Drum jokes

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?

A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.

Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?

A: The knocking gets slower.

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?
A: The knocking gets faster.

Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?

A: The bass player notices.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A: A drummer.

Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?

A: Drool.

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Which drummer?

There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time,
and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?

The drummer who keeps bad time. The other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist
doesn't care about notes anyway.

What is your IQ?

Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what
their I.Q. is--hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.

The day of Bob's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the
person what her I.Q. is.

"217" replies the first guest.

"Well, that's great," says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics.

Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.

Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what's
your I.Q.?"

The new guest responds with "180".

"Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus
and statistics for awhile.

Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet
another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name's Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?"

This time the guest replies after putting some thought into it "five".

"Well, that's great," says Bob, "what kind of drumsticks do you use?

Trumpet jokes
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?

A: Their personality.

Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?

A: King Kong is more sensitive.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?

A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?

A: "Hi. I'm better than you."

Flute jokes
Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two flutes playing a unison.

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.
Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.

Clarinet jokes
Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?

A: So they can park in the handicap zones.

Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?

A: You can almost hear them.

Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?

A: You can't!

French horn jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can't march.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?

A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.

Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.

Sax Jokes

Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-
of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?

A: Add vibrato.

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?

A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about how much better John Coltrane would have
done it.

Oboe jokes
Q: How do you get five oboes in tune?
A: Shoot four of them.

Q: What are burning oboes used for?

A: To set bassoons on fire.

Q: What’s better: A Bassoon or an Oboe?

A: Bassoon! It burns longer.