I AM OKAY

Every time I go to school, I am okay

Every time I talk to my friends, I am okay
Every time I bond with my friends, I am okay
Every time I am alone, I am okay
I am always okay and that’s what you think, but I’m gradually ate by sadness, fear, self-doubt,
hallucinations, indisposed and what I am sure now is to die.
I know I couldn’t ask for more. I almost have everything.
True friends, supportive family, good environment and a good self-humor.
I laugh, I play, I joke, and pray but I still feel empty.
I want you to know that I’m okay but I don’t want to be one of those who abused that phrase.

I always start my day with a beautiful smile and making myself happy even though at the end of
the day,
I go to my room switching off the lights go to bed, sit and stare at the window.
I am full of different imaginations, chaos in my mind, overthinking and I really want to end my
life.
I have all what I want and needed, but there is something in myself that I can’t explain why.
There is something in me that I don’t know why, there is something that is lacking in me and all I
have to do is to cry.
Why? Why I am suffering with this illness that loses my attention in everything I see.
I am already tired, depression is really inevitable.
Depression is eating me alive maybe to you this is something not serious—that you can cure it
by hanging out and having a good time.
How can you cure something you don’t understand?
I can’t pinpoint the problem, and that’s the problem.
I want to help myself but I can’t even pull myself up in the mud I’m in.

I want to fight for my loved ones but I just hope and pray that I will soon heal.
I don’t know when or how but I believed God has the best plan.
I wonder. What’s the best plan? Does it have a sign for me to know if it’s God will or my own
desire?
I want my old self back.
The one who stumble but doesn’t know how to quit.
Do I have to make my own move? Maybe a Gillette will do. But no.
I realized I have to wait.
I don’t need to rush. I need to go through a lot of process to heal.
And when that time ends. Confront and ask me. I won’t hesitate. I can truly tell that I’m finally
okay.

If I will be gone, will they recognize my absence in their lives?

Will they finally see my worth when I was still alive and well?
Maybe Yes, maybe No
Will they regret not paying attention to my mental state when I was still around them?
I guess I’ll never know the answer right now, but maybe when I am no longer around

Love yourself. Cheer yourself up! You’re better than this.

But it’s way too hard.
Fighting a battle within my own self
Please help. Please listen.
THEA LACANLALAY G11-ST.JOHN OF THE CROSS

Okay Lang Ako

Panibagong araw na naman na kailangan magmukhang haharapin ang mga hamon.

Lalabas ng bahay na may takot, takot na malaman nila ang mga kahinaan ko.
Mga kahinaang kinain na ako, mistulang naging anay sa buhay ko.
Gusto ko nang ilabas ang mga hinanakit ko pero di alam kung saan ako magsisimula.

Maaaring ang unang dahilan ay ang mga kaibigang biglang nawala, pati mga pangakong biglang nabura,
Mga taong walang ginawa kundi husgahan ka na parang alam nila ang iyong Istorya,
Na kahit anong gawing pagpupursigi di mapapantayan ang iba.
Dahil ang inaasam ko lang naman ay ang maramdaman ang maging mahalaga.

Uusisain ka mula baba hanggang taas

Na parang tingin nila isa kang basahan na napadpad sa syudad.
Syudad? Oo itong huwad na syudad.
Na di mo aakalaing peke na pala ang iyong kausap.

Pero wala na, wala na akong masabi’t maiisip

Ayoko nang magdahilan kung ‘di rin lang mapapakinggan.
Mauubos rin lang ang natitirang lakas at mas pipiliin na sabihing okay lang.
Okay lang ako magisa wala na rin namang makakatulong sa’king mga problema

Gusto ko nang wakasan itong buhay kong puno ng kadaliman at isabit nalang ang leeg sa tali ng
kamatayan.
Dahil tila nasa masamang panaginip na dilat ang mga mata,
Mga matang kumikinang di dahil masaya kundi puno na ng poot at kalungkutang nadarama.
Luhang natuyo’t bumagsak na kasabay nang tumutulong tubig galling sa palikuran.

Pagkatapos makita ang sarili sa salamin at pilitang sasabihin na kaya ko pa,

Kaya ko pang magpanggap na masaya.
Dahil kahit pagod at balot na balot na sa kalungkutan, walang kayang sabihin
Kundi okay lang ako mga kaibigan, mga kaibigang natira at andyan upang ako’y damayan.

Kaya okay lang ako paulit-ulit kong sasabihin ito

Di dahil totoo kundi paparating na naman ang araw na muling masisilayan ko.
Haharapin ang realidad ng buhay magpapanggap na masaya, walang problema,
Muling nanaisin na sana’y tunay nga na okay lang ako kahit ang totoo durog na dahil naging marupok at
mahina akong tao.