quite
good at it.
``I was only,'' said Slartibartfast with a sigh, ``trying to
save you the trouble of asking me why all the ship's
computations were being done on a waiter's bill pad.''
Arthur frowned.
``Why,'' he said, ``were all the ship's computations being
done on a wait-''
He stopped.
Slartibartfast said, ``Because in space travel all the
numbers are awful.''
He could tell that he wasn't getting his point across.
``Listen,'' he said. ``On a waiter's bill pad numbers dance.
You must have encountered the phenomenon.''
``Well ...''
``On a waiter's bill pad,'' said Slartibartfast, ``reality and
unreality collide on such a fundamental level that each
becomes the other and anything is possible, within
certain parameters.''
``What parameters?''
``It's impossible to say,'' said Slartibartfast. ``That's one
of them. Strange but true. At least, I think it's strange,'' he
added, ``and I'm assured that it's true.''
At that moment he located the slot in the wall for which
he had been searching, and clicked the instrument he was
holding into it.
``Do not be alarmed,'' he said, and then suddenly darted
an alarmed look at himself, and lunged back, ``it's ...''
They didn't hear what he said, because at that moment
the ship winked out of existence around them and a
starbattle-ship the size of a small Midlands industrial city
njoj nije bilo ničega. Nikakvih informacija, nikakvih
opsena, jedino oni sami, beli zidovi i nekoliko malih
uređaja koji su delovali kao da treba da budu uključeni u
nešto što Slartibartfast nije mogao da nađe.
"Da?" upitao je Artur. Uspeo je da primeti
Slartibartfastovu hitnju, ali nije znao šta bi sa time.
"Da, šta?" upitao je starac.
"Rekao si...?"
Slartibartfast ga oštro pogleda.
"Brojevi su", kazao je, "užasni." Nastavio je potragu.
Artur je mudro klimnuo za svoj račun. Posle izvesnog
vremena shvatio je da ga to nikuda neće odvesti i
odlučio da ipak upita: "Šta?"
"U svemirskom putovanju", ponovio je Slartibartfast,
"svi brojevi su užasni."
Artur je ponovo klimnuo i okrenuo se Fordu za pomoć,
ali Ford je uvežbavao namrgođenost i u tome je bio
prilično dobar.
"Samo sam želeo", rekao je Slartibartfast sa uzdahom,
"da ti uštedim trud, da ne moraš da me pitaš zbog čega
se svi brodski proračuni obavljaju u kelnerskom bloku
za račune."
Artur se namrštio.
"Zašto se", rekao je, "svi brodski proračuni obavljaju na
kel..."
Zastao je.
Slartibartfast je uzvratio: "Zato što su u svemirskom
putovanju svi brojevi užasni."
I sam je shvatio da nije bio baš najjasniji.
"Čuj", rekao je, "na kelnerskom bloku brojevi igraju.
Mora da si se već susreo sa tom pojavom."
"Pa..."
"Na kelnerskom bloku", rekao je Slartibartfast, "stvarno
i nestvarno sudaraju se na tako temeljnoj ravni da jedno
postaje drugo i sve je moguće, unutar određenih
parametara."
"Kakvih parametara?"
"To je nemoguće reći", kazao je Slartibartfast. "Posredi
je jedan od njih. Čudno ali istinito. Ili bar ja mislim da je
čudno", dodao je, "ali uverio sam se da je istinito."
U tom trenutku opazio je rupu u zidu za kojom je tragao
i gurnuo u nju uređaj koji je držao.
"Nemojte se uplašiti", rekao je, a njegovim sopstvenim
licem iznenada je prešao izraz straha, "to je..."
Nisu čuli šta je rekao, jer u istom trenutku brod je
iščezao oko njih, a iz dubine noći koja ih je okruživala
prema njima se pokrenula međuzvezdana ratna krstarica
plunged out of the sundered night towards them, star veličine omanjeg midlendskog industrijskog grada, dok
lasers ablaze. su joj zvezdani laseri blistali.
Utvarna oluja zaslepljujuće svetlosti prosekla je tminu i
otkinula popriličan komad planete koja se nalazila pravo
iza njihovih leđa.
They gaped, pop-eyed, and were unable to scream. Razjapili su usta, iskolačili oči i nisu mogli čak ni da
vrište.

Chapter Nine 9.

Another world, another day, another dawn.
The early morning's thinnest sliver of light appeared
silently.
Several billion trillion tons of superhot exploding
hydrogen nuclei rose slowly above the horizon and
managed to look small, cold and slightly damp.
There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, there
is the possibility of magic. Creation holds its breath.
The moment passed as it regularly did on Squornshellous
Zeta, without incident.
The mist clung to the surface of the marshes. The swamp
trees were grey with it, the tall reeds indistinct. It hung
motionless like held breath.
Nothing moved.
There was silence.
The sun struggled feebly with the mist, tried to impart a
little warmth here, shed a little light there, but clearly
today was going to be just another long haul across the
sky.
Nothing moved.
Again, silence.
Nothing moved.
Silence.
Very often on Squornshellous Zeta, whole days would go
on like this, and this was indeed going to be one of them.
Fourteen hours later the sun sank hopelessly beneath the
opposite horizon with a sense of totally wasted effort.
And a few hours later it reappeared, squared its shoulders
and started on up the sky again.
This time, however, something was happening. A
mattress had just met a robot.
``Hello, robot,'' said the mattress.
``Bleah,'' said the robot and continued what it was doing,
which was walking round very slowly in a very tiny
circle.
``Happy?'' said the mattress.
The robot stopped and looked at the mattress. It looked at Robot je stao i zagledao se u madrac. Ovaj mu je upitno
Drugi svet, drugi dan, drugo svitanje.
Tanano iverje svetlosti praskozorja tiho se pojavilo.
Nekoliko milijardi biliona tona usijanih vodoničnih
jezgara u eksploziji lagano se podiglo iznad obzorja i
uspelo da izgleda sitno, hladno i pomalo tmurno.
U svakom svitanju postoji trenutak kada svetlost lebdi, a
svaka čarolija postaje moguća. Samo Postanje zadržava
dah.
Taj trenutak minuo je na Skornšelusu Zeta kao i obično,
bez ikakvih nepredviđenih događaja.
Magla je grlila površinu močvara. Močvarno drveće u
njoj delovalo je sivo, visoka trska jedva se nazirala.
Počivala je nepomično, kao dah zadržan u grudima.
Ništa se nije kretalo.
Tišina.
Sunce se slabašno borilo protiv magle, pokušavalo da
doda malo topline ovde, udeli malo svetlosti onde, ali
bilo je jasno da ga i danas očekuje uobičajeno dugo
tegljenje preko neba.
Ništa se nije kretalo.
I ponovo, tišina.
Ništa se nije kretalo.
Tišina.
Vrlo često na Skornšelusu Zeta čitavi dani prolaze na
takav način, a ovo je očigledno bio jedan od njih.
Četrnaest časova kasnije sunce je beznadno počelo da
tone za suprotno obzorje sa osećanjem potpuno uludo
utrošenih napora.
A nekoliko časova kasnije ponovo se pojavilo, isturilo
ramena i opet krenulo preko neba.
Ali ovog puta nešto se dešavalo. Madrac je upravo sreo
robota.
"Zdravo, robote", rekao je madrac.
"Pih", rekao je robot i produžio da radi što i do tada, to
jest da vrlo polako korača po vrlo malom krugu.
"Jesi li srećan?" upitao je madrac.
it quizzically. It was clearly a very stupid mattress. It
looked back at him with wide eyes.
After what it had calculated to ten significant decimal
places as being the precise length of pause most likely to
convey a general contempt for all things mattressy, the
robot continued to walk round in tight circles.
``We could have a conversation,'' said the mattress,
``would you like that?''
It was a large mattress, and probably one of quite high
quality. Very few things actually get manufactured these
days, because in an infinitely large Universe such as, for
instance, the one in which we live, most things one could
possibly imagine, and a lot of things one would rather
not, grow somewhere. A forest was discovered recently
in which most of the trees grew ratchet screwdrivers as
fruit. The life cycle of ratchet screwdriver fruit it quite
interesting. Once picked it needs a dark dusty drawer in
which it can lie undisturbed for years. Then one night it
suddenly hatches, discards its outer skin which crumbles
into dust, and emerges as a totally unidentifiable little
metal object with flanges at both ends and a sort of ridge
and a sort of hole for a screw. This, when found, will get
thrown away. No one knows what it is supposed to gain
from this. Nature, in her infinite wisdom, is presumably
working on it.
No one really knows what mattresses are meant to gain
from their lives either. They are large, friendly, pocket-
sprung creatures which live quiet private lives in the
marshes of Squornshellous Zeta. Many of them get
caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on.
None of them seem to mind and all of them are called
Zem.
``No,'' said Marvin.
``My name,'' said the mattress, ``is Zem. We could
discuss the weather a little.''
Marvin paused again in his weary circular plod.
``The dew,'' he observed, ``has clearly fallen with a
particularly sickening thud this morning.''
He resumed his walk, as if inspired by this
conversational outburst to fresh heights of gloom and
despondency. He plodded tenaciously. If he had had teeth
he would have gritted them at this point. He hadn't. He
didn't. The mere plod said it all.
The mattress flolloped around. This is a thing that only
live mattresses in swamps are able to do, which is why
uzvraćao pogled. Bio je to očigledno vrlo glup madrac.
Posmatrao ga je širom otvorenih očiju.
Posle nečega što je proračunato na deset decimala kao
tačno ona dužina pauze koja će najbolje izraziti opšti
prezir prema svemu što se tiče madraca, robot je
nastavio da korača po malenim krugovima.
"Mogli bismo da razgovaramo", rekao je madrac. "Da li
bi ti se to dopalo?"
Bio je to veliki madrac, i to verovatno vrlo visokog
kvaliteta. U današnje vreme zapravo se veoma malo
stvari proizvodi veštački, jer u Vaseljeni koja je
beskonačno velika kao, na primer, ova u kojoj živimo,
većina stvari koje se mogu zamisliti, kao i mnogo onih
koje ne mogu, rastu na nekom mestu. Nedavno je
otkrivena šuma u kojoj većina stabala kao plod donosi
šrafcigere. Životni ciklus šrafcigerskog ploda vrlo je
zanimljiv. Kada se ubere, potrebna mu je mračna i
prašnjava ladica u kojoj može da leži neuznemiravan
godinama. Onda se jedne noći iznenada otvara,
odbacuje spoljašnji sloj koji se mrvi u prašinu i prelazi u
potpuno neprepoznatljiv, mali, metalni predmet sa
šiljcima na oba kraja, nekom vrstom uzdužne brazde i
svojevrsnom rupom za zavrtanj. Ko god naiđe na ovaj
predmet, baciće ga. Niko ne zna šta bi on trebalo da mu
omogući, ali Priroda, u svojoj bezgraničnoj mudrosti,
verovatno radi na tome da se i ovome pronađe neka
korisna svrha.
Niko ne zna ni koja je svrha života madraca. To su
krupna, dobroćudna, pitoma stvorenja koja mirno i
povučeno žive u močvarama Skornšelusa. Mnoge od
njih love, ubijaju, suše, prevoze na razna mesta i zatim
spavaju na njima. Izgleda da nikoga od njih nije briga za
to i svi se zovu Zem.
"Ne bi", uzvratio je Marvin.
"Moje ime je Zem", rekao je madrac. "Mogli bismo
malo da popričamo o vremenu."
Marvin ponovo zastade u polaganom, kružnom
koračanju.
"Rosa je", primetio je, "jutros pala uz naročito ogavan
tresak."
Nastavio je koračanje, kao da ga je ovaj izliv reči
nadahnuo na zalaženje u sveže vrhunce potištenosti i
utučenosti. Tvrdoglavo je koračao. Da je imao zube,
iskezio bi ih tog trenutka. Nije ih imao, pa ih nije ni
iskezio. Samo koračanje dovoljno je govorilo.
Madrac je flolopovao oko robota. To je stvar koju su
samo živi madraci iz močvara u stanju da izvedu i zbog
the word is not in more common usage. It flolloped in a
sympathetic sort of way, moving a fairish body of water
as it did so. It blew a few bubbles up through the water
engagingly. Its blue and white stripes glistened briefly in
a sudden feeble ray of sun that had unexpectedly made it
through the mist, causing the creature to bask
momentarily.
Marvin plodded.
``You have something on your mind, I think,'' said the
mattress floopily.
``More than you can possibly imagine,'' dreaded Marvin.
``My capacity for mental activity of all kinds is as
boundless as the infinite reaches of space itself. Except
of course for my capacity for happiness.''
Stomp, stomp, he went.
``My capacity for happiness,'' he added, ``you could fit
into a matchbox without taking out the matches first.''
The mattress globbered. This is the noise made by a live,
swamp-dwelling mattress that is deeply moved by a story
of personal tragedy. The word can also, according to The
Ultra-Complete Maximegalon Dictionary of Every
Language Ever, mean the noise made by the Lord High
Sanvalvwag of Hollop on discovering that he has
forgotten his wife's birthday for the second year running.
Since there was only ever one Lord High Sanvalvwag of
Hollop, and he never married, the word is only ever used
in a negative or speculative sense, and there is an ever-
increasing body of opinion which holds that The Ultra-
Complete Maximegalon Dictionary is not worth the fleet
of lorries it takes to cart its microstored edition around in.
Strangely enough, the dictionary omits the word
``floopily'', which simply means ``in the manner of
something which is floopy''.
The mattress globbered again.
``I sense a deep dejection in your diodes,'' it vollued (for
the meaning of the word ``vollue'', buy a copy of
Squornshellous Swamptalk at any remaindered
bookshop, or alternatively buy The Ultra-Complete
Maximegalon Dictionary, as the University will be very
glad to get it off their hands and regain some valuable
parking lots), ``and it saddens me. You should be more
mattresslike. We live quiet retired lives in the swamp,
where we are content to flollop and vollue and regard the
wetness in a fairly floopy manner. Some of us are killed,
but all of us are called Zem, so we never know which and
globbering is thus kept to a minimum. Why are you
walking in circles?''
toga reč nije u široj upotrebi. Umilno je flolopovao,
pokrećući čitave mase vode dok je to činio. Veselo je
brbotao kroz vodu. Njegove plave i bele pruge
zasvetlucaše u iznenadnom, slabašnom zraku sunca koji
je neočekivano uspeo da se probije kroz maglu i mamio
stvorenje da mu se okrene kako bi upilo što više topline.
Marvin je i dalje koračao.
"Čini mi se da imaš nešto na umu", rekao je flupno
madrac.
"Mnogo više nego što si u stanju i da zamisliš", utučeno
je rekao Marvin. "Moja sposobnost za svakovrsne umne
delatnosti bezgranična je poput samog svemira. Izuzev,
naravno, moje sposobnosti za sreću."
Trup, trup, nastavljao je on.
"Moju sposobnost za sreću", dodao je on, "mogao bi da
uguraš u kutiju za šibice, a da ne moraš prethodno da
izvadiš palidrvca."
Madrac je zaglobirao. To je zvuk koji proizvode živi
madraci iz močvara kada su duboko dirnuti pričom o
nečijoj ličnoj tragediji. Ta reč, prema 'Ultracelokupnom
maksimegalonskom rečniku svih jezika uopšte'
predstavlja i glas koji ispušta Gospodar Presvetli
Sanvalvvag Holopski kada otkrije da je druge godine
braka zaboravio na ženin rođendan. Pošto u istoriji
postoji samo jedan Gospodar Presvetli Sanvalvvag
Holopski i nikada se nije ženio, reč se koristi isključivo
u negativnom ili spekulativnom smislu, a sve više jača
mišljenje da 'Ultracelokupni maksimegalonski rečnik' ne
vredi čak ni skupinu teretnjaka koji su potrebni da bi se
prevezlo njihovo mikrouskladišteno izdanje. Neobično,
rečnik izostavlja i reč 'flupno', koja jednostvano
označava 'na onaj način kada nešto uhvati flup'.
Madrac je ponovo zaglobirao.
"Osećam duboku utučenost u tvojim diodama",
voluvnuo je madrac. (Da biste ustanovili značenje
glagola 'voluvnuti', kupite primerak 'Skornšelskog
močvargovora' u bilo kojoj knjižari što prodaje knjige iz
neprodatih rezervi; ili, umesto toga, kupite primerak
'Ultracelokupnog maksimegalonskog rečnika', jer će
onima na univerzitetu biti vrlo drago da ga se otarase i
da time malo oslobode neka dragocena parkirališta.) "To
me rastužuje. Trebalo bi da budeš više nalik madracima.
Mi živimo miran i povučen život u močvari, gde
možemo da flolopujemo i voluvamo i da razmišljamo o
vlažnosti na divno flupan način. Neke među nama
ubijaju, ali svi se zovemo Zem, tako da nikada ne znamo

``Because my leg is stuck,'' said Marvin simply.
``It seems to me,'' said the mattress eyeing it
compassionately, ``that it is a pretty poor sort of leg.''
``You are right,'' said Marvin, ``it is.''
``Voon,'' said the mattress.
``I expect so,'' said Marvin, ``and I also expect that you
find the idea of a robot with an artificial leg pretty
amusing. You should tell your friends Zem and Zem
when you see them later; they'll laugh, if I know them,
which I don't of course --- except insofar as I know all
organic life forms, which is much better than I would
wish to. Ha, but my life is but a box of wormgears.''
He stomped around again in his tiny circle, around his
thin steel peg-leg which revolved in the mud but seemed
otherwise stuck.
``But why do you just keep walking round and round?''
said the mattress.
``Just to make the point,'' said Marvin, and continued,
round and round.
``Consider it made, my dear friend,'' flurbled the
mattress, ``consider it made.''
``Just another million years,'' said Marvin, ``just another
quick million. Then I might try it backwards. Just for the
variety, you understand.''
The mattress could feel deep in his innermost spring
pockets that the robot dearly wished to be asked how
long he had been trudging in this futile and fruitless
manner, and with another quiet flurble he did so.
``Oh, just over the one-point-five-million mark, just
over,'' said Marvin airily. ``Ask me if I ever get bored, go
on, ask me.''
The mattress did.
Marvin ignored the question, he merely trudged with
added emphasis.
``I gave a speech once,'' he said suddenly, and apparently
unconnectedly. ``You may not instantly see why I bring
the subject up, but that is because my mind works so
phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty
billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you
an example. Think of a number, any number.''
``Er, five,'' said the mattress.
``Wrong,'' said Marvin. ``You see?''
The mattress was much impressed by this and realized
that it was in the presence of a not unremarkable mind. It
willomied along its entire length, sending excited little
ko je stradao i na taj način održavamo globiranje na
minimumu. Zašto koračaš u krug?"
"Zato što mi se zaglavila noga", kazao je Marvin
jednostavno.
"Čini mi se", rekao je madrac i saosećajno ga pogledao,
"da je reč o prilično bednoj nozi."
"U pravu si", rekao je Marvin. "Zaista je bedna."
"Vuun", rekao je madrac.
"I ja mislim", rekao je Marvin, "a isto tako smatram da
ti, verovatno, zamisao o robotu sa veštačkom nogom
deluje prilično zabavno. Trebalo bi da to ispričaš svojim
prijateljima, Zemu i Zemu, kada ih kasnije budeš sreo;
smejaće se, koliko ih ja znam, iako ih, naravno, ne
znam, osim što poznajem sve organske oblike života, i
to mnogo bolje nego što bih voleo. Ha, ali moj život je
samo kutija trulih zupčanika."
Ponovo je počeo da trupka po malenom krugu oko svoje
tanušne, čelične, veštačke noge koja se okretala u blatu,
ali je inače, izgleda, bila zaglavljena.
"Ali zbog čega stalno hodaš u krug?" upitao je madrac.
"Da bih to istakao", rekao je Marvin i produžio, ponovo
i ponovo.
"Smatraj da si to učinio, dragi prijatelju", flurbnuo je
madrac, "smatraj da si to učinio."
"Samo još milion godina", rekao je Marvin, "samo još
milion godina na brzaka. Onda ću možda pokušati u
suprotnom smeru. Onako za promenu, razumeš."
Duboko u svojim oprugama madrac je osećao da robot
žarko želi da ga neko upita koliko dugo već tako
zaludno i beskorisno korača i, tiho flurbnuvši, on je to i
učinio.
"Oh, samo nešto malo preko milion i po koraka, samo
nešto malo preko", rekao je Marvin veselo; "pitaj me da
li se ikada dosađujem, hajde, pitaj me."
Madrac ga je upitao.
Marvin nije obratio pažnju na pitanje, samo je nastavio
da korača sa još većim žarom.
"Jednom sam održao govor", rekao je iznenada i bez
ikakve veze sa prethodnom temom. "Možda ti nije jasno
zbog čega to pominjem, ali to je zato što moj mozak radi
fenomenalno brzo, tako da sam ja po gruboj proceni
trideset milijardi puta pametniji od tebe. Dopusti mi da
ti dam jedan primer. Zamisli neki broj, bilo koji."
"Ovaj, pet", rekao je madrac.
"Pogrešno", odvratio je Marvin. "Vidiš?"
Ovo je ostavilo izuzetan utisak na madrac i on je shvatio
da se nalazi u prisustvu po svemu izuzetnog uma.
Vilomavo je čitavom dužinom i pravio uzbuđene
ripples through its shallow algae-covered pool.
It gupped.
``Tell me,'' it urged, ``of the speech you once made, I
long to hear it.''
``It was received very badly,'' said Marvin, ``for a variety
of reasons. I delivered it,'' he added, pausing to make an
awkward humping sort of gesture with his not-exactly-
good arm, but his arm which was better than the other
one which was dishearteningly welded to his left side,
``over there, about a mile distance.''
He was pointing as well as he could manage, and he
obviously wanted to make it totally clear that this was as
well as he could manage, through the mist, over the
reeds, to a part of the marsh which looked exactly the
same as every other part of the marsh.
``There,'' he repeated. ``I was somewhat of a celebrity at
the time.''
Excitement gripped the mattress. It had never heard of
speeches being delivered on Squornshellous Zeta, and
certainly not by celebrities. Water spattered off it as a
thrill glurried across its back.
It did something which mattresses very rarely bother to
do. Summoning every bit of its strength, it reared its
oblong body, heaved it up into the air and held it
quivering there for a few seconds whilst it peered
through the mist over the reeds at the part of the marsh
which Marvin had indicated, observing, without
disappointment, that it was exactly the same as every
other part of the marsh. The effort was too much, and it
flodged back into its pool, deluging Marvin with smelly
mud, moss and weeds.
``I was a celebrity,'' droned the robot sadly, ``for a short
while on account of my miraculous and bitterly resented
escape from a fate almost as good as death in the heart of
a blazing sun. You can guess from my condition,'' he
added, ``how narrow my escape was. I was rescued by a
scrap-metal merchant, imagine that. Here I am, brain the
size of ... never mind.''
He trudged savagely for a few seconds.
``He it was who fixed me up with this leg. Hateful, isn't
it? He sold me to a Mind Zoo. I was the star exhibit. I
had to sit on a box and tell my story whilst people told
me to cheer up and think positive. `Give us a grin, little
robot,' they would shout at me, `give us a little chuckle.' I
would explain to them that to get my face to grin wold
take a good couple of hours in a workshop with a
wrench, and that went down very well.''
talasiće u svojoj mirnoj, algama prekrivenoj bari.
Gupnuo je.
"Ispričaj mi", zamolio je, "o govoru koji si održao, jedva
čekam da to čujem."
"Primljen je vrlo loše", rekao je Marvin, "iz
mnogobrojnih razloga. Održao sam ga", dodao je i
zastao da nespretno, sakato mahne rukom koja nije baš
bila u najboljem stanju, ali je izgledala bolja od druge
koja mu je bila beznadežno prikovana uz levi bok,
"tamo preko, na otprilike milju odavde."
Pokazivao je onoliko dobro koliko je mogao i očigledno
se trudio da jasno pokaže kako to čini onoliko dobro
koliko može, kroz maglu, preko trske, u deo močvare
koji je izgledao potpuno isto kao i bilo koji drugi deo
močvare.
"Tamo", ponovio je. "Bio sam u to vreme poprilično
slavna ličnost."
Ushićenje obuze madrac. Nikada nije čuo da su na
Skornšelusu Zeta držani govori, a kamoli još da ih je
držala neka slavna ličnost. Voda je prskala na sve strane,
a kroz leđa mu je prolazila radosna drhtavica.
Učinio je nešto što madraci čine veoma retko. Sakupivši
svako zrnce snage, okrenuo je svoje četvrtasto telo,
podigao ga u vazduh i drhtavo ga držao tamo nekoliko
sekundi dok je virio kroz maglu, iznad trske, prema
onom delu močvare koji je Marvin pokazivao,
primetivši, bez razočaranja, da izgleda savršeno isto kao
i bilo koji drugi deo močvare. No, ovaj napor bio je
preveliki i on se svalio nazad u baru, preplavivši
Marvina mlazom smrdljivog blata, treseta i močvarnog
bilja.
"Bio sam slavna ličnost", tužno je mrmljao, "nakratko,
zbog svog čudesnog, mada žalosno uvredljivog bega od
sudbine gotovo jednake smrti u srcu usijanog sunca. Na
osnovu mog stanja", dodao je, "možeš da zaključiš
koliko je moj beg bio za dlaku. Spasao me je trgovac
starim gvožđem, zamisli samo. Evo mene, mozga, veli...
ah, nije bitno."
Nekoliko sekundi divlje je koračao.
"On je bio taj koji me je snabdeo ovom nogom.
Odvratno, zar ne? Prodao me je zoološkom vrtu umova.
Bio sam tamo glavni eksponat. Morao sam da sedim na
sanduku i da ponavljam priču svog života, a ljudi su mi
govorili da se razvedrim i da mislim na lepše stvari.
'Nasmeši se malo, robotiću', dovikovali su mi, 'hajde
zakikoći se bar malo'. Objasnio bih im da je za
dovođenje osmeha na moje lice potrebno dobrih par sati
 rada kovačkim čekićem, što im je silno prijalo."
``The speech,'' urged the mattress. ``I long to hear of the "Govor", podsećao ga je madrac. "Žudim da čujem
speech you gave in the marshes.'' govor koji si održao u močvari."
``There was a bridge built across the marshes. A "Preko močvare bio je sagrađen most. Kiberstrukturni
cyberstructured hyperbridge, hundreds of miles in length, hipermost, dugačak stotinama milja, za prelazak jonskih
to carry ion-buggies and freighters over the swamp.'' bagija i teretnjaka preko močvare."
``A bridge?'' quirruled the mattress. ``Here in the "Most", kvirulnuo je madrac, "ovde, u močvari?"
swamp?''
``A bridge,'' confirmed Marvin, ``here in the swamp. It "Most", potvrdio je Marvin, "ovde, u močvari. Trebalo
was going to revitalize the economy of the je da revitalizuje ekonomiju Skornšeluskog sistema.
Squornshellous System. They spent the entire economy Potrošili su čitavu ekonomiju Skornšeluskog sistema da
of the Squornshellous System building it. They asked me bi ga sagradili. Mene su zamolili da ga otvorim. Jadne
to open it. Poor fools.'' budale."
It began to rain a little, a fine spray slid through the mist. Počela je blaga kiša, fina vodena prašina koja je klizila
kroz maglu.
``I stood on the platform. For hundreds of miles in front "Stajao sam na platformi. Most se pružao stotinama
of me, and hundreds of miles behind me, the bridge milja preda mnom i stotinama milja iza mene."
stretched.''
``Did it glitter?'' enthused the mattress. "Da li je blistao?" oduševljavao se madrac.
``It glittered.'' "Blistao je."
``Did it span the miles majestically?'' "Da li se veličanstveno prostirao miljama?"
``It spanned the miles majestically.'' "Veličanstveno se prostirao miljama."
``Did it stretch like a silver thread far out into the "Da li se pružao poput srebrne niti, daleko u nevidljivu
invisible mist?'' maglu?"
``Yes,'' said Marvin. ``Do you want to hear this story?'' "Da", rekao je Marvin, "želiš li ti da saslušaš ovu
priču?"
``I want to hear your speech,'' said the mattress. "Želim da čujem tvoj govor", rekao je madrac.
``This is what I said. I said, `I would like to say that it is "Evo šta sam kazao. Rekao sam: 'Voleo bih da kažem da
a very great pleasure, honour and privilege for me to je veliko zadovoljstvo, čast i povlastica za mene što
open this bridge, but I can't because my lying circuits are otvaram ovaj most, ali ne mogu, jer su mi kola za
all out of commission. I hate and despise you all. I now laganje u kvaru. Mrzim vas i prezirem sve zajedno, a
declare this hapless cyberstructure open to the sada proglašavam ovu nesrećnu kiberstrukturu
unthinkable abuse of all who wantonly cross her.' And I otvorenom i neka bude najgora moguća uvreda svima
plugged myself into the opening circuits.'' onima koji ga neodgovorno pređu.' Onda sam se
uključio u kola za otvaranje."
Marvin paused, remembering the moment. Marvin zastade, prisetivši se tog trenutka.
The mattress flurred and glurried. It flolloped, gupped Madrac je flurovao i glurao. Flolopovao je, gupao i
and willomied, doing this last in a particularly floopy vilomovao, a ovo poslednje činio je na naročito flupan
way. način.
``Voon,'' it wurfed at last. ``And it was a magnificent "Vuun", vurnuo je najzad, "a da li je sve izgledalo
occasion?'' veličanstveno?"
``Reasonably magnificent. The entire thousand-mile-long "Uglavnom veličanstveno. Čitav most, dugačak hiljadu
bridge spontaneously folded up its glittering spans and milja, srušio se u blistavim delovima i tužno potonuo u
sank weeping into the mire, taking everybody with it.'' blatište, povukavši sve za sobom."
There was a sad and terrible pause at this point in the Nastala je tužna i neprijatna pauza u razgovoru, tokom
conversation during which a hundred thousand people koje kao da je sto hiljada ljudi neočekivano reklo 'vup', a
seemed unexpectedly to say ``wop'' and a team of white iz neba je izronila grupa belih robota, u vojnoj formaciji
robots descended from the sky like dandelion seeds nalik na maslačkovo seme koje klizi niz vetar. Jedan
drifting on the wind in tight military formation. For a siloviti trenutak kasnije svi su se našli tu, u močvari,
sudden violent moment they were all there, in the
swamp, wrenching Marvin's false leg off, and then they
were gone again in their ship, which said ``foop''.
``You see the sort of thing I have to contend with?'' said
Marvin to the gobbering mattress.
Suddenly, a moment later, the robots were back again for
another violent incident, and this time when they left, the
mattress was alone in the swamp. He flolloped around in
astonishment and alarm. He almost lurgled in fear. He
reared himself to see over the reeds, but there was
nothing to see, just more reeds. He listened, but there was
no sound on the wind beyond the now familiar sound of
half-crazed etymologists calling distantly to each other
across the sullen mire.
Chapter Ten
The body of Arthur Dent span.
The Universe shattered into a million glittering fragments
around it, and each particular shard span silently through
the void, reflecting on its silver surface some single
searing holocaust of fire and destruction.
And then the blackness behind the Universe exploded,
and each particular piece of blackness was the furious
smoke of hell.
And the nothingness behind the blackness behind the
Universe erupted, and behind the nothingness behind the
blackness behind the shattered Universe was at last the
dark figure of an immense man speaking immense
words.
``These, then,'' said the figure, speaking from an
immensely comfortable chair, ``were the Krikkit Wars,
the greatest devastation ever visited upon our Galaxy.
What you have experienced ...''
Slartibartfast floated past, waving.
``It's just a documentary,'' he called out. ``This is not a
good bit. Terribly sorry, trying to find the rewind
control ...''
``... is what billions of billions of innocent ...''
``Do not,'' called out Slartibartfast floating past again,
and fiddling furiously with the thing that he had stuck
into the wall of the Room of Informational Illusions and
which was in fact still stuck there, ``agree to buy
anything at this point.''
``... people, creatures, your fellow beings ...''
odvojili Marvinovu veštačku nogu i ponovo nestali u
svom brodu koji je učinio gromko 'fup'.
"Jesi li video sa kakvim stvarima ja moram da se
nosim?" upitao je Marvin razgoberovanog madraca.
Trenutak kasnije, roboti su se iznenada ponovo pojavili
za još jedan silovit napad, ali ovog puta, kada su došli,
madrac je bio sam u močvari. Uplašeno i zgranuto
flolopovao je po okolini. Gotovo se zalurglovao od
straha. Uspravio se da pogleda preko trske, ali ništa se
nije moglo videti, ni robot, ni blistavi most, ni brod,
samo još trske. Osluškivao je, ali u vetru nije bilo
nikakvog zvuka osim uobičajenih glasova poluludih
etimologa koji su se dozivali po tmurnom blatištu.
10.
Telo Artura Denta se okretalo.
Oko njega, Vaseljena se razbila u milion svetlucavih
komadića, a svaki odlomak za sebe vrteo se nemo kroz
prazninu i odražavao na svojoj srebrnoj površini poneki
deo plamtećeg pomora vatre i uništenja.
Onda je tmina u pozadini Vaseljene eksplodirala, dok se
njen svaki pojedinačni komad pretvorio u gnevni,
zadimljeni pakao.
Ništavilo u pozadini tmine u zaleđu skršene Vaseljene se
rasprslo, a iza ništavila iza tmine iza skršene Vaseljene
pojavila se najzad tamna prilika jednog ogromnog
čoveka koji je govorio reči što su zvučale izuzetno
značajno.
"To su, tada", govorila je prilika iz jedne izuzetno
udobne fotelje, "bili ratovi Krikita, najužasnije razaranje
koje je ikada zadesilo našu Galaksiju. Ono što ste
doživeli..."
Slartibartfast prolebde, mašući.
"To je samo dokumentarac", viknuo je on. "I to tek
manji deo. Strašno mi je žao, pokušavam da premotam
traku..."
"...predstavlja ono što su milijarde i milijarde nevinih..."
"Nemojte", doviknuo je Slartibartfast, ponovo
prolebdevši pored njih i grozničavo petljajući oko
neobične stvari koju je ugurao u zid sobe informacionih
opsena i koja je, u stvari, još bila ugurana na istom
mestu, "pristati da prihvatite išta na ovoj tački."
"...ljudi, živi stvorovi, vaši bližnji..."
Music swelled --- again, it was immense music, immense Muzika ponovo izbi - bila je to izuzetna muzika, sa
chords. And behind the man, slowly, three tall pillars izuzetnim sazvučjima. A iza čoveka, lagano, tri visoka
began to emerge out of the immensely swirling mist. stuba počeše da iskrsavaju iz magle koja se izuzetno
kovitlala.
``... experienced, lived through --- or, more often, failed "...iskusile, preživele ili - mnogo češće - nisu preživele.
to live through. Think of that, my friends. And let us not Razmislite o tome, prijatelji moji. I nemojte zaboraviti -
forget --- and in just a moment I shall be able to suggest a za koji trenutak predložiću vam način na koji ćemo
way which will help us always to remember --- that moći da se sećamo zauvek - da je pre ratova Krikita ova
before the Krikkit Wars, the Galaxy was that rare and Galaksija bila retko divna stvar, srećna Galaksija!"
wonderful thing a happy Galaxy!''
The music was going bananas with immensity at this Na toj tački muzika je naprosto poludela.
point.
``A Happy Galaxy, my friends, as represented by the "Srećna Galaksija, prijatelji moji, kao što su to Dveri
symbol of the Wikkit Gate!'' Vikita!"
The three pillars stood out clearly now, three pillars Tri stuba sada su se jasno uzdizala, tri stuba na koje su
topped with two cross pieces in a way which looked odozgo bila postavljena još dva dela na način koji je
stupefyingly familiar to Arthur's addled brain. delovao neverovatno poznato Arturovom zbunjenom
mozgu.
``The three pillars,'' thundered the man. ``The Steel Pillar "Tri stuba", grmeo je čovek. "Čelični stub, koji
which represented the Strength and Power of the predstavlja snagu i moć Galaksije!"
Galaxy!''
Searchlights seared out and danced crazy dances up and Svetlosti reflektora blesnuše i zaigraše ludačku igru po
down the pillar on the left which was, clearly, made of stubu koji se nalazio sa leve strane i bio napravljen od
steel or something very like it. The music thumped and čelika ili nečega što je neodoljivo podsećalo na čelik.
bellowed. Muzika je treštala i odzvanjala.
``The Perspex Pillar,'' announced the man, ``representing "Plastični stub", izjavio je čovek, "koji predstavlja
the forces of Science and Reason in the Galaxy!'' galaktičke snage nauke i razuma!"
Other searchlights played exotically up and down the Drugi reflektori plesali su na neobičan način po desnom,
righthand, transparent pillar creating dazzling patterns prozirnom stubu stvarajući u njemu vrtoglave šare, kao i
within it and a sudden inexplicable craving for ice-cream iznenadnu, neodoljivu želju za sladoledom u trbuhu
in the stomach of Arthur Dent. Artura Denta.
``And,'' the thunderous voice continued, ``the Wooden "I", produžio je gromoviti glas, "drveni stub, koji
Pillar, representing ...'' and here his voice became just predstavlja..." a u ovoj tački njegov glas posto je jedva
very slightly hoarse with wonderful sentiments, ``the primetno promukao od divnih osećanja, "oličenje snage
forces of Nature and Spirituality.'' prirode i duhovnosti."
The lights picked out the central pillar. The music moved Svetlosti izdvojiše središnji stub. Muzika je hrabro
bravely up into the realms of complete unspeakability. prešla u nešto neizrecivo.
``Between them supporting,'' the voice rolled on, "Oni zajedno nose", kovitlao se glas, približavajući se
approaching its climax, ``the Golden Bail of Prosperity vrhuncu, "Zlatnu sponu Napretka i Srebrnu sponu
and the Silver Bail of Peace!'' Mira!"
The whole structure was now flooded with dazzling Čitavo ustrojstvo bilo je sada preplavljeno vrtoglavom
lights, and the music had now, fortunately, gone far igrom svetlosti, a muzika je u međuvremenu, na sreću,
beyond the limits of the discernible. At the top of the otišla daleko iza granica čujnosti. Povrh tri stuba dve
three pillars the two brilliantly gleaming bails sat and blistave spone stajale su i prelivale se u svetlosti. Činilo
dazzled. There seemed to be girls sitting on top of them, se da na njima sede devojke ili je možda trebalo da to
or maybe they were meant to be angels. Angels are budu anđeli. Ali anđele obično predstavljaju sa više
usually represented as wearing more than that, though. odeće.
Suddenly there was a dramatic hush in what was Iznenada dramatična tišina obuhvati ono što je trebalo
presumably meant to be the Cosmos, and a darkening of da bude kosmos, a svetlosti se zatamniše.
the lights.
``There is not a world,'' thrilled the man's expert voice,
``not a civilized world in the Galaxy where this symbol is
not revered even today. Even in primitive worlds it
persists in racial memories. This it was that the forces of
Krikkit destroyed, and this it is that now locks their
world away till the end of eternity!''
And with a flourish, the man produced in his hands a
model of the Wikkit gate. Scale was terribly hard to
judge in this whole extraordinary spectacle, but the
model looked as if it must have been about three feet
high.
``Not the original key, of course. That, as everyone
knows, was destroyed, blasted into the ever-whirling
eddies of the space-time continuum and lost for ever.
This is a remarkable replica, hand-tooled by skilled
craftsmen, lovingly assembled using ancient craft secrets
into a memento you will be proud to own, in memory of
those who fell, and in tribute to the Galaxy --- our
Galaxy --- which they died to defend ...''
Slartibartfast floated past again at this moment.
``Found it,'' he said. ``We can lose all this rubbish. Just
don't nod, that's all.''
``Now, let us bow our heads in payment,'' intoned the
voice, and then said it again, much faster and backwards.
Lights came and went, the pillars disappeared, the man
gabled himself backwards into nothing, the Universe
snappily reassembled itself around them.
``You get the gist?'' said Slartibartfast.
``I'm astonished,'' said Arthur, ``and bewildered.''
``I was asleep,'' said Ford, who floated into view at this
point. ``Did I miss anything?''
They found themselves once again teetering rather
rapidly on the edge of an agonizingly high cliff. The
wind whipped out from their faces and across a bay on
which the remains of one of the greatest and most
powerful space battle-fleets ever assembled in the Galaxy
was briskly burning itself back into existence. The sky
was a sullen pink, darkening via a rather curious colour
to blue and upwards to black. Smoke billowed down out
of it at an incredible lick.
Events were now passing back by them almost too
quickly to be distinguished, and when, a short while later,
a huge starbattle-ship rushed away from them as if they'd
said ``boo'', they only just recognized it as the point at
which they had come in.
But now things were too rapid, a video-tactile blur which
"Ne postoji nijedan svet", poigravao je čovekov
uvežbani glas, "nijedan civilizovani svet u Galaksiji gde
ovaj simbol čak i danas nije duboko poštovan. Čak i na
primitivnim svetovima on opstaje u rasnim sećanjima.
To je ono što su sile Krikita uništile i ono što će držati
njihov svet zaptiven od sada pa do kraja večnosti!"
S osmehom, čovek pokaza model Dveri Vikita. Bilo je
krajnje teško proceniti razmeru u čitavom tom
izuzetnom spektaklu, ali činilo se da je model visok
otprilike tri stope.
"Naravno, nije reč o pravom Ključu. On je, kao što svi
znaju, uništen, bačen u kovitlac prostorvremena i
izgubljen zauvek. Ovo je divna imitacija, izrađena
rukom veštih zanatlija, prekrasno sklopljena pomoću
drevnih zanatskih tajni u stvar za uspomenu koju ćete
posedovati sa ponosom, u znak sećanja na one koji su
pali i u počast Galaksije - naše Galaksije - za koju su
umrli..."
U tome trenutku Slartibartfast je ponovo prolebdeo
pored njih.
"Našao sam", rekao je, "možemo da preskočimo ovu
glupost. Nemojte pristajati i to je sve."
"A sada, naklonimo glave da bismo odali...", počeo je
glas, a onda je ponovo izgovorio sve to, samo mnogo
brže i unatraške.
Svetlosti se pojaviše i nestaše, stubovi iščezoše, čovek
koji je sad nerazumljivo blebetao rasplinu se u ništavilo,
a Vaseljena se glatko sklopi u celinu oko njih.
"Jeste li shvatili opšti smisao?" upitao je Slartibartfast.
"Zapanjen sam", uzvratio je Artur, "i zbunjen."
"Ja sam zaspao", reče Ford i uplovi na poprište zbivanja
u tom trenutku. "Jesam li nešto propustio?"
Iznenada su se obreli na nepouzdanoj ivici neke jezivo
visoke padine. Vetar je brisao preko njihovih lica i povrh
zaliva u kome su se naglo pojavljivali ostaci jedne od
najvećih i najmoćnijih ratnih flota koje su ikada
sagrađene u Galaksiji. Nebo je bilo mutno ružičasto i
tamnilo je, zadobivši neku prilično čudnovatu boju, dok
nije postalo tmastoplavo i, konačno, crno. Dim je kuljao
i kovitlao se iz svega toga neverovatnom žestinom.
Stvari su se sada događale toliko brzo da ih je gotovo
bilo nemoguće pratiti, a kada je, ubrzo potom, divovski
međuzvezdani bojni brod pojurio od njih kao da su mu
kazali 'bu!', to su prepoznali kao tačku na kojoj su se
uključili.
A onda su zbivanja stala da teku prebrzo, slična kakvom
brushed and jiggled them through centuries of galactic
history, turning, twisting, flickering. The sound was a
mere thin thrill.
Periodically through the thickening jumble of events they
sensed appalling catastrophes, deep horrors, cataclysmic
shocks, and these were always associated with certain
recurring images, the only images which ever stood out
clearly from the avalance of tumbling history: a wicket
gate, a small hard red ball, hard white robots, and also
something less distinct, something dark and cloudy.
But there was also another sensation which rose clearly
out of the thrilling passage of time.
Just as a slow series of clicks when speeded up will lose
the definition of each individual click and gradually take
on the quality of a sustained and rising tone, so a series
of individual impressions here took on the quality of a
sustained emotion --- and yet not an emotion. If it was an
emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred,
implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but
like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly
flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-
issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was
deadly --- again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but
like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.
And just as a rising tone will change in character and
take on harmonics as it rises, so again, this emotionless
emotion seemed to rise to an unbearable if unheard
scream and suddenly seemed to be a scream of guilt and
failure.
And suddenly it stopped.
They were left standing on a quiet hilltop on a tranquil
evening.
The sun was setting.
All around them softly undulating green countryside
rolled off gently into the distance. Birds sang about what
they thought of it all, and the general opinion seemed to
be good. A little way away could be heard the sound of
children playing, and a little further away than the
apparent source of that sound could be seen in the
dimming evening light the outlines of a small town.
The town appeared to consist mostly of fairly low
buildings made of white stone. The skyline was of gentle
pleasing curves.
The sun had nearly set.
As if out of nowhere, music began. Slartibartfast tugged
at a switch and it stopped.
A voice said, ``This ...'' Slartibartfast tugged at a switch
videotaktilnom kovitlacu koji ih je dodirivao i njihao
kroz stoleća galaktičke istorije, drhtav, treperav,
uzvitlan. Zvuci su prešli u tanano cijukanje.
Tu i tamo, u sve gušćem haosu događanja, nazirali su
jezive katastrofe, duboke, užasne, kataklizmičke udare,
a svi su oni bili povezani sa izvesnim slikama koje su se
stalno ponavljale, jedinim slikama koje su se jasno
ocrtavale u lavini uskovitlane istorije: Dveri Vikita,
malena, tvrda, crvena lopta i čvrsti, beli roboti, a uz njih
nešto nerazaznatljivo, nešto poput tamnog oblaka.
Ali još jedno osećanje jasno se uzdiglo iz pištave
jurnjave vremena.
Kao što lagani niz škljocaja, kada se ubrzava, prestaje
da podseća na pojedinačno škljocanje i postepeno
počinje da zvuči poput jedinstvenog i neprekidnog tona,
tako je niz zasebnih utisaka ovde zadobijao izgled
zajedničkog osećanja - a opet to nije bilo osećanje.
Ukoliko je i bilo osećanje, delovalo je potpuno
bezosećajno. Bila je to mržnja, neumoljiva mržnja. Bilo
je hladno, ne onako kako je hladan led, nego onako kako
je zid hladan. Bilo je bezlično, ne poput nasumičnog
udarca pesnice u gomili, već poput kartice za parkiranje
koju izdaje kompjuter. I bilo je smrtonosno, ne poput
metka ili noža, već poput zida od cigle preko linije
ekspresnog voza.
I kao što ton koji raste menja osobine i poprima nova
saglasja kako raste, tako se činilo i da ovo bezosećajno
osećanje prerasta u nepodnošljivi, bezglasni vrisak i
iznenada prelazi u urlik krivice i osujećenosti.
A onda je iznenada prestalo.
Stajali su na tihom vrhu brežuljka jedne mirne večeri.
Sunce je zalazilo.
Svuda oko njih blago ustalasani zeleni predeo lagano se
gubio u daljini. Ptice su pevale šta misle o svemu tome,
a opšte raspoloženje izgleda da im je bilo dobro. Malo
dalje mogao se čuti zvuk dece koja su se igrala, a još
malo dalje od mesta sa koga je prividno dopirao taj
zvuk, u prigušenoj svetlosti sutona razabirali su se obrisi
malog grada.
Činilo se da se grad uglavnom sastoji od omanjih kuća
sagrađenih od belog kamena. Obrisi su im bili blago
zaobljeni.
Sunce je gotovo sasvim zašlo.
Kao da dopire niotkuda, otpoče muzika. Slartibartfast
pritisnu jedan prekidač i muzika prestade.
Nekakav glas je rekao: "Ovo..." Slartibartfast pritisnu
and it stopped.
``I will tell you about it,'' he said quietly. The place was
peaceful. Arthur felt happy. Even Ford seemed cheerful.
They walked a short way in the direction of the town,
and the Informational Illusion of the grass was pleasant
and springy under their feet, and the Informational
Illusion of the flowers smelt sweet and fragrant. Only
Slartibartfast seemed apprehensive and out of sorts.
He stopped and looked up.
It suddenly occurred to Arthur that, coming as this did at
the end, so to speak, or rather the beginning of all the
horror they had just blurredly experienced, something
nasty must be about to happen. He was distressed to
think that something nasty could happen to somewhere
as idyllic as this. He too glanced up. There was nothing
in the sky.
``They're not about to attack here, are they?'' he said. He
realized that this was merely a recording he was walking
through, but he still felt alarmed.
``Nothing is about to attack here,'' said Slartibartfast in a
voice which unexpectedly trembled with emotion. ``This
is where it all started. This is the place itself. This is
Krikkit.''
He stared up into the sky.
The sky, from one horizon to another, from east to west,
from north to south, was utterly and completely black.
Chapter Eleven
Stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
``Pleased to be of service.''
``Shut up.''
``Thank you.''
Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
``Thank you for making a simple door very happy.''
``Hope your diodes rot.''
``Thank you. Have a nice day.''
Stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
``It is my pleasure to open for you ...''
``Zark off.''
``... and my satisfaction to close again with the
knowledge of a job well done.''
``I said zark off.''
``Thank you for listening to this message.''
Stomp stomp stomp stomp.
``Wop.''
Zaphod stopped stomping. He had been stomping around
prekidač i glas zamuknu.
"Ja ću vam ispričati o svemu tome", rekao je lagano.
Mesto je bilo mirno. Artur se osećao srećno. Čak je i
Ford delovao zadovoljno. Jedno vreme su koračali u
pravcu grada; informaciona opsena trave bila je prijatna
i meka pod njihovim nogama, a informaciona opsena
cveća mirisala je slatko i divno. Samo je Slartibartfast
delovao uznemireno i neraspoloženo.
Zastao je i podigao pogled.
Iznenada je Arturu palo na pamet da, pošto su došli na
kraj, da se tako izrazimo, ili, bolje rečeno, na početak,
svih užasa koje su nejasno iskusili, mora da će se
dogoditi nešto jezivo. Bio je potresen mišlju da bi se
nešto jezivo moglo dogoditi na tako idiličnom mestu. I
on je podigao pogled. Na nebu nije bilo ničega.
"Neće valjda da napadnu ovo mesto?" upitao je. Shvatao
je da korača kroz običan snimak, ali ipak se osećao
uznemireno.
"Ovo mesto niko neće napasti", rekao je Slartibartfast
glasom koji je neočekivano zadrhtao od osećanja, "ovo
je mesto na kome je sve počelo. Ovo je srce svega. Ovo
je Krikit."
Gledao je u nebo.
Nebo je, od jednog obzorja do drugog, od istoka do
zapada, od severa do juga, bilo potpuno i savršeno crno.
11.
Trup trup.
Bzzz.
"Stojim vam na usluzi."
"Umukni."
"Hvala."
Trup trup trup trup trup.
Bzzz.
"Hvala vam što činite jednostavna vrata srećnim."
"Želim da ti sve diode istrunu."
"Hvala vam. Prijatno."
Trup trup trup trup.
Bzzz.
"Veliko je zadovoljstvo za mene da vam se otvorim..."
"Zarkuj se!"
"...i da se ponovo zatvorim, svesna da sam dobro
obavila posao."
"Rekoh, zarkuj se!"
"Hvala vam što ste saslušali ovu poruku."
Trup trup trup trup.
"Vup."
Zaphod prestade da trupka. Danima je već trupkao po
the Heart of Gold for days, and so far no door had said
``wop'' to him. He was fairly certain that no door had said
``wop'' to him now. It was not the sort of thing doors
said. Too concise. Furthermore, there were not enough
doors. It sounded as if a hundred thousand people had
said ``wop'', which puzzled him because he was the only
person on the ship.
It was dark. Most of the ship's non-essential systems
were closed down. It was drifting in a remote area of the
Galaxy, deep in the inky blackness of space. So which
particular hundred thousand people would turn up at this
point and say a totally unexpected ``wop''?
He looked about him, up the corridor and down the
corridor. It was all in deep shadow. There were just the
very dim pinkish outlines of the doors which glowed in
the dark and pulsed whenever they spoke, though he had
tried every way he could think of of stopping them.
The lights were off so that his heads could avoid looking
at each other, because neither of them was currently a
particularly engaging sight, and nor had they been since
he had made the error of looking into his soul.
It had indeed been an error. It had been late one night ---
of course.
It had been a difficult day --- of course.
There had been soulful music playing on the ship's sound
system --- of course.
And he had, of course, been slightly drunk.
In other words, all the usual conditions which bring on a
bout of soul-searching had applied, but it had,
nevertheless, clearly been an error.
Standing now, silent and alone in the dark corridor he
remembered the moment and shivered. His one head
looked one way and his other the other and each decided
that the other was the way to go.
He listened but could hear nothing.
All there had been was the ``wop''.
It seemed an awfully long way to bring an awfully large
number of people just to say one word.
He started nervously to edge his way in the direction of
the bridge. There at least he would feel in control. He
stopped again. The way he was feeling he didn't think he
was an awfully good person to be in control.
The first shock of that moment, thinking back, had been
discovering that he actually had a soul.
In fact he'd always more or less assumed that he had one
as he had a full complement of everything else, and
indeed two of somethings, but suddenly actually to
'Zlatnom srcu' i do sada mu nijedna vrata nisu kazala
'vup'. Nije to bila ona vrsta stvari koje govore vrata. Bila
je previše sažeta. Osim toga, nije bilo dovoljno vrata za
tako nešto. Zvučalo je kao da je sto hiljada ljudi reklo
'vup', što ga je zbunilo, jer bio je jedina osoba na brodu.
Bilo je mračno. Većina brodskih sistema koji nisu bili
neophodni bila je isključena. Brod je bez svrhe lutao po
udaljenoj oblasti Galaksije, duboko u mastiljavoj tmini
kosmosa. Pa, kojih je onda to sto hiljada ljudi moglo da
se pojavi i potpuno neočekivano kaže 'vup'?
Obazro se, pogledao uz hodnik i niz njega. Sve je bilo u
dubokim senkama. Samo su se bledo nazirali ružičasti
obrisi vrata koja su svetlucala u mraku i treptala kad god
bi govorila, iako je isprobao sve što je mogao da smisli
da ih osujeti u tome.
Svetla su bila pogašena, tako da su njegove glave mogle
da izbegnu gledanje jedna u drugu, tim pre što nijedna
od njih trenutno nije predstavljala naročito zabavan
prizor, niti je to uopšte bilo tako otkako je počinio
grešku i zagledao se u sopstvenu dušu.
To je zaista bila greška. Bio je to kasno jedne noći -
razume se.
Prethodno je imao težak dan - razume se.
Na brodskom ozvučenju svirala je setna muzika -
razume se.
A on je, razume se, bio pomalo pijan.
Drugim rečima, stekli su se svi uobičajeni uslovi za
pretraživanje kutaka duše, ali, svejedno, bila je to
greška.
Dok je sada stajao sam u mračnom hodniku, prisetio se
tih trenutaka i uzdrhtao. Jedna njegova glava pogledala
je u jednom smeru, a druga u drugom, i obe su
zaključile da je najbolje krenuti u suprotnom smeru.
Osluškivao je, ali nije mogao ništa da čuje.
Sve što se začulo bilo je 'vup'.
Činilo se da je to užasno dalek put za užasno velik broj
ljudi samo da bi rekli jednu jedinu reč.
Uznemireno je pošao prema mostu. Tamo se bar osećao
kao da drži stvari u svojim rukama. Ponovo je zastao.
Osećao se tako da mu se uopšte nije činilo da je
najpogodnija osoba za držanje stvari u svojim rukama.
Prvi šok koji je doživeo tog trenutka, pomislio je,
vrativši se u mislima u prošlost, odnosio se na otkriće
da, zapravo, poseduje dušu.
U stvari, on je uvek više ili manje verovao da je ima,
kao što je posedovao i sve ostale normalne stvari -
štaviše, da ima dve duše - ali iznenadno otkriće stvari
encounter the thing lurking there deep within him had koja se komešala negde duboko u njemu zadalo mu je
giving him a severe jolt. ozbiljan udarac.
And then to discover (this was the second shock) that it A potom mu je još jedan udarac zadalo otkriće (to je bio
wasn't the totally wonderful object which he felt a man in drugi šok) da ona nije baš onako divna kao što je on
his position had a natural right to expect had jolted him smatrao da čovek na njegovom položaju ima prirodno
again. pravo da očekuje.
Then he had thought about what his position actually was Potom je pomislio na to kakav je, zapravo, taj položaj i
and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his ponovni šok gotovo ga je nagnao da prospe piće. Brzo
drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious ga je ispio pre nego što mu se dogodi nešto ozbiljnije.
happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow Zatim je na brzinu popio još jedno da pođe za prvim i
the first one down and check that it was all right. proveri da li je sa njim sve u redu.
``Freedom,'' he said aloud. "Sloboda", kazao je glasno.
Trillian came on to the bridge at that point and said U tom trenutku Trilijan se pojavila na mostu i
several enthusiastic things on the subject of freedom. oduševljeno kazala nekoliko stvari o temi slobode.
``I can't cope with it,'' he said darkly, and sent a third "Ne mogu da iziđem nakraj sa njom", rekao je muklo i
drink down to see why the second hadn't yet reported on poslao treće piće dole da vidi zbog čega drugo još nije
the condition of the first. He looked uncertainly at both javilo ništa o stanju prvog. Nesigurno se zagledao u obe
of her and preferred the one on the right. Trilijane i zaključio da mu se više sviđa ona sa desne
strane.
He poured a drink down his other throat with the plan Sasuo je još jedno piće niz grlo, sa planom da ono uz
that it would head the previous one off at the pass, join put sretne prethodno, da se udruži sa njim, pa da zajedno
forces with it, and together they would get the second to navale na drugo da se sabere. Potom bi sva tri otišla u
pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search potragu za prvim i porazgovarala sa njim.
of the first, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a
sing as well.
He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had Nije bio siguran da li je četvrto piće sve to razumelo i
understood all that, so he sent down a fifth to explain thezato je poslao i peto da podrobnije objasni plan, pa šesto
plan more fully and a sixth for moral support. za moralnu podršku.
``You're drinking too much,'' said Trillian. "Previše piješ", rekla je Trilijan.
His heads collided trying to sort out the four of her he Njegove glave sudarile su se dok su pokušavale da slože
could now see into a whole position. He gave up and njih četiri, koje su sada videle, u jednu osobu. Odustao
looked at the navigation screen and was astonished to see je od toga, zagledao se u navigacioni ekran i zaprepastio
a quite phenomenal number of stars. se kada je video toliko zvezda.
``Excitement and adventure and really wild things,'' he "Uzbuđenja, pustolovine i stvarno lude stvari",
muttered. promrmljao je.
``Look,'' she said in a sympathetic tone of voice, and sat "Čuj", rekla je glasom punim saosećanja i sela pored
down near him, ``it's quite understandable that you're njega, "sasvim je shvatljivo da ćeš se neko vreme
going to feel a little aimless for a bit.'' osećati pomalo bez ikakve svrhe."
He boggled at her. He had never seen anyone sit on their Zaljuljao se. Nikada do sada nije video da neko sedi na
own lap before. sopstvenom krilu.
``Wow,'' he said. He had another drink. "Au", rekao je i popio još jedno piće.
``You've finished the mission you've been on for years.'' "Dovršio si poslanstvo u kome si učestvovao
godinama."
``I haven't been on it. I've tried to avoid being on it.'' "Nisam učestvovao. Pokušavao sam da ga izbegnem."
``You've still finished it.'' "Ipak si ga završio."
He grunted. There seemed to be a terrific party going on Zagroktao je. Izgleda da se u njegovom stomaku
in his stomach. održavala strašna žurka.
``I think it finished me,'' he said. ``Here I am, Zaphod "Mislim da je ono dovršilo mene", rekao je. "Evo me
Beeblebrox, I can go anywhere, do anything. I have the ovde, ja sam Zaphod Biblbroks, mogu da pođem kuda
greatest ship in the know sky, a girl with whom things god želim, da radim šta god želim. Imam najbolji brod u
seem to be working out pretty well ...'' poznatoj Vaseljeni, devojku sa kojom se izgleda odlično
slažem..."
``Are they?'' "Misliš?"
``As far as I can tell I'm not an expert in personal "Koliko ja vidim. Nisam baš stručnjak za međuljudske
relationships ...'' odnose."
Trillian raised her eyebrows. Trilijan podiže obrve.
``I am,'' he added, ``one hell of a guy, I can do anything I "Ja sam", dodao je, "strašan dasa, mogu da učinim šta
want only I just don't have the faintest idea what.'' god hoću, jedino što nemam blage veze šta."
He paused. Zastao je.
``One thing,'' he further added, ``has suddenly ceased to "Jedno je", dodao je potom, "iznenada prestalo da vodi
lead to another'' --- in contradiction of which he had do drugog", a onda je, kao da želi da protivureči tome,
another drink and slid gracelessly off his chair. popio još jedno piće i smandrljao se nespretno sa stolice.
Whilst he slept it off, Trillian did a little research in the Dok je spavao, Trilijan se dala u malu potragu po
ship's copy of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It brodskom primerku 'Autostoperskog vodiča kroz
had some advice to offer on drunkenness. Galaksiju'. On je davao određene savete u vezi sa
pijanstvom.
``Go to it,'' it said, ``and good luck.'' 'Prepusti mu se', pisalo je tamo, 'i srećno.'
It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size Ta tačka bila je povezana sa stavkom o veličini
of the Universe and ways of coping with that. Vaseljene i načinima na koje se može izići nakraj sa
njom.
Then she found the entry on Han Wavel, an exotic A onda je našla zapis o Han Vavelu, egzotičnoj planeti
holiday planet, and one of the wonders of the Galaxy.Han za odmore, jednom od čuda Galaksije. Han Vavel je svet
Wavel is a world which consists largely of fabulous ultra- koji se uglavnom sastoji od zadivljujućih ultraluksuznih
luxury hotels and casinos, all of which have been formed hotela i kazina, koji su svi nastali prirodnom erozijom
by the natural erosion of wind and rain. izazvanom kišom i vetrom.
The chances of this happening are more or less one to Verovatnoća da se to dogodi iznosi, manje ili više, jedan
infinity against. Little is known of how this came about prema beskonačno. Nije poznato kako se to dogodilo,
because none of the geophysicists, probability jer nijedan od geofizičara, stručnjaka za statističku
statisticians, meteoranalysts or bizzarrologists who are so teoriju verovatnoće, meteoranalitičara i bizarologa
keen to research it can afford to stay there. kojima je toliko stalo da istraže ovu pojavu nije
dovoljno bogat da živi tamo.
Terrific, thought Trillian to herself, and within a few "Sjajno", pomislila je Trilijan, a posle svega nekoliko
hours the great white running-shoe ship was slowly sati veliki, beli svemirski brod nalik na cipelu lagano se
powering down out of the sky beneath a hot brilliant sun spuštao sa neba pod blistavim, vrelim suncem prema
towards a brightly coloured sandy spaceport. The ship živo obojenom peščanom kosmodromu. Brod je,
was clearly causing a sensation on the ground, and očigledno, izazvao na površini pravu senzaciju i Trilijan
Trillian was enjoying herself. She heard Zaphod moving je uživala u tome. Čula je Zaphoda kako se muva negde
around and whistling somewhere in the ship. po brodu i zvižduće.
``How are you?'' she said over the general intercom. "Kako si?" upitala je preko opšteg razglasa.
``Fine,'' he said brightly, ``terribly well.'' "Odlično", veselo je uzvratio, "stvarno sjajno."
``Where are you?'' "Gde si?"
``In the bathroom.'' "U kupatilu."
``What are you doing?'' "Šta radiš tamo?"
``Staying here.'' "Zaključao sam se."
After an hour or two it became plain that he meant it and Posle sat ili dva postalo je jasno da je stvar ozbiljna i
the ship returned to the sky without having once opened brod se vratio u nebo, uopšte ne otvorivši ulaz.
its hatchway.
``Heigh ho,'' said Eddie the Computer. "Haj-ho", rekao je kompjuter Edi.
Trillian nodded patiently, tapped her fingers a couple of Trilijan je strpljivo klimnula, nekoliko puta zalupkala
times and pushed the intercom switch. prstima i pritisnula prekidač interkoma.
``I think that enforced fun is probably not what you need "Izgleda da zabava na silu verovatno nije ono što ti je
at this point.'' potrebno u ovom trenutku."
``Probably not,'' replied Zaphod from wherever he was. "Verovatno nije", odgovorio je Zaphod sa mesta na
kome se nalazio, gdegod to bilo.
``I think a bit of physical challenge would help draw you "Mislim da će ti nešto fizičkog napora pomoći da se
out of yourself.'' otvoriš."
``Whatever you think, I think,'' said Zaphod. "Ako ti tako misliš, mislim i ja", rekao je Zaphod.
``Recreational Impossibilities'' was a heading which 'Rekreacione nemogućnosti' bio je naslov koji je zapao
caught Trillian's eye when, a short while later, she sat Trilijan za oko kada je ubrzo potom sela da bi ponovo
down to flip through the Guide again, and as the Heart of prelistala 'Vodič'; dok je 'Zlatno srce' neverovatnom
Gold rushed at improbable speeds in an indeterminate brzinom žurilo u neodređenom pravcu, nalila je sebi
direction, she sipped a cup of something undrinkable čašu nečega, što se uopšte nije moglo piti, iz
from the Nutrimatic Drink Dispenser and read about how nutrimatičkog uređaja za pića i stala da čita o tome kako
to fly. se sve može leteti.
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on Evo šta 'Autostoperski vodič kroz Galaksiju' ima da
the subject of flying. izjavi na temu letenja.
There is an art, it says, or rather a knack to flying. Postoji veština letenja, kaže on, ili, tačnije rečeno, štos.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the Štos je u tome da naučite kako da se bacite na zemlju i
ground and miss. da je promašite.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it. Izaberite lep dan, predlaže 'Vodič', i pokušajte.
The first part is easy. Prvi deo je lak.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself Potrebno je jednostavno da se bacite napred svom
forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to svojom težinom, voljni da ne mislite da će boleti.
mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. To jest, boleće ukoliko ne budete uspeli da promašite
zemlju.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really Ljudi uglavnom ne uspevaju da promaše zemlju, a
trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to ukoliko uporno pokušavaju, postoji verovatnoća da će
miss it fairly hard. njihov neuspeh biti prilično bolan.
Clearly, it's the second point, the missing, which presents Očigledno, najveće teškoće donosi drugi deo svega toga,
the difficulties. promašivanje.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground Problem leži u tome što morate promašiti zemlju
accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss slučajno. Ne vredi pokušavati da namerno promašite
the ground because you won't. You have to have your zemlju, jer neće uspeti. Nešto mora da vam iznenada
attention suddenly distracted by something else when skrene pažnju kada stignete na pola puta, tako da više ne
you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking razmišljate o padanju, niti o zemlji, niti o tome koliko će
about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's boleti ukoliko ne budete uspeli da je promašite.
going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away Izuzetno je teško skrenuti pažnju sa te tri stvari tokom
from these three things during the split second you have delića sekunde koji vam je na raspolaganju. Zbog toga
at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their većina ljudi ne uspeva i otuda konačno razočaranje u taj
eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and uzbudljivi i spektakularni sport.
spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention Ukoliko, ipak, budete imali dovoljno sreće da vam u
momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a ključnom trenutku pažnju skrene, recimo, par divnih
gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according nogu (pipaka, pseudopodija i tako dalje, već u zavisnosti
to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going od roda i/ili ličnog ukusa) ili ako u vašoj okolini
off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely eksplodira bomba ili ukoliko budete videli da po
rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then
in your astonishment you will miss the ground
completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it
in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply
let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point
because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of,
``Good God, you can't possibly be flying!''
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will
suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above
the treetops breathing regularly.
Do not wave at anybody.
When you have done this a few times you will find the
moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier
to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to
control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability,
and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about
whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen
as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn how to land properly, which is
something you will almost certainly cock up, and cock
up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help
you achieve the all-important moment of distraction.
They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to
leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain
them at the crucial moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers
will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may
be able to get temporary employment at them.
Trillian read this longingly, but reluctantly decided that
Zaphod wasn't really in the right frame of mind for
attempting to fly, or for walking through mountains or for
trying to get the Brantisvogan Civil Service to
acknowledge a change-of-address card, which were the
other things listed under the heading ``Recreational
Impossibilities''.
Instead, she flew the ship to Allosimanius Syneca, a
world of ice, snow, mind-hurtling beauty and stunning
cold. The trek from the snow plains of Liska to the
summit of the Ice Crystal Pyramids of Sastantua is long
and gruelling, even with jet skis and a team of Syneca
obližnjoj grančici mili izuzetno retka vrsta bubašvabe,
tada ćete od zaprepašćenja potpuno promašiti zemlju i
ostati da lebdite nekoliko inča iznad nje na način koji će
možda izgledati pomalo blesavo.
To je trenutak ogromne i osetljive usredsređenosti.
Lebdite i ljuljuškate se, ljuljkuškate se i lebdite.
Odagnajte sve pomisli na sopstvenu težinu i dopustite
svom telu da jednostavno odlebdi na veću visinu.
Ne slušajte ono što će drugi govoriti u tom trenutku, jer
verovatno neće reći ništa što bi vam moglo pomoći.
Najverovatnije će reći nešto poput: "Bože moj, pa nije
moguće da letiš!"
Izuzetno je značajno da im ne poverujete, inače će
iznenada biti u pravu.
Lebdite sve više i više.
Probajte da se zanjišete dva-tri puta, najpre lagano, a
potom lebdite iznad vrhova krošnji, ravnomerno pri tom
dišući.
NEMOJTE NIKOME MAHATI.
Kada ovo budete ponovili nekoliko puta, otkriće da vam
je sve lakše i lakše da dostignete trenutak skretanja
pažnje.
Naučićete sve o tome kako da kontrolišete svoj let,
brzinu, kako da manevrišete, a štos je u tome da nikad
ne razmišljate previše o onome što želite da učinite,
nego da jednostavno pustite da se to dogodi kao da vam
je svejedno.
Naučićete i kako da slećete na valjan način, a to je nešto
u čemu ćete se verovatno zeznuti, i to gadno zeznuti,
kada budete pokušali prvi put.
Postoje privatni klubovi za letenje koji će vam pomoći
da ovladate svim važnim tehnikama skretanja pažnje.
Oni unajmljuju ljude sa najčudnijim zamislima da
iskaču iza žbunja i da ih izlažu i/ili objašnjavaju u
ključnom trenutku. Malo je pravih autostopera koji će
moći da se učlane u ove klubove, ali određeni broj njih
mogao bi da dobije privremeno zaposlenje u njima.
Trilijan je ovo čežnjivo čitala i konačno uz oklevanje
zaključila da Zaphod nije baš u pravom raspoloženju da
pokuša da leti, ili da korača kroz planinske padine ili da
natera brantisvogansku administrativnu službu da
zavede u knjige promenu adrese, što su bile druge stvari
nabrojane u rubrici 'Rekreacione nemogućnosti'.
Umesto toga, odvezla je brod do Alosimaniusa Sineke,
sveta leda, snega, zasenjujuće lepote i jezive hladnoće.
Putovanje sa snežnih zaravni Liske do vrha piramide
ledenih kristala Sastantue dugo je i isrpljujuće, ali
pogled sa vrha, pogled koji obuhvata polja glečera Stin,
Snowhounds, but the view from the top, a view which
takes in the Stin Glacier Fields, the shimmering Prism
Mountains and the far ethereal dancing icelights, is one
which first freezes the mind and then slowly releases it to
hitherto unexperienced horizons of beauty, and Trillian,
for one, felt that she could do with a bit of having her
mind slowly released to hitherto unexperienced horizons
of beauty.
They went into a low orbit.
There lay the silverwhite beauty of Allosimanius Syneca
beneath them.
Zaphod stayed in bed with one head stuck under a pillow
and the other doing crosswords till late into the night.
Trillian nodded patiently again, counted to a sufficiently
high number, and told herself that the important thing
now was just to get Zaphod talking.
She prepared, by dint of deactivating all the robot kitchen
synthomatics, the most fabulously delicious meal she
could contrive --- delicately oiled meals, scented fruits,
fragrant cheeses, fine Aldebaran wines.
She carried it through to him and asked if he felt like
talking things through.
``Zark off,'' said Zaphod.
Trillian nodded patiently to herself, counted to an even
higher number, tossed the tray lightly aside, walked to
the transport room and just teleported herself the hell out
of his life.
She didn't even programme any coordinates, she hadn't
the faintest idea where she was going, she just went --- a
random row of dots flowing through the Universe.
``Anything,'' she said to herself as she left, ``is better than
this.''
``Good job too,'' muttered Zaphod to himself, turned over
and failed to go to sleep.
The next day he restlessly paced the empty corridors of
the ship, pretending not to look for her, though he knew
she wasn't there. He ignored the computer's querulous
demands to know just what the hell was going on around
here by fitting a small electronic gag across a pair of its
terminals.
After a while he began to turn down the lights. There was
nothing to see. Nothing was about to happen.
Lying in bed one night --- and night was now virtually
continuous on the ship --- he decided to pull himself
together, to get things into some kind of perspective. He
sat up sharply and started to pull clothes on. He decided
that there must be someone in the Universe feeling more
wretched, miserable and forsaken than himself, and he
svetlucavu planinu Prizme i udaljene, razigrane,
bestelesne svetlosti leda jedan je od onih koji najpre
slede um, a potom ga lagano puštaju u dotad neviđena
obzorja lepote. Trilijan pomisli kako bi joj se baš svidelo
da joj se um sledi, a potom lagano bude puštan u dotad
neviđena obzorja lepote.
Spustili su se na nisku orbitu.
Pod njima je ležala srebrnasto bela divota Alosimaniusa
Sineke.
Zaphod je ostao u krevetu sa jednom glavom ispod
jastuka, dok je druga rešavala ukrštene reči do kasno u
noć.
Trilijan je ponovo strpljivo klimnula, izbrojala do
dovoljno visokog broja i rekla sebi da je sada najvažnije
navesti Zaphoda na razgovor.
Pripremila je sve za to tako što je isključila sintomate iz
robotske kuhinje i pripremila najdivnija jela koja je
mogla da smisli - nežno začinjeno meso, mirisno voće,
prekrasne sireve, izvrsna aldebaranska vina.
Odnela mu je sve to i upitala ga da li bi voleo da
porazgovara sa njom.
"Zarkuj se odatle", odvratio je Zaphod.
Trilijan je strpljivo klimnula za svoj račun, izbrojala do
još većeg broja, blago odložila poslužavnik u stranu,
otišla u transportnu komoru i teleportirala se do đavola
iz njegovog života.
Nije čak ni programirala koordinate, nije imala pojma
kuda ide, naprosto je otišla - nasumični niz tačaka koje
su letele Vaseljenom.
"Sve je", rekla je sebi kada je pošla, "bolje od ovoga."
"Baš lepo", promrmljao je Zaphod za sebe, okrenuo se
na drugu stranu i nije uspeo da zaspi.
Sledećeg dana besciljno je lutao praznim brodskim
hodnicima, pretvarajući se da ne traga za njom, iako je
znao da nije tamo. Prenebregao je nezadovoljne zahteve
kompjutera da sazna šta se to, do đavola, dešava tako što
je na dva njegova izlazna kraja postavio mali uređaj za
ućutkivanje.
Posle izvesnog vremena počeo je da gasi svetla. Nije
bilo ničega što se moglo videti. Ništa se nije dešavalo.
Dok je jedne noći ležao u krevetu - a sada je na brodu
noć bila bukvalno neprekidna - odlučio je da se sabere,
da dovede stvari u odgovarajuće stanje. Oštro je ustao i
počeo da oblači odelo. Zaključio je da u Vaseljeni mora
da postoji neko ko se oseća bednije, potištenije i
usamljenije od njega i odlučio je da krene u potragu za
determined to set out and find him.
Halfway to the bridge it occurred to him that it might be
Marvin, and he returned to bed.
It was a few hours later than this, as he stomped
disconsolately about the darkened corridors swearing at
cheerful doors, that he heard the ``wop'' said, and it made
him very nervous.
He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned
like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.
He laid his fingertips against the wall and felt an unusual
vibration. And now he could quite clearly hear slight
noises, and could hear where they were coming from ---
they were coming from the bridge.
``Computer?'' he hissed.
``Mmmm?'' said the computer terminal nearest him,
equally quietly.
``Is there someone on this ship?''
``Mmmmm,'' said the computer.
``Who is it?''
Mmmmm mmm mmmmm,`` said the computer.
``What?''
``Mmmmm mmmm mm mmmmmmmm.''
Zaphod buried one of his faces in two of his hands.
``Oh, Zarquon,'' he muttered to himself. Then he stared
up the corridor towards the entrance to the bridge in the
dim distance from which more and purposeful noises
were coming, and in which the gagged terminals were
situated.
``Computer,'' he hissed again.
``Mmmmm?''
``When I ungag you ...''
``Mmmmm.''
``Remind me to punch myself in the mouth.''
``Mmmmm mmm?''
``Either one. Now just tell me this. One for yes, two for
no. Is it dangerous?''
``Mmmmm.''
``It is?''
``Mmmm.''
``You didn't just go `mmmm' twice?''
``Mmmm mmmm.''
``Hmmmm.''
He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather
be yarding his way down it, which was true.
He was within two yards of the door to the bridge when
he suddenly realized to his horror that it was going to be
nice to him, and he stopped dead. He hadn't been able to
turn off the doors' courtesy voice circuits.
This doorway to the bridge was concealed from view
njim.
Na pola puta do mosta setio se da je to najverovatnije
Marvin, pa se vratio u krevet.
Nekoliko časova potom, dok je razočarano trupkao
mračnim hodnicima i psovao vesela vrata, začuo je 'vup'
i to ga je vrlo uznemirilo.
Sav napet, naslonio se na zid hodnika i namršito se
poput čoveka koji pokušava da upotrebi vadičep
pomoću telekineze. Naslonio se vrhovima prstiju na zid
i osetio neuobičajene vibracije. Sada je sasvim jasno
mogao da čuje blage šumove, a razabrao je i odakle
dopiru - dolazili su sa mosta. Pokretao je ruku duž zida i
napipao nešto što ga je silno oraspoložilo. Pomerio se
još malo dalje, tiho.
"Kompjuteru?" prošaptao je.
"Mmmm?" upitao je kompjuterski terminal koji mu je
bio najbliži, isto tako tiho.
"Ima li nekoga na brodu?"
"Mmmm", uzvratio je kompjuter.
"Ko je to?"
"Mmmm mmm mmmm", odgovorio je kompjuter.
"Šta?"
"Mmmm mmmm mm mmmmmmmm."
Zaphod je zagnjurio jedno od svojih lica u dve šake.
"Oh, Zarkone", promrljao je za sebe. Potom je pogledao
duž hodnika prema ulazu na komandni most, preko
tamnog rastojanja, odakle je dopiralo sve više sve
određenijih zvukova i gde su bili smešteni blokirani
izlazi.
"Kompjuteru", ponovo je prosiktao.
"Mmmmm?"
"Kada te budem oslobodio blokade..."
"Mmmmm."
"Podseti me da tresnem sebe po ustima."
"Mmmmm?"
"Bilo kojim. A sada mi reci ovo. Jedan za da, dva za ne.
Da li je opasno?"
"Mmmm."
"Jeste?"
"Mmmm."
"Nisi slučajno rekao 'mmmm' samo jednom?"
"Mmmm mmmm."
"Hmmmm."
Prikrao se za nekoliko inča uz hodnik, kao da bi radije
otišao nekoliko jardi niz njega, što je i bilo tačno.
Našao se na dva jarda od vrata koja su vodila na most,
kada je iznenada, na svoj užas, shvatio da će biti
ljubazna prema njemu i ukopao se u mestu. Nije mogao
da isključi kola za ljubaznost brodskih vrata.
Ovaj ulaz nije se neposredno mogao videti sa mosta
within it because of the excitingly chunky way in which
the bridge had been designed to curve round, and he had
been hoping to enter unobserved.
He leant despondently back against the wall again and
said some words which his other head was quite shocked
to hear.
He peered at the dim pink outline of the door, and
discovered that in the darkness of the corridor he could
just about make out the Sensor Field which extended out
into the corridor and told the door when there was
someone there for whom it must open and to whom it
must make a cheery and pleasant remark.
He pressed himself hard back against the wall and edged
himself towards the door, flattening his chest as much as
he possibly could to avoid brushing against the very, very
dim perimeter of the field. He held his breath, and
congratulated himself on having lain in bed sulking for
the last few days rather than trying to work out his
feelings on chest expanders in the ship's gym.
He then realized he was going to have to speak at this
point.
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as
quickly and as quietly as he could, ``Door, if you can
hear me, say so very, very quietly.''
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ``I can hear you.''
``Good. Now, in a moment, I'm going to ask you to open.
When you open I do not want you to say that you
enjoyed it, OK?''
``OK.''
``And I don't want you to say to me that I have made a
simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open
for me and your satisfaction to close again with the
knowledge of a job well done, OK?''
``OK.''
``And I do not want you to ask me to have a nice day,
understand?''
``I understand.''
``OK,'' said Zaphod, tensing himself, ``open now.''
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly
through. The door closed quietly behind him.
``Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?'' said the
door out loud.
``I want you to imagine,'' said Zaphod to the group of
white robots who swung round to stare at him at that
point, ``that I have an extremely powerful Kill-O-Zap
blaster pistol in my hand.''
There was an immensely cold and savage silence. The
robots regarded him with hideously dead eyes. They
stood very still. There was something intensely macabre
zbog naročito uvrnutog načina na koji je ovaj bio
konstruisan, tako da se on mogao nadati da će ući
neprimećen.
Očajno se naslonio na zid i izgovorio nekoliko reči koje
su šokirale njegovu drugu glavu.
Osmotrio je mutno ružičasti okvir vrata i otkrio da u
tami hodnika može da prevari senzorsko polje koje se
pružalo u hodnik i govorilo vratima kada bi se pred
njima našao neko za koga se moraju otvoriti i pozdraviti
ga nekom veselom i ugodnom primedbom.
Ponovo se priljubio uza zid i počeo da se primiče
vratima, spljoštivši grudi što je više mogao da ne bi
zakačio vrlo, vrlo nejasnu granicu polja. Zadržao je dah
i čestitao sebi što je poslednjih dana ležao u krevetu i
kukumavčio umesto da je pokušao da rastera setu
vežbama na federima u brodskoj gimnastičkoj sali.
Onda je shvatio da će u toj tački morati da progovori.
Nekoliko puta udahnuo je što je pliće mogao, a onda je
rekao što je brže i tiše mogao: "Vrata, ako me čujete,
recite to vrlo, vrlo tiho."
Vrlo, vrlo tiho vrata su promrmljala: "Čujemo te."
"Dobro. A sada, za koji trenutak, zatražiću da se
otvorite. Kada se otvorite, ne želim da kažete da ste
uživala u tome, u redu?"
"U redu."
"I ne želim da mi kažete da sam usrećio jednostavna
vrata, ili da je za vas bilo zadovoljstvo da se otvorite za
mene i uživanje da se ponovo zatvorite, svesne da ste
dobro obavile posao, u redu?"
"U redu".
"I ne želim da mi poželite prijatno, razumete?"
"Razumemo."
"U redu", rekao je Zaphod i sav se napeo. "Otvorite se."
Vrata su tiho skliznula u stranu. Zaphod se tiho
provukao kroz njih. Vrata su se tiho zatvorila za njim.
"Jeste li tako želeli, gospodine Biblbrokse?" upitala su
vrata glasno.
"Želim da zamislite", rekao je Zaphod grupi robota koji
su se u tom trenutku okrenuli i zagledali u njega, "da u
ruci imam izuzetno moćan blasterski pištolj zgrom-i-
puc."
Nastala je užasno ledena i divlja tišina. Roboti su ga
posmatrali svojim jezivim, mrtvim očima. Stajali su
sasvim nepomično. U njihovom držanju bilo je nečega
about their appearance, especially to Zaphod who had
never seen one before or even known anything about
them. The Krikkit Wars belonged to the ancient past of
the Galaxy, and Zaphod had spent most of his early
history lessons plotting how he was going to have sex
with the girl in the cybercubicle next to him, and since
his teaching computer had been an integral part of this
plot it had eventually had all its history circuits wiped
and replaced with an entirely different set of ideas which
had then resulted in it being scrapped and sent to a home
for Degenerate Cybermats, whither it was followed by
the girl who had inadvertently fallen deeply in love with
the unfortunate machine, with the result (a) that Zaphod
never got near her and (b) that he missed out on a period
of ancient history that would have been of inestimable
value to him at this moment.
He stared at them in shock.
It was impossible to explain why, but their smooth and
sleek white bodies seemed to be the utter embodiment of
clean, clinical evil. From their hideously dead eyes to
their powerful lifeless feet, they were clearly the
calculated product of a mind that wanted simply to kill.
Zaphod gulped in cold fear.
They had been dismantling part of the rear bridge wall,
and had forced a passage through some of the vital
innards of the ship. Through the tangled wreckage
Zaphod could see, with a further and worse sense of
shock, that they were tunnelling towards the very heart of
the ship, the heart of the Improbability Drive that had
been so mysteriously created out of thin air, the Heart of
Gold itself.
The robot closest to him was regarding him in such a
way as to suggest that it was measuring every smallest
particle of his body, mind and capability. And when it
spoke, what it said seemed to bear this impression out.
Before going on to what it actually said, it is worth
recording at this point that Zaphod was the first living
organic being to hear one of these creatures speak for
something over ten billion years. If he had paid more
attention to his ancient history lessons and less to his
organic being, he might have been more impressed by
this honour.
The robot's voice was like its body, cold, sleek and
lifeless. It had almost a cultured rasp to it. It sounded as
ancient as it was.
It said, ``You do have a Kill-O-Zap blaster pistol in your Rekao je: "Ti i imaš blasterski pištolj zgrom-i-puc u
hand.''
što je snažno nagoveštavalo smrt, naročito u očima
Zaphoda, koji nikada ranije nije video nijednog od njih,
niti je čak uopšte čuo za njih. Ratovi Krikita pripadali su
drvenoj prošlosti Galaksije, a Zaphod je proveo najveći
deo časa iz rane istorije razrađujući kako da stupi u
seksualne odnose sa devojčicom iz kiberodeljka koji se
nalazio pored njegovog, a pošto je njegov kompjuter za
podučavanje bio integralni deo tih planova, sva njegova
istorijska kola na kraju su se obrisala, da bi ih zamenile
sasvim drugačije ideje, što je za ishod imalo to da je
uklonjen i poslat u dom za degenerisane kiberomate,
gde ga je sledila devojčica koja se neizlečivo i duboko
zaljubila u nesrećnu mašinu, a posledica svega bila je to
da (a) Zaphod nikada nije uspeo da joj priđe i (b)
propustio je ono razdoblje drevne istorije koje bi mu
bilo od neprocenjive vrednosti u ovom trenutku.
Šokirano je zurio u njih.
Bilo je nemoguće objasniti zbog čega, ali njihova glatka,
vitka, bela tela izgledala su kao otelotvorenje čistog,
kliničkog zla. Od jezivih, mrtvih očiju sve do beživotnih
stopala, očigledno su predstavljali sračunati proizvod
uma koji je jednostavno želeo da ubija. Zaphod proguta
knedlu u ledenom strahu.
Upravo su uklanjali deo zadnjeg zida i probijali se kroz
neke od vitalnih delova brodske utrobe. Kroz prepletene
ostatke Zaphod je video, uz sve teži i teži šok, da se
probijaju prema samom srcu broda, srcu pogona
neverovatnoće, koje se tako tajanstveno stvorilo ni iz
čega, prema samom 'Zlatnom srcu'.
Robot koji mu je bio najbliži odmeravao ga je kao da
pokušava da proceni svaki najsitniji deo njegovog tela i
uma i njegovih sposobnosti. A kada je progovorio, ono
što je kazao izgledalo je da iznosi taj utisak na svetlost
dana. Pre nego što pređemo na ono što je zaista rekao,
vredno je na ovom mestu primetiti da je Zaphod bio
prvo živo, organsko stvorenje koje je čulo govor jednog
od tih stvorova u poslednjih desetak milijardi godina.
Da je više pažnje posvetio lekcijama iz drevne istorije, a
manje svom organskom biću, bio bi više impresioniran
ovom počašću.
Glas robota delovao je poput njegovog tela: leden, tanak
i beživotan. Imao je hrapavi prizvuk, gotovo kao da je
bio prirastao uz njega. Zvučao je upravo onoliko drevno
koliko je to i bio.
ruci."
Zaphod didn't know what it meant for a moment, but then
he glanced down at his own hand and was relieved to see
that what he had found clipped to a wall bracket was
indeed what he had thought it was.
``Yeah,'' he said in a kind of relieved sneer, which is quite
tricky, ``well, I wouldn't want to overtax your
imagination, robot.'' For a while nobody said anything,
and Zaphod realized that the robots were obviously not
here to make conversation, and that it was up to him.
``I can't help noticing that you have parked your ship,'' he
said with a nod of one of his heads in the appropriate
direction, ``through mine.''
There was no denying this. Without regard for any kind
of proper dimensional behaviour they had simply
materialized their ship precisely where they wanted it to
be, which meant that it was simply locked through the
Heart of Gold as if they were nothing more than two
combs.
Again, they made no response to this, and Zaphod
wondered if the conversation would gather any
momentum if he phrased his part of it in the form of
questions.
``... haven't you?'' he added.
``Yes,'' replied the robot.``
``Er, OK,'' said Zaphod. ``So what are you cats doing
here?''
Silence.
``Robots,'' said Zaphod, ``what are you robots doing
here?''
``We have come,'' rasped the robot, ``for the Gold of the
Bail.''
Zaphod nodded. He waggled his gun to invite further
elaboration. The robot seemed to understand this.
``The Gold Bail is part of the Key we seek,'' continued
the robot, ``to release our Masters from Krikkit.''
Zaphod nodded again. He waggled his gun again.
``The Key,'' continued the robot simply, ``was
disintegrated in time and space. The Golden Bail is
embedded in the device which drives your ship. It will be
reconstituted in the Key. Our Masters shall be released.
The Universal Readjustment will continue.''
Zaphod nodded again.
``What are you talking about?'' he said.
A slightly pained expression seemed to cross the robot's
totally expressionless face. He seemed to be finding the
conversation depressing.
``Obliteration,'' it said. ``We seek the Key,'' it repeated,
``we already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and
Zaphod na trenutak nije shvatio što to znači, ali onda je
spustio pogled na svoju ruku i sa olakšanjem video da
ono što je našao u pregradi u zidu zaista predstavlja ono
što je i mislio.
"Aha", rekao je uz neku vrstu keženja punog olakšanja,
što je prilično zapetljano izvesti, "pa, nisam želeo da
previše opterećujem vašu maštu, robote." Izvesno vreme
niko nije rekao ništa i Zaphod shvati da roboti očigledno
nisu ovde radi razgovora i da to zavisi od njega.
"Ne mogu da ne primetim", rekao je i klimnuo jednom
od svojih glava u odgovarajućem pravcu, "da ste
parkirali svoj brod kroz moj."
To se nije moglo poreći. Ne hajući nimalo za pristojno
dimenziono ophođenje, jednostavno su materijalizovali
svoj brod tačno tamo gde su želeli da se nađe, što je
značilo da se prepleo sa 'Zlatnim srcem' kao da su
posredi dva dela pletenice.
Ponovo ništa nisu odvratili i Zaphod se upita da li bi se
razgovor malo ubrzao kada bi svoj deo formulisao u
obliku pitanja.
"Zar ne?" dodao je.
"Da", odgovorio je robot.
"Ovaj, dobro", rekao je, "onda, momci, šta vi, zapravo,
radite ovde?"
Tišina.
"Roboti", rekao je Zaphod. "Šta vi, roboti, radite ovde?"
"Došli smo", zaškripao je glas robota, "po zlatnu
sponu."
Zaphod klimnu. Mahnuo je pištoljem da bi još malo
podstakao saradnju. Činilo se da roboti to razumeju.
"Zlatna spona predstavlja deo Ključa za kojim tragamo",
produžio je robot, "da bismo oslobodili svoje gospodare
sa Krikita."
Zaphod je ponovo klimnuo. Opet je mahnuo pištoljem.
"Ključ je", nastavio je robot jednostavno, "bio rasut po
vremenu i prostoru. Zlatna spona ugrađena je u uređaj
koji pokreće tvoj brod. U Ključu će ponovo doći na
svoje mesto. Naši gospodari biće oslobođeni.
Prepravljanje Vaseljene potom će se nastaviti."
Zaphod je ponovo klimnuo.
"O čemu vi to pričate?" upitao je.
Kao da je blag izraz bola prešao preko robotovog lica
koje je inače bilo potpuno bezizražajno. Izgleda da je
razgovor izazivao potištenost u njemu.
"O iskorenjavanju", rekao je. "Tragamo za Ključem",
ponovio je. "Već imamo Drveni stub, Čelični stub i
the Perspex Pillar. In a moment we will have the Gold
Bail ...''
``No you won't.''
``We will,'' stated the robot.
``No you won't. It makes my ship work.''
``In a moment,'' repeated the robot patiently, ``we will
have the Gold Bail ...''
``You will not,'' said Zaphod.
``And then we must go,'' said the robot, in all
seriousness, ``to a party.''
``Oh,'' said Zaphod, startled. ``Can I come?''
``No,'' said the robot. ``We are going to shoot you.''
``Oh yeah?'' said Zaphod, waggling his gun.
``Yes,'' said the robot, and they shot him.
Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again
before he fell down.
Chapter Twelve
``Shhh,'' said Slartibartfast. ``Listen and watch.''
Night had now fallen on ancient Krikkit. The sky was
dark and empty. The only light was coming from the
nearby town, from which pleasant convivial sounds were
drifting quietly on the breeze. They stood beneath a tree
from which heady fragrances wafted around them. Arthur
squatted and felt the Informational Illusion of the soil and
the grass. He ran it through his fingers. The soil seemed
heavy and rich, the grass strong. It was hard to avoid the
impression that this was a thoroughly delightful place in
all respects.
The sky was, however, extremely blank and seemed to
Arthur to cast a certain chill over the otherwise idyllic, if
currently invisible, landscape. Still, he supposed, it's a
question of what you're used to.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up. Slartibartfast
was quietly directing his attention to something down the
other side of the hill. He looked and could just see some
faint lights dancing and waving, and moving slowly in
their direction.
As they came nearer, sounds became audible too, and
soon the dim lights and noises resolved themselves into a
small group of people who were walking home across the
hill towards the town.
They walked quite near the watchers beneath the tree,
swinging lanterns which made soft and crazy lights
dance among the trees and grass, chattering contentedly,
and actually singing a song about how terribly nice
everything was, how happy they were, how much they
enjoyed working on the farm, and how pleasant it was to
Plastični stub. Za koji trenutak imaćemo Zlatnu
sponu..."
"Ne, nećete."
"Hoćemo", tvrdio je robot jednostavno.
"Ne, nećete. Ona pokreće moj brod."
"Za koji tren", strpljivo je ponovio robot, "imaćemo
Zlatnu sponu..."
"Nećete", rekao je Zaphod.
"A potom moramo da idemo", rekao je robot vrlo
ozbiljno, "na jednu zabavu."
"Oh", rekao je Zaphod zaprepašćeno, "mogu li i ja?"
"Ne", rekao je robot, "tebe ćemo ubiti."
"Ah, je li?" odvrati Zaphod i mahnu pištoljem.
"Da", rekao je robot, a onda su ga ustrelili.
Zaphod je bio toliko iznenađen da su morali da ga
ustrele još jednom pre nego što se srušio.
12.
"Psst", rekao je Slartibartfast, "gledajte i slušajte."
Noć je pala na drevnom Krikitu. Nebo je bilo tamno i
prazno. Jedina svetlost dolazila je iz obližnjeg grada, iz
koga su sa povetarcem dopirali prijatni i veseli zvuci.
Stajali su pod drvetom čiji su se ugodni mirisi širili oko
njih. Artur je čučnuo i opipao informacionu opsenu
zemlje i trave. Propustio ih je između prstiju. Zemlja je
izgledala teška i bogata, trava jaka. Nije se lako mogao
izbeći utisak da je u svim pogledima posredi bilo
prekrasno mesto.
Ali nebo je bilo potpuno prazno i Arturu se učinilo da
baca određenu hladnoću na inače idilični, mada trenutno
nevidljivi predeo. A opet, pomislio je, sve to zavisi od
toga na šta se čovek navikne.
Osetio je da ga je neko dodirnuo po ramenu i osvrnuo
se. Slartibartfast mu je skretao pažnju na nešto što se
nalazilo niz breg sa druge strane. Pogledao je, ali je
jedino video slaba svetla koja su plesala i njihala se,
lagno se krećući u njihovom pravcu.
Kada su prišla bliže, začuli su se i zvuci, a uskoro su se
mutna svetla i zvuci pretvorili u malu grupu ljudi koji su
išli kući preko brda, u pravcu grada.
Prošli su sasvim blizu posmatrača pod drvetom, njišući
fenjerima koji su bacali nežno i šašavo razigrano svetlo
na drveće i travu, dokono razgovarajući i pevajući
pesme o tome kako je sve silno lepo, koliko su srećni,
koliko su uživali u radu na farmi i kako je prijatno ići
kući i videti žene i decu, sa raspevanim refrenom koji je
be going home to see their wives and children, with a govorio o tome da cveće u ovo doba godine miriše
lilting chorus to the effect that the flowers were smelling naročito prijatno i da je šteta što je crkao pas koji ih je
particularly nice at this time of year and that it was a pity toliko voleo. Artur gotovo da je mogao da zamisli Pola
the dog had died seeing as it liked them so much. Arthur Makartnija kako sedi jedne večeri pored vatre sa
could almost imagine Paul McCartney sitting with his podignutim nogama, pevuši tu pesmu Lindi i pita se šta
feet up by the fire on evening, humming it to Linda and bi da kupi njome, pomišljajući, verovatno, da bi to
wondering what to buy with the proceeds, and thinking mogao da bude Eseks.
probably Essex.
``The Masters of Krikkit,'' breathed Slartibartfast in "Gospodari Krikita", prošaptao je Slartibartfast
sepulchral tones. zagrobnim glasom.
Coming, as it did, so hard upon the heels of his own Pošto je stigla tako brzo za njegovim razmišljanjem o
thoughts about Essex this remark caused Arthur a Eseksu, ova izjava izazvala je kod Artura na trenutak
moment's confusion. Then the logic of the situation zbunjenost. Onda se logika situacije nametnula
imposed itself on his scattered mind, and he discovered njegovom uzdrmanom umu i on je shvatio da još ne
that he still didn't understand what the old man meant. razume šta je starac želeo da kaže.
``What?'' he said. "Šta?" upitao je.
``The Masters of Krikkit,'' said Slartibartfast again, and if "Gospodari Krikita", rekao je Slartibartfast ponovo i
his breathing had been sepulchral before, this time he ukoliko je njegov glas ranije bio zagroban, ovog puta je
sounded like someone in Hades with bronchitis. zvučao poput nekog ko u Hadu ima bronhitis.
Arthur peered at the group and tried to make sense of Artur je gledao grupu i pokušao da pronađe neki smisao
what little information he had at his disposal at this point. u ono malo informacija kojima je raspolagao.
The people in the group were clearly alien, if only Ljudi u grupi očigledno su bili tuđinci, mada samo zbog
because they seemed a little tall, thin, angular and almost toga što su delovali malo previsoko, mršavo, koščato i
as pale as to be white, but otherwise they appeared što su bili toliko bledi da su izgledali gotovo potpuno
remarkably pleasant; a little whimsical perhaps, one beli; inače, ostavljali su utisak vrlo prijatnih, mada
wouldn't necessarily want to spend a long coach journey pomalo luckastih stvorova; možda čovek baš ne bi
with them, but the point was that if they deviated in any poželeo da se dugo vozi sa njima u istom autobusu, ali
way from being good straightforward people it was in stvar je bila u tome da, ukoliko su se na bilo koji način
being perhaps too nice rather than not nice enough. So razlikovali od dobrih i poštenih ljudi, onda je to bilo
why all this rasping lungwork from Slartibartfast which zbog toga što su možda delovali kao prevelike
would seem more appropriate to a radio commercial for dobričine, a ne kao nedovoljno dobri. I zato, zbog čega
one of those nasty films about chainsaw operators taking je Slartibartfast izvodio sve te hrapave plućne majstorije
their work home with them? koje bi više odgovarale reklami na radiju za jedan od
onih ogavnih filmova o rukovaocima motornim
testerama koji i kod kuće nastavljaju da se bave svojim
poslom?
Then, this Krikkit angle was a tough one, too. He hadn't A i ova stvar o Krikitu bila je nezgodna. Još nije sasvim
quite fathomed the connection between what he knew as uspeo da je poveže sa onim što je znao o kriketu i...
cricket, and what ...
Slartibartfast interrupted his train of thought at this point Slartibartfast prekide ta razmišljanja, kao da je naslutio
as if sensing what was going through his mind. šta mu prolazi umom.
``The game you know as cricket,'' he said, and his voice "Igra koju poznaješ kao kriket", rekao je, a glas kao da
still seemed to be wandering lost in subterranean mu je još lutao, izgubljen u podzemnim prolazima,
passages, ``is just one of those curious freaks of racial "predstavlja jedan od onih neobičnih, iščašenih efekata
memory which can keep images alive in the mind aeons rasnih sećanja koja čuvaju žive slike u umu eonima
after their true significance has been lost in the mists of pošto je njihovo pravo značenje izgubljeno u
time. Of all the races on the Galaxy, only the English magluštinama vremena. Od svih rasa u Galaksiji, samo
could possibly revive the memory of the most horrific su Englezi mogli da ožive sećanja na najjeziviji od svih
wars ever to sunder the Universe and transform it into
what I'm afraid is generally regarded as an
incomprehensibly dull and pointless game.
``Rather fond of it myself,'' he added, ``but in most
people's eyes you have been inadvertently guilty of the
most grotesque bad taste. Particularly the bit about the
little red ball hitting the wicket, that's very nasty.''
``Um,'' said Arthur with a reflective frown to indicate that
his cognitive synapses were coping with this as best as
they could, ``um.''
``And these,'' said Slartibartfast, slipping back into crypt
guttural and indicating the group of Krikkit men who had
now walked past them, ``are the ones who started it all,
and it will start tonight. Come, we will follow, and see
why.''
They slipped out from underneath the tree, and followed
the cheery party along the dark hill path. Their natural
instinct was to tread quietly and stealthily in pursuit of
their quarry, though, as they were simply walking
through a recorded Informational Illusion, they could as
easily have been wearing euphoniums and woad for all
the notice their quarry would have taken of them.
Arthur noticed that a couple of members of the party
were now singing a different song. It came lilting back to
them through the soft night air, and was a sweet romantic
ballad which would have netted McCartney Kent and
Sussex and enabled him to put in a fair offer for
Hampshire.
``You must surely know,'' said Slartibartfast to Ford,
``what it is that is about to happen?''
``Me?'' said Ford. ``No.''
``Did you not learn Ancient Galactic History when you
were a child?''
``I was in the cybercubicle behind Zaphod,'' said Ford,
``it was very distracting. Which isn't to say that I didn't
learn some pretty stunning things.''
At this point Arthur noticed a curious feature to the song
that the party were singing. The middle eight bridge,
which would have had McCartney firmly consolidated in
Winchester and gazing intently over the Test Valley to the
rich pickings of the New Forest beyond, had some
curious lyrics. The songwriter was referring to meeting
with a girl not ``under the moon'' or ``beneath the stars''
but ``above the grass'', which struck Arthur a little
prosaic. Then he looked up again at the bewildering
black sky, and had the distinct feeling that there was an
important point here, if only he could grasp what it was.
ratova koji su ikada zadesili Vaseljenu i da ga pretvore u
nešto što se, bojim se, uglavnom smatra nerazumno
mračnom i besmislenom igrom.
"Meni se, doduše, prilično dopada", dodao je, "ali u
očima većine ljudi krivi ste zbog groteskno lošeg ukusa.
Naročito onaj deo sa crvenom lopticom koja pogađa
viket, to je baš ogavno."
"Hm", rekao je Artur sa pogledom punim razmišljanja
koji je trebalo da pokaže da se njegove sinapse za
mozganje hvataju ukoštac sa tim što bolje mogu, "em".
"A ovo su", rekao je Slartibartfast, vrativši se na svoj
grobno hrapavi glas i pokazavši grupu ljudi sa Krikita
koji su prolazili pored njih, "oni koji su sve to počeli, pri
čemu taj početak pada večeras. Dođi, sledićemo ih i
videćeš zašto."
Skliznuli su sa svog mesta pod drvetom i pošli za
veselom grupom mračnim putem po brežuljku. Prirodni
nagon govorio im je da koračaju tiho i oprezno tragom
svojih žrtava, iako su, budući da su naprosto koračali
kroz informacionu opsenu, mogli umesto toga da nose
trube i da budu namazani ratničkim bojama, jer bi ih
njihove žrtve isto toliko primećivale.
Artur vide da nekoliko članova grupe sada peva drugu
pesmu. Odzvanjala je kroz blagi noćni vazduh, a bila je
to slatka, romantična balada koja bi Makartniju mogla
da omogući posedovanje Kenta i Saseksa, kao i
pozamašnu ponudu za Hempšajr.
"Ti sigurno znaš", rekao je Slartibartfast Fordu, "šta će
se sada desiti?"
"Ja?" upitao je Ford. "Ne."
"Zar nisi učio drevnu galaktičku istoriju kada si bio
mali?"
"Bio sam u kiberodeljku odmah iza Zaphoda", rekao je
Ford. "Bilo je to vrlo rastrojavajuće iskustvo. Mada ne
želim da kažem da tada nisam naučio neke neverovatne
stvari."
U tom trenutku Artur je primetio jedno neobično
dvojstvo pesama koje je grupa pevala. Središnji refren,
koji bi neopozivo učvrstio Makartnija u Vinčesteru i
omogućio mu da razgleda preko Test Velija bogatstvo
Nju Foresta iza njega, imao je neobične reči. Pesme su
govorile o susretu sa devojkom ne 'pod mesecom', ili
'ispod zvezda', već 'iznad trave', što se Arturu učinilo
pomalo prozaično. Onda je ponovo podigao pogled na
zbunjujuće prazno nebo i neodređeno je osetio da u
svemu tome postoji nešto jako važno, samo kada bi
mogao da shvati o čemu je reč. Davalo mu je utisak da
It gave him a feeling of being alone in the Universe, and
he said so.
``No,'' said Slartibartfast, with a slight quickening of his
step, ``the people of Krikkit have never thought to
themselves `We are alone in the Universe.' They are
surrounded by a huge Dust Cloud, you see, their single
sun with its single world, and they are right out on the
utmost eastern edge of the Galaxy. Because of the Dust
Cloud there has never been anything to see in the sky. At
night it is totally blank, During the day there is the sun,
but you can't look directly at that so they don't. They are
hardly aware of the sky. It's as if they had a blind spot
which extended 180 degrees from horizon to horizon.
``You see, the reason why they have never thought `We
are alone in the Universe' is that until tonight they don't
know about the Universe. Until tonight.''
He moved on, leaving the words ringing in the air behind
him.
``Imagine,'' he said, ``never even thinking `We are alone'
simply because it has never occurred to you to think that
there's any other way to be.''
He moved on again.
``I'm afraid this is going to be a little unnerving,'' he
added.
As he spoke, they became aware of a very thin roaring
scream high up in the sightless sky above them. They
glanced upwards in alarm, but for a moment or two could
see nothing.
Then Arthur noticed that the people in the party in front
of them had heard the noise, but that none of them
seemed to know what to so with it. They were glancing
around themselves in consternation, left, right, forwards,
backwards, even at the ground. It never occurred to them
to look upwards.
The profoundness of the shock and horror they emanated
a few moments later when the burning wreckage of a
spaceship came hurtling and screaming out of the sky
and crashed about half a mile from where they were
standing was something that you had to be there to
experience.
Some speak of the Heart of Gold in hushed tones, some
of the Starship Bistromath.
Many speak of the legendary and gigantic Starship
Titanic, a majestic and luxurious cruise-liner launched
from the great shipbuilding asteroid complexes of
Artifactovol some hundreds of years ago now, and with
good reason.
It was sensationally beautiful, staggeringly huge, and
se nalazi sam u Vaseljeni, pa je to i rekao.
"Ne", uzvratio je Slartibartfast i neznatno ubrzao korake,
"ljudi Krikita nikada nisu pomislili 'mi smo sami u
Vaseljeni'. Vidiš, njih okružuje divovski Oblak Prašine,
njihovo usamljeno sunce i njihov usamljeni svet, a
nalaze se na najdaljem kraju istočnog kraka Galaksije.
Zbog Oblaka Prašine na njihovom nebu nikada se nije
moglo videti ništa. Noću je potpuno prazno. Danju tamo
stoji sunce ali u njega se ne može direktno gledati, pa
oni to i ne čine. Jedva da su uopšte svesni neba. To je
kao da imaju slepu tačku koja se pruža 180 stepeni, od
obzorja do obzorja."
"Vidite, razlog zbog koga nikada nisu pomislili 'mi smo
sami u Vaseljenu' jeste taj što do ove večeri nisu ni znali
da postoji Vaseljena. Do ove večeri."
Pokrenuo se i ostavio reči da odzvanjaju u vazduhu iza
njega.
"Zamislite", nastavio je, "nikada nisu čak ni pomislili
'mi smo sami' iz jednostavnog razloga što im nikada nije
ni palo na pamet da može biti drugačije."
Ponovo je požurio.
"Bojim se da će ovo biti pomalo neprijatno", dodao je.
Dok je govorio, postali su svesni veoma tankog,
vrištavog urlika visoko na neuglednom nebu iznad
njihovih glava. Uznemireno su podigli poglede, ali
trenutak ili dva nije se moglo videti ništa.
A onda je Artur primetio da su i ljudi iz grupe pred
njima čuli zvuk, kao i da niko od njih takođe pojma
nema šta bi to moglo biti. Gledali su zaprepašćeno oko
sebe, levo, desno, napred, nazad, čak i prema zemlji.
Uopšte im nije palo na pamet da pogledaju nagore.
Dubina šoka kojom su zračili nekoliko trenutaka
kasnije, kada je plamteća olupina svemirskog broda
urlajući i prašteći izletela iz neba i tresnula na oko pola
milje od mesta na kome su se nalazili, bila je nešto što
treba videti da bi se poverovalo.
Neki govore prigušenim glasom o 'Zlatnom srcu', a
drugi o međuzvezdanom brodu 'Bistromat'.
Mnogi govore o legendarnom i divovskom
međuzvezdanom brodu 'Titanik', veličanstvenoj i
luksuznoj letelici za krstarenja lansiranoj iz ogromnog
asteroidnog kompleksa Artrifaktovola pre stotinak
godina, i to sa dobrim razlogom.
Bio je senzacionalno prekrasan, zaprepašćujuće
more pleasantly equipped than any ship in what now
remains of history (see note below on the Campaign for
Real Time) but it had the misfortune to be built in the
very earliest days of Improbability Physics, long before
this difficult and cussed branch of knowledge was fully,
or at all, understood.
The designers and engineers decided, in their innocence,
to build a prototype Improbability Field into it, which
was meant, supposedly, to ensure that it was Infinitely
Improbable that anything would ever go wrong with any
part of the ship.
They did not realize that because of the quasi-reciprocal
and circular nature of all Improbability calculations,
anything that was Infinitely Improbable was actually
very likely to happen almost immediately.
The Starship Titanic was a monstrously pretty sight as it
lay beached like a silver Arcturan Megavoidwhale
amongst the laser-lit tracery of its construction gantries, a
brilliant cloud of pins and needles of light against the
deep interstellar blackness; but when launched, it did not
even manage to complete its very first radio message ---
an SOS --- before undergoing a sudden and gratuitous
total existence failure.
However, the same event which saw the disastrous
failure of one science in its infancy also witnessed the
apotheosis of another. It was conclusively proven that
more people watched the tri-d coverage of the launch
than actually existed at the time, and this has now been
recognized as the greatest achievement ever in the
science of audience research.
Another spectacular media event of that time was the
supernova which the star Ysllodins underwent a few
hours later. Ysllodins is the star around which most of the
Galaxy's major insurance underwriters live, or rather
lived.
But whilst these spaceships, and other great ones which
come to mind, such as the Galactic Fleet Battleships ---
the GSS Daring, the GSS Audacy and the GSS Suicidal
Insanity --- are all spoken of with awe, pride, enthusiasm,
affection, admiration, regret, jealousy, resentment, in fact
most of the better known emotions, the one which
regularly commands the most actual astonishment was
Krikkit One, the first spaceship ever built by the people
of Krikkit. This is not because it was a wonderful ship. It
wasn't.
It was a crazy piece of near junk. It looked as if it had
ogroman i lepše opremljen od ijednog drugog broda u
preostalom delu istorije (videti sedamnaestu glavu -
odeljak o kampanji za realno vreme), ali imao je tu
nesreću da bude sagrađen u najranijim danima fizike
neverovatnoće, davno pre nego što je ova teška i mnogo
proklinjana oblast znanja u potpunosti, ili makar
delimično shvaćena.
Projektanti i inženjeri zaključili su, u svojoj
bezazlenosti, da treba da ugrade u nju prototipski uređaj
za stvaranje polja neverovatnoće, kako bi time
obezbedili beskonačnu neverovatnoću da će se ikada
nešto loše dogoditi sa bilo kojim delom broda.
Nisu shvatili da zbog kvazirecipročne i kružne prirode
računa neverovatnoće, sve što je beskonačno
neverovatno lako može da se dogodi smesta.
Međuzvezdani brod 'Titanik' predstavljao je čudovišno
privlačan prizor dok je počivao na obali poput
srebrnastog arkturijanskog megakita među svojim
ukrašenim konstrukcijskim skelama osvetljenim
laserskom svetlošću: brilijantni oblak iglica svetlosti na
pozadini duboke međuzvezdane tmine; ali kada je
lansiran, nije uspeo čak ni da dovrši svoju prvu SOS
radio-poruku pre nego što je podlegao iznenadnom,
bezrazložnom i potpunom raspadu svih sistema.
Ali isti događaj koji je video katastrofalnu grešku jedne
nauke u povojima takođe je bio svedok apoteoze druge.
Nepobitno je dokazano da je tri-D prenos lansiranja
posmatralo više ljudi nego što je, zapravo, postojalo u
tom trenutku, a to se i dan-danas smatra najvećim
dostignućem u nauci o istraživanju javnog mnjenja.
Drugi spektakularni medijski događaj tog vremena bila
je supernova u koju se pretvorila zvezda Islodin
nekoliko časova kasnije. Islodin je zvezda oko koje živi
većina glavnih prodavaca polisa osiguranja u Galaksiji,
to jest, oko koje je živela.
Ali dok svi o tim brodovima, odnosno o ostalim
najvećim brodovima koji padaju na pamet, kao što su
borne krstarice galaktičke flote GZB 'Smeli', GZB
'Neustrašivi' i GZB 'Samoubilačko ludilo', govore
zadivljeno, ponosno, oduševljeno, ganuto, očarano,
žalosno, ljubomorno, ozlojeđeno - zapravo, sa svim
poznatijim osećanjima - onaj koji izaziva najveće
zaprepašćenje jeste 'Krikit Jedan', prvi brod koji su
ikada sagradili žitelji Krikita. To nije zato što je to bio
divan brod, jer on to nije bio.
Bilo je to sumanuto parče poluolupine. Izgledalo je kao
been knocked up in somebody's backyard, and this was
in fact precisely where it had been knocked up. The
astonishing thing about the ship was not that it was one
well (it wasn't) but that it was done at all. The period of
time which had elapsed between the moment that the
people of Krikkit had discovered that there was such a
thing as space and the launching of their first spaceship
was almost exactly a year.
Ford Prefect was extremely grateful, as he strapped
himself in, that this was just another Informational
Illusion, and that he was therefore completely safe. In
real life it wasn't a ship he would have set foot in for all
the rice wine in China. ``Extremely rickety'' was one
phrase which sprang to mind, and ``Please may I get
out?'' was another.
``This is going to fly?'' said Arthur, giving gaunt looks, at
the lashed-together pipework and wiring which festooned
the cramped interior of the ship.
Slartibartfast assured him that it would, that they were
perfectly safe and that it was all going to be extremely
instructive and not a little harrowing.
Ford and Arthur decided just to relax and be harrowed.
``Why not,'' said Ford, ``go mad?''
In front of them and, of course, totally unaware of their
presence for the very good reason that they weren't
actually there, were the three pilots. They had also
constructed the ship. They had been on the hill path that
night singing wholesome heartwarming songs. Their
brains had been very slightly turned by the nearby crash
of the alien spaceship. They had spent weeks stripping
every tiniest last secret out of the wreckage of that burnt-
up spaceship, all the while singing lilting spaceship-
stripping ditties. They had then built their own ship and
this was it. This was their ship, and they were currently
singing a little song about that too, expressing the twin
joys of achievement and ownership. The chorus was a
little poignant, and told of their sorrow that their work
had kept them such long hours in the garage, away from
the company of their wives and children, who had missed
them terribly but had kept them cheerful by bringing
them continual stories of how nicely the puppy was
growing up.
Pow, they took off.
They roared into the sky like a ship that knew precisely Grmeli su nebom poput broda koji tačno zna šta radi.
what it was doing.
``No way,'' said Ford a while later after they had "Niko", rekao je Ford malo kasnije, kada su se oporavili
da je skuckano u nečijem dvorištu, a tako je, u stvari, i
bilo. Najneverovatnija stvar u vezi sa tim brodom nije
bila to da je dobro napravljen (jer nije), već da je uopšte
napravljen. Razdoblje koje je proteklo od trenutka kada
su žitelji Krikita otkrili da postoji nešto takvo kao što je
svemir i lansiranja tog broda, njihove prve svemirske
letelice, iznosilo je skoro tačno godinu dana.
Ford Prefekt bio je izuzetno zahvalan nebesima, kada se
obreo u brodu, što je reč o samo još jednoj
informacionoj opseni i što je, prema tome, potpuno
bezbedan. U stvarnom životu na takav brod ne bi spustio
nogu ni za sve pirinčano vino Kine. 'Izuzetno nesigurno'
bila je prva fraza koja mu je pala na um, a druga je
glasila 'Mogu li napolje?'
"I ovo treba da leti?" upitao je Artur, prestravljeno
bacajući poglede na cevi koje su bile privezane jedna za
drugu i kablove koji su ukrašavali skučenu unutrašnjost
broda.
Slartibartfast ga je uverio da će leteti, da su savršeno
bezbedni i da će sve biti izuzetno poučno i nimalo
neprijatno.
Ford i Artur odlučili su da se prepuste sudbini i da se
ipak osećaju neprijatno.
"Zbog čega", upitao je Ford, "ne poludeti?"
Pred njima i, razume se, potpuno nesvesna njihovog
prisustva, iz veoma dobrog razloga što, zapravo, uopšte
nisu bili tu, sedela su trojica pilota. Oni su bili i
projektanti broda, a i nalazili su se one noći na brdskoj
stazi i pevali vedro ganutljive pesme. Pad tuđinskog
broda malo im je promenio razmišljanje. Proveli su
nedelju dana skidajući i najsitnije tajne sa olupine
spaljenog svemirskog broda i pritom sve vreme pevali
umilne napeve i litanije o rastavljanju kosmičke letelice.
Sagradili su svoj svemirski brod i on je bio ovo. Bio je
to njihov brod i sada su pevali pesmicu o tome,
izražavajući izmešana osećanja postignuća i vlasništva.
Refren je bio malo oštriji i govorio je o njihovoj žalosti
zbog toga što ih je rad držao časovima u garaži, van
društva njihovih žena i dece, kojima su strašno
nedostajali, ali su ih razveseljavali stalnim pričama o
tome kako kučići lepo rastu.
Pau, uzleteli su.
recovered from the shock of acceleration, and were od šoka usled ubrzanja i dok su se uspinjali kroz
climbing up out of the planet's atmosphere, ``no way,'' he atmosferu planete, "niko", ponovio je, "ne može da
repeated, ``does anyone design and build a ship like this projektuje i sagradi ovakav brod za godinu dana, koliko
in a year, no matter how motivated. I don't believe it. god da je podstaknut. Dokažite mi da može i ja opet
Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.'' He shook his neću verovati." Zamišljeno je zavrteo glavom i zagledao
head thoughtfully and gazed out of a tiny port at the se kroz sićušni prozor u ništavilo izvan broda.
nothingness outside it.
The trip passed uneventfully for a while, and Put je neko vreme proticao bez ikakvih događaja i
Slartibartfast fastwound them through it. Slartibartfast brže premota taj deo.
Very quickly, therefore, they arrived at the inner Tako su vrlo brzo stigli do unutrašnje granice šupljeg,
perimeter of the hollow, spherical Dust Cloud which loptastog Oblaka Prašine koji je okruživao njihovo
surrounded their sun and home planet, occupying, as it sunce i planetu što im je bila dom, nalazeći se, kako se i
were, the next orbit out. moglo očekivati, na narednoj orbiti oko zvezde.
It was more as if there was a gradual change in the Pre je izgledalo kao da je postepeno došlo do promene u
texture and consistency of space. The darkness seemed samoj građi i izgledu svemira. Tama kao da je jurila i
now to thrum and ripple past them. It was a very cold talasala se pored njih. Bila je to veoma studena tama,
darkness, a very blank and heavy darkness, it was the vrlo prazna i teška tama, bila je to tama noćnog neba
darkness of the night sky of Krikkit. Krikita.
The coldness and heaviness and blankness of it took a Njena studen, praznina i težina lagano su obuhvatile
slow grip on Arthur's heart, and he felt acutely aware of Arturovo srce i on postade izuzetno svestan osećanja
the feelings of the Krikkit pilots which hung in the air krikitskih pilota koja su lebdela u vazduhu poput jakog
like a thick static charge. They were now on the very statičkog naelektrisanja. Bili su sada na samoj granici
boundary of the historical knowledge of their race. This istorijske svesti svoje rase. Bila je ovo granica o kojoj
was the very limit beyond which none of them had ever niko od njih nikada nije ni razmišljao, niti je čak znao da
speculated, or even known that there was any speculation se o tome može razmišljati.
to be done.
The darkness of the cloud buffeted at the ship. Inside was Tama oblaka udarila je po brodu. Unutra je vladala
the silence of history. Their historic mission was to find istorijska tišina. Njihovo istorijsko poslanstvo bilo je da
out if there was anything or anywhere on the other side otkriju ima li ičega, bilo kakvog mesta sa koga je
of the sky, from which the wrecked spaceship could have oštećeni brod mogao stići, drugi svet možda, koliko god
come, another world maybe, strange and ta misao bila strana i nerazumljiva zatvorenim umovima
incomprehensible though this thought was to the onih koji su živeli pod nebom Krikita.
enclosed minds of those who had lived beneath the sky
of Krikkit.
History was gathering itself to deliver another blow. Istorija se prikupljala da zada novi udarac.
Still the darkness thrummed at them, the blank enclosing Tama ih je i dalje saletala, prazna tama koja je sve
darkness. It seemed closer and closer, thicker and thicker, gutala. Izgledala je sve bliža i bliža, gušća i gušća, teža i
heavier and heavier. And suddenly it was gone. teža. A onda je iznenada nestala.
They flew out of the cloud. Izleteli su iz oblaka.
They saw the staggering jewels of the night in their Ugledali su zapanjujuće dragulje noći u njihovoj
infinite dust and their minds sang with fear. raskošnoj beskonačnosti i umovi su im zacvileli od
straha.
For a while they flew on, motionless against the starry Neko vreme nastavili su da lete, nepokretni na
sweep of the Galaxy, itself motionless against the infinite zvezdanom zaleđu Galaksije. Potom su se okrenuli.
sweep of the Universe. And then they turned round.
``It'll have to go,'' the men of Krikkit said as they headed "Sve će to morati da nestane", rekli su ljudi Krikita dok
back for home. su žurili kući.
On the way back they sang a number of tuneful and Putem su pevali brojne melodične i misaone pesme o
reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, temama mira, pravde, moralnosti, kulture, sporta,
morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of porodičnog života i istrebljenja svih ostalih oblika
all other life forms. života.
Chapter Thirteen
``So you see,'' said Slartibartfast, slowly stirring his
artificially constructed coffee, and thereby also stirring
the whirlpool interfaces between real and unreal
numbers, between the interactive perceptions of mind
and Universe, and thus generating the restructured
matrices of implicitly enfolded subjectivity which
allowed his ship to reshape the very concept of time and
space, ``how it is.''
``Yes,'' said Arthur.
``Yes,'' said Ford.
``What do I do,'' said Arthur, ``with this piece of
chicken?''
Slartibartfast glanced at him gravely.
``Toy with it,'' he said, ``toy with it.''
He demonstrated with his own piece.
Arthur did so, and felt the slight tingle of a mathematical
function thrilling through the chicken leg as it moved
four-dimensionally through what Slartibartfast had
assured him was five-dimensional space.
``Overnight,'' said Slartibartfast, ``the whole population
of Krikkit was transformed from being charming,
delightful, intelligent ...''
``... if whimsical ...'' interpolated Arthur.
``... ordinary people,'' said Slartibartfast, ``into charming,
delightful, intelligent ...''
``... whimsical ...''
``... manic xenophobes. The idea of a Universe didn't fit
into their world picture, so to speak. They simply
couldn't cope with it. And so, charmingly, delightfully,
intelligently, whimsically if you like, they decided to
destroy it. What's the matter now?''
``I don't like the wine very much,'' said Arthur sniffing it.
``Well, send it back. It's all part of the mathematics of it.''
Arthur did so. He didn't like the topography of the
waiter's smile, but he'd never liked graphs anyway.
``Where are we going?'' said Ford.
``Back to the Room of Informational Illusions,'' said
Slartibartfast, rising and patting his mouth with the
mathematical representation of a paper napkin, ``for the
13.
"I tako, vidite", rekao je Slartibartfast, dok je lagano
mešao veštačku kafu, a time istovremeno i uskovitlane
spojeve realnih i imaginarnih brojeva, interaktivnih
percepcija uma i Vaseljene, čime je ujedno generisao
restrukturisane matrice implicitno date subjektivnosti,
što je omogućavalao njegovom brodu da preobliči samu
temeljnu koncepciju vremena i prostora, "kako je to."
"Da", rekao je Artur.
"Da", rekao je Ford.
"Šta da radim", upitao je Artur, "sa ovim komadom
piletine?"
Slartibartfast ga je ozbiljno osmotrio.
"Igraj se njime", rekao je, "igraj se njime."
Pokazao mu je kako da to čini pomoću sopstvenog
parčeta.
Artur ga je poslušao i osetio blago prisustvo
matematičkih funkcija koje su podrhtavale u pilećem
bataku dok ga je četvorodimenziono pokretao kroz ono
za šta ga je Slartibartfast uveravao da predstavlja
petodimenzioni prostor.
"Preko noći", rekao je Slartibartfast, "čitava populacija
Krikita prestala je da bude društvo prijatnih, zabavnih,
pametnih..."
"...mada luckastih..." ubacio je Artur.
"...običnih ljudi", nastavio je Slartibartfast, "i pretvorila
se u prijatne, zabavne, inteligentne..."
"...luckaste..."
"...manijakalne ksenofobe. Zamisao o Vaseljeni nije se
uklapala u njihovu sliku sveta, da se tako izrazim.
Naprosto, nisu znali šta bi sa njom. I tako su na prijatan
način, zabavan, inteligentan - dobro, i luckast, ako ti se
to sviđa - odlučili da je unište. Šta je sada bilo?"
"Ne sviđa mi se ovo vino", rekao je Artur, njušeći ga.
"Pa, vrati ga. Sve je to i tako deo opšte matematike."
Artur ga je poslušao. Nije mu se dopala topografija
kelnerovog osmeha, ali on i tako nikada nije voleo
grafove.
"Kuda ćemo sada?" upitao je Ford.
"Natrag u salu informacionih opsena", rekao je
Slartibartfast, podigao se i obrisao usta matematičkom
predstavom papirnatog salveta, 'za drugu polovinu'.
second half.''
Chapter Fourteen
``The people of Krikkit,'' said His High Judgmental
Supremacy, Judiciary Pag, LIVR (the Learned, Impartial
and Very Relaxed) Chairman of the Board of Judges at
the Krikkit War Crimes Trial, ``are, well, you know,
they're just a bunch of real sweet guys, you know, who
just happen to want to kill everybody. Hell, I feel the
same way some mornings. Shit.
``OK,'' he continued, swinging his feet up on to the bench
in front of him and pausing a moment to pick a thread off
his Ceremonial Beach Loafers, ``so you wouldn't
necessarily want to share a Galaxy with these guys.''
This was true.
The Krikkit attack on the Galaxy had been stunning.
Thousands and thousands of huge Krikkit warships had
leapt suddenly out of hyperspace and simultaneously
attacked thousands and thousands of major worlds, first
seizing vital material supplies for building the next wave,
and then calmly zapping those worlds out of existence.
The Galaxy, which had been enjoying a period of unusual
peace and prosperity at the time, reeled like a man
getting mugged in a meadow.
``I mean,'' continued Judiciary Pag, gazing round the
ultra-modern (this was ten billion years ago, when
``ultra-modern'' meant lots of stainless steel and brushed
concrete) and huge courtroom, ``these guys are just
obsessed.''
This too was true, and is the only explanation anyone has
yet managed to come up with for the unimaginable speed
with which the people of Krikkit had pursued their new
and absolute purpose --- the destruction of everything
that wasn't Krikkit.
It is also the only explanation for their bewildering
sudden grasp of all the hypertechnology involved in
building their thousands of spaceships, and their millions
of lethal white robots.
These had really struck terror into the hearts of everyone
who had encountered them --- in most cases, however,
the terror was extremely short-lived, as was the person
experiencing the terror. They were savage, single-minded
flying battle machines. They wielded formidable
multifunctional battleclubs which, brandished one way,
would knock down buildings and, brandished another
way, fired blistering Omni-Destructo Zap Rays and,
14.
"Narod Krikita" reklo je Njegovo Visokosudsko
Presvetlo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo, U. N. V. O.
(Učeni, Nepristrasni i Vrlo Opušteni), predsedavajući
vrhovnog suda za proces krikitskim ratnim zločinima,
"to vam je jedno mnogo fino društvo, znate, koje
slučajno čezne za tim da ukoka sve oko sebe. Đavolju
mu mater, i sam ponekad izjutra osetim istu želju."
Podigao je noge na sto ispred sebe i zastao samo na
trenutak da skine parče konca sa svojih svečanih klompi
za plažu, "U redu", nastavio je, "vi verovatno ne žudite
za tim da delite Galaksiju sa takvim tipovima."
Bila je to istina.
Napad Krikita na Galaksiju bio je zaprepašćujući.
Hiljade i hiljade divovskih krikitskih ratnih brodova
iznenada su bljunule iz hipersvemira i istovremeno
napale hiljade i hiljade najvažnijih svetova, najpre
osvojivši ključne materijalne zalihe za gradnju sledećeg
talasa, a potom hladno zbrisavši sve te svetove.
Galaksija, koja je u to vreme uživala razdoblje
neuobičajenog mira i blagostanja, zateturala se kao
čovek koga su usred livade iz zasede tresnuli močugom
po glavi.
"Hoću da kažem", reklo je njegovo Zakonodavno
blagorodstvo i pogledalo po ultramodernoj (bilo je to
pre deset milijardi godina, kada je ultramoderno značilo
mnogo nerđajućeg čelika i glatkog betona), divovskoj
sudnici, "da su ti momci jednostavno opsednuti."
Bila je to istina i predstavljala je jedino objašnjenje koje
je ikada iko uspeo da pruži za nezamislivu brzinu kojom
su žitelji Krikita sledili svoju novu i krajnju svrhu -
uništenje svega što nije bilo Krikit.
To je takođe jedino objašnjenje za njihovo zbunjujuće
ovladavanje hipertehnologijom koja je bila potrebna za
gradnju hiljada svemirskih brodova i miliona ubilačkih
belih robota.
Ovi su stvarno uneli užas u srca svih onih sa kojima su
se sreli - ali, u većini slučajeva, taj užas bio je izuzetno
kratkotrajan, jer je takav bio i život osobe koja ga je
iskusila. Bile su to divlje, leteće, borbene mašine sa
samo jednom mišlju u glavi. Posedovale su zastrašujuće
borbene batine koje su, upotrebljene na jedan način,
rušile čitave zgrade, a na drugi, ispaljivale omni-
destrukto-zgruzgo zrake, dok su na treći izbacivale
brandished a third way, launched a hideous arsenal of
grenades, ranging from minor incendiary devices to
Maxi-Slorta Hypernuclear Devices which could take out
a major sun. Simply striking the grenades with the
battleclubs simultaneously primed them, and launched
them with phenomenal accuracy over distances ranging
from mere yards to hundreds of thousands of miles.
``OK,'' said Judiciary Pag again, ``so we won.'' He
paused and chewed a little gum. ``We won,'' he repeated,
``but that's no big deal. I mean a medium-sized galaxy
against one little world, and how long did it take us?
Clerk of the Court?''
``M'lud?'' said the severe little man in black, rising.
``How long, kiddo?''
``It is a trifle difficult, m'lud, to be precise in this matter.
Time and distance ...''
``Relax, guy, be vague.''
``I hardly like to be vague, m'lud, over such a ...''
``Bite the bullet and be it.''
The Clerk of the Court blinked at him. It was clear that
like most of the Galactic legal profession he found
Judiciary Pag (or Zipo Bibrok 5×10^8, as his private
name was known, inexplicably, to be) a rather distressing
figure. He was clearly a bounder and a cad. He seemed to
think that the fact that he was the possessor of the finest
legal mind ever discovered gave him the right to behave
exactly as he liked, and unfortunately he appeared to be
right.
``Er, well, m'lud, very approximately, two thousand
years,'' the Clerk murmured unhappily.
``And how many guys zilched out?''
``Two grillion, m'lud.'' The Clerk sat down. A
hydrospectic photo of him at this point would have
revealed that he was steaming slightly.
Judiciary Pag gazed once more around the courtroom,
wherein were assembled hundreds of the very highest
officials of the entire Galactic administration, all in their
ceremonial uniforms or bodies, depending on metabolism
and custom. Behind a wall of Zap-Proof Crystal stood a
representative group of the people of Krikkit, looking
with calm, polite loathing at all the aliens gathered to
pass judgment on them. This was the most momentous
occasion in legal history, and Judiciary Pag knew it.
He took out his chewing gum and stuck it under his chair.
``That's a whole lotta stiffs,'' he said quietly.
jezivi arsenal granata, u rasponu od omanjih zapaljivih
bombi do maksi-slorta - hipernuklearnog oružja koje je
moglo da raznese neko oveće sunce. Jednostavnim
udaranjem granata borbenim batinama istovremeno su
ih pripaljivali i lansirali neverovatnom tačnošću preko
rastojanja u opsegu od nekoliko jardi, pa sve do više
stotina hiljada milja.
"U redu", kazalo je ponovo Njegovo Zakonodavno
Blagorodstvo, "mi smo na kraju pobedili." Zastao je i
nekoliko trenutaka žvakao malenu gumu. "Pobedili smo,
ali to baš i nije Bog zna šta. Hoću da kažem, bilo je to
čitava jedna osrednja Galaksija protiv maleckog sveta, a
koliko nam je trebalo? Ćato?"
"Gospon?" upitao je ozbiljni čovečuljak odeven u crno i
podigao se.
"Koliko, dečko?"
"Pa, gospon, malko je teško biti precizan u tim stvarima.
Vreme i razdaljina..."
"Polako, momak, opusti se."
"Ne dopada mi se baš mnogo, gospon, da se opustim u
takvom..."
"Sredi se i navali."
Sudski ćata trepnuo je prema njemu. Bilo je očigledno
da, kao i mnogi drugi pravnici Galaksije, smatra
Njegovo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo (ili Zipo Bibroka 5
x 10 na 8 kako je, neobjašnjivo, glasilo njegovo pravo
ime) prilično teškim čovekom. Ovaj je, zapravo, zaista
bio nasrtljivac i nevaspitan čovek. Izgleda da je mislio
da mu to što poseduje najbolji pravni um koji je ikada
postojao daje pravo da se ponaša kako hoće; na žalost,
čini se da je bio u pravu.
"Pa, ovaj, gospon, vrlo približno, dve hiljade godina",
promrmljao je ćata nesrećno.
"A koliko tipova je odmrčalo?"
"Dva griliona, gospon." Ćata sede. Hidrospektički
snimak njegovog tela u tom trenutku otkrio bi da se
lagano puši.
Njegovo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo još jednom je
pogledalo po sudnici, gde su bile okupljene stotine
najviših službenika čitave galaktičke uprave, svi u
svojim svečanim uniformama ili telima, zavisno od
običaja i metabolizma. Iza zida od kristala neprobojnog
za zgrom-i-puc nalazila se skupina predstavnika Krikita
koja je sa hladnim, uglađenim gađenjem posmatrala sve
te tuđince što su se tu okupili da im donesu presudu. Bio
je ovo najvažniji trenutak u istoriji pravnih nauka i
Njegovo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo znalo je to.
Izvadio je žvakaću gumu i prilepio je ispod stolice.
"To ti je gadna gomila", rekao je tiho.
The grim silence in the courtroom seemed in accord with
this view.
``So, like I said, these are a bunch of really sweet guys,
but you wouldn't want to share a Galaxy with them, not if
they're just gonna keep at it, not if they're not gonna learn
to relax a little. I mean it's just gonna be continual
nervous time, isn't it, right? Pow, pow, pow, when are
they next coming at us? Peaceful coexistence is just right
out, right? Get me some water somebody, thank you.''
He sat back and sipped reflectively.
``OK,'' he said, ``hear me, hear me. It's, like, these guys,
you know, are entitled to their own view of the Universe.
And according to their view, which the Universe forced
on them, right, they did right. Sounds crazy, but I think
you'll agree. They believe in ...''
He consulted a piece of paper which he found in the back
pocket of his Judicial jeans.
``They believe in `peace, justice, morality, culture, sport,
family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms'.''
He shrugged.
``I've heard a lot worse,'' he said.
He scratched his crotch reflectively.
``Freeeow,'' he said. He took another sip of water, then
held it up to the light and frowned at it. He twisted it
round.
``Hey, is there something in this water?'' he said.
``Er, no, m'lud,'' said the Court Usher who had brought it
to him, rather nervously.
``Then take it away,'' snapped Judiciary Pag, ``and put
something in it. I got an idea.''
He pushed away the glass and leaned forward.
``Hear me, hear me,'' he said.
The solution was brilliant, and went like this:
The planet of Krikkit was to be enclosed for perpetuity in
an envelope of Slo-Time, inside which life would
continue almost infinitely slowly. All light would be
deflected round the envelope so that it would remain
invisible and impenetrable. Escape from the envelope
would be utterly impossible unless it were locked from
the outside.
When the rest of the Universe came to its final end, when
the whole of creation reached its dying fall (this was all,
of course, in the days before it was known that the end of
the Universe would be a spectacular catering venture)
and life and matter ceased to exist, then the planet of
Krikkit and its sun would emerge from its Slo-Time
Mrka tišina u sudnici izgleda da se slagala sa takvim
pogledom.
"I tako, kao što sam već rekao, oni su mnogo fino
društvo, ali niko ne žudi da deli Galaksiju sa njima, bar
ne ukoliko i dalje nameravaju da se drže toga kao pijan
plota, ako ne nauče da malo 'olade. Hoću da kažem, pa
to bi bilo neprekidno nerviranje sa njima, zar ne? Bum,
bum, bum, kada li će sledeći put da navale na nas.
Dakle, miroljubiva koegzistencija ne dolazi u obzir, je l'
tako? Ej, 'ajde da mi neko donese čašu vode, moliću
lepo."
Ponovo se zavalio i zamišljeno nalio vodu.
"U redu", rekao je, "počujte ovo, slušajte. Izgleda da su
ti momci, znate, skroz okrenuti svojoj slici Vaseljene. A
prema toj slici, koju im je Vaseljena nametnula, oni su
ispravno postupili. Znam da zvuči blesavo, ali verujem
da se slažete. Oni veruju u..."
Pogledao je papir koji je našao u zadnjem džepu svojih
sudskih farmerki.
"Oni veruju u 'mir, pravdu, moralnost, kulturu, sport,
porodični život i istrebljenje svih ostalih oblika života'."
Slegao je ramenima.
"Čuo sam i za gore", dodao je.
Zamišljeno se počešao između nogu.
"Uuuuf", rekao je. Nalio je još vode, a onda je podigao
čašu i namrštio se na nju. Prodrmao ju je.
"Ej, ima li to nečega u ovoj vodi?" upitao je.
"Ovaj, nema ničega", odvratio je sudski razvodnik koji
mu ju je doneo, prilično nervoznim glasom.
"Nosi je onda odavde", zarežalo je Njegovo
Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo, "i sipaj nešto u nju. Imam
ideju."
Odložio je čašu i nagao se napred.
"Počujte ovo, slušajte", rekao je on.
Rešenje je bilo blistavo, a ogledalo se u sledećem:
Planeta Krikit biće večito zatvorena u omotač od Spo-
vremena, unutar koga će život nastaviti da se odigrava
gotovo beskonačno sporo. Sva svetlost skretaće oko
omotača, tako da će on ostati nevidljiv i neprobojan.
Bekstvo iz omotača biće nemoguće osim ukoliko bi se
ovaj otključao spolja.
Kada ostatak Vaseljene bude došao do svog konačnog
kraja i kada čitavo postanje bude suočeno sa svojim
samrtnim okončanjem (sve se to, razume se, dešavalo
pre nego što je postalo poznato da će kraj Vaseljene
prerasti u spektakularni ugostiteljski događaj), kada
život i materija budu prestali da postoje, tada će planeta
envelope and continue a solitary existence, such as it Krikit i njeno sunce izroniti iz svog omotača od Spo-
craved, in the twilight of the Universal void. vremena i nastaviti svoje usamljeno postojanje, kao što
su i želeli, u sumraku sveopšte praznine.
The Lock would be on an asteroid which would slowly Brava će se nalaziti na asteroidu koji će lagano kružiti
orbit the envelope. na orbiti oko omotača.
The key would be the symbol of the Galaxy --- the Ključ će biti simbol Galaksije - Dveri Vikita.
Wikkit Gate.
By the time the applause in the court had died down, Do trenutka kada je pljesak u sudnici zamro, Njegovo
Judiciary Pag was already in the Sens-O-Shower with a Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo već se nalazilo pod senz-o-
rather nice member of the jury that he'd slipped a note to tušem sa vrlo zgodnom članicom porote kojoj je doturio
half an hour earlier. poruku pola sata ranije.

Chapter Fifteen 15.

Two months later, Zipo Bibrok 5×10^8 had cut the
bottoms off his Galactic State jeans, and was spending
part of the enormous fee his judgments commanded lying
on a jewelled beach having Essence of Qualactin rubbed
into his back by the same rather nice member of the jury.
She was a Soolfinian girl from beyond the Cloudworlds
of Yaga. She had skin like lemon silk and was very
interested in legal bodies.
``Did you hear the news?'' she said.
``Weeeeelaaaaah!'' said Zipo Bibrok 5×10^8, and you
would have had to have been there to know exactly why
he said this. None of this was on the tape of
Informational Illusions, and is all based on hearsay.
``No,'' he added, when the thing that had made him say
``Weeeeelaaaaah'' had stopped happening. He moved his
body round slightly to catch the first rays of the third andtelo da bi uhvatio prve zrake trećeg i najvećeg od tri
greatest of primeval Vod's three suns which was now
creeping over the ludicrously beautiful horizon, and the
sky now glittered with some of the greatest tanning
power ever known.
A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed
along the beach, and drifted back to sea again, wondering
where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the
beach again. It drifted back to sea.
``I hope it isn't good news,'' muttered Zipo Bibrok
5×10^8, ``'cos I don't think I could bear it.``
``Your Krikkit judgment was carried out today,'' said the
girl sumptuously. There was no need to say such a
straightforward thing sumptuously, but she went ahead
and did it anyway because it was that sort of day. ``I
heard it on the radio,'' she said, ``when I went back to thena radiju", rekla je, "kada sam otišla na brod po ulje."
ship for the oil.''
``Uhuh,'' muttered Zipo and rested his head back on the "Aha", promrmljao je Zipo i zabacio glavu na pesak od
Dva meseca kasnije, Zipo Bibrok 5 x 10 na 8 skratio je
svoje galaktičke državne farmerke i stao da troši deo
ogromnih honorara koje je dobijao za svoja suđenja tako
što je ležao na plaži prekrivenoj draguljima, dok mu je
ona ista vrlo zgodna članica porote u leđa utrljavala
kvalaktinsku esenciju. Bila je to sulfinijska devojka sa
Oblačnih Svetova Jage. Imala je kožu poput svile boje
limuna i vrlo su je zanimali zakonodavni organi.
"Jesi li čuo vesti?" upitala je.
"Viiiiilaaaaah!" rekao je Zipo Bibrok 5 x 10 na 8 i
trebalo je da budete prisutni da biste tačno znali zbog
čega je to kazao. Od svega toga ništa nije snimljeno na
traku informacionih opsena, tako da se sve zasniva na
prepričavanju.
"Ne", dodao je, kada je stvar koja ga je naterala da kaže
"Viiiiilaaaaah!" prestala da se dešava. Malo je okrenuo
sunca praiskonskog Voda koje je puzalo preko smešno
prekrasnog obzorja, a nebo je blistalo jednom od
najjačih moći za izazivanje preplanulosti kože koje su
ikada upoznate.
Mirisni povetarac dolutao je sa mirnog mora, igrao se po
plaži i ponovo odlutao na more, kao da se pita kuda bi
dalje. Šašav poriv naveo ga je da se vrati na plažu, pa je
ponovo odlutao na more.
"Nadam se da vest nije dobra", promrmljao je Zipo
Bibrok 5 x 10 na 8, "jer ne verujem da bih to podneo."
"Tvoja krikitska presuda izvršena je danas", kazala je
devojka raskalašno. Nije bilo nikakve potrebe da se
takva obična stvar izgovara raskalašno, ali je ona to ipak
učinila zato što je dan bio kao stvoren za to. "Čula sam
jewelled sand. dragog kamenja.
``Something happened,'' she said. "Nešto se dogodilo", rekla je.
``Mmmm?'' "Mmmm?"
``Just after the Slo-Time envelope was locked,'' she said,
"Čim je omotač od Spo-vremena zaključan", rekla je i
and paused a moment from rubbing in the Essence of na trenutak prestala da utrljava esenciju sa Kvalaktina,
Qualactin, ``a Krikkit warship which had been missing"za jedan krikitski brod koji je nestao i za koga se
presumed destroyed turned out to be just missing after
verovalo da je uništen pokazalo se da je ipak samo
all. It appeared and tried to seize the Key.''nestao. Ponovo se pojavio i pokušao da oduzme Ključ."
Zipo sat up sharply. Zipo oštro ustade.
``Hey, what?'' he said. "Hej, šta?" upitao je.
``it's all right,'' she said in a voice which would have
"Sve je u redu", kazala je glasom koji bi primirio i
calmed the Big Bang down. ``Apparently there was a Veliki Prasak. "Izgleda da je došlo do kraćeg okršaja.
short battle. The Key and the warship were disintegrated
Ključ i ratni brod su dezintegrisani i rasuti po
and blasted into the space-time continuum. Apparently kontinuumu prostorvremena. Verovatno su zauvek
they are lost for ever.'' izgubljeni."
She smiled, and ran a little more Essence of Qualactin on
Nasmešila se i istisnula još malo esencije sa Kvalaktina
to her fingertips. He relaxed and lay back down. na vrhove prstiju. Opustio se i ponovo legao.
``Do what you did a moment or two ago,'' he murmured. "Uradi ono što si uradila pre par trenutaka", promrmljao
je.
``That?'' she said. "Ovo?" rekla je.
``No, no,'' he said, ``that.'' "Ne, ne", rekao je. "Ono drugo."
She tried again. Ponovo je pokušala.
``That?'' she asked. "Ovo?" pitala je.
``Weeeeelaaaaah!'' "Viiiiilaaaaah!"
Again, you had to be there. Ponovo je trebalo da budete tamo.
The fragrant breeze drifted up from the sea again. Mirisni povetarac opet je dolutao sa mora.
A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed Plažom je lutao jedan čarobnjak, ali nikome nije bio
him. potreban.

Chapter Sixteen 16.

``Nothing is lost for ever,'' said Slartibartfast, his face
flickering redly in the light of the candle which the robot
waiter was trying to take away, ``except for the Cathedral
of Chalesm.''
``The what?'' said Arthur with a start.
``The Cathedral of Chalesm,'' repeated Slartibartfast. ``It
was during the course of my researches at the Campaign
for Real Time that I ...''
``The what?'' said Arthur again.
The old man paused and gathered his thoughts, for what
he hoped would be one last onslaught on his story. The
robot waiter moved through the space-time matrices in a
way which spectacularly combined the surly with the
obsequious, made a snatch for the candle and got it. They
had had the bill, had argued convincingly about who had
had the cannelloni and how many bottles of wine they
had had, and, as Arthur had been dimly aware, had
thereby successfully manoeuvred the ship out of
"Ništa nije zauvek izgubljeno", rekao je Slartibartfast, a
lice mu se crvenkasto treperilo u svetlosti sveće koju je
robotski kelner pokušavao da odnese, "izuzev katedrale
Čalezme."
"Čega?" upitao je zbunjeno Artur.
"Katedrale Čalezme", ponovio je Slartibartfast. "Bilo je
to u vreme mojih istraživanja u okviru kampanje za
realno vreme kada sam..."
"Za šta?" upitao je Artur.
Starac je zastao i pokušao da se usredsredi na ono za šta
se nadao da predstavlja poslednji napad na njegovu
priču. Robotski kelner kretao se kroz prostorvremenske
matrice na način koji je spektakularno kombinovao
sigurno sa neizmerno pažljivim, što mu je konačno
pružilo priliku da posegne za svećom i dograbi je. Pošto
su dobili račun, stali su vrlo ubedljivo da se raspravljaju
oko toga ko je naručio kanelone i koliko je boca vina
popijeno, a za to vreme je, iako je Artur bio tek nejasno
subjective space and into a parking orbit round a strange svestan toga, brod dovezen iz subjektivnog prostora na
planet. The waiter was now anxious to complete his part parkirnu orbitu oko jedne tuđinske planete. Kelner je
of the charade and clear the bistro. sada jedva čekao da dovrši svoj deo šarade i da isprazni
bistro.
``All will become clear,'' said Slartibartfast. "Sve će biti jasno", rekao je Slartibartfast.
``When?'' "Kada?"
``In a minute. Listen. The time streams are now very "Za nekoliko trenutaka. Slušaj. Struje vremena sada su
polluted. There's a lot of muck floating about in them, veoma zagađene. Po njima plivaju gomile otpadaka,
flotsam and jetsam, and more and more of it is now being naplavina i raznih ostataka i sve ih se više vraća u
regurgitated into the physical world. Eddies in the space- fizički svet. Kovitlaci u prostorvremenskom
time continuum, you see.'' kontinuumu, razumeš."
``So I hear,'' said Arthur. "Čuo sam za njih", rekao je Artur.
``Look, where are we going?'' said Ford, pushing his "Slušaj, kuda idemo?" upitao je Ford i nestrpljivo
chair back from the table with impatience. ``Because I'm odmakao svoju stolicu od stola, "jer jedva čekam da
eager to get there.'' stignemo."
``We are going,'' said Slartibartfast in a slow, measured "Idemo", kazao je Slartibartfast laganim, odmerenim
voice, ``to try to prevent the war robots of Krikkit from glasom, "da pokušamo da osujetimo ratničke robote
regaining the whole of the Key they need to unlock the Krikita koji nastoje da zadobiju čitav Ključ koji im je
planet of Krikkit from the Slo-Time envelope and release potreban da otključaju planetu Krikit iz njenog omotača
the rest of their army and their mad Masters.'' od Spo-vremena i da oslobode ostatak armade i svoje
lude gospodare."
``It's just,'' said Ford, ``that you mentioned a party.'' "Stvar je, naprosto, o tome", kazao je Ford, "da si
pomenuo nekakvu žurku."
``I did,'' said Slartibartfast, and hung his head. "Jesam", rekao je Slartibartfast i pognuo glavu.
He realized that it had been a mistake, because the idea Shvatio je da je posredi bila greška, jer ta zamisao je,
seemed to exercise a strange and unhealthy fascination izgleda, izazivala čudnovato i nezdravo oduševljenje u
on the mind of Ford Prefect. The more that Slartibartfast umu Forda Prefekta. Što je više Slartibartfast otkrivao
unravelled the dark and tragic story of Krikkit and its tamnu i tragičnu priču o Krikitu i njegovom narodu,
people, the more Ford Prefect wanted to drink a lot and utoliko je Ford više želeo da pije i da pleše sa
dance with girls. devojkama.
The old man felt that he should not have mentioned the Starac pomisli da nije trebalo da pominje zabavu sve
party until he absolutely had to. But there it was, the fact dok ne bude neophodno. Ali bilo je kako je bilo,
was out, and Ford Prefect had attached himself to it the činjenica je iznesena na videlo, a Ford se uhvatio na nju
way an Arcturan Megaleach attaches itself to its victim kao što se arkturijanske megapijavice prilepe za svoju
before biting his head off and making off with his žrtvu pre nego što joj odgrizu glavu i pobegnu njenim
spaceship. svemirskim brodom.
``When,'' said Ford eagerly, ``do we get there?'' "Kada", upitao je Ford čežnjivio, "stižemo tamo?"
``When I've finished telling you why we have to go "Kada vam budem ispričao do kraja zbog čega moramo
there.'' da idemo tamo."
``I know why I'm going,'' said Ford, and leaned back, "Ja znam zbog čega ja idem", kazao je Ford i zavalio se
sticking his hands behind his head. He gave one of his sa rukama ispod uzglavlja. Na licu mu se pojavio jedan
smiles which made people twitch. od onih osmeha od kojih se ljudi lecnu.
Slartibartfast had hoped for an easy retirement. Slartibartfast se nadao lagodnoj penziji.
He had been planning to learn to play the octraventral Nadao se da će naučiti da svira oktaventralni ludofon,
heebiephone --- a pleasantly futile task, he knew, because prijatan, ali zaludan posao, znao je, zbog toga što je
he had the wrong number of mouths. imao pogrešan broj usta.
He had also been planning to write an eccentric and Takođe je planirao da napiše ekscentričnu i
relentlessly inaccurate monograph on the subject of neodgovornu monografiju punu netačnih podataka na
equatorial fjords in order to set the record wrong about temu polutarnih fjordova, ne bi li iskrivio podatke o
one or two matters he saw as important. jednoj ili dve stvari koje je smatrao bitnim.
Instead, he had somehow got talked into doing some Umesto toga, nekako su ga nagovorili da se poduhvati
part-time work for the Campaign for Real Time and had honorarnih poslova sa nepunim radnim vremenom u
started to take it all seriously for the first time in his life. kampanji za realno vreme, pa je počeo da shvata sve to
As a result he now found himself spending his fast- ozbiljno prvi put u životu. Posledica svega toga bila je
declining years combating evil and trying to save the da je sada provodio poslednje godine života u borbi sa
Galaxy. zlom i u pokušajima da spase Galaksiju.
He found it exhausting work and sighed heavily. Pomislio je kako je to iscrpljujući posao i teško
uzdahnuo.
``Listen,'' he said, ``at Camtim ...'' "Slušaj", rekao je, "u Kamrevu..."
``What?'' said Arthur. "Šta?"
``The Campaign for Real Time, which I will tell you "Kampanja za realno vreme, o kojoj ću ti pričati kasnije.
about later. I noticed that five pieces of jetsam which had Primetio sam da pet komada naplavina koji su se
in relatively recent times plopped back into existence srazmerno nedavno pojavile odgovara, kako izgleda,
seemed to correspond to the five pieces of the missing komadima nestalog Ključa. U stvari, samo sam uspeo da
Key. Only two I could trace exactly --- the Wooden uđem u trag dvaju delova - Drvenog stuba, koji se
Pillar, which appeared on your planet, and the Silver pojavio na tvojoj planeti, i Srebrne spone. Izgleda da se
Bail. It seems to be at some sort of party. We must go ona nalazi na nekoj vrsti zabave. Moramo poći da je
there to retrieve it before the Krikkit robots find it, or ponovo zadobijemo pre nego što je nađu roboti Krikita,
who knows what may hap?'' ili se može svašta dogoditi."
``No,'' said Ford firmly. ``We must go to the party in "Ne", rekao je Ford čvrstim glasom, "moramo otići na tu
order to drink a lot and dance with girls.'' zabavu da bismo se napili i igrali sa devojkama."
``But haven't you understood everything I ...?'' "Ali zar nisi shvatio sve što sam vam..."
``Yes,'' said Ford, with a sudden and unexpected "Da", uzvratio je Ford sa iznenadnom i neočekivanom
fierceness, ``I've understood it all perfectly well. That's žestinom, "razumeo sam ja to savršeno dobro. Zbog
why I want to have as many drinks and dance with as toga želim da se napijem što više i da plešem sa što je
many girls as possible while there are still any left. If više devojaka moguće, sve dok uopšte još postoje.
everything you've shown us is true ...'' Ukoliko je sve to što si nam pokazao istina..."
``True? Of course it's true.'' "Istina? Razume se da je istina."
``... then we don't stand a whelk's chance in a supernova.'' "...onda nemamo ništa više izgleda od puža usred
supernove."
``A what?'' said Arthur sharply again. He had been "Od čega?" upitao je Artur ponovo oštrim glasom. Sve
following the conversation doggedly up to this point, and do te tačke pažljivo je sledio razgovor i nije želeo da
was keen not to lose the thread now. sada izgubi nit.
``A whelk's chance in a supernova,'' repeated Ford "Izgledi puža usred supernove", ponovio je Ford ne
without losing momentum. ``The ...'' gubeći zalet, "ta..."
``What's a whelk got to do with a supernova?'' said "Kakve veze ima puž sa supernovom?" upitao je Artur.
Arthur.
``It doesn't,'' said Ford levelly, ``stand a chance in one.'' "Nema nikakvih", rekao je Ford ravnim glasom,
"izgleda da preživi u njoj."
He paused to see if the matter was now cleared up. The Zastao je da vidi da li je stvar sada razjašnjena. Novi
freshly puzzled looks clambering across Arthur's face zbunjeni pogledi koji su se peli na Arturovo lice jasno su
told him that it wasn't. mu stavili do znanja da nije.
``A supernova,'' said Ford as quickly and as clearly as he "Supernova", rekao je Ford što je brže i jasnije mogao,
could, ``is a star which explodes at almost half the speed "jeste zvezda koja eksplodira gotovo brzinom svetlosti i
of light and burns with the brightness of a billion suns gori sjajem milijardi sunaca, a potom se pretvara u
and then collapses as a super-heavy neutron star. It's a supertešku neutronsku zvezdu, razumeš? To je zvezda
star which burns up other stars, got it? Nothing stands a koja spaljuje druge zvezde. Ništa ne može da preživi
chance in a supernova.'' usred supernove."
``I see,'' said Arthur. "Shvatam", rekao je Artur.
``The ...'' "Ta..."
``So why a whelk particularly?'' "I zašto onda baš puž?"
``Why not a whelk? Doesn't matter.'' "A zašto da ne? Nije bitno."
Arthur accepted this, and Ford continued, picking up his Artur je prihvatio ovo i Ford je nastavio, sakupivši nešto
early fierce momentum as best he could. od prethodnog zaleta što je bolje umeo.
``The point is,'' he said, ``that people like you and me, "Tako da je stvar u tome", rekao je, "da ljudi poput tebe
Slartibartfast, and Arthur --- particularly and especially i mene, Slartibartfaste, i Artura - naročito i posebno
Arthur --- are just dilletantes, eccentrics, layabouts, Artura - predstavljaju samo neznalice, nespretnjakoviće,
fartarounds if you like.'' prišipetlje, ako ti se tako sviđa."
Slartibartfast frowned, partly in puzzlement and partly in Slatribartfast se namrštio, delom usled zbunjenosti, a
umbrage. He started to speak. delom uvređeno. Zaustio je da progovori.
``--- ...'' is as far as he got. "..." bilo je sve što je stigao da kaže.
``We're not obsessed by anything, you see,'' insisted Ford. "Mi nismo ničim opsednuti, shvataš", bio je uporan
Ford.
``...'' "..."
``And that's the deciding factor. We can't win against "A to je odlučujući činilac. Ne možemo pobediti u
obsession. They care, we don't. They win.'' sukobu protiv opsednutosti. Oni mare, mi ne. Oni će
pobediti."
``I care about lots of things,'' said Slartibartfast, his voice "Marim ja o puno stvari", rekao je Slartibartfast, čiji se
trembling partly with annoyance, but partly also with glas tresao delom od ljutnje, ali delom i od nesigurnosti.
uncertainty.
``Such as?'' "Kao, na primer?"
``Well,'' said the old man, ``life, the Universe. "Pa", rekao je starac, "život, Vaseljena. Sve ostalo,
Everything, really. Fjords.'' zapravo. Fjordovi."
``Would you die for them?'' "Bi li umro za njih?"
``Fjords?'' blinked Slartibartfast in surprise. ``No.'' "Za fjordove?" trepnuo je Slartibartfast iznenađeno.
"Ne."
``Well then.'' "Eto, vidiš."
``Wouldn't see the point, to be honest.'' "Ne shvatam šta želiš da kažeš, da budem iskren."
``And I still can't see the connection,'' said Arthur, ``with "A ja i dalje ne vidim vezu", rekao je Artur, "s
whelks.'' puževima."
Ford could feel the conversation slipping out of his Ford je osećao kako ovaj razgovor počinje da mu izmiče
control, and refused to be sidetracked by anything at this iz ruke i odbio je da dopusti da ga sada išta odvuče na
point. sporedan kolosek.
``The point is,'' he hissed, ``that we are not obsessive "Stvar je u tome", prosiktao je, "da mi nismo opsednuti
people, and we don't stand a chance against ...'' ljudi, te stoga nemamo nikakvih izgleda protiv..."
``Except for your sudden obsession with whelks,'' "Osim tvoje iznenadne opsednutosti puževima",
pursued Arthur, ``which I still haven't understood.'' navaljivao je Artur, "koju još ne shvatam."
``Will you please leave whelks out of it?'' "Hoćeš li, molim, te, da se maneš već jednom tih
puževa?"
``I will if you will,'' said Arthur. ``You brought the "Ja hoću, ako ti hoćeš", odvratio je Artur. "Ti si prvi
subject up.'' pomenuo tu temu."
``It was an error,'' said Ford, ``forget them. The point is "Bila je to greška", rekao je Ford. "Zaboravi ih. Stvar je
this.'' u ovome."
He leant forward and rested his forehead on the tips of Nagao se napred i prislonio čelo o vrhove prstiju.
his fingers.
``What was I talking about?'' he said wearily. "O čemu sam ono govorio?" upitao je umorno.
``Let's just go down to the party,'' said Slartibartfast, ``for "Hajdemo na zabavu", rekao je Slartibartfast, "koji god
whatever reason.'' He stood up, shaking his head. bio razlog za to." Ustao je i zavrteo glavom.
``I think that's what I was trying to say,'' said Ford. "Mislim da sam i ja hteo to da kažem", rekao je Ford.
For some unexplained reason, the teleport cubicles were Iz nekog neobjašnjivog raloga, teleport se nalazio u
in the bathroom. kupatilu.
Chapter Seventeen
Time travel is increasingly regarded as a menace. History
is being polluted.
The Encyclopedia Galactica has much to say on the
theory and practice of time travel, most of which is
incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't spent at least
four lifetimes studying advanced hypermathematics, and
since it was impossible to do this before time travel was
invented, there is a certain amount of confusion as to
how the idea was arrived at in the first place. One
rationalization of this problem states that time travel was,
by its very nature, discovered simultaneously at all
periods of history, but this is clearly bunk.
The trouble is that a lot of history is now quite clearly
bunk as well.
Here is an example. It may not seem to be an important
one to some people, but to others it is crucial. It is
certainly significant in that it was the single event which
caused the Campaign for Real Time to be set up in the
first place (or is it last? It depends which way round you
see history as happening, and this too is now an
increasingly vexed question).
There is, or was, a poet. His name was Lallafa, and he
wrote what are widely regarded throughout the Galaxy as
being the finest poems in existence, the Songs of the
Long Land.
They are/were unspeakably wonderful. That is to say,
you couldn't speak very much of them at once without
being so overcome with emotion, truth and a sense of
wholeness and oneness of things that you wouldn't pretty
soon need a brisk walk round the block, possibly pausing
at a bar on the way back for a quick glass of perspective
and soda. They were that good.
Lallafa had lived in the forests of the Long Lands of Effa.
He lived there, and he wrote his poems there. He wrote
them on pages made of dried habra leaves, without the
benefit of education or correcting fluid. He wrote about
the light in the forest and what he thought about that. He
wrote about the darkness in the forest, and what he
17.
Putovanje kroz vreme sve više se smatra opasnošću.
Istorija postaje zagađena.
'Enciklopedija Galaktika' ima da izjavi mnogo toga o
teoriji i praksi putovanja kroz vreme, od čega je najveći
deo potpuno nerazumljiv svima onima koji nisu proveli
bar četiri celokupna života na studijama više
hipermatematike, a pošto je to bilo nemoguće izvesti pre
nego što je izmišljeno putovanje kroz vreme, u
određenoj meri je nejasno kako se prvobitno došlo na tu
zamisao. Jedna racionalizacija ovog problema kaže da je
putovanje kroz vreme, po samoj svojoj prirodi,
izmišljeno istovremeno u svim razdobljima istorije, ali
to je očigledno budalaština.
Nevolja je, međutim, u tome što je sasvim očigledno da
je najveći deo istorije u ovom trenutku takođe
budalaština.
Evo jednog primera. Možda nekim ljudima on ne
izgleda važno, ali drugi ga smatraju ključnim. Svakako
je bitno to što je taj pojedinačni događaj bio razlog
otpočinjanja kampanje za realno vreme, pre svih ostalih
(ili posle - već u zavisnosti od toga u kome se smeru
posmatra istorija, a i to je tema o kojoj se sve više
raspravlja.)
Postoji, ili je postojao, jedan pesnik. Ime mu je bilo
Lalafa i napisao je pesme koje su sada širom Galaksije
poznate kao najbolje što su ikada napisane - 'Pesme
Dugačke Zemlje'.
One su (bile su) neizrecivo divne. To znači, niste mogli
dugo da govorite o njima a da vas osećanja ne preplave
u tolikoj meri, skupa sa osećanjem celokupnosti i
jedinstvenosti, da vam ubrzo ne zatreba kratka šetnja
oko bloka, pri čemu ćete se u povratku verovatno
zaustaviti kod bara koji vam je uz put i sručiti niz grlo,
na brzaka, čašicu perspektive sa sodom. Bile su toliko
dobre.
Lalafa je živeo u šumama Dugačke Zemlje Efske. Tamo
je živeo i tamo je pisao svoje pesme. Pisao ih je na
stranicama načinjenim od osušenog lišća habre, bez
pomoći koju mu je mogla pružiti školovanost ili
korekturni lak. Pisao je o svetlosti šuma i o onome što je
mislio o njoj. Pisao je o šumskoj tami i o onome što je
thought about that. He wrote about the girl who had left
him and precisely what he thought about that.
Long after his death his poems were found and wondered
over. News of them spread like morning sunlight. For
centuries they illuminated and watered the lives of many
people whose lives might otherwise have been darker
and drier.
Then, shortly after the invention of time travel, some
major correcting fluid manufacturers wondered whether
his poems might have been better still if he had had
access to some high-quality correcting fluid, and whether
he might be persuaded to say a few words on that effect.
They travelled the time waves, they found him, they
explained the situation --- with some difficulty --- to him,
and did indeed persuade him. In fact they persuaded him
to such an effect that he became extremely rich at their
hands, and the girl about whom he was otherwise
destined to write which such precision never got around
to leaving him, and in fact they moved out of the forest to
a rather nice pad in town and he frequently commuted to
the future to do chat shows, on which he sparkled wittily.
He never got around to writing the poems, of course,
which was a problem, but an easily solved one. The
manufacturers of correcting fluid simply packed him off
for a week somewhere with a copy of a later edition of
his book and a stack of dried habra leaves to copy them
out on to, making the odd deliberate mistake and
correction on the way.
Many people now say that the poems are suddenly
worthless. Others argue that they are exactly the same as
they always were, so what's changed? The first people
say that that isn't the point. They aren't quite sure what
the point is, but they are quite sure that that isn't it. They
set up the Campaign for Real Time to try to stop this sort
of thing going on. Their case was considerably
strengthened by the fact that a week after they had set
themselves up, news broke that not only had the great
Cathedral of Chalesm been pulled down in order to build
a new ion refinery, but that the construction of the
refinery had taken so long, and had had to extend so far
back into the past in order to allow ion production to start
on time, that the Cathedral of Chalesm had now never
been built in the first place. Picture postcards of the
cathedral suddenly became immensely valuable.
So a lot of history is now gone for ever. The Campaign
for Real Timers claim that just as easy travel eroded the
differences between one country and another, and
between one world and another, so time travel is now
mislio o njoj. Pisao je o devojci koja ga je napustila i o
svemu onome što je mislio o njoj.
Mnogo godina posle njegove smrti njegove pesme su
pronađene i izazvale su pravo zaprepašćenje. Novosti o
njima širile su se poput jutarnje svetlosti sunca.
Stolećima su činile svetlijim i sočnijim živote mnogih
ljudi čiji bi dani inače bili mračniji i sušniji.
A onda, ubrzo posle izuma putovanja kroz vreme, neki
od najvećih proizvođača korekturnog laka upitali su se
da li bi njegove pesme bile još bolje da je imao pristupa
visokokvalitetnom korekturnom laku i da li bi ga možda
to navelo da kaže po koju reč o tom dejstvu.
Putovali su talasima vremena: pronašli su ga. Objasnili
su mu situaciju - uz izvesne poteškoće - i uspeli da ga
ubede. Toliko su ga, zapravo, ubedili da je, zahvaljujući
njima, postao izuzetno bogat, te ga devojka, o kojoj bi
inače tako podrobno pisao, nije ni pomislila da napusti,
već su se, zapravo, odselili iz šume u prilično lep
apartman u gradu, a on je često odlazio u budućnost radi
televizijskih emisija, u kojima je zračio inteligencijom.
Razume se, nikada mu ni na pamet nije palo da piše
pesme, što je predstavljalo problem, ali lako rešiv.
Proizvođači korekturnog laka poslali su ga negde na
nedelju dana sa poslednjim izdanjem njegove knjige i
gomilom osušenog lišća habre na koju je trebalo da je
prepiše, pri čemu je pravio čudnovate namerne greške i
uz put ih ispravljao.
Sada mnogi ljudi govore da su njegove pesme iznenada
postale bezvredne. Drugi tvrde da su potpuno iste kao
što su uvek i bile, te, prema tome, šta se promenilo? Prvi
ljudi kažu da stvar nije u tome. Oni nisu sasvim sigurni
u čemu je stvar, ali su ubeđeni da nije u tome. Zato su
započeli kampanju za realno vreme, ne bi li sprečili
takve stvari. Bili su iznenada podržani činjenicom da se,
nedelju dana pošto su otpočeli sa kampanjom, pročula
vest da ne samo da je velika Katedrala Čalezme srušena
da bi se sagradila nova jonska rafinerija, već da je
gradnja rafinerije potrajala toliko dugo i toliko se pružila
u prošlost da bi proizvodnja jona otpočela na vreme, da
Katedrala Čalezme uopšte i nije sagrađena. Razglednice
sa slikom katedrale iznenada su postele neprocenjivo
vredne.
I tako je veliki deo istorije zauvek izgubljen. Učesnici
kampanje za realno vreme tvrde da podjednako lako kao
što putovanja brišu granice između jedne zemlje i druge
i između jednog sveta i drugog, tako i putovanja kroz
eroding the differences between one age and another. vreme brišu razlike između jedne ere i druge. "Prošlost",
``The past,'' they say, ``is now truly like a foreign kažu oni, "sada zaista podseća na stranu zemlju. Stvari
country. They do things exactly the same there.'' se tamo rade na potpuno isti način kao i ovde."

Chapter Eighteen 18.

Arthur materialized, and did so with all the customary Artur se materijalizovao uz sve ono uobičajeno teturanje
staggering about and clasping at his throat, heart and i lupkanje po vratu, srcu i raznoraznim udovima, kome
various limbs which he still indulged himself in se uvek posvećivao posle tih odvratnih i bolnih
whenever he made any of these hateful and painful otelotvorenja na koja je rešio da se nikada ne privikne.
materializations that he was determined not to let himself Obazro se za ostalima.
get used to. He looked around for the others.
They weren't there. Nisu bili tu.
He looked around for the others again. Ponovo se obazro za ostalima.
They still weren't there. I dalje nisu bili tu.
He closed his eyes. Zatvorio je oči.
He opened them Pa ih je opet otvorio.
He looked around for the others. Obazro se za ostalima.
They obstinately persisted in their absence. Tvrdoglavo su ustrajavali u svom neprisustvu.
He closed his eyes again, preparatory to making this Još jednom je zatvorio oči i upravo se pripremio da
completely futile exercise once more, and because it was ponovi ovaj besmisleni postupak - kada mu je tek tog
only then, whilst his eyes were closed, that his brain časa, dok su mu oči bile zatvorene, mozak registrovao
began to register what his eyes had been looking at ono što su one videle dok su prethodno bile otvorene,
whilst they were open, a puzzled frown crept across his zbog čega mu se lice zbunjeno namrštilo.
face.
So he opened his eyes again to check his facts and the I tako je otvorio oči da proveri tu činjenicu, a mrštenje
frown stayed put. je ostalo.
If anything, it intensified, and got a good firm grip. If this
To jest, pojačalo se i postalo prilično duboko. Ukoliko je
was a party it was a very bad one, so bad, in fact, thatovo bila zabava, izgleda da je bila vrlo loša - zapravo,
everybody else had left. He abandoned this line of toliko loša da su svi otišli. Napustio je taj pravac
thought as futile. Obviously this wasn't a party. It was a
razmišljanja kao zaludan. Očigledno, nije posredi bila
cave, or a labyrinth, or a tunnel of something --- therezabava. Obreo se u nekakvoj pećini, lavirintu, tunelu ili
was insufficient light to tell. All was darkness, a dampnečem sličnom - nije bilo dovoljno svetla da bi se ma šta
shiny darkness. The only sounds were the echoes of his moglo razabrati, a svakako ne dovoljno svetla da bi se
own breathing, which sounded worried. He coughed very držala zabava. Sve je prekrivala tama, gusta, neprozirna
slightly, and then had to listen to the thin ghostly echo of
tama. Osim toga, nije bilo zvukova - zapravo, nikakvog
his cough trailing away amongst winding corridors and šuma, osim odjeka njegovog sopstvenog disanja, koji je
sightless chambers, as of some great labyrinth, and zvučao zabrinuto. A što ga je više slušao, zvučao je sve
eventually returning to him via the same unseen zabrinutije. Lagano se nakašljao, kao da je to uvod u
corridors, as if to say ... ``Yes?'' nešto. Potom je bio prisiljen da sluša tanušni, sablasni
odjek svog nakašljavanja koji je lutao po složenim
hodnicima i nevidljivim odajama, kao da se nalazi u
nekakvom džinovskom lavirintu, i konačno mu se vratio
preko drugih hodnika koje dotad još nije uspeo ni da
vidi, kao da kaže... 'Da?'
This happened to every slightest noise he made, and it To se dešavalo sa svakim šumom koji bi proizveo i
unnerved him. He tried to hum a cheery tune, but by the počinjalo je da ga nervira. Pokušao je da pevuši nekakvu
time it returned to him it was a hollow dirge and he veselu pesmicu, ali do trenutka kada mu se ona vratila,
stopped.
His mind was suddenly full of images from the story that
Slartibartfast had been telling him. He half-expected
suddenly to see lethal white robots step silently from the
shadows and kill him. He caught his breath. They didn't.
He let it go again. He didn't know what he did expect.
Someone or something, however, seemed to be expecting
him, for at that moment there lit up suddenly in the dark
distance an eerie green neon sign.
It said, silently:
You have been Diverted
The sign flicked off again, in a way which Arthur was not
at all certain he liked. It flicked off with a sort of
contemptuous flourish. Arthur then tried to assure
himself that this was just a ridiculous trick of his
imagination. A neon sign is either on or off, depending on
whether it has electricity running through it or not. There
was no way, he told himself, that it could possibly effect
the transition from one state to the other with a
contemptuous flourish. He hugged himself tightly in his
dressing gown and shivered, nevertheless.
The neon sign in the depths now suddenly lit up,
bafflingly, with just three dots and a comma. Like this:
Only in green neon.
It was trying, Arthur realized after staring at this
perplexedly for a second or two, to indicate that there
was more to come, that the sentence was not complete.
Trying with almost superhuman pedantry, he reflected.
Or at least, inhuman pedantry.
The sentence then completed itself with these two words:
Arthur Dent.
He reeled. He steadied himself to have another clear look
at it. It still said Arthur Dent, so he reeled again.
Once again, the sign flicked off, and left him blinking in
the darkness with just the dim red image of his name
jumping on his retina.
Welcome, the sign now suddenly said.
After a moment, it added:
I Don't Think.
The stone-cold fear which had been hovering about
Arthur all this time, waiting for its moment, recognized
that its moment had now come and pounced on him. He
tried to fight it off. He dropped into a kind of alert crouch u nekoj vrsti napetog polučučanja kakav je nekada video
that he had once seen somebody do on television, but it
must have been someone with stronger knees. He peered
huntedly into the darkness.
``Er, hello?'' he said.
pretvorila se u žalopojku koja je šuplje odzvanjala i on
prestade.
Um mu je iznenada bio pun slika iz priče koju mu je
Slartibartfast ispričao. Napola je očekivao da će videti
ubilačke bele robote kako bez glasa izlaze iz senki i
ubijaju ga. Zadržao je dah. Nisu se pojavili. Ponovo je
počeo da diše. Nije znao šta je, zapravo, očekivao.
Ali neko ili nešto, izgleda, očekivao je njega, jer se u
tom trenutku u mračnoj daljini upalio sablasni, zeleni,
neonski natpis.
Govorio je bez glasa:
SKRENUT SI SA SVOGA PUTA
Natpis se ponovo ugasio, na način koji se Arturu nije
nimalo sviđao. Ugasio se uz neku vrstu zlobnog
kočoperenja. Artur pokuša da ubedi sebe da je reč samo
o smešnoj varki njegove mašte. Neonski natpis ili je
uključen ili isključen, što zavisi od toga da li kroz njega
protiče električna struja ili ne. Nije bilo načina, rekao je
on sebi, da se ikako prevede iz jednog stanja u drugo sa
zlobnim kočoperenjem. Svejedno se bolje umotao u
kućni ogrtač i zadrhtao.
Neonski natpis u dubini sada se iznenada upali,
zbunjujući, sa samo tri tačke i zarezom. Ovako:
Samo u zelenom neonu.
Pokušavao je, shvatio je Artur pošto je sekundu ili dve
zbunjeno zurio u njega, da kaže da ima još, da misao
nije dovršena. Pokušavao je to sa gotovo nadljudskom
savesnošću, mislio je dalje. Ili, tačnije rečeno, sa
neljudskom savesnošću.
Poruka se dovršila sa sledeće dve reči.
ARTURE DENTE
Zadrhtao je. Primirio se da bi još jednom pažljivo
pogledao. I dalje je pisalo ARTURE DENTE i zato je
ponovo zadrhtao.
Signal se opet ugasio i ostavio ga da trepeće u tami sa
nejasnom crvenom slikom sopstvenog imena koje mu je
skakutalo na mrežnjači.
DOBRO DOŠAO, rekao je sada natpis.
Posle jednog trenutka dodao je:
NE BAŠ.
Ledeni strah koji je sve vreme visio povrh Artura i
čekao na svoj trenutak prepoznao je sada svoj trenutak i
navalio na njega. Pokušao je da se nosi sa njim. Povio se
na televiziji, ali to mora da je izvodio neko sa jačim
kolenima. Oštro se upiljio u tamu.
"Ovaj, hej?" upitao je.
He cleared his throat and said it again, more loudly and Pročistio je grlo i ponovio to, glasnije i bez 'ovaj'. Na
without the ``er''. At some distance down the corridor it izvesnom rastojanju niz hodnik iznenada mu se učinilo
seemed suddenly as if somebody started to beat on a bass da je neko počeo da lupa u bas-bubanj.
drum.
He listened to it for a few seconds and realized that it Osluškivao je nekoliko sekundi i shvatio da je reč o
was just his heart beating. otkucajima njegovog sopstvenog srca.
He listened for a few seconds more and realized that it Osluškivao je još nekoliko sekundi i shvatio da nije reč
wasn't his heart beating, it was somebody down the o otkucajima njegovog srca, nego da neko dole u
corridor beating on a bass drum. hodniku stvarno udara u bas-bubanj.
Beads of sweat formed on his brow, tensed themselves, Na čelu mu se stvoriše kapljice znoja, sliše se jedna u
and leapt off. He put a hand out on the floor to steady his drugu i počeše da kaplju odatle. Spustio je ruku na pod
alert crouch, which wasn't holding up very well. The sign da primiri svoj napeti čučanj, koji ga, izgleda, nije baš
changed itself again. It said: najbolje držao. Natpis se ponovo izmenio. Sada je
glasio:
Do Not be Alarmed. NEMOJ SE PLAŠITI.
After a pause, it added: Posle pauze, dodao je.
Be Very Very Frightened, Arthur Dent. BUDI VEOMA, VEOMA UŽASNUT, ARTURE
DENTE.
Once again it flicked off. Once again it left him in Ponovo se ugasio. Opet ga je ostavio u tami. Oči su mu
darkness. His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. bile toliko iskolačene kao da će ispasti iz duplji. Nije bio
He wasn't certain if this was because they were trying to siguran da li je to zato što pokušavaju jasnije da vide, ili
see more clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this zbog toga što jednostavno žele da ga ostave u tom
point. trenutku.
``Hello?'' he said again, this time trying to put a note of "Hej?" upitao je ponovo i ovog puta pokušao da ubaci u
rugged and aggressive self-assertion into it. ``Is anyone to suroviji i samopouzdaniji prizvuk. "Ima li koga?"
there?''
There was no reply, nothing. Nije bilo nikakvog odgovora, ničega.
This unnerved Arthur Dent even more than a reply would Ovo je uznemirilo Artura mnogo više nego što bi to
have done, and he began to back away from the scary učinio neki odgovor i on poče da se povlači od jezivog
nothingness. And the more he backed away, the more ništavila. A što se više povlačio, sve je više bio uplašen.
scared he became. After a while he realized that the Posle izvesnog vremena shvatio je da je razlog za to bio
reason for this was because of all the films he had seen in taj što u svim filmovima u kojima se junak povlači sve
which the hero backs further and further away from some dalje i dalje od nekog zamišljenog užasa ispred sebe on
imagined terror in front of him, only to bump into it uspeva da naleti na nešto što mu prilazi sa leđa.
coming up from behind.
Just then it suddenly occurred to him to turn round rather U tom trenutku palo mu je na pamet da se brzo osvrne.
quickly.
There was nothing there. Tamo nije bilo ničega.
Just blackness. Samo crnilo.
This really unnerved him, and he started to back away To ga je stvarno uplašilo i on poče da se povlači odatle
from that, back the way he had come. putem kojim je došao.
After doing this for a short while it suddenly occurred to
Posle izvesnog vremena iznenada je shvatio da se sada
him that he was now backing towards whatever it was he povlači prema onome od čega se najpre povlačio, šta
had been backing away from in the first place. god to bilo.
This, he couldn't help thinking, must be a foolish thing to
Ovo je, morao je to da prizna sebi, bilo prilično
do. He decided he would be better off backing the way hebudalasto. Odlučio je da će biti bolje ako se bude
had first been backing, and turned around again. povlačio onim putem kojim se isprva povlačio i naglo se
okrenuo.
It turned out at this point that his second impulse had Pokazalo se da je taj drugi poriv bio ispravan, jer je iza
been the correct one, because there was an indescribably
hideous monster standing quietly behind him. Arthur
yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and his
skeleton the other, whilst his brain tried to work out
which of his ears it most wanted to crawl out of.
``Bet you weren't expecting to see me again,'' said the
monster, which Arthur couldn't help thinking was a
strange remark for it to make, seeing as he had never met
the creature before. He could tell that he hadn't met the
creature before from the simple fact that he was able to
sleep at nights. It was ... it was ... it was ...
Arthur blinked at it. It stood very still. It did look a little
familiar.
A terrible cold calm came over him as he realized that
what he was looking at was a six-foot-high hologram of a
housefly.
He wondered why anybody would be showing him a six-
foot-high hologram of a housefly at this time. He
wondered whose voice he had heard.
It was a terribly realistic hologram.
It vanished.
``Or perhaps you remember me better,'' said the voice
suddenly, and it was a deep, hollow malevolent voice
which sounded like molten tar glurping out of a drum
with evil on its mind, ``as the rabbit.''
With a sudden ping, there was a rabbit there in the black
labyrinth with him, a huge, monstrously, hideously soft
and lovable rabbit --- an image again, but one on which
every single soft and lovable hair seemed like a real and
single thing growing in its soft and lovable coat. Arthur
was startled to see his own reflection in its soft and
lovable unblinking and extremely huge brown eyes.
``Born in darkness,'' rumbled the voice, ``raised in
darkness. One morning I poked my head for the first time
into the bright new world and got it split open by what
felt suspiciously like some primitive instrument made of
flint.
``Made by you, Arthur Dent, and wielded by you. Rather
hard as I recall.
``You turned my skin into a bag for keeping interesting
stones in. I happen to know that because in my next life I
came back as a fly again and you swatted me. Again.
Only this time you swatted me with the bag you'd made
of my previous skin.
``Arthur Dent, you are not merely a cruel and heartless
man, you are also staggeringly tactless.''
The voice paused whilst Arthur gawped.
njega tiho stajalo neopisivo užasno čudovište. Artur
divlje zatetura kada mu je koža pokušala da skoči u
jednom pravcu, a kostur u drugom, dok mu je mozak
razmišljao kroz koje bi uho mogao najbolje da se
iskrade.
"Kladim se da nisi očekivao da me ponovo vidiš", reklo
je čudovište, a Artur nije mogao da ne pomisli kako je to
čudna primedba, budući da je dobro znao da nikada
ranije nije sreo to stvorenje. Znao je da nikada pre nije
sreo to stvorenje na osnovu jednostavne činjenice da je
mogao da spava noću. Bio je to... bio je to... bio je to...
Artur trepnu. Stajao je veoma mirno. Zaista je izgledao
poznato.
Izuzetno ledeno opuštanje preplavilo ga je kada je
shvatio da, zapravo, gleda u šest stopa visok hologram
kućne muve.
Pitao se zbog čega bi iko želeo da mu u tom trenutku
prikazuje šest stopa visoki hologram kućne muve. Pitao
se čiji je to glas čuo.
Bio je to užasno verodostojan hologram.
Nestao je.
"Ili me se možda bolje sećaš kao zeca", rekao je glas
iznenada; bio je to dubok, šupalj, zlokoban glas koji je
zvučao poput rastopljenog katrana koji curi sa bubnjića,
sa nečim zlim na umu.
Uz iznenadni oštri zvuk, u crnom lavirintu ispred njega
pojavio se zec, ogroman, čudovišno i užasno nežan i
sladak zec - ponovo slika, ali takva da je svaka
pojedinačna nežna i slatka dlačica koja je rasla u
njegovom nežnom i slatkom krznu delovala kao prava.
Artur je bio zaprepašćen kada je u njegovom nežnom,
slatkom i izuzetno velikom smeđem oku, koje nije
treptalo, video sopstveni odraz.
"Rođen u tami", brujao je glas, "odgajan u tami. Jednog
jutra prvi put sam proturio glavu u blistavi, novi svet i u
istom trenutku ona mi je smrskana nečim što je
izgledalo kao primitivna sprava napravljena od
kremena.
Napravljena je tvojom rukom, Arture Dente, i
zamahnuta tvojom rukom. Prilično jako, koliko se
sećam.
Pretvorio si moju kožu u vreću da bi unutra držao
zanimljivo kamenje. Slučajno to znam jer sam se u
sledećem životu vratio u obliku muve, a ti si me
zgnječio. Ponovo. Ali ovog puta zgnječio si me kesom
koju si napravio od moje prethodne kože.
Arture Dente, ti ne samo što si okrutan i bezosećajan
čovek, ti si i bez ikakvog osećaja za taktičnost."
Glas je zastao dok je Artur glupo zurio.
``I see you have lost the bag,'' said the voice. ``Probably
got bored with it, did you?''
Arthur shook his head helplessly. He wanted to explain
that he had been in fact very fond of the bag and had
looked after it very well and had taken it with him
wherever he went, but that somehow every time he
travelled anywhere he seemed inexplicably to end up
with the wrong bag and that, curiously enough, even as
they stood there he was just noticing for the first time
that the bag he had with him at the moment appeared to
be made out of rather nasty fake leopard skin, and wasn't
the one he'd had a few moments ago before he arrived in
this whatever place it was, and wasn't one he would have
chosen himself and heaven knew what would be in it as it
wasn't his, and he would much rather have his original
bag back, except that he was of course terribly sorry for
having so peremptorily removed it, or rather its
component parts, i.e. the rabbit skin, from its previous
owner, viz. the rabbit whom he currently had the honour
of attempting vainly to address.
All he actually managed to say was ``Erp''.
``Meet the newt you trod on,'' said the voice.
And there was, standing in the corridor with Arthur, a
giant green scaly newt. Arthur turned, yelped, leapt
backwards, and found himself standing in the middle of
the rabbit. He yelped again, but could find nowhere to
leap to.
``That was me, too,'' continued the voice in a low
menacing rumble, ``as if you didn't know ...''
``Know?'' said Arthur with a start. ``Know?''
``The interesting thing about reincarnation,'' rasped the
voice, ``is that most people, most spirits, are not aware
that it is happening to them.''
He paused for effect. As far as Arthur was concerned
there was already quite enough effect going on.
``I was aware,'' hissed the voice, ``that is, I became
aware. Slowly. Gradually.''
He, whoever he was, paused again and gathered breath.
``I could hardly help it, could I?'' he bellowed, ``when the
same thing kept happening, over and over and over
again! Every life I ever lived, I got killed by Arthur Dent.
Any world, any body, any time, I'm just getting settled
down, along comes Arthur Dent --- pow, he kills me.
``Hard not to notice. Bit of a memory jogger. Bit of a
pointer. Bit of a bloody giveaway!
```That's funny,' my spirit would say to itself as it winged
"Vidim da si izgubio svoju torbu", rekao je glas.
"Verovatno ti je dosadila, a?"
Artur je bespomoćno zavrteo glavom. Želeo je da
objasni da mu je ta torba bila veoma draga i da ju je
veoma pomno pazio i nosio svuda gde je išao, ali da mu
se dešavalo da je na neki način ostajao sa pogrešnom
torbom kad god bi negde putovao i da je, zapravo, baš
neobično, čak i sada, dok je tu stajao, upravo primetio,
prvi put, da je torbica koja se trenutno nalazila kod
njega bila, kako izgleda, napravljena od prilično ružne
imitacije leopardove kože i nipošto nije bila ona koju je
imao uza se nekoliko trenutaka ranije, pre no što je
stigao na ovo mesto, gdegod ono bilo, i da nije bila
onakva kakvu bi on sam izabrao za sebe i da Bog zna šta
ima u njoj, s obzirom na to da nije njegova i da bi
mnogo radije imao svoju pravu torbicu, osim što mu je,
razume se, strašno žao što ju je tako bezdušno uklonio,
ili, tačnije, njene sastavne delove, to jest zečju kožu, sa
njenog prethodnog vlasnika, odnosno zeca kome je
trenutno imao čast da se ponizno obraća.
Jedino je uspeo da kaže: "Ee".
"Sretni sada daždevnjaka koga si zgazio", rekao je glas.
I u hodniku pred Arturom obreo se divovski, zeleni,
krastavi daždevnjak. Artur se okrete, vrisnu, skoči
unazad i nađe se usred zeca. Ponovo je vrisnuo, ali nije
imao gde da skoči.
"I to sam bio ja", rekao je glas muklim, pretećim
brundanjem, "kao da nisi znao..."
"Znao?" upitao je Artur prestravljeno. "Znao?"
"Zanimljiva stvar u vezi sa reinkarnacijom", škripao je
glas, "jeste da većina ljudi, većina duhova, nisu svesni
da se to dešava baš njima."
Zastao je radi boljeg učinka. Što se Artura ticalo, ovde je
već i sada bilo previše učinka.
"Ja sam bio svestan", siktao je glas, "odnosno, postao
sam svestan. Lagano. Postepeno."
On, kogod da je bio, zastao je ponovo i duboko
uzdahnuo.
"Kako sam drugačije mogao, zar ne?" zaurlao je, "kada
se stalno dešavala ista stvar, opet i opet i opet! U
svakom životu koji sam živeo ubijan sam rukom Artura
Denta. Na svakom svetu, u bilo kome telu, u bilo koje
vreme, čim počnem da se sređujem, stiže Artur Dent i -
bum, ubija me.
Kako sam mogao da ne primetim? Malo po malo
podsećanja. Malo po malo osvežavanja pamćenja. Malo
po malo prokletog otkrivanja tajne!
'Smešno', govorio je sebi moj duh dok je leteo nazad u
its way back to the netherworld after another fruitless
Dent-ended venture into the land of the living, `that man
who just ran over me as I was hopping across the road to
my favourite pond looked a little familiar ...' And
gradually I got to piece it together, Dent, you multiple-
me-murderer!''
The echoes of his voice roared up and down the
corridors. Arthur stood silent and cold, his head shaking
with disbelief.
``Here's the moment, Dent,'' shrieked the voice, now
reaching a feverish pitch of hatred, ``here's the moment
when at last I knew!''
It was indescribably hideous, the thing that suddenly
opened up in front of Arthur, making him gasp and gargle
with horror, but here's an attempt at a description of how
hideous it was. It was a huge palpitating wet cave with a
vast, slimy, rough, whale-like creature rolling around it
and sliding over monstrous white tombstones. High
above the cave rose a vast promontory in which could be
seen the dark recesses of two further fearful caves, which
...
Arthur Dent suddenly realized that he was looking at his
own mouth, when his attention was meant to be directed
at the live oyster that was being tipped helplessly into it.
He staggered back with a cry and averted his eyes.
When he looked again the appalling apparition had gone.
The corridor was dark and, briefly, silent. He was alone
with his thoughts. They were extremely unpleasant
thoughts and would rather have had a chaperone.
The next noise, when it came, was the low heavy roll of a
large section of wall trundling aside, revealing, for the
moment, just dark blackness behind it. Arthur looked into
it in much the same way that a mouse looks into a dark
dog-kennel.
And the voice spoke to him again.
``Tell me it was a coincidence, Dent,'' it said. ``I dare you
to tell me it was a coincidence!''
``It was a coincidence,'' said Arthur quickly.
``It was not!'' came the answering bellow.
``It was,'' said Arthur, ``it was ...''
``If it was a coincidence, then my name,'' roared the
voice, ``is not Agrajag!!!''
``And presumably,'' said Arthur, ``you would claim that
that was your name.''
``Yes!'' hissed Agrajag, as if he had just completed a
rather deft syllogism.
``Well, I'm afraid it was still a coincidence,'' said Arthur.
``Come in here and say that!'' howled the voice, in
podzemlje posle novog besplodnog izleta u zemlju živih
koji je okončao Dent, 'ali čovek koji me je pregazio dok
sam skakutao prema jednoj od svojih omiljenih rupa
delovao mi je malo poznato...' I postepeno sam uspeo da
saberem sve deliće zajedno, Dente, ti višestruki
meneubico!"
Odjeci njegovog glasa urlali su hodnicima. Artur je
stajao tih i leden, a glava mu se tresla u neverici.
"Evo trenutka, Dente", vrisnuo je glas koji je sada
dostigao grozničav vrhunac mržnje, "evo trenutka kada
sam najzad shvatio!"
Bila je neopisivo užasna, ta stvar koja se iznenada
otvorila pred Arturom i naterala ga da krklja i jeca od
strave, ali evo ipak pokušaja da se opiše koliko je bila
jeziva. Bila je to divovska, vlažna pećina koja je
pulsirala i u kojoj se nalazilo ogromno, sluzavo, hrapavo
stvorenje nalik na kita, koje se kotrljalo i valjalo preko
čudovišnih belih kamenova. Visoko iznad dna pećine
uzdizao se ispust iza koga su se mogle nazreti tamne
dubine dve druge strahotne pećine, koje su...
Iznenada je Artur shvatio da gleda u sopstvena usta, u
trenutku kada je trebalo da mu pažnja bude usredsređena
na živu ostrigu koja je, bespomoćno, bila ugurana u njih.
Zateturao se unazad sa krikom i zaklonio oči.
Kada je ponovo pogledao, jeziva prikaza je nestala.
Hodnik je bio mračan i, nakratko, tih. Bio je sam sa
svojim mislima. Bile su to izuzetno neugodne misli i on
bi radije bio u društvu kakve starateljke.
Sledeći zvuk bilo je teško tutnjanje ogromnog odeljka
zida koji je kliznuo u stranu i otkrio, načas, samo tamnu
prazninu iz sebe. Artur je zavirio u nju na isti način kako
miš zaviri u mračnu pseću jazbinu.
A glas je ponovo progovorio.
"Reci mi da je to bila puka podudarnost, Dente", kazao
je. "Izazivam te da mi kažeš da je to bila obična
podudarnost!"
"To je bila podudarnost", rekao je Artur brzo.
"Nije!" došao je krik u odgovor.
"Bila je", reče Artur, "bila je..."
"Ako je to bila podudarnost, onda se ja", urlao je glas,
"ne zovem Agradžag!"
"A verovatno", rekao je Artur, "tvrdiš da je to zaista
tvoje ime."
"Da!" prosiktao je Agradžag, kao da je upravo izneo
vrlo vispren logički dokaz.
"Pa, bojim se da je ipak podudarnost", odvratio je Artur.
"Uđi ovamo pa ponovi to!" zaurlao je glas u
sudden apoplexy again.
Arthur walked in and said that it was a coincidence, or at
least, he nearly said that it was a coincidence. His tongue
rather lost its footing towards the end of the last word
because the lights came up and revealed what it was he
had walked into.
It was a Cathedral of Hate.
It was the product of a mind that was not merely twisted,
but actually sprained.
It was huge. It was horrific.
It had a Statue in it.
We will come to the Statue in a moment.
The vast, incomprehensibly vast chamber looked as if it
had been carved out of the inside of a mountain, and the
reason for this was that that was precisely what it had
been carved out of. It seemed to Arthur to spin
sickeningly round his head as he stood and gaped at it. It
was black.
Where it wasn't black you were inclined to wish that it
was, because the colours with which some of the
unspeakable details were picked out ranged horribly
across the whole spectrum of eye-defying colours from
Ultra Violent to Infra Dead, taking in Liver Purple,
Loathsome Lilac, Matter Yellow, Burnt hombre and Gan
Green on the way.
The unspeakable details which these colours picked out
were gargoyles which would have put Francis Bacon off
his lunch. The gargoyles all looked inwards from the
walls, from the pillars, from the flying buttresses, from
the choir stalls, towards the Statue, to which we will
come in a moment.
And if the gargoyles would have put Francis Bacon off
his lunch, then it was clear from the gargoyles' faces that
the Statue would have put them off theirs, had they been
alive to eat it, which they weren't, and had anybody tried
to serve them some, which they wouldn't.
Around the monumental walls were vast engraved stone
tablets in memory of those who had fallen to Arthur
Dent.
The names of some of those commemorated were
underlined and had asterisks against them. So, for
instance, the name of a cow which had been slaughtered
and of which Arthur Dent had happened to eat a fillet
steak would have the plainest engraving, whereas the
name of a fish which Arthur had himself caught and then
decided he didn't like and left on the side of the plate had
a double underlining, three sets of asterisks and a
bleeding dagger added as decoration, just to make the
iznenadnom ponovnom naletu ludačkog gneva.
Artur je ušao i rekao da je reč o podudarnosti, ili je bar
zamalo rekao da je reč o podudarnosti. Jezik mu se
izgubio na putu prema kraju poslednje reči, jer su se
svetla upalila i otkrila u šta je ušao.
Bila je to Katedrala Mržnje.
Bila je to stvar koju je načinio um koji je bio ne samo
uvrnut nego i potpuno zgužvan.
Bila je ogromna. Bila je užasna.
Unutra se nalazila statua.
Za koji trenutak doći ćemo na statuu.
Prostrana, nerazumljivo prostrana odaja delovala je kao
da je izdubljena u unutrašnjosti planine, a razlog za to
bio je taj što i jeste bila izdubljena u unutrašnjosti
planine. Arturu se učinilo da se vrtoglavo okreće oko
njegove glave dok je stajao i piljio u sve to. Bila je crna.
Tamo gde nije bila crna gotovo biste poželeli da jeste,
jer boje nekih neizrecivih pojedinosti obuhvatale su
čitav spektar za mučenje očiju, na čijem je jednom kraju
bilo ultraubica-sto, na drugom je stajala infrakrv-vena,
dok su se između nalazile sramno kurpurna, svetlo
ružičmarsta, slinmunasto žuta, prženi hombre i listno
zlalena.
Neizrecive pojedinosti koje su te boje prikazivale bile
su, zapravo, čudovišne prilike od kojih bi i samom
Frensisu Bekonu preseo ručak. Čudovišne prilike
gledale su prema središtu odaje sa zidova, sa stubova, sa
polica na zidovima, sa pijedestala - zapravo, prema
statui, na koju ćemo preći za trenutak.
A ako bi čudovišne prilike oterale Frensisa Bekona od
ručka, sa njihovih lica jasno je bilo da bi ih statua
oterala od njihovog, da su bile žive i da su mogle da je
pojedu, a nisu, i da je neko pokušao da im posluži takvu,
a nije.
Oko monumentalnih zidova nalazile su se velike,
ugravirane, kamene ploče u pomen onima koji su pali od
ruke Artura Denta.
Imena nekih nabrojanih bila su podvučena i obeležena
zvezdicom. Tako je, na primer, ime krave koja je bila
zaklana i od koje je Artur slučajno pojeo odrezak bilo
napisano običnim slovima, dok je ime ribe koju je Artur
ulovio, pa je odlučio da je ne pojede i ostavio pored
tanjira bilo dvostruko podvučeno, obeleženo trima
zvezdicama i još pored njega bio nacrtan okrvavljeni
nož za ukras, samo da bi bilo što istaknutije.
point.
And what was most disturbing about all this, apart from
the Statue, to which we are, by degrees, coming, was the
very clear implication that all these people and creatures
were indeed the same person, over and over again.
And it was equally clear that this person was, however
unfairly, extremely upset and annoyed.
In fact it would be fair to say that he had reached a level
of annoyance the like of which had never been seen in
the Universe. It was an annoyance of epic proportions, a
burning searing flame of annoyance, an annoyance which
now spanned the whole of time and space in its infinite
umbrage.
And this annoyance had been given its fullest expression
in the Statue in the centre of all this monstrosity, which
was a statue of Arthur Dent, and an unflattering one.
Fifty feet tall if it was an inch, there was not an inch of it
which wasn't crammed with insult to its subject matter,
and fifty feet of that sort of thing would be enough to
make any subject feel bad. From the small pimple on the
side of his nose to the poorish cut of his dressing gown,
there was no aspect of Arthur Dent which wasn't
lambasted and vilified by the sculptor.
Arthur appeared as a gorgon, an evil, rapacious,
ravenning, bloodied ogre, slaughtering his way through
an innocent one-man Universe.
With each of the thirty arms which the sculptor in a fit of
artistic fervour had decided to give him, he was either
braining a rabbit, swatting a fly, pulling a wishbone,
picking a flea out of his hair, or doing something which
Arthur at first looking couldn't quite identify.
His many feet were mostly stamping on ants.
Arthur put his hands over his eyes, hung his head and
shook it slowly from side to side in sadness and horror at
the craziness of things.
And when he opened his eyes again, there in front of him
stood the figure of the man or creature, or whatever it
was, that he had supposedly been persecuting all this
time.
``HhhhhhrrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!'' said Agrajag.
He, or it, or whatever, looked like a mad fat bat. He
waddled slowly around Arthur, and poked at him with
bent claws.
``Look ...!'' protested Arthur.
``HhhhhhrrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!!!'' explained Agrajag,
and Arthur reluctantly accepted this on the grounds that
he was rather frightened by this hideous and strangely
wrecked apparition.
Agrajag was black, bloated, wrinkled and leathery.
A ono što ga je od svega najviše uznemiravalo, izuzev
statue, na koju polako dolazimo, bila je vidljiva
činjenica da su svi ti ljudi i stvorenja zaista bili ista
osoba, ponovo i ponovo.
I bilo je isto tako jasno da je ta osoba bila, ma koliko to
ne bilo pošteno, izuzetno iznervirana i ozlojeđena.
U stvari, bilo bi bolje reći da je dostigla nivo
ozlojeđenosti kakav još nije viđen u svekolikoj
Vaseljeni. Bila je to ozlojeđenost epskih razmera,
razbuktali, usijani plamen ozlojeđenosti, ozlojeđenosti
koja je sada obuhvatala čitavo vreme i prostor u svom
beskonačnom gnevu.
A ta ozlojeđenost najpotpunije je bila izražena u statui
koja se nalazila u središtu sve te čudovišnosti i koja je
predstavljala Artura Denta u ne baš najlaskavijoj
svetlosti. Imala je najmanje pedeset stopa, a nije imala
nijednog inča koji nije bio prekriven uvredama na
njegov račun, a pedeset stopa takvih stvari bilo je
dovoljno da se bilo ko oseti neprijatno. Od male
bubuljice na levoj strani njegovog nosa do najsitnije
pojedinosti njegovog odela, nije bilo nijednog vida
Artura Denta koji vajar nije napao i popljuvao.
Artur je prikazivan kao gorgona, otelotvoreno zlo,
krvožedni, jezivi div-ljudožder koji se kasapski probija
kroz nevinu Vaseljenu jednog čoveka.
Svakom od trideset ruku koje mu je vajar poklonio u
naletu umetničkog plama, ili je drobio glavu zeca,
ubijao muvu, lomio jadac, vadio buvu iz kose ili činio
nešto što Artur na prvi pogled nije mogao čak ni da
razazna.
Mnogobrojnim nogama uglavnom je gazio mrave.
Artur je prekrio oči rukama, oborio glavu i lagano stao
da je vrti sa jedne strane na drugu, tužan i užasnut
besmislenoću ove stvari.
A kada je ponovo otvorio oči, pred njim se nalazila
prilika čoveka ili bića, ili šta je već bilo, koje je on
navodno progonio sve vreme.
"HhhhhhhrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!!!" rekao je Agradžag.
On, ili ono, ili štogod, izgledalo je kao poludeli, debeli,
slepi miš. Lagano je išao oko Artura i posezao prema
njemu oštrim kandžama.
"Slušaj...!!" pobunio se Artur.
"HhhhhhhrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!!!" objasnio je
Agradžag i Artur nevoljno prihvati to što je rekao zbog
toga što je bio vrlo uplašen tom užasnom i neobičnom
unakaženom prikazom.
Agradžag je bio crn, sasušen, naboran i kožast.
His batwings were somehow more frightening for being
the pathetic broken floundering things they were that if
they had been strong, muscular beaters of the air. The
frightening thing was probably the tenacity of his
continued existence against all the physical odds.
He had the most astounding collection of teeth.
They looked as if they each came from a completely
different animal, and they were ranged around his mouth
at such bizarre angles it seemed that if he ever actually
tried to chew anything he'd lacerate half his own face
along with it, and possibly put an eye out as well.
Each of his three eyes was small and intense and looked
about as sane as a fish in a privet bush.
``I was at a cricket match,'' he rasped.
This seemed on the face of it such a preposterous notion
that Arthur practically choked.
``Not in this body,'' screeched the creature, ``not in this
body! This is my last body. My last life. This is my
revenge body. My kill-Arthur-Dent body. My last chance.
I had to fight to get it, too.''
``But ...''
``I was at,'' roared Agrajag, ``a cricket match! I had a
weak heart condition, but what, I said to my wife, can
happen to me at a cricket match? As I'm watching, what
happens?
``Two people quite maliciously appear out of thin air just
in front of me. The last thing I can't help but notice
before my poor heart gives out in shock is that one of
them is Arthur Dent wearing a rabbit bone in his beard.
Coincidence?''
``Yes,'' said Arthur.
``Coincidence?'' screamed the creature, painfully
thrashing its broken wings, and opening a short gash on
its right cheek with a particularly nasty tooth. On closer
examination, such as he'd been hoping to avoid, Arthur
noticed that much of Agrajag's face was covered with
ragged strips of black sticky plasters.
He backed away nervously. He tugged at his beard. He
was appalled to discover that in fact he still had the rabbit
bone in it. He pulled it out and threw it away.
``Look,'' he said, ``it's just fate playing silly buggers with
you. With me. With us. It's a complete coincidence.''
``What have you got against me, Dent?'' snarled the
creature, advancing on him in a painful waddle.
``Nothing,'' insisted Arthur, ``honestly, nothing.''
Nekako su njegova krila kao u slepog miša bila još
užasnija zbog toga što su bila slomljena i mlitava nego
što bi bila da su predstavljala snažne i mišićave udove
za mahanje kroz vazduh. Najužasnija stvar verovatno je
bila upornost njegovog postojanja koje se i dalje
produžavalo nasuprot svakoj fizičkoj verovatnoći.
Imao je zaista zaprepašćujuću zbirku zuba.
Izgledalo je da svaki od njih potiče od potpuno
drugačije životinje, a bili su smešteni u njegova usta pod
tako besmislenim uglovima da je izgledalo da bi svako
ko bi pokušao da u stvarnosti sažvaće nešto pomoću njih
pri tom pocepao polovinu lica i verovatno još iskopao
sebi oko pride.
Svako od njegova tri oka bilo je sitno i usplamtelo i
izgledalo je otprilike isto toliko zdravo koliko i riba u
grmu zove.
"Išao sam na kriket meč", zarežao je.
Sa takvim izgledom to je delovalo tako besmisleno, da
se Artur zagrcnuo.
"Ne u ovom telu", zaškripalo je stvorenje. "Ne u ovom
telu! Ovo je moje poslednje telo. Moj poslednji život.
Ovo je moje telo za osvetu. Moje telo za ubijanje Artura
Denta. Moja poslednja prilika. Morao sam da se borim
da bih i njega zadobio."
"Ali..."
"Bio sam", zaurlao je Agradžag, "na kriket-meču! Imao
sam slabo srce, ali šta, rekao sam ženi, može da mi se
dogodi na kriket-meču? I dok gledam, šta se dešava?
Dva čoveka zlobno se pojavljuju ni iz čega baš preda
mnom. Poslednja stvar koju nisam mogao da ne
primetim pre nego što me je moje jadno srce izdalo
usled šoka bila je da je jedan od njih Artur Dent koji u
svojoj bradi nosi zečiju kost. Podudarnost?"
"Da", rekao je Artur.
"Podudarnost?" vrisnulo je stvorenje, bolno zamlataralo
slomljenim krilima i otvorilo kratku posekotinu u svom
desnom obrazu jednim posebno gadnim zubom. Kada je
pažljivije pogledao, mada se nadao da će to moći da
izbegne, Artur je primetio da je veći deo Agradžagovog
lica prekriven otrcanim trakama crnog flastera.
Uznemireno se povukao unazad. Opipao je svoju bradu.
Bio je šokiran kada je otkrio da se u njoj još nalazi
zečija kost. Izvadio ju je i bacio.
"Čuj", rekao je, "to se samo sudbina zeza sa tobom. Sa
mnom. Sa obojicom. To je savršena slučajnost."
"Šta imaš protiv mene, Dente?" zaurlalo je stvorenje i
stalo da mu se primiče uz bolno teturanje.
"Ništa", bio je uporan Artur, "iskreno, ništa."
Agrajag fixed him with a beady stare.
``Seems a strange way to relate to somebody you've got
nothing against, killing them all the time. Very curious
piece of social interaction, I would call that. I'd also call
it a lie!''
``But look,'' said Arthur, ``I'm very sorry. There's been a
terrible misunderstanding. I've got to go. Have you got a
clock? I'm meant to be helping save the Universe.'' He
backed away still further.
Agrajag advanced still further.
``At one point,'' he hissed, ``at one point, I decided to
give up. Yes, I would not come back. I would stay in the
netherworld. And what happened?''
Arthur indicated with random shakes of his head that he
had no idea and didn't want to have one either. He found
he had backed up against the cold dark stone that had
been carved by who knew what Herculean effort into a
monstrous travesty of his bedroom slippers. He glanced
up at his own horrendously parodied image towering
above him. He was still puzzled as to what one of his
hands was meant to be doing.
``I got yanked involuntarily back into the physical
world,'' pursued Agrajag, ``as a bunch of petunias. In, I
might add, a bowl. This particularly happy little lifetime
started off with me, in my bowl, unsupported, three
hundred miles above the surface of a particularly grim
planet. Not a naturally tenable position for a bowl of
petunias, you might think. And you'd be right. That life
ended a very short while later, three hundred miles lower.
In, I might add, the fresh wreckage of a whale. My spirit
brother.''
He leered at Arthur with renewed hatred.
``On the way down,'' he snarled, ``I couldn't help
noticing a flashy-looking white spaceship. And looking
out of a port on this flashy-looking spaceship was a
smug-looking Arthur Dent. Coincidence?!!''
``Yes!'' yelped Arthur. He glanced up again, and realized
that the arm that had puzzled him was represented as
wantonly calling into existence a bowl of doomed
petunias. This was not a concept which leapt easily to the
eye.
``I must go,'' insisted Arthur.
``You may go,'' said Agrajag, ``after I have killed you.''
``No, that won't be any use,'' explained Arthur, beginning
to climb up the hard stone incline of his carved slipper,
``because I have to save the Universe, you see. I have to
find a Silver Bail, that's the point. Tricky thing to do
Agradžag ga je probadao usplamtelim pogledom.
"Deluje kao čudan način povezivanja sa nekim protiv
koga nemaš ništa da ga neprestano ubijaš. Neobičan
primer društvenih odnosa, rekao bih. Isto tako bih rekao
da je to obična laž!"
"Ali, slušaj", kazao je Artur, "strašno mi je žao. Došlo je
do užasnog nesporazuma. Moram da pođem. Da nemaš
slučajno sat? Trebalo bi da spasavam Vaseljenu."
Povukao se još dalje.
Agradžag mu je i dalje primicao.
"U jednom času", prosiktao je, "u jednom času odlučio
sam da se predam. Da. Da ostanem u svetu senki. I šta
se dešava?"
Artur je pokazao nizom unezverenih trzaja glavom da
pojma nema i da i ne želi da zna. Ustanovio je da se
pribio uz hladni, mračni kamen koji je ko zna kakvim
herkulovskim naporima bio isklesan u čudovišnu
karikaturu njegovih kućnih papuča. Podigao je pogled
prema sopstvenoj užasavajućoj parodiranoj slici koja se
uzdizala nad njim. Još mu nije bilo jasno šta bi trebalo
da radi jedna od njegovih ruku koje su tu bile prikazane.
"Protiv svoje volje uvučen sam u fizički svet", produžio
je Agradžag, "kao bokor petunija. U, dodao bih, saksiji.
Taj slatki, mali život otpočeo je sa mnom u saksiji, bez
ikakvog oslonca, na trista milja iznad površine jedne
naročito tmurne planete. Ne bi se baš moglo reći da je to
prirodno stanište za saksiju petunija, kao što verovartno
i sam misliš. U pravu si ako tako misliš. Taj život
završio se ubrzo potom, tri stotine milja niže. U, mogao
bih ponovo da dodam, svežem lešu kita. Mog duhovnog
sabrata."
Zlobno je pogledao Artura sa obnovljenom mržnjom.
"Na putu naniže", zaurlao je, "nisam mogao da ne
primetim svetlucavi, beli svemirski brod. A kroz vrata
tog svetlucavog, belog svemirskog broda virio je
samozadovoljni Artur Dent. Podudarnost?!!"
"Da!" jauknuo je Artur. Ponovo je podigao pogled i
shvatio da je ruka koja ga je zbunjivala predstavljala
neodgovorno dozivanje u postojanje bokora osuđenih
petunija. To nije bio koncept koji se lako mogao
prozreti.
"Moram da idem", bio je uporan Artur.
"Moći ćeš da ideš", rekao je Agradžag, "tek pošto te
budem ubio."
"Ne, to ne bi valjalo", objasnio je Artur i počeo da se
penje na kameni ispust svoje isklesane kućne papuče,
"jer, razumeš, moram da spasavam Vaseljenu. Moram da
nađem srebrnu sponu, razumeš? To je veoma složeno
dead.'' izvesti kada si mrtav."
``Save the Universe!'' spat Agrajag with contempt. ``You "Da spaseš Vaseljenu", prezrivo je rekao Agradžag.
should have thought of that before you started your "Trebalo je da misliš na to pre nego što si počeo svoju
vendetta against me! What about the time you were on krvavu osvetu protiv mene! Sećaš li se kada si bio na
Stavromula Beta and someone ...'' Stavromuli Beta i neko je..."
``I've never been there,'' said Arthur. "Nikada nisam bio na tom mestu", rekao je Artur.
``... tried to assassinate you and you ducked. Who do you "...pokušao je da te ubije, a ti si se sagao. Šta misliš,
think the bullet hit? What did you say?'' koga je pogodio metak? Šta si rekao?"
``Never been there,'' repeated Arthur. ``What are you "Nikada nisam bio na tom mestu", ponovio je Artur. "Ne
talking about? I have to go.'' znam o čemu pričaš. Moram da idem."
Agrajag stopped in his tracks. Agradžag zastade.
``You must have been there. You were responsible for my "Mora da si bio tamo. Bio si odgovoran za moju smrt na
death there, as everywhere else. An innocent bystander!'' tom mestu, kao i na svim ostalim. Nevini posmatrač!"
He quivered. tresao se.
``I've never heard of the place,'' insisted Arthur. ``I've "Nikada nisam ni čuo za to mesto", bio je uporan Artur.
certainly never had anyone try to assassinate me. Other "I niko nikada nije pokušao da me ubije. Osim tebe.
than you. Perhaps I go there later, do you think?'' Možda ću tamo ići kasnije, šta misliš?"
Agrajag blinked slowly in a kind of frozen logical horror. Agradžag sporo trepnu u nekoj vrsti ledenog, logičkog
užasa.
``You haven't been to Stavromula Beta ... yet?'' he "Nisi bio na Stavromuli Beta... do sada?" prošaptao je.
whispered.
``No,'' said Arthur, ``I don't know anything about the "Ne", rekao je Artur, "pojma nemam o tom mestu.
place. Certainly never been to it, and don't have any Siguran sam da nikada nisam bio tamo i nemam nameru
plans to go.'' da idem."
``Oh, you go there all right,'' muttered Agrajag in a "Oh, ići ćeš, to je sigurno", promrmljao je Agradžag
broken voice, ``you go there all right. Oh zark!'' he slomljenim glasom, "sigurno ćeš ići. Oh, zarki ga!"
tottered, and stared wildly about him at his huge Zeteturao se i obazro po Katedrali Mržnje. "Doveo sam
Cathedral of Hate. ``I've brought you here too soon!'' te ovde prerano!"
He started to scream and bellow. ``I've brought you here Počeo je da urla i vrišti. "Doveo sam te previše zarkeno
too zarking soon!'' rano!"
Suddenly he rallied, and turned a baleful, hating eye on Iznenada se sabrao i okrenuo zlokobni pogled prema
Arthur. Arturu.
``I'm going to kill you anyway!'' he roared. ``Even if it's a "Ipak ću te ubiti!" zaurlao je. "Makar to bilo i logička
logical impossibility I'm going to zarking well try! I'm nemogućnost, ima da se zarkeno dobro potrudim!
going to blow this whole mountain up!'' He screamed, Razneću čitavu planinu!" zavrištao je, "da vidimo da li
``Let's see you get out of this one, Dent!'' ćeš se iz ovoga izvući, Dente!"
He rushed in a painful waddling hobble to what appeared Pojurio je u bolnom, teturavom trku prema nečemu što
to be a small black sacrificial altar. He was shouting so je podsećalo na maleni oltar za žrtvovanje obojen u
wildly now that he was really carving his face up badly. crno. Sada je tako divljački vikao da je stvarno gadno
Arthur leaped down from his vantage place on the povređivao svoje lice. Artur skoči sa svoje odstupnice
carving of his own foot and ran to try to restrain the na kipu sopstvene noge i potrča da pokuša da urazumi
three-quarters-crazed creature. poluludo stvorenje.
He leaped upon him, and brought the strange monstrosity Bacio se na njega i tresnuo čudovišnim telom u oltar.
crashing down on top of the altar.
Agrajag screamed again, thrashed wildly for a brief Agradžag je ponovo vrisnuo i na trenutak počeo ludački
moment, and turned a wild eye on Arthur. da se bacaka, divlje gledajući Artura.
``You know what you've done?'' he gurgled painfully. "Znaš li šta si uradio?" bolno je zakrkljao. "Ponovo si
``You've only gone and killed me again. i mean, what do me ubio. Pa šta hoćeš od mene, prokletinjo?"
you want from me, blood?''
He thrashed again in a brief apoplectic fit, quivered, and
collapsed, smacking a large red button on the altar as he
did so.
Arthur started with horror and fear, first at what he
appeared to have done, and then at the loud sirens and
bells that suddenly shattered the air to announce some
clamouring emergency. He stared wildly around him.
The only exit appeared to be the way he came in. He
pelted towards it, throwing away the nasty fake leopard-
skin bag as he did so.
He dashed randomly, haphazardly through the
labyrinthine maze, he seemed to be pursued more and
more fiercely by claxons, sirens, flashing lights.
Suddenly, he turned a corner and there was a light in
front of him.
It wasn't flashing. It was daylight.
Chapter Nineteen
Although it has been said that on Earth alone in our
Galaxy is Krikkit (or cricket) treated as fit subject for a
game, and that for this reason the Earth has been
shunned, this does only apply to our Galaxy, and more
specifically to our dimension. In some of the higher
dimensions they feel they can more or less please
themselves, and have been playing a peculiar game
called Brockian Ultra-Cricket for whatever their
transdimensional equivalent of billions of years is.
``Let's be blunt, it's a nasty game'' (says The Hitch
Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy) ``but then anyone who has
been to any of the higher dimensions will know that
they're a pretty nasty heathen lot up there who should just
be smashed and done in, and would be, too, if anyone
could work out a way of firing missiles at right-angles to
reality.''
This is another example of the fact that The Hitch Hiker's
Guide to the Galaxy will employ anybody who wants to
walk straight in off the street and get ripped off,
especially if they happen to walk in off the street during
the afternoon, when very few of the regular staff are
there.
There is a fundamental point here.
The history of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy is
one of idealism, struggle, despair, passion, success,
failure, and enormously long lunch-breaks.
The earliest origins of the Guide are now, along with
most of its financial records, lost in the mists of time.
Ponovo je počeo da se bacaka u naletu bola, zadrhtao i
srušio se sa oltara, zakačivši pri tom veliko, crveno
dugme na njemu.
Artur je u užasu i stravi zurio u sve to, prvo zbog onoga
što je, kako izgleda, učinio, a potom zbog bučnih sirena
i zvona koji su se zaorili unaokolo da bučno označe
nekakvu opasnost. Počeo je divlje da se osvrće.
Jedini izlaz izgleda da se nalazio u pravcu iz koga je
došao. Pojurio je tamo i uz put odbacio ogavnu torbu od
imitacije leopardove kože.
Žurio je nasumce, bezglavo kroz lavirint; kao da su ga
sve bučnije i bučnije progonile sirene, zvona, treptanje
svetlosti.
Iznenada je skrenuo za jedan ugao i pred njim se
ukazala svetlost.
Nije treptala. Bila je to svetlost dana.
19.
Iako je rečeno da jedino na Zemlji u čitavoj našoj
Galaksiji Krikit (ili kriket) smatraju pogodnom temom
za igru i da je iz tog razloga Zemlja izbegavana, to važi
samo za našu Galaksiju ili, tačnije, za našu dimenziju. U
nekima od viših dimenzija smatraju da više ili manje
mogu da dozvole sebi da igraju igru zvanu brokijanski
ultrakriket već milijardama godina, šta god bio njihov
transdimenzioni ekvivalent za to.
Budimo iskreni, to je ogavna igra (kaže 'Autostoperski
vodič kroz Galaksiju'), ali kogod je ikada bio u višim
dimenzijama zna da su oni tamo jedna banda ogavnih
bezbožnika koji zaslužuju da budu zgaženi i udešeni
jednom za svagda, a i bili bi, kada bi iko umeo da
razradi sistem ispaljivanja projektila pod pravim uglom
u odnosu na stvarnost.
To je još jedan primer okolnosti da će 'Autostoperski
vodič kroz Galaksiju' uposliti makar koga, kogod želi da
ušeta u njega pravo sa ulice i da uradi makar šta,
naročito ukoliko ušeta sa ulice tokom popodneva, kada
se tamo nalazi vrlo malo zvaničnih lica uredništva.
Osnovna činjenica je u sledećem.
Istorija 'Vodiča' predstavlja istoriju idealizma, borbe,
očaja, strasti, uspeha, padova i neverovatno dugih pauza
za ručak.
Najranije poreklo 'Vodiča' danas je, skupa sa najvećim
delom njegovih računovodstvenih dokumenata,
izgubljeno u maglama vremena.
For other, and more curious theories about where they
are lost, see below.
Most of the surviving stories, however, speak of a
founding editor called Hurling Frootmig.
Hurling Frootmig, it is said, founded the Guide,
established its fundamental principles of honesty and
idealism, and went bust.
There followed many years of penury and heart-
searching during which he consulted friends, sat in
darkened rooms in illegal states of mind, thought about
this and that, fooled about with weights, and then, after a
chance encounter with the Holy Lunching Friars of
Voondon (who claimed that just as lunch was at the
centre of a man's temporal day, and man's temporal day
could be seen as an analogy for his spiritual life, so
Lunch should (a) be seen as the centre of a man's
spiritual life, and (b) be held in jolly nice restaurants), he
refounded the Guide, laid down its fundamental
principles of honesty and idealism and where you could
stuff them both, and led the Guide on to its first major
commercial success.
He also started to develop and explore the role of the
editorial lunch-break which was subsequently to play
such a crucial part in the Guide's history, since it meant
that most of the actual work got done by any passing
stranger who happened to wander into the empty offices
on an afternoon and saw something worth doing.
Shortly after this, the Guide was taken over by
Megadodo Publications of Ursa Minor Beta, thus putting
the whole thing on a very sound financial footing, and
allowing the fourth editor, Lig Lury Jr, to embark on
lunch-breaks of such breathtaking scope that even the
efforts of recent editors, who have started undertaking
sponsored lunch-breaks for charity, seem like mere
sandwiches in comparison.
In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship --- he
merely left his office late one morning and has never
since returned. Though well over a century has now
passed, many members of the guide staff still retain the
romantic notion that he has simply popped out for a ham
croissant, and will yet return to put in a solid afternoon's
work.
Strictly speaking, all editors since Lig Lury Jr have
therefore been designated Acting Editors, and Lig's desk
is still preserved the way he left it, with the addition of a
small sign which says ``Lig Lury Jr, Editor, Missing,
presumed Fed''.
Neobičnije teorije o tome gde je to, zapravo, izgubljeno,
izložene su u tekstu koji sledi.
Većina ovih priča o poreklu 'Vodiča' govori o uredniku i
osnivaču po imenu Hurling Frutmig.
Kaže se da je Hurling Frutmig osnovao 'Vodič',
uspostavio njegova osnovna načela idealizma i poštenja
i bankrotirao.
Usledile su mnoge godine nemaštine i preispitivanja
namera, tokom kojih se savetovao sa prijateljima, sedeo
po mračnim sobicama zamućenog uma, razmišljao o
ovome i onome, zezao se po okolini sa svojim
problemima i potom, posle slučajnog susreta sa Svetim
ručkadžijskim slobodnjacima sa Vunduna - koji su
tvrdili da kao što je ručak predstavljao središte
čovekovog temporalnog dana, odnosno kao što se
čovekov temporalni dan može shvatiti kao analogija
njegovog duhovnog života, tako i ručak treba da bude
(a) shvaćen kao središte duhovnoh života čoveka i (b)
održavan u naročito lepim restoranima - odrekao se
svojih osnovnih načela idealizma i poštenja i rekao gde
možete da ih nabijete i poveo 'Vodič' u prvi veći
komercijalni uspeh.
Istovremeno je počeo da razvija i istražuje ulogu
uredničke pauze za ručak koja je potom igrala ključnu
ulogu u istoriji 'Vodiča', jer je značila da se većina
pravog posla obavlja rukama slučajnih prolaznika koji
zalutaju u prazne urede tokom popodneva i vide nešto
što bi vredelo uraditi.
Ubrzo posle toga, 'Vodič' je preuzela izdavačka kuća
Megadodo sa Urse Minor Beta i time postavila čitavu
stvar na zdrave finansijske noge, omogućivši četvrtom
uredniku, Ligu Luriju mlađem, da navali na pauze za
ručak tako zaprepašćujućih razmera da čak i napori
sadašnjih urednika koji su započeli sa praksom
sponzorskih pauza za ručak u milosrdne svrhe u
poređenju sa tim deluju kao obični sendviči.
U stvari, Lig se nikada formalno nije odrekao svog
uredništva - on je jednostavno napustio ured jednog
prepodneva i više se nikad nije vratio. Iako je od tada
prošlo podosta više od jednog stoleća, mnogi članovi
uredništva 'Vodiča' drže se romantičnog mišljenja da je
on samo skoknuo na sendvič i da će se vratiti da navali
popodne na posao.
Strogo govoreći, svi urednici posle Liga Lurija, mlađeg
zbog toga su bili samo vršioci dužnosti i Ligov sto još se
čuva onakav kakav je bio kada ga je ostavio, a na njega
je dodat samo maleni natpis na kome stoji: 'Lig Luri
mlađi, urednik, nestao, verovatno na dor'.
 Some very scurrilous and subversive sources hint at the
idea that Lig actually perished in the Guide's first
extraordinary experiments in alternative book-keeping.
Very little is known of this, and less still said. Anyone
who even notices, let alone calls attention to, the curious
but utter coincidental and meaningless fact that every
world on which the Guide has ever set up an accounting
department has shortly afterwards perished in warfare or
some natural disaster, is liable to get sued to smithereens.
It is an interesting though utterly unrelated fact that the
two or three days prior to the demolition of the planet
Earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass saw a
dramatic upsurge in the number of UFO sightings there,
not only above Lords Cricket Ground in St. John's Wood,
London, but also above Glastonbury in Somerset.
Glastonbury had long been associated with myths of
ancient kings, witchcraft, ley-lines an wart curing, and
had now been selected as the site for the new Hitch
Hiker's Guide financial records office, and indeed, ten
years' worth of financial records were transferred to a
magic hill just outside the city mere hours before the
Vogons arrived.
None of these facts, however strange or inexplicable, is
as strange or inexplicable as the rules of the game of
Brockian Ultra-Cricket, as played in the higher
dimensions. A full set of rules is so massively
complicated that the only time they were all bound
together in a single volume, they underwent gravitational
collapse and became a Black Hole.
A brief summary, however, is as follows:
Rule One: Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need
them, but it keeps the crowds amused.
Rule Two: Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player.
Clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous
amount of tedious selection and training.
Rule Three: Put your team and the opposing team in a
large field and build a high wall round them.
The reason for this is that, though the game is a major
spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the
audience at not actually being able to see what's going on
leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it
really is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum
game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd
that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in
sporting history.
Neki uvredljivi i podrivački izvori navode na pomisao
da je Lig, zapravo, stradao tokom prvih neobičnih opita
'Vodiča' u knjigovodstvu. O ovome se vrlo malo zna, a
još manje se priča. Onaj ko makar i primeti, a kamoli
pomene neobičnu, ali potpuno slučajnu i besmislenu
činjenicu da je svaki svet na kome je 'Vodič' uspostavio
računovodstveno odeljenje ubrzo potom nestao u ratnom
sukobu ili u nekoj prirodnoj katastrofi, može da računa
da mu život više ne vredi ni pišljiva boba.
Zanimljiva je činjenica, mada ni u kakvoj vezi sa ovim,
da je dva ili tri dana pre uništenja planete Zemlje, da bi
se napravilo mesta za novu hipersvemirsku obilaznicu,
primećen dramatičan porast broja pojava NLO-a na njoj,
ne samo iznad Gospodarskog igrališta kriketa u Sent
Džons Vudu u Londonu već i iznad Glastonberija u
Somersetu.
Dugo je Glastonberi povezivan sa mitovima o drevnim
kraljevima, vešticama i izlečenju prištova, a sada je bio
izabran za sedište novog odeljenja 'Vodiča' za
knjigovodstvene poslove i, zaista, deset godina
finansijskog poslovanja prenete su na breg čarobnjaka
samo nekoliko sati pre nailaska Vogona.
Ali nijedna od ovih činjenica, koliko god one izgledale
čudne i neobjašnjive, nije tako čudna i neobjašnjiva kao
pravila igre brokijanskog ultrakriketa, onakvog kakav se
igra u višim dimenzijama. Celokupna pravila toliko su
zapetljana da su jedini put kada su se sva našla na
jednom mestu podlegla gravitacionom kolapsu i
pretvorila se u crnu rupu.
Ali evo kratkog pregleda:
PRAVILO BROJ JEDAN: Pustite da vam izrastu bar tri
noge viška. Neće vam služiti ni za šta, ali će bar
zabavljati publiku.
PRAVILO BROJ DVA: Pronađite jednog izuzetno
dobrog igrača brokijanskog ultrakriketa. Klonirajte ga
nekoliko puta. Time ćete uštedeti ogromni iznos
pažljivog odabiranja i treniranja.
PRAVILO BROJ TRI: Smestite svoj i protivnički tim na
veliku poljanu i sagradite oko njih zid.
Razlog za to je taj što će, iako je igra neobično
spektakularna, osujećenost publike koja neće moći da
vidi šta se dešava dovesti do toga da će svi misliti kako
je mnogo uzbudljivije nego što stvarno jeste. Gomila
koja je upravo posmatrala dremljivu utakmicu osećaće
mnogo manje životnog zadovoljstva od gomile koja
veruje da je upravo propustila najdramatičniji trenutak u
istoriji sporta.
Rule Four: Throw lots of assorted items of sporting
equipment over the wall for the players. Anything will do
--- cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything
you can get a good swing with.
Rule Five: The players should now lay about themselves
for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand.
Whenever a player scores a ``hit'' on another player, he
should immediately run away and apologize from a safe
distance.
Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum
clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.
Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that
wins.
Curiously enough, the more the obsession with the game
grows in the higher dimensions, the less it is actually
played, since most of the competing teams are now in a
state of permanent warfare with each other over the
interpretation of these rules. This is all for the best,
because in the long run a good solid war is less
psychologically damaging than a protracted game of
Brockian Ultra-Cricket.
Chapter Twenty
As Arthur ran darting, dashing and panting down the side
of the mountain he suddenly felt the whole bulk of the
mountain move very, very slightly beneath him. There
was a rumble, a roar, and a slight blurred movement, and
a lick of heat in the distance behind and above him. He
ran in a frenzy of fear. The land began to slide, and he
suddenly felt the force of the word ``landslide'' in a way
which had never been apparent to him before. It had
always just been a word to him, but now he was suddenly
and horribly aware that sliding is a strange and sickening
thing for land to do. It was doing it with him on it. He
felt ill with fear and shaking. The ground slid, the
mountain slurred, he slipped, he fell, he stood, he slipped
again and ran. The avalance began.
Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him
like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much,
much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more
likely to kill you if they fell on you. His eyes danced with
them, his feet danced with the dancing ground. He ran as
if running was a terrible sweating sickness, his heart
pounded to the rhythm of the pounding geological frenzy
PRAVILO BROJ ČETIRI: Ubacite preko zida igračima
gomile sportske opreme. Može poslužiti bilo šta - batovi
za kriket, palice za bezbol, teniski reketi, skije, sve čime
se može dobro zamahnuti.
PRAVILO BROJ PET: Igrači sada treba da prikupe uz
sebe sve što mogu da nađu. Čim igrač postigne
'pogodak' po glavi drugog igrača, treba smesta da
pobegne što brže može i da mu se izvini sa sigurnog
rastojanja.
Izvinjenja treba da budu sažeta, iskrena i, radi krajnje
jasnoće i upečatljivosti, uručena preko megafona.
PRAVILO BROJ ŠEST: Pobednik je onaj tim koji prvi
pobedi.
Neobično, ali što je igra popularnija u višim
dimenzijama, sve se manje igra, jer je većina timova
koji se takmiče sada u stalnom ratnom stanju sa svim
ostalim zbog različitih tumačenja ovih pravila. Tako je i
najbolje, jer je, na duge staze, jedan dobar rat psihološki
manje štetan od produžene igre brokijanskog
ultrakriketa.
20.
Dok je Artur trčao niz planinu, zadihan, unezveren i
napet, iznenada je osetio kako se pod njegovim nogama
vrlo, vrlo polako pomera čitav planinski masiv. Začula
se tutnjava, urlik, i osetio se blag, nejasan pokret, a u
daljini iza i iznad njega liznula je vrelina. Trčao je
polulud od straha. Zamlja poče da klizi i on je iznenada
shvatio značenje reči 'klizište', jasnije nego ikada ranije.
Uvek je to za njega bila samo obična reč, ali je sada
iznenadno i užasnuto postao svestan kako je klizanje
neobična i pogrešna stvar za zemljište. Ono je činilo
upravo to, sa njime povrh svega. Osetio je da mu je zlo
od straha i drhtavice. Zemljište je klizilo, planina se
tresla, on se okliznuo, pao, podigao, ponovo okliznuo i
potrčao. Lavina otpoče.
Šljunak, zatim kamenje, pa ogromne gromade razigrano
su poskakivali oko njega, poput nespretnih kučića, samo
mnogo, mnogo veći, mnogo, mnogo tvrđi i gotovo
bezgranično smrtonosniji ako bi ga pogodili. Oči su mu
poigravale skupa sa njima, oči su mu poigravale skupa
sa tlom koje je poigravalo. Trčao je kao da je trk užasna,
grozničava bolest, a srce mu je poskakivalo u ritmu
around him.
The logic of the situation, i.e. that he was clearly bound
to survive if the next foreshadowed incident in the saga
of his inadvertent persecution of Agrajag was to happen,
was utterly failing to impinge itself on his mind or
exercise any restraining influence on him at this time. He
ran with the fear of death in him, under him, over him
and grabbing hold of his hair.
And suddenly he tripped again and was hurled forward
by his considerable momentum. But just at the moment
that he was about to hit the ground astoundingly hard he
saw lying directly in front of him a small navy-blue
holdall that he knew for a fact he had lost in the baggage-
retrieval system at Athens airport some ten years in his
personal time-scale previously, and in his astonishment
he missed the ground completely and bobbed off into the
air with his brain singing.
What he was doing was this: he was flying. He glanced
around him in surprise, but there could be no doubt that
that was what he was doing. No part of him was touching
the ground, and no part of him was even approaching it.
He was simply floating there with boulders hurtling
through the air around him.
He could now do something about that. Blinking with the
non-effort of it he wafted higher into the air, and now the
boulders were hurtling through the air beneath him.
He looked downwards with intense curiosity. Between
him and the shivering ground were now some thirty feet
of empty air, empty that is if you discounted the boulders
which didn't stay in it for long, but bounded downwards
in the iron grip of the law of gravity; the same law which
seemed, all of a sudden, to have given Arthur a
sabbatical.
It occurred to him almost instantly, with the instinctive
correctness that self-preservation instils in the mind, that
he mustn't try to think about it, that if he did, the law of
gravity would suddenly glance sharply in his direction
and demand to know what the hell he thought he was
doing up there, and all would suddenly be lost.
So he thought about tulips. It was difficult, but he did. He
thought about the pleasing firm roundness of the bottom
of tulips, he thought about the interesting variety of
colours they came in, and wondered what proportion of
the total number of tulips that grew, or had grown, on the
Earth would be found within a radius of one mile from a
windmill. After a while he got dangerously bored with
this train of thought, felt the air slipping away beneath
him, felt that he was drifting down into the paths of the
poskakivanja geološkog ludila oko njega.
Logika situacije, odnosno izvesnost da će preživeti
ukoliko je sledeći nagovešteni incident u sagi njegovih
odnosa sa Agradžagom trebalo da se dogodi, nikako nije
uspevala da mu se u tom trenutku ukaže u mislima ili da
ispolji bilo kakav smirujući uticaj na njega. Trčao je, a
strah od smrti bio je u njemu, pod njime, nad njime,
grabio ga je za kosu.
Iznenada se ponovo spotakao i poleteo napred, ponesen
svojim popriličnim zaletom. Ali u samom trenutku kada
je trebalo da tresne o tle neizmernom žestinom, video je
kako pravo ispred njega leži njegova malena, plava,
putna torba za koju je znao da ju je izgubio u odeljku za
prtljag aerodroma u Atini pre nekih deset godina po
sopstvenoj vremenskoj lestvici i u svom zaprepašćenju
potpuno je promašio tle i ostao da lebdi u vazduhu, dok
mu je mozak pevao.
Evo šta je radio: leteo je. Obazro se iznenađeno oko
sebe, ali nije moglo biti sumnje da radi upravo to.
Nijednim delom tela nije dodirivao tle, niti mu je čak
bio blizu. Jednostavno je lebdeo, dok je stenje vitlalo
kroz vazduh oko njega.
Trebalo je nešto preduzeti oko toga. Trepćući od
nenapora izazvanog činom letenja, podigao se više u
vazduh i sada su stene vitlale bezbedno ispod njega.
Spustio je pogled neizmerno radoznalo. Između njega i
drhtavog tla bilo je tridesetak stopa praznog vazduha, to
jest, praznog ukoliko se ne računaju stene koje u njemu
nisu ostajale dugo, već su srljale naniže, zahvaćene
čeličnim zagrljajem zakona gravitacije: istog zakona
koji je, izgleda, iz čista mira, dao Arturu dan odmora.
Skoro istog časa mu je sinulo, sa nagonskom tačnošću
koju samoodržavanje nameće umu, da nikako ne bi
trebalo da razmišlja o tome, ili će zakon gravitacije
iznenada oštro pogledati prema njemu, zahtevati da
sazna šta on, kog đavola, radi tamo gore i sve će
iznenada biti izgubljeno.
I zbog toga je stao da razmišlja o lalama. Bilo je teško,
ali mu je pošlo za rukom. Razmišljao je o prijatnoj,
čvrstoj oblini dna cveta lale, razmišljao je o zanimljivoj
raznovrsnosti boja u kojima su se one javlale i pitao se
koji se deo ukupnog broja lala što rastu, ili su ikada
rasle, na Zemlji, može videti u prečniku od jedne milje
oko neke vetrenjače. Posle izvesnog vremena počeo je
da se opasno dosađuje ovakvim mislima, osetio je kako
propada kroz vazduh i klizi sve bliže stenama koje su
bouncing boulders that he was trying so hard not to think
about, so he thought about Athens airport for a bit and
that kept him usefully annoyed for about five minutes ---
at the end of which he was startled to discover that he
was now floating about two hundred yards above the
ground.
He wondered for a moment how he was going to get
back down to it, but instantly shied away from that area
of speculation again, and tried to look at the situation
steadily.
He was flying, What was he going to do about it? He
looked back down at the ground. He didn't look at it hard,
but did his best just to give it an idle glance, as it were, in
passing. There were a couple of things he couldn't help
noticing. One was that the eruption of the mountain
seemed now to have spent itself --- there was a crater just
a little way beneath the peak, presumably where the rock
had caved in on top of the huge cavernous cathedral, the
statue of himself, and the sadly abused figure of Agrajag.
The other was his hold-all, the one he had lost at Athens
airport. It was sitting pertly on a piece of clear ground,
surrounded by exhausted boulders but apparently hit by
none of them. Why this should be he could not speculate,
but since this mystery was completely overshadowed by
the monstrous impossibility of the bag's being there in
the first place, it was not a speculation he really felt
strong enough for anyway. The thing is, it was there. And
the nasty, fake leopard-skin bag seemed to have
disappeared, which was all to the good, if not entirely to
the explicable.
He was faced with the fact that he was going to have to
pick the thing up. Here he was, flying along two hundred
yards above the surface of an alien planet the name of
which he couldn't even remember. He could not ignore
the plaintive posture of this tiny piece of what used to be
his life, here, so many light-years from the pulverized
remains of his home.
Furthermore, he realized, the bag, if it was still in the
state in which he lost it, would contain a can which
would have in it the only Greek olive oil still surviving in
the Universe.
Slowly, carefully, inch by inch, he began to bob
downwards, swinging gently from side to side like a
nervous sheet of paper feeling its way towards the
ground.
It went well, he was feeling good. The air supported him,
but let him through. Two minutes later he was hovering a
mere two feet above the bag, and was faced with some
odskakivale i o kojima se toliko trudio da ne razmišlja i
zato je neko vreme razmišljao o atinskom aerodromu,
što mu je oko pet minuta vrlo delotvorno išlo na živce -
bio je zaprepašćen kada je posle toga otkrio da lebdi na
oko šest stotina stopa iznad tla.
Na trenutak je počeo da se pita kako će da se vrati, ali je
smesta pobegao od te oblasti razmišljanja i pokušao da
smireno sagleda situaciju.
Leteo je. Šta je mogao da učini povodom toga? Spustio
je pogled na zemlju. Nije se upiljio u nju, već je dao sve
od sebe da to bude nehajan pogled, kao u prolazu. Ipak,
bilo je nekoliko stvari koje je morao da primeti. Jedna je
bila ta da je erupcija planine, izgleda, prošla - u blizini
vrha sada se nalazio krater, verovatno tamo gde se stena
survala u ogromnu, izdubljenu katedralu, na njegovu
sopstvenu statuu i na žalosno izobličenu priliku
Agradžaga.
Druga je bila njegova putna torba, ona koju je izgubio
na aerodromu u Atini. Veselo je počivala na jednom
komadu čistog terena, okružena iscrpljenim stenama,
iako je očigledno nije pogodila nijedna od njih. Kako je
to bilo moguće, o tome uopšte nije želeo da razmišlja,
jer je ta tajna bila u potpunosti zaklonjena čudovišnom
nemogućnošću samog postojanja torbe. Bila je tu i to je
bilo sve.
Suočio se sa činjenicom da će morati da je podigne.
Leteo je šest stopa iznad tuđinske planete čijeg imena
nije mogao čak ni da se seti. Nije mogao da ne primeti
tu žalosnu situaciju malenog odlomka onoga što je
predstavljalo njegov život, ovde, toliko svetlosnih
godina od sprženih ostataka njegovog doma.
Dalje, shvatio je, torba bi trebalo, ukoliko je još u stanju
u kakvom ju je izgubio, da sadrži konzervu u kojoj se
nalazi jedino ulje grčkih maslina u čitavoj Vaseljeni.
Lagano, pažljivo, inč po inč, počeo je da se spušta,
njišući se tamo-amo poput nervoznog lista papira koji
pada na zemlju.
Išlo je dobro; lepo se osećao. Vazduh ga je nosio, ali i
puštao da prolazi kroz njega. Posle dva minuta uzdizao
se jedva dve stope iznad putne torbe i bio prisiljen da se
difficult decision. He bobbed there lightly. He frowned,
but again, as lightly as he could.
If he picked the bag up, could he carry it? Mightn't the
extra weight just pull him straight to the ground?
Mightn't the mere act of touching something on the
ground suddenly discharge whatever mysterious force it
was that was holding him in the air?
Mightn't he be better off just being sensible at this point
and stepping out of the air, back on to the ground for a
moment or two?
If he did, would he ever be able to fly again?
The sensation, when he allowed himself to be aware of it,
was so quietly ecstatic that he could not bear the thought
of losing it, perhaps for ever. With this worry in mind he
bobbed upwards a little again, just to try the feel of it, the
surprising and effortless movement of it. He bobbed, he
floated. He tried a little swoop.
The swoop was terrific. With his arms spread out in front
of him, his hair and dressing gown streaming out behind
him, he dived down out of the sky, bellied along a body
of air about two feet from the ground and swung back up
again, catching himself at the top of the swing and
holding. Just holding. He stayed there.
It was wonderful.
And that, he realized, was the way of picking up the bag.
He would swoop down and catch hold of it just at the
point of the upswing. He would carry it on up with him.
He might wobble a bit, but he was certain that he could
hold it.
He tried one or two more practice swoops, and they got
better and better. The air on his face, the bounce and
woof of his body, all combined to make him feel an
intoxication of the spirit that he hadn't felt since, since ---
well as far as he could work out, since he was born. He
drifted away on the breeze and surveyed the countryside,
which was, he discovered, pretty nasty. It had a wasted
ravaged look. He decided not to look at it any more. He
would just pick up the bag and then ... he didn't know
what he was going to do after he had picked up the bag.
He decided he would just pick up the bag and see where
things went from there.
He judged himself against the wind, pushed up against it
and turned around. He floated on its body. He didn't
realize, but his body was willoming at this point.
He ducked down under the airstream, dipped --- and
suoči sa nekim složenim odlukama. Lagano se njihao.
Namrštio se, ali opet, što je lakše mogao.
Ukoliko bude uzeo torbu, hoće li moći da je nosi? Neće
li ga dodatna težina smesta povući na zemlju?
Neće li sam čin dodirivanja nečega što se nalazi na
zemlji iznenada isprazniti tu tajanstvenu silu koja ga je
održavala u vazduhu, šta god to bilo?
Ne bi li bilo bolje poneti se razumno u ovom času i
iskoračiti iz vazduha na zemlju na trenutak ili dva?
Ukoliko to bude učinio, hoće li ikada moći ponovo da
leti?
Osećanje što je pratilo letenje, kada je dopustio sebi da
ga postane svestan, bilo je tako divno da nikako ne bi
mogao da podnese pomisao o tome da ga je izgubio,
možda zauvek. Sa tom brigom u mislima, ponovo se
malo podigao u vazduh, jednostavno da to još malo
oproba, da opet iskusi iznenađujuće kretnje lišene
svakog napora. Njihao se, lebdeo. Pokušao je da se
obruši.
Obrušavanje je bilo fantastično. Sa rukama pruženim
ispred sebe, dok su mu se kosa i odelo vijorili,
sunovratio se kroz vazduh dok nije stigao na dve stope
od tla, da bi se potom ponovo podigao u visinu i tamo
zaustavio. Naprosto zaustavio. Ostao je tamo.
Bilo je divno.
I to je, shvatio je, bio način na koji će podići torbu.
Obrušiće se i zgrabiti je u trenutku kada bude prelazio u
uzlazni deo. Poneće je sa sobom. Možda će izgubiti
malo zamaha, ali bio je siguran da će moći da je ponese.
Pokušao je još jedan ili dva puta da vežba zaletanje i
išlo mu je sve bolje i bolje. Vetar na njegovom licu,
jurnjava i fijukanje njegovog tela kroz vazduh, sve se to
udružilo da mu donese takvo stanje duha kakvo nije
osetio još od - pa, koliko se sećao, još od rođenja.
Odjezdio je na povetarcu i počeo da razgleda predeo
koji je, otkrio je, bio prilično gadan. Imao je opustošeni,
uništeni izgled. Odlučio je da ga više nikada ne pogleda.
Uzeće samo svoju torbu i onda... pojma nije imao šta će
biti pošto bude uzeo torbu. Odlučio je da jednostavno
uzme torbu i da vidi šta će posle proizići iz toga.
Pustio se niz vetar, pošao uz njega i ponovo se okrenuo.
Nije to ni primetio, ali u toj tački njegovo telo je
vilomovalo.
Pognuo je glavu, okrenuo se nadole - i stao da ponire.
dived.
The air threw itself past him, he thrilled through it. The
ground wobbled uncertainly, straightened its ideas out
and rose smoothly up to meet him, offering the bag, its
cracked plastic handles up towards him.
Halfway down there was a sudden dangerous moment
when he could no longer believe he was doing this, and
therefore he very nearly wasn't, but he recovered himself
in time, skimmed over the ground, slipped an arm
smoothly through the handles of the bag, and began to
climb back up, couldn't make it and all of a sudden
collapsed, bruised, scratched and shaking in the stony
ground.
He staggered instantly to his feet and swayed hopelessly
around, swinging the bag round him in agony of grief
and disappointment.
His feet, suddenly, were stuck heavily to the ground in
the way they always had been. His body seemed like an
unwieldy sack of potatoes that reeled stumbling against
the ground, his mind had all the lightness of a bag of
lead.
He sagged and swayed and ached with giddiness. He
tried hopelessly to run, but his legs were suddenly too
weak. He tripped and flopped forward. At that moment
he remembered that in the bag he was now carrying was
not only a can of Greek olive oil but a duty-free
allowance of retsina, and in the pleasurable shock of that
realization he failed to notice for at least ten seconds that
he was now flying again.
He whooped and cried with relief and pleasure, and sheer
physical delight. He swooped, he wheeled, he skidded
and whirled through the air. Cheekily he sat on an
updraught and went through the contents of the hold-all.
He felt the way he imagined an angel must feel during its
celebrated dance on the head of a pin whilst being
counted by philosophers. He laughed with pleasure at the
discovery that the bag did in fact contain the olive oil and
the retsina as well as a pair of cracked sunglasses, some
sand-filled swimming trunks, some creased postcards of
Santorini, a large and unsightly towel, some interesting
stones, and various scraps of paper with the addresses of
people he was relieved to think he would never meet
again, even if the reason why was a sad one. He dropped
the stones, put on the sunglasses, and let the pieces of
paper whip away in the wind.
Ten minutes later, drifting idly through a cloud, he got a
large and extremely disreputable cocktail party in the
small of the back.
Vazduh je šibao unaokolo dok je on jurio kroz njega.
Zemlja se nesigurno zanjihala, sredila svoje misli i
glatko se izdigla da ga primi, ponudivši mu torbu, čija je
ispucala, plastična drška bila okrenuta nagore.
Na pola puta naniže, jednog iznenadnog i opasnog
trenutka, više nije mogao da poveruje da to radi, tako da
zamalo uistinu i prestane da leti, ali na vreme se prenuo,
skliznuo iznad zemlje, jednom rukom glatko prošao
kroz dršku torbe i ponovo počeo da se uspinje, što mu,
međutim, nije uspelo, tako da se iznenada srušio na
stenovito tle, izgreban, izubijan i drhtav.
Bespomoćno se digao na noge i bespomoćno zateturao,
zamahnuvši torbom oko sebe u agoniji bola i
razočaranja.
Stopala su mu iznenada bila teško priljubljena za
zemlju, onako kako su uvek bila. Njegovo telo
podsećalo je na nespretnu vreću krompira koja se
teturala i kotrljala po zemlji; um mu je bio težak poput
olova.
Stao je da se zanosi, klimav i bolan od vrtoglavice.
Bespomoćno je pokušao da trči, ali noge su mu iznenada
bile veoma slabe. Zaneo se i posrnuo napred. U istom
trenutku setio se da je u torbi koju je sada nosio ne samo
limenka grčkog maslinovog ulja već i ona količina
grčkog vina koja se sme izneti iz zemlje bez plaćanja
carine i u prijatnom šoku koji je to izazvalo najmanje
deset sekundi uopšte nije primetio da ponovo leti.
Vikao je i podvriskivao od olakšanja, zadovoljstva i
čiste fizičke prijatnosti. Obrušavao se, prevrtao, klizio i
ljuljuškao kroz vazduh. Drsko se smestio usred uzlazne
struje i počeo da razgleda sadržaj svoje putne torbe.
Osećao se onako kako se anđeo morao osećati dok je
izvodio svoj slavni ples na vrhu igle i dok su ga filozofi
brojali. Nasmejao se na otkriće da je torba, u stvari,
sadržala ne samo maslinovo ulje i grčko vino, već i
napukle tamne naočari, nekoliko kupaćih gaćica punih
peska, ogroman i ružan peškir, nešto zanimljivog
kamenja i raznorazne listove papira po kojima su bile
ispisane adrese ljudi za koje mu je bilo drago što ih više
nikada neće sresti, makar razlog za to bio i tužan. Bacio
je kamenje, stavio tamne naočari i pustio da vetar
ponese listove papira.
Deset minuta potom, dok je lenjo lutao kroz neki oblak,
na njegovu zadnjicu naletela je jedna ogromna i krajnje
ozloglašena žurka.
 Chapter Twenty-one
The longest and most destructive party ever held is now
into its fourth generation, and still no one shows any
signs of leaving. Somebody did once look at his watch,
but that was eleven years ago, and there has been no
follow-up.
The mess is extraordinary, and has to be seen to be
believed, but if you don't have any particular need to
believe it, then don't go and look, because you won't
enjoy it.
There have recently been some bangs and flashes up in
the clouds, and there is one theory that this is a battle
being fought between the fleets of several rival carpet-
cleaning companies who are hovering over the thing like
vultures, but you shouldn't believe anything you hear at
parties, and particularly not anything you hear at this one.
One of the problems, and it's one which is obviously
going to get worse, is that all the people at the party are
either the children or the grandchildren or the great-
grandchildren of the people who wouldn't leave in the
first place, and because of all the business about selective
breeding and regressive genes and so on, it means that all
the people now at the party are either absolutely fanatical
partygoers, or gibbering idiots, or, more and more
frequently, both.
Either way, it means that, genetically speaking, each
succeeding generation is now less likely to leave than the
preceding one.
So other factors come into operation, like when the drink
is going to run out.
Now, because of certain things which have happened
which seemed like a good idea at the time (and one of the
problems with a party which never stops is that all the
things which only seem like a good idea at parties
continue to seem like good ideas), that point seems still
to be a long way off.
One of the things which seemed like a good idea at the
time was that the party should fly --- not in the normal
sense that parties are meant to fly, but literally.
One night, long ago, a band of drunken astro-engineers
of the first generation clambered round the building
digging this, fixing that, banging very hard on the other
and when the sun rose the following morning, it was
startled to find itself shining on a building full of happy
21.
Najveća i najrazornija žurka koja je ikada održana sada
je već zašla u četvrto pokolenje, a niko još ne pokazuje
nameru da ode. Neko je svojevremeno bacio pogled na
sat, ali bilo je to pre jedanaest godina, a još se ništa nije
desilo.
Nered je neverovatan i treba ga videti da bi se
poverovalo da je tako nešto moguće, ali ako nemate
naročite potrebe da poverujete u to, nemojte ići da
vidite, jer vam se neće dopasti.
Nedavno je na nebu došlo do grmljavine i sevanja i
počela je da kruži priča da se to vodi borba između flota
nekoliko suparničkih kompanija za čišćenje tepiha, koje
poput lešinara kruže iznad poprišta žurke, vrebajući
svoju priliku, ali ne treba verovati u ono što se čuje na
žurkama, a naročito ne na ovoj.
Jedan od problema, a on će se očigledno sve više
pogoršavati, sastoji se u tome da su ljudi na žurki ili
deca, ili unuci, ili praunuci onih koji su prvobitno
odlučili da ne odu kući, a zbog cele one zapetljavine sa
selektivnim razmnožavanjem i recesivnim genima to
znači da su svi prisutni na žurki u ovom trenutku ili
krajnje fanatični posetioci žurki ili mucavi idioti ili, sve
češće i češće, i jedno i drugo.
Ovako ili onako, to znači da, genetski govoreći, svako
sledeće pokolenje ima sve manje izgleda od prethodnog
da ode.
No, u proces ulaze i drugi činioci, kao, na primer, kada
će nestati pića.
Ali, zbog nekih stvari koje su u svoje vreme izgledale
kao odlična ideja (a jedna od nevolja sa žurkama bez
kraja jeste to što stvari koje samo podsećaju na odlične
ideje tamo uvek nastavljaju da podsećaju na odlične
ideje), ta tačka izgleda da je još daleko.
Jedna od stvari koje su u svoje vreme izgledale kao
odlična ideja bila je i ta da žurka treba da dobije polet -
ne na normalan način na koji žurke treba da dobiju
polet, već bukvalno: da poleti.
Jedne noći, odavno, grupa pijanih astroinženjera motala
se oko zgrade i kopala po ovome, čačkala po onome,
treskala po nečem trećem, a kada se sunce podiglo
sledećeg jutra, zaprepastilo se kada je videlo da
obasjava zgradu punu veselih pijanaca koja je sada
drunken people which was now floating like a young and
uncertain bird over the treetops.
Not only that, but the flying party had also managed to
arm itself rather heavily. If they were going to get
involved in any petty arguments with wine merchants,
they wanted to make sure they had might on their side.
The transition from full-time cocktail party to part-time
raiding party came with ease, and did much to add that
extra bit of zest and swing to the whole affair which was
badly needed at this point because of the enormous
number of times that the band had already played all the
numbers it knew over the years.
They looted, they raided, they held whole cities for
ransom for fresh supplies of cheese crackers, avocado
dip, spare ribs and wine and spirits, which would now get
piped aboard from floating tankers.
The problem of when the drink is going to run out is,
however, going to have to be faced one day.
The planet over which they are floating is no longer the
planet it was when they first started floating over it.
It is in bad shape.
The party had attacked and raided an awful lot of it, and
no one has ever succeeded in hitting it back because of
the erratic and unpredictable way in which it lurches
round the sky.
It is one hell of a party.
It is also one hell of a thing to get hit by in the small of
the back.
Chapter Twenty-two
Arthur lay floundering in pain on a piece of ripped and
dismembered reinforced concrete, flicked at by wisps of
passing cloud and confused by the sounds of flabby
merrymaking somewhere indistinctly behind him.
There was a sound he couldn't immediately identify,
partly because he didn't know the tune ``I Left my Leg in
Jaglan Beta'' and partly because the band playing it were
very tired, and some members of it were playing it in
three-four time, some in four-four, and some in a kind of
pie-eyed r2, each according to the amount of sleep he'd
managed to grab recently.
He lay, panting heavily in the wet air, and tried feeling
bits of himself to see where he might be hurt. Wherever
poput mlade i nesigurne ptice lepršala iznad vrhova
krošnji.
Ne samo to, već je leteća žurka uspela da pribavi
prilično teško naoružanje. Ukoliko je trebalo da ikada
ulete u neku raspravu sa trgovcima vinom, želeli su da
argumenti budu na njihovoj strani.
Pretvaranje od nečega što je bilo koktel-parti sa punim
radnim vremenom u pljačkaški parti sa nepotpunim
radnim vremenom odigralo se sa krajnjom lakoćom i
pokazalo se od prilične koristi time što je dodalo malo
novog poleta i žestine čitavoj stvari, a u toj tački bilo je
to neophodno zbog ogromnog broja ponavljanja
muzičkih tačaka koje je bend svirao poslednjih nekoliko
godina.
Pljačkali su, otimali, držali su čitave gradove kao taoce
da bi za njih dobili sveže zalihe sira, slanih keksa,
avokada, suvog mesa, te vina i žestokih pića koje su
sada uzimali sa letećih tankera.
Ali sa problemom nestanka pića moraće jednog dana da
se suoče.
Planeta iznad koje sada lebde nije više ona ista iznad
koje su počeli lebdenje.
U vrlo je lošem stanju.
Žurka ju je jezivo mnogo napadala, a niko sa planete
nije do sada uspeo da joj uzvrati udarac zbog
nasumičnog i nepredvidivog načina na koji se teturala
po nebu.
To je đavolska žurka.
To je takođe đavolska stvar ako te udari u donji deo
leđa.
22.
Previjajući se od bola, Artur je ležao na komadu
otrgnutog i razorenog armiranog betona, dok su se oko
njega kovitlale pare oblaka kroz koji je prolazio,
zbunjen zvukom nekog mlitavog veselja negde iza
njegovih leđa.
Čuo se zvuk koji nije mogao odmah da prepozna, delom
zbog toga što nije poznavao melodiju pesmice 'Ostavio
sam nogu na Džaglan Beti', a delom zato što je grupa
koja je to svirala bila vrlo umorna, tako da su neki njeni
članovi svirali pesmicu u tročetvrtinskom ritmu, drugi u
dvotrećinskom, a treći u nekoj vrsti ritma pr2, već u
zavisnosti od toga koliko je ko od njih ugrabio sna u
poslednje vreme.
Ležao je i teško disao u vlažnom vazduhu i pokušavao
da opipavanjem tela otkrije gde ga boli. Gde god bi se
he touched himself, he encountered a pain. After a short
while he worked out that this was because it was his hand
that was hurting. He seemed to have sprained his wrist.
His back, too, was hurting, but he soon satisfied himself
that he was not badly hurt, but just bruised and a little
shaken, as who wouldn't be? He couldn't understand
what a building would be doing flying through the
clouds.
On the other hand, he would have been a little hard-
pressed to come up with any convincing explanation of
his own presence, so he decided that he and the building
were just going to have to accept each other. He looked
up from where he was lying. A wall of pale but stained
stone slabs rose up behind him, the building proper. He
seemed to be stretched out on some sort of ledge or lip
which extended outwards for about three or four feet all
the way around. It was a hunk of the ground in which the
party building had had its foundations, and which it had
taken along with itself to keep itself bound together at the
bottom end.
Nervously, he stood up and, suddenly, looking out over
the edge, he felt nauseous with vertigo. He pressed
himself back against the wall, wet with mist and sweat.
His head was swimming freestyle, but someone in his
stomach was doing the butterfly.
Even though he had got up here under his own power, he
could now not even bear to contemplate the hideous drop
in front of him. He was not about to try his luck jumping.
He was not about to move an inch closer to the edge.
Clutching his hold-all he edged along the wall, hoping to
find a doorway in. The solid weight of the can of olive
oil was a great reassurance to him.
He was edging in the direction of the nearest corner, in
the hope that the wall around the corner might offer more
in the way of entrances than this one, which offered
none.
The unsteadiness of the building's flight made him feel
sick with fear, and after a short while he took the towel
from out of his hold-all and did something with it which
once again justified its supreme position in the list of
useful things to take with you when you hitch-hike round
the Galaxy. He put it over his head so he wouldn't have to
see what he was doing.
His feet edged along the ground. His outstretched hand
edged along the wall.
Finally he came to the corner, and as his hand rounded
dodirnuo, nailazio je na bol. Posle izvesnog vremana
otkrio je da je to zbog toga što ga ruka boli. Činilo se da
je uganuo zglob. I leđa su ga bolela, ali uskoro je, na
svoje zadovoljstvo, otkrio da nije gadno povređen, već
samo izgreban i malo ugruvan, što i nije bilo čudno.
Nikako, naime, nije shvatao šta jedna zgrada traži u
oblacima.
S druge strane, ne bi mu bilo baš najlakše da pronađe
ubedljivo objašnjenje ni za sopstveno prisustvo na istom
mestu i zbog toga je zaključio da će on i zgrada naprosto
morati da prihvate postojanje jedno drugog. Pogledao je
sa mesta na kome je ležao. Zid od belih, ali umrljanih
kamenih ploča uzdizao se iza njega, kao na pravoj
zgradi. Izgledalo je da viri iz neke vrste isturene ivice ili
ispusta koji se pružao oko nje u svim pravcima u dužini
od tri ili četiri stope. Bio je to odlomak tla u kome je
zgrada sa žurkom imala temelje i koji je ponela sa
sobom da je drži povezanu na donjem kraju.
Uznemireno se podigao i, iznenada, čim je pogledao
preko ruba, uhvatila ga je mučnina od vrtoglavice.
Priljubio se uza zid, mokar od magle i znoja. Njegova
glava plivala je slobodnim stilom, ali se stomak
zabavljao baterflajom.
Iako je dotle dospeo sopstvenom snagom, nije mogao
čak ni da razmišlja o jezivom ponoru koji je zjapio
ispred njega. Svakako neće pokušati da oproba sreću
skakanjem. Zapravo, nije nameravao da se pomeri
makar i jedan inč bliže rubu.
Uhvativši čvrsto svoju putnu torbu, stao je da puže uza
zid, nadajući se da će uz put pronaći ulazna vrata. Čvrsta
težina limenke maslinovog ulja delovala je na njega
ospokojavajuće.
Puzao je u pravcu najbližeg ugla u nadi da će mu zid iza
ugla pružiti više načina za ulazak od ovoga, koji mu nije
pružio baš nijedan.
Neravnomernost leta zgrade činila ga je bolesnim od
straha, tako da je, posle izvesnog vremena, izvukao
peškir iz putne torbe i učinio nešto što je još jednom
opravdalo visoki položaj ubrusa na popisu najkorisnijih
stvari koje treba da imate uza se kada autostopirate po
Galaksiji - vezao ga je oko glave da ne bi mogao da vidi
šta radi.
Stao je da vuče nogama po tlu, dok je ispruženom
šakom pipao po zidu.
Najzad je došao do ugla, a kada mu je šaka zaobišla
the corner it encountered something which gave him
such a shock that he nearly fell straight off. It was
another hand.
The two hands gripped each other.
He desperately wanted to use his other hand to pull the
towel back from his eyes, but it was holding the hold-all
with the olive oil, the retsina and the postcards from
Santorini, and he very much didn't want to put it down.
He experienced one of those ``self'' moments, one of
those moments when you suddenly turn around and look
at yourself and think ``Who am I? What am I up to?
What have I achieved? Am I doing well?'' He whimpered
very slightly.
He tried to free his hand, but he couldn't. The other hand
was holding his tightly. He had no recourse but to edge
onwards towards the corner. He leaned around it and
shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the towel. This
seemed to provoke a sharp cry of some unfashionable
emotion from the owner of the other hand.
The towel was whipped from his head and he found his
eyes peering into those of Ford Prefect. Beyond him
stood Slartibartfast, and beyond them he could clearly
see a porchway and a large closed door.
They were both pressed back against the wall, eyes wild
with terror as they stared out into the thick blind cloud
around them, and tried to resist the lurching and swaying
of the building.
``Where the zarking photon have you been?'' hissed Ford,
panic stricken.
``Er, well,'' stuttered Arthur, not really knowing how to
sum it all up that briefly. ``Here and there. What are you
doing here?''
Ford turned his wild eyes on Arthur again.
``They won't let us in without a bottle,'' he hissed.
The first thing Arthur noticed as they entered into the
thick of the party, apart from the noise, the suffocating
heat, the wild profusion of colours that protuded dimly
through the atmosphere of heavy smoke, the carpets thick
with ground glass, ash and avocado droppings, and the
small group of pterodactyl-like creatures in lurex who
descended on his cherished bottle of retsina, squawking,
``A new pleasure, a new pleasure'', was Trillian being
chatted up by a Thunder God.
``Didn't I see you at Milliways?'' he was saying.
``Were you the one with the hammer?''
``Yes. I much prefer it here. So much less reputable, so
much more fraught.''
Squeals of some hideous pleasure rang around the room,
the outer dimensions of which were invisible through the
ugao, dodirnula je nešto što mu je zadalo takav šok da je
gotovo pao. Bila je to druga ruka.
Dve ruke zgrabiše jedna drugu.
Očajnički je želeo da iskoristi drugu ruku za skidanje
peškira sa očiju, ali ona je držala torbu sa maslinovim
uljem, vinom i razglednicama sa Santorinija i on baš
nikako nije želeo da je odloži.
Iskusio je jedan od onih trenutaka samoispitivanja, jedan
od onih trenutaka kada se iznenada okrenete, pogledate
sebe u oči i pomislite: 'Ko sam ja? Šta želim? Šta sam
postigao u životu? Da li to radim kako treba?' Tiho je
zajecao.
Pokušao je da oslobodi ruku, ali nije mogao. Druga ruka
čvrsto ju je držala. Nije imao izbora nego da produži
prema uglu. Zaokrenuo je za njega i zatresao glavom u
nameri da se oslobodi peškira. Ovo je, izgleda,
izazvalao oštar povik nerazaznatljivog osećanja kod
vlastite druge ruke.
Peškir je strgnut sa njegove glave i on otkri da mu oči
pilje u oči Forda Prefekta. Iza njega stajao je
Slartibartfast, a iza ovoga jasno su se videli zaklonjeni
prilaz i velika, zatvorena vrata.
Oboje su bili pripijeni uza zid, očiju divljih od straha
dok su zurili u gusti, slepi oblak oko sebe i pokušavali
da se odupru njihanju i poskakivanju zgrade.
"Gde si, kog fotona, bio?" prosiktao je Ford uspaničeno.
"Pa, ovaj", zamucao je Artur, ni sam ne znajući kako da
sve to objasni u najkraćim crtama, "tu i tamo. Šta radite
ovde?"
Ford ponovo pogleda Artura divljim očima.
"Neće da nas puste unutra bez boce pića", prosiktao je.
Prvo što je Artur primetio kada se našao usred žurke,
izuzev buke, zagušljive toplote, divlje mešavine boja
koja se nejasno probijala kroz atmosferu od gustog
dima, ćilima prekrivenih razbijenim staklom, pepelom i
kapima guakamole i grupice stvorenja nalik na
pterodaktile, obučene u lureks, koja su se okupila oko
njegove drage boce grčkog vina i kreketala
"Iznenađenje, iznenađenje", bila je Trilijan sa kojom je
neobavezno ćeretao Bog Groma.
"Nismo li se videli na Milivejsu?" upitao je on.
"Jesi li ti bio onaj sa čekićem?"
"Da. Mnogo mi se više sviđa što ga imam ovde. Ovo je
daleko ozloglašenije i opasnije mesto od onoga."
Odajom su odzvanjali krici nekog jezivog zadovoljstva,
čije su razmere bile nevidljive u ustalasanoj gomili
heaving throng of happy, noisy creatures, cheerfully veselih, bučnih stvorenja koja su razdragano dovikivala
yelling things that nobody could hear at each other and jedno drugom stvari koje niko nije uspevao da čuje i
occasionally having crises. povremeno zapadala u nervne krize.
``Seems fun,'' said Trillian. ``What did you say, Arthur?'' "Izgleda zabavno", rekla je Trilijan. "Šta si rekao,
Arture?"
``I said, how the hell did you get here?'' "Rekoh, kako si, do đavola, dospela ovamo?"
``I was a row of dots flowing randomly through the "Bila sam nasumični niz tačaka koje su letele
Universe. Have you met Thor? He makes thunder.'' Vaseljenom. Poznaješ li Tora? On pravi gromove."
``Hello,'' said Arthur. ``I expect that must be very "Ćao", rekao je Artur. "To je sigurno strašno
interesting.'' zanimljivo."
``Hi,'' said Thor. ``It is. Have you got a drink?'' "Ćao", rekao je Tor, "i jeste. Imaš piće?"
``Er, no actually ...'' "Ovaj - zapravo, nemam..."
``Then why don't you go and get one?'' "Što onda ne pođeš da nađeš sebi jedno?"
``See you later, Arthur,'' said Trillian. "Videćemo se, Arture", rekla je Trilijan.
Something jogged Arthur's mind, and he looked around Nešto pade Arturu na um i on se obazre okolo.
huntedly.
``Zaphod isn't here, is he?'' he said. "Zaphod nije ovde?" upitao je.
``See you,'' said Trillian firmly, ``later.'' "Videćemo se", rekla je Trilijan čvrstim glasom,
"kasnije."
Thor glared at him with hard coal-black eyes, his beard Tor ga je gledao tvrdim očima, crnim poput ugljena,
bristled, what little light was there was in the place nakostrešene brade. Ono malo svetla što je bilo na tom
mustered its forces briefly to glint menacingly off the mestu sakupilo je nakratko svoje snage da bi zlokobno
horns of his helmet. zasvetlucalo na rogovima njegovog šlema.
He took Trillian's elbow in his extremely large hand and Svojom izuzetno krupnom šakom uzeo je Trilijan za
the muscles in his upper arm moved around each other lakat, a mišići njegove nadlaktice vrteli su se jedan oko
like a couple of Volkswagens parking. drugog poput dva folksvagena na parkiralištu.
He led her away. Odveo ju je.
``One of the interesting things about being immortal,'' he "Jedna od zanimljivih stvari u vezi sa besmrtnošću",
said, ``is ...'' govorio je, "jeste to..."
``One of the interesting things about space,'' Arthur heard "Jedna od zanimljivih stvari u vezi sa svemirom", čuo je
Slartibartfast saying to a large and voluminous creature Artur kako Slartibartfast govori nekom krupnom i
who looked like someone losing a fight with a pink duvet masivnom stvorenju koje je izgledalo kao da gubi borbu
and was gazing raptly at the old man's deep eyes and sa sopstvenim srcem i koje je pažljivo gledalo starčeve
silver beard, ``is how dull it is.'' duboke oči i sivu bradu, "jeste to koliko je on, u stvari,
dosadan."
``Dull?'' said the creature, and blinked her rather "Dosadan?" ponovilo je stvorenje i trepnulo očima koje
wrinkled and bloodshot eyes. su bile prilično zakrvavljene i sa velikim podočnjacima.
``Yes,'' said Slartibartfast, ``staggeringly dull. "Da", odvratio je Slartibartfast, "zaprepašćujuće
Bewilderingly so. You see, there's so much of it and so dosadan. Zapanjujuće. Znaš, njega ima tako mnogo, a
little in it. Would you like me to quote some statistics?'' onoga što je u njemu tako malo. Hoćeš li da ti navedem
neke statističke podatke?"
``Er, well ...'' "Pa, ovaj..."
``Please, I would like to. They, too, are quite "Molim te, baš bih voleo. I oni su nezamislivo dosadni."
sensationally dull.''
``I'll come back and hear them in a moment,'' she said, "Odmah ću se vratiti da ih čujem", reklo je stvorenje,
patting him on the arm, lifted up her skirts like a potapšalo ga po ruci, podiglo svoju haljinu poput
hovercraft and moved off into the heaving crown. hoverkrafta i otišlo u ustalasanu gomilu.
``I thought she'd never go,'' growled the old man. "Mislio sam da nikada neće otići", zagroktao je starac.
``Come, Earthman ...'' "Dođi Zemljanine..."
``Arthur.'' "Artur."
``We must find the Silver Bail, it is here somewhere.''
``Can't we just relax a little?'' Arthur said. ``I've had a
tough day. Trillian's here, incidentally, she didn't say
how, it probably doesn't matter.''
``Think of the danger to the Universe ...''
``The Universe,'' said Arthur, ``is big enough and old
enough to look after itself for half an hour. All right,'' he
added, in response to Slartibartfast's increasing agitation,
``I'll wander round and see if anybody's seen it.''
``Good, good,'' said Slartibartfast, ``good. '' He plunged
into the crowd himself, and was told to relax by
everybody he passed.
``Have you seen a bail anywhere?'' said Arthur to a little
man who seemed to be standing eagerly waiting to listen
to somebody. ``It's made of silver, vitally important for
the future safety of the Universe, and about this long.''
``No,'' said the enthusiastically wizened little man, ``but
do have a drink and tell me all about it.''
Ford Prefect writhed past, dancing a wild, frenetic and
not entirely unobscene dance with someone who looked
as if she was wearing Sydney Opera House on her head.
He was yelling a futile conversation at her above the din.
``I like that hat!'' he bawled.
``What?''
``I said, I like the hat.''
``I'm not wearing a hat.''
``Well, I like the head, then.''
``What?''
``I said, I like the head. Interesting bone-structure.''
``What?''
Ford worked a shrug into the complex routine of other
movements he was performing.
``I said, you dance great,'' he shouted, ``just don't nod so
much.''
``What?''
``It's just that every time you nod,'' said Ford, ``... ow!''
he added as his partner nodded forward to say ``What?''
and once again pecked him sharply on the forehead with
the sharp end of her swept-forward skull.
``My planet was blown up one morning,'' said Arthur,
who had found himself quite unexpectedly telling the
little man his life story or, at least, edited highlights of it,
``that's why I'm dressed like this, in my dressing gown.
My planet was blown up with all my clothes in it, you
see. I didn't realize I'd be coming to a party.''
The little man nodded enthusiastically.
"Moramo naći srebrnu sponu, ovde je negde."
"Zar ne možemo malo da se oduvamo?" upitao je Artur.
"Imao sam težak dan. Slučajno je i Trilijan ovde, ali nije
mi rekla kako je stigla; verovatno nije ni bitno."
"Pomisli na opasnost koja preti Vaseljeni..."
"Vaseljena je", odvratio je Artur, "dovoljno velika i
dovoljno stara da može pola sata da se brine sama za
sebe. Dobro", dodao je, u odgovor na sve veću
Slartibartfastovu uzrujanost, "promuvaću se okolo i
videti da li ju je neko video."
"U redu, u redu", rekao je Slartibartfast, "u redu." I sam
je zašao u gomilu, a svi pored kojih je prolazio govorili
su mu da zastane i oduva se malo.
"Jesi li video negde jednu sponu?" upitao je Artur
čovečuljka koji je, izgleda, željno stajao i čekao da sluša
nekoga. "Napravljena je od srebra, od životnog je
značaja za buduću bezbednost Vaseljene i otprilike je
ovoliko dugačka."
"Nisam", odvratio je ushićeno naborani čovečuljak, "ali
posluži se pićem pa mi ispričaj sve o tome."
Pored njega se provrteo Ford, koji je plesao divlju,
burnu i prilično skarednu igru sa devojkom koja je
izgledala kao da na glavi nosi sidnejsku Operu. Vodio je
sa njom bučni i zaludni razgovor pokušavajući da
nadjača galamu oko njih.
"Sviđa mi se tvoj šešir!" zaurlao je.
"Šta?"
"Rekoh, sviđa mi se tvoj šešir."
"Ja nemam šešir."
"Pa, onda mi se sviđa glava."
"Šta?"
"Rekoh, sviđa mi se tvoja glava. Zanimljiv sklop
kostiju."
"Šta?"
Ford slegnu ramenima u okviru složene rutine ostalih
pokreta koju je izvodio.
"Rekoh, sjajno igraš", vikao je, "ali nemoj toliko da
klimaš glavom."
"Šta?"
"Ma eto, svaki put kada klimneš", rekao je Ford, "...
jao!" dodao je kada je njegova partnerka klimnula da bi
rekla 'Šta?' i ponovo ga oštro lupila po čelu šiljatim
krajem svoje neobične lobanje.
"Moja planeta je raznesena jednog jutra", rekao je Artur,
koji je, sasvim neočekivano, zatekao sebe kako
pripoveda čovečuljku priču svog života, ili bar odabrana
poglavlja iz nje. "Zbog toga sam ovako obučen, u kućni
mantil. Razumeš, moja planeta je raznesena sa svim
mojim odelima. Nisam znao da ću doći na žurku."
Čovečuljak je ushićeno klimnuo glavom.
``Later, I was thrown off a spaceship. Still in my dressing
gown. Rather than the space suit one would normally
expect. Shortly after that I discovered that my planet had
originally been built for a bunch of mice. You can
imagine how I felt about that. I was then shot at for a
while and blown up. In fact I have been blown up
ridiculously often, shot at, insulted, regularly
disintegrated, deprived of tea, and recently I crashed into
a swamp and had to spend five years in a damp cave.''
``Ah,'' effervesced the little man, ``and did you have a
wonderful time?''
Arthur started to choke violently on his drink.
``What a wonderful exciting cough,'' said the little man,
quite startled by it, ``do you mind if I join you?''
And with that he launched into the most extraordinary
and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so
much by surprise that he started to choke violently,
discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly
confused. Together they performed a lung-busting duet
which went on for fully two minutes before Arthur
managed to cough and splutter to a halt.
``So invigorating,'' said the little man, panting and wiping
tears from his eyes. ``What an exciting life you must
lead. Thank you very much.''
He shook Arthur warmly by the hand and walked off into
the crowd. Arthur shook his head in astonishment.
A youngish-looking man came up to him, an aggressive-
looking type with a hook mouth, a lantern nose, and
small beady little cheekbones. He was wearing black
trousers, a black silk shirt open to what was presumably
his navel, though Arthur had learnt never to make
assumptions about the anatomies of the sort of people he
tended to meet these days, and had all sorts of nasty
dangly gold things hanging round his neck. He carried
something in a black bag, and clearly wanted people to
notice that he didn't want them to notice it.
``Hey, er, did I hear you say your name just now?'' he
said.
This was one of the many things that Arthur had told the
enthusiastic little man.
``Yes, it's Arthur Dent.''
The man seemed to be dancing slightly to some rhythm
other than any of the several that the band were grimly
pushing out.
``Yeah,'' he said, ``only there was a man in a mountain
wanted to see you.''
``I met him.''
``Yeah, only he seemed pretty anxious about it, you
"Kasnije su me izbacili sa svemirskog broda. I dalje u
kućnom mantilu. Čovek bi pre očekivao svemirsko
odelo. Ubrzo potom otkrio sam da su moju planetu
prvobitno izgradili miševi. Možeš misliti kako sam se
osećao kada sam to saznao. Onda su malo pucali na
mene i pokušali da me raznesu. U stvari, često su me
napadali, pucali na mene, vređali me, dezintegrisali u
pravilnim razmacima, lišavali čaja, a potom sam se
srušio u močvaru i bio prisiljen da provedem pet godina
u vlažnoj pećini."
"Ah", oduševljavao se čovečuljak, "a da li si se lepo
zabavljao?"
Artur se silovito zagrcnu pićem.
"Kako divno i uzbudljivo kašljanje", rekao je
čovečuljak, zaprepašćeno. "Smem li da ti se pridružim?"
Upitavši to, otisnuo se u najneobičniji i
najspektakularniji mogući napad kašlja koji je toliko
iznenadio Artura da se i sam silovito zagrcnuo i počeo
da kašlje, ali je ubrzo otkrio da to već neko vreme i
inače radi i skroz se zbunio. Zajedno su izveli duet za
cepanje pluća koji je trajao puna dva minuta pre nego
što je Artur uspeo da se iskašlje i konačno zaustavi.
"Tako silovito i hrabro", primetio je čovečuljak, dahćući
i brišući suze. "Koliko li je samo uzbudljiv bio tvoj
život. Veliko ti hvala."
Toplo je prodrmao Arturovu ruku i otišao u gužvu. Artur
je zbunjeno zavrteo glavom.
Do njega dođe čovek koji je delovao prilično mlado, tip
koji je izgledao naglašeno agresivno, krivih usta, nosa
isturenog poput svetionika i sitnih, oštrih jabučica.
Nosio je crne pantalone, crnu svilenu majicu otvorenu
sve do onoga što mu je verovatno bilo pupak, iako je
Artur naučio da ništa ne nagađa o anatomijama ljudi
koje je sretao tih dana, a oko vrata je imao raznorazne
gadne zlatne stvari. Nosio je nešto u crnoj torbi i jasno
se videlo da je želeo da ljudi primete da ne želi da je
primete.
"Ovaj, hej, jesam li ja to čuo maločas kako izgovaraš
svoje ime?" upitao je.
Bila je to jedna od mnogih stvari koje je Artur rekao
oduševljenom čovečuljku.
"Da, Artur Dent."
Izgledalo je kao da čovek lagano pleše u nekom ritmu
koji je bio različit od onih nekoliko u kojima se grupa
trenutno tmurno gurala.
"Aha", rekao je, "ali čovek iz planine želeo je da te
vidi."
"Sreo sam ga."
"Aha, ali izgledalo je kao da mu je mnogo stalo do
know.''
``Yes, I met him.''
``Yeah, well I think you should know that.''
``I do. I met him.''
The man paused to chew a little gum. Then he clapped
Arthur on the back.
``OK,'' he said, ``all right. I'm just telling you, right?
Good night, good luck, win awards.''
``What?'' said Arthur, who was beginning to flounder
seriously at this point.
``Whatever. Do what you do. Do it well.'' He made a sort
of clucking noise with whatever he was chewing and
then some vaguely dynamic gesture.
``Why?'' said Arthur.
``Do it badly,'' said the man, ``who cares? Who gives a
shit?'' The blood suddenly seemed to pump angrily into
the man's face and he started to shout.
``Why not go mad?'' he said. ``Go away, get off my back
will you, guy. Just zark off!!!''
``OK, I'm going,'' said Arthur hurriedly.
``It's been real.'' The man gave a sharp wave and
disappeared off into the throng.
``What was that about?'' said Arthur to a girl he found
standing beside him. ``Why did he tell me to win
awards?''
``Just showbiz talk,'' shrugged the girl. ``He's just won an
award at the Annual Ursa Minor Alpha Recreational
Illusions Institute Awards Ceremony, and was hoping to
be able to pass it off lightly, only you didn't mention it, so
he couldn't.''
``Oh,'' said Arthur, ``oh, well I'm sorry I didn't. What was
it for?''
``The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word `Fuck' In A
Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious.''
``I see,'' said Arthur, ``yes, and what do you get for that?''
``A Rory. It's just a small silver thing set on a large black
base. What did you say?''
``I didn't say anything. I was just about to ask what the
silver ...''
``Oh, I thought you said `wop'.''
``Said what?''
``Wop.''
People had been dropping in on the party now for some
years, fashionable gatecrashers from other worlds, and
for some time it had occurred to the partygoers as they
had looked out at their own world beneath them, with its
wrecked cities, its ravaged avocado farms and blighted
vineyards, its vast tracts of new desert, its seas full of
toga."
"Da, sreo sam ga."
"Aha, dobro, samo sam hteo da znaš."
"I znam. Sreo sam ga."
Čovek je zastao i neko vreme žvakao gumu. Onda je
potapšao Artura po leđima.
"U redu", rekao je, "dobro. Samo sam hteo da ti kažem,
u redu? Prijatno, puno sreće, dobijaj nagrade."
"Šta?" upitao je Artur, koji je sada već bio ozbiljno
zbunjen.
"Štagod. Radi šta god hoćeš. Srećan ti put." Napravio je
puckav zvuk pomoću onoga što je žvakao, šta god to
bilo, i neodređeno mahnuo rukom.
"Zašto?" upitao je Artur.
"Onda nemoj ništa da radiš", rekao je čovek. "Koga je
uopšte briga? Ko mari za to?" Iznenada se čovekovo lice
gnevno zacrvenelo i on poče da viče.
"Šizni", rekao je. "Briši odavde, skini mi se sa grbače,
momak. Odzarkuj!!!"
"U redu, idem", rekao je žurno Artur.
"Ozbiljno mislim." Čovek oštro odmahnu i nestade u
gužvi.
"Šta to bi?" pitao je Artur devojku koja je stajala pored
njega. "Zbog čega mi je rekao da dobijam nagrade?"
"Žargon ljudi iz šou-biznisa", odgovorila je devojka.
"Nedavno je dobio nagradu na godišnjoj svečanosti
Instituta za rekreacione opsene na Ursi Minor Alfi i
nadao se da će moći da to pomene onako uzgred, ali ti
nisi skrenuo razgovor gde treba na tu temu, pa nije ni
došao u priliku."
"Oh", rekao je Artur, "oh, pa, žao mi je zbog toga. A za
šta je dobio nagradu?"
"Za najbolju bezrazložnu upotrebu reči 'tucanje' u
ozbiljnom scenariju. To je vrlo ugledna nagrada."
"Shvatam", rekao je Artur, "da, a šta se, zapravo, dobija
kao nagrada?"
"'Rori'. To je jedna mala, srebrna stvar postavljena na
veliku, crnu osnovu. Šta si kazao?"
"Ništa nisam kazao, nego sam hteo da pitam kakva je to
srebrna..."
"Oh, učinilo mi se da si kazao 'vup'."
"Šta da sam kazao?"
"Vup."
Već nekoliko godina novi ljudi upadaju na žurku,
pomodni nezvani gosti sa drugih svetova, a učesnici
žurke već neko vreme imaju utisak, dok posmatraju
sopstvenu planetu ispod sebe, sa njenim propalim
gradovima, opustošenim plantažama avokada i
uništenim vinogradima, prostranim oblastima
biscuit crumbs and worse, that their world was in some
tiny and almost imperceptible ways not quite as much
fun as it had been. Some of them had begun to wonder if
they could manage to stay sober for long enough to make
the entire party spaceworthy and maybe take it off to
some other people's worlds where the air might be
fresher and give them fewer headaches.
The few undernourished farmers who still managed to
scratch out a feeble existence on the half-dead ground of
the planet's surface would have been extremely pleased
to hear this, but that day, as the party came screaming out
of the clouds and the farmers looked up in haggard fear
of yet another cheese-and-wine raid, it became clear that
the party was not going to be going anywhere else for a
while, that the party would soon be over. Very soon it
would be time to gather up hats and coats and stagger
blearily outside to find out what time of day it was, what
time of year it was, and whether in any of this burnt and
ravaged land there was a taxi going anywhere.
The party was locked in a horrible embrace with a
strange white spaceship which seemed to be half sticking
through it. Together they were lurching, heaving and
spinning their way round the sky in grotesque disregard
of their own weight.
The clouds parted. The air roared and leapt out of their
way.
The party and the Krikkit warship looked, in their
writhings, a little like two ducks, one of which is trying
to make a third duck inside the second duck, whilst the
second duck is trying very hard to explain that it doesn't
feel ready for a third duck right now, is uncertain that it
would want any putative third duck to be made by this
particular first duck anyway, and certainly not whilst it,
the second duck, was busy flying.
The sky sang and screamed with the rage of it all and
buffeted the ground with shock waves.
And suddenly, with a foop, the Krikkit ship was gone.
The party blundered helplessly across the sky like a man
leaning against an unexpectedly open door. It span and
wobbled on its hover jets. It tried to right itself and
wronged itself instead. It staggered back across the sky
again.
For a while these staggerings continued, but clearly they
could not continue for long. The party was now a
mortally wounded party. All the fun had gone out of it, as
the occasional broken-backed pirouette could not
disguise.
novostvorene pustinje i morima punim mrvica od
krekera ili još gorih stvari, da njihov svet u sićušnim i
neprimetnim pojedinostima nije baš onoliko zabavan
kao što je nekada bio. Neki od njih počeli su da se pitaju
mogu li da se održe u treznom stanju dovoljno dugo da
otisnu čitavu žurku dalje u kosmos i da je možda odvedu
do svetova nekih drugih ljudi, gde je vazduh možda
svežiji, pa bi im zadavao manje glavobolje.
Ona nekolicina neuhranjenih ratara, koji su i dalje
nekako uspevali da se izbore za bedno održavanje života
na napola odumrlom zemljištu, bili bi oduševljeni da to
čuju, ali tog dana, kada je žurka uz urlik izletela iz
oblaka, a ratari podigli poglede u strahu od još jedne
pljačke sira i vina, postalo je sasvim jasno da nikuda
neće otići i da će žurka uskoro biti gotova. Veoma skoro
biće vreme da se pokupe šeširi i mantili, da se mlitavo
iziđe napolje i da se vidi koje je doba dana, koje
godišnje doba i ima li na tom spaljenom i opustošenom
mestu taksija koji nekuda idu.
Žurka je bila povezana u užasni spoj sa jednim
čudnovatim, belim svemirskim brodom koji je, izgleda,
bio dopola zaboden u nju. Skupa su se njihali, vitlali i
vrteli po nebu, groteskno zanemarujući sopstvenu
težinu.
Oblaci su se razdvajali pred njima. Vazduh je urlao i
sklanjao im se sa puta.
Žurka i krikitski ratni brod pomalo su ličili, dok su jurili
nebom, na dve patke, od kojih jedna pokušava da
napravi treću patku u onoj drugoj, dok se druga svim
silama trudi da objasni da se upravo u ovom trenutku ne
oseća baš spremna za treću patku, da nije ubeđena da
uopšte želi da joj baš ta prva patka napravi
pretpostavljenu treću patku, a svakako ne dok je ona,
druga patka, zauzeta letenjem.
Nebo je urlalo i gnevno vrištalo na sve to, potresajući
zemlju udarnim talasima.
A onda je iznenada, uz fup, krikitski brod nestao.
Žurka je bespomoćno nastavila da se tetura po nebu
poput čoveka koji se neočekivano naslonio na otvorena
vrata. Vrtela se i njihala na mlaznim motorima koji su je
držali u vazduhu. Pokušala je da se ispravi, ali se umesto
toga još više iskrivila. I dalje se teturala po nebu.
Teturanje se produžilo još izvesno vreme, ali bilo je
jasno da neće još dugo. Žurka je sada bila smrtno
ranjena. Sve uživanje nestalo je iz nje, što povremeno
vratolomne piruete nisu mogle sakriti.
The longer, at this point, that it avoided the ground, the Što je duže izbegavala tle, to se udarac spremao da bude
heavier was going to be the crash when finally it hit it. teži kada je konačno bude zadesio.
Inside, things were not going well either. They were Ni unutra stvari se nisu razvijale kako treba. U stvari,
going monstrously badly, in fact, and people were hating razvijale su se čudovišno loše, a ljudi su sve to mrzeli i
it and saying so loudly. The Krikkit robots had been. to glasno uzvikivali. Krikitski roboti došli su i otišli.
They had removed the Award for The Most Gratuitous Odneli su nagradu za najbolju bezrazložnu upotrebu reči
Use Of The Word `Fuck' In A Serious Screenplay, and in 'tucanje' u ozbiljnom scenariju, a umesto nje ostavili
its place had left a scene of devastation that left Arthur prizor takvog razaranja, da je Artura bilo gotovo isto
feeling almost as sick as a runner-up for a Rory. toliko žao koliko i nagrađenog umetnika za njegov
'Rori'.
``We would love to stay and help,'' shouted Ford, picking "Voleli bismo da ostanemo i da vam pomognemo",
his way over the mangled debris, ``only we're not going vikao je Ford i probijao se kroz razrušene otpatke, "ali
to.'' ipak nećemo."
The party lurched again, provoking feverish cries and Žurka se ponovo zaleluja i izazva grozničave krike i
groans from amongst the smoking wreckage. jaukanje iz zadimljene ruševine.
``We have to go and save the Universe, you see,'' said "Znate, mi idemo da spasemo Vaseljenu", nastavio je
Ford. ``And if that sounds like a pretty lame excuse, then Ford, "a ako mislite da je to prilično slab izgovor,
you may be right. Either way, we're off.'' možda ste i u pravu. Svejedno, mi odosmo."
He suddenly came across an unopened bottle lying, Iznenada je naišao na neotvorenu bocu koja je, nekim
miraculously unbroken, on the ground. čudom, ostala čitava.
``Do you mind if we take this?'' he said. ``You won't be "Hoćete li imati nešto protiv da ponesemo ovo?" upitao
needing it.'' je. "Vama više neće biti potrebna."
He took a packet of potato crisps too. Uzeo je i kesicu čipsa.
``Trillian?'' shouted Arthur in a shocked and weakened "Trilijan?" urlao je Artur potresenim i nemoćnim
voice. In the smoking mess he could see nothing. glasom. U zadimljenom haosu nije mogao videti ništa.
``Earthman, we must go,'' said Slartibartfast nervously. "Zemljanine, moramo da pođemo", rekao je
Slartibartfast nervozno.
``Trillian?'' shouted Arthur again. "Trilijan?" viknuo je Artur ponovo.
A moment or two later, Trillian staggered, shaking, into Trenutak ili dva kasnije Trilijan se, sva teturava i
view, supported by her new friend the Thunder God. uzdrhtala, pojavila oslonjena o svog novog prijatelja,
Boga Groma.
``The girl stays with me,'' said Thor. ``There's a great "Devojka ide sa mnom", rekao je Tor. "U Valhali se
party going on in Valhalla, we'll be flying off ...'' održava velika zabava, odletećemo..."
``Where were you when all this was going on?'' said "Gde si bio kada se sve ovo dešavalo?" upitao je Artur.
Arthur.
``Upstairs,'' said Thor, ``I was weighing her. Flying's a "Na spratu", rekao je Tor. "Odmeravao sam njenu
tricky business you see, you have to calculate wind ...'' težinu. Letenje je složen posao, znaš, treba da
proračunaš vetar..."
``She comes with us,'' said Arthur. "Ona ide sa nama", kazao je Artur.
``Hey,'' said Trillian, ``don't I ...'' "Hej", rekla je Trilijan, "zar ne bi trebalo da ja..."
``No,'' said Arthur, ``you come with us.'' "Ne", rekao je Artur, "ti ideš sa nama."
Thor looked at him with slowly smouldering eyes. He Tor ga je gledao očima u kojima je polako počinjala da
was making some point about godliness and it had bukti vatra. Pomenuo je neke stvari u vezi sa religijom,
nothing to do with being clean. ali one nisu imale nikakve veze sa pristojnošću.
``She comes with me,'' he said quietly. "Ide sa mnom", rekao je lagano.
``Come on, Earthman,'' said Slartibartfast nervously, "Hajde, Zemljanine", kazao je Slartibartfast nervozno i
picking at Arthur's sleeve. povukao Artura za rukav.
``Come on, Slartibartfast,'' said Ford, picking at the old "Hajde, Slartibartfaste", rekao je Ford nervozno i
man's sleeve. Slartibartfast had the teleport device. povukao starca za rukav. Uređaj za teleportiranje nalazio
se kod Slartibartfasta.
The party lurched and swayed, sending everyone reeling,
except for Thor and except for Arthur, who stared,
shaking, into the Thunder God's black eyes.
Slowly, incredibly, Arthur put up what appeared to be his
tiny little fists.
``Want to make something of it?'' he said.
``I beg your minuscule pardon?'' roared Thor.
``I said,'' repeated Arthur, and he could not keep the
quavering out of his voice, ``do you want to make
something of it?'' He waggled his fists ridiculously.
Thor looked at him with incredulity. Then a little wisp of
smoke curled upwards from his nostril. There was a tiny
little flame in it too.
He gripped his belt.
He expanded his chest to make it totally clear that here
was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a
team of Sherpas with you.
He unhooked the shaft of his hammer from his belt. He
held it up in his hands to reveal the massive iron head.
He thus cleared up any possible misunderstanding that he
might merely have been carrying a telegraph pole around
with him.
``Do I want,'' he said, with a hiss like a river flowing
through a steel mill, ``to make something of it?''
``Yes,'' said Arthur, his voice suddenly and
extraordinarily strong and belligerent. He waggled his
fists again, this time as if he meant it.
``You want to step outside?'' he snarled at Thor.
``All right!'' bellowed Thor, like an enraged bull (or in
fact like an enraged Thunder God, which is a great deal
more impressive), and did so.
``Good,'' said Arthur, ``that's got rid of him. Slarty, get us
out of here.''
Chapter Twenty-three
``All right,'' shouted Ford at Arthur, ``so I'm a coward,
the point is I'm still alive.'' They were back aboard the
Starship Bistromath, so was Slartibartfast, so was
Trillian. Harmony and concord were not.
Žurka se njihala, lelujala i terala sve prisutne da se
teturaju, izuzev Tora i Artura; ovaj je drhteći zurio u
crne oči Boga Groma.
Lagano, neverovatno, Artur je podigao svoje sićušne
pesnice.
"Hoćeš da probaš ovo?" upitao je.
"Molim?" zaurlao je Tor.
"Rekoh", ponovio je Artur i nije mogao da spreči
podrhtavanje glasa, "hoćeš li da probaš ovo?" Smešno je
zamahnuo pesnicama.
Tor ga je gledao u neverici. Onda iz njegove nozdrve
izbi maleni plamen dima. U njemu se nazirao i maleni
plamen.
Dograbio je pojas.
Isprsio se kako bi sasvim jasno pokazao da mu grudi
predstavljaju gromadu uz koju smeš da počneš uspon
samo ukoliko imaš grupu odličnih himalajskih vodiča.
Odvojio je dršku čekića sa pojasa. Podigao ju je i otkrio
masivnu gvozdenu glavu. Time je otklonio moguću
zabludu da sa sobom nosi telegrafski stub.
"Hoću li", rekao je uz siktanje poput reke koja protiče
oko turbina, "da probam to?"
"Da", rekao je Artur, čiji je glas iznenada postao
neobično jak i ratoboran. Ponovo je izmahnuo
pesnicama, ovog puta kao da misli ozbiljno.
"Iziđi malo napolje ako smeš", zauralo je na Tora.
"Dobro!" zatutnjao je Tor poput razjarenog bika (ili,
zapravo, poput razjarenog Boga Groma, što je mnogo
upečatljivije) i učinio to.
"Odlično", rekao je Artur, "dakle, njega smo se otarasili.
Slarti, vadi nas odavde."
23.
"Dobro", dernjao se Ford na Artura, "neka sam ja i
kukavica, stvar je u tome što sam još živ." Ponovo su se
nalazili na svemirskom brodu 'Bistromat'. Isto kao i
Slartibartfast. Isto kao i Trilijan. Slaganje i razumevanje

``Well, so am I alive, aren't I?'' retaliated Arthur, haggard
with adventure and anger. His eyebrows were leaping up
and down as if they wanted to punch each other.
``You damn nearly weren't,'' exploded Ford.
Arthur turned sharply to Slartibartfast, who was sitting in
his pilot couch on the flight deck gazing thoughtfully into
the bottom of a bottle which was telling him something
he clearly couldn't fathom. He appealed to him.
``Do you think he understands the first word I've been
saying?'' he said, quivering with emotion.
``I don't know,'' replied Slartibartfast, a little abstractedly.
``I'm not sure,'' he added, glancing up very briefly, ``that
I do.'' He stared at his instruments with renewed vigor
and bafflement. ``You'll have to explain it to us again,'' he
said.
``Well ...''
``But later. Terrible things are afoot.''
He tapped the pseudo-glass of the bottle bottom.
``We fared rather pathetically at the party, I'm afraid,'' he
said, ``and our only hope now is to try to prevent the
robots from using the Key in the Lock. How in heaven
we do that I don't know,'' he muttered. ``Just have to go
there, I suppose. Can't say I like the idea at all. Probably
end up dead.''
``Where is Trillian anyway?'' said Arthur with a sudden
affectation of unconcern. What he had been angry about
was that Ford had berated him for wasting time over all
the business with the Thunder God when they could have
been making a rather more rapid escape. Arthur's own
opinion, and he had offered it for whatever anybody
might have felt it was worth, was that he had been
extraordinarily brave and resourceful.
The prevailing view seemed to be that his opinion was
not worth a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys. What really
hurt, though, was that Trillian didn't seem to react much
one way or the other and had wandered off somewhere.
``And where are my potato crisps?'' said Ford.
``They are both,'' said Slartibartfast, without looking up,
``in the Room of Informational Illusions. I think that
your young lady friend is trying to understand some
problems of Galactic history. I think the potato crisps are
probably helping her.''
Chapter Twenty-four
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems Greška je misliti da se bilo kakav veći problem može
just with potatoes. rešiti pomoću krompira.
nisu bili sa njima.
"Pa i ja sam živ, zar ne?" prešao je u protivnapad Artur,
smrknut od pustolovine i gneva. Obrve su mu skakale
gore-dole kao da žele da nokautiraju jedna drugu.
"Zamalo da ne budeš, do đavola", prasnuo je Ford.
Artur se oštro okrenuo Slartibartfastu, koji je sedeo na
pilotskom sedištu i zamišljeno gledao u dno boce koja
mu je govorila nešto što očigledno nije mogao sasvim
da razume. Obratio se njemu.
"Misliš li ti da on razume makar i jednu reč od onoga
što sam kazao?" upitao je, tresući se od uzbuđenja.
"Ne znam", odvratio je Slartibartfast, pomalo odsutno.
"Nisam siguran", dodao je i vrlo kratko ga pogledao, "da
i ja razumem." Vratio je pogled na svoj instrument sa
obnovljenom energijom i zbunjenošću. "Moraćeš
ponovo da nam objasniš šta si hteo", rekao je.
"Pa..."
"Ali kasnije. Pripremaju se užasne stvari."
Kucnuo je po pseudostaklu boce.
"Doživeli smo patetičan neuspeh na žurki, bojim se",
rekao je, "i sada nam je jedina nada da sprečimo robote
da upotrebe Ključ u Bravi. Kako ćemo to učiniti, pojma
nemam", promrmljao je, "ali pretpostavljam da treba da
odemo tamo. Ne mogu reći da mi se ta zamisao dopada.
Verovatno ćemo na kraju izginuti."
"Odlično, a gde je Trilijan?" upitao je Artur, iznenada
pun lažne bezbrižnosti. Bio je ljut zbog toga što ga je
Ford optužio da je traćio vreme na čitavu tu petljavinu
sa Bogom Groma kada su mogli brže pobeći. Arturovo
lično mišljenje, koje je izložio, pa ma šta drugi mislili o
njemu, bilo je da se pokazao izuzetno hrabar i koristan.
Izgleda da je preovladavalo mišljenje da njegovo
gledište ne vredi ni po lule duvana. Ali najviše ga je
bolelo to što Trilijan, izgleda, nije reagovala ni na ovaj
ni na onaj način, a i negde je, zapravo, odlutala.
"A gde je moj čips?" upitao je Ford.
"I jedno i drugo", rekao je Slartibartfast, uopšte ne
podigavši pogled, nalaze se u sobi informacionih
opsena. Čini mi se da tvoja mlada dama pokušava da
razume neke probleme galaktičke istorije. Verovatno joj
čips pomaže u tome."
24.
For instance, there was once an insanely aggressive race
of people called the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax.
That was just the name of their race. The name of their
army was something quite horrific. Luckily they lived
even further back in Galactic history than anything we
have so far encountered --- twenty billion years ago ---
when the Galaxy was young and fresh, and every idea
worth fighting for was a new one.
And fighting was what the Silastic Armorfiends of
Striterax were good at, and being good at it, they did a
lot. They fought their enemies (i.e. everybody else), they
fought each other. Their planet was a complete wreck.
The surface was littered with abandoned cities which
were surrounded by abandoned war machines, which
were in turn surrounded by deep bunkers in which the
Silastic Armorfiends lived and squabbled with each
other.
The best way to pick a fight with a Silastic Armorfiend
was just to be born. They didn't like it, they got resentful.
And when an Armorfiend got resentful, someone got
hurt. An exhausting way of life, one might think, but they
did seem to have an awful lot of energy. The best way of
dealing with a Silastic Armorfiend was to put him into a
room of his own, because sooner or later he would
simply beat himself up.
Eventually they realized that this was something they
were going to have to sort out, and they passed a law
decreeing that anyone who had to carry a weapon as part
of his normal Silastic work (policemen, security guards,
primary school teachers, etc.) had to spend at least forty-
five minutes every day punching a sack of potatoes in
order to work off his or her surplus aggressions.
For a while this worked well, until someone thought that
it would be much more efficient and less time-consuming
if they just shot the potatoes instead.
This led to a renewed enthusiasm for shooting all sorts of
things, and they all got very excited at the prospect of
their first major war for weeks.
Another achievement of the Silastic Armorfiends of
Striterax is that they were the first race who ever
managed to shock a computer.
It was a gigantic spaceborne computer called Hactar,
which to this day is remembered as one of the most
powerful ever built. It was the first to be built like a
natural brain, in that every cellular particle of it carried
the pattern of the whole within it, which enabled it to
think more flexibly and imaginatively, and also, it
Na primer, bila jednom bolesno agresivna rasa zvana
Silastični Zloklopnici Striteraksa. Bilo je to samo ime
njihove rase. Naziv njihove vojske bio je nešto stvarno
užasno. Na sreću, živeli su još ranije u galaktičkoj
istoriji u odnosu na sve sa čime smo se do sada sretali -
pre dvadeset milijardi godina - kada je Galaksija još bila
mlada i sveža, a svaka zamisao za koju se vredelo boriti
nova.
A Silastični Zloklopnici Striteraksa bili su dobri u borbi,
a pošto su bili dobri, često su se bavili njome. Borili su
se protiv neprijatelja (odnosno, protiv svih), kao i jedni
protiv drugih. Planeta im je bila potpuno opustošena.
Površina joj je bila prekrivena napuštenim gradovima
koji su bili okruženi ratnim mašinama, koje su opet bile
okružene dubokim bunkerima u kojima su Silastični
Zloklopnici živeli i borili se jedni protiv drugih.
Najbolji način zapodevanja kavge sa Silastičnim
Zloklopnikom Striteraksa bio je roditi se. To nisu voleli,
ljutilo ih je. A kada se Zloklopnik naljuti, onda neko
strada. Čovek bi mogao pomisliti da je takav način
života bio iscrpljujući, ali oni su imali strašno mnogo
energije. Najbolji postupak sa jednim Silastičnim
Zloklopnikom jeste zatvoriti ga samog u sobu, jer će
ranije ili kasnije početi silovito da napada samog sebe.
Konačno su shvatili da će nešto morati da učine da bi to
promenili i doneli su zakon da svako ko nosi oružje kao
deo svog normalnog silastičkog posla (policajci,
stražari, učitelji u osnovnim školama) mora svakog dana
da provede najmanje četrdeset pet minuta u udaranju
džaka krompira da bi se otarasio viška agresivnosti.
Izvesno vreme ovo je dobro dejstvovalo, sve dok neko
nije pomislio kako bi bilo mnogo delotvornije i mnogo
manje zamorno kada bi umesto toga pucali u krompire.
Ovo je dovelo do obnovljenog oduševljenja za pucanje u
najraznovrsnije stvari i svi su se veoma uzbudili na
nagoveštaj njihovog prvog većeg rata u poslednjih
nekoliko nedelja.
Drugo dostignuće Silastičnih Zloklopnika Striteraksa
ogledalo se u tome što su postali poznati kao prva rasa
kojoj je pošlo za rukom da šokira kompjuter.
Bio je to džinovski kompjuter koji je lebdeo u svemiru i
nazivao se Haktor i do dana današnjeg ostao je upamćen
kao jedan od najmoćnijih koji su ikada sagrađeni. Bio je
prvi koji je napravljen po ugledu na prirodni mozak i
svaka ćelijska jedinica nosila je u sebi celinu, što je
omogućavalo kompjuteru da misli mnogo prilagodljivije
seemed, to be shocked.
The Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax were engaged in
one of their regular wars with the Strenuous Garfighters
of Stug, and were not enjoying it as much as usual
because it involved an awful lot of trekking through the
Radiation Swamps of Cwulzenda, and across the Fire
Mountains of Frazfraga, neither of which terrains they
felt at home in.
So when the Strangulous Stilettans of Jajazikstak joined
in the fray and forced them to fight another front in the
Gamma Caves of Carfrax and the Ice Storms of
Varlengooten, they decided that enough was enough, and
they ordered Hactar to design for them an Ultimate
Weapon.
``What do you mean,'' asked Hactar, ``by Ultimate?''
To which the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax said,
``Read a bloody dictionary,'' and plunged back into the
fray.
So Hactar designed an Ultimate Weapon. It was a very,
very small bomb which was simply a junction box in
hyperspace that would, when activated, connect the heart
of every major sun with the heart of every other major
sun simultaneously and thus turn the entire Universe in to
one gigantic hyperspatial supernova.
When the Silastic Armorfiends tried to use it to blow up a
Strangulous Stilettan munitions dump in one of the
Gamma Caves, they were extremely irritated that it didn't
work, and said so.
Hactar had been shocked by the whole idea.
He tried to explain that he had been thinking about this
Ultimate Weapon business, and had worked out that there
was no conceivable consequence of not setting the bomb
off that was worse than the known consequence of
setting it off, and he had therefore taken the liberty of
introducing a small flaw into the design of the bomb, and
he hoped that everyone involved would, on sober
reflection, feel that ...
The Silastic Armorfiends disagreed and pulverized the
computer.
Later they thought better of it, and destroyed the faulty
bomb as well.
Then, pausing only to smash the hell out of the Strenuous
Garfighters of Stug, and the Strangulous Stilettans of
Jajazikstak, they went on to find an entirely new way of
blowing themselves up, which was a profound relief to
everyone else in the Galaxy, particularly the Garfighters,
i maštovitije, odnosno da bude - šokiran.
Silastični Zloklopnici Striteraksa upravo su vodili jedan
od svojih redovnih ratova protiv Protrudnih Garboraca
Stuga i on im nije prijao kao obično, jer je zahtevao
strašno mnogo jurcanja po Radijacionim močvarama
Cvilzende i preko Vatrenih planina Frazfrage, a ni na
jednom od tih terena nisu se baš osećali kao kod svoje
kuće.
I zbog toga, kada su u borbu stupili i Udavni Bodežljivci
Džadžizikstaka i prisilili ih da se bore na novom frontu,
po Gama pećinama Kafraksa i kroz ledene oluje
Varlengutena, shvatili su da im je dosta toga i naredili
Haktaru da im načini konačno oružje.
"Šta vam znači konačno", pitao je Haktar.
Na to su Silastični Zloklopnici Striteraksa kazali:
"Pročitaj u prokletom rečniku", i ponovo navalili u
bitku.
I tako je Haktar načinio konačno oružje. Bila je to vrlo,
vrlo mala bomba koja je naprosto predstavljala
razvodnu kutiju u hipersvemiru; kada bi se aktivirala,
ona bi povezala srca svakog većeg sunca sa srcem
svakog drugog većeg sunca u istom trenutku i na taj
način pretvorila čitavu Vaseljenu u jednu divovsku
hipersvemirsku supernovu.
Kada su Silastički Zloklopnici pokušali da je upotrebe
da bi podigli u vazduh jedno od skladišta municije
Udavnih Bodežljivaca u jednoj od Gama pećina,
izuzetno su se naljutili zbog toga što nije dejstvovala, pa
su to i rekli.
Haktara je šokirala čitava ta zamisao.
Pokušao je da im objasni da je razmišljao o čitavoj toj
petljavini sa konačnim oružjem i zaključio da ne postoji
nijedna predvidljiva posledica neaktiviranja bombe koja
bi bila gora od poznate posledice njenog aktiviranja, te
je zbog toga on sebi dao toliko slobode da uvede malenu
izmenu u konstrukciju bombe i nadao se da će svi kojih
se to tiče, pošto trezveno razmisle, osetiti da...
Stilastični Zloklopnici nisu se složili i razneli su
kompjuter u prah i pepeo.
Kasnije su bolje razmislili i uništili i neispravnu bombu.
A onda, pošto su zastali samo da bi ubili boga u
Protrudnim Garborcima Stuga i Udavnim Bodežljivcima
Džadžazikstaka, uspeli su da pronađu potpuno novi
način uništenja samih sebe, što je predstavljalo prilično
olakšanje svima u Galaksiji, a naročito Garborcima,
the Stilettans and the potatoes.
Trillian had watched all this, as well as the story of
Krikkit. She emerged from the Room of informational
Illusions thoughtfully, just in time to discover that they
had arrived too late.
Chapter Twenty-five
Even as the Starship Bistromath flickered into objective
being on the top of a small cliff on the mile-wide asteroid
which pursued a lonely and eternal path in orbit around
the enclosed star system of Krikkit, its crew was aware
that they were in time only to be witnesses to an
unstoppable historic event.
They didn't realize they were going to see two.
They stood cold, lonely and helpless on the cliff edge and
watched the activity below. Lances of light wheeled in
sinister arcs against the void from a point only about a
hundred yards below and in front of them.
They stared into the blinding event.
An extension of the ship's field enabled them to stand
there, by once again exploiting the mind's predisposition
to have tricks played on it: the problems of falling up off
the tiny mass of the asteroid, or of not being able to
breathe, simply became Somebody Else's.
The white Krikkit warship was parked amongst the stark
grey crags of the asteroid, alternately flaring under
arclights or disappearing in shadow. The blackness of the
shaped shadows cast by the hard rocks danced together in
wild choreography as the arclights swept round them.
The eleven white robots were bearing, in procession, the
Wikkit Key out into the middle of a circle of swinging
lights.
The Wikkit Key was rebuilt. Its components shone and
glittered: the Steel Pillar (or Marvin's leg) of Strength
and Power, the Gold Bail (or Heart of the Improbability
Drive) of Prosperity, the Perspex Pillar (or Argabuthon
Sceptre of Justice) of Science and Reason, the Silver Bail
(or Rory Award for The Most Gratuitous Use Of The
Word ``Fuck'' In A Serious Screenplay) and the now
reconstituted Wooden Pillar (or Ashes of a burnt stump
signifying the death of English cricket) of Nature and
Spirituality.
``I suppose there is nothing we can do at this point?''
asked Arthur nervously.
Bodežljivcima i krompirima.
Trilijan je posmatrala sve to, kao i priču o Krikitu.
Zatim je zamišljeno izišla iz sobe informacionih opsena,
baš u pravom trenutku da otkrije da su stigli prekasno.
25.
Već u trenutku kada je međuzvezdani brod 'Bistromat'
zatreperio i pojavio se u stvarnosti na vrhu malenog
obronka milju širokog asteroida koji se kretao
usamljenom i večnom orbitom unutar zatvorenog
zvezdanog sistema Krikit, njegovoj posadi bilo je jasno
da su došli u trenutku koji im je omogućavao samo da
budu svedoci nezaustavljivog istorijskog događaja.
Nisu shvatili da će, zapravo, videti dva.
Stajali su hladni, usamljeni i bespomoćni na rubu
obronka i posmatrali delatnost ispod sebe. Koplja
svetlosti nicala su, tvoreći zlokobne lukove spram
praznine, iz jedne tačke svega stotinak jardi niže i pravo
ispred njih.
Zurili su u užasni događaj.
Produžetak brodskog polja omogućavao im je da stoje
tamo gde su bili na taj način što su ponovo koristili
težnju uma da bude prevaren: opasnost padanja sa
sićušne mase asteroida ili nemogućnost disanja
jednostavno su postali Tuđ problem.
Beli krikitski ratni brod bio je parkiran između iskrzanih
i sivih odlomaka stenja asteroida, naizmenično
usplamteo od snopova svetlosti ili nevidljiv u senci.
Crne senke koje je bacalo surovo stenje plesale su
zajedno u nekakvoj divljoj koreografiji dok su svetlosti
reflektora klizile preko njega.
Jedanaest robota nosili su, u koloni, Ključ Vikita do
središta kruga obeleženog uznjihanim svetlostima.
Ključ Vikita ponovo je napravljen. Njegovi sastavni
delovi blistali su i svetlucali se: Čelični stub (ili
Marvinova noga) snage i moći, Zlatna spona (srce
pogona beskonačne neverovatnoće) napretka, Plastični
stub (agrabutonsko žezlo pravde) nauke i razuma,
Srebrna spona (trofejna nagrada za najbezrazložniju
upotrebu reči 'tucanje' u ozbiljnom scenariju) i sada
ponovo stvoreni Drveni stub (ili Pepeo spaljenog stampa
koji je označavao smrt engleskog kriketa) prirode i
duhovnosti.
"Pretpostavljam da u ovom trenutku ništa ne možemo da
učinimo?" pitao je Artur uznemireno.
``No,'' sighed Slartibartfast.
The expression of disappointment which crossed Arthur's
face was a complete failure, and, since he was standing
obscured by shadow, he allowed it to collapse into one of
relief.
``Pity,'' he said.
``We have no weapons,'' said Slartibartfast, ``stupidly.''
``Damn,'' said Arthur very quietly.
Ford said nothing.
Trillian said nothing, but in a peculiarly thoughtful and
distinct way. She was staring at the blankness of the
space beyond the asteroid.
The asteroid circled the Dust Cloud which surrounded
the Slo-Time envelope which enclosed the world on
which lived the people of Krikkit, the Masters of Krikkit
and their killer robots.
The helpless group had no way of knowing whether or
not the Krikkit robots were aware of their presence. They
could only assume that they must be, but that they felt,
quite rightly in the circumstances, that they had nothing
to fear. They had an historic task to perform, and their
audience could be regarded with contempt.
``Terrible impotent feeling, isn't it?'' said Arthur, but the
others ignored him.
In the centre of the area of light which the robots were
approaching, a square-shaped crack appeared in the
ground. The crack defined itself more and more
distinctly, and soon it became clear that a block of the
ground, about six feet square, was slowly rising.
At the same time they became aware of some other
movement, but it was almost sublimal, and for a moment
or two it was not clear what it was that was moving.
Then it became clear.
The asteroid was moving. It was moving slowly in
towards the Dust Cloud, as if being hauled in inexorably
by some celestial angler in its depths.
They were to make in real life the journey through the
Cloud which they had already made in the Room of
Informational Illusions. They stood frozen in silence.
Trillian frowned.
An age seemed to pass. Events seemed to pass with
spinning slowness, as the leading edge of the asteroid
passed into the vague and soft outer perimeter of the
Cloud.
And soon they were engulfed in a thin and dancing
obscurity. They passed on through it, on and on, dimly
aware of vague shapes and whorls indistinguishable in
"Ne", uzdahnuo je Slartibartfast.
Izraz razočaranja koji je prešao Arturovim licem bio je u
potpunosti pogrešan, ali, pošto je stajao zaklonjen u
senci, dopustio mu je da pređe u izraz olakšanja.
"Šteta", rekao je.
"Nemamo nikakvog oružja", kazao je Slartibartfast.
"Baš glupo."
"Prokletstvo", rekao je Artur vrlo tihim glasom.
Ford nije rekao ništa.
Ni Trilijan nije rekla ništa, ali je to učinila na neobično
zamišljen i odsutan način. Zurila je u prazninu svemira
iza asteroida.
Asteroid je kružio oko Oblaka Prašine koji je okruživao
omotač od Spo-vremena što je zatvarao svet na kome je
živeo narod Krikita - Gospodari Krikita i njihovi
ubilački roboti.
Bespomoćna grupa nije imala načina da sazna jesu li
krikitski roboti svesni njihovog prisustva ili ne. Samo su
mogli da pretpostave da jesu, ali sva je prilika da su
roboti smatrali, sasvim ispravno u ovakvim
okolnostima, da nemaju čega da se plaše. Trebalo je da
obave istorijski zadatak i mogli su da gledaju publiku sa
prezirom.
"Osećanje strašne nemoći, zar ne?" upitao je Artur, ali
ostali nisu obraćali pažnju na njega.
U središtu osvetljenog prostora kome su se roboti
približavali u tlu se otvorila četvrtasta pukotina.
Pukotina je postajala sve određenija i određenija i
uskoro je postalo jasno da se blok tla, kvadrat od oko
šest stopa, polako podiže uvis.
U istom času postali su svesni još nekakvog pokreta, ali
taj je bio gotovo ispod praga opažanja i tren ili dva nije
im bilo jasno šta se, zapravo, kreće.
Onda im je postalo jasno.
Asteroid se kretao. Kretao se prema oblaku Prašine kao
da se tamo nalazio nekakav nebeski pecač sa udicom,
koji ih je neodoljivo vukao prema sebi.
Upravo su se pripremali da obave u stvarnom životu
putovanje kroz Oblak kakvo su obavili u sobi
informacionih opsena. Stajali su u ledenoj tišini. Trilijan
se namrštila.
Kao da je prošao čitav vek. Činilo se da događaji protiču
vrtoglavom sporošću kada je prednji kraj asteroida
lagano zaronio u mutnu i meku spoljašnju granicu
oblaka.
I uskoro ih je progutala tanušna i razigrana tama.
Prolazili su kroz nju, sve dublje i dublje, nejasno svesni
neodređenih obličja i kovitlaca koji su u tami bili sasvim
the darkness except in the corner of the eye. nerazaznatljivi, izuzev krajičkom oka.
The Dust dimmed the shafts of brilliant light. The shafts Prašina je zamutila snopove blistave svetlosti. Snopovi
of brilliant light twinkled on the myriad specks of Dust. blistave svetlosti treptali su na milijardama čestica
prašine.
Trillian, again, regarded the passage from within her own Trilijan ponovo osmotri pređeni put iz okvira
frowning thoughts. sopstvenih, namrgođenih misli.
And they were through it. Whether it had taken a minute A onda su prošli. Nisu bili sigurni da li im je za to bio
or half an hour they weren't sure, but they were through it potreban minut ili pola sata, ali su prošli i suočili se sa
and confronted with a fresh blankness, as if space were novom prazninom, kao da je ispred njih svemir bio
pinched out of existence in front of them. izbrisan.
And now things moved quickly. Tada stvari počeše brže da se događaju.
A blinding shaft of light seemed almost to explode from Izgledalo je kao da je zaslepljujući snop svetlosti gotovo
out of the block which had risen three feet out of the eksplodirao iz bloka koji se uzdigao na tri stope iznad
ground, and out of that rose a smaller Perspex block, tla, a iz njega se uzdigao manji, plastični blok, ustreptao
dazzling with interior dancing colours. od razigranih svetlosti u unutrašnjosti.
The block was slotted with deep groves, three upright U blok su bile urezane duboke brazde, tri uspravne i dve
and two across, clearly designed to accept the Wikkit opružene, očigledno tako postavljene da mogu da prime
key. Ključ.
The robots approached the Lock, slotted the Key into its Roboti priđoše Bravi, ubaciše Ključ na mesto i
home and stepped back again. The block twisted round of koraknuše nazad. Blok se okrenuo oko sebe, a svemir
is own accord, and space began to alter. namah poče da se menja.
As space unpinched itself, it seemed agonizingly to twist Dok se svemir vraćao u normalno stanje, kao da je
the eyes of the watchers in their sockets. They found bolno uvrtao oči posmatrača u očnim dupljama.
themselves staring, blinded, at an unravelled sun which Zatekoše sebe kako zaslepljeno zure u otkriveno sunce
stood now before them where it seemed only seconds koje je stajalo pred njima tamo gde je pre svega
before there had not been even empty space. It was a nekoliko sekundi naizgled bio samo prazan prostor. Bila
second or two before they were even sufficiently aware je potrebna sekunda ili dve da dovoljno dobro shvate šta
of what had happened to throw their hands up over their se dogodilo pre no što su šakama zaklonili prestravljene
horrified blinded eyes. In that second or two, they were i zaslepljene oči. U toku tih sekundu ili dve postali su
aware of a tiny speck moving slowly across the eye of svesni sićušne mrlje koja se kretala preko sunčevog oka.
that sun.
They staggered back, and heard ringing in their ears the Zateturaše se unazad, a u ušima začuše tanušni i
thin and unexpected chant of the robots crying out in neočekivani napev robota koji su u jedan glas
unison. uzvikivali:
``Krikkit! Krikkit! Krikkit! Krikkit!'' "Krikit! Krikit! Krikit! Krikit!"
The sound chilled them. It was harsh, it was cold, it was Zvuk ih je naterao da se stresu. Bio je oštar, hladan,
empty, it was mechanically dismal. prazan, zvučao je teskobno mehanički.
It was also triumphant. Osim toga, bio je trijumfalan.
They were so stunned by these two sensory shocks that Bili su toliko zaprepašćeni ovim šokovima kojima su
they almost missed the second historic event. bila podvrgnuta njihova čula, da su gotovo propustili
drugi istorijski događaj.
Zaphod Beeblebrox, the only man in history to survive a Zaphod Biblbroks, jedini čovek u istoriji koji je
direct blast attack from the Krikkit robots, ran out of the preživeo neposredan napad krikitskih robota, istrčao je
Krikkit warship brandishing a Zap gun. iz krikitskog broda, mašući zgrom-i-pucom.
``OK,'' he cried, ``the situation is totally under control as "U redu", dreknuo je, "od ovog trenutka situacija je
of this moment in time.'' potpuno pod kontrolom."
The single robot guarding the hatchway to the ship Usamljeni robot koji je čuvao ulaz u brod tiho je
silently swung his battleclub, and connected it with the izmahnuo svojom borbenom palicom i spojio je sa
back of Zaphod's left head. potiljkom Zaphodove leve glave.
``Who the zark did that?'' said the left head, and lolled
sickeningly forward.
His right head gazed keenly into the middle distance.
``Who did what?'' it said.
The club connected with the back of his right head.
Zaphod measured his length as a rather strange shape on
the ground.
Within a matter of seconds the whole event was over. A
few blasts from the robots were sufficient to destroy the
Lock for ever. It split and melted and splayed its contents
brokenly. The robots marched grimly and, it almost
seemed, in a slightly disheartened manner, back into their
warship which, with a ``foop'', was gone.
Trillian and Ford ran hectically round and down the steep
incline to the dark, still body of Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Chapter Twenty-six
``I don't know,'' said Zaphod, for what seemed to him like
the thirty-seventh time, ``they could have killed me, but
they didn't. Maybe they just thought I was a kind of
wonderful guy or something. I could understand that.''
The others silently registered their opinions of this
theory.
Zaphod lay on the cold floor of the flight deck. His back
seemed to wrestle the floor as pain thudded through him
and banged at his heads.
``I think,'' he whispered, ``that there is something wrong
with those anodized dudes, something fundamentally
weird.''
``They are programmed to kill everybody,'' Slartibartfast
pointed out.
``That,'' wheezed Zaphod between the whacking thuds,
``could be it.'' He didn't seem altogether convinced.
``Hey, baby,'' he said to Trillian, hoping this would make
up for his previous behaviour.
``You all right?'' she said gently.
``Yeah,'' he said, ``I'm fine.''
``Good,'' she said, and walked away to think. She stared
at the huge visiscreen over the flight couches and,
twisting a switch, she flipped local images over it. One
image was the blankness of the Dust Cloud. One was the
sun of Krikkit. One was Krikkit itself. She flipped
between them fiercely.
``Well, that's goodbye Galaxy, then,'' said Arthur,
slapping his knees and standing up.
"Ko je to učinio, zarknem li ga?" rekla je leva glava i
bez svesti klonula unatrag.
Zaphodova desna glava radoznalo je gledala ispred sebe.
"Ko je šta učinio?" upitala je.
Palica se spojila sa potiljkom njegove desne glave.
Zaphod je izmerio svoju dužinu kao prilično neobičan
oblik na tlu.
Posle svega nekoliko sekundi čitav događaj se svršio.
Dva ispaljena hica robota bila su dovoljna da zauvek
unište Bravu. Raspala se, rastopila, a njen sadržaj rasuo
se na sve strane; roboti zamarširaše mrko i, gotovo se
moglo reći, pomalo beznadežno, do svog ratnog broda
koji nestade uz muklo 'fup'.
Trilijan i Ford grozničavo potrčaše niz strmi spust
prema tamnom i nepokretnom telu Zaphoda Biblbroksa.
26.
"Ne znam", rekao je Zaphod Biblbroks možda po
trideset sedmi put, "mogli su da me ubiju, ali nisu.
Možda su pomislili da sam suviše divan čovek ili nešto
slično. Tu ih sasvim shvatam."
Ostali su nemo zadržali svoje mišljenje o toj teoriji.
Zaphod je ležao na hladnom podu palube. Leđa kao da
su mu treptala na podu dok je bol udarao po njima i
zarivao mu se u obe glave.
"Čini mi se", prošaptao je, "da nešto nije u redu sa tim
anodizovanim klipanima; nešto je tu iz osnove
pogrešno."
"Programirani su tako da ubiju svakoga", istakao je
Slartibartfast.
"Možda je", prošištao je Zaphod između dva bolna
damara, "stvarno to posredi." No, nije delovao baš
ubeđeno.
"Zdravo, mala", rekao je Trilijan u nadi da će ga to
izvaditi za ranije ponašanje.
"Je li ti dobro?" upitala ga je ona blago.
"Aha", rekao je, "sjajno."
"Dobro", kazala je i otišla da razmišlja. Stala je da gleda
ogromni vizi-ekran iznad pilotskih sedišta i, okrećući
prekidač, da menja na njemu slike okoline. Jedna slika
predstavljala je prazninu Oblaka Prašine. Druga je
donela sunce Krikita. Treća je prikazivala sam Krikit.
Menjala ih je, puna žara.
"Dakle, zbogom, Galaksijo", kazao je Artur, pljusnuo se
po kolenima i ustao.
``No,'' said Slartibartfast, gravely. ``Our course is clear.''
He furrowed his brow until you could grow some of the
smaller root vegetables in it. He stood up, he paced
around. When he spoke again, what he said frightened
him so much he had to sit down again.
``We must go down to Krikkit,'' he said. A deep sigh
shook his old frame and his eyes seemed almost to rattle
in their sockets.
``Once again,'' he said, ``we have failed pathetically.
Quite pathetically.''
``That,'' said Ford quietly, ``is because we don't care
enough. I told you.''
He swung his feet up on the instrument panel and picked
fitfully at something on one of his fingernails.
``But unless we determine to take action,'' said the old
man querulously, as if struggling against something
deeply insouciant in his nature, ``then we shall all be
destroyed, we shall all die. Surely we care about that?''
``Not enough to want to get killed over it,'' said Ford. He
put on a sort of hollow smile and flipped it round the
room at anyone who wanted to see it.
Slartibartfast clearly found this point of view extremely
seductive and he fought against it. He turned again to
Zaphod who was gritting his teeth and sweating with the
pain.
``You surely must have some idea,'' he said, ``of why
they spared your life. It seems most strange and unusual.''
``I kind of think they didn't even know,'' shrugged
Zaphod. ``I told you. They hit me with the most feeble
blast, just knocked me out, right? They lugged me into
their ship, dumped me into a corner and ignored me. Like
they were embarrassed about me being there. If I said
anything they knocked me out again. We had some great
conversations. `Hey ... ugh!' `Hi there ... ugh!' `I
wonder ...ugh!' Kept me amused for hours, you know.''
He winced again.
He was toying with something in his fingers. He held it
up. It was the Gold Bail --- the Heart of Gold, the heart
of the Infinite Improbability Drive. Only that and the
Wooden Pillar had survived the destruction of the Lock
intact.
``I hear your ship can move a bit,'' he said. ``So how
would you like to zip me back to mine before you ...''
``Will you not help us?'' said Slartibartfast.
``I'd love to stay and help you save the Galaxy,'' insisted "Voleo bih da ostanem i da vam pomognem da
Zaphod, rising himself up on to his shoulders, ``but I spasavate Galaksiju", bio je uporan Zaphod i podigao se
"Ne", rekao je dostojanstveno Slartibartfast. "Naš
zadatak je jasan." Između obrva ocrtavala mu se brazda,
sve dok nije postala toliko duboka da su se u nju mogle
zasaditi omanje povrtarske biljke. Ustao je i počeo da
korača okolo. Kada je progovorio, ono što je rekao
toliko ga je prestravilo da je morao ponovo da sedne.
"Moramo otići na Krikit", kazao je. Duboki uzdah
potresao je njegovo staračko telo, a oči su mu gotovo
zazveketale u očnim dupljama
"Opet smo", rekao je, "doživeli patetičan neuspeh. Baš
petetičan."
"To je", rekao je Ford lagano, "zbog toga što ne marimo
dovoljno. Rekao sam ti."
Podigao je noge na jednu od tabli sa instrumentima i
stao da čisti nokte.
"Ali ukoliko ne budemo preduzeli nešto", kazao je
starac drhtavo, kao da se bori protiv nečega što je
duboko suprotno njegovoj prirodi, "svi ćemo biti
uništeni; svi ćemo umreti. Valjda za to marimo?"
"Ne dovoljno da bismo dopustili da poginemo zbog
toga", rekao je Ford. Nasmešio se nekakvim šupljim
osmehom i pokazao ga svima u odaji koje je zanimalo
da ga vide.
Slartibartfast je ovakav sled razmišljanja smatrao
izuzetno neispravnim i borio se protiv njega. Okrenuo se
ponovo Zaphodu, koji je stezao zube i preznojavao se od
bola.
"Ti svakako imaš ideju", rekao je, "zbog čega su ti
poštedeli život. To deluje vrlo čudno i neuobičajeno."
"Mislim da za to nisu ni znali", slegao je Zaphod
ramenima. "Rekao sam ti. Pogodili su me najslabijim
snopom, samo da me onesveste, kopčaš? Uneli su me u
brod, gurnuli u jedan ugao i zaboravili na mene. Kao da
su se stideli što sam tamo. Ukoliko bih išta kazao,
ponovo bi me onesvestili. Vodili smo sjajne razgovore.
'Hej... uh!' 'Ćao... uh!' 'Pitam se... uh!' To me je satima
zabavljalo, znaš." Ponovo se izvio od bola.
Igrao se sa nečim što je držao među prstima. Podigao je
to. Bila je to zlatna spona - 'Zlatno srce', srce pogona
beskonačne neverovatnoće. Samo su ono i Drveni stub
preživeli neoštećeni uništenje Brave.
"Čujem da tvoj brod fino fura", rekao je, "pa kad bi hteo
da me odbaciš do mojega pre nego što pođete..."
"Zar nam nećeš pomoći?" upitao je Slartibartfast.
"Nama?" upitao je Ford oštro. "Ko smo to 'mi'?"
have the mother and father of a pair of headaches, and I na laktove, "ali imam majku i oca svih glavobolja i
feel a lot of little headaches coming on. But next time it osećam da je na putu mnogo mladih glavoboljica. Ali
needs saving, I'm your guy. Hey, Trillian baby?''
She looked round briefly.
``Yes?''
``You want to come? Heart of Gold? Excitement and "Hoćeš da pođeš? 'Zlatno srce'? Uzbuđenje, pustolovine
adventure and really wild things?''
``I'm going down to Krikkit,'' she said.
Chapter Twenty-seven
It was the same hill, and yet not the same.
This time it was not an Informational Illusion. This was
Krikkit itself and they were standing on it. Near them,
behind the trees, stood the strange Italian restaurant
which had brought these, their real bodies, to this, the
real, present world of Krikkit.
The strong grass under their feet was real, the rich soil
real too. The heady fragrances from the tree, too, were
real. The night was real night.
Krikkit.
Possibly the most dangerous place in the Galaxy for
anyone who isn't a Krikkiter to stand. The place that
could not countenance the existence of any other place,
whose charming, delightful, intelligent inhabitants would
howl with fear, savagery and murderous hate when
confronted with anyone not their own.
Arthur shuddered.
Slartibartfast shuddered.
Ford, surprisingly, shuddered.
It was not surprising that he shuddered, it was surprising
that he was there at all. But when they had returned
Zaphod to his ship Ford had felt unexpectedly shamed
into not running away.
Wrong, he thought to himself, wrong wrong wrong. He
hugged to himself one of the Zap guns with which they
had armed themselves out of Zaphod's armoury.
Trillian shuddered, and frowned as she looked into the
sky.
This, too, was not the same. It was no longer blank and
empty.
Whilst the countryside around them had changed little in
the two thousand years of the Krikkit wars, and the mere
five years that had elapsed locally since Krikkit was
sealed in its Slo-Time envelope ten billion years ago, the
sky was dramatically different.
Dim lights and heavy shapes hung in it.
kada joj sledeći put bude ustrebalo spasavanje, vaš sam
čovek. Hej, Trilijan, mala?"
Žustro se osvrnula.
"Da?"
i stvarno lude stvari?"
"Idem na Krikit", kazala je.
27.
Bilo je to isto brdo, a ipak nije bilo isto.
Ovoga puta nije posredi bila informaciona opsena. Ovo
je bio pravi Krikit i oni su stajali na njegovoj površini. U
njihovoj blizini, iza drveća, nalazio se čudnovati
italijanski restoran koji je doneo njih, njihova stvarna
tela, u ovaj stvarni, sadašnji svet Krikita.
Bujna trava pod njihovim nogama bila je stvarna, baš
kao i bogata crnica. I opojni mirisi drveća bili su stvarni.
Noć je bila prava.
Krikit.
Verovatno najopasnije mesto u Galaksiji za svakoga ko
nije Krikićanin. Mesto koje nije moglo da podnese
postojanje bilo koga drugog mesta, čiji su prijatni,
zabavni, pametni stanovnici urlali od straha, divljaštva i
ubilačke mržnje kada bi se susreli sa bilo kime ko nije
pripadao njima.
Artur uzdrhta.
Slartibartfast uzdrhta.
Ford, što je bilo iznenađujuće, uzdrhta.
Nije bilo iznenađujuće što je uzdrhtao, bilo je
iznenađujuće što se uopšte našao na tom mestu. Ali kada
su vratili Zaphoda na brod, Ford se neočekivano osetio
postiđeno zbog bega.
'Ne valja', pomislio je, 'ne valja, ne valja, ne valja.'
Čvrsto je stegao jedan od zgrom-i-puc pištolja kojima su
se naoružali iz Zaphodove zalihe oružja.
Trilijan uzdrhta i namršti se dok je gledala nebo.
I ono više nije izgledalo isto. Više nije izgledalo pusto i
prazno.
Dok se predeo oko njih malo izmenio tokom dve hiljade
godina krikitskih ratova, a samo je pet godina proteklo
otkako je Krikit pre deset milijardi godina zabravljen u
omotač od Spo-vremena, nebo je bilo dramatično
drugačije.
Blede svetlosti i teška obličja počivali su na njemu.
High in the sky, where no Krikkiter ever looked, were the Visoko na nebu, tamo gde nijedan Krikićanin nikada
War Zones, the Robot Zones --- huge warships and tower nije pogledao, nalazile su se Ratne Zone, Robotske Zone
blocks floating in the Nil-O-Grav fields far above the - ogromni bojni brodovi i blokovi tornjeva koji su
idyllic pastoral lands of the surface of Krikkit. lebdeli u nul-o-grav poljima daleko iznad pastoralne
površine krikitskog tla.
Trillian stared at them and thought. Trilijan ih je posmatrala i razmišljala.
``Trillian,'' whispered Ford Prefect to her. "Trilijan", prošaptao joj je Ford Prefekt.
``Yes?'' she said. "Da?" odvratila je.
``What are you doing?'' "Šta to radiš?"
``Thinking.'' "Razmišljam."
``Do you always breathe like that when you're thinking?'' "Da li uvek tako dišeš kada razmišljaš?"
``I wasn't aware that I was breathing.'' "Nisam primetila da sam disala."
``That's what worried me.'' "To me je i zabrinulo."
``I think I know ...'' said Trillian. "Mislim da znam..." rekla je Trilijan.
``Shhhh!'' said Slartibartfast in alarm, and his thin "Pssst!" rekao je uspaničeno Slartibartfast, a njegova
trembling hand motioned them further back beneath the tanka, drhtava ruka pokazala je dalje iza njih, ispod
shadow of the tree. senke drveta.
Suddenly, as before in the tape, there were lights coming Iznenada, kao i ranije na traci, na brodskoj stazi pojavile
along the hill path, but this time the dancing beams were su se svetlosti, ali ovog puta razigrani zraci nisu poticali
not from lanterns but electric torches --- not in itself a od fenjera, već od baterijskih svetiljki. To samo po sebi
dramatic change, but every detail made their hearts nije predstavljalo dramatičnu promenu, ali njihova srca
thump with fear. This time there were no lilting lupala su od straha na svaku pojedinost. Ovoga puta nisu
whimsical songs about flowers and farming and dead se orile luckaste pesme o cveću, vrtlarenju i crknutim
dogs, but hushed voices in urgent debate. kucama, već prigušeni zvuci žustre rasprave.
A light moved in the sky with slow weight. Arthur was Jedna svetlost stala je da prelazi nebom, sporo i teško.
clenched with a claustrophobic terror and the warm wind Artura je zahvatio klaustrofobični strah, a mlaki vetar
caught at his throat. zgrabio ga je za vrat.
Within seconds a second party became visible, Posle nekoliko sekundi postala je vidljiva i druga grupa,
approaching from the other side of the dark hill. They koja je prilazila sa druge strane tamnog brega. Kretali su
were moving swiftly and purposefully, their torches se žustro i svrhovito, a svetiljke su im bleskale i bacale
swinging and probing around them. snopove oko njih.
The parties were clearly converging, and not merely with Grupe su se približavale, i to ne samo jedna prema
each other. They were converging deliberately on the drugoj. Očigledno su namerno prilazile tački na kojoj su
spot where Arthur and the others were standing. stajali Artur i ostali.
Arthur heard the slight rustle as Ford Prefect raised his Artur začu lagani šum kada je Ford podigao svoje oružje
Zap gun to his shoulder, and the slight whimpering cough na rame, kao i slabašno, drhtavo kašljucanje kada je
as Slartibartfast raised his. He felt the cold unfamiliar Slartibartfast podigao svoje. Osetio je hladnu, neprijatnu
weight of his own gun, and with shaking hands he raised težinu sopstvenog oružja i podigao ga drhtavih ruku.
it.
His fingers fumbled to release the safety catch and Njegovi prsti upinjali su se da oslobode bezbednosnu
engage the extreme danger catch as Ford had shown him. kočnicu i prebace kočnicu za slučaj izuzetne opasnosti
He was shaking so much that if he'd fired at anybody at onako kako mu je Ford pokazao. Toliko se tresao u tom
that moment he probably would have burnt his signature trenutku da bi verovatno urezao plamenom svoj potpis u
on them. svakoga u koga bi opalio.
Only Trillian didn't raise her gun. She raised her Samo Trilijan nije podigla svoje oružje. Podigla je
eyebrows, lowered them again, and bit her lip in thought.obrve, ponovo ih spustila i zamišljeno stala da gricka
usnu.
``Has it occurred to you,'' she began, but nobody wanted "Da li vam je palo na pamet da...", počela je, ali u tom
to discuss anything much at the moment. trenutku niko nije bio raspoložen za raspravu.
A light stabbed through the darkness from behind them
and they span around to find a third party of Krikkiters
behind them, searching them out with their torches.
Ford Prefect's gun crackled viciously, but fire spat back
at it and it crashed from his hands.
There was a moment of pure fear, a frozen second before
anyone fired again.
And at the end of the second nobody fired.
They were surrounded by pale-faced Krikkiters and
bathed in bobbing torch light.
The captives stared at their captors, the captors stared at
their captives.
``Hello?'' said one of the captors. ``Excuse me, but are
you ... aliens?''
Chapter Twenty-eight
Meanwhile, more millions of miles away than the mind
can comfortably encompass, Zaphod Beeblebrox was
throwing a mood again.
He had repaired his ship --- that is, he'd watched with
alert interest whilst a service robot had repaired it for
him. It was now, once again, one of the most powerful
and extraordinary ships in existence. He could go
anywhere, do anything. He fiddled with a book, and then
tossed it away. It was the one he'd read before.
He walked over to the communications bank and opened
an all-frequencies emergency channel.
``Anyone want a drink?'' he said.
``This an emergency, feller?'' crackled a voice from
halfway across the Galaxy.
``Got any mixers?'' said Zaphod.
``Go take a ride on a comet.''
``OK, OK,'' said Zaphod and flipped the channel shut
again. He sighed and sat down. He got up again and
wandered over to a computer screen. He pushed a few
buttons. Little blobs started to rush around the screen
eating each other.
``Pow!'' said Zaphod. ``Freeeoooo! Pop pop pop!''
``Hi there,'' said the computer brightly after a minute of
this, ``you have scored three points. Previous best score,
seven million five hundred and ninety-seven thousand,
Svetlost probi tminu iza njihovih leđa, oni se okretoše i
otkriše tamo treću grupu Krikićana koja ih je tražila
pomoću svojih svetiljki.
Oružje Forda Prefekta opako je prasnulo, ali vatra skoči
nazad na njega i ono tresnu na tle, izletevši mu iz ruku.
Došao je trenutak najčistijeg straha, sleđena sekunda pre
nego što je ikome palo na pamet da ponovo zapuca.
Posle te sekunde i dalje niko nije pucao.
Bili su opkoljeni bledim Krikićanima i okupani
nemirnom svetlošću.
Zarobljenici su zurili u svoje zarobljivače, zarobljivači
su zurili u svoje zarobljenike.
"Zdravo", rekao je jadan od zarobljivača, "izvinite, ali
da li ste vi... tuđinci?"
28.
U međuvremenu, na više miliona milja odatle nego što
um može da valjano pojmi, Zaphod Biblbroks se
dosađivao.
Popravio je svoj brod - to jest, napetom pažnjom je
posmatrao servisnog robota dok ga je popravljao umesto
njega. Bio je to, ponovo, jedan od najmoćnijih i
najneobičnijih brodova koji postoje. Zaphod je opet
mogao da ide gde god zaželi, da radi šta god hoće.
Zezao se sa nekom knjigom, a onda ju je zavitlao od
sebe. Već ju je ranije pročitao.
Prišao je komunikacionoj konzoli i uključio kanal za
slučaj opasnosti koji je radio na svim učestalostima.
"Hoće li neko piće?" upitao je.
"Je li to neko u opasnosti, drugar?" zapuckao je glas sa
pola puta prema suprotnom kraju Galaksije.
"Da nemaš slučajno mikser?" upitao je Zaphod.
"Ej, odšetaj malo do neke komete."
"U redu, u redu", rekao je Zaphod i ponovo isključio
kanal. Uzdahnuo je i seo. Onda je opet ustao i odšetao
do kompjuterskog ekrana. Pritisnuo je nekoliko
prekidača. Tačkice počeše da jure preko ekrana i
proždiru jedna drugu.
"Bam!" rekao je Zaphod, "fijuuuuuu! Pam pam pam!"
"Ej, ćao", rekao je veselo kompjuter posle jednog
minuta. "Osvojio si tri poena. Prethodni najbolji rezultat
je sedam miliona pet stotina devedeset sedam hiljada
two hundred and ...''
``OK, OK,'' said Zaphod and flipped the screen blank
again.
He sat down again. He played with a pencil. This too
began slowly to lose its fascination.
``OK, OK,'' he said, and fed his score and the previous
one into the computer.
His ship made a blur of the Universe.
Chapter Twenty-nine
``Tell us,'' said the thin, pale-faced Krikkiter who had
stepped forward from the ranks of the others and stood
uncertainly in the circle of torchlight, handling his gun as
if he was just holding it for someone else who'd just
popped off somewhere but would be back in a minute,
``do you know anything about something called the
Balance of Nature?''
There was no reply from their captives, or at least
nothing more articulate than a few confused mumbles
and grunts. The torchlight continued to play over them.
High in the sky above them dark activity continued in the
Robot zones.
``It's just,'' continued the Krikkiter uneasily, ``something
we heard about, probably nothing important. Well, I
suppose we'd better kill you then.''
He looked down at his gun as if he was trying to find
which bit to press.
``That is,'' he said, looking up again, ``unless there's
anything you want to chat about?''
Slow, numb astonishment crept up the bodies of
Slartibartfast, Ford and Arthur. Very soon it would reach
their brains, which were at the moment solely occupied
with moving their jawbones up and down. Trillian was
shaking her head as if trying to finish a jigsaw by shaking
the box.
``We're worried, you see,'' said another man from the
crowd, ``about this plan of universal destruction.''
``Yes,'' added another, ``and the balance of nature. It just
dve stotine i..."
"U redu, u redu", rekao je Zaphod i ponovo isključio
ekran.
Opet je seo. Igrao se olovkom. Ali i to je polako počelo
da gubi na privlačnosti.
"U redu, u redu", rekao je i ubacio svoj rezultat, zajedno
sa prethodnim najboljim rezultatom, u kompjuter.
Brod mu je onda suknuo, a od Vaseljene je ostala samo
mrlja.
29.
"Kažite nam", rekao je mršavi, beli Krikićanin koji se
izdvojio od ostalih i nesigurno stajao u krugu svetlosti,
držeći oružje u šakama kao da ga čuva za nekoga ko je
negde zbrisao, ali će se vratiti za trenutak, "znate li išta
o nečemu što se naziva ravnoteža prirode?"
Nije dobio odgovor od svojih zarobljenika, ili bar ništa
razumljivije od nekoliko zbunjeno promrmljanih
glasova. Svetlosti nastaviše da plešu po njima. Visoko
na nebu iznad njihovih glava tamna užurbanost
nastavljala se u Robotskim Zonama.
"Reč je o tome", produžio je Krikićanin nespokojno, "da
smo nešto načuli o toj stvari, verovatno ništa važno. Pa,
onda je možda najbolje da vas ubijemo."
Spustio je pogled na oružje kao da pokušava da otkrije
gde treba da pritisne.
"Odnosno", rekao je i podigao pogled, "ukoliko ne biste
voleli da popričamo o nečemu?"
Lagana, nespretna zbunjenost počela je da se uvlači u
tela Slartibartfasta, Forda i Artura. Ubrzo će im stići do
mozgova, koji su trenutno bili zauzeti podizanjem i
spuštanjem njihovih vilica. Trilijan je tresla glavom kao
da pokušava da sklopi mozaik-zagonetku tresenjem
kutije.
"Znate, brinemo se", rekao je drugi čovek iz gomile,
"zbog tog plana o sveopštem uništenju."
"Da", dodao je treći, "i zbog ravnoteže prirode. Čini
seemed to us that if the whole of the rest of the Universe
is destroyed it will somehow upset the balance of nature.
We're quite keen on ecology, you see.'' His voice trailed
away unhappily.
``And sport,'' said another, loudly. This got a cheer of
approval from the others.
``Yes,'' agreed the first, ``and sport ...'' He looked back at
his fellows uneasily and scratched fitfully at his cheek.
He seemed to be wrestling with some deep inner
confusion, as if everything he wanted to say and
everything he thought were entirely different things,
between which he could see no possible connection.
``You see,'' he mumbled, ``some of us ...'' and he looked
around again as if for confirmation. The others made
encouraging noises. ``Some of us,'' he continued, ``are
quite keen to have sporting links with the rest of the
Galaxy, and though I can see the argument about keeping
sport out of politics, I think that if we want to have
sporting links with the rest of the Galaxy, which we do,
then it's probably a mistake to destroy it. And indeed the
rest of the Universe ...'' his voice trailed away again ``...
which is what seems to be the idea now ...''
``Wh ...'' said Slartibartfast. ``Wh ...''
``Hhhh ... ?'' said Arthur.
``Dr ...'' said Ford Prefect.
``OK,'' said Trillian. ``Let's talk about it.'' She walked
forward and took the poor confused Krikkiter by the arm.
He looked about twenty-five, which meant, because of
the peculiar manglings of time that had been going on in
this area, that he would have been just twenty when the
Krikkit Wars were finished, ten billion years ago.
Trillian led him for a short walk through the torchlight
before she said anything more. He stumbled uncertainly
after her. The encircling torch beams were drooping now
slightly as if they were abdicating to this strange, quiet
girl who alone in the Universe of dark confusion seemed
to know what she was doing.
She turned and faced him, and lightly held both his arms.
He was a picture of bewildered misery.
``Tell me,'' she said.
He said nothing for a moment, whilst his gaze darted
from one of her eyes to the other.
``We ...'' he said, ``we have to be alone ... I think.'' He
screwed up his face and then dropped his head forward,
shaking it like someone trying to shake a coin out of a
money box. He looked up again. ``We have this bomb
nam se da će se ravnoteža nekako poremetiti ukoliko
sve ostalo u Vaseljeni bude uništeno. Znate, nas
ekologija strašno zanima", dodao je. Glas mu se
nesrećno utiša.
"I sport", rekao je drugi glasno. To je izazvalo veselo
odobravanje ostalih.
"Da", složio se prvi, "i sport..." Nespokojno je pogledao
svoje drugove i zamišljeno se počeškao po obrazu. Kao
da se borio sa nekom dubokom unutrašnjom
zbunjenošću, kao da je ono što je želeo da kaže i ono što
je mislio predstavljalo dve potpuno različite stvari,
između kojih nije mogao da razabere nikakvu moguću
vezu.
"Vidite", promrmljao je, "neki među nama..." Obazro se
kao da traži podršku. Drugi počeše da ga ohrabruju.
"Neki mađu nama", produžio je, "strašno bi voleli da
uspostave sportske veze sa ostatkom Galaksije, i iako se
slažem da ne treba mešati sport i politiku, čini mi se da,
ukoliko želimo sportske veze sa ostatkom Galaksije,
verovatno bi bilo greška uništiti je. Zapravo, i celu
ostalu Vaseljenu..." Glas mu se ponovo utišao. "A
izgleda da je to trenutno preovlađujuća zamisao..."
"Šš...", kazao je Slartibartfast, "št..."
"Tttt...?" upitao je Artur.
"Dr..." zaustio je Ford Prefekt.
"U redu", rekla je Trilijan, "hajde da porazgovaramo
malo o tome." Krenula je napred i uzela zbunjenog
Krikićanina za ruku. Izgledao je kao da ima oko
dvadeset pet godina, što je značilo, zbog neobičnih
petljavina sa vremenom koje su se dešavale u toj oblasti,
da je imao svega dvadesetak godina kada su se završili
krikitski ratovi, pre deset milijardi godina.
Trilijan ga je povela na kratku šetnju kroz snopove
lampi pre nego što je rekla išta više. Nesigurno se
povodio za njom. Svetlosti svetiljki koje su ih
okruživale kao da su se povlačile pred tom čudnom,
tihom devojkom koja je, izgleda, jedina u čitavoj ovoj
Vaseljeni mračne zbrke znala šta radi.
Okrenula se da bi ga pogledala u lice i lagano ga uzela
za obe ruke. Bio je slika i prilika zbunjene utučenosti.
"Reci mi", kazala mu je.
Jedan trenutak nije ništa govorio, dok mu je pogled
skakao sa jednog njenog oka na drugo.
"Tre..." rekao je, "trebalo bi da ostanemo sami... čini mi
se." Iskrivio je lice i onda oborio glavu, a pritom ju je
tako vrteo kao da želi da istrese novčić iz kasice.
Ponovo je podigao pogled. "Znaš, mi imamo tu bombu",
now, you see,'' he said, ``it's just a little one.''
``I know,'' she said.
He goggled at her as if she'd said something very strange
about beetroots.
``Honestly,'' he said, ``it's very, very little.''
``I know,'' she said again.
``But they say,'' his voice trailed on, ``they say it can
destroy everything that exists. And we have to do that,
you see, I think. Will that make us alone? I don't know. It
seems to be our function, though,'' he said, and dropped
his head again.
``Whatever that means,'' said a hollow voice from the
crowd.
Trillian slowly put her arms around the poor bewildered
young Krikkiter and patted his trembling head on her
shoulder.
``It's all right,'' she said quietly but clearly enough for all
the shadowy crowd to hear, ``you don't have to do it.''
She rocked him.
``You don't have to do it,'' she said again.
She let him go and stood back.
``I want you to do something for me,'' she said, and
unexpectedly laughed.
``I want,'' she said, and laughed again. She put her hand
over her mouth and then said with a straight face, ``I
want you to take me to your leader,'' and she pointed into
the War Zones in the sky. She seemed somehow to know
that their leader would be there.
Her laughter seemed to discharge something in the
atmosphere. From somewhere at the back of the crowd a
single voice started to sing a tune which would have
enabled Paul McCartney, had he written it, to buy the
world.
Chapter Thirty
Zaphod Beeblebrox crawled bravely along a tunnel, like
the hell of a guy he was. He was very confused, but
continued crawling doggedly anyway because he was
that brave.
He was confused by something he had just seen, but not
half as confused as he was going to be by something he
was about to hear, so it would now be best to explain
exactly where he was.
He was in the Robot War Zones many miles above the
surface of the planet Krikkit.
The atmosphere was thin here and relatively unprotected
from any rays or anything which space might care to hurl
in his direction.
rekao je, "vrlo je mala."
"Znam", rekla je.
Pogledao ju je uskolutanim očima, kao da je iznenada
počela da govori o gajenju repice.
"Časna reč", kazao je, "veoma je, veoma mala."
"Znam", rekla je ponovo.
"Ali oni kažu", odvratio je njegov glas, "kažu da može
da uništi sve što postoji. I da mi treba to da učinimo,
razumeš. Hoćemo li zahvaljujući tome ostati sami? Ne
znam. Ali izgleda da nam je to naum", rekao je i ponovo
oborio glavu.
"Šta god to značilo", dopro je iz gomile šuplji glas.
Trilijan je lagano zagrlila jadnog, zbunjenog, mladog
Krikićanina i prislonila mu uzdrhtalu glavu uz svoje
rame, potapšavši je pri tom.
"Sve je u redu", rekla je tiho, ali očigledno dovoljno
glasno da bi je svi čuli, "ne morate to da učinite."
Zaljuljala ga je.
"Ne morate to da učinite", ponovila je.
Pustila ga je i udaljila se.
"Želim da učinite nešto za mene", rekla je i neočekivano
se nasmejala.
"Hoću..." rekla je i ponovo se nasmejala. Stavila je
potom ruku preko usana i dodala, iznenada opet
ozbiljna: "Hoću da me odvedete svom vođi", i pokazala
prema Ratnim Zonama na nebu. Činilo se da je nekako
znala da se njihov vođa nalazi tamo.
Njen smeh kao da je izazvao nekakvo pražnjenje u
atmosferi. Negde iz pozadine gomile jedan usamljeni
glas počeo je da peva melodiju koja bi Polu Makartniju,
da ju je napisao, omogućila da kupi čitav svet.
30.
Zaphod Biblbroks hrabro je puzao kroz tunel kako to
već i treba da radi vraški momak poput njega. Bio je
vrlo zbunjen, ali je i dalje uporno puzao zato što je bio
tako hrabar.
Bio je zbunjen nečim što je upravo video, ali ni upola
koliko će biti zbunjen kada bude nešto čuo, te bi zbog
toga u ovoj tački bilo najbolje razjasniti gde se tačno
nalazio.
Bio je u Robotskoj Ratnoj Zoni, mnogo milja iznad
površine planete Krikit.
Tu je atmosfera bila srazmerno retka i srazmerno
nezaštićena od zračenja i uopšte od svega onoga što je
svemir mogao da zavitla u tom pravcu.
He had parked the starship Heart of Gold amongst the
huge jostling dim hulks that crowded the sky here above
Krikkit, and had entered what appeared to be the biggest
and most important of the sky buildings, armed with
nothing but a Zap gun and something for his headaches.
He had found himself in a long, wide and badly lit
corridor in which he was able to hide until he worked out
what he was going to do next. He hid because every now
and then one of the Krikkit robots would walk along it,
and although he had so far led some kind of charmed life
at their hands, it had nevertheless been an extremely
painful one, and he had no desire to stretch what he was
only half-inclined to call his good fortune.
He had ducked, at one point, into a room leading off the
corridor, and had discovered it to be a huge and, again,
dimly lit chamber. In fact, it was a museum with just one
exhibit --- the wreckage of a spacecraft. It was terribly
burnt and mangled, and, now that he had caught up with
some of the Galactic history he had missed through his
failed attempts to have sex with the girl in the
cybercubicle next to him at school, he was able to put in
an intelligent guess that this was the wrecked spaceship
which had drifted through the Dust Cloud all those
billions of years ago and started the whole business off.
But, and this is where he had become confused, there
was something not at all right about it.
It was genuinely wrecked. It was genuinely burnt, but a
fairly brief inspection by an experienced eye revealed
that it was not a genuine spacecraft. It was as if it was a
full-scale model of one --- a solid blueprint. In other
words it was a very useful thing to have around if you
suddenly decided to build a spaceship yourself and didn't
know how to do it. It was not, however, anything that
would ever fly anywhere itself.
He was still puzzling over this --- in fact he'd only just
started to puzzle over it --- when he became aware that a
door had slid open in another part of the chamber, and
another couple of Krikkit robots had entered, looking a
little glum.
Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding
that just as discretion was the better part of valour so was
cowardice the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid
himself in a cupboard.
The cupboard in fact turned out to be the top part of a
shaft which led down through an inspection hatch into a
wide ventilation tunnel. He led himself down into it and
Parkirao je međuzvezdani brod 'Zlatno srce' između
gusto natrpanih i prigušeno osvetljenih telesina ratnih
mašina, koje su prekrivale nebo ovde iznad Krikita i
ušao u ono što mu se činilo najvećom i najvažnijom
nebeskom zgradom, naoružan ničim više do zgrom-i-
puc pištoljem i lekom protiv glavobolje.
Obreo se u dugačkom, prostranom i slabo osvetljenom
hodniku u kome je mogao da se skriva dok ne bude
rešio šta da učini sledeće. Krio se zbog toga što su
svakog časa hodnikom prolazili krikitski roboti, a iako
je do sada vodio među njima život u svojstvu
svojevrsnog kućnog ljubimca, ipak je to bio izuzetno
bolan život, a on nije imao nameru da izaziva ono što je
samo napola zvao svojom dobrom srećom.
U jednom trenutku uleteo je u prostoriju koja je izlazila
na hodnik i otkrio je da je ogromna i, takođe, slabo
osvetljena. U stvari, predstavljala je muzej sa samo
jednim eksponatom - olupinom kosmičke letelice. Bila
je užasno izgorela i oštećena, a sada kada je uspeo da
ulovi nešto galaktičke istorije koju je propustio usled
svojih bezuspešnih pokušaja da ima seksualne odnose sa
devojčicom iz kiberodeljka do njegovog u školi, mogao
je inteligentno da pretpostavi kako je tu posredi onaj
oštećeni svemirski brod koji je pre toliko milijardi
godina dolutao iz Oblaka Prašine i započeo celu stvar.
Ali, što predstavlja mesto na kome je postao zbunjen,
otkrio je da nešto nije sasvim u redu sa njime.
Bio je zaista oštećen. Bio je zaista spržen, ali kratak
pregled iskusnim okom otkrio mu je da nije reč o
pravom svemirskom brodu. Stvar je izgledala kao da je
posredi maketa u prirodnoj veličini - neka vrsta
trodimenzionog tehničkog crteža. Drugim rečima, bila je
to izuzetno korisna stvar za onoga ko se iznenada odluči
da gradi svemirski brod, a ne zna kako. Ali nikada nije
mogla sama da poleti.
Još je lupao glavu oko toga - zapravo, tek je počeo da
lupa glavu kada je postao svestan da su se na
naspramnom kraju odaje otvorila vrata i na njima
pojavila dva krikitska robota, koja su delovala pomalo
tmurno.
Zaphod nije želeo da se petlja sa njima, pa je zaključio
da, kao što opreznost predstavlja bolju polovinu
hrabrosti, tako i kukavičluk predstavlja bolju polovinu
opreznosti, te se stoga brže-bolje sakrio u jednu malu
sporednu prostoriju.
Pokazalo se da mala sporedna prostorija predstavlja
najviši deo tunela koji je vodio naniže kroz otvor za
nadgledanje u široki tunel za ventilaciju. Pustio se u
started to crawl along it, which is where we found him.
He didn't like it. It was cold, dark and profoundly
uncomfortable, and it frightened him. At the first
opportunity --- which was another shaft a hundred yards
further along --- he climbed back up out of it.
This time he emerged into a smaller chamber, which
appeared to be a computer intelligence centre. He
emerged in a dark narrow space between a large
computer bank and the wall.
He quickly learned that he was not alone in the chamber
and started to leave again, when he began to listen with
interest to what the other occupants were saying.
``It's the robots, sir,'' said one voice. ``There's something
wrong with them.''
``What, exactly?''
These were the voices of two War Command Krikkiters.
All the War Commanders lived up in the sky in the Robot
War Zones, and were largely immune to the whimsical
doubts and uncertainties which were afflicting their
fellows down on the surface of the planet.
``Well, sir I think it's just as well that they are being
phased out of the war effort, and that we are now going
to detonate the supernova bomb. In the very short time
since we were released from the envelope -''
``Get to the point.''
``The robots aren't enjoying it, sir.''
``What?''
``The war, sir, it seems to be getting them down. There's
a certain world-weariness about them, or perhaps I
should say Universe-weariness.''
``Well, that's all right, they're meant to be helping to
destroy it.''
``Yes, well they're finding it difficult, sir. They are
afflicted with a certain lassitude. They're just finding it
hard to get behind the job. They lack oomph.''
``What are you trying to say?''
``Well, I think they're very depressed about something,
sir.''
``What on Krikkit are you talking about?''
``Well, in the few skirmishes they've had recently, it
seems that they go into battle, raise their weapons to fire
and suddenly think, why bother? What, cosmically
speaking, is it all about? And they just seem to get a little
tired and a little grim.''
``And then what do they do?''
``Er, quadratic equations mostly, sir. Fiendishly difficult
ones by all accounts. And then they sulk.''
``Sulk?''
``Yes, sir.''
njega i počeo da puzi tim putem.
To mu se nije mnogo dopalo. Bilo je hladno, mračno i
vrlo neudobno; osim toga, mesto ga je plašilo. Prvom
prilikom - bio je to novi tunel, na oko stotinu jardi dalje
- popeo se i izišao iz cevi.
Ovoga puta obreo se u omanjoj prostoriji, koja je,
izgleda, predstavljala središte kompjuterske
inteligencije. Izišao je u mračni, uzani prostor između
ogromnog bloka kompjutera i zida.
Brzo je zaključio da nije sam u odaji i već se pripremio
da ode, kada je počeo da sluša sa zanimanjem šta su
govorili oni koji su se nalazili u njoj.
"Reč je o robotima, ser", rekao je jedan glas, "nešto nije
u redu sa njima."
"Šta tačno nije u redu?"
Bili su to glasovi dvojice ratnih zapovednika Krikita.
Svi ratni zapovednici živeli su na nebu, u Robotskim
Zonama, i uglavnom su bili imuni na sve luckaste
sumnje i kolebanja koje su pogađale njihove drugove
dole na površini planete.
"Pa, ser, čini mi se da se sve više izostavljaju iz ratnih
zadataka i da ćemo morati da aktiviramo bombu lanca
supernova. Tokom vrlo kratkog vremena otkako smo
oslobođeni omotača..."
"Pređi na stvar."
"Robotima se sve to ne sviđa, ser."
"Šta?"
"Rat, ser. Izgleda da počinje da ih zamara. Kao da
nekako postaju umorni od sveta, ili bi možda trebalo da
kažem umorni od Vaseljene."
"Pa, to je savršeno u redu. Trebalo bi da nam pomažu da
je uništimo."
"Da, ovaj, ali oni smatraju da je to pomalo nezgodno,
ser. Zahvatio ih je izvestan zamor. Postaje im teško da se
upregnu u posao. Nedostaje im polet."
"Šta hoćeš da kažeš:"
"Pa, čini mi se da su zbog nečega užasno potišteni, ser."
"O čemu to govoriš, za ime Krikita?"
"Pa, u poslednjih nekoliko okršaja koje su imali činilo
se da započnu bitku, podignu svoje oružje da opale, ali
onda iznenada pomisle, čemu čitav trud? Šta, sa
kosmičke tačke gledanja, predstavlja sve to? I onda kao
da ih zahvate nekakav zamor i utučenost."
"A šta onda rade?"
"Ovaj, uglavnom rešavaju kvadratne jednačine, ser,
đavolski teške, ako mene pitate. A potom zlovoljno sede
i ćute."
"Zlovoljno?"
"Da, ser."
``Whoever heard of a robot sulking?'' "Ko je ikada čuo za zlovoljnog robota?"
``I don't know, sir.'' "Ne znam, ser."
``What was that noise?'' "Kakav je to šum?"
It was the noise of Zaphod leaving with his head Bio je to Zaphod koji je odlazio, dok mu se u glavama
spinning. vrtelo.
Chapter Thirty-one
In a deep well of darkness a crippled robot sat. It had
been silent in its metallic darkness for some time. It was
cold and damp, but being a robot it was supposed not to
be able to notice these things. With an enormous effort of
will, however, it did manage to notice them.
Its brain had been harnessed to the central intelligence
core of the Krikkit War Computer. It wasn't enjoying the
experience, and neither was the central intelligence core
of the Krikkit War Computer.
The Krikkit robots which had salvaged this pathetic
metal creature from the swamps of Squornshellous Zeta
had recognized almost immediately its gigantic
intelligence, and the use which this could be to them.
They hadn't reckoned with the attendant personality
disorders, which the coldness, the darkness, the
dampness, the crampedness and the loneliness were
doing nothing to decrease.
It was not happy with its task.
Apart from anything else, the mere coordination of an
entire planet's military strategy was taking up only a tiny
part of its formidable mind, and the rest of it had become
extremely bored. Having solved all the major
mathematical, physical, chemical, biological,
sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological
and psychological problems of the Universe except his
own, three times over, he was severely stuck for
something to do, and had taken up composing short
dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one
was a lullaby.
``Now the world has gone to bed,'' Marvin droned,
``Darkness won't engulf my head,
``I can see by infra-red,
``How I hate the night.''
He paused to gather the artistic and emotional strength to
tackle the next verse.
``Now I lay me down to sleep,
``Try to count electric sheep,
``Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
``How I hate the night.''
31.
U bunaru najdublje tame sedeo je obogaljeni robot.
Neko vreme je ćutao u svojoj metalnoj tami. Oko njega
je bilo hladno i vlažno, ali, pošto je bio robot, nije
trebalo da primećuje takve stvari. No, izuzetnim
naporom volje ipak je uspevao da ih primeti.
Mozak mu je bio povezan sa središnjim blokom za
inteligenciju krikitskog ratnog kompjutera. To mu se
nije dopadalo, baš kao ni središnjem bloku za
inteligenciju krikitskog ratnog kompjutera.
Krikitski roboti koji su izvukli to patetično metalno
stvorenje iz močvara Skornšelusa Zeta postupili su tako
zato što su gotovo smesta prepoznali njegovu ogromnu
inteligenciju, koja im je mogla biti od koristi.
Nisu računali na prateće poremećaje ličnosti, koje
hladnoća, tama, vlaga, stešnjenost i usamljenost nisu
nimalo umanjivali.
Nije bio srećan na tom poslu.
Na koordinaciju vojne strategije čitave planete otpadao
je samo maleni deo moći njegovog zastrašujućeg uma, a
ostatak se neverovatno dosađivao. Pošto je rešio sve
veće matematičke, fizičke, hemijske, biološke,
sociološke, filozofske, etimološke, meteorološke i
psihološke probleme Vaseljene, izuzev sopstvenog, i to
po tri puta, očajno je žudeo za nečim čime bi se
zaokupio, i zato je počeo da komponuje kratke, mračne
pesmice bez ikakve melodije. Poslednja je predstavljala
uspavanku. Marvin je jednolično pevao.
Sada kad svet u postelju kreće
Na mene se tama spustiti neće,
U infracrvenom vidim sve njegovo smeće,
O kako mrzim noć.
Zastao je načas da bi skupio umetničke i osećajne snage
za sledeću strofu.
A sada u san se spuštam sve niže,
Električne ovce brojim da san mi dokliže,
S svojim lepim željama ne prilazi mi bliže,
O kako mrzim noć.
``Marvin!'' hissed a voice.
His head snapped up, almost dislodging the intricate
network of electrodes which connected him to the central
Krikkit War Computer.
An inspection hatch had opened and one of a pair of
unruly heads was peering through whilst the other kept
on jogging it by continually darting to look this way and
that extremely nervously.
``Oh, it's you,'' muttered the robot. ``I might have
known.''
``Hey, kid,'' said Zaphod in astonishment, ``was that you
singing just then?''
``I am,'' Marvin acknowledged bitterly, ``in particularly
scintillating form at the moment.''
Zaphod poked his head in through the hatchway and
looked around.
``Are you alone?'' he said.
``Yes,'' said Marvin. ``Wearily I sit here, pain and misery
my only companions. And vast intelligence of course.
And infinite sorrow. And ...''
``Yeah,'' said Zaphod. ``Hey, what's your connection with
all this?''
``This,'' said Marvin, indicating with his less damaged
arm all the electrodes which connected him with the
Krikkit computer.
``Then,'' said Zaphod awkwardly, ``I guess you must
have saved my life. Twice.''
``Three times,'' said Marvin.
Zaphod's head snapped round (his other one was looking
hawkishly in entirely the wrong direction) just in time to
see the lethal killer robot directly behind him seize up
and start to smoke. It staggered backwards and slumped
against a wall. It slid down it. It slipped sideways, threw
its head back and started to sob inconsolably.
Zaphod looked back at Marvin.
``You must have a terrific outlook on life,'' he said.
``Just don't even ask,'' said Marvin.
``I won't,'' said Zaphod, and didn't. ``Hey look,'' he
added, ``you're doing a terrific job.''
``Which means, I suppose,'' said Marvin, requiring only
one ten thousand million billion trillion grillionth part of
his mental powers to make this particular logical leap,
``that you're not going to release me or anything like
that.''
``Kid, you know I'd love to.''
``But you're not going to.''
``No.''
``I see.''
``You're working well.''
``Yes,'' said Marvin. ``Why stop now just when I'm
"Marvine", prosiktao je glas.
Glava mu se tako trže da je zamalo počupala tananu
mrežu elektroda koje su ga povezivale sa središnjim
krikitskim ratnim kompjuterom.
Otvor za nadgledanje se podigao i jedna od dve
neuredne glave provirila je kroz njega, dok je druga
čuvala stražu na taj način što se izuzetno nervozno
osvrtala tamo i ovamo.
"Oh, to si ti", promrmljao je robot, "trebalo je da znam."
"Hej, mali", rekao je zapanjeno Zaphod, "jesi li to ti
maločas pevao?"
"Trenutno sam", obznanio je Marvin gorko, "u naročito
blistavoj formi."
Zaphod je provukao glavu kroz otvor i obazro se.
"Jesi li sam?" upitao je.
"Da", odvratio je Marvin, "umorno sedim ovde, a bol i
poniženost jedini su mi pratioci. I ogromna inteligencija,
razume se. I bezgranična utučenost. ...I..."
"Aha", rekao je Zaphod. "Nego, kakve ti veze imaš sa
svim ovim?"
"Ovakve", rekao je Marvin i manje oštećenom rukom
pokazao na elektrode koje su ga povezivale sa
krikitskim kompjuterom.
"Onda, znači", rekao je Zaphod nespretno, "da si mi
verovatno dva puta spasao život."
"Tri puta", rekao je Marvin.
Zaphodova glava oštro se okrete (druga je okom
sokolovim gledala u potpuno pogrešnom pravcu) upravo
na vreme da vidi ubilačkog robota odmah iza sebe kako
se zanosi i počinje da se puši. Zateturao se unatrag i
tresnuo u zid, a onda skliznuo niz njega. Srušio se
potom na bok, zabacio glavu i počeo neutešno da rida.
Zaphod ponovo pogleda Marvina.
"Mora da imaš strašan pogled na život", rekao je.
"Ne pitaj", kazao je Marvin.
"I neću", rekao je Zaphod i nije to učinio. "Hej, čuješ",
dodao je, "pa ti to odlično radiš."
"Što znači, pretpostavljam", rekao je Marvin, a za taj
logički skok bio mu je potreban samo jedan
desetohiljadito milionito milijardito bilionito grilioniti
deo mentalnih sposobnosti, "da nemaš nameru da me
oslobodiš ili da učiniš nešto slično."
"Dečko, ti znaš da bih voleo da to uradim."
"Ali nećeš."
"Neću."
"Shvatam."
"Sjajno to obavljaš."
"Da", rekao je Marvin, "zašto da prekinem baš sada
hating it?''
``I got to find Trillian and the guys. Hey, you any idea
where they are? I mean, I just got a planet to choose
from. Could take a while.''
``They are very close,'' said Marvin dolefully. ``You can
monitor them from here if you like.''
``I better go get them,'' asserted Zaphod. ``Er, maybe they
need some help, right?''
``Maybe,'' said Marvin with unexpected authority in his
lugubrious voice, ``it would be better if you monitored
them from here. That young girl,'' he added unexpectedly,
``is one of the least benightedly unintelligent life forms it
has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to
avoid meeting.''
Zaphod took a moment or two to find his way through
this labyrinthine string of negatives and emerged at the
other end with surprise.
``Trillian?'' he said. ``She's just a kid. Cute, yeah, but
temperamental. You know how it is with women. Or
perhaps you don't. I assume you don't. If you do I don't
want to hear about it. Plug us in.''
``... totally manipulated.''
``What?'' said Zaphod.
It was Trillian speaking. He turned round.
The wall against which the Krikkit robot was sobbing
had lit up to reveal a scene taking place in some other
unknown part of the Krikkit Robot War zones. It seemed
to be a council chamber of some kind --- Zaphod couldn't
make it out too clearly because of the robot slumped
against the screen.
He tried to move the robot, but it was heavy with its grief
and tried to bite him, so he just looked around as best he
could.
``Just think about it,'' said Trillian's voice, ``your history
is just a series of freakishly improbable events. And I
know an improbable event when I see one. Your
complete isolation from the Galaxy was freakish for a
start. Right out on the very edge with a Dust Cloud
around you. It's a set-up. Obviously.''
Zaphod was mad with frustration because he couldn't see
the screen. The robot's head was obscuring his view of
the people Trillian as talking to, his multi-functional
battleclub was obscuring the background, and the elbow
of the arm it had pressed tragically against its brow was
obscuring Trillian herself.
``Then,'' said Trillian, ``this spaceship that crash-landed "A onda se", rekla je Trilijan, "taj svemirski brod srušio
on your planet. That's really likely, isn't it? Have you any na vašu planetu. To je mnogo verovatno, je li? Imate li
kada sam počeo da mrzim sve to?"
"Moram da pronađem Trilijan i momke. Hej, imaš li
pojma gde su? Hoću da kažem, treba da ih tražim po
čitavoj planeti, pa bi moglo da potraje."
"Veoma su blizu", rekao je Marvin utučeno. "Možeš ih
videti odavde ako hoćeš."
"Bolje da odem do njih", izjavio je Zaphod. "Ovaj,
možda im treba pomoć, a?"
"Možda bi", rekao je Marvin sa neočekivano
zapovedničkim prizvukom u svom potištenom glasu,
"bilo bolje da ih posmatraš odavde. Ta devojka", dodao
je neočekivano, "jedan je od najmanje očajno
neinteligentnih organskih oblika života koje na svoje
izuzetno nezadovoljstvo nisam mogao da izbegnem."
Zaphodu je bio potreban trenutak ili dva da se probije
kroz taj lavirint negacija i da iznenađeno stigne do druge
strane.
"Trilijan", rekao je. "Pa ona je samo klinka. Jeste,
pametna je, ali temperamentna. Znaš kako je to sa
ženama. Ili možda ne znaš. Pretpostavljam da ne znaš.
Ukoliko znaš, ne želim da čujem išta o tome. Uključi
nas."
"...potpuno izmanipulisani."
"Šta?" upitao je Zaphod.
To je Trilijan govorila. Okrenuo se.
Zid uz koji je krikitski robot jecao osvetlio se da bi
otkrio prizor koji se odigravao u nekom drugom,
neznanom delu krikitskih Robotskih Ratnih Zona.
Izgledalo je da je reč o nekoj vrsti dvorane za
savetovanje - Zaphod nije mogao da razazna najbolje,
jer je robot prekrivao dobar deo ekrana.
Pokušao je da pomeri robota, ali ovaj je bio otežao od
bola i probao je da ga ugrize, pa je zbog toga samo
gledao pored njega što je bolje umeo.
"Razmislite malo o tome," rekao je Trilijanin glas. "Vaša
istorija naprosto je niz očajno neverovatnih događaja. A
ja umem da prepoznam neverovatan događaj kada ga
vidim. Vaša potpuna izdvojenost iz Galaksije bila je od
samog početka iščašena. I to ovde, na samom rubu, sa
Oblakom Prašine oko vas. Stvar je nameštena.
Očigledno."
Zaphod je bio kao lud od osujećenosti što ne može da
vidi ekran. Robotova glava zaklanjala je ljude kojima je
Trilijan govorila, njegova višenamenska borbena batina
prekrivala je pozadinu, a lakat ruke koju je tragično
prislonio na čelo skrivao je samu Trilijan.
idea of what the odds are against a drifting spaceship
accidentally intersecting with the orbit of a planet?''
``Hey,'' said Zaphod, ``she doesn't know what the zark
she's talking about. I've seen that spaceship. It's a fake.
No deal.''
``I thought it might be,'' said Marvin from his prison
behind Zaphod.
``Oh yeah,'' said Zaphod. ``It's easy for you to say that. I
just told you. Anyway, I don't see what it's got to do with
anything.''
``And especially,'' continued Trillian, ``the odds against it
intersecting with the orbit of the one planet in the Galaxy,
or the whole of the Universe as far as I know, that would
be totally traumatized to see it. You don't know what the
odds are? Nor do I, they're that big. Again, it's a set-up. I
wouldn't be surprised if that spaceship was just a fake.''
Zaphod managed to move the robot's battleclub. Behind
it on the screen were the figures of Ford, Arthur and
Slartibartfast who appeared astonished and bewildered
by the whole thing.
``Hey, look,'' said Zaphod excitedly. ``The guys are doing
great. Ra ra ra! Go get 'em, guys.''
``And what about,'' said Trillian, ``all this technology you
suddenly managed to build for yourselves almost
overnight? Most people would take thousands of years to
do all that. Someone was feeding you what you needed to
know, someone was keeping you at it.
``I know, I know,'' she added in response to an unseen
interruption, ``I know you didn't realize it was going on.
This is exactly my point. You never realized anything at
all. Like this Supernova Bomb.''
``How do you know about that?'' said an unseen voice.
``I just know,'' said Trillian. ``You expect me to believe
that you are bright enough to invent something that
brilliant and be too dumb to realize it would take you
with it as well? That's not just stupid, that is spectacularly
obtuse.''
``Hey, what's this bomb thing?'' said Zaphod in alarm to
Marvin.
``The supernova bomb?'' said Marvin. ``It's a very, very
small bomb.''
``Yeah?''
``That would destroy the Universe in toto,'' added
Marvin. ``Good idea, if you ask me. They won't get it to
work, though.''
``Why not, if it's so brilliant?''
``It's brilliant,'' said Marvin, ``they're not. They got as far
as designing it before they were locked in the envelope.
pojma koja je verovatnoća da lutajući svemirski brod
slučajno preseče orbitu neke planete?"
"Hej", rekao je Zaphod, "ona zarkeno pojma nema o
čemu priča. Video sam taj svemirski brod. Lažan je. Bez
šale."
"I mislio sam da bi moglo tako da bude", rekao je
Marvin iz svog zatvora iza Zaphoda.
"Aha", rekao je Zaphod. "Sada ti je lako da to kažeš. Ja
sam ti upravo ispričao. Svejedno, ne vidim kakve to
veze ima sa bilo čime."
"A naročito", produžila je Trilijan, "verovatnoća da
preseče orbitu jedne određene planete u Galaksiji, ili čak
u čitavoj Vaseljeni. Koliko ja znam, takva verovatnoća
je zaprepašćujuća. Ne znate šta to znači? Ne znam ni ja,
toliko je mala njena vrednost. Posredi, znači, može da
bude samo nameštaljka. Ne bi me začudilo ni da je taj
kosmički brod lažan."
Zaphodu je pošlo za rukom da ukloni robotovu borbenu
palicu. Iza nje, na ekranu su se ukazale prilike Forda,
Artura i Slartibartfasta, koji su izgledali kao da ih je
čitava stvar zbunila i zaprepastila.
"Hej, vidi", rekao je Zaphod razdragano, "momci se
sjajno snalaze. Tra, ra, ra. Navalite, momci."
"A šta tek da kažemo", rekla je Trilijan, "za svu tu
tehnologiju kojom ste ovladali preko noći? Većini
stvorenja za to su potrebne hiljade godina. Neko vas je
kljukao podacima koji su vam bili potrebni, neko vas je
podržavao.
Znam, znam", dodala je na neko nevidljivo ometanje,
"znam da niste shvatili šta se dešava. O tome i govorim.
Nikada niste ništa shvatali. Kao ni ovu bombu
supernova."
"Otkud ti znaš za to?" upitao je nevidljivi glas.
"Naprosto, znam", uzvratila je Trilijan. "Očekujete da
vam poverujem da ste dovoljno bistri da izmislite nešto
tako savršeno, a da pri tom budete glupi i ne shvatite da
će sa sobom odneti i vas? To ne samo da je glupo, to je
spektakularna tupoglavost."
"Hej, kakve su to priče o bombi?" upitao je Zaphod
uznemireno Marvina.
"Bomba supernova?" upitao je Marvin. "To je vrlo, vrlo
mala bomba."
"Da?"
"Koja bi mogla da uništi čitavu Vaseljenu u potpunosti",
dodao je Marvin. "Odlična ideja, ako mene pitaš. Ali
neće im uspeti."
"Zbog čega ne bi, kad je već toliko sjajna?"
"Ona jeste", rekao je, "oni nisu. Stigli su samo da je
projektuju pre nego što su zaključani u omotač.
They've spent the last five years building it. They think
they've got it right but they haven't. They're as stupid as
any other organic life form. I hate them.''
Trillian was continuing.
Zaphod tried to pull the Krikkit robot away by its leg, but
it kicked and growled at him, and then quaked with a
fresh outburst of sobbing. Then suddenly it slumped over
and continued to express its feelings out of everybody's
way on the floor.
Trillian was standing alone in the middle of the chamber
tired out but with fiercely burning eyes.
Ranged in front of her were the pale-faced and wrinkled
Elder Masters of Krikkit, motionless behind their widely
curved control desk, staring at her with helpless fear and
hatred.
In front of them, equidistant between their control desk
and the middle of the chamber, where Trillian stood, as if
on trial, was a slim white pillar about four feet tall. On
top of it stood a small white globe, about three, maybe
four inches in diameter.
Beside it stood a Krikkit robot with its multi-functional
battleclub.
``In fact,'' explained Trillian, ``you are so dumb stupid''
(She was sweating. Zaphod felt that this was an
unattractive thing for her to be doing at this point) ``you
are all so dumb stupid that I doubt, I very much doubt,
that you've been able to build the bomb properly without
any help from Hactar for the last five years.''
``Who's this guy Hactar?'' said Zaphod, squaring his
shoulders.
If Marvin replied, Zaphod didn't hear him. All his
attention was concentrated on the screen.
One of the Elders of Krikkit made a small motion with
his hand towards the Krikkit robot. The robot raised his
club.
``There's nothing I can do,'' said Marvin. ``It's on an
independent circuit from the others.''
``Wait,'' said Trillian.
The Elder made a small motion. The robot halted.
Trillian suddenly seemed very doubtful of her own
judgment.
``How do you know all this?'' said Zaphod to Marvin at
this point.
``Computer records,'' said Marvin. ``I have access.''
``You're very different, aren't you,'' said Trillian to the "Vi ste drugačiji, zar ne", rekla je Trilijan Starcima, "od
Elder Masters, ``from your fellow worldlings down on vaše sabraće sa istog sveta dole, na planeti? Čitave
the ground. You've spent all your lives up here, živote provodite ovde, nezaštićeni atmosferom. Ranjivi
Poslednjih pet godina posvetili su njenoj izgradnji.
Misle da su je dobro sklopili, ali nisu. Glupavi su kao i
svi ostali organski oblici života. Mrzim ih."
Trilijan je nastavila.
Zaphod je pokušao da odvuče krikitskog robota za nogu,
ali ovaj se ritnuo i zarežao na njega, a onda briznuo u
novi nalet ridanja. Onda se iznenada preturio i nastavio
da izražava osećanja na podu, tamo gde nije bio na
smetnji.
Trilijan je stajala na sredini odaje, umorna, ali blistavih
očiju.
Poređani pred njom, bledi i naborani, bili su Starci
Krikita, nepomični iza svog prostranog, zakrivljenog
komandnog stola; gledali su je sa bespomoćnim strahom
i mržnjom.
Ispred njih, na istom rastojanju od komandnog stola i
središta odaje gde je stajala Trilijan kao da je na
suđenju, nalazio se vitki, beli stub visok oko četiri stope.
Na njegovom vrhu stajala je mala, bela lopta od tri,
možda četiri inča u prečniku.
Pored stuba počivao je krikitski robot sa svojom
višenamenskom palicom.
"U stvari, toliko ste neopisivo glupi..." (znojila se.
Zaphod pomisli kako je neprivlačno od nje što u tom
trenutku radi tako nešto). "Svi ste toliko neopisivo glupi,
da sumnjam, zaista sumnjam, da ste uspeli da napravite
bombu kako valja bez Haktarove pomoći tokom
poslednjih pet godina."
"Ko je taj tip Haktar"?" upitao je Zaphod i isturio
ramena.
Ako je Marvin i odgovorio, Zaphod ga nije čuo. Sva
njegova pažnja bila je usredsređena na ekran.
Jedan od Staraca Krikita načinio je mali pokret rukom u
pravcu robota. Robot podiže palicu.
"Niša ne mogu da učinim", rekao je Marvin, "on je na
kolu koje je odvojeno od ostalih."
"Čekaj", rekla je Trilijan.
Starac načini maleni pokret. Robot zastade. Trilijan je
odjednom izgledala veoma nesigurna u proceni
situacije.
"Otkud ti znaš sve to?" upitao je Zaphod Marvina u tom
trenutku.
"Kompjuterske memorije", rekao je Marvin. "Imam
pristup."
unprotected by the atmosphere. You've been very ste. Ostatak vaše rase je preplašen, znate, oni ne žele sve
vulnerable. The rest of your race is very frightened, you ovo. Izgubili ste vezu sa pravim stanjem stvari, zašto ne
know, they don't want you to do this. You're out of touch, proverite to?"
why don't you check up?''
The Krikkit Elder grew impatient. He made a gesture to Krikitski Starac postajao je sve nestrpljiviji. Napravio je
the robot which was precisely the opposite of the gesture
pokret prema robotu koji je predstavljao potpunu
he had last made to it. suprotnost malopređašnjem.
The robot swung its battleclub. It hit the small white Robot je zamahnuo borbenom palicom koja je pogodila
globe. malenu, belu loptu.
The small white globe was the supernova bomb. Malena, bela lopta predstavljala je bombu supernova.
It was a very, very small bomb which was designed to Bila je to veoma, veoma mala bomba koja je bila
bring the entire Universe to an end. izmišljena da bi učinila kraj čitavoj Vaseljeni.
The supernova bomb flew through the air. It hit the back
Bomba supernova poletela je kroz vazduh. Pogodila je
wall of the council chamber and dented it very badly. stražnji zid dvorane za savetovanja i napravila vrlo
gadnu rupu u njemu.
``So how does she know all this?'' said Zaphod. "Otkud ona zna sve to?" upitao je Zaphod.
Marvin kept a sullen silence. Marvin je mračno ćutao.
``Probably just bluffing,'' said Zaphod. ``Poor kid, I "Verovatno je samo blefirala", rekao je Zaphod. "Jadno
should never have left her alone.'' dete, nije trebalo da je ostavljam."

Chapter Thirty-two 32.

``Hactar!'' called Trillian. ``What are you up to?''
There was no reply from the enclosing darkness. Trillian
waited, nervously. She was sure that she couldn't be
wrong. She peered into the gloom from which she had
been expecting some kind of response. But there was
only cold silence.
``Hactar?'' she called again. ``I would like you to meet
my friend Arthur Dent. I wanted to go off with a Thunder
God, but he wouldn't let me and I appreciate that. He
made me realize where my affections really lay.
Unfortunately Zaphod is too frightened by all this, so I
brought Arthur instead. I'm not sure why I'm telling you
all this.
``Hello?'' she said again. ``Hactar?''
And then it came.
It was thin and feeble, like a voice carried on the wind
from a great distance, half heard, a memory of a dream of
a voice.
``Won't you both come out,'' said the voice. ``I promise
that you will be perfectly safe.''
They glanced at each other, and then stepped out,
improbably, along the shaft of light which streamed out
of the open hatchway of the Heart of Gold into the dim
granular darkness of the Dust Cloud.
Arthur tried to hold her hand to steady and reassure her,
but she wouldn't let him. He held on to his airline hold-
all with its tin of Greek olive oil, its towel, its crumpled
"Haktare!" viknula je Trilijan. "Šta to radiš?"
Iz tame koja ih je okruživala nije bilo odgovora. Trilijan
je nervozno čekala. Bila je sigurna da nije pogrešila.
Gledala je u crnilo iz koga je očekivala da dopre neka
vrsta odgovora. Ali nije bilo ničega izuzev hladne tišine.
"Haktare?" ponovo je viknula. "Volela bih da se upoznaš
sa mojim prijateljem Arturom Dentom. Želela sam da
odem sa Bogom Groma, ali mi on nije dao i ja sam mu
zahvalna na tome. Naučio me je gde se nalaze moje
prave želje. Na nesreću, Zaphoda je sve ovo isuviše
uplašilo, pa sam zato umesto njega dovela Artura. Ne
znam zbog čega ti ovo govorim.
Hej", kazala je ponovo, "Haktare?"
A onda je došao.
Bio je tanak i dalek, poput glasa koji donosi vetar sa
velikog rastojanja i koji se samo napola čuje - sećanje ili
san o glasu.
"Dođite oboje", rekao je glas. "Obećavam vam da ćete
biti savršeno bezbedni."
Izmenjali su pogled, a onda su pošli - krajnje
neverovatno - duž stuba svetlosti koji se probijao iz
otvorenog ulaza 'Zlatnog srca' u mutnu, zrnastu tamu
Oblaka Prašine.
Artur pokuša da je uzme za ruku kako bi je hrabrio i
umirivao, ali mu ona to nije dozvolila. Preostalo mu je
da umesto toga drži svoju avionsku torbu sa limenkom
postcards of Santorini and its other odds and ends. He grčkog maslinovog ulja, peškirom, izgužvanim
steadied and reassured that instead. razglednicama Santorinija i ostalim stvarima. Hrabrio je
i umirivao njih.
They were standing on, and in, nothing. Stajali su ni na čemu, usred ničega.
Murky, dusty nothing. Each grain of dust of the Bilo je to mračno, prašnjavo ništa. Svaka čestica prašine
pulverized computer sparkled dimly as it turned and raznesenog kompjutera nejasno je svetlucala dok se
twisted slowly, catching the sunlight in the darkness. lagano okretala, lelujala i dopuštala da je sunce dodiruje
Each particle of the computer, each speck of dust, held u tami. Svaka čestica kompjutera, svako zrno prašine
within itself, faintly and weakly, the pattern of the whole. sadržalo je u sebi, slabašno i nejasno, lik celine. Kada su
In reducing the computer to dust the Silastic Armorfiends pretvorili kompjuter u prašinu, Silastični Zloklopnici
of Striterax had merely crippled the computer, not killed Striteraksa nisu ubili kompjuter, samo su ga osakatili.
it. A weak and insubstantial field held the particles in Slabašno i nenametljivo polje držalo je čestice blago
slight relationships with each other. povezane između sebe.
Arthur and Trillian stood, or rather floated, in the middle Artur i Trilijan stajali su, ili, tačnije, lebdeli, usred tog
of this bizarre entity. They had nothing to breathe, but for bizarnog bića. Nisu imali šta da udišu, ali to trenutno,
the moment this seemed not to matter. Hactar kept his izgleda, nije bilo važno. Haktar je održao obećanje. Bili
promise. They were safe. For the moment. su bezbedni. Trenutno.
``I have nothing to offer you by way of hospitality,'' said "Nemam šta da vam ponudim u znak gostoljubivosti",
Hactar faintly, ``but tricks of the light. It is possible to be rekao je Haktar tiho, "izuzev svetlosnih varki. Ali
comfortable with tricks of the light, though, if that is all moguće je stvoriti udobnost pomoću svetlosnih varki,
you have.'' ukoliko je to sve čime raspolažete."
His voice evanesced, and in the dark dust a long velvet Njegov glas istopi se u ništavilo, a u tami dugačka,
paisley-covered sofa coalesced into hazy shape. plišana sofa na cvetiće poče da stiče magličasti oblik.
Arthur could hardly bear the fact that it was the same Artura je strašno pogodilo saznanje da je to bila ista sofa
sofa which had appeared to him in the fields of koja se pojavila pred njime na poljani preistorijske
prehistoric Earth. He wanted to shout and shake with Zemlje. Poželelo je da urla i gnevno skoči na Vaseljenu
rage that the Universe kept doing these insanely koja mu je neprestano činila te ludačke, zbunjujuće
bewildering things to him. stvari.
He let this feeling subside, and then sat on the sofa --- Osetio je kako se to osećanje povlači, a potom je seo na
carefully. Trillian sat on it too. sofu - pažljivo. I Trilijan je sela.
It was real. Bila je stvarna.
At least, if it wasn't real, it did support them, and as that To jest, ako i nije bila stvarna, držala ih je na sebi, a
is what sofas are supposed to do, this, by any test that pošto je to stvar koju bi sofe trebalo da rade, po bilo
mattered, was a real sofa. kom važećem merilu, bila je to stvarna sofa.
The voice on the solar wind breathed to them again. Glas nošen sunčevim vetrom ponovo im se obratio,
poput uzdaha.
``I hope you are comfortable,'' it said. "Nadam se da vam je udobno", rekao je.
They nodded. Klimnuli su.
``And I would like to congratulate you on the accuracy of "I ja želim da vam čestitam na tačnosti zaključivanja."
your deductions.''
Arthur quickly pointed out that he hadn't deduced Artur je brzo istako da on sam nije baš mnogo zaključio,
anything much himself, Trillian was the one. She had već je to učinila Trilijan. Ona ga je, naprosto, pozvala sa
simply asked him along because he was interested in life, sobom jer su ga zanimali život, Vaseljena i sve ostalo.
the Universe, and everything.
``That is something in which I too am interested,'' "To i mene zanima", dahnuo je Haktar.
breathed Hactar.
``Well,'' said Arthur, ``we should have a chat about it "Pa", rekao je Artur, "zašto ne bismo malo popričali o
sometime. Over a cup of tea.'' tome. Uz šolju čaja."
There slowly materialized in front of them a small Pred njim se lagano materijalizovao mali, drveni sto na
wooden table on which sat a silver teapot, a bone china
milk jug, a bone china sugar bowl, and two bone china
cups and saucers.
Arthur reached forward, but they were just a trick of the
light. He leaned back on the sofa, which was an illusion
his body was prepared to accept as comfortable.
``Why,'' said Trillian, ``do you feel you have to destroy
the Universe?''
She found it a little difficult talking into nothingness,
with nothing on which to focus. Hactar obviously noticed
this. He chuckled a ghostly chuckle.
``If it's going to be that sort of session,'' he said, ``we
may as well have the right sort of setting.''
And now there materialized in front of them something
new. It was the dim hazy image of a couch --- a
psychiatrist's couch. The leather with which it was
upholstered was shiny and sumptuous, but again, it was
only a trick of the light.
Around them, to complete the setting, was the hazy
suggestion of wood-panelled walls. And then, on the
couch, appeared the image of Hactar himself, and it was
an eye-twisting image.
The couch looked normal size for a psychiatrist's couch
--- about five or six feet long.
The computer looked normal size for a black space-borne
computer satellite --- about a thousand miles across.
The illusion that the one was sitting on top of the other
was the thing which made the eyes twist.
``All right,'' said Trillian firmly. She stood up off the
sofa. She felt that she was being asked to feel too
comfortable and to accept too many illusions.
``Very good,'' she said. ``Can you construct real things
too? I mean solid objects?''
Again there was a pause before the answer, as if the
pulverized mind of Hactar had to collect its thoughts
from the millions and millions of miles over which it was
scattered.
``Ah,'' he sighed. ``You are thinking of the spaceship.''
Thoughts seemed to drift by them and through them, like
waves through the ether.
``Yes,'' he acknowledge, ``I can. ``But it takes enormous
effort and time. All I can do in my ... particle state, you
see, is encourage and suggest. Encourage and suggest.
And suggest ...''
The image of Hactar on the couch seemed to billow and
waver, as if finding it hard to maintain itself.
It gathered new strength.
kome se nalazio srebrni čajnik, bokal od kineskog
porculana pun mleka, porcelanska zdela sa šećerom i
dve šolje od kineskog porcelana sa tacnama.
Artur se nagao prema njima, ali bila je to samo
svetlosna varka. Ponovo se zavalio u sofu, koja je
predstavljala opsenu koju je njegovo telo bilo spremno
da prihvati kao udobnu.
"Zbog čega", upitala je Trilijan, "smatraš da treba da
uništiš Vaseljenu?"
Otkrila je da je pomalo teško govoriti u ništavilo, bez
ičega na šta bi se mogla usredsrediti. Haktar je to
očigledno primetio. Sablasno se zakikotao.
"Ako će to da bude jedan od takvih razgovora", rekao je,
"mogli bismo da pripremimo i odgovarajuću okolinu."
A onda se pred njima materijalizovalo nešto novo. Bila
je to nejasna, maglovita slika ležaja - psihijatarskog
ležaja. Koža kojom je bio postavljen bila je glatka i
svetlucava, ali to je ponovo bila svetlosna varka.
Oko njih, da bi upotpunila utisak, nalazila se magličasta
opsena zidova obloženih drvenim pločama. A potom se
na ležaju pojavila slika samog Haktara, izgledajući
sumanuto vrtoglava.
Ležaj je bio normalne veličine za kauč jednog psihijatra
- dugačak pet ili šest stopa.
Kompjuter je bio normalne veličine za jedan crni
kompjuterski satelit, načinjen u svemiru i dugačak oko
hiljadu milja.
Opsena da se jedno nalazi povrh drugog izazivala je
pomenutu vrtoglavicu.
"Dobro", rekla je Trilijan čvrsto. Ustala je sa sofe.
Osećala je da se od nje tražilo da prihvati previše
opsena.
"Vrlo dobro", kazala je. "Umeš li da načiniš i prave
stvari? Mislim, stvarne predmete?"
Ponovo je pre odgovora došlo do pauze, kao da rasuti
Haktarov um mora da sabere misli iz miliona i milona
milja širom kojih su bile rasute.
"Ah", uzdahnuo je. "Misliš na svemirski brod?"
Činilo se da mu misli lutaju oko njih i kroz njih, poput
talasa u eteru.
"Da", potvrdio je, "mogu. Ali neophodni su ogroman
napor i vreme. Sve što mogu da učinim u ovom stanju...
rasutih čestica... vidite, jeste da ohrabrujem i navodim.
Ohrabrujem i navodim. I navodim..."
Haktarov lik na ležaju počeo je da se talasa i treperi, kao
da mu je teško da se održava.
Prikupio je snagu.
``I can encourage and suggest,'' it said, ``tiny pieces of
space debris --- the odd minute meteor, a few molecules
here, a few hydrogen atoms there --- to move together. I
encourage them together. I can tease them into shape, but
it takes many aeons.''
``So, did you make,'' asked Trillian again, ``the model of
the wrecked spacecraft?''
``Er ... yes,'' murmured Hactar. ``I have made ... a few
things. I can move them about. I made the spacecraft. It
seemed best to do.''
Something then made Arthur pick up his hold-all from
where he had left it on the sofa and grasp it tightly.
The mist of Hactar's ancient shattered mind swirled about
them as if uneasy dreams were moving through it.
``I repented, you see,'' he murmured dolefully. ``I
repented of sabotaging my own design for the Silastic
Armorfiends. It was not my place to make such
decisions. I was created to fulfill a function and I failed
in it. I negated my own existence.''
Hactar sighed, and they waited in silence for him to
continue his story.
``You were right,'' he said at length. ``I deliberately
nurtured the planet of Krikkit till they would arrive at the
same state of mind as the Silastic Armorfiends, and
require of me the design of the bomb I failed to make the
first time. I wrapped myself around the planet and
coddled it. Under the influence of events I was able to
generate, they learned to hate like maniacs. I had to make
them live in the sky. On the ground my influences were
too weak.
``Without me, of course, when they were locked away
from me in the envelope of Slo-Time, their responses
became very confused and they were unable to manage.
``Ah well, ah well,'' he added, ``I was only trying to
fulfill my function.''
And very gradually, very, very slowly, the images in the
cloud began to fade, gently to melt away.
And then, suddenly, they stopped fading.
``There was also the matter of revenge, of course,'' said
Hactar, with a sharpness which was new in his voice.
``Remember,'' he said, ``that I was pulverized, and then
left in a crippled and semi-impotent state for billions of
years. I honestly would rather wipe out the Universe. You
would feel the same way, believe me.''
He paused again, as eddies swept through the Dust.
"Mogu da ohrabrujem i navodim", rekao je, "sićušne
komade svemirskih otpadaka - usamljeni, zalutali
meteor ovde, par molekula tamo, nekoliko molekula
vodonika onamo - da se pridružuju jedni drugima.
Navodim ih da budu zajedno. Mogu ih naterati u željeni
oblik, ali za to su potrebni mnogi eoni."
"Onda, jesi li ti načinio", ponovo je upitala Trilijan,
"model oštećenog broda?"
"Ovaj...da", promrljao je Haktar. "Načinio sam...
nekoliko stvari. Mogu da ih pokrećem. Ja sam načinio
svemirski brod. Tako mi se činilo najbolje."
Nešto u tom trenutku nateralo je Artura da podigne
putnu torbu sa mesta na sofi gde ju je ostavio i da je
prigrli.
Magle Haktarovog drevnog uma kovitlale su se oko njih
poput nemirnih snova.
"Pokajao sam se, razumete", tmurno je promrljao.
"Pokajao sam se zbog sabotiranja sopstvene tvorevine
za Silastičke Zloklopnike. Nije bilo do mene da
donosim takve odluke. Stvoren sam da bih ispunio
nekakvu svrhu i nisam uspeo. Porekao sam sopstveno
postojanje."
Haktar je uzdahnuo, a oni su u tišini čekali da nastavi
svoju priču.
"Bili ste u pravu", rekao je posle dosta vremena.
"Namerno sam uticao na planetu Krikit, sve dok njeni
žitelji nisu došli u isto stanje duha kao Silastični
Zloklopnici i stali da zahtevaju od mene da napravim
bombu koju nisam načinio prvi put. Omotao sam se oko
planete i pažljivo je čuvao. Pod uticajem događaja koje
sam sam stvarao, a i te uticaje sam lično izazvao, naučili
su da mrze poput ludaka. Morao sam da ih nateram da
žive na nebu. Na tlu je moj uticaj bio suviše slab.
Bez mene, razume se, kada su se našli zaključani u
omotaču Spo-vremena, njihove sposobnosti postale su
suviše slabe i nisu uspeli da obave posao.
Ah, dobro, ah, dobro," dodao je. "Samo sam pokušavao
da ispunim svoju svrhu."
I postepeno, vrlo, vrlo lagano, slike u oblaku počeše da
blede, da se blago tope.
Onda su iznenada prestale da blede.
"Razume se, posredi je bila osveta", rekao je Haktar, sa
novom oštrinom u glasu.
"Sećate se", nastavio je, "da sam bio pretvoren u prah, a
potom ostavljen u tom osakaćenom i polunemoćnom
stanju milijardama godina. Iskreno, mnogo bih više
voleo da umesto toga zbrišem čitavu Vaseljenu. I vi
biste se tako osećali, verujte mi."
Ponovo je zastao, dok su se kovitlaci kretali prašinom.
``But primarily,'' he said in his former, wistful tone, ``I "Ali, pre svega", rekao je čežnjivim glasom koji je
was trying to fulfill my function. Ah well.'' zvučao kao ranije, "pokušavao sam da ispunim svoju
svrhu. Ah, dobro."
Trillian said, ``Does it worry you that you have failed?'' Trilijan reče: "Brine li te to što nisi uspeo?"
``Have I failed?'' whispered Hactar. The image of the "Zar nisam uspeo?" prošaptao je Haktar. Slika
computer on the psychiatrist's couch began slowly to kompjutera na psihijatrijskom ležaju ponovo je počela
fade again. da bledi.
``Ah well, ah well,'' the fading voice intoned again. ``No, "Ah dobro, ah, dobro", začuo se ponovo glas koji je
failure doesn't bother me now.'' nestajao, "ne, neuspeh me više ne brine."
``You know what we have to do?'' said Trillian, her voice "Znaš šta sada moramo da učinimo?" rekla je Trilijan,
cold and businesslike. hladnim i poslovnim glasom.
``Yes,'' said Hactar, ``you're going to disperse me. You "Da", rekao je Haktar, "rasućete me. Uništićete moju
are going to destroy my consciousness. Please be my svest. Slobodno to učinite - posle svih tih eona, jedino o
guest --- after all these aeons, oblivion is all I crave. If I čemu maštam jeste zaborav. Ukoliko do sada nisam
haven't already fulfilled my function, then it's too late uspeo da ispunim svoju svrhu, onda je postalo prekasno
now. Thank you and good night.'' za to. Hvala vam i laku noć."
The sofa vanished. Sofa je nestala.
The tea table vanished. Stočić za čaj je nestao.
The couch and the computer vanished. the walls were Ležaj i kompjuter su nestali. Zidova više nije bilo. Artur
gone. Arthur and Trillian made their curious way back i Trilijan vratili su se na isti neobičan način na 'Zlatno
into the Heart of Gold. srce' kao što su i prispeli sa njega.
``Well, that,'' said Arthur, ``would appear to be that.'' "Pa, dakle", rekao je Artur, "to je, izgleda, to."
The flames danced higher in front of him and then Plamenovi jače zaplesaše pred njima i onda nestadoše.
subsided. A few last licks and they were gone, leaving Još samo nekoliko poslednjih plamsaja i nije ih više
him with just a pile of Ashes, where a few minutes bilo, ostala je samo hrpa Pepela, tamo gde je pre
previously there had been the Wooden Pillar of Nature nekoliko minuta bio Drveni stub prirode i duhovnosti.
and Spirituality.
He scooped them off the hob of the Heart of Gold's Pokupio ga je sa ploče gama-roštilja 'Zlatnog srca', sipao
Gamma barbecue, put them in a paper bag, and walked ga u papirnatu kesu i vratio se na most.
back into the bridge.
``I think we should take them back,'' he said. ``I feel that "Osećam da treba da ga vratim", rekao je. "Osećam to
very strongly.'' svim srcem."
He had already had an argument with Slartibartfast on Već se svađao sa Slartibartfastom povodom toga i starac
this matter, and eventually the old man had got annoyed se konačno naljutio i otišao. Vratio se na sopstveni brod,
and left. he had returned to his own ship the Bistromath, 'Bistromat', počeo gnevno da se raspravlja sa kelnerom i
had a furious row with the waiter and disappeared off iščezao u potpuno subjektivnoj ideji o tome šta je
into an entirely subjective idea of what space was. svemir.
The argument had arisen because Arthur's idea of Do rasprave je došlo zbog Arturove namere da vrati
returning the Ashes to Lord's Cricket Ground at the same Pepeo na Gospodarsko igralište kriketa u istom trenutku
moment that they were originally taken would involve u kome je prvobitno uzet, što je zahtevalo povratak u
travelling back in time a day or so, and this was precisely vreme za približno jedan dan, a to je bila tačno ona vrsta
the sort of gratuitous and irresponsible mucking about bezrazložnog i neodgovornog zavitlavanja sa vremenom
that the Campaign for Real Time was trying to put a stop koje je kampanja za realno vreme pokušala da osujeti.
to.
``Yes,'' Arthur had said, ``but you try and explain that to "Da", rekao je tada Artur, "ali pokušajte to da objasnite
the MCC,'' and he would hear no more against the idea. Marilebonskom kriket klubu", i više nije želeo ni da
razgovara o tome.
``I think,'' he said again, and stopped. The reason he "Osećam", ponovio je sada i zastao. Razlog zbog koga
started to say it again was because no one had listened to je počeo da izgovara rečenicu iz početka bio je taj što ga
him the first time, and the reason he stopped was because
it looked fairly clear that no one was going to listen to
him this time either.
Ford, Zaphod and Trillian were watching the visiscreens
intently as Hactar was dispersing under pressure from a
vibration field which the Heart of Gold was pumping into
it.
``What did it say?'' asked Ford.
``I thought I heard it say,'' said Trillian in a puzzle voice,
```What's done is done ... I have fulfilled my function ...'''
``I think we should take these back,'' said Arthur holding "Mislim da treba da vratimo ovo nazad", rekao je Artur i
up the bag containing the Ashes. ``I feel that very podigao kesu u kojoj se nalazio Pepeo. Osećam to svom
strongly.''
Chapter Thirty-three
The sun was shining calmly on a scene of complete
havoc.
Smoke was still billowing across the burnt grass in the
wake of the theft of the Ashes by the Krikkit robots.
Through the smoke, people were running panicstricken,
colliding with each other, tripping over stretchers, being
arrested.
One policeman was attempting to arrest Wowbagger the
Infinitely Prolonged for insulting behaviour, but was
unable to prevent the tall grey-green alien from returning
to his ship and arrogantly flying away, thus causing even
more panic and pandemonium.
In the middle of this, for the second time that afternoon,
the figures of Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect suddenly
materialized, they had teleported down out of the Heart
of Gold which was now in parking orbit round the planet.
``I can explain,'' shouted Arthur. ``I have the Ashes!
They're in this bag.''
``I don't think you have their attention,'' said Ford.
``I have also helped save the Universe,'' called Arthur to
anyone who was prepared to listen, in other words no
one.
``That should have been a crowd-stopper,'' said Arthur to
Ford.
``It wasn't,'' said Ford.
Arthur accosted a policeman who was running past.
``Excuse me,'' he said. ``The Ashes. I've got them. They
were stolen by those white robots a moment ago. I've got
them in this bag. They were part of the Key to the Slo-
Time envelope, you see, and, well, anyway you can guess
prvi put niko nije slušao, a razlog zbog koga je prestao
bio je taj što se činilo prilično očigledno da ga niko neće
slušati ni ovaj put.
Ford, Zaphod i Trilijan posmatrali su viziekran sa
napetom pažnjom. Haktar je nestajao pod pritiskom
vibracionog polja koje je 'Zlatno srce' ubacivalo u njega.
"Šta je rekla ta stvar?" upitao je Ford.
"Učinilo mi se da čujem kako govori", rekla je Trilijan
zbunjenim glasom, "'Što je učinjeno, učinjeno je...
Dovršio sam svoj zadatak...'"
snagom."
33.
Sunce je blago obasjavalo prizor potpunog haosa.
Dim se i dalje kovitlao iznad spaljene trave neposredno
posle krađe Pepela koju su izveli krikitski roboti. Kroz
dim, ljudi su panično trčali, sudarali se jedni sa drugima,
nosili su ih na nosilima, hapsili.
Jedan policajac pokušavao je da uhapsi Vovbagera
Beskonačno Produženog zbog uvredljivog ponašanja, ali
nije mogao da spreči visokog, zelenog vanzemaljca da
se vrati na svoj brod i osiono odleti, izazvavši na taj
način još veću paniku i vrisku.
Usred svega iznenada su se, po drugi put tog
popodneva, materijalizovale prilike Artura Denta i
Forda Prefekta, koji su se teleportirali sa 'Zlatnog srca',
smeštenog trenutno na parkiranoj orbiti oko planete.
"Mogu sve da objasnim", vikao je Artur. "Imam Pepeo!
Nalazi se u ovoj kesi."
"Ne čini mi se da si uspeo da im privučeš pažnju", kazao
je Ford.
"Osim toga, pomogao sam da se spase Vaseljena", vikao
je Artur svima onima koji su bili spremni da slušaju,
drugim rečima - nikome.
"To je trebalo da iz mesta zaustavi gomilu", rekao je
Artur Fordu.
"Nije uspelo", odvratio je Ford.
Artur se obratio policajcu koji je trčao pored njega.
"Izvinite", rekao je, "Pepeo. Imam ga. Pre par trenutaka
ukrali su ga oni beli roboti. Doneo sam ga u ovoj kesi.
Bio je deo Ključa omotača Spo-vremena, razumete, i,
ovaj, uostalom, i sami shvatate ostalo, stvar je u tome da
the rest, the point is I've got them and what should I do
with them?''
The policeman told him, but Arthur could only assume
that he was speaking metaphorically.
He wandered about disconsolately.
``Is no one interested?'' he shouted out. A man rushed
past him and jogged his elbow, he dropped the paper bag
and it spilt its contents all over the ground. Arthur stared
down at it with a tight-set mouth.
Ford looked at him.
``Wanna go now?'' he said.
Arthur heaved a heavy sigh. He looked around at the
planet Earth, for what he was now certain would be the
last time.
``OK,'' he said.
At that moment, through the clearing smoke, he caught
sight of one of the wickets, still standing in spite of
everything.
``Hold on a moment,'' he said to Ford. ``When I was a
boy ...''
``Can you tell me later?''
``I had a passion for cricket, you know, but I wasn't very
good at it.''
``Or not at all, if you prefer.''
``And I always dreamed, rather stupidly, that one day I
would bowl at Lord's.''
He looked around him at the panicstricken throng. No
one was going to mind very much.
``OK,'' said Ford wearily. ``Get it over with. I shall be
over there,'' he added, ``being bored.'' He went and sat
down on a patch of smoking grass.
Arthur remembered that on their first visit there that
afternoon, the cricket ball had actually landed in his bag,
and he looked through the bag.
He had already found the ball in it before he remembered
that it wasn't the same bag that he'd had at the time. Still,
there the ball was amongst his souvenirs of Greece.
He took it out and polished it against his hip, spat on it
and polished it again. He put the bag down. He was
going to do this properly.
He tossed the small hard red ball from hand to hand,
feeling its weight. With a wonderful feeling of lightness
and unconcern, he trotted off away from the wicket. A
medium-fast pace, he decided, and measured a good long
run-up.
He looked up into the sky. The birds were wheeling
about it, a few white clouds scudded across it. The air
was disturbed with the sounds of police and ambulance
sirens, and people screaming and yelling, but he felt
ga imam i šta sada da radim sa njime?"
Policajac mu je rekao, ali Artur je jedino uspeo da
zaključi da se izražavao metaforički.
Očajno je stao da tumara po okolini.
"Zar nikoga ne zanima?" dreknuo je. Neki čovek
projurio je pored njega i zakačio mu lakat; papirna kesa
mu ispade i njen sadržaj prosu se po tlu. Artur je
stisnutih usana zurio u to.
Ford ga je pogledao.
"Ideš li sada?" upitao je.
Artur je duboko uzdahnuo. Obazro se po planeti Zemlji,
sada sasvim siguran da to čini poslednji put.
"U redu", rekao je.
U tom trenutku, kroz dim koji se razilazio, primetio je
jedan od viketa, koji je, uprkos svemu, još stajao.
"Čekaj trenutak", rekao je Fordu, "kada sam bio mali..."
"Zar ne možeš to da mi ispričaš kasnije?"
"Obožavao sam kriket, znaš, ali nikada nisam umeo da
ga igram naročito dobro.
Ili baš nikako, ako ti se to više dopada."
A uvek sam sanjao, baš glupavo, da ću jednog dana
moći da zaigram na Gospodarskom."
Obazro se po uspaničenoj vrevi. Nikome to neće mnogo
smetati.
"U redu", rekao je Ford umorno, "dovrši to. Ja ću biti
tamo preko", dodao je, "i dosađivaću se."
Artur se setio da je prilikom njegove prve posete ovom
mestu tog popodneva lopta za kriket, zapravo, uletela u
njegovu torbu, te ju je stoga potražio u torbi.
Već je našao loptu kada se setio da to nije ista torba koju
je imao u to vreme. Ipak, lopta se nalazila u njoj, među
suvenirima iz Grčke.
Izvadio ju je i protrljao o bedro, pljucnuo na nju i
ponovo je protrljao. Spustio je torbu. Uradiće to kako
valja.
Prebacio je malu, crvenu loptu iz ruke u ruku, da oseti
njenu težinu. Uz divan osećaj lakoće i neobaveznosti,
udaljio se od viketa. Potrčaće srednjom brzinom,
odlučio je, i silovito hitnuti iz zgloba.
Podigao je pogled prema nebu. Ptice su se premetale po
njemu, par belih oblaka klizilo je preko svoda. Vazduh
su parali zvuci sirena policijskih i ambulantnih kola,
vrištanje i zapomaganje ljudi, ali se on na neobičan
curiously happy and untouched by it all. He was going to
bowl a ball at Lord's.
He turned and pawed a couple of times at the ground
with his bedroom slippers. He squared his shoulders,
tossed the ball in the air and caught it again.
He started to run.
As he ran, he saw that standing at the wicket was a
batsman. Oh, good, he thought, that should add a little ...
Then, as his running feet took him nearer, he saw more
clearly. The batsman standing ready at the wicket was not
one of the England cricket team. He was not one of the
Australian cricket team. It was one of the robot Krikkit
team. It was a cold, hard, lethal white killer-robot that
presumably had not returned to its ship with the others.
Quite a few thoughts collided in Arthur Dent's mind at tis
moment, but he didn't seem to be able to stop running.
Time seemed to be going terribly, terribly slowly, but still
he didn't seem to be able to stop running.
Moving as if through syrup, he slowly turned his
troubled head and looked at his own hand, the hand
which was holding the small hard red ball.
His feet were pounding slowly onwards, unstoppably, as
he stared at the ball gripped in his helpless hand. It was
emitting a deep red glow and flashing intermittently. And
still his feet were pounding inexorably forward.
He looked at the Krikkit robot again standing implacably
still and purposefully in front of him, battleclub raised in
readiness. Its eyes were burning with a deep cold
fascinating light, and Arthur could not move his own
eyes from them. He seemed to be looking down a tunnel
at them --- nothing on either side seemed to exist.
Some of the thoughts which were colliding in his mind at
this time were these:
He felt a hell of a fool.
He felt that he should have listened rather more carefully
to a number of things he had heard said, phrases which
now pounded round in his mind as his feet pounded
onwards to the point where he would inevitably release
the ball to the Krikkit robot, who would inevitably strike
it.
He remembered Hactar saying, ``Have I failed? Failure
doesn't bother me.''
He remembered the account of Hactar's dying words,
``What's done is done, I have fulfilled my function.''
He remembered Hactar saying that he had managed to
make ``a few things.''
He remembered the sudden movement in his hold-all that
način osećao srećan i nedirnut svim tim. Igraće kriket na
Gospodarskom.
Okrenuo se, nekoliko puta oprobao je tle svojim kućnim
papučama. Ispravio se, bacio loptu u vazduh i ponovo je
uhvatio.
Potrčao je.
Dok je trčao, iznenada je video da pored viketa stoji
udarač.
A onda, kada su ga njegove noge koje su trčale prinele
bliže, video je jasnije. Udarač koji je spremno stajao
pored viketa nije pripadao engleskom kriket-timu. Nije
pripadao ni australijskom kriket-timu. Bio je to jedan od
robota iz krikitskog tima. Bio je to hladni, ukočeni,
smrtonosni, beli robot-ubica koji se verovatno nije
vratio na brod sa ostalima.
Svega nekoliko misli sudaralo se po Arturovom umu u
tom trenutku, ali on kao da nije mogao da se zaustavi.
Iznenada mu se učini da vreme protiče užasno, užasno
polako, ali kao da i dalje nije mogao da se zaustavi.
Dok se kretao kao kroz sirup, lagano je pokrenuo
uznemirenu glavu i spustio pogled na ruku koja je držala
malenu, crvenu loptu.
Noge su mu lagano grabile napred, nezaustavljivo, dok
je zurio u loptu koju je stiskala njegova bespomoćna
ruka. Ispuštala je duboko, crveno svetlucanje i tu i tamo
bi blesnula. A noge su ga i dalje neodoljivo vukle
napred.
Gledao je krikitskog robota koji je stajao ispred njega,
neumoljiv i usredsređen, spremno podignute borbene
palice. Oči su mu blistale dubokom, hladnom,
hipnotičkom svetlošću i Artur nije mogao da odvoji oči
od njih. Kao da je gledao kroz tunel u njih - činilo se da
unaokolo ne postoji ništa drugo.
Neke od misli koje su mu se sudarale po glavi bili su
ovakve:
Osećao se kao đavolska budala.
Osećao je da je trebalo mnogo pažljivije da sluša brojne
stvari koje je čuo, rečenice koje su grabile mimo
njegovog uma kao što su njegove noge grabile prema
tački na kojoj će, neizbežno, osloboditi lopticu i baciti je
prema krikitskom robotu, koji će je neizbežno udariti.
Sećao se kada je Haktar rekao: "Zar nisam uspeo?
Neuspeh me više ne brine."
Sećao se Haktarovih reči na samrti: "Šta je učinjeno,
učinjeno je. Dovršio sam svoj zadatak."
Sećao se kako je Haktar rekao da je uspeo da načini
'nekoliko stvari'.
Setio se iznenadnog pokreta unutar putne torbe, koji ga
had made him grip it tightly to himself when he was in
the Dust Cloud.
He remembered that he had travelled back in time a
couple of days to come to Lord's again.
He also remembered that he wasn't a very good bowler.
He felt his arm coming round, gripping tightly on to the
ball which he now knew for certain was the supernova
bomb that Hactar had built himself and planted on him,
the bomb which would cause the Universe to come to an
abrupt and premature end.
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then
he realized there was a contradiction involved here and
merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
He would feel very, very embarrassed meeting
everybody.
He hoped, he hoped, he hoped that his bowling was as
bad as he remembered it to be, because that seemed to be
the only thing now standing between this moment and
universal oblivion.
He felt his legs pounding, he felt his arm coming round,
he felt his feet connecting with the airline hold-all he'd
stupidly left lying on the ground in front of him, he felt
himself falling heavily forward but, having his mind so
terribly full of other things at this moment, he completely
forgot about hitting the ground and didn't.
Still holding the ball firmly in his right hand he soared up
into the air whimpering with surprise.
He wheeled and whirled through the air, spinning out of
control.
He twisted down towards the ground, flinging himself
hectically through the air, at the same time hurling the
bomb harmlessly off into the distance.
He hurtled towards the astounded robot from behind. It
still had its multi-functional battleclub raised, but had
suddenly been deprived of anything to hit.
With a sudden mad access of strength, he wrestled the
battleclub from the grip of the startled robot, executed a
dazzling banking turn in the air, hurtled back down in a
furious power-drive and with one crazy swing knocked
the robot's head from the robot's shoulders.
``Are you coming now?'' said Ford.
Chapter Thirty-four
Life, the Universe and Everything Na kraju su opet putovali.
And at the end they travelled again. Bližilo se vreme kada Artur to više neće raditi.
There was a time when Arthur Dent would not. He said Rekao je da mu je bistromatički pogon otkrio da vreme i
je naterao da je prigrli kada je bio u Oblaku Prašine.
Setio se da se vratio nekoliko dana u prošlost da bi se
ponovo našao na Gospodarskom.
Takođe se sećao da nije bio Bog zna kakav bacač.
Osetio je kako mu ruka zamahuje, a u njoj se nalazila
čvrsto stegnuta loptica za koju je sada bio siguran da
predstavlja bombu supernova, koju je sam Haktar
načinio i podmetnuo mu je, bombu koja će izazvati
naglo i prerano okončanje Vaseljene.
Nadao se i molio da ne postoji život posle smrti. Onda je
shvatio da ulazi u protivrečje sa samim sobom, pa se
samo nadao da ne postoji život posle smrti.
Bilo bi ga strašno, strašno sramota da sretne bilo koga.
Nadao se, nadao i nadao da je njegovo bacanje bilo
onako loše kakvim se sećao, jer činilo se da trenutno
samo to stoji između ovog trenutka i zaborava za čitavu
Vaseljenu.
Osetio je kako mu noge grabe napred, osetio je kako mu
ruka zamahuje, osetio je kako mu stopala naleću na
avionsku torbu koju je glupavo ostavio na tlu pred
sobom, osetio je kako pada preko nje, ali pošto mu je
um u tom trenutku bio tako užasno pun drugih stvari,
potpuno je zaboravio da pogodi tle, pa nije to ni učinio.
S loptom još čvrsto stegnutoj u ruci vinuo se u vazduh,
zacvilevši od iznenađenja.
Vrteo se i kovitlao kroz vazduh, sumanuto vitlao,
potpuno izgubivši kontrolu.
Sunovratio se prema tlu, grozničavo brišući vazduhom, i
istovremeno zavitlao bombu u daljinu, gde je bila
bezopasna.
Sručio se na zaprepašćenog robota sa leđa. Ovaj je još
držao višenamensku borbenu palicu u vazduhu, ali je
iznenada bio lišen svega što je mogao da udari.
U iznenadnom naletu snage, iščupao je borbenu palicu
iz stiska zapanjenog robota, izveo vrtoglavi, iskošeni
kolut u vazduhu, sjurio se ponovo dole u mahnitom,
silovitom poniranju i jednim suludim udarcem otkinuo
robotu glavu sa ramena.
"Ideš li sada?" upitao je Ford.
EPILOG: ŽIVOT, VASELJENA I SVE OSTALO
that the Bistromathic Drive had revealed to him that time
and distance were one, that mind and Universe were one,
that perception and reality were one, and that the more
one travelled the more one stayed in one place, and that
what with one thing and another he would rather just stay
put for a while and sort it all out in his mind, which was
now at one with the Universe so it shouldn't take too
long, and he could get a good rest afterwards, put in a
little flying practice and learn to cook which he had
always meant to do. The can of Greek olive oil was now
his most prized possession, and he said that the way it
had unexpectedly turned up in his life had again given
him a certain sense of the oneness of things which made
him feel that ...
He yawned and fell asleep.
In the morning as they prepared to take him to some
quiet and idyllic planet where they wouldn't mind him
talking like that they suddenly picked up a computer-
driven distress call and diverted to investigate.
A small but apparently undamaged spacecraft of the
Merida class seemed to be dancing a strange little jig
through the void. A brief computer scan revealed that the
ship was fine, its computer was fine, but that its pilot was
mad.
``Half-mad, half-mad,'' the man insisted as they carried
him, raving, aboard.
He was a journalist with the Siderial Daily Mentioner.
They sedated him and sent Marvin in to keep him
company until he promised to try and talk sense.
``I was covering a trial,'' he said at last, ``on
Argabuthon.''
He pushed himself up on to his thin wasted shoulders, his
eyes stared wildly. His white hair seemed to be waving at
someone it knew in the next room.
``Easy, easy,'' said Ford. Trillian put a soothing hand on
his shoulder.
The man sank back down again and stared at the ceiling
of the ship's sick bay.
``The case,'' he said, ``is now immaterial, but there was a
witness ... a witness ... a man called ... called Prak. A
strange and difficult man. They were eventually forced to
administer a drug to make him tell the truth, a truth
drug.''
His eyes rolled helplessly in his head.
``They gave him too much,'' he said in a tiny whimper.
``They gave him much too much.'' He started to cry. ``I
thing the robots must have jogged the surgeon's arm.''
``Robots?'' said Zaphod sharply. ``What robots?''
rastojanje predstavljaju jedno, da um i Vaseljena
predstavlju jedno, da su opažaji i stvarnost jedno i da što
neko više putuje, utoliko više ostaje na istom mestu i da
ako treba da bira između jednog i drugog, radije će se
skrasiti negde i složiti sve što mu je u umu, koji je sada
predstavljao jedinstvo sa Vaseljenom, tako da ne bi
trebalo da mu bude potrebno mnogo vremena za to, a
potom se može dobro odmoriti, malo vežbati letenje i
naučiti da kuva, što je uvek nameravao da učini.
Limenka grčkog maslinovog ulja sada je predstavljala
jednu od najdražih stvari koju je posedovao i on je
govorio da mu je način na koji se neočekivano ponovo
pojavila u njegovom životu pružio izvestan osećaj
jedinstva stvari, koji... koji je činio da se oseti...
Zevnuo je i zaspao.
Izjutra, dok su se pripremali da ga odvedu na neku tihu i
idiličnu planetu na kojoj nikome neće smetati kada tako
bude govorio, iznenada su uhvatili poziv za pomoć koji
je emitovao kompjuter, pa su skrenuli da bi utvrdili o
čemu je reč.
Mali, ali očigledno neoštećeni svemirski brod sa Meride
kao da je igrao čudnovati ples kroz prazninu. Kratko
kompjutersko skeniranje otkrilo im je da je brod u redu,
ali da je pilot lud.
"Polulud, polulud", bio je uporan čovek dok su ga, u
delirijumu, nosili na brod.
Bio je novinar dnevnog lista 'Dnevne beleške'. Dali su
mu sredstvo za umirenje i poslali Marvina da mu pravi
društvo, sve dok nije obećao da će se urazumiti.
"Prisustvovao sam suđenju", rekao je najzad, "na
Agrabutonu."
Podigao se na tanke i izmršavele laktove; njegove oči
divlje su se ogledale unaokolo. Bela kosa kao da mu je
mahala nekome koga je poznavala u susednoj sobi.
"Polako, polako", govorio je Ford. Trilijan je umirujuće
položila šaku na njegovo rame.
Čovek se ponovo spustio na ležaj i zagledao se u
tavanicu brodske ambulante.
"Sam slučaj", rekao je, "više nije bitan, ali postojao je
jedan svedok... svedok... po imenu... po imenu Prak.
Neobičan i težak čovek. Konačno su bili prisiljeni da
upotrebe drogu da bi ga naveli da govori istinu, serum
istine."
Oči su mu bespomočno kolutale u glavi.
"Dali su mu previše", rekao je uz tiho jecanje, "dali su
mu previše." Počeo je da plače. "Sigurno su roboti
pomerili lekarevu ruku dok je ubrizgavao drogu."
"Roboti?" upitao je Zaphod oštro. "Kakvi roboti?"
``Some white robots,'' whispered the man hoarsely, "Neki beli roboti", promuklo je prošaptao čovek, "upali
``broke into the courtroom and stole the judge's sceptre, su u sudnicu i ukrali sudijino žezlo, agrabutonsko žezlo
the Argabuthon Sceptre of Justice, nasty Perspex thing. I pravde, ogavnu plastičnu stvar. Ne znam zašto su je
don't know why they wanted it.'' He began to cry again. želeli" - ponovo je počeo da plače - "a i pomerili su
``And I think they jogged the surgeon's arm ...'' lekarevu ruku..."
He shook his head loosely from side to side, helplessly, Bespomoćno, tužno, vrteo je mlitavom glavom levo-
sadly, his eyes screwed up in pain. desno, očiju koje su bolno kolutale.
``And when the trial continued,'' he said in a weeping "A kada se suđenje nastavilo", rekao je plačljivim
whisper, ``they asked Prak a most unfortunate thing. šapatom, "zatražili su od Praka najnesrećniju stvar.
They asked him,'' he paused and shivered, ``to tell the Zatražili su" - zastao je i uzdrhtao - "da govori istinu,
Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth. Only, samo istinu i ništa osim istine. Samo to, zar ne
don't you see?'' shvatate?"
He suddenly hoisted himself up on to his elbows again Iznenada se ponovo podigao na laktove i dreknuo na
and shouted at them. njih.
``They'd given him much too much of the drug!'' "Dali su mu previše droge!"
He collapsed again, moaning quietly. ``Much too much Opet se sručio i tiho nastavio da ječi. "Previše, previše,
too much too much too ...'' previše, previše..."
The group gathered round his bedside glanced at each Grupa se sakupila oko njegovog kreveta i zagledala se.
other. there were goose pimples on backs. Naježili su se.
``What happened?'' said Zaphod at last. "Šta se dogodilo?" upitao je najzad Zaphod.
``Oh, he told it all right,'' said the man savagely, ``for all I "Oh, poslušao je i počeo da govori", rekao je čovek
know he's still telling it now. Strange, terrible things ... divlje, "i, koliko ja znam, još govori. Čudne, užasne
terrible, terrible!'' he screamed. stvari... užasne, užasne!" vrisnuo je.
They tried to calm him, but he struggled to his elbows Pokušali su da ga smire, ali on se ponovo podigao na
again. laktove.
``Terrible things, incomprehensible things,'' he shouted, "Užasne stvari, neshvatljive stvari", vikao je, "stvari
``things that would drive a man mad!'' dovoljne da čovek siđe s uma!"
He stared wildly at them. Divlje ih je gledao.
``Or in my case,'' he said, ``half-mad. I'm a journalist.'' "Ili, u mom slučaju", rekao je, "polulud. Ja sam
novinar."
``You mean,'' said Arthur quietly, ``that you are used to "Hoćeš da kažeš", upitao je Artur lagano, "da si navikao
confronting the truth?'' da se suočavaš sa istinom?"
``No,'' said the man with a puzzled frown. ``I mean that I "Ne", rekao je čovek i zbunjeno se namrštio, "hoću da
made an excuse and left early.'' kažem da sam izmislio izgovor i udaljio se pre ostalih."
He collapsed into a coma from which he recovered only Pao je u komu iz koje se povratio samo jednom, i to
once and briefly. nakratko.
On that one occasion, they discovered from him the Tom prilikom, od njega su saznali sledeće:
following:
When it became clear that Prak could not be stopped, that Kada je postalo jasno šta se dešava i kada je postalo
here was truth in its absolute and final form, the court izvesno da je Praka nemoguće zaustaviti, da je u pitanju
was cleared. istina u krajnjem i konačnom obliku, sudnica je
ispražnjena.
Not only cleared, it was sealed up, with Prak still in it. Ne samo što je ispražnjena, zapečaćena je, dok je Prak
Steel walls were erected around it, and, just to be on the još bio u njoj. Oko nje su podignuti čelični zidovi i, da
safe side, barbed wire, electric fences, crocodile swamps bi se ipak sasvim obezbedili, postavljeni su uz to
and three major armies were installed, so that no one bodljikava žica, električna ograda, močvare prepune
would ever have to hear Prak speak. krokodila i tri velike vojske, tako da niko ne bi mogao
da čuje Praka.
``That's a pity,'' said Arthur. ``I'd like to hear what he had "Šteta", rekao je Artur. "Voleo bih da čujem šta ima da
to say. Presumably he would know what the Ultimate kaže. On verovatno ne zna šta je Pitanje koje se slaže sa
Question to the Ultimate Answer is. It's always bothered Konačnim Odgovorom. Uvek me je brinulo što nikako
me that we never found out.'' nisam mogao da ga otkrijem."
``Think of a number,'' said the computer, `` any number.'' "Smisli neki broj", rekao je kompjuter, "bilo koji."
Arthur told the computer the telephone number of King's Artur je rekao kompjuteru telefonski broj odeljenja za
Cross railway station passenger inquiries, on the grounds nađene stvari železničke stanice na Kings Krosu, ubeđen
that it must have some function, and this might turn out da mora da posluži bar za nešto i da bi baš ovo moglo da
to be it. bude to.
The computer injected the number into the ship's Kompjuter je ubacio broj u popravljeni brodski pogon
reconstituted Improbability Drive. neverovatnoće.
In Relativity, Matter tells Space how to curve, and Space U relativnosti, materija govori prostoru kako da se
tells Matter how to move. zakrivi, a prostor govori materiji kako da se kreće.
The Heart of Gold told space to get knotted, and parked 'Zlatno srce' reklo je prostoru da se veže u čvor i glatko
itself neatly within the inner steel perimeter of the se parkiralo unutar čelične ograde agrabutonske Palate
Argabuthon Chamber of Law. Pravde.
The courtroom was an austere place, a large dark Sudnica je predstavljala vrlo ozbiljno mesto; bila je to
chamber, clearly designed for Justice rather than, for dugačka, tamna odaja, očigledno izgrađena radi pravde,
instance, for Pleasure. You wouldn't hold a dinner party a ne, na primer, zarad zadovoljstva. Ne biste mogli da
here --- at least, not a successful one. The decor would održite u njoj večernju zabavu, ili bar ne Bog zna kako
get your guests down. uspešnu. Dekor bi naprosto oborio goste sa nogu.
The ceilings were high, vaulted and very dark. Shadows Tavanica je bila visoka, napravljana u obliku svoda i
lurked there with grim determination. The panelling for vrlo tamna. Senke su tamo vrebale sa mračnom
the walls and benches, the cladding of the heavy pillars, usredsređenošću. Ploče za zidove i stolove, prekrivke
all were carved from the darkest and most severe trees in masivnih stubova, sve je bilo izrezbareno od najtamnijih
the fearsome Forest of Arglebard. The massive black i najgrubljih stabala strahotne šume Arglbarda. Masivni
Podium of Justice which dominated the centre of the sudski podijum koji je dominirao središtem odaje bio je
chamber was a monster of gravity. If a sunbeam had ever oličenje čudovišne tmurnosti. Kada bi sunčev zrak ikada
managed to slink this far into the Justice complex of uspeo da se ušunja čak dotle u kompleks Palate Pravde
Argabuthon it would have turned around and slunk Agrabutona, okrenuo bi se i smesta tiho išunjao odatle.
straight back out again.
Arthur and Trillian were the first in, whilst Ford and Najpre su ušli Artur i Trilijan, a Ford i Zaphod hrabro su
Zaphod bravely kept a watch on their rear. im čuvali zaleđinu.
At first it seemed totally dark and deserted. their Najpre im se sve učinilo tamno i napušteno. Njihovi
footsteps echoed hollowly round the chamber. This koraci šuplje su odjekivali po dvorani. To je delovalo
seemed curious. All the defences were still in position neobično. Svi sistemi odbrane bili su još na svojim
and operative around the outside of the building, they mestima oko zgrade i dejstvovali su, to su proverili.
had run scan checks. Therefore, they had assumed, the Prema tome, zaključili su, izgovaranje istine mora da se
truth-telling must still be going on. nastavljalo.
But there was nothing. Ali nije bilo ničega.
Then, as their eyes became accustomed to the darkness, A potom, kada su im se oči privikle na tamu, primetili
they spotted a dull red glow in a corner, and behind the su mutno, crveno svetlucanje u uglu, a iza svetlucanja
glow a live shadow. They swung a torch round on to it. senku koja se pokretala. Uperili su svetiljke u tom
pravcu.
Prak was lounging on a bench, smoking a listless Prak je sedeo na stolu i zamišljeno pušio cigaretu.
cigarette.
``Hi,'' he said, with a little half-wave. His voice echoed "Ćao", rekao je i mlitavo im mahnuo. Njegov glas
through the chamber. He was a little man with scraggy odjeknulo je preko odaje. Bio je to nizak čovek, vitak i
hair. He sat with his shoulders hunched forward and his koščat, ravne kose. Sedeo je nagnut napred, i njihao
head and knees kept jiggling. He took a drag of his nogama i glavom. Povukao je dim iz cigarete.
cigarette.
They stared at him. Zurili su u njega.
``What's going on?'' said Trillian. "Šta se dešava?" pitala je Trilijan.
``Nothing,'' said the man and jiggled his shoulders. "Ništa", odvratio je čovek i blago zaljuljao ramenima.
Arthur shone his torch full on Prak's face. Artur je uperio svetiljku pravo u Prakovo lice.
``We thought,'' he said, ``that you were meant to be "Mislili smo", rekao je, "da ti treba da govoriš istinu,
telling the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the samo istinu i ništa drugo nego istinu."
Truth.''
``Oh, that,'' said Prak. ``Yeah. I was. I finished. There's "A, to", rekao je Prak, "aha. I jesam. Ali završio sam.
not nearly as much of it as people imagine. Some of it's Nema je baš toliko koliko ljudi zamišljaju. Ali poneki
pretty funny, though.'' delovi su prilično smešni."
He suddenly exploded in about three seconds of manical Iznenada je prasnuo u oko tri sekunde manijačkog
laughter and stopped again. he sat there, jiggling his head smeha, pa se ponovo zaustavio. Onda je nastavio da
and knees. He dragged on his cigarette with a strange sedi, ljuljajući glavu i kolena. Povukao je dim iz cigare
half-smile. uz čudnovati poluosmeh.
Ford and Zaphod came forward out of the shadows. Ford i Zaphod iziđoše iz senki.
``Tell us about it,'' said Ford. "Ispričaj nam o tome", rekao je Ford.
``Oh, I can't remember any of it now,'' said Prak. ``I "Oh, ničeg više ne mogu da se setim", rekao je Prak.
thought of writing some of it down, but first I couldn't "Pomislio sam da zapišem ponešto od toga, ali prvo
find a pencil, and then I thought, why bother?'' nisam mogao da nađem olovku, a posle sam se zapitao:
čemu?"
There was a long silence, during which they thought they Nastala je duga tišina, tokom koje im se učinilo da
could feel the Universe age a little. Prak stared into the pomalo osećaju drevnost Vaseljene. Prak je zurio u
torchlight. svetlost.
``None of it?'' said Arthur at last. ``You can remember "Ničega?" upitao je Artur najzad. "Ne sećaš se ničega?"
none of it?''
``No. Except most of the good bits were about frogs, I "Ne. Osim što je bilo mnogo dobrih stvari o žabama,
remember that.'' toga se sećam."
Suddenly he was hooting with laughter again and Iznenada je ponovo navalio da se grohotom smeje i da
stamping his feet on the ground. topće nogama po podu.
``You would not believe some of the things about frogs,'' "Jednostavno da ne poverujete neke stvari o žabama",
he gasped. ``Come on let's go and find ourselves a frog. zadihano je rekao. "Hajde da iziđemo i nađemo neku
Boy, will I ever see them in a new light!'' He leapt to his žabu. Čoveče, ala ću ih od sada gledati u novoj
feet and did a tiny little dance. Then he stopped and took svetlosti!" Poskočio je i počeo da pleše čudnovatu igru.
a long drag at his cigarette. Onda je zastao i povukao dugačak dim iz cigarete.
``Let's find a frog I can laugh at,'' he said simply. "Hajde da nađemo žabu da mogu da joj se smejem",
``Anyway, who are you guys?'' rekao je kratko. "Uostalom, ko ste vi, momci?"
``We came to find you,'' said Trillian, deliberately not "Došli smo da nađemo tebe", rekla je Trilijan, namerno
keeping the disappointment out of her voice. ``My name dopuštajući razočaranju da joj se pokaže u glasu. "Ja se
is Trillian.'' zovem Trilijan."
Prak jiggled his head. Prak klimnu glavom.
``Ford Prefect,'' said Ford Prefect with a shrug. "Ford Prefekt", rekao je Ford Prefekt i slegao ramenima.
Prak jiggled his head. Prak je klimnuo.
``And I,'' said Zaphod, when he judged that the silence "A ja", rekao je Zaphod, koji je zaključio da je tišina
was once again deep enough to allow an announcement postala ponovo dovoljno duboka da mu dozvoli da olako
of such gravity to be tossed in lightly, ``am Zaphod da izjavu takve težine, "ja sam Zaphod Biblbroks."
Beeblebrox.''
Prak jiggled his head. Prak je klimnuo.
``Who's this guy?'' said Prak jiggling his shoulder at "Ko je ovaj tip?" upitao je Prak i pokazao ramenom na
Arthur, who was standing silent for a moment, lost in Artura, koji je na trenutak stajao ćutke, zagubljen u
disappointed thoughts.
``Me?'' said Arthur. ``Oh, my name's Arthur Dent.''
Prak's eyes popped out of his head.
``No kidding?'' he yelped. ``You are Arthur Dent? The
Arthur Dent?''
He staggered backwards, clutching his stomach and
convulsed with fresh paroxysms o laughter.
``Hey, just think of meeting you!'' he gasped. ``Boy,'' he
shouted, ``you are the most ... wow, you just leave the
frogs standing!''
he howled and screamed with laughter. He fell over
backwards on to the bench. He hollered and yelled in
hysterics. He cried with laughter, he kicked his legs in
the air, he beat his chest. Gradually he subsided, panting.
He looked at them. He looked at Arthur. He fell back
again howling with laughter. Eventually he fell asleep.
Arthur stood there with his lips twitching whilst the
others carried Prak comatose on to the ship.
``Before we picked up Prak,'' said Arthur, ``I was going
to leave. I still want to, and I think I should do so as soon
as possible.''
The others nodded in silence, a silence which was only
slightly undermined by the heavily muffled and distant
sound of hysterical laughter which came drifting from
Prak's cabin at the farthest end of the ship.
``We have questioned him,'' continued Arthur, ``or at
least, you have questioned him --- I, as you know, can't
go near him --- on everything, and he doesn't really seem
to have anything to contribute. Just the occasional
snippet, and things I don't want to hear about frogs.''
The others tried not to smirk.
``Now, I am the first to appreciate a joke,'' said Arthur
and then had to wait for the others to stop laughing.
``I am the first ...'' he stopped again. This time he stopped
and listened to the silence. There actually was silence this
time, and it had come very suddenly.
Prak was quiet. For days they had lived with constant
manical laughter ringing round the ship, only
occasionally relieved by short periods of light giggling
and sleep. Arthur's very soul was clenched with paranoia.
This was not the silence of sleep. A buzzer sounded. A
glance at a board told them that the buzzer had been
sounded by Prak.
``He's not well,'' said Trillian quietly. ``The constant
laughing is completely wrecking his body.''
Arthur's lips twitched but he said nothing.
``We'd better go and see him,'' said Trillian.
Trillian came out of the cabin wearing her serious face.
sopstvene, razočarane misli.
"Ja?" upitao je Artur. "Oh, moje ime je Artur Dent."
Prakove oči se iskolačiše.
"Bez šale?" kliknuo je. "Ti si Artur Dent? Onaj Artur
Dent?"
Zavalio se, uhvatio za stomak i zgrčio od novog napada
smeha.
"Hej, zamisli samo, da tebe sretnem!" zadahtao je.
"Čoveče", povikao je, "pa ti si onaj... auf, žabe nisu ništa
u odnosu na tebe!"
Urlao je i vrištao od smeha. Preturio se na leđa preko
stola. Histerično je dahtao i vikao. Plakao je od smeha,
podigao je noge u vazduh, udarao se po grudima.
Najzad, postepeno je prestao, zadihan. Pogledao ih je.
Pogledao je Artura. Ponovo se preturio, urlajući od
smeha. Na kraju je zaspao.
Artur je stajao sa usnama koje su podrhtavale, dok su
ostali nosili nesvesnog Praka na brod.
"Pre nego što smo pokupili Praka", rekao je Artur,
"nameravao sam da odem. Još to želim i mislim da bi
trebalo da to učinim što je pre moguće."
Ostali su klimnuli u tišini - tišini koju je samo blago
remetio nejasni i udaljeni zvuk histeričnog smeha što je
dopirao iz Prakove kabine na najdaljem kraju broda.
"Postavljali smo mu pitanja", produžio je Artur, "to jest,
vi ste mu postavljali pitanja - kao što znate, ja ne mogu
da mu se približim - o svemu, i on stvarno izgleda da ne
može ništa da doprinese. Samo komadići informacija, tu
i tamo, i stvari o žabama koje me uopšte ne zanimaju."
Ostali pokušaše da se ne klibere.
"Pazite, ja sam prvi koji će ceniti dobar vic", rekao je
Artur, a potom je bio prisiljen da čeka da ostali prestanu
da se smeju.
"Ja sam prvi..." ponovo je zastao. Ovoga puta zastao je i
osluškivao tišinu. Sada je to zaista bila tišina i nastala je
veoma naglo.
Prak je ćutao. Danima su živeli uz neprekidni manijački
smeh koji se orio brodom, samo tu i tamo prekinut
kratkim razdobljima blažeg kikotanja i sna. Arturovu
samu dušu čvrsto je stegla paranoja.
To nije bila tišina sna. Oglasi se zujalica. Pogled prema
komandnoj tabli otkrio im je da ju je uključio Prak.
"Nije mu dobro", rekla je tiho Trilijan. "Neprekidno
smejanje uništava mu telo."
Arturove usne su zadrhtale, ali on nije rekao ništa.
"Bolje da idemo da ga vidimo."
Trilijan je izišla iz kabine sa ozbiljnim izrazom na licu.
``He wants you to go in,'' she said to Arthur, who was
wearing his glum and tight-lipped one. He thrust his
hands deep into his dressing-gown pockets and tried to
think of something to say which wouldn't sound petty. It
seemed terribly unfair, but he couldn't.
``Please,'' said Trillian.
He shrugged and went in, taking his glum and tight-
lipped face with him, despite the reaction this always
provoked from Prak.
He looked down at his tormentor, who was lying quietly
on the bed, ashen and wasted. His breathing was very
shallow. Ford and Zaphod were standing by the bed
looking awkward.
``You wanted to ask me something,'' said Prak in a thin
voice and coughed slightly.
Just the cough made Arthur stiffen, but it passed and
subsided.
``How do you know that?'' he asked.
Prak shrugged weakly. ``'Cos it's true,`` he said simply.
Arthur took the point.
``Yes,'' he said at last in rather a strained drawl. ``I did
have a question. Or rather, what I actually have is an
Answer. I wanted to know what the Question was.''
Prak nodded sympathetically, and Arthur relaxed a little.
``It's ... well, it's a long story,'' he said, ``but the Question
I would like to know is the Ultimate Question of Life, the
Universe and Everything. All we know is that the Answer
is Forty-Two, which is a little aggravating.''
Prak nodded again.
``Forty-Two,'' he said. ``Yes, that's right.''
He paused. Shadows of thought and memory crossed his
face like the shadows of clouds crossing the land.
``I'm afraid,'' he said at last, ``that the Question and the
Answer are mutually exclusive. Knowledge of one
logically precludes knowledge of the other. It is
impossible that both can ever be known about the same
universe.''
He paused again. Disappointment crept into Arthur's face
and snuggled down into its accustomed place.
``Except,'' said Prak, struggling to sort a thought out, ``if
it happened, it seems that the Question and the Answer
would just cancel each other out and take the Universe
with them, which would then be replaced by something
even more bizarrely inexplicable. It is possible that this
has already happened,'' he added with a weak smile, ``but
there is a certain amount of Uncertainty about it.''
A little giggle brushed through him.
Arthur sat down on a stool.
"Želi da ti ideš do njega", rekla je Arturu, čije je lice bilo
smrknuto i stisnutih usana. Gurnuo je ruke duboko u
džepove kućnog mantila i pokušao da smisli nešto što
neće zvučati trivijalno. To je bilo užasno nepošteno, ali
nije mogao.
"Molim te", rekla je Trilijan.
Slegnuo je ramenima i ušao sa smrknutim licem,
stegnutih usana, bez obzira na reakciju koju je ovo uvek
izazivalo kod Praka.
Spustio je pogled na svog mučioca, koji je tiho ležao na
krevetu, bled i iscrpljen. Disao je veoma plitko. Ford i
Zaphod nelagodno su stajali pored kreveta.
"Želeo si da me pitaš nešto", kazao je Prak tanušnim
glasom i nemoćno se nakašljao.
Sam zvuk kašlja naterao je Artura da se ukoči, ali to je
prošlo i nestalo.
"Otkud znaš?" pitao je.
"Zato što je istina", odvratio je jednostavno.
Artur je shvatio.
"Da", rekao je najzad prigušenim glasom, "zaista imam
pitanje. Ili, tačnije, ja, zapravo, imam odgovor. Želeo
sam da znam kako glasi pitanje."
Prak je saosećajno klimnuo i Artur se malo opustio.
"To je... Pa, duga je to priča", rekao je, "ali pitanje koje
bih voleo da znam jeste Konačno Pitanje Života,
Vaseljene i Svega Ostalog. Sve što znamo o tome jeste
da odgovor glasi četrdeset dva, što nervira više od svega
ostalog."
Prak je ponovo klimnuo.
"Četrdeset dva", rekao je, "da, tako je."
Zastao je. Senke misli i sećanja prelazile su njegovim
licem poput senki oblaka koji prelaze preko zemlje.
"Bojim se", konačno je rekao, "da Pitanje i Odgovor
isključuju jedno drugo. Poznavanje jednog logički ne
dozvoljava poznavanje drugog. Nemoguće je saznati i
jedno i drugo o istoj Vaseljeni."
Ponovo je zastao. Razočaranje se pelo u Arturovo lice i
konačno se zavalilo u svoj uobičajeni položaj.
"Osim što", rekao je Prak i upinjao se da sredi misli,
"ako bi se to dogodilo, čini se da bi Pitanje i Odgovor
poništili jedno drugo i poneli Vaseljenu sa sobom, a ona
bi tada bila zamenjena nečim još bizarnijim i
neobjašnjivijim. Možda se to već i dogodilo", dodao je
uz slabi osmeh, "ali u vezi sa tim postoji određeni stepen
neodređenosti."
Blago se zakikotao.
Artur je seo na stolicu.
``Oh well,'' he said with resignation, ``I was just hoping
there would be some sort of reason.''
``Do you know,'' said Prak, ``the story of the Reason?''
Arthur said that he didn't, and Prak said that he knew that
he didn't.
He told it.
One night, he said, a spaceship appeared in the sky of a
planet which had never seen one before. The planet was
Dalforsas, the ship was this one. It appeared as a brilliant
new star moving silently across the heavens.
Primitive tribesmen who were sitting huddled on the
Cold Hillsides looked up from their steaming night-
drinks and pointed with trembling fingers, swearing that
they had seen a sign, a sign from their gods which meant
that they must now arise at last and go and slay the evil
Princes of the Plains.
In the high turrets of their palaces, the Princes of the
Plains looked up and saw the shining star, and received it
unmistakably as a sign from their gods that they must
now go and set about the accursed Tribesmen of the Cold
Hillsides.
And between them, the Dwellers in the Forest looked up
into the sky and saw the sigh of the new star, and saw it
with fear and apprehension, for though they had never
seen anything like it before, they too knew precisely
what it foreshadowed, and they bowed their heads in
despair.
They knew that when the rains came, it was a sign.
When the rains departed, it was a sign.
When the winds rose, it was a sign.
When the winds fell, it was a sign.
When in the land there was born at midnight of a full
moon a goat with three heads, that was a sign.
When in the land there was born at some time in the
afternoon a perfectly normal cat or pig with no birth
complications at all, or even just a child with a retrousse
nose, that too would often be taken as a sign.
So there was no doubt at all that a new star in the sky
was a sign of a particularly spectacular order.
And each new sign signified the same thing --- that the
Princes of the Plains and the Tribesmen of the Cold
Hillsides were about to beat the hell out of each other
again.
This in itself wouldn't be so bad, except that the Princes
of the Plains and the Tribesmen of the Cold Hillsides
always elected to beat the hell out of each other in the
Forest, and it was always the Dwellers in the Forest who
came off worst in these exchanges, though as far as they
could see it never had anything to do with them.
"Ah, dobro", rekao je razočarano, "samo sam se nadao
da postoji neki razlog svemu tome."
"Znaš li", upitao je Prak, "priču o razlogu?"
Artur je rekao da ne zna, a Prak je rekao da je znao da
ne zna.
Ispričao mu je.
Jedne noći, na nebu planete koja nikada nije videla
svemirski brod, pojavio se jedan. Planeta je bila
Dalforsas, a brod je bio ovaj. Izgledao je kao blistava
nova zvezda koja se tiho kretala nebom.
Zaostali nomadi koji su sedeli okupljeni na Hladnim
Padinama podigli su poglede sa svojih noćnih napitaka
koji su se pušili i uperili drhtave prste, kunući se da su
videli znak, znak svojih Bogova, koji je značio da se
najzad moraju podići i uništiti zle Kneževe Zaravni.
U visokim kulama svojih palata, Kneževi Zaravni
podigli su poglede i spazili blistavu zvezdu, što su
nepogrešivo primili kao znak svojih Bogova da moraju
da pođu i napadnu proklete Nomade Hladnih Padina.
A između njih, Žitelji Šume podigli su pogled prema
nebu i videli znak nove zvezde, videli su ga sa strahom i
uznemirenošću, jer iako nikada ranije nisu videli ništa
poput toga, i oni su tačno znali šta predskazuje i pognuli
su glave u očajanju.
Kada su dolazile kiše, znali su da je to znak.
Kada su kiše prestajale, bio je to znak.
Kada su se vetrovi podizali, bio je to znak.
Kada su se vetrovi smirivali, bio je to znak.
Kada je u njihovoj zemlji u ponoć punog meseca rođen
jarac sa tri glave, bio je to znak.
Kada bi se u određeno doba popodneva omacila
savršeno normalna mačka ili oprasilo prase bez ikakvih
poteškoća, ili kada bi se rodila beba prćastog nosa, često
se i to uzimalo kao znak nečega.
Zato nije bilo sumnje da je nova zvezda na nebu
predstavljala znak naročito spektakularne važnosti.
A svaki novi znak ukazivao je na istu stvar - na to da će
Kneževi Zaravni i Nomadi Hladnih Padina ponovo da
ubijaju boga jedni u drugima.
To samo po sebi ne bi bilo toliko loše, ali Kneževi
Zaravni i Nomadi Hladnih Padina uvek su birali da
ubijaju boga jedni u drugima usred šume, a Žitelji Šuma
uvek su iz svega toga izvlačili najdeblji kraj, iako,
koliko su oni videli, sve to nije imalo baš nikakve veze
sa njima.
And sometimes, after some of the worst of these
outrages, the Dwellers in the Forest would send a
messenger to either the leader of the Princes of the Plains
or the leader of the Tribesmen of the Cold Hillsides and
demand to know the reason for this intolerable behaviour.
And the leader, whichever one it was, would take the
messenger aside and explain the Reason to him, slowly
and carefully and with great attention to the considerable
detail involved.
And the terrible thing was, it was a very good one. It was
very clear, very rational, and tough. The messenger
would hang his head and feel sad and foolish that he had
not realized what a tough and complex place the real
world was, and what difficulties and paradoxes had to be
embraced if one was to live in it.
``Now do you understand?'' the leader would say.
The messenger would nod dumbly.
``And you see these battles have to take place?''
Another dumb nod.
``And why they have to take place in the forest, and why
it is in everybody's best interest, the Forest Dwellers
included, that they should?''
``Er ...''
``In the long run.''
``Er, yes.''
And the messenger did understand the Reason, and he
returned to his people in the Forest. But as he approached
them, as he walked through the Forest and amongst the
trees, he found that all he could remember of the Reason
was how terribly clear the argument had seemed. What it
actually was he couldn't remember at all.
And this, of course, was a great comfort when next the
Tribesmen and the Princes came hacking and burning
their way through the Forest, killing every Forest
Dweller in their way.
Prak paused in his story and coughed pathetically.
``I was the messenger,'' he said, ``after the battles
precipitated by the appearance of your ship, which were
particularly savage. Many of our people died. I thought I
could bring the Reason back. I went and was told it by
the leader of the Princes, but on the way back it slipped
and melted away in my mind like snow in the sun. That
was many years ago, and much has happened since then.''
He looked up at Arthur and giggled again very gently.
``There is one other thing I can remember from the truth
drug. Apart from the frogs, and that is God's last message
to his creation. Would you like to hear it?''
For a moment they didn't know whether to take him
seriously.
A ponekad, posle najgorih napada, Žitelji Šume poslali
bi glasnika vođi Kneževa Zaravni ili vođi Nomada
Hladnih Padina i zahtevali da saznaju razlog za to
nepodnošljivo ponašanje.
A vođa, koji god to bio, odveo bi glasnika na stranu i
objasnio mu razlog, lagano i pažljivo, sa najvećim
vođenjem računa o svim pojedinostima.
Što je bilo najgore, razlog je uvek bio veoma dobar. Bio
je vrlo jasan, vrlo razuman i čvrst. Glasnik bi oborio
glavu i osetio se tužno i budalasto što nije shvatio kako
je teško i složeno mesto stvarni svet i sa kakvim se
teškoćama i protivurečnostima čovek mora suočiti
ukoliko želi da živi u njemu.
"Shvataš li sada?" kazao bi vođa.
Glasnik bi potišteno klimnuo.
"I vidiš da do tih bitaka mora doći?"
Novo potišteno klimanje.
"I zbog čega se moraju odigravati u šumi i zbog čega je
u svačijem interesu, uključujući tu i Žitelje Šuma, da
tako bude?"
"Ovaj..."
"Gledano dugoročno."
"Ovaj, da."
Glasnik je, dakle, shvatio razlog i vratio se svom narodu
u šumi. Ali dok im se približavao, dok je koračao kroz
šumu, između drveća, otkrio je da se od čitavog razloga
jedino seća kako su sve njegove pojedinosti izgledale
strašno jasno. Kako je razlog stvarno glasio, uopšte se
nije sećao.
To je, razume se, predstavljalo veliku utehu kada su
sledeći put stigli Nomadi i Kneževi u šumu, paleći i
uništavajući, ubijajući svakog Žitelja Šume koji bi im se
zatekao na putu.
Prak je zastao u svojoj priči i patetično se zakašljao.
"Ja sam bio glasnik", rekao je, "posle bitaka koje je
izazvalo prisustvo vašeg broda i koje su bile naročito
divljačke. Mnogi naši ljudi su umrli. Mislio sam da
mogu da im prenesem razlog. Otišao sam i vođa
Kneževa mi ga je ispričao, ali on je uz put nestao i
istopio se u mom umu poput snega na suncu. Bilo je to
pre mnogo godina, a od tada se mnogo toga dogodilo."
Pogledao je Artura i ponovo se vrlo blago zakikotao.
"Postoji još jedna stvar koje se sećam posle droge istine,
izuzev žaba, a to je poslednja Božja poruka svemu
onome što je stvorio. Hoćeš li da je čuješ?"
Za trenutak nisu znali da li da ga shvate ozbiljno.
``'Strue,`` he said. ''For real. I mean it.``
His chest heaved weakly and he struggled for breath. His
head lolled slightly.
``I wasn't very impressed with it when I first knew what
it was,'' he said, ``but now I think back to how impressed
I was by the Prince's Reason, and how soon afterwards I
couldn't recall it at all, I think it might be a lot more
helpful. Would you like to know what it is? Would you?''
They nodded dumbly.
``I bet you would. If you're that interested I suggest you
go and look for it. It is written in thirty-foot-high letters
of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the
land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third
out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 Active J
Gamma. It is guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob.''
There was a long silence following this announcement,
which was finally broken by Arthur.
``Sorry, it's where?'' he said.
``It is written,'' repeated Prak, ``in thirty-foot-high letters
of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the
land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third
out from the ...''
``Sorry,'' said Arthur again, ``which mountains?''
``The Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of
Sevorbeupstry on the planet ...''
``Which land was that? I didn't quite catch it.''
``Sevorbeupstry, on the planet ...''
``Sevorbe-what?''
``Oh, for heaven's sake,'' said Prak and died testily.
In the following days Arthur thought a little about this
message, but in the end he decided that he was not going
to allow himself to be drawn by it, and insisted on
following his original plan of finding a nice little world
somewhere to settle down and lead a quiet retired life.
Having saved the Universe twice in one day he thought
that he could take things a little easier from now on.
They dropped him off on the planet Krikkit, which was
now once again an idyllic pastoral world, even if the
songs did occasionally get on his nerves.
He spent a lot of time flying.
He learnt to communicate with birds and discovered that
their conversation was fantastically boring. It was all to
do with wind speed, wing spans, power-to-weight ratios
and a fair bit about berries. Unfortunately, he discovered,
once you have learnt birdspeak you quickly come to
realize that the air is full of it the whole time, just inane
"Istina je", rekao je. "Stvarno. Časna reč."
Grudi mu slabašno uzdahnuše, borio se za dah. Glava
mu se lagano njihala.
"Nije ostavila na mene naročit utisak kada sam je prvi
put čuo", rekao je, "ali kad sad pomislim kako je
Knežev razlog ostavio veliki utisak na mene i kako ga se
ubrzo više uopšte nisam mogao prisetiti, pomišljam
kako je možda ona mnogo korisnija. Hoćete li da čujete
kako je glasila? Hoćete li?"
Nemo su klimnuli.
"Bio sam ubeđen da hoćete. Ukoliko vas zanima,
predlažem vam da pođete i da je sami nađete. Napisana
je trideset stopa visokim, vatrenim slovima na vrhu
planine Kventalus Kvazgar u zemlji Servobupstra na
planeti Preliumtarn, trećem svetu sunca Zars u
galaktičkom sektoru QQ7 Aktiv J Gama. Čuva je
lajestični Vantrašel od Loba.
Duga tišina usledila je posle ove izjave, a onda ju je
konačno prekinuo Artur.
"Izvini, gde?" upitao je.
"Napisana je", ponovio je Prak, "trideset stopa visokim
vatrenim slovima na vrhu planine Kventulus Kvazgar u
zemlji Servobupstra na planeti Preliumtarn..."
"Izvini", rekao je Artur ponovo, "na kojoj planini?"
"Planini Kventulus Kvazgar u zemlji Servobupstra na
planeti..."
"Kojoj zemlji? Nisam dobro razumeo."
"Servobupstra, na planeti..."
"Servob... kako?"
"Oh, za ime Božje", rekao je Prak i razdraženo
preminuo.
Sledećih dana Artur je malo razmišljao o toj poruci, ali
na kraju je odlučio da ne dozvoli da bude uvučen u sve
to i zahtevao je da sledi svoj prvobitni plan i da pronađe
negde prijatan, maleni svet na koji bi mogao da se
povuče i vodi miran, povučen život. Pošto je spasao
Vaseljenu dva puta u istom danu, pomislio je da od sada
može da prilazi stvarima malo opuštenije.
Odbacili su ga na planetu Krikit, koja je sada ponovo
postala prijatan, idiličan, pastoralan svet, iako mu je
pevanje ponekad išlo na nerve.
Provodio je mnogo vremena u letenju.
Naučio je da razgovara sa pticama i otkrio je da je
njihovo međusobno obraćanje nezamislivo dosadno.
Neprekidno se brbljalo o brzinama vetra, rasponima
krila, odnosima težine i sile uzgona, a dobar deo
odnosio se i na bobice. Na nesreću, otkrio je da, kada
jednom naučite ptičji jezik, ubrzo shvatate da ga je
bird chatter. There is no getting away from it.
For that reason Arthur eventually gave up the sport and
learnt to live on the ground and love it, despite a lot of
the inane chatter he heard down there as well.
One day, he was walking through the fields humming a
ravishing tune he'd heard recently when a silver
spaceship descended from the sky and landed in front of
him.
A hatchway opened, a ramp extended, and a tall grey-
green alien marched out and approached him.
``Arthur Phili ...'' it said, then glanced sharply at him and
down at his clipboard. He frowned. He looked up at him
again.
``I've done you before haven't I?'' he said.
vazduh sve vreme prepun, tog luckastog ptičjeg
ćeretanja. Od njega se ne može pobeći.
Iz tog razloga Artur se konačno ostavio sporta i naučio
da živi na zemlji i da je voli, i pored luckastog ćeretanja
koje se i odatle čulo isto tako dobro.
Jednog dana šetao je poljem i pevušio veselu pesmicu
koju je nedavno čuo, kada je jedan srebrni svemirski
brod skliznuo sa neba i spustio se pred njim.
Izlaz se otvorio, iz njega su se izvukle stepenice, a niz
njih je sišao visoki, sivozeleni tuđinac i približio mu se.
"Arture Fili..." rekao je, a onda ga je oštro pogledao, pa
je spustio pogled u svoju beležnicu. Namrštio se.
Ponovo ga je pogledao.
"S tobom sam već završio, zar ne?" upitao je.