What to Say to Rude People

in Public Places

Because you can't always

ignore them!
By Marie Dubuque
Ruining Your Day
You were in a good mood, enjoying the
day, when, out of the blue, someone says
something mean, nasty, or just plain
hurtful...someone you don't even know.
How do you react? Do you defend
yourself, go off on them, or ignore this
person? I would say, none of the above.
You want to rise above the mean spirited
people in this world who take it upon
themselves to try and make other
people's lives miserable simply
because they are!

Let's say someone makes a snide remark

about your clothing. You could give
him/her a dirty look, but think about it:
What would that accomplish? It would
only egg this person on. They take pride
in who they can “get to.” Any type of
negative response is a victory in their
eyes. So, don't give this rude person any
sense of satisfaction. Give her a big fat
fake smile. This will throw off Rude
Person and really keep her off balance,
to the point that maybe you aren't worth
her time.

Embarrassing the Rude Person

Nothing infuriates these types more than

feeling humiliated or shamed, because
that is exactly what they are trying to do
to you! Say you go into a doctor's office
and the foul-looking receptionist with
the nasty attitude says something loud
and obnoxious to you. I wouldn't say to
one-up her or anything like that, but it
wouldn't hurt to “not quite hear” what
she has to say and repeat it back to her
loudly, but not as obnoxiously as she
said it to you. That way, you don't stoop
to her level, but you are subtly letting
everyone else in the office know just
how rude she is.

Say you're in a doctor's office and the

wait is unusually long. You ask the
receptionist how much longer it will be,
and she snidely remarks, “You'll have to
wait as long as it takes.” You just repeat
what she said politely but loudly, “I
understand you are telling me that I have
to wait as long as it takes, but I am
telling you my time is just as valuable as
yours or the doctor's.” And then sit
down. You weren't rude, you weren't
condescending as she was, you are just
making your point. And so what if
everyone in the waiting room could hear
it.

And honestly, if a receptionist is treating

you that way, I wouldn't go back to that
doctor. Remember, you are a consumer,
and if you aren't treated with the utmost
respect, do not return. Doctors are not
Gods. They want your business just as
much as your plumber does. And if you
have to wait forever and their staff is
rude to boot, you don't have to put up
with it.
I once left a doctor because of a rude
nurse. And it wasn't that she was
outwardly hostile. I couldn't even really
put my finger on what it was that I didn't
like. She just looked at me like I didn't
matter, and that was enough.

So you don't need a reason...a bad

feeling is enough. If you think someone
has a bad attitude, they probably do. I
use to think, “Is it me, is it me, is it me?”
No, it probably isn't; if you wrack your
brain and can't think of anything you
have said or done to antagonize this
person.

Giving Someone a Puzzled Look

If someone is verbally attacking you
(and that is what I call any type of
purposeful rude behavior) instead of
getting on the defensive or calling them a
name, simply stop for a second and give
Rude Person a puzzled look. Like you
are asking what on earth they are talking
about. It really throws these types off.
They expect a certain response, and
when they don't get it, they get all
flustered. And that is exactly what you
want. Instead of playing into Rude
Person's hands, you are dealing your
own, and really throwing a curve ball.
Since she doesn't know what to make of
you, this is one nasty person who just
might look for another victim and leave
you alone.

Now, it may not work, but at least you

aren't playing the part. You are not upset,
angry or defensive...you are simply
puzzled...and that is a very effective
ploy. Remember, it's all about preventing
the other person from gaining
satisfaction from hurting you. Even if
you can't muster up the puzzled look, a
smirk or a laugh will do nicely. Any type
of reaction that isn't the norm. And if she
looks at you like you are crazy, give that
same look right back. Something like,
“Are you finished now?” You could
either give him that look, or come right
out and say it. Again, not the reaction he
was hoping for.
 Make Them Uncomfortable

Whatever you have to do...remember, the

idea is to keep these types of balance.
Even if you give this person a big fat
fake smile and let it linger...stare at them
for a second with a peculiar look on
your face. It is not what Rude Person
expects and he won't feel in control. And
that is what they crave: control and
attention. So you have to prevent them
from having either.

I always say: safety in numbers. The

more people you can draw into the
conversation to take the focus off of
Rude Person, the better. If Rude Person
goes on and on about some mundane
event in their lives which is supposed to
enrapture everyone, pull Jane from the
other side of the room, into the
conversation. For instance, if Rude
Person went on and on about a trip to
Costa Rica, you could yell over to Jane
and say, “Jane, didn't you just get back
from an exotic vacation to________”
and then name the place. I don't care if it
was the Florida panhandle. Make it
sound like Jane's vacation details are
much more compelling than Rude
Person's.

If you keep this up and prevent Rude

Person from gaining the upper hand over
anyone, you truly have put her in her
place, without getting (a) defensive, or
(b) angry, which is exactly what Rude
Person wants.

When Someone Cuts in Front of You

If you are standing in line, and a really

rude person all of a sudden darts in front
of you, I would do nothing at the
moment, except take note of their
appearance down to the way they are
dressed. That way, when you are
finished with your purchase, you can
alert the manager. Even if he/she does
nothing, at least you have it on record
and the store staff can take corrective
action.
If someone is that brazen, it isn't the first
or last time he has pulled something like
this. So, if you complain, hopefully
others will do the same, and Rude
Person won't be so welcome in the store
anymore. The last thing management
wants is to alienate good customers like
you. They would rather kick out the bad
ones.

Whatever you do, never confront a

stranger. You don't know anything about
him. He could be a complete lunatic.
Don't put yourself into a precarious
situation ever. Remember, it is a minor
inconvenience...yes, these ruin your day,
but not worth potentially putting yourself
in harm's way.
 Dealing with a Rude Acquaintance

What do you do if you run into someone

you had a falling out with, a difficult
work encounter several years ago, say?
And you are completely embarrassed
and uncomfortable. Don't let it show.
Chances are she feels the same way. You
both want to put the incident behind you.
Or even if she doesn't, you do. Act
completely normal. Be polite and
professional, on the verge of acting cold.
Make the conversation extremely brief.
Here's an example. “Hi Sally, how are
you?” Sally says, “Fine, what have you
been up to? ” You say, “Really busy, in
fact I am swamped right now...gotta run.
See ya!” And that's it. You make a quick
exit. Never, ever linger with someone
who is rude, unpredictable, downright
mentally ill, or in any way gives you a
negative vibe. It can only lead to trouble.

What if you are trapped in a social

situation with this person? You simply
get as far away from her as possible. I
mean it. If she is on one side of the
room, you be on the other. If she is on
one side of the table, you make a beeline
for the other. And if you are in the
preposterous situation of having to sit
next to her, you say nothing...literally.
Only speak when spoken to, and keep the
comments to one or two words. I know
that sounds a little ridiculous, but it's
not, when you realize these people are
toxic, and anything you say will be used
against you. They will twist your words
behind your back. Make no mistake
about it.

You'll get through the situation. You just

can't interact as you would normally
with a kind and caring friend or family
member.

Terms of Endearment...Not

“Whatever you say, sweetheart,” if said

correctly could stop Rude Person in her
tracks. I, for one, hate when people call
me honey or hon, and many people take
it as condescending, and it is! You just
have to make the statement with a smirk.
Or even a well-put, “Whatever you say,”
is a great way to shut someone up.
Anything you can say or do to take the
control away from these types. They
crave attention and they prey on people
pleasers! Don't be one. I know..we all
are to a certain extent. But what you
don't realize is, you will never please
them, ever.

Giving a “You're Crazy” Look

Have you ever done that? Because it

gives someone pause. They are a little
taken aback. Especially when the insult
hurled at you was meant to turn the
negative attention on you, not them. For
instance, someone you barely know is
standing in a parking lot criticizing your
parking skills. (This actually happened
to me.) So, instead of ranting and raving
at this person, give them a look that
insinuates he is not in his right mind.
That could be a smirk followed by a
perplexed look, or some combination of
the two. Believe me, the guys going to
get it, and believe me, looks do kill. And
he won't bother you any more.

And Your Point is?

That is another way to keep rude people

off balance. When they light into you
about whatever, simply stare at them and
listen. Then, pause a moment and say,
“What's your point?” with a big smile.
They don't have a point, of course. So,
Rude Person will have to think for a
moment. That is your cue to walk away,
if you can.

If you can't just stand there with a

dumbfounded look on your face. Rude
Person will feel flustered and probably
change the subject.

And don't be afraid to speak slowly and

loudly when responding to these
obnoxious types. Do you think she is
stupid? Yes, yes, you do. And it's fine if
she knows it. You aren't trying to win
brownie points here...just the opposite.
You want to remove yourself from their
grasp. Whether you are dealing with a
receptionist at an office who is
perpetually mean, or a cashier at your
favorite grocery store, or an
acquaintance at your office who for
whatever reason, wants to bring you
down. It doesn't matter...the goal is
always the same: Beat them at their own
game by not allowing rude, obnoxious
people to get to you.

Remember, you are not alone, although

you probably think you are. They have
tried this on other people. Just because
Rude Person is sweet and kind to
someone else doesn't mean she is a nice
person. On the contrary, she just picks
and chooses her prey carefully. It is
usually someone who is sweet and kind,
and is better looking, more intelligent,
wealthier, or all of the above.

Why Safety is in the Numbers

Remember, rude people need to feel in

control and powerful. Say you run into
Rude Person while you are with a
trusted friend. And suddenly out of
nowhere comes this nasty remark. Look
at your friend as if to say, “What
the______just happened here?” As
though you are completely flabbergasted
that this remark came out of someone's
mouth...and you are!
No words need to be spoken, just that
look is enough. In fact, a facial reaction
is better. Because Rude Person won't be
able to tell someone else what you said,
because you didn't say anything!

These types love to complain about

someone. Say this is a receptionist that
you must encounter on a regular basis.
She will not only complain about you to
everyone who will listen, but will relish
in it as well!

You can take comfort in the fact that

these people will get discovered. It
might take time, but people will find
out...the right people. I know you feel
picked on, but so do others. They could
take their indignation out on you for a
number of reasons, but it usually has to
do with jealousy, as I have mentioned
earlier. They harbor such resentment
towards someone else who has what
they want, and lashing out seems to be
the only way to cope.

Only, you don't have to be a victim.

Stand firm..don't allow these types to
make you feel bad about
yourself...because that is the goal. If they
appear all sweet and syrupy next time,
and you start to think that maybe this is a
turn around...it's not. They disguise
themselves well...and that dark side will
return.
 Are We Finished Here?

If you feel completely blasted by Rude

Person, meaning you are on the receiving
end of a tirade, or you feel in any way
ambushed, you need to leave the
situation. No matter how much this
person is ranting and raving, you don't
lose your cool. You hold your head high,
smile and say, “Ok, that about wraps it
up.” Or, “I think I have what I need.” Or,
“You seem a little stressed. Why don't
we revisit this topic another day.” And
then make sure that you “revisit” it with
someone else. I am not saying to go over
the person's head (although that might be
a good idea..your call.” But you might
mention to someone else that works in
the same establishment that you have a
little bit of a “personality clash” with
Rude Person. I am sure she is going to
know exactly what you are talking about
(but may not admit it.) So you are taking
the high road and not allowing your
anger to get the better of you.

That way, you appear rational and in

control (which you are.) And Rude
Person comes across as the bad guy
(Which she is.)

I am not saying that these tips will help

you in every single situation with a rude,
obnoxious person. But it will give you
the tools necessary to survive in this
ever-increasingly rude world that we
live in! If you can remember one thing: It
is all about the attitude, and taking away
their power. If you throw them off
balance and make them feel less in
control and more defeated, the better. By
questioning their behavior instead of
feeling admonished by it, you
accomplish two things: You cause them
to doubt themselves, and force them to
realize that you do not care what they
think and will not give these types the
respect they feel they deserve. It's a
feeling of self entitlement that the world
owes them. Only you have news for rude
people everywhere: Nobody owes them
anything, period.
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