THE RIGHT CHANGE

THE COMPELLING STORY OF YOUTH GRAHAM BEST

ABOUT CHANGE UNDER THE WORST
To my mentors, my family, my brother, and God.
Contents

1. Introduction (Birth)
2. Adolescence
3. Middle School
4. High School and my Criminal Plunge
5. Incarceration Time and Finding God Through
Darkness
6. Present
7. Future
INTRODUCTION

“Birth”

I was born very early in the morning of November 30th, 2001. To my two beautiful

parents and an older brother who was about 4 at the time of it happening. I don’t know much

about it, so this chapter is just an introduction, just my mother telling me I cried, and I kicked, a

lot. Funnily enough my mother always told me when I was in the womb I would kick while she

was sleeping and it would jolt her awake. She said I was a kicker!

It has me giggling because when I was about two years old, I learnt my first word. No, it

wasn’t daddy, and not mommy. It was donut! Can you believe that? My first word was donut and

its confounding too me. I was a donut junkie when I was a young kid, I would eat them. On a

lucky day my mother would take me out to a local Tim Hortons and I’d get the timbits! I loved

them with my heart! Donuts was my getaway food!

Lots of babies and little kids tend to have an obsession over some sort of food. My

brother said when he was younger he would eat lemons! Just eat lemons! My mother said he

went to a baseball game and was taking a strangers lemons and sucking on them! To which my

mother handled it like any other mother should, “get back her Griffin”, proceeding to scold him

about how he shouldn’t take strangers food, I’m pretty sure he got the point. Quite honestly, ever

since I was a baby I never really accept peoples food that isn’t mine or my families.

I don’t know why, it never felt comfortable to me. I personally believe that plays a role, I

probably had something similar happen to me before my thoughts developed, and it’s just been

in my subconscious since. Also, I am terrified of germs and unsanitary objects, which normally
kids aren’t. But I had a teacher when I was younger who brought in food, and her teeth were not

straight and were stained. And I felt queasy, so I didn't eat her food feeling paranoid a hair, or her

tooth, or something fell in the food without me knowing. Talk about terrifying!

I swear to Jesus when I’m eating something from some fast food joint and there’s

something in it I push it aside! I think to myself and get a nauseous feeling. So I just don’t risk

eating peoples food, because I hate being rude to people. I was brought up with manners and

whoopings, which I’m grateful for later in my life because I realized that without butt

whoopings, or constant redirection on manners, I wouldn't be a young gentleman!

I’ve been called a “handsome young man” by tons of elderly woman! Mainly due to the

fact I respect them like I respect the people that mentor me. I hold the door, help them

physically, say “yes ma’am”, no “ma’am”, or if they’re young woman “yes ms”, “no ms”. And

also with elderly men, I give them my utmost respect replacing the “ma’am” with “sir”.

It took me a ton of time to figure it all out. Buy my parents are people I love, on a parent

to child level. I want to move out, yea, but my family and mentors are people I wouldn’t trade for

all the money in the world, all the fame in the world. And I’ve noticed most kids these days want

that, but for some odd reason I don’t, I’ve learnt personally I don’t need money, or flashy cars, or

nice exotic woman. I need intelligence and being a masculine young man. Something most

people these days lack.

CHAPTER 2

“Adolescence”

I tell the people I’m really close with this a lot, I was a very mischievous kid. My mother

said I was very curious, she considers me to be very gifted, very unique. And she’s taught me to

appreciate my differences. She tells me to be proud of being hispanic with white skin, being a

smart young man, and being loved by the two most wonderful parents in the world.

I remember being in preschool where I met my first “girlfriend”, I’ve been kind of a pimp

my whole life! No, seriously, jokes aside I met my first friend that was a girl when I was in

preschool and me and her are still pretty close. Her name is Helena and we used to harass the

teachers together, and color on the floor. We even flushed our shoes down the toilet! We would

flood the whole restroom! I remember the staff that worked there were really young, so I could

almost swear they would yell at us.

I didn’t care though, my parents are strict and they yell a lot. Couldn’t say the same for

Helena though! I was just having a blast tearing up the whole entire preschool. From front to

end! I actually remember I was feeling extra pimpy one day… I stripped down to my ankles and

ran down the hallway! Streaking everything! I remember everyone in the whole daycare coming

out to see what was going on! And I was smiling and running! This wasn’t the first time I did

that, when I was in pre-kindergarten I would strip down to my underwear and jump around in

class.

Needless to say the staff there were not appreciative. I remember they were putting letters

in my cubby to tell my father how my day was. And when my dad finally got to the daycare

around 5:00pm, I’d be jumping and my wrists flaying up and down. He would tell me, “stop
doing that, that’s for babies, you’re getting too old”. Its funny, thinking about it. My father

actually didn’t view me as a baby, even when I was. He seemed to view me highly, he knew

from the jump I have potential.

Anyways, I stopped it, I just got so excited to see my father come through the door and he

just got off work. He would read my letter and I was so happy because I had a good day. Man its

fun to think about these, brings back memories.

This was around the time “PokeMon” was big, and I remember being on the playground

charging at other kids because I thought I was “Donphan”. Which is that giant elephant one. One

time I did it and I almost gave myself a concussion! I ran off these metal stairs and fell down 4

stairs somersaulting. I landed to the ground and started crying. That was the first time that

happened. I went home because they were worried I actually had a concussion. Which I didn’t.

The other time was different, I tripped over myself and rolled down, this time I cracked

my head open, just bleeding, nothing else. I wasn’t crying this time though, oddly enough. I

remember how scary it was though, I wasn’t used to feeling my stomach drop and my whole

world spin from somersaulting like that.

Helena would bring in snacks for me, and my mother always said she didn’t want her

doing that because you had your own food, and also she didn’t want her parents feeling like my

family was starving me. Funny to think about that now, it is a giggling moment. I remember I

was the only kid in daycare that ate Pop Tarts correctly! I wouldn’t tear off the crust, oh my Lord

that irritated me!

I also remember cussing at the teachers, mainly because I didn’t know what the words

meant. And also because I was a very curious child and wanted to see what they would react
with. I remember one day, I don’t even know how, but I said the word “beyotch” thinking it was

a form of a bee!

My mother gasped and said “Where on earth did you hear that word?!?!”, and I said what

I thought, that it was a bee! She simply just said “Don’t said that word, again.”, I can sort of

recall her asking my brother if he taught me the word. But obviously he didn’t, my brother was a

good kid his whole life.

I used to love video games, keep in mind this was the time where ESRB ratings meant

something, so I could only play E and some T games. I remember playing tetris, this marble

game, and this one game, with these matrix cats, and you had to collect these crystals. I want to

say it started with a B. I also played Voodoo Vince but my mother hated that game because it

gave me nightmares!

When I was young my mother loved hip hop, gospel, rock, metal, and electronic music. I

remember her turning on the Cobrastyle song by Teddybears, and I would start throwing it down.

I loved that song! I also remember when she turned on the legendary Zapp & Roger, Computer

Love song. And I would say “Mama turn on the robot song!”, and she would play it and I’d start

dancing to it. I also vaguely remember “Killing In the Name Of”, by Rage Against the Machine.

I would jump up and start boogying to that one!

Funny thing was she would turn it down when they start swearing, which I don’t know if

it was that song, but I’m really positive it was. My parents both love Grateful Dead, and they

played Casey Jones one night when I was about seven. My brother then said something about

how cocaine is a drug and Casey Jones was high on it when he died. So I asked my mom what a

drug was and that’s where the talk about it started.

 It was pretty basic, they just told me drugs will ruin your life, they are very addictive and

they’re impossible to get off of. Needless to say I was horrified so I hated drugs, just translated.

My mother had Mary J. Blige on one time, I totally forget the song but my mom lectured me on

how Mary J. Blige is a wonderful woman who beat a very hard coming up and became to be an

amazing singer. Funnily enough, this has stuck with me, even when I was going through very

difficult times.

I remember one day it was Red Hot Chili Peppers playing, the song “Give It Away” and

my mom started singing the lyrics. I started to sing it because that funkiness just drew me in.

Hence my love for funky music is forged from Zapp & Roger and Red Hot Chili Peppers. I also

remember the legendary GAP band playing. Burn Rubber on Me was the song, but I don’t

remember much. My mothers music taste is extremely diverse, I think I got my extremely

diverse mindset from her.

I’ve loved music from day one, I’ve loved every bit of it. I’m the kind of person that you

can turn on any song and I will like it. The only kinds of music I don’t like are the ones that put

you in a trance with super repetitive beats and a very repeating trancelike synthesizer. It makes

me feel odd, it irritates me feeling zoned out. My father’s taste in music is a lot more linear,

anything that is not funky or rocky he doesn’t seem to enjoy.

I remember the first band I loved. The first band I ever seriously was a fan of was

Coldplay, I guess my brain developed into liking them. I liked their positive beats, I loved that

song Clocks. My mother told me when she was in Paris she saw them live, and they played that

song, so when I hear the song I always tend to think of her. It was probably about 2009 or 2010

when I started to truly understand music. Starting to be able to relate and understand it.
 So I guess my brain had to develop to become a fan of a certain band. Obviously I wasn’t

a die hard, like I am now to a ton of different singers, bands, and vocalists. I remember the song

paradise, and I would always listen to it on my father’s computer and would get up and start slow

dancing to it. I was learning how to dance! I felt the beat, how it was faster, I learnt one thing

that day and it is the most important rule of dancing! Stick with and move with the kick and

snare! I don’t know how it hit me, but it did! Most people live for 100 years and never learn that!

I loved simple melodies. Just simple repeating keys, which is in a lot of modern trap

songs. Anyways, I remember being in 4th grade and we were learning how to “play” piano in

music class. I just ignored what the teacher was saying and played a repetitive 3 black key

melody. It was just fun to listen to, and I wanted to dance to it. It was groovy to me.

Oddly I personally find most people hate repetitive melodies, but I sure don’t. In my

music I create, it sounds like something straight out of the trap! Just a repeating simple 4 note

melody! I love music, I always have my whole life. I never ever put down an artist, or at least not

intentionally. I feel like the hustle of making music is slept on beyond belief! People don’t

understand the hard work making a song goes! I remember my very first song I ever done. I was

in 7th grade and I wanted to do a remix of my favorite artists song at the time. His name was

Chance the Rapper, and he had a song called “Juice”, so I got the instrumental, downloaded it,

and well, did my thing! Rapped on it! I couldn’t though, God as my witness it wasn’t good. But

that didn’t discourage me, the hatred I got for doing a song was astonishing, I really had no idea

people get like that, but I know jealousy is a totally real thing now. For some odd reason it

encouraged me, I wanted to spit something groovy, make something groovy. Make them know

whos the upcoming legend here.

 I was a very pushy kid. I didn’t give up on anything, if I wanted to do it I would in some

way, which was as you can tell, was bad, but also, as you probably guessed it is a very good trait.

I was so eager to prove to them who can make fire music! Who can set the studio on fire! Who

can look like a badass making that music! Counting those bars!

I remember being in 5th grade and I got put on adderall and I started hallucinating in

school. It terrified me, I had no idea what was going on, and ever since then I have a super strong

dislike for doctors. I will never trust them, ever again, for putting me through that.

I got super mad and started to punch things, that pill was horrible. I hated it, seriously.

I’m sorry, but I hated it with all my life. However, I love you God for putting that in my life so I

can experience it and learn from it. I learnt don’t take the meds those doctors give you! When

I’m 18 I will never pay for that trash. They’re not getting my money to drug me. Nope. All for a

dumb ADHD diagnosis because I was an excited child. Drugging people for them to act “right”

is a horrible solution to this, this is why young kids today are out shooting firearms at people and

not just handling it the old school brawl way. It’s so sad to see. I pray to the Lord above for a

better world.

I remember when Obama was elected pretty vividly, my family told me it’s the first black

president. I was confused, in a way. I had no idea what racism, or the struggle for rights for the

past 400 years. I didn’t understand how big of a milestone it was, but like any child would be, if

my parents were happy for that I was! Which they were!

I remember nearly getting in a fight in elementary school as well, and I felt like an OG

after it. I was on meds, so I attribute it to that, but I football tackled this kid and well the teachers

came over and pulled me off. That was really it, but those psychiatrists had me all drugged up.
 I got in trouble a ton in elementary school to. I would kick, scream, swear, cry, argue,

disrespect, run, and all sorts of other trifling behavior. I remember one day I ran out of the school

and hid, the teachers came and got me and started to yell at me, to which I didn’t care at all, as

you guessed. I went to the principal’s office, who I loved. She told me that I broke a law.

I started crying and said “I don’t want to go to jail! No Ms. Ross, please!”, I didn’t

understand, but she told me I’m fine. I’m not going to jail or juvie or any of the like. I started to

feel relieved until my father. He took me home, quiet car ride, and my stomach rumbling. I ran to

my room knowing I was about to get a butt whooping.

He came up, grabbed me by my ankles and lifted my like a meat hanger, proceeded to

whoop me, I got twenty for that! I was in tears! He screamed at me so hard his spit was coming

at me, he screamed at me “That’s twenty for this fucking bullshit!!!”, and he was screaming so

hard I felt the walls move. But I wasn’t spooked, this was a common occasion because I was so

bad. I was in my room easily for 19 hours including when I went to sleep, because I was only

allowed down for dinner.

This is that old school parenting I can represent now a days! Most kids don’t get that

parental treatment which is why this world is changing for the worse. We need to bring back

whippings and beatings and push back child abuse cases. Parents that care about their kids are

getting incarcerated for weak ‘crimes’ like that.

When I was in second grade I got a whopping because for some odd reason I ran across

the street and beat this tree with a bat, so the mother ran out grabbed me by the ear and started

yelling at me to stop and took me back to my home where I got a massive whipping. What really
sucked was that this happened on a Friday and I had a great week before this happened, so I got

grounded!

Needless to say my sodium levels skyrockets, and that is when I wrote my first story.

Something about superheroes and monsters. I remember going to school and sharing it, I used to

have the biggest crush on my teacher to! I’d always want hugs and stuff of the like, you know,

the same old kid behavior when they love older woman. She was cute though!

I’ve always loved woman though! I’d watch those commercials with the babes in bikinis

and my mother would flip because she says it is derogatory and sexist. So I would have to turn it.

One of the perks of watching sports though.

I was blessed with a mother who expected the utmost respect from men, so she taught me

how to be a gentlemen, and treat them like you’re a old school gent. Help them down steps, hold

their hand, walk with them, stay in between them and the street, dance with them, respect them,

and all the other ways of being a gentlemen.

My father taught me how to dress like a man, taught me how suits work, taught me the

cologne I should wear, the deoderant. But none of this really happened until I was older.

I’m blessed from God to have such amazing parents, most parents these days don’t even

teach their kids how to be grateful. Alright, fast forward to 7th grade, I bought this girl a gift and

she didn’t even appreciate it! I was heartbroken, even when I was just a young pimp, but I am

glad I learnt that lots of people these days aren’t taught how to be respectful, they’re not taught

how to appreciate what people do for you! It taught me to appreciate my mother and father!
 Young girls, they just don’t understand a true man. They’d rather drink, smoke weed, and

have sex. I’m glad the almighty Lord saved me from this trouble! I can only pray to him and be

so grateful he gave me the gift of wisdom and knowledge at such a young age!

What is so funny are my parents are loving atheists. Religion doesn't bother them, but

they’ll never believe in a God or Goddesses. I’ll get to when I found God later on in my so far

life story.

I’m just blessed, to have a wonderful family. A wonderful Lord above. A wonderful

family. My blessed angelic family members such as Aunt Debbie and Aunt Donna who helped

me on all levels!
CHAPTER 3

Middle School

I think back on my middle school years and remorse, it was a great time. I had a seed that

guided me to who I would become. I had my first real kiss. My first real party. My first group of

school friends. But also a lot of bad things happened in these three years.

When I was in 6th grade I swear nothing happened, mainly because in 6th grade you

don’t know much new people, you’re entering a new zone. I got amazing grades, stuck to myself,

and I was sort of outcasted. I remember seeing this girl come and her name was Emily, I thought

she was so pretty! I couldn’t help but just want a hug, dance, or maybe even a kiss. I was young

though, and my mother always said I’m way too young to be dating girls. When I was in 6th

grade, “Stay Trippy” by Juicy J came out. And my brother got the album so I started to listen to

it and this is what made me love rap music. Juicy J and Tyga are both who I started to get up and

jam too.

I remember hearing “Muthaf*cka up” with Tyga and Nicki Minaj. That beat was so live!

I remember hearing that drop and telling myself simply “I love rap music now!”. My mother

hated it though, she didn’t want me listening to music with swearing so I did it when she was not

home or when I was private. I remember Snoop Dogg released his Bush album close to this time,

so I bumped Peaches N Cream, California Roll, and I Knew That. I loved Charlie Wilson on his

songs also! I’ve always had one prayer I hope God answers, and that is I want to personally get

to know Charlie Wilson and Snoop Dogg! I love both of them, actually, reading Charlie’s book

is one of the things that inspired me to write my own personal autobiography! I don’t understand
if he knows how much his life has touched mine. I feel like he’s an older version of me. An

amazing person. Charlie Wilson has impacted my life on so many positive reasons. I attribute

him, God, and my mentors for helping me quit drugs! I’ll get to all that later however.

2014 Forest Hills Drive by J. Cole came out around this time as well. No Role Modelz

was getting bumped, I loved that song. I just still remember rapping Tygas “Muthaf*cka up”, I

remember throwing my hands to the beat and spitting to the song. I know the whole song, like

the back of my hand. I also loved “Potty Mouth” with Busta Rhymes, “Faded” with Lil Wayne,

and “Make it Nasty”, I saw the video to “Make it Nasty” uncensored and I thought to myself

imagine how much of a woman magnet you’d be if you were a rapper! I’ve always appreciated

that! I loved “Molly” by Tyga with Wiz Khalifa too, and I knew what they were talking about, so

I never ever spit the lyrics with people around!

I clearly remember Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Doggs “Young Wild N Free” being released

and I was dancing so heavy to that one! That song was probably my favorite one of the summer!

I remember Ryan Lewis and Macklemores song “Thrift Shop” to. That was my jam also! My

brother turned it on and I’d start boogying to the floor like I was a young man in the club!

Speaking of club, “In Da Club” by 50 Cent was probably one of my favorite jams of the time.

I remember “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj being released too, I would start singing the

lyrics and remember my mother turning on the original song when I was around four years old,

“Sir Mix-a-Lot - Baby Got Back”, I also loved large booties, especially once I hit puberty so I

could relate to that song! I also remember “Only” with Drake, Nicki, Chris Brown, and Lil

Wayne on the track. I loved the beat to that one! Its melody was repetitive, which I love! It was

trippy, also, and I got one of my first taste of trippy music.

 I remember watching a video in 7th grade, it was some comedy video about college

drugs, and I’m not kidding, I loved that trippy guitar! So I just had to look it up and I fell in love

with the Sizlacks! A band who makes trippy rock music. I remember hearing Tame Impala too

who I dearly loved as well.

I remember “Forever” by Drake coming out a bit before I entered middle school and I

loved that one! Drake’s verses and hooks just drew me in like bait!

I could’ve sworn when I was in 7th grade I was listening to Outkast “Hey Ya” and

nobody knew what it was around me. I felt like young Pimp C, just bumping old school, nobody

knowing what it was! It was odd, Pimp C and Outkast were some of the people that shaped this

music game to what it is today, and people don’t even know them. I find it in some way

disrespectful, honestly, I feel like its if someone said “I don’t like Beethoven”, or some other

famous classical artist. It just makes no sense.

I remember “Up Like Trump” by Rae Sremmurd coming out, I loved that one because of

how hard that bass kicked in. I swear to god its just that beat you need to get up and work it at. It

had that hard boom on the bass. Funny enough Rae Sremmurd made that “No Flex Zone”, and

that was a song I feel was pretty nice. Especially the video, I loved how they had that bubble and

nobody was messing with them!

I think all about my earlier years of pimping and I laugh! Funny how I’ve came so far.

When I was in 8th grade I was bumping heavy old school ‘94 rap, and of course the youngins

didn’t know what I was listening to. I remember playing “Havin’ Thangs” by legendary southern

rapper Big Mike and young man Pimp C. I would just sing the lyrics and they’d turn heads and

be like “Uh whaattttttt?”.

 When I was in 7th grade I made my first acapella rap over Chance the Rappers song

“Juice”, which I was talking about earlier. I was dogged on because of how bad it was, but as I

said before I never give up, I strive to be the best, I hate giving up, it hurts me inside when I do. I

took their hate, and sometimes feedback, into consideration. And honestly I was getting dogged

on my whole rest of the time of being in school. I went to that kind of district, it was really

diverse in terms of pay, but the rich folks would just dookie on me because I was garbage at

music.

Like I said though, that wasn’t long. I was a pimp, I was talking to some of the most

beautiful young girls in the grade! I remember this one girl, Katy, was her name. Oh man talk

about a crush! I couldn’t stop thinking of her! Needless to say it didn’t play out well. I would

always hit her up, and she’d always hit me up, but it didn’t play out to well, which was needless

too say. I’ve always had the style and the looks. I’ve been able to just be myself and express my

feelings to girls and a chill, gentleman manner. God gave me the gift of a young man, He is the

reason I’ve been able to mentally mature so fast, and physically. He is the reason I’ve been able

to be such a ladies man! I love thinking about how much he’s blessed me!

Of course, being a ladies man has its downsides. Lots of other men get jealous, I’ve been

in quite a few street fights, for stuff of similarity. I remember the first fight I got in was in a

bathroom, I felt horrible after it. I nearly gave the kid a concussion, and by the sounds of it I did.

I don’t enjoy thinking about those moments where I was taking looking tough over guilt. I’m

glad I did apologize, but like I said, physically assaulting someone is never really an apologible

action. For men it is different, but I can tell you with near certainty if someone humiliated me in

school from physically beating me up it would be on my mind quite a bit. I hate thinking about
how much of a fool I was. I’m glad I learnt my ‘trash talk’ lesson young. One of my mentors,

Mr. Christian told me he learnt that lesson around the age I did. He said he talked trash to his

brother and his brother snapped and beat the living hell out of him. I told him it’s a great lesson

to have, most people still don’t understand what firearms or knives are. So I guess God showed

me I should use this loss as a win.

However I’ve grown out of making boys or men jealous. I’m much more of a man now. I

started to grip this in 7th grade, but didn’t get a tight grip until shortly before I wrote this book.

It’s funny though, I was bullied a bit in school, I feel. I feel like I was used a lot and talked trash

to behind my back, which I’ll dive more into in the next chapter.

I remember in middle school when I first smoked weed. It was funny though, I hated it. I

absolutely hated it. I wish I felt that way the rest of my school years but it changed. Anyways I

toked a few hits, and honestly felt like garbage. My body was having these lightning surges

through it, and my bones felt like rubber. I swear to my almighty Lord it was laced. You know

how trashy older kids are to younger kids. I also felt so dazed. I felt like my head was nodding

off and my bodyweight kept shifting. I hated the feeling.

I felt like an OG though, you know, when you first smoke weed you get that feeling like

you’re the boss of your area. I went to school and walked up to one of my tight friends and told

him “Man I just smoked weed for the first time over winter break!”, to which he got all amped

up and thought I was lying. I put it on my mother I wasn’t, and God as my witness when I put it

on my mother I mean it.

He knew I wasn’t so he went and told another one of my mains Luke that I got high for

the first time. Luke was also in disbelief, and I told him my story. About how I hated it and how
it made me feel awful. He was giggling, you know, it was pretty funny, especially at the time, I

was a kid and I was more focused on looking like an OG than my health. I remember the dude I

smoked with turned on PMW, by A$AP Rocky, and I couldn’t help it. I had to just get up and

dance.

It sounded so live, I couldn’t express it. It sounded so much better, like A$AP was

speaking to me and I was live on stage with all these sexy women wanting me to autograph

something they have! I felt like I was on top of the world, seriously. Funny thing I got emotional

while I was on this “weed” and went home and started yelling at myself how I’ll end up a

crackhead and heroin addict if I ever smoke again. To this day I believe that was laced with some

sort of crazy street drug, because to this day my experience with weed has never been anything

like that.

I remember being in class, still mischievous as always. And the teacher was talking about

some sort of math discussion. And I just raised my hand and recited a famous Albert Einstein

quote, everyone was like “what the hell?”, I felt embarrassed, I don’t even know why I did that.

He didn’t say anything that needed to be countered with that quote, I just did it. I know now it

was God, he was speaking to me, he controlled me to do that. The quote I recited was something

along the lines of “If you believe that knowledge comes from birth, you’d be wrong, it comes

from experience and wisdom”. That wasn’t exactly the quote, but I just took the Einstein quote

and let God do His magic!

The funniest thing about all this is my teacher, they both disliked me because I was a

little runt. I loved my history and English teacher though, she was really pretty. So I loved going

to work just to see her. We only had two teachers for both subjects because my school split their
grades into sections. And we were out of teachers, so they both had too teach two different

curriculums.

In 7th grade is also where I found my love for programming. My very first language I

learnt was C#, I fell in love instantly. I wrote a game in the game engine known as Unity using

this. It was a pong type game, you move a paddle and destroy bricks. In a few years I actually

went on to win a few programming contests using my current favorite programming language

known as C++11. I’ve been programming for about 6 years now, and I’m going to start doing

contests regularly again.

I remember going into math class and I became interested in it because what the teacher

was teaching applied to what I was working on. I know God gifted me with a logical brain, he

did because He knows that it will all assist me in the long run.

I remember listening to “Get Throwed” with legendary southern artist Bun B, it featured

Pimp C, Z-Ro, and Young Jeezy. I loved that jam, that heavy rock guitar and the nice dirty south

vibe had me bumping!

I was so sad when I heard Pimp C died, when I was in about 8th grade. It’s ironic that he

was dead for about 9 years after I heard, but I was young when he died, I had no idea. My tribute

to Pimp C, rest in peace to a wonderful legend, I hope you’re doing well with God partner!

I love the famous UGK song known as “Int’l Players Anthem”, Andre 3000s introduction

verse was heartwarming. Along with Pimp C’s smooth dirty south drop! I love UGK. I

remember hearing “Three 6 Mafia - Sippin on Some Syrup”, I loved it, those were one of the

first songs when I learnt what dirty sprite was! I loved that beautiful old lo-fi beat. It was so dang

fire! I love Memphis underground! Tommy Wright III, Prophet Posse, Project Pat, Juicy J, DJ
Paul, Lord Infamous, and so much more. They are some of my favorite artists, actually a few

days ago, Project Pat announced he’s performing in Columbus next week, and I wanted to see

him. But its at a 21 and up club, so I couldn’t, sadly. But he still has my support till I die!

I remember Baby Bash, the legendary Texan singer rapper, “So Fly”, that was my jam to.

I loved how he has that playboy voice when he’s singing the chorus. I can’t help but step to it!

One of my favorite songs of all time is “Crazy” by Snoop Dogg and Nate Dogg. Nate

Dogg is by far one of the best gangster singers there is. He can rap and sing, I loved it. Its so

smooth, his voice was super deep so it fit into the beat like a puzzle piece.

When Nate Dogg died I was hurt, I loved his music. All his music, he was a major

inspiration for me, my tribute to him, rest in peace Nate, the G-funk legend! I hope you’re doing

great up there!

Along with Lord Infamous, I was super sad when he died, ironically a year or so after I

discovered him rummaging through old school raps on youtube. My tribute to him, rest in peace

to one of the founders of Three 6, we miss you down here!

I remember listening to Biggie Smalls, his song Juicy, and it dug me too. I knew the song

practically my whole life, but I never got into rap until I was a bit older. Same with him and

Tupac. Rest in peace too both of the legends!

When I was in school one day I can clearly remember turning on “Bump and Grind” by

R. Kelly and I’d just work it in the bathroom when I wasn’t in the mood for class. Something

that’s wrong with the education system in America is they don’t encourage ideas. They say they

do, but everytime I questioned what they said, or what was being said, it was always replied with

some sort of negativity. It’s how it is in the universities too. They seriously discourage young
minds from asking questions, challenging politics, or what the professor is saying. I’m personally

not going to college or university and I have no idea if I ever will. I don’t appreciate how they

treat the students, and how now they’re starting to force ideas upon the minds of young people.

These adults need to stop suppressing the youth, something I’ve had way to much happen

to me. They’ll suppress you if you don’t agree politically, if you don’t believe what they’re

saying, that's what's wrong with this world. What ever happened to freedom? The reason our

beautiful country was founded is for the freedom of belief, in any way, and also to express those

beliefs without these arrogant fools suppressing you from doing so.

It's sad to see where this world is going, I can’t name a person on twitter who’s involved

with politics and doesn’t rant like a child. And I’m not just talking about “Donald Trump”, I’m

talking about way more than just him. To lead you need to set. You’re not going to be able to

lead a group of people if you haven’t even set anything down in the first place. You can’t walk to

the end of an infinite boundary. There needs to be set ideas.

If you go on “Twitter” or any of the other social media sites and post like you’re still an

adolescent you’re a statistic, not a leader. Adults, and even us young men and woman, need to be

setting examples for the people below us. Not trying to fight people in the street, not bragging

about drugs, not yelling at people over petty garbage, not fighting with someone over an opinion.

It really makes me sad truly, wonderful minds like Malcolm X (el-Hajj Malik

el-Shabazz), Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, John F. Kennedy, and all these outspoken

individuals fought for exactly this. Albert Einstein has a famous quote, that moves me, due to the

fact that it applies to me well, but it goes like “​Try not to become a man of success, but a man of

value​”.
 I enjoy this quote because of how true it is, a lot of men today, they want money, being

famous, they don’t care about knowledge, or inspiring to the community. ​ ​Malcolm X (el-Hajj

Malik el-Shabazz) once preached the black separatism idea. That black people leave America

and the white people stay in America, too put it in a nutshell. I always think to myself, what if

this happened? Would we be as diverse politically as we are now, in sacrifice of some diversity

racially?

I’ve noticed, there are lots of white people in the news and on protests speaking on white

supremacism, and how the racial minority community views racism. Some of my mentors, they

told me speaking on an issue you don’t experience will seem very much falsely sympathetic, and

looks foolish. And I agree, I despise when someone tries to explain to someone else how I feel

about a situation they never have experienced. I don’t like being made to look like a victim, nor

do I like to be made to look like a criminal or some mentally retarded individual, it is demeaning

and undermining. I’m a man, and I’ve seen so much new articles getting posted on ‘minorities’

and diversity, and no white skin men, this isn’t diversity. Diversity in culture simply is being

around different kinds of people and not caring, let’s face it, nobody is truly diverse. When you

meet someone that looks different, talks different, sounds different, is different. You can judge

them based on past experiences with people of similarity. This isn’t uncommon, I do this, you do

this, everyone does this. It’s how our brain works. It’s a lot faster, and safer, for a brain to just

relate one thing to another, than it is for your brain to say okay maybe this isn’t so bad, and you

risk death. It’s a survival instinct. If you see an animal that has fangs, sharp claws, a big build,

and it attacked you, and you come across something similar, you jump to conclusions, even if it

is a harmless docile animal. I’m not comparing humans to animals, I’m trying to show how our
brains work and why true diversity is not possible. But that’s not the point, the point is not

caring. But when I see these people rallying against ‘white men’, or a rally against something of

similarity, it is an irritant. I believe it was the Emmys, that was shown last year, and they were

intentionally not including the white guy in that “diversity” opening song, and honestly

throughout the whole Emmys, commenting on white male nerds, and all this about white males.

There is no real diversity in this. Hence why the government and “news” channels are still

complaining about garbage like this. I remember reading an article on how the United States of

America is the only country that asks for your race. Talking about wanting diverse people and

how you want diversity, is, in its way, contradictive. Real diversity is not focusing on what they

are, focusing on who they are. It is really truly sad. The Emmys of 2018 was so brain cell frying,

I don’t see myself ever watching that trash again. It was absolutely disgraceful!

And the American people listen to them, I sometimes will wish technology is

nonexistent, I’ll wish it was never created. I did believe that we, as the people, were ready to

handle the computers, the internet, the phones, and we should just push full forward ahead in the

evolution of technology. But now Twitter is taking down people’s political opinions, Facebook

suppressing people’s thoughts, the news channels spreading lies to the people deviously.

I’m going to give some of my two cents. I love America, I love the freedom. I also love

the fact we can own a firearm, to defend ourselves from people, and now people are making

firearm laws? Its upsetting to see this. I will say something, firearms are made for a simple

reason, defense or offense. If you go hunting, with a bolt action rifle, that’s fine, that’s the

offensive point of firearms in society. If someone breaks into your home, you should have the

right to blow them to 1942 without risking an arrest.

 Why do we have the right to bear arms? Simply because in a free country, we have free

people, they can do stuff in other countries they couldn’t. Hence, we should be able to defend

ourselves from these free people, in case something bad happens, and believe me, bad things

happen.

There is a common argument saying back in the 1700s it was just muskets, and they

didn’t know where firearms were going to evolve into. This is wrong, firearms were making

changes then, and have been even before, from pistols having new designs, to more effective

cannons, just to name a few. The founding fathers were not fools, like anyone else they knew

things were going to change, firearms being one of them. I’ve seen things in my life, and I surely

am going to be a keeping a firearm with me, and a CCW.

I wanted to share that though to show a good argument to the youth, I state my opinion

and use a calm written tone to show why I believe that I am right. It is all an opinion though, it’s

not right or wrong. But the constitution states we can bear arms, so we should be able too, in my

opinion. And this isn’t my political belief book, so that’s going to be the last of my personal

beliefs.

I remember the first time I publicly danced in a massive crowd. I believe it was 7th

grade, I boogied to the floor on this one song, that I cannot recall. Which is a massive milestone

for me because I conquered my self fear, every time someone tells me “I don’t want to dance

because of what people will think” it reminds of that day and I tell them that I felt the same when

I was younger but once you do it you’ll realize you’re a pimp.

It takes a lot of willpower to get up and do that, standing up in front of people and doing

something like that, it’s a lot of initial stage fright. Something Navy SEALs do before they go
into combat is face their fears, it warms your brain up. Are you scared of heights? Rock climb.

Are you scared of water? Swim in deep water. It’s a phenomenon that you’ll adjust too really

fast, and conquer the fear. Why live in fear when you can get rid of it in a short period of time?

This was a massive factor, nearly 99% of it, when I was fighting. I did boxing for quite a

while and was doing pretty good, the fear of going into a fight is immense on you however. It

feels like weight is just lying on you, you can’t stop thinking about it. But when they throw that

first punch or you do, the fear rapidly dissipates into near nothing. And the oddest thing about all

this, was it was every single fight. I didn’t fear getting hit, I feared the unknown of how they

could hit, how good they were. I feared the unknown in fights, the fighter himself, not what he

could do. This is a primal reaction in humans, and quite frankly the whole family of primates,

where they get seriously intimidated by intelligence and the mental strength of another

individual.

If you ever watch boxing or MMA you will notice the fighters at the face off stare

directly into each other’s eyes. That is a natural symbol of physical strength, mental strength, and

confidence. If you ever have been in a near street fight, people will pull that scam a lot. They will

try to belittle you by doing exactly that, stare into your eyes. If there is no escape from the

situation, the best thing you can do is fight back. Another instinct of humans and primates is fear

of loud noises, raise your voice, act big, act mentally stronger. Look them directly in their eyes

and raise your voice, its extremely intimidating to do any of that, especially if they’re bigger or

older. But you’ll be shocked how much of having calmness with a threatening aurora will scare

any challenger, you can’t lose.

It’s impossible
 A famous teaching in martial arts is fear will kill you. Its true, I walked into a boxing

match one time and was trembling, I didn’t even throw a fist back I was too scared. Fear

consumes you, conquer those fears on a daily level, it will train your brain to not feel scared, and

instead feel willing to try. Are you scared of a class in school, because it’s hard? Go in and keep

telling yourself it’s easy as pie, keep steady breaths. Are you scared of your next match because

your opponents are stronger? Show them you are, work hard, meditate, keep calm. You will be

nearly in shock how much being calm helps you. Something relevant to all this is when I was

boxing, I would always calm myself, speak to myself in my head. “Okay he’s coming in, alright

he threw a jab, wait till an opening, eat his gut, pull up and right hook when he bends low”, all

while taking deep steady breaths, I never let my breaths race. Funnily enough, I’m playing a

game called “Sekiro” and this is in the game a lot, when you build up fear in the game you

instantly die, especially in life or death situations.

But that is true, if you have fear, you will crumble. Your mind is the most valuable thing

in your whole body, your whole energy. Your muscle exhaustion? It’s all mental, really, if you

had the inability to feel exhaustion or muscle tiredness you could run miles on miles and not be

exhausted. Your very heart beat is mental, everything you see, everything you feel is all in your

head. That’s one of the reasons I actually believe in the Lord himself, when people ask me do I

believe in God I don’t simply say yes, normally, I tell them God is what or who you make it.

I still remember my first sparring session with my boxing trainer. He knocked me down!

I was stepping back and he hooked me right in my chest. Something bad about humans, is they

have a habit of failing and losing all encouragement. And that is what happened to me, I felt like

a king in boxing, I could knock anyone out. I was not encouraged after that, but of course I didn’t
give up. I continued, I would shadow box nearly every day, work on new techniques, work on

defense and offense, workout my physical shape. But most of all, work on my mental strength,

going as far as meditating.

The song “I Believe I Can Fly” by the legendary “R. Kelly” is one of my favorite songs,

because of this reason. It is an inspirational song about life, you are going to have unbearable

lows in life, whether its prison or jail, or someone you loved died, or you got seriously injured.

Like Albert Einstein said, “​life is a lot like a bike, to keep going you need to keep pedaling”​ .

Have you ever watched any karate movies? Fighting movies? And they have those

“cheesy” lines that go a little bit like “martial arts brings wisdom”? This is very true, martial arts

brings wisdom. Any fighter, read about them, read their book, read their quotes, you’ll instantly

notice they are the epiphany of wisdom. Why? Because too be a fighter, you need to be an

acceptor of failure. A famous quote from Abraham Lincoln, goes as follows “​My great concern

is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure”​ .

I value wisdom and intelligence more than knowledge. I feel like wisdom comes with

being able to learn, which is why I personally feel that way. If you can’t learn what happened

was okay and happens to everyone, like losing, you’re never going to gain wisdom.

“I thank God for what he has done for me, my family, my mentors, my aunts, my

uncles, my brother, my friends. I just want to pray for the kids on the streets with bullets on

them, the homeless people looking for work, the mentally deranged people living under

constant undermining, the warriors overseas fighting for our freedoms, the men and women

in prison, the kids living alone, and everyone else in this beautiful world. May God bless you.”
CHAPTER 4

“High School and my Criminal Plunge”

Currently, high school was one of the worst times of my life, buy also some of the most

insightful and interesting times of my life so far. I was transferred to another school in freshman

year, but for some reason I would go back to my old school from 12:30 to 2:30. I started

focusing on receiving the badass status symbol, so started acting even more mischievous than

even I was.
 The beginning of freshman year wasn’t bad, I was happy with everything that was going

on. I signed up for wrestling, because I was interested in a physical combat sport and was pretty

good for a start. I remember going to a meeting and my coach put me against stronger guys me

weight to wrestle, I did and got annihilated, he did this though because my strength was absurdly

high for my age. I was 14 and bench pressing 210 lbs at 130 lbs, squatting 240ish, and deadlifted

250 (no, this doesn’t mean anything quite honestly, lifting is a horrible symbol of athleticism, but

it can still show some sort of milestone, that said).

One of the kids I wrestled was a senior at one of the rival schools, and he took me out. He

suplexed me and I came crashing down, my back folded so deep that I started seeing lights in my

vision. I snapped out of it and started to tear up because it was painful, but more or less because I

was despaired I got defeated so easily. What’s so odd about this? The young man actually

impacted me, and had a pretty serious one as well. He stopped wrestling me and immediately

called for help because he thought he snapped my back. The coaches came rushing and told man

“Damn kid, that was a serious fold, it nearly went 120 degrees”, but the young man told me “I’m

so sorry man, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t know you were so new at this, I was in your

position two months ago, and I was getting beaten every time I wrestled. I want to start seeing

you come to every meet”.

I told my father this, astounded at this young man's kindness, but also deep down I was so

happy. I was moved he was trying to assist me, I figured he would’ve just considered me a wimp

and wrestled someone else. He didn’t do that, he gave me insight, he opened up a new eye in my

brain. He taught me something about respect that day.

 Ever since then, I’ve never been hard on someone playing a sport, I love seeing the “fat”

kids running, or the short kids playing basketball, or the physically weak wrestling. I love seeing

people get out and do something positive for themselves, but not only themselves, the people

around them. When another obese individual sees another person similar to him burning off

some weight, he’ll get inspired to do it. Or when a short kid is taking 6’7 people to the city, short

folks in basketball, it inspires them to make layup heaven.

I was powerlifting as a freshman and I was proud of it. I had muscles, was very nicely

toned, and was very strong for my weight.

One of my mentors, he always told me kids and young people need to be getting involved

in sports because it teaches lessons in life that will guide you until the end. He is very right, if we

could have young people getting more involved with sports, maturity would come faster. Way

faster.

I remember when I was a freshman I was starting to get off with my friends and kick it

with the girls. I started experimenting more with the stereotypical teenage stuff, because society

leads it this way, alcohol, drugs, sex, petty crimes, and acting like the OG of the school. I

remember the first time I smoked real weed, and that was much better than my last experience,

which I do regret, because I started going more hardcore with drugs, and eventually ended up

getting incarcerated for a year and a half which I will talk about later. I remember I got so

clouded because of my low tolerance to the drug, I was running like I was Naruto off of that

anime show! I giggle so hard thinking of that, which I don’t know if that's appropriate to handle

it that way, but it's all in the past now, I’m a changed man.
 I remember being a freshman and getting nearly expelled, which in a way I did. I was

kicked out and moved to my other school permanently. One of my buddies and I were being

dumb as horse dung, and he told me about this game called the “california knockout” where the

other person puts you unconscious through asphyxiation. Him and I had no idea what we were

doing, but I just went with it because he said he did it all the time. I hardly remember it, just

everything going black and I woke up on the middle of the floor. Everyone surrounding me and

the teacher just hovering over me saying “Graham, Graham, Graham…”, and I was super dazed,

I finally snapped out of all the confusion, and I looked up and starting laughing hysterically. And

I guess foam was coming out of my mouth, according to her, (Which I don’t believe, she had a

strong dislike for me, like 90% of my teachers), so I went to the principal's office, he thought I

did that popular street drug “OxyContin” as he called it, because I was so purple, so they called

911 and the ambulance came. The NarCan was prepared to inject into me, but they give me this

paste instead to get my blood going because I told them I did no drugs and I just played a game

having no idea the outcome. I actually lied for a minute about what happened because I was

worried worried I was going to be put in the ER, I told them the kid tackled me because we were

messing around and I hit my head on a table and was knocked out, but they didn’t believe it,

quite obviously. Strangely enough a suspension or expulsion paper was never filed, they just

made me move schools.

The craziest thing of all is the fact I got home and was completely fine, the ER people

told me that for the few days I’d have trouble walking because my heart was injured. Needless to

say I was taken off the wrestling team afterwards. I don’t like doctors though, as I’ve stated, the
ones I’ve had have that mindset that what they say is right. And you can’t even ask why they’re

giving you the med, or the diagnosis, or the treatment.

I don’t see myself paying a doctor a dime, they seem to always feel threatened, even by

the most basic “why are you giving me this?” question. It’s upsetting, this is what America is

becoming, and it’s depressing to see. Truly.

I met one of my friends, his name was Cole, when I was real young and I’ll never forget

the time he let me drive his car! He told me he was going to teach me how to drive, and I didn’t

want to at first because I told him I would wreck his car. He insisted it will be fine, so I took it

over in a parking lot and was doing basic maneuvers, and was horrible. I nearly ran into a tree

about 6 times, but he still insisted. He went to his trunk and got out 8 plungers, telling me we’re

going to do some parking work, and being myself I said okay. I was maneuvering around, and he

told me park the car, so I shift the car into park and I start hearing a very loud screech coming

from the vehicle, I go into panic and start pressing all kinds of buttons and hitting the brakes,

before it finally stopped. Then Cole came running over and told me to get out so I did, but albeit,

I was laughing so hard, it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced. I told my father

about it when I got back and he was saying, that he shouldn’t have let me drive his car and that

was the transmission dropping.

I think it's fair to say he learnt his lesson.

 I remember one of my best friends Jacob and I were out at this big giant pond. And there

were these geese, I was being a dumbass and started harassing them and one of them flapped its

wings and I pulled back, it then flew back and got me right in the back! I fell right over, all on

camera! That goose sweated me!

 SOME MEMORABLE PICTURES OF ME

This is me rocking my nice man bun about a year ago.

Me with my bun down!

Me rocking my new Biggie shirt after I shaved my head! One of the most legendary gifts from

my mother!

Me when I was a freshman, when my hair length was nice and fine.
Me during a boxing workout, I had the muscle in this picture!
Me at a person’s farm I volunteered at! Had to get a picture with this steed!

Me wearing my first full piece suit, I love rocking this pimp style!
 I remember the first time I started heavily listening to Tyrese, the legendary R&B singer.

I remember walking down the halls stepping and rolling it to “Sweet Lady”, ‘singing’ the lyrics.

I love how he hits those notes, with that booty call voice pimped voice he hits it with. I used to

be upset at the fact nobody listened to any sort of R&B or Soul. It did upset me, quite a bit

actually. I had nobody in the school that I knew of that knew how to step, boogey, or dance to it.

I did meet a girl who loved one of my favorite singers at the time, Lund, was the singers

name. He made songs such as Alone and By My Side. I don’t recall her knowing how to dance

though!

I remember when I started to make music regularly, I was in 8th grade, but I started to get

really good as a freshman. I sampled this acid rock song, and then phased it out to give it that 90s

lo-fi radio noise, and put my first trap beat over it. I tried to chord the melody, but couldn’t

because my music mind was still developing. I also remember getting into violent trap music, I

started listening to the underground trap OG scene such as RAMIREZ, $UICIDEBOY$, Bones,

TrippyThaKid, just to name a few.

I remember my first really nice beat in freshman year, the beat that actually gave me a

vibe to get up and work it. There was this song from 2012 I believe called “Boom Clap” by

Charli XCX, I took the chorus in that then phased and EQ’d it out so it was background vibes. I

put this calm R&B melody over it I pulled off of looperman, then that is when I started to pull it

up. I took another beat that day, I sampled the beginning of “Bump and Grind” by R. Kelly and

made another chill beat.

I started doing the new wave psychedelic trap shortly after these beats, I remember

hearing this song on SoundCloud produced by the amazing “teen pregnancy”, it had a sitar that
hit, and it had one of the best drops I’ve ever heard, that new wave psychedelic rap uses an

electric feel, so it will have a sort of lightning sound as the song plays, and it stretches out so it’s

some sort of “chord” for the melody.

One of my favorite producers is a Canadian legend named DJ Smokey, and he produces

these nice trap beats, with tons of rasp. He has Memphis underground inspiration, along with

Texans, New Orleans, Florida, and the new wave drug induced music, all into one, its really nice

to listen to listen to. He has a song called “Time 2 Trap” and it’s really raspy, it has a sweet trap

feel to it.

I grew a serious love for EDM and electronic house music. I remember listening to

PYRMDPLAZA, Bear//Face, esta, IAMNOBODI, and that album with SPZRKT and Sango, just

to name a few. It gives a really nostalgic feeling, the music does.

Night Lovell, a famous rapper today, he made a beat called “Tokyo 11”, which was one

of the big songs of the beginning of Japanese trap. I remember that rapper Yung Lean making

one of his first songs and I really enjoyed that tune, to, another major song for the Japanese trap

‘94 movement.

There was that song by Madeintyo that came up, Uber Everywhere, and that song was

really nice, that beat had me kicking. I loved that video where he’s got those three women and

they’re all living it up with Madeintyo. What makes me real happy is to see all these new artists

getting the recognition! For example, there is a rapper from Georgia, Duwap Kaine, and he is

younger than me and making it big. It makes me happy to see these young people getting the

notice they work for, it really shows how far music is going. I was on soundcloud the other day

and saw this new song “Old Town Road” the legendary Billy Ray Cyrus and upcoming rapper
Lil Nas X. That makes me really happy to see young men and women experimenting with the

older legends and trying out new styles, it’s called “Country Trap”.

What makes me even more happy though is to see these people starting off and it’s much

easier to get recognition than it was 40 years ago. Which to some people might be a bad thing,

but not to me, I appreciate the fact people are being more open with music, and it’s a good thing

for these upcoming artists.

 I had a real girlfriend when I was a sophomore, who did like a lot of the music I loved,

Charlie Wilson, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, Kurupt, Nate Dogg, the legendary GAP Band, Curtis

Mayfield, Willie Hutch, to name a percentage, but she didn’t know much of any of it. I used to

teach her basic dance moves and how to pull them off. She had no interest though, which I was

fine with, she wasn’t bad either, she had the groove you need.

I encourage young men and women to get to learn something with music, its healthy for

your brain and makes you appreciate all different kinds of music. When people ask me my

favorite kind of music, I simply say “I love music all from classical, to soul and gospel, to trap

music”. Truly, like I said before I’ll listen to near anything besides trance music.

Sophomore year was the year I started getting into drugs heavy, I remember first doing

that drug acid everyone says will kill you. Quite frankly I did it because I heard a lot of artists

talking about how it inspired them and opened up their mind, and on everyone I love and on the

God above it did nothing for me. I felt mentally retarded and I couldn’t make a song, it was a

massive waste of a day. I just wanted it to end after the first two hours. I couldn’t even move the

mouse to place a bar down, I felt like an elephant was one me. And I had this music video for

“Shoot Me” by Comethazine playing and I felt like I was in the video. I couldn’t help but stop

replaying it, I had it playing for about an hour straight before I snapped out of it. I finally fell

asleep and woke up and wasn’t fried anymore. I got worried though because I read about it and

they were saying it causes brain damage and hallucinations after doing it called “flashbacks”, it’s

been two years and I have yet to experience anything like that. Nonetheless I am scared about it

though. I remember that day, I was also watching this optical illusion they say you should watch
while on those drugs and it was the strangest thing ever considering the fact the whole illusion

warped around my vision and I was consumed by the illusion.

I started getting in trouble with the law when I was a sophomore to, I went to my friends

house and smoked for a while, then as I was coming home the cops pulled me over and got me

involved with the court. There I was put on diversion. I infracted my diversion a week later for

once again smoking up, and, not knowing how serious it was, that was my first time getting

incarcerated. Luckily I was charged with nothing and it was less than more just a punishment, I

was only in for one night. I remember going not knowing what to expect, honestly I thought I

was going to get raped because I had no idea how the jails and correctional facilities worked. The

court moved me to probation after being released and was being monitored. My probation officer

and I were very close though, he helped me a lot, which is odd because most people dislike their

probation officers. I never understood that, they seem to try to attempt to compromise want what

you want, unless you commit a crime or violate probation.

My idiot child self went out because I was on house arrest. I was under a lot of mental

pressure with the monitoring of the probation, and how I was getting treated. I snapped and I cut

my ankle monitor and just ran. I was out for a bit more than a night, and the cops found me, so I

was arrested, and charged with a felony for destroying my ankle monitor. I was incarcerated for a

month.

Not much happens in jail, you’re in a 6 by 8 foot cell. With a bed, toilet, and sink. You

get to come out and go to the main room, play board games, talk, and eat at designated times. I

was so lost during this time, my mind was just blank. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t

depressed, I was nothing. I just had no emotion, and I’m not trying to sound whiny or nothing. I
just had no care anymore, my life was horrible at the time. I was being treated awfully by the

court, my “friends”, my teachers who thought I was just a criminal and a statistic soon, and quite

frankly my family, my whole family minus my brother were falling apart. I was failing school,

failing my family, failing my life, I had a 0.2 GPA, I didn’t care anymore.

When I was in jail this period I met a lot of people, I got real good at chess as well. I

remember speaking with one of the other inmates and he told me he ran, drank a full bottle of

hennessy and was walking down the road, before he blacked out and he woke up in the hospital

after stealing a ton of stuff. Another kid I knew was in for a homicide and got 30 years. I got

along with all of them, they appreciated me though, I don’t know, I expected these correctional

facilities to be rapist, people who don’t talk, and if you talk to them you’ll get jumped, it wasn’t

like that, I legitimately was sympathizing for these people, they just made a terrible choice and

are going to suffer for the rest of their life because of it. These weren’t hardened dirty criminals

like depicted in the movies, these were legitimate people who just snapped and did something

terrible.

That opened my third eye, but my third eye didn’t gain sight until a few more months

afterwards. I remember in jail I started writing music with another inmate who was really good at

lyrics. I was just writing down bars, occasionally lyrics, notes, and instrumental ideas. His lyrics

were very entertaining, something you read and say “Goddamn son, this is sweat!”.

A month after that, I was released, with even more restrictions and hatred coming at me. I

was so infuriated. I was about to just end it all, seriously, I was honestly considering taking my

own life I was going through so much. And that wasn’t really what pissed me off honestly, what

really pissed me off was the fact the people I knew on my same level of probation were out
driving, partying, living it. Snoop Dogg says in his song “Imagine”, he states “can you imagine

growing up in jail dumb happy just to be alive watching all your people run”, this is how I felt. I

was watching all my people run, while I was up growing old and dumb in a jail cell. I was being

singled out, and to this day I have no idea why. They treated me as if I murdered someone, or

raped someone. I remember a girl that got put on probation, and she commited grand theft auto

on her mothers vehicle, went out, got drunk, drove home, totalled it, and her probation officer

did nothing, she just got her phone taken, I’m near positive. I grinded my teeth at this. I hated

hearing this garbage, she’s a girl so she gets off, that’s what I was thinking to myself. There is

nothing better than to be cared about, but being in jail and getting treated like garbage, or as if

you’re some mentally retarded individual, it just doesn’t really show that.