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Michael Matic
Professor Nordquist
English COMP II M57
April 12, 2019

Disconnect in Kindness

In this modern age, the fact that a plethora of the average person’s life is online has made
me begin to believe that there is a growing disconnect between how one might treat one another.
In this modern age, it almost seems as if we live in a culture that works specifically to work
against unity- I feel as though we live in an outrage culture. I’m beginning to believe that we’re
treating one another more belittling and disparaging every day, but I would also like to believe
for more. I would like to believe that we can be better and do better, and that is why I try to live
by an old rule- a simple but effective rule: treat others how you want to be treated. Actually- I
propose this is taken one step further. Because I live in this outrage culture, I believe that
individuals should treat one another better than how they would treat themselves so that we can
build a better connection and communication between one another. What happened to treating
others like your neighbor?

It is so easy to be rude or crass to people that are not right in front of you- people that you
can only see through a phone screen. That is why there is that disconnect and why people seem
to be more aggressive and harsher to others online rather than those right in front of them;
because they cannot see the expressions or feel the impact of their words. I know no one is
perfect, but we should make a much more substantial effort to mind our words; especially when
we cannot see who is actually receiving our words and feelings. I know I am not perfect about
this- I can remember quite a few times where I could have responded to an individual with a
much more respectful approach rather than what I had actually done at the time. When I was
younger, I was much more of a cynical person; someone who did not really want to see the
brighter side things but instead chose to wallow in cynicism. I may have treated others how I
would want to be treated, but that does not necessarily mean I was treating people well; instead it
was cold and distant. I could not see the people I was talking to when I was such a cynic, so my
words often came off as arrogant or ignorant to those I was speaking to even though I was
treating them exactly how I would have expected to be treated. I found that when I treat others
the way I would want to be treated, I usually do not try to go above and beyond for them; I
usually try to meet their needs and expectations and nothing more. That is because that is what I
expect from others- I do not need or necessarily want to make people go out of their way for me.
Why should they? However, if I treat someone better than how I would want to be treated, I find
myself going that extra mile; making people that much more felicitous. I know, personally, I
would definitely appreciate someone going out of their way for me.

I would like to go back to an earlier point: what happened to treating others like our
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neighbors? If there is one perfect example of how to treat another, it is the classic stereotype of a
friendly neighbor; being kind, open, and helpful. Being a good neighbor can mean lending a
lawnmower, trimming a bush while someone is gone, shoveling snow, etc. This is a perfect
metaphor for how one should treat others better than how they would want to be treated. We
should treat one another better than how we would want to be treated by going above and beyond
for one another. It takes an individual to make that choice to get to that level and to be a good
neighbor. For the past few years, I didn't really have any neighbors- the closest one was a good
walking pace away, however, this year, I have now moved into an apartment complex; one with
plenty of neighbors. I try to live by my own words as best as I can, and I believe I was put to that
test very recently. A kitten had come to my window- a stray, and I had to figure out what to do
with it. It very much seemed as though it came from this area- it seemed to recognize the
apartments doors. I believed it simply just found the wrong door, so I tried to go above and
beyond for this cat. It was scared- lost- and I could not bare it. I knocked on all of the doors
around me trying to find the owner, I kept the cat overnight and fed it, I called the office in the
morning to see if anyone was looking for it and where to redirect them, and when it began to
seem as though the owner wasn’t looking for them, I made sure to drop off the kitten at a good
shelter in the city. If one of my cats had gone missing, I do not know how I would react- I could
only hope that someone finds them and takes care of them in my absence; the same as I would
hope a good neighbor might keep an eye on my house while I am away.

Metaphors and anecdotes aside; when it comes down to it, I cannot find it within myself
to truly believe that people are inherently crude or ill-minded. I believe people have an inherent
want to be good and a desire to see other people be good as well; sometimes it is simply just easy
to lose sight of that. A greater effort should be made to treat others with kindness and an even
greater effort should be made to treat others better than how one would treat themselves, for that
would only breed generosity for one another. It has even be studied that practicing being kind
makes it easier over time until it eventually just becauses routine. According to a NCBI study,
“Individual acts of kindness release both endorphins and oxytocin, and create new neural
connections. The implications for such plasticity of the brain are that altruism and
kindness become self-authenticating.In other words, kindness can become a self-
reinforcing habit requiring less and less effort to exercise. Indeed, data from functional
magnetic resonance scans show that even the act of imagining compassion and kindness
activates the soothing and affiliation component of the emotional regulation system of the
brain. (Mathers)”
This is a much more scientific approach to the idea, but the proof is there that being kind can
become an easy, automated response for an individual who practices it enough.

To conclude, because of this outrage culture and this online world that I live in, being a
neighbor, and my past experiences in life, I believe we should treat one another better than how
we would treat ourselves. We should go a step beyond the idea of treating others exactly how we
would want to be treated. What if an individual is a cynic or inherently a cold person?- if that
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kind of person would make an effort to be warmer to others, they would breed a warmer
environment for all parties included. Or, if you are away from your apartment for a vacation,
would you not hope that your neighbors would make sure nothing unusual is going on outside
your complex? Would you not want to do the same for another? Perhaps your neighbors bake
you a cake when you return- it was not necessary for watching the complex, but they chose to go
above and beyond to be affable. If we can treat one another better than how we would treat
ourselves, we would build a warmer, kinder place.
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Works Cited

Mathers, Nigel. “Compassion and the science of kindness: Harvard Davis Lecture 2015.” NCBI,
1 July 2016, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4917056/. Date accessed 4
Apr. 2018.