“Perfect”

Shoot for the moon

Never settle for the stars
I obsess over perfection
And I can’t stop
Like an addict, I keep going back
Perfection is my drug
My body craves it
But I can never have it
In constant withdrawal for the impossible
There’s no AA for people like me
I’m unfixable

I will forever hate myself

For not being perfect
Everyone tells me to
“Love myself”
“Accept myself”
“Be happy with where I’m at”
Great.
One more thing to strive for
Happiness and
That grade I’ll never get
That body I’ll never have
That life I’ll never live
Too obsessed with what I can’t have
Too obsessed with what I don’t do
Perfection like a permanent weight on my shoulders
Perfection the expectation I hold for myself

Torturing myself
Day and night
Every hour
Every minute
Obsessing over perfection
Like other girls obsess over boys
I lay awake dreaming of grades I can never have
Colleges I can never go to
Things I will never do
Other girls lay awake dreaming of Bradley Cooper
That boy in Science
Jack from camp
How nice that must be
How nice to not let yourself down
At every turn
How nice to be able to sleep

I think and I think

If I’m not perfect who am I?
Who am I?
I’m lost without the need for perfection
Lost without the insane pressure of what I can never be
Never have
Never do
Lost without the stress
The self-hatred
The pressure
Who am I if I’m not perfect?
Who am I without perfection?